1 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,511 -(MOB CLAMORING) -♪ (MENACING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:10,594 --> 00:00:12,054 BERT KIBBLER: This can't be happening! 3 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:16,600 Rain! Please, rain! 4 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:17,601 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 5 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:18,769 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 6 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,187 -(CHUCKLES) -(MOB GASPING) 7 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,816 -Yes! Yes! -♪ (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 8 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:27,277 Yes! (LAUGHS) 9 00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,655 MOB ATTENDEE 1: He called forth rain! 10 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,532 He controls the heavens. 11 00:00:32,406 --> 00:00:33,784 He has the power! 12 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,286 ♪ (MUSIC TURNS ETHEREAL, SWELLS) ♪ 13 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:39,373 ♪ (THEME SONG PLAYING) ♪ 14 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,460 ♪ Stuart tries To reset our lives ♪ 15 00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:46,380 ♪ But he fails To save the universe ♪ 16 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:49,841 ♪ He's our only chance And he tries and he tries ♪ 17 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:53,345 ♪ But he fails To save the universe ♪ 18 00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:09,152 ♪ Stuart fails ♪ 19 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,321 ♪ (THEME SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ 20 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,323 Just so I'm clear, 21 00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,826 you told you to use that machine 22 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,202 to get back to your universe. 23 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,037 -Uh, no, not my universe. -♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 24 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,498 His universe, which was supposed to be my universe. 25 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,625 -And he was you? -Almost. 26 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,627 He was the me I was supposed to have been. 27 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,337 But if you were supposed to have been him, 28 00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,172 then how could he have existed to tell you that? 29 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,549 Fair question. 30 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,009 More importantly, you and I are back together. 31 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,219 What do you mean, "back together"? 32 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:36,805 -We were never together. -Okay! Yep. 33 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,223 I see what your problem is. 34 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,642 You're confusing the you and I that you remember 35 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,228 with the you and I that I remember. Easy mistake. 36 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:46,356 -This is insane. -(CHUCKLES) Yes, it is. 37 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,360 A wonderful story to tell our grandchildren. 38 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,402 I need a drink. 39 00:01:51,485 --> 00:01:53,530 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -Uh... 40 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,033 That's right. This version of you is an alcoholic. 41 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:59,036 I'm not an alcoholic. I can quit anytime I want. 42 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,080 Okay, I guess I'll be here selling, uh... 43 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,791 whatever the hell this is. 44 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,086 -(SPIRIT SCREAMS) -(SCREAMS) 45 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:11,632 There are legends of sorcerers 46 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,925 capable of controlling the weather, 47 00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:16,219 but no one's ever witnessed it. 48 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,264 Wait. So you guys think that I'm the one who made it...? 49 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,725 (MOB AGREEING) 50 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,061 -'Cause I did. -(MOB LAUGHING) 51 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,064 Rain, snow, hail... 52 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,232 I do all your precipitation. 53 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:30,692 Are you in league with a demon? 54 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:34,738 Oh, no, I just ask nicely. You know, "Please rain." 55 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,906 -(THUNDER RUMBLING) -(CHUCKLES) 56 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,326 (MOB GASPING) 57 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,204 Ta-da! 58 00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,414 ♪ ("THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC" BY FRANK SINATRA PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪ 59 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:48,126 ♪ That old black magic Has me in its spell... ♪ 60 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:50,253 One more time. 61 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,463 ♪ That old black magic... ♪ 62 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:54,424 So, anyway, he thinks he can pick up with me 63 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,718 right where he left off with the other me. 64 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,303 The you from another universe? 65 00:02:58,387 --> 00:03:00,138 You got it. And dig this. 66 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,766 He claims he got all that from another version of himself. 67 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,601 I'm guessing from another universe? 68 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:05,936 Exactly. 69 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,105 Okay. Why don't we get some food in that stomach? 70 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,314 (FINGERS SNAP) 71 00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:13,985 Deviled eggs, little on the nose. 72 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:19,449 ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS) ♪ 73 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,743 -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ -Here's your Coke, sir. 74 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,204 -Diet? -Oh, I'm sorry. 75 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,456 -It's regular. -Not a problem. 76 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,291 -(WHOOSHING CHIME) -Now, it's Diet. 77 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,918 (MOB EXCLAIMING) 78 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,837 You like that? Watch this. 79 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,463 -Dr. Pepper! -(WHOOSHING CHIME) 80 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,923 (MOB EXCLAIMING) 81 00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,175 You can control the elements. 82 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,302 Can you manifest life? 83 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,221 You mean like hocus pocus puppy? 84 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,557 -(CHUCKLES) -(MOB EXCLAIMING) 85 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,183 Look at you! 86 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:46,810 -(WHOOSHING CHIME) -House-broken. 87 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,603 (MOB EXCLAIMING) 88 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,232 Does your magic work in the bedroom? 89 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,151 I don't need magic in the bedroom. 90 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,652 I'm a good listener. 91 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,195 -(MOANS) -(MOB EXCLAIMING) 92 00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:58,905 Mm. 93 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:00,657 Colder. 94 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:02,284 ♪ (ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS, FADES) ♪ 95 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,244 Mm. There we go. 96 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,829 -(MOB CHUCKLES) -♪ (QUIRKY MUSICAL STING) ♪ 97 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,874 Holy cow, this is unbelievable. 98 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,003 -Hey. -Where have you been? 99 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,755 (WITH RHOTACISM) Wooking everywhere for you. 100 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,423 Have you seen Bert? 101 00:04:16,505 --> 00:04:19,509 I have not. I have not seen Bert, no. 102 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,846 -Should we be worried? -Were you worried about me? 103 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,973 -Not really, no. -Well, there you go. 104 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,893 Huh. Hey... (CHUCKLES) Check this out. 105 00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,353 In a universe of magic, what are the comic books? 106 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,564 Dr. Strange Colorectal Surgeon. 107 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,442 It's a great story. 108 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,194 He does a bowel resection. 109 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,154 Yeah, tewwific. We gotta get out of here. 110 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,281 -♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Why? It's not such a bad world. 111 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,699 We could chill here for a while. 112 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,618 Stuart, the people here think science is evil. 113 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,369 How's that different from our world? 114 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,371 Besides, we can't leave without Bert and Denise. 115 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,415 (CHUCKLES) Bert will be fine, and you can always 116 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,082 get a new Denise in the next universe. 117 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,210 They're a dime a dozen. 118 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,003 -No, I want this one. -♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 119 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,546 She's got a little problem with the sauce, 120 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,714 but so did my mom. 121 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,591 Maybe that's why I'm finding her so attractive. 122 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:01,885 -(SWITCHES CLICKING) -What are you doing? 123 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,136 What are you doing? Stop that. 124 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:04,387 -Stop-- Stop it. -Come on, work. Work. 125 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,388 -Ow! -Stop that! 126 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,973 It's not working. Why isn't it working? 127 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,767 I don't know. You're the scientist. 128 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,435 -(SHUSHES) -What? 129 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,813 They burn scientists here. 130 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,898 -Burn them how? -With fire. 131 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,692 What do you mean, "how"? Wait a minute. 132 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:21,571 If this universe doesn't obey the waws of physics, 133 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,865 then maybe we need magic. 134 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:26,910 Okay. You know a wizard or a sorcerer or something? 135 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,870 I do not. I absolutely do not. 136 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,789 (SIGHS) Remember when you could just say, 137 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,957 "Hey, Alexa, show me wizards near me"? 138 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,751 -Yeah. -RASPY VOICE: Yeah, what? 139 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,294 -(YELPS) -(SCREAMS) What the hell? 140 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:39,422 Come on. I'm the demon Alexa. You summoned me. 141 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,799 I'm fweaked out. You fweaked out? 142 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,300 -Mm-hmm. -Tick tock. 143 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,678 -Got a lot of people waiting. -Uh... 144 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,138 Okay, uh... 145 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,474 -Are there any wizards around? -Checking. 146 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,976 ♪ (DOWNBEAT JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 147 00:05:51,058 --> 00:05:54,229 While you wait, I noticed your shopping list is empty. 148 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,939 How you doin' with paper towels? 149 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,691 Will you just show us some wizards? 150 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,777 Do not take that tone with me, buddy boy. 151 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,488 -Sowwy. -Okay. 152 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:06,157 Here are some wizards near you. 153 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,952 (SCROLL HUMMING) 154 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,287 How's it going? 155 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,371 Can't complain. 156 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,164 Stuart, here's a name I wecognize. 157 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:16,418 Bernadette Wostenkowski, master sowcewess. 158 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,628 -♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Really? Bernadette? 159 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,589 Yeah, four-and-a-half stars. 160 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,383 Well, you guys want this broad's address or what? 161 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,011 Uh... Uh... Walking, not dwiving? 162 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,512 ♪ ("WITCHCRAFT" BY SUSAN VAUGHAN PLAYING) ♪ 163 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,180 DENISE: And don't even get me started on Stuart. 164 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,099 He says he loves me. 165 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,935 Well, the Stuart I know, he was kind of a wimpy guy. 166 00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:35,645 And then this Stuart comes in and he's like, 167 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,981 he's taking me from universe to universe, you know. 168 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,400 And sometimes he loses me, but he always finds me. 169 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,652 He always finds me. But it's a different me. 170 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,988 Totally different. But still love, right? 171 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,364 -SUZANNE: Sure. -Yeah. (SCOFFS) 172 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,119 Oh, my God. Gary. 173 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,164 Hi, Gary! 174 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,957 (CHUCKLES) Hey, Gary. 175 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:58,543 -Have we met? -Gary, 176 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,296 we were in a terrible marriage for six years. 177 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,840 But we never fought, not once. 178 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,717 'Cause we had shock collars. 179 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:08,345 They really hurt. 180 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,430 You'd be getting all mad, and you'd be like... 181 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,141 (GRUNTS VIOLENTLY, COUGHS) 182 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,519 You used to part your hair on the other side. 183 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,979 I think I liked it better. 184 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,439 -Oh. Oh. -♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ 185 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,358 ABRAMOWITZ THE GREY: (OVER TV) Have you or a loved one been injured 186 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,027 by a defective spell or faulty incantation? 187 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,862 Call me, Abramowitz the Grey. 188 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:29,532 Over 700 years' experience in magical litigation. 189 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:30,617 (ORB TINKLING) 190 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,911 -(BANGING ON DOOR) -Now what? 191 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,245 (TV CLICKS OFF) 192 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,457 Oh. Hey, Stuart. Kripke. 193 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,876 -You know us? -Of course, I know you. 194 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,544 -What do you want? -Can we come in? 195 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,798 I'm kind of busy, but okay. 196 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,177 Excuse the mess. I gave up giving a shit. 197 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:54,057 (MUNCHING) So, what's up, buttercup? 198 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:58,561 Well, this is gonna sound crazy, but we've got this machine 199 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,356 that allows you to travel between alternate universes. 200 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,066 And we just need a wittle abwacadabwa 201 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,859 to jump-start the damn thing. 202 00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,612 Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm all out of abracadabra. 203 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:08,738 Word on the street 204 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,241 is you're wike a worwd-wenowned sowcewess. 205 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,243 -Used to be. -What happened? 206 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,120 Not that it's any of your business, 207 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,871 but the Wizards Guild of America 208 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,290 claimed I used my powers while we were on strike. 209 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,792 What were you on strike for? 210 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,253 Better dental, residuals for eternal spells. 211 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,588 It's ridiculous. We were out for six months, 212 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,383 and basically, everyone got a handful of magic beans. 213 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:31,386 So, did you use your powers during the strike? 214 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,764 My neighbor's son had a dog. 215 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,850 -A little rescue. Adorable. -♪ (TENDER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 216 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,101 Called him Chocolate Chip 217 00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:39,602 because he kind of looked like a cookie. 218 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:40,729 (BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY) 219 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,648 Anyway, he ran out into traffic and a car hit him. 220 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:44,691 Hmm. 221 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,818 -Then another car. -(EXHALES) 222 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,361 Then another one. 223 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:53,116 -Then another one. -Got it. Cars. 224 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,576 The kid's crying. 225 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,578 I couldn't stand there and do nothing. 226 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,956 -So, I used my powers to bring Chocolate Chip back to life. -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 227 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,708 I don't see how that's bweaking a stwike. 228 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,835 Exactly. Let me tell you something 229 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,628 about Wizards Guild of America. 230 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,630 Ninety percent of them don't even work, 231 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:08,882 and yet they get to vote. 232 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,341 (WHISPERS) Ninety. Wow. 233 00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,510 Isn't there something that you can do? 234 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,846 -Can you fiwe an appeaw? -Not really. 235 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,475 I mean, there is a reversal spell 236 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,893 that would give me my powers back, 237 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,562 but the key ingredient is impossible to find. 238 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,647 Wh... What are we talking about? 239 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,858 Uh, saffwon? Twuffews? 240 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:31,696 Blood of an innocent. Not a lot. Two teaspoons. 241 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,531 -♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -Maybe a cup. 242 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,826 Bwood of an innocent. (GROANS) I'm out. 243 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,661 How about you? 244 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,206 Me? No. (CLEARS THROAT) No, I'm not innocent. 245 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,540 I've had-- I've had girlfriends. 246 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,586 -How many? -Mm, um... 247 00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,505 (SPUTTERS) Hmm. 248 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,882 Mm... (SPUTTERS) 249 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,008 One. 250 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,676 I can work with that. 251 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,096 You heard the wady. Start bweeding. 252 00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:59,224 -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ -(HESITATES) Uh... 253 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:02,227 -(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 254 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,729 That was more than a cup. 255 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:06,731 We're gonna need some backup 256 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,983 in case your bwood doesn't do the twick. 257 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:11,569 You're right. Hey, Alexa. 258 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,698 Huh. Hey, Alexa. 259 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,284 -♪ (JAUNTY MUSICAL STING) ♪ -I was taking a dump. 260 00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,410 What do you want? 261 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,538 Where would we find Sheldon Cooper? 262 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,373 Searching. 263 00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,875 Sheldon Cooper is currently starring 264 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:29,712 in a revival of Man of La Mancha on Broadway. 265 00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:33,049 Damn it. We'll never get him to help us. 266 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,885 BARRY KRIPKE: I saw that with, uh, John Withgow. 267 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,720 STUART BLOOM: Oh, he's always good. Oh. 268 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:38,847 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 269 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,559 ♪ To bear With unbearable sorrow ♪ 270 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,352 -Hey, Stuart. -♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 271 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:47,981 -Bert! -Oh... shit, oh, shit, oh, shit! 272 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,234 -(GROANS) -What was that? 273 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:54,571 Oh, yeah. I'm magic now. Watch. 274 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:55,905 (RUMBLING WHOOSH) 275 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,366 (BARRY GROANS) 276 00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:00,785 Weawwy? 277 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,829 I'm terribly sowwy, Bert. Pwease forgive me? 278 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,747 You let them set me on fire. 279 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:08,001 It was peer pwessure. I am fiwwed with wegwet. 280 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,919 They were going to burn me at the stake, 281 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,296 and he did nothing! 282 00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:12,630 Oh, Barry! 283 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,258 I know. I'm tewwible. Pwease change me back. 284 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,927 Change you back? I should turn you into a maggot. 285 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,013 No, penguin's fine! Happy to be a penguin. 286 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,681 -Who are they? -(MOB CLAMORING) 287 00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,808 Oh, yeah. They're my acolytes. 288 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:26,603 -Acolytes? -Yeah. 289 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:29,189 They worship me. See the really pretty one? 290 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,775 -I got to first base. -Oh, happy for you. 291 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,903 MENACING VOICE: (ECHOING) Stuart Bloom! 292 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:40,491 ♪ (MENACING MUSICAL STING) ♪ 293 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:42,785 Wil Wheaton? 294 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:46,456 Did you give blood to Bernadette Rostenkowski? 295 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,124 -A little. Why? -♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 296 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:51,669 Oh, you stupid, stupid man. 297 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,838 The guild sanctioned her for a reason. 298 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,340 Oh, yeah, the dog. 299 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,301 What dog? She's a demon. 300 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,887 Oh, she can be a little bitchy. I wouldn't call her a demon. 301 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,598 Okay, I have no time for this. 302 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,851 -(FIRE ROARING) -It is the ruling of the guild 303 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,812 that you have enabled a demon, 304 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:12,357 and therefore, you must be destroyed. 305 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:14,651 STUART: No! 306 00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,819 -(RUMBLING WHOOSH) -(MOB GASPS) 307 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,530 Don't throw magic fireballs at my friend. 308 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,410 -No! -♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪ 309 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,918 Shitty fucking penguin wings. (SHOUTS IN FRUSTRATION) 310 00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,545 (WHOOSHING WARBLE) 311 00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:37,882 ♪ (DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 312 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:44,681 What the hell? 313 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,890 Over here! 314 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,767 (WARBLING WHOOSHES, BLASTS) 315 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,644 What is happening? 316 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:52,397 Well, let's see. Bert's magic, Kripke's a penguin. 317 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,606 Hey. 318 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:56,859 And Wil Wheaton's mad 319 00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,403 'cause I gave blood to Bernadette. 320 00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,904 -Why? -She may or may not have 321 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,906 -saved Chocolate Chip. -A cookie? 322 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,700 -A dog. -Oh. 323 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,786 ♪ (MUSIC TURNS MENACING) ♪ 324 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,250 (SHARK GROWLS) 325 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:16,421 ♪ (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 326 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,434 ♪ (DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC RESUMES) ♪ 327 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,937 Oh, you idiot. 328 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,981 Can't you see I'm trying to save the world? 329 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:36,649 Nope. 330 00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:41,237 -(SCREAMING) -(WARBLING WHOOSH) 331 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,409 (ECHOING WHOOSH) 332 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,453 Oh, baby! 333 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,962 Bernadette... is not who you think she is! 334 00:13:58,629 --> 00:13:59,797 She is a demon! 335 00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:03,426 A real, actual demon! 336 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,721 (SCREAMING) 337 00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,849 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 338 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,559 Is it over? 339 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,104 Yeah. I think maybe I overdid it. 340 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,107 Oh, don't feel bad, buddy. He started it. 341 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:21,069 ♪ (HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 342 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,113 What's that for? 343 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,616 Maybe you're great. 344 00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,368 Maybe there is something here. 345 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:29,994 Really? 346 00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:31,662 Aww. 347 00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:34,999 ♪ (MELODIOUS HARP NOTES PLAY) ♪ 348 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:38,169 Guys... Uh, guys, you need to see this. 349 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,171 -(INDISTINCT CLAMOR) -(TIRES SCREECHING) 350 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:41,464 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 351 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:44,050 BERNADETTE ROSTENKOWSKI: Excuse me. Sorry. 352 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,593 Oop, coming through. 353 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:49,097 Oop. Sorry. Oopsie. 354 00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:53,309 (RESIDENT SCREAMS) 355 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,145 Ooh! Like your shoes. 356 00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:58,439 -Eh... -(RESIDENT SCREAMING) 357 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:00,775 "Demon" was witeral! "Demon" was witeral! 358 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,985 (CROWD SCREAMING) 359 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,654 (MOB SCREAMING) 360 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,031 -(LOUD SQUELCH) -No! 361 00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:08,908 (LOUD CRASHING) 362 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,786 You have the machine that spans worlds. 363 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,079 STUART: Whoa! Oh! 364 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:14,831 I want it. 365 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,500 (YELPS) Bert, quick, fix the machine! 366 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,502 -How? -Magic. Do magic. 367 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,170 I don't know this magic! 368 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:24,340 -Try anything! -Work. 369 00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,592 -(GROANS) -(GRUNTS) 370 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:28,803 -Turn on. -(DEVICE CHIMES) 371 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,680 -Turn on more. -(DEVICE ROARING) 372 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,058 I want to rule them all! 373 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,018 (PORTAL WARBLES) 374 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,645 -Ah, shit! -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 375 00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:41,023 -(WHOOSHING WARBLE) -(ECHOING SCREAMS) 376 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,904 ♪ ("CRAZY" BY WILLIE NELSON PLAYING) ♪ 377 00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:50,074 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 378 00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,750 ♪ Crazy ♪ 379 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:06,048 ♪ Crazy for feeling so lonely ♪ 380 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:10,553 (ECHOING RUMBLE) 381 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,555 -♪ I'm... ♪ -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 382 00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,140 -(RUMBLE STOPS) -STEPHANIE: Mr. Bloom. 383 00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,433 How are we today? 384 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,311 -What? -Time for your meds. 385 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,439 -Meds? -Mm-hmm, three o'clock. 386 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,524 Okay. 387 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,697 (SLURPS) 388 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:30,990 (GULPS) 389 00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,702 Oh, isn't that nice? 390 00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,497 You're very talented. Mm-hmm. 391 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,290 ♪ (MUSIC GROWS LOUDER) ♪ 392 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:44,378 ♪ And then someday ♪ 393 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:50,259 ♪ You'd leave me For somebody new ♪ 394 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,388 Oh, this is not good. 395 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,391 ♪ Worry ♪ 396 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:03,814 ♪ Why do I let myself worry? ♪ 397 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,154 ♪ Wondering ♪ 398 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:15,826 ♪ What in the world did I do? ♪ 399 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,916 ♪ Crazy ♪ 400 00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:29,340 ♪ For thinking That my love could hold you ♪ 401 00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,681 ♪ I'm crazy for trying ♪ 402 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,142 ♪ Crazy for crying ♪ 403 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:45,356 ♪ And I'm crazy for loving you ♪ 404 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,237 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪