MAN: The south island of New Zealand, it's an epic place.
It's wet, it's cold, it's snowy.
If you don't respect the environment here, it will slap you hard.
WOMAN: I just need to bring some food in.
MAN: Look at that stonker!
(WOMAN LAUGHS)
MAN: Last night there was deer all around me.
That's freakin' delicious.
I know how tough it's going to be.
Oh, my God, I miss them. (SOBS)
You've gotta feel safe, otherwise you just die out here.
It doesn't feel as bad as it looks, it feels worse.
This shit just got real.
Jesus!
I'm scared enough to have my emergency tap out in my hand.
The last person standing, they take home $250,000.
(MAN CRYING FRANTICALLY)
Somebody help me!
The ledge. That's where it's happening every day.
I'm the luckiest person.
When you can start saving food for future,
I don't know if it gets any better.
(WOOD SNAPS) Ishk!
Feeling is hopeless. Haven't got any meat.
ANDREAS: I hate losing. I hate quitting. I just don't.
Finally, I can eat tonight.
Look at that. It's another eel.
(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)
Oh, well.
(THUNDER CRACKS)
The temperature has dropped.
Could potentially be on the verge of hypothermia.
I have the choice, go home if I want to.
I just want this storm over.
Oh, my God!
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(RAIN PATTERS, WIND HOWLS)
It sounds rough as guts down there on the water front.
It sounds like it's getting worse and not better.
Didn't realise how much I actually don't like storms in this setting,
when I'm very vulnerable.
(WIND CONTINUES HOWLING)
It becomes this very real experience of possible injury or death.
This is the worst weather I've seen since I got here.
This is horrendous.
It hasn't really slowed down,
it's been going between storms, rain, sleet, hail.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Jesus!
You don't kidding with this.
This is like high winds, close to zero.
If I did not have a dry sleeping bag,
I would be going home, I would not be here.
The weather is so bad
that this is kind of weather that send people home.
100%.
It just stopped raining for a second.
I'm gonna pull the camera out there to show you what I mean.
Here's one thing I noticed. This wasn't here before.
That is a piece of dead fall
that's just gone in and speared into the ground.
This is down my stairs, going up to my shelter,
pouring down on the beach
on the other side of the lake, pretty far away.
But there's literally a gushing waterfall
coming out straight out of a mountain.
That is ridiculous.
There's swell and white caps going on.
Here comes the hail.
Oh, I was only out for a short while,
and literally I am chilled to the bone.
In a survival situation or an experience like this,
you've gotta be smart.
And there comes a time when the smart thing is to be passive.
And that is today for me.
I'm just catching a runoff off the tent
instead of running down to the...
..running down to the creek all the time.
So, I've climbed back into my sleeping bag
after doing a few jobs around the shelter.
I'm finding it really hard to maintain my body heat now.
I've got my sleeping bag, which is minus 10.
I've got my oil skin coat,
which is sort of wrapped around most of my sleeping bag.
Um...
It's got a mild dampness to it.
I wouldn't say I'm wet, but I'm mildly damp.
I think a lot of it...
I think a lot of it, my warmth is due to, I suppose, losing body fat.
And, yeah, minimal food intake.
Just feel like it's more difficult now to maintain my body heat.
The thunder last night was incredible.
I've never heard thunder go for as long as that thunder did.
It's a good little shelter, no rain came in last night.
(COUGHS)
I haven't got any wet spots
apart from the general dampness of the ground, anyway.
It's very protected.
Even when the big gusts of winds were coming through.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
More thunder.
Wow, this storm's just going on and on and on.
Oh, my God, there's like pools of water.
It's like the water has risen.
Imagine if I can't fish the ledge.
What the hell then?
OK, I just gotta go to the toilet. Hang in there.
Like, you just anticipate the whole lot just taking off.
(GROANS)
Soup for breakfast.
There's worse things that can happen,
because I'm sitting by the fire, eating trout.
Oh, yeah.
To have food on such a cold and blustery day.
There's little moments where I go, "Tamika, just...just go home."
But there's already this little thing inside of me that says,
"This is a little home."
Oh, I can feel it warming up my belly.
Mmm!
Man.
Oh, you always feel better with a big belly full, don't you?
(CRACKING)
Fuck.
Did you hear that?
Had to be a tree, but it sounded like rocks as well.
Oh, my God, my heart.
Definitely missing food. Yeah.
Just lying in this sleeping bag, thinking,
"Oh, yeah, I'll just get up, go to the fridge
"and get myself something to eat."
And then I go, "Oh, no, I can't."
It was a lot worse off earlier on.
I could be completely wrong,
but I'd say it'd be like similar to an addiction, almost.
An addiction to food.
Like, when you stop eating, initially the body craves it
and really, really wants it, and then you feel it.
And then hunger sort of just dissipates a little bit
and so on and so on.
Like, if there was a big slice of choccy cake in front of me right now,
I'd be like, "Yeah, whatever."
But the second I took a bite of it, I'm like,
"Oh, my God, I'm gonna eat this whole thing right now."
Hm. Food is my crack.
It is a colder day today.
I feel the weather's starting to break, which is good.
We've definitely got a good powder coating of snow.
It'll keep the skiers happy, I'm sure.
Pretty to look at, but it makes it cold down here at lake level.
Yeah, quite cold.
This northern end of the shelter, I'm gonna have to close that off.
Prevent the water coming in at the bottom of my bag
underneath this cover.
It's dampish.
Feet and sleep are my two biggest concerns.
And I'm glad I got a bit of sleep this morning.
Um, my feet are cold now. My hands are cold now.
So, making sure my feet don't get any worse is of a concern to me.
This will keep the bulk of that spray off the bottom of my bag.
And, yeah, I'll be... I'll be happy with that.
I wouldn't mind getting a fire going.
Got things that I want to get over the fire and start drying it out.
You have a best friend out here.
You can cook my food.
What's that, you say?
Food?
You haven't seen much of it? No.
No, no.
Maybe we can talk about that.
The plan is to provide you with more food to cook me.
Being cold and wet with body fat basically gone
presents its own set of challenges.
I'm gonna be very careful here,
but my intention is to attempt to take out the dampness in my sleeping bag.
Having my feet get cold
and taking what seems like hours to warm up,
possibly four, five hours,
um, is a bit of a concern.
I really gotta stay on top of keeping gear dry.
'Cause you can end up with frostbite
and then that's serious, that's medical evacuation.
You can lose portions of your toes, whole toes.
You see images of people losing half their foot.
Yeah, I can see moisture coming outta my bag.
Either that or it's about to burst into flames.
I don't like things being out of my control.
So what is in my control?
Continue staying dry.
Continue hunting, continue getting lines in the water,
continuing to visit the Why?
Why am I here? What is I want out of it?
Achieve things for me and my family
that I haven't been able to achieve before.
You wanna make 'em proud.
That's probably not what the manufacturer would recommend,
but, hey, the manufacturer's not here.
He's probably sitting in a cosy office.
That was two days of absolutely horrendous weather.
Good thing with this,
most things you do, you go away,
you end up getting fatter.
And then you get back to the gym
and you're like, "Oh, now I gotta work it off."
But this one, you're gonna come back skinny.
I think my abs are coming back.
Let's have a look.
Get out into the sun.
Let's have a look.
I was 112 with clothes going in...
..and I don't have too much fat left.
Obviously I'm getting skinnier,
losing weight a little bit too fast for my own liking.
Goal for now is gonna be to sustain my weight as long as I can.
I need to get more food in. I have no food.
And it's...it's...it's...it's like a stressful part that you go,
"I have no food. I don't know what to do."
Hunting, I don't think is a valid option
if there isn't enough deer to waste the time and effort and energy.
Fishing is on hold.
The weather and the water levels are fighting me so hard. It's annoying.
I've seen a couple of mice around, and possum.
This is my future protein supply.
So, today - trapping.
(SIGHS)
It's time to finish off the little mouse trap.
Or finish off... I shouldn't say alter.
Split a log in four...
..so they match up and then you split out the middle.
That's my canister.
I think I have to bevel edge this.
I think bevelled edge, yes, in itself.
Easily bevelled, so it don't get caught and slide up and down.
Snug it up as much as needed.
That worked.
So, that log, I've had both the possum and mouse out there,
so I think that's a good location.
That should do it.
It'd be hilarious if this is a good food source.
Find a good bait and I can do a mouse a day, you know.
I loaded up the bait stick with a piece of a gill.
It's set for tonight, so it'd be fun to see tomorrow if it went off,
if the mouse checked it out or whatever.
I am pretty chuffed at how everything held up.
Yeah, overall, life is good.
I did hear a couple of limbs falling.
Yeah, we had this tree here.
Yeah, so I was just a bit paranoid about one of those guys going.
The only one that fell near the shelter was this one here.
And that's near the shelter. Not on the shelter.
Yeah, I think the shelter location that we chose was pretty good.
The only thing that I might do is insulate some of the roof.
You can see there's plenty of leaf litter
and plenty of deadfall to use.
Oh, there's a few nice straight ones over here.
Where shall we start? This one over here? Or that one over there?
I'll start with this one over here.
Go back for that one.
Cross beams along here.
And on top of that we'll collect up all the leaf litter and stuff
and just stack it on top.
Give it some insulation.
It will also prevent everything from shaking so much.
Be all toasty warm inside our cabin.
Like, something that would make me tap out is my shelter collapsed
or I got a big tear in my canopy and my sleeping bag got wet.
That's gonna be a tap out for me
because I'm not gonna be able to stay warm.
It's, yeah, a no-brainer.
Because I am very much a creature of comfort at home,
and being out on the land, comfort's a very important factor.
So, I am turning my home into my little slice of paradise
that makes me comfortable.
And I feel that being comfortable is the key to winning.
Two-minute breather.
I am focusing on foraging, because plants don't run away,
so it'll be easier to get those pesky plants.
Oh, that's what we're looking for.
(GROANS)
This bad boy.
He's not very delicious, but he's definitely edible.
Hope there's a bit of nutritional value in this,
because...
..definitely not enjoying the process.
I'm eating a lot of greens,
but I haven't really found overly palatable.
It does taste familiar.
Actually, you know what it tastes like? Raw green beans.
(SING) £ I'm making herring tongue soup. £
Been looking for horopito.
Just wondering if that might be it.
The leaves look right.
Let's see if it's peppery.
(SINGS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Nothing special, but it's better than nothing.
I really don't like it.
I'm used to eating meat with most meals.
But if vegans can do it,
I can do it for a little while.
Yeah, I think I'd quite happily be back at home now
and just chilling on the couch, watching something,
and eating some comfort food.
But I'm not gonna waste this opportunity.
We'll see how long the willpower stays.
We got this.
It's not even about the money.
It's more about to see what my personal strength is.
See how...how long I can last.
It'd be good to know.
In the back of my head,
"I've always been saying 100 days. Let's try 100 days. That'd be nice."
Give the nose a clean.
Let's go chase some fish!
I'm trying to remain focused on the task of feeding myself.
I don't let myself settle too much,
because I think I've worked out when I stop,
that's when, you know, I start really missing my family.
I know you're perusing. I know you're here now.
Oh, aye! Diyah!
I lost him.
Got a little rush of adrenaline.
Oh, my heart is still pounding.
I can remember, as a police officer,
when you get into a high-speed pursuit
or you're chasing a car or something,
it was like when you're on the radio
and you're trying to give directions of where you are and what's happening,
it's like you're trying to remain so calm,
and yet on the inside you just wanna vomit and your heart is racing.
To be honest, that's a little bit how I feel here.
It's like I'm enjoying the morning, I'm acting all calm,
but on the inside there's this anticipation just waiting.
I actually joined the police force to help people.
It was an absolute eye opener for my age
and my lack of experience, probably.
Back then, the only way I knew how to help myself
was to drink and forget.
Pretty certain you could've called me an alcoholic.
I just lived for work and drink.
But I know I'm on top of it now.
That's just not me, you know?
Oh!
Oh.
Damn! (LAUGHS)
Now, I thought I better get the camera for this one.
I didn't realise he was so big.
He's my biggest by far.
64 centimetres.
Man!
Ah, for every man that ever doubted my skill in that tackle shop
years and years and years ago,
paying off now, isn't it?
Who would've thought?
(GRUNTS)
Cooking my beautiful trout.
Let's have just a little squiz at him.
Oh, my God! It's a whole pot.
It's a whole freaking pot.
I just think I've come across what it needs to win this thing.
Do less, catch more. That's it.
I'm feeling really good.
I realised I have really missed this way of living.
Mmm!
And if it wasn't for family, I wouldn't go back.
(LAUGHS)
You could come if you want to.
Come, come with me to the wilds...
..where the good things happen.
The old moustache is growing. I can feel it getting into the mouth.
Got no idea what I look like.
'Scary' is probably the word that comes to mind.
Yeah. So I got myself sorted.
I've got my backpack with fishing gear,
essential items.
And I'll make my way around to the river mouth.
It's four weeks since I've landed a trout.
That I find odd.
Now, if I'd never fished before, I would say, can't fish.
You know, don't know how to fish.
So, I've changed up the scenario, the hooks, the baits,
the weather as much as I could,
and still only one trout in four weeks.
So, the only thing I can think of doing is making my way around
to the river mouth where I've got more substantial water running out.
Be a good head space thing too. Different environment.
Beautiful location. Stunning views.
Yeah. See how we go.
See if we can't land a fish.
Oh, these midges, these sand flies.
Namu, whatever you want to call 'em, they are relentless.
That's a challenge, keeping it together.
I can call it here, you know?
I think they'd get even the most hardened Buddhist monk to crack.
I'm going to be scratching like a demon possessed
and that'll keep me awake and it'll set me back in my head space.
And I don't need that.
Sand flies, give me a break for one fucking minute!
(SINGS) £ Sandstone cliffs are glowing purple in the evening light
£ Kangaroos are grazing and there's an eagle in flight calling me home
£ Calling me home. £
There's my little doggy stones I'm gonna talk to each night...
..and tell the doggies, "Keep your dad warm.
"And don't fight with each other."
I'll see you soon enough, hey?
I look forward to seeing John and the little doggies,
Charlie and Toby.
I so wanted to have children with John.
And we tried for six years from when I was 34 to when I was 40.
And I just felt such incredible grief around not having children.
I so wanted to have them with all of my being.
At least one, possibly two.
I imagined them for that six years that we were trying to conceive.
I just imagined the child being born
and seeing myself and John in that child.
And...
And it was just this agony.
So, there's just so much to it.
Then there's the concerns about what will I do when I'm really old,
when there's no-one to help take care of me
when I become vulnerable and need that family around me?
There's been this ongoing internal process of dealing with...
..with grief and loss.
And I think that's, in itself,
a resilience which will lend itself to this experience.
For me now, it's sort of boiled down
to really wanting to be the last person
and bring home that $250,000 for the family.
Moving into our old age, to have that financial security,
which we don't yet have.
I would so like to be able to gift that to John.
Oh.
I got like a head rush and felt like I was gonna drop and it's like,
ooh, you know?
I mean, I've gone...
Like, in the military, you go through days on end
where you don't get fed,
but this is prolonged.
This is by far the longest I've gone without substantial food.
But, yeah, it's an eye-opener
and it's...
it's hitting the body pretty, pretty heavy.
I need to... You need to get a fire, go and get a warm brew into me.
Just depleted of energy.
I dunno if...
I don't know if a warm brew will make a difference.
Funny, I had a dream about two nights ago.
It was a girl being interviewed who pulled the pin, she tapped out.
And watching her being interviewed,
how upset and traumatised she was in the interview for tapping early.
Just going, "I can't believe that I didn't stop
"and think about it before I'd done it."
You know, it's like now I've done it. I've blown an opportunity.
These opportunities only come once in a lifetime.
Yeah, she was grief stricken.
And that was...it was a pretty powerful dream to have.
As an awakener, I suppose,
we don't get to choose the obstacles
and the challenges and things necessarily put in front of us,
but we do get to choose how we react to them.
What I've realised is stay away from my testing grounds.
You know, if over there is gonna be bad for midges and sand flies,
don't go there.
Don't go to your testing grounds
and put your head space in that compromising position.
I know my wife would be saying, "Keep going, Rickster.
"You're doing well, darling. Keep going."
Yeah, she's my greatest supporter.
I miss my darling Nell.
In her letter to me that she wrote me coming out here,
I didn't read it until the day before I was due to come out bush,
to the land.
And in amongst it was some beautiful wording,
but it said, "Rick, when things get difficult,
"just listen to your heart,
"and your heart's where the answers are."
And, um, she's right.
Sometimes it's just hard to interpret your heart.
One part of your heart says, sort of says,
"Hey, Rick, you can be back home with your darling."
But it's like my heart also says, "Rick, you can do more.
"Keep pushing through."
Take a long time to eat this frond.
Gotta spend the time to cook them, cut them, clean them, chew them...
..spit 'em out.
Rinse your mouth.
These tree fern fronds are keeping me alive
but not doing much more than that.
My body would love some fat and protein into my diet.
I had this idea that fishing and hunting
would be my way to sustain myself.
It's a tough gig, this thing.
Let me get some pieces for tomorrow.
There's mice,
but I haven't even had them check, like, sniff into the trap.
And there's fish in there.
Like, they should smell it.
I had them walk past the trap.
It's an interesting scenario.
Let's go and check that trail camp.
A mouse, a rat,
anything like that would mean the world to me right now.
I'd feel I have...
..I'm back on the game again.
Oh, it's a giant rat that just ran past.
Didn't even sniff it, just walked straight past.
That's definitely determined that and I'm gonna take out the trout
and put some berries in there and see if I got better luck,
because obviously this doesn't work.
It's fucking three in the morning. Everything's frozen and I'm cold.
I have to get out for a pee.
It's the freaking possum.
I have no chance, but, you know, had my hands full, sad to say.
It scaled up about 10 metres up into a tree.
Too high to reach in.
Bit frustrating knowing that you have a possum
within basically striking distance
and you wanna eat meat but you can't get to him.
Today was tough, trying to keep it up,
sort of feeling the odds is against you
and you still just gotta keep going.
Thought I'd make my way through the bushland to an area that
I walked past on one of the first exploratory hunts that I went on.
And I came past a couple of really big, majestic trees.
Got these three tall, powerful trees
that are in a straight line
that really seem to reflect my sisters.
Something that I haven't discussed much of,
in May last year,
I lost my next older sister, Mandy,
who was extremely close to me in many ways.
We shared a passion for many things,
and one of the main ones, of course, was nature.
She'd love it here.
And when I got news that Mandy had passed away, it was a difficult time.
There was an element of numbness, an element of loss.
It's a hard one to explain
unless, I guess, those that have been through it go,
"I know that, I know that sort of numbness,
"that emotions don't feel the same."
But walking through here,
I can't help but feel that...
..that Mandy...
..has been with me on this entire journey.
This challenge has given me the opportunity to review my own life
and grieve the loss of my sister.
Hard to express the love for somebody that's gone,
'cause it sort of feels like you can't thank them personally.
So, Mandy, if you can hear me,
from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
So many thoughts whiling through my head at the moment.
They just come in...
..in slow waves,
a little bit like the sound of the shore.
I don't feel a strong pull to be the winner.
Nor do I want to be driven solely by the cash.
Don't get me wrong - the money could go a long way.
It's like oxygen - it's difficult to live without.
If I was to ask myself
the question as to what it is that I want to get out of this...
..I think a lot of it I already have.
I just hope that all those that know me aren't disappointed...
..should I not choose to battle it out to the last contender.
I am the captain of my ship.
I am the husband to my wife.
I am the father to my son
and the brother to my siblings.
I am my own king.
If you do me one favour, just take a minute
and appreciate that you're sitting inside,
you're warm,
you're comfortable,
and most likely, if you feel snackish,
you can go out in the fridge and just get a snack.
And someone like me, hungry, cold,
just trying to make it in a good shape to the next day
over and over again.
Appreciate it.
Eat that sandwich.
But as we're getting close to 40 days,
I expected it to be a little bit tougher, right?
But...
..I feel it.
A mouse, a rat, anything like that, that would be really delicious.
My body would love it.
Hold on.
This is a mouse.
It's checking out the trap.
Quite a sizeable mouse.
Would be a snack.
There's a mouse climbing on it.
And inside.
Trigger, trigger, trigger.
What the heck is he doing? He's in there.
Sitting there for 20 seconds and he hasn't...
Oh!
The lid triggered
and he squeezed out the gap.
Oh, that is just freaking awful.
I thought I must have kicked it getting water
because I have to walk past all the time,
'cause there's no mouse in it.
(PHONE RINGS)
MAN: Hello? Hello.
What's going on? I have some news for you.
How are you? Good, thank you.
I'm calling up to officially bow out of Alone Australia.
My head and my heart are in a good spot.
Good morning, afternoon.
It doesn't matter out here, does it, the time?
Hmm.
The journey's come to an end.
I had a calmness to me when I arrived
and I have a calmness to me now.
A place of peace.
Grateful for the opportunity to look within.
I have a much greater appreciation for life in general...
..a deeper appreciation and love for my wife of 30 years this year.
My wife wrote,
"When things get difficult, just listen to your heart.
"Because that's where the answers are."
Yeah, the answer was in my heart,
but it was more about knowing me
so that I can go back a better person and provide for them
and community and get what I want out of life.
My time here with what I got out of it was about me finding me...
..and I've done that without necessarily
having to go for a prize at the end.
I look forward to the loving embrace of my wife again.
Yeah.
Time to return to family.
My God. I haven't caught a bloody trout in days and days.
Oh!
I'm so tired. I can't get up. (LAUGHS)
They are plump.
I'm just, argh!
I need to get more food.
This looks promising.
Yeah, that's got seed in it, so that's carbohydrate.
Just across the river there is dead trout I want to eat.
Oh, shit.
Damn it. Oh, Jesus.
Not feeling good.
Oh, man. (GROANS)
Captions by Red Bee Media (c) SBS Australia 2024