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You're ok.
Today's a good day. Today's a good day for you.
You're going to church.
You're not gonna use today, you're not gonna use today.
Hey hey hey
Heroin, heroin, heroin, heroin.
That's hard to say- Heroin.
Meth.
Just start a commercial with meth.
Can't get serious.
Heroin, pain pills. Are you addicted?
If I wanted heroin and I was sitting here
and had nothing to do, my brain would go into full blown
"how do we get heroin" planning mode.
I was married. I was married.
I had a bright future.
Whereas if I've got some kind of artistic or
creative outlet, then I can say, let's table that thought about heroin
and let's edit a video.
Hi, my name is Josh Litton. I had a bright future.
Then what started out as fun soon became tragedy.
Then what started out as fun and soon became a tragedy.
It's gonna be a good year. Making a short film about recovery.
You know, gonna...
go to meetings, find a sponsor.
It's gonna be a good year.
Movies have always just been a place
for me to escape reality and, you know, just get lost in a world.
I love movies.
We pray for more of you and less of us, Lord.
Pray for your blessing over this script that we're writing, God.
Pray that me and Josh just continue
to grow as filmmakers so that our hearts and minds are always fixed on the real
agenda here: to tell our stories in a way that helps people and gets them off
drugs and alcohol addictions, Lord.
People that are struggling with addiction,
it's a hard place to be in and it's a very isolating place to be in.
So I'm hoping that this could be something that can help people.
The commercials and graduation videos,
those are like our day jobs - projects that we make for the program,
but on the fence, you know, that's personal.
To me, this is all practice for making a real short film with actors.
If I only get one shot at this I'm swinging for the fences.
Now, you understand this is an 18-month-long, Christian faith-based ministry.
Alright, that means that when you come
here, you're committed to living here for 18 months.
However, if you decide you want to leave,
I'm going to do everything I can to try to encourage you to stay,
because I want you to fulfill your commitment to overcome your struggle.
Now, we would, first of all, contact your probation officer and let
them know that you're leaving you'll pack all of your belongings up.
Get ready and we will take you to the Interstate 85.
There's a Waffle House there, we'll take you there
because if you want to go somewhere,
then we'll help you get to that point.
So a few weeks goes by, I go to his house.
I went to his house, I was so geeked up dude. The second I sit on his couch out, I hear SHINK
and I look up and he's got a revolver pointed right at my head.
He's like 'you think I'm some kind of bitch?
You think you can rob me?
I know what you did!'
But he squeezed the trigger.
And it went CLICK (whoa) and I saw the whole thing
rotate and I saw the hammer hit, it was loaded and the gun did not go off.
I don't know how.
But as soon as it clicked, I smashed him in the face as hard as I could
and I ran for my life right out that door
right out here where I was parked and I bolted.
He might still live there, I don't...
Let's go knock on the door, let's go say 'hi' to him.
Yeah man, it's insane.
So if you had to give an elevator pitch
for "On the Fence," what would that sound like?
It's a movie about the first step in AA. The main character is realizing that they
are an addict and he's accepting that fact.
In the short film,
the whole idea is the guys who are staying in the recovery center put family pictures
on this fence, hopefully to keep them from leaving.
A reminder - it'll be the last thing they see when they leave the property is their family,
and the reason why they're getting sober.
But this photo is already a little worn out.
Looks like my mom and dad when they were still together.
We don't like to admit that we have a drug problem or just deal with the reason why
we have a drug problem, so we run a lot of times.
I run a lot of times.
Every time you run away,
you usually hurt them probably just as much, if not more than you hurt yourself.
Making movies and writing,
it's like therapy for me, it makes me feel good because it gets all
that nasty, crazy thoughts in my head out on paper.
Until you have something worth holding on to, you're not going to let go of drugs
like you have to find something that is more meaningful,
so that you can take the leap and let go of
the thing you don't want to let go of, to go grab something new and scary
and see if that holds you the way that drugs did.
Are you the creator of that? That was really cool, man.
Thanks.
Oh shit!
It's a scene that would be in a gas station like this.
It's a short film and it's a guy that's leaving a rehab program that he's in.
This would be perfect, actually.
OK, well give us a call if you think of something you can do.
We sure would appreciate it.
You do it this time. I like it.
You're the director, dammit.
Shut up.
We got a short film that we're making about recovery.
Cassidy.
I'm Josh. Pleased to meet you.
Cool, we'll give him a call.
It's a low slash no-budget independent thing we're doing.
This guy comes here to meet his mom
who has been enabling him, and she decides not to enable him anymore.
It's not a big set-up, you know it would be some lights and some actors...
That's that Methamphetamine, you know what I mean?
Methamphetamine.
90 percent of them, I pulled myself with pliers.
I'm a country boy, you know what I'm saying?
Them things get lose, man, I'll grab the pliers HAA! Pull that thing out.
God is stretching me right now with this film stuff, a lot of learning to do.
I feel like I'm in over my head.
-Why thank you, sir. -You're very welcome ma'am.
-You have a good day now. -You too, stay outta trouble
-I'm trying.
I'm Jared Callahan,
I'm a local film producer and I met the guys when they came
to the film festival and Cassidy told me the two hour version of his life story.
And I'm all in. I mean, I have friends and family in recovery.
I think these stories are important.
So now I'm gonna help these guys craft their
ideas into a makeable, hopefully professional short film.
-Pete makes up excuse. -For taking the pills.
-And then it ends with crazy like.. -I know it was you!
Under his strength, kind of even like comes down.
-Pushes him down. -Yeah, sure. Like a push-shove down.
Had another brother get kicked out yesterday because...
Because he failed a drug test.
So that's...
Kinda nerve-wracking and stressful.
They found out that he had been doing
crystal meth for a month and it was like their good friend Canyon,
the one that they've been making videos and commercials with.
So today, we're supposed to be going
for the whole movie and my experts are having freak outs in the parking lot.
A lot of you guys know what we've been up to a little bit with the short film.
We thought maybe tonight we'd read you guys the script that we're working with.
And then when we're done, seeing what
experiences that you guys have actually had that are like this.
Exterior, fence post, late afternoon, the last post is covered with hundreds
of faded letters and pictures nailed into the wood.
Kinda had a meltdown yesterday, my insecurities came out, you know,
fear of failure, fear of rejection and not being good enough.
"Until you prove that you can get clean, this
family's done being a part of your life." Mother continues,
"I thought my actions were loving you, but they were only feeding your addictions."
She begins to tear up.
"Now my actions will match my love for you."
Pete backs away from the car and is in shock.
The car starts and pulls out of the parking lot away down the road.
This is a kind of a collection of several people's story.
I have a very similar experience.
It was Christmas, so I was doing drugs and drinking in this hotel room.
They pull up and I go to get in the car thinking, let's go do Christmas.
And they both get out and shut the door.
And they have a very similar conversation with me.
They gave me a present, which was like a sweater and said, "Love you,
but, you know, we're done."
Yeah, I identify with that story,
you know, I got kicked out of my parents house when I was 19 because they decided
to stop enabling me and after that I just went downhill real quick.
I stole probably ten, twelve thousand dollars from them and used it on pot and cocaine.
That's what drew me to it, you know,
because it's easy to listen to somebody who's been walked in your shoes than to listen to somebody
that's trying to tell you to do something,
that ain't never walked in those shoes.
What'll really help the movie is if we have Josh and Cassidy
come and have you all write a letter to yourself and fold it up.
I mean, if we can get copies of photos of you or you and your families,
we're going to put them all up on a fence and make it look like when you come
into this ministry, they make you write a letter to yourself.
It was captivating, it was interesting.
I think it's gonna be, it may be in the theaters, I don't know
So I talked to Brother John and I guess I'm gonna have to sign some kind of contract saying I won't relapse,
and if I do relapse,
then...
Then I get kicked out of the ministry.
I'm struggling because I think
I might have a mental illness.
That's why I'm gonna go on Prozac, to hopefully help me get through this.
So today I had to take a piss test, one a little more elaborate than usual.
Why you wigging out, man?
Where's Cassidy?
Good old Cass.
I don't know.
Sometimes it's hard to vocalize everything, and my head just feels like a mesh.
-This is Cass everybody. -What's up.
-Action! -We don't know what we're doing.
Dammit, I'm the director this is what I want!
Lesson learned, kids.
-OK, dude, find the lighter. -I don't know where it went.
Hey you still got some of that Dro? Can I get a 20 sack?
We don't smoke weed.
Feel so uncomfortable right now,
agitated, depressed, stressed
I've been crying some and...
This has gotta stop, man. I gotta get on with my freakin life, dude.
Pull it together Cassidy. Life is not that bad.
Life's not about your circumstance, you can be happy no matter what circumstance,
and the good Lord says that, God says that I can be happy no matter my circumstance.
Please, enlighten me.
Tim Burton
See here's another...
a story about socially awkward kid.
I remember watching Edward Scissorhands
over and over and over and over and over thinking, 'Hey I kind of feel like that dude.'
What does snow mean? Cocaine.
This actually premiered at the Atlanta Film Festival.
Oh, Prozac nation.
"Self-destructive behavior and paralyzing depression that reflects an entire
generation's struggle to navigate the effects of divorce."
I've dealt with that. "Drugs, sex and high expectations."
Wow.
I need to, I need to watch this pretty relevant to my life.
After the divorce, I pretty much lived at a daycare
with my brother and sister, and the only time that we got together
with our family was on Friday nights we'd have tacos because they were cheap.
And then a couple of movies from Blockbuster.
This is a huge pain to do without help.
This is definitely a two-man job.
A Better Way Movers has taught me to be strong in the Lord.
And to always be willing to help others.
Cassidy really came up with all
the concepts, and I shot it and did the lighting.
Having another guy that is into the same stuff, you know,
filmmaking and also a recovering drug addict,
when you've got another person sitting four feet away from you that is
in the same boat, and if I was struggling, he'd be the only the first and sometimes
the only person that knew that I was struggling.
So it's almost been a week, still kinda living out of the car a little bit
and sleeping on the couch at my mom's and stepdad's place.
Cass told me that he had relapsed, so he was evicted from the program
and I feel it's a tragedy because when he uses I watch him circle the drain.
You know he's going down even though he can't see it.
So I like him much better when he's clean and sober.
Shoot, it's great that Cass is here.
You know it's cramped, it's small, but,
you know, it's family, so whatever it takes.
I'm Cassidy's little sister.
My name's Raven.
Yay.
I haven't really known Cass all that well
because he's been in and out of A Better Way for a very, very long time.
I mean,
I don't know, like when I stop to think about it, I'm like, oh my God,
he's been in there for, like, half his life, it seems, you know.
When you're a drug addict,
you don't really think about other people, so it's up to them to change.
Hello?
Hey, Cassidy, it's Nathan, how are you doing?
Hey what's up Nathan. Good, I'm doing good.
You know how I told you we're going to have a meeting for the "On the Fence" short?
-Yeah. -We feel like you should be a part of that
because you helped write the script.
I agree, I think so and
I'm supposed to be the director.
Right but a lot of things have changed.
You and A Better Way aren't on like, workable terms and so...
And if you can't be apart of the meetings,
then how are you going to direct the film?
Yeah, no, it's super important that I'm at those meetings,
no doubt umm, and... I'm willing to talk to Brother John to try to work it out.
Alright, call me as soon as possible.
-Alright man, love you. -Love you, Cassidy.
-Love you guys. -Bye.
And I think that's why no one makes movies in rehab, because it's impossible.
I understand that Brother John has some hang ups because I relapsed and he doesn't
wanna put his guys in the ministry in that position.
I'm worried that I'm gonna be the reason that "On the Fence" falls apart.
Cassidy was -- I used to sit right here,
he used to sit right here and we, we talked about ideas like this and we
dreamed about ideas like this and it wouldn't exist without him.
So I just I don't want to lose him in the... in the shuffle.
-Now it is -OK.
-Hi. -Hi.
Nice to see you.
The goal for today is to clean. I'll have mom point and and I will clean.
You gotta make sure I'm in the frame.
-You are. -OK
That's my mom. Say hi.
Hi.
-How are you doing this morning? -I'm good.
-I'm not working today. -Yay.
So we should behave instead like God's
Very own children adopted into his family, calling him father,
dear Father. For his Holy Spirit speaks
to us deep in our hearts and tells us that we are God's children.
And since we are his children, we will share his treasures.
I relapsed but I did not die.
I believe things are gonna fail.
I don't believe that I will succeed.
So I gotta change that mindset and I'm gonna start believing that I'm gonna succeed.
Start believing who I am in Christ again.
Thanks bro.
I sent three applications out today on the Internet.
One is a driver delivering food and Starbucks and Taco Bell.
I just need some kind of income to come in right now if I'm gonna be able to work on "On the Fence."
In order not to pay for trash,
we take our trash and dump it in some dumpsters at an apartment complex.
I'm a good person who has an addiction problem.
We can do this, I can do this.
That's ridiculous, he looks just like his dad
That looks just like Cassidy, dude. Dresses the same and everything.
Just dorky Cassidy's a dork, I love him.
I used to forge prescriptions and I'd call this Rite Aid.
I'd call myself in some Hydrocodone or some Xanax.
The pharmacists would get on and I'd say, "Hello, this is Dr. Kennerly
I have a phone in for a patient."
And they'd say, "Alright, one second," and you can hear them getting ready.
Like, "OK, go ahead." And say, "Ok I've got here,
Hydrocodone acetaminophen, 10 over 325, sig 1 tab, POQ6 PRN pain, number 40, four-zero, with zero refills,
generics are approved." -"OK, great, thanks."
"Thanks, have a great day."
-"Bye." -"Bye."
So I got away with that for like eight months.
And then one day, as soon as I pull out of the parking lot, I got boxed in.
I got arrested and charged with six different felonies.
Somewhere in the neighborhood of 350 fraudulent prescriptions.
So I was taken to Fulton County Jail and I spent some time there.
I was given an offer to plea out to a lesser charge and go to rehab.
I'm five months from graduating, but if I leave here prematurely,
or if I'm kicked out, I could go to prison for 10 years.
-Yooo! -Yoo!
-You got your own chair. -This table is epic.
I actually picked up a white chip yesterday.
This is the first chip you get when you when you get clean.
So basically, to me, this is like accountability.
That means that I have to stay clean now.
I'm Josh
worked in the industry for a while. First movie I did, I was an intern on Fireproof.
-And then I worked as a company grip on Courageous. -Cool.
And then from there did a lot of independents.
Was doing that, was married, and then the drugs just really kicked my butt.
So Cassidy's not allowed to be on the property or here in the office because
of his relapse, so we've asked for grace, for special permission from Brother John
to allow Cassidy to work on the short film still.
And he's gonna a decision by hopefully July 4th.
-Hello? -Yo, you're on speakerphone in a room of people,
are OK with that? -Hey, what's up everybody, hello!
Cassidy!
Give us the spiel, who are you?
I'm Cassidy Detmer, and I'm a recovering addict
No I'm just joking, I feel like I'm in another meeting, an NA meeting.
-Hi Cassidy -Hey Cassidy
I haven't worked on any big budget productions or anything like that.
But I did go to the Art Institute for three years.
But before that, all through my using years,
I would film stuff, just all kinds of random stuff all my life.
So I'm always thinking about it, obsessing about it.
I love film.
Yeah, I mean, that's me in a nutshell.
"Do you see clearly now this isn't Peter, this isn't your son.
It's the drugs speaking.
It'll always be the drugs. You have to cut him off."
She pulls out a small index card. I say take that out.
And if the mom would just go up to her son
and just lay a hand on his cheek and look at him in the eye and say...
They're about to play a video.
Unfortunately, I can't see it.
I got low battery. Shit.
I think they forgot I was here.
I'm gonna take my medicine.
I can't understand what they're talking about anyways.
I'm hungry.
they're yakking away about I don't know what.
The situation Cassidy's in right now,
I'm very worried about where he's at.
He's a really fragile guy and, you have a bad enough day,
like right now, my head hurts so bad and I'm so stressed that
if I had something in front of me, I'd do it.
If I wasn't mandated, I would have left a long time ago,
just because I know myself. I'm here because I have to be and I'm here because I need to be.
Probably not the best way to spend your food stamps card, especially when
you don't have a job or money.
But I love energy drinks.
And I did though, I did just get a phone call from Marco's pizza about a delivery job.
So I'm super stoked about that.
And I could possibly be delivering pizzas by Monday.
Oh, man, that's good
energy in a can, no crash later. Sike, there is a crash.
And I believe I'm just now coming to accept the fact that I might be
a little manic. And having a chemical imbalance contributes
to me using drugs because I don't like the way I feel.
I have thought of suicide before.
It's like I just can't handle feeling this way anymore.
So, you know, either I'm going to kill myself or I'm gonna get high.
You know, sometimes it gets to that point where it's like there's just nothing else.
Alright Cassidy.
You can do this.
Thank you, God, for a roof over my head, thank you for a car to drive.
Thank you for my dad putting gas in my car.
You got a lot of good things going on.
Thank you for the jobs I'm... I'm going to get.
You're gonna be alright.
He told me that my driving under the influence thing would be a problem.
Yeah, that's what I told him, I said it's been six years I mean it's like, that's a long time ago.
I mean, how the hell am I gonna find a job?
You know, how do felons find jobs?
And how am I gonna be able to work on the short film if I can't even put gas in my car?
If I get high, then all my worries will go away today,
but then they'll just creep back up tomorrow when I'm not high.
So I decided not to get high and decided to do this instead.
I love me lens flares. Just like J.J. Abrams.
Gosh, it sounds beautiful out here right now.
It sounds like a symphony.
Just listen.
I'm afraid of failing at something that I love.
To me making films was like this... Perfect thing. This most beautiful thing that was perfection.
And if I touched it, it was going to fall apart.
So I dared not touch it.
But I've learned that it's... It's not perfect.
You know, it's just like me.
Its got its imperfections, but in the imperfections there's beauty. There's beauty in...
Frailty,
in just opening yourself up
and not hiding.
So I wanna get this all cut down pretty low all the way over to there.
-OK. -Good luck to you.
-Thank you. -Yeah.
So he called me up and asked if there's any yard work, anything I could have him
do to try to make a little bit of money or gas money.
So I told him I could, he can come over and mow grass.
Who wants to mow grass when it's 95 degrees, not me.
You allergic to work?
Yeah, I think so.
I might die out here.
Um no we just call him Cass.
That sounds weird calling him uncle Cass.
It would be fun if we saw Cassidy's movies on a big screen.
20 to 25 was probably the really brutal years.
My lowest time while using drugs was
when I broke into my dad's bathroom and I was trying to steal his money and he
woke up in the middle of the night and broke my hand.
Every phone call I got from him was nothing
but trouble and asking for things and things would disappear.
It's actually a part of his life I try
to forget about because that's not the true him.
It was...you know the drugs and it was, it took him over.
-Grandpa said good work. -Thank you.
Thank you. I love ya.
Going to the movie theater is like being in heaven.
It's so comfortable for me. It's just, I get lost in it.
I don't usually keep the number of days
in my head, because if I do, it takes forever.
Desperately ready to just move on with my life.
Have a life again, have a normal life again.
Have a car, have a job, have a place.
Yeah, jail sucks.
The biggest selling point this place has is that it's not a decade in prison.
I loved my wife more than
than anything or anyone, and I lost her because I kept using.
I kept falling flat on my face.
I kept repeating the vicious cycle, and she warned me and warned me and warned me
that it was gonna end up with us getting divorced.
I mean, there are bridges burned.
...ones that I love and from people I don't
even know and I've hurt so many different people. -Right now I am finishing
the graduation video just in time for the service.
I had to cut my friend Brian out because he left. Caught with some drugs.
So he's gone.
Somebody that's that close to finishing
the program and gets caught up
in that kind of stuff is just, they're just not ready.
It's nothing against them.
You know, I've done it in other programs.
I've been there.
For the guy that gets it the first time around, great, good on you.
That's my grandpa. He nailed it the first time.
But it's taken me 13, 14 times.
A Better Way ministry has done a lot,
it's like a rebirth, you know, it's a better way, it's a perfect name.
The day after I overdosed my dad, he was like 'you need to go somewhere.'
So now this is just the beginning.
And don't look behind you, look forward.
That, men, that's what we are here for.
That's why you're here and I'm looking to see every face at the finish line.
Hallelujah, Father, we just thank you, Lord, tonight for what's been done.
We thank you for the anointing that breaks every shackle and every addiction.
Bless them tonight.
Establish their steps, may they be the hands and the feet of Jesus Christ.
-Amen. -Amen.
So ladies and gentlemen I'd like to introduce to you, the graduates.
The lights stayed on, it didn't look good on these monitors.
The audio was terrible.
I have a million things I hate about it.
And I'm just, I'm not, it's not something I'm proud of.
I'm just kinda disgusted by it honestly.
If they don't let me and Cassidy make "On the Fence,"
I'm not gonna make it another five months here.
We're getting our props together for the fence scene.
I'm a drug addict and I lost custody
of my daughter, and that's the main reason why I'm trying to get my life back
together is so I can be a part of her life again.
This is when I was in my band.
That's me, heavy metal, that's my drummer and that was my guitar player.
That's Jesus hanging on the cross of course.
This is something I wrote.
Let me start that over.
This is the family vehicle that I flipped
that ended up with me coming to A Better Way.
I was high running from the cops, going about 115 miles an hour, when the truck flipped over.
Holding on to all the pain that's left behind you.
Stay above these lies.
Stay true, walk in the courthouse.
"Honey, I love you. Don't do this.
We can make it, our marriage ain't broken until you break it.
I shouldn't be here.
That's a testimony.
Rip up the papers, come home, honey."
Will you ever live again?
I'm going to make the best of doing what I'm doing, to make them proud again.
This is my mom and my sister.
I'm going to have a copy made of it and have it on the fence.
You know, it's my mom, I...
She was the kindest person I've ever met.
And so, yeah, it was really... There's a lot of good memories with Mom
I miss her a lot. It's the...
One of the main reasons I got so bad into drugs, is when she died.
So it's.. It's my deepest...
It's my deepest wound, losing her.
She died very suddenly, you know she died in the car wreck.
So it was... I got a phone call one day and she was gone.
I went on a mission trip with my church
to Honduras to give food and clothing to a village, and
we had a bad accident.
So the first day there,
I felt the overwhelming presence of God come over me and just happiness.
So it was like one of the best days
of my life, followed by one of the worst days of my life.
We were driving through the rain forest and we were going down this big hill,
gears start grinding and I guess the brakes went out and the driver had a choice.
It was like a two hundred foot drop off a cliff and we would all possibly die
or he could bank it into the trees to try to slow us down.
And when he flipped it, I landed about here and bent straight back.
The two people I was sitting in between.
Well, they snapped in half and they both died.
And then they cushioned my fall and basically saved me from dying.
I had collarbones broken and I was a mess,
but when your adrenaline's kicking, and I was looking for my brother.
He was covered in blood and I thought he was dead.
It took them like eight hours to find us because we were in the middle of nowhere.
The villagers actually made smoke signals to flag down the helicopters.
And Cass had...
He had a broken leg, a broken arm, a broken clavicle,
and then they started having problems with drugs and pain pills and everything,
and it got to a point to where Cass was actually out of control.
So I went back into drugs and alcohol after that.
Of course, they gave me painkillers for being injured and what not.
That made a already bad problem much worse.
Basically, it was like pouring gasoline onto a campfire,
which started a forest fire of drug addiction.
Why would God let a lady next to me get cut in half?
We're there doing God's work.
I mean, I don't know what the hell all that means.
...twilight's last gleaming, whose broad stripes and bright stars,
through the perilous fight.
I've been nervous all day,
waiting for Jared to call me and let me know how his meeting went with Brother John,
whether or not I'm going to be a part of the project.
Alright.
Hello, Mr. Jared.
I'm doing good, I'm good.
Sweet, cool, so he's, so he's cool, I can work with, I can work with Josh.
Oh, praise God.
That's great news.
I'm down as the director of photography.
They're in charge of the entire look of the project.
Working Director.
I would check these books but I have to ream them here
because I owe the library three dollars. I'm not coming off of it.
My biggest concern is that we get good talent and that nobody has a meltdown
and collapses and ends up torpedoing this whole project.
To be love for us today means that we need to be patient and kind.
We are going to fight for justice. We're not going to give up.
We're always going to be hopeful through every circumstance.
Alright, so in the name of Jesus, God guide us to the right people.
A prayer and a meeting.
-I am auditioning for the mother role. -Seth Dowd, I'm auditioning for Pete.
I'm feeling a little nervous,
this is my first time doing anything so this is pretty nerve-wracking but I'm really excited.
So I'm gonna go in there and knock them dead.
I'm just hoping for the best.
I'm more hungry, than nervous.
I'm auditioning for Judy today because I want to make a difference to people
who have addictions because it strikes closely to home.
-How are you doing? -Fine how are you guys?
Doing great.
-So my name's Cassidy, I'm co-directing. -Nice to meet you.
-What's your name? -Alexa Rochelle.
Alexa. Lovely to meet you, Alexa.
And my co-director Jared's over here, and Josh will be reading with you.
-And you're reading for Judy? -Yes
My brother graduated from there.
Best thing that ever happened to our family.
What are you running from? Same thing as everybody else?
-What are you running from? -What are you running away from?
What are you running from?
Same thing as everyone else?
-Alright. -So we'll get back with you
early next week and let you know, but you did a good job.
-Thank you. -Awesome.
Thank you so much. Excellent job.
We normally don't allow students
that don't graduate to be involved in this type of stuff, but
I love Cassidy and I love his heart.
When he relapsed, you know,
I got the call and it was like, oh my gosh, Cassidy. Really just broke my heart.
But this maybe will be something that's
more important to him than the drugs and pills.
So far it's going really good,
the last guy really killed it, Seth, he did a great job playing Pete.
I'm actually surprised we're getting some pretty good, pretty good performances.
Take it back at "You don't speak." Let me yell at you.
"You don't speak for her. If my mother has something to say to me, she can say it herself--
--you don't get to call the shots anymore.
She's put up with enough of your shit.
We've seen it for years.
-Your last binge almost killed her. -Who are you to judge me?
I can get clean at home. Just give me a ride--
You're not getting it, ok you're out of control.
You do not have a home with us anymore.
You don't have a room at your mother's house.
You don't have a place to come for Christmas.
We will not celebrate you, give you
presents, buy you groceries, bail you out, loan you money,
pretend we don't notice you using, stealing, nothing.
You've got nowhere else to go.
It's this or serve some real jail time.
Either way, it won't be with us.
OK scene.
I'm good with that.
I'd much rather cast someone that we're like
toning down, than building up. -If they can hit that in that short time.
Like how he did, you know, when he read it, and his inflection changed,
and it was there. -I love Seth.
-Which means that Seth and London are the top two. -He looked the part too.
-Did he bring it too? -He was awesome.
He looked it, he delivered.
That's Josh Litton.
Hello?
Hey, uh...
Remember, Canyon?
-Canyon, yeah. -Yeah, he overdosed
Shut up. Like overdosed as in like, is he dead?
No he made it, but he was dead, I guess,
when the paramedics got to him, they had to give him Narcan.
Damn.
Said he was shooting Dilaudid, and eating fentanyl patches.
I've done that. I've eaten fentanyl patches before.
-Yeah me too. -Yep.
-Oh, my God, well I'm glad he's alive.
-Alright well thank you for letting me know, dude. -Yeah man, I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Canyon, the guy who worked with me and Josh on making commercials.
That could very easily be me, could very easily be Josh.
If I could talk to myself before a relapse, I would say this, too, shall pass.
Tomorrow will come
and the next day will come, and next day will come.
Ahhh, we're going to Pinewood Studios to see..
I got a job interview with the cleaning company
at 4:20.
4-20, the magical number.
No, but...
This is where they film really, you know, Marvel movies, hundred million dollar movies, and...
hopefully one day I'll be working here on set.
But first we'll start with cleaning the set.
So...
I'm nervous, but I'm OK.
I'm not going to panic.
Well,
that was interesting.
The job is straight up cleaning toilets,
and urinals. She'll know Friday, she'll let me know Friday
and hopefully I'll be starting next Monday after the shoot.
Cassadilla.
-Hello, sir. -Hello
When I say Canyon's in a vulnerable spot,
I mean, he is... About as high-risk as you can get right now.
-What's up buddy?
-It's good to see you, I missed you. -I missed you too.
-I'm glad you're...you OK? -Yeah.
-Yeah? -You look good. You look good.
-How ya doing, Canyon? -Hey what's up brother.
What? That is such a weird-looking animal.
-It's like touching a nut sack. -And that rat tail...
-Oh, my God. -This is my kitty.
-It's like ice running through your veins. -Yeah, yeah.
I kept nodding out on the doctor,
he's like, "we're gonna give you something to reverse this."
-I'm like, "Alright man." -Don't do that!
Here you get this huge thing of just Narcan...
-I'm like... -Where'd they stick it at?
-Right in my IV. -Oh, OK.
So it's directly in my blood stream and I mean it just shoots you...
You got new tracks and stuff? Oh, yeah.
I mean it sucks dude, I had... You're...
You're stuck in it.
I don't know, I regret ever leaving A Better Way.
I really do.
At the time I thought God was telling me to leave.
What's the plan like?
What are you going to do?
For real, for real no bullshit.
For real for real, no bullshit um...
I know I can't go back into the industry anymore
because there's way too many influences.
I mean, the whole time I shooting Drop Dead Diva, I was also shooting ice.
-Yeah. -You know?
-Whatever drug you want... -Ready.
Right like, guy in props has a pocket full of OxyContin.
Like just go talk to him, he'll probably give you some for free.
If you could work in an environment where there wasn't drugs and it was in film?
-I would love it. -Yeah?
I would love it, I'd take it hands down, you know.
I'm most nervous that this week... That they're just not going to put it together.
I care most about them being healthy
and what does it matter if you tell a good story or make a short film,
if someone relapses like that's not, it's not worth it.
Right now, I'm the most stressed I've been this whole time.
I'm so goddamn sick of this shit feeling like
I'm supposed to know all the answers, like I'm so, I'm about to snap.
That's the thing that's driving me nuts,
is that you and I aren't on the same page with this.
Is it my fault? Do I need to fix...
No, listen, I'm flipping. I don't know why.
I... It's like,
I could cry.
Here you go, picture them brother and sister, Seth. And Quinn.
Alexa, hey, this is Cassidy from "On the Fence."
We liked you the most out of everybody,
so we wanted to give you the gig and was hoping you'd say yes.
Yay! Look forward to working with you.
-We got a Judy. -We got a Judy.
-Hey what's going on Drew? -You guys still wanna make a movie?
I think so.
If we were to step on set right now, it would be a train wreck.
I think I might have a location for the fence.
-That could be our road. -The road kill road?
Yeah.
This is the opening shot of the movie.
-So I'm thinking, start moving then you start moving. -OK.
Look back. Cut.
Have the camera come and tilt like this, you know, and Pete is gonna have to run this way.
Then it's jam it to the fence, with me, dirty shoulder.
Do you have that? OK, and now stay there and now you get one more like that.
Man this could be a great ending, just ending with the trees and then
putting the title up there, just kind of like he's looking up to heaven,
saying, "Hey, God, I'm going to commit this time."
And then we can get a beautiful shot of the sun going through the trees.
The cool dance between light and darkness.
Love it.
Our main character, Pete, has a long road ahead of him in trying to stay sober.
There's a scene where we have all these photos.
So we're supposed to have all these photos on the fence and we don't have enough of those.
You know, some guys come in the program and
they have tats all over and they wear their wounds on the outside.
And you can see they've had a rough life.
But some guys that come in the program, they're clean on the outside.
They look like church kids, but their wounds are on the inside.
And those sometimes are the guys who are the most messed up.
In recovery, it's sort of refreshing
in a way, because everybody's messed up already.
It's like an openness, it's like "yeah, I got this addiction,
I got this problem." And people are more accepting of that.
I feel like there's a community here of people that are as messed up as me or more
and if I'm having a messed up day or some of my stuff comes out or whatever,
they don't care.
They'll look at you like, "that's all you got today? Please.
I mean, I've seen worse than that, I've been through worse than that."
So that makes me feel like I belong.
Pull yourself together, Cassidy.
You're OK.
You're a child of God.
Stop crying.
You're a child of God.
You can do this.
You can do this, you can do this.
You can do this.
Hello, welcome, guys. Cassidy, nice to meet you again.
Come on in, guys.
Yeah I'm doing great.
Becky, Mom. Hi Quinn.
-Welcome. -Alexa.
Seth, you're older brother.
And I know I've read and heard a lot of times that
90 percent of good directing is having good actors, right?
So at least we got 90 percent, and I'll just take care of the other 10 percent.
I myself am an addict in recovery.
I have...social, like, really bad social anxiety and fear,
of big groups of people, which is nice because this is nice and intimate right now
so I love it.
And so I would get high.
That's how it first started off was to get high just to try to cope.
And then I have a little sister and I just...
It would be devastating for her to tell me, you know, you can't come home.
When she talks about how her brother went to the ministry and everything like that,
and then she asks you, "what you running from?"
-Maybe you take a swing of your beer. -Mmhmm
Cause you're trying to avoid the answer to that question.
OK. Action.
We will not celebrate you,
give you presents, buy your groceries, bail you out--
--this isn't how a family is supposed to treat each other.
Door opens, Mom gets out.
From now on,
my actions will match my love for you.
We'll be there if you graduate.
I died once.
I was technically dead for like eight minutes of an overdose.
Well I got shot and I was dead for like 10.
You beat me by two minutes.
You've had a glimpse into the afterlife two minutes longer than me.
We're going to get this side fixed up, see if we can get your smile back and,
get you ready and looking nice for graduation, right?
-Yes sir. -Awesome.
Well, so there you go, rejected from cleaning,
I cannot even get a job at Pinewood Studios cleaning it,
cleaning the toilets. It kind of makes you feel like you're less than I mean...
you know, shit.
Fuck. I need something to go right.
Seemed like everything was gonna go right, and then enough, starts falling apart again.
I really kinda just wanna have a drink right now.
I just wanna chug right now, just...
Get hammered and forget about all this crap.
Hmm, yeah, I mean...
Um, I found out my ex-wife got remarried.
And...
There's a part of me that didn't wanna believe it would happen.
Um, she was still using my last name for the longest time,
and um...
Then all of a sudden it just changed.
And there's wedding pictures. It's done.
It's been done. But now it's really done.
Now it's, now it's done with no chance of coming back.
I lose sleep over it,
I dream about her every night, and it's always some kinda dream about
me not being able to get to her like something bad happening and I can't get to her,
it's torture.
-So you're running, which way guys? -Right to the left.
No, no, no. Yeah, which--
alright.
-Where does he go?
He's sitting on the toilet pulling drugs out of his backpack.
OK, so we're gonna shoot it this way. It's totally cool.
So you want him down, right? So clear the frame, please.
Cassidy please clear frame.
Thanks.
Alright, now up.
So regardless if it's here, he is down using and then he sits up into frame
and he's unrolling a bill. -And it would be cool if we could add a nice wide shot here
of him looking through the aisle. -Let me see the list, I don't...
This isn't the time that we...
Jared, help me, help me.
I'm trying to make better sense of, like, explain what this is.
This isn't let's figure out our shots.
This is let's get on pictures of what
we've already planned for the last two weeks.
-Yeah. -Yeah, OK.
Because you're talking, and I'm, I love you.
I'm just, it's work time, and I'm not trying to be a dick.
But you're talking about adding things,
changing things that are huge on my end that we've put a lot into.
And because of the issues that we've had
with you can't be there, which is not your fault.
-I feel like I'm being a dick, I'm not trying-- -No, I'm hearing you,
You put a lot of work into this, this is a lot. -It's not just me
it's the other people that are gonna make this happen.
This was the result of a six hour meeting, that...
you missed. -So
-So I'm learning it also as we go because I didn't know all these shots.
-Yeah. -Well we need him to have space to say this is how I pictured it.
-Sure. Because we can change this.
But on the day we can't change this.
On the day we're shooting this, and praying to God we get our coverage.
-OK. -OK.
Alright. So what we got first, he's in the isle.
So face that way like you're in the aisle, please.
-OK. -Then over the shoulder of Pete as the car pulls in, wide shot.
Yep.
I took my last pill an hour ago
for my lunchtime dose, so I'm all out of meds,
so I've got to go today and get that filled so I can have it tomorrow morning.
-Cool, alright. Love you buddy. -Love you too, you're doing a great job.
-Yeah, you are too, thank you. And I'm sorry I'm not trying...
-You're fine, you're fine.
Well.
I want it to go so well, so bad, like I want this to be really great and...
I don't know.
I guess like these days, I'm a little...
I'm a little more like mad at Cassidy than I thought I was.
I think, I don't know,
There's a part of me that thinks like, "why didn't you stick around?"
I don't know, feels a little... I feel a little abandoned.
I really experienced God when I'm outside in nature.
Takes my mind off of all my obsessive thinking, negative thinking,
Oh, Cassidy, you're just - you're not worth it, Cassidy,
you're going to fall a part again, Cassidy, you're going to relapse again.
I'm gonna call that scene four, part two.
This is where Pete is walking back to the rehab
sees some roadkill.
As Pete's walking by the disfiguredness of this, this carcass here,
he's looking at, he's looking at his dead self, the old Pete.
And then, and then when he gets back
on the campus, he looks up to the sky as he's walking, walking back.
He's acknowledging the new Pete. And um...
That he's, that he's gonna do things differently now.
I'm a little stressed about putting a dead
animal in my trunk because it's so freaking hot, gonna be nasty, guts everywhere.
I'm just wondering what people are gonna think when they're driving by.
What kind of weird rituals
am I doing at home with dead animals?
It's not, it's not wintertime. It's not like I'm picking it up to eat it.
Oh, my God, it looks disgusting.
Come on, man.
Smells like death.
Cool. Super exciting.
Oh, boy. Alrighty.
-Hello, hello, hello. -How are you doing?
-Shaking. -Don't be, don't be.
-I'm good. -You're so good, dude. You're so good.
-I'm so, so, so proud of you. -I'm proud of you too, dude.
This is the kinda stuff that we always used to talk about.
-Love you -Love you too. Super chill.
The writing was like, just spot on.
You know, it just felt like whoever wrote
this is connecting to this character in a real way.
I know this material pretty well.
My family has suffered from addiction quite a bit.
And like, my dad actually died two months ago and he did heroin for 30 years.
And he was still on heroin the day he died, you know?
And so my entire family has been like, affected by this stuff.
Hey. Canyon, you made it.
-Party animal. -Thank you
How are you doing, man?
-You alright, man? -You doin good, brother?
-Man, I'm doing good, bro, it's good to see you, man.
You're looking good, bro.
I'm not good in front of a lot of people. So that's what makes me nervous.
This is Canyon. He's going to be helping out today too, with y'all
so he's just, kinda doing Grip PA.
-I don't even wanna say the word rain. -It's coming dude.
Take it strides at a time.
I get to hang out with this fool right here.
So life's good, man. Life's good.
-I love that, that's great. -So the people we wanted in the movie are right here.
Everything that needs to be rain proof right now.
I want to cover everything.
Rain! Rain cover.
-Just a little bit of stress that's all. -That's OK.
-It's OK.
Rain, rain go away come back a different day.
This rain needs to stop. I don't know what we're gonna do if it doesn't stop.
We will be... I don't wanna say it. I don't even wanna think it.
-What that we'd have to cancel? -Yeah I don't even wanna say it.
-How - ohh!
Chief lighting technician.
Anything that involves lights, that's me.
We can't shoot, obviously,
and all our gear is very expensive and it doesn't like water.
-This sucks. -Really bad.
-It just, it looks so permanent. -Shit.
Hi. I'm gonna have to close it a little bit, OK?
Great, great.
There's somebody in there.
We'll be swimming pretty soon.
I think we're OK maybe for a bit, then it's supposed to rain again.
-Really? -Yeah.
-How bad does it look? -It's gonna rain all freaking day.
-Here it is, this is rolling in right now.
-That's just what we went through, that little one? -Yes, that little one is what we just went through.
-That's coming. -This is coming.
-Dude, it's like the forecast completely changed from this morning.
But I think we're OK. Maybe for a bit.
OK, picture up. Picture's up!
Hey Seth, What's up, brother.
-Good to see you. -Good to see you too, gimme a hug.
-Great to see you. -Great to see you too, stayed dry?
-Yeah, yeah.
-We got us a window here. -Yeah, let's do it. I'm excited.
-OK, so the scene is you running down the fence post here.
So the idea is jog nice and slow, and then kinda
we want you to pick up speed as you go because you're going to run out of frame.
-Like here? -Yeah, the shot is going to be like this.
Slate up!
-Down a little bit, slate. -Scene one alpha, take one. Mark it.
Action.
Go ahead Seth, go.
Yeah, yeah, you're doing great. Action.
Yeah, I have no idea when he's exiting frame.
That's true, you can't see. He never, on this one
he never left frame, he's like way in the whole time.
It's going, it's going OK. It's a little frustrating,
Blocking is a pain in the butt.
Just to get everybody queued at the same time doing the same thing.
-Action. -Go, go. Go, Seth.
Go, go find him.
Stop, reset, we're still speeding!
How's that top?
Oh.
-You alright? -You good, brother?
That's what I mean. It's not, it's not...
It's just a bad tooth.
Please just give me a second, man.
Please
-Stop filming-- -Yeah it's bleeding above the tooth.
-It's OK though? -Yeah.
Copy.
-Ah son of a-- -Take seven, mark it.
-Give us some room. -Clear the road!
Action.
Stop stop stop stop stop.
Cut. We were in reverse still and we went backwards.
-You alright? -Yep.
Let's, can we take a deep breath? Real quick.
-OK everybody breathe in, everybody in. -Want me to cut?
-No we're still rolling. Everybody out.
Cassidy. We're, so we've gotta get, we've gotta get, um.
Camera action and him action
-we've got to that figured out -At the same time.
Because every time he's standing there looking around -Yeah that's why--
--but no one said anything, that's why. So we gotta...
-We gotta get on that. -OK.
-Let's figure out the best way to do that, because we're-- -I'll talk to him.
This is a great thing for Cass to be in charge of, you're in charge of talking to Drew
and talking to the actor, and coordinating every time when you say action what is happening.
And you're in charge of that. So do it.
-OK -You got it.
Got it.
We're watching you do it. Be a director, here we go.
-We gotta go! -Actor's action. Action.
That was a lot smoother. Can we watch it when they get back?
You know, doesn't feel like it's going to rain again.
Last time I said that, it started pouring, so don't hold me to it.
This is it. Here we go. Is this the first shot of our movie?
-Was that the one? -Cutting.
-Alright I think we're good. -Check.
-Rain's starting again. -Yup, here it comes.
Bitch!
Generator's all covered right now with a tarp, I mean, it's safe how it is.
-I can do this. -You got this, brother.
-I have so much faith in you. It's unreal. -Thank you.
This is the key scene that sets up the, what's going on in this movie?
So everybody else has put their reminders of why they're trying to get sober,
and instead of doing that, he just Pete puts his money on the fence.
I don't like being on the fence, man. That doesn't sound good.
-That's why, that's the layers, right? -Right.
Do I want to get sober or do I not wanna get sober?
Definitely want to.
It's crazy how you like rationalize like, OK
you know, I'm never doing this again, but this? Then you slip.
I don't wanna, I don't wanna be high anymore, dude.
I really don't. I'm not happy when I'm high.
-Camera speed. -And action.
Keep rolling, stop, stop, freeze, ready? Keep rolling.
-What's the next line? -Never thought my life would come to this.
Cut!
Alright, armadillo.
We're in trouble.
We're in trouble. If this doesn't stop--
-Everybody find cover. -Everybody cover!
We don't have enough money to cancel the day
and say, "oh, we'll get it next weekend," like that doesn't exist.
-We have two days and that's it. -Alright.
Let's not, let's not even think there yet.
Let's not even get, let's not get to tomorrow yet.
Let's, let's live in the moment. Let's be here.
Now we're about to do some rotten armadillo, so hopefully my lunch doesn't come up.
Double bagged it, I like that, I like that.
Oh my God, there it is.
Oh, it's so ripe.
Look at it. Oh my gosh it's so gross.
Oh, my God.
-Spot that light in just a tiny bit. -There we go!
-Now pan with him if you will. -And action.
-This is my mom and sister.
-You're good -Hey!
They came out to see me.
Do you think making movies will keep him out of drugs?
Honestly?
Probably not.
I wouldn't think so. I mean, no.
I wouldn't...
Because other things have happened to him
that you would think would help him stay outta drugs and it never has, I don't see...
I don't think...
No, I think he has a sabotage thing going.
He'll ruin it for himself.
I would hope he wouldn't, but...
It's Cass.
Yesterday we didn't ruin a movie
but we didn't make a great movie yet. Today we either make a great movie or we don't.
Having to tell someone like a family member off and like cutting them out,
I've unfortunately kind of had to do that quite recently.
So I do connect with the character in that way.
I'm more nervous today than I was yesterday.
I feel like I'm gonna puke at any time.
I mean, I don't blame him.
It has a lot of stress, but...
That's what he's gotta do, you know, he is the director of this bad boy, so
he's gonna have to just jam it out and roll with the punches.
Ok here we go, we're quiet on set!
And action!
So what are you doing in town?
Just on my way out actually. Just meeting family.
You lie often?
-How so? -Dropouts from the recovery center come here all the time.
Cut! Be looking around more for like
you're waiting for the wait, wait.
You guys are great, I'm loving it.
Good job, everybody!
-OK, so we're gonna go to a medium shot-- -Then a medium.
-Then a medium on her then-- -A medium two shot, right?
-Yeah, yeah. Dirty frame medium, yeah.
And action!
I love the atmosphere right now, you know, everyone's in high spirits.
He's staying sober he's working through
his problems and you can see it in real life like he's not who he used to be, you know, and
for people to say, oh yeah, "once and addict, always an addict."
That's crap. Because I see so much in Cassidy.
It's about the best thing that ever happened to our family.
Placing the beer can down,
be a little bit more like, oh, you know, yeah, you don't wanna get caught!
Know what I mean, your mom's pulling up you're trying to go back home from rehab
and gotta beer in your hand.
Hold for sound!
Still holding.
-This is my new mom for the day. -Yes, we're taking selfies
Follow us on Facebook.
Oh, I think he's doing way better today.
Probably feels more comfortable, but you know hey, it was his first time.
Yeah first day jitters.
We're behind schedule.
OK we ready? Speed it!
OK here we go.
Scene four kilo, take two
And action.
He's gonna lay out a line on that toilet paper thing, right?
You wanna do a line? Is this supposed to be heroin?
-A line of heroin? -Yeah forsure
-I would, I would just do it in the palm of my hand, like.
-Wait what? -Confession time, guys. I have 19 years sober.
-Oh, wait really? -Yeah.
-Yeah!
-So if I were going to do that, -Yeah.
-It would just be in the web of my finger. -OK here we go.
-Camera speed. -Three take one, marker.
-Take two. -Action.
We're just trying to get this shot figured out.
The sun will be behind those trees in no time, so...
Like, we don't have till sundown, we have till sun hits those trees.
We're about to do probably like the biggest scene and the sun's going down, so...
I don't know how you do that without lighting, but it's fine
we'll figure something out.
Scene six bravo, take one.
A good majority of the people that are drug users, they have a lot of mental illness,
so it's not a fact of, they just wanna go take a pill to get high.
No, they're taking a pill because they've got anxiety or they're sad all
the time or they just don't feel like feeling like they feel every day.
Trying to find whatever you can to make yourself feel normal like everybody else.
Who are you to judge me?
I can get clean at home. Just give me--
--You don't get it.
You're out of control.
Mom, do you see it?
Do you see it clearly now? This isn't Peter.
It's the drugs speaking.
It's always going to be the drugs.
-Cut -So good.
So good.
Like you're whispering it. "Do you love me?
Do your actions say you love me?"
Feeling anxious right now. We're definitely running out of day.
That's dark, and that should be blue sky.
I mean, this is like we're shooting back into what should be daylight, and it's dark.
It's like clear skies all around us, a few miles each way, and then just a
dark gray sky on top of us, so it might be about to pour.
I got it are you rolling?
Action!
-I just need her arms to be wiped. -Yeah. Wipe her arms!
You're just gonna step into the hug. Like all the way, just walk all the way to his belly.
-Still speeding! -Watch your shadow!
Here we go!
We don't have it?
Go, just try one!
Ready and move to the hug. Go Becky.
OK good, cut cut cut get out! Get out!
-Save the light! -Keep the cover on the camera!
You got an umbrella, got an umbrella!
What else goes, lights?
That's not good, we just lost Judy coming out with the donuts.
The headache in that moment.
Well, that's it.
We'll see if we can make it work.
I'm just holding on. I keep holding on.
I'm just holding on. Holding on, and I won't let go my faith.
Father God, we lift these men up to you tonight, father, we ask that you would continue to guide them.
Father, thank you so much
for these precious souls that you have redeemed tonight.
Cover them, oh God I pray. Use them, oh God I pray.
Position them, oh God I pray. Bless them, oh God, I pray tonight.
-In Jesus name, Amen. -Amen.
My brother hooked me up with this job, and I'm an electrician, a low voltage
electrician, which is something I never thought I would do.
What do I think God is like?
God is like a new person in recovery who has the light turned on for the first time
and realizes that they're not a piece of shit,
you know, that people love them.
Gotta deal with this, it's awesome. This is the start of dreams right here.
Welcome to first night at the Atlanta Film Festival
locals-only short film block.
There's a part of me that would like to just crawl in a hole and hide
because there's a part of, because basically,
I'm basically...I don't know...
Peter.
Do you love me?
Do your actions say that you love me?
From now on, my actions will match my love for you.
If you graduate, I'll be there to watch.