1
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:08,550
[upbeat music playing]

2
00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:10,760
♪ <i>It sure feels good</i> ♪

3
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,682
<i>♪ Coming home again ♪</i>

4
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:19,269
<i>♪ Through the... ♪</i>

5
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,688
God, rich people have the best garbage.

6
00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:23,481
[gasps] Ooh, this would look good on you.

7
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:25,525
Come on. Do not try and sabotage me.

8
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:29,112
I think beige is great for you. It brings
out the gray undertones in your skin.

9
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,071
-Really?
-Yes.

10
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:32,741
If you're gonna fight,
please do it into a microphone.

11
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,285
Your downloads have been tanking
in the last few weeks.

12
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,620
Because Joanne got a boyfriend
and became boring.

13
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:41,207
Uh, that's not fair.
I've just been sharing a little bit less.

14
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,668
-It's healthy. Ever heard of it?
-"Healthy."

15
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,755
I know you're having freaky rabbi sex
through a hole in a sheet.

16
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,715
And the world deserves to know.

17
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:52,635
Not everything has to be
on the podcast, Morgan, okay?

18
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,471
And our downloads will bounce back.

19
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,514
Have you been reading the comments lately?

20
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,266
No, I don't read comments anymore.

21
00:00:58,349 --> 00:01:00,351
They're always complaining
about something dumb,

22
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,103
like how often we pause to pee.

23
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,230
Am I supposed to
stop drinking water and die?

24
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,940
Okay, okay. Here's a smart one.

25
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:10,236
"Lately, it's like, I don't know,
Morgan is so much funnier than Joanne."

26
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,739
Clearly, you wrote that
'cause no one would say that.

27
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,867
"Used to be a fan, but Joanne's
bland stories are killing me."

28
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,661
And there's a GIF of Sleepytime tea.

29
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,748
-[Joanne] What?
-[Morgan] Mm-hmm.

30
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:22,832
Here's a positive one.

31
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:27,504
"I like it that Joanne has been talking
less because her voice is so annoying."

32
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,507
-Okay, maybe not that one.
-See, this is Noah's fault.

33
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,383
I hate your boyfriend.

34
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:35,386
-Why do you hate him?
-Because I don't wanna share.

35
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:38,890
Me? You don't wanna share me?
That's really sweet.

36
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:41,476
Okay, tattoos, thick neck,
light criminal record.

37
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:43,144
That's way more your type.

38
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,355
-Oh, no.
-Why aren't we recording this?

39
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,942
Look, okay, I don't want you to say
you hate Noah 'cause you don't know him.

40
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:51,486
I mean, I don't know Anne Hathaway,
but I hate her.

41
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:52,946
-Oh my God. Same.
-Yeah.

42
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:56,658
You have to get to know him at some point.
What if I invite him to <i>Vanderpump</i> night?

43
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,076
No, that's <i>our</i> time.

44
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,036
He's not gonna get me.

45
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,705
Morgan, you are not that complicated.

46
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,457
I am full of contradictions.

47
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,375
What?

48
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:09,712
Like... I don't wanna sleep
with that guy, but I'm going to.

49
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,005
I'll see you later.

50
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,716
[Ashley] Really? Wearing a bonnet.

51
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,968
I respect it.

52
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:17,887
Is this too much for a funeral?

53
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:20,598
[upbeat music playing]

54
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,149
Hey! Zaddy's home.

55
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,860
Hey, Zaddy. What's your job title?

56
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,403
Oh. Um...

57
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:37,407
-World's greatest lover.
-Aw, I wish. [chuckles]

58
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:40,368
Seriously. I'm filling out
Miriam's <i>bat mitzvah</i> announcement,

59
00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:43,913
and I need to know, like,
your actual, like, job title.

60
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,248
Oh, um...

61
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,376
I don't know. Nothing?

62
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,670
An a... An associate?

63
00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:51,796
Associate?

64
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:55,675
The company's called Roklov and Sons,
and your brother doesn't even work there.

65
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:58,761
That's pretty cool though.
It's like he's referring to me twice.

66
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:02,140
Okay, I'm just gonna put vice president.

67
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:05,852
No! My dad's gonna see that,
and he's just starting to like me.

68
00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:06,895
No, he's not.

69
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,897
You gotta talk to him at some point, babe.

70
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:12,442
No, I don't. I'm just gonna wait
until he feels like bringing it up.

71
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,444
Closed mouths don't get fed.

72
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,363
Fine. I'll talk to him.

73
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,615
When?

74
00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,452
I don't know? By the end of Q4?

75
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,787
Q4. This is due at 6:00 p.m.

76
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:28,416
I'm not gonna talk to him today.
It's Sunday. He's at the <i>schvitz</i> all day.

77
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:30,585
Looks like you're on your way
to the <i>schvitz.</i>

78
00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:36,216
[upbeat music playing]

79
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,553
You know I hate the <i>schvitz.</i>

80
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:49,687
There is a lot of lore to understand
when you're watching <i>Vanderpump.</i>

81
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:53,399
And we do this on Sundays
specifically because this is our football.

82
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,609
It's like a church.

83
00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:55,693
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

84
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,570
-It's like our church.
-Now it's my church too.

85
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:58,488
Thank you.

86
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,990
<i>Vanderpump</i> is not something
a person can just jump into.

87
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,409
So if you get bored
and wanna leave, it's okay.

88
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,329
She's just saying that
because she gets territorial.

89
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,748
-No, I'm not.
-She's being conscientious.

90
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:11,417
And to reciprocate,
I have brought you something.

91
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,920
-[sighs] Don't try to impress me.
-But I want to.

92
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,463
Okay. What is it?

93
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,882
-Okay.
-It's a huge bag. How could I not ask?

94
00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,509
-All right.
-You're just easy to get.

95
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:22,929
Number one. Temporary tattoos.
We could apply them to my thin neck.

96
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,347
Very cute.

97
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,934
I brought the sheet that Joanne and I
are gonna have sex with later.

98
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,311
-Joanne! You told him?
-I tell him everything.

99
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,897
Oh my God. That's so embarrassing. Sorry.

100
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,025
I also brought some Pirate's Booty
because I like them.

101
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,735
Right. Can you even eat those?

102
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,363
I thought that rabbis
were supposed to keep kosher.

103
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,533
It's a good thing we have a rabbi here
who can bless them.

104
00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:46,619
<i>Hava Nagila</i>. They're blessed now.

105
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,454
-Okay.
-They're also kosher already.

106
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:51,416
All right. He's kinda funny. What? He is.

107
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:52,875
-[phone rings]
-[Morgan] God.

108
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,377
Oh.

109
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:55,461
Oh, it's Mom.

110
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:57,005
-Hi, Mom.
-Hi, Mom.

111
00:04:57,088 --> 00:05:00,717
<i>Hi, girls! Your dad and I
are on our way over for</i> Vanderpump.

112
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:01,676
-[dad] <i>Hey.</i>
-You are?

113
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,470
-[Morgan] Okay?
<i>-And yay! Pat's coming.</i>

114
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,347
-Wait. Who's... who's Pat?
-Who's Pat?

115
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:07,890
<i>Your father's new boyfriend.</i>

116
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,935
<i>Hi, Joanne! Hi, Morgan!</i>

117
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,771
<i>Isn't he the sweetest?
Oh, and he's a therapist.</i>

118
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:17,108
<i>He once treated Henry Winkler's cousin,
you know, Fonzie?</i>

119
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:18,401
Why is this happening?

120
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,069
<i>Well, uh, I talked to Isis.</i>

121
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,488
-Isis?
-I'm sorry. The terrorist organization?

122
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,366
<i>My spiritual leader and cat sitter.</i>

123
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:26,659
-What?
-Mom...

124
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:30,830
<i>They said that you girls really need
two healthy co-parents.</i>

125
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:33,666
-I don't feel that's true.
-We literally don't. We're adults.

126
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,293
<i>-See you in a few!
-Yeah.</i>

127
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,003
-No, don't bring Pat...
-[phone chimes]

128
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:40,631
-So your parents are coming over?
-Apparently, with someone named Pat.

129
00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:47,221
[exhales] Okay, um, I have to change,
just because I'm in my basketball clothes.

130
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,391
-It's just my parents.
-No one is more important than parents.

131
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,436
Nothing is less important
than my parents. You look fine.

132
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:56,606
Okay. Well, I was raised like this.
So I think I need to change.

133
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,275
-You don't have to...
-We don't have enough snacks.

134
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,028
I'm gonna go out.
I'm gonna do a quick pop... quick pop out.

135
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:04,113
I'm gonna come back
after I do a quick pop.

136
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,406
Be right back. Thanks. Sorry.

137
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,119
So you fuck that man through a sheet?

138
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,454
-Stop it.
-Hmm.

139
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,039
[sighs]

140
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:15,875
[steam hisses]

141
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,210
[Ilan] Oh boy.

142
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,049
Hey.

143
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,764
Oh, there's my big boy.

144
00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:30,765
Hey, Papa.

145
00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:32,100
Uh, Father.

146
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,398
-I'm here bec...
-[steam hisses]

147
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,609
Because I wanted to ask...

148
00:06:41,692 --> 00:06:44,904
Do me a favor. I need you
to smack me with the <i>venik.</i>

149
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:46,322
-Okay.
-Yeah.

150
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,407
With what?

151
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,033
-[Ilan] Come on.
-Okay. All right.

152
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,577
[groans] Oh.

153
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:53,413
[Ilan exhales]

154
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:56,332
[Ilan] Oh yeah. Smack!

155
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:58,167
Oh.

156
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,544
[leaves rustle]

157
00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:00,795
There you go.

158
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:04,924
So I've been thinking about the company
and maybe having a bigger role?

159
00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,092
Bigger role?

160
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:09,387
What, you wanna take my job?
I'm not dead yet, Sasha.

161
00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:12,265
-Just concentrate on the <i>venik,</i> will you?
-Okay.

162
00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,725
[Ilan sighs happily]

163
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:16,978
[upbeat music playing]

164
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,273
-Here we go.
-[Joanne] Hello, family.

165
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:21,566
Pat, you're here too.

166
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,944
-So grateful to be invited.
-[Joanne] Okay.

167
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:27,029
Our cutting-edge new family! [chuckles]

168
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,906
-Isn't it neat?
-Yeah.

169
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,408
-[dad] Hey, girls!
-[Morgan] Hi, Dad.

170
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,785
You started without us again.
Damn it. What'd we miss?

171
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,287
[Pat] Oh, I just want to say,

172
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:38,541
um, I know that change
can be really hard to navigate,

173
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:41,085
but I think you <i>chicas</i>
are doing it with such grace.

174
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,295
That's patronizing, Pat.

175
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,047
You're right. You're right. So sorry.

176
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,966
[dad] Oh, I am so glad you're here.

177
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:49,260
Aw, well, you're where I most wanna be.

178
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:52,013
-Love is in the air! [laughs awkwardly]
-[Morgan] Wow.

179
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,432
-[Joanne] What are you doing?
-Wow.

180
00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:57,018
-We're an affectionate family.
-No, we're not.

181
00:07:57,101 --> 00:08:00,396
You girls were both inside of me,
and that connection never goes away.

182
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,898
Me too. How ya think they got here?

183
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,316
-[doorbell rings]
-Dad, come on.

184
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,359
[dad] She's not exactly the Virgin Mary.

185
00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,111
-Hey. I'm back.
-[Joanne] Hi.

186
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:10,198
Quick question. Is that a blazer
over your sweatshirt?

187
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,741
Nope. It's a sport coat.

188
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:14,410
Thank God I had it in the car.
Hello, everyone.

189
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,411
He got flowers.

190
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,370
-[dad] Hi.
-Hi.

191
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,706
Um, guys, this is Noah.

192
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:22,001
Uh, Noah, this is my mom,
and this is my dad.

193
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:22,919
And I'm Pat.

194
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,670
-So great to meet you all.
-[Lynn] Noah.

195
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,757
<i>Oy vey!</i> A Jewish rabbi. [chuckles]

196
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,426
You know Lynn is actually a Hebrew name?

197
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,969
-Wow.
-Are we sure about that?

198
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,137
Uh, um...

199
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,932
Hi. Henry. Joanne's dad.

200
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,934
-A pleasure, sir.
-[Pat] Oh my God!

201
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,311
-I die that you call him "sir."
-Why?

202
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:41,896
I might start calling you "sir."

203
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,565
-[Henry] Don't you dare.
-Oh, yes, "sir." I will get right on that.

204
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,566
[both laugh]

205
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,777
Pat, you are too much.
[chuckles awkwardly]

206
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,948
Noah, I had no idea you were so handsome.

207
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:54,825
I mean, you look just like Billy Joel.

208
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,953
-He does not.
-A little. I've heard that.

209
00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:01,123
You know, his birthday
is three days after mine.

210
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,416
That's not interesting.

211
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,709
Why do you know that?

212
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,962
Joanne shares a birthday
with the Unabomber.

213
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,631
-[Lynn] Yeah.
-Well, thank you. I love Billy Joel.

214
00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:10,258
And so, ma'am.

215
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:13,302
[Lynn] Please, call me Lynn.

216
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,220
[Noah] Will do.

217
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:15,972
And, uh, who are these for?

218
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:17,974
They're for you.

219
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,183
-For me?
-[Noah] Yes.

220
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,227
Why?

221
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:22,979
Uh...

222
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,230
For respect.

223
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,441
-I don't own a vase.
-I can just hold them.

224
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,820
You know? I'll go find something.
Yeah? Okay. Mm.

225
00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:34,657
-These are heavy.
-Let me... Let me hold them.

226
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,284
-So, Noah.
-Yes.

227
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,744
What exactly are your intentions
with my daughter?

228
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:39,996
-Ah.
-[Joanne laughs]

229
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,748
Why are you pretending to be, like,
a real dad right now?

230
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,209
-I am a real dad.
-Well...

231
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,752
-[Pat] It's okay.
-[Henry] What?

232
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,379
Just let her feel her feelings.

233
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:49,422
Thank you, Pat.

234
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,048
Found an old Prego jar.

235
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,925
[imitates Italian accent] Ah, Prego!

236
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,972
[Noah chuckles awkwardly]

237
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,975
[Noah] <i>It's a sport coat. Prego!</i>

238
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,351
<i>Thank you. I love Billy Joel.</i>

239
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,353
<i>Prego!</i>

240
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,396
<i>For respect.</i>

241
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,315
<i>Prego!</i>

242
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,900
-Why'd you say that so loud?
-Was it loud?

243
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,069
-[Joanne] Yeah, kinda.
-[Noah] Okay.

244
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,362
-Okay.
-[Joanne] Yeah.

245
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:18,159
You know what? Um, let me take those.

246
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,203
Can you, um, come with me? Yeah?

247
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,081
That's a lot of flowers.
Thought you were going to a funeral.

248
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,875
Well, the day's still young.

249
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:27,209
-[laughter]
-[Morgan] Okay.

250
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,836
[Pat] I love sunflowers, but they die...

251
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:31,631
Listen, I saw that face.
You've got the ick.

252
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:32,798
-What? No.
-[Morgan] Yeah.

253
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,426
I mean, it threw me a little

254
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,136
that he came dressed
as a hip youth pastor.

255
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:39,889
-[Morgan] Uh, yeah.
-But I still like him.

256
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:43,392
-I don't have the ick.
-Sweetie, you can't fight the ick.

257
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,687
Okay? It's like a Chinese finger trap.
The harder you pull, the stronger it gets.

258
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:48,856
I don't have it, so...

259
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:52,276
Sure. Well, here's your beautiful flowers.
They give you the ick.

260
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,445
-Just put them...
-You want them. You love them.

261
00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,822
-Stop it. That's enough.
-[Morgan] Come on. Okay.

262
00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,742
I don't want these.

263
00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:04,789
Beautiful.

264
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,709
[upbeat music playing]

265
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,254
[Ilan] <i>Get in the cold plunge.</i>

266
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:15,216
I don't wanna get in the cold water.
It makes my fingers tingly.

267
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:16,342
<i>Malyshka</i>.

268
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,594
-[man chuckles]
-Don't be a <i>putz.</i> Get in.

269
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,389
You know what? Fuck it.

270
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:25,142
[shudders]

271
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,187
[shivers] You know what, Pop?

272
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:31,524
I'm here every single day,
making shit happen.

273
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,984
That lot on Figueroa? That was me.

274
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:36,487
Pulling the permits
for Boulder Avenue? Done.

275
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,656
Who unshells your pistachios

276
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:42,034
so that, every single morning,
they're on your desk, ready for snacking?

277
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:42,952
That's your boy.

278
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,832
I wanna be vice president,
and I feel that I've earned it.

279
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:51,085
Well, well...

280
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,214
I've been waiting for you to ask.

281
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,007
Wait, really?

282
00:11:57,091 --> 00:11:58,843
I just needed to see your <i>chutzpah</i>.

283
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,387
Okay, vice president,
let's give you a shot.

284
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:04,014
Starting tomorrow.
5:00 a.m. Golder Avenue.

285
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,558
Then back-to-back meetings.

286
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:08,060
You're gonna get to see
everything your papa does.

287
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,814
You're a little <i>boychickleh</i>. Come on.

288
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,400
Tell Esther
you're gonna be late for dinner.

289
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:15,818
Okay.

290
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,323
[Sasha laughs]

291
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:25,453
Holy shit! It is fucking cold in here.
How do you do this?

292
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:30,291
[Henry] Actually, podiatry is very steady
'cause almost everybody has feet.

293
00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:31,500
[men laugh]

294
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:34,295
So... so how did you two meet?

295
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,504
[Joanne sighs]

296
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,298
-Liver.
-What?

297
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:39,967
Sighing means your liver is in distress.

298
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:43,637
-That actually makes perfect sense.
-Does it?

299
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,768
-[inhales] We met...
-Oh, so we met... Let me tell this story.

300
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:51,270
-It's such a good story.
-God! Okay, because you're so cute.

301
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:53,731
-[men chuckle]
-[Henry] Oh. All right, ready?

302
00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:54,940
-[Noah] Yeah.
-[Henry exhales]

303
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,108
Um, so,

304
00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,195
we met on Grindr.

305
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,035
Oh, that's it. Oh, that's great. Sorry.

306
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:08,746
I thought the story would be longer.
But that's wonderful.

307
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:12,333
I mean, it's just very rare
to find love on there.

308
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,627
So our... our story is... is pretty unique.

309
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:15,711
100%.

310
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,505
Such a beautiful love story.

311
00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:19,381
-Oh.
-Where do you find that?

312
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:20,758
-On Grindr.
-[Lynn] Yeah.

313
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,718
-Okay.
-That's what I was gonna say.

314
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,638
You seem pretty evolved
and open-minded, Noah.

315
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,348
Let me ask you something.

316
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:30,559
Would you marry two gay people
in your synagogue, or is that not allowed?

317
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,102
That's a great question.

318
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:36,190
Um, I would, and I have, actually.
But they both have to be Jewish.

319
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:42,363
Um, sexuality is not so much of an issue,
but Jew, non-Jew... it's a bit of an issue.

320
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:45,032
Oh, the elephant in the room
has finally been addressed.

321
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,326
What? It's...
That's not an elephant, Morgan.

322
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:49,286
[Noah] I could marry a Jew and a convert.

323
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,288
Converts are considered
the closest to God.

324
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:53,499
-[Pat] Oh.
-[Henry] Maybe we should convert.

325
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:56,210
I'm... I'm Catholic,
which I do not recommend.

326
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,545
-No?
-[Pat] No.

327
00:13:57,628 --> 00:14:01,173
They, uh... They teach you to... How do I...

328
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,259
Hate yourself, you know?

329
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:04,969
[Henry] Oh, Pat.

330
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,762
I'm sorry. Sorry. I...

331
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,598
-Okay, Pat, I love you.
-I love you too.

332
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:13,060
Aw, that's so sweet.
What a loving relationship.

333
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,645
-[Pat] Sorry.
-You're with safe people.

334
00:14:14,728 --> 00:14:15,729
[Pat] I did it again.

335
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:18,148
It is so hot in here.
I'm gonna get some air.

336
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:20,860
I, actually, will also be
getting some air. Yeah.

337
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,069
Listen to me.

338
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:23,612
I love you.

339
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,157
Will you pass the bottle?

340
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,284
Sure.

341
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,287
We're actually getting air.
I thought we were just gonna leave.

342
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:34,123
No. I just needed, like, a... a minute.

343
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,124
Totally.

344
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,542
[exhales]

345
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:38,460
Let's sit, yeah?

346
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,587
-Yeah.
-And breathe.

347
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:41,380
[Joanne sighs]

348
00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:42,298
[Morgan groans]

349
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,468
-That's good.
-Oh yeah.

350
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,803
[imitates Noah] Prego, Prego!

351
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,513
-Don't! Don't!
-What?

352
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,600
-Morgan, ew! Okay, fine, fine.
-I'm sorry! I had to.

353
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:53,976
-I have the ick, okay?
-I know.

354
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:55,311
-[Joanne] Are you happy?
-Yes.

355
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:59,440
I can't believe I ever let him touch me
with those giant flower-holding hands.

356
00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:02,818
The ick. You know,
it always seems to find a way.

357
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:03,736
[Joanne] Mm.

358
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,780
Remember when I saw
Wyatt running with a backpack?

359
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,450
It just kept on, like,
clapping against his body?

360
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:12,745
-That literally makes me sick for you.
-I know!

361
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:13,787
It's terrible.

362
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:18,500
When I was about to move in with Anthony,
then I saw him chasing a ping-pong ball

363
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:19,710
and never caught it.

364
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:21,754
He could still be chasing it
for all I know.

365
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:25,215
Could have been the love of my life,
but no regrets.

366
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,009
Can't unsee something like that.

367
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,596
You know who gave me
the biggest ick of all?

368
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,015
Dad saying "I love you."

369
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:36,602
-Such a fucking ick. What was that?
-I don't know.

370
00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:39,730
I... I mean, when's the last time
he said that to either of us?

371
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:40,898
Uh, never.

372
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:44,735
[Joanne sighs]

373
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:47,446
God, am I really gonna break up with Noah?
That's so sad.

374
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:49,323
Listen, it happens.

375
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:53,869
-How are you gonna do it?
-I don't know.

376
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,455
Kinda like the way I broke up with Marco.

377
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,416
-How did you do it?
-I just stopped texting him back.

378
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,043
Oh, yeah, that's good.

379
00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:03,671
-[Henry] Wanna raid the liquor cabinet?
-Yes, sir.

380
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:07,716
[chuckles] Noah, do you hear what
you've started? Now he's calling me sir.

381
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,801
Oh man.

382
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,262
You okay?

383
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:17,017
Ah. I know I'm supposed
to be "over it," but...

384
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:19,853
I'm doing my best.

385
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:20,771
Yeah.

386
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:24,733
-I'm sorry. It must be really tough.
-Well, don't tell Joanne.

387
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:28,153
You know, it's hard enough for the girls
to see their dad like this.

388
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,405
Yeah, with someone new?

389
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:33,450
No, so affectionate
and emotionally available.

390
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:36,620
I... I see Henry with Pat,
and I don't recognize him.

391
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,415
Saying, "I love you."
Like, who is this man?

392
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:42,001
Wow! I didn't... I didn't know that.

393
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,043
And the girls,

394
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,170
they always wanted more from him

395
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,506
and less from me.

396
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,301
You know, girls and their dads.
It's tricky stuff.

397
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,682
[sniffs] I've just been
trying to hold it together.

398
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,352
For what it's worth,
I think you're doing a good job.

399
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,313
Well, that's a lie, Rabbi. [chuckles]

400
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:05,107
But a sweet one.

401
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:10,904
[poignant music playing]

402
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,413
Hey, Morgan,
can I talk to Joanne for a sec?

403
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:21,749
-Oh, yeah. [groans]
-[Noah] Thanks.

404
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:27,796
Noah, it's been really nice
getting to know you.

405
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,215
<i>Mazel tov.</i>

406
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,680
-Hey.
-Hi.

407
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:37,598
[Noah] So, uh,

408
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:40,601
clearly, something I did today
freaked you out.

409
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,853
My money is on the flowers.

410
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,898
-They were too big. I can see that.
-It wasn't just any one thing.

411
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:49,902
Sure. Listen. I wanted your family
to like me. Okay? I tried to impress them.

412
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:53,489
That's not as lame as you think it is,
so I'm not gonna apologize for that.

413
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:56,950
And to be honest, I don't really think
that's the reason you're upset.

414
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,703
There's a lot going on with your family,

415
00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:03,290
so I understand why
you would have your guard up. I do.

416
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:07,169
You can self-sabotage all you want,
but I think you should get over it,

417
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,337
because, Joanne...

418
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:11,507
I'm on your side.

419
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:15,594
I can handle you.

420
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,555
[gentle music playing]

421
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:21,225
Was it the sport coat?

422
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:25,813
Part of it's that you keep referring to it
as a "sport coat."

423
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:29,149
-It is a sport coat. Doesn't matter.
-I need to fact-check that.

424
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,234
Here's what matters.

425
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:32,486
I really like you.

426
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:38,033
Like, a lot. Okay? And you like me, too,
so stop pretending that you don't.

427
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:40,744
Fine. I do.

428
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,413
You do what?

429
00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,458
I do like you.

430
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:48,710
Wait.

431
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:53,173
You have to say it
while I'm wearing the sport coat.

432
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:54,466
Otherwise, it's not real.

433
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,051
I don't know if I can.

434
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:58,720
Let's consummate this.

435
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,890
-Say it to the sport coat if that helps.
-[laughs] Okay.

436
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,600
[gentle music continues]

437
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:04,601
It's nice, right?

438
00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:08,564
-Okay, fine. I really like you.
-I know.

439
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,190
I really like you, I really like you.

440
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,650
[gentle music continues]

441
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,904
But also, you said "Prego" with an accent.

442
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,157
[Italian accent] I knew
it was wrong the second...

443
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,533
-Don't do that!
-[Noah] I knew it!

444
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,786
I can't have sex with you
and have that in the back of my head.

445
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:25,330
[Italian accent] Do you wanna go upstairs
and test-a the theory?

446
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,248
[Joanne sighs]

447
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,875
Hey, that's your liver.

448
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,419
[Joanne] <i>So the big question is,</i>

449
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:34,882
once someone has formed a certain,
let's say, "negative perception" of you,

450
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,175
can you change it?

451
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:41,805
I was for sure, "no," but damn
if the answer isn't a resounding "yes."

452
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:43,015
Okay, wait, wait, wait.

453
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:45,517
You're burying the lead, right?

454
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,729
So the big news is
Joanne has a new man in her life.

455
00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:51,773
But we're not using names.
So let's just call him "The Prophet."

456
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,026
The Prophet.
We could have workshopped that.

457
00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:56,653
-And The Prophet has done the impossible.
-[Morgan] Mm.

458
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:59,364
He has come back from the ick,

459
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:03,869
which has never been done before
in history. The ick cannot be reversed.

460
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,830
Now we know it has to be defeated,
it needs to be conquered,

461
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:10,000
and it can be overcome.

462
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,586
-Yep, that's true.
-[Joanne] Hmm.

463
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:14,713
He gave us something interesting
to talk about

464
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:16,882
after ruining you
for the past few episodes.

465
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:19,843
So you can thank him
for bringing my sister back for the show.

466
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,846
I was worried I was gonna have to do
the podcast by myself, so...

467
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,556
Come on. There is no podcast without me.

468
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,643
But I will send along your thanks
when I see him at dinner tonight.

469
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,519
I just wanna say he's a doll.

470
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:33,398
I think in a past life,
we were romantically involved.

471
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,858
-Oh God, Mom. Gross.
-Ew, Mom.

472
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,902
Why is past you
trying to date my boyfriend?

473
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:38,612
Mothers and daughters share a type.

474
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:41,073
-Ew, Mom.
-Oh my God. All right. You need to stop.

475
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:44,326
Okay. On that note, thank you
for listening, and I have to pee.

476
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,452
-[phone chimes]
-Okay.

477
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:46,954
[Joanne groans]

478
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,039
[upbeat music playing]

479
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:52,376
[Morgan chuckles]

480
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,420
[upbeat music continues]

481
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:56,630
[message sends]

482
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:04,406
[music fades]