Downloaded from YTS.MX
[grand orchestral fanfare playing]
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
[church bell tolling]
[bird calling]
[dog sniffing]
[chair creaking]
[train whistle blowing]
[gasps]
[train chugging]
[dog yelping]
[boy exclaiming]
- [flower pot crashes] - [gasps]
[train whistle blows]
[surprised exclamations]
[train whistle blows]
Hmm.
[wheezing organ sounds]
Is life boring?
- Dull? - Uh...
Gray? Banal?
Every day...
- so small? - [whimpering]
Have you simply seen it all?
- [dog yelping] - [exciting percussive music]
Well then, roll up!
Roll up! Brave souls of...
circus loving...
[record scratching]
Fresh from our sellout world tour.
The most stomach-churning,
brain-blowing, eyeball-bursting show on Earth!
- ♪ Are you ready for monsters? - ♪ Monster, monster ♪
- ♪ Do you have the guts? ♪ - ♪ Do you have the guts? ♪
- ♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪ - ♪ Monsters ♪
♪ Aren't you scared you'll go nuts? ♪
♪ Think you'll go nuts? ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters that'll drive you insane? ♪
♪ That'll turn your legs to jelly ♪
♪ And then explode your brain? ♪
♪ Your ears will pop, your heart will stop ♪
♪ But still they entertain! ♪
♪ Your eyes will melt down to your bowels ♪
♪ But sing right through the pain! ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
[people gasp]
Then, behold!
Dr. Horatio Dislocation!
The Human Knot!
[gasping]
Stupid leg!
Oh... that hurts.
[dog whimpers]
Brace your breeches for Mademoiselle Miranda Cassandra!
She sees your future!
- I see! - [people gasp]
Heart disease. Stroke.
Kidney failure. Oh, drowning.
[gulps]
Well done!
[whimpers]
And now,
Taj and Tej, the titanium twins!
They walk over burning, broken glass!
[twins screaming]
Oh, cruel, cruel nature!
Come closer if you can stand it!
Just sixpence a stare!
But try not to be sick on my shoes.
- I'm stuck! - My contact lens!
You owe me three months' wages!
[sighs] I'm a failure.
I'm broke.
A lifelong career in the scaring people business ends here.
Why can't I have a hit?
ARABELLA: Not scary enough.
People around here are already frightened
of something much scarier.
Scarier?
What could possibly be scarier?
♪ ♪
Castle Grotteskew.
No human has ever set foot there.
For none would return alive.
[gulps]
They say there's monsters in there.
[man gasps]
♪ ♪
Arabella! Come inside, right now!
Oh, Nan!
♪ ♪
Live! Live! Live!
You shall be my greatest creation ever!
It's-- it's not ready.
Just need another moment here.
- [buzzing] - Initiate the sequence.
[beeping]
[maniacal laughter]
I need the tongs.
No, no, the electrodes.
Professor! You'll overload the system.
♪ ♪
Uh...
And now engage the animator.
It's rusted!
Rusted? [chuckles]
[alarm sounding]
The animator!
Ooh. It's going to explode!
[panting]
Ooh! It's going to explode.
[steam whistling]
PROFESSOR: It's not fair!
♪ ♪
Engage the-- [yelping]
[grunting, screaming]
Oh!
[machine whirring]
[gasps softly]
Almost Life.
[belch]
[roaring]
- We did it! - I did it!
- [items crashing] - Welcome to Almost Life.
Registered trademark, patents pending.
[exclaims]
- [Creature roaring] - PROFESSOR: Ooh!
Gosh, quite high. [chuckles]
[yelling]
PROFESSOR: Okay, a little bit--
[sharp whistle]
Hmm?
- Oh! Look at that. - [excited roaring]
Oh! Top notch.
Cheese!
My greatest crea-- ooh! No, no, no. Wait.
Oh, I say. Magnificent!
You shall be my greatest creation ever!
Mwah!
♪ ♪
Welcome to Almost Life.
Registered trademark, patents pending.
You may be feeling some side effects, including dizziness,
faulty vision, itching, constipation,
restless legs, uncontrollable spasms,
and a tendency to monster rampages.
[Creature exclaiming]
Avoid swimming, driving, or operating heavy machinery.
[shoes screeching]
Uh? [gasps]
[yelling]
[shouting]
You may want to close your eye.
Huh?
[yelling]
Oh.
[screams]
Huh.
[exclaims, shouts]
Uh...
[yelping]
Oh! [sighing]
[nervous muttering]
Welcome to Castle Grotteskew.
[machine whirring]
Oh. Mm...
Uh?
- [jaunty music plays] - Oh.
NARRATOR: Almost Life in Castle Grotteskew.
An introduction.
[epic orchestral music plays]
BOY: You are a monster.
You want to be monstrous. It's in your nature.
But monstrousness is dangerous.
Monstrousness makes noise.
Monstrousness attracts attention.
Below the castle is a town.
No monster has ever set foot there,
for none would return alive.
Know what townsfolk hate?
Monsters.
Too much monstrousness,
and the townsfolk will form an angry mob,
storm the castle and burn it to the ground.
Any monstrousness, be it just the smallest howl...
[tiny howl]
...will mean angry mobs,
castle storming, and burning to the ground.
[stones smashing]
[townsfolk chattering]
- You are a monster. - [whimpering]
You want to be monstrous?
Don't.
Stay hidden.
Stay quiet.
Stay safe.
[triumphant music plays]
[gasps]
[pulleys squeaking]
Feel like any more monster rampages?
No!
[beeping]
- [yelling] - [thuds]
Oh! Are you an angry mob?
Are you going to burn me to the ground?
Whoa!
- No. - Oh, phew!
That was close.
This way.
CREATURE: Whoa.
Is this a castle?
Oh! I've never been in a castle.
To be honest, I can't remember having been anywhere.
That's normal when you're woken to Almost Life.
I'll show you around.
Oh, yes.
A tour of the castle.
I love tours almost as much as I love castles.
At least I think I do.
♪ We live in a castle ♪
♪ We, me and you, we both live in a castle ♪
♪ We live in a castle, a very big castle ♪
You're my bestest best friend ever.
I knew that as soon as you said you weren't going to
burn me to the ground, which is really weird,
because I don't even know your name.
- Stitch Head. - And if you don't tell me,
I'm going to have to call you... Stitch Head or something.
- Stitch Head. - Come to think of it,
I don't even know my own name.
- Stitch Head. - No.
It would be very confusing if we're both called Stitch Head.
My name is Stitch Head.
I knew you'd like it.
Pleased to meet you, Stitch Head.
My name is...
Oh.
Gordon, Graham, Garin, Gary,
Gazza, Gonzo, Garfield, Galahad...
Gwyneth?
Golgogot, Gorgonzola...
Master dungeon with en suite latrine.
- This is where you sleep. - Oh.
[excited gasp]
- [switch clicks] - [gasping]
[screams] Help!
We're going to be eaten.
I don't want to be eaten.
I'm only...
23 minutes old.
This is... Creature.
Creature? Oh.
- Creature. - Creature.
These are the monsters.
Oi.
So not an angry mob?
ALL: An angry mob?!
[screaming, barking]
No. Not an angry mob.
Right-o.
Bedtime, everyone.
The sun'll be up soon.
[groaning]
MONSTER: Has anyone seen my light?
[overlapping chatter]
[babbling]
[relaxed muttering]
♪ ♪
[squeaky voice]: Story.
"And so, by staying quiet and out of sight,
"the monsters were safe.
"And the angry mob never came
"to burn their castle to the ground.
And that's how they almost lived happily ever after."
♪ ♪
Sleep tight.
[yawning]
[snoring, yawning]
[contented sigh]
- Stitch Head? - Yes?
Um...
Where do I come from?
Are there, uh...
mummy monsters and daddy monsters, and do they, uh...
Uh...
[whispering]
You don't believe that, do you?
[giggling]
I guess you're old enough to know.
48 minutes.
Well, what's the first thing you remember?
Oof, so long ago.
[gasps] A laboratory.
A mad laboratory.
Oh! The maddest mad laboratory I've ever seen.
I think.
And who was in it?
[gasps] You!
Apart from me.
A mad professor!
The mad professor.
He made you.
He awoke you to Almost Life.
You and all the other monsters here.
[gasps] All of them?
Even... you?
I...
I was the professor's very first creation.
Wow! The very first!
Hey, I bet the professor totally loves you!
Well, actually, the professor--
He's very busy, with all his patents pending and so on.
I'm not even sure he knows who I am.
But... but that's sad.
I feel sad.
It doesn't feel nice.
Well, good night.
- MONSTER: Night. Night. - [babbling]
MONSTER 2: Sleep tight, Stitch Head.
MONSTER 3: All right, Stitch Head.
[monsters chatting]
MONSTER 4: We love you, Stitch Head!
[Professor muttering]
It's very good. Oh, yes.
Very good, one of my best.
[chuckling] Oh!
Good night, Professor.
[gasps] What if the knees were connected to the ears?
Yes!
No. No, no, no, no.
Oops, this is a bit of an ankle.
That's all it is. That's all it is.
It's not a problem. It's an opportunity, so...
♪ ♪
[sighs]
[bell tolling]
No--
[gasps]
[gasping]
[monsters exclaiming]
[chuckling] Bong!
What's that, Stitch Head?
It's coming from the great door!
- There's someone there! - Someone outside!
Oh, that's nice.
No, it's not!
- No one ever comes! - Ever!
Not in any of our almost lives!
It's here!
What?
An angry...
Just everyone stay calm.
[door opens and closes]
...mob.
- No! - [monsters screaming]
Shh! No noise. Remember?
Oh, right.
- My bad. - [babbles]
[monsters chittering]
[bell tolling]
Mm?
♪ ♪
[panting]
[gulps]
And good morning to you!
Fulbert Freakfinder at your service
with my traveling carnival of unnatural wonders,
of which you have undoubtedly heard!
Never has a sight more terrifying
been seen by a human eye.
No visitors.
FREAKFINDER: Oh.
♪ ♪
Now I know people could be cruel.
Why, as even folks down in Guggers Munchkin says,
there's a monster in this here castle!
[hearty laugh]
But as I always say,
one person's monster
is another's poor, misunderstood creature,
cursed by cruel fate to look just a teeny weeny bit...
- [yelling] - ...odd!
MIRANDA: Let them down, good.
Come on!
And one person's hideous disfigurement
is another man's business opportunity!
[wind whistling]
And so I was wondering...
...whether we could have a chat...
[ladder creaking]
...about careers in the entertainment industry!
DOCTOR DISLOCATION: Boss! It hurts!
Shh! It's coming!
Ooh, it's never gonna work!
Please hurry up!
My groin!
Ow!
- Quiet! - [Doctor Dislocation groaning]
[breath quivering]
FREAKFINDER: Towards the walls!
Oh, there you are, my dear.
Other way! Other way!
Ah! Lovely day for it! No, no, left!
My left! The other left!
[whimpering]
Coming!
Gah!
I say...
Wouldn't mind giving me a bit of a hand, would you?
[muffled]: No visitors.
Ah! Um... sorry?
No visitors.
Please, excuse me.
It's me. Not you!
Speak it your way!
[yelping]
♪ ♪
- [gasps] - [heavenly choir singing]
No visitors.
But my dear boy...
You're...
hideous!
They'd... love you!
Love you!
MIRANDA: I told you so!
Love you! Love you!
[thuds]
DOCTOR DISLOCATION: Doesn't hurt!
- [thuds] - I'm fine!
- [thuds] - Ow...
FREAKFINDER [echoes]: Love you...
[gasps]
[gasping, shouting]
[yelping, whimpering]
CREATURE: And? Was it an angry mob?
Did they want to burn down the castle?
Are we all gonna die?!
No. No, they'd... love me.
I mean, just go back to bed.
There's something I need to check.
Oof!
[panting]
♪ ♪
[faint barking]
♪ ♪
[gasps softly]
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- You did it! - Did what?
Oh, wait till the professor finds out!
He's gonna really love you now!
PROFESSOR: Live, live!
You shall be my greatest creation ever!
- See? He's busy. - So what?
You saved the castle!
He won't pay attention.
All right. I've got a plan. Don't worry.
I've put all my brainpower into it.
Oh.
I call it...
- [yelling] - Dingle-Dangle!
Transformers!
- A simple spanner. - Professor!
It's Stitch Head!
- Electrodes! - Your first ever creation!
He loves you!
♪ ♪
Initiate the sequence. Ah!
And now, engage the animator!
Just talk to him!
- Whoa! - [grunting]
Oh!
[shouting]
[belch]
[roaring]
Oh...
Professor?
Oh, my goodness.
You?
There was a man, at the gate, and...
and he wanted me to join the circus.
And he said people would love me.
He said people would love me, but I said no.
And I made him go away.
Because you need me here, right?
But I had no idea.
I never imagined.
You shall be my greatest creation ever!
And I really mean it this time.
Oh, you are a beauty, aren't you?
[glass shatters]
♪ ♪
Oh!
[roaring]
Stitch Head! The monster!
He's going on a monster rampage!
That's what usually happens.
Someone has to stop it before he destroys the whole castle!
I'd better show you how, then.
Me?
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Ha! Oh!
Welcome to Almost Life.
Registered trademark.
Patents pending.
- Oh, no! - You may be feeling...
You may be feeling...
Disorientation, restless leg--
- Mirror. - Dizziness? Ow.
- Trapdoor. - Headaches? Ow!
[yelling]
[snarls]
[shouts]
Monster wash.
- [shouting] - [crashing]
The controls are pretty obvious.
They are?
Oh, help!
Stitch Head!
Little-- [blubbering]
Stitch-- Stitch Head...
Make sure they see the film.
And don't forget to rewind.
[monster video playing faintly]
BOY: You are a monster.
You want to be monstrous.
[Creature shouting]
BOY: But monstrousness is dangerous.
Monstrousness makes noise.
Monstrousness attracts attention.
♪ ♪
[air blowing]
FREAKFINDER: They'll love you!
I'm here! This way!
I want to come with you!
Come on board, my boy!
♪ ♪
Take my hand!
Up, Mimi, up!
- Stitch Head! - Jump!
[babbling]
[clears throat]
Mm?
[grunts]
- Oh! - [babbling]
[screaming]
Stitch Head!
Oh, whoa!
["Blue Danube Waltz" by J. Strauss plays]
Mama!
So predictable.
Ah!
- Ah! - Stitch Head!
[group screaming]
DOCTOR DISLOCATION: How's that?
No!
Whoa!
- Oh! - Don't look!
♪ ♪
- No! - [both screaming]
- Uh... - Oh!
- Hey! - Bang on!
FEMALE MONSTER: Well done!
♪ ♪
[shouting]
[group yelling]
- [grunts] - [fire roaring]
[group yelling, groaning]
[screaming]
More power!
I'm giving her all she's got!
Uh...
You have to let go.
No.
[string twanging]
[gasps]
["Blue Danube Waltz" playing gently]
♪ ♪
- It's bedtime! - The sun is coming up!
And Stitch Head isn't here!
- No! - [clamoring]
We don't know what to do!
And so, by staying quiet,
and out of sight, the monsters were safe.
[Brahms' "Lullaby" playing]
But then, Stitch Head left for the town.
So now, it's only a matter of time
before the angry mob comes to burn their castle to the ground.
And then they won't almost live happily ever after, ever again.
[crying]
Sorry.
So, are we just meant to huddle here
clutching each other in pure terror?
Um, yeah?
Good plan.
[bed rattles]
[screaming]
FREAKFINDER: Don't let anybody see him.
♪ ♪
NAN: We'll have none of that.
But they came from the castle.
And they've got someone with them.
Nothing good can come from the castle.
It's full of monsters.
Oh, give me those.
Maybe they're friendly!
Oh, that's what they want you to think.
They want you to lower your guard for just one minute,
and then, boom!
They'll be in. Your. Brain!
[sighs]
All for your own protection.
But they think it's for theirs, you see?
[chuckles] Show business, my boy.
Don't worry.
They'll love you.
[lock clicks]
Good sir, would you not care to see something horrific?
Something to steal your sanity and your bladder control?
- Mm-mm. - Fair lady!
So, how does profit share actually work?
We'll never make it back.
It doesn't count if you predict things that are obvious.
Would you not care to blight your lovely eyes forever
with one brief glimpse of a thing
most horrid and foul?
All my savings went into that balloon.
All of our savings!
I'll make it cheaper, just for you.
- Sixpence. - Get off me.
Tuppence? All right, a penny.
That's my final offer.
Why should I?
Why? Why?
Because it's from the castle.
The... castle?
That castle?
[gasps]
Castle...
[stammering] Grotteskew?
The very same.
- I can't sleep. - I'm scared.
- Turn the light on. - It is on.
You've got your eyes shut.
Where's Stitch Head?
This is all my fault.
I did the Dingle-Dangle and that's why Stitch Head left.
So I must go down to the town and rescue him.
[all gasping]
But the townsfolk!
The angry mob!
Aren't you scared?
Nope.
Well, yes.
But Stitch Head is my bestest best friend ever
and rescuing is what best friends do.
Right, showtime!
But, I...
I look...
DOCTOR DISLOCATION: Ready to go?
Where's the show?
FREAKFINDER: They'll scream.
And that's the idea!
The artist...
holds a mirror up to beauty.
Someone's going to get impatient out here.
The public doesn't even stop to glance.
Have you got the monster in there or not?
But...
♪ Show them something frightful ♪
♪ The reaction's quite delightful ♪
I want my money back!
♪ They'll be queuing for an eyeful ♪
♪ And they'll ♪
♪ Scream ♪
You can't keep me here against my will.
♪ Make 'em scream ♪
♪ Oh, nothing quite delivers ♪
♪ Like the good old-fashioned shivers ♪
♪ Make 'em scream ♪
♪ If you want them all to love you ♪
♪ Make 'em scream ♪
♪ Make 'em choke, make 'em gag ♪
♪ And success is in the bag ♪
♪ There's nothing quite as gorgeous ♪
♪ As an audience that's nauseous ♪
♪ If you want them all to love you ♪
♪ Make 'em scream ♪
♪ Wake their ♪
♪ Primitive responses from deep down in their unconscious ♪
♪ Outrage, sicken and disgust 'em ♪
♪ Gross 'em out and maladjust 'em ♪
♪ Break all their taboos and you'll make the evening news ♪
♪ With rave reviews, a million views ♪
♪ And make 'em scream ♪
♪ Make 'em scream ♪
♪ Give 'em terror, give 'em horror ♪
♪ Give 'em Sodom and Gomorrah ♪
♪ Make 'em jump, make 'em spook ♪
♪ If you can, then make 'em puke ♪
♪ If you want them all to love you ♪
♪ Make 'em ♪
♪ Scream ♪
♪ Make 'em scream! ♪
Was that all part of the show?
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
We're just warming up.
But what am I meant to do?
- TAJ: Roar! - Do a handstand!
Wave your arms.
From the back of the throat.
Oh, wave your legs.
And then do another handstand.
Let your eyes reflect the sheer futility of mortal existence.
Nothing.
Just be yourself.
Get in here!
[gulps]
FREAKFINDER: Prepare for the worst!
The ghastly, the grotesque,
the Ghoul of Grotteskew!
[playing "Also sprach Zarathustra, Op. 30"]
[gasps]
[screaming]
[distant screaming]
Ladies, we've got a winner.
[liquid dripping]
Get a mop, Horace.
[gulps]
But what will you do if a human sees you?
- Run away! - Dig a hole!
- Curl into a ball. - Yes!
No, I have a plan.
[all gasping]
Not to be noticed in the first place.
Ooh.
I will flit, catlike, from one shadow to the next.
Invisible, silent, unseen.
He's my hero.
Are you ready for the equipment?
Ready.
♪ ♪
[clanking, squeaking]
[yelps]
STEVE: Wait!
Wash bag.
♪ ♪
[Owggagoffakkookkk babbles]
[blowing nose]
WOODLOUSE: And the camouflage.
♪ ♪
[door clanging]
Any last words?
CREATURE [muffled]: I will return with Stitch Head,
or I will not return at all.
Sorry, what?
[louder, still muffled]: I will return with Stitch Head,
or I will not return at all.
No, sorry, not quite catching that.
I will return with--
Just open the gate, Steve.
[gate clanking]
♪ ♪
So brave.
Very brave.
Very, very brave.
He's toast.
Yeah, doesn't stand a chance.
Is it okay if we shut the gate now
before an angry mob comes in?
[gate clanking]
♪ ♪
[whooping]
[quietly]: Hi-ya.
Hi-ya!
Oh, no, no, no, no.
[grunting]
- [grunting] - [clanking]
- [balloon squeaking] - Whoa!
[brief shout]
[heavy thud]
[groaning]
Hmm. Ah.
[humming]
FREAKFINDER [distantly]: The Ghoul of Grotteskew!
- [distant screaming] - [gasps]
- FREAKFINDER: Next! - [shuddering gasp]
[gulps]
[inhales sharply]
- [screaming] - And the next, please.
Arabella, you are not seeing that.
Oh, Nan!
The Ghoul of Grotteskew.
A shilling.
TEJ: Ticket, please.
Enjoy the show.
Next, please.
- The Ghoul of Grotteskew. - [screaming]
FREAKFINDER: And the next, please.
ARABELLA: Scuse me.
- Ticket, please. - Arabella!
Next, please.
- TEJ: Ticket. - The Ghoul.
- [screaming] - FREAKFINDER: Next, please.
[gasps, sighs]
- TEJ: Ticket. - [screaming]
FREAKFINDER: Next, please.
NAN: Arabella?
- Nan... - FREAKFINDER: The Ghoul.
[screaming]
NAN: Arabella!
- FREAKFINDER: Grotteskew! - [screaming]
- Next. - Ticket.
Oh.
Scuse me, boss.
- [grunting angrily] - FREAKFINDER: Next!
You can't frighten me.
Nothing frightens me.
No, sir. Of course not, sir.
[scoffs]
[chair squeaking]
High-five.
[screaming]
Don't forget to leave a review!
Oh, you beast.
- Ooh. - [screaming]
- Awoo. - [screaming]
- Arr. - [screaming]
- Ta-da. - [screaming]
- Hey. - [screaming]
[screaming]
- FREAKFINDER: Next! Next! Next! - [screaming]
- FREAKFINDER: Next! Next! - [screaming continues]
Next!
That's it. Last one.
Stitch Head, come on out, my lad.
They love you.
Just like I said.
We've got a hit!
- [laughing] - ♪ ♪
Mwah!
[laughs]
I knew you'd be a star!
Wanna work out sometime?
No, he's working out with me.
[dog barking]
Arabella.
No going out.
The monster's frightful, I tell you.
Frightful!
[lock clicks]
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ ♪
[dog barking]
Shh...
It's okay, Buster.
Quiet. Shh-shh-shh.
[barking]
Shh.
- CREATURE: Good doggie. - [loud chomp]
[Buster barking]
- [knocking] - NAN: It's occupied.
Go away!
NAN: ♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
[flatulence]
I let myself in. That's not weird, is it?
[gasps]
Lolly? I licked it.
That is weird.
[shouting]
ARABELLA: Shh.
Keep quiet or we're both completely dead.
Unless you're dead already, I suppose.
'Cause the Ghoul of Grotteskew makes you sound like a ghost,
but you don't look like a ghost at all.
Ooh.
[groaning]
What's your real name?
[groaning]
Or do they just call you something like "Stitch Head"?
How did you know?
Er, so obvious. Arabella.
[gasps]
You okay?
Don't be scared.
Aren't you scared?
Of course not.
Being scared is stupid.
Then why are you here?
I have questions.
Your name. We did that.
How old are you? Who created you?
Why have you come from the castle, and...
Don't you miss the other monsters?
How do you know about...
I mean, what other monsters?
And how do you know about them if they exist?
Which they don't.
FREAKFINDER: So! Rise and shine, my boy!
We're going to make it bigger, better, scarier than--
[shouts] What's that?
[in slow motion]: No!
[heavy thud]
No peeking without paying! That's a shilling!
Now!
Keep the change.
[exclaims] Right, that's it!
Wait. You haven't screamed.
Ah.
Freak!
♪ ♪
ALL: Ooh.
Rehearsal. Private.
So, our next show, a spectacular to set the world alight.
And what will you do?
- Just be myself. - [Freakfinder gasps]
What?
The same thing as the last show?
I thought they loved me.
They did. Loved.
Loved-d-d. "D-d-d."
Past tense.
Just because they loved you yesterday
doesn't mean that they'll love you again tomorrow,
just like that. [grunts]
Love has to be earned.
Uh, how?
You have to give them more.
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
- ♪ For a freakish romance? ♪ - ♪ For a freakish romance? ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ But you might poop your pants? ♪
♪ Poop your pants ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
Prepare to be terrified...
...by the Ghoul of Grotteskew.
[audience gasping]
But you can call him "Stitch Head."
[Freakfinder cackling]
[whispers]: Your cue...
♪ See, your brain blows up when you see me close up ♪
♪ Lock your kids inside, this is for the grown-ups ♪
♪ I'm so killer, I'm so creepy, turn you paler than tzatziki ♪
♪ Don't you know they call me Stitch Head? ♪
♪ 'Cause I scare myself to pieces ♪
♪ When I say "Stitch," you say "Head" ♪
- Stitch. - Head!
- Stitch! - Head!
♪ Come on, when I say "Stitch," you say "Head"! ♪
- Stitch! Stitch! - Head! Head!
♪ Made of bodies long since dead ♪
- Stitch! Stitch! - Head! Head!
♪ My limbs are hanging by a thread ♪
- Stitch! Stitch! - Head! Head!
♪ So always check beneath your bed ♪
- It's Stitch Head! - So are you hot for monsters?
- We'll sizzle your tongue. - Come on in and sneak a peek.
But not for too long.
Are you hungry for monsters?
Table for one?
Then get ready to freak!
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
Stitch Head T-shirts, posters, signed postcards, mugs,
lunchboxes and commemorative Stitch Head tea towels
are available here!
All at a very reasonable price!
Marvelous, my boy, marvelous!
Carry on like this, and one day all this will be yours!
- TAJ: What, us too? - You're not selling me again!
Three for the price of two
only on the pajama sets, you pea brain!
Stitch Head! Stitch Head!
[yelps]
And now, my boy, look at that!
Ta-da! Do you see?
Yours, all yours!
Well, technically, it's hire purchase, but--
♪ ♪
Ow.
Nothing is too good for my Stitch Head, that's what I say!
But, um, stay away from the windows, hmm?
No pictures unless they're paying, right?
Right.
And remember, no visitors.
Course not.
Enjoy.
FREAKFINDER: What do I always say?
We'll get paid next week?
No! Keep your eyes peeled!
[imitating bird call]
No one goes in or out without my say-so!
[floorboard creaking]
No, no, no, no!
Profit share means--
And who pays for the merch?
Do you think I get 10,000
Stitch Head pajama sets for free?
I have overheads!
Do you even know what overheads are?
So, did you like the show?
They loved me, right?
You think?
You're hurt.
Want a Stitch Head bottle opener?
Who needs a Stitch Head bottle opener?
I know, but they're buying them
just because they have my face on 'em.
If that's not love...
what is?
I don't know.
Something like--
Rescue! Ha-ha!
- Thank goodness you're alone! - [clears throat]
- I-- - Hello!
- [screams] Human! - Shh!
- What was that? - Like I said, an overhead.
That's worth a tenner at least.
- Boy! - Quick!
- Hide! - What about your friend?
In here.
Seriously?
- What's wrong with it? - [knocking]
FREAKFINDER: Is someone in there?
No, it's just me.
Do I need to be more frightening?
Stitch Head, watch out!
Humans!
- Everywhere! - FREAKFINDER: What was that?
Ah! Nothing!
Pleased to meet you.
- Get back! - No visitors!
No one in here!
- Oh! - Oops.
Break it down, boys!
- Hmm. - [neck cracks]
What? What was that noise?
Oh, just working on my monstrousness.
[groans] Any good?
Yes. No.
Very good.
Good night.
No visitors.
I wouldn't dream of it.
Hmm.
Hey!
Nice carpet.
Human!
It... touched me!
- So, what's the plan? - [gasps]
You want fame, fortune, girlfriends?
- [both gasping] - [Tej gulps]
Then guard that caravan.
BOTH: Hmm.
Ooh.
Hmm.
♪ ♪
Get away!
Get away, get away, get away!
What are you doing?
Quick! Now! Push her out the door!
What? No!
Go monsters!
[shouting]
♪ ♪
Uh...
[voice vibrating]: Uh...
♪ ♪
[shouting]
Uh-oh.
["Also sprach Zarathustra" playing]
♪ ♪
[Stitch Head screaming]
ARABELLA: Yeah!
[grunting]
[Creature screaming]
[panting]
[screaming resumes]
- [splashes] - Hmm?
Oh.
[gasping]
Stay dignified.
We could be poor, but happy.
[sobbing]
We lost the caravan.
[both sobbing]
CREATURE: Watch out!
Careful! She's dangerous.
Any minute she'll form an angry mob!
It isn't true.
I got it wrong.
Humans don't form angry mobs.
Humans love me.
But I've come to rescue you.
I know.
And thank you.
But I don't want to be rescued.
But what about all the monsters?
Don't you think it's time they learnt to look after themselves?
And... what about me?
You love castles, remember?
Goodbye.
Could you take me back to the circus, please?
No following.
CREATURE: Goodbye.
Bestest best friend.
♪ ♪
[gasping]
- Stitch Head? - Stitch Head?
- [bicycle bell dings] - Stitch Head?
- Sign this, please! - Stitch Head!
- I want a selfie! - [crowd murmuring]
I love your work so much.
Oh, Stitch Head, I'm your biggest fan!
He's so dreamy!
- Stitch Head! - Stitch Head!
[screaming]
Stitch Head!
Come with me.
There's something you need to see.
But my fans...
NAN: Arabella?
- Shh. - NAN: You're staying in.
The monster's on the streets.
You know what I told you?
If he sees you, he'll eat you!
Right, I'm off to get an autograph.
[exhales]
Hmm.
♪ ♪
How did you...
I sneak out and I peek.
It's completely not allowed.
Are they any good?
Well, Ermintrude's only got six legs.
And Shelley's more orange than brown.
But yes, they're good.
Very good.
And who's that, then?
Oh, that's just Creature.
Came to rescue you?
He thinks he's my bestest best friend ever.
And is he?
He doesn't understand.
People love me.
♪ ♪
- [crowd shouting distantly] - Really?
[clamoring]
I love you, Stitch Head! Stitch Head!
Looks like it to me.
[trumpet playing somber tune]
[sobbing]
♪ ♪
Artistes. The talent.
[snorts] Ha!
Always the same.
However good the trailer is, it's never enough.
Fine. Trash the trailer.
Go it on your own.
Have your "solo career"!
[scoffs] You think you'd do it better without me?
Well, just you wait and see.
I made you.
I took you in.
I treated you like my own child!
And this is how you thank me?
He could come to me
on bended knee!
I wouldn't take him back in a thousand years.
- [muffled groan] - Shh.
[gasps]
You've come back?
And you'll play the next show?
Mm.
The most mind-blowing, stomach-churning,
trouser-messing show on Earth?
- [growls] - Yes!
We're gonna be rich!
I'll make you famous like you'd never believe!
Before an audience of thousands!
A show that redefines the limits of the monstrous,
the bizarre, and the grotesque.
Tonight, Rubbers Duggin.
Tomorrow, the capitals of the world!
Playing for the great and the good, the kings and queens,
for adoring millions!
They are going to love you!
[quiet chatter]
[drumroll]
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the show that will braise your brain,
gut your stomach, and burst your bladder.
Are you ready to confront your deepest fears?
- Yes! - Ready to plunge
into the black abyss of horror that is the unknown?
- Yes! - [cheering]
Are you ready for monsters?
[cheering]
Then behold a dramatic reconstruction
in painstaking historic detail.
The capture of the Ghoul of Grotteskew.
[audience gasping]
♪ ♪
[cheering]
Behold above the castle grim,
and there behind its windows dim
there lurks and howls in primitive sin
the gruesome Ghoul of Grotteskew.
[audience gasping]
See his mouth besmirched with blood.
There remains no doubt of children good
who simply had not understood
in Grotteskew, do not set foot.
[Stitch Head burps]
It's not a friendly neighborhood.
- [laughter] - Hmm.
But lo, here comes a hero brave,
Fulbert Freakfinder, here to save
this wretched beast from the living grave
that is the Castle Grotteskew.
- [whispers]: "Never." - Never!
FREAKFINDER: But Fulbert, hero unafraid,
knows this savage must be saved.
Put on display, put on the stage,
not rot in Castle Grotteskew.
Oh, he's so dreamy.
He takes his lasso, throws it long,
he snares the Ghoul, but forces strong
hold back the beast.
- It's all gone wrong! - [gasping]
- Huh? - "Chain hands now."
FREAKFINDER: The beast resists,
the beast fights back.
And one by one,
- his stitches snap. - [audience gasps]
[groaning]
- [stitches snapping] - Help.
You say, "No, no! I will not go!"
No, no! Ow!
- No! - [screaming]
- Don't you think we should-- - No, he's fine.
Oh.
[shouting]
Hold on, lad, they're loving it.
- [straining] - Jump, Mimi!
No! [shouting]
After a brief interval in which you are welcome to purchase
our attractively priced refreshments in the foyer,
you shall witness how I, Fulbert Freakfinder,
sew Stitch Head back together.
[audience cheering]
But first, prepare for churned stomachs,
exploded minds and whittled seats
as Stitch Head's stitches
are torn apart!
[audience cheering]
No!
Monster!
- Humans! - [screaming]
[gasps]
[screaming]
♪ ♪
[grunts]
- Stitch Head! - Creature!
[screaming]
[sizzles]
[screaming]
Oh!
Stitch Head!
[both screaming]
[Arabella gasps]
[Stitch Head and Creature screaming]
[crowd screaming]
[Creature panting]
This way! Go!
- Ah! - [crowd screaming]
Humans!
[Creature shouts]
[gasps]
Arabella!
You know that thing?
Yes! He is a creature of Grotteskew!
And he's Stitch Head's bestest friend!
And he's come to rescue him and take him back to Grotteskew
where he and all the other monsters are safe!
"Other monsters"?
Yes! They've all been awoken to Almost Life
by the Mad Professor, but they all live peacefully
in the castle, and there's nothing you can do about it!
TAJ: Boss! The circus!
DOCTOR DISLOCATION: The caravans!
MIRANDA: The balloon!
Forget about all that.
We've just landed the jackpot!
- [woman screaming] - [Creature screaming]
What about Arabella?
She's a human!
- [man screaming] - [Creature screaming]
What does she need to be afraid of?
The castle's that way!
But you don't want to go back to the castle.
The monsters have to look after themselves!
I think I changed my mind.
[gasps] You did?
[Stich Head whistling]
- [townsfolk screaming] - [Creature screaming]
On balance, this does feel better.
FREAKFINDER: People of Guggers Nuffin!
People of Duffers Noggin!
Oi!
♪ ♪
[townsfolk gasp]
You are afraid.
- Deeply afraid! - I am.
But the time has come
to throw off your fear.
Too long have you been intimidated!
Too long have you trembled in terror!
Too long have you lived in the shadow...
of monstrosity!
[townsfolk gasp]
But now,
the abominations of Grotteskew have gone too far.
They have crossed a line!
They have kidnapped
a little girl.
[somber piano music playing]
[screams]
Oh.
Arabella! [sobbing]
But there is still a chance that she still lives!
- Up there! - [townsfolk gasp]
In Castle Grotteskew!
[townsfolk growling]
People of...
...whatever this place is called.
The time has come!
The time to form an angry mob!
[vacuum whirring]
[Nan grunting]
Off you go then.
[townsfolk shouting]
[muffled grunting]
You are mean! You are evil! You--
And you are very inconvenient.
- Back in the sack, boys. - TAJ: Come here.
But isn't it a bit off?
Oh, don't be such moaning Minnies.
The castle is full of monsters,
and you know what monsters mean?
- Uh... - [Arabella grunting]
Money, you morons!
Monsters mean money!
- [thud] - CREATURE: Oh, sorry.
- [thud] - CREATURE: Sorry.
[loud thud]
CREATURE: These woods are very dark.
[gasping]
It's Creature! And he has got Stitch Head!
He has rescued Stitch Head!
Open the gates!
[Tiny wailing]
Friend!
We made it!
- You did it! - You did it!
And, you didn't die!
Wow!
I'm sorry.
I should never have left the castle.
Why did you go, Stitch Head?
I just wanted to be loved.
But we love you.
We always loved you!
[babbling]
Exactly!
You're my bestest best friend, remember?
[Stitch Head sniffling]
ALL: Aw.
So cute.
[clears throat] Don't want to interrupt
if you're having a moment here, but, um...
[screaming]
[train whistle blowing]
Burn the castle!
- An angry mob! - [babbles]
- Close the gates! - [grunting]
[townsfolk shouting]
- Run away! - Run away!
- [gurgled screaming] - [babbles]
- Huh? - Run away!
[Nan laughing]
Attack!
[townsfolk grunting]
FREAKFINDER: Forward!
[Nan laughing maniacally]
[monsters screaming]
Stop!
ALL: Huh?
We are monsters.
And if I learnt anything down in that town,
it's that people are afraid of monsters.
Don't you mean that the other way around?
No!
If humans were afraid of me,
how are they going to react to Alice?
Huh?
Aw.
Well, I find that rather insensitive.
This is no time for hurt feelings!
This is time to let out your monstrousness!
What monstrousness?
You are monsters!
You want to be monstrous.
It's in your nature!
Huh?
Just be whoever you'd be if you weren't afraid!
- [door banging] - [gasping]
[loud thud]
- [monsters gasping] - But Stitch Head.
- [loud thud] - We are afraid!
[Nan growling]
[monsters gasping]
Monsters!
[monsters gasping]
[townsfolk shouting]
[monsters screaming]
[townsfolk screaming]
[monsters screaming]
[townsfolk screaming]
[monsters screaming]
[townsfolk screaming]
[monsters screaming]
[townsfolk screaming]
[Nan laughing]
- Don't be frightened! - Run away!
- [townsfolk shouting] - [Nan laughing]
[whirring]
[Stitch Head grunting]
- [grunting] - [Stitch Head gasping]
[laughing]
Oh?
- [townsfolk grunting] - [Nan laughing]
[monsters screaming]
[Stitch Head grunting]
[monsters screaming]
- [townsfolk clamoring] - Ah.
[Nan laughing]
Ooh! I love me when I'm angry!
[Nan shouting]
Whoa.
[Nan growling]
We've got you now!
[gentle music playing]
[monsters shouting]
[grunting]
[monsters screaming]
[townsfolk growling]
[monsters shuddering]
Let's finish this.
[townsfolk growling]
[monsters gasp]
[monsters gasping louder]
Ah!
[projector clicking]
[gasping]
[reversed garbled speech]
Huh?
[reversed garbled speech]
Ah.
[reversed garbled speech]
Oh.
[reversed garbled speech]
[gasps softly]
[gulps]
It's monster time.
[dings]
[townsfolk screaming]
- [Steve shouting] - [man screaming]
- [Creature shouting] - [townsfolk screaming]
- [gargled grunting] - [Nan screaming]
[townsfolk screaming]
[monsters shouting]
- [townsfolk screaming] - [monsters yelling]
This is fun!
[townsfolk screaming]
Can't we just go back to the old show?
Never, you losers! Sack!
Boss, you're never gonna catch monsters like that.
I don't need monsters.
Just like I don't need you! [laughing]
All I need is the monster-maker.
- Help! - Oh, don't be such a baby.
[Tej grunting and groaning]
- [Doctor Dislocation growling] - Freeze!
Or I'll bite his ear off!
Wait a minute!
[townsfolk groaning]
I thought you'd been kidnapped by this lot.
By the monsters? Pah!
We can explain.
Can we?
Mm-hmm.
PROFESSOR: Live! Live!
You will be my greatest creation ever!
♪ ♪
[electricity sparking]
[Professor laughing]
[door slams]
What?
What on earth are you doing? You can't walk into a-- Oh?
Professor? Fulbert Freakfinder,
your greatest fan.
And your new employer!
[Freakfinder chuckling]
STITCH HEAD: Not so fast, Freakfinder!
You?
Dingle-Dangle!
You've got talent, Stitch Head.
Come with me!
Never!
Eek!
[Freakfinder growling]
The Professor never loved you.
Or you'd never have left the castle, would you?
No!
[Freakfinder yelping]
Pull!
Whoa!
[Freakfinder chuckling]
He's getting away!
Pull harder!
[Freakfinder babbling]
[Freakfinder yelping]
Harder!
[Creature grunting]
Think what you're giving up, Stitch Head.
A new monster each week! To do with as we please!
Harder!
But, Stitch Head! Your stitches!
Audiences would love us!
That's not love!
Then what is?
Harder!
[Creature grunts]
[machine whirring]
Yes!
[growling]
Oh.
So, you see, I wasn't kidnapped by the monsters,
I was kidnapped by the Freaks!
[townsfolk gasping]
We-- Er-- Yeah.
Our bad.
I feel very awkward.
So? What are you going to do now?
Run away?
- MAN: Hide? - Blame somebody else?
No! You are going to say sorry!
Now!
Oh.
Right.
Sorry about the whole angry mob thing.
Oh, it's fine. Don't mention it.
Everyone makes mistakes.
[babbles]
And shake hands!
Like you mean it!
["All Out of Love" by Air Supply playing]
So, where did that Freakfinder get to, then?
[distant yelling]
♪ I'm all out of love ♪
♪ I'm so lost without you ♪
♪ I know you were right ♪
♪ Believing for so long ♪
♪ I'm all out of love ♪
♪ What am I without you? ♪
♪ I can't be too late ♪
♪ I know I was so wrong ♪
♪ I'm all out of love ♪
♪ I'm so lost without you ♪
♪ I know you were right ♪
♪ Believing for so long ♪
♪ I'm all out of love ♪
♪ What am I without you? ♪
♪ I can't be too late ♪
♪ I know I was so wrong ♪
♪ I'm all out of love ♪
♪ I'm so lost without you ♪
♪ I know you were right ♪
♪ Believing for so long ♪
♪ I'm all out of love ♪
♪ I'm so lost without you ♪
♪ I know you were right. ♪
[balloon squeaking]
Huh. Fair enough.
[rumbling]
[Arabella gasps]
♪ ♪
You will always be...
...my bestest best friend.
Stitch Head.
Stitch Head?
PROFESSOR: Stitch Head.
Yes. Yes.
I called you Stitch Head.
[Tiny clears throat]
And you called me Tiny.
Geoff.
[gurgles]: Ermintrude.
Mary.
Shelley.
Barney.
- Woodlouse. - Woodlouse.
Pigbutt.
Skaterdog?
- [Skaterdog barking] - Frank?
- Rhinodino? - [Rhinodino growling]
- Octochicken? - [Octochicken clucking]
- Owggagoffakkookkk. - Oh.
PROFESSOR: And Steve.
Hello.
And this is Creature.
You...
...made us.
I... I did.
And I made Stitch Head.
Look at the state of him!
This won't do at all.
Pass me needle and thread. I'll need the number five.
And hurry up. We haven't got all day.
You...
...were my very first creation.
Did you hear that, Stitch Head?
He said you...
I know. And you...
are my bestest best friend ever.
[drumroll]
[air horn blaring]
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
["Are You Ready for Monsters" by Sway Clarke, Steve Hudson]
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ Baby, you got the guts? ♪
♪ You got the guts ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ Say you rolling with us ♪
♪ Rolling with us ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ We can show you the moves ♪
♪ Show you the moves ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ 'Cause we scared of you too ♪
♪ Scared of you too ♪
TINY: Ey, move, move, move.
Watch out, it's me, it's Tiny, eh!
♪ We nah wan fi bother you ♪
♪ We nah wan fi clobber you ♪
♪ Come and do an interview ♪
♪ You gon' see We're super cool ♪
♪ We're the ones that's scared of you ♪
♪ We'll put on our dinner suit ♪
♪ Yeah, we're vegan, what are you ♪
♪ I'm hungry, can we order food ♪
♪ All we wanna do is play play ♪
♪ Our castle's just a little gray gray ♪
♪ Can I get a little hey hey ♪
♪ 'Cause we can live together, baby ♪
ARABELLA: Hold on, hold on. Yo, yo. Where's Tiny at?
- Where's Tiny at? - TINY: Right here. Eh!
♪ Game over, game over, freaky little takeover ♪
♪ Wait, hold up, Tej gonna play it like he's Beethoven ♪
♪ You know and they know we ain't gotta say so ♪
♪ When croc take a poop ♪
♪ Ooh, it's bigger than a Range Rover ♪
♪ We ain't gotta fight now ♪
♪ Different is the new black ♪
♪ I'm-a tell you right now ♪
♪ I'm anxious, where's my Prozac? ♪
♪ If you got a tough rash or you've got a moustache ♪
♪ Everyone's a monster and we love it ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Baby, you got the guts? ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ Say you rolling with us ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ We can show you the moves ♪
♪ Show you the moves ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ 'Cause we scared of you too ♪
♪ We're scared of you too ♪
♪ Are you ready for monsters? ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Hey, DJ ♪
♪ Monster, monster ♪
♪ M-M-Monster, mon ♪
♪ Mon-Monster ♪
♪ What? ♪
♪ Huh ♪
[maniacal laughter]
♪ ♪
[music ends]