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"If you, as a human being, have the capacity to recognize goodness and beauty,
and be excited by it."
"If you have the capacity to recognize injustice and act on it."
"If you have the capacity to recognize evil and distance yourself from it."
-I think that's how it went. -That's beautiful.
Why did that make you uncomfortable?
It wasn't what he said, it was ...
At first it was lovely. He looked at me and said those words.
But then something changed, and it felt dark and uncomfortable.
I usually can't remember my dreams, but this one I remember in detail.
-It's lodged in my body and won't let go. -And that's uncomfortable?
-Are you into David Bowie? -No, not at all.
I'm not even positive it was David Bowie, but ...
It began with me coming out of the toilet cubicle, wherever this was,
and he stood there washing his hands, and he looked at me in the mirror.
Our eyes met, and then he smiled and said that.
Or something along those lines.
At first, I didn't realize it was Bowie. I thought it was God.
-God? -Yes, God.
Then I thought it was Anni-Frid from ABBA.
But then I realized it was David Bowie.
And he was washing his hands? Earlier you said he was on his phone.
It changes. It's strange how dreams change when you start talking about them.
You fill in the blanks to create a coherent narrative.
It was Bowie, but whether he was washing his hands or on the phone, I'm not sure.
Anyway ...
Then he looked at me and smiled, and then he walked up to me ...
... and then you had sex?
Uh ... no.
What? No. Why would you say that?
But there was something about the look in his eyes ...
It was calm, firm, friendly and full of compassion.
It was like I could surrender all my worries and just ...
He was taking charge from here.
And that felt so good.
It was only when he walked towards me I realized that he ...
He looked at me as if I was someone I didn't quite recognize.
Or rather ...
I didn't recognize myself in his eyes, you know?
I'm not entirely sure.
-I don't really understand it myself. -So how did he look at you?
It felt like he looked at me as if I was a woman.
And then ... he said hi ... or he sang hi, rather. Like, "Hello, you."
And I sang hi back at him.
My voice sounded strange, but that didn't matter in the dream, somehow.
It was only when I woke up it went from feeling liberating to feeling ...
... uncomfortable.
How odd, that he looked at you as if you were a woman.
-Was it sexual? -No, I ... I don't really know.
No, I've never thought about being another gender.
Nor have I felt attracted to men.
Those feelings can arise out of the blue even if you haven't felt them before.
I don't really think they can. Do you?
I think so.
I think ... I don't know if I should say this.
The thing is ...
I had ...
... sex with a man yesterday.
You did? OK? A ...
A man ... Yesterday?
A client. We were sweeping his chimney.
Terje had left, and I was standing in the kitchen chatting to this guy.
We'd found some cracks in his chimney.
And then he suddenly asked if I wanted to have sex with him.
I thought I'd misheard him, but then he repeated himself.
I was so taken aback I started laughing.
I said no, of course. Thanks, but no thanks.
But ...
I couldn't get angry with him. Or maybe I could have ...
It was just completely out of the blue. Totally bonkers.
I walked out into the street and ...
I gave it some thought, and then ...
... I went back inside.
-And then you had sex? -Yes.
Wow. Yeah, okay. That's ...
I'm just shocked. Maybe not shocked, I just didn't know you were gay.
You've never mentioned ... Have you?
No, no. I'm not gay. I know that much.
I've never done anything like that. That was the first time.
-If you're not gay, why did you do it? -Good question.
That's the thing. I'm not sure. Because I ...
But I think it was a bit like your dream.
Something about the way he looked at me. I've never had ...
... anyone look at me like that, like they're lusting for me.
-Completely shameless. -That look, right. I don't know.
I don't think that's exactly how David Bowie looked at me ...
I know, it was just an association. But you look uncomfortable. I didn't want that.
But this was a client? You can't do that.
You can't have sex with clients, you understand that?
Yes, of course. I don't know what happened.
But what was it like? Wasn't it weird?
Yeah, it was a different thing altogether.
But it felt good.
It was actually pretty mind-blowing, to be honest.
You look embarrassed. I'm sorry.
-I get it. It's a bit much. -It is a bit much, but ...
I guess I think ... I just think ... I'm not sure quite what to think.
-Aren't you worried about STI's? -He used a condom.
-When he took me from be... -Yeah, okay.
But ... didn't it hurt?
Maybe a bit, but no, it was mostly ...
It was peculiar.
-So now you're ... -What?
-Gay? -No, no.
I don't plan on doing it again. But it was nice, in a way.
The feeling that a complete stranger ...
... wanted me like that ...
... and just surrender to it.
No, listen. I'm sorry.
I had actually decided I wasn't going to say anything.
It's a little ... Yeah, I don't know.
It's funny. I've never experienced anything like that before.
But it was kind of ...
... sensational for me.
I need to talk about it.
And you're the only one I can talk to about this.
And my wife, of course.
-You didn't tell her? -Yes. As soon as I got home.
-How did she take it? -She was surprised. Astonished.
But that goes for me as well. I was bewildered, really. Physically as well.
We talked about it. She said she didn't understand why I did it.
But neither do I, so ...
She wasn't upset? Or angry?
No, she wanted to know if this was the first time, which it was.
She knows that. If I'd done anything like that before, I would've told her.
-What was she meant to say? -What she was meant to say?
You cheated. And with another man.
She could have kicked you out.
Cheated? It was just sex. I wouldn't consider that cheating.
I don't consider having sex with someone else cheating.
-What's cheating, then? -Starting a relationship with someone else.
-Behind her back. -This is a bit much.
Surely you can hear yourself.
You had sex with a man,
and you describe it as something that just happened.
It can't be. You must've thought about it before.
You must've been attracted to men. It's not something you just do.
Something you do? I've never thought about it before, truly.
But I've also never been afraid of or wary of homosexuality.
I've just never been attracted to men.
I'm still not.
-More coffee? -No, thanks.
What?
I have to say I'm a bit shocked. I thought I knew you.
Well, you do. I haven't changed just because I've ...
I hope you don't see it that way.
If so, I regret telling you.
No, we're friends. You have to tell me what's going on.
I'm just ...
You're completely uninhibited, and I ...
I was embarrassed to walk next to my pregnant wife,
because people could tell we'd had sex.
Do you really think I'm completely uninhibited?
I've got my limits. I wouldn't just do anything.
Do you think I'm completely uninhibited?
I don't really think anything.
-Have you got any more calls today? -Yes, two.
I need to leave early, I've got this ...
That's another strange thing.
When I woke up from that dream, there was something about my voice ...
It sounds different. Can you hear it?
-You sound a bit raspy. -No, it's more like ...
It's in a different register,
and when I talk, I constantly need to clear my throat.
-And when I sing ... -When you sing? When do you sing?
-Oh yeah, you're in that choir. -That's it.
We have a concert coming up, and I've got a solo.
So I've got an appointment with a voice coach.
The conductor recommended her. I just need to pick up Klaus first.
Voice coach, then marching band practice.
It's non-stop.
Pity we didn't get to talk more about your dream.
I don't know how much more there is to say about it.
-When's the concert? -On Saturday.
We're singing a ... It's a weird thing, actually ...
The conductor, she's ... I think she's ... I think she's really good.
But she wants us to sing more experimental stuff.
Okay? Is this something one can attend?
Well, yeah, but I'm not sure it's really your cup of tea.
-Isn't that for me to decide? -Sure, it's open to all.
-Would you rather I didn't come? -No ...
Come if you want. Now you're warned.
Well ...
It's ... I was just thinking ... that ...
I'd prefer it if you didn't tell anyone about that dream.
I won't say anything.
The same goes for what I told you.
I kind of assumed you'd keep it to yourself.
Yes, of course.
-See you at the pool tomorrow. -Half past eight?
Half past eight.
Hi!
Hello.
-Did you work from home today? -No, I came home after lunch.
-I've been out in the garden. -That's nice.
Are you ready for the garden centre? Do you know what seeds we need?
Nasturtium and lupin.
-Unless there's something in that box. -No, there's nothing there.
Are the kids in? I thought we could grab dinner at IKEA. I just need a shower.
-Didn't you shower at work? -No, I rushed back.
They'll be home soon. The school called, by the way.
-Really? Why? -It was just a minute ago.
It seems Hans Petter has been asking his classmates how much their parents make.
They didn't like that, then?
I reckon they've had complaints.
But listen ...
What you told me yesterday ...
I can't let it go.
No ...
I think it affected me more than I realized.
It was the way you told me. Like it was no big deal.
As if it was good news ...
Good news?
I guess I just ...
-I felt a bit bewildered. -I didn't know how to react.
But I've been thinking about it all day, and ...
You've cheated, you know. With a man.
That doesn't make it okay.
It definitely doesn't feel okay.
It washes over me in waves.
One moment, I'm like, all right.
But then ...
... I just cry. I've been crying all day.
Hey ... Sweetheart.
Sweetie.
I didn't want it to be like this.
Sweetheart.
I understand why you reacted the way you did.
I did something I've never done before.
Without you knowing.
It threw me too.
-How do you mean? -I'd never thought I ...
But then I just did it.
I didn't think of it as cheating.
-I still don't. -What is cheating, then?
I told you straight away.
So cheating is fine as long as you tell your partner straight away?
For me, cheating is ...
-Cheating is hiding something. -I've been thinking about this all day.
I don't understand any of it.
How could you do it?
I don't ...
-I don't know. -And I'm thinking ... Are you gay?
-No! -Are you sure?
I can't see any other explanation.
Sweetheart.
Having one beer doesn't make me an alcoholic.
That's not how it works.
And I'm also wondering ...
Do you still love me? Do you want to be with me?
Yes!
Of course I do!
It's got nothing to do with that.
I'm ... I love you.
There's no one else I love like you.
I've never loved anyone this way.
-I've never been this happy with anyone. -So why have sex with someone else?
And a man, as well. It's completely ...
I don't understand anything.
How could you just do that?
It might sound strange to you, but for me ...
They're completely unrelated. It doesn't mean I care about you any less.
And I didn't think ...
Our love can't ...
... be reduced to just not having sex with others. Can it?
Or maybe that's how it is?
When I say it out loud, I realize that maybe it is, but ...
I've looked at it all wrong.
But I don't understand what made you do it.
I guess I was ... I was turned on.
-I was aroused ... -You wanted him?
Yes.
Yes, I guess I picked up on it while we were chatting.
I could feel him looking at me.
At ... at my body.
And then he just asked me, point blank, if I wanted to have sex with him.
I said no, but when I was outside his house and had a chance to think, I ...
I realized I was actually really turned on.
And then ... Yeah.
So ...
No, this is ...
I can't make sense of this.
You're saying it wasn't cheating, it was just sex, it had nothing to do with us.
Would you have felt the same if it was a woman?
I don't know, really.
No, I don't think so.
I'm sure I wouldn't.
But this was just something completely different.
The fact that he looked at me ...
... as someone who might want to have sex with him ...
-That ... -You were flattered?
Did you enjoy it?
I guess ...
Yes, it felt good.
Yes, it did.
And you didn't think about me?
No, I didn't, to be completely honest.
But you can't just have sex with everyone you fancy.
I mean, you can, but ...
But ...
But I don't.
I've never done this before.
You know that.
This is completely insane.
-Where are you going? -I don't know.
I'm going to do some more work.
You should take that shower.
Dad?
I've been thinking about starting my own YouTube channel.
What do you think about that?
Nothing as of yet.
-Why do you want to do that? -I feel like my grades aren't good enough.
Stop it. You're getting B's across the board.
Yeah, but I'm not getting any A's.
I'm nowhere near the top of the class.
I'm mediocre.
-Alice has a YouTube channel. -Put away your phone.
You're not mediocre ...
-Does Alice have a YouTube channel? -Yes.
-Why does she have that? -I don't know ...
I guess she's figured out there's money to be made.
But is she making money?
No, not yet. But she has a lot of viewers.
She says lots of brands have asked her to talk about their products.
"A lot of", not "lots of".
-What does she talk about? -All kinds of things.
She talks about what she likes and dislikes.
She talks about her mental health problems.
If she buys a new eyeliner, she makes a video about it.
But she also talks about things we've done in class.
She'll repeat normal, funny stuff someone said.
She doesn't come up with much of it herself. Almost nothing, actually.
But when she repeats something I said on her YouTube videos,
it becomes more ...
Not more important, exactly, but ... it becomes something.
You know?
Yeah. I guess ...
Anyway. I think her skin has improved as well.
As a result of her YouTube channel?
-Is that why you want to start one? -No. My skin isn't that bad, is it?
But I need to make a living. What else can I do?
Without good grades, I won't get a good job. Or a pension.
-Pension? -Yeah.
-Why are you talking about your pension? -Someone talked about it in class.
Jesus, you're thirteen! You can't be talking about your pension!
-What should we talk about, then? -That's not what matters.
Pension, comparing yourself to others ... None of that matters.
You've got great grades.
Compared to who? I think about it all the time.
I'm ... I'm not good enough.
Yes. You are.
You can't be so hard on yourself. Where has this come from?
I guess we're to blame for how you've turned out.
-It's not your fault. -Yes. All the bad stuff is our fault.
-Now you're being hard on yourself. -You saying that is also our fault.
-So no YouTube channel. -No, that's ...
-I think ... -All right.
-Are you still working? -Yes.
Am I interrupting?
When you said that you're in more pain than you've ever been in ...
That just kills me.
I didn't want it to be like this.
I'm sorry.
Is there anything I can do?
I don't know ...
Why are you wearing jogging bottoms? We're going to the garden centre.
I'll change before we leave.
-Hey ... -I don't know.
I think what hurts the most is that ...
I don't know you ...
... anymore.
I don't know who you are. I can't trust you.
Maybe that's not a big deal, but ...
What if you want to do this again?
I won't. I told you.
How can you say that? You just did it.
And you said you liked it. How can I trust you?
Because I'm telling you.
-I promise. -You can't make that promise.
Sexual urges aren't that easily controlled.
Okay? Wait ... Why not?
That's just the way it is.
Is it? Okay.
-You're just full of cliches. -Oh really?
That's just nonsense.
You know that.
Of course you can control your sexual urges.
And we've been ... Think about it, we've been together for twenty years.
I've been trustworthy the whole time. Why can't you believe me now?
I just ...
I'm not even sure I want you to promise me.
Definitely not if it's just because you think I can't handle it.
I want you to be free to do whatever you want.
That's what love is. Loving someone unconditionally, setting them free.
"If you love somebody, set them free."
I'm not doing that if I make you promise me something against your will.
But I want to do it. I want to do it because I love you.
Because I don't want you to feel insecure and sad. What?
I wanted you to say that you wouldn't do it because you didn't want to.
That would have been better than you doing it because ...
... it makes me feel insecure and sad.
That just makes me feel fragile.
What you're really saying is that you might do it again,
if I wasn't so weak.
What are you thinking?
-It was just sex. -Just sex?
It's not "just sex" for me.
It's the most intimate thing we do. It's what we share.
It's what you and I share.
We're never as close as when we have sex.
Don't you agree?
-Why are you so quiet? -Because ...
If you're not even nodding, it feels like you disagree or you're hiding something.
I'm sorry. But to me, intimacy is ... this, what we share between us.
This is what's intimate to me. Not sex.
Well, sex is also intimate, but that's just physical.
That's still there. That's not disappeared just because ...
But ... Sorry, you weren't finished.
Just because I did that with him.
But that's precisely the point.
Now you've shared that with someone else.
Take your face when you're coming.
You look so vulnerable, and it's the closest I ever feel to you.
I want to be the only one who sees that.
I just ... I don't think I've ever ...
Maybe there's a vulnerability there, but it's not ...
You want to own that facial expression?
It sounds horrible when you say it like that.
I just want to be the only one who ... There's nothing strange about that.
No, but ... When I go to the chiropractor or the barber,
that's also someone else touching me.
But you can't compare those.
You can't compare sex and physical treatment.
Both involve someone else touching me, causing reactions and facial expressions.
That's not the same. You know what I mean.
What about me? What about my face when I come?
-Do you want someone else to see that? -I guess not ...
I don't think I've thought about it that way.
We're so close when you come, so I don't really know what you look like.
That's because you close your eyes.
Do I?
Maybe I do.
I feel you in my body, of course, but your face ... I don't know.
You must have seen it.
I can't think straight right now.
-Did you see his facial expression? -No.
But you ... felt him in your body?
I have to ask. I don't know how men have sex with each other.
-Like, what did you do? -What we did?
No, I mean ...
I don't know if I want to talk about it.
Why not? You don't usually mind talking about sex.
No.
He started ...
... by touching me.
My groin.
Outside my trousers. And then ...
Did you touch him back?
What else?
Then, he ...
Then he undid my fly and ...
This is unnecessary. You can imagine what happened.
No, I can't. I want you to tell me.
All right. Well, he ...
He started ... touching me, on my ...
Did you undo his fly as well?
Did you kiss him?
-Yeah, I had to. -You had to?
Well, I did.
And then ...
Did you just stand there and touch each other?
Did you do anything else? Please answer me.
Please.
We stood like that for a bit, and then ...
-And then, I guess he took me from behind. -You "guess"?
He fucked you in the ass?
Did you have anal sex?
Yes.
Yeah, I ...
Was he ...
Or, what did he look like?
He was a bit older than me.
Taller.
His hair was thinning.
Fat? Skinny?
A bit stockier than me.
-Was he handsome? -Handsome? No ...
Quite charming, I guess.
-He was very friendly. -Friendly?
Wasn't it painful?
Yes, a bit, maybe. At first.
And then it felt good?
Did he come?
And you, did you come too?
But...
It's... What was it like ...
Was your ass sore afterwards?
Yeah, I guess. A bit.
A bit?
I don't want to talk about this.
Surely you can tell me whether your ass was sore after?
Yes, it was a bit sore.
-Hello! -Hi!
I'm done talking about this.
It was just completely different. Okay?
I'm not going to do it again.
What's up?
I can explain.
My son here is in a marching band and I sing in a choir.
Several of the people in the choir have children in the marching band.
Because the choir conductor also conducts the marching band.
She's recruited us, and she's very ambitious.
Now we're having a joint concert, and I'm singing a solo.
And that ... I don't have much of a voice ...
What kind of choir is it? A church choir?
It's just a normal choir.
But over the last few days, my voice has sounded so different.
-Different? -It just changed all of a sudden.
-Changed how? -Have you seen this before?
-How has it changed? -It's become ... more ...
It's drier, and higher, and further back.
It's hard to explain. It's just the past few days.
Has something happened? Something that might have stressed you out?
I'm not a psychologist, but it's not unheard of
for people to have experiences which deeply affect them.
Not necessarily anything traumatic, just something that ...
Something stress-inducing, which can affect the voice.
Uh ... I don't know, really.
I sing in the shower, and yesterday my voice suddenly sounded so different.
I feel like my speaking voice has changed as well.
Your speaking voice too? Do you have a sore throat?
No, it's not really that.
You wouldn't know if I sound different, since we've never met before.
Does he sound different to you?
Not really. Maybe a bit higher?
Let's hear it, then.
-If you ... -What do you want me to sing?
Anything. Sing whatever you were singing in the shower.
Ingerid Sletten from Sildejord Had neither silks nor fur
Just a little cap made of coloured wool That her mother had given to her
Great! But when you were singing now ...
It sounds like you might have a tongue blockage.
The tongue is a muscle, and if it tenses up for whatever reason,
it can become an obstruction in the oral cavity.
And that can affect the sound of your voice.
Let's see.
Can you just stick your tongue out?
-Like this? -Is that as far as it goes?
I'm going to stretch it and see if the muscle relaxes.
Does it hurt?
It's uncomfortable, but I can feel it relaxing.
If you can get rid of whatever is causing that resistance,
you will have greater control of your voice.
Okay. But what's caused this? A tense tongue?
It could be a number of things. But it's most likely up here.
And here.
And maybe here.
I don't want to harp on about the stress thing, but ...
Our lives are full of events we have to react to in some way.
And even if it's not something major, it can still feel challenging.
Have you heard about or read anything by Hannah Arendt?
No.
She was a philosopher.
I just finished this book, and I recommend it to everyone.
She ... wrote a lot about freedom.
What freedom is and how to attain it.
And she draws a distinction between the social and public spheres.
In the social sphere, we are preoccupied with
identity and belonging to a group.
We're concerned with fitting in and being acknowledged.
But Arendt thinks humans are so much more.
And that we shouldn't be reduced to whatever is acceptable to a small group.
She argued that everyone is unique as individuals
and that we need to be part of a greater community
which allows for differences and disagreement.
where we can be subjectively thinking individuals.
And that is the public sphere.
So whereas the social sphere is fertile soil for totalitarianism and fascism,
the public sphere facilitates the liberation of the individual.
That's in brief, and in my own words, but ...
Is God a part of the social or the public sphere?
God? I don't know.
I don't believe in God.
Maybe both.
But how does that relate to the voice, do you think?
I just ...
There was just something about you when you walked in.
I'm sorry.
Anyway, take the book. I've already read it.
Are you ready to give it another go?
Yes.
Stick your tongue out.
That's it.
Why did you lie to the singing teacher?
You usually sing "Tell me the old, old story Of unseen things above"
-I guess I didn't remember it. -But you sing it in the shower every day.
Hey! We need a couple of strong men to help us carry this fridge.
Could you lend us a hand?
Yeah, I reckon that's doable.
I've got it.
-Grab the other end. -Hold on.
Brilliant, lads.
Brilliant.
Just put it here, and my husband will do the rest when he comes home.
Lucky for us that you walked by.
Good stuff.
-They didn't even say thank you. -They didn't?
They just said "great" and "brilliant".
-Is your hand all right? -I think it got trapped.
But you can move it? At least it's not broken, then.
A kind of portal.
-A pergola, you mean? -Yes, that's it.
The same colour as the house?
That would be cool.
We could extend the deck.
Maybe we could put vegetable containers over there.
Is that an idea? The boys might enjoy it.
Would you like to grow tomatoes?
It would be fun for them to watch them grow in spring.
I can't think about gardening right now.
-What's the matter? -I just ...
If it was me who had slept with someone else.
How would you have reacted?
-You did. -No, I didn't.
You did.
When we first started going out, you slept with your ex.
That was just to make sure. It didn't mean anything.
You were really upset and frustrated.
It was just weird that you had to sleep with him to decide you wanted me.
I didn't understand how that could help you decide one way or another.
What if the sex had been really good?
Would you have chosen him?
What was the reasoning?
You can't choose your partner based on how good the sex is.
If so, relationships would change from week to week.
Before we met, we had sex with lots of people.
That didn't matter. It was meaningless sex.
You said that too. It was just sex.
Now it suddenly means everything?
I don't understand what's changed. Suddenly it's the only thing that matters.
It's because ...
That was so long ago. Everything is different now.
I know that, I'm just trying to understand ...
Why is it impossible to think like that now?
What's changed? Is it our morals?
What?
-Answer me, please. -I have to think.
I don't know what to say.
But it's definitely not about morals.
It's about the fact that we decided to get married.
Marriage isn't just about restricting our sexuality.
No, it's about being a couple.
Of course.
I don't know why I'm saying all this ...
... all this nonsense.
There you are!
Doesn't that hurt?
It looks painful.
What ... What is this?
A dreamcatcher. A gift from Louise.
She bought them for everyone on holiday.
Do you think it's ugly? I like it.
-Who is Louise again? -The girl who started before Christmas.
She's been on sick leave. She got sick almost immediately.
Very sweet girl. I've told you about her.
She looks a bit like Marit Bjørgen. And her partner had gender-affirming surgery.
Oh yeah ...
Must be weird not recognizing your own reflection in the mirror.
It's about more than your reflection, don't you think?
It's not about the haircut or the face.
It's about the inside. Or maybe the eyes.
And you do whatever is necessary to make the inside match the outside.
At its core, it's about getting to a place where you feel free.
Isn't that why you're stretching your tongue? To be free?
-Free from what? -Free from, free to. I don't know.
I don't hear a difference in your voice, but something is clearly bothering you.
Sing something.
-Tell me the old, old story -Of unseen things above ... Yes?
Tell me the old, old story Of unseen things above
Of Jesus and His glory Of Jesus and His love
Yeah, you sound completely fine.
-Is there something else? -Now you remember it.
But you couldn't in front of the voice coach.
And you avoided telling her it was a church choir.
-Were you embarrassed? -No!
People are just so prejudiced.
Maybe it was a bit cowardly. It just didn't feel right.
It's not always that easy.
I understand. Don't think of it as cowardly.
-How's your hand? -I can't even grab the shampoo bottle.
-Is it sprained? -I hope not. I've got so much to do.
Sewing and playing.
I can't play the cornet like this.
If it's not better tomorrow, we'll go see the doctor.
It has to be.
Sleep tight. Good night.
Hans Petter doesn't understand why you can't ask people how much they make.
What did you tell him?
He doesn't understand why it offends people.
But I think it was quite uncomfortable for him in the end.
He thought we were making a lot.
But it turns out most of the other parents make a lot more.
Can you keep your pants on?
Hey ... It can't be like this.
Can you please forgive me?
Do you think you could?
I'll never do it again. I promise.
The libido is so strong, I don't think you can control it.
-If so, it could happen to you too. -No.
I don't want to have sex with anyone else.
That's the difference between us. I don't, but you do.
No, I don't.
I don't know what else I can say.
Desire is ... something that just comes over you, out of the blue.
It's not something you can control.
I could suddenly want ... lots of things.
But feeling desire is not the same as acting on it.
Acting on that desire is a choice.
But I don't know if I can promise to never desire anyone else.
If you want to ... own both my body and my thoughts.
Do you know what?
I want you to own it.
If that makes you happy.
I want you to be happy. It's the only thing I want.
-I want you to be happy too. -But I'm happy when you're happy.
But that ... That's not good.
The worst part is ...
The worst part is that a part of me ... is jealous of you.
I can admit that I've had thoughts ...
I've wanted to do something like that too.
But when you did that,
it was so damned ...
It's so damned painful being on the other side.
I didn't realize it would hurt this much.
Maybe that's it. I'm sure you didn't either.
No, not at all.
That's the awful thing, because in theory ...
And this is the truth ...
In principle, I think we should both have that freedom.
But if that freedom is so painful ...
Can I endure that?
Right now, I don't know if I want to be in this relationship anymore.
What do you mean?
Do you want to break up?
I just don't understand how we can ... move past this.
I don't know.
I feel completely ...
Completely lost.
Hey.
No, please don't. I can't. I'm sorry.
-Do you want me to sleep somewhere else? -Yes, maybe.
No, you stay.
I can't lie in this bed.
What is it?
My dreams ...
They've been unsettling lately.
What are they about?
I'm dreaming that I ...
Is the skin peeling on your back?
-What? -Yes!
Your skin is really dry. Is it dry elsewhere as well?
Look at this!
That's a bit unpleasant.
-Maybe it's psoriasis or something. -What?
You should get it checked out.
Hey!
-Is something wrong? -No.
How's your hand?
It's so painful I can't button my shirt.
My goodness. Let me see.
Is it swollen?
It's not broken, at least.
Can you take Klaus to the doctor this afternoon?
Then you can ask about the skin thing while you're there.
-This is my old shirt. -Yes?
I'm off to work. Will you take the kids to school?
How are you doing?
I'm confused.
-I think I need to talk to someone. -You can talk to me.
Someone else. I'm meeting Hanne after work.
I see.
Are you going to tell her everything?
Yes ...
-Are you uncomfortable with that? -It's just that it's about me.
It's about me too.
Where are you meeting her? Are you having dinner?
We're just getting coffee at a café near work.
I'll let you know if we end up getting dinner.
Bye.
Hey.
-Were you in a good mood that day? -What do you mean?
Yeah, I guess. Why do you ask?
Your back is straight when you're in a good mood.
Bursting with confidence. That's very attractive.
It's like you're open to anyone or anything.
My mum used to call it being easy.
I don't know.
Why are you so stupid?
This is a fire trap in its current state.
-Shall I come up? -Yes.
I think you should.
Okay.
Hey.
Are you alright?
I'm sorry, I had a dizzy spell. I started shaking.
I see. Terje is on a job around the corner. Why didn't you call him?
He was going to the hardware store, so I thought I'd rather call you.
Okay. Do you want help getting down, or should we just sit for a bit?
People are so strange. These people had covered the fireplace with wallpaper.
-I've seen that before. -I know, it just upset me.
And all day I've been thinking about what I told you yesterday.
My wife and I were talking all night last night.
-I've hardly slept. -I thought it might be that.
It wasn't that easy after all?
Maybe I shouldn't have told her.
But that wouldn't have felt right.
Then it would feel like cheating.
-Am I way off base? -I don't know ...
At least you know what you're feeling.
Still, I can't quite believe you thought it would be that easy.
That was perhaps a tad naive.
You tried to do the impossible.
I haven't tried to do anything.
I'm so worried everything is ... unravelling.
No, that's ... Well, maybe ...
If it's any consolation, you're not the only one.
-Did you dream you were a woman again? -Yes. Well, not that I was a woman, but ...
... that people look at me as if I were a woman.
-But it was the same dream? -Yes. Or no. David Bowie was there.
Or he showed up after a while. We were at a party, on this sofa, and I ...
And you were there. All the lads were there, just laughing and joking.
Then David Bowie walks in with someone else.
He spots me across the room and comes over.
He looks at me as if he's really happy to see me.
I stand up and give him a hug.
And I can tell you all are impressed that I know him.
And ...
He puts his hand out, and I take it, and then we walk out into something ...
... green ... and bright ...
And as we're walking, it feels like I'm growing taller.
This sounds completely nuts, but for me ...
He put his hand on my back like this and pushed me forwards.
And I can feel something in my body, a lightness.
A possibility that ...
-But when I wake up ... -It's uncomfortable.
It actually sounds really nice.
They're all nice things.
You're so open.
What's your opinion of me? What do you think about me?
My opinion of you?
You're a really nice bloke.
-Yeah? -You're funny.
You're a great superior. Always very clear.
Caring.
And you're Christian. Maybe that's part of it.
-Do I talk about that a lot? -No, never, really.
I don't think it affects my opinion of you.
But maybe it affects you.
How's your wife doing?
She's devastated. I can't blame her.
I've hurt her in a way that ...
She's going to talk to one of her girlfriends about it today.
I don't know.
I understand why she needs it, but ...
It still feels like a betrayal.
-But you've talked to me about it. -I don't know what her version is like.
How it'll make me look.
She could say ...
I don't think that's fair.
You have to trust that she talks about you the way you talk about her.
I can see why she needs to discuss it with someone, get another perspective.
What's her friend like?
My wife says your life is shaped by those you speak to.
So you have to talk to people who make the world bigger, not smaller.
I don't know ...
Her name is Hanne. I guess she's ...
... someone who makes the world smaller.
-How was school today? -Alice got her period.
She had really bad cramps.
She's making a YouTube video about it.
Oh.
-Does she talk to you about it? -That's not so strange, is it?
She says I give her the best feedback.
But when it comes to her period, I don't ...
I asked her to describe the pain, and she said she was nauseous
and that it felt like she'd eaten metal.
And that she had cramping all the way down her legs.
And she has to deal with that her whole life. That seems unfair.
Not her whole life. It stops at a point.
-Mum still gets her period? -Yes.
But in a couple of years, she'll go through menopause.
And then ...
... that part ...
... will be over.
How did you respond? What did you say?
I told her ...
What you tell me when I think about death.
One day we'll all die, but on all the others we will not.
-You told her that? -I told her she should think that way.
Some days you're on your period, but every other day, you're not.
Klaus Melbye?
Yes.
I'll bandage it, and you can buy a splint at the chemist.
And it might be a good idea to take some pain killers.
-Like ibuprofen? -Or Voltarol. Do you usually take ibuprofen?
He doesn't take anything.
A girl in my class takes it. She says it works.
-Oh yeah? -For the period pains, you mean?
Yeah. Can you do anything to relieve really bad period pains?
Does your friend have that?
-Really bad. -I see.
If they're really bad, she should see a doctor.
Since it signals fertility, some cultures regard period pains as holy.
They think our fertility makes women goddesses.
So the period and the pain becomes a celebration of that.
The pain is to be endured bravely.
It will strengthen you as a goddess.
It's quite powerful and optimistic. Can you tell your friend that?
-If your mum heard that ... -Would she disagree?
I don't think she subscribes to the goddess stuff.
She's Christian.
I think it's more that ...
... her periods are tough, and that she doesn't feel like a goddess.
I don't personally subscribe to the goddess theory myself.
But I can see their point, because giving birth is a special thing.
To have your body become the arena for the drama that is childbirth,
that's indescribable.
The body becomes a battlefield, of sorts.
There are limits, but we want to be conquered.
It's a unique feeling of being nature.
And having sex during the last trimester is ...
That's very special. That your body can accommodate three people.
That is ... Oh, well.
That's what our periods promise.
So I have to say I miss it a little.
Right. You've got children?
A daughter who's a surveyor and a son who wants to be a comedian.
He hasn't got a funny bone in his body, but I've understood that's not a requirement.
But my daughter, she's funny.
She gave me those images on the wall. Do you see what it is?
It's a pair of ducks.
And if you see ducks at the doctor's, they might be quacks.
I'll write you a prescription for Voltarol.
And I'll refer you to get x-rays.
Aren't you going to ask about your back?
No, that's ...
Is there something with your back? I've got time.
I suddenly got this annoying ...
Swap seats, and I'll look at it.
I've had some skin changes.
Let's see here.
I just have to lift this up.
You've got dry skin.
You're shedding the outer skin, and underneath it's all healthy skin.
Nothing red or sore. No signs of eczema or psoriasis.
Isn't it a bit odd? I haven't been out in the sun or anything.
Just use moisturizer and a high SPF cream if you're working outdoors.
And I'd hold off on getting a tattoo for the moment.
That's not an issue.
-I'd like one. -Would you?
-I think that's nonsense. -Why?
People should do what they want, but I think the skin is fine as it is.
People get tattoos because it makes them feel special,
but no matter how special the tattoo is, it covers up something truly unique.
All the marks and irregularities which make our skin completely unique.
I'm not a fan.
We have a teacher who's got a tattoo which says, "I love my family".
Sounds like serious phantom pains disguised as empathy.
I can see her waking up one day feeling like she's tattooed a stranglehold on herself.
Then she'll ask me to remove her family with lasers.
Can I tell you about a patient I had once? Or two patients. It was a couple.
Architects, both of them.
They met and fell in love studying architecture.
After graduating, they bought a flat and moved in together.
I considered their relationship to be rock solid.
They had similar tastes, they dressed and spoke the same way.
They frequently discussed politics
and wanted a society with higher taxes and redistribution of wealth.
Yet they had to admit they felt safer on the right.
Even after several years, they were still in love and never tired of each other.
And like all couples, they liked different things about each other's bodies.
One had a beautiful line going from his shoulder
which never failed to arouse his boyfriend.
There was a mole on the back of his shoulder
which made him weak in the knees.
And for his birthday, what do you get your architect boyfriend who has everything?
Our architect wanted to give him something personal, an act of devotion.
An act expressing his bottomless love for his boyfriend.
And since he knew that his boyfriend was mad about the back of his shoulders,
he went ahead and had it tattooed
with the three words he knew his boyfriend cherished above all others.
The excitement was not as immediate as he had hoped.
The birthday boy was disappointed at first,
as you can be when you get a present you didn't really want.
He tried to smile, even though he felt his boyfriend
had defaced the most beautiful part of his body.
It felt like a betrayal.
He also thought the typeface was wrong.
And since he couldn't tell him how he really felt,
he said it was a weird choice to go with a Le Corbusier typeface
for a Frank Lloyd Wright tattoo.
He heard how cruel it sounded.
He knew that the worst thing you can tell a newly tattooed architect is
that he chose the wrong typeface.
The newly tattooed wept with regret.
He said he'd been thrown off by the aggressive interior of the tattoo parlour.
And that the tattoo artist had been much more attractive than he'd expected.
But whatever the reasons, it was too late for regrets.
It was irreversible.
Like an accident.
Who is Frank Lloyd Wright?
A famous American architect.
Did he come to you to get it removed? Did they break up?
No. Luckily, people aren't that shallow. It takes more than that.
And they loved each other.
The man the tattoo was meant to honour, learned to appreciate it.
He grew to regard it with tenderness.
The reason they came to see me was something else entirely.
Unfortunately.
-I still want a tattoo. -I kind of want one too, now.
Hi. Are you home?
-I thought you were meeting Hanne? -I just got home.
-Where have you been? -I've just been ...
... walking around all afternoon.
-What about the kids? -They're next door. They called.
-Are you writing? -Yeah, it's ...
Yeah, I ...
-Where did you walk? -Just around. Downtown.
I sat on the pier by City Hall for a bit.
A bride and groom came and wanted a photo with me.
You know, it's considered good luck
to meet a chimney sweep on your wedding day.
Did you have sex with them too?
I'm sorry. That was ...
I'm sorry.
How was it seeing Hanne?
It was enlightening.
-What did she say? -She thinks it's grounds for divorce.
If Knut had come home and told her that, she'd have kicked him out.
But you know, that's Hanne.
You don't think that way?
No.
But it felt good talking to someone else.
I've been so tense.
My body has tensed up.
I began crying as soon as I started talking about it.
But after a while, I could feel how saying it out loud had loosened something.
By the end, we just sat there laughing, all three of us.
-It felt nice. -Laughing?
All three of you?
Hanne brought a friend, Bjørn.
So you told him everything too?
Well, he was there.
He's a psychologist, so he had his own take on it.
-Is that so? And what was that? -He mostly just asked questions.
He said I needed to organise my thoughts
and claim ownership of the narrative.
-Ownership of the narrative? -The story, then.
This isn't a story. It's something that's happened to us, our lives.
Is that work you're doing?
Nope.
Bjørn said it might help if I wrote down what I'm thinking and feeling.
I guess that's not something you want me to read.
Would you want me to read it?
Read away.
"It's what he does rather than what he says ..."
It sounds dumb when you read it out loud.
What do you mean by that? What I do, not what I say? I say lots of things.
Right now, what you're saying doesn't mean that much.
It's what you do, your actions, I care about.
Maybe that's why I was so hurt.
When you cheated, it was an action that excluded me completely.
I wasn't part of your world when you gave your body to someone else.
Did you write that down? That I gave my body to someone else?
I've written everything. The whole story.
Everything you told me. Everything that happened at that guy's house.
The whole story? In your own words?
Of course it's in my own words.
Hey. What are you thinking right now?
I don't know.
It's like you're making it your story, in a way.
This happened to me too.
-What are you guys doing up so early? -Klaus got up at five.
-How's the hand? -Better.
I took down that dream catcher.
Why? Don't you like it?
Turn it inside out and check.
What would you think if I told you that I keep dreaming I meet David Bowie,
and that he looks at me as if I'm a woman?
How do you interpret that? That it's a suppressed wish?
It just does something to me.
-Something bad? -Maybe not.
-Oh no! -It feels like ...
It's inside out. You have to undo it.
That goes on the other side.
Do you ever feel like life is just about limiting and constricting yourself?
This sounds a bit like a mid-life crisis.
Maybe that's it. I'll stop going on about it.
No, keep talking.
So he looks at you like you're a woman. Do you feel like you're a woman?
No, I ... Or, what does that feel like?
How do I explain that?
Does it feel like something's wrong with your body?
Is there a dissonance between how your body feels and how it looks?
No, I'm ...
I'm reasonably happy with my body.
And you don't have an urge to put on women's clothes?
Not at all.
It's not about that.
It feels like it goes deeper than that. It's hard to explain.
I think it's the fact that he looks at me in a way no one has ever done.
And it's so powerful that it's still in my body when I wake up.
It stays with me all day.
In what way? Is it uncomfortable?
At first, I thought so, because it was such a new feeling, but ...
... now I kind of like it.
It's like I see things differently because someone looked at me differently.
Don't tell anyone this, but a mate from work, he ...
He had sex with another guy.
-And I think that ... -Was it ...?
Yes, but don't ask who.
Don't ask. The point is, he's not actually gay.
No? I think that's up for debate if he had sex with another man.
Homosexuality isn't just an identity, it's also an activity.
One he has participated in if he has, indeed, had sex with another man.
That's how you see it.
But we were talking about me, and I ...
When he told me about this sexual encounter,
he said that he'd never had anyone look at him the way this guy looked at him.
It had nothing to do with me, but I could relate to that bit, you know?
Not really.
This isn't about sex, with you?
No, it doesn't.
It's about ...
... expectations. That ...
You're used to people expecting so much, and then you try to live up to that.
It felt good to be looked at without those expectations.
What are you thinking?
I don't quite understand ...
So he looks at you as if you were a woman.
I don't understand what's so liberating about that.
Being objectified or defined by others is not something I've ever enjoyed.
Maybe it's not that he's looking at me as if I'm a woman,
but that he's looking at me as neither woman nor man.
That he just looks straight to my core.
It's such a benevolent, open gaze, without reservation.
There were no expectations. I was free to be whoever I want.
Whoever that is.
Sounds more like God than Bowie.
If we were able to meet each other with the assumption
that love is the way and the goal.
If we were able to meet each other in that spirit,
we would be much freer in our interactions.
If we approached every situation as an opportunity to do good.
Like the guy on the radio who said the only thing worth competing in is kindness.
It's hard to imagine, but it's a scenario in which everyone wins.
I don't think you should look at these dreams as a problem.
You could think of it as something nice.
Think of it as God's way of saying you can contain everything.
You can rest in that knowledge.
-What are you making? -Your outfit.
It's going to look great.
The fact that she's told others about it and written about it
makes me really sad.
Maybe I'm being childish, but it really threw me off-balance.
It didn't feel like mine anymore.
I feel like that around eloquent people.
They're in control of the situation. They have the power, while I'm just ...
-Maybe it's because I'm dyslexic. -I'm dyslexic as well.
I still have words ...
I don't know.
I have to ask: Are you sure you're not gay?
You've asked me that already. As has my wife.
Maybe you don't believe me,
I think you can have sex with a man without being gay.
Do you think I was wrong to do it, from a moral standpoint?
-Because I'm Christian? -Yes.
I don't think Jesus came to earth in order to ...
... protect the nuclear family or interfere with people's love lives.
On the contrary.
I'm just really glad you felt comfortable sharing it with me.
That you trust me even if I'm Christian.
But that's also why I trust you.
I often think about when you told me you were Christian.
It looked like that was difficult for you.
And I can understand that.
But that you found the courage to tell me meant an awful lot.
I thought about that when deciding to tell you this. I wasn't sure.
But then I thought:
Admitting you're Christian must be worse than admitting you've slept with a man.
It meant so much to me that you trusted me enough to tell me.
But do you think it was wrong of me to do that?
I'm not sure how to respond.
You hurt your wife.
I can't approve of that.
No, me neither.
But you wish it wouldn't have hurt her?
Yeah, I guess that's true.
I guess I wish that too.
Because when you told me, it seemed like you'd had a wonderful experience.
-I don't know how wonderful it was. -Sensational, was the word you used.
And when you experience something really wonderful,
you should be able to appreciate it.
Even if you feel like your wife has diminished it by talking about it,
you don't have to do the same.
It was your experience.
You remember being penetrated.
You can keep that to yourself.
Treasure it in your heart, like the Virgin Mary.
The boys are in the car. Are you ready to go?
Can I say something before we go?
Sorry to keep harping on about this.
If we are going to be completely free ...
Give each other that freedom ...
Live without limitations, commitments or obligations ...
But we're still a couple, like you said.
Yes ...
We have love for one another.
That is an obligation whether we want to or not.
Love feels so fragile. So transient.
Yeah ... Is it hard to trust it?
What if you think of ...
... love as a choice?
That I've chosen you.
And you've chosen me.
Yeah ...
Maybe.
-Hi! -Hello.
Wow!
-It's my outfit. -I see.
-My son made it. -Really? That's impressive!
-With a sprained hand, to boot. -It looks professional.
-Is it just you? -No, my wife and kids are here.
-Hello. -Hi.
-You look great. -Thanks.
-Hi! -Hi.
Well? Are you ready?
Well, I ...
-Are you nervous? -A bit excited, maybe.
Good luck.
His son made the outfit.
For I know
the plans I have
for you
declares the Lord
Plans for welfare
And not for evil
To give you a future and a hope
For I know the plans
I have for you
To give you a future and a hope
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