1
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:08,843
[bell ringing]

2
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,262
[man] All right, who's ready
to have a good time, huh?

3
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,305
That's right.
So welcome here.

4
00:00:13,389 --> 00:00:15,599
Uh, show of hands,
how many people have been

5
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:17,017
to a taping
of a TV show before?

6
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:18,519
Thank you.

7
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:22,189
Okay, just remember,
the movie's hilarious.

8
00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:23,482
Everyone buy tickets.

9
00:00:23,566 --> 00:00:25,776
- Let me ask you a question.
- Yeah?

10
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:26,920
Do you think I'm good
in the movie?

11
00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:28,130
Come on, Kev,
I'm your agent.

12
00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:29,715
Of course, I think you're good
in the movie.

13
00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:31,782
You know who else thinks
you're good in the movie?

14
00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,826
The studio.
Now, go knock 'em dead.

15
00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:36,495
Big smiles, big laughs,
you're America's funny man.

16
00:00:36,579 --> 00:00:38,724
[man] The house band's gonna
play a little bit for ya,

17
00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:39,808
and, uh, we're gonna have
a great time, all right?

18
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:41,542
America's funny man.

19
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:44,295
[cheers and applause]

20
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:47,089
Oh, now, Kev,
people are just raving

21
00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:48,424
about this new movie
of yours.

22
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,259
Oh, my God,
they are raving.

23
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:53,637
You are working with
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,

24
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,723
playing
his comedy sidekick again.

25
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,308
What is this,
the sixth time now?

26
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,727
- Number six.
- How do you keep it so fresh?

27
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,480
I mean, look,
Dwayne and I are, um,

28
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,439
you know, we're friends.

29
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:04,774
- Lucky.
- Hashtag, Jealous.

30
00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,400
[laughing]

31
00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,986
He's lucky, too.
He's lucky, too.

32
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,696
But, I mean, look,
when you are friends,

33
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,114
you feed off of each other,

34
00:01:12,198 --> 00:01:14,074
that energy, of course,
transfers.

35
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:15,510
But, uh, I don't know,
I would like to think

36
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,704
of my-my characters
as-as heroes as well.

37
00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:21,123
[laughing]

38
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:24,627
I don't know...
I don't know why the laugh.

39
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:26,378
I'm very serious.

40
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:28,255
You know, I've actually
I've been...

41
00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:29,939
I've been trying to become
a leading man,

42
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,176
you know, do more
of an action star thing,

43
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,428
but I've been-I've been
somewhat typecast.

44
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:35,864
For some reason, people only
see me as the funny guy.

45
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,097
- You make me laugh.
- No.

46
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,098
- Yeah.
- Thank you.

47
00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,284
Glad-glad, you know,
appreciate it.

48
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,560
I'm not an easy audience.
[laughing]

49
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:42,704
Yeah, you know,
but it's just it's...

50
00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:45,064
I can do more
than show up

51
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,733
and do the funny
or do the dance. I'm...

52
00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,085
- Would you, though?
- Would you do that dance?

53
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,109
- Come on.
- Come on!

54
00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:53,113
Who wants to see
Kevin dance, huh?

55
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,699
We'll get
the "Macarena" going.

56
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,369
No. No.

57
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,787
I'm not...
I'm not gonna dance.

58
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,264
Next time.
Next time then, for sure.

59
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,581
Now, here's just a question.

60
00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:05,793
Like, okay, when you...
when you see Idris Elba, right,

61
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,956
you see him and you go,
"Wow, that's an action star".

62
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,631
But if you took
six inches off of Idris,

63
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,174
nobody...
nobody's gonna give a shit.

64
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:13,676
- Okay-okay, just...
- Okay.

65
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,845
Gentle reminder here,
it's a live broadcast.

66
00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:17,346
Got it.
But you get my point.

67
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:18,722
Nobody's gonna care.
- Right.

68
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,015
All right,
if he was smaller.

69
00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:21,660
I mean, I don't think
I know any action stars

70
00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:24,103
that are 5'7".
Can we name one?

71
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:27,022
There's, um...
Oh, there's Mr. Tom Cruise.

72
00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:28,274
Oh, wonderful.

73
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,960
Who we love.
A favorite here on the show.

74
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,545
Okay. Tom Cruise.
That's one. All right.

75
00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:32,903
- Jackie Chan.
- Yeah!

76
00:02:32,987 --> 00:02:35,322
- Isn't he great.
- Oh, he's a little guy.

77
00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:37,491
I feel like
you're being a dick.

78
00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:39,910
Is-Is this a bit?

79
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:41,579
Are you guys...
is this a bit?

80
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,123
I-I think it may have been.
Getting back to the movie,

81
00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,292
tell us-tell us
just how great this movie is.

82
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,752
The, uh,
the movie's garbage.

83
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,881
- Sorry?
- Yeah, the movie's garbage.

84
00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:54,550
Take the movie, ball it up,
throw it in the trash can.

85
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,927
How many times do you need
to see me in a car

86
00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:58,846
with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson?

87
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,599
And I'm the comedy sidekick,
and he's saving lives,

88
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,976
and I got a catchphrase,
"Oh, hell no"?

89
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:04,935
We love it
when you say that.

90
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:06,770
Oh, good.
Can you do it again?

91
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:09,315
Here's my question.
Why can't I be an action star?

92
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,568
I read something online
about you being afraid

93
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:14,069
of woodland creatures.

94
00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,487
- Oh, yes.
- About me what?

95
00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:16,631
Beaver?
It was it a squirrel?

96
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:17,573
- Squirrel.
- A squirrel.

97
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:18,532
- It was a squirrel.
- Yes.

98
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:19,450
That you have a fear
of squirrels.

99
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,451
Who's afraid of a squirrel?

100
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,887
I'm not fuckin' afraid
of a squirrel.

101
00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:23,245
- Okay.
- Ooh.

102
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,431
- I'm not afraid of shit!
- Okay, you've said it.

103
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,224
You've made your point there.
- I'm not afraid of shit,

104
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,167
and I'm more than just a guy
that does comedy.

105
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:30,002
I'm a fuckin' action star,
all right?

106
00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,938
So why don't you start
taking me a little serious?

107
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,797
Tell me what I am
and what I'm not.

108
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,441
If I didn't have
what the fuck it takes,

109
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,551
would I show this?
Or that?

110
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,221
Back up.
- Yep.

111
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,389
Kev, Kev, Kev.

112
00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:43,575
Kev, hey, you gotta go
back out there.

113
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:44,642
Say it was a joke.

114
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,161
I'm not telling them
it was a joke.

115
00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:47,394
You don't get it, man.

116
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:48,955
All right? I'm trying
to be taken seriously.

117
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,190
My whole life, I've dreamed
of becoming an action hero.

118
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,359
Well, you know,
maybe instead of dreaming,

119
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:54,794
you should just
stay in your own lane.

120
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,654
What the fuck
did you just say?

121
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,238
- What are you doin'?
- Ooh!

122
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,158
Pssshhh...

123
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,245
That was a bit.
Doin' a bit.

124
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:08,832
♪♪♪

125
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,542
<i>[Kevin Hart] I'm not
afraid of [BLEEP]!</i>

126
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,895
<i>[Mikey] Okay, you've said it.
You've made your point there.</i>

127
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,188
<i>- [Kevin] I'm not afraid of [BLEEP].
- [Mikey] Yup.</i>

128
00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:14,397
<i>[Kevin] And I'm more than just
a guy that does comedy.</i>

129
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,090
<i>I'm a [BLEEP] action star,
all right?</i>

130
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:18,342
<i>So why don't you start
[BLEEP] [BLEEP]?</i>

131
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,094
<i>[Leah] That was our star,
Kevin Hart.</i>

132
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:24,765
<i>And apparently he's...
going through something.</i>

133
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,451
<i>To say the least.
You don't see Tom Cruise...</i>

134
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:32,398
[phone vibrating]

135
00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:33,792
I already know
what you're gonna say.

136
00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:35,818
You're gonna say apologize,
then after that...

137
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,987
<i>No, no, no, Kev,
it's too late to apologize.</i>

138
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,948
The studio already removed you
from the fuckin' billboard.

139
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,075
So I'm done?
Just like that, I'm done?

140
00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,285
Maybe not.

141
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:48,163
Claude Van De Velde
wants to meet with you.

142
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:53,168
Claude Van De Velde?

143
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:54,128
You talking about
the director?

144
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:55,838
Yes, Claude Van De Velde,

145
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:57,841
director of four of the six
biggest action movies

146
00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:01,343
of all time,
saw the interview...

147
00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:02,469
and wants to meet.

148
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,179
Why?

149
00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,806
You know what?
It don't matter.

150
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,033
It doesn't even
fucking matter.

151
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:09,727
I'm there.
Okay? I'm there.

152
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:13,564
Oh, shit.

153
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:21,405
♪♪♪

154
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:25,492
I have seen all your films.
I like all your films.

155
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,828
But you, Kevin,
you don't like your films.

156
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:31,373
- Wow, you can tell, huh?
- Of course I can tell.

157
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:34,334
You and I,
we are the same.

158
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:37,755
My movies have grossed
billions of dollars.

159
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,006
Who cares?
- Yeah.

160
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,842
I mean, it's not about
the money, right?

161
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:45,929
It is about finding yourself
inside an artistic expression.

162
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,681
Yes.

163
00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:51,185
I want to find you, Kevin.

164
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,437
Will you let me find you?

165
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,399
You found me.
I'm right here, man.

166
00:05:57,483 --> 00:06:00,944
My next project is
a serious gritty action film.

167
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:05,574
It requires
a serious, gritty actor.

168
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,785
You, Kevin.

169
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,496
I want you
in the leading role.

170
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:12,998
Holy shit, man.
You gotta be...

171
00:06:13,082 --> 00:06:15,667
Excuse you. Watch it, man.
- My apologies, sir.

172
00:06:15,751 --> 00:06:18,378
Mark Wahlberg would not
scream at a party server.

173
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,631
Oh, I didn't scream.
I didn't scream.

174
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,092
An action star
is tough, confident,

175
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,718
unfazed by minor details

176
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,930
that disrupt
the average person.

177
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:30,140
Yeah, I-I was unfazed.

178
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,409
I wasn't fazed
at all from that.

179
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:33,519
If you really want
this part,

180
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,271
I need you to attend
a training program.

181
00:06:36,355 --> 00:06:39,858
All the best action stars
have gone through it.

182
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:41,294
Are you talkin'
like action star school?

183
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:45,531
Stallone, Van Damme,
Steven Seagal,

184
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:48,075
Jackie Chan,
they're all alums.

185
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,701
I just kind of assumed
all those guys

186
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,788
had to have the juice.
The mojo.

187
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,873
Do you remember
what Matt Damon

188
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,835
was before
he was Jason Bourne?

189
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,419
Yeah.
He just won an Oscar.

190
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,130
Neither do I.

191
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,842
This program turned a no-name
Matt Damon into a leading man

192
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,552
revered around the world.

193
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:09,096
Look,
with all due respect,

194
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,141
I don't need that. I don't...
I don't need none of that.

195
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,767
I'm ready now.

196
00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:17,271
I'm ready right now.

197
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,982
Down here, Kevin.

198
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:21,692
You don't think
you need training?

199
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,278
You want the part
right now?

200
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:28,490
Well, your new body is waiting
for you on that rooftop.

201
00:07:31,410 --> 00:07:33,287
Go and get it.

202
00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:43,582
♪♪♪

203
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,591
[exhales]

204
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,552
Oh, shit!
Ahh!

205
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:49,678
[gasping]

206
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:51,513
Help! Help me!
Help me!

207
00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,307
So good.

208
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:54,892
He's doing his famous
"help me" scene

209
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,435
from "Ride Along 2".
- Help!

210
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,895
[applause]

211
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,125
<i>[Danny Morrison] Look, Kev,
I don't love the idea</i>

212
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,859
<i>of you driving out
to the middle of nowhere</i>

213
00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:05,944
<i>to go to some...</i>
- [Kevin] Action star school.

214
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,654
<i>[Danny] Right, yes.
That.</i>

215
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,115
<i>Kev, maybe we just
wait a little longer.</i>

216
00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:11,301
<i>Eventually,
the studios will forget</i>

217
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,659
<i>how badly you fucked up,</i>

218
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:13,803
<i>and they'll offer you
a new sidekick role.</i>

219
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,872
No, this is my time
to shine.

220
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,333
You believe in me,
don't you?

221
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:22,711
Don't you?
Danny?

222
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,339
[phone beeping]
You believe in... Oh, shit.

223
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,965
Damn reception.

224
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,723
♪♪♪

225
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,767
Oh, hell no.

226
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:50,489
Ron Wilcox?

227
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:53,075
[squirrel chatters]
Oh, shit.

228
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,077
Don't be a bitch, Kevin.

229
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,914
Be Academy Award-winning
Matt Damon.

230
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,707
Get the fuck off my car.

231
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,838
Uh...

232
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:09,716
Hello?

233
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:13,637
Anybody here?

234
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,889
Claude Van De Velde,
he sent me.

235
00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,575
I don't know, you tell me
what you wanna tell me.

236
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:20,060
Why are you here?
Why are you here?

237
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,396
- Where's my nephew at?
- Uh, fellas?

238
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:23,623
What do you mean
where's your nephew?

239
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:25,124
I don't know where the fuck
your nephew is.

240
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:30,112
- Hey, excuse me?
- Now you don't trust me?

241
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,030
I know you murdered
my nephew, Rodrigo.

242
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:35,075
Bullshit, motherfucker!
I didn't murder Rodrigo.

243
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,494
Look, you got your money.
I got my shipment.

244
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,538
I don't know
where Rodrigo is.

245
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:41,081
Maybe he's fucking
your mother.

246
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,541
Oh, training
has already begun.

247
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,252
Okay. Uh...

248
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,546
You. You. Oh, come on!
Bring it! Bring it!

249
00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,589
Come on, bring that bat,
motherfucker!

250
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:51,717
Hey!

251
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,386
You wanna
push somebody around?

252
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:57,431
Try me out.

253
00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:01,059
Hey, and what are you,
a tough guy?

254
00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:02,853
Goddamn right,
I'm a tough guy.

255
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,688
North Philadelphia tough.

256
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,857
I'm Kevin motherfucking...

257
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:11,695
[ringing droning]

258
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:15,866
[inhaling deeply]
Ah!

259
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,326
What the hell happened?

260
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,828
Welcome to Ron Wilcox
Action Star School.

261
00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,246
I'm Ron Wilcox,

262
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:22,622
and that was
your first lesson.

263
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,146
Gettin' hit in the head
with a bat?

264
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:27,252
Oh, you are naive.
That was a prop bat.

265
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:29,456
It that was made of plastic.
- Wasn't goddamn plastic.

266
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:30,648
I've been hit
with a bat before,

267
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:31,899
I know what a metal bat
fuckin' feel like.

268
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,258
All right.

269
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:35,761
Hey, Mr. Van De Velde
told me to tell him

270
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,013
if you complain about
anything being too difficult.

271
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,514
No.
No, no, no, no, no.

272
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:40,616
I'm not complaining.
- Mm-hmm.

273
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,516
I'm not complaining
about nothing.

274
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,851
I loved that.

275
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:43,769
I thought it was great,
to be honest with you,

276
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,103
it gave me a rush.

277
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,980
Good.
Let's take the tour.

278
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:48,899
- Yeah.
- Come on.

279
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,984
This place is to be
a slaughterhouse

280
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,069
up till the '70s.

281
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,779
And then,
as legend has it,

282
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,615
the animals revolted
against their tormentors

283
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,033
and they slaughtered
the humans.

284
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,576
Oh, my God.

285
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,037
And my pal, Charles Norris,
you know him as Chuck,

286
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,081
well, he needed a place
to train.

287
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,041
I bought it.
I mentored him.

288
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,543
And that's why he's the badass
that he is today.

289
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:10,587
Hmm...

290
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:16,426
Yeah, he nearly died
within these walls.

291
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:20,639
And that's how Ron Wilcox
Action Star School got born.

292
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,308
Ron Wilcox A.S.S.,
for short.

293
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:24,976
What the fuck
did you just say to me?

294
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,442
Did Matt Da...
Matt Damon, go here?

295
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:36,738
Oh, Matty boy!
Fuck yeah, Matt Damon!

296
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,740
Before he came to me,
he was a no name actor

297
00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:40,951
from New England.
He was nothing.

298
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:44,329
He was a hundred pounds
soakin' wet.

299
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:45,807
You sure we're talking about
the same Matt Damon?

300
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,499
Hell yeah.
Matt Damon!

301
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:50,210
[cell phone ringing]
- Huh. Okay. Yeah...

302
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,880
Un-unh. Rule number one,
no phones 'til you graduate.

303
00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:55,173
Okay.
I run an empire,

304
00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:56,359
so unfortunately,
I need my...

305
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,652
Okay, fine,
you know what I'll do?

306
00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:58,778
I'll just call
Mr. Van De Velde,

307
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,679
and I tell him,
"Oh, the phone policy

308
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:03,723
"wasn't working for him.
It wasn't to his liking."

309
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,725
I know what
you're gonna do with this.

310
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:07,369
You're going to make calls
to Hollywood.

311
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,062
You're gonna say,
"Hello, Hollywood.

312
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,647
"Ron's school
is too tough for me.

313
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,315
"I need more drugs."
- No.

314
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,359
Yeah, you're gonna say,
"Oh, I'm Kevin Hart.

315
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,653
"I need more caviar
and champagne."

316
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,156
I just wanna talk
to my employees.

317
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,366
That's fine,
but I'm still keeping it.

318
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,201
Okay.

319
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,290
Okay, until you graduate,

320
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,709
you are forbidden from
visiting the outside world.

321
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,044
You'll stay here.
- Say what?

322
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,130
You got your bed,
you got your toilet,

323
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:38,884
you got your sink.
All the modern amenities.

324
00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:44,931
[water running sputtering,
pipes creaking]

325
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,558
Okay.

326
00:12:46,641 --> 00:12:49,102
It's supposed
to toughen me up.

327
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:51,354
Okay, I get it.

328
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:55,025
Yeah, I'm good with that.

329
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,819
Yeah, might be a little
too good with it.

330
00:12:57,903 --> 00:13:01,865
And rule number two,
No fucking on the premises.

331
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,493
No anal, no blowjobs,
no nothin'.

332
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:10,248
Who else is here?

333
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,167
Just me.

334
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,007
Twenty minutes
'til lights out.

335
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,514
So those...

336
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,200
those two Colombian guys
that hit me in the head

337
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:29,017
with the prop bat,
they were actors, right?

338
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,520
Yeah, exactly.

339
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:34,022
Okay, rule number three,

340
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,900
When you're under this roof,
your name is no longer Kevin,

341
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,361
it's Agent Hart,
and you'll refer to me

342
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:43,365
as Ron Wilcox, or Ron,
or Wilcox, or Coach Ron.

343
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,491
I like Coach Ron.

344
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,243
- And I refer to you as...
- Agent Hart.

345
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,326
- Right.
- Right.

346
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:48,453
- Yes.
- See, I'm on it.

347
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:50,830
Now I assume you got me in
this FBI jacket

348
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,874
and stuff for a reason.
So, what is it?

349
00:13:52,958 --> 00:13:54,709
Hey, would you do me
a favor?

350
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:55,961
Yeah.

351
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,505
Kevin, would you
grab that chair for me?

352
00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,506
- Yeah.
- Would you?

353
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,424
- You mean this one?
- No, goddammit!

354
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,843
I said respond
only to Agent Hart!

355
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:08,265
Fuck!

356
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,433
You just said that.
I fucked up. I'm sorry.

357
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,677
That's not gonna
happen again.

358
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:13,019
Why don't you just
call me Kevin?

359
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,980
Okay, in your life,
have you ever heard

360
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:19,859
an action star leading man
ever called Kevin?

361
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,343
I mean, Kevin James
in "Mall Cop".

362
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,863
No, no. Kevin is the name
of a punk bitch.

363
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,700
Ethan Hunt,
that is an action star name.

364
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,702
Tom Cruise was my alumni.

365
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,620
For nine years of his life,

366
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,331
he only responded
to Ethan Hunt

367
00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:35,834
whether he was
on-camera or off-camera.

368
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,211
Whether he was in the shower,
or on the toilet.

369
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,921
Whether he was fucking,
or not fucking.

370
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,256
- Okay, I...
- If he was even...

371
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:45,135
- I understand, Coach Ron!
- Do you? Do you really?

372
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,471
I hope so, for your sake.

373
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,266
Because your life
depends on it.

374
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,852
Okay, next lesson.

375
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:55,812
Every leading man
needs to know

376
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,606
how to run into
a burning building

377
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,024
and save a stranger.
- Hmm.

378
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,905
Wow!

379
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:08,033
Holy shit.
How'd you do that, man?

380
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,702
And the stranger that
we are going to save today

381
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:15,415
is our own action star dummy,
little Kevin.

382
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:19,794
- That's supposed to be me?
- I don't see the resemblance.

383
00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:21,046
Are you fucking kidding?

384
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,049
No, w-we've had this dummy
for years, buddy.

385
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:27,010
<i>- [Kevin] Oh, hell, no.</i>
- Bitch, that's my line.

386
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,738
I've said that line in,
like, twelve movies.

387
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,305
Agent Hart,
are you a narcissist?

388
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,723
No.

389
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:33,034
Do you think the whole world
is all about you?

390
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,601
- That's not... I'm not...
- No.

391
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,645
You look at you
and then you look at him.

392
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,608
- That's what...
- Look at you, and look at him.

393
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,067
Do you see any resemblance?
- Kind of sort of, man!

394
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,236
O-Okay, all right.
Okay, maybe I'm crazy.

395
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,238
<i>[Kevin] Help!
Help me!</i>

396
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,659
<i>Oh, hell no!
Help! Help me!</i>

397
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,285
<i>Oh, hell no!</i>

398
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,996
Now, safety during stunts
is of the utmost importance.

399
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,682
Yeah, but I mean,
that's why you got stuntmen,

400
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,751
right?
- Watch it.

401
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,378
No, for the other guys,
not for me.

402
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,588
T-the lightweights.
I don't...

403
00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:06,549
Okay, your jacket
is flame retardant,

404
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,551
which means that
if you catch on fire,

405
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,596
don't panic, I will come in
and put you out.

406
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,140
Okay.
Y-You're gonna...

407
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:15,910
Okay, I feel-I feel good...
I feel good about that.

408
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:18,728
When you're ready,
I want you to storm the house,

409
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:21,481
find the victim,
and bring him to safety.

410
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,858
[growling]

411
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,777
What is that?

412
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,404
What are you doing?
I do...

413
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,073
[barking]
- Psyching myself up.

414
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:33,952
[barking]

415
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,204
[howling]

416
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,998
It's hot!
Hot!

417
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,503
[barking]

418
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:48,216
[coughing]

419
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:53,304
It's fucking hot!

420
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:56,182
Where the fuck are you at?
Oh, God.

421
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:59,018
Oh, fuck, I can't see shit!

422
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,229
Little Kev?

423
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:04,149
Excuse me,
are you Ron Wilcox?

424
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,276
Oh, hello.
How are you?

425
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,570
- Jordan King.
- We've been waiting for you.

426
00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,780
<i>Help! Help me!</i>

427
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,657
- I've got you, little Kev.
<i>- Oh, hell no!</i>

428
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,784
I'm about to save
your little beautiful black ass.

429
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,537
<i>Help! Help me!</i>

430
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,205
<i>Oh, hell no!</i>

431
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:20,457
What the fuck?

432
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,333
Who is this?
<i>- Help! Help me!</i>

433
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,961
<i>Oh, hell no!</i>
- What the...

434
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:28,381
<i>Help! Help me!
Oh, hell no!</i>

435
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,175
It's fucking hot!

436
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,468
Get your ass up.

437
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,970
Yeah, um,
I'm just so nervous.

438
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,347
I've never been in
an action movie before.

439
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:37,974
I just wanna bring
my A-game here.

440
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,143
- 90% is mental, okay?
- Oh, shit... Oh, shit!

441
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,812
You are gonna be fantastic.
[screaming]

442
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,356
I just know it.
- Oh, shit.

443
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,525
Is he okay?
- Oh, God.

444
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,652
You leave this guy alone
for five seconds.

445
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,987
Geez.
- Put me out! Put me out!

446
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,615
Put me out! Put me out!
Put me out!

447
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,995
- Is he okay?
- Oh, he's fine.

448
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,663
Gal Gadot was training with me,

449
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,499
she was on fire
for twelve minutes.

450
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,709
She put herself out
with a blanket.

451
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,337
He barely lasted
twelve seconds.

452
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,088
Is this funny to you?

453
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:12,217
Hey, a leading man must learn
not to sweat the small stuff.

454
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,060
What are you talking about
the small stuff?

455
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,970
I was on fucking fire,
Coach Ron!

456
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,472
Hey, knock it off!

457
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,849
There's a lady present,
and I want you to meet her.

458
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,101
Agent Hart,
this is Agent Jordan King.

459
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:23,228
She'll be your bunkmate.

460
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:24,854
It is a pleasure
to meet you.

461
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,499
My pleasure.
Okay, you wanna explain to me

462
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,316
why she get
this nice introduction?

463
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,169
Why isn't she getting
hit in the head with a bat?

464
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,861
When are you gonna bop her?
- Excuse me?

465
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:34,239
Okay, you know, just...

466
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:36,616
When he does this kind of thing,
I just zone him out.

467
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,761
When he starts to whine.
Come on, I'll give you a tour.

468
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,912
Okay.

469
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,681
Now, this used to be
a slaughterhouse years ago,

470
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,082
up until the 70's...

471
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:48,920
♪♪♪

472
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,839
...which brings me
to rule number two.

473
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,758
There'll be no sexual
intercourse on the premises.

474
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:58,137
Uh, yeah, um,
that won't be a problem.

475
00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,515
[laughter]

476
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,851
I didn't think it would be.

477
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:06,646
I know you have to say it.
I-It's fine, we're good.

478
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,565
All right.
So, hey, take a beat, okay?

479
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,692
Relax, and we'll see you
out in twenty

480
00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:13,069
on the training ground, okay?

481
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,487
Thanks, Ron.
You're the best.

482
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:17,615
Hey, it's a pleasure.

483
00:19:17,699 --> 00:19:21,077
[laughing]

484
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,830
He's a fucking sociopath.

485
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:26,541
- How do you mean?
- How do I mean?

486
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,126
Do you really wanna know
how I mean?

487
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:29,228
Because I was here
a couple days ago

488
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,587
and shit hit the fan.

489
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,064
There was a guy in here
accusing him

490
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,299
of murdering some dude
named Rodrigo.

491
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,134
- Rodrigo?
- Yes, Rodrigo.

492
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:37,218
Saw a whole thing.

493
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,571
And when I first
walked in this bitch,

494
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,221
they hit me in the head
with a bat.

495
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,807
Not no plastic bat.
With a fucking metal bat!

496
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,476
And today, today he let me
catch myself on fire!

497
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,104
"Let me catch
myself on fire"?

498
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,415
I don't know why
you gotta sound it out.

499
00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:52,650
Yes. Let me catch...
no, I see why you did that.

500
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,110
Because if you slow it down,

501
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,028
you slow down,
it don't sound right.

502
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:56,446
But you get what I'm saying.

503
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,823
It happened.
It fucking happened.

504
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,074
Look, I'm sorry, all right?

505
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,701
It's just,
I don't have my phone,

506
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,661
it's weird in here,

507
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:04,930
and stuff is just starting to
fuck with me.

508
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:07,665
Maybe-maybe I'm going
a little stir crazy.

509
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:10,001
I don't know.

510
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:14,005
That's shit.
That's shit water.

511
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:16,132
Yep, God damn.

512
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,886
Well, you're
not alone anymore, so...

513
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:25,683
Yeah, well, maybe, but...
Hey, do I know you?

514
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,978
Oh.

515
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:31,940
I do!
Fuck!

516
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,233
You're the girl from
that sitcom with the robot.

517
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:35,586
The robot that was
a butler, right?

518
00:20:35,610 --> 00:20:36,712
You used to argue
with the butler,

519
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,696
"Uh-uh,
get the fuck out of here".

520
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,823
You'd do the thing,
"Butler, bitch".

521
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,951
Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

522
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,661
- That's me.
- Wow.

523
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,956
Well, was.
I just quit.

524
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,708
Kathryn Bigelow offered me
the lead in her next movie,

525
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:53,586
which is huge, since there are,
like, what,

526
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,130
three total action roles
for women?

527
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,799
Oh, it's a lot
more than that.

528
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:00,760
But congrats.

529
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:03,972
Are you... I mean,
you want me to name 'em?

530
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:06,095
I can go down the list.
You got Wonder Woman, right?

531
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:07,600
You know, the Black Widow.

532
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:12,522
You got, um, what was the one
with the woman with the, uh...

533
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,651
she's, uh... what's...
that's three.

534
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:20,989
Anyway, um, it's all riding on
this action school.

535
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:23,157
I've just gotta prove to Ron
that I've got the chops,

536
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,409
that I'm fit enough.

537
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,327
You ain't gotta
prove that to nobody.

538
00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:28,496
You are fit.

539
00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:32,166
When you walked in that door
I said, "God damn."

540
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:34,127
Not like that.

541
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:37,046
I'm not saying it like that.
I don't mean it that way.

542
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,490
- I'm just here to train...
- Yeah.

543
00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:41,551
...not make friends.
So, just to be clear.

544
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,886
We're-we're here for
the same thing, right?

545
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,054
Fuck friendship.
- Good.

546
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:47,932
Yeah.

547
00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:50,096
- Mind if I use the bathroom?
- Do what you gotta do.

548
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:51,644
The bathroom right there.

549
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:55,189
Yeah, I'm gonna
need you to just...

550
00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:59,193
Oh. You gotta shit.

551
00:22:01,779 --> 00:22:04,198
Now in this lesson,
we're going to focus

552
00:22:04,282 --> 00:22:07,827
and explore the action star's
motivations.

553
00:22:07,910 --> 00:22:10,204
Agent King,
what is your motivation?

554
00:22:10,288 --> 00:22:11,956
After working undercover
in Paris,

555
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,833
I go down to the basement
of the Louvre,

556
00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:16,794
where I thwart the theft of
an ancient Egyptian artifact

557
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:19,047
when I'm accosted by
a rogue agent.

558
00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:21,507
- Good, Agent Hart.
- Accost?

559
00:22:21,591 --> 00:22:22,651
That's a little strong,
isn't it?

560
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:26,763
What the fuck?
Focus. Focus.

561
00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:29,557
And...

562
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,476
Okay, all right.
I-I'm an agent.

563
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,187
- Yes.
- I'm an agent, and, um,

564
00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:37,148
basically, I gotta-I gotta
go get Agent King.

565
00:22:37,231 --> 00:22:40,068
I gotta seduce...
I gotta seduce Agent King

566
00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:41,611
in the basement of the Louvre.

567
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,404
And just a question,
is this, like,

568
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:46,365
some James Bond fan fiction?
- And, action.

569
00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:57,251
Agent King?

570
00:22:57,335 --> 00:23:00,463
- Who wants to know?
- Agent Hart.

571
00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:02,882
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

572
00:23:02,965 --> 00:23:04,801
Not so fast.

573
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:07,345
Look, you're in great danger,

574
00:23:07,428 --> 00:23:10,640
and the only cure for it
is to come with me to my bed.

575
00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:15,978
♪♪♪

576
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:18,022
Seduce her,
god damn it!

577
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:19,357
[screaming]

578
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,236
Seduce her.
Lure her into the car.

579
00:23:30,535 --> 00:23:32,912
In the car.

580
00:23:32,995 --> 00:23:35,081
In my car.

581
00:23:35,164 --> 00:23:38,167
Fucking creep.

582
00:23:44,715 --> 00:23:46,801
[groans]

583
00:23:46,884 --> 00:23:48,612
- What the fuck was that?
- Beautiful, beautiful.

584
00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:50,012
Keep going.
Keep going.

585
00:23:50,096 --> 00:23:52,098
What the fuck you mean,
"Keep going"?

586
00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:53,432
What the fuck, man?

587
00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:54,910
Do you have a problem,
Agent Hart?

588
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:55,953
Yeah, I got a problem,
motherfucker!

589
00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:57,270
What is it?

590
00:23:57,353 --> 00:23:58,789
She's Bruce Lee,
and I'm some weird creeper.

591
00:23:58,813 --> 00:24:00,898
Oh, it's too challenging
for you to seduce her.

592
00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:02,775
Is that it?
- Uh, yes, it is.

593
00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:04,902
When you got me, looking...

594
00:24:08,239 --> 00:24:10,700
I see what you're doing.

595
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:12,618
You're trying to get me
all riled up.

596
00:24:12,702 --> 00:24:13,702
It's not gonna work.

597
00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:15,371
I'm not falling for
your little trap

598
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:16,372
and I'm not going
back over here

599
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,291
to fight this
fucking jujitsu master

600
00:24:18,374 --> 00:24:19,584
with sexy talk.

601
00:24:19,667 --> 00:24:21,752
Oh, you want
a change of motivation?

602
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:22,879
- Yeah, I do.
- Okay.

603
00:24:22,962 --> 00:24:24,672
This is your new motivation.

604
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:27,341
She's a Russian mole
pretending to be an FBI agent.

605
00:24:27,425 --> 00:24:31,137
You eliminate her with this.

606
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:34,473
- It's a prop knife, right?
- Retractable.

607
00:24:34,557 --> 00:24:37,143
Now go in there and
show her who's boss.

608
00:24:37,226 --> 00:24:40,605
Now we're fucking talking.

609
00:24:40,688 --> 00:24:42,857
You said
she's a Russian mole, right?

610
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:45,776
Okay, I don't like that.
Down goes the mole, huh?

611
00:24:50,948 --> 00:24:53,117
Shit!
Oh, god damn it.

612
00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:55,703
Hey, I'm about to stab you
in the side, okay?

613
00:24:55,786 --> 00:24:59,624
With...
it's a prop knife.

614
00:24:59,707 --> 00:25:00,875
What the?

615
00:25:00,958 --> 00:25:02,919
Oh, you gotta sell it.
Make it look real.

616
00:25:03,002 --> 00:25:06,130
[shouts]

617
00:25:08,633 --> 00:25:10,927
Ah, what the fuck?

618
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:14,013
Ah!
- Real blood.

619
00:25:14,096 --> 00:25:16,515
- Oh, my God.
- What have you done to her?

620
00:25:16,599 --> 00:25:18,976
What have you done to her?
- I'm so sorry.

621
00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:20,940
I thought-I thought you said
it was retractable.

622
00:25:20,978 --> 00:25:22,688
I said it was practical.

623
00:25:22,772 --> 00:25:24,982
It's a practical knife!
It's a real knife!

624
00:25:25,066 --> 00:25:26,108
- Oh, my God.
- Oh God.

625
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:27,944
She's passing out now.
- Oh, shit!

626
00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:29,046
I'm gonna have to
stitch her up.

627
00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:30,380
I've got a medical kit
in my office.

628
00:25:30,404 --> 00:25:31,506
- Fine, I will grab it.
- No!

629
00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:33,616
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Go to your room.

630
00:25:33,699 --> 00:25:34,700
You're grounded!
- No.

631
00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:35,618
What are you talking about?
I'll go grab it.

632
00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:37,828
No!

633
00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:40,873
My office is off limits
to students.

634
00:25:42,291 --> 00:25:47,088
♪♪♪

635
00:25:47,171 --> 00:25:50,883
I said my office
is off limits.

636
00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:52,677
If you disobey me again,

637
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,804
the next time
I throw that knife

638
00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:56,639
will be through
your fucking skull.

639
00:25:58,808 --> 00:26:04,939
♪♪♪

640
00:26:07,858 --> 00:26:10,236
Hey.

641
00:26:10,319 --> 00:26:13,030
I brought you some breakfast
as a peace offering.

642
00:26:13,114 --> 00:26:14,657
The food here
is a little tricky.

643
00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:16,951
It's just a closet
full of beef jerky.

644
00:26:17,034 --> 00:26:18,536
Apparently,
Macho Man Randy Savage

645
00:26:18,619 --> 00:26:21,664
was an alum here and
he left his entire food supply

646
00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:23,958
to Ron in his will, so...

647
00:26:24,041 --> 00:26:26,877
Snap into a Slim Jim?

648
00:26:26,961 --> 00:26:28,629
Care to join me
for breakfast?

649
00:26:28,713 --> 00:26:32,591
Of course.
Jerky for two.

650
00:26:32,675 --> 00:26:34,260
Hmm.

651
00:26:34,343 --> 00:26:38,472
Um, look,
I'm going to apologize.

652
00:26:40,099 --> 00:26:41,684
You know, I didn't mean to...
- Stab me?

653
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:43,811
Well, I wasn't
gonna use those words.

654
00:26:43,894 --> 00:26:46,314
Look, Ron...
Ron is crazy.

655
00:26:46,397 --> 00:26:48,691
I'm serious.
He's-he's nuts.

656
00:26:48,774 --> 00:26:50,860
Sick in the head crazy.

657
00:26:50,943 --> 00:26:53,029
And I'm convinced that
that motherfucker

658
00:26:53,112 --> 00:26:54,947
killed a dude named Rodrigo.

659
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,532
And the motherfucker
tried to kill me

660
00:26:56,615 --> 00:26:58,284
just for being
around his office.

661
00:26:58,367 --> 00:27:01,370
And as far as your arm goes,
I know you think I'm lying,

662
00:27:01,454 --> 00:27:03,080
I heard retractable.

663
00:27:03,164 --> 00:27:05,207
You know, I've dated
guys like you before.

664
00:27:05,291 --> 00:27:07,543
It's always
someone else's fault.

665
00:27:07,626 --> 00:27:09,128
That's not true.

666
00:27:09,211 --> 00:27:11,339
That's not true at all.
When I'm wrong, I...

667
00:27:11,422 --> 00:27:12,816
I shouldn't say that,
'cause I'm never wrong.

668
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,508
If... If I'm wrong,

669
00:27:14,592 --> 00:27:16,802
I have no problem admitting
that I'm wrong.

670
00:27:16,886 --> 00:27:20,806
But in this case, I'm not.
He said "retractable."

671
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:24,226
Hey, part of me
is glad you stabbed me.

672
00:27:24,310 --> 00:27:26,437
It's a badge of honor.

673
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,898
I heard when Jason Statham
came through here,

674
00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:31,359
he got stabbed
directly in the heart.

675
00:27:31,442 --> 00:27:32,443
Did he survive that?

676
00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:34,612
He shot "Transporter"
like a week later.

677
00:27:34,695 --> 00:27:37,156
What the fuck?
In the heart?

678
00:27:37,239 --> 00:27:38,592
They stabbed him in the heart?
- Yup, right through it.

679
00:27:38,616 --> 00:27:40,159
God damn it.

680
00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:42,495
Maybe I'm just doing
the wrong fucking thing here.

681
00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:47,208
I mean, maybe this just
isn't for me, you know?

682
00:27:47,291 --> 00:27:50,086
So just leave.
Go home.

683
00:27:50,169 --> 00:27:51,962
I'm sure
there's a real hero somewhere

684
00:27:52,046 --> 00:27:55,132
in need of a goofy sidekick.
- Okay, that backfired.

685
00:27:55,216 --> 00:27:56,777
I thought that you would
go the opposite direction

686
00:27:56,801 --> 00:27:59,095
and tell me that,
no, I should stay.

687
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,222
And that this is for me.

688
00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:03,182
That's what I thought.

689
00:28:03,265 --> 00:28:04,576
Well what do you
want me to say?

690
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,936
If you need extra motivation
to be the star

691
00:28:07,019 --> 00:28:11,565
of a Claude Van De Velde movie,
you're in the wrong business.

692
00:28:11,649 --> 00:28:14,902
This is probably my only shot
to be a big action star,

693
00:28:14,985 --> 00:28:17,530
so I'm not gonna blow it.

694
00:28:17,613 --> 00:28:20,116
I'll do anything it takes.

695
00:28:22,952 --> 00:28:25,287
You're right.

696
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:28,666
You are absolutely right.

697
00:28:28,749 --> 00:28:30,751
I need to stop
all the bitching and moaning.

698
00:28:30,835 --> 00:28:32,920
I need to cowboy the fuck up.

699
00:28:33,003 --> 00:28:36,173
There you go.

700
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:41,303
When I first started
in the business

701
00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:43,013
training action stars,

702
00:28:43,097 --> 00:28:45,516
every stunt scene was practical,

703
00:28:45,599 --> 00:28:48,686
or as Kevin might say,
retractable.

704
00:28:48,769 --> 00:28:50,688
Oh, that's really good.
That's great.

705
00:28:50,771 --> 00:28:51,647
It's not funny.

706
00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:52,916
But the industry
has changed.

707
00:28:52,940 --> 00:28:54,400
You can't even be
an action star

708
00:28:54,483 --> 00:28:56,902
without, well,
knowing how to work green.

709
00:28:56,986 --> 00:28:59,572
I'm very familiar
with a green screen.

710
00:28:59,655 --> 00:29:01,157
I mean, I've done about
15 movies

711
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:02,700
where we've had a green screen.

712
00:29:02,783 --> 00:29:05,369
In which of those 15 movies
were you the leading man?

713
00:29:05,453 --> 00:29:07,371
Any idiot can jump
on a green screen

714
00:29:07,455 --> 00:29:10,249
and pretend to be eaten by
a CG dragon.

715
00:29:10,332 --> 00:29:12,168
Hell, even little Kevin
can do that.

716
00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:13,544
<i>Oh, hell no!</i>

717
00:29:13,627 --> 00:29:16,297
Okay, who's finding the time
to dress him like me?

718
00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:17,548
It's really...

719
00:29:17,631 --> 00:29:19,467
Okay, question,
what does a leading woman,

720
00:29:19,550 --> 00:29:22,344
or leading man,
get to do onscreen

721
00:29:22,428 --> 00:29:24,638
that sidekicks don't?
- Win fights.

722
00:29:24,722 --> 00:29:27,850
- Murder bad guys.
- Make love.

723
00:29:27,933 --> 00:29:30,478
Today's lesson
is in love making.

724
00:29:30,561 --> 00:29:33,063
Yes!
On the green screen.

725
00:29:33,147 --> 00:29:34,690
Are we doing it
on the green screen?

726
00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,233
- Bingo.
- Nice.

727
00:29:36,317 --> 00:29:38,986
Adding effects to the bed,
to the walls, cracking 'em.

728
00:29:39,069 --> 00:29:40,362
Okay, I'm gonna be candid,

729
00:29:40,446 --> 00:29:42,990
I don't want to do
a sex scene with him.

730
00:29:43,073 --> 00:29:44,241
That's fine,

731
00:29:44,325 --> 00:29:45,159
'cause I don't wanna do
a sex scene with her.

732
00:29:45,284 --> 00:29:47,328
Ugh.

733
00:29:47,411 --> 00:29:51,248
[laughter]

734
00:29:51,332 --> 00:29:52,666
What's so funny?

735
00:29:52,750 --> 00:29:55,252
Okay, well, look at you,
and then look at her.

736
00:29:55,336 --> 00:29:58,506
And look at you, then her.
Then you, then her.

737
00:29:58,589 --> 00:29:59,757
Okay, I don't get the joke.

738
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,091
What is it?
What am I missing?

739
00:30:01,175 --> 00:30:02,527
All right,
let me put it another way.

740
00:30:02,551 --> 00:30:06,096
Uh, look at you,
and then look at her.

741
00:30:06,180 --> 00:30:07,598
Then look at you,
and then her.

742
00:30:07,681 --> 00:30:10,684
Can we just get this shit
over with, please?

743
00:30:10,768 --> 00:30:13,145
Okay, let's discuss
motivation.

744
00:30:13,229 --> 00:30:16,565
All right, now, after
almost killing each other,

745
00:30:16,649 --> 00:30:18,609
Agent Hart and Agent King

746
00:30:18,692 --> 00:30:20,653
discover that they're
on the same team.

747
00:30:20,736 --> 00:30:23,697
After defusing a bomb
at the top of a skyscraper

748
00:30:23,781 --> 00:30:26,242
in-in the middle of
an earthquake,

749
00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:28,786
you discover
this overwhelming passion

750
00:30:28,869 --> 00:30:30,829
for each other.

751
00:30:31,664 --> 00:30:32,790
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

752
00:30:32,873 --> 00:30:34,113
We're at the top
of a skyscraper

753
00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:35,000
in the middle
of an earthquake?

754
00:30:35,084 --> 00:30:37,169
Yes! Yes! Goddamn it!

755
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:39,413
You are the dumbest actor
that I have ever worked with.

756
00:30:39,463 --> 00:30:41,215
Go! Action!

757
00:30:42,967 --> 00:30:44,718
Red wire or blue wire?

758
00:30:44,802 --> 00:30:46,053
It's gotta be the red.

759
00:30:46,136 --> 00:30:47,137
Are you sure?

760
00:30:47,221 --> 00:30:49,682
Agent Hart, are you sure?
- I don't know.

761
00:30:49,765 --> 00:30:51,725
[beeping]

762
00:30:51,809 --> 00:30:57,898
♪♪♪

763
00:30:57,982 --> 00:30:59,984
[relieved sighs]

764
00:31:00,067 --> 00:31:07,067
♪♪♪

765
00:31:15,499 --> 00:31:17,418
Earthquake! Earthquake!

766
00:31:17,501 --> 00:31:18,794
The building's falling apart!

767
00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:21,046
- Oh, uh, Okay, um...
- Okay.

768
00:31:21,130 --> 00:31:23,007
Good... great.

769
00:31:23,090 --> 00:31:24,550
Oh! Oh! Oh!

770
00:31:24,633 --> 00:31:27,011
Oh! Shit!
Hold on.

771
00:31:27,094 --> 00:31:28,929
Wait... Oh.

772
00:31:29,013 --> 00:31:30,448
Where you at?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

773
00:31:30,472 --> 00:31:31,473
- Kevin.
- Hold on, wait!

774
00:31:31,557 --> 00:31:33,058
Give me a second.
Shit!

775
00:31:33,142 --> 00:31:34,393
- Okay.
- Okay.

776
00:31:34,476 --> 00:31:35,996
All right, come on.
It's an earthquake.

777
00:31:36,061 --> 00:31:37,062
It's an earthquake, fuck.

778
00:31:37,146 --> 00:31:38,731
- Yeah.
- Go.

779
00:31:38,814 --> 00:31:41,609
Agent Hart, I can't believe
we just diffused that bomb.

780
00:31:41,692 --> 00:31:43,902
We just saved thousands
of lives, maybe millions.

781
00:31:43,986 --> 00:31:47,573
This earthquake's gotta be
about a 7.5 magnitude.

782
00:31:47,656 --> 00:31:51,201
This could be our last time
being together before we die.

783
00:31:51,285 --> 00:31:54,288
Now kiss her neck softly
and start fucking.

784
00:31:54,371 --> 00:31:56,081
What? Wait.

785
00:31:56,165 --> 00:31:57,833
Kiss-kiss her neck
and then start fucking?

786
00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:00,294
Kiss her neck softly
and start fucking!

787
00:32:00,377 --> 00:32:02,755
Oh, okay.

788
00:32:02,838 --> 00:32:04,190
I'm just gonna do it,
'cause that's what he's...

789
00:32:04,214 --> 00:32:05,466
Yeah, no, it's fine.

790
00:32:05,549 --> 00:32:07,343
Yeah, put your...
Give me that.

791
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:09,553
[Ron] Be sexy!
Do something!

792
00:32:09,637 --> 00:32:11,114
- Grab my leg.
- Yeah, give me this one.

793
00:32:11,138 --> 00:32:13,015
Have you never
had sex before?

794
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:14,350
Do it!

795
00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:15,952
- That's not...
- We need to be upright.

796
00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:17,037
One second, that's it.
- Give me that.

797
00:32:17,061 --> 00:32:18,729
[Ron] Go! Go!

798
00:32:18,812 --> 00:32:21,857
Agent Hart, no.
We shouldn't do this.

799
00:32:21,940 --> 00:32:24,860
It's against Bureau
protocol.

800
00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:27,321
Well, protocol was
meant to be broken.

801
00:32:30,449 --> 00:32:32,868
Ah, whoa!
Ah, help!

802
00:32:32,951 --> 00:32:34,787
Help! Don't drop me!
Don't drop me!

803
00:32:34,870 --> 00:32:36,288
Please don't let go!
Don't let go!

804
00:32:36,372 --> 00:32:37,539
I won't, I've got you.

805
00:32:37,623 --> 00:32:39,875
- Don't let go!
- I've got you, I promise.

806
00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:41,960
[Claude] Can you push in
a little closer?

807
00:32:42,044 --> 00:32:43,796
Help me! Help me!

808
00:32:43,879 --> 00:32:45,297
I'm too young to die.

809
00:32:45,381 --> 00:32:47,383
Any closer, they'll
see the cameras.

810
00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:49,301
Okay, good, hold there.
[Kevin screaming]

811
00:32:49,385 --> 00:32:51,095
- I got you.
- Perfect.

812
00:32:51,178 --> 00:32:52,554
- Help!
- Kevin,

813
00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:54,431
you're like one foot
off the ground.

814
00:32:54,515 --> 00:32:56,684
You cannot teach
acting like that.

815
00:32:56,767 --> 00:32:58,244
[Jordan King] I'm just gonna
let you down, okay?

816
00:32:58,268 --> 00:32:59,687
[Kevin] Ah!

817
00:33:01,105 --> 00:33:04,066
[owl hooting]

818
00:33:04,149 --> 00:33:06,360
Okay, lights out,
twenty minutes.

819
00:33:06,443 --> 00:33:08,362
No funny business.

820
00:33:08,445 --> 00:33:10,239
And no fucking!

821
00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:17,322
♪♪♪

822
00:33:18,455 --> 00:33:19,790
Now do you believe me?

823
00:33:19,873 --> 00:33:22,251
He's a fucking psychopath.

824
00:33:22,334 --> 00:33:24,545
Okay, it does seem like
an odd coincidence

825
00:33:24,628 --> 00:33:26,213
your wires just snapped.

826
00:33:26,296 --> 00:33:28,257
Coincidence?
[indistinct]

827
00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:31,510
Those lines are strong enough
to hold a goddamn elephant.

828
00:33:31,593 --> 00:33:33,721
Where's your phone at?
- He confiscated it.

829
00:33:33,804 --> 00:33:40,804
♪♪♪

830
00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:52,781
Kevin, he said lights out.
We can't leave.

831
00:33:52,865 --> 00:33:54,366
He's not
my camp counselor.

832
00:33:54,450 --> 00:33:55,576
You know what I'm gonna do?

833
00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:57,995
I'm about to go, I'm about
to get my phone back,

834
00:33:58,078 --> 00:33:59,431
and I'mma see what other
weird shit he hide

835
00:33:59,455 --> 00:34:02,583
in this office that
he don't want me to see.

836
00:34:02,666 --> 00:34:04,877
Kevin, don't.

837
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:11,960
♪♪♪

838
00:34:24,021 --> 00:34:26,064
[knocking]

839
00:34:29,276 --> 00:34:30,611
- Claude.
- Ronny, baby!

840
00:34:30,694 --> 00:34:33,155
[laughter]
- Garçon.

841
00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:36,283
- Have a seat.
- Ah.

842
00:34:36,366 --> 00:34:39,912
Uh, pull up
scene 12, please.

843
00:34:39,995 --> 00:34:41,538
Have a seat.

844
00:34:43,332 --> 00:34:46,001
- This is a bad idea.
- This is a good idea.

845
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:48,295
Wilcox won't murder me
in front of you.

846
00:34:48,378 --> 00:34:50,255
Come on, there's his office.
Come on.

847
00:34:52,216 --> 00:34:54,426
Shit!

848
00:34:54,510 --> 00:34:56,470
Do you have a bobby pin?

849
00:34:56,553 --> 00:34:57,763
Yeah, yeah,

850
00:34:57,846 --> 00:34:59,657
it's in the bun on the back
of my fucking head.

851
00:34:59,681 --> 00:35:01,517
Okay, don't be an asshole.

852
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,602
I'll find a paperclip.
Excuse me.

853
00:35:05,604 --> 00:35:07,189
Wait, you know how
to pick a lock?

854
00:35:07,272 --> 00:35:09,483
South side of Chicago,
born and raised.

855
00:35:09,566 --> 00:35:10,752
It's not North Philadelphia,

856
00:35:10,776 --> 00:35:12,903
but I'm not gonna
hold it against you.

857
00:35:12,986 --> 00:35:14,947
- Got it.
- Hey.

858
00:35:17,658 --> 00:35:20,702
[coughing]

859
00:35:20,786 --> 00:35:24,498
Oh, God!
Oh, fuck, I can't see shit.

860
00:35:24,581 --> 00:35:26,375
[coughing]
Where you at?

861
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:28,210
<i>[Kevin] Help! Help me!</i>

862
00:35:28,293 --> 00:35:30,379
- I've got you, little Kev.
<i>- Oh, hell no!</i>

863
00:35:30,462 --> 00:35:32,381
[screaming]
<i>Help!</i>

864
00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:34,508
It's fucking hot!

865
00:35:34,591 --> 00:35:37,553
Oh, whoa.

866
00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:40,764
You damn right.
It is authentic.

867
00:35:40,848 --> 00:35:42,200
He doesn't even know
he's being filmed.

868
00:35:42,224 --> 00:35:43,642
Exactly.

869
00:35:43,725 --> 00:35:47,062
I've been chasing for
this cinema verite style

870
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:50,816
of realistic hard action
filmmaking for years.

871
00:35:50,899 --> 00:35:53,652
It is my white whale,
my unicorn.

872
00:35:53,735 --> 00:35:56,321
All I needed was an actor
who was fragile,

873
00:35:56,405 --> 00:35:59,741
vulnerable, afraid
of being forgotten.

874
00:36:02,244 --> 00:36:04,746
Afraid of being forgotten.

875
00:36:04,830 --> 00:36:08,250
Thank you, Kevin.
You're a gift.

876
00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:10,627
Thank you, thank you.

877
00:36:17,009 --> 00:36:19,344
Any questions, uh,
for tomorrow's scenes?

878
00:36:19,428 --> 00:36:21,471
Oh, no.

879
00:36:21,555 --> 00:36:25,267
[speaking French]

880
00:36:25,350 --> 00:36:27,185
I should get back
to the set.

881
00:36:27,269 --> 00:36:28,937
Bonsoir.
- Bonsoir.

882
00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:30,564
[speaking French]
- Merci.

883
00:36:33,942 --> 00:36:35,527
Again.

884
00:36:38,739 --> 00:36:41,617
Hey, can I...
can I ask you a question?

885
00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:44,036
- Yeah.
- So you...

886
00:36:44,119 --> 00:36:46,038
you remember earlier today
when we were shooting

887
00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:47,664
the scene on green screen,

888
00:36:47,748 --> 00:36:51,084
like-like right before
the wire snapped,

889
00:36:51,168 --> 00:36:52,586
you kind of seemed
like you was...

890
00:36:52,669 --> 00:36:54,755
like you were really
into it.

891
00:36:54,838 --> 00:36:56,840
It's called acting.

892
00:36:58,050 --> 00:37:00,218
You acted like you
wanted to kiss me.

893
00:37:00,302 --> 00:37:02,220
Yes.

894
00:37:02,304 --> 00:37:04,806
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

895
00:37:04,890 --> 00:37:06,391
Yeah.

896
00:37:06,475 --> 00:37:13,475
♪♪♪

897
00:37:14,650 --> 00:37:18,153
Come on, let's go.

898
00:37:18,236 --> 00:37:21,406
The fuck.
Stealing my shit.

899
00:37:21,490 --> 00:37:23,283
Hollywood bitch.

900
00:37:23,367 --> 00:37:30,367
♪♪♪

901
00:37:38,757 --> 00:37:40,217
You got anything?

902
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,010
Nope, you?

903
00:37:42,094 --> 00:37:44,721
Got a drawer
full of old head shots.

904
00:37:46,014 --> 00:37:47,557
Oh.

905
00:37:47,641 --> 00:37:49,035
"Coach Ron, you are
the bright light

906
00:37:49,059 --> 00:37:50,852
"in the darkest parts
of my soul."

907
00:37:50,936 --> 00:37:53,188
What the fuck
does that mean?

908
00:37:53,271 --> 00:37:54,332
We should get
out of here soon.

909
00:37:54,356 --> 00:37:55,607
No, we shouldn't.

910
00:37:55,691 --> 00:37:56,793
I know there's
some stuff in here

911
00:37:56,817 --> 00:37:57,734
that he don't
want us to see.

912
00:37:57,818 --> 00:38:00,153
you just gotta
look for it.

913
00:38:00,237 --> 00:38:01,154
He probably got
one of them, like,

914
00:38:01,238 --> 00:38:03,907
secret compartments
somewhere.

915
00:38:03,991 --> 00:38:05,575
Got it!
[latch clicking]

916
00:38:05,659 --> 00:38:07,244
Oh, bingo.

917
00:38:07,327 --> 00:38:09,371
Holy shit.

918
00:38:13,375 --> 00:38:15,585
Here, I got another lock
for you to pick.

919
00:38:15,669 --> 00:38:17,021
- What do you think's in there?
- Don't know.

920
00:38:17,045 --> 00:38:18,797
Some shit he don't want
nobody to find.

921
00:38:20,465 --> 00:38:21,967
[distant door opening]
- Shit!

922
00:38:22,050 --> 00:38:29,050
♪♪♪

923
00:38:32,185 --> 00:38:33,854
Get your ass.

924
00:38:33,937 --> 00:38:40,937
♪♪♪

925
00:38:47,617 --> 00:38:54,617
♪♪♪

926
00:38:58,295 --> 00:39:02,090
Oh, isn't
this interesting?

927
00:39:02,174 --> 00:39:05,802
Well, I know that you're both
pretending to be asleep,

928
00:39:05,886 --> 00:39:07,471
and that's fine.

929
00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:09,848
It's probably the best acting
that either of you

930
00:39:09,931 --> 00:39:12,017
will ever do
in your entire lives.

931
00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:14,811
Especially you, Agent Hart.

932
00:39:14,895 --> 00:39:17,647
But if I find out
that either of you

933
00:39:17,731 --> 00:39:20,275
left this bunk
without my permission,

934
00:39:20,358 --> 00:39:21,860
you'll regret the day
you ever stepped

935
00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:24,404
into Ron Wilcox
Action Star School.

936
00:39:33,830 --> 00:39:36,500
If you weren't fake sleeping,
you would have woken up.

937
00:39:36,583 --> 00:39:42,923
♪♪♪

938
00:39:48,470 --> 00:39:55,470
♪♪♪

939
00:39:59,189 --> 00:40:01,066
Holy shit,
that was too close.

940
00:40:01,149 --> 00:40:02,818
You're telling me.

941
00:40:02,901 --> 00:40:09,901
♪♪♪

942
00:40:16,164 --> 00:40:19,209
[grunting]

943
00:40:23,046 --> 00:40:24,673
Kevin, come on,
open it later.

944
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,275
We're supposed to be
at the sound stage.

945
00:40:26,299 --> 00:40:27,884
I'm almost there.
Wait a second.

946
00:40:31,763 --> 00:40:33,557
Shit.

947
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:35,350
I got it!
I got it. I got it.

948
00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:39,229
It's a necklace.

949
00:40:39,312 --> 00:40:40,981
It's got RBG.

950
00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:44,192
Oh, "R" is for Rodrigo,
that guy that he murdered.

951
00:40:44,276 --> 00:40:45,986
Jesus, Kevin,
give it a rest.

952
00:40:46,069 --> 00:40:47,505
You gotta sneak that shit
back into his office

953
00:40:47,529 --> 00:40:49,156
before he figures out
you stole it.

954
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:50,991
[Ron] Rise and shine,
let's go.

955
00:40:51,074 --> 00:40:53,326
Come on, let's go!
- Shit.

956
00:40:53,410 --> 00:40:55,162
Put this on your side.

957
00:40:55,245 --> 00:41:02,245
♪♪♪

958
00:41:04,713 --> 00:41:06,423
All right, class.

959
00:41:06,506 --> 00:41:09,009
It's a fun day today.
It's a big day.

960
00:41:09,092 --> 00:41:11,970
Behind that door, I got
a very big surprise for you.

961
00:41:12,053 --> 00:41:13,573
We'd see daylight
for the first time?

962
00:41:13,597 --> 00:41:15,473
Nope.
Any other guesses?

963
00:41:15,557 --> 00:41:16,826
You gonna open the door up
and a panther

964
00:41:16,850 --> 00:41:18,119
gonna come through
and maul us to death?

965
00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:19,703
Getting warmer.
You're getting warmer.

966
00:41:19,769 --> 00:41:21,021
Why am I getting warmer?

967
00:41:21,104 --> 00:41:23,024
Ooh, a source of protein
other than beef jerky?

968
00:41:23,064 --> 00:41:24,524
That would be great.
- Watch this.

969
00:41:24,608 --> 00:41:26,528
- Unbelievable. Please.
- Some fruit? A smoothie?

970
00:41:28,153 --> 00:41:30,447
- Josh Hartnett!
- Hey, hey, hey, buddy!

971
00:41:30,530 --> 00:41:31,656
Ooh, ooh look out,
look out!

972
00:41:31,740 --> 00:41:33,116
Ooh.

973
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,535
[laughter]
- Get off me.

974
00:41:35,619 --> 00:41:37,454
My favorite alumni.

975
00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:40,332
Class third week, April 1999.
- Oh, come on, that's...

976
00:41:40,415 --> 00:41:42,417
- Come on!
- Oh my God.

977
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,961
Is it possible that
you're too beautiful?

978
00:41:45,045 --> 00:41:46,504
[giggling]

979
00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:48,465
Um, yeah. You kiss...

980
00:41:48,548 --> 00:41:51,092
it kissed my, um...
you smile a lot.

981
00:41:51,176 --> 00:41:52,636
What the fuck
did you just say?

982
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:53,720
- I...
- Kev,

983
00:41:53,803 --> 00:41:54,864
I'm so glad
you're here, man.

984
00:41:54,888 --> 00:41:56,389
This is gonna change
your life.

985
00:41:56,473 --> 00:41:57,807
I mean, when Ron finished
with me,

986
00:41:57,891 --> 00:41:59,410
I shot "Pearl Harbor",
"Black Hawk Down",

987
00:41:59,434 --> 00:42:00,685
"Hollywood Homicide".

988
00:42:00,769 --> 00:42:02,371
You should have probably
left the last one out.

989
00:42:02,395 --> 00:42:03,664
When I first came here,
I was nothing.

990
00:42:03,688 --> 00:42:05,565
I was, like, 100 pounds
soaking wet.

991
00:42:05,649 --> 00:42:08,235
By the time I was out of here,
I felt invincible.

992
00:42:08,318 --> 00:42:10,987
I felt like Academy Award
winner Matt Damon or some shit.

993
00:42:11,071 --> 00:42:12,739
[laughter]
- You're too much.

994
00:42:12,822 --> 00:42:13,949
He's too much.

995
00:42:14,032 --> 00:42:16,409
Why don't you guys catch up,
and, Agent King?

996
00:42:16,493 --> 00:42:18,328
- Yes?
- Let's talk motivation.

997
00:42:18,411 --> 00:42:20,747
- Bye.
- Nice to meet you.

998
00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:25,377
Kev, how's it
going so far, man?

999
00:42:25,460 --> 00:42:27,128
It is not going good.

1000
00:42:27,212 --> 00:42:29,339
This place is like a prison.
Do you hear me?

1001
00:42:29,422 --> 00:42:31,299
And I think Coach Ron
is trying to kill me.

1002
00:42:31,383 --> 00:42:33,444
Well, that's just his way.
Look at him, he's a teddy bear.

1003
00:42:33,468 --> 00:42:34,970
He ain't no teddy bear!

1004
00:42:35,053 --> 00:42:36,805
He's the complete opposite
of a teddy bear.

1005
00:42:36,888 --> 00:42:38,431
And I believe he
murdered somebody.

1006
00:42:38,515 --> 00:42:40,600
I think he murdered
a Colombian drug lord.

1007
00:42:40,684 --> 00:42:42,060
I think he did it.

1008
00:42:42,143 --> 00:42:43,603
I got a guy named
Rodrigo was here,

1009
00:42:43,687 --> 00:42:45,968
and I think he murdered...
- Oh God, you crack me up, Kev.

1010
00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:50,568
Oh, you're serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.

1011
00:42:50,652 --> 00:42:52,112
I went snooping around
in his office,

1012
00:42:52,195 --> 00:42:54,197
and I think I found
a keepsake from the murder.

1013
00:42:54,281 --> 00:42:56,032
It was a necklace,
it's got "RBG".

1014
00:42:56,116 --> 00:42:58,243
Ron murdered someone
and kept a necklace?

1015
00:42:58,326 --> 00:43:00,120
Like Dexter?

1016
00:43:00,203 --> 00:43:01,705
- Josh, listen to me.
- Yes?

1017
00:43:01,788 --> 00:43:03,623
- We need to call the cops.
- Okay.

1018
00:43:03,707 --> 00:43:05,309
We need the people from
out there to come in here.

1019
00:43:05,333 --> 00:43:06,394
- Okay.
- I'm taking about the Feds,

1020
00:43:06,418 --> 00:43:08,503
the DA...
- What are you whispering about?

1021
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:09,981
Nothing.
We're talking about workouts.

1022
00:43:10,005 --> 00:43:11,399
We're talking
my workout, his workout.

1023
00:43:11,423 --> 00:43:12,799
It's nothing much.

1024
00:43:12,882 --> 00:43:14,426
How's my goddaughter?

1025
00:43:14,509 --> 00:43:16,344
Oh, man, she is
growing like a weed.

1026
00:43:16,428 --> 00:43:17,595
Oh, yeah?
Let me see that.

1027
00:43:17,679 --> 00:43:18,864
- Goddaughter?
- Let me see that.

1028
00:43:18,888 --> 00:43:20,682
Whoa-ho! Oh!
- Look at her.

1029
00:43:20,765 --> 00:43:22,118
She misses her
Uncle Ronnie, though.

1030
00:43:22,142 --> 00:43:24,102
Well, you tell her
that her Uncle Ronnie

1031
00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:25,603
misses that little
pumpkinhead, too.

1032
00:43:25,687 --> 00:43:28,273
[cries]
- Hey.

1033
00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:31,109
Hey, why the sad face?
Are you okay?

1034
00:43:31,192 --> 00:43:32,402
I'm fine, I'm fine.

1035
00:43:32,485 --> 00:43:34,321
[sighs]

1036
00:43:34,404 --> 00:43:36,698
I can't find
my special necklace.

1037
00:43:36,781 --> 00:43:39,159
The one that I had
custom made with RBG.

1038
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:40,994
Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

1039
00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:42,329
That's okay, it's okay.

1040
00:43:42,412 --> 00:43:43,681
Yeah, she's my favorite
Supreme Court justice.

1041
00:43:43,705 --> 00:43:46,416
I mean, I love
her dissenting opinions.

1042
00:43:46,499 --> 00:43:48,251
Let me tell you something,
if I find out

1043
00:43:48,335 --> 00:43:50,503
that someone stole it,
I'll kill 'em.

1044
00:43:50,587 --> 00:43:52,213
I'll kill 'em!
- Hey!

1045
00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:54,466
You have to think
positive thoughts.

1046
00:43:54,549 --> 00:43:57,719
We're gonna find it.
It's gonna turn up soon.

1047
00:43:57,802 --> 00:44:00,638
I promise you,
it's gonna turn up soon.

1048
00:44:02,891 --> 00:44:05,477
Today we're doing
firearms stunts.

1049
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,812
We've got Officer Hartnett,
who is a corrupt cop

1050
00:44:07,896 --> 00:44:09,314
who's gone rogue,

1051
00:44:09,397 --> 00:44:12,150
we've got Agent King
and Agent Hart.

1052
00:44:12,233 --> 00:44:14,861
You finally found him
in this chop shop,

1053
00:44:14,944 --> 00:44:16,905
and this is where the shootout
will take place.

1054
00:44:16,988 --> 00:44:18,573
Now, here is your gun.

1055
00:44:18,656 --> 00:44:19,741
Nice.

1056
00:44:19,824 --> 00:44:22,160
Don't you ever accept
a gun like that.

1057
00:44:22,243 --> 00:44:23,370
It's always from the back.

1058
00:44:23,453 --> 00:44:24,746
You passed it
to me frontwards.

1059
00:44:24,829 --> 00:44:26,915
That was a test.
You failed.

1060
00:44:26,998 --> 00:44:30,126
Now, these firearms
are loaded, okay?

1061
00:44:30,210 --> 00:44:33,838
So please, be careful
how you handle them.

1062
00:44:33,922 --> 00:44:35,107
Well, we don't have
to be that careful

1063
00:44:35,131 --> 00:44:36,891
'cause there's-there's
blanks in them, right?

1064
00:44:36,966 --> 00:44:38,093
Not loaded, loaded.
Just...

1065
00:44:38,176 --> 00:44:40,011
They're blanks, correct?

1066
00:44:41,554 --> 00:44:44,057
No, Coach Ron, that's
not gonna do it for me.

1067
00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:47,018
I need a verbal confirmation
that it's blanks in this gun.

1068
00:44:47,102 --> 00:44:48,371
- What do you think?
- Yes or no?

1069
00:44:48,395 --> 00:44:49,646
Are there blanks
in this gun?

1070
00:44:49,729 --> 00:44:51,898
Come on, Kevin.
Get your head in the game, man.

1071
00:44:51,981 --> 00:44:53,793
Josh, my head's in the game.
I'm just trying to be safe.

1072
00:44:53,817 --> 00:44:56,528
And he still didn't
say yes or no.

1073
00:44:56,611 --> 00:44:58,071
Yes.

1074
00:44:58,154 --> 00:45:00,657
- Yes, you heard him.
- Okay, everyone in wardrobe.

1075
00:45:00,740 --> 00:45:02,134
I'll see you in ten,
right back here,

1076
00:45:02,158 --> 00:45:03,284
we start the shootout.

1077
00:45:03,368 --> 00:45:04,953
Let's go, let's go,
let's go.

1078
00:45:08,665 --> 00:45:10,667
Hey, what are you doing?
Get into costume.

1079
00:45:10,750 --> 00:45:12,210
No, not me.
I'm not doing it.

1080
00:45:12,293 --> 00:45:13,503
Kevin, you're
being paranoid.

1081
00:45:13,586 --> 00:45:15,106
We all heard him say
there were blanks.

1082
00:45:15,130 --> 00:45:17,590
My gun has blanks,
I guarantee you that.

1083
00:45:17,674 --> 00:45:20,510
But I bet you Josh, he's got
a fully loaded fuckin' pistol.

1084
00:45:20,593 --> 00:45:22,262
Now, Ron already tried
to kill me once.

1085
00:45:22,345 --> 00:45:24,532
Right now, he's probably willing
to go all the fuckin' way.

1086
00:45:24,556 --> 00:45:25,723
I'm not doing it.

1087
00:45:25,807 --> 00:45:27,493
Trying to make it look like
a goddamn accident.

1088
00:45:27,517 --> 00:45:28,893
That's exactly
what it'll do.

1089
00:45:28,977 --> 00:45:33,106
Kevin Hart accidentally killed
in Ron Wilcox's Action School.

1090
00:45:33,189 --> 00:45:34,983
No, thank you.

1091
00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:36,734
First of all,
Josh would never do that.

1092
00:45:36,818 --> 00:45:39,028
He is sweet and sensitive.

1093
00:45:39,112 --> 00:45:42,240
And he's tender, probably.

1094
00:45:42,323 --> 00:45:44,159
Okay, what the fuck
is over there, huh?

1095
00:45:44,242 --> 00:45:45,785
I bet he's none
of those things.

1096
00:45:45,869 --> 00:45:47,996
He and Ron,
they're like this.

1097
00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:50,707
Fucking godfather to his kids.
He didn't say shit about that.

1098
00:45:50,790 --> 00:45:52,070
And they know
I got the necklace!

1099
00:45:52,125 --> 00:45:53,168
So put it back.

1100
00:45:53,251 --> 00:45:54,731
I can't put it back
'cause too late.

1101
00:45:54,794 --> 00:45:56,254
They know I got
the goddamn necklace.

1102
00:45:56,337 --> 00:45:58,131
You know what? It's not
safe for me here.

1103
00:45:58,214 --> 00:45:59,591
I gotta go.
- Oh,

1104
00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:00,818
so you're just gonna give up
on your lifelong dream

1105
00:46:00,842 --> 00:46:03,178
because you're afraid
of getting shot?

1106
00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:05,472
Fuck that dream!

1107
00:46:05,555 --> 00:46:07,932
And look, I'm leavin'.

1108
00:46:08,016 --> 00:46:11,311
You got a choice.

1109
00:46:11,394 --> 00:46:13,521
Come with me.

1110
00:46:13,605 --> 00:46:15,190
Uh...

1111
00:46:18,234 --> 00:46:19,986
I can't.

1112
00:46:20,069 --> 00:46:21,988
I'm sorry.

1113
00:46:22,071 --> 00:46:23,907
This is my shot.

1114
00:46:23,990 --> 00:46:26,367
I understand.

1115
00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:28,286
It is your shot
and you deserve it.

1116
00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:36,169
Okay.

1117
00:46:36,252 --> 00:46:37,754
Nice.

1118
00:46:39,839 --> 00:46:41,007
[door shutting]

1119
00:46:41,090 --> 00:46:45,887
♪♪♪

1120
00:46:45,970 --> 00:46:47,013
[indistinct chatter]

1121
00:46:47,096 --> 00:46:48,096
One, two, three.

1122
00:46:49,182 --> 00:46:50,892
[laughing]

1123
00:46:50,975 --> 00:46:52,101
Yes!

1124
00:46:52,185 --> 00:46:59,185
♪♪♪

1125
00:47:01,152 --> 00:47:03,530
Ugh. That dick.

1126
00:47:06,407 --> 00:47:09,994
The fuck is my car?

1127
00:47:11,955 --> 00:47:14,123
You gotta be kidding me.

1128
00:47:14,207 --> 00:47:16,000
[clicking key fob]

1129
00:47:18,503 --> 00:47:21,548
Oh, motherfucker!

1130
00:47:21,631 --> 00:47:24,342
[car beeping]

1131
00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:41,734
He killed my car.
He killed my fucking car.

1132
00:47:41,818 --> 00:47:43,820
[Ron Wilcox] Kevin!

1133
00:47:43,903 --> 00:47:46,239
Kevin!

1134
00:47:46,322 --> 00:47:48,658
Where are you?

1135
00:47:48,741 --> 00:47:51,869
Come out, come out
wherever you are!

1136
00:47:51,953 --> 00:47:53,580
Shit.

1137
00:47:53,663 --> 00:48:00,663
♪♪♪

1138
00:48:08,845 --> 00:48:10,805
[sighing]

1139
00:48:16,811 --> 00:48:19,981
Goddamn it.

1140
00:48:20,064 --> 00:48:22,025
Motherfuckin' squirrels.

1141
00:48:22,108 --> 00:48:24,235
Shit! Get your ass
outta here.

1142
00:48:24,319 --> 00:48:25,445
Shoo!

1143
00:48:25,528 --> 00:48:27,572
Go squirrel!

1144
00:48:27,655 --> 00:48:28,948
[mimicking squirrel noises]

1145
00:48:29,032 --> 00:48:30,783
[squirrel growling]
Motherfucker.

1146
00:48:30,867 --> 00:48:32,577
Better get your ass back.

1147
00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:34,287
You hear me?

1148
00:48:34,370 --> 00:48:35,955
I ain't scared of you.

1149
00:48:36,039 --> 00:48:38,249
You better keep it over there
before you get hurt.

1150
00:48:38,333 --> 00:48:39,518
Bring it over here,
you get what you want.

1151
00:48:39,542 --> 00:48:41,377
Shit. Shit!
Oh...

1152
00:48:41,461 --> 00:48:42,670
[squirrel squeaking]
I see you.

1153
00:48:42,754 --> 00:48:44,964
I ain't takin'
my eye off you.

1154
00:48:45,048 --> 00:48:47,383
I got ya locked in.

1155
00:48:47,467 --> 00:48:49,761
Stay back!

1156
00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:51,304
[squirrel squeaking]

1157
00:48:51,387 --> 00:48:53,348
Stupid woods.

1158
00:48:58,686 --> 00:49:00,063
Oh.

1159
00:49:00,146 --> 00:49:01,606
Thank god.

1160
00:49:01,689 --> 00:49:03,107
Excuse me.

1161
00:49:03,191 --> 00:49:05,193
Excuse me, sir?

1162
00:49:05,276 --> 00:49:06,986
How ya doin', man?

1163
00:49:09,947 --> 00:49:12,700
- You know you're trespassin'.
- Yes.

1164
00:49:12,784 --> 00:49:14,410
I mean, no. No.
I didn't.

1165
00:49:14,494 --> 00:49:15,703
I do now. But I...

1166
00:49:15,787 --> 00:49:19,165
Sign posted
right over there.

1167
00:49:19,248 --> 00:49:21,626
Only got two words on it.

1168
00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:25,546
No and trespassin'.

1169
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:27,298
Yep.

1170
00:49:27,382 --> 00:49:29,634
I see it now.

1171
00:49:29,717 --> 00:49:32,595
I see it now. I didn't see that
when I... when I came in.

1172
00:49:32,679 --> 00:49:34,889
The way I came in,
my back was to that.

1173
00:49:34,972 --> 00:49:35,890
So, I never caught that.

1174
00:49:35,973 --> 00:49:40,019
You're a city boy, ain't ya?

1175
00:49:40,103 --> 00:49:43,272
Well, uh, I refer to myself
as a city man,

1176
00:49:43,356 --> 00:49:45,775
not a boy.
You can say boy, man,

1177
00:49:45,858 --> 00:49:46,960
whatever you...
what do you prefer?

1178
00:49:46,984 --> 00:49:49,779
Woods ain't safe
for a city boy...

1179
00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:55,326
much less a city man.

1180
00:49:57,787 --> 00:49:59,122
Okay.

1181
00:49:59,205 --> 00:50:01,416
I'm gonna address the
elephant in the woods.

1182
00:50:01,499 --> 00:50:03,811
This whole "Deliverance" thing
that we got goin' on right now...

1183
00:50:03,835 --> 00:50:06,087
which is great, okay?
'Cause it's workin'.

1184
00:50:06,170 --> 00:50:07,398
So, when things are workin',
you give 'em the accolades

1185
00:50:07,422 --> 00:50:08,297
that they deserve.

1186
00:50:08,381 --> 00:50:10,758
I'm-I'm uncomfortable, sir.

1187
00:50:10,842 --> 00:50:12,802
I'm actually scared,
all right?

1188
00:50:12,885 --> 00:50:15,179
So, now that we know that,
let me help this mood

1189
00:50:15,263 --> 00:50:16,365
by just telling you
why I'm here.

1190
00:50:16,389 --> 00:50:18,391
I'm tryin' to use a phone.
You got a phone?

1191
00:50:18,474 --> 00:50:21,561
I wanna use it real quick,
and I'm outta here.

1192
00:50:25,398 --> 00:50:26,649
Two minutes.

1193
00:50:26,733 --> 00:50:28,109
No! I'm not out
of my mind.

1194
00:50:28,192 --> 00:50:30,361
As a matter of fact,
I'm very much in my mind.

1195
00:50:30,445 --> 00:50:32,631
The dude's tryin' to kill me.
<i>- [Danny] That's unfortunate.</i>

1196
00:50:32,655 --> 00:50:34,490
What do you mean?
Unfortunate?

1197
00:50:34,574 --> 00:50:37,243
Listen to me, Danny.
He's trying to kill me.

1198
00:50:37,326 --> 00:50:38,512
No, totally.
[text message alert]

1199
00:50:38,536 --> 00:50:40,663
Kev, listen.
I've got huge news.

1200
00:50:40,747 --> 00:50:41,914
All right? Ready?

1201
00:50:41,998 --> 00:50:43,833
"Pound Pups 4."

1202
00:50:43,916 --> 00:50:48,463
"Pound Pups 4."
They want you to voice Reggie,

1203
00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:51,132
a quick-witted,
short-tempered goldendoodle

1204
00:50:51,215 --> 00:50:52,800
who craves mischief.

1205
00:50:52,884 --> 00:50:54,093
Did they ask
for me directly?

1206
00:50:54,177 --> 00:50:55,386
Yeah. Now, listen.

1207
00:50:55,470 --> 00:50:57,722
The money's not what
you're used to making,

1208
00:50:57,805 --> 00:50:59,640
but this could be the role
that gets you back

1209
00:50:59,724 --> 00:51:03,186
in the good graces
with the comedy gods.

1210
00:51:04,353 --> 00:51:07,398
Hey, I... Uh...

1211
00:51:07,482 --> 00:51:10,485
Hey! I... Hi.

1212
00:51:10,568 --> 00:51:12,695
Hey, I'm Reggie
the goldendoodle

1213
00:51:12,779 --> 00:51:14,822
and I'm ready to
create some mischief!

1214
00:51:14,906 --> 00:51:16,699
See? You're a genius!

1215
00:51:16,783 --> 00:51:18,659
It's amazing.
I'm in the movie right now.

1216
00:51:18,743 --> 00:51:19,911
I'm watchin' the movie!

1217
00:51:19,994 --> 00:51:21,329
[chuckling]

1218
00:51:21,412 --> 00:51:24,499
<i>Now, normally, we'd,
you know, counter.</i>

1219
00:51:24,582 --> 00:51:26,584
<i>Negotiate a better deal,
blah, blah, blah.</i>

1220
00:51:26,667 --> 00:51:28,377
I think we should
close this one.

1221
00:51:28,461 --> 00:51:29,962
Huh? What do you think?
[sighing]

1222
00:51:30,046 --> 00:51:31,714
<i>No, no, no.
Don't sigh.</i>

1223
00:51:31,798 --> 00:51:33,508
Be happy.
This is good, Kev.

1224
00:51:40,181 --> 00:51:42,892
Oh, goddamn it.
Are you crying?

1225
00:51:42,975 --> 00:51:46,354
How did we get here,
Danny? Hmm?

1226
00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:48,314
[sniffles]
How did we get here?

1227
00:51:48,397 --> 00:51:49,774
Just tell me
how we got here.

1228
00:51:49,857 --> 00:51:52,151
<i>Look. Stop beatin'
yourself up.</i>

1229
00:51:52,235 --> 00:51:54,529
Huh? You made a mistake.

1230
00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:55,964
<i>You tried to be
somethin' you're not.</i>

1231
00:51:55,988 --> 00:51:57,281
You're not an action hero.

1232
00:51:57,365 --> 00:51:59,450
You know that now.

1233
00:51:59,534 --> 00:52:00,886
<i>So, is that a yes
on "Pound Pups 4?"</i>

1234
00:52:00,910 --> 00:52:02,203
[crashing]
- I...

1235
00:52:02,286 --> 00:52:04,580
[Waylon] Help! Help me!

1236
00:52:04,664 --> 00:52:06,791
I'm stuck!
<i>- [Danny] Kevin?</i>

1237
00:52:06,874 --> 00:52:09,627
Kevin, I need
a verbal yes on this.

1238
00:52:09,710 --> 00:52:12,046
Kevin, don't let
this go away, buddy.

1239
00:52:12,129 --> 00:52:14,215
- [Waylon] Help me!
<i>- [Danny] Kev, goldendoodles.</i>

1240
00:52:14,298 --> 00:52:15,675
You love dogs, Kevin.

1241
00:52:15,758 --> 00:52:16,884
[Waylon] Help!

1242
00:52:16,968 --> 00:52:18,970
<i>- [Danny] Kevin.</i>
- [Waylon] Help me!

1243
00:52:19,053 --> 00:52:20,721
[coughing]
Help!

1244
00:52:20,805 --> 00:52:22,390
- Hey, you okay?
- No!

1245
00:52:22,473 --> 00:52:25,184
- Fuck.
- Damn truck broke.

1246
00:52:25,268 --> 00:52:27,562
Ugh. Shit!

1247
00:52:27,645 --> 00:52:29,355
It's on my chest.

1248
00:52:29,438 --> 00:52:31,065
I can't breathe.

1249
00:52:31,148 --> 00:52:32,748
I'm gonna call
somebody right now, man.

1250
00:52:32,775 --> 00:52:35,653
Okay? I'm gonna
call someone.

1251
00:52:35,736 --> 00:52:37,238
Hey.

1252
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:38,656
Hey!

1253
00:52:38,739 --> 00:52:42,368
Oh, sh...

1254
00:52:42,451 --> 00:52:44,120
Okay. Come on.

1255
00:52:44,203 --> 00:52:45,913
You gotta lift this truck.

1256
00:52:45,997 --> 00:52:48,499
You gotta lift this truck!

1257
00:52:48,583 --> 00:52:50,334
Lift the fuckin' truck.

1258
00:52:50,418 --> 00:52:52,295
Come on, Kevin.

1259
00:52:52,378 --> 00:52:53,254
Ready.

1260
00:52:53,337 --> 00:52:55,798
Three, two, one.

1261
00:52:55,882 --> 00:52:58,426
[yelling]

1262
00:52:58,509 --> 00:53:02,597
I'm doing it!
I'm doin' it!

1263
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:04,056
[yelling]

1264
00:53:04,140 --> 00:53:06,851
[coughing]

1265
00:53:09,437 --> 00:53:11,564
Oh.

1266
00:53:11,647 --> 00:53:12,732
You okay?

1267
00:53:12,815 --> 00:53:15,026
Breathe, man.

1268
00:53:15,109 --> 00:53:16,569
Slow down.

1269
00:53:16,652 --> 00:53:19,113
Take your time.
All right.

1270
00:53:19,196 --> 00:53:20,549
Nice and slow.
Get your breath back.

1271
00:53:20,573 --> 00:53:22,617
Oh, my god.
You just saved my life.

1272
00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:25,328
- No.
- Oh, oh, yeah.

1273
00:53:25,411 --> 00:53:27,330
You're like
a real-life Rambo.

1274
00:53:32,501 --> 00:53:34,128
I guess I kinda am.

1275
00:53:34,211 --> 00:53:35,211
Oh...

1276
00:53:37,673 --> 00:53:40,343
How can I ever
repay you, sir?

1277
00:53:40,426 --> 00:53:43,137
Sir? No, man.

1278
00:53:43,220 --> 00:53:44,931
Wait, you don't
know who I am?

1279
00:53:45,014 --> 00:53:47,767
You don't recognize me from
movies, TV, stand-up comedy?

1280
00:53:47,850 --> 00:53:50,144
Uh, no?

1281
00:53:54,315 --> 00:53:56,943
The name is Hart.

1282
00:53:57,026 --> 00:53:58,736
Agent Hart.

1283
00:54:03,616 --> 00:54:04,885
Hey, you wouldn't happen
to know of a shortcut back

1284
00:54:04,909 --> 00:54:07,161
to Ron Wilcox's Action School,
would you?

1285
00:54:07,244 --> 00:54:08,371
- Wilcox Property.
- Yeah.

1286
00:54:08,454 --> 00:54:10,039
Uh, yes, Agent.

1287
00:54:10,122 --> 00:54:13,417
Uh, you can follow that path,
it'll take you right to it.

1288
00:54:13,501 --> 00:54:14,877
Okay.

1289
00:54:14,961 --> 00:54:16,063
I think I'mma go
and get on that trail

1290
00:54:16,087 --> 00:54:17,505
before the sun goes down.

1291
00:54:17,588 --> 00:54:20,508
Uh, that...
you ain't walkin'.

1292
00:54:22,426 --> 00:54:28,099
♪♪♪

1293
00:54:28,182 --> 00:54:29,642
Oh, yeah.

1294
00:54:29,725 --> 00:54:31,143
[motor revving]

1295
00:54:31,227 --> 00:54:37,358
♪♪♪

1296
00:54:40,403 --> 00:54:42,005
<i>- How was that?
- [Claude van de Velde] Phenomenal.</i>

1297
00:54:42,029 --> 00:54:43,447
<i>We got it.</i>

1298
00:54:43,531 --> 00:54:45,908
All right, that's a wrap
on the creepy trailer!

1299
00:54:45,992 --> 00:54:47,493
[applause]
Well done, everyone.

1300
00:54:50,037 --> 00:54:57,037
♪♪♪

1301
00:55:05,845 --> 00:55:08,431
[Jordan] Stop!
Goddamn it, stop!

1302
00:55:08,514 --> 00:55:10,016
Motherfuckers.

1303
00:55:13,477 --> 00:55:16,480
Chitty chitty
bang bang, bitch.

1304
00:55:16,564 --> 00:55:18,983
[gunshots]
No!

1305
00:55:19,066 --> 00:55:21,235
No!

1306
00:55:21,318 --> 00:55:23,988
Fuck!

1307
00:55:24,071 --> 00:55:25,656
[laughing]

1308
00:55:25,740 --> 00:55:28,701
Holy shit, Jordan.
You weren't joking.

1309
00:55:28,784 --> 00:55:30,303
He actually thinks we're using
real bullets today.

1310
00:55:30,327 --> 00:55:32,371
Kev.

1311
00:55:32,455 --> 00:55:34,415
- You told him?
- I'm sorry, it was funny.

1312
00:55:34,498 --> 00:55:36,000
It's not fucking funny!

1313
00:55:36,083 --> 00:55:38,085
'Cause that man back there
is a lunatic.

1314
00:55:38,169 --> 00:55:40,171
You're a fucking lunatic,
Coach Ron.

1315
00:55:40,254 --> 00:55:42,590
Hey! You know what?

1316
00:55:42,673 --> 00:55:44,759
Maybe I am a lunatic.

1317
00:55:44,842 --> 00:55:46,927
Maybe I oughta
just kill ya!

1318
00:55:47,011 --> 00:55:49,138
Hey, no, Ron.
Hold up.

1319
00:55:49,221 --> 00:55:50,556
Let me kill him.

1320
00:55:50,639 --> 00:55:52,516
- Stop it.
- No. Me! Me! Me!

1321
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:53,476
[gunshots]

1322
00:55:53,559 --> 00:55:55,603
Stop it. Stop!

1323
00:55:55,686 --> 00:55:56,896
You know what, assholes?

1324
00:55:56,979 --> 00:55:58,665
Y'all wanna fuckin' play,
then play. Go ahead.

1325
00:55:58,689 --> 00:55:59,689
Unload 'em all.

1326
00:55:59,732 --> 00:56:01,233
All right.
Now we're havin' fun.

1327
00:56:01,317 --> 00:56:04,236
[gunshots]
- After you.

1328
00:56:08,282 --> 00:56:10,701
Shit!

1329
00:56:10,785 --> 00:56:12,369
Holy shit.

1330
00:56:12,453 --> 00:56:14,622
Maybe there was
a bullet in there.

1331
00:56:14,705 --> 00:56:17,166
You're bad, man!
[laughing]

1332
00:56:17,249 --> 00:56:18,667
[indistinct chatter]
- Motherfucker!

1333
00:56:18,751 --> 00:56:20,127
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, my god.

1334
00:56:20,211 --> 00:56:22,338
Josh, stop, man.
This is bullshit!

1335
00:56:22,421 --> 00:56:23,714
You're tryin' to
fuckin' kill me!

1336
00:56:23,798 --> 00:56:26,717
What's your problem?
I already apologized to you.

1337
00:56:26,801 --> 00:56:28,969
- When? When did you apologize?
- I thought I did.

1338
00:56:29,053 --> 00:56:31,138
What, you thought
you apologized?

1339
00:56:31,222 --> 00:56:33,891
You know what, maybe I would
apologize to you

1340
00:56:33,974 --> 00:56:35,726
if you gave me back
my necklace.

1341
00:56:35,810 --> 00:56:38,729
There it is. There it is.

1342
00:56:38,813 --> 00:56:40,582
You know I took the necklace
so you tried to fucking kill me.

1343
00:56:40,606 --> 00:56:41,899
- Hey, hey.
- Just admit it, man!

1344
00:56:41,982 --> 00:56:43,210
Kev, Kev, Kev, Kev.
Just chill out.

1345
00:56:43,234 --> 00:56:44,151
We're all just
goofin' around.

1346
00:56:44,235 --> 00:56:45,152
We're just having
a little fun, okay?

1347
00:56:45,236 --> 00:56:46,654
Nobody got hurt.
Nobody got hurt!

1348
00:56:46,737 --> 00:56:48,489
- Oh, it was a goof.
- Yeah, just a goof.

1349
00:56:48,572 --> 00:56:50,133
Well, now that I know that,
I guess I feel better.

1350
00:56:50,157 --> 00:56:51,283
All right.

1351
00:56:51,367 --> 00:56:52,511
Did you know it was
a goof, Jordan?

1352
00:56:52,535 --> 00:56:54,203
You know what,
I don't know. Okay?

1353
00:56:54,286 --> 00:56:55,597
It was... I don't...
I don't know.

1354
00:56:55,621 --> 00:56:56,973
- You don't know.
- I'm staying out of it.

1355
00:56:56,997 --> 00:56:58,016
- Now, you're staying out of it.
- Yeah.

1356
00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:58,958
You know what? Okay.
Everybody's tempers

1357
00:56:59,041 --> 00:56:59,750
are a little hot
right now.

1358
00:56:59,834 --> 00:57:01,061
Maybe we could all
just take a break.

1359
00:57:01,085 --> 00:57:02,229
Maybe take five.
- Let's take a break.

1360
00:57:02,253 --> 00:57:03,271
We drink some water.
We have some beef jerky.

1361
00:57:03,295 --> 00:57:04,495
- All right. Okay.
- We just...

1362
00:57:04,547 --> 00:57:06,066
We reconvene in a bit, okay?
- I'm cool. I'm cool.

1363
00:57:06,090 --> 00:57:07,567
- You're cool?
- I'm cool. Give... Come on.

1364
00:57:07,591 --> 00:57:08,425
- Give him a hug.
- Give me a hug, man.

1365
00:57:08,509 --> 00:57:09,927
Give me a hug.
- I don't... No.

1366
00:57:10,010 --> 00:57:12,263
- Come on. I love you, man.
- That's beautiful, right?

1367
00:57:12,346 --> 00:57:14,098
How do you love me? How?

1368
00:57:14,181 --> 00:57:16,058
How? How does
anybody love anybody?

1369
00:57:17,268 --> 00:57:19,603
- What?
- That's profound.

1370
00:57:19,687 --> 00:57:22,189
It's a good question.

1371
00:57:22,273 --> 00:57:23,691
We're gonna
miss you, big guy.

1372
00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:25,502
- I'll miss you too, baby.
- That was a hoot!

1373
00:57:25,526 --> 00:57:29,697
Now he's lettin' us see
daytime as if we're free.

1374
00:57:29,780 --> 00:57:32,324
I never said you
weren't allowed to leave.

1375
00:57:32,408 --> 00:57:34,702
You got a little bit
of imagination there, buddy.

1376
00:57:34,785 --> 00:57:36,495
Well, I remember
my car used to be here

1377
00:57:36,579 --> 00:57:39,582
and now my car is
at the bottom of a ravine.

1378
00:57:39,665 --> 00:57:41,083
Guess I'm imaginin'
that, too?

1379
00:57:41,167 --> 00:57:43,335
Yeah, well, you know,
this is meth country.

1380
00:57:43,419 --> 00:57:46,839
Probably a couple of tweakers
goin' for a joyride.

1381
00:57:46,922 --> 00:57:47,965
They'll be back.
- Ah...

1382
00:57:48,048 --> 00:57:49,800
Tweakers love to drive,
I keep forgettin.

1383
00:57:49,884 --> 00:57:50,759
I thought we were
gonna be cool, baby.

1384
00:57:50,843 --> 00:57:52,261
- Yeah.
- I am cool. Cool.

1385
00:57:52,344 --> 00:57:53,470
[chuckling]

1386
00:57:53,554 --> 00:57:54,847
Hey, look.

1387
00:57:54,930 --> 00:57:56,599
I know this has
been tough on you.

1388
00:57:56,682 --> 00:57:58,684
You only got
a couple days left.

1389
00:57:58,767 --> 00:58:01,729
My advice, take as much wisdom
as you can from this guy.

1390
00:58:01,812 --> 00:58:03,373
And just have some fun.
- Yeah. Thank you.

1391
00:58:03,397 --> 00:58:05,691
Appreciate you, Josh.

1392
00:58:05,774 --> 00:58:07,651
See ya, Kev.

1393
00:58:07,735 --> 00:58:10,321
- I love you, man.
- I love you too, man.

1394
00:58:10,404 --> 00:58:11,739
Jordan.

1395
00:58:14,909 --> 00:58:16,035
The fuck was that?

1396
00:58:16,118 --> 00:58:17,703
[car starts]

1397
00:58:17,786 --> 00:58:22,249
[music playing in car]

1398
00:58:25,002 --> 00:58:27,671
Agent Hart.
I wanna tell ya somethin'.

1399
00:58:27,755 --> 00:58:29,566
I don't really feel like
dealin' with it, Coach Ron.

1400
00:58:29,590 --> 00:58:31,634
But look.

1401
00:58:31,717 --> 00:58:34,053
I'm sorry about
that live bullet, man.

1402
00:58:34,136 --> 00:58:35,763
I really am.

1403
00:58:35,846 --> 00:58:38,390
It's all I wanted, man.

1404
00:58:38,474 --> 00:58:40,059
All I wanted
was an apology.

1405
00:58:40,142 --> 00:58:42,061
I know.

1406
00:58:42,144 --> 00:58:45,606
You sayin' that to me makes
the world of difference.

1407
00:58:45,689 --> 00:58:48,275
I'm sorry that
I accused you of...

1408
00:58:48,359 --> 00:58:51,528
of tryin' to kill me
and other people.

1409
00:58:51,612 --> 00:58:54,114
Now, give me a hug, man.
Thank you.

1410
00:58:54,198 --> 00:58:56,116
Thank you.
- Uh, guys?

1411
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:58,452
- Yeah.
- Who is that?

1412
00:59:04,625 --> 00:59:07,044
[car honking]

1413
00:59:13,926 --> 00:59:15,928
- Holy shit.
- Oh shit!

1414
00:59:16,011 --> 00:59:17,346
[tires squealing]

1415
00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:22,810
[explosion]
- Oh, shit!

1416
00:59:22,893 --> 00:59:24,162
- Get inside!
- What the fuck was that?

1417
00:59:24,186 --> 00:59:26,105
- Come on!
- Fuck this shit!

1418
00:59:26,188 --> 00:59:28,148
- Goddamn it!
- Oh, shit!

1419
00:59:29,650 --> 00:59:33,195
It's a bomb!

1420
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,325
What the hell is happening?

1421
00:59:38,409 --> 00:59:40,119
Hey, Ron, I-I don't
know this scene.

1422
00:59:40,202 --> 00:59:41,120
Where is it
in the script?

1423
00:59:41,203 --> 00:59:43,414
It is not in
the fucking script!

1424
00:59:43,497 --> 00:59:44,849
No, no, no.
Tell me you're kidding.

1425
00:59:44,873 --> 00:59:46,417
Tell me that
was just a stunt.

1426
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:48,103
That we did not just watch
Josh Hartnett explode!

1427
00:59:48,127 --> 00:59:51,297
It is not a stunt!
It is not in the script!

1428
00:59:51,380 --> 00:59:53,549
Josh Hartnett is dead!

1429
00:59:53,632 --> 00:59:57,136
Oh, god, I've fucked up.
I've fucked up!

1430
00:59:57,219 --> 00:59:58,512
What the fuck is goin' on?

1431
00:59:58,595 --> 01:00:00,222
- I can't.
- What the fuck is goin' on?

1432
01:00:00,306 --> 01:00:01,324
[speaking with British accent]
- O-okay, Kevin.

1433
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:02,975
Don't-Don't be mad.
Don't be mad.

1434
01:00:03,058 --> 01:00:05,060
But this whole thing,

1435
01:00:05,144 --> 01:00:06,984
aside from what just
happened to Josh Hartnett,

1436
01:00:07,021 --> 01:00:08,605
has-has been scripted.

1437
01:00:08,689 --> 01:00:09,708
What the fuck
is that accent?

1438
01:00:09,732 --> 01:00:11,108
I was acting,
I'm sorry!

1439
01:00:11,191 --> 01:00:13,319
I'm not from Chicago,
I'm from Essex!

1440
01:00:13,402 --> 01:00:15,904
Claude Van De Velde wanted you
at your most authentic,

1441
01:00:15,988 --> 01:00:18,532
so he hid a bunch
of cameras in here

1442
01:00:18,615 --> 01:00:20,617
to film us playing roles,
doing the stunts,

1443
01:00:20,701 --> 01:00:21,952
all of it.

1444
01:00:22,036 --> 01:00:23,555
But whatever just happened
wasn't part of it.

1445
01:00:23,579 --> 01:00:25,789
Which is fucking insane, Ron!
For fuck's sake!

1446
01:00:25,873 --> 01:00:27,249
For fuck's sake?

1447
01:00:27,333 --> 01:00:28,518
That's what you
wanna say to me?

1448
01:00:28,542 --> 01:00:30,127
For fuck's sake?

1449
01:00:34,298 --> 01:00:38,719
[speaking foreign language]

1450
01:00:38,802 --> 01:00:41,138
- Talk in your regular voice.
- All right.

1451
01:00:41,221 --> 01:00:43,640
No, I've lost it now.
I'm in my head!

1452
01:00:43,724 --> 01:00:46,393
Who does that?
Who does this to somebody?

1453
01:00:46,477 --> 01:00:49,271
[grunts]
[gunfire]

1454
01:00:58,447 --> 01:01:00,783
Oh, shit. You okay?

1455
01:01:00,866 --> 01:01:04,620
Oh, god.
I'm such a fucking idiot!

1456
01:01:04,703 --> 01:01:07,498
What was I thinking?
- What the hell was that, man?

1457
01:01:07,581 --> 01:01:08,975
You want to know
what the hell is going on?

1458
01:01:08,999 --> 01:01:10,101
You're goddamn right
I wanna know what's going on.

1459
01:01:10,125 --> 01:01:11,585
I bought some drugs.

1460
01:01:11,668 --> 01:01:14,380
I sold them to the wrong people.
- What?

1461
01:01:14,463 --> 01:01:17,091
And Rodrigo got mad at me
and we got into a fight.

1462
01:01:17,174 --> 01:01:19,301
And then, I accidentally
killed him.

1463
01:01:19,385 --> 01:01:20,928
- You did kill Rodrigo.
- Yes.

1464
01:01:21,011 --> 01:01:22,364
I told you
he fuckin' killed him.

1465
01:01:22,388 --> 01:01:24,765
And that necklace.
That necklace was his necklace.

1466
01:01:24,848 --> 01:01:26,683
I'm a horrible person.

1467
01:01:26,767 --> 01:01:28,852
I'm going straight
to hell.

1468
01:01:28,936 --> 01:01:30,656
You're goddamn right
you're going to hell.

1469
01:01:30,729 --> 01:01:32,064
What are you doing?
- Claude!

1470
01:01:32,147 --> 01:01:34,024
- What are you doin', Ron?
- Claude!

1471
01:01:34,108 --> 01:01:37,069
Claude, if you're watchin',
you call the cops right now.

1472
01:01:37,152 --> 01:01:38,904
You call the fuckin cops.

1473
01:01:38,987 --> 01:01:41,365
Senor Wilcox!

1474
01:01:41,448 --> 01:01:43,033
Oh, shit.

1475
01:01:43,117 --> 01:01:44,785
My nephew Rodrigo's body
washed up

1476
01:01:44,868 --> 01:01:47,287
4 miles due south
of here!

1477
01:01:47,371 --> 01:01:50,124
A coincidence, no?

1478
01:01:50,207 --> 01:01:52,167
I'm gonna give you
2 minutes.

1479
01:01:52,251 --> 01:01:55,212
Exactly dos minutos
to bring your ass out here

1480
01:01:55,295 --> 01:01:56,588
and face me like a man!

1481
01:01:56,672 --> 01:01:59,174
If not, I'm gonna set fire
to the building

1482
01:01:59,258 --> 01:02:00,676
and burn you
like a chicharone.

1483
01:02:00,759 --> 01:02:03,345
[whimpering]

1484
01:02:03,429 --> 01:02:06,306
- Snap out of it!
- I can't! It's over!

1485
01:02:06,390 --> 01:02:07,975
Listen to me,
motherfucker.

1486
01:02:08,058 --> 01:02:10,644
This is why men shouldn't be
left in charge of anything!

1487
01:02:10,727 --> 01:02:13,397
My career is just now
becoming the thing

1488
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:16,442
that I have worked
my entire life towards!

1489
01:02:16,525 --> 01:02:18,902
And I'm not dying because
of you, you fucking idiot.

1490
01:02:18,986 --> 01:02:21,071
We're all gonna die!

1491
01:02:21,155 --> 01:02:23,740
[scream]

1492
01:02:23,824 --> 01:02:26,034
- Oh, shit.
- What the fuck, man?

1493
01:02:26,118 --> 01:02:28,120
Everybody gotta
calm the fuck down!

1494
01:02:28,203 --> 01:02:30,330
They're all blanks.

1495
01:02:30,414 --> 01:02:32,332
- Hey. Hey. Hey.
- Don't hit me.

1496
01:02:32,416 --> 01:02:34,543
I'm not gonna hit you.
Look.

1497
01:02:34,626 --> 01:02:37,463
When I first walked through
that door, you told me.

1498
01:02:37,546 --> 01:02:38,755
You said, "Kevin..."

1499
01:02:38,839 --> 01:02:40,966
You said an action hero
is not in here.

1500
01:02:41,049 --> 01:02:43,469
You said it's not in here.
- Uh-huh.

1501
01:02:43,552 --> 01:02:45,179
You said that it's here.

1502
01:02:45,262 --> 01:02:47,055
It's in your heart, man.

1503
01:02:47,139 --> 01:02:49,600
You know, clearly,
you done made some mistakes.

1504
01:02:49,683 --> 01:02:51,518
And one of those mistakes
involved murderin'

1505
01:02:51,602 --> 01:02:53,270
the nephew of some kind
of drug lord.

1506
01:02:53,353 --> 01:02:55,147
[wailing]
- Oh, god.

1507
01:02:55,230 --> 01:02:56,815
I killed him!

1508
01:02:56,899 --> 01:02:58,984
I'm not tryin' to
fuckin' upset you, man.

1509
01:02:59,067 --> 01:03:01,195
Listen.
I know that you know.

1510
01:03:01,278 --> 01:03:04,490
I know that you know that
there's an action hero in there.

1511
01:03:04,573 --> 01:03:07,618
And I know that a true
action hero is-is-is tough.

1512
01:03:07,701 --> 01:03:08,869
Is confident.

1513
01:03:08,952 --> 01:03:11,163
And they're unfazed
by the minor details

1514
01:03:11,246 --> 01:03:13,415
that disrupt
your average lay person.

1515
01:03:13,499 --> 01:03:16,835
They will take responsibility
for their shit.

1516
01:03:16,919 --> 01:03:19,213
You go out there
and you tell the truth, man.

1517
01:03:19,296 --> 01:03:21,256
Tell the fucking truth.

1518
01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:23,967
Say Rodrigo's death...
say it was an accident.

1519
01:03:24,051 --> 01:03:26,220
Say it was a fucking accident.
And give 'em...

1520
01:03:26,303 --> 01:03:28,180
Give 'em this.
Here.

1521
01:03:28,263 --> 01:03:29,431
You give 'em this,

1522
01:03:29,515 --> 01:03:31,141
say you wanna make
things right.

1523
01:03:31,225 --> 01:03:32,327
- I wanna make it right.
- That's all you gotta do!

1524
01:03:32,351 --> 01:03:33,936
Say I wanna make it right.
I'm sorry.

1525
01:03:34,019 --> 01:03:35,437
I fucked up.
- I fucked up.

1526
01:03:35,521 --> 01:03:37,521
- I wanna tell the truth.
- I wanna tell the truth.

1527
01:03:37,564 --> 01:03:39,358
- That's it!
- I don't wanna make a mistake.

1528
01:03:39,441 --> 01:03:40,484
Okay, listen.

1529
01:03:40,567 --> 01:03:43,111
All you gotta do
is be the action hero

1530
01:03:43,195 --> 01:03:46,657
that you wanna see
in the world.

1531
01:03:46,740 --> 01:03:48,951
Thank you.

1532
01:03:49,034 --> 01:03:50,869
Thank you.

1533
01:03:50,953 --> 01:03:52,454
Tell the truth, man.

1534
01:03:58,168 --> 01:03:59,586
That was amazing.

1535
01:04:05,259 --> 01:04:06,593
Amigos!

1536
01:04:06,677 --> 01:04:07,719
Amigos.

1537
01:04:07,803 --> 01:04:09,221
Peace. Peace.

1538
01:04:09,304 --> 01:04:10,722
Paz.

1539
01:04:10,806 --> 01:04:12,057
Paz. Paz.

1540
01:04:12,140 --> 01:04:13,058
Paz. Paz. Paz. Uh...

1541
01:04:13,141 --> 01:04:15,686
Shit, it's
actually working.

1542
01:04:15,769 --> 01:04:18,105
Kevin, did you just
save our lives?

1543
01:04:18,188 --> 01:04:20,440
No. I just know
that being the hero

1544
01:04:20,524 --> 01:04:22,985
means ownin' up
to your mistakes.

1545
01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:26,029
I had to learn
the same thing in my life.

1546
01:04:26,113 --> 01:04:28,991
Just glad that Ron can
learn the same thing too.

1547
01:04:31,076 --> 01:04:33,245
[gunshots]

1548
01:04:33,328 --> 01:04:35,080
Shit!

1549
01:04:35,163 --> 01:04:36,582
What the fuck!

1550
01:04:53,473 --> 01:04:55,017
Is he dead?

1551
01:04:55,100 --> 01:04:57,144
I mean, he took a lot
of bullets. I think so.

1552
01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:58,437
We gotta check.

1553
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:00,160
We gotta check to see
if he's still alive.

1554
01:05:02,024 --> 01:05:03,442
[gunshots]

1555
01:05:03,525 --> 01:05:04,359
He's dead.
- Yeah.

1556
01:05:04,443 --> 01:05:05,319
- He's dead.
- Yeah.

1557
01:05:05,402 --> 01:05:08,071
- He's fuckin' dead.
- Okay. Okay.

1558
01:05:08,155 --> 01:05:10,699
Maybe if we just stay quiet,
they'll leave.

1559
01:05:10,782 --> 01:05:12,743
I like that plan.
Yeah. Yeah.

1560
01:05:12,826 --> 01:05:13,952
Juan. Ortiz.
Go inside.

1561
01:05:14,036 --> 01:05:15,495
If there's any witnesses,
kill them.

1562
01:05:15,579 --> 01:05:16,747
Hide!
[overlapping chatter]

1563
01:05:16,830 --> 01:05:17,873
Go!

1564
01:05:17,956 --> 01:05:19,291
Fuck.

1565
01:05:19,374 --> 01:05:20,709
Close it, close it,
close it.

1566
01:05:20,792 --> 01:05:21,793
Hold it. Hold it.

1567
01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:29,676
Hey, do we got any more
real bullets?

1568
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:31,136
[banging]
- I checked already,

1569
01:05:31,219 --> 01:05:32,387
they're blanks.

1570
01:05:32,471 --> 01:05:33,489
What do you mean
they're fucking blanks?

1571
01:05:33,513 --> 01:05:35,515
Is everything in here
a fuckin' prop?

1572
01:05:35,599 --> 01:05:36,808
[banging]
What about the knife?

1573
01:05:36,892 --> 01:05:38,012
The knife
I stabbed you with?

1574
01:05:38,060 --> 01:05:39,853
It was retractable.
Fake blood.

1575
01:05:39,936 --> 01:05:43,440
Shit! Are you
fucking kidding me?

1576
01:05:43,523 --> 01:05:45,275
Shit! Go.
Go, go, go!

1577
01:05:58,288 --> 01:05:59,498
Kevin?

1578
01:05:59,581 --> 01:06:00,999
Yeah.

1579
01:06:01,083 --> 01:06:02,834
Um, if anything happens

1580
01:06:02,918 --> 01:06:04,753
and we don't
get out of here alive,

1581
01:06:04,836 --> 01:06:08,131
I just want you to know...
- Stop.

1582
01:06:08,215 --> 01:06:10,926
I love you too.

1583
01:06:11,009 --> 01:06:13,512
- Uh...
- Shit. You were gonna

1584
01:06:13,595 --> 01:06:15,681
say somethin' else,
weren't you?

1585
01:06:15,764 --> 01:06:17,075
You were gonna say it
was nice knowin' me?

1586
01:06:17,099 --> 01:06:18,684
- Yeah.
- Fuck me.

1587
01:06:18,767 --> 01:06:21,144
We're about to die.
You could've at least lied.

1588
01:06:21,228 --> 01:06:22,830
I mean, you've been lying
this entire week,

1589
01:06:22,854 --> 01:06:24,165
wouldn't have made
that big of a difference.

1590
01:06:24,189 --> 01:06:27,025
I'm sorry.
I was hired to play a role

1591
01:06:27,109 --> 01:06:28,694
and they paid me
a lot of money.

1592
01:06:28,777 --> 01:06:30,320
Like, a lot.

1593
01:06:30,404 --> 01:06:31,547
You're not making it
any better.

1594
01:06:31,571 --> 01:06:33,198
You're actually making it
a lot worse.

1595
01:06:33,281 --> 01:06:35,158
Shh.
Did you hear that?

1596
01:06:35,242 --> 01:06:36,618
Shit.
They're coming.

1597
01:06:36,702 --> 01:06:38,161
Play dead.
- What? No.

1598
01:06:38,245 --> 01:06:39,597
They'll walk in here,
they'll see that we're dead,

1599
01:06:39,621 --> 01:06:40,497
and then they'll leave.

1600
01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:41,790
But how-how did we die?

1601
01:06:41,873 --> 01:06:43,500
I can't hear you.
I'm dying.

1602
01:07:02,811 --> 01:07:04,896
What the...

1603
01:07:04,980 --> 01:07:06,857
[grunting]

1604
01:07:11,945 --> 01:07:14,698
[screaming]

1605
01:07:14,781 --> 01:07:16,992
Oy! Did you hear that?

1606
01:07:17,075 --> 01:07:18,577
Yeah.
I think it's Ortiz.

1607
01:07:18,660 --> 01:07:21,872
Oh. Then what the fuck
are you waiting for?

1608
01:07:21,955 --> 01:07:23,498
[muttering]

1609
01:07:23,582 --> 01:07:25,333
It's not fuckin'
rocket science.

1610
01:07:25,417 --> 01:07:27,252
[grunting]

1611
01:07:38,180 --> 01:07:39,973
Kick me, bitch? Huh?
Kick this!

1612
01:07:43,602 --> 01:07:46,188
Kick me twice,
shame on me.

1613
01:07:50,776 --> 01:07:52,861
Kick me three times...
[screaming]

1614
01:07:58,533 --> 01:08:02,204
[gunshots]

1615
01:08:10,128 --> 01:08:12,714
Don't look,
I'm on your fuckin' back.

1616
01:08:12,798 --> 01:08:14,633
Come on, let's get
the fuck outta here.

1617
01:08:22,265 --> 01:08:23,975
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

1618
01:08:25,977 --> 01:08:26,977
Come on.

1619
01:08:34,486 --> 01:08:35,403
You think you can
win a gunfight

1620
01:08:35,487 --> 01:08:36,655
with a Colombian
drug lord?

1621
01:08:36,738 --> 01:08:38,907
No. We don't have guns
in England.

1622
01:08:38,990 --> 01:08:40,301
Didn't you say you're
from North Philly?

1623
01:08:40,325 --> 01:08:42,452
What are you doing?
I can't take the gun like that.

1624
01:08:42,536 --> 01:08:44,663
Give it to me right.

1625
01:08:44,746 --> 01:08:46,164
Ron would be proud.

1626
01:08:46,248 --> 01:08:47,999
Shut up, Ron would be proud.

1627
01:08:48,083 --> 01:08:49,793
Ron would be proud.
[gunshots]

1628
01:08:49,876 --> 01:08:51,419
Shit!

1629
01:08:51,503 --> 01:08:54,256
Go. Go, go, go.

1630
01:08:54,339 --> 01:08:56,550
Fuck, fuck, go.

1631
01:09:01,388 --> 01:09:02,472
[whistling]

1632
01:09:07,686 --> 01:09:10,272
Okay. I'm going
to create a distraction,

1633
01:09:10,355 --> 01:09:12,107
and then you're going
to shoot the guy.

1634
01:09:12,190 --> 01:09:13,108
- Yeah.
- Are you ready?

1635
01:09:13,191 --> 01:09:15,110
I've never been
more ready in my life.

1636
01:09:15,193 --> 01:09:17,821
On three.
One, two...

1637
01:09:17,904 --> 01:09:19,423
Wait, wait, wait.
No, don't count like that.

1638
01:09:19,447 --> 01:09:22,576
Go the other way. Three, two...
Like that does better for me.

1639
01:09:22,659 --> 01:09:26,246
Three, two, one.

1640
01:09:26,329 --> 01:09:27,956
[metal clatters]
Go, go, go.

1641
01:09:28,039 --> 01:09:29,039
It's go-time.

1642
01:09:30,709 --> 01:09:32,836
[gunshots]
Yeah, motherfucker!

1643
01:09:32,919 --> 01:09:34,504
Yeah, motherfucker!

1644
01:09:34,588 --> 01:09:36,214
[gun clicks]

1645
01:09:36,298 --> 01:09:37,716
God damn!

1646
01:09:37,799 --> 01:09:39,092
[gunshots]
Motherfucking prop!

1647
01:09:39,175 --> 01:09:40,635
I'm out! I'm out!
I'm out!

1648
01:09:42,888 --> 01:09:45,181
Fuck!
Almost got him.

1649
01:09:45,265 --> 01:09:47,017
- Yeah, you did.
- Yeah.

1650
01:09:49,978 --> 01:09:51,563
Okay, he's reloading.

1651
01:09:51,646 --> 01:09:52,731
Follow me. Quick.
- Okay.

1652
01:09:52,814 --> 01:09:55,108
Wait, wait. Wait for me!
Wait for me!

1653
01:09:58,570 --> 01:09:59,487
Damn it.

1654
01:09:59,571 --> 01:10:01,323
Can't believe
I missed his ass.

1655
01:10:01,406 --> 01:10:03,825
I had him. The sight.
It's gotta be the sight.

1656
01:10:03,909 --> 01:10:05,136
The sight is off with this.
- No, Kevin.

1657
01:10:05,160 --> 01:10:07,203
You just can't shoot for shit.
We need to think!

1658
01:10:07,287 --> 01:10:10,081
There has to be something
in here we can use.

1659
01:10:10,165 --> 01:10:12,918
Guess what we can't use? This.
It's out of bullets.

1660
01:10:13,001 --> 01:10:14,336
I ain't got
no more bullets.

1661
01:10:14,419 --> 01:10:15,921
[gun clatters]
- Kevin! Focus.

1662
01:10:16,004 --> 01:10:17,213
It's props.

1663
01:10:17,297 --> 01:10:19,341
It's a bunch of fuckin'
props over here.

1664
01:10:19,424 --> 01:10:26,139
♪♪♪

1665
01:10:26,222 --> 01:10:28,266
Whoop, there it is.

1666
01:10:30,018 --> 01:10:31,728
[door creaking]

1667
01:10:39,319 --> 01:10:41,488
[car horn honking]

1668
01:10:41,571 --> 01:10:48,571
♪♪♪

1669
01:11:08,348 --> 01:11:11,309
[gunshots]

1670
01:11:11,393 --> 01:11:14,229
<i>[Kevin] Hell no!
Oh, hell no!</i>

1671
01:11:14,312 --> 01:11:17,399
[static]
<i>Oh hell no! No-no-no...</i>

1672
01:11:17,482 --> 01:11:18,942
Got you,
motherfucker!

1673
01:11:21,027 --> 01:11:22,027
Oh shit!

1674
01:11:23,822 --> 01:11:25,907
Okay, okay,
okay, okay.

1675
01:11:25,991 --> 01:11:28,451
[grunting]

1676
01:11:28,535 --> 01:11:29,535
Hold his ass.

1677
01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:37,252
Oh, you thought it
was over, didn't you?

1678
01:11:37,335 --> 01:11:39,004
But I don't
travel alone.

1679
01:11:39,087 --> 01:11:41,464
No, I got my friends
with me.

1680
01:11:41,548 --> 01:11:45,260
Let me introduce you to
Mr. Fuck Shit and Mr. Up.

1681
01:11:45,343 --> 01:11:47,762
- Kevin, shut up!
- Okay. No, no, I was...

1682
01:11:47,846 --> 01:11:48,972
I had more,
but I can cut it.

1683
01:11:49,055 --> 01:11:50,265
Hold this motherfucker.

1684
01:11:52,183 --> 01:11:55,061
Shit! I thought
you had his feet!

1685
01:11:58,440 --> 01:12:01,693
Shit! Yeah.
We got his ass.

1686
01:12:01,776 --> 01:12:03,236
I got him.

1687
01:12:03,319 --> 01:12:05,739
Ain't no "I" in "team."
Put it up here.

1688
01:12:05,822 --> 01:12:07,282
Let's get outta here.
Come on.

1689
01:12:07,365 --> 01:12:10,285
Watch your step.
Watch your step. Let's go.

1690
01:12:10,368 --> 01:12:11,846
He kicked me right in
the fucking nose,

1691
01:12:11,870 --> 01:12:13,038
son of a bitch.

1692
01:12:18,835 --> 01:12:20,754
Run! Run.

1693
01:12:29,721 --> 01:12:31,723
Hey, wait a minute,
Jordan.

1694
01:12:31,806 --> 01:12:33,266
Jordan, slow down.
It's a cliff.

1695
01:12:33,349 --> 01:12:34,726
It's a cliff!
It's a cliff!

1696
01:12:39,856 --> 01:12:40,856
Oh, shit.

1697
01:12:42,692 --> 01:12:44,110
Come on, we've got to go.

1698
01:12:44,194 --> 01:12:47,113
I can't! I can't do that.
That's too far.

1699
01:12:47,197 --> 01:12:49,866
I'm sorry.
- Jesus Christ, just jump.

1700
01:12:49,949 --> 01:12:52,368
- Just go. Go save yourself!
- No!

1701
01:12:52,452 --> 01:12:55,080
We're both getting out of here.
Now, hurry the fuck up!

1702
01:12:57,957 --> 01:13:02,253
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

1703
01:13:02,337 --> 01:13:03,337
Fuck!

1704
01:13:06,758 --> 01:13:08,218
Go. Go. Go.

1705
01:13:08,301 --> 01:13:09,301
Shit.

1706
01:13:14,015 --> 01:13:16,142
Why didn't you say
you love me back?

1707
01:13:16,226 --> 01:13:19,938
Uh, I dunno.
We just...

1708
01:13:20,021 --> 01:13:21,916
We're just kinda getting
to know each other and...

1709
01:13:21,940 --> 01:13:22,982
[gunshot]

1710
01:13:23,066 --> 01:13:24,150
[yelps]

1711
01:13:30,949 --> 01:13:34,494
Any last words
before I blow your brains out?

1712
01:13:34,577 --> 01:13:36,913
Don't shoot me, okay?

1713
01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:39,374
You ain't gotta
do this.

1714
01:13:39,457 --> 01:13:40,792
You ain't gotta
do this, man.

1715
01:13:46,881 --> 01:13:48,675
Yeah. Just let me...

1716
01:13:48,758 --> 01:13:51,261
[imitates squirrel]

1717
01:13:51,344 --> 01:13:53,972
Why are you doing that?

1718
01:13:54,055 --> 01:13:57,142
Cut it out.
Stop it!

1719
01:13:57,225 --> 01:13:59,227
You look at me
when I kill you.

1720
01:13:59,310 --> 01:14:00,353
Look at me!

1721
01:14:00,436 --> 01:14:02,313
I know that there's
nothing up there.

1722
01:14:05,024 --> 01:14:06,568
[grunting]

1723
01:14:16,619 --> 01:14:19,747
[ringing]

1724
01:14:19,831 --> 01:14:20,999
[grunting]

1725
01:14:35,388 --> 01:14:37,640
Ah, shit!

1726
01:14:37,724 --> 01:14:42,437
[yelling]

1727
01:14:42,520 --> 01:14:45,565
Go home. I'm sure there's
a real hero somewhere

1728
01:14:45,648 --> 01:14:46,983
in need of
a goofy sidekick.

1729
01:14:47,066 --> 01:14:48,526
[panting]

1730
01:14:48,610 --> 01:14:50,862
Well, you're not
alone anymore.

1731
01:14:54,032 --> 01:14:56,576
[wincing]

1732
01:14:56,659 --> 01:14:59,204
I've got you,
I promise!

1733
01:14:59,287 --> 01:15:00,872
Kevin!

1734
01:15:00,955 --> 01:15:02,749
Focus.

1735
01:15:04,876 --> 01:15:06,252
[grunting]

1736
01:15:10,673 --> 01:15:13,092
[yelling]

1737
01:15:13,176 --> 01:15:14,176
[thud]

1738
01:15:16,804 --> 01:15:18,848
I owe you one.

1739
01:15:18,932 --> 01:15:20,308
[imitates squirrel]

1740
01:15:26,356 --> 01:15:28,566
I'm comin' for you.

1741
01:15:28,650 --> 01:15:29,859
I'm comin'.

1742
01:15:34,155 --> 01:15:36,574
It's a simple jump.

1743
01:15:36,658 --> 01:15:39,619
Three, two, one.

1744
01:15:49,671 --> 01:15:52,548
Hey.
Hey, come on.

1745
01:15:52,632 --> 01:15:54,717
Jordan, no.
Come on, get up. Get up.

1746
01:15:54,801 --> 01:15:56,678
Jordan, no.

1747
01:15:56,761 --> 01:15:59,055
Look at me.
Look at me.

1748
01:15:59,138 --> 01:16:02,892
Don't you die. Don't you die.
I'm not gonna let you die.

1749
01:16:02,976 --> 01:16:08,022
Come on, Jordan. You can't...
you can't die, not...

1750
01:16:08,106 --> 01:16:11,526
Come on, Jordan.
Get up. Don't do...

1751
01:16:11,609 --> 01:16:14,570
Jordan! Jordan!

1752
01:16:14,654 --> 01:16:17,198
I jumped.
I got over here.

1753
01:16:17,282 --> 01:16:20,576
Jordan?
I fucking jumped!

1754
01:16:20,660 --> 01:16:24,205
[crying]
I fucking jumped.

1755
01:16:27,834 --> 01:16:29,085
I fuckin'...

1756
01:16:29,168 --> 01:16:33,172
Breathe.
[clapping]

1757
01:16:33,256 --> 01:16:35,341
Bravo.

1758
01:16:35,425 --> 01:16:37,802
It's a wrap, everybody.

1759
01:16:37,885 --> 01:16:40,096
[cheers and applause]
Bravo.

1760
01:16:45,101 --> 01:16:46,477
A wrap?

1761
01:16:46,561 --> 01:16:47,812
Agent Hart!

1762
01:16:47,895 --> 01:16:48,896
Coach Ron?

1763
01:16:48,980 --> 01:16:52,191
Woo! Yeah!

1764
01:16:52,275 --> 01:16:54,152
- Yeah!
- Oh, yeah.

1765
01:16:54,235 --> 01:16:55,486
What the fuck
is happening?

1766
01:16:57,822 --> 01:16:59,824
Hey, baby. It was good workin'
with you.

1767
01:16:59,907 --> 01:17:01,534
No hard feelings, man.
Sorry.

1768
01:17:09,292 --> 01:17:12,253
- Hi.
- Oh, no. Come on, Jordan.

1769
01:17:12,337 --> 01:17:14,714
This was a part of it, too?
- Yeah.

1770
01:17:14,797 --> 01:17:17,258
Sorry, Kevin.
- Jordan.

1771
01:17:17,342 --> 01:17:19,469
I really thought
that I lost you.

1772
01:17:19,552 --> 01:17:22,305
Oh, Kevin.

1773
01:17:22,388 --> 01:17:24,474
Well, I guess I'm glad
that you're alive.

1774
01:17:24,557 --> 01:17:26,809
Well, movie magic.

1775
01:17:29,771 --> 01:17:32,106
- Movie magic.
- Very good. Very good, guys.

1776
01:17:35,985 --> 01:17:38,738
Jordan, no.
Come on. Get up. Get up.

1777
01:17:38,821 --> 01:17:41,324
Jordan, you can't do this.
Don't die.

1778
01:17:41,407 --> 01:17:43,993
Come on, Jordan.
Get up. Don't do...

1779
01:17:44,077 --> 01:17:48,122
Jordan!
Jordan!

1780
01:17:48,206 --> 01:17:51,501
I did it. I jumped.
I got over here!

1781
01:17:51,584 --> 01:17:55,421
Jordan.
I fuckin' jumped!

1782
01:17:55,505 --> 01:17:58,883
[crying]
I fuckin' jumped.

1783
01:17:58,966 --> 01:18:05,966
♪♪♪

1784
01:18:06,891 --> 01:18:10,061
[clapping]

1785
01:18:15,024 --> 01:18:17,693
[sighs]
- Well?

1786
01:18:23,741 --> 01:18:26,327
That may be the strangest
movie I've ever seen.

1787
01:18:29,372 --> 01:18:33,793
So bizarre
and-and-and violent.

1788
01:18:37,004 --> 01:18:41,592
And yet...
authentic.

1789
01:18:44,804 --> 01:18:47,014
You can't teach
acting like that.

1790
01:18:47,098 --> 01:18:48,349
- So, you liked it?
- Like it?

1791
01:18:48,433 --> 01:18:50,101
I like kidney-shaped
swimming pools.

1792
01:18:50,184 --> 01:18:51,894
I like reduced-fat
eggnog.

1793
01:18:51,978 --> 01:18:53,980
This movie?

1794
01:18:54,063 --> 01:18:55,940
I loved.

1795
01:18:56,023 --> 01:18:57,859
He loves it.

1796
01:18:57,942 --> 01:18:59,944
How does it feel
to be a leading man

1797
01:19:00,027 --> 01:19:01,571
in your own
action movie?

1798
01:19:01,654 --> 01:19:04,615
- Wow.
- Kevin, please.

1799
01:19:04,699 --> 01:19:06,409
Oh, the same stage.

1800
01:19:06,492 --> 01:19:07,869
Uh...
[applause]

1801
01:19:07,952 --> 01:19:10,288
Oh, stop, stop.
Guys.

1802
01:19:10,371 --> 01:19:12,874
Well, I learned
two things.

1803
01:19:12,957 --> 01:19:15,293
The first thing is
that it's dangerous.

1804
01:19:15,376 --> 01:19:17,003
It's dangerous
as hell.

1805
01:19:17,086 --> 01:19:19,172
I mean, I was set on fire.
[chuckling]

1806
01:19:19,255 --> 01:19:20,524
I was hit in the head
with a bat.

1807
01:19:20,548 --> 01:19:22,592
Punched. Kicked.
I'm really gonna be scarred.

1808
01:19:22,675 --> 01:19:24,635
[laughing]
- Yeah, he probably is.

1809
01:19:24,719 --> 01:19:25,779
No, I'm serious. I don't know
why you're laughing,

1810
01:19:25,803 --> 01:19:27,305
I'm being very serious.
[laughing]

1811
01:19:27,388 --> 01:19:29,450
I'm gonna have real issues
because of this guy right here.

1812
01:19:29,474 --> 01:19:30,766
- Fuck yeah!
- It's not...

1813
01:19:30,850 --> 01:19:34,103
It's not a fuck yeah.
It's a serious thing.

1814
01:19:36,439 --> 01:19:40,234
The second thing that
I learned is that, uh,

1815
01:19:40,318 --> 01:19:45,198
there's no such thing
as a leading man.

1816
01:19:45,281 --> 01:19:47,700
'Cause you're nothing
without your co-stars.

1817
01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:53,539
And I had that
in-in you guys.

1818
01:19:53,623 --> 01:19:55,416
So, thank you. Come on.
Get up here.

1819
01:19:55,500 --> 01:19:56,792
Seriously. Get up here.
- Bro.

1820
01:19:56,876 --> 01:19:58,211
- Buddy.
- Take this in.

1821
01:19:58,294 --> 01:19:59,837
Take it in with me.

1822
01:19:59,921 --> 01:20:01,964
Wait, wait.
Do I get top billing?

1823
01:20:02,048 --> 01:20:03,299
Yeah. You'll have
top billing.

1824
01:20:03,382 --> 01:20:04,634
Nice.
I forgot to ask.

1825
01:20:04,717 --> 01:20:06,195
Well, I think it's time
to celebrate.

1826
01:20:06,219 --> 01:20:07,261
- Yes!
- Yes!

1827
01:20:07,345 --> 01:20:09,180
Looks like we've got
a hit on our hands!

1828
01:20:09,263 --> 01:20:11,307
Ron, congratulations!

1829
01:20:11,390 --> 01:20:15,394
Congratulations, everybody.
[applause]

1830
01:20:15,478 --> 01:20:18,314
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
a real treat for you today.

1831
01:20:18,397 --> 01:20:20,209
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Easy with the spoilers.

1832
01:20:20,233 --> 01:20:22,235
This requires a little
dramatic build-up.

1833
01:20:22,318 --> 01:20:23,778
Okay.
Here it is.

1834
01:20:23,861 --> 01:20:25,255
Now, you know that
I'm not a big fan

1835
01:20:25,279 --> 01:20:28,157
of these high-budget
action films.

1836
01:20:28,241 --> 01:20:29,242
Here she goes again

1837
01:20:29,325 --> 01:20:31,536
with her love
of fancy foreign films.

1838
01:20:31,619 --> 01:20:33,347
I have discerning taste.
This is my build-up.

1839
01:20:33,371 --> 01:20:35,122
This is what you requested.
- Continue.

1840
01:20:35,206 --> 01:20:37,750
This movie
by Claude Van De Velde moved me.

1841
01:20:37,833 --> 01:20:39,710
I gotta say.
- It's an incredible film.

1842
01:20:39,794 --> 01:20:41,587
I've seen it 27 times.

1843
01:20:41,671 --> 01:20:43,130
Team Van de Velde right here.

1844
01:20:43,214 --> 01:20:45,925
The hero of this movie
is not the action star

1845
01:20:46,008 --> 01:20:47,134
that you would expect.

1846
01:20:47,218 --> 01:20:49,971
The one that really
saves the day.

1847
01:20:50,054 --> 01:20:51,764
Well, we have him here today.

1848
01:20:51,847 --> 01:20:54,767
Ladies and gentlemen,
Sassy the squirrel.

1849
01:20:54,850 --> 01:20:56,435
[cheers and applause]

1850
01:20:56,519 --> 01:20:58,896
Oh, you're a lot bigger
in person.

1851
01:20:58,980 --> 01:21:00,898
Oh, hell no.

1852
01:21:00,982 --> 01:21:07,982
♪♪♪

1853
01:21:31,012 --> 01:21:38,012
♪♪♪

1854
01:22:01,042 --> 01:22:08,042
♪♪♪

1855
01:22:31,072 --> 01:22:38,072
♪♪♪

1856
01:23:01,102 --> 01:23:08,102
♪♪♪