(GASPS)
Where's the ball?! Go!
Whoo-hoo!
Uggh!
(INHALES WHEEZILY)
(SPUTTERS) I'm pogoing!
Yeeeew!
Damn!
Oh!
Aah! Ohh!
Who's a good boy?
Don't make me tackle you!
You're gonna be like this today, are ya?
(TYPEWRITER CLACKS)
(TYPEWRITER BELL DINGS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster.
It's episode ten, and you know what that means -
it's grand final night!
A big hello to all those at home watching,
as well as the huge fan community
who braved the conditions together
for the live outdoor screening at Homebush,
and, of course, the tens of thousands
who have had to settle for the overspill on the site next door.
Should've tried harder. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Our five athletes have been training their tootsies off
and are really, really, really hoping
to at least get a participation certificate.
Well, bad news - my certificate printer is out of ink,
but I will be giving one of them this tremendous head.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Digging deep for one last charge
is our haggard, emaciated cast,
absolute shells of their former selves.
It's... Anisa Nandaula! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Brett Blake! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Celia Pacquola! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Joel Creasey! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Come on! Come on! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And Perth's very own Rove McManus.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And next to me, a guy who is one of those people
that eats the skin off kiwifruit.
Yeah. Only the skin.
(LAUGHTER)
It's Tom Cashman.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Alright, let's tear open our prize task.
Tonight, our contestants have been asked
to bring in what they consider to be the most broken thing.
We all remember Celia got injured last week,
so I think it's only fair that we start with Celia.
What broken thing have you brought in?
Well, there's a lot of things broken in this world,
isn't there, Tom, you know?
There's many... many, many things out there.
But I did go quite personal with this.
I went, what is my most broken thing?
Is it my heart? Is it my spirit?
No, it is my little toe on my left foot.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
Joel didn't do it. Oh, my God!
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
I just saw my career flash before my eyes.
Joel did not do this one.
This is, yeah, my little toe. It's quite mangled.
I won't show you because I don't want to lose my wikiFeet rating.
Um... (LAUGHTER)
I have one! Did you know?
Do you know what wikiFeet is? Yeah.
It's a... it's a website where Tom...
...sorry - anonymous foot pervs...
(LAUGHTER)
...look at celebrities'... Sorry - top contributors.
(LAUGHS) What's your rating?
Very... Four stars. Four stars. Ayo!
So I can't... I can't show you my mangled-y toe.
But it just breaks if it's, you know, a bit windy,
then - cck! - gone.
OK. Let's see what Anisa's brought in.
The thing that I've brought in is my car.
(EXCLAMATIONS, APPLAUSE)
And you could be thinking, maybe it's just the bonnet.
It looks like this all over the car.
I've run into walls, garage doors, petrol pumps...
I treat my car the same way I treat my head -
I can hear noises that aren't supposed to be there,
I can't afford to get them checked out.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
I've got some stuff I can give you.
Would anyone like to see my superpower?
Here it is - that's a... 1997 Mitsubishi Mirage.
That is what it is, yeah. Yes!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
What do you think this is - Hard Quiz?
(LAUGHTER)
"Brett. Bogan. Expert subject - cars."
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Uh, Joel, what did you bring in?
My broken thing -
I had a bit of a menty B, and I smashed that BOX!
Oh.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
That would've felt so good.
So you finally snapped and you took out the box.
Yeah.
Was he waiting underneath going, "Oh, hi"?
(LAUGHTER)
Rove.
ROVE: Well, at this point, um...
...I guess I'm seeing Celia's broken toe
and raising her my manager's wrist.
(EXCLAMATIONS)
That is not where a hand is meant to be.
How did he break it? Was it taking a commission?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
No! Bad Kevin!
Uh, short story - 45-year-old man, uh, Razor scooter.
That's all you need to know. (GROANING)
Alright. Uh, Brett.
The most broken thing...
...is this.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Tom Cashman
after me bullying you
for how-many-ever episodes this show goes for, I don't know.
This is number ten. Number ten. For ten episodes.
The most broken thing is you.
I don't... We haven't seen that in this series.
That's... that's a screenshot, I guess
from a task that's not gonna be aired, um...
For obvious reasons.
Brett is bullying me even in things
that you're not gonna see as part of this series.
OK, well, I've gotta hand out some points here,
but the thing is, are you broken?
You seem quite resilient.
I'm unbreakable. (LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So I'm gonna give one point to Brett.
I'm gonna give two points to Anisa
'cause, I mean, the car's not broken -
you said you can still drive it.
Uh, I'm gonna give three points to Rove,
because it is a broken wrist, but it wasn't yours,
whereas Celia IS broken, so I'm giving her four points.
But, uh, Joel gets five points, because...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) It might be my last chance.
...that box is definitely broken.
Yeah. It broke me.
Alright, before we go any further,
we'd better get a lay of the land.
Give us an update on the scores for the series,
please, Lesser Tom.
So, Joel's on 120 points.
Then we have a tie between Anisa and Celia, both on 133.
Brett's on 139.
But Rove is in the lead by 8 points
on 147 points overall.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK, no time to dilly-dally.
Let's see some tasks. What have you got?
Well, it's the final episode of the season,
so you know what that means - every person for themselves!
Apart from now, because it's a team task.
Ohoho!
BRETT: There's a (BLEEP) door right there. I can feel it.
Jesus, you would suck as a labrador, dude.
Why? Because...?
'Cause you didn't even say there was a step.
"Hey, Brett, there's a step coming up."
Alright, there's a little step. Step here. Little step.
Sorry, I've been drinking.
Is that OK? That's fine.
(CELIA GASPS) Yes! (JOEL CHUCKLES)
No way, no way, no way.
I feel like... are we like the ICE?
We've gotta get in the van!
Right, this is feeling very kidnappy.
"Guide your team-mate through the obstacle course."
"You cannot leave the van.
"For any word you say starting with O,
"two minutes will be... added to your time."
"Fastest wins.
"Your time starts when you've read your team-mate their task."
Brett. Come in, Brett.
Yeah, I can hear you, mate.
I'm just doing some kicks.
Hey, Rove. How are you going? Anisa, I'm doing great.
We got this. I'm gonna read you your task.
JOEL: "Complete the... said course."
"You must not remove your helmet.
"If you touch anything orange, you must start again." Aaah!
"Fastest wins." "Your time starts now."
Brett, just so you know the lay of the land,
there is a big course in front of you.
A big horse? A...big course.
Oh, big course!
OK.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, the teams are back.
It's the breakfast show versus the drive show.
Who's up first then?
'Orange' you glad I didn't say Brett, Celia and Joel?
It's Anisa and Rove.
So, should we have a code word for 'orange'
that isn't 'orange'?
If you're about to touch orange, I'll call it purple.
OK. Are you ready?
Uh, I assume so.
May you please move ahead.
To your... Yeah, perfect. To your left.
You've touched something orange. Please return to the start.
My bad, dude. I didn't see it.
So, I'm very... I'm very top-heavy. Very top-heavy.
I'm just gonna go like this.
You're doing great.
Take a teeny, tiny step to your left.
You're standing very close to the purple fruit.
Try to put your left foot forward and stop.
Oh! Oh! Holy shit!
What the (BLEEP)?! What happened? What's happened?
You did it! Holy shit!
Hang on. Hang on.
Oh, shit. Good job.
Tell me when my hand is over the safe spot.
Uh... stop!
There it is. Oh, you smart boy. There it is.
You smart boy!
He went to university. Yes, smart boy.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
You've touched orange. OK, we've got a system now.
Sorry, I'm just very... it's very... it's quite top-heavy.
I'm sorry. I'm good.
Stop. OK, good.
Yes, king. Yes, king Got it.
Ooh! Yes. Yes, king.
Yes, king. Yes, king! Yes, king!
There are two purple fruits in front of you,
but you can jump that shit, OK? You can jump over it.
(LAUGHS)
May you get on your knees, please?
(CACKLES)
Can I go this way? Yes, king, a little bit.
If you could kind of hunch together like a snail man...
(LAUGHS)
...and snail your way towards...
...snail your bod... (LAUGHS) ...snail your body there.
This is a great strategy. We're moving forward.
OK, great. We're out of here. We're out of here.
Tom, are we done?
No. He's saying no.
But look at me go.
I think what the final thing is, Rove,
is, in front of you there are two purple basketballs.
The basketball in the middle is the colour blue.
So I think you need to pick it up and you need to shoot it.
We got this. Finish line, baby!
Keep going.
Killing it. Killing it.
Shit, there's a basketball right there,
and it's orange.
(BLEEP)! Sorry - it's purple. (LAUGHS)
OK, now we're gonna reach for the basketball.
Lower that hand.
You're touching the blue basketball.
Can I stand? Stand up with it.
Now, the basketball hoop is in front of you.
There's a basketball hoop?! We're gonna try to shoot it.
Wait a minute! They expected me to shoot a basketball hoop?!
Where your head is looking is exactly where it is.
OK, shoot it now.
Ready, set, go.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Oh! You got it!
Are you kidding me?!
Whoo!
You killed it!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Rove, I think I speak for everyone when I say
nice work, king.
(LAUGHTER)
Yes!
Do you shoot better blindfolded?
This is the first time I think I've had
any kind of real sporting prowess in my life.
So what a time to unveil it. I'm very pleased.
That looked like it went quick,
but we were there for, like, a very long (BLEEP) time.
There was... yeah, there was a lot of resetting
from touching things along the way.
Constantly.
The Little Snail King had quite a journey.
(LAUGHS)
OK, so, how long did they take?
So, they took 1 hour, 13 minutes and 27 seconds
to complete the course.
Right.
(APPLAUSE)
Just to be clear, they couldn't say the word 'orange'
'cause it starts with O,
but they couldn't say ANY word that starts with O.
So we have to add some time for the words they did say.
They said 65 words starting with O,
which sounds like a lot,
but over an hour and 13 minutes, that's pretty good.
So their total time is 3 hours, 23 minutes, and 27 seconds.
(APPLAUSE)
Time for some half-time oranges.
More Taskmaster season finale right after this.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to the Taskmaster grand finale,
where we're watching blindfolded comedians
stumble around the backyard.
It's basically just our after-work drinks,
but with more cameras. That's right.
Our contestants are trying to navigate their way through
an obstacle course without touching anything orange.
Next up, from the drive show,
we've got Celia and Joel driving Brett.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Slowly shuffle your feet forward.
Slight turn to your left.
Perfect. That's great.
So, there is a bed of round fruit.
If you put your foot out, I can tell you when to put it down.
Oh, that's a great idea,
assuming I had balance and coordination.
Oh, goddammit!
I was hit by a car six months ago.
Like that? Head down, head down...
Left! Left! Left! (BLOWS WHISTLE)
Mother... You've touched orange.
Please return to the start.
This is going to be a while. This is gonna be so hard.
OK, now go straight line.
Lift foot up.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Touched orange.
Please return to the start.
Gorgeous. Keep going.
So, if you just take a normal step forward
with your left foot.
You did it! Yes! Nailed it. You nailed it.
Is it, like, there?
Yes. You've pointed in the exact perfect direction.
Did you do it?
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Aagh!
You've touched orange. Please return to the start.
Wait - what is this?
BOTH: That's the Taskmaster mat.
Yeah. Can't I throw that over the oranges
and just stand over the top of all that shit?
Try it.
OK, if you get on that mat, you could then jump the fruit.
Aaagh!
Ah. (LAUGHS)
We know this bit now.
OK, I'm just gonna shuffle. I'm not gonna try and be a hero.
Honestly, if you just... Put your foot forward...
Yep! Yep! There it is! That's it.
That's it. Now, if you can jump from there,
I reckon you can do it.
Godspeed. Jump to your right.
And then don't move. Don't move, don't move, don't move!
Now shuffle to your right.
Shuffle to your right. Move to your right.
Aah! No, no, no! To your right. To your right.
Your other right! (BLEEP)!
Your right. But don't go forward. Lean back a bit.
Aagh!
Yes! You did it. You bloody did it!
Great work. You bloody did it.
I think you should get on your hands and knees now.
What?! Crawl. Crawl, Brett.
Can't wait to look horny on TV.
Miaow!
Miaow.
Aagh! I did my hip! (LAUGHS) Ow.
Man, I hope there's a camera behind me,
checking out my peach.
(LAUGHTER)
Now, in front of you are three basketballs.
Slide your hands along the grass slowly.
There it is. Pull it back.
That's the right ball. You've got it.
Knock the two balls away...
With the blue one! ...with the blue one.
Great work. They're gone.
Hold the ball up in the air. Don't put it too far.
And don't do a Nazi salute. Oh. Like this?
Go forward. Can you feel it? That's the net.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) What?!
You touched orange. You must return to the start.
How?! Aagh!
How?
Oh, it's disappointing for you, is it?
There's nothing I can grab to assist me?
A chair? What about a chair?
So, put your right hand up. There we go.
That's a chair. Grab it. I'm armed now. Yes!
Oh, wait. Wait. I can do this shit now.
Is that clear? Yes. Yes!
I'm gonna use this like a zimmer frame.
And how far am I throwing?
I'm just gonna do it.
Oh!
Oh, my God! Are you OK?
I mean, I did get a camera in my face, which is pretty sick.
So, what about that? Is that... is that a good line?
Yep. We believe in you. You got this.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) (BLOWS WHISTLE)
We've done it! We've done it! Oh, my God!
Well done!
Got it?
You bloody did it! You did it! You did it!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Brett, it feels like a certain amount of justice in this,
'cause over the series
you've put all the camera crew in a lot of dangerous positions
and finally, a camera injured you.
I know. I didn't...
Like, I threw the ball, the camera hit me in my face,
and then I started bleeding in my mouth,
and the "stunt coordinator" didn't stop it.
And then I was like, "We've gotta go again."
Like, "Do you wanna stop the...?"
I was like, "No! I need to finish this!"
Yeah, he had a rough time, but, you know,
it was really hot in that van for us as well, wasn't it?
(LAUGHTER)
OK. So, how long did it take?
They took 37 minutes and 9 seconds.
Oh, my gosh! You bloody ripper! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no! It's not good. It's not good.
That's before we add the O's.
Celia and Joel said 76 words starting with O, including,
"Oh, no," "Oh, come on," "Oh, (BLEEP)," "Oh, shit"...
(LAUGHTER)
..."Oh, get (BLEEP)ed," and "Okie-dokie."
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, that's you. Okie-dokie.
So that means your total time
is 3 hours, 9 minutes and 9 seconds,
beating the other team by 14 minutes!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
That's pretty close.
I reckon I'll give the drive show five, five, five
and the breakfast show four, four.
OK, great. Oh, what?!
Whoooo! Take that.
Alright, so, what has that done to the episode scores?
Well, we've got Anisa and Brett in last place
on six points apiece,
but Joel's in the lead with ten points at the moment.
(CHEERING APPLAUSE)
Comeback.
Let's see another one, then.
I think, therefore I am. If you think, then you am too.
Hello, Thomas.
"Splatter this pumpkin."
Easy. Do I even need to continue?
"You may not go on the balcony."
"Most profound splatter wins."
"Your attempt ends as soon as..."
"..the pumpkin's... flesh..." TOM: Mm.
"..is exposed."
Oh, my. That sounds very graphic.
"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."
Oh, that's fun.
Most profound? Prof... Who uses that word?
Do you write these? Mm-hm.
How do I know? How did I know that?
Profound is, like... mind-opening?
"Socrates did what now?" Buh!
Don't think it's gonna... break.
It's showing interesting insights.
Pumpkins are boring!
I'm so angry in the lab.
I gotta get out of the lab.
Can we go for a walk?
Sure. Let's go for a walk.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, you just have to break open the pumpkin in a profound way.
That's it.
Let's see some pumpkin splattering, then.
Let's step onto his pumpkin patch, kids - it's Rove McManus.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
I want to shoot it out of this cannon.
That's what I want to do.
But I can't, because this isn't a proper cannon.
But what if I THINK it is?
What if I use my profound thoughts
to shoot this pumpkin all the way over to the dock and smash?
How's your mind gonna do that?
Imagination.
And the power of editing. (CHUCKLES)
Ready? Yep.
Three. Two. One.
(CANNONBALL WHISTLING)
(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
Whew! (CHORTLES) Pwhoa!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
TOM: OK, so...
So, what was the profound bit?
It's the Schrodinger's cat idea
that, until... until an action happens,
both outcomes are possible. OK.
So, the idea that I have burst the... smashed the pumpkin
with another alternate-reality me
to tell me that it has happened
with the power of my own mind.
Wow.
That WAS profound.
It was pretty deep. Don't drown.
I feel like, uh,
maybe the editors deserve the points on that one.
That's also part of it, Tom, is just,
I had to believe that that was gonna happen.
I had to will it to believe.
They could have just left me hanging
like they did with the Harry Potter one,
going... going, "Sparks! Sparks!"
Alright, time for a break.
Still everything to play for.
We'll be back soon with more pumpkin splattering.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to the season finale of Taskmaster,
where we're watching comedians do to pumpkins
what I'm going to do to their careers.
Yes, our contestants are trying
to splatter pumpkins in the most profound way.
Like zombies and nudists,
they're fangin' for flesh.
It's Anisa and Joel.
(LAUGHTER)
Did you do theatre in school?
I did drama in Year 9 and 10. Perfect.
Well, pumpkins make me think of, uh, Cinderella.
You need to put that on. OK.
Now you are Prince Charming, come to save Rapunzel...
Oh. ...from her castle.
I think that Cinderella made the wrong choice
going with the prince.
Why don't you have a practice?
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!
Yeah. Good enough.
He didn't even have money.
Didn't he? No. His dad had money.
The dad would have been a bit old, no?
Exactly. Splat!
Get down on a knee. OK.
Yeah. This is... this is her castle.
Yep. And, action!
Cinderella shouldn't have married the prince.
She should have married the dad 'cause he had more money.
Splat!
(LAUGHTER)
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!
No, Rapunzel! You must die!
Cinderella shouldn't have married the prince.
She should have married the dad 'cause he had more money.
Bah!
You're bloody kidding me.
Blood. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
He had property. Bam!
You're absolutely kidding me right now.
Wow. That was very good.
He had property!
He was old, but he had property!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) (BLOWS WHISTLE)
So, Anisa, you were saying he was old, but he had property.
Is that the most profound thing that you could come up with?
'Cause for me, that's not profound - it's just my life.
(LAUGHTER)
Wow.
That is not profound for you, but for my generation it is...
...it's a very profound message.
I think that girls should not go for guys
that are super good-looking,
they should go for men who have a good-looking super, so...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, Joel, what happened to you?
You started pumpkin Cinderella
and then you did some weird Cinderella-Rapunzel mashup?
Uh, no. 'Cause Rapunzel had nothing...
Anisa was doing Cinderella, old man.
OK. I...
(LAUGHTER)
To be fair, if you pulled the Botox out of your face
we'd look the same age.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
(CHEERING)
We would.
Whatever! OK?
Um, we both did fairytales,
and I think if anyone put the 'fairy' in 'fairytale', it's me.
Um...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK. Yeah, which is...
Yeah, but you dressed up, you made up a story,
and then you smashed it, and it was kind of profound, I guess.
Couldn't agree more, handsome. I'm just saying, Anisa,
you just said something profound and smashed it.
A bit less effort, perhaps.
Oh, no, no, no. That pumpkin was thick!
(LAUGHTER)
Look at my hands! I was trying so hard.
OK. Sorry. I'm not yelling at you.
I'm just trying to communicate a point.
You're yelling at my super.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, let's see someone else's vegetable murder, please.
She can talk the talk and walk the walk,
but can she squash the squash?
It's Celia Pacquola.
Can I get a cherry picker?
Cherry picker? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can I have one?
(GASPS)
Shit, yeah!
We have arranged a scissor lift. (LAUGHS)
G'day. Hi.
This is the, uh, scissor lift guy.
Scissor lift guy? Guy.
What's your name? Is it Guy? Scissor Lift Guy.
Oh! (LAUGHS)
How high up does it go? This will go six metres.
That's pretty profound.
Do you have any profound sayings or words of wisdom?
Pumpkins down... life up?
Pumpkins down, life up! I love it!
See?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) Tom, have you seen Geoffrey?
Who's Geoffrey? What do you mean?
Geoffrey is your father. He's my husband. Where is he?
Oh, the pump...? Yep. The pumpkin!
Your father is a pumpkin! I know Geoffrey.
I think he's climbed a big... What?!
...scissor lift. What are you...? (SCREAMS)
Geoffrey, what are you doing?!
"I can fly." You CAN'T fly! We've talked about this!
Why did you let him get up there?!
He thinks he can fly? Geoffrey, you can't fly!
Can you tell him? Geoffrey, you idiot!
You're a pumpkin. You can't fly!
You moron! He's your father.
'Cause you... call him Geoffrey. Oh.
"The only thing to fear is fear itself."
What are you talking about?
There's heaps of more things to fear,
like being splattered from a great height, Geoffrey!
What's another profound thing that I thought I was gonna say?
"I think, therefore I am."
I know you are!
What about Scissor Lift Guy's, uh...
What did he say? I've forgotten it.
What did you say? What was it?
Uh, pumpkins down, life up?
Geoffrey! Pumpkins down, life up!
That does actually sound like an encouragement to fly.
It sounds like... Scissor Lift Guy!
Don't listen to Scissor Lift Guy!
"I'm listening to the Scissor Lift Guy!"
(DRAMATIC OPERATIC MUSIC)
"The Scissor Lift Guy was right!"
(SCREAMS)
Geoffrey!
Oh, Geoffrey!
You did this!
I feel emotional. Are you OK?
I...I went on a real journey there.
I'm fine. I was full Method.
You're fine? Yeah.
Thanks, Celia. Thank you.
For long-term fans of the show, they might have noticed
that Scissor Lift Guy was Ladder Guy from season two.
Oh!
You'd remember, Brett.
Yeah, I wouldn't need to call a guy.
I have a ticket to operate one of those, but whatever.
Oh, where'd you get your ticket? Was it at...
BOTH: TAFE!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, Celia, it was an amazing scene.
It was beautiful, very entertaining, very emotional.
But was it profound? I don't know.
I had a nice time. I thought you could've done a bit better.
You know, I'm like, it's your dad.
You refused to give me any context.
Oh, yeah. that's right.
You didn't tell me what the scene was even going to be.
That's right.
You said, "You'll figure it out."
You didn't tell me the pumpkin's name or anything like that.
Oh, that's the other thing - I had the fishing wire
because I was not allowed to go up in the scissor lift.
Because you didn't go to... BOTH: TAFE.
No. I wasn't allowed up there.
OK, who's gonna finish this one off for us?
Next up, with exposed flesh -
and I'm not talking about the calendar in his bedroom -
it's Brett Blake.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
That is good. (LAUGHS)
Have you got the little shorts? (LAUGHS)
Is that my prince?
Oh, yeah, yeah. The sketch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm your... I'm your love interest or something, aren't I?
My prince! I forgot. I don't care.
I just really wanted to blow this up.
I'm Cinderella. I'm here for my prince.
This is awesome, dude.
Have you guys got this on camera? (LAUGHS)
I have an idea.
God, that's annoying for you. Oh, my God.
It's another monobrow, isn't it? It's another monobrow, dude.
Look at that. Can I have a twirl? Look at that peach, baby!
Beautiful.
I think I'm still confused as to what profound is,
but there's only one way to figure it out.
Ready?
BOTH: Profound.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, hell, yeah, dude!
Ooh! That's ten points for sure.
(LAUGHS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So after a whole series of trying to blow shit up
and not being allowed,
they finally let you blow something up.
'Cause, yeah, I was like, "Can I use explosives on this?"
And they go, "Oh!" And they finally gave up,
and this dude rocked up with a van.
The worst part was, like,
because we didn't have safety goggles,
like, you can't look at the explosion.
So that was the first time I got to see it, so...
It's in the opening titles, every show.
Oh.
Once again, I don't watch this. (LAUGHS)
So, what was profound about that scene, though?
Like, I know you just said, "Profound,"
but did that make it profound?
Tom, this may surprise you,
but I don't know what 'profound' means.
(LAUGHTER)
It was kind of the opposite of Celia's.
Celia gave me no background to the scene.
You gave me background to the scene -
you said, "This is kind of like bogan Cinderella,
"and you're Cinderella."
And then, when I got there doing the scene,
you had abandoned the scene.
Obviously,
you've never seen yourself in a midriff before, dude.
You were so into it, Brett, that at one point you said,
"Have you guys got this on camera?"
(LAUGHTER)
I just got so excited.
I was overstimulated in my little ADHD brain.
There was explosive, Tom was in a midriff,
I was living in a caravan - again.
It was great!
Alright, we need to hand out some points here.
Yes.
I didn't find Anisa's profound. No.
So one point to Anisa. OK.
(BOOING) Uh, two points to...
(BLEEP) off. (LAUGHTER)
I'm gonna give two points to Joel
because I thought it was of only slightly higher quality.
I had a whole new nose on! Oh.
(LAUGHTER)
It's a yearly thing for me. (LAUGHTER)
I'm gonna give three points to Rove
because it was kind of profound, but I feel like
the editors probably deserve most of the credit there.
Four points to Celia's, because it was very exciting to watch,
and I was just happy to see the Ladder Guy again.
Um, I'm gonna give five points
to Brett Blake's profound love story.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And to be honest,
also because he finally got to blow some shit up!
Yes! Things are just getting good.
And you know what that means - it must be time for an ad break,
'cause we want to lose all the momentum we've got.
We'll be right back after this.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
It's the grand finale, so we're pulling out all the stops.
During the ad break, we had red cordial and some Smarties.
Sure. Cashman, what are we up to?
It's our final task at Sandown Racecourse
and our final film task of the season.
(ROVE GASPS)
Ooh!
Hello!
Hi, Joel. Hello.
It said 'pull' but it goes both ways.
This looks fun.
You think? Of course it looks fun.
It's packs of hula hoops and rainbow balls.
This is so cool. Another athletic event.
Michael Jordan.
Gonna made me bend down, are you?
Couldn't have got a table, champ? Ahh!
Budget cuts.
"Roll a ball into a..."
(PANTS, SIGHS)
I just walked up the stairs.
"Roll a ball into a hoop from the furthest distance."
"You may choose to place 50 hoops and roll one ball..."
"..or place one hoop and roll 50 balls..."
"..or place 25 hoops and roll 25 balls whilst blindfolded."
Huh?
"You must roll the ball from behind the line."
CELIA: "Furthest successful roll wins."
"You have 15 minutes. Your time starts... now."
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Yep.
OK. You know what?
This involves some physical coordination,
so I am pessimistic.
(LAUGHTER)
What?! Who's first?
♪ Hoop! There... ♪ will be,
as soon as someone presses play in the video control room.
It's Brett and Celia.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
I think I need a blindfold.
25 and 25.
We're going big. We're gonna go big.
50 balls? 50 balls.
Yeah! Done it.
Locked in. OK.
(LAUGHS)
I guess the rest is up to the gods.
And you, I guess. Yeah. I'm a god.
That seems... that's really far away.
Yeah.
Can you go stand at the door over there?
And then you can call out to me and I'll know where you are.
Right.
I'm actually now regretting this.
Anyway.
OK, I've got 50. Let's go.
Oh, you're joking me.
Are you joking?
Eff. I could have done it further.
Marco! Polo!
Did that go in?
Tom?
Go. Go.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, please! (LAUGHS)
Marco! Polo.
Are you moving? Nup.
You (BLEEP)in' are. No, I'm not.
Come on, mate. Look at that.
Look at it! Get in there!
Oh!
Oh, shit.
Has this thing moved? Nope.
Mother(BLEEP).
It has to have moved,
because it was to the right of the red thing.
Go on and get... (MUTTERS)
I'm cool. No, that's cool. That's cool.
You've def... Oh, shit. What's that?
Oh, I found it again.
Marco! Polo!
(BLEEP) off, Tom. You've moved.
Now I'm getting worried It's not gonna happen!
Oh, shut up!
Oh!
You're (BLEEP) moving, dude. No, I haven't.
Cool. We'll play it that way.
Come on. If there is a... Come on, you f...!
(BLEEP)! Now I'm out of balls.
Now, you've done this to me before. Don't you...
(SQUEALS)
Are you kidding me? Is it in? I can't see!
I think it's on the lip.
(BLEEP)!
You've got four remaining.
Oh! Hell, yeah.
That felt like a wall.
I mean...
...if I don't get it,
I'm still a good person, right?
You know how you'd be an even better person, though.
I really do.
(SCREAMS, LAUGHS)
That count... that counted! I counted! I hit it!
Tom. Tom.
Tom, I will burn this place to the ground.
There we go. Oh, (BLEEP).
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Thanks, Celia. Bye, Tom.
Ugh!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Stressful.
So... Celia...
I'm not ready to talk about it.
(LAUGHTER)
I almost pulled off a goddamn trick shot!
Didn't I, Tom? What do you mean?
What do you mean, what do I mean?
I almost got it in by hitting another ball,
you know, in pool, and...
You know what a trick shot is. You're mocking me.
That's EVERY shot in pool.
(LAUGHTER)
Goddammit!
Remember, there's five of us, Tom.
I like how halfway through
you started to get worried that you weren't going to get it.
Yeah.
That's how I felt right from the beginning
when you gave yourself a target
that even a champion lawn bowler could struggle with.
You said a champion lawn bowler would struggle,
and I struggled, so you just called me a champion. Thank you.
(CHEERING) Thank you!
Does he not remember the tongs?
And so, Brett was throwing them in all different directions.
Yep. So just...
Is there bonus points for hitting camera guys?
But also, let's be really clear here.
You put lesser Tom at the other end
so that you would know where the hoops were...
Yep.
And then you proceeded to never believe
that he was where he said he was.
Yeah. Fair.
But also, the roof was low and I've got a big throw,
so I feel like I was disadva...
If that was outside, I reckon I would have won.
But, anyway.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, whose ball-hooping are we gonna see next?
From Rove Live and Instagram Live,
It's Rove and Anisa.
I choose to place 50 hoops and roll one ball.
I'm really smart and I'm really good at stuff, so 50.
Let's start by firstly seeing if I can spin them on my arms.
(LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
Answer - kind of.
Bro! This is too easy.
Man, I'm going for it. I'm going long.
Because you never know your luck.
You know what? I'm really good at stuff.
(BLEEP). That's too far, dude.
Oh, I'm piffing it there, easy. Alright.
I overestimated my abilities.
(LAUGHTER)
Final hoop has been placed.
A whole lot of hoopla.
Hoop-de-doo.
Hoompty Dumpty.
(LAUGHTER) (SNORTS)
If I miss this, it's just gonna be atrocious.
It'll be pathetic, even.
But the thing is, it's so far away
that if I throw it, it's gonna bounce out of there.
OK, drum roll, please.
Alright, let's do this.
Wha!
(EXHALES)
Wait. Wait. Turn around. Turn around.
It's coming around.
Jeez, that's quite the...
...quite the gradient there.
Kobe!
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Push.
(APPLAUSE)
It's starting to seem. I was pessimistic for a reason.
So, Anisa, somehow you invented a hack
where you got 50 hoops to be one hoop?
Yeah.
What were you thinking?
Ugh!
I was thinking that it wasn't gonna... (LAUGHS)
...roll out. Yeah.
The ball wasn't gonna roll out.
But I didn't count on how bouncy it was.
Mm. So, you essentially put all your eggs in one basket.
That was the one option.
In fact, you did it so well,
I think we should change that expression now
to 'putting all your hoops in one spot'.
(LAUGHTER)
I just wanted to make sure
that I got something on the scoreboard.
(LAUGHTER)
That was the most conservative thing...
You did - zero.
(LAUGHTER)
Now let's roll our attention into a break
and get caught in the hoops of some ads.
Back soon.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster.
It's the season finale, and we've saved the best till last.
We really are going out with a bang
with this final task, aren't we, Cashman?
That's right.
Our contestants are trying to roll a ball into a hoop.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, if I'm correct,
we've still got one special little boy to go, right, Tom?
(LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
Little boy? You've changed your language.
Will it be a toilet roll or the roll of a lifetime?
Here's Joel Creasey.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
I think I might go for the 25-25 option.
I reckon the floor's on a slight rake.
It's an old building. I don't trust it.
I think I need to line that side of the room with hoops.
(EXCLAMATIONS)
(SINGS OPERATIC NOTE)
I think that's quite far. Let's get rolling.
Oh, this is quite... It's quite hard on the nose.
It's quite... You can't really...
What's a good rolling technique? Like, maybe, like, one knee?
(EXCLAMATIONS)
Good?
What do you reckon?
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Thanks, Joel. Thank you.
Bye! See ya.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
One ball! I'm about to cry!
ANISA: Amazing!
Finally!
Well, for the whole series, you've been saying
that you're no good at sportsball.
And then you walk into the room.
You lie down like a pro golfer to check the...
Well, I know the fancy sports.
I was about to give a public apology
to my... to my friends and family and fan
that I let down on this show,
but I'm happy... I've had the time of my life
and I'm happy to go out with that one.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Am I right in thinking
you just sent Joel home with a blindfold on?
Joel happily left with the blindfold on,
not knowing how he'd done, and just found out then.
I thought we were meant to. (LAUGHS)
OK, so, uh, what are the scores? (LAUGHS) What are the scores?
Well, zero for everyone who's not called Joel Creasey,
and Joel gets five points!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
What's that do to the episode scores?
Well, we've got Anisa on seven points.
Rove's on 10. Brett's on 11. Celia's on 13.
But Joel's in the lead with 17 points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) ROVE: Hey!
♪ Come on, little fella, come on, come on. ♪
Alright, comedians, chair time's over.
For one last time, make your way to the stage for the live task.
OK, Lesser Tom, what are we going to see up there?
Joel will do the honours.
"Pop the most party poppers..."
I'll start again.
"Pop the most party popper poppings into your bowl.
"If you choose to pop from the close mat,
"you must wear lobster hands.
"If you choose to pop from the far mat,
"you can use your person hands."
(LAUGHTER)
"You have 150 seconds,
"after which Tom will pop his big boy."
(LAUGHTER)
OK. (WHOOPING, CHEERING)
"Any big boy poppings that land in your bowl also count.
"Most poppings in their bowl wins."
Do I have to wear these?
This is... like... Yes.
I've got a lot of friends in action sport.
I don't wanna look like a nerd.
Alright, so, lobster hands, please step up to their mats.
This is crazy.
Are we ready? Let the popping begin.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Oh my goodness.
We're away. Jeez, it smells good.
What is happening?!
Lobster hands was the worst idea.
There's none in there!
One minute remaining.
Oh! This is actually harder than it looks!
Aaagh!
How long left, Tom?
30 seconds left. Oh! That's a good one.
Aaagh! Yes, bitch!
Aaah!
Five. Four. Three. Two. One.
(LAUGHTER)
He hasn't popped it yet! He hasn't popped it yet!
He has not popped it yet! Aaagh!
He has not popped it!
All the information you need is in the task!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Alright, we're gonna add all that up.
We'll be back after the break to find out
who the champion is of season five.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to the season finale of Taskmaster.
Soon we'll know which comedian will win my head
and spend the rest of their life looking me in the eyes
from the comfort of their home.
But first, Cashman,
can we get the scores for that live task, please?
Yes, we can.
We've weighed all the poppings, removing the caps
and the containers you lobbed in there, Joel.
(LAUGHTER)
And due to my ineptitude,
there were no big-boy poppings in anyone's bowl.
I know. You had to give it to daddy to pop, didn't you?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
So, Brett had the least poppings, with 0.6g.
Then it was Joel with 0.8.
Celia had 1.5g of poppings. What?!
Anisa had 3.2.
But Rove wins the live task with 3.4g of poppings.
Wow. OK. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, who's the episode winner for tonight?
So, Anisa has 11 points.
Brett ends up with 12.
Rove has 15. Celia has 16.
But Joel has won the episode with 19 points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Congratulations, Joel.
Please go up and enjoy your collection of broken prizes.
Am I gonna have to get waxed again?
What have we learnt?
Well, by stomping oranges and exploding pumpkins,
Brett finally learnt to enjoy fruits and vegetables.
Anisa taught us all not to chase super good-looking guys,
but guys with good-looking super.
(LAUGHTER)
And we all learnt that Joel is our episode winner.
Congratulations!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Nup. No!
Alright, there it is - another season has run its course
and it's given us quite the flutter.
We found ourselves betting big on a racetrack
for little Cashman.
Brett's desperate need for horseplay
led to some very desperate stunt coordinators
galloping in to shut things down.
Joel brought the thoroughbred energy when hooping,
but still couldn't find Tom underground
or a ball in plain sight.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Anisa stunned with an elegant shoey
worthy of a dressage competition.
Celia's escalator sci-fi was so epic
it's become as beloved as Phar Lap.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And Rove has never had home track advantage more
than when he was cringely quoting,
"Do I make you horny, baby?"
(LAUGHTER)
BRETT: Brilliant.
Now it's down to the photo finish.
Lesser Tom, do your thing
and tell us,
who is our season winner?
Joel...
...has 134 points.
(LAUGHTER)
I was ready. I was ready.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Play on. Play on.
Anisa is in fourth place with 142.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Celia has 145 points.
Thank you. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Brett has 150 points. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
But the Taskmaster Australia series five champion,
with 159 points,
is Rove McManus!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Oh, no! No!
Big boy! Big boy! Big boy! Oh, my God!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Congratulations!
Rove, you are the winner... Oh, thank you.
...of Taskmaster season five.
Congratulations. Thanks, mate.
Thank you very much. It's better than a Gold Logie.
It is. It is!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Congratulations, Rove!
What are you doing outside my house?
Oh! Hell, yeah!
Hey, Paul.
I'd start the music now.
Aagh! Come on!
Aaaagh! Eat shit.
What? Oh, yeah!
This one is annoying me a lot.
(LAUGHS) It is so scary!
(SCREAMS)
Shit!
Uggggh!
Agh! Shit!
There's no-one helping me!
You're a (BLEEP), Paul.
Bye, Paul.