1
00:00:02,935 --> 00:00:05,965
Noooooooooo!

2
00:00:06,925 --> 00:00:07,375
Argh!
Oh!

3
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:08,485
(DING!)

4
00:00:11,425 --> 00:00:11,935
Argh!
Whoa!

5
00:00:15,585 --> 00:00:16,825
We slayed it!

6
00:00:28,735 --> 00:00:29,995
Is this good television?

7
00:00:30,575 --> 00:00:33,895
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

8
00:00:40,105 --> 00:00:42,475
Hello, and welcome
to Taskmaster Australia.

9
00:00:42,505 --> 00:00:46,255
My name is Tom Gleeson,
and I am the Taskmaster.

10
00:00:50,215 --> 00:00:54,325
Tonight, five Australian comedians'
collective self-worth will be poured

11
00:00:54,325 --> 00:00:57,835
into a blender and served
up as a protein supplement

12
00:00:57,835 --> 00:01:00,645
for the depraved audience
of you at home.

13
00:01:00,945 --> 00:01:02,265
What does the winner win?

14
00:01:02,265 --> 00:01:06,315
This. The official Taskmaster trophy,
which is a gold sculpture

15
00:01:06,315 --> 00:01:09,105
that contains the most superior
mind in this room.

16
00:01:09,105 --> 00:01:10,005
Mine.

17
00:01:13,065 --> 00:01:15,945
The five comedians who we pulled
out of the gloop

18
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:17,715
they call their lives are:

19
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:18,915
Aaron Chen!

20
00:01:20,775 --> 00:01:22,065
Concetta Caristo.

21
00:01:23,445 --> 00:01:24,345
Mel Buttle.

22
00:01:25,755 --> 00:01:26,865
Peter Helliar.

23
00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:30,555
And big Rhys Nicholson.

24
00:01:33,435 --> 00:01:38,565
Last and, yes, least, this is a guy
whose favourite streaming service

25
00:01:38,595 --> 00:01:40,335
is the muddy puddles of water

26
00:01:40,335 --> 00:01:43,365
he spends hours staring
at his own reflection in.

27
00:01:43,725 --> 00:01:45,585
It's Tom Cashman.

28
00:01:49,695 --> 00:01:52,785
G'day, Tom. I feel like you're
building up a small fan base there.

29
00:01:52,815 --> 00:01:53,685
Oh, thank you.

30
00:01:54,555 --> 00:01:56,475
Speaking of small, do
you like my tattoo?

31
00:01:56,595 --> 00:01:56,925
Oh.

32
00:01:57,585 --> 00:02:00,195
What? You got a tattoo on your face?
Yeah, I've got a face tattoo.

33
00:02:00,225 --> 00:02:03,045
Do you like it?
It can be a career limiting move.

34
00:02:03,885 --> 00:02:06,825
Because you know how some tough guys
in prison, they get a tattoo

35
00:02:06,825 --> 00:02:09,525
of a teardrop to commemorate a time
that they killed someone?

36
00:02:09,555 --> 00:02:11,295
Yeah.
I've got a tattoo of a murder

37
00:02:11,295 --> 00:02:13,245
to commemorate a time that I cried.

38
00:02:19,035 --> 00:02:20,895
All right, Lesser Tom. Let's rip.

39
00:02:21,105 --> 00:02:23,505
Are you happy with this
just staying here the whole show?

40
00:02:23,535 --> 00:02:24,255
Yeah.

41
00:02:25,785 --> 00:02:28,545
Because I know in a meeting earlier,
you said you wanted to remove it.

42
00:02:31,065 --> 00:02:35,475
So, you know, if you turn up to work
doing comedy with props,

43
00:02:35,475 --> 00:02:36,795
deal with it, buddy.

44
00:02:37,605 --> 00:02:39,675
But we agreed we'd remove it.

45
00:02:39,705 --> 00:02:41,385
No, no, no. You're staying.

46
00:02:41,955 --> 00:02:44,475
No, you can go.
Go and get your stupid tattoo off.

47
00:02:49,455 --> 00:02:52,185
Oh, man. He comes up with this dumb
gag, and then he's like,

48
00:02:52,185 --> 00:02:53,625
"But I want it off!"
OK. All right.

49
00:02:55,955 --> 00:02:57,125
All right. You happy now?

50
00:02:57,165 --> 00:02:57,875
Mm-hm, yeah.

51
00:02:59,225 --> 00:03:00,395
Well, let's rip into it.

52
00:03:00,425 --> 00:03:02,315
Well, we're starting off
with a prize task.

53
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:05,375
And tonight, our contestants have
been asked to bring in the thing

54
00:03:05,375 --> 00:03:08,165
that you're most glad can't talk.

55
00:03:08,225 --> 00:03:09,515
Ooh, OK.

56
00:03:09,545 --> 00:03:10,925
What have you brought in, Mel?

57
00:03:10,955 --> 00:03:14,825
I have brought in my Bachelor
of Contemporary Performance -

58
00:03:14,855 --> 00:03:15,965
not completed -

59
00:03:16,145 --> 00:03:16,805
..um...

60
00:03:17,585 --> 00:03:20,555
..drama reflection journal.

61
00:03:22,685 --> 00:03:23,225
Ooh.

62
00:03:25,265 --> 00:03:28,145
So I'm thinking you reading
it would be quite painful,

63
00:03:28,145 --> 00:03:30,515
but you're saying if it
could say those thoughts,

64
00:03:30,515 --> 00:03:31,475
it would be even worse.

65
00:03:31,505 --> 00:03:33,575
Yeah, it would be very bad
if production had a photo

66
00:03:33,575 --> 00:03:37,145
of that open and everyone at home
could see the words pertained...

67
00:03:37,355 --> 00:03:38,405
Oh, no!

68
00:03:40,895 --> 00:03:42,035
What a disaster.

69
00:03:42,065 --> 00:03:44,915
Worst bit, I was starting to judge
myself, so I took a risk

70
00:03:44,915 --> 00:03:47,045
by putting the energy ball
in my bum.

71
00:03:49,055 --> 00:03:51,215
Anyway, whatever. I didn't get a
very good mark for that.

72
00:03:51,215 --> 00:03:53,315
But no one in my class is
on Taskmaster.

73
00:03:53,315 --> 00:03:53,895
Just me. So...

74
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:58,905
(APPLAUSE)

75
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,505
All right. Rhys, what did you bring
in that you wouldn't like to talk?

76
00:04:02,535 --> 00:04:05,235
I...I came up with this lady.

77
00:04:05,955 --> 00:04:07,425
Oh.

78
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:08,355
AUDIENCE: Awwww.
Hello.

79
00:04:08,385 --> 00:04:09,885
This is my dog, Hopkins.

80
00:04:09,885 --> 00:04:14,055
And I'm glad she can't talk 'cause
she has seen some shit.

81
00:04:15,585 --> 00:04:17,415
Uh, OK. Like what?

82
00:04:18,075 --> 00:04:20,685
Well, I mean, let's be...
Sex is one of them.

83
00:04:20,685 --> 00:04:24,405
Uh, you know, your pet sees
you having sex, and you're like,

84
00:04:24,435 --> 00:04:26,235
"Oh, they don't know
what we're doing."

85
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:28,215
They 100% do.

86
00:04:28,305 --> 00:04:30,765
Every time those videos come
out of the dogs, like,

87
00:04:30,795 --> 00:04:33,225
pressing buttons that, like,
translate to things, I'm like,

88
00:04:33,225 --> 00:04:34,335
we can't show her that.

89
00:04:34,335 --> 00:04:37,065
She can't be like, "Help, help!
Leave! Leave!

90
00:04:37,095 --> 00:04:38,535
"Danger! Danger!

91
00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:41,205
"Top. Bottom. Vers."

92
00:04:41,936 --> 00:04:45,736
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

93
00:04:45,945 --> 00:04:47,985
Uh, Concetta, what did you bring in?

94
00:04:47,985 --> 00:04:52,425
I've brought in a really, really
well-used specimen jar.

95
00:04:53,635 --> 00:04:54,025
Oh.

96
00:04:55,885 --> 00:04:59,905
What does 'well-used' mean? It was
used by you and some other people?

97
00:04:59,935 --> 00:05:01,135
Not me!
Oh.

98
00:05:01,165 --> 00:05:03,715
The jar!
Imagine if the jar could speak.

99
00:05:03,745 --> 00:05:07,075
He'd be like, "Oh, not this again."
Oh.

100
00:05:07,075 --> 00:05:10,285
"Everyone's sick. It's sloppy.
It's over the edges."

101
00:05:11,755 --> 00:05:17,095
So it's, like, really stressed
and it's like, "Give me a break.

102
00:05:17,095 --> 00:05:18,595
"I want to go on holiday."

103
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:22,205
Oh, my God, he's getting shat in.
OK.

104
00:05:23,245 --> 00:05:25,375
Uh, Aaron. What did you bring in?

105
00:05:25,405 --> 00:05:28,135
Uh, me, I've brought in a mime.

106
00:05:28,165 --> 00:05:28,975
Um...

107
00:05:34,255 --> 00:05:37,705
I'm glad that mimes can't talk
because, um, first off,

108
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,985
it would ruin their act. Um...
Yeah.

109
00:05:40,315 --> 00:05:42,535
It's 'cause it's so funny
what these guys do.

110
00:05:42,565 --> 00:05:46,345
They can, like, just make, like,
a box and then go into it.

111
00:05:46,435 --> 00:05:48,865
Yeah.
And you don't even need words.

112
00:05:48,865 --> 00:05:50,455
And that's why it's funny.

113
00:05:50,935 --> 00:05:53,905
Hang on. You brought in Mr. Bean's
box set earlier, didn't you?

114
00:05:53,935 --> 00:05:54,475
Yeah.

115
00:05:55,045 --> 00:05:56,485
There's a theme emerging here,

116
00:05:58,075 --> 00:06:00,085
because I feel like
you're mocking their humour

117
00:06:00,085 --> 00:06:01,555
but secretly you love it

118
00:06:01,555 --> 00:06:04,435
because it's...because it's a bit
basic, isn't it, Aaron?

119
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,195
Well, I just can understand it.
And...

120
00:06:10,225 --> 00:06:14,665
The second reason I'm glad mimes
can't talk is that I've actually

121
00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:17,575
found out that they have some
pretty bad opinions.

122
00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:20,575
Take...take a look.

123
00:06:22,195 --> 00:06:25,765
(FRENCH ACCENT) Uh, women should not
be allowed to vote.

124
00:06:28,495 --> 00:06:29,335
Wow.

125
00:06:33,265 --> 00:06:35,905
All right, so finally, Peter,
what did you bring in?

126
00:06:35,935 --> 00:06:41,485
I brought in, um, my gym
clothes that I take on holiday.

127
00:06:42,775 --> 00:06:46,765
Because they would say,
"Why do you (BLEEP!) Bother?"

128
00:06:48,765 --> 00:06:52,785
I...I get excited, you're going
to the Gold Coast.

129
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:55,215
We're there day one,
you don't exercise.

130
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,565
I'm like, OK, it's day one.

131
00:06:56,565 --> 00:06:58,185
Nobody exercises on day one.

132
00:06:58,215 --> 00:07:00,555
Maybe day two. Nothing on day two.

133
00:07:01,425 --> 00:07:03,465
By day four, day five,

134
00:07:03,495 --> 00:07:05,355
we know we're not coming
out of the suitcase.

135
00:07:06,105 --> 00:07:08,865
Well, you know, we were on holidays
recently together, Pete,

136
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:11,925
and I can say I've never seen
these clothes before in my life,

137
00:07:13,425 --> 00:07:15,705
so I can confirm that that is true.

138
00:07:15,705 --> 00:07:18,435
And I feel like you probably
bought them just for this.

139
00:07:18,435 --> 00:07:20,235
And maybe you don't own them at all.

140
00:07:21,195 --> 00:07:22,965
I've never seen those clothes
in my life.

141
00:07:25,515 --> 00:07:27,495
All right, well, I guess
I should score this.

142
00:07:28,545 --> 00:07:29,985
I'm not worried about
the specimen jar

143
00:07:30,015 --> 00:07:31,665
'cause it can be put in a dishwasher.
OK.

144
00:07:31,695 --> 00:07:34,065
And I feel like that would also
erase its memory.

145
00:07:34,095 --> 00:07:35,415
So I'm going to give Concetta one.

146
00:07:35,415 --> 00:07:37,545
I'm going to give Rhys two, 'cause...
Aww!

147
00:07:37,545 --> 00:07:39,825
Well, I'm just worried
that if I buy into the idea

148
00:07:39,825 --> 00:07:42,735
that everything your dog has seen
is disgusting or anything like that,

149
00:07:42,735 --> 00:07:44,685
then I feel a bit homophobic,
and I'm not.

150
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:46,095
Yeah, yeah.
So...

151
00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:47,955
All right, I've read your blog. Um...

152
00:07:50,265 --> 00:07:52,425
I'm going to give Mel three points.
Thank you.

153
00:07:52,455 --> 00:07:54,735
Just that small sample seemed
horrific.

154
00:07:55,245 --> 00:07:58,095
And I'm going to give Aaron
four points

155
00:07:58,095 --> 00:08:00,345
because I just don't
like mimes as well.

156
00:08:01,275 --> 00:08:04,005
And for five points, because I know
the story is true,

157
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:06,645
I'm going to give it to Pete
for his exercise clothes

158
00:08:06,645 --> 00:08:07,785
that have never been used.

159
00:08:11,595 --> 00:08:13,575
All right, let's
get into our first task.

160
00:08:13,605 --> 00:08:17,175
Here's a task our contestants took
to like ducks to thawed ice

161
00:08:17,175 --> 00:08:19,275
that's been frozen and then thawed
again.

162
00:08:35,954 --> 00:08:37,155
(QUACKS AGGRESSIVELY)

163
00:08:37,155 --> 00:08:38,205
Hello!

164
00:08:38,325 --> 00:08:40,395
Hey, Tom.
Welcome to the dock.

165
00:08:40,424 --> 00:08:41,895
Hi, Tom.
Hi, Rhys.

166
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,445
I love ducks.
You like ducks?

167
00:08:44,475 --> 00:08:46,535
Yeah, I think they're my
spirit animal.

168
00:08:46,565 --> 00:08:47,765
You're a duck fan?

169
00:08:47,915 --> 00:08:50,405
Yeah. Little tattoo on my arm
of a duck.

170
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:54,335
And also, I love how they walk,
like that.

171
00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:56,105
OK.
What's this then?

172
00:08:56,255 --> 00:08:57,605
It's a task.

173
00:08:57,785 --> 00:08:59,585
I reckon it's duck-related.

174
00:09:00,455 --> 00:09:01,205
All right.

175
00:09:01,655 --> 00:09:03,695
"Find the quack."

176
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:06,545
"One of these ducks
has been giving out ubs..."

177
00:09:06,995 --> 00:09:08,225
Oh, that's a tricky word.

178
00:09:08,255 --> 00:09:10,265
"Subs...sub-sub..."

179
00:09:10,595 --> 00:09:13,145
"Unsubstantiated medical advice."

180
00:09:13,265 --> 00:09:14,165
What does that mean?

181
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,845
Unsubstantiated medical advice?
Yeah.

182
00:09:15,845 --> 00:09:18,305
It's medical advice with no...
no substance.

183
00:09:18,335 --> 00:09:21,785
"Fastest to deliver the quack to Tom
wins."

184
00:09:21,815 --> 00:09:23,795
"Your time starts now."

185
00:09:23,825 --> 00:09:25,625
So one of these is quacking.
No.

186
00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:28,325
One of these ducks is giving out
unsubstantiated medical advice.

187
00:09:28,325 --> 00:09:29,915
I get it. Like a quack, right?

188
00:09:30,215 --> 00:09:33,965
No, no, no, this duck is giving out
unsubstantiated medical advice.

189
00:09:34,325 --> 00:09:36,125
I think I'm having an aneurysm.

190
00:09:41,135 --> 00:09:43,805
So who are we going to see first
in this little duck hunt?

191
00:09:43,835 --> 00:09:46,475
It's time to send these good eggs
off to the bad doctor.

192
00:09:46,475 --> 00:09:47,675
It's Mel and Rhys.

193
00:09:47,945 --> 00:09:50,105
All right, well, I guess
I'm gonna get in there, right?

194
00:09:50,255 --> 00:09:51,455
Push me free!

195
00:09:51,665 --> 00:09:52,985
I love you. Goodbye.

196
00:09:53,015 --> 00:09:55,175
You've never rowed before?
I've never rowed before.

197
00:09:55,205 --> 00:09:58,145
You used to row at school?
Yes. I'm very good. Thank you.

198
00:09:58,145 --> 00:09:59,585
(DUCKS QUACKING,
FAINT HUMAN VOICE)

199
00:09:59,585 --> 00:10:01,115
I can hear something.

200
00:10:01,445 --> 00:10:03,125
I think I can hear something, Tom.

201
00:10:03,155 --> 00:10:05,165
What can you hear?
Some talking.

202
00:10:05,195 --> 00:10:07,145
Is it unsubstantiated medical
advice?

203
00:10:07,175 --> 00:10:09,155
If you shut up for a minute,
maybe I'll know.

204
00:10:09,185 --> 00:10:11,165
OK.
I think it's this one.

205
00:10:11,255 --> 00:10:12,965
Whoa! Let me just get him.
(TOM CASHMAN SPEAKS ON RECORDING)

206
00:10:13,565 --> 00:10:15,155
..no matter how serious.

207
00:10:15,155 --> 00:10:16,475
But I won't tell you how.

208
00:10:17,195 --> 00:10:18,305
That's none of your business.

209
00:10:18,335 --> 00:10:18,875
Careful.

210
00:10:19,445 --> 00:10:21,425
With me, you don't need a second
opinion.

211
00:10:21,425 --> 00:10:22,235
It's you!

212
00:10:22,265 --> 00:10:24,935
I don't need to look at you or do
any tests.

213
00:10:24,965 --> 00:10:25,715
I know exactly...

214
00:10:25,715 --> 00:10:27,875
That guy is absolutely spouting
rubbish!

215
00:10:30,815 --> 00:10:31,655
I'm coming, Tom!

216
00:10:32,225 --> 00:10:34,145
Other than this being quite
stressful,

217
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,855
it's also quite lovely.

218
00:10:35,975 --> 00:10:37,985
I've got it!
I'm gonna deliver it to you!

219
00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:39,395
(ON RECORDING) What's in
the medicine?

220
00:10:39,425 --> 00:10:40,955
That's none of your business.

221
00:10:40,985 --> 00:10:41,975
I have a special...

222
00:10:42,005 --> 00:10:43,675
I can fix you up in no time...
(BLOWS WHISTLE)

223
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:46,405
Where are you going?

224
00:10:46,435 --> 00:10:47,575
I'm off.
Oh.

225
00:10:48,265 --> 00:10:48,895
Bye!

226
00:10:54,685 --> 00:10:58,315
OK, so, Rhys, can you give us
a sense of what it was like there?

227
00:10:58,345 --> 00:11:00,055
Because I feel like it might
have given the impression

228
00:11:00,055 --> 00:11:01,825
that it was actually quite easy
to hear them,

229
00:11:01,825 --> 00:11:03,625
but the quacks were really loud.

230
00:11:03,655 --> 00:11:05,005
There was a lot of quacking.

231
00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:07,585
If you don't know what...you're
quite stressed about the rowing,

232
00:11:07,585 --> 00:11:09,055
and then you're scared
you're going to fall in.

233
00:11:09,055 --> 00:11:12,175
And then they...I should say
they told us,

234
00:11:12,175 --> 00:11:15,415
"Do not get in the water.
It is full of E.coli." So...

235
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,715
It is not full of E.coli.

236
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:22,225
Its E.coli levels are above safe
levels of E.coli.

237
00:11:23,815 --> 00:11:26,365
Well, I would say compared to
no E.coli,

238
00:11:26,395 --> 00:11:28,315
that is up to pussy's bow
with E.coli.

239
00:11:28,945 --> 00:11:29,305
Yeah.

240
00:11:29,755 --> 00:11:32,395
I wasn't afraid of the water
until I got into it.

241
00:11:32,395 --> 00:11:35,335
And then the next day I did 16
poos on set.

242
00:11:36,685 --> 00:11:38,545
I feel like you're at an advantage,
Mel,

243
00:11:38,575 --> 00:11:41,255
because you are very good at rowing.
We've seen that already.

244
00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:42,395
Thank you.
Did that help?

245
00:11:42,575 --> 00:11:44,195
In no way. No.

246
00:11:44,675 --> 00:11:46,685
All of the ducks are making noise.

247
00:11:47,255 --> 00:11:49,685
He's like, "Yeah, all the
information is in the task."

248
00:11:49,685 --> 00:11:50,765
It's actually not.

249
00:11:51,065 --> 00:11:54,245
If all the information you needed
was in the task, the card would say,

250
00:11:54,245 --> 00:11:56,615
"It's that brown duck over there
on the right hand side."

251
00:11:56,645 --> 00:11:59,135
So just quickly, what was
the medical advice being handed out

252
00:11:59,135 --> 00:11:59,915
by the duck?

253
00:11:59,945 --> 00:12:03,455
Um, I couldn't hear what Pete Evans
was saying in the recording.

254
00:12:03,935 --> 00:12:06,575
Um, I'm not sure.

255
00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:08,585
All right.
Can you give us some scores so far?

256
00:12:08,615 --> 00:12:11,765
I sure can. So, Mel, our
champion rower from high school,

257
00:12:11,795 --> 00:12:14,705
took 11 minutes and 50 seconds to
find the quack.

258
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,295
Under 12. We did it.

259
00:12:17,795 --> 00:12:19,445
Rhys. No experience with rowing
previously.

260
00:12:19,445 --> 00:12:21,965
Four minutes and 50 seconds.

261
00:12:21,965 --> 00:12:24,995
(APPLAUSE)
OK. It's time for an ad break.

262
00:12:25,025 --> 00:12:27,515
We'll be back with more Taskmaster
after this.

263
00:12:38,895 --> 00:12:41,955
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where five comedians are currently

264
00:12:41,955 --> 00:12:45,945
competing to win Rhys Nicholson's
thousand yard staring pet dog.

265
00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:48,435
Where are we up to, Lesser Tom?

266
00:12:48,465 --> 00:12:50,715
Our contestants are trying to find
a duck that is giving out

267
00:12:50,745 --> 00:12:52,215
unsubstantiated medical advice.

268
00:12:52,245 --> 00:12:55,665
So far, Rhys and Mel have done
very well to ignore the quacking

269
00:12:55,695 --> 00:12:56,985
to find the quack.

270
00:12:57,045 --> 00:13:00,705
Next up, it's two guys I tried
to avoid being downstream from,

271
00:13:00,705 --> 00:13:04,245
given their easy come, easy go
attitude to aqua deposits.

272
00:13:04,245 --> 00:13:05,625
It's Aaron and Pete.

273
00:13:06,455 --> 00:13:08,115
Do I need to take bread?
Oh, it's up to you.

274
00:13:08,145 --> 00:13:08,835
Yep. OK.

275
00:13:09,045 --> 00:13:10,215
So I got a...

276
00:13:10,805 --> 00:13:12,405
(LAUGHS)

277
00:13:12,945 --> 00:13:14,655
"Community Ducktor."

278
00:13:14,685 --> 00:13:15,795
What's going on?

279
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:19,605
So it's the duck that looks
like this one, which is that duck.

280
00:13:20,325 --> 00:13:22,005
Have you rowed before?
Yeah.

281
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:23,475
National champion.

282
00:13:23,505 --> 00:13:23,985
Oh.

283
00:13:26,415 --> 00:13:28,125
Am I supposed to row backwards?

284
00:13:28,185 --> 00:13:29,595
A little bit of forward momentum
there. Whoa!

285
00:13:29,985 --> 00:13:30,975
You're on your way.

286
00:13:31,005 --> 00:13:32,475
There we go. There we go.

287
00:13:32,775 --> 00:13:35,505
It's either that one or that one.
(DUCKS QUACKING)

288
00:13:35,655 --> 00:13:38,175
I seem to be going exactly
where the ducks aren't.

289
00:13:38,955 --> 00:13:41,715
(DUCK QUACKING)

290
00:13:41,715 --> 00:13:44,385
Is that duck giving out
unsubstantiated medical advice?

291
00:13:44,415 --> 00:13:46,545
I don't know what that means, Tom.

292
00:13:46,655 --> 00:13:48,055
(ON RECORDING) Medical
professional...

293
00:13:48,315 --> 00:13:49,545
I hear something.
Yeah, don't worry about...

294
00:13:49,545 --> 00:13:52,245
In the photo it's got a brown body.
Oh, right.

295
00:13:52,305 --> 00:13:53,805
How serious...
This one, got it.

296
00:13:54,255 --> 00:13:54,825
We got it.

297
00:13:55,185 --> 00:13:58,575
Me? I can cure you without any
medication or surgery...

298
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,155
Is that duck giving out
unsubstantiated medical advice?

299
00:14:01,185 --> 00:14:03,135
Yeah, it's giving
bad, really dodgy advice.

300
00:14:03,165 --> 00:14:05,595
Like what?
Saying that the vaccine is real.

301
00:14:05,685 --> 00:14:06,495
Oh, wow.

302
00:14:06,885 --> 00:14:07,605
Come on!

303
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:08,895
Stand back?

304
00:14:09,285 --> 00:14:09,735
OK.

305
00:14:17,355 --> 00:14:19,245
It's right there. There.

306
00:14:19,245 --> 00:14:19,995
Here you go, Tom.

307
00:14:20,595 --> 00:14:21,885
Get rid of that duck.

308
00:14:21,975 --> 00:14:22,785
Thank you.

309
00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:25,735
(BLOWS WHISTLE)

310
00:14:27,405 --> 00:14:28,695
What's that?
His business card.

311
00:14:30,675 --> 00:14:31,785
We're eating that duck tonight.

312
00:14:31,815 --> 00:14:33,165
Ooh, OK.
You and me.

313
00:14:38,915 --> 00:14:41,375
So, Aaron, when you said
that bad medical advice

314
00:14:41,375 --> 00:14:42,695
was saying the vaccine is real,

315
00:14:42,695 --> 00:14:45,185
was that a shout out
to all your freedom-loving fans?

316
00:14:46,295 --> 00:14:48,485
If you guys are out there,
keep it up.

317
00:14:48,485 --> 00:14:49,925
We're going to win this fight.

318
00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,395
It works on so many levels
because I suspect

319
00:14:57,395 --> 00:14:58,745
they don't understand irony.

320
00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:00,845
So it'll be like, "Yeah!

321
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:03,185
"Finally s..."
I'm winning with both.

322
00:15:03,215 --> 00:15:05,435
Like, the people who think
it's irony.

323
00:15:05,435 --> 00:15:07,085
They're like,
"Oh, he's being funny."

324
00:15:07,085 --> 00:15:09,695
And then the people who hate
vaccines, they're like,

325
00:15:09,725 --> 00:15:10,865
"Yeah, my man."

326
00:15:10,895 --> 00:15:11,285
Yeah.

327
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,765
Yeah, you just said what I said,
but it was a bit longer.

328
00:15:17,465 --> 00:15:19,565
It helps me understand
what you're saying.

329
00:15:20,615 --> 00:15:21,845
Sometimes your act is just like

330
00:15:21,845 --> 00:15:23,645
you're explaining
it to yourself, isn't it?

331
00:15:23,885 --> 00:15:26,885
And what you're saying is that,
like, I talk to myself...

332
00:15:32,495 --> 00:15:35,405
So, Pete, for someone who looks
like an old salty sea dog,

333
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,685
you didn't seem that comfortable
in a boat.

334
00:15:37,715 --> 00:15:39,305
Is that how it came across to you?
Yeah.

335
00:15:39,635 --> 00:15:42,035
I'm surprised because the audience
would disagree.

336
00:15:42,215 --> 00:15:43,475
They're nodding their heads.

337
00:15:44,045 --> 00:15:45,545
Now, I can't just leave this unsaid.

338
00:15:45,575 --> 00:15:47,885
Everyone knows about your business
card collection now.

339
00:15:48,605 --> 00:15:51,185
How did you feel about that
business card disrespect?

340
00:15:51,215 --> 00:15:54,665
I don't know if I could ever forgive
Pete for ripping up a business card

341
00:15:54,665 --> 00:15:55,715
in front of me like that.

342
00:15:56,225 --> 00:15:59,315
It was a business
card of a dodgy doctor.

343
00:15:59,345 --> 00:16:00,755
Don't shoot the messenger, Pete.

344
00:16:01,805 --> 00:16:03,575
I would like to confirm
that that was a clue.

345
00:16:03,605 --> 00:16:06,065
And let's just say that clue
was my idea.

346
00:16:07,505 --> 00:16:10,355
Can I just say that
finding that clue,

347
00:16:10,385 --> 00:16:13,115
I thought like, oh, I've won this.

348
00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:15,275
The clue did not seem to help
you in the slightest.

349
00:16:16,445 --> 00:16:17,975
All right. What are the stats?

350
00:16:18,005 --> 00:16:20,825
Aaron took 12 minutes and four
seconds,

351
00:16:21,275 --> 00:16:24,635
and Pete, seven minutes
and 11 seconds, in second place.

352
00:16:25,325 --> 00:16:26,075
OK.

353
00:16:27,335 --> 00:16:30,665
Well, I can't help but notice
Concetta has been singled out here.

354
00:16:30,695 --> 00:16:31,715
Any particular reason?

355
00:16:31,745 --> 00:16:33,655
I couldn't possibly say,
but let's see.

356
00:16:33,685 --> 00:16:35,065
It's Concetta Caristo.

357
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:38,245
What am I supposed to do? Duckies!

358
00:16:38,245 --> 00:16:39,885
(DUCKS QUACKING)

359
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,025
Oh, come on, mate.

360
00:16:42,055 --> 00:16:44,065
How do you even do this bullsh...?

361
00:16:44,185 --> 00:16:46,165
Oh! (BLEEP!) Now I'm that way.

362
00:16:46,195 --> 00:16:47,875
No! Go this way.

363
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,515
Oh, no. No!

364
00:16:50,655 --> 00:16:52,535
(DUCKS QUACKING)

365
00:16:52,735 --> 00:16:53,785
Oh, shit!

366
00:16:55,435 --> 00:16:58,135
Are any of them giving out
unsubstantiated medical advice?

367
00:16:58,165 --> 00:17:00,205
I can't hear you.
And I kind of like it that way.

368
00:17:00,235 --> 00:17:01,465
Yeah. Fair enough.

369
00:17:03,175 --> 00:17:04,645
(BLEEP) you! Stupid piece of shit.

370
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,685
Can't do shit. Can't move for shit.

371
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:08,545
Is this a timed task, Tom?

372
00:17:08,604 --> 00:17:09,925
Fastest wins.
Oh.

373
00:17:10,675 --> 00:17:12,655
I think I'm going to be in here
forever.

374
00:17:13,344 --> 00:17:14,545
Come on.

375
00:17:14,815 --> 00:17:16,074
Not this again.

376
00:17:17,094 --> 00:17:17,785
Shit!

377
00:17:19,885 --> 00:17:21,354
Are you meaning to spin round?

378
00:17:21,385 --> 00:17:22,885
Huh? No!

379
00:17:23,455 --> 00:17:24,535
Oh, brother.

380
00:17:26,305 --> 00:17:27,864
Oh my God!

381
00:17:27,895 --> 00:17:30,115
I'm having the worst time.

382
00:17:30,145 --> 00:17:32,155
You stupid ducks!

383
00:17:32,275 --> 00:17:35,005
I'm gonna hate ducks because of this.

384
00:17:35,035 --> 00:17:38,605
Which one of you stupid (BLEEP)
is speaking?

385
00:17:39,785 --> 00:17:41,425
(TOM CASHMAN ON RECORDING)
..do any tests. I know exactly...

386
00:17:41,605 --> 00:17:42,745
(GASPS) I think I hear something,
Tom.

387
00:17:43,555 --> 00:17:45,415
Why is this so hard?

388
00:17:46,975 --> 00:17:48,445
I can't hear it anymore.

389
00:17:48,685 --> 00:17:49,315
Oh.

390
00:17:54,736 --> 00:17:59,575
(DUCKS QUACKING)

391
00:18:01,016 --> 00:18:05,815
(DUCKS QUACKING)

392
00:18:05,815 --> 00:18:07,195
..say no more.
Oh!

393
00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:09,565
It's your (BLEEP) voice, isn't it?

394
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,685
(FAINT RECORDING) I need you to sign
this extremely long...

395
00:18:15,715 --> 00:18:17,305
It was next to me the whole time.

396
00:18:19,465 --> 00:18:21,205
(GROANS) Is there a rule about
throwing it at you?

397
00:18:24,965 --> 00:18:26,335
I'm going away from you!

398
00:18:26,395 --> 00:18:27,415
No. Oh, no!

399
00:18:27,655 --> 00:18:28,525
Oh, shit!

400
00:18:28,845 --> 00:18:30,825
Careful.
Oh, God!

401
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,825
Is this karma for all the evil
things...

402
00:18:34,665 --> 00:18:35,775
What evil things have you done?

403
00:18:35,805 --> 00:18:37,215
I haven't, I'm not evil.

404
00:18:37,215 --> 00:18:38,805
Please don't lock in on that.

405
00:18:42,975 --> 00:18:44,445
It's like a bad dream.

406
00:18:50,315 --> 00:18:51,795
(BLOWS WHISTLE)

407
00:18:51,795 --> 00:18:53,055
OK, I need to go.

408
00:18:53,085 --> 00:18:54,705
Thanks, Concetta.
Thanks, Tom.

409
00:18:58,845 --> 00:19:03,435
I mean, Concetta, that's
you doing what you do well.

410
00:19:03,465 --> 00:19:06,915
Taking a very straightforward
task and making it more complicated.

411
00:19:08,025 --> 00:19:09,615
Tom, like, I truly -

412
00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:12,585
and you know this, Tom -
I had a breakdown out there.

413
00:19:13,395 --> 00:19:15,525
I didn't know how to row.

414
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,325
I couldn't hear Tom.

415
00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:18,735
I couldn't hear the duck.

416
00:19:18,765 --> 00:19:21,195
I was, like, freaking out.

417
00:19:21,195 --> 00:19:23,085
And then I threw it and it fell.

418
00:19:23,085 --> 00:19:25,695
And, like, even now, I'm not being
funny. I'm scared.

419
00:19:27,225 --> 00:19:29,895
OK. You briefly mentioned
you've done a few evil things

420
00:19:29,895 --> 00:19:30,855
in your life.

421
00:19:31,095 --> 00:19:32,985
I feel like we need to know
what they are.

422
00:19:33,015 --> 00:19:36,135
No, I regret that.
I didn't mean it, I was hysterical.

423
00:19:37,395 --> 00:19:39,525
It's often in those moments
that the truth comes out.

424
00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:42,045
Yeah. So can we have the truth?

425
00:19:43,095 --> 00:19:45,105
I started a war.

426
00:19:47,355 --> 00:19:50,535
Wow.
I was inspired by...Pol Pot.

427
00:19:52,005 --> 00:19:52,395
Wow.

428
00:19:54,015 --> 00:19:55,365
That is extreme.

429
00:19:56,535 --> 00:19:58,845
So how long did that take?
I think we're dying to know.

430
00:19:58,875 --> 00:20:02,055
Concetta's time was 27 minutes
and 47 seconds.

431
00:20:07,785 --> 00:20:09,225
So Concetta obviously gets
one point.

432
00:20:09,225 --> 00:20:11,235
Then we've got Aaron with two.
Mel with three.

433
00:20:11,265 --> 00:20:12,435
Pete with four.

434
00:20:12,435 --> 00:20:15,255
And Rhys "never rowed before"
Nicholson takes five points.

435
00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:16,905
Whoa! OK.

436
00:20:17,685 --> 00:20:20,805
And what happens when we add
those scores to the ones

437
00:20:20,805 --> 00:20:21,975
we had before?

438
00:20:22,185 --> 00:20:24,855
Well, Aaron, Mel, Rhys,
and Concetta are the trailers.

439
00:20:24,855 --> 00:20:28,145
But turn off your phone for Pete.
He's the main movie, on nine points!

440
00:20:29,555 --> 00:20:32,405
All right, Lesser Tom, you got
another task for us?

441
00:20:32,435 --> 00:20:33,995
I do. And don't worry, Tom,

442
00:20:33,995 --> 00:20:36,275
I wasn't agreeing to marry
you when I said 'I do'.

443
00:20:37,475 --> 00:20:39,935
I was just answering your
work-related question.

444
00:20:40,715 --> 00:20:43,175
As agreed. Anyway, I wish I hadn't
said any of that.

445
00:20:43,205 --> 00:20:44,285
Here's the task.

446
00:20:58,865 --> 00:21:00,635
Hello.
Hi, Aaron.

447
00:21:00,815 --> 00:21:02,765
Ooh!

448
00:21:04,745 --> 00:21:06,275
What on earth is this contraption?

449
00:21:06,275 --> 00:21:08,465
I certainly don't recognise
it from my childhood.

450
00:21:08,495 --> 00:21:10,385
Ah! Old beta machine, is it?

451
00:21:11,525 --> 00:21:12,125
VCR.
VCR?

452
00:21:12,125 --> 00:21:12,755
Yeah.

453
00:21:18,905 --> 00:21:20,105
Hi, Concetta.
Hi, Tom.

454
00:21:22,805 --> 00:21:26,405
"Teach the Taskmaster to do
something he can't already do.

455
00:21:26,435 --> 00:21:28,505
"With an instructional video.

456
00:21:28,535 --> 00:21:32,945
"The instructional video that teaches
the Taskmaster most wins.

457
00:21:32,975 --> 00:21:34,205
"You have 45 minutes.

458
00:21:34,235 --> 00:21:36,125
"Your time starts now."

459
00:21:36,155 --> 00:21:40,085
He's actually reasonably
good at life,

460
00:21:40,085 --> 00:21:43,175
and the infuriating
thing is, he knows it.

461
00:21:47,525 --> 00:21:50,195
So what are we looking at? We've got
a lesson here for each of them

462
00:21:50,195 --> 00:21:52,595
that they need to teach me
something that I don't already know.

463
00:21:52,625 --> 00:21:54,305
That's right.
Well, there's heaps I already know.

464
00:21:54,305 --> 00:21:58,865
Mm. This is an extremely difficult
task. Here with some handy hints

465
00:21:58,865 --> 00:22:00,995
for your next work do,
it's Mel Buttle.

466
00:22:01,895 --> 00:22:03,935
Do you know anything
that he can't do?

467
00:22:03,995 --> 00:22:06,545
I cannot think of a single thing
the Taskmaster cannot do.

468
00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:08,765
I can.
What?

469
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,625
Attend a work event without drinking.

470
00:22:12,775 --> 00:22:16,295
(UPBEAT '80S MUSIC)

471
00:22:16,295 --> 00:22:18,515
Hello, my name is
Virginia Hampen-Stalle.

472
00:22:18,545 --> 00:22:21,785
I've got a Bachelor of Marketing.
I'm a PE teacher.

473
00:22:21,785 --> 00:22:25,465
And also I teach people
how to say no to having a wine

474
00:22:25,465 --> 00:22:26,785
at work functions.

475
00:22:27,025 --> 00:22:28,225
It's easier than you think.

476
00:22:28,255 --> 00:22:32,185
Here's a clue.
You can always just say no verbally.

477
00:22:32,215 --> 00:22:33,505
Would you like a wine?
No!

478
00:22:33,765 --> 00:22:35,125
Oh! He doesn't want one.

479
00:22:35,215 --> 00:22:36,475
Maybe go non-verbal.

480
00:22:36,475 --> 00:22:38,755
Surprise me with a gesture.
Can I give you a wine there?

481
00:22:38,755 --> 00:22:39,175
Oh!

482
00:22:41,095 --> 00:22:44,725
He's milking cows on the way home
and won't have time to be drunk.

483
00:22:44,755 --> 00:22:47,125
Perhaps you're somewhere swanky
for work, and you want to show

484
00:22:47,125 --> 00:22:48,655
that you've travelled
around the world.

485
00:22:48,685 --> 00:22:50,725
Maybe say no in a different language.

486
00:22:50,755 --> 00:22:52,395
Can I get you a wine?
Nein!

487
00:22:53,485 --> 00:22:54,115
Bitte schon.

488
00:22:54,865 --> 00:22:57,145
Perhaps make up an excuse.

489
00:22:57,175 --> 00:23:00,235
Would you like a wine?
I have hepatitis C.

490
00:23:00,265 --> 00:23:00,985
Ooh!

491
00:23:01,015 --> 00:23:04,765
One more tip that I like to impart
with people who need to learn

492
00:23:04,765 --> 00:23:06,955
to not have a wine at a work
function.

493
00:23:06,955 --> 00:23:09,475
Just get rid of the wine.
Destroy it all.

494
00:23:09,505 --> 00:23:10,645
Tip it down the sink.

495
00:23:10,675 --> 00:23:13,195
Would you like to...
Oh. Oh, dear. Oh.

496
00:23:14,515 --> 00:23:15,385
He's done it.

497
00:23:16,075 --> 00:23:17,425
No more wine.

498
00:23:17,545 --> 00:23:20,185
Say no to wine.

499
00:23:20,395 --> 00:23:21,085
Would you like a wine?

500
00:23:21,325 --> 00:23:22,465
No!

501
00:23:23,875 --> 00:23:24,985
Sounds like he means it.

502
00:23:28,705 --> 00:23:31,705
All right, Mel, we've been at
a few work functions together,

503
00:23:31,705 --> 00:23:34,585
and I would say
we kept pace when we were drinking.

504
00:23:35,245 --> 00:23:38,125
In fact, many times I was
following your lead, Mel.

505
00:23:38,545 --> 00:23:42,325
This video, Tom, and I thank
you for the opportunity to make it,

506
00:23:42,355 --> 00:23:44,905
was a chance to say, "Hey, Mel,
why don't you pull it back

507
00:23:44,905 --> 00:23:49,975
"to a reasonable level where Tom
drinks and just have 16 to 21 drinks

508
00:23:49,975 --> 00:23:50,725
"at an event?"

509
00:23:52,645 --> 00:23:55,195
Your techniques were to say no,

510
00:23:55,315 --> 00:23:58,525
say no non-verbally,
say no in another language,

511
00:23:58,525 --> 00:24:00,025
and also just to tip it
down the sink.

512
00:24:00,055 --> 00:24:02,635
Have you ever...have you ever tried
that technique at a function?

513
00:24:02,665 --> 00:24:04,705
I've tried it in my own home
with my parents.

514
00:24:04,705 --> 00:24:06,565
Ha ha ha! Um...

515
00:24:07,375 --> 00:24:08,935
Wow, that was a...

516
00:24:08,965 --> 00:24:12,265
How much trauma do we do on this
show? I don't know.

517
00:24:12,295 --> 00:24:15,145
Keep the...keep the trauma at a level
that we don't have to give out

518
00:24:15,145 --> 00:24:16,655
the Lifeline number, OK?
OK.

519
00:24:17,575 --> 00:24:19,545
Everyone's just trying to enjoy
themselves.

520
00:24:19,575 --> 00:24:20,925
Note taken. Yep.
OK.

521
00:24:20,955 --> 00:24:23,985
Well, let's take a little break
and maybe have a drinky-poo.

522
00:24:24,015 --> 00:24:25,095
We'll be back soon.

523
00:24:36,405 --> 00:24:38,175
Welcome back to Taskmaster.

524
00:24:38,175 --> 00:24:40,515
Put down the bottle.
You've got a problem.

525
00:24:40,575 --> 00:24:41,895
Where are we, Tom?

526
00:24:41,925 --> 00:24:44,265
Our contestants are making
instructional videos

527
00:24:44,265 --> 00:24:46,365
to teach you, the Taskmaster,
something.

528
00:24:46,395 --> 00:24:48,885
Next up, it's Concetta Caristo!

529
00:24:49,005 --> 00:24:50,325
Hi, Taskmaster.

530
00:24:50,325 --> 00:24:51,495
And welcome to my channel.

531
00:24:51,495 --> 00:24:55,365
Today we're going to be doing
the coolest, sickest look ever. Me.

532
00:24:55,395 --> 00:24:57,945
Today, my model,
his name is Tomothy Cashman.

533
00:24:57,945 --> 00:24:59,985
Tom, how are you feeling?
I'm feeling good.

534
00:25:00,015 --> 00:25:03,525
Let's get this blank, dull-as-F
canvas

535
00:25:03,555 --> 00:25:05,715
looking into a beautiful beat face.

536
00:25:05,745 --> 00:25:07,065
We need to have, like, a base.

537
00:25:07,095 --> 00:25:09,855
Get the lightest colour
and just put it on the face.

538
00:25:09,885 --> 00:25:11,775
You're trying to, like,
get rid of the grease,

539
00:25:11,775 --> 00:25:13,725
which, let me tell you,
Tom has a lot of.

540
00:25:13,725 --> 00:25:17,625
Also, it means the colours on top
are gonna freaking pop!

541
00:25:17,775 --> 00:25:20,505
Then all you wanna do is you just
want to get, like, a darker colour.

542
00:25:20,535 --> 00:25:23,085
You go to the corner of the eye.
Yes, queen.

543
00:25:23,085 --> 00:25:24,555
And that just like elongates the eye.

544
00:25:24,585 --> 00:25:26,775
Next, now we want to beat
the freaking face.

545
00:25:26,805 --> 00:25:27,915
Let's start with contour.

546
00:25:27,945 --> 00:25:29,895
Yes! Keep pouting, honey. Yes!

547
00:25:29,895 --> 00:25:32,325
Next we want blush.
This is like on the cheek.

548
00:25:32,355 --> 00:25:34,305
Oh my God, you look so cute.

549
00:25:34,335 --> 00:25:37,365
Mascara. Literally,
you never go anywhere without mascara

550
00:25:37,395 --> 00:25:41,655
because it's so, like...
It's so slutty.

551
00:25:41,835 --> 00:25:42,705
Yes!

552
00:25:42,705 --> 00:25:44,235
That looks hot.

553
00:25:44,265 --> 00:25:45,855
OK, open.

554
00:25:46,335 --> 00:25:48,045
Whoa!

555
00:25:48,315 --> 00:25:52,575
The camera guys all just got
hard at the same time.

556
00:25:52,605 --> 00:25:54,885
That means we're on the right track.

557
00:25:54,885 --> 00:25:57,045
In an ideal world, we would
have exfoliated

558
00:25:57,075 --> 00:26:00,135
Tom's dry, crusty lips.

559
00:26:00,675 --> 00:26:02,955
But we don't have...

560
00:26:03,945 --> 00:26:05,115
And there you have it.

561
00:26:05,115 --> 00:26:07,755
This is how you go from looking drab
to fab

562
00:26:07,755 --> 00:26:09,975
in a really simple,
easy make-up tutorial.

563
00:26:10,005 --> 00:26:11,595
Good luck. See you.

564
00:26:12,005 --> 00:26:14,885
(APPLAUSE)

565
00:26:16,955 --> 00:26:19,055
Well, Concetta, I think you've done
well there

566
00:26:19,085 --> 00:26:20,525
because you certainly
have taught me a lot.

567
00:26:20,555 --> 00:26:22,895
I did learn about Lesser Tom's
crusty lips.

568
00:26:22,925 --> 00:26:24,995
I didn't...
I wasn't aware of that.

569
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:26,765
Don't lick them. It makes it worse.

570
00:26:28,175 --> 00:26:31,025
It reminded me of those videos
I scroll past on Instagram.

571
00:26:31,055 --> 00:26:32,585
Do you watch those videos?

572
00:26:32,755 --> 00:26:33,875
Mm, yep.
OK.

573
00:26:33,905 --> 00:26:36,395
That's the quintessential,
like, YouTube girly.

574
00:26:36,395 --> 00:26:40,265
It's like a 20 minute video
and like, it's full of personality.

575
00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:42,785
And I tried to just keep
it real and fun.

576
00:26:43,355 --> 00:26:46,025
OK, well, it was all new to me,
so that was good.

577
00:26:46,025 --> 00:26:48,245
And also, I'm really proud
of the fact that I got away

578
00:26:48,245 --> 00:26:50,105
with saying that I was scrolling
on Instagram,

579
00:26:50,105 --> 00:26:51,395
and I've not done that either.

580
00:26:53,585 --> 00:26:54,455
Can you imagine me?

581
00:26:54,875 --> 00:26:55,385
Huh-huh! Look, photos!

582
00:26:56,285 --> 00:26:57,845
I like! What?

583
00:26:58,355 --> 00:27:00,785
All right, which of these gurus
am I going to be forced

584
00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:01,865
to hear from next?

585
00:27:01,895 --> 00:27:04,745
Here, with some insights
from the very important world

586
00:27:04,745 --> 00:27:06,275
of business, it's Aaron Chen.

587
00:27:06,545 --> 00:27:07,715
Hello.

588
00:27:07,745 --> 00:27:11,615
I'm playing you, Tom Gleeson,
the Taskmaster.

589
00:27:11,615 --> 00:27:15,155
And I'm going to teach you how
to negotiate in business

590
00:27:15,155 --> 00:27:17,795
and get to the next level
with your finances.

591
00:27:17,795 --> 00:27:20,015
You're already doing pretty well,

592
00:27:20,015 --> 00:27:22,595
but I'm gonna help you
add a couple of zeros

593
00:27:22,595 --> 00:27:24,305
to whatever you're making now.

594
00:27:24,305 --> 00:27:27,155
And the way to do it is
through children's books.

595
00:27:27,155 --> 00:27:30,215
You don't have any of your own,
but Peter Helliar does.

596
00:27:30,245 --> 00:27:33,365
And we're going to teach
you how to acquire the rights.

597
00:27:33,445 --> 00:27:37,405
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

598
00:27:43,775 --> 00:27:46,175
So, I'm teaching you how
to negotiate.

599
00:27:46,175 --> 00:27:47,645
Always know the numbers.

600
00:27:47,675 --> 00:27:50,315
Never go beyond your asking price.

601
00:27:50,555 --> 00:27:52,145
You brought an entourage.

602
00:27:52,145 --> 00:27:53,345
Real classy, Pete.

603
00:27:53,375 --> 00:27:54,755
The whole cast of The Project.

604
00:27:54,755 --> 00:27:59,045
Carrie, Hamish Macdonald, Sam
Taunton. Now let's get into business.

605
00:27:59,045 --> 00:28:00,275
What have we got, Tom?

606
00:28:00,275 --> 00:28:02,465
We've got Frankie Fish, Herman Crab,
Trippin' with Kids.

607
00:28:02,465 --> 00:28:03,905
We want the whole suite.

608
00:28:03,935 --> 00:28:05,285
And we can give you...

609
00:28:05,315 --> 00:28:07,175
..four marshmallows.

610
00:28:09,395 --> 00:28:10,595
What do you mean?

611
00:28:10,595 --> 00:28:12,955
You're an arsehole.
I can't believe it.

612
00:28:12,985 --> 00:28:13,945
Fine, Pete.

613
00:28:14,185 --> 00:28:15,625
Five marshmallows.

614
00:28:15,625 --> 00:28:16,855
That's my final offer.

615
00:28:16,885 --> 00:28:21,055
You can take that to Cancun and make
it look like Waikiki on a day off,

616
00:28:21,055 --> 00:28:23,365
like it's, um, the Gold Coast.

617
00:28:23,395 --> 00:28:24,475
Guess what?

618
00:28:24,565 --> 00:28:28,945
I'll give you six and a half and
that's the highest I'm gonna go.

619
00:28:30,415 --> 00:28:31,795
Can you believe this guy?

620
00:28:31,825 --> 00:28:32,515
No.

621
00:28:33,115 --> 00:28:34,645
Give us a moment, Pete.

622
00:28:34,675 --> 00:28:36,445
What's our final offer?
(WHISPERS)

623
00:28:37,285 --> 00:28:39,985
All right, Pete, we've talked
to the accountants,

624
00:28:39,985 --> 00:28:41,635
and they've given us...

625
00:28:42,085 --> 00:28:43,915
..seven marshmallows.

626
00:28:43,915 --> 00:28:45,295
That's the final offer.

627
00:28:45,295 --> 00:28:46,495
We're walking.

628
00:28:48,115 --> 00:28:50,155
And that's how you negotiate.

629
00:28:50,185 --> 00:28:54,175
Remember, always be intimidating
and rude and say things

630
00:28:54,175 --> 00:28:55,375
like the F word.

631
00:28:55,405 --> 00:28:58,135
Don't forget to learn the names
of all the kids books.

632
00:28:58,135 --> 00:29:01,975
And number three is to remember
to negotiate - hard!

633
00:29:08,035 --> 00:29:09,565
I think you did teach me something.

634
00:29:09,565 --> 00:29:13,195
You taught me how to lose
a negotiation, not win it.

635
00:29:13,225 --> 00:29:13,885
No, 'cause...

636
00:29:14,275 --> 00:29:17,485
..'cause we started by low-balling
Pete Helliar.

637
00:29:17,515 --> 00:29:20,125
Like, he's got a great suite
of books...

638
00:29:20,125 --> 00:29:23,125
Right. Yes.
..worth 20 to 30 marshmallows.

639
00:29:23,545 --> 00:29:25,375
But we got it from seven.

640
00:29:25,375 --> 00:29:26,755
But you start at four.

641
00:29:26,785 --> 00:29:27,985
You know this.

642
00:29:28,705 --> 00:29:30,115
I mean, you don't know this.

643
00:29:30,145 --> 00:29:30,535
And...
(LAUGHTER)

644
00:29:35,815 --> 00:29:37,945
Yeah. I feel like I wasn't learning
from you.

645
00:29:37,945 --> 00:29:40,825
I think you accidentally taught me
Pete's good negotiating technique,

646
00:29:40,825 --> 00:29:43,105
and that is, say nothing
and the money just goes up.

647
00:29:44,425 --> 00:29:45,535
You're welcome.

648
00:29:47,275 --> 00:29:48,415
So who's next?

649
00:29:48,445 --> 00:29:50,395
Here with some tips about
staying alive -

650
00:29:50,395 --> 00:29:52,735
which, as our oldest contestant,
he's something of an expert in -

651
00:29:52,735 --> 00:29:53,635
it's Peter Helliar!

652
00:29:57,355 --> 00:29:59,215
Taskmaster. It's PH here.

653
00:29:59,215 --> 00:30:02,545
I know you grew up on a farm,
but occasionally you visit a city.

654
00:30:02,545 --> 00:30:06,355
I'm going to show you how to survive
on the streets here in my hometown,

655
00:30:06,355 --> 00:30:08,155
New York Citayyy.

656
00:30:10,695 --> 00:30:12,585
This looks like I'm having a lot
of fun, Taskmaster.

657
00:30:12,585 --> 00:30:14,415
But look what's about to happen.

658
00:30:14,445 --> 00:30:16,875
Hey, give me your skateboard, kid.

659
00:30:18,465 --> 00:30:21,265
(CARTOONISH PUNCH SOUND EFFECTS)

660
00:30:21,265 --> 00:30:22,845
Phew! That was close.

661
00:30:22,845 --> 00:30:25,035
I got away with it because of my
street smarts.

662
00:30:25,035 --> 00:30:27,915
But the lesson is, don't take
your flash new skateboard

663
00:30:27,915 --> 00:30:30,105
around the streets of New York City.

664
00:30:33,675 --> 00:30:35,115
Just because these hoodlums think
they're tough

665
00:30:35,115 --> 00:30:36,525
doesn't mean
they don't want to get caught.

666
00:30:36,525 --> 00:30:39,975
So I suggest always collecting some
evidence when you're being attacked.

667
00:30:40,565 --> 00:30:42,105
Oi! Give me your jewellery.

668
00:30:42,435 --> 00:30:43,485
Hey, smile.

669
00:30:43,515 --> 00:30:46,065
Oh, no! Please, please delete them!

670
00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:47,295
Delete those photos.

671
00:30:47,295 --> 00:30:49,875
Only if you promise to give
up your life of crime.

672
00:30:49,875 --> 00:30:50,565
Fine.

673
00:30:51,345 --> 00:30:51,975
Deal.

674
00:30:52,935 --> 00:30:55,065
But sometimes the odds just aren't
in your favour.

675
00:30:55,065 --> 00:30:57,825
And as the kids
say, you need to skedaddle.

676
00:30:57,855 --> 00:30:58,845
Give me your iPad!

677
00:30:59,325 --> 00:31:00,945
There's an iPad over there. Look!

678
00:31:01,995 --> 00:31:04,365
Help, help, help!

679
00:31:04,395 --> 00:31:05,595
I'm in danger!

680
00:31:05,625 --> 00:31:06,645
Get in.

681
00:31:08,235 --> 00:31:09,795
You're safe now.

682
00:31:09,915 --> 00:31:11,025
Let's get out of here.

683
00:31:11,025 --> 00:31:11,925
Let's go.

684
00:31:14,655 --> 00:31:15,405
You're hot.

685
00:31:19,425 --> 00:31:19,935
Awesome.

686
00:31:23,985 --> 00:31:24,405
(LAUGHS) That's...

687
00:31:24,855 --> 00:31:27,465
That part of New York
looked like where I live.

688
00:31:28,725 --> 00:31:30,705
It was upstate New York.

689
00:31:31,755 --> 00:31:33,405
There were no buildings whatsoever.

690
00:31:33,405 --> 00:31:35,415
And even when you turned
up to rescue yourself,

691
00:31:35,445 --> 00:31:36,435
you were in a ute.

692
00:31:36,885 --> 00:31:37,785
And when you were in the ute,

693
00:31:37,785 --> 00:31:39,735
you looked like someone
from the country.

694
00:31:39,765 --> 00:31:41,385
You had a...you had an akubra on.

695
00:31:42,645 --> 00:31:44,835
I thought you weren't...
you weren't gonna see through it.

696
00:31:44,835 --> 00:31:45,795
I thought, well, who's that?

697
00:31:45,825 --> 00:31:47,685
I thought, you know,
the transformation was amazing.

698
00:31:47,715 --> 00:31:49,095
Oh, the illusion didn't work.

699
00:31:49,365 --> 00:31:51,075
At first I thought, oh,
wow, he's jumped in a ute

700
00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:52,635
with his identical twin,

701
00:31:52,635 --> 00:31:54,645
and his twin doesn't know
how to drive.

702
00:31:55,005 --> 00:31:57,225
'Cause did you get in the ute,

703
00:31:57,225 --> 00:32:01,245
and then to drive off, you just
revved the ute in neutral?

704
00:32:01,935 --> 00:32:03,795
Tom, this feels like an off air
conversation.

705
00:32:07,445 --> 00:32:08,615
OK, I don't know about you,

706
00:32:08,615 --> 00:32:11,705
but I need a break to let
all that learning sink in.

707
00:32:11,735 --> 00:32:12,935
We'll be back soon.

708
00:32:24,395 --> 00:32:27,635
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where our comedians are competing

709
00:32:27,635 --> 00:32:30,485
for the chance to win a rare
and mythical object.

710
00:32:30,485 --> 00:32:32,525
Pete Helliar's gym clothes.

711
00:32:33,035 --> 00:32:35,795
Tell me, Lesser Tom, what are we
doing now?

712
00:32:35,825 --> 00:32:38,345
Our contestants are trying to teach
you something via the medium

713
00:32:38,345 --> 00:32:39,875
of instructional videos.

714
00:32:39,905 --> 00:32:41,225
Get out your blank tapes,

715
00:32:41,225 --> 00:32:43,145
because last up, we have a VCR.

716
00:32:43,175 --> 00:32:45,815
It's a very confident redhead,
Rhys Nicholson.

717
00:32:47,255 --> 00:32:51,275
I'm going to teach the Taskmaster
how to tuck.

718
00:32:51,635 --> 00:32:52,295
Tuck?

719
00:32:52,505 --> 00:32:53,615
Oh! Tuck.

720
00:32:53,855 --> 00:32:55,505
Tuck.
Tuck.

721
00:32:55,655 --> 00:33:00,815
Hello. I'm comedian and publicly
maligned drag judge Rhys Nicholson.

722
00:33:00,815 --> 00:33:03,245
And today we're going to talk
about tucking.

723
00:33:03,365 --> 00:33:05,165
What's tucking, you ask?

724
00:33:05,165 --> 00:33:07,325
What's tucking?
Good question, Tom.

725
00:33:07,355 --> 00:33:09,335
Tucking is the multi-part process

726
00:33:09,335 --> 00:33:11,735
designed to create a flat
appearance down there.

727
00:33:11,765 --> 00:33:13,535
Why would you want to do
that, you ask?

728
00:33:13,535 --> 00:33:15,395
Well, to read to children.

729
00:33:15,515 --> 00:33:19,085
So we're going to start
by grabbing the little feijoas.

730
00:33:19,535 --> 00:33:23,405
And we're just going to very simply
pop them up into here.

731
00:33:23,405 --> 00:33:24,545
With me so far?

732
00:33:24,875 --> 00:33:28,835
Use tape or gaff to secure
the little guys in place

733
00:33:28,835 --> 00:33:29,735
against the body.

734
00:33:29,735 --> 00:33:33,425
The tape is wrapped around the area,
creating a flat appearance.

735
00:33:33,995 --> 00:33:35,705
Adjust for comfort.

736
00:33:40,145 --> 00:33:41,555
And that's how you tuck!

737
00:33:43,295 --> 00:33:45,665
Oh.
How about we get a drink?

738
00:33:45,905 --> 00:33:47,105
Come on, toots.

739
00:33:47,105 --> 00:33:50,666
(APPLAUSE)

740
00:33:54,155 --> 00:33:55,865
Just to be clear to the families
who are watching,

741
00:33:55,865 --> 00:33:56,855
like whole families at home,

742
00:33:56,855 --> 00:33:59,525
we're just talking
about hiding fruit in a skeleton.

743
00:34:00,215 --> 00:34:02,575
It's a fun game.
They do it on Play School.

744
00:34:03,175 --> 00:34:07,135
But I must say, it's like there was
a bit more to it than I thought.

745
00:34:07,135 --> 00:34:09,295
And I have a bigger respect now.

746
00:34:09,325 --> 00:34:12,445
There is like a...there's a lot of
work and kind of pain involved

747
00:34:12,445 --> 00:34:13,825
in doing drag. Not just the shoes.

748
00:34:13,825 --> 00:34:15,925
But yeah, you gotta...
you gotta push it up there.

749
00:34:15,954 --> 00:34:17,724
Yeah. You gotta
really suffer for your art.

750
00:34:17,724 --> 00:34:19,135
And some drag queens...

751
00:34:19,135 --> 00:34:23,994
..there's a lot to tuck and there's
a lot of tape to be placed there

752
00:34:23,994 --> 00:34:25,525
and a lot of tucking to be done.

753
00:34:25,525 --> 00:34:28,885
And so what Rhys is trying to say
is sometimes you have to try to hide

754
00:34:28,914 --> 00:34:31,345
a whole fruit shop inside a skeleton.
Yeah, yeah.

755
00:34:31,345 --> 00:34:32,125
All right, well,

756
00:34:32,125 --> 00:34:33,555
I have to score, don't I?
Mm-hm.

757
00:34:33,625 --> 00:34:37,825
Well, I've got to put Pete in one,
because he taught me how to survive

758
00:34:37,855 --> 00:34:40,795
an urban area in a regional
area, and I just...

759
00:34:40,825 --> 00:34:42,985
I know how to survive
a regional area.

760
00:34:43,015 --> 00:34:44,394
You've just got to be racist.

761
00:34:44,394 --> 00:34:45,385
Anyway, um...

762
00:34:48,055 --> 00:34:51,505
I'm going to give two points to Mel,
because you were trying to make out

763
00:34:51,505 --> 00:34:52,555
that drinking is a problem,

764
00:34:52,555 --> 00:34:54,265
and we know in Australia it's not.

765
00:34:55,644 --> 00:34:58,375
Um, I'm going to give three points
to Aaron because he taught me

766
00:34:58,375 --> 00:35:00,395
the great negotiating technique
that Pete used

767
00:35:00,395 --> 00:35:02,075
through all those years
of The Project.

768
00:35:03,095 --> 00:35:05,555
And I'm going to give four points
to Concetta,

769
00:35:05,585 --> 00:35:07,205
because I've never seen
those videos before

770
00:35:07,205 --> 00:35:09,605
and I've learned all kinds of things
about how to put on make-up,

771
00:35:09,605 --> 00:35:10,775
which I'll use later.

772
00:35:11,405 --> 00:35:13,685
But for five points,
they're going to Rhys,

773
00:35:13,685 --> 00:35:16,385
because I really did learn
something from them.

774
00:35:18,215 --> 00:35:19,355
Genuine learning.

775
00:35:19,595 --> 00:35:20,075
Thank you.

776
00:35:21,005 --> 00:35:24,935
Do you have one last task
in the chamber for us tonight, Tom?

777
00:35:24,965 --> 00:35:27,185
Yes, we do, and I suck.

778
00:35:28,985 --> 00:35:30,035
Hahaha!

779
00:35:31,415 --> 00:35:34,175
This next task involves insults,
and I didn't feel comfortable

780
00:35:34,175 --> 00:35:36,125
using anyone else as an example.

781
00:35:55,115 --> 00:35:55,985
Whoa.

782
00:35:56,675 --> 00:35:58,175
Your task's over there.
Is it?

783
00:35:58,265 --> 00:35:59,865
What are we got here?

784
00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:02,205
There's a microphone here, Tom.

785
00:36:02,295 --> 00:36:03,855
Mm.
Testing.

786
00:36:05,385 --> 00:36:06,735
Is it on?
No.

787
00:36:06,855 --> 00:36:07,665
Here we go.

788
00:36:10,215 --> 00:36:15,345
"Roast each character the quickest."
So we're after speed.

789
00:36:15,375 --> 00:36:16,675
Bang, bang, bang.
Mm.

790
00:36:16,815 --> 00:36:17,835
It's like quick fire.

791
00:36:17,865 --> 00:36:21,375
"Your roast must be relevant
to the character."

792
00:36:21,405 --> 00:36:22,785
I'm a good person.

793
00:36:22,815 --> 00:36:24,675
Really?
No.

794
00:36:24,825 --> 00:36:28,155
"Quickest average response time
wins."

795
00:36:28,185 --> 00:36:30,525
It doesn't have to be best roast.
It's relevant roast.

796
00:36:30,555 --> 00:36:33,495
Well...
Also, the best overall roaster

797
00:36:33,495 --> 00:36:35,175
will get two bonus points.

798
00:36:35,175 --> 00:36:36,915
Holy smokes.

799
00:36:36,945 --> 00:36:38,745
"Tom will unveil the characters
from left to right

800
00:36:38,745 --> 00:36:39,975
"beginning in one minute.

801
00:36:39,975 --> 00:36:41,115
"Your time starts now."

802
00:36:41,145 --> 00:36:43,095
And you're allowed to go racial?

803
00:36:43,845 --> 00:36:46,005
I didn't say that, but there's
also nothing in the rules

804
00:36:46,005 --> 00:36:46,845
to prevent that.

805
00:36:52,635 --> 00:36:54,255
All right, chuck me some mint jelly,

806
00:36:54,255 --> 00:36:56,175
Lesser Tom, because I enjoy
a good roast.

807
00:36:56,205 --> 00:36:57,585
Let's see what these guys have.

808
00:36:57,615 --> 00:37:00,795
These three must be thirsty toilets
because they love taking the piss.

809
00:37:00,825 --> 00:37:02,385
It's Aaron, Mel and Peter!

810
00:37:03,345 --> 00:37:05,355
Are you ready?
Yeah, sure. Let's do it.

811
00:37:05,385 --> 00:37:07,635
Kind of nervous.
Do you want to practise on me?

812
00:37:07,665 --> 00:37:10,965
Tom, you stink, and you look
like an idiot.

813
00:37:10,995 --> 00:37:14,565
You green, blue suited,
bloody whistle blowing...

814
00:37:14,595 --> 00:37:15,615
Get a clue.

815
00:37:16,485 --> 00:37:18,285
OK, here. Let's go. I'm ready.

816
00:37:20,355 --> 00:37:21,315
Is that a lamb?

817
00:37:22,065 --> 00:37:25,065
You look like a goat.

818
00:37:25,065 --> 00:37:26,625
If it was ugly.

819
00:37:28,605 --> 00:37:31,065
Baaahhhh! Booooooring!

820
00:37:31,515 --> 00:37:35,685
You know, I...I would actually go
on a date with Tom Cruise

821
00:37:35,685 --> 00:37:36,945
before I'd go on a date with you.

822
00:37:36,975 --> 00:37:40,335
That's an old advertising
reference in Australia.

823
00:37:40,905 --> 00:37:42,045
Little (BLEEP) lamb.

824
00:37:43,375 --> 00:37:44,935
(LAUGHS)

825
00:37:45,405 --> 00:37:46,545
You... You creepy (BLEEP).

826
00:37:47,115 --> 00:37:52,065
Imagine a baby was so stupid
that it had long hair.

827
00:37:52,635 --> 00:37:55,805
Um, wearing white. OK.
Still a virgin.

828
00:37:55,805 --> 00:37:57,995
What a nerd. Ever done a root?

829
00:37:57,995 --> 00:38:00,905
I've done heaps. I've done
four just this week, baby.

830
00:38:00,935 --> 00:38:05,555
How old are you? You're obviously
some Benjamin Button type freak.

831
00:38:05,585 --> 00:38:08,975
I think you're a porcelain bitch.

832
00:38:10,745 --> 00:38:12,615
Is that Peter Helliar?
Mm-hm.

833
00:38:12,875 --> 00:38:15,335
Um, 'cause I didn't recognise him

834
00:38:15,335 --> 00:38:18,365
'cause he's not famous anymore.

835
00:38:18,575 --> 00:38:22,325
Oh, well, this is...
You fat (BLEEP). Seriously.

836
00:38:22,355 --> 00:38:26,045
Do they make those shorts for men?
Wow.

837
00:38:26,075 --> 00:38:29,075
Watch the spray tan. It's a bit dark
for my liking, to be honest.

838
00:38:29,105 --> 00:38:30,335
It's going to get you into trouble.

839
00:38:30,335 --> 00:38:34,265
And guess what, um, Pete?
You smell...

840
00:38:35,285 --> 00:38:36,035
Yep.

841
00:38:37,505 --> 00:38:39,035
Uh-oh. Baldy!

842
00:38:39,035 --> 00:38:41,375
Baldy, baldy, baldy, baldy,
bald man.

843
00:38:43,865 --> 00:38:47,075
You can't even stay on your seat,
you arsehole!

844
00:38:47,345 --> 00:38:49,985
Imagine breaking so easily.

845
00:38:50,015 --> 00:38:53,585
Guess what I've got? An actual
working penis and a scrotum.

846
00:38:59,015 --> 00:39:02,075
Who are you? You're like a real
version of that guy,

847
00:39:02,105 --> 00:39:06,935
but, um, even...even stinkier.

848
00:39:09,095 --> 00:39:10,535
Hello, loser!

849
00:39:10,565 --> 00:39:13,925
I'm sure you're a nice man,
but your twin brother

850
00:39:13,925 --> 00:39:15,425
is a bit freaky, to be honest.

851
00:39:15,455 --> 00:39:17,405
Although he's better looking
than you are.

852
00:39:17,435 --> 00:39:19,055
He's much better looking.
He's younger.

853
00:39:19,055 --> 00:39:21,065
And to be honest, I don't think
you have genitals either, mate,

854
00:39:21,095 --> 00:39:22,175
to be honest, looking down there.

855
00:39:22,175 --> 00:39:23,675
He's got a bigger bulge
than you have.

856
00:39:23,705 --> 00:39:26,285
I'm getting a real
left school at 14,

857
00:39:26,285 --> 00:39:29,255
just dug myself a job out of the
trenches kind of a vibe.

858
00:39:29,285 --> 00:39:30,815
What's your name?
Joe.

859
00:39:30,845 --> 00:39:31,805
Joe?

860
00:39:32,225 --> 00:39:33,605
Get a longer name.

861
00:39:34,565 --> 00:39:36,125
I see that I've hurt your feelings,

862
00:39:36,125 --> 00:39:38,855
which is exactly, exactly my want.

863
00:39:38,885 --> 00:39:41,045
Nice to meet you, though.
I'm sure you're a very nice guy.

864
00:39:42,095 --> 00:39:42,965
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Thanks, Mel.

865
00:39:45,845 --> 00:39:46,745
Goodnight, Boston.

866
00:39:50,825 --> 00:39:54,595
Now, Aaron, you were making fun
of Pete for not being famous.

867
00:39:54,625 --> 00:39:56,605
Is that right? Is that the dig
you were getting at there?

868
00:39:56,635 --> 00:40:00,145
I panicked because I saw the picture
and I didn't know who it was.

869
00:40:00,175 --> 00:40:04,195
And then that word association
recognised famous and then...

870
00:40:04,225 --> 00:40:07,225
..Pete's one of the most famous
guys in the country.

871
00:40:08,065 --> 00:40:10,015
Yeah. So when you were having a go
at his face... (LAUGHS)

872
00:40:12,415 --> 00:40:14,395
You can't smooth over a roast.

873
00:40:14,395 --> 00:40:17,305
You can't take it back because then
the roast loses its sting.

874
00:40:17,995 --> 00:40:19,285
Pete sucks.

875
00:40:21,005 --> 00:40:22,765
Well, in fact, that happened
to you, Pete.

876
00:40:22,795 --> 00:40:25,345
You were launching into the
bald men at the end there.

877
00:40:25,345 --> 00:40:27,595
And then at the end, you actually
seem quite nice.

878
00:40:27,595 --> 00:40:28,645
You couldn't quite stick to...

879
00:40:28,645 --> 00:40:30,055
I'm not...I'm not an insult comic.

880
00:40:30,085 --> 00:40:32,245
I don't...it's very uncomfortable
for me.

881
00:40:32,275 --> 00:40:33,925
I actually took that guy home.

882
00:40:33,925 --> 00:40:35,695
I brought him dinner,
and I (BLEEP). Um...

883
00:40:37,435 --> 00:40:37,735
Um...

884
00:40:39,205 --> 00:40:41,335
And the disguise had worked.

885
00:40:44,275 --> 00:40:48,085
But it was...it was genuinely
an uncomfortable experience.

886
00:40:48,085 --> 00:40:51,685
And then when I saw a human man
there, that was kind of terrifying.

887
00:40:51,715 --> 00:40:52,975
That wasn't...
That wasn't comfortable.

888
00:40:53,185 --> 00:40:54,175
Uh, Mel didn't flinch.
Nah.

889
00:40:54,175 --> 00:40:57,145
You're just like, "There's a (BLEEP)
who looks like the mannequin,"

890
00:40:57,145 --> 00:40:58,195
and you were just straight in.

891
00:40:58,975 --> 00:41:00,655
A professional.
Yeah.

892
00:41:02,965 --> 00:41:05,905
Did you have a little moment
of doubt before you ripped in there?

893
00:41:05,935 --> 00:41:08,665
No. I think I even implied he was
a homosexual,

894
00:41:08,665 --> 00:41:13,855
even though I myself am. Um, still a
burn on both of us, though, um...

895
00:41:13,885 --> 00:41:16,525
OK. We're actually looking for the
most quick-witted, so...

896
00:41:16,555 --> 00:41:17,995
That's right.
Who is the quickest?

897
00:41:18,025 --> 00:41:21,445
Pete, your average response
time was 13.8 seconds.

898
00:41:21,475 --> 00:41:23,365
Mel - 8.4 seconds.

899
00:41:23,395 --> 00:41:26,145
Aaron - 8.2 seconds.
AUDIENCE: Oooh!

900
00:41:27,265 --> 00:41:28,285
Oh, OK.

901
00:41:29,845 --> 00:41:31,885
It's time for some ads,
but watch out.

902
00:41:31,885 --> 00:41:34,675
If you don't come back after the
break, we'll be roasting you next.

903
00:41:34,705 --> 00:41:35,785
See you after this!

904
00:41:44,625 --> 00:41:47,065
Look, I know you're watching it now,
but how about watching more later?

905
00:41:47,105 --> 00:41:49,705
Catch every moment of triumph
and utter humiliation

906
00:41:49,786 --> 00:41:50,826
of Taskmaster Australia

907
00:41:50,866 --> 00:41:53,705
with full episodes at 10play.com.au
or the 10 Play app.

908
00:42:00,285 --> 00:42:03,285
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
What are we up to, Lesser Tom?

909
00:42:03,315 --> 00:42:04,575
We're doing a roast race.

910
00:42:04,575 --> 00:42:08,205
So far, Aaron, Mel and Pete
have taken no prisoners,

911
00:42:08,205 --> 00:42:11,115
which is good, because that wasn't
the task and it would be illegal.

912
00:42:12,375 --> 00:42:14,385
Now it's time for Concetta
and Rhys.

913
00:42:14,805 --> 00:42:16,275
I'm a terrible roaster.

914
00:42:16,335 --> 00:42:17,355
Ready?
Yep.

915
00:42:18,465 --> 00:42:21,855
(LAUGHS) Oh! You big idiot.

916
00:42:22,305 --> 00:42:25,065
The thing about lambs is that...

917
00:42:27,495 --> 00:42:28,875
Are you OK?
No.

918
00:42:28,965 --> 00:42:30,975
And you have your one ear
up and your one ear down.

919
00:42:31,005 --> 00:42:33,795
You're always listening for people
to be bitching about you,

920
00:42:33,795 --> 00:42:35,205
and we're bitching, all right?

921
00:42:36,075 --> 00:42:39,705
Lambs - better eaten than alive.

922
00:42:40,095 --> 00:42:40,725
Is that a roast?

923
00:42:40,755 --> 00:42:42,105
Go to the next one.

924
00:42:46,995 --> 00:42:48,975
I'm having a full blown mental
breakdown, Tom.

925
00:42:49,305 --> 00:42:50,745
You bitch!

926
00:42:51,045 --> 00:42:54,285
You stupid little bitch.

927
00:42:54,645 --> 00:42:57,735
And you wear your pearls
like, "I'm Dame Judi Dench!"

928
00:42:57,765 --> 00:43:00,075
We know you love to get (BLEEP).

929
00:43:04,665 --> 00:43:06,765
Where does she get her hair done?

930
00:43:06,795 --> 00:43:09,165
The bad...wig store?

931
00:43:09,195 --> 00:43:09,915
Move on.

932
00:43:10,785 --> 00:43:13,665
Oh my God. Mate.

933
00:43:13,695 --> 00:43:15,015
Mullets are normal.

934
00:43:15,045 --> 00:43:16,305
It's not funny.

935
00:43:16,335 --> 00:43:17,955
Everyone has a mullet.

936
00:43:17,985 --> 00:43:21,315
This is the best photo of
Peter Helliar I've ever seen.

937
00:43:21,525 --> 00:43:22,215
Move on.

938
00:43:23,205 --> 00:43:25,006
(LAUGHS)

939
00:43:25,035 --> 00:43:27,585
Did you really have to get
my ex out here?

940
00:43:27,825 --> 00:43:28,905
You know what's horrible?

941
00:43:28,905 --> 00:43:30,735
This is what I look
like without my wig on.

942
00:43:30,765 --> 00:43:33,675
How dare you wear that top
that I bought for you?

943
00:43:33,705 --> 00:43:35,205
OK. You shouldn't be wearing that.

944
00:43:35,205 --> 00:43:36,585
Because that has memories.

945
00:43:36,585 --> 00:43:37,965
And that makes me uncomfortable.

946
00:43:37,965 --> 00:43:40,815
And also, you're bad at sex.

947
00:43:40,845 --> 00:43:42,825
When I see him, I think of you.

948
00:43:42,825 --> 00:43:45,365
Just completely nondescript
and bringing nothing

949
00:43:45,395 --> 00:43:46,625
to the situation.

950
00:43:46,715 --> 00:43:47,915
That's a roast for both of you.

951
00:43:47,945 --> 00:43:48,605
Move on.

952
00:43:49,235 --> 00:43:50,765
Oh, no!

953
00:43:51,335 --> 00:43:54,425
Now, I feel bad about what I said
about that and that man.

954
00:43:54,815 --> 00:43:55,205
You...

955
00:43:55,835 --> 00:43:59,735
You (BLEEP)! Dressing up like my ex.

956
00:43:59,765 --> 00:44:03,125
Let me start by saying you look
better than that one,

957
00:44:03,575 --> 00:44:05,105
but not much.

958
00:44:05,165 --> 00:44:06,605
You think you're really cute.

959
00:44:06,605 --> 00:44:09,095
You think, I'm one of the cute guys.
I'm not one of the bad guys.

960
00:44:09,095 --> 00:44:11,075
You're one of the bad guys!

961
00:44:12,695 --> 00:44:14,075
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
I've hated this.

962
00:44:14,075 --> 00:44:16,985
And I reckon this is the worst
task that I've done.

963
00:44:17,165 --> 00:44:19,325
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it.

964
00:44:19,355 --> 00:44:22,265
Her I can be mean to, but not him.

965
00:44:22,475 --> 00:44:24,695
Oh, God, I feel dirty.

966
00:44:24,725 --> 00:44:28,085
Bye, Tom. This has been real bad and
I look forward to being roasted

967
00:44:28,085 --> 00:44:29,285
in the studio for it.

968
00:44:36,665 --> 00:44:39,215
Wow, Concetta, at one stage you said,
I'll quote:

969
00:44:39,845 --> 00:44:42,065
"You bitch, you stupid little bitch."

970
00:44:42,605 --> 00:44:44,975
How did you come up with that witty
wordplay?

971
00:44:47,135 --> 00:44:48,845
Just off the cuff.

972
00:44:49,445 --> 00:44:51,575
Really?
Oh, you didn't prepare it earlier?

973
00:44:51,905 --> 00:44:54,725
I couldn't tell because
it was just so well written.

974
00:44:55,235 --> 00:44:57,185
Thank you.
Why are you being so nice to me?

975
00:45:02,465 --> 00:45:06,185
So, Rhys, why are you so averse
to roasting?

976
00:45:06,185 --> 00:45:08,225
You're quite happily abusing
everyone in the studio.

977
00:45:08,255 --> 00:45:09,665
It seems to come quite naturally.

978
00:45:09,695 --> 00:45:12,575
It was the only task, I think,
out of the whole run

979
00:45:12,605 --> 00:45:15,695
that at the end, Tom was quite
genuine when he went,

980
00:45:15,725 --> 00:45:16,925
"Are you OK?"

981
00:45:17,765 --> 00:45:20,975
Well, I've seen your stand up,
and a lot of it's self-deprecating.

982
00:45:20,975 --> 00:45:22,595
So what you do
is when you're roasting

983
00:45:22,595 --> 00:45:24,455
is you just take all that
self-loathing

984
00:45:24,455 --> 00:45:26,165
and just put it on other people.

985
00:45:26,195 --> 00:45:27,965
Oh, that...that would kill them.

986
00:45:28,476 --> 00:45:29,956
(LAUGHTER)

987
00:45:30,005 --> 00:45:32,675
I got a lot of anger and sadness
and I push it down

988
00:45:32,675 --> 00:45:34,955
and I'm either
making a diamond or a tumour.

989
00:45:39,125 --> 00:45:41,495
All right, I feel like we need some
final scores because again,

990
00:45:41,525 --> 00:45:43,705
it was about their average
at how quick they were

991
00:45:43,705 --> 00:45:44,785
with coming up with a roast.

992
00:45:44,815 --> 00:45:48,085
Concetta's average response
time was 12.4 seconds,

993
00:45:48,115 --> 00:45:49,885
putting her in third place
currently.

994
00:45:49,885 --> 00:45:53,335
Rhys's average
response time was 46.4 seconds.

995
00:45:54,745 --> 00:45:55,645
Oh, wow.

996
00:45:59,815 --> 00:46:00,625
All right, well...

997
00:46:00,625 --> 00:46:03,205
So now we need you to assess
the best overall roaster.

998
00:46:03,205 --> 00:46:06,445
It really was just pouring
out of Mel Buttle, wasn't it?

999
00:46:06,475 --> 00:46:08,335
I mean, when the mannequin was there

1000
00:46:08,335 --> 00:46:10,525
and a man with emotions,

1001
00:46:10,555 --> 00:46:11,995
it made no difference.
Nup.

1002
00:46:11,995 --> 00:46:13,885
So I think the bonus points
go to Mel.

1003
00:46:13,915 --> 00:46:16,045
We've got Rhys with one point.
Pete with two.

1004
00:46:16,075 --> 00:46:18,055
Concetta with three.
Aaron with five.

1005
00:46:18,085 --> 00:46:21,055
But Mel takes six points!
Yes.

1006
00:46:22,495 --> 00:46:25,585
Now, before we send everyone
upstairs for a live task,

1007
00:46:25,615 --> 00:46:28,825
are we allowed to have a little peek
at the scoreboard, please,

1008
00:46:28,855 --> 00:46:29,815
Lesser Tom?

1009
00:46:29,845 --> 00:46:32,425
So stuck on the ground floor
is Concetta at the moment.

1010
00:46:32,425 --> 00:46:34,135
In the elevator are Pete and Rhys.

1011
00:46:34,135 --> 00:46:35,815
But living that penthouse lifestyle

1012
00:46:35,845 --> 00:46:38,305
are Mel and Aaron, both
with 14 points.

1013
00:46:39,565 --> 00:46:40,285
Yeah! Go, Chenny.

1014
00:46:41,485 --> 00:46:42,985
All right, you lot, scram!

1015
00:46:42,985 --> 00:46:44,425
It's time for your live task.

1016
00:46:44,455 --> 00:46:45,535
Get upstairs!

1017
00:46:50,125 --> 00:46:52,135
What am I looking at there,
Lesser Tom?

1018
00:46:52,165 --> 00:46:53,845
Concetta, could you please
read the task?

1019
00:46:53,905 --> 00:46:58,015
"Rebound your tennis balls off a
ramp and stick them to your suits.

1020
00:46:58,045 --> 00:47:01,375
"A tennis ball stuck to a limb
or body gets one point.

1021
00:47:01,405 --> 00:47:04,135
"A tennis ball stuck to a head
gets three points.

1022
00:47:04,165 --> 00:47:08,095
"A tennis ball stuck to anyone
else's suit gets five points.

1023
00:47:08,125 --> 00:47:11,335
"You must remain on your spots
at all times.

1024
00:47:11,335 --> 00:47:14,875
"To count,
the balls must bounce off a ramp.

1025
00:47:14,875 --> 00:47:16,255
"Most points win.

1026
00:47:16,255 --> 00:47:18,625
"You have two minutes from Tom's
whistle."

1027
00:47:18,655 --> 00:47:19,705
Are we ready?
Yep.

1028
00:47:19,735 --> 00:47:20,395
Yeah.

1029
00:47:20,815 --> 00:47:21,815
(BLOWS WHISTLE)

1030
00:47:26,395 --> 00:47:27,355
No. Ah!

1031
00:47:32,125 --> 00:47:32,425
Ah!

1032
00:47:33,594 --> 00:47:35,594
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)

1033
00:47:38,925 --> 00:47:40,785
Oh! My head!
Oh, does that count?

1034
00:47:41,835 --> 00:47:44,445
Oh. Scu... No!

1035
00:47:44,925 --> 00:47:45,585
OK. Come on. Check.

1036
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:48,585
Oh. This is (BLEEP)!

1037
00:47:50,445 --> 00:47:50,835
Oh!

1038
00:47:53,415 --> 00:47:53,925
Oh!

1039
00:48:00,004 --> 00:48:02,445
(ALL EXCLAIM)

1040
00:48:10,215 --> 00:48:11,895
RHYS: This is going so poorly.

1041
00:48:25,845 --> 00:48:32,415
Ohhh! Oh! Oh, shit!

1042
00:48:33,936 --> 00:48:35,856
(TOM BLOWS WHISTLE)

1043
00:48:35,885 --> 00:48:37,845
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

1044
00:48:39,285 --> 00:48:40,695
All right,
we've gotta clean this shit up.

1045
00:48:40,695 --> 00:48:42,045
We'll see you after the break.

1046
00:48:53,265 --> 00:48:54,765
Welcome back to Taskmaster.

1047
00:48:54,765 --> 00:48:57,765
We've consulted our primary school
dictionary and assessed

1048
00:48:57,765 --> 00:49:01,815
all the tennis ball pegging,
sconings, axings and falcons

1049
00:49:01,815 --> 00:49:03,285
from our live task.

1050
00:49:03,915 --> 00:49:06,015
Lesser Tom, what kind of scores
are we looking at?

1051
00:49:06,045 --> 00:49:10,695
In last place with seven body shots,
we have Mel, then Pete.

1052
00:49:10,725 --> 00:49:12,555
Pete, you had eight body shots.

1053
00:49:12,615 --> 00:49:15,615
Then we had Rhys. You had two
body shots. Two head shots.

1054
00:49:15,645 --> 00:49:19,125
Concetta, you had four body shots
and then also three head shots.

1055
00:49:19,125 --> 00:49:20,235
So 13 points total.

1056
00:49:20,265 --> 00:49:24,345
Aaron had ten body shots, one head
shot and two balls on someone else,

1057
00:49:24,345 --> 00:49:26,565
with 23 points.

1058
00:49:28,485 --> 00:49:29,925
That means Mel gets one point,

1059
00:49:29,955 --> 00:49:32,415
Pete with two, Rhys three,
Concetta four.

1060
00:49:32,415 --> 00:49:34,545
And Aaron takes home the task
with five points!

1061
00:49:35,765 --> 00:49:36,395
Wow.

1062
00:49:37,145 --> 00:49:40,745
And more importantly, who won
tonight's episode?

1063
00:49:40,775 --> 00:49:43,565
So in fifth to second, we have
Concetta, Pete, Mel and Rhys.

1064
00:49:43,565 --> 00:49:45,275
But with his tearaway live task
effort,

1065
00:49:45,305 --> 00:49:47,375
Aaron is the winner with 19 points!

1066
00:49:51,215 --> 00:49:54,035
Congratulations, Aaron,
you are the winner!

1067
00:49:54,035 --> 00:49:58,145
Please ascend to the stage
and enjoy your prizes in silence!

1068
00:50:03,575 --> 00:50:04,625
All right, other Tom.

1069
00:50:04,625 --> 00:50:07,595
Let's have a little look-look
at our season scores.

1070
00:50:07,625 --> 00:50:10,355
So now that we've completed five
out of our ten episodes,

1071
00:50:10,355 --> 00:50:12,755
we can officially say
that on 81 points,

1072
00:50:12,755 --> 00:50:15,215
Rhys has won the first
half of Taskmaster.

1073
00:50:15,675 --> 00:50:17,956
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

1074
00:50:19,025 --> 00:50:20,135
All right. And just like that,

1075
00:50:20,165 --> 00:50:22,295
we're at the end of another episode
of Taskmaster.

1076
00:50:22,295 --> 00:50:23,435
But what did we learn?

1077
00:50:23,465 --> 00:50:26,495
We learned that only 40%
of Australian comedians

1078
00:50:26,525 --> 00:50:28,325
know how to row a boat.

1079
00:50:29,015 --> 00:50:31,745
We learned that the world
can be a very tough place

1080
00:50:31,745 --> 00:50:34,385
for a little girl with lovely
long hair.

1081
00:50:35,225 --> 00:50:38,855
But most importantly, we learnt
that Aaron is the winner

1082
00:50:38,855 --> 00:50:40,685
of episode five!

1083
00:50:41,015 --> 00:50:42,695
See you next week.

1084
00:51:03,485 --> 00:51:05,585
I'm gonna eat your arse,
Tom Cashman.

1085
00:51:05,585 --> 00:51:06,845
How does that make you feel?

1086
00:51:06,875 --> 00:51:07,745
I didn't like it.

1087
00:51:08,375 --> 00:51:09,605
Maybe I'm having a stroke.

1088
00:51:09,635 --> 00:51:10,685
This is so scary.

1089
00:51:10,685 --> 00:51:11,675
I don't get it!

1090
00:51:11,705 --> 00:51:13,325
It's like you don't watch the clips.
Honestly.

1091
00:51:13,415 --> 00:51:13,805
Oh!

1092
00:51:14,465 --> 00:51:15,815
(SHRIEKS)
Oh, yes!

1093
00:51:15,845 --> 00:51:17,225
Shut the (BLEEP) up!
No.

1094
00:51:17,465 --> 00:51:17,555
Sorry.

1095
00:51:17,885 --> 00:51:18,935
Come on. Banter.

1096
00:51:19,655 --> 00:51:20,975
Oh...
See? It's shit.

1097
00:51:23,296 --> 00:51:24,976
Captions by Red Bee Media