1 00:00:03,205 --> 00:00:06,165 No! 2 00:00:06,165 --> 00:00:07,445 (BOTH SHRIEK) 3 00:00:11,325 --> 00:00:12,805 (BOTH SHRIEK) 4 00:00:14,645 --> 00:00:16,925 (GROANS) We slayed it. 5 00:00:28,805 --> 00:00:30,125 Is this good television? 6 00:00:33,005 --> 00:00:37,005 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 7 00:00:41,245 --> 00:00:43,965 Hello, everyone, and welcome to Taskmaster. 8 00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:45,444 My name's Tom Gleeson, 9 00:00:45,444 --> 00:00:47,404 and whilst the audience here know that, 10 00:00:47,404 --> 00:00:49,965 it is not the name they've been chanting for hours 11 00:00:49,965 --> 00:00:51,565 outside this studio. 12 00:00:51,565 --> 00:00:54,885 That name ringing across the queue, as well as in the hearts and minds 13 00:00:54,885 --> 00:00:59,044 of the nation, has been and will always be the Taskmaster. 14 00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:04,765 Joining me tonight are five comedic folk of varying profiles, height 15 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:08,724 and grasps on why they're here, who are vying to compete 16 00:01:08,724 --> 00:01:12,724 for a piece of art melted down from stolen artefacts - 17 00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:15,244 the statue of my golden head. 18 00:01:15,244 --> 00:01:18,164 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 19 00:01:18,164 --> 00:01:20,164 They are Aaron Chen... 20 00:01:21,645 --> 00:01:23,164 ..Concetta Caristo... 21 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,485 ..Mel Buttle... 22 00:01:26,765 --> 00:01:28,045 ..Peter Helliar... 23 00:01:29,405 --> 00:01:31,045 ..and Rhys Nicholson. 24 00:01:33,444 --> 00:01:37,765 And as always, here to make sure no-one steals my shoes 25 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,084 while I nap in the ad breaks, 26 00:01:40,084 --> 00:01:42,324 it's my assistant, Tom Cashman. 27 00:01:45,765 --> 00:01:47,925 Lesser Tom, kick us off, will you? 28 00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:49,925 Well, our first task is a prize task. 29 00:01:49,925 --> 00:01:52,045 Each of our contestants have brought in a prize, 30 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,685 and the person who wins tonight's episode 31 00:01:53,685 --> 00:01:55,324 will take home all five prizes. 32 00:01:55,324 --> 00:01:58,005 Tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in 33 00:01:58,005 --> 00:01:59,405 the quaintest thing. 34 00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:00,845 AUDIENCE: Ooh! 35 00:02:00,845 --> 00:02:03,285 OK, first up, Peter, what have you got? 36 00:02:03,285 --> 00:02:06,804 Well, when I think quaint, I think of my nan, and I was going to bring 37 00:02:06,804 --> 00:02:10,405 her tea-cosy in, but I thought that's not enough for Taskmaster. 38 00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:12,405 So, I've brought a tea-cosy in, 39 00:02:12,405 --> 00:02:14,884 but I've put it on the urn of her ashes. 40 00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:17,005 (LAUGHTER) 41 00:02:21,005 --> 00:02:23,644 And to make it clear, my nan was alive three days ago. 42 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,644 Oh. 43 00:02:26,164 --> 00:02:28,164 That's how much this means to me, Tom. 44 00:02:28,164 --> 00:02:31,965 OK, so just to be clear, you think that the tea-cosy 45 00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:34,125 on top of the ashes is quaint, not the death. 46 00:02:34,125 --> 00:02:36,245 The death was quite quaint, actually. 47 00:02:36,245 --> 00:02:38,005 Oh! It was a knitting accident. 48 00:02:38,005 --> 00:02:40,405 (LAUGHTER) 49 00:02:40,405 --> 00:02:41,764 Alright, Mel, what do you got? 50 00:02:41,764 --> 00:02:45,085 Oh, we're going back to the oldie-oldie days. 51 00:02:45,085 --> 00:02:51,604 I have brought along a calculator that's on a lanyard, and it's pink. 52 00:02:54,685 --> 00:02:56,005 OK. 53 00:02:56,005 --> 00:02:58,164 Do all three things add to the quaintness? 54 00:02:58,164 --> 00:03:00,285 100%, Big Daddy. 55 00:03:00,285 --> 00:03:04,764 Yes, um, that colour is super, like, early '90s. 56 00:03:04,764 --> 00:03:05,764 OK. 57 00:03:05,764 --> 00:03:08,085 The fact that a calculator that's already portable 58 00:03:08,085 --> 00:03:13,164 has been made into perhaps a fashion item, if you wish, super quaint. 59 00:03:13,164 --> 00:03:14,805 OK. Concetta, what did you bring in? 60 00:03:14,805 --> 00:03:17,005 I brought in Stamp News. 61 00:03:17,005 --> 00:03:19,644 It's a monthly magazine for stamp collectors. 62 00:03:19,644 --> 00:03:20,644 OK. 63 00:03:20,644 --> 00:03:23,164 Do you have any idea what was going on in the stamp world 64 00:03:23,164 --> 00:03:24,644 in June of 1971? 65 00:03:24,644 --> 00:03:26,085 War. 66 00:03:26,085 --> 00:03:28,685 (LAUGHTER) 67 00:03:28,685 --> 00:03:30,164 Uh, Aaron, what did you bring in? 68 00:03:30,164 --> 00:03:32,604 Oh, I don't know if it's really quaint or not, 69 00:03:32,604 --> 00:03:36,764 but, um, I got actually married recently 70 00:03:36,764 --> 00:03:40,405 to pursue a quieter life, and, um, 71 00:03:40,405 --> 00:03:44,405 my wife has a miniature schnauzer that she treasures 72 00:03:44,405 --> 00:03:45,845 who loves the countryside. 73 00:03:45,845 --> 00:03:51,405 And my dad has taken up oil painting. I commissioned one. 74 00:03:52,845 --> 00:03:56,965 (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 75 00:03:56,965 --> 00:03:58,845 It's really good! 76 00:03:58,845 --> 00:04:01,125 Very adorable, but is it quaint, Aaron? 77 00:04:01,125 --> 00:04:02,965 I don't know, is it? 78 00:04:02,965 --> 00:04:04,644 Well, I feel like on the way through you were really 79 00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:06,444 trying to upsize the quaintness of it. 80 00:04:06,444 --> 00:04:09,565 I think the countryside bit was not true. 81 00:04:10,724 --> 00:04:12,405 I live in the country now. 82 00:04:12,405 --> 00:04:14,245 Which part? Australia. 83 00:04:14,245 --> 00:04:19,165 (LAUGHTER) 84 00:04:19,165 --> 00:04:22,005 Alright, Rhys, what did you bring in? 85 00:04:22,005 --> 00:04:25,485 Quaint, I think kind of adorably old-timey. 86 00:04:25,485 --> 00:04:28,725 And so I've brought for you a straight white man 87 00:04:28,725 --> 00:04:32,245 who works in a family-run tool shop. 88 00:04:32,245 --> 00:04:36,005 (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 89 00:04:37,925 --> 00:04:39,365 Well, you said he was a straight white man, 90 00:04:39,365 --> 00:04:40,764 why is being straight quaint? 91 00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:43,565 Well, who's doing that anymore? 92 00:04:43,565 --> 00:04:45,084 Um, the majority. 93 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,284 It seems very boring to me. 94 00:04:48,284 --> 00:04:49,605 I'm not hating straight culture, 95 00:04:49,605 --> 00:04:52,165 I think it's a fascinating group of people 96 00:04:52,165 --> 00:04:55,005 with your harsh fabrics and your violence. 97 00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:56,284 And, um... 98 00:04:56,284 --> 00:04:58,045 I don't mind it behind closed doors, 99 00:04:58,045 --> 00:05:00,125 but I don't want it shoved down my throat and my kid's throat. 100 00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:01,485 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 101 00:05:01,485 --> 00:05:04,165 (APPLAUSE) 102 00:05:04,165 --> 00:05:06,404 I feel like Rhys is on one. OK. 103 00:05:06,404 --> 00:05:09,084 I had to hire an actor for that. 104 00:05:09,084 --> 00:05:11,565 Oh, thanks for confirming it's not even true. 105 00:05:13,005 --> 00:05:17,005 Also, I'm not sure a calculator at the end of a lanyard's that quaint, 106 00:05:17,005 --> 00:05:18,165 so two points to Mel. 107 00:05:18,165 --> 00:05:20,005 I'm worried that we're going to be endorsing the idea 108 00:05:20,005 --> 00:05:22,685 that Peter Helliar's grandmother's death was quaint, 109 00:05:22,685 --> 00:05:24,844 even though he pointed it out. 110 00:05:24,844 --> 00:05:27,485 Are you saying my nan died for three points? 111 00:05:27,485 --> 00:05:31,284 (LAUGHTER) 112 00:05:31,284 --> 00:05:33,605 It's a dangerous message you're sending, mate. It really is. 113 00:05:33,605 --> 00:05:35,444 Well, I'm sticking to my guns. It's three points. 114 00:05:35,444 --> 00:05:37,365 Four points to Concetta for the stamp magazine. 115 00:05:37,365 --> 00:05:38,565 But I think we have to agree, 116 00:05:38,565 --> 00:05:40,725 the quaintest offering tonight was from Aaron Chen. 117 00:05:40,725 --> 00:05:42,725 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 118 00:05:42,725 --> 00:05:44,925 Five points! 119 00:05:44,925 --> 00:05:47,245 OK, a task proper, Lesser Tom. 120 00:05:47,245 --> 00:05:50,805 Very well. But you're gonna wanna sit down for this one, maybe. 121 00:06:05,685 --> 00:06:08,565 Hey, Bin Juice. How's it going? OK. 122 00:06:10,084 --> 00:06:11,485 Allen keys. 123 00:06:11,485 --> 00:06:13,805 OK, just open the freaking envelope. 124 00:06:13,805 --> 00:06:15,005 (LAUGHS) 125 00:06:15,005 --> 00:06:19,005 "Make yourself into a stylish yet functional piece of furniture. 126 00:06:19,005 --> 00:06:22,485 "Most stylish yet functional piece of furniture wins. 127 00:06:22,485 --> 00:06:26,245 "Tom will use furniture you 128 00:06:26,245 --> 00:06:29,045 "for its intended purpose in 30 minutes. 129 00:06:29,045 --> 00:06:32,245 "Your time starts now." 130 00:06:32,245 --> 00:06:34,045 What is furniture? 131 00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:36,925 "The movable articles that are used to make a room or building 132 00:06:36,925 --> 00:06:38,565 "suitable for living or working in." 133 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,045 That's me in a nutshell. 134 00:06:40,045 --> 00:06:43,084 Let's name some types of furniture. Desk, table. 135 00:06:43,084 --> 00:06:44,084 We've got chair. 136 00:06:44,084 --> 00:06:46,245 Before we continue, can we address something? 137 00:06:46,245 --> 00:06:48,925 This is a normal pencil. I'm so tiny. 138 00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:51,165 Bench, wardrobe... 139 00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:54,404 Mattress. (LAUGHS) My old nickname in high school! 140 00:06:54,404 --> 00:06:57,005 I'm not being a mattress, you sick bastard. 141 00:06:57,005 --> 00:06:58,165 I'm just reading the list of... 142 00:06:58,165 --> 00:07:00,725 If I was a chair, you'd have to sit on me. We're not doing that. 143 00:07:00,725 --> 00:07:02,125 Do you have a collection of anything? 144 00:07:02,125 --> 00:07:04,045 Do you have stuff that you would like to store? 145 00:07:04,045 --> 00:07:06,925 I used to collect business cards when I was a child. 146 00:07:06,925 --> 00:07:10,084 Oh, mate, that's the grimmest thing I've ever heard in my life. 147 00:07:10,084 --> 00:07:12,485 Is a lamp furniture? 148 00:07:12,485 --> 00:07:14,005 (SIGHS) Are you out of breath? 149 00:07:14,005 --> 00:07:17,204 No. Wait, am I allowed to be? 150 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:19,005 Yeah, I am. 151 00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,165 I mean, to turn on the lamp, 152 00:07:21,165 --> 00:07:23,005 you have to turn on the lamp? 153 00:07:23,005 --> 00:07:25,165 Yes, you do. That's your job. 154 00:07:26,485 --> 00:07:29,485 Is this giving you the same type of thrill your business cards did? 155 00:07:29,485 --> 00:07:31,725 I don't think I've felt that thrill 156 00:07:31,725 --> 00:07:34,125 till I put all 640 in the bin. 157 00:07:34,125 --> 00:07:37,284 640?! 158 00:07:37,284 --> 00:07:39,365 Milk, Fanta... 159 00:07:39,365 --> 00:07:42,005 Generic orange drink. Orange drink. 160 00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:44,444 Generic white drink. You can say milk. 161 00:07:44,444 --> 00:07:45,764 Oh, OK. Sorry. 162 00:07:45,764 --> 00:07:49,685 All you need to do is make sure that you use me properly. 163 00:07:49,685 --> 00:07:50,725 Get ready to slurp. 164 00:07:50,725 --> 00:07:52,925 Get... Slurp...slurp's up, mate? 165 00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:59,284 Do you want to know about my business card collection? 166 00:07:59,284 --> 00:08:02,005 Don't, don't. I've done this. (LAUGHTER) 167 00:08:02,005 --> 00:08:03,165 We need more information. 168 00:08:03,165 --> 00:08:05,045 You actually had a business card collection? 169 00:08:05,045 --> 00:08:08,324 I had them in, like, a photo album with, like, my favourites in there, 170 00:08:08,324 --> 00:08:10,165 and then I had a second bit for the second tier. 171 00:08:10,165 --> 00:08:13,005 (LAUGHTER) 172 00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:14,725 And I got rid of them because when I was, like, eight, 173 00:08:14,725 --> 00:08:16,005 I remember asking my dad, 174 00:08:16,005 --> 00:08:17,324 "Dad, do you reckon I've got the biggest 175 00:08:17,324 --> 00:08:19,165 "business card collection in the world?" 176 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,365 And my dad was like, "Oh, sometimes at conferences, 177 00:08:21,365 --> 00:08:23,204 "people will just put their business cards into, like, 178 00:08:23,204 --> 00:08:24,805 "a big thing for a competition, 179 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:27,125 "and I reckon there's probably more in there than you've got." 180 00:08:27,125 --> 00:08:28,485 (LAUGHTER) 181 00:08:28,485 --> 00:08:30,485 So I just went and put all of them in the bin. 182 00:08:30,485 --> 00:08:32,085 (LAUGHTER) 183 00:08:32,085 --> 00:08:34,005 Even the A-tier ones? 184 00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:37,884 I kept the A-tier ones. 185 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:40,845 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 186 00:08:40,845 --> 00:08:43,005 You're like that guy in the movie Psycho. 187 00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:44,644 Yeah. 188 00:08:44,644 --> 00:08:48,445 Alright, whose stylish yet functional furniture selves should we see first? 189 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,725 When it comes to furniture, like a waterbed, 190 00:08:50,725 --> 00:08:53,205 these two are getting to an age where they're cool again. 191 00:08:53,205 --> 00:08:55,325 It's Mel and Pete. 192 00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:59,245 Oh, it's good to be home, but it's a bit dark in here. 193 00:08:59,245 --> 00:09:01,245 God, I should turn the lamp on. 194 00:09:05,605 --> 00:09:08,005 I'm not sure how to turn on this lamp. 195 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,005 PETE: Look on the desk. 196 00:09:10,725 --> 00:09:12,725 "To use this very functional lamp, 197 00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:15,804 "play a dainty tune on the red recorder 198 00:09:15,804 --> 00:09:19,005 "and then say out loud, 'Give me light, lampy.'" 199 00:09:19,005 --> 00:09:20,644 I predict that you've had a big day, 200 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:25,365 and so I've brought home two butter chickens instead of one. 201 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,085 There we go, I've turned the lamp on. 202 00:09:27,085 --> 00:09:32,085 (PLAYS JAUNTY MELODY) 203 00:09:32,085 --> 00:09:33,764 Give me light, lampy. 204 00:09:33,764 --> 00:09:36,325 (PETE STIFLES LAUGHTER) 205 00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,644 Light is coming. 206 00:09:39,365 --> 00:09:41,325 Look at you. God, you're gorgeous. You're fascinating. 207 00:09:41,325 --> 00:09:42,845 Aren't you a big, tall drink of water. 208 00:09:42,845 --> 00:09:45,725 And walked right on in here on those two feet. Ha-ha! 209 00:09:45,725 --> 00:09:48,445 Wow, the charm is really lighting up the room. 210 00:09:48,445 --> 00:09:50,245 But it also has a shade. 211 00:09:50,245 --> 00:09:52,365 Uh-oh. Nice whistle, bitch. 212 00:09:52,365 --> 00:09:55,005 What are you, a PE teacher, bus driver, hmm? 213 00:09:55,005 --> 00:09:57,605 Teacher aide? Is that why you need a whistle for? 214 00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:59,644 One more time. It wasn't dainty enough. 215 00:09:59,644 --> 00:10:05,485 OK. (PLAYS JAUNTY MELODY) 216 00:10:05,485 --> 00:10:07,085 Give me light, lampy. 217 00:10:07,085 --> 00:10:09,564 Wow, it was really quick this time. 218 00:10:09,564 --> 00:10:11,245 I really want to turn this lamp off. 219 00:10:11,245 --> 00:10:15,485 Um, I always wear transition lenses. 220 00:10:15,485 --> 00:10:17,804 It's not helped by the fact that it's in front of 221 00:10:17,804 --> 00:10:21,605 quite a functional lamp, shining quite brightly. 222 00:10:21,605 --> 00:10:23,644 (MEL GRUNTS) 223 00:10:23,644 --> 00:10:25,205 It's movable. 224 00:10:25,205 --> 00:10:28,005 People say functionality can't be fun. 225 00:10:28,005 --> 00:10:30,125 I put the fun in functionality. 226 00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:32,085 (BLOWS WHISTLE) Yay! 227 00:10:32,085 --> 00:10:33,965 What was the style element? 228 00:10:35,085 --> 00:10:36,725 What? 229 00:10:36,725 --> 00:10:38,325 Thanks, Tom. Thanks, Mel. 230 00:10:38,325 --> 00:10:40,764 You're not taking this with you. 231 00:10:40,764 --> 00:10:41,764 No, thanks. 232 00:10:47,365 --> 00:10:49,325 Pete, were you stylish? 233 00:10:49,325 --> 00:10:52,485 Yes. Yes, I was stylish. 234 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,845 I mean, he surprised me by being able to play a jaunty tune. 235 00:10:55,845 --> 00:10:57,644 That actually... That shocked me. 236 00:10:57,644 --> 00:11:00,485 Were you trying to wrong-foot him by asking him to play the recorder? 237 00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:03,205 Well, there was a note on the table, and he missed the note. 238 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,965 And he was, like, fumbling around my pants and stuff and... 239 00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:07,845 No, mate, this is... I apologise. 240 00:11:07,845 --> 00:11:11,005 I was doing what I usually do with a normal lamp, 241 00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:13,644 is try to find where it is that you turn on... 242 00:11:13,644 --> 00:11:16,245 Not one this stylish, mate. 243 00:11:16,245 --> 00:11:18,684 So, you're saying it was more functional for a lamp 244 00:11:18,684 --> 00:11:22,005 to have a note written by the lamp on the table to turn it on? 245 00:11:22,005 --> 00:11:23,524 That doesn't sound functional to me. 246 00:11:23,524 --> 00:11:25,365 Yeah, I guess what I'm hoping for at this stage 247 00:11:25,365 --> 00:11:26,965 is the others have (BLEEP) up their task. 248 00:11:26,965 --> 00:11:28,445 (LAUGHTER) 249 00:11:28,445 --> 00:11:30,445 The more stylish a lamp, the harder it is to... 250 00:11:30,445 --> 00:11:31,725 Like, when you're in a nice hotel, 251 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:33,524 it's hard to turn on the lamp sometimes. 252 00:11:33,524 --> 00:11:35,884 I agree. Like, when I'm staying at a really nice hotel, 253 00:11:35,884 --> 00:11:37,965 often I say, "Look at that middle-aged man in the corner 254 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:40,325 "with a lampshade on his head. 255 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,445 "I hope there's a laborious way of turning him on. 256 00:11:42,445 --> 00:11:44,524 "Oh, great, there's a note on the table." 257 00:11:44,524 --> 00:11:46,085 And then I read it at length, 258 00:11:46,085 --> 00:11:48,884 and I'm still in the dark, so I can barely read it. 259 00:11:48,884 --> 00:11:50,245 It's a bloody nightmare. 260 00:11:50,245 --> 00:11:52,125 You weren't stylish and you weren't functional. 261 00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:53,365 Yeah. 262 00:11:53,365 --> 00:11:56,365 So, Mel, compared to Pete, you were very stylish. 263 00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:58,125 Thank you. That's not saying much. 264 00:11:58,125 --> 00:11:59,125 Thanks. 265 00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:03,005 Now, if two curries turn you on... what does three do? 266 00:12:03,005 --> 00:12:05,564 That's a mop-and-bucket situation. 267 00:12:05,564 --> 00:12:08,804 (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 268 00:12:11,884 --> 00:12:15,005 Same thing happens when Lesser Tom sees a few business cards. 269 00:12:16,325 --> 00:12:17,845 It's time for some advertisements. 270 00:12:17,845 --> 00:12:21,365 More nonsense flat-packed into human comedian form, next. 271 00:12:33,725 --> 00:12:35,365 Welcome back to Taskmaster, 272 00:12:35,365 --> 00:12:37,845 where five Australian comedians are finally doing 273 00:12:37,845 --> 00:12:39,644 something useful with their lives 274 00:12:39,644 --> 00:12:41,485 by turning themselves into furniture. 275 00:12:41,485 --> 00:12:44,725 That's right, they've replaced wood with flesh, and screws with bones, 276 00:12:44,725 --> 00:12:46,965 and lampshades with...lampshades. 277 00:12:48,205 --> 00:12:51,605 Here's three more I picked up off Gumtree for a steal 278 00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:54,205 and chucked in the back of my ute, consensually. 279 00:12:54,205 --> 00:12:56,365 It's Aaron, Concetta and Rhys! 280 00:12:56,365 --> 00:12:58,524 Wow, I'm so thirsty after a long day. 281 00:12:58,524 --> 00:13:02,005 I need something now from my stylish yet functional mini bar. 282 00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:07,605 (YAWNS) 283 00:13:07,605 --> 00:13:09,085 (RHYS MOANS) 284 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,485 (GASPS) 285 00:13:12,485 --> 00:13:15,005 Why don't you get into bed? 286 00:13:15,005 --> 00:13:16,005 CONCETTA: Hi, Tom. 287 00:13:17,485 --> 00:13:19,485 Oh, shit. 288 00:13:19,485 --> 00:13:20,804 (LAUGHS) Hi, Tom. 289 00:13:22,005 --> 00:13:24,164 (LAUGHS) 290 00:13:24,164 --> 00:13:25,485 AARON: Oh, my God. 291 00:13:25,485 --> 00:13:27,445 The mini bar talks. 292 00:13:27,445 --> 00:13:28,965 Yeah, it's got the internet. 293 00:13:28,965 --> 00:13:31,965 Look at my cool sunglasses. Oh, they're quite stylish. 294 00:13:31,965 --> 00:13:34,085 I'm very stylish. 295 00:13:34,085 --> 00:13:36,605 Tom, um, welcome... 296 00:13:38,325 --> 00:13:40,725 (GUFFAWS) 297 00:13:40,725 --> 00:13:42,445 Have a drink. Have a drink? 298 00:13:42,445 --> 00:13:43,605 Maybe the white one. 299 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,325 Oh, the white drink was spilled earlier. 300 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,725 Don't cry over spilled milk. 301 00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:48,005 OK. 302 00:13:48,005 --> 00:13:49,845 It tells jokes as well. 303 00:13:49,845 --> 00:13:52,365 Oh. Great. 304 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:55,245 # When the moon hits your eyes 305 00:13:55,245 --> 00:13:57,485 # Like a big pizza pie 306 00:13:57,485 --> 00:14:00,005 # That's amore... # 307 00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:04,005 # Rock-a-bye Tommy 308 00:14:04,005 --> 00:14:06,804 # In the functional, stylish bed... # 309 00:14:09,005 --> 00:14:11,524 Mmm. No? Well... 310 00:14:11,524 --> 00:14:12,524 Delicious. 311 00:14:12,524 --> 00:14:15,644 We can add anything you want to it, but... 312 00:14:15,644 --> 00:14:16,725 Can it love? 313 00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:19,804 I think I'm good to get out of bed right now, if I'm honest. 314 00:14:19,804 --> 00:14:22,485 Oh, well, then I'll play the alarm. 315 00:14:22,485 --> 00:14:24,764 Wake up, Tom! Wake up! 316 00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:27,005 It's time to get up, Tom! Out of bed! 317 00:14:28,605 --> 00:14:30,605 Is this... This is love? Yeah. 318 00:14:31,965 --> 00:14:33,524 OK. Right. Mm-hm. 319 00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:34,725 Thanks. Yep. 320 00:14:35,725 --> 00:14:37,365 Oh. That's detachable. 321 00:14:37,365 --> 00:14:38,365 OK. 322 00:14:38,365 --> 00:14:40,524 (BLOWS WHISTLE) I did it. 323 00:14:40,524 --> 00:14:42,085 Ha-ha! 324 00:14:42,085 --> 00:14:44,445 Thanks, Rhys. Thanks, Tom. 325 00:14:44,445 --> 00:14:46,005 OK, thank you. 326 00:14:46,005 --> 00:14:47,445 Oh, my God, we should do... 327 00:14:47,445 --> 00:14:50,725 I mean, we shouldn't, but, like, the... (SUCKS AIR) 328 00:14:50,725 --> 00:14:51,725 That's, you know... 329 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,005 Doesn't have much to do with the task. 330 00:14:53,005 --> 00:14:54,005 No. 331 00:14:54,005 --> 00:14:57,485 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 332 00:14:57,485 --> 00:15:00,605 So, we had a plastic tablecloth, a rotting ladder, 333 00:15:00,605 --> 00:15:02,125 and a white sheet with a hole in it. 334 00:15:02,125 --> 00:15:03,325 (LAUGHTER) 335 00:15:03,325 --> 00:15:05,445 The lamps are looking pretty good. 336 00:15:05,445 --> 00:15:07,365 We're back, we're back. We're back, baby. 337 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:10,764 You looked like the underside of a massage table, Rhys. 338 00:15:10,764 --> 00:15:13,524 That is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 339 00:15:13,524 --> 00:15:15,764 I must say, you did look stylish. Thank you! 340 00:15:15,764 --> 00:15:18,725 In fact, I feel like you're the only one who put in any effort at all. 341 00:15:18,725 --> 00:15:21,325 And by effort, I mean you put on some cool sunnies. 342 00:15:21,325 --> 00:15:24,044 Going from one end of the style spectrum to the other, 343 00:15:24,044 --> 00:15:28,845 Aaron, tell me what was stylish about your presentation? 344 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,245 It's, um, rustic. 345 00:15:31,245 --> 00:15:32,605 Yeah. And... 346 00:15:32,605 --> 00:15:35,085 (BLOWS AIR) 347 00:15:35,085 --> 00:15:37,365 And I could go on. 348 00:15:37,365 --> 00:15:40,605 (LAUGHTER) 349 00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:43,085 Now, Concetta, is there any part of your personality 350 00:15:43,085 --> 00:15:44,245 that's not Italian? 351 00:15:44,245 --> 00:15:47,325 (LAUGHS) It keeps being brought up. 352 00:15:47,325 --> 00:15:50,085 Yeah, I just went with my roots and my genes. 353 00:15:50,085 --> 00:15:52,445 Well, I think one of the flaws of your presentation 354 00:15:52,445 --> 00:15:54,884 is also one of your flaws as a person. 355 00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:57,005 Um... (RHYS GROANS) 356 00:15:57,005 --> 00:15:58,965 ..you were a bit too giggly. 357 00:15:58,965 --> 00:16:00,365 (LAUGHS) 358 00:16:00,365 --> 00:16:03,965 And as a table, that's a disadvantage. 359 00:16:03,965 --> 00:16:05,764 I know, it's a horrible flaw. 360 00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:08,365 OK, so, we're looking for functional and stylish. 361 00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:09,524 That's it. Well, that's very easy. 362 00:16:09,524 --> 00:16:13,125 Aaron's on one because he was neither functional or stylish. 363 00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:14,605 I'm going to have to give Pete two. 364 00:16:14,605 --> 00:16:18,605 He wasn't stylish because he was dressed like he always is 365 00:16:18,605 --> 00:16:20,005 with a lampshade on his head. 366 00:16:20,005 --> 00:16:22,884 Well, out of the two lamps, I think Mel was more stylish, slightly. 367 00:16:22,884 --> 00:16:26,845 Um, I'm going to have to say I quite liked Concetta's table - four points. 368 00:16:26,845 --> 00:16:30,005 But the most stylish definitely was the upside-down massage table, 369 00:16:30,005 --> 00:16:32,085 which was Rhys Nicholson, with five. 370 00:16:32,085 --> 00:16:35,085 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 371 00:16:35,085 --> 00:16:36,445 What?! 372 00:16:36,445 --> 00:16:40,644 Alright, my pink lanyard calculator, do some maths. Who's winning? 373 00:16:40,644 --> 00:16:42,725 Well, if it was a competition for losing, 374 00:16:42,725 --> 00:16:45,365 then Mel and Pete would be winning on five each. 375 00:16:45,365 --> 00:16:48,445 And Concetta would be losing disgracefully with eight points. 376 00:16:48,445 --> 00:16:50,085 So, you're winning. Oh! 377 00:16:52,365 --> 00:16:56,325 OK, just proceed as per the format of the show, Lesser Tom. 378 00:16:56,325 --> 00:16:59,205 The next one sees me and the contestants go toe to toe. 379 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,165 It would be much easier if you moved the caravan 380 00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:16,005 closer to the house, by the way. 381 00:17:16,005 --> 00:17:17,165 That's fine, I'll walk. 382 00:17:17,165 --> 00:17:19,005 (PANTS) 383 00:17:21,485 --> 00:17:23,005 Hi, Rhys. Hello. 384 00:17:23,005 --> 00:17:24,044 CONCETTA: Wow! 385 00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,485 AARON: Football. The beautiful game. 386 00:17:26,485 --> 00:17:28,445 You wanna play? Yeah, I love this game. 387 00:17:28,445 --> 00:17:30,284 (MEL GROANS) 388 00:17:32,725 --> 00:17:35,245 Oh. 389 00:17:35,245 --> 00:17:36,245 I guess I won. 390 00:17:36,245 --> 00:17:38,685 Time for the task. Let's have a look. 391 00:17:38,685 --> 00:17:44,324 "Create an original two-player sport and play against Tom. 392 00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:47,725 "You and Tom must play your sport for five minutes maximum. 393 00:17:47,725 --> 00:17:49,725 "Most original sport wins. 394 00:17:49,725 --> 00:17:55,044 "However, if Tom beats you, you will lose two points. 395 00:17:55,044 --> 00:17:58,645 "You have 20 minutes to plan your sport. 396 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:01,245 "Time starts now." OK. Boom, he's pressed it. 397 00:18:01,245 --> 00:18:02,804 Sport. 398 00:18:02,804 --> 00:18:04,645 What even is sport? 399 00:18:04,645 --> 00:18:06,245 You're not gonna win the game. 400 00:18:06,245 --> 00:18:08,284 You don't even know what the game is. 401 00:18:08,284 --> 00:18:10,165 You're not gonna win, mate. 402 00:18:10,165 --> 00:18:13,485 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 403 00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:16,804 OK, five comedians trying to do sport. 404 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,925 I wonder how this is going to go. 405 00:18:18,925 --> 00:18:20,284 Which athlete are we going to see first? 406 00:18:20,284 --> 00:18:22,324 They asked the question, what even is sport? 407 00:18:22,324 --> 00:18:25,284 Which surely bodes well. It's Rhys Nicholson. 408 00:18:25,284 --> 00:18:28,485 I think I want to call the sport touchball. 409 00:18:28,485 --> 00:18:30,245 That's the ball. That's the ball. 410 00:18:30,245 --> 00:18:31,485 You've gotta touch it with this. 411 00:18:32,925 --> 00:18:34,645 OK. Touchball. 412 00:18:34,645 --> 00:18:40,445 Welcome, everyone, to the first annual touchball tournament. 413 00:18:42,324 --> 00:18:43,645 Rules are simple. 414 00:18:43,645 --> 00:18:47,524 The ball wanter will be blindfolded 415 00:18:47,524 --> 00:18:48,725 for 90 seconds. 416 00:18:48,725 --> 00:18:51,925 The ball toucher has to keep the ball safe 417 00:18:51,925 --> 00:18:55,245 and untouched by the ball wanter for five minutes. 418 00:18:55,245 --> 00:18:56,725 So, I reckon we begin. 419 00:18:56,725 --> 00:18:57,925 And go. 420 00:19:23,165 --> 00:19:25,405 (LAUGHS) Yeah. It's on. 421 00:19:30,245 --> 00:19:32,725 ..23, 22... 422 00:19:32,725 --> 00:19:34,885 Oh, my God, he's gonna do it! 423 00:19:34,885 --> 00:19:38,725 No! 424 00:19:38,725 --> 00:19:41,645 NO! 425 00:19:43,084 --> 00:19:44,245 No! 426 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,044 (MOCK SOBS) 427 00:19:48,044 --> 00:19:49,405 Congratulations. 428 00:19:50,645 --> 00:19:52,925 You're the new ball toucher. 429 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,044 I'm the ball toucher. Well done. 430 00:19:55,044 --> 00:19:58,205 It feels good. I feel terrible. 431 00:20:02,245 --> 00:20:04,005 (LAUGHS) 432 00:20:04,005 --> 00:20:05,604 So, Lesser Tom, you won. Mm. 433 00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:08,284 You know what would be written on my business card now? 434 00:20:08,284 --> 00:20:10,284 Victorious. 435 00:20:10,284 --> 00:20:12,245 Or ball toucher. Ball toucher. 436 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:13,524 (LAUGHTER) 437 00:20:13,524 --> 00:20:17,165 Yeah. Well, first up, I just gotta say, Rhys, 438 00:20:17,165 --> 00:20:19,725 how did you get through all of that with no double entendre? 439 00:20:19,725 --> 00:20:22,005 That was a very disciplined effort from you. 440 00:20:22,005 --> 00:20:23,645 It WAS hard. 441 00:20:23,645 --> 00:20:26,725 Um... There we go, back on track. 442 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,245 Uh, something, something, gay. 443 00:20:29,245 --> 00:20:32,084 Which sporting pioneer are we going to see next? 444 00:20:32,084 --> 00:20:34,725 It's semi-professional spectator Peter Helliar. 445 00:20:34,725 --> 00:20:37,005 Drop bears are famous in Australia, 446 00:20:37,005 --> 00:20:39,324 but what about the reverse - throwing bears up? 447 00:20:39,324 --> 00:20:41,245 Reverse drop bear. Reverse drop bear. 448 00:20:41,245 --> 00:20:42,564 Alright, let's do it. 449 00:20:46,005 --> 00:20:48,205 Welcome to everyone watching around the world 450 00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:49,524 to reverse drop bear. 451 00:20:49,524 --> 00:20:52,165 Here with Tom Cashman. You must be looking forward to this one again. 452 00:20:52,165 --> 00:20:54,524 I was not familiar with this game until quite recently. 453 00:20:54,524 --> 00:20:55,564 You and your jokes. 454 00:20:55,564 --> 00:20:58,764 Of course, the rules are, you need to use this paddle 455 00:20:58,764 --> 00:21:01,165 to hit a koala back up a tree. 456 00:21:01,165 --> 00:21:03,485 You get three attempts, of course. You know this. 457 00:21:03,485 --> 00:21:04,725 I'll go first. OK. 458 00:21:07,685 --> 00:21:09,764 Oh! Came down. Bloody hell. 459 00:21:09,764 --> 00:21:11,885 I'm gonna go higher, I think. OK. 460 00:21:13,044 --> 00:21:14,524 Oh, bloody off the.... 461 00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,485 Have you played before, or... Yeah. Yeah, I have. 462 00:21:17,645 --> 00:21:19,725 Oh, no, no. You have a go. 463 00:21:19,725 --> 00:21:21,485 OK. The door's open, wide open. 464 00:21:21,485 --> 00:21:24,485 I mean, this is embarrassing for me. (STAMMERS) OK. 465 00:21:28,165 --> 00:21:29,564 That was a good technique, actually. 466 00:21:29,564 --> 00:21:31,804 It's a fun game, though, isn't it? Look at the smile on your face. 467 00:21:31,804 --> 00:21:34,284 You're loving... you're bloody loving it! 468 00:21:34,284 --> 00:21:35,685 You are... (LAUGHS) 469 00:21:35,685 --> 00:21:37,044 He loves it! 470 00:21:37,044 --> 00:21:38,925 What a fun game! 471 00:21:38,925 --> 00:21:40,564 It's a fun game, I told you. 472 00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:43,245 Oh, it's a big one! 473 00:21:45,725 --> 00:21:48,084 You just won reverse drop bear! 474 00:21:48,084 --> 00:21:49,925 Whoo-hoo. (LAUGHS) 475 00:21:49,925 --> 00:21:51,524 Look, he bloody loves it too. 476 00:21:51,524 --> 00:21:53,804 Thanks, Pete. Fun game. 477 00:21:57,245 --> 00:21:59,005 Hang on, are you turning into a winner? 478 00:21:59,005 --> 00:22:00,165 (LAUGHS) 479 00:22:00,165 --> 00:22:02,284 Because as far as I can see, that's two from two. 480 00:22:02,284 --> 00:22:03,645 Mm-hm. Or is it? 481 00:22:03,645 --> 00:22:04,604 Are you sure, Pete? 482 00:22:04,604 --> 00:22:06,804 Like, you're the inventor of reverse drop bear, 483 00:22:06,804 --> 00:22:10,524 and I feel like you said HIT the bear into the tree. 484 00:22:10,524 --> 00:22:12,485 Yeah. And I don't think he hit it. 485 00:22:12,485 --> 00:22:14,725 I think it was more of a catapult action. 486 00:22:14,725 --> 00:22:17,485 Absolutely. And this has been a massive controversy. 487 00:22:17,485 --> 00:22:18,965 Um... (LAUGHTER) 488 00:22:18,965 --> 00:22:20,564 I mean, I think probably later on, 489 00:22:20,564 --> 00:22:23,564 the points went back to me because that was...that was illegal. 490 00:22:23,564 --> 00:22:26,284 Are you sure, though? Because I feel like I should defer to you. 491 00:22:26,284 --> 00:22:30,524 And I do remember you in the clip saying very clearly, "You won." 492 00:22:30,524 --> 00:22:32,084 (LAUGHTER) 493 00:22:32,084 --> 00:22:34,725 But, Tom... You did, you said congratulations. 494 00:22:34,725 --> 00:22:36,284 Tom, please! You shook his hand. 495 00:22:36,284 --> 00:22:37,324 Please! 496 00:22:37,324 --> 00:22:40,005 We are out in the field, you are in a studio. 497 00:22:40,005 --> 00:22:41,564 It is tough out there. 498 00:22:41,564 --> 00:22:44,005 I am creating the sport... Yep. 499 00:22:44,005 --> 00:22:47,445 ..I am commentating and I'm obviously not officiating 500 00:22:47,445 --> 00:22:48,725 as well as I should have been. 501 00:22:48,725 --> 00:22:51,885 When you were commentating, you said, "Great technique." 502 00:22:51,885 --> 00:22:53,524 (LAUGHTER) 503 00:22:53,524 --> 00:22:54,524 Yeah, you did. 504 00:22:54,524 --> 00:22:56,965 Well, I didn't think you were going to show that bit, did I? 505 00:22:56,965 --> 00:22:58,725 (LAUGHTER) 506 00:22:58,725 --> 00:23:00,324 Alright, sport me, sport. 507 00:23:00,324 --> 00:23:03,364 This next contestant said he'd win before the game even existed. 508 00:23:03,364 --> 00:23:05,685 How will he fare when it does? It's Aaron Chen. 509 00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:08,485 This is a sport that asks the questions, 510 00:23:08,485 --> 00:23:13,165 what if penalty shoot-outs were in three different sports - 511 00:23:13,165 --> 00:23:17,645 table tennis, basketball and yoga. 512 00:23:17,645 --> 00:23:18,764 Best of three. 513 00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:21,965 During play, you can only stand in your cardboarded area. 514 00:23:21,965 --> 00:23:24,005 First serve, it's gotta hit the shell. 515 00:23:24,005 --> 00:23:25,965 It's a two-fault rule. OK. 516 00:23:25,965 --> 00:23:28,725 Skateboard toss to decide who serves. 517 00:23:28,725 --> 00:23:29,885 Uh, wheels up. 518 00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:34,044 Wheels down, unfortunately. 519 00:23:34,044 --> 00:23:35,725 OK. 520 00:23:35,725 --> 00:23:38,245 Oh! Yeah. So, I serve again. 521 00:23:38,245 --> 00:23:40,324 Oh. I'm serving for the game. 522 00:23:40,324 --> 00:23:43,005 The coin toss was to determine who serves. 523 00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:45,245 For the whole game? The game, yeah. 524 00:23:47,005 --> 00:23:48,284 So, that's 1-nil. 525 00:23:48,284 --> 00:23:50,485 So, this is your sport - basketball. 526 00:23:51,485 --> 00:23:53,245 Oh! That's a fault. 527 00:23:55,044 --> 00:23:56,044 Oh! 528 00:23:59,005 --> 00:24:00,005 Oh! 529 00:24:01,725 --> 00:24:03,005 That's your point. 530 00:24:03,005 --> 00:24:04,645 So, it comes down to the final round. 531 00:24:04,645 --> 00:24:06,485 And now I'm regretting serving on this one. 532 00:24:06,485 --> 00:24:08,524 Mm. It's quite difficult. 533 00:24:12,005 --> 00:24:13,405 See, that's... 534 00:24:13,405 --> 00:24:14,405 Psych! 535 00:24:15,645 --> 00:24:17,645 So, it's a re-serve. 536 00:24:17,645 --> 00:24:19,284 Oh! That's a fault. 537 00:24:20,764 --> 00:24:23,324 Oh, my God! That's a double fault. 538 00:24:23,324 --> 00:24:25,725 Is that the end of the game? Yeah. 539 00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:28,005 Well played. How do you think you went? 540 00:24:28,005 --> 00:24:29,245 Not good. 541 00:24:29,245 --> 00:24:31,524 What's the name of this sport we've just played? 542 00:24:31,524 --> 00:24:35,564 Table tennis, basketball and yoga but much more original. 543 00:24:39,804 --> 00:24:41,725 So, is that three from three?! 544 00:24:41,725 --> 00:24:43,005 My God! 545 00:24:43,005 --> 00:24:46,005 So, Aaron, can you please explain the rules to 546 00:24:46,005 --> 00:24:50,485 table tennis, basketball and yoga but much more original? 547 00:24:50,485 --> 00:24:51,804 (LAUGHTER) 548 00:24:51,804 --> 00:24:54,925 So, the first rule is that it states that 549 00:24:54,925 --> 00:24:58,284 it's the most original sport ever created. 550 00:24:58,284 --> 00:25:01,604 And that's in the lore of the game if you're... 551 00:25:01,604 --> 00:25:05,645 Um, and the second rule is that if you win the game, 552 00:25:05,645 --> 00:25:07,044 you actually lose. 553 00:25:07,044 --> 00:25:09,405 (LAUGHTER) 554 00:25:09,405 --> 00:25:11,245 Really? Yeah. 555 00:25:11,245 --> 00:25:14,645 Alright, now it's time for another completely original sport 556 00:25:14,645 --> 00:25:16,965 involving you versus consumerism. 557 00:25:16,965 --> 00:25:18,245 Just try to resist. 558 00:25:30,005 --> 00:25:31,725 Welcome back to Taskmaster, 559 00:25:31,725 --> 00:25:33,564 where our comedians are competing 560 00:25:33,564 --> 00:25:36,885 for the eternal drapery of Pete's nana's ashes. 561 00:25:38,124 --> 00:25:40,005 Lesser Tom, what are we doing? 562 00:25:40,005 --> 00:25:43,205 Our contestants are trying to create the most original sport, 563 00:25:43,205 --> 00:25:46,885 and they are deducted two points if I beat them at said sport. 564 00:25:46,885 --> 00:25:48,685 So far, I am three from three. 565 00:25:48,685 --> 00:25:50,965 Who's next? We've just found out she's Italian. 566 00:25:50,965 --> 00:25:53,245 It's Concetta Caristo! 567 00:25:53,245 --> 00:25:56,804 (POSH ENGLISH ACCENT) Hello, and welcome to phone slap, 568 00:25:56,804 --> 00:26:01,364 the newest sport craze that's driving the kids wild. 569 00:26:01,364 --> 00:26:03,645 All you need is two top hats, 570 00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:06,564 two old rotary phones 571 00:26:06,564 --> 00:26:09,084 and three balls of wool. 572 00:26:09,084 --> 00:26:10,645 "How do you play the game?" you ask. 573 00:26:10,645 --> 00:26:12,725 Well, you grab your phone 574 00:26:12,725 --> 00:26:16,044 and you must hit the ball...yarns of wool 575 00:26:16,044 --> 00:26:18,685 into the top hat as much as you can. 576 00:26:18,685 --> 00:26:21,764 If you get it in, you must say... 577 00:26:21,764 --> 00:26:23,165 "Hats off to you." 578 00:26:23,165 --> 00:26:28,764 The opponent, if they can throw their yarn of wool into the... 579 00:26:28,764 --> 00:26:30,005 ..bath, 580 00:26:30,005 --> 00:26:32,245 wins no points, 581 00:26:32,245 --> 00:26:34,725 and...and then I get the point. 582 00:26:34,725 --> 00:26:38,485 And then that goes just until someone gets one point. 583 00:26:38,485 --> 00:26:41,324 Oh. One-time-only kinda deal. 584 00:26:41,324 --> 00:26:42,445 Off we go. 585 00:26:42,445 --> 00:26:43,885 Rats! 586 00:26:45,124 --> 00:26:46,245 Oh! 587 00:26:49,645 --> 00:26:50,965 (DING!) That's in! 588 00:26:50,965 --> 00:26:52,485 Ugh! What?! 589 00:26:52,485 --> 00:26:53,885 Oh! I'm, um... 590 00:26:53,885 --> 00:26:55,084 Hats off to you. 591 00:26:55,084 --> 00:26:57,245 I beat you! I beat you! 592 00:26:57,245 --> 00:26:59,245 Mine went in before you said that. 593 00:26:59,245 --> 00:27:00,885 Hats off to you. 594 00:27:00,885 --> 00:27:02,485 Congratulations to you. 595 00:27:02,485 --> 00:27:06,445 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 596 00:27:07,965 --> 00:27:09,485 You didn't win, Lesser Tom. 597 00:27:09,485 --> 00:27:10,965 I did not win. Yes! 598 00:27:10,965 --> 00:27:13,405 I forgot that I had to say, "Hats off to you." 599 00:27:13,405 --> 00:27:14,885 And frankly, I panicked. 600 00:27:15,965 --> 00:27:17,844 What a game! Yeah. 601 00:27:17,844 --> 00:27:19,445 Talk us through the character choice. 602 00:27:19,445 --> 00:27:20,764 I'm not sure it added to the game. 603 00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:24,324 Well, I think England... they're a crazy bunch, 604 00:27:24,324 --> 00:27:27,445 but they are known for their fancy sports - 605 00:27:27,445 --> 00:27:30,284 croquet, cricket, horse... 606 00:27:30,284 --> 00:27:31,405 Horse stuff. Horse? 607 00:27:31,405 --> 00:27:32,925 Horses. 608 00:27:32,925 --> 00:27:35,764 They've got that great sport, horse. 609 00:27:35,764 --> 00:27:39,005 Final quarter time. Who's our would-be buzzer beater, Tom? 610 00:27:39,005 --> 00:27:40,284 She's been a great sport - 611 00:27:40,284 --> 00:27:43,485 if the aim of that sport is to be a bit mean to me. 612 00:27:43,485 --> 00:27:45,685 It's Mel Buttle. 613 00:27:45,685 --> 00:27:49,044 Welcome to the fantastic sport of... 614 00:27:49,044 --> 00:27:51,205 rowing whilst flowing! 615 00:27:51,205 --> 00:27:52,685 Yay! 616 00:27:52,685 --> 00:27:55,725 This is a freestyle rap rowing contest. 617 00:27:55,725 --> 00:27:56,764 Oh. 618 00:27:56,764 --> 00:27:58,524 You must be flowing whilst you're rowing. 619 00:27:58,524 --> 00:28:00,764 If your flow stops, your row stops. 620 00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:05,084 Your job is to row whilst flowing around the lily pads 621 00:28:05,084 --> 00:28:08,084 and cross the finish line here, which is the end of the lily pads. 622 00:28:08,084 --> 00:28:11,645 You'll be given a one-word prompt to start your freestyle rap. 623 00:28:11,645 --> 00:28:14,725 You'll be going first, because you're my...you're my guest. 624 00:28:14,725 --> 00:28:19,485 Tom, your randomly generated word is 'cemetery'. 625 00:28:19,485 --> 00:28:21,645 # I'm rockin' in a cemetery 626 00:28:21,645 --> 00:28:24,645 # I'm not being sedentary 627 00:28:24,645 --> 00:28:26,725 # I'm rowin' in a boat 628 00:28:26,725 --> 00:28:28,324 # This is bigger than a moat 629 00:28:28,324 --> 00:28:30,245 # It's a lagoon! # 630 00:28:30,245 --> 00:28:31,245 Oh! 631 00:28:31,245 --> 00:28:33,685 Excuse me, you have stopped flowing, but you are still rowing. 632 00:28:33,685 --> 00:28:35,725 # I don't know the direction 633 00:28:35,725 --> 00:28:37,205 # I don't have an erection 634 00:28:37,205 --> 00:28:38,245 # I'm... # Thank God. 635 00:28:38,245 --> 00:28:40,005 # But neither my... # (LAUGHS) 636 00:28:40,005 --> 00:28:41,804 # How is this so bad? 637 00:28:41,804 --> 00:28:43,804 # I don't understand 638 00:28:43,804 --> 00:28:46,485 # I'm now going the wrong way once again. # 639 00:28:46,485 --> 00:28:49,725 (LAUGHS) Stop it! (BLOWS WHISTLE) 640 00:28:49,725 --> 00:28:51,725 And time is up. 641 00:28:51,725 --> 00:28:53,925 How do you think you went? 642 00:28:53,925 --> 00:28:55,324 That is probably the worst performance 643 00:28:55,324 --> 00:28:56,925 of anything I've ever done. 644 00:28:56,925 --> 00:28:58,764 I suspect you'll...you'll do better. 645 00:28:58,764 --> 00:29:00,725 Let's see if she can do it. OK. 646 00:29:00,725 --> 00:29:05,084 The former state champion...rower. OK. 647 00:29:05,084 --> 00:29:08,324 Your randomly generated word is 'grimace'. 648 00:29:08,324 --> 00:29:10,324 # Grimace, Ariarne Titmus 649 00:29:10,324 --> 00:29:12,165 # She's a swimmer from Australia 650 00:29:12,165 --> 00:29:14,564 # She's the best, and I'm the rest 651 00:29:14,564 --> 00:29:17,084 # The ducks on the lake, I think they are fake 652 00:29:17,084 --> 00:29:19,485 # I'm stuck in the weeds, I'm getting no leads 653 00:29:19,485 --> 00:29:20,725 # But I'm rowing while I'm flowing 654 00:29:20,725 --> 00:29:22,084 # Yes, I'm rowing while I'm flowing 655 00:29:22,084 --> 00:29:23,645 # That is the chorus 656 00:29:23,645 --> 00:29:24,844 # Please don't bore us 657 00:29:24,844 --> 00:29:26,044 # I'm rowing while I'm flowing 658 00:29:26,044 --> 00:29:28,445 # Just doing my rhymes on the lily pads 659 00:29:28,445 --> 00:29:29,885 # Jeez, I'm not bad 660 00:29:29,885 --> 00:29:32,645 # Someone went to a school where this was a sport 661 00:29:32,645 --> 00:29:35,485 # And I can freestyle a capella off my dome 662 00:29:35,485 --> 00:29:38,405 # Holidays? Where am I going? All the way to Rome and Greece 663 00:29:38,405 --> 00:29:39,645 # But it looks like nice 664 00:29:39,645 --> 00:29:40,885 # You better think twice 665 00:29:40,885 --> 00:29:44,005 # Because you're gonna lose this sport that I've created 666 00:29:44,005 --> 00:29:46,005 # Is that a victory? 667 00:29:46,005 --> 00:29:47,804 # Looks like it. # 668 00:29:47,804 --> 00:29:50,405 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) CONCETTA: Wow! That's good! 669 00:29:52,245 --> 00:29:54,764 So, Mel, I feel like we're gonna be seeing you rapping a lot 670 00:29:54,764 --> 00:29:56,005 across the series. 671 00:29:56,005 --> 00:29:57,764 # Yo, bro, because it's hard to say 672 00:29:57,764 --> 00:29:59,925 # Because I just don't know, but Rhys is gay 673 00:29:59,925 --> 00:30:01,245 # And, um, I... # 674 00:30:01,245 --> 00:30:03,965 (LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE) 675 00:30:03,965 --> 00:30:05,445 Were you wearing life jackets for safety 676 00:30:05,445 --> 00:30:07,245 or is that to cover your mum's spaghetti? 677 00:30:07,245 --> 00:30:09,405 Oh! 678 00:30:09,405 --> 00:30:12,005 I love that you are aware of a culture that I... 679 00:30:12,005 --> 00:30:13,405 ..sometimes relate to. 680 00:30:13,405 --> 00:30:15,725 Um... Some would argue, appropriate. 681 00:30:15,725 --> 00:30:18,725 No, hip-hop is a mind state. It's not an area code. 682 00:30:18,725 --> 00:30:22,084 I've famously always said that. Um... 683 00:30:22,084 --> 00:30:24,165 Alright, well, I think we've gotta do some scores, yeah? 684 00:30:24,165 --> 00:30:25,445 Well, I feel like a good way 685 00:30:25,445 --> 00:30:27,485 of trying to work my way through this is, 686 00:30:27,485 --> 00:30:29,804 if I understood the sport really well, 687 00:30:29,804 --> 00:30:31,485 it's probably not that original. 688 00:30:31,485 --> 00:30:33,485 Whereas, if I had no idea what was going on, 689 00:30:33,485 --> 00:30:35,965 it's because it was so new and artistic, 690 00:30:35,965 --> 00:30:37,764 it must be highly original. 691 00:30:37,764 --> 00:30:39,284 So, from the top to bottom, 692 00:30:39,284 --> 00:30:40,925 I think Concetta gets five 693 00:30:40,925 --> 00:30:43,005 'cause I had no idea what was going on. 694 00:30:44,445 --> 00:30:45,485 Oh, my God! 695 00:30:45,485 --> 00:30:46,725 Aaron gets four. 696 00:30:48,804 --> 00:30:51,084 Combining rowing and flowing, that was very original, 697 00:30:51,084 --> 00:30:52,645 so three points to Mel. Thanks. 698 00:30:52,645 --> 00:30:54,245 I really enjoyed reverse drop bear, 699 00:30:54,245 --> 00:30:56,485 but it's just the bureaucracy, the people that run it, 700 00:30:56,485 --> 00:30:58,005 they're the ones that shit me. 701 00:30:58,005 --> 00:31:00,445 What started off as a really sad week for our family 702 00:31:00,445 --> 00:31:01,485 is getting worse. 703 00:31:01,485 --> 00:31:04,005 (LAUGHTER) 704 00:31:04,005 --> 00:31:05,564 Well, it's two points. 705 00:31:05,564 --> 00:31:07,564 Last of all, I've got Rhys on one point, 706 00:31:07,564 --> 00:31:09,925 'cause I knew exactly what was going on with your game. 707 00:31:09,925 --> 00:31:11,324 TOM: Those are not the final scores, though, 708 00:31:11,324 --> 00:31:13,165 because the two points needs to be deducted 709 00:31:13,165 --> 00:31:14,965 from the sports where I was victorious. 710 00:31:14,965 --> 00:31:16,564 What?! 711 00:31:16,564 --> 00:31:18,084 Concetta will still take home five points, 712 00:31:18,084 --> 00:31:21,645 then we have Mel with three points, Aaron with two, Pete with zero, 713 00:31:21,645 --> 00:31:23,485 and Rhys, -1. 714 00:31:23,485 --> 00:31:25,645 (GROANING, APPLAUSE) 715 00:31:27,405 --> 00:31:29,725 Alright. Do we have time for another task? 716 00:31:29,725 --> 00:31:30,725 Yeah, of course. 717 00:31:30,725 --> 00:31:32,685 Imagine if we didn't - we would've really messed things up. 718 00:31:32,685 --> 00:31:34,645 Fortunately, we've kept it together. 719 00:31:50,925 --> 00:31:52,645 Hey, Tom. Hi, Pete. 720 00:31:54,205 --> 00:31:55,324 Hi, Rhys. 721 00:31:55,324 --> 00:31:57,245 Hi, Tom. Hey, Concetta. 722 00:31:57,245 --> 00:31:58,485 What's going on? 723 00:31:58,485 --> 00:32:00,205 Not much. We're just about to do a task. 724 00:32:00,205 --> 00:32:02,405 Plain room. No...no theme. Mm. 725 00:32:02,405 --> 00:32:04,284 Just a simple card. Yep. 726 00:32:04,284 --> 00:32:05,725 Simple card for a simple task. 727 00:32:05,725 --> 00:32:06,725 Want me to read this? 728 00:32:06,725 --> 00:32:08,084 (SIGHS) 729 00:32:08,084 --> 00:32:10,005 I'm trying to do it one-handed from now on. 730 00:32:10,005 --> 00:32:11,405 OK. 731 00:32:11,405 --> 00:32:14,725 "Rip the task card into as many places as possible. 732 00:32:14,725 --> 00:32:16,005 "Most pieces win. 733 00:32:16,005 --> 00:32:17,445 "You have two minutes. 734 00:32:17,445 --> 00:32:19,485 "Your time starts now." 735 00:32:30,485 --> 00:32:32,965 Alright, this task sounds like one of those tasks 736 00:32:32,965 --> 00:32:34,124 that's too simple to be true. 737 00:32:34,124 --> 00:32:36,005 Should we get straight into it? I think we should. 738 00:32:36,005 --> 00:32:37,405 You little ripper, 739 00:32:37,405 --> 00:32:38,885 and YOU little ripper. 740 00:32:38,885 --> 00:32:40,685 I just pointed at Aaron and Rhys. 741 00:32:43,284 --> 00:32:46,205 You like that? You like this? 742 00:32:46,205 --> 00:32:47,284 Yeah, you like this. 743 00:32:48,485 --> 00:32:50,764 Are you gonna maintain eye contact with me the whole time? 744 00:32:56,764 --> 00:32:59,685 This is the most eye contact I've ever made with someone, I reckon. 745 00:32:59,685 --> 00:33:01,485 Don't lose any pieces, OK? 746 00:33:01,485 --> 00:33:03,205 And I've been with my partner for 12 years. 747 00:33:03,205 --> 00:33:05,084 Oh, eat it up. Rip through! 748 00:33:06,205 --> 00:33:08,005 That's sad. (BLOWS WHISTLE) 749 00:33:10,725 --> 00:33:12,405 (LAUGHTER) 750 00:33:12,405 --> 00:33:15,524 You... (LAUGHS) 751 00:33:15,524 --> 00:33:17,364 Oh, (BLEEP). 752 00:33:17,364 --> 00:33:20,445 I refuse to play the next task. 753 00:33:20,445 --> 00:33:22,165 I gotta piece it back together, don't I? 754 00:33:26,324 --> 00:33:28,645 (LAUGHTER) 755 00:33:28,645 --> 00:33:32,725 Is this one scored, or is it more about sticking it back together? 756 00:33:32,725 --> 00:33:34,725 All the information you need is in the task. 757 00:33:34,725 --> 00:33:40,445 "Complete the task written on the back of the previous task card." 758 00:33:40,445 --> 00:33:42,725 (LAUGHS) 759 00:33:43,725 --> 00:33:45,124 "Fastest wins. 760 00:33:45,124 --> 00:33:47,645 "Your time started when you entered the lab." 761 00:33:47,645 --> 00:33:49,524 You can't... You... 762 00:33:49,524 --> 00:33:50,965 (SUPPRESSES YELL) 763 00:33:50,965 --> 00:33:52,725 (LAUGHS) Oh... 764 00:33:54,005 --> 00:33:55,965 Get rid of the pieces that have nothing. 765 00:33:55,965 --> 00:33:57,524 I can see, "Insult Tom." 766 00:33:58,485 --> 00:34:00,685 I was arrogant coming in. You think? 767 00:34:00,685 --> 00:34:03,485 Yeah. I was doing that one-hand opening the card thing. 768 00:34:03,485 --> 00:34:05,205 I don't know what to do. 769 00:34:05,205 --> 00:34:07,205 You made quite a lot of eye contact with me, 770 00:34:07,205 --> 00:34:08,644 not a lot of eye contact with the card. 771 00:34:08,644 --> 00:34:10,164 Yeah, you've pissed me off lately. 772 00:34:10,164 --> 00:34:13,244 So, is it insult you the most? 773 00:34:13,244 --> 00:34:15,244 "Insult the Taskmaster." 774 00:34:15,244 --> 00:34:17,965 Uh, the Taskmaster's stupid. 775 00:34:17,965 --> 00:34:20,925 "Insult Tom. Something-est wins." 776 00:34:20,925 --> 00:34:22,005 You didn't blow your whistle. 777 00:34:22,005 --> 00:34:24,765 I'm just gonna insult you a lot and then leave. 778 00:34:24,765 --> 00:34:26,365 Oh. 779 00:34:26,365 --> 00:34:28,164 "Insult..." "You must..." 780 00:34:28,164 --> 00:34:32,684 This is probably the best work opportunity you're going to get. 781 00:34:32,684 --> 00:34:34,604 Is that an insult? 782 00:34:34,604 --> 00:34:36,564 It will be in about ten years, yeah. 783 00:34:36,564 --> 00:34:38,325 "Insult the..." 784 00:34:38,325 --> 00:34:39,965 So it becomes an insult in ten years? 785 00:34:39,965 --> 00:34:41,124 Yeah, I reckon. 786 00:34:42,765 --> 00:34:44,925 When I started doing the little tiny rips... Mm. 787 00:34:44,925 --> 00:34:47,845 ..you had this, like, microexpression that was like, 788 00:34:47,845 --> 00:34:49,445 "With your dumb little face." 789 00:34:49,445 --> 00:34:51,524 That's another one to add to the insults. 790 00:34:51,524 --> 00:34:53,005 Yeah. (BLOWS WHISTLE) 791 00:34:53,005 --> 00:34:55,005 Thanks, Rhys. Thank you, Tom. 792 00:34:55,005 --> 00:34:56,005 "Insult..." 793 00:34:57,084 --> 00:34:58,965 YOU'RE stupid. 794 00:34:58,965 --> 00:34:59,965 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 795 00:34:59,965 --> 00:35:03,124 Why didn't I just insult you after the Taskma...?! 796 00:35:06,084 --> 00:35:07,445 I hate you. 797 00:35:08,724 --> 00:35:10,084 Thanks very much. 798 00:35:13,084 --> 00:35:15,204 Thanks, Aaron. Bye! 799 00:35:19,965 --> 00:35:22,365 So, what did you say about me, Aaron? 800 00:35:22,365 --> 00:35:23,925 Hey, um... 801 00:35:23,925 --> 00:35:26,485 I like you, man. (LAUGHTER) 802 00:35:26,485 --> 00:35:28,885 'Cause you can say it now to my face. 803 00:35:28,885 --> 00:35:31,524 I... What...? Um... 804 00:35:31,524 --> 00:35:33,765 Alright, so, um, Aaron took a while to do it. 805 00:35:33,765 --> 00:35:36,124 He was insulting me for a bit too long. 806 00:35:36,124 --> 00:35:38,765 And ironically, he said I was stupid. 807 00:35:38,765 --> 00:35:40,204 OK. 808 00:35:40,204 --> 00:35:42,925 Aaron took 8 minutes and 20 seconds to insult me. 809 00:35:42,925 --> 00:35:43,965 Oh, OK. Yeah. 810 00:35:43,965 --> 00:35:45,285 So, what about Rhys, then? 811 00:35:45,285 --> 00:35:48,204 Rhys took 6 minutes and 55 seconds to insult me. 812 00:35:48,204 --> 00:35:50,405 MEL: Yes! Go, Rhys! OK. 813 00:35:50,405 --> 00:35:54,005 Like, I think that was a... genuinely, a rare day 814 00:35:54,005 --> 00:35:56,405 that I didn't start the task by insulting you, ironically. 815 00:35:56,405 --> 00:35:57,965 Look at his dumb little face now. 816 00:35:57,965 --> 00:36:01,365 He's like, "It was the best day of my life!" 817 00:36:01,365 --> 00:36:04,204 Alright, we're tearing this task right down the middle 818 00:36:04,204 --> 00:36:07,005 with the blunt scissors of the TV world - ads. 819 00:36:07,005 --> 00:36:09,965 More insulting of this no-hoper next to me, soon. 820 00:36:22,005 --> 00:36:24,164 Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia, 821 00:36:24,164 --> 00:36:26,684 where five professional comedians are competing 822 00:36:26,684 --> 00:36:30,644 for the ownership of one of this country's most endangered species - 823 00:36:30,644 --> 00:36:32,204 a middle-aged white man. 824 00:36:32,204 --> 00:36:33,965 Fill us in, Lesser Tom. 825 00:36:33,965 --> 00:36:35,445 Our contestants are tearing up a task card 826 00:36:35,445 --> 00:36:37,005 into as many pieces as possible. 827 00:36:37,005 --> 00:36:38,005 But it's just a distraction. 828 00:36:38,005 --> 00:36:39,204 Their real task is to do something 829 00:36:39,204 --> 00:36:41,524 that they would never do in real life - insult me. 830 00:36:42,604 --> 00:36:44,325 Before the next contestant, I just want to say, 831 00:36:44,325 --> 00:36:46,084 sticks and stones may break my bones, 832 00:36:46,084 --> 00:36:48,845 so please, no-one throw any sticks or stones at me. 833 00:36:48,845 --> 00:36:50,124 Here's Mel Buttle. 834 00:36:50,124 --> 00:36:53,684 Have other people ever got more than nine, do you reckon? 835 00:36:53,684 --> 00:36:56,365 Are you aiming for more than nine? Yes. 836 00:36:58,485 --> 00:37:00,124 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 837 00:37:00,124 --> 00:37:02,564 Don't forget, there's these ones on the floor. 838 00:37:02,564 --> 00:37:03,604 Thank you. 839 00:37:03,604 --> 00:37:05,325 I knew it. I knew it. 840 00:37:07,765 --> 00:37:09,005 OK. 841 00:37:09,005 --> 00:37:13,485 "Complete the task written on the back of the previous task card. 842 00:37:13,485 --> 00:37:15,524 "Fastest wins." 843 00:37:15,524 --> 00:37:18,524 I might have to just guess what the task is, Tom, 844 00:37:18,524 --> 00:37:21,044 'cause I am unable to see what it is. 845 00:37:21,044 --> 00:37:23,604 I'm gonna guess that it is, 846 00:37:23,604 --> 00:37:25,684 make you feel good about yourself. 847 00:37:25,684 --> 00:37:28,885 Although you are single and live alone... Oh. 848 00:37:28,885 --> 00:37:30,524 ..there's still hope. Oh. 849 00:37:30,524 --> 00:37:33,765 I like that you don't brush that front bit of hair. 850 00:37:33,765 --> 00:37:35,765 The ears do not need to be pinned back. 851 00:37:35,765 --> 00:37:38,204 Whoever said that - wrong. 852 00:37:39,365 --> 00:37:41,285 Regardless of what your ex says, 853 00:37:41,285 --> 00:37:45,204 I would refer her to the legal average penis size. 854 00:37:45,204 --> 00:37:47,524 I think you being pescatarian... Mm. 855 00:37:47,524 --> 00:37:49,604 ..is a super good choice. 856 00:37:49,604 --> 00:37:52,604 The post with your sister on your recent trip... 857 00:37:52,604 --> 00:37:54,325 Yeah? Normal! 858 00:37:54,325 --> 00:37:56,765 The fact... 859 00:37:56,765 --> 00:38:01,044 ..that you drive a Peugeot... Mm. 860 00:38:01,044 --> 00:38:02,325 ..is endearing. 861 00:38:02,325 --> 00:38:05,405 When I'm thinking about your time on The Project, 862 00:38:05,405 --> 00:38:07,124 I think it was fine. Right. 863 00:38:07,124 --> 00:38:08,965 Eye contact - you don't get a lot of it. 864 00:38:08,965 --> 00:38:10,084 I know why. Oh. 865 00:38:10,084 --> 00:38:12,164 I read an article. What did it say? 866 00:38:12,164 --> 00:38:13,325 You know what? Hm? 867 00:38:13,325 --> 00:38:15,405 Why don't you use those big, glassy eyes... 868 00:38:15,405 --> 00:38:16,485 Mm. 869 00:38:16,485 --> 00:38:18,644 ..that look like there's a shark behind them, 870 00:38:18,644 --> 00:38:20,765 and you read the article yourself with your eyes? 871 00:38:22,005 --> 00:38:24,005 (BLOWS WHISTLE) Thank you, Tom! 872 00:38:27,285 --> 00:38:29,845 Mel, did you even realise you'd completed the task? 873 00:38:29,845 --> 00:38:30,965 Nope! 874 00:38:30,965 --> 00:38:33,084 You had no idea what had happened? Nup. None at all. 875 00:38:33,084 --> 00:38:35,365 There were 21 tasks where Mel, 876 00:38:35,365 --> 00:38:38,124 within the first five seconds of entering, insulted me. 877 00:38:38,124 --> 00:38:42,285 She called me 'Bin Juice' 13 separate times 878 00:38:42,285 --> 00:38:43,965 and 'Maggot' seven times. 879 00:38:43,965 --> 00:38:46,885 But this was an occasion where she did not insult me. 880 00:38:46,885 --> 00:38:48,084 Ugh! 881 00:38:48,084 --> 00:38:50,124 For some reason, you just held back. 882 00:38:50,124 --> 00:38:53,524 Sometimes I felt it's an un... it's bullying. 883 00:38:53,524 --> 00:38:55,684 Like, look at him. What's he got to live for? 884 00:38:55,684 --> 00:38:56,805 But... 885 00:38:57,805 --> 00:38:59,124 Well, I felt that when you said 886 00:38:59,124 --> 00:39:02,365 that you thought the task was about making him feel good about himself... 887 00:39:02,365 --> 00:39:03,485 Yes. 888 00:39:03,485 --> 00:39:05,084 ..it sounded to me like you're being sarcastic. 889 00:39:05,084 --> 00:39:06,124 What?! 890 00:39:06,124 --> 00:39:08,405 Weren't they all insults? No. 891 00:39:08,405 --> 00:39:10,084 What, you just took them all on face value? 892 00:39:10,084 --> 00:39:13,005 Yeah. The words, as stated, were compliments. 893 00:39:13,005 --> 00:39:15,684 I felt like there was a tone there. 894 00:39:15,684 --> 00:39:18,005 Didn't get that. 895 00:39:18,005 --> 00:39:22,644 Mel took 17 minutes and 28 seconds to insult... 896 00:39:23,805 --> 00:39:26,124 You're dead meat, mate. 897 00:39:26,124 --> 00:39:29,845 Alright, let's see someone else fall for your little trick, Tom. 898 00:39:29,845 --> 00:39:33,084 He's old enough to remember Natalie Imbruglia before Torn, 899 00:39:33,084 --> 00:39:34,485 so he's not all out of faith - 900 00:39:34,485 --> 00:39:35,845 it's Peter Helliar. 901 00:39:37,445 --> 00:39:39,325 Do you wanna help me, you think you're so smart? 902 00:39:40,325 --> 00:39:41,365 Tiny ones. 903 00:39:43,204 --> 00:39:44,204 It's fun, isn't it? 904 00:39:44,204 --> 00:39:46,044 It's like a little bonding exercise. Yeah. 905 00:39:46,044 --> 00:39:48,365 You can get them even smaller. OK. If you say so. 906 00:39:49,604 --> 00:39:51,005 As many pieces, yeah? 907 00:39:51,005 --> 00:39:52,485 As many pieces? 908 00:39:52,485 --> 00:39:54,445 Can't go back and read it now. Who knows now? Yeah. 909 00:39:54,445 --> 00:39:56,325 I haven't got time to put it all back together. 910 00:39:56,325 --> 00:39:57,885 Impossible to read now. Yeah. 911 00:39:59,644 --> 00:40:01,285 (BLOWS WHISTLE) Hands off. 912 00:40:09,524 --> 00:40:10,965 I think I know what this is. 913 00:40:12,325 --> 00:40:14,325 And in advance... 914 00:40:14,325 --> 00:40:15,405 ..(BLEEP) you. 915 00:40:15,405 --> 00:40:17,524 (APPLAUSE) 916 00:40:17,524 --> 00:40:19,285 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 917 00:40:19,285 --> 00:40:20,564 You've completed your task. 918 00:40:20,564 --> 00:40:22,365 Oh. Thanks, Pete. 919 00:40:25,325 --> 00:40:27,325 There was something on the back, wasn't...? Did I read it? 920 00:40:27,325 --> 00:40:28,604 And you've done it. Thanks, Pete. 921 00:40:28,604 --> 00:40:29,604 I did it? Yep. 922 00:40:29,604 --> 00:40:31,604 I did it successfully? You did. 923 00:40:32,604 --> 00:40:33,644 I don't believe you. 924 00:40:34,925 --> 00:40:36,204 (LAUGHTER) 925 00:40:36,204 --> 00:40:38,925 I'm not sure if I regret saying, "(BLEEP) you," Tom. 926 00:40:38,925 --> 00:40:42,564 So I may take that back in the future. 927 00:40:42,564 --> 00:40:44,204 We'll leave it hanging there for now. 928 00:40:44,204 --> 00:40:47,164 OK. But I may take it back. 929 00:40:47,164 --> 00:40:48,365 The task is complete. 930 00:40:48,365 --> 00:40:49,564 OK. Thanks, Pete. 931 00:40:49,564 --> 00:40:51,445 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 932 00:40:54,485 --> 00:40:56,084 So now that we're back in the studio, 933 00:40:56,084 --> 00:40:57,204 would you like to take it back? 934 00:40:57,204 --> 00:40:59,405 No, Tom, I would not. 935 00:40:59,405 --> 00:41:03,164 So, on the day, did you, like Mel, have no idea how you'd finished? 936 00:41:03,164 --> 00:41:05,405 I'm finding everything out now. 937 00:41:05,405 --> 00:41:06,965 I literally had no idea. 938 00:41:06,965 --> 00:41:09,885 Pete took 3 minutes and 5 seconds to insult me. 939 00:41:09,885 --> 00:41:11,925 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Yes! 940 00:41:11,925 --> 00:41:14,204 So, who's left, Tom? She wouldn't insult a fly. 941 00:41:14,204 --> 00:41:15,885 I think she's obsessed with flies. 942 00:41:15,885 --> 00:41:17,564 It's Concetta Caristo. 943 00:41:18,325 --> 00:41:20,164 Hi, Tom. Hey, Concetta. 944 00:41:26,445 --> 00:41:28,604 (BLEEP). You suck. Ugly. 945 00:41:28,604 --> 00:41:30,005 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 946 00:41:30,005 --> 00:41:31,485 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 947 00:41:31,485 --> 00:41:32,644 Thanks, Concetta. 948 00:41:34,644 --> 00:41:36,485 Oh, my God! 949 00:41:36,485 --> 00:41:38,285 And that was very impressive. 950 00:41:38,285 --> 00:41:40,365 Unlike everyone else, I don't like to insult Tom. 951 00:41:40,365 --> 00:41:41,925 I...I like Tom. 952 00:41:41,925 --> 00:41:43,885 AUDIENCE: Aww. Thank you. 953 00:41:43,885 --> 00:41:45,524 Do you wanna say it back? 954 00:41:45,524 --> 00:41:47,005 (LAUGHTER) 955 00:41:47,005 --> 00:41:48,644 Oh. I-I like you, too. 956 00:41:48,644 --> 00:41:50,684 Aww! 957 00:41:50,684 --> 00:41:53,485 Uh, you did say to him, "(BLEEP). You suck. Ugly." 958 00:41:53,485 --> 00:41:54,885 (LAUGHTER) 959 00:41:54,885 --> 00:41:57,405 Which, just to be clear to the kids at home, you're not supposed to say 960 00:41:57,405 --> 00:41:59,365 unless it's in a professional setting 961 00:41:59,365 --> 00:42:01,285 and you're saying it to a colleague. 962 00:42:01,285 --> 00:42:03,285 Concetta's time to insult me - 963 00:42:03,285 --> 00:42:04,845 14 seconds. 964 00:42:04,845 --> 00:42:08,164 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 965 00:42:08,164 --> 00:42:10,885 So that means we have Mel in fifth place, 966 00:42:10,885 --> 00:42:13,005 Aaron in fourth, Rhys in third, 967 00:42:13,005 --> 00:42:14,405 Pete got second place, 968 00:42:14,405 --> 00:42:16,285 but Concetta wins the task with five points! 969 00:42:16,285 --> 00:42:17,845 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 970 00:42:17,845 --> 00:42:19,204 Alright. 971 00:42:20,285 --> 00:42:21,805 It's time for a break. 972 00:42:21,805 --> 00:42:25,005 Come back to see how these comedians go in a live task, 973 00:42:25,005 --> 00:42:28,204 without all that camera trickery to make them look competent. 974 00:42:28,204 --> 00:42:30,005 See you after this! 975 00:42:42,285 --> 00:42:45,285 Welcome back to the television show Taskmaster, 976 00:42:45,285 --> 00:42:48,005 a show that has a make-a-wish element to it 977 00:42:48,005 --> 00:42:51,684 in the form of allowing this little human hamster next to me 978 00:42:51,684 --> 00:42:53,965 to have a crack at something 979 00:42:53,965 --> 00:42:57,445 that, outside the show, he never gets to do - 980 00:42:57,445 --> 00:42:59,044 score. 981 00:42:59,044 --> 00:43:00,485 (CACKLES) 982 00:43:00,485 --> 00:43:03,644 So, have a go. Who's leading this episode, Lesser Tom? 983 00:43:03,644 --> 00:43:06,485 Well, Rhys is currently the little toe with 8 points 984 00:43:06,485 --> 00:43:09,124 and, with an amazing 18 points, Concetta is the big toe! 985 00:43:09,124 --> 00:43:12,644 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 986 00:43:12,644 --> 00:43:14,805 Alright, everything's still to play for - 987 00:43:14,805 --> 00:43:17,005 unless, by 'everything', you mean winning this episode. 988 00:43:17,005 --> 00:43:18,485 Sorry, Rhys. 989 00:43:18,485 --> 00:43:20,805 Let's head upstairs for a live task. 990 00:43:20,805 --> 00:43:22,684 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 991 00:43:25,005 --> 00:43:26,564 So, what's going on here, Tom? 992 00:43:26,564 --> 00:43:28,044 I'll let Rhys explain. 993 00:43:29,084 --> 00:43:32,885 "Play in the first annual touchball tournament." 994 00:43:32,885 --> 00:43:35,405 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 995 00:43:36,765 --> 00:43:39,285 (LAUGHS) CONCETTA: Oh, my God. 996 00:43:39,285 --> 00:43:41,684 "Each contestant will get to play 997 00:43:41,684 --> 00:43:45,925 "both as ball toucher and as ball wanter. 998 00:43:45,925 --> 00:43:49,365 "As per international touchball rules, 999 00:43:49,365 --> 00:43:53,445 "on Tom's first whistle, the ball toucher will have 15 seconds 1000 00:43:53,445 --> 00:43:57,365 "to place the ball within the touchball arena. 1001 00:43:57,365 --> 00:44:00,604 "On Tom's second whistle, the ball wanter must try 1002 00:44:00,604 --> 00:44:04,805 "to touch the ball with their fake leg as fast as possible." 1003 00:44:04,805 --> 00:44:06,724 Who thought of these rules? 1004 00:44:06,724 --> 00:44:11,485 "The ball toucher may not touch the ball or the ball wanter 1005 00:44:11,485 --> 00:44:13,325 "after placing the ball. 1006 00:44:13,325 --> 00:44:17,164 "The ball wanter will be blindfolded throughout. 1007 00:44:17,164 --> 00:44:19,845 "Best touchball player wins. 1008 00:44:19,845 --> 00:44:21,845 "Tom will now announce 1009 00:44:21,845 --> 00:44:25,765 "the first randomly selected touchball pairing." 1010 00:44:25,765 --> 00:44:28,805 So, Aaron will be the first ball toucher 1011 00:44:28,805 --> 00:44:32,005 and Rhys, you will get your opportunity to be a ball wanter. 1012 00:44:32,005 --> 00:44:34,485 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1013 00:44:34,485 --> 00:44:36,445 Rhys, could you please put your blindfold on? 1014 00:44:37,885 --> 00:44:39,044 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1015 00:44:43,204 --> 00:44:44,204 (CONCETTA LAUGHS) 1016 00:44:46,044 --> 00:44:47,044 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1017 00:44:50,485 --> 00:44:51,965 (BLOWS WHISTLE) Round two. 1018 00:44:51,965 --> 00:44:55,044 Concetta will be the ball toucher and Pete will be the ball wanter. 1019 00:44:55,044 --> 00:44:56,445 Whoo! (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1020 00:44:57,845 --> 00:44:59,485 I'm in your freaking mind! 1021 00:44:59,485 --> 00:45:00,805 I'm (BLEEP)! 1022 00:45:00,805 --> 00:45:03,124 You don't even know what's right and what's left! 1023 00:45:03,124 --> 00:45:04,204 You're a freak! 1024 00:45:10,084 --> 00:45:11,805 (LAUGHTER) 1025 00:45:11,805 --> 00:45:12,805 Can I get it? 1026 00:45:15,485 --> 00:45:17,805 Did you pop the ball? (LAUGHS) No. 1027 00:45:17,805 --> 00:45:19,204 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1028 00:45:19,204 --> 00:45:21,805 Next up, we have Mel as the ball toucher 1029 00:45:21,805 --> 00:45:23,124 and Concetta as the ball wanter. 1030 00:45:23,124 --> 00:45:24,524 Oh! (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1031 00:45:27,765 --> 00:45:29,805 Bounce! Bounce! Bounce! (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1032 00:45:29,805 --> 00:45:32,044 Anyway, I heard this really good true crime podcast the other day 1033 00:45:32,044 --> 00:45:34,084 about a girl who was blindfolded in an arena, 1034 00:45:34,084 --> 00:45:35,485 and she had to try and touch a ball. 1035 00:45:35,485 --> 00:45:38,044 And if she touched the ball, guess what would happen? 1036 00:45:39,124 --> 00:45:40,365 (BLOWS WHISTLE) Oh! 1037 00:45:40,365 --> 00:45:42,564 Next up, we have Pete as the ball toucher 1038 00:45:42,564 --> 00:45:44,885 and Aaron as the ball wanter. 1039 00:45:44,885 --> 00:45:45,885 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1040 00:45:47,285 --> 00:45:48,765 (LAUGHTER) 1041 00:45:50,204 --> 00:45:51,204 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1042 00:46:08,485 --> 00:46:09,805 Oh, my God! 1043 00:46:11,644 --> 00:46:13,644 Oh! Ow! Oh, oh! 1044 00:46:13,644 --> 00:46:14,644 Oh, oh! 1045 00:46:14,644 --> 00:46:15,805 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1046 00:46:16,805 --> 00:46:18,124 The final round. 1047 00:46:18,124 --> 00:46:20,845 We have Rhys as the ball toucher and Mel as the ball wanter. 1048 00:46:20,845 --> 00:46:22,445 CONCETTA: Whoo! 1049 00:46:23,485 --> 00:46:24,524 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1050 00:46:28,365 --> 00:46:29,564 (BLOWS WHISTLE) 1051 00:46:32,564 --> 00:46:34,204 MEL: Uh... Agh! 1052 00:46:44,044 --> 00:46:46,524 Oh... Yay! 1053 00:46:47,644 --> 00:46:48,644 Oh...! 1054 00:46:50,325 --> 00:46:52,445 Alright, we're gonna see who the winner is. 1055 00:46:52,445 --> 00:46:54,644 But we know the real winner is...capitalism. 1056 00:46:54,644 --> 00:46:57,164 So let them have their win with another ad break! 1057 00:47:07,285 --> 00:47:09,005 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1058 00:47:09,005 --> 00:47:11,084 Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia. 1059 00:47:11,084 --> 00:47:14,485 If you've just joined us, you've missed an adorable story 1060 00:47:14,485 --> 00:47:18,124 about Aaron's dad painting his wife's shit dog. 1061 00:47:18,124 --> 00:47:21,564 Lesser Tom, scores for that live task, please. 1062 00:47:21,564 --> 00:47:23,805 Well, the best wanter was Concetta, 1063 00:47:23,805 --> 00:47:27,845 with a new world record - 10.44 seconds touching. 1064 00:47:27,845 --> 00:47:30,204 Come on! Yes! 1065 00:47:30,204 --> 00:47:33,445 Best ball toucher was Rhys, with their very controversial effort 1066 00:47:33,445 --> 00:47:36,405 to keep it away from Mel for 41 seconds. 1067 00:47:36,405 --> 00:47:38,204 MEL: Yes. No clapping. 1068 00:47:38,204 --> 00:47:41,164 So, if we look at the aggregated ball touch-to-want score ratio, 1069 00:47:41,164 --> 00:47:42,925 we have Mel in last, then Aaron, 1070 00:47:42,925 --> 00:47:45,005 then Pete in the middle, runner-up Concetta, 1071 00:47:45,005 --> 00:47:47,845 and the winner of the first annual touchball tournament, 1072 00:47:47,845 --> 00:47:50,524 the founder and creator of the Touchball World Association - 1073 00:47:50,524 --> 00:47:52,325 it's Rhys Nicholson! 1074 00:47:52,325 --> 00:47:54,485 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1075 00:47:57,204 --> 00:48:00,084 And remember, always touch balls responsibly. 1076 00:48:00,084 --> 00:48:01,365 (LAUGHTER) 1077 00:48:01,365 --> 00:48:03,845 Alright, more importantly, who's winning this episode 1078 00:48:03,845 --> 00:48:05,524 and gonna be heading home 1079 00:48:05,524 --> 00:48:08,925 to touch our straight, white handyman's balls? 1080 00:48:08,925 --> 00:48:11,005 So, we have Mel on 10, 1081 00:48:11,005 --> 00:48:13,405 Aaron on 12, Rhys on a lucky 13, 1082 00:48:13,405 --> 00:48:15,325 then Pete on a lovely 14. 1083 00:48:15,325 --> 00:48:18,164 But Concetta is the episode's winner, with 22 points! 1084 00:48:18,164 --> 00:48:19,805 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1085 00:48:19,805 --> 00:48:22,765 Congratulations, Concetta. 1086 00:48:22,765 --> 00:48:25,485 Get up there and take that man! 1087 00:48:25,485 --> 00:48:28,005 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1088 00:48:28,005 --> 00:48:30,365 Right, Concetta, you just stay up there and listen 1089 00:48:30,365 --> 00:48:34,044 to that background extra posing as a hardware store owner's spiel 1090 00:48:34,044 --> 00:48:36,365 about how climate change is a hoax... 1091 00:48:36,365 --> 00:48:37,445 (LAUGHTER) 1092 00:48:37,445 --> 00:48:41,164 ..whilst we get an update on our overall season scoreboard. 1093 00:48:41,164 --> 00:48:44,005 The leader in the series, by 10 total points, 1094 00:48:44,005 --> 00:48:45,845 is Concetta, with 54 points. 1095 00:48:45,845 --> 00:48:47,765 Whoa! (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1096 00:48:47,765 --> 00:48:52,005 OK. That's it. Another episode of Taskmaster in the bag. 1097 00:48:52,005 --> 00:48:53,684 But what did we learn? 1098 00:48:53,684 --> 00:48:57,044 We learnt that if you chuck a lampshade on Peter Helliar, 1099 00:48:57,044 --> 00:48:59,805 it's still just a Peter Helliar. 1100 00:48:59,805 --> 00:49:01,805 And we learnt to always read the back 1101 00:49:01,805 --> 00:49:03,845 of whatever you're about to rip up, 1102 00:49:03,845 --> 00:49:08,325 unless they're part of Tom Cashman's business card collection. 1103 00:49:08,325 --> 00:49:09,724 But most importantly, 1104 00:49:09,724 --> 00:49:13,965 we learnt that Concetta is the winner of episode 3. 1105 00:49:13,965 --> 00:49:15,325 See you next week! 1106 00:49:15,325 --> 00:49:17,005 (CHEERING, APPLAUSE) 1107 00:49:30,845 --> 00:49:34,044 One-two, one-two-three, go! 1108 00:49:34,044 --> 00:49:35,445 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 1109 00:49:36,445 --> 00:49:38,564 Yah! This is a disaster, Tom. 1110 00:49:38,564 --> 00:49:40,044 Are you prepared to get moist? 1111 00:49:40,044 --> 00:49:41,445 What about me?! 1112 00:49:41,445 --> 00:49:43,684 Tom and Concetta! OooOOOoooh! 1113 00:49:43,684 --> 00:49:44,845 Pew! Pew! 1114 00:49:44,845 --> 00:49:46,445 Tada! 1115 00:49:48,124 --> 00:49:49,644 Pretty good. 1116 00:49:49,644 --> 00:49:51,644 Captions by Red Bee Media