# Ahhhhhhh. #
(BRIGHT JAZZY MUSIC) Argh!
(MUSIC STOPS)
(MUSIC RESUMES)
Oh!
Yes!
(GROANS)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello and welcome to the grand finale
of Taskmaster Australia season two.
This is the final episode of the series
and I am the final man.
When I perish, so will every other human being on this planet.
Because I am the Taskmaster.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Tonight, we will see our contestants attempt their final set of tasks
and by the end of this show, we will have a series champion
for which they will receive this -
a chocolate-filled, gold foil-wrapped statue of my glorious head.
(APPLAUSE)
This is my 10th time introducing them and I'm almost sick of it.
But let's do it once again for good measure.
Our contestants are Anne Edmonds.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Jenny Tian.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Josh Thomas.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Lloyd Langford.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And Wil Anderson. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And by my side, a man who yesterday casually told me
that he wishes he had a USB port in his body.
(LAUGHTER) It's Tom Cashman.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
How's it going?
Not too bad. I was just thinking, looking back over the last season,
I've been asked a lot to blink twice if I'm not OK.
Oh. (LAUGHTER)
And it occurred to me that's not a very effective way
to communicate a secret message, blinking twice
'cause you could accidentally blink twice.
I think the saying should be blink 17 times if you're not OK.
Can you do that? 17?
(LAUGHTER)
That was 16. 'Cause I'm having a ball.
(LAUGHTER)
Ironically, also what his sex robot looks like
when she's malfunctioning.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright? Yep.
What task is first?
We've got a bit of a weird prize task this week.
Lloyd Langford was asked to bring along
something he has never heard of.
Everybody else has been asked to bring along something
that Lloyd Langford has never heard of.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Probably the best way to get a gauge of Lloyd from Lloyd himself.
Lloyd, what haven't you heard of?
I was in a record shop outside of Newcastle
and I selected a cassette of music
and I couldn't distinguish the name of the band.
Is that the band name at the top there, maybe?
I've looked it up. The band is a Belgian death metal group
called Goat Vomit. Oh.
OK. Wil, what have you brought in that Lloyd hasn't heard of?
Well, it's an iconic Australian television character.
This character right here.
(AUDIENCE SIGHS AND CLAPS)
Lloyd...?
Do you know who that is? Lloyd, who's that?
I don't know who that is.
It is Humphrey B. Bear,
who was an iconic Australian children's TV entertainer.
Was a bear that wore obviously a waist jacket, but no pants
and entertained children.
But the good news was... never talked.
(LAUGHTER)
We had a lot of children's entertainers in the UK
that didn't wear pants and...
I'd stay silent too if my behaviour was like that.
(LAUGHTER)
That was at least 18.
Jenny, what did you bring in that Lloyd hasn't heard of?
Throughout this entire series, you know,
like, we know about Lloyd and Anne being married
and Lloyd really loves Anne.
And I know that Lloyd cares about Anne so much
so I have brought him a manual.
Oh, OK.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
OK.
If we take a look inside, um...
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, well, this this one's about you being rugged and dreamy
and how you can have that boyish charm for Anne.
And you know, if we take a look at the next page,
you know... (LAUGHTER)
..here's how to be a prince among men.
And I also know that you have, like, a child
so there's a page in there about really teaching the next generation
how to, you know, move forward and model your behaviour.
So this is the final page.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
There is one thing, Jenny, they're not married.
And that has really ruins Lloyd's surprise for the end of the show
he told me about.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, well, when I allocate points, I might have to factor that in.
Anne, what did you bring in that Lloyd hasn't heard of?
I brought in... Oh, (BLEEP)
(LAUGHTER)
No, nothing nasty. Decent shorts.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Because I can't remember which episode but earlier in the season,
we had, uh, tasks that was bringing something that's seen the most shit.
Yeah. And you brought his terrible house shorts.
His house shorts that make me physically sick.
Those...those shorts that you brought in on an earlier episode
were my house shorts.
And they shouldn't be seen by anyone else.
(LAUGHTER)
And I have, like, outside... You know, I have outside shorts.
So, Josh, what did you bring in that Lloyd hasn't heard of?
Oh, yeah. Have you heard of, it's an Australian cartoon character,
it's called Set It Straight Shirley?
You wouldn't of, I made her up. Um...
So this is her...
I was worried there for a while, too.
And, um, what Shirley does, is she, like, um...
..she sets things straight.
So what she's doing right now is she's pointing at
just a chess piece holding a sword. (LAUGHTER)
And another one and another one... (CHEERING)
..and another one and another one and another one.
And, um, the next thing that she, um...
Um...
Also now, um, what Set It Straight Shirley wants to point at
is just some hidden camera footage that, um, one of the producers took
of you saying that you like me!
MAN: Just thought I'd check. I mean, it's not a biggie.
Just checking with five of us, I suppose, but it's all...
Feels sort of...
Oh, just...
No, more just me checking... Just checking...
Him, yeah.
So... (LAUGHTER)
Anyway, that's Set It Straight Shirley.
She just set things straight. She just sets things straight.
That's all it is.
Alright, well, this is gonna be a tricky one to score
'cause I'm guessing, Lloyd, you hadn't heard of all that.
I wish I was a child in Australia, I mean...
(LAUGHTER)
H... H.B. Bumble and Set It Straight Shirley...
H.B. Bumble! (LAUGHTER)
So I'm gonna give Lloyd three points. OK.
'Cause he definitely hadn't heard of Goat Vomit.
And I'm gonna place all the others around them.
So I'm gonna give Jenny one point because unfortunately,
she got him a husband book and he's not married. Yep.
And then I'm gonna give two points to Wil
'cause he definitely hadn't heard of Humphrey B. Bear
but it was just a little bit boring.
(LAUGHTER)
I'm gonna give four points to Josh for Set It Straight Shirley,
which no-one had heard of because he'd made it up
so definitely hadn't heard of that.
And also, I kind of admire the way
you made a task that was supposed to be all about Lloyd, all about you.
(LAUGHTER)
But five points goes to Anne
'cause Lloyd definitely doesn't know what decent shorts are.
Nup. Five points to Anne.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
OK, Tom, let's set the stakes.
We're ten eps in, what is the overall scoreboard looking like?
Well, Anne and Lloyd are in the lead on 149 and 145 respectively,
but it's tight enough elsewhere,
the series is still very much up for grabs.
Ooh, OK. (APPLAUSE)
How compelling.
Well, what's first, Tom?
You can have the day off, Taskmaster.
Today I will give myself a hiding.
Hmm.
What's happening here?
No Tom.
Tom go home, did he?
Can't hack it.
I don't like it when he's not here.
It always means that I'm gonna have to do something
with a lot of exercise.
OK.
Uh, ooh, there's two... Ooh.
"Take this second task to wherever you like on the Taskmaster retreat."
"You must not peep at the contents of this second task."
"Your time will not begin until you open it."
"You have seven minutes to find your spot."
"Your time starts now."
So, I don't know what the task is
but I have to find out where the best place to do the task will be.
That's a fun game.
(APPLAUSE)
It is a fun game. Yeah.
Let's see where they wandered to.
Who are we looking at first?
Well, in the spirit of this task, I'll leave that a mystery.
I mean, in a way, it doesn't really matter where I go,
because I don't know what the task is in the first place.
Oh, I could go into the caravan because there's a seat in there
and I could use a seat.
I'm gonna go in the bath.
I feel like I might go to the balcony.
Yeah. Oh.
I hope it's not a game of hide-and-seek
where I'm supposed to be hiding.
I do not know what this is gonna be so here we go. Let's find out.
"Avoid being papped by Tom's camera."
"Tom has already begun looking for you."
"The person who avoids being papped by Tom the longest wins."
"Your time starts now."
Am I allowed to close this?
Oh, jeez.
Whoa!
Oh, the fridge is too small for me to sneak into.
Do these shelves move?
(SQUEALS)
I don't know where I'm running from.
This is not the best place in the world to hide, honestly,
from a camera.
Do I want to move? That's the question, right?
Like... Oh.
Did he get me? (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Dammit! I got you, Jenny.
Nooooo.
I feel despondent. Mm.
There's a lot of effort to be rigged up with all this kit...
Mm-hm.
..and then be instantly papped.
I mean, it would be hard to beat how badly I have done
unless I was hiding literally in front of you.
I'd like to go somewhere shady.
(LAUGHTER)
"Avoid being papped by Tom's camera.
"Tom has already begun looking for you.
"The person who avoids being papped by Tom the longest wins.
"Your time starts now."
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
That was quite fast.
I was in camouflage on the ground.
Oh.
(APPLAUSE)
So you didn't really wander far, the lot of you there.
I had thought back to the task at the dock when Tom was there,
and I was worried about moving too far away
from where the initial task was set. OK.
So I was just thinking,
I'll just stick around here and see what happens.
My theory was literally I'll get on the balcony
'cause from the balcony I'll be able to see the best of what's going on,
but didn't kind of think through
that could also work in reverse, I guess.
(LAUGHTER) What was your thinking, Jenny?
I just wanted a good sit.
So, Josh.... Yeah.
I have to admit, that was bad luck.
No, I wanted to go somewhere shady
because there's a lot of people out there holding equipment
and I thought, "If you're gonna hold equipment,
"we may as well hold it in the shade." Then...
Well, Tom Cashman was under some very shady cloth.
Should have maybe climbed under there.
If I got under the cloth, then I probably could have held you down
and stopped you being able to touch the camera
and we could have had a fun, sexy wrestle.
Um... (LAUGHTER)
But no... Yeah, we all saw it.
Alright, we need some scores.
I papped Lloyd within 13 seconds.
Jenny within 21 seconds.
Wil within 30 seconds.
Josh within 2 seconds. (LAUGHTER)
Alright.
Right, these four being horrible at hiding from Cashman
and me being an expert in it means that during this break,
I'll take them for a little masterclass.
See you after this. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to The Taskmaster season finale,
where five comedians are doing their best to win
Goat Vomit's greatest hits. (LAUGHTER)
How are they going about it, Lesser Tom?
The task is to pick a spot and then open a second task
and the second task is to avoid being photographed by me
for as long as possible.
So far, Lloyd has been bad at it.
Jenny has been bad at it. Wil has been bad in it.
And Josh has been really bad at it.
OK. (LAUGHTER)
Well, the burning question - will somebody be good at it?
It's all down to her. Here's Anne Edmonds.
Well, I'm going inside. Bye-bye.
Bit of behind the scenes here.
I think I'll go... in the make-up chair.
Maybe I'll just touch up my make-up a bit.
I might just join that in the middle.
It looks good.
What about a Marilyn mole there? That looks nice.
Just put that... Bit more.
There we go. Now I'm ready for whatever lies in here.
"Avoid being papped by Tom's camera.
"Tom has already begun looking for you.
"The person who avoids being papped by Tom the longest wins."
I think I can, like, get in this cupboard here.
Even if he comes in here, I don't reckon he's gonna see.
Ow, my feet.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Hi, Anne. Hi, Tom.
I got a lovely photo of you. Yeah.
Have you disguised yourself with a mole?
I've just... No, that's just some make-up I've done.
I was attempting to get into this cupboard, you see.
OK. But clearly I'm stuck.
Yep. I'll get a few more photos. Thank you.
That's good.
Yep. That's nice.
Yep.
Perfect. (APPLAUSE)
Looks like you did a good job, Anne.
Yeah, like, I followed an instruction.
Yeah.
Um, yeah. So I got into the make-up room and saw that cupboard
and thought, "If I can get in there..."
if I had been able to... I mean, it was full of mattresses.
So it's interesting that I still went, "I can get in there."
(LAUGHTER)
Uh, so what does that do for the scores for the task?
Well, Anne managed 1 minute and 43 seconds.
Ooh! (APPLAUSE)
Somehow, that is by far the longest time.
That gives Josh one point, Lloyd two, Jenny three, Wil four.
And the winner of the task is Anne with five points.
(APPLAUSE) I don't know how.
And how are we looking for the episode scores so far?
Well, the lady stuck in between the couch and the carpet
is somehow also our leader. It's Anne with ten points.
OK. I don't know what's going on.
OK, Tom, let's keep the ball rolling.
This is my line that says a task about pipedreams
is in the pipeline.
Trilby. Hi, Lloyd.
Hello, Tom. Hi, Wil.
Ooh, a label maker.
I've just got some questions for you, if that's OK. OK.
What's your full name? Joshua Thomas.
What's your place of birth? Uh, Melbourne.
And when you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I mean, I guess my mum wanted me to be...
I know it's very stereotypical, but a doctor,
so I just wanted to be that as well.
I think I wanted to be an actor. A teacher.
I wanted to be a dog trainer.
Professional footballer, an AFL footballer.
(SIGHS) What are you up to?
Oh, no.
"Apply for the job of actor."
"Apply for the job of teacher."
"Apply for the job of AFL footballer."
"Most impressive job application wins."
"You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now."
How do doctors apply for jobs?
So they go through medical school
and then they tend to, like, let loose there.
But then they also do, like, that test with you.
UMAP. They do UMAP.
You know the three things that that tests -
comprehension, empathy and logic.
I need you to get me a dog.
I'll see what we can do.
(APPLAUSE)
So, pretty straightforward.
They just have to apply for the job that they wanted to do
when they were younger. Yeah.
Who should we see first? First up, it's Dr Tian.
Welcome to the UMAP exam. Comprehend what that is.
A big pencil. Correct?
Comprehend that. Banana.
How am I feeling now? (CRIES)
Extremely sad.
Square. Square. What's next?
Rhombus.
That is the best UMAP exam we've ever seen in our lives.
My God. I'm the top doctor at the top city hospital
and I have no idea how to solve this case.
I can do this.
I have seen this before from all my partying years
when I was in medical school.
I can tell it's a human body,
and comprehension means that I know that this...
..is a rhombus.
Oh, my God, she's made the best diagnosis I've ever seen in my life.
And that is my application to be a doctor.
(APPLAUSE)
So was that application a gritty reboot of Doogie Howser?
I'm sorry, what is that? (LAUGHTER)
Ironically, it was a program where a doctor who was really young
was good at his job.
Cool. Are you not going to ask about the head?
(LAUGHTER)
Did you not think to go and reattach it as part of your training?
No. This is the way to be a doctor.
Alright, who's next?
Unlike other boys in rural Victoria,
he had a pretty kooky and avant garde dream.
He wanted to be a professional AFL player.
Here's Wil Anderson.
G'day, I'm Wil Anderson, and I'm here to apply for the job
of AFL footballer.
I'm gonna be no good on the field, but I'm amazing at boasting.
Tom from Taskmaster News, you lost the game today. Why was that?
Didn't lose the game. Won the game.
Best game we've ever played. Best game of the season.
We won it. Won it by a lot.
Don't know what you're talking about. You're an idiot.
Also, I'm great at distraction. Look over there!
It's Tom. See? Amazing.
One of your team-mates slept with another one of your team-mates...
Good on him. Well done. That's what we like at our club - bonding.
We're really proud as a bunch to be so close as a team.
Here's what I'm also gonna do.
Deny. Deny, deny, deny.
Um, I've read accusations recently that your feet look a bit strange.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
I don't have feet. (LAUGHTER)
I'm Wil Anderson and my goal is to be an AFL footballer.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Did I just see Wil Anderson do a good sketch.
I think that might have been just what happened.
I just saw a sketch and you made it
and it was good... WIL: Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I was trying to get inside
what could I do as an AFL footballer these days?
And I took a real, I've gotta say,
Tom Gleeson approach to answering questions.
It was real... I was very inspired by you in the attitude of like,
whatever came my way, just embrace it, send it back to them.
And I got to be honest with you, it feels good to be you.
(LAUGHTER) It is. It's bloody great.
I know you get to say all these horrible things and call it humour.
Yep. (LAUGHS)
Alright. Think that was really good. Mm.
It's gonna be hard to beat. Who's next?
He wants to be an actor so bad
he learnt a very convincing Welsh accent for this show.
It's Lloyd Langford. (LAUGHTER)
Hello. My name is Lloyd Langford.
I am an actor of incredible range.
But don't take my word for it -
here, enjoy my show reel.
Here is 'Action'.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Hiya!
Here is 'Sadness'.
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC) Johnny, you crazy son of a bitch!
What have you done, Johnny?!
What am I gonna do now, Johnny?
Who's gonna look after the kiiiids?
Here is 'Forest-Based Monster'.
(HORROR MUSIC) (GROWLS)
Hiya!
(GROWLS)
Here is 'Restless Baby'.
(WHIMPERS AND BABBLES)
Here is 'Pornographic Film Star'.
(AMERICAN ACCENT) Ma'am, your dishwasher is fixed.
Oh, thank you so much, mister.
How could I ever repay you?
Well, I got some ideas.
(SULTRY MUSIC)
That was, uh, just a small taste
of the many different acting styles that I, Lloyd Langford,
am capable of.
If you need an actor, I'm your man.
(APPLAUSE)
To be honest, I just loved it because we got to hear you say
'here' over and over again. (LAUGHTER)
I mean, it was an absolute treat.
Let's play a game now. Say this word 'here'.
(STRONG WELSH ACCENT) Here. Here.
Here.
(LAUGHS)
This is now... This is now... just televised racism.
(LAUGHTER)
Welcome to Australia.
(LAUGHTER)
Now for you at home to do the most important job of all -
sit through advertisements while you wait for us to return.
We're back soon with more job applications on Taskmaster.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to the Taskmaster season finale,
where tonight, one comedian will take home the big prize
and another will take home Humphrey B. Bear.
Or as Lloyd Langford calls him Miscellaneous Yellow Fedora Bear.
(LAUGHTER)
Tom, what's going on?
Our contestants are trying to land their dream jobs
via video applications. OK. Who's next?
She wanted to be a teacher so let me be the first to say...
(SINGSONG) Good morning, Miss Edmonds.
(CHUCKLES)
Principal Cashman.
Thank you so much for seeing me.
Thanks for coming in, Mrs Edmonds. Thank you. No problem.
The main thing I think we're missing a lot in the education system today
is discipline.
OK. I've got a little student here.
That's Phil there, and he's been a very naughty boy.
One of the best things I could do as a teacher would be to give you
a little demonstration of how I would approach this situation.
Hey, Phil, how's it going?
(AS PHIL) "Good, thanks."
You're gonna be doing Phil as well? Yep.
If you could not interrupt me. I'm sorry.
So, Phil, yesterday,
where were you, buddy? Where were you?
"I was up the back." No, you weren't!
You weren't up the back, Phil.
"I was." You weren't!
Oh, what's that smell?
Been having a few darts, have we?
"No, my dad smokes."
You don't even have a dad!
We don't need scum like you, Phil.
Messing up my perfect record.
Now I got a little black stain on my record.
A little Phil stain.
You made a little Phil stain?
So that's more or less my application.
Thanks, Principal Cashman. Thanks a lot.
(APPLAUSE)
Anne, I'm not surprised to say... that was disturbing.
(LAUGHTER)
I mean, it's a job application. ANNE: Yes.
And I mean, I enjoyed it as entertainment,
but I would not send my children to your school.
I've met your children. You probably should.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
My children watch this show. They'll be like, "Yeah. Fair enough."
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, anyone left?
This old dog wants to learn a new trick
and that trick is teaching tricks to dogs. It's Josh Thomas.
(APPLAUSE)
Ladies and gentlemen!
Please welcome the Amazing Josh and Phoebe.
Today, for your amazement, the very good Phoebe
will jump through a hoop.
For our first trick, we will remove the leash from the dog
and the dog will not go back to its owner.
(LAUGHTER)
(HUMS CIRCUS RIFF)
(DRUMROLL)
Ta-da!
Yes!
Phoebe. (APPLAUSE)
So this is a job application? Yeah.
Featuring footage of you doing that job poorly.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah.
We did spend probably 24 minutes
teaching Phoebe to jump through a hoop.
And she jumped through hoops
not on the show, though. Right.
And you know what I've always said, "(BLEEP) Phoebe."
(LAUGHTER)
No, this is definitely the task I've been the saddest about.
(AUDIENCE SIGHS)
I really believed I was gonna pick a dog,
teach it to jump through a hoop and we'd win a Logie.
(LAUGHTER)
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I've got some secret footage
of the dogs saying that it likes you.
(LAUGHTER)
Absolutely love that. Yeah.
No, I love that.
Alright, well, I need to hand out some scores.
You do. I think it's pretty easy.
I think Anne's on one.
Her application was her doing the job badly.
Josh is on two, same.
I'm giving three points to Jenny 'cause the head fell off.
I'm gonna give four points to Lloyd
'cause I just liked hearing him say 'here' over and over again.
Ah, but five points to Wil Anderson
because the Wil Anderson Sketch Show finally has a good sketch!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Finally!
Alright, keep the tasks coming, Lesser Tom.
Well, you might not be calling me Lesser Tom for long,
because in this task, I debut a brand-new nickname.
Where is he? Where is the little fella?
Into the caravan.
Hello, Tom. Hi, Wil.
How are you? I'm OK.
How are you? I'm well.
I just did a coffee poo. How are you?
Oh. Thanks for telling me. Yeah.
(READS) "Throw something at Tom.
"You must announce your throw by yelling...
"'Hey, fun boy! "'Hey, fun boy!
"'Hey fun boy!'"
I like this already.
"If Tom catches your throw, you will be disqualified.
"If the Taskmaster deems your throw to be uncatchable,
"you will be disqualified.
"Most unco drop from Tom wins.
"You have until the end of today's filming."
Mm. "Your time starts now."
Man, this is, like, a fun task.
Chucking stuff at me?
I'm not gonna hurt you. OK.
I promise you, I will not hurt you.
I'm not going to call you Fun Boy, by the way.
(SCATTERED GROANING)
Were you wanting it to catch on.
If it didn't kill you. (LAUGHTER)
Alright, Fun Boy, who are we going to watch?
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
They're my joint favourite contestants for this season.
It's Anne, Jenny, Josh, Lloyd and Wil.
"Your time starts now."
But I must announce my throw by yelling, "Hey, fun boy!"
Hey, fun boy!
Is that... Does that... Was that it?
Oh wait, do I only get one?
Yeah. Oh, no!
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Hey.
Hi, Josh.
Fun guy!
Hello. Hi, Anne.
How are you? I'm OK.
Hey, fun boy.
Oh.
Right, what's happening with you? Oh, OK.
When the time was up, I sat up, I saw you immediately,
and I took this beautiful photo.
Hey, fun boy.
AUDIENCE: Whoo!
Alright, I'm gonna be back.
Hey, fun boy.
OK, good.
Do you think that was uncatchable? It was quite aggressive.
Hey, fun boy.
..fun boy.
I think it was catchable. You think that was catchable?
Fun guy.
You almost got it.
Mm. I got a hand on it.
Hey, fun boy.
Sorry, Tom. That's OK.
I apologise for that.
Hey, fun boy.
Brutal for me, this one.
This one had the potential for me to make some classic catches in,
and I made zero catches.
Alright, well, I have to rank them, don't I,
in terms of how uncoordinated they make you look.
Yeah.
Well, I'll give Anne one point
because it just flew straight past you
and you didn't even react to it,
so you just look like you missed it.
Yep. And same goes for Jenny.
It was sort of so quick, it just sort of just flung
in front of you, and you just didn't even react.
And then I want to give Josh three,
but I can't because he didn't say, "Hey, fun boy."
I didn't say it.
Yeah, so Josh is disqualified.
OK.
Yeah. No, it's fair. (AUDIENCE GROANS)
I don't get why people keep feeling sorry for you
when you lose points because you don't follow the rules.
(LAUGHTER)
Uh, but I can't quite decide.
I think that, um, Lloyd and Wil both made you look pretty unco.
Beautifully. Do we have a side-by-side?
Wil made him look more unco.
You reckon? Absolutely, yeah.
OK. Should we have a little look? Mm.
Hey, fun boy.
Alright, that's easy.
Four points to Lloyd, five points to Wil.
Well done.
OK, time for me to be a less-than-fun boy
and let you know that it's ad time.
See you soon with more season finale madness, after this.
Welcome back to the Taskmaster grand final.
We're not far away from finding out who will walk away with
shorts that are far too fancy for Lloyd Langford.
Tom Cashman, do you have another task for us?
Yes, and I'm sad to announce this is the last proper task
of the season, as this is the last time our contestants will see
any action on the field.
I thought we should all see some collaboration.
Hey, Tom. Hi, Wil.
Villain?
Ooh! Hero.
Hello, Tom. Whoa!
Hi, Josh.
"Collaborate on a short action film."
Oh! This is so exciting.
"The action film must have a script.
"A hero. "A villain.
"Music. "And sound effects.
"Your job on the action film is written on your chair.
"Best contribution to the action film wins.
"You have 45 minutes.
"Your time starts now."
Sound effects. Oh, my God, I'm the hero!
Villain. Composer.
Scriptwriter.
I'm really into, like, old kind of kung-fu-type films.
Do you have a script?
Would you like a script? That seems useful.
It's an original by Lloyd Langford.
No!
You haven't even read it yet.
I just know Lloyd's gonna come up with something underwhelming.
(LAUGHTER)
Jimmy and Timmy Wolf were two of the best Scouts
in the Shaolin Scout troop.
Did Lloyd write this? I can tell.
The more I read the script, the less I sort of understand.
But the troop leader, Master Keith Snake,
was always pushing them to the limit.
And this is me - Keith.
Keith Snake disappears in a puff of smoke.
(LIQUID SPURTS)
I feel like I'm gonna have to do a training montage.
(PLAYS CONVINCING ACTION MUSIC)
(MAKES SOUND EFFECTS)
Jimmy whittles... Whittles?
Yeah, like, carves bits of wood.
(SCRAPES)
Jimmy uses his Scout skills to fight these punks.
(WHIMPERS)
They try to kick him, but he furiously shines their shoes.
(LAUGHS)
Did someone say something about a voice alterer!
Ah!
(SCREECHES)
Punches.
Kicks.
Headbutts.
(CLATTERING)
A bit of ear nibbling.
(CRUNCH!) (WAILS)
Jimmy grabs a towel off the bar,
wraps it around Keith's neck in a knot.
(MAKES SQUEAKING NOISE)
Tightens it and kills him. And that's the end.
What's this film called?
I was thinking of calling it Unholy Fists Of The Very Aggrieved Scout.
Because I only have a small part, I've got to go big.
OK.
Alright, well, I think let's get into it.
I can't wait to see my vision brought to life.
OK, so, I think we really want to see how this all came together.
What am I looking out for?
You're looking out for the best contribution to the short film.
The best contribution. OK.
And they're coming at it from all angles.
Yeah.
Alright, let's have a look.
This is The Unholy Fists Of The Very Aggrieved Scout.
(TRADITIONAL-SOUNDING STRING FLOURISH)
JOSH: Jimmy and Timmy Wolf were two of the best Scouts
in the Shaolin Scout troop.
But the troop leader, Master Keith Snake,
was always pushing them to the limit.
I'm not sure I can tie this knot, Jimmy.
If you can't do it, that's OK, brother.
(GROANS) (CRACKING SOUND EFFECT)
Do something. He will surely perish.
(COUGHS)
Avenge me, brother, and maybe try for a badge other than knots.
(LIQUID GUSHES)
So, what are you looking for in a partner?
I am not looking for a partner.
I am looking for an evil Scout leader
whose callous careless behaviour allowed my brother to die painfully.
And I will avenge him.
(ACTION MUSIC PLAYS)
(TINKLING)
JOSH: Boing.
(GRUNTS, YELLS)
Hmm. I wish you'd put that in your bio.
Hey, mate.
We don't like guys coming in here and misrepresenting
themselves in their dating bios.
What are you going to do about it?
We're gonna kick your puny ass.
(THINKS) Scout's honour prohibits violence,
but these shitheads are going to get a good punchin'.
(SHATTERING SOUND EFFECT)
(YELLS, GRUNTS REPEATEDLY)
(ACTION MUSIC PLAYS)
(GROWLS)
(SCRAPING NOISE) (WAILS)
Oh, that was painful.
(PANTS HEAVILY)
ANNE: Ah!
I have hunted for you for two decades.
I have earned every Scout badge but one.
You killed my brother. I am here to avenge his death.
I will kill you and dance on your grave and piss on your bones!
Ha!
(GRUNTS)
Ha! Ha!
(GRUNTS REPEATEDLY)
(SHRIEKS)
(GROANS)
I think you finally deserve this.
(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS)
Maybe we should go on a second date.
# Little twins in the middle of the night
# Along came a Swede, he was looking for a fight
# He killed his brother Therefore, Mother
# I can hear her screaming
# Screaming
# She's screaming
# Unholy Fists Of The Very Aggravated Scout
# Scout, Scout, Scout, Scout. #
(APPLAUSE)
(LAUGHTER)
I think we've found another recurring character
for the Wil Anderson sketch show.
You know what the best thing about it is?
I refused to get out of character all day.
(LAUGHTER)
I, like, real method, would only talk to the crew in that accent
that would just go through.
It was a good, fun day.
Well, you've all made a great film,
but I'm capable of creating drama and tension myself.
I'm going to tell you who won that one after the ad break.
See you soon.
Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
Right now we're having a filmmaking awards ceremony.
Yeah, the Shitty Oscars.
Also known as the Shoscars,
also known as the Logies.
(LAUGHTER)
That's right, we just saw the world premiere of
The Unholy Fists Of The Very Aggrieved Scout,
produced by these five right here.
Yeah, and I've got to pick the most outstanding contribution,
but I feel like I didn't see enough of Anne and Josh
because they were a bit more behind the scenes.
Totally.
So, let's have a peek behind the scenes and maybe see their work. OK.
Jimmy and Timmy Wolf were two of the best Scouts
in the Shaolin Scout troop.
(ANNE PLAYS INCIDENTAL MUSIC)
(MAKES VARIOUS SOUND EFFECTS)
Boing.
No. Boy, are they gonna miss that.
I will kill you and dance on your grave and piss on your bones!
(BOTH SCREAM)
It's mostly punching noises.
(MAKES SOUND EFFECTS)
Ah! Oh, no, that's just too much.
(PLAYS ACCORDION CHORD)
(MAKES CRUNCHING NOISE)
(BLOWS WHISTLE) OK.
Thanks, Josh. Thank you.
Terrible movie written by Lloyd.
Well, I guess I should come up with some scores.
Um, so, I'm going to give one point to Lloyd because the script was...
Lloyd, everyone else in the production complained about it.
(LAUGHTER)
So, one point to Lloyd.
I'm giving two points for Wil Anderson's recurring character
that's coming up in his brand-new sketch show.
I'm giving three points to Jenny for a wonderful performance.
(APPLAUSE)
Held the whole thing together.
Uh, four points to Anne Edmonds for the original score -
all that music was done by Anne.
And five points for the beautiful sound effects of Josh Thomas.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Let's have one last look at those episode scores
before we wrap this thing up.
Well, there's two points in it at the front,
but Wil has Anne slightly beaten
with his score of 18 points for the episode.
Alright, contestants, I hate to see you go,
but I love to watch you leave.
So get up on that stage for one last live task.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
What's going on here, Lesser Tom? Contestants, please turn around.
Hmm.
MOST: Oh.
Why does it...why are you all making noises like you know.
JENNY: You don't know?
Please read the task, Josh. I don't know.
"Build a marshmallow tower using the remaining
"marshmallows in the jar you've had in your green room
"since the start of the studio record.
(LAUGHTER)
"Tallest tower wins. You have three minutes."
ANNE: Lloyd!
"Your time starts on Tom's whistle."
Did you like the marshmallows, Wil? (LAUGHS)
I was going to take the rest home with me.
And I almost did that before we recorded this.
(LAUGHTER)
Lloyd, would you like to explain what's happened here?
I spoke to the director of the series, and I said,
"I've got this giant jar of marshmallows in my room.
"I would like to replace them with a jar of fruit."
(LAUGHTER)
How long have we got?
Three minutes from... (BLOWS WHISTLE)
(CHEERING)
Did you ask for any specific fruit, Lloyd?
All I can see here is mandarins.
Two minutes left. (WOMAN SHRIEKS)
90 seconds.
Just pouring them out.
I really thought it would balance.
30 seconds left. Oh, Jesus.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, thank you. 10 seconds.
How even...
Five, four,
three, two, one.
Hands off! (BLOWS WHISTLE)
No!
No. So sad.
Oh, wow, look at Lloyd's! Wow.
For all those kids watching at home, fruit IS good for you.
Alright, we'll find out the winner of the live task after this.
Welcome back to an emotional final part of the final episode
of Taskmaster Australia season two.
We've got some winners to get to, Lesser Tom,
so how do the scores look?
The lowest height was Anne with 10.2cm.
Josh got to 11.9cm.
Wil got 13.6cm.
Jenny stacked 15.5cm.
But on his healthy high horse, Lloyd got 33.5cm.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
That means for this episode, the winner is Wil
with a total of 21 points.
Congratulations, Wil. Go and get your valuable stuff
that holds no value to Lloyd.
So, what have we learned from this episode?
Hey, fun boy. Ooh!
(LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
Good on you, Wil, for winning it!
Give him a big hand!
Alright, we made it to the end.
Some doubted us even more than Wil's parents doubted him.
But we did it, we survived,
even after all the throwing, catching,
hiding and shit shovelling that was season two.
I'm proud to say we have a winner.
So, Lesser Tom, who is that winner?
In a commendable fifth place on 138 points, it's Josh Thomas.
In a slightly more commendable fourth place
on 142 points, it's Jenny Tian.
ANNE: Yes.
Then up in third on 154 points, Wil Anderson.
Thank you.
But overall, the winner is love,
because, no joke, on 161 points, a tie,
between Anne and Lloyd!
Oh, no!
Oh, no.
This means we have a first on Taskmaster Australia.
We have a season tie.
Oh!
What does it mean? Yes, what happens?
We have a season tie breaker.
So I'm going to give you both a pen and paper,
and then I'm going to ask you a question.
You're going to have five seconds to write your answer to the question
on your piece of paper, and we're going to see who gets the closest.
I can't write.
Oh it's big. Oh!
This is for the season? One question for the season?
That's right.
I was expecting a giant piece of paper.
(JENNY LAUGHS)
How much does the Taskmaster trophy weigh?
Please write down your answers.
OK.
(JOSH GROANS)
You finished?
(LAUGHTER)
Please hold up your answers.
What does yours say, Lloyd?
3.6kg.
What does yours say, Anne? 7kg.
Let's look at the tape.
No.
1.621kg.
Which means Lloyd is the winner.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Well done, mate.
Congratulations. You win my head.
Alright, truly ridiculous!
Congratulations to Lloyd. Goodnight!
Let me feel it.
It's all very nice.
Hi, Tom.
I think I'm having an aneurysm.
Oh!
There we go. (BLEEP) you!
Oh, no. Don't! Come on.
Bye! Oh, God.