# Ah! #
Ah!
Eurgh!
Oh!
Yes!
No!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello, welcome to the highly anticipated seventh episode
of Taskmaster Australia.
It's the show that answers the burning question -
what if comedians had feelings?
And what if the man hosting them did not give a single shit
about those feelings? (LAUGHTER)
I am that host.
And, yes, I am who you think I am -
the man who killed, and is wearing the skin of, Tom Gleeson.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Sitting in front of me, as always, are five sweet, innocent children
between the ages of 29 and 50.
They are Anne Edmonds...
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
..Jenny Tian... (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
..Josh Thomas... (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
..Lloyd Langford... (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
..and Wil Anderson. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And here beside me, a man who I'd love to get to know better,
if his dressing-room didn't smell so much of Nutri-Grain.
(LAUGHTER) It's my assistant, Lesser Tom.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
G'day, mate. How are you going? I'm not too bad.
I've always wanted to be one of those guys
that everyone knows can do a backflip.
So I've been practising -
not backflips, because that's too hard -
I've been practising telling people I can do a backflip.
(LAUGHTER)
I can do a backflip.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, sugar lips, sweeten the air
with details of our prize task, please.
Tonight, our comedians have been asked to bring in a thing
that is great to have one of, but gets progressively worse
the more you have.
Ooh, OK. Jenny, what have you brought in?
I have brought in the Plan B pill.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
'Cause if you have one, you know, it, like, saves you, right?
But then, if you have multiple, then it is a little bit worse.
And it's called the Plan B pill, not Plan B to Z.
(LAUGHTER)
When you said "saves you",
you meant "saves you from the blessing of having children".
(LAUGHTER)
Yes!
(LAUGHTER)
It didn't sound right, did it? (LAUGHTER)
So, not more than once?
No, not more than once.
And also, my dad is in the crowd tonight,
so, if he asks...
It was a hypothetical, wasn't it? Yeah, exactly.
I don't know what that is at all. I've never taken one in my life.
OK, Wil?
Oh, I'm happy with this. The more you have, the worse it gets.
The nose. It's great to have one nose...
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
..you have two noses,
suddenly they start getting closer to smellier places.
But I thought you probably couldn't imagine what it would be like
if someone had a lot of noses, so I just thought I'd bring this in.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
So, you use medical marijuana for, uh, for your pain, yeah?
Yes. Well, just...
This 'more than one nose', it sounds like stoner talk to me.
(LAUGHTER) "Oh, man.
"Imagine having more than one nose."
Well, it certainly wouldn't be cocaine talk,
because no-one would want...! Ha!
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Right. Lloyd, what have you got?
I chose a human skull.
(LAUGHTER)
It's absolutely fine to have one skull...
(LAUGHTER)
..on, like, the mantelpiece or something in your house.
It would be like a curiosity, but the more you have...
(LAUGHTER)
..the more you're getting into, like, serial killer territory.
If, for example, you went,
"Do you want to come down to my basement
"and see all my skulls?" (LAUGHTER)
I would be like, "No, I'm going." (LAUGHTER)
What did you bring in, Anne?
I brought in a Strongbow.
(LAUGHTER)
The first time I got drunk, I snuck out of my parents' house
through the window, went to a park, and I drank eight Strongbows.
Ooh.
Then I came home, and I was just vomiting out of the open window,
all night.
I saw the face of God...
(LAUGHTER)
..and he loved Strongbow! (LAUGHTER)
But it's disgusting. OK.
Uh, Josh, what did you bring in?
Buttholes.
(LAUGHTER)
Is that...? What's that supposed to be?
It's a butthole. (LAUGHTER)
A butthole? Or your...?
Was it you?
It doesn't matter who it is. (LAUGHTER)
It's kind of like the nose, in many ways.
But I didn't do a, like, photo composition scheme
with heaps and heaps of buttholes. And thank you for that.
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
Alright, well, I should allocate some points.
Well, I'm thinking Wil's nose gets one point 'cause it's stoner talk.
What are you talking about? (LAUGHTER)
That is, like, my best prize of the whole season!
No. One?! Yeah, one.
Josh is going to get two points for his butthole.
Three points to Lloyd for the skull, because it creeped me out a bit.
Anne, four points for the cider, because I agree, one cider's enough.
Even half.
But Plan B pill?
I mean, you don't want one more of those.
Five points to Jenny.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright, I've said it before, and I'll say it again -
that's enough cider and buttholes for one night.
Let's get into the good stuff, Tom. Sure thing.
It's time for our contestants to pull their socks up...
..to pull them down.
Hi, Jenny. Hi, Tom.
Koreen. Hi, Lloyd.
Hello, Tom! Hi, Wil.
What's going on here?
It's just a bunch of socks on the house.
I can see that.
"Find the minivan in the sock."
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
"Fewest socks removed from the house wins."
"You may not enter the house. Your time starts now."
Oh.
Flip me.
What?!
"Find the minivan in the sock."
Well, I'm gonna go check out the caravan.
OK. Yeah.
I don't see any socks.
Is the hook helping?
I mean, I'm not allowed to enter a house,
and this is technically a house.
You're allowed to enter. Oh.
I don't really see anything.
I don't see any socks here.
OK. Well...
Ah!
(LAUGHS)
Oh! I see what's happened!
(APPLAUSE)
Hello!
Jenny, do you think your father is proud of you?
(LAUGHTER)
People often lose a few socks here and there,
but I don't think anyone's lost that many before.
Yeah, but in my mind, a minivan and a caravan were,
like, the same thing.
And I just thought, "Wow, it's probably going to be,
"like, a really easy, quick find,
"and I'll go into the caravan
"to find the caravan that I was supposed to find."
Not realising that a caravan and a minivan are
different vehicles, which...
(LAUGHTER) Yes.
Well, if we've got nothing else out of this task,
you've learnt that a caravan and a minivan are two different things.
(LAUGHTER) Alright, well, who's first?
Two of them have athlete's feet, the other just has tinea.
It's Jenny, Anne and Lloyd.
"There's a minivan in a sock." OK.
Oh, look at that.
Can I keep that for my daughter?
Yeah. Thanks.
My daughter would love that.
You think? Yeah.
I can't be bothered removing all these socks.
That's just too many.
I'm just trying to figure out inconsistency in pattern.
It's a horse and a trailer.
Can she have that as well?
OK. Nice one.
It's one of those guys.
Fun. Yeah.
It's an aeroplane.
I'm not even going to ask you anymore. She's having that.
Hello, Tom! Oh. Who's this?
(BLEEP) you! Oh.
I wonder if it's the number of stripes at the top.
Because that one has three.
There's one sock that has three stripes on it.
If you could just pick up the giraffe.
I'm having trouble. I got it, I got it.
Oh, I hear something inside.
Oh...
That's not a minivan. No.
You really need a lot of, um, upper body strength for this one.
Do you?
Lift your trouser leg up! (CHUCKLES)
May I have a look at your socks, please?
What do you mean?
I'm quite pissed off.
I don't like it when I can't solve things.
To be fair to you, I'm in a bit of pain as well.
Oh. Are you? Why are you in pain?
(QUIETLY) You bastard!
What's in there, Tommy-Tom-Tom-Tom-Tom?
You're just desperate to get your feet out on television.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, you've double-knotted them, you nerd!
(GROANS)
Minivan in the sock. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Was that a minivan? I hope so, I'll never find it now.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Yay, I found it.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
TOM GLEESON: OK.
So, Anne and Lloyd, we get it - you've got a daughter.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, I've just been thinking
about how much she plays with that minivan
and where it's been. (LAUGHTER)
Oh, right. So, all the toys made it back to your daughter?
Yeah, that's all she's got. Just those toys.
(LAUGHTER)
Now, Jenny, you said that Lesser Tom here was a nerd
because he double-knotted his shoelaces?
Yeah.
How brutal were the bullies at your school?
If double-knotting's a nerd activity?
It is! So specific.
Also, it's nerdy if you've tied a double knot
when you know the next thing...
If you know that what's going to happen that day
is that Jenny is going to have to get down and untie your shoes,
tying a double knot, I wouldn't say it's nerdy,
that's full creep mode, man. (LAUGHTER)
You just want to keep her down there as long as you can
doing...doing feet knots.
I would like to make it very clear -
the double knot was not specific to Jenny.
Actually, he had a combination lock on his shoe.
JENNY: Yeah! I was down there for 45 minutes.
(LAUGHTER) Now, Jenny and Lloyd,
you both found the sock with three stripes.
Lloyd, did you not think to look for the other one?
Socks come in pairs. So, did you not think to...?
I think I was caught up in the giddiness
of getting new toys for Gwen. (LAUGHTER)
I found the sock with the three stripes.
And then, when there was a car inside the sock,
then I started thinking about,
"There's got to be another three-striped sock."
So, that is what led you to look at my foot?
Yeah, I wasn't just thinking,
"Oh, I'm never going to be able to solve this task,
"I'll just enjoy an erotic moment with your...
(LAUGHTER) "..with your foot."
I started thinking about other socks and where the minivan could be.
And I distinctly remember, that day,
I hadn't put a minivan in my own sock.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, what are the scores so far?
So, Lloyd removed six socks from the house
before discovering the minivan in my sock.
Anne only removed two socks from the house
and was finished in just four minutes and 40 seconds. Ooh.
Jenny took 38 minutes and 45 seconds...
(LAUGHTER)
..but still only removed two socks from the house.
So, tied with Anne. OK.
(APPLAUSE) Well, we're due a little ad break.
Which should be just enough time to check
what your significant other's been hiding in their sock this whole time.
Hopefully it's a yummy treat just for you.
We'll see you soon. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
it's the show single-handedly keeping
the long-sock grabby-stick industry afloat.
What's happening, Tom Cashman?
Our contestants are trying to find a sock with a minivan in it.
There are 155 socks up on the house and one on my foot.
Alright, who's up next?
He's about to be socked in the face with having to face some socks.
It's Wil Anderson. Uh-oh.
Why a minivan, Tom?
Is there, like, a fun play on words there or something that I'm missing?
One of these socks?
Like, there's not another sock somewhere that the minivan is in?
That's the sort of tricky thing that you would do.
I'm just going to check there's not another sock somewhere first.
OK.
Tom, you seem to be limping. Is there a minivan in your sock?
I couldn't possibly say.
Ah, you know what the problem is? That's why you're limping,
because I believe... there is a minivan in your sock.
Sorry to everyone who went to all that fuss
putting all those socks up there.
This sock was not on the house.
Thanks, Wil. Thanks, Tom.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Wil, why do you have to suck the joy out of this show?
(LAUGHTER) We're supposed to watch you struggle.
It's OK. There's more sketch comedy to come in this!
(LAUGHTER)
There's heaps more struggles. Don't worry.
Allow me this small victory.
Righto. So, how many socks was that? I mean...
Well, there were 155 socks in total up on the house.
Yep. Wil took down zero.
ANNE: Wow! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright, it always gives me a nice feeling
when we've got one left...
No! (LAUGHTER)
..and we've already seen someone nail it.
So, uh...
Who's last? Oh...
His last name is my first name
and his first name is what he loves to do -
it's Josh Thomas. (LAUGHTER)
"Fewest socks removed from the house wins.
"Your time starts now."
Oh. Wait. It's a timed task.
I've got to go fast.
That's nothing. That's nothing.
That looks like a minivan.
Oh, that's not a minivan. It's junk.
That's a boat.
A boat? That's a boat.
That was a boat. OK.
It wasn't a van. You can take a look if you like.
It's a boat. Is it a boat?
Oh, my God.
Oh, maybe I'm gonna be a genius at this game.
Was that a minivan?
No, it was junk. OK.
Oh, is that a van?
No. What is it?
It doesn't matter, does it, really?
There's two categories, isn't there?
Van and failure.
That's not a van.
It's a dumb toy. I've got to speed up.
Why is that? Because it's a race, isn't it?
Er, not really. Isn't it the fastest time wins?
All the information you need is in the task book.
"Find the minivan in the sock. Fewest socks removed..."
Oh.
It's not a race? No.
Oh, I didn't read.
I've not got good reading comprehension.
Now that I know it's not a race,
there's something about that that's broken my spirit.
We could be here for so long, couldn't we?
Just a man with his socks.
Got a bit of a headache.
You've got a headache? From doing this.
How does your soul feel? (SIGHS)
Mine's a bit sore. Yeah.
What I'm going to do is I'm going to pull every sock down.
OK.
Yeah.
You're just pulling all of them?
If this is one of those tasks where it ends
and you hand me another envelope...
You think I've got something hidden on me?
It's always hidden, isn't it? Hmm.
Oh, (BLEEP)! What?
There's more socks than you think up there.
Oh.
What kind of socks are you wearing?
They're just white socks. Right.
I want this to come this way.
Oop! So, you've got them all down.
That's quite a feat. Complete opposite of the task.
You literally could not do worse.
This is a mouse.
Would you like a water?
I'd love a water. That'd be great.
I'll get a few waters. Thank you.
(SIGHS)
It's better in the shade.
Mm-hm.
(HUMS)
It matches your shirt. Yeah.
Not all things match, so that's good.
No.
Should I read the task again?
I think if I was completely wrong,
you would have sort of hinted by now.
Can you let me read it?
Do you think I would have hinted? It's just behind you.
I don't think there's a trick to it.
I think there's just a van in a sock.
I don't think it's one of those. Pretty clear.
"Find the minivan in the sock."
Oh, my God, it's in your sock.
What makes you think that?
OK.
You don't want to look in...? No.
(APPLAUSE)
Aww!
(LAUGHTER)
No... I mean...
I do feel silly, yeah.
Uh, how long was it? (LAUGHTER)
One hour and 43 minutes.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Can you talk me through the moment
where you realised it wasn't a timed task anymore
and that it was the least number of socks...
Uh-huh. ..but then, after that,
you clearly decided to pull down every sock.
I've realised that I had pulled down so many socks
that I've definitely lost. OK.
But that I needed to complete the task to get my one point.
(LAUGHTER) I am aware about what...
I do know what you're about to say. What am I about to say?
I then didn't complete the task! (LAUGHTER)
I know, usually I'm very harsh with my rulings,
but in this really difficult decision
as to whether to give you zero or one...
(LAUGHTER)
..I'm going to be slightly lenient this time and give you one.
Oh, thanks! (APPLAUSE)
I will give you one. Thanks.
So, what are the scores for the task, Lesser Tom?
That means Josh gets one point, Lloyd has two,
Anne and Jenny both on four,
and Wil wins the task with five points.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I think it's time for some episode scores.
It's a good thing her dad's here -
Jenny's in the lead with nine points.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) OK, what's up next?
At the end of a sentence, you usually see a full stop.
At the end of this one, it's time for a full slop.
Hello. Hi, Jenny.
Kabulay. Hi, Lloyd.
Hey, boy! I'm here.
Hi, Josh.
(MIMICS ALARM)
What's that? Like a siren.
Red light district.
"Go full slop mode."
What does slop mode mean?
"Fullest slop mode wins."
"You have 20 minutes." "Your time starts now."
I don't know what slop mode is.
Would you like me to look up full slop mode?
Could you, please? There's nothing coming up.
Oh, really? Must be a new thing.
It's a new thing?
Alright. I'll see you back here soon.
Perhaps.
OK, so we're looking not to slop mode...
No, no. ..we want full slop mode?
Yeah. OK.
But we don't really know what it is.
I looked it up. Couldn't find anything.
(LAUGHTER) OK. Who's first?
Going full slop mode for the first time
anywhere on planet Earth, here's Wil Anderson.
Tom, activate full slop mode.
(OPERATIC MUSIC)
(MUSIC STOPS)
Full slop mode goes for a while.
Ah! Some went up my nose!
Argh!
Ah!
Is that the end of full slop mode?
Might be the end of my career, Tom.
Thanks, Wil.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Wil, there was a little moment there early on that I really enjoyed
where you literally leant into that task.
I don't think it's full slop mode if the slop finds you,
you've got to find the slop. (LAUGHTER)
Bloody loved it. Um, I'm just worried about you, though.
Why? I don't know.
What about now? This is good stuff. (LAUGHTER)
But you're a TV host.
You probably turned down this gig
and you're over there getting slop on your face.
Yes!
How much money do you need me to lend you?
I'm just saying, I would prefer that than watch you on this show anymore.
I can't handle any more... (LAUGHTER)
Oh!
Just a figure - what is it?
I mean, that felt a bit real! (LAUGHTER)
I feel like we...
I mean...
It's all fun and games,
I know we're having a good time,
but that crossed the line a little bit!
Alright. Sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths and fifths to come.
But first a break,
over which Wil's going to tell us about all the other time
something went up his nose on a TV set.
Back soon! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello. Welcome back to Taskmaster.
We've been going full slop mode.
Don't know what that is? Well, neither do we.
Can you explain it better than that, Tom?
Unfortunately not. (LAUGHTER)
It is what it is.
We've seen Wil's full slop mode.
Now it's time for another one. Alright, who's next?
Going full slop mode for the second time anywhere ever,
it's Jenny Tian. Ooh!
Hi, I'm Jenny.
Summer's coming, so I'm here to remind you about sun safety.
Remember to slip on a T-shirt...
Slop on some sunscreen...
And slap on a hat.
That's slip...
Slop...
And slap.
One more time.
Slip... Slop...
And slap.
Slip...
Slo-o-o-o-o-o-op...
And slap.
Slip...
Slo-o-o-o-o-o-o-p!
And slap.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
That was bloody great, Jenny.
Wow. And I got fair skin.
I could relate to it.
I mean...
That was fantastic.
I can't believe we both, like, creamed ourselves as this task!
(LAUGHTER)
Oh! I think it was great.
It was such an effective ad.
I reckon we could just use that as an ad from now on
for the Slip-Slop-Slap campaign.
You know what? It's so weird when you're being nice
that I genuinely don't know how to react!
(LAUGHTER)
I know. It's fun, isn't it? Yeah!
Well, who's next?
Well, going full slop mode for the equal third
and hopefully last time anywhere ever,
it's Lloyd, Josh and Anne.
Right. I'm wondering whether we can go full slops, as in, you know,
like, "Full slops, man!" Did you just make this up?
Yeah, I made it up. Oh.
One option is sort of, like, to just be lazy.
OK. Like, I really don't want to do
what this task is pushing me towards.
You'll get me a beer, yeah?
OK. Can I have one, too?
I don't care.
Oh, that's nice.
That's fully slops there.
I'll slop around in the water pretending to be a pig. OK.
And then you come over with the slops.
What's my character?
Just do, like, a sort of borderline offensive
but not racist country bumpkin voice.
I'm not exactly sure where the lines are, if I'm honest. OK.
I've got you a beer.
You're just relaxing? I'm not doing any of your questions.
I'm not doing any show things. OK.
(US ACCENT) This is full slops today out here. Gnarly, dude.
Fully slops, man!
(LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS LIKE A PIG)
I don't think they have to hold the cameras up the whole time.
Get down!
It's not worth it.
The slops are so full today.
Wow!
Oh, I'm in the ocean.
Oh, oh, me hearty.
It's time to feed me pig.
(LAUGHTER)
I can't wait to watch them cut this in
with other people doing stuff.
Fully slops, man. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
I think that's the worst of the tasks so far, by a country mile.
Is it possible you've mixed up the word slop and slob?
What?
Nothing.
(APPLAUSE)
I feel like we got yet another insight
into Anne and Lloyd's home life. (LAUGHTER)
So, fully slops.
Yeah, it was total fully slops, and I just...
I rode that sloppy wave and I...
I just really leant into it, man. I owned it.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then, Lloyd, you were worried the TV show was forcing you
into doing that... (LAUGHTER)
..into doing that task which could be interpreted in any way at all.
Easily my least favourite task of the entire series.
That you designated to yourself.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, now, Josh, you've worked drinking beer into a task again.
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
I'm worried that you may have...
Did you mix up 'slops' with 'slob'?
No, no, no, I was trying to do, like, a sloppy performance,
because I felt like the task is asking us to go full slop mode,
so it's asking for a lot.
So I thought that, like, what would be slop
is to just do nothing.
But that felt like full slob mode.
That's not what I... That's not how I meant it.
That's how it came across. (LAUGHTER)
OK. (LAUGHTER)
One of the things that's happened over the season is
I've got so few points and I'm doing so badly
that I don't have it in me to fight for points anymore
because they're meaningless. (LAUGHTER)
So, just score it how you will, gay daddy.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright, I should allocate some points.
Yes. Pretty easy.
Josh one. OK.
(LAUGHTER) Two points to Wil.
Just because I'm worried about his career.
(LAUGHTER)
Three points to Anne because, I mean, that was pretty sloppy.
Yep. It's full slops.
Four points to Lloyd, because it left a bad taste in my mouth and his.
Jenny gets five points.
Obviously it was a great ad for Slip-Slop-Slap.
She definitely went full slop mode.
From now on, kids all around Australia,
before they go to the beach, will go,
"Mum, Dad, can I please go full slop mode?"
(LAUGHTER) I think you really started something.
Five points to Jenny. (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright, you lazy drunkard, give me another task.
I like my tasks how I like my coffee -
strong, or weak. It's up to you, really.
(LAUGHTER)
Good morning. Hi, Anne.
Hi. How you going?
I'm OK. That's good.
You got mail. Ooh!
Oh, I've never had mail before.
You've never had mail? My first mail.
Oh, it's yucky.
Eurgh!
Oh, that's disgusting.
Spinach, is it?
Yeah. OK.
Ah! Oh!
"Make yourself look extremely strong or extremely weak."
"Most extreme show of strength..."
"Or weakness wins. You have 20 minutes..."
"And your time starts now."
Ah! Oh.
That didn't work.
What strengths do you have?
I'm a white, straight man. That used to be enough.
I feel like my natural demeanour is weakness.
So I'm going to try and be strong.
I'm quite a weak person, I think stronger.
I'm going to go for strength.
Strength - an extreme show of strength.
Maybe we have, like, a fist fight.
Oh. Mano a mano.
Am I one of the manos?
I reckon.
(APPLAUSE)
So, four of them went with strength? Yes.
And Josh yet to decide. Yeah.
Alright. Which strong man or woman are we seeing first?
Does she even lift... my spirits when she enters a room?
Most definitely. It's Jenny Tian.
Welcome to the Universe's Strongest Heavyweight Championship
of Strong Physical Strength,
where I have been crowned the Champion of the Universe
by all of the judges from the universe.
And I have won, unlike these losers -
Rubber Duck and Paddle Pop Sleeping Bear -
because they are weak and I am strong,
as you can see with my muscles here,
and also my strong moustache and really strong, strong outfit!
And to prove my feat of strength,
I'm really going to... (GROWLS)
..get ready for this one
and show you guys how physically strong I am.
(GROWLS) I will lift this hammer with one hand.
(GROANS)
Oh!
Wow. Light as a feather.
Oh, my God!
So light.
I am really strong. (LAUGHS)
Wow.
No effort at all. (SIGHS)
(APPLAUSE)
Yeah. Your last line there was, "Wow, no effort at all."
And I feel like we could all see that.
(LAUGHTER)
I was just thinking, like, the Olympics,
like the OG Olympics, like Greek, you know,
where they're, like, really, really strong.
And then also the outfit as well would make me look
like that stereotypical...
Hm! ..Greek strength.
I'm still just reflecting on you calling
the ancient Olympic Games the OG Olympics.
(LAUGHTER)
Old and Greek. (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Fair enough.
Can I just say, Tom? I don't like complimenting you...
Oh. (LAUGHTER)
..but that hammer is so heavy. JENNY: It is so heavy.
That thing you were lifting up, it was cool, man.
I hate to ruin my own compliment here, but it weighs 6.76kg.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
OK. That's another part of the show down.
Deep breaths. Come on. Push, push!
I can see its head.
Oh! Oh. It's hideous.
It's another ad break. See you soon. (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster, where five comedians are battling
for the right to own Josh Thomas's butthole.
Sometimes, I just have to say it as it is.
Inform us of where we are, please.
Our contestants are trying to look extremely strong or extremely weak.
So far, Jenny has lifted a big hammer
with absolutely no help at all. (LAUGHTER)
Up next, attempting feet of strength and also strength
throughout the rest of their bodies, it's Wil and Anne.
Why don't I try and, um, pull something like a horse?
Pull a horse? No, like a horse.
As in you're the horse? Yeah.
Alright, Tom, this is the ultimate show of strength. OK.
I'm going to single-handedly, with these two ropes -
so double-handedly... Yep.
..pull this van that is behind me.
But the thing that's going to make it even trickier
as a feat of strength is you are going to be tempting me
with an array of things
so I have to actually show, like, strength to turn them down as well.
OK. Could I interest you in a lolly?
No! OK.
(SCREAMS)
Tempt me again. Tempt me harder.
Could I interest you in a vegan sausage?
Uh, no, you cannot interest me in a vegan sausage!
I am too strong for a vegan sausage!
(LAUGHTER)
Alright. Yell out my strengths. OK.
How are you at scrambling eggs? I'm the best.
When do you pay the mortgage?
Most of the time on time.
I've had two slip-ups around Christmas.
And how are you at making muffins with your daughter?
I'm the best!
And that's it? That's it.
Tempt me again!
Could I interest you in keys to a 1965 Ford Mustang?
I am more interested, but I am showing my strength!
(SCREAMS)
Wil, look around you. I...
Oh, wow, I did it. Yeah.
Those are all the strengths?
(SIGHS WITH EXHAUSTION)
That's it, I've had it.
You're on your own, buddy.
OK. Have a good day. See ya.
Man, I actually did not think I was going to be able to do that.
Thank you. Thanks, Wil.
(GROWLS LIKE A WEIGHTLIFTER)
(APPLAUSE)
OK. Now, Wil, is resisting a vegan sausage a sign of strength?
(LAUGHTER)
I've managed to do it for my entire life.
Without even thinking about it.
I mean, to be fair, it also wasn't a vegan sausage.
It was made out of plasticine, I believe!
(LAUGHTER) So, you double-stacked it there.
You were strong because you were pulling the van...
Yeah. ..and also because you were resisting treats that you quite enjoy eating.
Yeah. The weird thing is, I was really sore the next day!
Despite the fact
that - you might have seen - I had a little assistance at the end.
But the idea was to LOOK extremely strong.
Right. Whereas, Anne...
Hmm. ..you...
(LAUGHTER)
Neigh!
You got no help. You actually did the work yourself.
I pulled this guy. And how...
How much...?
(LAUGHTER)
Yes, I pulled Tom Cashman.
And you weigh how much, Tom Cashman?
80kg. I pulled 80kg.
(APPLAUSE) OK.
I would say - 80kg -
relatively impressive for a human woman,
not very impressive for a horse.
(LAUGHTER)
But also, I think your horse suit was a cow suit, wasn't it?
I mean, yes.
I think that's how it was originally designed.
I don't want to bring up the patriarchy as well...
(LAUGHTER)
..but I was...
I'm a woman who you've just called a cow.
(LAUGHTER) JENNY: Oh!
And yet I pulled you.
Like I've pulled every man in this industry!
(LAUGHTER) Behind me!
Move! (APPLAUSE)
Alright, take us to the next gun show, please.
You are the weakest link... Hello, it's Josh Thomas.
(LAUGHTER)
Extremely weak would be like you say something mean to me
and then I crumble.
What do weak people do when they're attacked?
They attack back. I suppose.
They get defensive.
So, if you did something slightly mean to me
and then I came back
and I did something extremely terrible to you,
that'd be quite weak, I think.
OK.
G'day, Josh.
Oh, hey. Hey, honey.
How you doing?! No!
What are you doing? No! Back off!
Ah!
What happened?
What?
No, no, we're in the scene.
You just lay down... Stay in the scene!
Oh. We're in the scene.
Why... Why did you do that?
I don't know why.
(TEARFULLY) I don't know.
I walk out like this. Oh, no, I...
I... I don't know why I did that.
I'm sorry, I was just... Um...
Um, I'm very weak.
And I had a very difficult childhood.
What was it like?
Um, they were late to pick me up from pre-school,
and I never got a horse.
That doesn't justify this. No, but I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Please. It's... I'm going through a lot.
I think I might be gay.
I feel like you're sending a confused message.
(LAUGHTER)
What I saw was a very strong gay man...
(LAUGHTER)
..asserting himself.
Yeah, it's... It's...
Sometimes, the greatest strength can come out of weak moments.
And I came out, and that's my strong moment.
And that was my entry.
I was being really strong.
And I was coming out, which you...
..are about to do.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, as we know, from people who've watched previous episodes,
I'm gay.
(LAUGHTER)
You happy?
I'm happy!
(LAUGHTER) I cheered you up, didn't I?
So, we're going to accept that as a show of extreme strength.
Coming out? OK, I reckon.
Oh, God!
Alright. Give us our final grower, show-er or no-er, please.
Let's hope this show is the only thing he's done weakly.
It's Lloyd Langford.
What I'm thinking is we could have a fight.
OK. But I'll win.
Oh.
I feel like there needs to be some sort of narrative to it.
Right? OK.
I'm out having a night out with my zebra, and you're...staring.
At the zebra? Yeah, in a sort of, um, lustful...
Oh, I was. I was hoping you were going to say appropriate.
No, you are, like, coveting the zebra.
So, if I've wronged you in regards to this kind of animal,
would you call it a zebra crossing?
Yeah, that's not bad, actually.
Hey, excuse me, mate.
Hey. Hey!
Can you stop looking at my zebra?
I'll look at whatever zebra I want. It's a free country.
I don't see any laws about not looking at a zebra,
even if it's your zebra.
We're just trying to have a quis... quiet night out here together.
OK.
And you've been disruptive by your perverted glances.
Move away from the zebra.
I refuse to move away from the zebra.
Right. Well, I'm going to move you away, then.
Oh, really? I'm a strong man.
Oh, well... I'm not a violent person,
and you've pushed me beyond my limits.
Stop staring at my zebra.
If you stare at my zebra once more,
I'm going to give you the slap of a lifetime.
Right. I've had enough now.
Come on, love, let's go home. I've had enough of this.
(APPLAUSE)
Um, so you beat up Tom Cashman.
Is that a sign of...
(LAUGHTER)
..extreme strength?
Well, Lloyd punched me 17 metres,
which - I looked it up - how hard you'd have to hit someone,
and it's physically impossible.
Initially I wanted to do lots of different, like,
tests of strength.
You know like they do in Scandinavian countries
where they have the wife-carrying championships?
Um...
I forgot about this.
I carried Tom back and forth across the paddock several times.
(SMATTER OF LAUGHTER)
On one of the occasions, he farted on me.
(LAUGHTER)
He did a f... He did a full fart on me.
You had my stomach here.
We'd just had lunch.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, well, I guess I should hand out some scores.
Yes, please. I'm going to give one point to Wil,
because he was only pretending.
What? That was the whole point of the game - was to pretend.
You've got to be showing extreme strength and...
Extreme strength? I pulled a minivan.
You avoided a vegan sausage. (LAUGHTER)
I didn't mention this earlier,
but in actual, kind of, strongman contests,
they drag trucks 20 times the weight of that van.
You know what?
I just thought it'd be a bit of fun to have a little argument.
I don't need your follow-up.
Oh, OK. To tell me...
(LAUGHTER)
JENNY: Oh!
(APPLAUSE)
Alright, and so I'm going to go for two points to Lloyd
because you beat up someone, and that was impressive.
But it was only Tom Cashman, which was easy to do.
Three points to Jenny because, uh, you know,
I could tell that it wasn't her really lifting...
(LAUGHTER)
Four points to Anne,
because you actually showed genuine strength. I did.
As you pointed out, you've been pulling men
in the... (LAUGHTER)
..in the industry for years, and... (LAUGHS)
And it's a lot! It is a lot.
It's a lot to take on, and I'm sick of it.
I've got sore wrists and I want to host my own TV show.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
It takes a lot of strength to come out.
So, Josh... You'd know. Yeah. Because you...
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Five points to Josh. Yay!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
It's time for another ad break.
You can block your ears and shut your eyes,
but what if you miss the part where we come back?
Don't even risk it.
Back with our final task of the show soon.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Hello and welcome back to Taskmaster.
Someone here is getting ready to sink a Strongbow,
chuck a new nose on their new skull,
sniff a butt, and pop a Plan B pill.
Goody! (LAUGHTER)
Lesser Tom, catch us up on who's winning the episode so far.
Well, it looks like this one is between Jenny and Anne,
but Jenny has a two-point lead on 17 points.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright. Up to the stage for our live task.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Alright, Lesser Tom, what's going on here?
Are we teaching Jenny how to read a clock with hands?
(LAUGHTER) Well, she'll read first.
JENNY: Oh.
Perform a 30-second scene that communicates to the Taskmaster
what time the clock says.
You may only say one word per team member,
and that word cannot be morning, day, afternoon, night, sunrise,
sunset, dawn, dusk, breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, quarter,
half, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
eleven, twelve.
Each team will get three randomly selected times and three scenes.
Closest times guessed by the Taskmaster
to the actual times wins.
Wow, that was so clear.
(LAUGHTER)
We get three words? And we're us!
Good question.
One... (LAUGHTER)
One person on your team can say two words each scene.
Well, that'll be Josh.
(LAUGHTER)
We're a team!
Alright. Are we ready?
Taskmaster is averting his eyes.
(WHISTLE BLOWS) (THEY YAWN)
Work. Oh...
Work! Work.
Work! School.
(LAUGHTER)
I've had enough. (WHISTLE BLOWS)
You were late to work and school,
so I'm going to say ten to nine.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
I mean, come off it! (LAUGHTER)
(WHISTLE BLOWS) Almost bell!
Mummy!
(LAUGHTER)
Mummy!
Almost.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
I don't know. School finishes 3pm, 3.30pm.
So I'm going to say quarter to three in the afternoon.
(APPLAUSE)
ALL: Ooh!
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
(PANTS)
(LAUGHS) Hang on, is it just me?
(LAUGHTER)
We were waiting for you to do something
and then join in! OK, right.
They have to be his words, don't they?
He's said way too many words.
I hadn't started, though.
Yes, you had. OK.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
JENNY: Oh!
Sorry!
The Wiggles get the maximum time,
due to a violation of the rules.
ANNE: Oh!
It's the same.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Almost bell.
(LAUGHTER)
Mummy!
Wah!
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
I'm guessing it's the exact same time,
so I'm going to guess 2:45pm.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS) Happy...
New... Year!
(APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
12am.
(APPLAUSE)
JOSH: Is this our last one? LESSER TOM: Yeah.
(SMATTER OF LAUGHTER)
Bell! Mummy's here!
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
I'm guessing it's not the exact same time.
I'm going to go with 3:30pm.
Ah! (APPLAUSE)
Alright, I don't need any more bad improv
to tell me what time it is.
I know what time it is - it's time for a break. See you soon.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where I've just spent the last five minutes
guessing what the time was. (LAUGHTER)
Alright, so what are the scores for the live task?
Well, we're scoring this one
by how many minutes our teams were away from the actual time
that they had to depict.
The Discount Wiggles were 724 minutes away.
(JENNY GUFFAWS) (APPLAUSE)
The Hooley Dooleys, over the course of three rounds,
only 18 minutes.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
I guess it's up to you how to score them.
Well, that's pretty easy. I think it's five, five, one, one, one.
Oh! (APPLAUSE)
ANNE: Harsh.
Alright, what does that do to the overall scores for the episode?
Well, it's been a huge episode for Jenny Tian,
but Anne Edmonds gets her first win in the season.
No way! With 20 points.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (SCREAMS)
Congratulations, Anne!
Go claim your five things that are great to have one of,
but progressively worse when multiplied.
Go and enjoy.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
And how's the season going, Lesser Tom?
Well, Jenny and Josh, they're scrapping it out
with 93 each.
Wil's in the middle.
Anne has skyrocketed into second place.
But Lloyd is out in front with 113 points.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
You can still catch up.
That's episode seven done, dusted and in the cupboard.
But what have we learned?
Well, we all learned that, despite the subtle encouragement,
full slop mode will never catch on. (LAUGHTER)
Josh learnt that, despite my harsh exterior,
sometimes I will give one instead of zero.
(LAUGHTER)
And Anne learnt that, despite common sense,
in this one case, giving a bloke a pull has gotten her to the top.
Many happy returns to her. She's our winner.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Let's do this all again next week.
See you!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
No, I don't want this to go on TV.
This might have been a futile request from me.
Wow. (SCREAMS)
Thanks for being such a good friend, you little dickhead.
TOM: I think you showed a different side of you -
you were funny. AUDIENCE: Oh!
Captions by Red Bee Media