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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ
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So remember,
just do the task.
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00:00:53,021 --> 00:00:56,524
Simply see the person's hands
and describe them.
5
00:00:57,792 --> 00:01:01,194
So you've got
a little roundy scar
6
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,964
on the knuckle there.
7
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:04,431
And, um...
8
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:09,269
...you've got lovely long
fingers, really... nice nails.
9
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,104
Don't judge.
10
00:01:11,138 --> 00:01:13,173
It's not about whether
the hand is good or bad.
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00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:15,643
Just about observing,
paying attention.
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OK?
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00:01:17,712 --> 00:01:19,246
-May I?
-Yeah.
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00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,221
OK, long fingers.
15
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:30,725
There's a scratch there
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00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,627
on the knuckle of
the index finger.
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00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:33,962
Cat scratch.
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00:01:33,995 --> 00:01:36,030
And there's another one there
just higher up.
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It veers off to the left a bit.
20
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:41,736
The thumb has a little
bitten bit to the left
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00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,437
of the nail.
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00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:47,140
And when you've done the task,
just the task, long enough,
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00:01:47,174 --> 00:01:50,011
uh, you move up to their face,
24
00:01:50,044 --> 00:01:51,579
their eyes.
25
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:57,018
And the top dark lash line
26
00:01:57,051 --> 00:02:02,422
just cuts off the very tip of
the... the dark brown iris.
27
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,458
And there's a...
there's a darker line
28
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:06,159
around the outside of the iris.
29
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:12,066
And it's... it's hard not to
feel a... an intimacy.
30
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:15,770
An almost instant intimacy
and a...
31
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,405
An excitement?
32
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:20,842
Yeah, for sure, an excitement
in the intimacy.
33
00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:24,512
And it's a good way to create
an intense intimacy
34
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:27,015
between your actors
and sometimes with you.
35
00:02:27,048 --> 00:02:29,249
You know, and it's
an intimacy you'll feel
36
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:30,518
very comfortable with.
37
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:31,886
It's our job.
38
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,254
But they need to
understand this pact -
39
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:35,355
what it's for,
40
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,925
that the intimacy
is for the work.
41
00:02:37,959 --> 00:02:40,028
OK? Do you want to carry on?
42
00:02:40,061 --> 00:02:41,395
- Yep.
- Thank you.
43
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:46,768
OK.
44
00:02:46,801 --> 00:02:48,603
OK, well done.
45
00:02:51,673 --> 00:02:53,808
Ah,
that's always a bad sign.
46
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,977
He was meant to stay
with our friend Renate,
47
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:58,146
but he's peeing all over
the place and there's...
48
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,614
Blood in the piss?
49
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,248
Yeah, blood in the urine.
50
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:03,751
Dearest,
why do you say 'urine'?
51
00:03:03,785 --> 00:03:05,485
Well, what do you
want me to say?
52
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,989
I want you to tell me
what's wrong with him.
53
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:09,724
I am telling you
what's wrong with him.
54
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:11,391
Is it cancer?
55
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,393
Yeah, tumour in his bladder.
56
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:15,797
What timing.
57
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:17,565
Yeah, you could say that.
58
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:20,835
I could say that, yes.
I did just say that, didn't I?
59
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,603
yeah, you did just say that.
60
00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:24,505
Every time you go on holiday,
61
00:03:24,539 --> 00:03:26,007
something bad happens.
62
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,474
Well, it's not just a holiday.
63
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,711
I've got work too
and that's harder to cancel.
64
00:03:29,744 --> 00:03:31,344
A visit to
your beloved dad
65
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,313
is easier to cancel than work?
66
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:35,850
-Oh! I get it.
-You actually do get it.
67
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,186
Yeah, it's true.
68
00:03:41,022 --> 00:03:42,957
I just don't know
if I can burden a friend
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00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,291
with a dying dog.
70
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:48,062
Might only have two weeks
and we wouldn't be around.
71
00:03:48,096 --> 00:03:51,398
If he's in a lot of pain,
you should put him down now.
72
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,900
Mmm.
73
00:03:52,934 --> 00:03:55,103
Dogs don't show
their suffering.
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00:03:55,136 --> 00:03:56,904
That's why we love them.
75
00:03:56,938 --> 00:03:58,639
Is that why we love them?
76
00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:00,675
Dear daughter,
you know you can't
77
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,643
keep him around
just for your sake.
78
00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:03,845
I'm just not sure we can
79
00:04:03,878 --> 00:04:06,013
say goodbye that fast
and get on a plane.
80
00:04:07,115 --> 00:04:08,883
Don't hang onto him.
81
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,018
It's the kindest thing
you could do.
82
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,187
Maybe.
83
00:04:16,389 --> 00:04:17,525
I'll look after him.
84
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,761
No, you've already got plans,
don't you?
85
00:04:19,794 --> 00:04:21,763
I've already
changed things around.
86
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,566
I don't want him to suffer.
87
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,735
You can't postpone your trip.
88
00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:30,238
Dad said I should put him
down now, not prolong it.
89
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,608
Oh, right. Well, your fucking
father would say that.
90
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:36,611
Sorry, Kirby was his gift.
91
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,613
I feel like he's got
a say in it.
92
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:39,647
Of course.
93
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,682
What does he think
about your film?
94
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,084
I haven't talked to him
about it yet.
95
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,252
Oh.
96
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:46,286
Well, you could arrive
97
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,222
to a house full of stray gays
98
00:04:48,256 --> 00:04:50,758
and he won't have time
for you or Frances.
99
00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:51,926
Maybe.
100
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,429
I picked up mince from
the butcher, and I read that
101
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,633
if you put the tablets
in that, he should eat it.
102
00:04:58,666 --> 00:04:59,967
If that doesn't work,
103
00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:02,003
get the vet to make it
into a flavoured liquid.
104
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:04,404
Yeah, if he changes
energy levels or appetite,
105
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:05,673
you let me know.
106
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,308
Sorry.
107
00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:10,711
Yeah, well, the teaching
helps pay for the trip over,
108
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:13,380
but we will see him.
109
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,049
We're staying with him.
110
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,617
Yeah,
we're staying with him, Mum.
111
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,955
I'm going so I can see Dad,
so, yeah, of course.
112
00:05:23,925 --> 00:05:25,026
Listen, I've got to go,
113
00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:26,527
but, uh, if he changes
even his gait
114
00:05:26,561 --> 00:05:30,497
or... or sleeping patterns,
you let me know, OK?
115
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:31,999
Bye.
116
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,104
Are you OK, Mum?
117
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:40,007
I should have said,
"I love you."
118
00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:41,175
To Kirby?
119
00:05:41,209 --> 00:05:42,877
No, to Mum. I just said, "Bye."
120
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,679
I should have said,
"I love you."
121
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:51,252
Have a good flight.
122
00:05:55,156 --> 00:05:56,123
All good?
123
00:05:56,157 --> 00:05:58,125
Yeah, all good.
124
00:05:58,159 --> 00:05:59,660
What did you want to talk about?
125
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,731
It's OK. Now's not a good time.
126
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,465
It's fine. Tell me.
127
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,001
OK.
128
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,571
I wanna live with Jimpa
for a bit.
129
00:06:10,605 --> 00:06:12,273
What do you mean?
130
00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:13,975
Mm, I was thinking
131
00:06:14,008 --> 00:06:16,544
I could do Year 11
in Amsterdam with Jimpa.
132
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,579
- No way.
- Why not?
133
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:22,750
He's still recovering
from a stroke.
134
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,518
That was three years ago.
135
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:27,855
No way! It's an important year
next year and you're only 16.
136
00:06:27,889 --> 00:06:30,423
And we're your parents, not Jim.
137
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:31,792
Why don't you wait?
138
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:34,528
Do it after graduation.
You can have a gap year.
139
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,298
Because I need to experience
a bigger queer community
140
00:06:37,331 --> 00:06:39,100
than my shitty LGBT club
at school
141
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:40,433
in my shitty little city.
142
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,603
But you love school.
143
00:06:42,637 --> 00:06:44,372
I used to.
144
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,541
Is that why
you packed so much?
145
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:50,144
You just thought
you'd stay there?
146
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:53,014
Oh! What a waste
of a return flight.
147
00:06:53,047 --> 00:06:54,215
We could have saved a fortune!
148
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,415
OK, let's talk about this later.
149
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:57,051
But you asked me
to talk about it.
150
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,953
I feel like I need to
give you my full attention.
151
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,388
I don't think I can do that
at the moment.
152
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,990
OK, well,
let's just all relax.
153
00:07:09,764 --> 00:07:10,898
Mum?
154
00:07:10,932 --> 00:07:12,066
Mmm?
155
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,701
It's OK.
156
00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:26,414
Kirby was
a gift from my father.
157
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:30,117
One day he turned up with
an uncontrollable puppy.
158
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,956
I didn't want him,
but I didn't get a choice.
159
00:07:36,057 --> 00:07:38,326
Says a lot about my dad.
160
00:07:40,261 --> 00:07:42,063
The day my mum
gave birth to me,
161
00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:44,464
my grandfather got on
the first flight to Adelaide.
162
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,834
I wanted us to be alone
163
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,803
with our newborn baby.
164
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,938
But he rang from
the front door
165
00:07:50,972 --> 00:07:52,306
with a painting.
166
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,677
And my mum
was so happy to see him.
167
00:07:56,711 --> 00:07:58,679
And she said to me, "Frances,
168
00:07:58,713 --> 00:08:00,915
"this person will
tell you about art
169
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:04,051
"and politics and theatre.
170
00:08:04,085 --> 00:08:07,021
"He will challenge you to be
the best version of yourself."
171
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:09,957
I simply said,
172
00:08:09,991 --> 00:08:13,027
"Frances, this is
your grandpa, Jim."
173
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,396
But he thought 'grandpa'
sounded too old.
174
00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:17,999
So he gave himself a new name.
175
00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:19,433
He said...
176
00:08:19,467 --> 00:08:22,136
"Hello, Frances. I'm Jimpa."
177
00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:29,944
The thing is,
I don't think I would be here
178
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:34,582
openly trans, non-binary,
queer if it wasn't for him.
179
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,019
That's him sometime in the '50s.
180
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,355
He loves art
181
00:08:41,389 --> 00:08:42,923
and he loves to get naked.
182
00:08:44,225 --> 00:08:45,860
And he still has a painting
183
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:48,362
that he sat for years ago
which hangs
184
00:08:48,396 --> 00:08:51,132
in his apartment in Amsterdam
for all to see.
185
00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:57,138
He married my grandmother,
Katherine, in 1973.
186
00:08:57,171 --> 00:08:59,540
They had Emily, my aunt,
187
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:02,176
and Hannah, my mum.
188
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,279
Right after my mum was born,
Jimpa came out as gay.
189
00:09:13,254 --> 00:09:15,256
My grandma got really skinny
after this,
190
00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:16,757
as well as a big perm,
191
00:09:16,791 --> 00:09:20,294
and everyone complimented her
on how amazing she looked.
192
00:09:24,265 --> 00:09:28,135
Uh, so, obviously it was
devastating for her.
193
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,472
Uh, we expect
the... the narrative
194
00:09:31,506 --> 00:09:34,141
of a husband
coming out to his wife
195
00:09:34,175 --> 00:09:37,211
to follow the notes of
a big betrayal in a marriage.
196
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:40,047
But she chose to
respond differently
197
00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,582
than what was expected.
198
00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:45,653
Um, they both decided
on a new bond -
199
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:49,223
to stay together,
uh, to co-parent.
200
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,258
Uh, also to have
other relationships.
201
00:09:51,292 --> 00:09:56,130
But they chose kindness
rather than conflict.
202
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,833
Jimpa always argues.
203
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,434
Look, mate, you know...
204
00:10:00,468 --> 00:10:01,802
I don't think...
205
00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:03,070
He worked in politics
206
00:10:03,104 --> 00:10:04,472
when my mum was little.
207
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,844
And then during
the AIDS crisis,
208
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:12,213
he moved to Amsterdam
to work in public health.
209
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,416
And he's never
stopped fighting
210
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:19,521
for those he loves
and for who he is.
211
00:10:19,554 --> 00:10:21,889
All the while still enjoying
getting naked.
212
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:27,061
So it's a personal story
about my parents,
213
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:31,398
um, and my main drive is to
tell the story of the kindness
214
00:10:31,432 --> 00:10:33,901
they showed to each other
over that period
215
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,003
rather than the conflict.
216
00:10:37,271 --> 00:10:39,173
So it's a drama
without conflict.
217
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,978
But...
218
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:47,148
...isn't drama by very
definition conflict?
219
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:51,185
I think it's possible
to make a compelling film
220
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,853
avoiding it completely.
221
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,590
I don't think it is.
222
00:10:55,624 --> 00:10:57,526
I think you're wrong.
223
00:11:00,261 --> 00:11:01,862
See, is that conflict?
224
00:11:01,896 --> 00:11:04,098
Well, I think that's someone
225
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,467
expressing a different opinion.
226
00:11:06,501 --> 00:11:08,135
A conflict of opinion.
227
00:11:09,270 --> 00:11:10,605
Therefore...
228
00:11:10,639 --> 00:11:12,039
...conflict.
229
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,576
Maybe.
230
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,547
So he's not
just my grandpa.
231
00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:22,016
I think he's my true
forever hero.
232
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,351
Any questions?
233
00:11:42,937 --> 00:11:44,673
We should
wake Frances up.
234
00:11:47,308 --> 00:11:49,810
Don't. Let them sleep.
235
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:55,482
It's probably just
a passing fancy,
236
00:11:55,517 --> 00:11:57,384
the excitement of travel.
237
00:11:57,418 --> 00:11:59,588
So you do think it's a bad idea.
238
00:12:01,055 --> 00:12:03,023
I think once Frances
spends some time with Dad,
239
00:12:03,057 --> 00:12:04,391
they'll soon change their mind.
240
00:12:04,425 --> 00:12:05,960
Really?
241
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,795
Frances idolises him.
242
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:10,197
But they only see each other
once every couple of years
243
00:12:10,231 --> 00:12:11,600
and Frances has built up
244
00:12:11,633 --> 00:12:13,267
this idea of him in their head.
245
00:12:14,335 --> 00:12:15,936
And Dad can be very appealing,
246
00:12:15,970 --> 00:12:17,771
but just because
he's got all these great,
247
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,139
very admirable ideals
248
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:21,041
doesn't mean he necessarily
puts them into practice.
249
00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:23,143
Can you imagine
living with Dad for a year?
250
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:24,679
No.
251
00:12:24,713 --> 00:12:27,381
And we don't want to be
the ones saying no to Frances.
252
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,382
It doesn't help.
253
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,317
I'm quite happy saying no.
254
00:12:30,351 --> 00:12:31,919
But you prefer Frances to be
255
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,221
disappointed by your father
rather than by you.
256
00:12:35,690 --> 00:12:37,057
Or...
257
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,595
. ..we let Frances come to
understand Jim a bit better...
258
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,230
. ..and make a better choice
then.
259
00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:50,838
Their food's getting cold.
260
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,807
So the food gets cold.
Let them sleep.
261
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,144
Is making our daughter go hungry
262
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,179
really worth avoiding
this conversation?
263
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:02,149
Do you think Frances would
rather we use the word 'child'
264
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,585
than 'daughter'?
265
00:13:03,618 --> 00:13:05,754
Why don't we ask them?
266
00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:27,709
Richard!
267
00:13:27,742 --> 00:13:30,177
What a beautiful sight!
268
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,646
There he is.
269
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,213
Richard.
270
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:35,517
Smiling.
271
00:13:39,153 --> 00:13:41,055
Hey.
272
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:43,123
- Oh, look at you!
- Oh!
273
00:13:43,157 --> 00:13:44,892
Oh, wow!
274
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,761
Sorry, we didn't sleep
much on the plane.
275
00:13:46,795 --> 00:13:48,862
Why are you
apologising? Do we smell?
276
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:50,264
No, it's 'cause Richard's
277
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:51,800
so perfectly put together.
278
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:52,833
You're so stylish.
279
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,134
Oh, thank you.
280
00:13:54,168 --> 00:13:56,970
Welcome, my smelly,
unfashionable Australians.
281
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,972
Welkom in Amsterdam.
282
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,392
Where's Dad?
283
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,194
The Professor is "working".
284
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,530
He sent me to collect you
with the boat.
285
00:14:22,564 --> 00:14:24,131
-Oh, we're going by boat?
-Yeah, I know.
286
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,767
It's ridiculous and touristy,
287
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,935
but he said that Frances
always loved the boat.
288
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,571
I'm not sure
we'll all fit in.
289
00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:32,272
Oh, let's just go. I really
need to eat something.
290
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,641
Oh!
291
00:14:33,675 --> 00:14:34,843
- Shut up.
- OK. Alright.
292
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,009
Let me grab this.
293
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,311
- Wait, are they...
- Nuh-uh-uh.
294
00:14:46,621 --> 00:14:47,955
Sorry!
295
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,804
As his valued
research assistant,
296
00:15:02,837 --> 00:15:04,905
do you do many domestic errands?
297
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,207
Who said anything about
research assistant?
298
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,343
I'm his damn
everything assistant.
299
00:15:10,545 --> 00:15:12,847
At least for now.
300
00:15:12,881 --> 00:15:14,415
Is everything OK?
301
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:19,119
He's leaving the university
at the end of the month.
302
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,355
Well, that wasn't gonna
last forever.
303
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:22,791
Mmm.
304
00:15:24,893 --> 00:15:27,595
Does that mean you won't
have a job after that?
305
00:15:28,530 --> 00:15:30,297
He says I will,
but I don't see how.
306
00:15:31,699 --> 00:15:33,934
I'd follow him to the end of
the earth anyway.
307
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,103
You know what he'd say to that?
308
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,473
"Be grateful
and fuckin' move on."
309
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,110
Oh, it's so nice to see you.
310
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,012
Well, it's really
nice to see you too.
311
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,146
Yeah.
312
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,387
Where'd you get
that piece of shit?
313
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:54,622
Oh!
314
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,391
Why don't you borrow
one of mine?
315
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,794
No, no, don't you dare!
It's only got 27 shots.
316
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:02,062
-Oh, OK, well, get it...
-Dad!
317
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,964
-Why not?
-Give it back.
318
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,466
It's mine!
319
00:16:09,704 --> 00:16:11,472
Very good.
320
00:16:11,506 --> 00:16:13,875
Photographer!
Like father, like child.
321
00:16:13,908 --> 00:16:15,710
Whoa.
322
00:16:15,743 --> 00:16:17,277
Makes me sound
like a kid.
323
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:19,547
Hiya! We're very wet!
324
00:16:20,582 --> 00:16:22,650
Hey, um, I've been
meaning to ask.
325
00:16:22,684 --> 00:16:24,886
Would you prefer
'daughter' or 'child'?
326
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:26,987
Hmm, I mean,
'daughter's not great,
327
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,656
but, um, I don't want you
to be calling me 'child'
328
00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:29,757
when I'm an adult.
329
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:31,391
Dad still calls me child.
330
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,928
Because you'll always be
my child!
331
00:16:33,962 --> 00:16:35,597
Hello!
332
00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:38,198
It's the celebrity children!
333
00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:40,635
Come here, come here.
Oh!
334
00:16:40,668 --> 00:16:43,237
Never be afraid
to be called a child.
335
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:44,772
It's humbling.
336
00:16:44,806 --> 00:16:47,542
- Harry!
- Hi! Hello!
337
00:16:47,575 --> 00:16:50,512
-How are you?
-My glorious grand-thing!
338
00:16:50,545 --> 00:16:53,515
Oh, you're all soggy.
339
00:16:53,548 --> 00:16:55,683
I told you it was going
to rain today, Richard.
340
00:16:55,717 --> 00:16:57,217
No hugs for you.
341
00:16:57,251 --> 00:16:59,119
You also told me
to take out the boat.
342
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,488
Yeah, think for yourself.
That's what I pay you for.
343
00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:05,292
Old man, that is the one thing
you do not pay me for.
344
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:08,128
Oh, years later and not one
single sexual favour.
345
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,463
Dad!
346
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:12,332
No, he's not good for anything
except making tea.
347
00:17:12,366 --> 00:17:14,167
So go make tea, assistant.
348
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:15,770
Dad, you can't say this stuff.
349
00:17:15,803 --> 00:17:17,437
You don't know what you're
talking about, Professor.
350
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,439
- You never let me make tea.
- I'll make the tea.
351
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:20,975
Yes, you go, Harry.
352
00:17:21,009 --> 00:17:22,710
Milk in first,
otherwise you'll...
353
00:17:22,744 --> 00:17:24,044
. ..get pregnant.
354
00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:25,713
- Yeah.
- Look. Look, look, look, look.
355
00:17:25,747 --> 00:17:27,347
Look what I got out.
356
00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:28,883
-Ooh!
-Look.
357
00:17:29,851 --> 00:17:31,418
Decades worth.
358
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:33,821
Here. Uh, this one.
359
00:17:33,855 --> 00:17:35,990
'Dorothy's Best Friend'.
360
00:17:36,024 --> 00:17:38,026
Hmm! What does that mean?
361
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,293
Oh!
362
00:17:39,326 --> 00:17:42,564
My dear grand-thing,
you have so much to learn.
363
00:17:42,597 --> 00:17:45,499
That's when there was
such a thing as subtext.
364
00:17:45,533 --> 00:17:46,935
The unnamed.
365
00:17:46,968 --> 00:17:50,404
When we had to use euphemism
to show solidarity,
366
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,974
to codify and identify.
367
00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:54,107
That sounds horrifying.
368
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,811
You're all text now.
369
00:17:56,844 --> 00:17:58,211
No subtext.
370
00:17:58,245 --> 00:17:59,681
No nuance.
371
00:17:59,714 --> 00:18:02,316
Yeah, well, it's tough
not being repressed.
372
00:18:04,719 --> 00:18:07,187
'Talk with us, not about us'.
373
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,058
Hobart, 1988.
374
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,894
Yeah.
You see, Richard? Good memory.
375
00:18:12,927 --> 00:18:14,929
Well done, Professor.
376
00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:19,567
Ah, this one. '3rd
National Conference on AIDS'.
377
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:23,705
We asked everyone with HIV
to take the stage.
378
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:26,608
That was when
we first discovered
379
00:18:26,641 --> 00:18:29,476
that 50% of the staff
were positive.
380
00:18:31,713 --> 00:18:33,313
Including me.
381
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,884
It was a scary moment,
382
00:18:36,918 --> 00:18:37,885
but rallying.
383
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:44,157
More than half would be dead
within only a few years.
384
00:18:45,593 --> 00:18:47,461
As a friend of mine once said,
385
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:50,230
"The toll of being
at the epicentre
386
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,767
"was very large."
387
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,674
'It's Not Just a Phase Week,
1984'.
388
00:18:59,707 --> 00:19:00,875
- Very cute.
- Hmm.
389
00:19:00,908 --> 00:19:02,910
These are all for you.
390
00:19:03,878 --> 00:19:04,946
What?
391
00:19:04,979 --> 00:19:07,214
-I'm bequeathing them to you.
-Why?
392
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,383
What, my daughter
doesn't want them?
393
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,318
Surely there's an archive
you can donate them to?
394
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,854
Well, yes, but they're for you.
395
00:19:12,887 --> 00:19:14,522
I'll definitely take them.
396
00:19:14,555 --> 00:19:16,524
I feel a bit ambushed -
this is quite morbid,
397
00:19:16,557 --> 00:19:18,358
like there's gonna be
the reading of a will.
398
00:19:18,392 --> 00:19:20,128
They're just badges!
399
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,030
Why have you
decided to do this now?
400
00:19:22,063 --> 00:19:23,397
What's the doctor say?
401
00:19:24,532 --> 00:19:25,800
You worry too much.
402
00:19:25,833 --> 00:19:28,002
I thought Frances would
like them and she did.
403
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,070
They!
404
00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:30,104
Oh!
405
00:19:31,539 --> 00:19:34,542
Would they like to give me
another hug
406
00:19:34,575 --> 00:19:36,476
or are they too busy
self-identifying?
407
00:19:36,511 --> 00:19:39,212
Why do you have to be
so provocative all the time?
408
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:41,582
Oh, I missed you.
409
00:19:41,616 --> 00:19:43,685
I love you too much!
410
00:19:43,718 --> 00:19:44,886
I love you too, Richard.
411
00:19:44,919 --> 00:19:47,088
- Hmm.
- My beautiful assistant.
412
00:19:48,422 --> 00:19:49,590
I don't want your badges either,
413
00:19:49,624 --> 00:19:50,758
but thank you very much.
414
00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:52,727
Oh, shit!
It took me all morning.
415
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,862
- I cried twice.
- You did not!
416
00:19:54,896 --> 00:19:56,363
Three times.
417
00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:58,666
I might have a little lie-down.
418
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:00,300
I didn't get much sleep
on the plane.
419
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:02,335
-Mmm.
-You don't want your tea?
420
00:20:04,605 --> 00:20:06,808
Blatant display of
heterosexuality.
421
00:20:06,841 --> 00:20:08,208
That's enough now!
422
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,711
Oh, oh, oh.
423
00:20:09,744 --> 00:20:13,114
There's one
I especially wanted to find.
424
00:20:13,147 --> 00:20:14,182
Mmm?
425
00:20:23,624 --> 00:20:24,926
That's you.
426
00:20:24,959 --> 00:20:26,594
Yes!
427
00:20:48,049 --> 00:20:50,118
Hmm?
428
00:20:50,151 --> 00:20:52,385
hmmm?
429
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,555
You should have woken me up.
430
00:20:56,591 --> 00:20:58,092
You're too cute
when you sleep.
431
00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,694
Why would I wake you up?
432
00:20:59,727 --> 00:21:01,763
I wanted to get through
some work
433
00:21:01,796 --> 00:21:03,898
so I could spend the day
with Dad and Frances.
434
00:21:03,931 --> 00:21:05,733
They know you have to work.
435
00:21:05,767 --> 00:21:08,102
Yeah, I know, but it doesn't
mean they like it.
436
00:21:10,171 --> 00:21:11,672
Are you afraid that Frances
437
00:21:11,706 --> 00:21:13,574
will spend some time alone
with Jim?
438
00:21:17,512 --> 00:21:20,248
At some point,
he is gonna hurt Frances.
439
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,084
Yeah. Isn't that your plan?
440
00:21:23,117 --> 00:21:25,586
Frances spends time with Jim.
441
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:28,388
He eventually disappoints them
442
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,457
and they change their mind
443
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,392
about wanting to live here
for a year.
444
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:35,362
Yeah, but there is
a difference between
445
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,931
being disappointed
and being hurt.
446
00:21:37,932 --> 00:21:39,567
So talk to our child.
447
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,669
Tell them what to expect.
448
00:21:44,038 --> 00:21:46,373
He said, "I love you,"
to Frances.
449
00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:48,176
And to Richard.
450
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:50,878
He never used to say,
"I love you."
451
00:21:50,912 --> 00:21:52,312
He used to say, "You show love
452
00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:53,915
"with actions, not empty words."
453
00:21:55,716 --> 00:21:57,752
He's softened since the stroke.
454
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,188
He's different.
455
00:22:01,889 --> 00:22:04,158
Your cunning plan
might not work.
456
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,029
Oh. Maybe.
457
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:14,135
Hmm.
458
00:22:14,168 --> 00:22:15,670
Go get 'em, tiger.
459
00:22:37,490 --> 00:22:39,459
I love it. I really do.
460
00:22:40,561 --> 00:22:43,430
I do find it hard to believe
there wasn't any conflict
461
00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:47,268
when your dad
finally left you at...
462
00:22:47,301 --> 00:22:48,502
13.
463
00:22:48,536 --> 00:22:50,071
...13.
464
00:22:51,005 --> 00:22:54,141
Conflict would have been there
even if it's repressed.
465
00:22:54,175 --> 00:22:57,545
I think any 13-year-old
would be sad
466
00:22:57,578 --> 00:22:59,013
being without their father.
467
00:22:59,046 --> 00:23:00,781
Why did he leave, then?
468
00:23:00,815 --> 00:23:04,352
After staying with your mother
for so long after coming out?
469
00:23:04,384 --> 00:23:05,720
Uh, work.
470
00:23:05,753 --> 00:23:09,023
As a gay man and a political
one, he hit a ceiling,
471
00:23:09,056 --> 00:23:10,625
and, uh...
472
00:23:10,658 --> 00:23:12,260
. ..he needed to find
opportunities
473
00:23:12,293 --> 00:23:14,795
in a more progressive
part of the world.
474
00:23:15,897 --> 00:23:16,931
OK.
475
00:23:16,964 --> 00:23:19,634
So there is conflict there
for him.
476
00:23:19,667 --> 00:23:24,171
Do I stay with my family and
sacrifice my own ambition?
477
00:23:24,205 --> 00:23:26,941
Or do I owe it to myself
478
00:23:26,974 --> 00:23:29,977
to fully explore who I am
and my opportunities?
479
00:23:30,011 --> 00:23:32,546
But he hit the ceiling
and he made the choice
480
00:23:32,580 --> 00:23:33,948
at the expense of his family.
481
00:23:33,981 --> 00:23:35,917
The family accepted him,
482
00:23:35,950 --> 00:23:37,385
loved him,
483
00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:40,021
he was able to be himself,
but...
484
00:23:40,054 --> 00:23:41,522
...still left them.
485
00:23:42,523 --> 00:23:43,624
You weren't hurt
486
00:23:43,658 --> 00:23:45,458
or angry at your father
leaving?
487
00:23:46,459 --> 00:23:51,032
Uh, we understood
that he needed to leave.
488
00:23:51,065 --> 00:23:52,667
What matters to me
489
00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:55,903
is how hard everyone tried
to do the right thing.
490
00:23:55,937 --> 00:23:58,639
Uh, it's not important
if I was hurt or angry.
491
00:23:58,673 --> 00:24:00,808
What if I'm angry now,
for instance?
492
00:24:01,742 --> 00:24:03,110
You're angry now?
493
00:24:03,144 --> 00:24:06,280
Mmm. Would it help
to express it?
494
00:24:06,314 --> 00:24:08,282
Uh, I'm not so sure.
495
00:24:08,316 --> 00:24:09,684
And would it help
with this meeting
496
00:24:09,717 --> 00:24:11,252
or us working together?
497
00:24:11,285 --> 00:24:12,887
Definitely not.
498
00:24:15,623 --> 00:24:18,426
O... ok, um...
499
00:24:20,328 --> 00:24:22,163
Fuck me.
500
00:24:30,004 --> 00:24:31,238
Hello?
501
00:24:31,272 --> 00:24:32,406
Hello?
502
00:24:34,308 --> 00:24:35,376
Hello?
503
00:24:35,409 --> 00:24:36,644
Hello.
504
00:24:39,847 --> 00:24:42,583
I bet he hasn't
left one for you.
505
00:24:42,616 --> 00:24:43,684
Oh!
506
00:24:43,718 --> 00:24:45,386
You should take it
while you're here.
507
00:24:46,954 --> 00:24:49,056
I'm sorry we've taken over
your bedroom.
508
00:24:49,090 --> 00:24:51,292
Well, it's definitely not
my bedroom.
509
00:24:52,893 --> 00:24:54,929
And I've been staying here
less and less.
510
00:25:06,007 --> 00:25:07,074
You think...
511
00:25:10,878 --> 00:25:13,381
Oh!
512
00:25:13,414 --> 00:25:16,550
It was convenient for a while,
but now not so much.
513
00:25:16,584 --> 00:25:18,652
Have you moved
closer to Amsterdam?
514
00:25:18,686 --> 00:25:22,223
No, no, it's just I need to
work when I'm in town
515
00:25:22,256 --> 00:25:24,692
and, you know, your father
takes up a lot of time.
516
00:25:24,725 --> 00:25:27,228
He does demand attention.
517
00:25:27,261 --> 00:25:30,197
I've been wanting to talk
to him about it for a while.
518
00:25:30,231 --> 00:25:31,699
I see.
519
00:25:34,168 --> 00:25:35,936
He's still struggling.
520
00:25:35,970 --> 00:25:37,738
Emily said.
521
00:25:37,772 --> 00:25:39,407
Since your sister left,
522
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,942
Richard's been doing
most of the heavy lifting.
523
00:25:41,976 --> 00:25:43,644
He has sent me a lot of articles
524
00:25:43,677 --> 00:25:45,012
and grant applications
525
00:25:45,046 --> 00:25:48,517
to finish off
and smooth out when I can.
526
00:25:48,549 --> 00:25:50,418
You shouldn't be
the one covering for him.
527
00:25:51,786 --> 00:25:53,921
I'm sorry none of us
have been here to help.
528
00:25:58,626 --> 00:26:00,795
You can stop looking after him.
529
00:26:01,829 --> 00:26:02,930
Hmm.
530
00:26:06,535 --> 00:26:08,335
You sound like him.
531
00:26:12,973 --> 00:26:14,475
Over the years, he has taught me
532
00:26:14,509 --> 00:26:16,877
to need him
less and less, but...
533
00:26:18,045 --> 00:26:19,146
But he's still hurt
534
00:26:19,180 --> 00:26:20,549
that you're not around as much.
535
00:26:21,550 --> 00:26:23,417
Hmm. Yeah.
536
00:26:24,585 --> 00:26:26,053
Thank you, Matti.
537
00:26:26,087 --> 00:26:27,221
Hot, I hope.
538
00:26:27,254 --> 00:26:28,689
If only you were hot.
539
00:26:29,790 --> 00:26:31,125
You have to be careful
with steroids
540
00:26:31,158 --> 00:26:32,393
if you're taking warfarin.
541
00:26:32,426 --> 00:26:33,794
Why are you taking steroids?
542
00:26:33,828 --> 00:26:36,597
A date the other week
said I looked too skinny.
543
00:26:36,630 --> 00:26:37,932
- A date?
- Yes!
544
00:26:37,965 --> 00:26:39,300
He means a hook-up.
545
00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:42,770
You've looked exactly the same
for 97 years, Mark.
546
00:26:42,803 --> 00:26:44,472
You've had no problem before.
547
00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:12,534
Whoo!
548
00:27:15,269 --> 00:27:17,738
Steroids don't work on old men.
549
00:27:17,771 --> 00:27:19,608
I sense you've already tried.
550
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:20,774
Of course.
551
00:27:22,376 --> 00:27:25,012
But what are you into, Frances?
552
00:27:25,045 --> 00:27:26,447
What can we help you with?
553
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,182
Uh, 'into'?
554
00:27:28,215 --> 00:27:29,650
Are you a lesbian?
555
00:27:29,683 --> 00:27:31,218
Don't be so old.
556
00:27:31,252 --> 00:27:33,721
What? That's not
a bad question, is it?
557
00:27:33,754 --> 00:27:36,223
You can't be a lesbian
if you're not a woman.
558
00:27:36,257 --> 00:27:37,291
Oh.
559
00:27:37,324 --> 00:27:39,793
I like women
and I'm also attracted to
560
00:27:39,827 --> 00:27:42,062
people who don't identify
as a gender either way
561
00:27:42,096 --> 00:27:43,598
but are a bit femme.
562
00:27:43,632 --> 00:27:45,399
I love how much your generation
563
00:27:45,432 --> 00:27:46,667
knows what they want.
564
00:27:46,700 --> 00:27:48,169
It doesn't sound like anything.
565
00:27:48,202 --> 00:27:50,971
It's not a preference,
it's a non-preference.
566
00:27:51,005 --> 00:27:52,072
So...
567
00:27:52,106 --> 00:27:53,474
. ..you don't like men.
568
00:27:53,508 --> 00:27:55,042
Cis men.
569
00:27:55,075 --> 00:27:56,277
Penis?
570
00:27:56,310 --> 00:27:57,945
I don't know.
571
00:27:57,978 --> 00:28:00,114
Jim, can we talk about
how unsatisfying
572
00:28:00,147 --> 00:28:01,815
getting your penis sucked
is now?
573
00:28:01,849 --> 00:28:02,917
Oh, you too?
574
00:28:02,950 --> 00:28:04,519
I feel it's getting
lower and lower
575
00:28:04,553 --> 00:28:05,920
on my pleasure scale.
576
00:28:05,953 --> 00:28:08,355
That's because
you go straight for hole.
577
00:28:08,389 --> 00:28:10,724
Oh, you're right.
I do love ass too much.
578
00:28:12,059 --> 00:28:15,829
Frances has still not
stated a preference.
579
00:28:17,798 --> 00:28:21,068
Well, genitals aren't really
what attracts me to people.
580
00:28:21,101 --> 00:28:22,637
How are we talking
about genitals
581
00:28:22,671 --> 00:28:24,438
all of a sudden, anyway?
582
00:28:24,471 --> 00:28:26,173
Because you're talking to us.
583
00:28:26,207 --> 00:28:27,875
It's all for show, Frances.
584
00:28:27,908 --> 00:28:30,311
We mostly talk about
real estate now.
585
00:28:30,344 --> 00:28:32,246
In that regard, Amsterdam
has gotten much better.
586
00:28:32,279 --> 00:28:33,847
You're such a conservative.
587
00:28:33,881 --> 00:28:35,049
I'm just being encouraging
588
00:28:35,082 --> 00:28:37,184
towards Frances's idea
of moving here.
589
00:28:38,419 --> 00:28:40,254
You know,
Amsterdam used to be about
590
00:28:40,287 --> 00:28:43,224
squatter protests and housing
rights, but the government's
591
00:28:43,257 --> 00:28:44,959
free-market push is a disgrace.
592
00:28:46,827 --> 00:28:48,028
None of my students will be
593
00:28:48,062 --> 00:28:49,230
able to buy in their lifetimes.
594
00:28:50,397 --> 00:28:51,865
And the sale of
social housing
595
00:28:51,899 --> 00:28:53,100
has only increased the problem.
596
00:28:53,133 --> 00:28:55,903
Says the man who owns
one of those apartments.
597
00:28:55,936 --> 00:28:57,771
Hmm!
598
00:29:01,909 --> 00:29:04,613
This is their way of getting
me to change the subject.
599
00:29:34,643 --> 00:29:37,612
A clean desk is
a sign of a sick mind.
600
00:29:37,646 --> 00:29:40,214
Sit anywhere you like.
I won't be long.
601
00:30:03,672 --> 00:30:05,105
Hello!
602
00:30:05,139 --> 00:30:06,106
Hi!
603
00:30:06,140 --> 00:30:07,374
Who is it?
604
00:30:07,408 --> 00:30:08,643
It's me.
605
00:30:08,677 --> 00:30:11,278
You should say your name,
not just hello.
606
00:30:11,312 --> 00:30:13,847
Don't know who it is or
what you want, otherwise.
607
00:30:13,881 --> 00:30:15,916
You do like self-identifying,
you hypocrite.
608
00:30:17,552 --> 00:30:19,219
Hello, it's me,
your daughter, Hannah.
609
00:30:19,253 --> 00:30:21,589
That's it? Just a daughter?
610
00:30:21,623 --> 00:30:26,393
And a filmmaker
and a mother and a woman.
611
00:30:26,427 --> 00:30:27,461
Is that better?
612
00:30:27,494 --> 00:30:28,896
Impressive.
613
00:30:30,164 --> 00:30:33,000
So Mirjam gave me her key today
614
00:30:33,033 --> 00:30:35,336
'cause someone didn't
leave one behind for me.
615
00:30:35,369 --> 00:30:37,071
Who else has a key
to the apartment?
616
00:30:37,104 --> 00:30:38,172
No-one.
617
00:30:38,205 --> 00:30:41,442
Like my body,
my home is my temple.
618
00:30:41,475 --> 00:30:43,944
And what happens
if you have another stroke?
619
00:30:43,977 --> 00:30:45,346
Oh, god.
620
00:30:45,379 --> 00:30:47,214
If I have another stroke,
621
00:30:47,247 --> 00:30:49,584
even if you're here,
go out and have a coffee.
622
00:30:49,617 --> 00:30:50,918
Jimpa!
623
00:30:50,951 --> 00:30:52,353
No, I'm deadly serious.
624
00:30:52,386 --> 00:30:53,887
Let me die.
625
00:30:53,921 --> 00:30:56,156
A diminished life
is no life for me at all.
626
00:30:56,190 --> 00:30:57,559
A diminished life?
627
00:30:57,592 --> 00:30:58,959
That's a little bit ableist,
Jimpa.
628
00:31:00,260 --> 00:31:02,062
So, is that why
no-one else has a key?
629
00:31:02,096 --> 00:31:03,464
Well, of course.
630
00:31:03,497 --> 00:31:04,566
No-one.
631
00:31:04,599 --> 00:31:06,333
That's everyone
off the hook, then.
632
00:31:06,367 --> 00:31:09,069
No-one feels the need
to check up on me.
633
00:31:09,103 --> 00:31:12,072
And if you keep calling
and there's no answer,
634
00:31:12,106 --> 00:31:14,843
wait a week before
you break the door down.
635
00:31:14,875 --> 00:31:16,210
I should be dead by then.
636
00:31:16,243 --> 00:31:18,212
Richard has a key.
637
00:31:18,245 --> 00:31:20,047
Oh, yes, Richard has a key.
638
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,882
And although my sister lives
in another country,
639
00:31:21,915 --> 00:31:23,317
I bet she still has a key.
640
00:31:23,350 --> 00:31:24,719
Well, of course Emily has a key.
641
00:31:24,753 --> 00:31:25,886
She lived here for three years
642
00:31:25,919 --> 00:31:27,756
while she looked after me
like an angel.
643
00:31:27,789 --> 00:31:29,022
I should have a key.
644
00:31:29,056 --> 00:31:30,859
You most certainly
will need a key,
645
00:31:30,891 --> 00:31:32,126
if you're gonna live here.
646
00:31:32,159 --> 00:31:34,729
Have you talked
about that, have you?
647
00:31:37,464 --> 00:31:41,001
Yeah, it was my idea, even
before Frances mentioned it.
648
00:31:41,034 --> 00:31:42,436
I was thinking she needed...
649
00:31:42,469 --> 00:31:43,772
They, Jim. They.
650
00:31:43,805 --> 00:31:46,407
. ..they needed to get out of
Adelaide
651
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,275
before it suffocates them.
652
00:31:48,308 --> 00:31:51,178
I love Adelaide, by the way,
653
00:31:51,211 --> 00:31:54,047
and I'm very glad you made
something of yourself there
654
00:31:54,081 --> 00:31:55,382
when I wasn't able to.
655
00:31:55,416 --> 00:31:57,685
- Thank you.
- Fucking miracle.
656
00:32:02,791 --> 00:32:05,426
Yeah, it's an idea
that Frances just had.
657
00:32:05,459 --> 00:32:07,428
We haven't had a chance
to talk about it much.
658
00:32:07,461 --> 00:32:09,396
Even the small part of Amsterdam
659
00:32:09,430 --> 00:32:11,633
that I saw with Jimpa today
just felt so good.
660
00:32:11,666 --> 00:32:13,568
It feels like a proper city.
661
00:32:13,601 --> 00:32:16,103
Hm. The timing
couldn't be more perfect.
662
00:32:16,136 --> 00:32:17,672
I... I think it's perfect.
663
00:32:17,705 --> 00:32:19,507
What do you think?
664
00:32:21,241 --> 00:32:23,043
I think Frances is too young.
665
00:32:23,076 --> 00:32:24,311
For what?
666
00:32:25,245 --> 00:32:28,048
Well, Harry doesn't mean
'too young' exactly.
667
00:32:29,049 --> 00:32:30,752
I think what Harry means is
668
00:32:30,785 --> 00:32:33,721
that you're a child for such
a short amount of time
669
00:32:33,755 --> 00:32:36,891
and then there's so much life
that happens afterwards.
670
00:32:36,925 --> 00:32:39,794
But that time as a young
person, as a young family,
671
00:32:39,828 --> 00:32:42,029
is limited and then...
672
00:32:42,062 --> 00:32:44,833
. ..you know, then it's gone
and you can't get it back.
673
00:32:46,534 --> 00:32:50,237
But also Amsterdam is full of
people who've had to leave
674
00:32:50,270 --> 00:32:51,940
in order to survive
675
00:32:51,972 --> 00:32:54,975
or, you know,
find who they are or...
676
00:32:55,008 --> 00:32:57,545
Like, you know, my own father,
for instance.
677
00:32:57,579 --> 00:33:00,314
So who am I to say what...
what a person needs?
678
00:33:03,952 --> 00:33:06,654
Are you making your
pea and ham soup?
679
00:33:06,688 --> 00:33:08,088
Yeah.
680
00:33:08,121 --> 00:33:10,057
Yeah, for a little gathering
we're having tomorrow.
681
00:33:10,090 --> 00:33:11,358
- Ham?
- Yeah.
682
00:33:11,391 --> 00:33:13,260
Dad used to make it for me
all the time.
683
00:33:13,293 --> 00:33:15,864
Don't worry, I'll make
something for you vegans.
684
00:33:15,897 --> 00:33:17,498
Right,
I'll make something for us.
685
00:34:39,179 --> 00:34:40,949
Dennis?
686
00:34:40,982 --> 00:34:43,518
I want you to meet
my grand-thing, Frances.
687
00:34:43,551 --> 00:34:45,853
You two should
sit down and talk.
688
00:34:45,887 --> 00:34:47,889
You know Dennis.
We used to be together.
689
00:34:47,922 --> 00:34:49,023
Hi, Dennis.
690
00:34:49,057 --> 00:34:51,291
And your grandfather
is a huge cunt.
691
00:34:53,061 --> 00:34:54,428
And now we're
just good friends.
692
00:34:54,461 --> 00:34:56,263
Oh, the best,
best friends.
693
00:34:56,296 --> 00:34:57,699
- Let's chat later, OK?
- Please, yeah.
694
00:34:57,732 --> 00:34:59,499
- Great.
- Uh, everyone!
695
00:34:59,534 --> 00:35:01,002
Everyone!
696
00:35:01,035 --> 00:35:05,339
If you haven't met my
grand-thing, this is Frances.
697
00:35:05,372 --> 00:35:07,107
Hi, Frances!
698
00:35:07,140 --> 00:35:10,044
I want you to introduce
yourself to them.
699
00:35:10,078 --> 00:35:12,981
Yes, Frances is one of
those young people
700
00:35:13,014 --> 00:35:18,418
who... suddenly has no gender,
for some reason.
701
00:35:18,452 --> 00:35:21,388
So please respect that.
702
00:35:21,421 --> 00:35:22,757
Uh, anyway,
703
00:35:22,790 --> 00:35:26,027
I know most of you
might be aware that my life
704
00:35:26,060 --> 00:35:29,030
is going through
a small transition right now.
705
00:35:29,063 --> 00:35:34,267
I am finishing up my work
at the university.
706
00:35:34,301 --> 00:35:37,105
-No, no. Boo!
-No, no, no, no.
707
00:35:37,137 --> 00:35:38,305
I know, I know.
708
00:35:38,338 --> 00:35:39,941
But it's time I moved on from...
709
00:35:39,974 --> 00:35:42,275
. ..some of you old farts
anyway.
710
00:35:42,309 --> 00:35:43,845
But... but don't worry -
711
00:35:43,878 --> 00:35:47,615
I'm not ready to sit behind
my geraniums just yet.
712
00:35:47,649 --> 00:35:51,019
In fact,
I've just been on a call
713
00:35:51,052 --> 00:35:54,722
with a certain organisation
in Helsinki
714
00:35:54,756 --> 00:35:56,658
about a job opportunity.
715
00:35:56,691 --> 00:36:01,062
Yes. That's in Finland,
boys and girls.
716
00:36:01,095 --> 00:36:03,731
So I just wanted you all
to be aware.
717
00:36:03,765 --> 00:36:05,265
They haven't made up
their minds.
718
00:36:05,298 --> 00:36:07,467
I haven't made up my mind.
719
00:36:07,502 --> 00:36:10,104
But I want to acquaint you
with the possibility...
720
00:36:18,046 --> 00:36:20,280
Ok, so... ok, what do i do?
721
00:36:20,313 --> 00:36:22,517
Keep your body still
except for your arms.
722
00:36:22,550 --> 00:36:25,419
Uh-huh. OK, yeah.
Like I said, the arms.
723
00:36:25,452 --> 00:36:27,021
-Arms.
-And marching.
724
00:36:27,055 --> 00:36:29,389
Marching, marching.
725
00:36:29,423 --> 00:36:31,626
Make the arms, like,
intentional.
726
00:36:31,659 --> 00:36:33,895
Tiny steps. Uh-huh.
727
00:36:33,928 --> 00:36:36,396
And... no.
728
00:36:36,430 --> 00:36:38,032
What?
729
00:36:38,066 --> 00:36:40,001
-It has intention.
-OK, show me, show me.
730
00:36:40,034 --> 00:36:42,335
You don't have to go,
like, fast all the time.
731
00:36:42,369 --> 00:36:46,140
You can go slow, slow.
Slow, slow, slow.
732
00:36:47,141 --> 00:36:48,776
- Ba-ba-ba.
- Hey!
733
00:36:48,810 --> 00:36:51,546
Soft. Soft. Soft.
734
00:36:51,579 --> 00:36:53,981
And...and do soft.
735
00:36:57,085 --> 00:36:58,452
Whoo-hoo!
736
00:37:21,075 --> 00:37:22,176
I knew it.
737
00:37:23,745 --> 00:37:24,779
Hmm.
738
00:37:24,812 --> 00:37:27,014
Leading Frances on like that.
739
00:37:27,048 --> 00:37:28,549
Oh?
740
00:37:28,583 --> 00:37:31,152
Encouraging the idea of
them moving over
741
00:37:31,185 --> 00:37:33,054
and then the next minute saying
742
00:37:33,087 --> 00:37:35,189
you've got job opportunities
in another country.
743
00:37:35,223 --> 00:37:37,390
When did you organise that?
744
00:37:37,424 --> 00:37:39,227
Mirjam hadn't said anything.
745
00:37:39,259 --> 00:37:41,394
Oh, you've seen Mirjam?
746
00:37:41,428 --> 00:37:43,030
Yeah, she's at the party now.
747
00:37:43,064 --> 00:37:44,198
Is she?
748
00:37:44,232 --> 00:37:45,432
Yeah.
749
00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:47,267
And she gave me her key
yesterday, remember?
750
00:37:47,300 --> 00:37:49,637
Oh, yes.
751
00:37:49,670 --> 00:37:51,939
See, sometimes I don't know
if you've lost your memory
752
00:37:51,973 --> 00:37:53,574
or you just don't care
about these things.
753
00:37:54,876 --> 00:37:56,376
Come here.
754
00:37:57,979 --> 00:38:00,982
We haven't had
nearly enough cuddles yet.
755
00:38:01,015 --> 00:38:02,950
OLDER Mmm!
756
00:38:06,687 --> 00:38:09,257
I'm sure it was just
a passing fancy.
757
00:38:10,558 --> 00:38:12,593
The excitement of
coming to see me.
758
00:38:14,629 --> 00:38:17,064
Are you taking a new job
in a new country?
759
00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:20,400
Shouldn't I?
760
00:38:20,433 --> 00:38:22,469
Why don't you retire and just...
761
00:38:22,503 --> 00:38:23,738
And be an old man?
762
00:38:23,771 --> 00:38:25,940
-Water my geraniums?
-Yeah, why not?
763
00:38:25,973 --> 00:38:27,809
Because there's so much
to fight for.
764
00:38:27,842 --> 00:38:30,044
Because work is everything.
765
00:38:30,077 --> 00:38:31,546
Oh, it isn't everything.
766
00:38:31,579 --> 00:38:34,148
Oh, look who's talking.
767
00:38:35,850 --> 00:38:38,052
We need to feel useful,
768
00:38:38,085 --> 00:38:40,221
the two of us, hmm?
769
00:38:40,254 --> 00:38:41,454
Mmm.
770
00:38:41,488 --> 00:38:44,225
Mm-hm! Mademoiselle!
771
00:38:44,258 --> 00:38:45,960
Hmm. OK.
772
00:38:45,993 --> 00:38:48,029
But Professor Jim
said to me that
773
00:38:48,062 --> 00:38:50,363
teenagers can't be
into polyamory.
774
00:38:50,397 --> 00:38:51,899
They just like to cheat.
775
00:38:51,933 --> 00:38:54,135
Jim's never been
monogamous in his life.
776
00:38:55,269 --> 00:38:57,138
Also, non-monogamous
is so different
777
00:38:57,171 --> 00:38:58,172
from polyamorous.
778
00:38:58,206 --> 00:38:59,240
True.
779
00:38:59,273 --> 00:39:01,509
Well, I'm still
working that out.
780
00:39:02,844 --> 00:39:05,179
We know, baby, we know.
781
00:39:05,213 --> 00:39:06,280
We know.
782
00:39:08,649 --> 00:39:10,218
I'm definitely into polyamory.
783
00:39:10,251 --> 00:39:12,086
I'm a big believer
in compersion.
784
00:39:14,088 --> 00:39:16,257
Oh, my God! I love you.
785
00:39:16,290 --> 00:39:18,559
I love you too!
786
00:39:19,927 --> 00:39:22,630
So, what do we think?
787
00:39:22,663 --> 00:39:24,232
- Wow!
- Cute!
788
00:39:24,265 --> 00:39:25,766
It looks cute on you.
789
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:26,934
-Oooh!
-It's cute.
790
00:39:26,968 --> 00:39:28,401
Thank you.
791
00:39:28,435 --> 00:39:30,938
Frances certainly doesn't
see you as useless.
792
00:39:30,972 --> 00:39:35,209
I thought you didn't want
Frances to move over here.
793
00:39:35,243 --> 00:39:37,645
Well, it's not up to me
to tell them what to do.
794
00:39:37,678 --> 00:39:38,946
I want to support Frances.
795
00:39:38,980 --> 00:39:40,214
Well, so do I.
796
00:39:43,251 --> 00:39:45,286
Ah!
797
00:39:48,589 --> 00:39:49,891
Hey, where are you?
798
00:39:49,924 --> 00:39:51,859
I'm standing in the hallway.
799
00:39:51,893 --> 00:39:53,227
OK.
800
00:39:53,261 --> 00:39:55,863
Um, can I go out with Isa?
801
00:39:55,897 --> 00:39:57,932
She's a friend of Richard,
she's 19
802
00:39:57,965 --> 00:40:00,101
and she likes that
I know about compersion.
803
00:40:00,134 --> 00:40:02,435
- What's compersion?
- Compersion.
804
00:40:02,469 --> 00:40:04,171
It's taking pleasure in
805
00:40:04,205 --> 00:40:06,439
witnessing someone else's
pleasure
806
00:40:06,473 --> 00:40:08,376
but not related to you.
807
00:40:08,408 --> 00:40:10,477
It's a polyamory thing.
808
00:40:10,511 --> 00:40:11,779
OK.
809
00:40:11,812 --> 00:40:14,548
'OK' I can go out
with Isa, 'OK'?
810
00:40:14,582 --> 00:40:16,050
She's 19.
811
00:40:16,083 --> 00:40:17,318
Well, does Richard have
812
00:40:17,351 --> 00:40:19,020
this 19-year-old Isa's
phone number?
813
00:40:19,053 --> 00:40:20,420
I got her number.
814
00:40:20,453 --> 00:40:22,924
-She's spunky, Hannah.
-Spunky? Ugh.
815
00:40:24,091 --> 00:40:25,425
Have fun, Frances,
816
00:40:25,458 --> 00:40:27,595
and don't come back till
you've got a story to tell.
817
00:40:27,628 --> 00:40:29,462
Thank you, Jimpa.
818
00:40:31,899 --> 00:40:33,267
She's hot.
819
00:40:34,502 --> 00:40:35,836
And smart.
820
00:40:37,004 --> 00:40:38,673
And very nice.
821
00:40:40,875 --> 00:40:42,343
You set this up.
822
00:40:42,376 --> 00:40:44,211
Frances is 16!
823
00:40:44,245 --> 00:40:46,180
I remember you at 16.
824
00:40:46,213 --> 00:40:47,682
Yeah, but you do realise
825
00:40:47,715 --> 00:40:48,983
Frances has no experience
whatsoever?
826
00:40:49,016 --> 00:40:50,483
Really?
827
00:40:50,518 --> 00:40:52,520
Yeah, it's like they know
the lyrics to the song
828
00:40:52,553 --> 00:40:54,021
but they've never
sung it out loud.
829
00:40:55,056 --> 00:40:57,091
You don't know if you can sing
830
00:40:57,124 --> 00:40:58,893
until you sing.
831
00:41:00,061 --> 00:41:01,429
Hmm.
832
00:41:02,396 --> 00:41:04,265
Are you ready to see Amsterdam?
833
00:41:04,298 --> 00:41:06,067
Yeah!
834
00:41:11,806 --> 00:41:15,209
Here you can go... I think
it's open 24 hours, so...
835
00:41:27,221 --> 00:41:28,589
You don't sing?
836
00:41:28,622 --> 00:41:30,257
Oh, no, I love to sing.
837
00:41:30,291 --> 00:41:31,859
You're cute.
838
00:41:33,394 --> 00:41:35,029
To the lesbian bar!
839
00:41:35,062 --> 00:41:36,530
Yes, let's go!
840
00:41:38,232 --> 00:41:39,967
I'm definitely
not a woman,
841
00:41:40,001 --> 00:41:41,602
but I'm still into women.
842
00:41:41,635 --> 00:41:43,304
Is it OK that I'm here?
843
00:41:45,373 --> 00:41:47,241
-Roosje.
-Mmm?
844
00:41:47,274 --> 00:41:48,442
This is Frances.
845
00:41:48,476 --> 00:41:50,311
They're non-binary.
Are they welcome here?
846
00:41:50,344 --> 00:41:52,346
-Oh, fuck, yes.
-Yes.
847
00:41:52,380 --> 00:41:54,315
- Cheers!
- Ah, ja, ja, ja.
848
00:41:54,348 --> 00:41:56,517
She knows her shit.
849
00:41:58,853 --> 00:42:02,356
So you and Bis are... something?
850
00:42:04,125 --> 00:42:06,394
We've been together
since high school.
851
00:42:08,496 --> 00:42:10,364
Since before he transitioned.
852
00:42:10,398 --> 00:42:13,134
And I like his new,
uh, qualities.
853
00:42:13,167 --> 00:42:14,335
His more masc energy.
854
00:42:14,368 --> 00:42:16,804
What?
855
00:42:18,005 --> 00:42:19,273
And... and you two are...
856
00:42:19,306 --> 00:42:20,708
are monogamous or...
857
00:42:25,079 --> 00:42:26,781
That's what's great
about being queer, right?
858
00:42:26,814 --> 00:42:28,649
How we state things -
859
00:42:28,682 --> 00:42:30,584
by what our boundaries are,
860
00:42:30,618 --> 00:42:32,019
by what we want.
861
00:42:33,087 --> 00:42:34,355
Yeah.
862
00:42:34,388 --> 00:42:36,557
I want you, Isa.
863
00:42:36,590 --> 00:42:37,992
Exactly.
864
00:42:39,460 --> 00:42:40,728
For example.
865
00:42:42,129 --> 00:42:43,264
Exactly.
866
00:42:43,297 --> 00:42:44,799
Right.
867
00:42:50,438 --> 00:42:52,306
You're still cleaning up!
868
00:42:52,339 --> 00:42:54,509
You're still cleaning up too.
869
00:43:04,952 --> 00:43:07,221
You didn't want
to go out with the others?
870
00:43:08,289 --> 00:43:09,524
Not really.
871
00:43:09,558 --> 00:43:10,925
You?
872
00:43:12,059 --> 00:43:13,060
No.
873
00:43:13,094 --> 00:43:15,029
Well,
874
00:43:15,062 --> 00:43:17,765
if you're gonna stay up
like an anxious mother...
875
00:43:18,999 --> 00:43:20,267
. ..you can have another drink.
876
00:43:21,503 --> 00:43:23,137
'Anxious mother' sounds old.
877
00:43:23,170 --> 00:43:24,738
Not old.
878
00:43:24,772 --> 00:43:26,140
Older.
879
00:43:26,173 --> 00:43:28,876
Aren't you, like, 10 years
older than me?
880
00:43:28,909 --> 00:43:30,344
-12.
-Nothing!
881
00:43:52,633 --> 00:43:54,468
No lovers waiting for you, then?
882
00:43:58,339 --> 00:44:00,274
Just a few boys here and there.
883
00:44:19,727 --> 00:44:21,395
How about you sing me a song?
884
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:26,867
What?
885
00:44:28,035 --> 00:44:29,170
Come on!
886
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:32,706
Please.
887
00:46:12,707 --> 00:46:15,644
What do you know
about compersion?
888
00:46:21,081 --> 00:46:23,250
It's the opposite
to jealousy.
889
00:46:24,619 --> 00:46:26,588
It's a polyamory thing.
890
00:46:28,389 --> 00:46:30,124
How do you know about it?
891
00:46:33,794 --> 00:46:35,796
It's just wanting
someone you love
892
00:46:35,829 --> 00:46:37,599
to be happy and fulfilled.
893
00:46:39,233 --> 00:46:40,834
It's a nice idea.
894
00:47:16,937 --> 00:47:18,872
Were you pretending to sleep?
895
00:47:20,542 --> 00:47:22,744
No, I think I was
trying to sleep.
896
00:47:25,212 --> 00:47:26,514
Did you have fun?
897
00:47:29,083 --> 00:47:31,185
-I had the best time, Mum.
-Oh!
898
00:47:31,218 --> 00:47:33,555
Yay, I'm so glad.
899
00:47:34,723 --> 00:47:36,223
So you liked Isa?
900
00:47:37,458 --> 00:47:39,059
I'm in love.
901
00:47:43,765 --> 00:47:45,533
Guys.
902
00:47:45,567 --> 00:47:47,267
But I'm in love, Dad.
903
00:47:47,301 --> 00:47:49,269
- Yeah, great.
- Oh!
904
00:47:49,303 --> 00:47:52,774
Oh, don't!
905
00:47:59,346 --> 00:48:00,648
- There you go.
- Thank you.
906
00:48:00,682 --> 00:48:01,850
Tell us about your film.
907
00:48:01,882 --> 00:48:03,484
Thank you, Matti. Hot, I hope.
908
00:48:03,518 --> 00:48:05,687
It's impossible for it
to be any hotter, Jim.
909
00:48:05,720 --> 00:48:07,354
Yes, you haven't told us
about your film yet.
910
00:48:07,388 --> 00:48:09,089
I'm just trying to cast it
right now.
911
00:48:09,123 --> 00:48:11,959
Why don't you just put your
mouth under the machine, Jim?
912
00:48:11,992 --> 00:48:13,927
Your film?
913
00:48:13,961 --> 00:48:16,531
Hannah hasn't told me a thing
about it. She's avoiding it.
914
00:48:16,564 --> 00:48:17,565
Why?
915
00:48:17,599 --> 00:48:19,400
So she's bisexual?
916
00:48:19,433 --> 00:48:20,502
Who?
917
00:48:20,535 --> 00:48:21,770
Isa, the student.
918
00:48:21,803 --> 00:48:24,405
There's no such thing
as bisexuality.
919
00:48:24,438 --> 00:48:26,974
- Oh!
- OK, maybe tone it down a bit.
920
00:48:27,007 --> 00:48:28,475
Tone what down?
921
00:48:28,510 --> 00:48:30,712
What? I'm just trying to talk
about these things openly.
922
00:48:30,745 --> 00:48:32,346
Are you sure you talking openly
923
00:48:32,379 --> 00:48:34,716
isn't just you wanting to
express your opinion?
924
00:48:34,749 --> 00:48:36,718
So, what is a conversation
925
00:48:36,751 --> 00:48:38,385
except a collision of opinions?
926
00:48:38,419 --> 00:48:41,523
Uh, a conversation can also be
working towards agreement.
927
00:48:41,556 --> 00:48:43,490
Says the only straight person
at the table.
928
00:48:44,592 --> 00:48:46,226
Yeah, but, you know,
it's more complex
929
00:48:46,260 --> 00:48:47,862
than you are making it out to be
930
00:48:47,896 --> 00:48:49,898
because you have actually
been in love with women.
931
00:48:50,931 --> 00:48:52,567
My mother, for instance.
932
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:53,902
Is...
933
00:48:53,934 --> 00:48:55,670
Is that what your film is about?
934
00:48:55,703 --> 00:48:57,806
About what?
935
00:48:57,839 --> 00:48:59,774
Me and your mother?
936
00:48:59,808 --> 00:49:00,909
Not exactly.
937
00:49:05,379 --> 00:49:08,683
If you say you're bi,
you're just confused.
938
00:49:08,716 --> 00:49:10,718
If you're attracted to
the same sex, you're gay.
939
00:49:10,752 --> 00:49:12,019
It's as simple as that.
940
00:49:12,052 --> 00:49:13,888
If you say otherwise,
you're in denial.
941
00:49:13,922 --> 00:49:16,558
- Here we go.
- I never said Isa was bi.
942
00:49:16,591 --> 00:49:18,726
You know how many men
have said to me
943
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:21,228
that they're straight
while sucking my cock?
944
00:49:21,261 --> 00:49:24,097
You can't be straight
with a dash of gayness.
945
00:49:24,131 --> 00:49:26,033
He's just being provocative
for the sake of it.
946
00:49:26,066 --> 00:49:27,067
- Mmm.
- Ignore him.
947
00:49:27,100 --> 00:49:28,603
No, I once heard someone say
948
00:49:28,636 --> 00:49:30,304
that they're 'mostly straight'.
949
00:49:30,337 --> 00:49:32,105
Now, what the hell
does that mean?
950
00:49:32,139 --> 00:49:33,775
They're just cowards.
951
00:49:33,808 --> 00:49:37,044
So, Isa's a lesbian.
What's wrong with that?
952
00:49:37,077 --> 00:49:38,178
Well, it's not useful...
953
00:49:38,212 --> 00:49:39,514
"Not useful"?
954
00:49:39,547 --> 00:49:41,916
Dad, maybe just let
Frances speak.
955
00:49:42,917 --> 00:49:44,151
Well, you know...
956
00:49:44,184 --> 00:49:45,753
Are you worried that
Frances has had sex
957
00:49:45,787 --> 00:49:47,922
with a 19-year-old lesbian?
958
00:49:47,956 --> 00:49:50,123
-Uh, I haven't had sex.
-I'm not worried.
959
00:49:50,157 --> 00:49:52,025
And don't put words in my mouth.
960
00:49:52,059 --> 00:49:53,528
I'm not.
961
00:49:55,162 --> 00:49:57,297
It's fine if that's
what they want.
962
00:49:57,331 --> 00:49:59,968
And by 'they', do you mean
plural or singular?
963
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,971
Because only one of them
is a consenting adult,
964
00:50:03,003 --> 00:50:05,940
so only one of they
is able to consent.
965
00:50:05,974 --> 00:50:07,909
And I think that's the lesbian.
966
00:50:07,942 --> 00:50:10,678
It's not my place
to tell Frances what to do.
967
00:50:10,712 --> 00:50:11,946
Well, that's nonsense.
968
00:50:11,980 --> 00:50:13,882
I tell you what to do
all the time
969
00:50:13,915 --> 00:50:16,350
and whether or not
you wanna do it is up to you.
970
00:50:16,383 --> 00:50:18,218
So, about this lesbian.
971
00:50:18,252 --> 00:50:19,888
She's not a lesbian.
She's queer.
972
00:50:19,921 --> 00:50:22,222
Shhh!
973
00:50:22,256 --> 00:50:24,859
-See? There's that word again.
-What, queer?
974
00:50:24,893 --> 00:50:27,027
-Queer.
-Here we go.
975
00:50:27,060 --> 00:50:28,563
This is the exact same
conversation
976
00:50:28,596 --> 00:50:30,532
we've been having for
the past 30 years.
977
00:50:33,001 --> 00:50:35,235
Dear, you might be queer.
978
00:50:35,269 --> 00:50:36,804
- But I'm gay.
- Yes.
979
00:50:36,838 --> 00:50:40,140
And I've spent my whole life
fighting for it
980
00:50:40,173 --> 00:50:44,444
as... as a visible, gay,
HIV-positive man.
981
00:50:44,478 --> 00:50:46,213
Because someone had to.
982
00:50:46,246 --> 00:50:48,448
-We all have.
-Yeah, we all have.
983
00:50:48,482 --> 00:50:50,050
- I understand that, but...
- Yeah, that's true.
984
00:50:50,083 --> 00:50:51,385
We haven't lived through that.
985
00:50:51,418 --> 00:50:52,854
Mum.
986
00:50:52,887 --> 00:50:54,556
I think what
Dad's trying to say is...
987
00:50:54,589 --> 00:50:56,323
No, no, what I'm
trying to say is
988
00:50:56,356 --> 00:50:57,859
if Frances wants to fuck
989
00:50:57,892 --> 00:51:00,294
a hot 19-year-old
who calls themselves
990
00:51:00,327 --> 00:51:03,130
Greenpeace Rainbow
Warrior Princess,
991
00:51:03,163 --> 00:51:04,298
they can do it,
992
00:51:04,331 --> 00:51:06,199
but calling everyone bisexual
993
00:51:06,233 --> 00:51:09,269
negates the rights that I have
demanded and fought for.
994
00:51:09,303 --> 00:51:11,104
Yes, it's like
we had to fight
995
00:51:11,138 --> 00:51:12,306
so hard for same-sex rights -
996
00:51:12,339 --> 00:51:13,975
things Frances
doesn't have to deal with.
997
00:51:14,008 --> 00:51:16,544
But that's a good thing,
isn't it?
998
00:51:21,549 --> 00:51:22,750
Hey.
999
00:51:23,718 --> 00:51:25,352
Hey!
1000
00:51:25,385 --> 00:51:26,854
You know, walking out like that
1001
00:51:26,888 --> 00:51:29,089
could be seen as quite hostile.
1002
00:51:30,390 --> 00:51:32,894
Don't be too disappointed.
They're all still hurting.
1003
00:51:32,927 --> 00:51:35,630
Oh, by 'they', do you mean
singular or plural?
1004
00:51:35,663 --> 00:51:37,632
'Cause you're just being
wilfully confusing.
1005
00:51:37,665 --> 00:51:39,067
I know.
1006
00:51:40,635 --> 00:51:41,769
Jimpa is...
1007
00:51:41,803 --> 00:51:42,837
He's so determined
1008
00:51:42,870 --> 00:51:44,572
to say that Isa
has to be a lesbian.
1009
00:51:44,606 --> 00:51:47,441
But for him, 'lesbian' means
attracted to women, right?
1010
00:51:47,474 --> 00:51:49,476
And I'm not a woman, Mum.
1011
00:51:49,510 --> 00:51:51,345
Then why didn't you point
that out to Jimpa?
1012
00:51:51,378 --> 00:51:53,146
Do you know
how much easier it is
1013
00:51:53,180 --> 00:51:54,849
for you to do it than for me?
1014
00:51:54,882 --> 00:51:56,350
Do what?
1015
00:51:57,885 --> 00:51:59,787
To stand up for me.
1016
00:52:00,788 --> 00:52:02,757
You don't think
I stand up for you?
1017
00:52:04,424 --> 00:52:06,594
Well, this is what he's like.
1018
00:52:06,628 --> 00:52:08,261
How are you gonna do this
when I'm not here?
1019
00:52:12,767 --> 00:52:14,702
-It's Isa.
-Go ahead, answer it.
1020
00:52:17,705 --> 00:52:18,973
Oh, hi there.
1021
00:52:19,007 --> 00:52:21,643
Where are you
and what are you doing?
1022
00:52:22,877 --> 00:52:25,880
Oh, nowhere interesting.
Doing nothing much.
1023
00:52:25,913 --> 00:52:29,717
I doubt that,
but I was wondering
1024
00:52:29,751 --> 00:52:31,786
if you wanted to go for a ride
with me.
1025
00:52:33,021 --> 00:52:36,057
If you need to ask your mom
or Jim, that's cool.
1026
00:52:36,090 --> 00:52:37,825
No, I don't need to do that.
1027
00:52:59,379 --> 00:53:01,381
Australians are
afraid of the sun.
1028
00:53:09,222 --> 00:53:10,692
What's over there?
1029
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:14,227
- There?
- Mmm.
1030
00:53:15,228 --> 00:53:18,432
It's a big cruising spot. 24/7.
1031
00:53:18,465 --> 00:53:20,902
Oh, is that why
you brought me here?
1032
00:53:20,935 --> 00:53:22,970
Do you want to go take a look?
1033
00:53:24,304 --> 00:53:25,640
Uh...
1034
00:53:30,343 --> 00:53:31,913
Did you wanna
talk anything through?
1035
00:53:33,981 --> 00:53:36,117
I think I'm
a bit sick of talking.
1036
00:53:36,150 --> 00:53:37,518
Is that ok?
1037
00:53:38,619 --> 00:53:39,687
Of course.
1038
00:56:53,381 --> 00:56:55,149
No, I tried that.
1039
00:56:55,182 --> 00:56:56,617
It's not working.
1040
00:56:56,651 --> 00:56:58,019
It says I have two more attempts
1041
00:56:58,052 --> 00:56:59,353
before it locks me out.
1042
00:57:14,467 --> 00:57:16,337
My grand-thing
1043
00:57:16,370 --> 00:57:18,506
has done a grand thing.
1044
00:57:20,541 --> 00:57:21,976
Let's celebrate.
1045
00:57:30,184 --> 00:57:31,352
Hmm?
1046
00:57:36,757 --> 00:57:38,426
Are you gonna tell Hannah?
1047
00:57:39,427 --> 00:57:40,795
You don't think I should?
1048
00:57:44,732 --> 00:57:47,902
I think sex is simpler for her.
1049
00:57:47,935 --> 00:57:49,036
Mmm.
1050
00:57:50,037 --> 00:57:51,806
I feel sorry for straight women.
1051
00:57:51,839 --> 00:57:53,274
Having to lie there,
1052
00:57:53,307 --> 00:57:55,710
people assuming you
just want to be fucked.
1053
00:57:55,743 --> 00:57:57,645
No-one talks about it.
1054
00:57:57,678 --> 00:58:00,381
They just do what's expected.
1055
00:58:02,249 --> 00:58:04,018
The benefits of who we are
1056
00:58:04,051 --> 00:58:07,922
is you can't assume
anything about anyone.
1057
00:58:07,955 --> 00:58:10,358
You always have to ask
for what they want.
1058
00:58:10,391 --> 00:58:12,693
State what you want.
1059
00:58:12,727 --> 00:58:14,628
Consent's sexy.
1060
00:58:14,662 --> 00:58:16,330
Understanding what
someone wants.
1061
00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:19,200
Sure, as long as it's not like
1062
00:58:19,233 --> 00:58:21,235
instructions for
a washing machine.
1063
00:58:31,078 --> 00:58:34,081
Has Mum talked to you about
me staying in Amsterdam?
1064
00:58:35,516 --> 00:58:37,051
Your parents love you.
1065
00:58:37,084 --> 00:58:39,053
You're very supported by them.
1066
00:58:40,354 --> 00:58:41,489
And?
1067
00:58:41,522 --> 00:58:44,091
And it sounds like
schools in Australia
1068
00:58:44,125 --> 00:58:45,459
are much better now.
1069
00:58:47,828 --> 00:58:49,363
School's fine.
1070
00:58:49,397 --> 00:58:51,999
It's not like I'm... I'm
getting beaten up or anything.
1071
00:58:53,234 --> 00:58:57,204
I'm not scared exactly,
just not...
1072
00:58:59,106 --> 00:59:00,374
. ..connecting.
1073
00:59:01,809 --> 00:59:04,545
I'm tired of the feeling
that I'm somehow
1074
00:59:04,578 --> 00:59:06,614
rubbing my queerness
in everyone's face.
1075
00:59:06,647 --> 00:59:07,882
Hmm.
1076
00:59:10,918 --> 00:59:12,586
That might never stop.
1077
00:59:14,188 --> 00:59:17,091
But it will never stop us.
1078
00:59:19,427 --> 00:59:25,199
You're the president of
an LGBT club at school.
1079
00:59:25,232 --> 00:59:27,668
So it... it can't be so bad.
1080
00:59:30,304 --> 00:59:33,040
Maybe you don't need to
leave your family just yet.
1081
00:59:35,443 --> 00:59:37,611
But you had to leave
your family.
1082
00:59:37,645 --> 00:59:39,680
No, I didn't have to.
1083
00:59:39,713 --> 00:59:41,115
I wanted to.
1084
00:59:41,148 --> 00:59:42,383
What do you mean?
1085
00:59:43,552 --> 00:59:46,387
Katherine offered to move
with me with the children.
1086
00:59:47,455 --> 00:59:49,957
I decided to come to
Amsterdam on my own.
1087
00:59:51,759 --> 00:59:53,694
Does Mum know this?
1088
00:59:53,727 --> 00:59:55,196
I'm not sure.
1089
00:59:55,229 --> 00:59:56,664
What does your grandma say?
1090
00:59:57,965 --> 01:00:00,569
That she thought it best
that they stayed in Adelaide.
1091
01:00:00,601 --> 01:00:03,604
For Hannah's sake.
She was only 13.
1092
01:00:03,637 --> 01:00:05,339
That's a lie.
1093
01:00:05,372 --> 01:00:08,409
Most of the people
who left home,
1094
01:00:08,442 --> 01:00:10,811
their families and came here,
1095
01:00:10,845 --> 01:00:12,680
they did so because they had to.
1096
01:00:12,713 --> 01:00:14,014
Mmm.
1097
01:00:14,048 --> 01:00:17,084
It was a matter of survival,
of having a future.
1098
01:00:17,118 --> 01:00:18,686
But not me.
1099
01:00:20,054 --> 01:00:21,956
I was purely selfish.
1100
01:00:26,427 --> 01:00:27,628
Go on.
1101
01:00:28,796 --> 01:00:30,231
It'll do you good.
1102
01:00:34,635 --> 01:00:38,205
Did you... connect with Isa?
1103
01:00:40,307 --> 01:00:42,710
Did you understand
what Isa wanted?
1104
01:00:45,212 --> 01:00:46,780
Not at all.
1105
01:00:46,814 --> 01:00:48,682
I forgot to ask.
1106
01:00:52,953 --> 01:00:56,056
Nothing fit into
my idea of things.
1107
01:00:56,090 --> 01:00:58,392
I don't even know what I liked.
1108
01:01:00,094 --> 01:01:02,229
I just thought things
would be clearer.
1109
01:01:23,384 --> 01:01:24,885
Hello?
1110
01:01:24,919 --> 01:01:26,220
Oh, hi.
1111
01:01:26,253 --> 01:01:28,255
Nice to meet you, Tilda.
1112
01:01:28,289 --> 01:01:31,759
I don't want to play her
as too passive.
1113
01:01:31,792 --> 01:01:34,596
But she does seem to sacrifice
her needs and wants
1114
01:01:34,629 --> 01:01:36,063
for the sake of her husband.
1115
01:01:36,096 --> 01:01:37,532
Mmm.
1116
01:01:37,566 --> 01:01:39,133
Yeah, you could say that.
1117
01:01:39,166 --> 01:01:40,502
Because even though he's gay,
1118
01:01:40,535 --> 01:01:41,670
I mean, it's still the man
1119
01:01:41,702 --> 01:01:43,137
who gets to go
and explore himself
1120
01:01:43,170 --> 01:01:44,539
while the woman stays at home.
1121
01:01:44,573 --> 01:01:46,473
Yeah,
you could say that too.
1122
01:01:46,508 --> 01:01:48,142
I mean, and it's
still the man that,
1123
01:01:48,175 --> 01:01:50,978
you know, doesn't actively
look after his children.
1124
01:01:51,011 --> 01:01:52,713
Which is...
I mean, that's probably
1125
01:01:52,746 --> 01:01:54,048
the reality for many.
1126
01:01:54,081 --> 01:01:56,518
Right? I mean,
especially in that time.
1127
01:01:56,551 --> 01:01:59,019
I just thought that might
not be how you want to...
1128
01:01:59,053 --> 01:02:01,255
...portray him.
1129
01:02:01,288 --> 01:02:03,157
Or her.
1130
01:02:03,190 --> 01:02:05,426
All... all those,
uh, thoughts
1131
01:02:05,459 --> 01:02:07,394
are really interesting, um...
1132
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:15,035
-Was that about your film?
-Yes.
1133
01:02:17,438 --> 01:02:18,906
Have you made up with Frances?
1134
01:02:18,939 --> 01:02:21,342
I didn't think
I needed to.
1135
01:02:22,409 --> 01:02:24,778
You do know it's actually OK
1136
01:02:24,812 --> 01:02:27,848
to disagree and say hurtful
things to someone?
1137
01:02:28,816 --> 01:02:30,384
You didn't have to push so hard.
1138
01:02:31,586 --> 01:02:33,921
Is this about the fact
that Frances had sex?
1139
01:02:36,457 --> 01:02:38,058
Oh. You didn't know.
1140
01:02:38,092 --> 01:02:39,728
How could I know?
1141
01:02:39,760 --> 01:02:43,897
I'm sure Frances will tell you
all the details in no time.
1142
01:02:44,965 --> 01:02:46,300
Don't worry.
1143
01:02:47,569 --> 01:02:50,204
They've got more of
a head start than I ever had.
1144
01:02:52,006 --> 01:02:54,475
When I was Frances's age,
1145
01:02:54,509 --> 01:02:57,579
I didn't even have the word
to describe the way I...
1146
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:01,549
I know, Dad.
1147
01:03:03,183 --> 01:03:06,086
But Frances has all the words.
1148
01:03:07,522 --> 01:03:10,190
Frances will be fine.
1149
01:03:10,224 --> 01:03:12,326
They can...
1150
01:03:12,359 --> 01:03:14,962
. ..idolise me from afar.
1151
01:03:14,995 --> 01:03:16,631
That's just the way I like it.
1152
01:03:19,501 --> 01:03:21,636
So you're still going
for the Helsinki job?
1153
01:03:21,670 --> 01:03:23,772
Oh, you don't think I should?
1154
01:03:25,272 --> 01:03:26,508
What are we cooking?
1155
01:03:26,541 --> 01:03:28,275
My osso buco.
1156
01:03:29,977 --> 01:03:31,746
I might make something for us.
1157
01:03:34,649 --> 01:03:36,651
Oh, fuck!
1158
01:03:36,685 --> 01:03:38,419
-Let me see.
-No, no.
1159
01:03:38,452 --> 01:03:40,387
I'm fine. Fuck.
1160
01:03:40,421 --> 01:03:42,056
Is it deep?
Does it need stitches?
1161
01:03:42,089 --> 01:03:43,991
-No, no, I'm fine.
-Dad?
1162
01:03:44,024 --> 01:03:46,360
I don't need
a fucking hospital! Oh!
1163
01:03:46,393 --> 01:03:47,961
Easy.
1164
01:03:47,995 --> 01:03:50,632
Just lean here.
1165
01:03:52,099 --> 01:03:53,434
Hold it.
1166
01:03:59,708 --> 01:04:00,974
Hmm.
1167
01:04:01,008 --> 01:04:03,043
Tell me about your film.
1168
01:04:04,546 --> 01:04:05,814
Uh...
1169
01:04:05,846 --> 01:04:08,449
It's about a couple.
1170
01:04:08,482 --> 01:04:11,418
It's about commitment
1171
01:04:11,452 --> 01:04:14,388
and our contradictory
feelings about it.
1172
01:04:14,421 --> 01:04:17,358
Well, my feelings about it.
And, um...
1173
01:04:19,728 --> 01:04:21,663
. ..I don't think people
are getting it.
1174
01:04:22,996 --> 01:04:24,164
Hmm.
1175
01:04:25,667 --> 01:04:27,602
Do you remember Stephen?
1176
01:04:31,038 --> 01:04:32,973
Oh, I loved him so much.
1177
01:04:34,208 --> 01:04:35,876
So did Frances.
1178
01:04:35,909 --> 01:04:37,846
Yeah. So did I.
1179
01:04:39,246 --> 01:04:42,049
But he was a fervent
monogamist, poor thing.
1180
01:04:42,082 --> 01:04:43,951
Didn't you tell him
what you wanted?
1181
01:04:43,984 --> 01:04:46,019
Yes, and he agreed.
1182
01:04:47,087 --> 01:04:48,590
At first.
1183
01:04:48,623 --> 01:04:50,491
Until he didn't.
1184
01:04:50,525 --> 01:04:52,393
And you didn't change.
1185
01:04:52,426 --> 01:04:54,495
I don't believe in monogamy,
dearest.
1186
01:04:56,897 --> 01:04:58,499
Oh, he was so lovely.
1187
01:05:00,934 --> 01:05:02,970
You don't believe
in monogamy either.
1188
01:05:05,973 --> 01:05:07,975
But I also know
how great it can be.
1189
01:05:08,976 --> 01:05:11,145
Constancy. Loyalty.
1190
01:05:11,178 --> 01:05:14,181
Sounds like you're talking
about a dog. Hmm!
1191
01:05:14,214 --> 01:05:16,383
How is the dog anyway?
1192
01:05:16,417 --> 01:05:18,919
Oh! I need to call Mum.
1193
01:05:24,692 --> 01:05:26,460
I'm not very open.
1194
01:05:27,461 --> 01:05:30,632
No. I guess not.
1195
01:05:42,042 --> 01:05:43,377
Are you awake?
1196
01:05:49,216 --> 01:05:50,785
Are you not hungry?
1197
01:05:52,352 --> 01:05:53,987
I was thinking
you should stay here
1198
01:05:54,021 --> 01:05:55,289
while I go to London.
1199
01:05:56,925 --> 01:05:58,058
Why?
1200
01:05:58,091 --> 01:05:59,293
I don't know, just...
1201
01:05:59,326 --> 01:06:01,462
. ..gives you the chance
to soak up Amsterdam.
1202
01:06:03,263 --> 01:06:05,733
Sounds like you had
a really good time with Isa.
1203
01:06:07,802 --> 01:06:09,704
I was...
I was going to tell you.
1204
01:06:10,672 --> 01:06:12,372
It's OK, Frances. It's fine.
1205
01:06:14,876 --> 01:06:16,511
OK.
1206
01:06:20,715 --> 01:06:22,784
I'm excited for you.
It's a big thing.
1207
01:06:46,473 --> 01:06:48,308
Jim Hill in Helsinki.
1208
01:06:48,342 --> 01:06:50,310
Jani! How are you?
1209
01:06:51,513 --> 01:06:53,380
You... you got the study
I sent you?
1210
01:06:53,413 --> 01:06:55,650
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Fascinating stuff.
1211
01:06:55,683 --> 01:06:58,385
Nothing gets my heart racing
like social housing theory.
1212
01:06:58,418 --> 01:06:59,654
I mean it, Jim.
1213
01:06:59,687 --> 01:07:01,556
-It's good to see you.
-You too.
1214
01:07:07,427 --> 01:07:10,430
So this is still
a huge focus for me.
1215
01:07:10,464 --> 01:07:14,636
Building scientific capacities
for community groups.
1216
01:07:14,669 --> 01:07:17,170
I remember you raised this
even all the way back
1217
01:07:17,204 --> 01:07:20,975
at the CDC symposium
at AIDS 2018.
1218
01:07:21,009 --> 01:07:23,811
It was in my plenary talk,
the one I gave at the IAS.
1219
01:07:23,845 --> 01:07:25,112
2019.
1220
01:07:25,145 --> 01:07:26,781
We can't keep up.
1221
01:07:26,814 --> 01:07:28,783
Oh. You were there, Karolina.
1222
01:07:28,816 --> 01:07:31,853
I was, I was, but I still
couldn't keep up!
1223
01:07:36,223 --> 01:07:37,291
So...
1224
01:07:38,458 --> 01:07:40,227
. ..is this an area
that you'd like
1225
01:07:40,260 --> 01:07:42,329
someone in this new
position to focus on?
1226
01:07:44,933 --> 01:07:46,701
We were very excited
1227
01:07:46,734 --> 01:07:48,636
when you called to say
you'd be in town
1228
01:07:48,670 --> 01:07:50,939
and wanted to talk
about the position.
1229
01:07:50,972 --> 01:07:53,575
It's such an honour,
personally speaking.
1230
01:07:53,608 --> 01:07:55,977
Of course we jumped on
the opportunity to meet up.
1231
01:07:56,010 --> 01:07:58,478
We would be honored
to access someone
1232
01:07:58,513 --> 01:08:00,048
with your knowledge
and experience.
1233
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:01,348
Yes.
1234
01:08:01,381 --> 01:08:04,384
We were talking that
maybe we can even
1235
01:08:04,418 --> 01:08:08,056
formalise something
in an advisory capacity
1236
01:08:08,088 --> 01:08:12,560
or a board position, when
they come up in three years.
1237
01:08:12,594 --> 01:08:14,829
Mmm. Yeah.
1238
01:08:17,832 --> 01:08:19,534
While you're here in Helsinki,
1239
01:08:19,567 --> 01:08:21,736
I was hoping to take you out
for lunch or dinner.
1240
01:08:21,769 --> 01:08:24,471
And why would you want
to do that?
1241
01:08:24,505 --> 01:08:27,942
Well, we were very impressed
by Mirjam Oerlemans.
1242
01:08:27,976 --> 01:08:29,276
Mirjam?
1243
01:08:29,309 --> 01:08:32,947
She's young, but her advocacy
for equality care
1244
01:08:32,981 --> 01:08:36,718
aligns really well with some
of our new impact areas.
1245
01:08:36,751 --> 01:08:39,020
You've been a kind of mentor
to her for years.
1246
01:08:39,053 --> 01:08:40,220
10 years.
1247
01:08:41,923 --> 01:08:44,058
And you're considering her
for this new...
1248
01:08:44,092 --> 01:08:45,793
Hence my clumsy invite
to dinner.
1249
01:08:47,662 --> 01:08:50,197
You want my opinion on
Mirjam Oerlemans?
1250
01:08:50,230 --> 01:08:52,667
Well, you're her reference.
1251
01:08:53,668 --> 01:08:55,770
But we respect your opinion.
1252
01:08:55,803 --> 01:08:58,238
Your honesty especially,
it's legendary.
1253
01:08:58,271 --> 01:09:00,407
I wish we could do dinner,
but...
1254
01:09:00,440 --> 01:09:05,046
. ..I came without a bag,
and I... I have work back home.
1255
01:09:06,380 --> 01:09:10,183
But you don't need dinner
for me to tell you Mirjam...
1256
01:09:12,553 --> 01:09:14,354
. ..would be perfect.
1257
01:09:14,388 --> 01:09:17,058
She's pragmatic. Evidence-based.
1258
01:09:17,091 --> 01:09:20,193
Her success is focusing
on young people
1259
01:09:20,227 --> 01:09:21,896
and marginalised groups.
1260
01:09:21,929 --> 01:09:24,364
Her stellar
rights-based approach
1261
01:09:24,398 --> 01:09:27,300
has meant actual
policy change, not just...
1262
01:09:40,682 --> 01:09:43,316
'Cause that is
beautiful. OK?
1263
01:09:46,353 --> 01:09:48,056
Hello!
1264
01:09:50,825 --> 01:09:52,860
Hello!
1265
01:09:52,894 --> 01:09:54,394
Say your name.
1266
01:09:55,596 --> 01:09:56,964
-Why?
-Hi, guys.
1267
01:09:56,998 --> 01:09:58,432
Just dropping
the professor home.
1268
01:09:58,465 --> 01:10:00,467
You need to say your name,
not just hello.
1269
01:10:00,501 --> 01:10:02,235
Otherwise, we don't know
who you are
1270
01:10:02,269 --> 01:10:03,771
or what you want.
1271
01:10:03,805 --> 01:10:05,640
Who else would it be?
1272
01:10:09,644 --> 01:10:11,846
Uh, I think it's time for bed.
1273
01:10:11,879 --> 01:10:13,715
Well, how did it go?
1274
01:10:13,748 --> 01:10:16,684
-Oh, wet and miserable.
-Hmm.
1275
01:10:17,785 --> 01:10:19,020
But really good.
1276
01:10:19,053 --> 01:10:20,688
Let me, uh...
1277
01:10:23,624 --> 01:10:25,793
It went really well.
1278
01:10:26,894 --> 01:10:28,596
They'd be lucky to have me.
1279
01:10:29,797 --> 01:10:32,466
It reminded me... Oh.
1280
01:10:33,634 --> 01:10:34,702
. ..of all the ideas...
1281
01:10:37,370 --> 01:10:39,507
Of the ideas i still have.
1282
01:10:39,540 --> 01:10:42,275
Of the energy I have.
1283
01:10:42,309 --> 01:10:43,745
Ahhh.
1284
01:10:47,849 --> 01:10:50,017
What... what time is it?
1285
01:10:50,051 --> 01:10:52,186
Let's get you to bed, Professor.
1286
01:11:00,027 --> 01:11:01,896
I think
she could be interesting.
1287
01:11:01,929 --> 01:11:03,965
She had some interesting ideas.
1288
01:11:06,433 --> 01:11:08,268
But at least she's invested.
1289
01:11:08,301 --> 01:11:09,436
One second.
1290
01:11:10,470 --> 01:11:11,672
Have fun.
1291
01:11:11,706 --> 01:11:13,808
I think it makes sense
for you to stay here.
1292
01:11:13,841 --> 01:11:14,976
Mm-hm.
1293
01:11:15,009 --> 01:11:16,177
This was always gonna happen.
1294
01:11:16,210 --> 01:11:17,545
Don't make your mum feel guilty.
1295
01:11:17,578 --> 01:11:20,280
Yes, don't shame your mother
for working, Frances.
1296
01:11:20,313 --> 01:11:21,448
I'm not.
1297
01:11:21,481 --> 01:11:23,483
You rather have a mother
who stayed home
1298
01:11:23,518 --> 01:11:24,752
and cooked biscuits for you?
1299
01:11:24,786 --> 01:11:26,087
You want that kind of a mother?
1300
01:11:26,120 --> 01:11:27,822
Yep. I should go. I need
to go and get the train.
1301
01:11:27,855 --> 01:11:29,991
No, I don't want
that kind of a mother.
1302
01:11:30,024 --> 01:11:30,992
Yeah. Good.
1303
01:11:31,025 --> 01:11:33,127
Oh! For fuck's sake!
1304
01:11:33,161 --> 01:11:35,462
Um, originally I had said
Frances might come.
1305
01:11:35,495 --> 01:11:37,565
Tell your mother you'll be fine.
1306
01:11:37,598 --> 01:11:39,133
Or tell me nothing.
1307
01:11:39,167 --> 01:11:40,268
Hmm.
1308
01:11:41,401 --> 01:11:43,137
But I... I did want to tell you.
1309
01:11:43,171 --> 01:11:45,640
I just... I hadn't yet.
1310
01:11:45,673 --> 01:11:46,908
That's not what I
meant.
1311
01:11:46,941 --> 01:11:48,810
It's fine.
You didn't have to tell me.
1312
01:11:48,843 --> 01:11:50,011
OK?
1313
01:11:50,044 --> 01:11:52,379
OK? Of course it's OK.
1314
01:11:53,480 --> 01:11:54,682
Uh...
1315
01:11:55,883 --> 01:11:57,885
You don't want to stay
in Amsterdam?
1316
01:11:58,886 --> 01:12:00,855
Do you want to come with me?
1317
01:12:06,127 --> 01:12:09,429
But Dad's fine. He's been
to Finland for an interview.
1318
01:12:09,462 --> 01:12:11,398
You need to tell your father
1319
01:12:11,431 --> 01:12:13,901
that he's being
ridiculous and selfish.
1320
01:12:13,935 --> 01:12:16,804
He doesn't need me
to tell him those things.
1321
01:12:16,838 --> 01:12:19,640
Tell him he needs to retire
with some fucking dignity.
1322
01:12:19,674 --> 01:12:21,309
We don't need to tell him
anything.
1323
01:12:21,341 --> 01:12:22,944
He's feeling old, Mum.
1324
01:12:22,977 --> 01:12:25,847
Have you talked to him
about your film yet?
1325
01:12:25,880 --> 01:12:27,648
Uh, kind of.
1326
01:12:27,682 --> 01:12:29,449
You're worried that
he's not gonna give you
1327
01:12:29,482 --> 01:12:30,818
his divine blessing?
1328
01:12:30,852 --> 01:12:33,054
I just don't want to get
into an argument.
1329
01:12:33,087 --> 01:12:34,487
Then he'll tell you
1330
01:12:34,522 --> 01:12:36,557
there are far more
interesting parts in his life,
1331
01:12:36,591 --> 01:12:38,226
so be ready.
1332
01:12:38,259 --> 01:12:39,794
Maybe.
1333
01:12:48,169 --> 01:12:50,738
You never come visit anymore,
Mirjam.
1334
01:12:50,771 --> 01:12:52,640
-You told me not to.
-I never!
1335
01:12:52,673 --> 01:12:55,276
You did.
1336
01:12:55,309 --> 01:12:57,377
You did.
1337
01:13:01,515 --> 01:13:04,819
Thank you for the kind words
you said about me.
1338
01:13:04,852 --> 01:13:06,287
I meant them.
1339
01:13:08,956 --> 01:13:11,092
You could have told me.
1340
01:13:11,125 --> 01:13:13,728
I didn't know you were going
for the same job
1341
01:13:13,761 --> 01:13:14,962
until you announced it
1342
01:13:14,996 --> 01:13:16,931
in front of everyone
at your party.
1343
01:13:16,964 --> 01:13:18,866
If you'd known earlier,
1344
01:13:18,900 --> 01:13:20,968
would you still have
gone for the position?
1345
01:13:24,138 --> 01:13:25,438
If there is a job,
1346
01:13:25,472 --> 01:13:27,174
think of Richard, won't you?
1347
01:13:29,476 --> 01:13:30,978
Get him out of my hair.
1348
01:13:39,387 --> 01:13:41,088
Two hugs.
1349
01:13:41,122 --> 01:13:42,857
Aren't you lucky?
1350
01:14:06,180 --> 01:14:09,050
I can't
believe I feel jealous.
1351
01:14:09,083 --> 01:14:11,052
It's OK, I understand.
1352
01:14:11,085 --> 01:14:12,954
It's not ok.
1353
01:14:14,088 --> 01:14:17,091
It's stupid. It's so fucking...
1354
01:14:17,124 --> 01:14:19,760
It's so fucking stupid.
1355
01:14:21,829 --> 01:14:23,597
Maybe things were
just a bit fast.
1356
01:14:25,166 --> 01:14:26,300
My God.
1357
01:14:26,334 --> 01:14:28,669
It's so immature of me,
isn't it?
1358
01:14:29,804 --> 01:14:32,039
Can we just go home?
1359
01:14:33,341 --> 01:14:34,675
We will.
1360
01:14:34,709 --> 01:14:37,645
Talk to Jimpa about your film
and let's go home.
1361
01:14:37,678 --> 01:14:39,146
I will.
1362
01:14:46,420 --> 01:14:48,222
I don't think I want the job.
1363
01:14:49,190 --> 01:14:53,260
I think...
I'll stay in Amsterdam.
1364
01:14:53,294 --> 01:14:55,596
I... I think Amsterdam could be
1365
01:14:55,629 --> 01:14:58,866
really great for you, Frances.
1366
01:14:58,899 --> 01:15:02,837
I'll stay here
so you can live with me.
1367
01:15:02,870 --> 01:15:04,839
-Are you sure?
-Of course.
1368
01:15:04,872 --> 01:15:09,176
It'll mean that you'll come
visit more often as well.
1369
01:15:09,210 --> 01:15:10,644
Yeah.
1370
01:15:10,678 --> 01:15:12,213
What do you say, grand-thing?
1371
01:15:25,459 --> 01:15:27,628
- OK.
- Good.
1372
01:15:28,629 --> 01:15:30,297
Is that what you want?
1373
01:15:32,066 --> 01:15:34,035
Yeah, I mean,
sounds amazing, Jimpa.
1374
01:15:34,068 --> 01:15:36,170
Good.
1375
01:15:39,006 --> 01:15:40,574
Fuck me.
1376
01:15:42,443 --> 01:15:43,677
Your cunning plan
1377
01:15:43,711 --> 01:15:45,646
really didn't work out
as expected, did it?
1378
01:16:26,387 --> 01:16:28,022
How old are you?
1379
01:16:29,190 --> 01:16:30,357
Old enough.
1380
01:16:30,391 --> 01:16:32,726
Hm. Just wanting to be safe,
you know.
1381
01:16:32,760 --> 01:16:34,762
Always safe.
1382
01:16:34,795 --> 01:16:36,597
I once fucked an older guy,
1383
01:16:36,630 --> 01:16:38,933
then discovered he'd escaped
from a nursing home.
1384
01:16:43,137 --> 01:16:45,673
The perils of being
a daddy chaser.
1385
01:16:45,706 --> 01:16:46,941
Hmm!
1386
01:16:48,709 --> 01:16:50,512
So come on.
1387
01:16:50,545 --> 01:16:51,979
Chase me.
1388
01:16:59,787 --> 01:17:01,255
I did say I regretted Frances
1389
01:17:01,288 --> 01:17:02,656
not spending
enough time with him.
1390
01:17:02,690 --> 01:17:03,724
Mmm.
1391
01:17:04,892 --> 01:17:06,460
It is a great city.
1392
01:17:18,472 --> 01:17:20,975
-Really good cafes.
-Mmm.
1393
01:17:21,008 --> 01:17:22,476
Good schools too.
1394
01:17:31,118 --> 01:17:32,453
Hey, Richard.
1395
01:17:49,003 --> 01:17:51,438
Uh, I don't know
what they've told you...
1396
01:17:52,641 --> 01:17:55,209
. ..but two days ago,
you had a bad stroke.
1397
01:17:56,777 --> 01:17:59,213
So you've been in a coma
to protect your brain.
1398
01:18:01,015 --> 01:18:03,384
And now they've taken you
out of the coma
1399
01:18:03,417 --> 01:18:04,785
to see how you are.
1400
01:18:06,521 --> 01:18:09,356
And they told us that you can
hear us now. Is that right?
1401
01:18:11,892 --> 01:18:13,662
Apparently you can
squeeze my hand.
1402
01:18:16,497 --> 01:18:19,233
So if you can hear me, Dad,
can you squeeze my hand?
1403
01:18:22,504 --> 01:18:24,171
OK.
1404
01:18:24,205 --> 01:18:27,474
So we'll do once for yes,
two for no.
1405
01:18:28,876 --> 01:18:30,110
OK.
1406
01:18:31,546 --> 01:18:34,715
So are you OK?
I mean, are you in any pain?
1407
01:18:39,353 --> 01:18:41,623
No? Good. OK.
1408
01:18:43,558 --> 01:18:45,392
And do you know who I am?
1409
01:18:45,426 --> 01:18:47,596
It's me, Hannah, your daughter.
1410
01:18:52,099 --> 01:18:53,635
And a filmmaker
1411
01:18:53,668 --> 01:18:55,369
and a woman and a mother.
1412
01:19:03,277 --> 01:19:05,879
And Frances is here as well,
your grandchild.
1413
01:19:10,150 --> 01:19:11,418
Hi, Jimpa.
1414
01:19:25,734 --> 01:19:28,035
Don't worry, Dad, OK?
I know what to do.
1415
01:19:29,003 --> 01:19:30,271
OK, I know.
1416
01:19:35,342 --> 01:19:36,877
Do you feel like you?
1417
01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:41,683
No, of course you don't.
Stupid question.
1418
01:19:43,384 --> 01:19:44,918
Strange, you not talking.
1419
01:19:50,291 --> 01:19:51,859
Shall I tell you about yourself?
1420
01:19:54,763 --> 01:19:55,896
OK.
1421
01:19:55,929 --> 01:19:59,433
You were born in 1951.
1422
01:20:00,434 --> 01:20:02,637
Your parents were Mary and Bill.
1423
01:20:04,004 --> 01:20:05,973
You don't believe in monogamy.
1424
01:20:06,006 --> 01:20:08,643
Uh, you've had many lovers.
1425
01:20:09,910 --> 01:20:11,646
Stephen, who we all loved.
1426
01:20:13,414 --> 01:20:16,317
And then when you first
got here, there was a, um...
1427
01:20:17,251 --> 01:20:18,886
He was a photographer.
1428
01:20:18,919 --> 01:20:21,690
Tall, blonde.
1429
01:20:21,723 --> 01:20:23,591
He took that photo of you
that I really loved.
1430
01:20:23,625 --> 01:20:24,759
Daan.
1431
01:20:24,793 --> 01:20:26,960
His name was Daan.
1432
01:20:26,994 --> 01:20:28,896
I remember. Yeah, Daan.
1433
01:20:30,297 --> 01:20:31,633
He can't remember?
1434
01:20:31,666 --> 01:20:34,968
I'm just making sure that
he understands who he is.
1435
01:20:35,002 --> 01:20:37,171
Hey. Sorry.
1436
01:20:44,912 --> 01:20:46,880
Oh, God, look at him.
1437
01:20:46,914 --> 01:20:48,415
Jesus.
1438
01:20:49,917 --> 01:20:51,285
Oh, Hannah, I can't bear that.
1439
01:20:51,318 --> 01:20:53,755
- Hey, he can hear you.
- OK.
1440
01:20:58,192 --> 01:21:00,361
So he can't
breathe on his own?
1441
01:21:00,394 --> 01:21:01,629
- No.
- OK.
1442
01:21:01,663 --> 01:21:03,130
Not yet, anyway. Hmm?
1443
01:21:05,899 --> 01:21:08,302
Jesus, can they just
prop him up or something?
1444
01:21:08,335 --> 01:21:10,170
He looks fucking horrific
like this.
1445
01:21:10,204 --> 01:21:12,339
Why don't we just
sit and talk to him?
1446
01:21:12,373 --> 01:21:13,440
OK.
1447
01:21:23,050 --> 01:21:24,853
I mean, I don't really know
what to say.
1448
01:21:24,885 --> 01:21:26,621
He's usually the one
doing all the talking.
1449
01:21:28,021 --> 01:21:29,356
You talk just fine.
1450
01:21:29,390 --> 01:21:31,125
Yeah, I know that. I know I do.
1451
01:21:34,194 --> 01:21:36,397
Oh, my God, Hannah,
look at our dad.
1452
01:21:36,430 --> 01:21:38,867
He can hear you.
1453
01:21:38,899 --> 01:21:42,002
Oh, god, dad, you look
like shit.
1454
01:21:43,170 --> 01:21:44,806
Hi.
1455
01:21:44,839 --> 01:21:46,508
It's OK.
1456
01:21:54,348 --> 01:21:55,382
Oh.
1457
01:21:55,416 --> 01:21:56,751
I am here.
1458
01:21:58,218 --> 01:21:59,587
It's OK.
1459
01:22:05,593 --> 01:22:07,862
The doctor said there was
a similar patient
1460
01:22:07,896 --> 01:22:09,531
who can now sit in the backyard
1461
01:22:09,564 --> 01:22:11,733
with a cup of tea
and a dog on their lap
1462
01:22:11,766 --> 01:22:13,967
and... and that
there's... there's no reason
1463
01:22:14,001 --> 01:22:16,003
Dad couldn't have that life.
1464
01:22:17,438 --> 01:22:19,908
Oh, this coffee is awful.
1465
01:22:19,940 --> 01:22:21,843
What have they done to the milk?
1466
01:22:21,876 --> 01:22:23,611
Look at your risotto.
1467
01:22:23,645 --> 01:22:25,979
-Who puts tofu in risotto?
-It's fine.
1468
01:22:26,013 --> 01:22:28,650
No. Excuse me!
If it's bad, you send it back.
1469
01:22:28,683 --> 01:22:30,284
I've already eaten
a quarter of it.
1470
01:22:30,317 --> 01:22:32,821
Jesus, Hannah, they need
to know if their food is bad.
1471
01:22:32,854 --> 01:22:35,723
I will tell them and I'll get
them to take it back.
1472
01:22:35,757 --> 01:22:36,791
No, please don't.
1473
01:22:36,825 --> 01:22:38,325
Why not?
1474
01:22:41,663 --> 01:22:43,598
Who puts tofu in risotto?
1475
01:22:43,631 --> 01:22:46,033
Would you like me
to remove the tofu?
1476
01:22:46,066 --> 01:22:47,100
No, it's fine.
1477
01:22:47,134 --> 01:22:48,469
I've... I've already eaten some.
1478
01:22:48,503 --> 01:22:49,771
And honestly, it's fine.
1479
01:22:49,804 --> 01:22:52,372
Let her have the terrible
risotto if she wants.
1480
01:22:54,208 --> 01:22:55,610
Fine, yep.
1481
01:22:55,643 --> 01:22:57,177
Just tell the kitchen
that it's terrible.
1482
01:22:57,211 --> 01:23:00,147
And look, these eggs, they're
way overcooked. Look at that.
1483
01:23:01,081 --> 01:23:03,217
Have a proper look. They're
solid, they don't even move.
1484
01:23:03,250 --> 01:23:05,520
Uh, shall I get the kitchen
to make them again?
1485
01:23:05,553 --> 01:23:07,421
No, you just tell the kitchen
that they're terrible.
1486
01:23:08,455 --> 01:23:09,691
OK.
1487
01:23:23,972 --> 01:23:25,405
We could get him a dog
1488
01:23:25,439 --> 01:23:26,808
and he could sit
in the garden...
1489
01:23:26,841 --> 01:23:28,108
Probably hooked up to machines.
1490
01:23:28,141 --> 01:23:30,344
. ..the dog on his lap,
and they... they said that
1491
01:23:30,377 --> 01:23:32,446
he might even be able to
communicate a little bit.
1492
01:23:32,479 --> 01:23:34,381
In the words
of the doctor, "Maybe,
1493
01:23:34,414 --> 01:23:36,049
"and after an extended
and difficult
1494
01:23:36,083 --> 01:23:37,251
"period of rehabilitation."
1495
01:23:37,284 --> 01:23:38,653
It's still possible.
1496
01:23:38,686 --> 01:23:40,153
It could take years, Em,
1497
01:23:40,187 --> 01:23:41,523
with no guarantee,
1498
01:23:41,556 --> 01:23:43,390
and that's the best possible
scenario.
1499
01:23:43,423 --> 01:23:44,859
But it's still a life.
1500
01:23:44,893 --> 01:23:46,661
And no-one should give up
their life to look after Dad.
1501
01:23:46,694 --> 01:23:48,395
-He wouldn't want that.
-Oh, Jesus, Hannah.
1502
01:23:48,428 --> 01:23:50,397
-It's not what he wants.
-How do you know that?
1503
01:23:50,430 --> 01:23:51,833
There was
no advanced care directive.
1504
01:23:51,866 --> 01:23:54,636
There's no recent will either.
Stephen's still in it.
1505
01:23:54,669 --> 01:23:56,804
Because it wasn't updated.
But we know what he wants.
1506
01:23:56,838 --> 01:23:58,238
That's not the same.
1507
01:23:58,272 --> 01:24:00,140
He told me, Em,
and he was very clear.
1508
01:24:00,173 --> 01:24:02,442
If he ends up more diminished,
let him die.
1509
01:24:05,680 --> 01:24:07,549
And... and what?
1510
01:24:09,316 --> 01:24:10,818
What, we just go and get coffee?
1511
01:24:10,852 --> 01:24:13,153
Is that what he said?
1512
01:24:13,186 --> 01:24:16,290
You know what Dad's like.
He just says shit like I do.
1513
01:24:16,323 --> 01:24:18,026
He could have written it down,
1514
01:24:18,058 --> 01:24:19,694
he could have... he could have
left instructions,
1515
01:24:19,727 --> 01:24:21,428
but he didn't.
1516
01:24:21,461 --> 01:24:23,565
And maybe he would be very happy
1517
01:24:23,598 --> 01:24:26,133
just sitting in the garden
with a dog on his lap.
1518
01:24:26,166 --> 01:24:27,434
That's his idea of hell.
1519
01:24:27,467 --> 01:24:28,836
Well, lately
he's been happy
1520
01:24:28,870 --> 01:24:30,638
to sit on the couch
and eat yoghurt.
1521
01:24:31,673 --> 01:24:33,240
He has been very diminished
1522
01:24:33,273 --> 01:24:34,308
since his first stroke, Hannah.
1523
01:24:34,341 --> 01:24:35,677
You just haven't been around.
1524
01:24:43,751 --> 01:24:46,086
I have seen him sit on
the couch and eat yoghurt.
1525
01:24:47,889 --> 01:24:49,189
Oh.
1526
01:24:52,727 --> 01:24:57,230
Well, there were these panels
and they were about 3x6
1527
01:24:57,264 --> 01:24:59,366
and, well, there were
all different kinds of fabrics
1528
01:24:59,399 --> 01:25:01,468
and... and we would decorate
them
1529
01:25:01,502 --> 01:25:02,971
with gems and buttons and...
1530
01:25:03,004 --> 01:25:04,171
Everything.
1531
01:25:04,204 --> 01:25:05,305
Anything.
Whatever we wanted.
1532
01:25:05,339 --> 01:25:06,841
Sequins,
1533
01:25:06,874 --> 01:25:08,442
stuffed animals.
1534
01:25:08,475 --> 01:25:10,011
Hair. Condoms.
1535
01:25:12,312 --> 01:25:14,314
But everything you got
you then...
1536
01:25:14,348 --> 01:25:17,484
. ..sewed together
to form the quilt.
1537
01:25:17,518 --> 01:25:20,354
I felt like we were doing
that every week. I loved it.
1538
01:25:20,387 --> 01:25:23,390
How could you love it?
I mean, it's so... sad.
1539
01:25:23,423 --> 01:25:25,827
- I think it was just...
- Hmm.
1540
01:25:25,860 --> 01:25:27,729
I was 15.
1541
01:25:27,762 --> 01:25:30,297
I think it just felt like
family arts and crafts to me.
1542
01:25:30,330 --> 01:25:31,733
It was important work
1543
01:25:31,766 --> 01:25:34,802
because some didn't get
funerals or celebrations.
1544
01:25:34,836 --> 01:25:36,336
Or families were ashamed.
1545
01:25:36,370 --> 01:25:38,106
You know, or didn't want
to bring attention
1546
01:25:38,138 --> 01:25:39,107
to how they died.
1547
01:25:39,139 --> 01:25:40,642
So it's the only way
1548
01:25:40,675 --> 01:25:43,111
people who had
an AIDS-related death
1549
01:25:43,143 --> 01:25:44,512
are remembered still.
1550
01:25:44,545 --> 01:25:46,848
- Mmm.
- One day it's, uh...
1551
01:25:46,881 --> 01:25:49,017
"Have you heard about Felix?
1552
01:25:49,050 --> 01:25:50,985
"He's gone back home
to his family."
1553
01:25:51,019 --> 01:25:52,887
And then we hear
from the family.
1554
01:25:52,920 --> 01:25:54,088
Felix suddenly died from
1555
01:25:54,122 --> 01:25:55,657
lung cancer
or something ridiculous.
1556
01:25:55,690 --> 01:25:57,692
Yeah. We knew the truth.
1557
01:25:57,725 --> 01:26:00,995
But you didn't really
know in those early days.
1558
01:26:01,029 --> 01:26:04,966
You were constantly checked,
but you were always scared.
1559
01:26:06,166 --> 01:26:07,769
Always fucking scared.
1560
01:26:10,104 --> 01:26:12,406
We went on holiday to Spain.
You were there?
1561
01:26:12,439 --> 01:26:14,307
-Yeah. Tom.
-Yeah.
1562
01:26:14,341 --> 01:26:15,743
- And Jim.
- Jim.
1563
01:26:15,777 --> 01:26:17,444
And we went to the gay beach.
1564
01:26:17,477 --> 01:26:18,780
There was this man,
1565
01:26:18,813 --> 01:26:21,816
very skeletal man,
with just his, uh...
1566
01:26:21,849 --> 01:26:23,551
. ..how do you call this,
swimming, uh...
1567
01:26:23,584 --> 01:26:26,253
-Swimmers.
-Swimmers, yeah.
1568
01:26:26,286 --> 01:26:30,024
And when he got up from
his bed to go to the sea,
1569
01:26:30,058 --> 01:26:33,628
you could see that he was
covered in Kaposi sarcoma.
1570
01:26:33,661 --> 01:26:34,996
Hmm.
1571
01:26:35,029 --> 01:26:38,700
Honestly, all over his body.
It was horrible.
1572
01:26:38,733 --> 01:26:40,902
And I was thinking
what a horrible sight it was,
1573
01:26:40,935 --> 01:26:42,402
but at the same time, I thought,
1574
01:26:42,436 --> 01:26:45,073
no, but it's also brave
and it's also beautiful
1575
01:26:45,106 --> 01:26:47,709
that he felt comfortable
showing his body like this.
1576
01:26:49,110 --> 01:26:51,211
But Jim wasn't interested, no.
1577
01:26:51,244 --> 01:26:53,614
Jim just pointed to
a small purple spot
1578
01:26:53,648 --> 01:26:55,482
on Tom's neck or shoulder
1579
01:26:55,516 --> 01:26:57,018
and he said...
1580
01:26:58,853 --> 01:27:01,656
"You need to get that
checked, otherwise... eugh."
1581
01:27:01,689 --> 01:27:02,890
No!
1582
01:27:02,924 --> 01:27:04,424
He just never has
any fucking tact.
1583
01:27:04,458 --> 01:27:05,492
No tact.
1584
01:27:05,526 --> 01:27:06,728
Like, none at all.
1585
01:27:06,761 --> 01:27:08,228
We were on the beach.
1586
01:27:08,261 --> 01:27:10,064
There was no etiquette
about these things.
1587
01:27:10,098 --> 01:27:11,132
No.
1588
01:27:11,165 --> 01:27:12,967
But still, yeah,
it was... it was rude.
1589
01:27:14,802 --> 01:27:17,505
Tom was kind of
a sensitive man,
1590
01:27:17,538 --> 01:27:18,673
unlike Jim.
1591
01:27:19,707 --> 01:27:21,274
And he said, "Well, thanks, Jim.
1592
01:27:21,308 --> 01:27:24,212
"Thank you very much
for ruining my holiday.
1593
01:27:24,244 --> 01:27:26,313
"Muchas gracias, darling."
1594
01:27:26,346 --> 01:27:29,449
But he did have it.
1595
01:27:29,483 --> 01:27:31,152
- Ohh.
- He did have it, yes.
1596
01:27:31,185 --> 01:27:33,921
-Yes, and he did get a quilt.
-Yeah.
1597
01:27:35,223 --> 01:27:37,525
It's so... it's so horrific.
1598
01:27:39,961 --> 01:27:43,731
Sorry. It's terrible.
1599
01:27:43,765 --> 01:27:45,600
Sorry, I'm sorry.
1600
01:27:45,633 --> 01:27:49,837
It's a terrible story. It's
not funny at all. It's not.
1601
01:27:49,871 --> 01:27:52,774
I don't even know
why I'm laughing about it.
1602
01:28:03,551 --> 01:28:05,253
Sorry.
1603
01:28:09,857 --> 01:28:12,593
Oh, God, I just
don't want him to die.
1604
01:28:18,800 --> 01:28:20,768
But I do need
more wine, so...
1605
01:28:20,802 --> 01:28:23,104
Coming up.
1606
01:28:27,975 --> 01:28:30,278
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
1607
01:28:33,247 --> 01:28:35,482
I think that... Yeah.
1608
01:28:45,760 --> 01:28:47,427
I do, you know.
1609
01:28:47,460 --> 01:28:48,796
What?
1610
01:28:48,830 --> 01:28:50,965
Want him to die.
1611
01:28:56,336 --> 01:28:58,338
Because you don't need him
like they do.
1612
01:29:06,214 --> 01:29:07,682
He thinks we have a thing.
1613
01:29:10,251 --> 01:29:12,053
I know.
1614
01:29:17,792 --> 01:29:20,328
Dark pink skin on the knuckles.
1615
01:29:21,596 --> 01:29:23,496
Prominent tendons.
1616
01:29:25,132 --> 01:29:26,366
Little cut.
1617
01:29:26,399 --> 01:29:27,935
Hmm!
1618
01:29:27,969 --> 01:29:31,305
There's a few dark hairs
on the outside of the hand.
1619
01:29:57,632 --> 01:30:00,101
Be grateful and fucking move on.
1620
01:30:26,426 --> 01:30:29,764
Do you think Emily knows
Jimpa better than you do?
1621
01:30:32,266 --> 01:30:33,668
Do you?
1622
01:30:37,204 --> 01:30:40,508
Emily's lived with or close
to Jimpa her whole life
1623
01:30:40,541 --> 01:30:43,744
so she's got a... different
relationship to him
1624
01:30:43,778 --> 01:30:45,179
than the one we have.
1625
01:30:45,212 --> 01:30:46,714
We have?
1626
01:30:46,747 --> 01:30:48,049
What's that?
1627
01:30:48,082 --> 01:30:50,051
Long-distance.
1628
01:30:51,385 --> 01:30:52,787
Mm.
1629
01:30:54,722 --> 01:30:56,624
I just wanna know
what Jimpa wants.
1630
01:30:58,392 --> 01:31:00,127
You don't think
I know what he wants?
1631
01:31:02,830 --> 01:31:04,865
The story you tell
1632
01:31:04,899 --> 01:31:08,402
about how he eventually had
to leave to come to Amsterdam,
1633
01:31:08,436 --> 01:31:11,939
about how Grandma decided it
was best to stay in Adelaide.
1634
01:31:12,940 --> 01:31:14,008
Yeah?
1635
01:31:16,476 --> 01:31:17,712
It's not true.
1636
01:31:19,180 --> 01:31:21,449
Grandma said to Jim that
she could come with him
1637
01:31:21,481 --> 01:31:22,883
and bring the kids.
1638
01:31:22,917 --> 01:31:24,652
You could all
move here together.
1639
01:31:25,753 --> 01:31:27,455
And Jimpa said no.
1640
01:31:28,422 --> 01:31:30,458
He said he wanted
to do it on his own.
1641
01:31:32,426 --> 01:31:33,861
He could have
1642
01:31:33,894 --> 01:31:35,863
brought you all with him
1643
01:31:35,896 --> 01:31:37,631
but he didn't want to.
1644
01:31:41,969 --> 01:31:43,471
Is that what he said to you?
1645
01:31:45,239 --> 01:31:46,640
Do you think he was lying?
1646
01:31:49,343 --> 01:31:50,811
No, I don't think he was.
1647
01:31:58,352 --> 01:32:00,187
Are you and Dad monogamous?
1648
01:32:03,224 --> 01:32:04,458
Mostly.
1649
01:32:06,127 --> 01:32:07,728
Why don't you talk about it?
1650
01:32:11,832 --> 01:32:13,801
I'm not as open as Jimpa.
1651
01:32:16,537 --> 01:32:17,838
Hmm.
1652
01:32:38,025 --> 01:32:40,694
And you were Director of
Public Health for five years.
1653
01:32:40,728 --> 01:32:41,996
Do you remember that?
1654
01:32:43,464 --> 01:32:44,999
Yeah? And...
1655
01:32:46,434 --> 01:32:47,802
Thank you.
1656
01:32:51,372 --> 01:32:54,642
And... and...
1657
01:33:01,649 --> 01:33:03,384
Emily's here.
1658
01:33:08,956 --> 01:33:11,092
Hannah,
you don't have to do it.
1659
01:33:11,125 --> 01:33:12,726
No shit. I'm not eating ham.
1660
01:33:12,760 --> 01:33:14,628
What? Fuck.
1661
01:33:14,662 --> 01:33:17,298
No, Hannah,
I'm talking about our dad.
1662
01:33:17,331 --> 01:33:20,267
No, it won't be me
that actually kills him.
1663
01:33:20,301 --> 01:33:22,169
Fucking hell, Hannah. I'm...
1664
01:33:23,304 --> 01:33:25,806
I mean that you don't
have to look after him.
1665
01:33:25,840 --> 01:33:28,242
If that's what scares you,
I will do that. You know this.
1666
01:33:28,275 --> 01:33:29,844
You're not gonna
have to give up anything.
1667
01:33:29,877 --> 01:33:30,845
Emily.
1668
01:33:30,878 --> 01:33:32,980
No, it's my fucking life.
1669
01:33:36,250 --> 01:33:37,785
I can help.
1670
01:33:37,818 --> 01:33:39,753
I can stay here
and live with them.
1671
01:33:39,787 --> 01:33:41,556
Jimpa would love it and...
1672
01:33:41,590 --> 01:33:44,825
. ..I can properly experience
this place.
1673
01:33:44,859 --> 01:33:46,260
- No.
- Why not?
1674
01:33:46,293 --> 01:33:48,429
You were ready to let me
live with him before.
1675
01:33:48,462 --> 01:33:50,599
No, no, not necessarily.
1676
01:33:51,732 --> 01:33:53,100
You weren't?
1677
01:33:56,370 --> 01:33:57,805
Hannah, can you please
say something?
1678
01:33:59,974 --> 01:34:01,775
It's not what he wants.
1679
01:34:05,580 --> 01:34:06,981
It's OK, Mum.
1680
01:34:07,014 --> 01:34:09,850
Sorry, don't take this
as hostile, but I need to go.
1681
01:34:09,884 --> 01:34:11,318
Go for a walk.
1682
01:37:27,147 --> 01:37:29,183
-Is that Stephen?
-Mmm.
1683
01:37:34,121 --> 01:37:35,824
What did you
say to him?
1684
01:37:35,856 --> 01:37:38,225
I told him he was
1685
01:37:38,258 --> 01:37:40,961
being stubborn
for not updating his will.
1686
01:37:42,196 --> 01:37:44,733
I told him I never wanted
anything from him
1687
01:37:44,766 --> 01:37:47,034
except for his constancy
1688
01:37:47,067 --> 01:37:49,937
and that was the one thing
he refused to give me.
1689
01:37:50,938 --> 01:37:53,173
And I asked him what's the use
1690
01:37:53,207 --> 01:37:56,644
of all of his ideals
and opinions
1691
01:37:56,678 --> 01:37:59,913
if he can't give the people
he loves what they need.
1692
01:38:03,217 --> 01:38:06,220
You know,
you're allowed to be angry
1693
01:38:06,253 --> 01:38:07,822
or disappointed by him
1694
01:38:07,856 --> 01:38:09,890
and still think
the world of him.
1695
01:38:09,923 --> 01:38:11,659
I know.
1696
01:38:11,693 --> 01:38:13,093
Are you sure?
1697
01:38:21,168 --> 01:38:22,903
I'm not sure if you
remember much about
1698
01:38:22,936 --> 01:38:24,839
what we talked about
the other day.
1699
01:38:25,939 --> 01:38:28,175
Or if you remember
much about anything.
1700
01:38:29,176 --> 01:38:30,678
But I'm Hannah,
1701
01:38:30,712 --> 01:38:32,980
your youngest daughter.
1702
01:38:33,013 --> 01:38:35,315
And a filmmaker.
1703
01:38:35,349 --> 01:38:37,217
A mother.
1704
01:38:37,251 --> 01:38:38,753
A woman.
1705
01:38:41,088 --> 01:38:43,424
And we have to decide
what to do with you today.
1706
01:38:51,165 --> 01:38:52,299
You tell me off
1707
01:38:52,332 --> 01:38:54,536
for not answering
my phone when you call.
1708
01:38:54,569 --> 01:38:57,672
And for not visiting enough
and for working too hard,
1709
01:38:57,705 --> 01:38:59,173
but you taught me
those things.
1710
01:39:00,875 --> 01:39:03,310
And I'm about to make
a film about you
1711
01:39:03,343 --> 01:39:05,312
and I kept saying
I couldn't visit yet
1712
01:39:05,345 --> 01:39:06,815
and you kept saying to
1713
01:39:06,848 --> 01:39:08,215
block out the time in my diary
1714
01:39:08,248 --> 01:39:09,983
and just to tell everyone
I'm working with
1715
01:39:10,017 --> 01:39:12,554
that it's happening
and to come for a visit.
1716
01:39:15,355 --> 01:39:17,592
This is one way to keep me
around longer than planned!
1717
01:39:20,929 --> 01:39:22,764
Are you OK? Are you in any pain?
1718
01:39:27,134 --> 01:39:28,469
No? Good.
1719
01:39:31,539 --> 01:39:34,107
So I'm gonna tell you
about my film.
1720
01:39:36,778 --> 01:39:39,112
It starts in 1977...
1721
01:39:40,815 --> 01:39:43,283
...which is obviously
a different and difficult time
1722
01:39:43,317 --> 01:39:45,352
to come out as gay.
1723
01:39:45,385 --> 01:39:47,889
But it's extra hard
for my main character
1724
01:39:47,922 --> 01:39:49,389
because he's married,
1725
01:39:49,423 --> 01:39:52,025
with a toddler
and a newborn baby.
1726
01:39:53,126 --> 01:39:55,797
But he does tell his family.
1727
01:39:58,098 --> 01:39:59,868
And instead of conflict,
1728
01:39:59,901 --> 01:40:03,605
he and his wife work out
how to keep living together
1729
01:40:03,638 --> 01:40:05,874
and to raise
their two children.
1730
01:40:08,208 --> 01:40:11,411
They start creating
a different bond
1731
01:40:11,445 --> 01:40:14,616
where they co-parent
and they share a life and...
1732
01:40:14,649 --> 01:40:16,985
...both of them having
various relationships,
1733
01:40:17,017 --> 01:40:19,052
some good, some bad, and...
1734
01:40:20,187 --> 01:40:23,056
...they go on living like this
for over 10 years.
1735
01:40:24,091 --> 01:40:25,760
And, um...
1736
01:40:25,793 --> 01:40:27,194
...you know, they build
a home together,
1737
01:40:27,227 --> 01:40:28,930
they... cook biscuits.
1738
01:40:29,964 --> 01:40:31,298
They coach each other
through life
1739
01:40:31,331 --> 01:40:34,134
to make a good life,
a good family.
1740
01:40:36,069 --> 01:40:38,806
And because of this, their
youngest daughter grows up
1741
01:40:38,840 --> 01:40:43,343
seeing their dad as gay
and a father as one thing -
1742
01:40:43,377 --> 01:40:47,147
as one whole thing, with
no hidden or separated parts.
1743
01:40:49,316 --> 01:40:52,687
But then all this changes
when she turns 13.
1744
01:40:55,222 --> 01:40:56,991
The father is finding it harder
1745
01:40:57,025 --> 01:40:58,560
to get work in Adelaide.
1746
01:40:58,593 --> 01:41:01,629
He's considered too political,
too controversial,
1747
01:41:01,663 --> 01:41:04,298
and... he feels limited by
1748
01:41:04,331 --> 01:41:06,734
the views, the place,
the lifestyle,
1749
01:41:06,768 --> 01:41:08,636
and so he says
he needs to leave.
1750
01:41:12,607 --> 01:41:15,577
And so, just like that,
after 13 years, he leaves.
1751
01:41:29,958 --> 01:41:32,894
But instead of it being
a terrible decision...
1752
01:41:36,496 --> 01:41:38,733
. ..it's presented as
something wonderful...
1753
01:41:40,568 --> 01:41:42,670
. ..that will prove to open up
all their lives.
1754
01:41:44,171 --> 01:41:45,405
And it did.
1755
01:42:46,233 --> 01:42:47,935
So that's what the film's about.
1756
01:42:53,941 --> 01:42:55,409
It's about a daughter learning
1757
01:42:55,442 --> 01:42:57,812
to not need her father so much.
1758
01:43:03,017 --> 01:43:04,184
Because she doesn't want him
1759
01:43:04,217 --> 01:43:06,386
to stay at home
and cook biscuits for her.
1760
01:43:08,589 --> 01:43:10,223
And her being grateful for that.
1761
01:43:31,311 --> 01:43:33,246
Do you like that story, Jimpa?
1762
01:43:39,887 --> 01:43:41,889
And do you think it's true?
1763
01:43:50,098 --> 01:43:51,231
Jimpa.
1764
01:43:55,103 --> 01:43:57,270
Do you want to die now?
1765
01:44:06,681 --> 01:44:08,248
Em...
1766
01:44:09,717 --> 01:44:10,885
Hmm.
1767
01:44:27,568 --> 01:44:30,403
You've said goodbye
to him a hundred times.
1768
01:44:30,437 --> 01:44:31,672
He'll be OK, Mum.
1769
01:44:32,607 --> 01:44:35,510
I just don't want him to feel
alone. He must be so scared.
1770
01:45:43,476 --> 01:45:44,545
Hello?
1771
01:46:25,720 --> 01:46:28,388
Jimpa always
thought he was right.
1772
01:46:29,590 --> 01:46:30,925
You might have heard him say,
1773
01:46:30,958 --> 01:46:32,660
"I'm not often wrong
and I'm right this time."
1774
01:46:34,028 --> 01:46:36,297
But he did
change his mind sometimes.
1775
01:46:36,330 --> 01:46:38,465
He was just used to
fighting for it.
1776
01:46:40,234 --> 01:46:43,804
He told me recently
he was selfish.
1777
01:46:43,838 --> 01:46:46,774
And it's true that
he could be careless.
1778
01:46:46,807 --> 01:46:48,576
He hurt people.
1779
01:46:51,212 --> 01:46:53,714
I always said he was my hero.
1780
01:46:55,349 --> 01:46:57,518
But I didn't really know him
that well.
1781
01:46:59,587 --> 01:47:02,056
I just had an idea of him.
1782
01:47:05,326 --> 01:47:07,828
I'm grateful for that idea.
1783
01:47:29,383 --> 01:47:31,352
I love you.
1784
01:47:32,720 --> 01:47:34,288
I love you too.
1785
01:47:45,599 --> 01:47:47,134
You're my hero.