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[keyboard clacking]
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[mouse clicking]
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[computer chimes]
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[computer chimes, vibrates]
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[reporter 1]
What do you do to deal with stress?
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[reporter 2] We got a pill that's gonna
take care of it in five minutes.
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[reporter 3] What exactly does it do?
How does it make you feel?
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It takes the edge off for millions.
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I keep my Xanax with me all the time.
It's in my bag right now, actually.
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I knew I always had that magic bullet.
I have figured out a system that works.
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[woman 1] The fastest thing to do
when somebody says,
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"I'm stressed out. I'm not sleeping well,"
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it's "Take this pill.
It'll help you sleep."
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"This'll keep you calm. Goodbye."
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[reporter 4]
There has been a Xanax explosion.
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[reporter 5] Prescriptions have
skyrocketed in the last two decades.
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[reporter 6] Roughly one in eight
American adults use them.
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[woman 1] That's a lot of prescriptions.
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It's kind of always been around,
to be honest.
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You can always ask a friend,
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"Do you have Xanax
or do know somebody who has Xanax?"
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Is it because we are more anxious
as a nation?
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Are we more aware?
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Or is it because there are
more drugs available?
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[woman 2] Anxiety is an alarm
saying something is wrong.
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Something's very wrong right now.
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To our brains and bodies,
we're not ever taking a break.
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We're basically working all the time.
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A half a Xanax is kind of
where I would like to live.
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That's the mellow that I perceive
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that everybody else is
operating at. [laughs]
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Wait. Hang on. It's Xanax o'clock.
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A pill is a really simple solution
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that we have created
this whole infrastructure to promote.
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But now doctors are warning
they're more addictive and dangerous
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than people think.
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The first time I took it,
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I said, "Oh, I understand
why people get addicted to this."
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[laughs]
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I need to be careful
with this one, definitely.
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Knowing what I know now,
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I would never have taken
that first prescription.
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[splutters] Never.
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[man] You go to a doctor,
and you expect to be helped,
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what you don't realize is that
if your problems didn't scare you,
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wait till you see our solutions.
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We're stuck in this old story,
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fixing something that's broken
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instead of building resilience against it
in the first place.
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[ominous music plays]
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One of the things that's unique
about modern life
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is how much we spend our lives
in our heads.
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I mean, our lives really are
now conducted largely,
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you know, in this space between our ears.
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We're not running away from tigers.
In some ways, that'd be much simpler.
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And 2,000 years ago,
what was the main means of transportation?
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- Fear.
- Fear?
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An animal would growl
and give your leg a bite.
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You'd run a mile in a minute.
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- So fear transported...
- Fear kept you moving.
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- I see.
- Fear kept you going.
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When we're anxious, what's happening
in our body is very similar
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to what's happening when we're fearful.
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Most every brain of humans
and primates and mammals,
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and even reptiles, has a fear center,
and it's called the amygdala.
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In humans, there's two of them.
They're symmetrical,
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they're kind of in the middle,
they're shaped a little like almonds.
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The amygdala fires if there's anything
to be nervous about or fearful about.
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It's that fight-flight response.
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So that's our sympathetic nervous system
preparing us for action.
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Our blood is pumping, our heart is racing,
our muscles are activated.
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Anxiety is actually a form of energy.
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And energy, if appropriately channeled,
is... can be a really positive thing.
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It actually energizes us
to achieve, to accomplish.
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We become smarter, more focused,
more driven, more ambitious, more hopeful,
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if we have that right amount of anxiety
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that we can accept
and engage with in our lives.
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When I think about anxiety disorders,
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I think that these are people
who have a tendency
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to have this adrenaline surge,
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and it's paralyzing for them.
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So either it's cognitively paralyzing,
or physically paralyzing, or both.
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When I'm having an anxiety attack,
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the first thing I do is
I feel hot and pressure.
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I feel almost like the air is thick
and sort of pushing down on me
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like a really hot, really heavy blanket.
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The heart is racing and thumping.
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The breathing was getting faster
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and felt like there was a tight band
around my chest.
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[Phoebe] It feels like I need
to breathe more frequently
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to get enough oxygen
to just, like, survive.
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And I just could not catch my breath.
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Your pupils dilate. You start to sweat.
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Blood runs away
from your stomach to your limbs.
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And, you know, for me, often it's,
"Oh my God. My stomach hurts."
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"What's gonna happen?
Am I gonna get sick?"
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My muscles are so seized up
that I'm just clinching everything.
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Rationally, you're like,
"This is... This is ridiculous."
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"There's nothing there."
But we can't think with logic, um, at all.
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[Scott] There's a whole host
of changes that... that happen,
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measurable down to the molecular level.
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So that's the... the physical level.
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Then there's a psychological level.
What are you feeling? Dread.
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- This apprehension.
- Fear.
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And then I would take a Xanax,
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- and... three or four minutes later...
- [clock ticks]
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...it was like I was normal again.
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And for me... [blows]
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...you can almost feel it
kick in with a click,
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which is why it felt like
such a magic elixir to me.
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First of all,
it gave me the physical relaxation
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that I needed
to be able to relax the muscles,
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relax the hands, relax the breathing,
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and took the intense pressure off,
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while I was trying to regain my balance.
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It was really nothing like
I'd ever felt before.
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[ominous music plays]
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It gives you the ability to just let go.
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Just let go of all the stresses of the day
and all the worries of the day,
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and all that weight
that's on you is... is gone.
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[man] I don't know if anyone here
has ever tried Xanax,
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but it's fantastic. [chuckles]
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- Very muted claps for Xanax.
- [crowd laughs]
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You don't really get "Whoo's,"
it's more like, "Yeah."
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[reporter] Benzodiazepines.
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- [woman] Yes.
- This is the class of drugs.
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What are the names people recognize?
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[woman] Valium. Xanax.
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Klonopin. Ativan.
One of the first ones is called Librium.
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[man] Really, they pharmacologically share
the same mechanism.
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Benzodiazepines enhance a neurotransmitter
in the brain called GABA.
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You could think of it
as being a depressant.
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[mellow music plays]
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That is, it reduces the communication
from one brain cell to another.
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So it calms the brain down.
It's like, "Shh." You know? [laughs]
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[heart beating]
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[Dr. Dennis-Tiwary] It calms all of these
fight-flight responses that we have.
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It slows our breathing.
It slows our heart rate.
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So it's depressing
all of those activations.
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And as a result,
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when we're biologically calmed,
we feel emotionally more calmed.
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I could think clearly.
Um, my thoughts would flow smoothly.
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It made me feel like
a better version of myself,
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and I think in some ways, I was.
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By the time I was in second grade,
I knew I was a nervous kid.
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Um, I knew that I had a nervous stomach,
um, and I didn't like it.
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Very early in life,
I developed an acute phobia
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that my mom had, of throwing up,
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um, which is a peculiar...
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phobia, but not that uncommon,
we now know.
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From the time I was like six years old,
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um, you know,
I lived in mortal terror of that,
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which led to phobia
about germs and food, and food poisoning.
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And sort of the amount of time
that I spend surveying my environment
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for that particular threat
over... over my life is... is kind of insane.
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As I got older, um,
I would start to get panic attacks.
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Hello and welcome aboard.
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[Scott] Flying still provokes
overwhelming physical anxiety.
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[flight attendant] Take a moment
to locate the exit nearest to you.
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[Scott] If I have to do public speaking,
overwhelming physical anxiety.
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As I, you know, went through my career
in journalism and writing and editing,
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I was having to do more flying,
more public speaking.
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Over my thirties and into my forties,
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I published two books
for which I had to do public speaking,
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and I, kind of, through that,
learned how to kind of titrate my dosages.
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And I still felt anxious
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but it wasn't like Cindy Brady
in that episode of The Brady Bunch.
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When this red light goes on,
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we're on the air
and will be in everybody's living room.
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[Scott] When the red light
on the camera goes on,
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and, you know, she freezes.
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[laughter]
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And then, in 2014,
I published the book My Age of Anxiety...
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which talks about my issues with anxiety,
and I thought maybe it will help me
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'cause that'd be the best
breakthrough ending arc for the book.
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A, I'd be cured,
which would be the main thing,
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B, maybe I would've had
an even bigger bestseller
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'cause it's, "Here's how you do it."
Instead, it's like, "I'm still anxious."
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Not as satisfying or useful,
um, an ending.
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Imagine having
all your everyday activities crippled
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by fears and anxiety.
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Scott Stossel has fought anxiety
his whole life.
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Its author, Scott Stossel, is the editor
of The Atlantic and a Harvard graduate.
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He's also a married father of two.
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I think in the short term,
it had a paradoxical effect
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in that it made my anxiety worse.
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Like, my levels of, you know,
benzodiazepine consumption went up.
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How do you and 40 million other people
treat this kind of anxiety?
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[splutters]
So I have tried lots of things,
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but I'm medicated, and again,
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this is something I never admitted
'cause I was ashamed.
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But I take antidepressants,
benzodiazepines, which are... [splutters]
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- [Stephen] Like Xanax?
- Xanax, an antianxiety medication...
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- Did you bring enough for the whole class?
- Um...
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[splutters] I have some.
Do you want me share?
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One of the things I was trying
to figure out in writing the book is,
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"Is the source of that anxiety
some hard-wiring that is genetic?"
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"Is it some psychic wound
from when I was a small child?"
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A large proportion
of your baseline temperament,
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how you react to the world,
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a lot of that you are born with.
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And they've done all kinds of,
you know, twin studies.
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And they can show
that has a profound effect.
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[boy laughs]
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As profound effect as that is,
however, it is not complete
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because if it were,
paired sets of identical twins
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would always have the same level
of anxiety,
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and that is not at all the case.
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The experiences you have
have a huge impact.
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[chuckles]
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[inhales, exhales]
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[trainer] Mm-hmm.
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Quick hip-hop drive. Drive.
I want those feet to drive.
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[exhales]
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[inhales deeply]
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[grunts]
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[Phoebe] My first experiences with anxiety
were definitely during my schooling years.
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[exhales]
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Because I was bullied
for most of my schooling years.
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There were three Black people
in my entire elementary school.
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So I was always the only Black person
in the class,
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and there was a lot
of race-based bullying.
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I had this fear of recess
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because that was when
the worst things would happen.
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I grew up in South Florida,
and I came from a humble background.
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My parents, uh, didn't have a lot.
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I joined the military
right out of high school
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because I knew I wanted to go to college.
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I needed to find a way
to pay for it myself.
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I spent about fifteen months in Iraq.
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I'm very fortunate to be able to say
that my deployment was mostly uneventful.
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On the other hand, though,
I did experience sexual assault
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00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:02,680
while I was in the military,
and that was the one thing that caused
234
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:05,641
a lot of the issues
that I experienced after I left.
235
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,601
[trainer] Deep breath in.
Feel that tension?
236
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:08,769
Mm-hmm.
237
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:13,648
[Phoebe] Seventy-five?
238
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:16,026
[Phoebe exhales]
239
00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,070
[inhales sharply, grunts]
240
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:19,864
- [trainer] Close. Close.
- [laughs] No.
241
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:21,198
After I came back,
242
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:24,076
I decided to move to New York City
to go to college.
243
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,494
I wanted to study fashion.
244
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:29,373
I felt so distant from the students
that I was studying with
245
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,208
because I was older than them
246
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,711
and had gone through things
that they hadn't gone through.
247
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,880
I just couldn't relate at all.
248
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:38,215
And for me, sitting in that classroom
249
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,634
was the most important thing
I was gonna do that day
250
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:44,847
because I gambled with my life
for a chance to sit in that seat.
251
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:50,311
Also, my brain was sort of forcing me
to start confronting
252
00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:52,354
what had happened to me
while I was deployed.
253
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,940
So all of that was coming up
at the same time.
254
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,067
And that's when I was
first prescribed medication,
255
00:12:57,151 --> 00:13:00,029
and they were extremely helpful
at that time
256
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,822
when I was basically at a crisis point,
257
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,366
and I was, like, hanging onto life
by my fingernails.
258
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,452
[car honks]
259
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,747
[birds chirping]
260
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:14,251
[woman] I was thinking last night,
before I went to bed,
261
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,170
"What will I need to calm down?"
262
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:19,173
I need, like, certainty.
263
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:22,092
It always attacks this, like, medium.
264
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,344
I need to know.
265
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:26,347
I need to know the future.
I'm like, "Is it gonna be okay?" Like...
266
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:30,267
"No, no. No, doc."
I need to speak to a doctor or a psychic.
267
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:31,936
[laughs] I need to know.
268
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:37,358
So, uh, two weeks into the pandemic,
I lost my job.
269
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:41,320
I mean, I remember thinking,
"What am I gonna do about rent?"
270
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:45,658
"What am I going to do about my bills?
Like... Like, what's gonna happen?"
271
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:49,662
I made an arrangement
to live with my boyfriend.
272
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,999
And then, I actually found out
that he had been cheating on me,
273
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,168
so I had to move back home to my mom's.
274
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:57,962
So I had to stay home.
275
00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,505
I wasn't working.
276
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,549
Um, I didn't have a car,
277
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:04,260
and my parents were working,
and I was alone.
278
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:08,389
And so, I had to,
like, hide this immense pain,
279
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:11,725
especially, um,
because I didn't want to hurt my parents.
280
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,644
They were very hurt and very upset.
281
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,522
And that's what I was like,
"This is anxiety."
282
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:19,859
I remember thinking,
"I don't want night to come."
283
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,193
Like, every single night.
284
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:24,446
And then I had a friend
who had Xanax, and I was like,
285
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:28,742
"I need to numb myself
to be able to sleep."
286
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,161
[inhales]
I asked my old therapist about it,
287
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:35,749
and I was surprised
that she told me it was up to me.
288
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,126
I was like, "What the hell?"
289
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,587
I thought that
it was going to be like... [inhales deeply]
290
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,951
like again, like that reassurance
of a therapist who said,
291
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:46,010
"Oh, you're not... you're not there.
You're not... You're not Xanax anxiety."
292
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:47,219
But then, she was like,
293
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:50,055
"Yeah, if you want to,
we could explore that option."
294
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:54,143
So I was like, "Ugh, wow,
ball really is in your court."
295
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:58,314
Kind of like a glass thing that you,
like, break in case of emergency,
296
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,358
but you have to choose
your emergency, like, so carefully.
297
00:15:03,861 --> 00:15:06,739
Benzodiazepine prescriptions
have essentially been rising
298
00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:09,116
over the past two to three decades.
299
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:12,620
When you even just look at the numbers
of people who struggle with anxiety.
300
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:14,997
It's a third of us in our lifetime.
A third. One in three.
301
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,791
And that... that means
that you are debilitated by anxiety
302
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,961
to a degree that you could be diagnosed
with anxiety disorder.
303
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,380
So it's a pretty big stat.
304
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,342
So what I think is happening here is
you're having a panic attack.
305
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,260
Oh no, those... those aren't real.
306
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,387
Those are a PR spin
for celebrity publicists.
307
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,515
Trust me, I've known
enough celebrities. [scoffs]
308
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,684
No, it's absolutely a real thing.
309
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,647
I think we're fed a myth
that everybody else has it together.
310
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:43,651
"I'm the only one struggling.
I'm the only one who has trouble."
311
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,654
Everybody else just manages it flawlessly.
312
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:50,407
What's wrong with me that I can't do that?
313
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:53,994
It's a cycle that keeps...
that spirals up at different times.
314
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,747
Part of that equation is expectations.
315
00:15:57,331 --> 00:16:00,250
There's this expectation
that you'll be able to create something.
316
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,544
Not only create it
but then curate it on social media
317
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,788
and have a million followers.
318
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:06,757
Social media will make you anxious.
There's really no way around it.
319
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:11,261
You're comparing
your internal true experience
320
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:14,390
with their sort of external,
curated, airbrushed experience.
321
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,683
You'll always come up short.
322
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,143
There are a lot
of really brand new social problems.
323
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,521
You don't have boundaries
between work and home.
324
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:24,274
[reporter] iPhones over eye contact
has now become status quo.
325
00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:26,735
If we're in our heads, on our phones,
326
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,488
on our laptops, we're not in our bodies.
327
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:30,739
You know, we're elsewhere.
328
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,158
Teens are not hanging out as much
with friends.
329
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:36,161
We're separated from our bodies.
We're separated from each other.
330
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,080
We're separated from nature.
331
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:41,000
We're all just looking into our phones,
and we're by ourselves.
332
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,836
- Then suddenly the day's over.
- That's a huge part of it.
333
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:49,425
Maybe psychotropics are a way
to adapt to a world that we,
334
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,510
in some ways, are not built for.
335
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:53,178
- [woman] Oh my...
- [building explodes]
336
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:57,224
We're constantly being stimulated
with these horrific events
337
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,101
that occur all over the world.
338
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,645
Are we witnessing the start
of World War III?
339
00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:07,109
I grew up in a time where the news was on
only about three times a day.
340
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,545
- Nuclear weapons...
- This unit...
341
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:12,197
[Dr. Lindsey] Now you can get
the news cycle going 24/7.
342
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,657
It's the sort of background hum
343
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:16,118
that you don't think about every day,
but it's there.
344
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,745
[reporter 1] "Eco-anxiety."
345
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,496
[reporter 2] The epidemic of loneliness.
346
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,290
Election stress disorder.
347
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,334
Many Americans say they feel it,
the anxiety and stress.
348
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,295
I'm gonna grab a Xanax from the bedroom.
349
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,671
Okay. Will you grab me six?
350
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,757
- I'm just gonna bring the whole bottle.
- Okay.
351
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:34,636
We were already not in great shape
before COVID-19 came.
352
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:39,516
Anxiety had already overtaken depression
as sort of the diagnosis du jour.
353
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,685
The pandemic's obviously made it worse.
354
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,872
[reporter] It's one in a series
of stunning meltdowns.
355
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:47,775
Child Care is one of the greatest sources
of stress.
356
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:51,487
The only, uh, solution I had
was to go into a closet,
357
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,197
kneel, get down on my knees, kneel,
358
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,949
start crying and praying.
Like, "Please get me through this."
359
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:58,786
A group of mothers has found
an unusual way to cope
360
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,788
with the stresses and strains.
361
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,123
- [reporter 1] Primal scream therapy.
- [women scream]
362
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,334
[reporter 2]
Scientists really cannot believe...
363
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,920
There's such a perfect storm of factors
364
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,881
that we would be more anxious today
than ever before.
365
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:13,717
[crowd talking indistinctly]
366
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,889
[static]
367
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,767
- [jaunty music plays]
- [mooing]
368
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,522
[man] If you can get in a time machine
and go back to the past,
369
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,690
I'd love to do it with you.
370
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,735
Americans drank. Oh, we drank.
371
00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:33,278
[acoustic guitar plays]
372
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:37,074
Whether someone gets relief
from the bottle of alcohol
373
00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:39,535
or a bottle of medicine,
374
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:44,998
people are... are doing therapy,
self-medicating themselves.
375
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:48,252
The human equipment
for what we today call anxiety
376
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:52,047
has presumably been the same
for tens of thousands of years.
377
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,842
We have called it melancholia,
378
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:57,761
the vapors, the English Malady,
379
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:02,432
neuroses, nervous temperament,
nervous breakdown, neurasthenia.
380
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:06,937
And neurasthenia was kind of the disease
of Gilded Age capitalism.
381
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:08,480
It was rampant.
382
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:10,983
People were being diagnosed
with it left and right.
383
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:14,027
[Schuster] They saw neurasthenia
as this new type of illness,
384
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,280
the product of modern life.
385
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,867
[Scott] People moving into cities,
factories came online,
386
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:23,537
women moving into the workforce
and sort of achieving independence.
387
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,831
[Schuster] The steam engine,
the daily press,
388
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,708
and the flow of information.
389
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,543
[Scott] Crazy pace of news.
390
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:32,671
People would read
in their newspaper in the morning
391
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:35,632
about a volcano that explodes
on the other side of the world,
392
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,926
and then they would dwell on it all day
393
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:41,430
about how a volcano can destroy,
um, an entire city.
394
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,223
Technology-induced anxiety
395
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,894
is not something unique to us.
We're not the first to experience it.
396
00:19:47,477 --> 00:19:51,565
[Schuster] A typical symptom would be
an inability to turn off your thoughts.
397
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,776
Morbid thoughts, insomnia,
398
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,570
digestive issues,
399
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,155
different pains.
400
00:19:58,238 --> 00:20:01,074
Back pain was very popular.
401
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:04,411
Sexual dysfunction, tooth decay.
402
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:06,162
Tooth decay.
403
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:09,082
A very lucrative market developed,
404
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:12,211
and that's through advertising,
advertising, advertising.
405
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,296
"You feel this way,
406
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:17,424
well, you might have this illness,
and here is the cure."
407
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:20,135
For many upstanding,
middle-class families,
408
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,346
alcohol was considered sinful.
409
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,265
On the other hand, medicine was medicine.
410
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:27,434
And we still get that today.
411
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:30,229
You know, you'll talk to a friend,
and the friend says things like,
412
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,065
"I don't take drugs."
But they take medicine.
413
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,817
Uh, and... Yeah.
414
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,615
[man] I feel like
I always knew I had anxiety,
415
00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:44,660
but I didn't wanna identify myself
as having anxiety.
416
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:49,998
It's like, "I don't want to go down
that road that makes me weaker."
417
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,500
"I'm fine." Like,
418
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:55,254
"Yes, I have my like little quirks
and things like that, but I'm not that."
419
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:59,341
I was watching, um, the show Girlfriends,
and they have an amazing episode
420
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:03,804
about just how Black people
and people of color sort of react
421
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,222
to therapy and mental health.
422
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:07,432
Y-You're going to therapy?
423
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:11,019
Joan, girl, Black people don't go
to therapy, girl, they go to church.
424
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:15,107
[laughing] And I think for a lot of us,
it was like they'd pray it away.
425
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,734
Pray away illness,
pray away this, pray away that,
426
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:21,196
and you can't always pray away everything,
as evidenced by much. [laughs]
427
00:21:22,489 --> 00:21:24,533
When I was a kid,
I was loud, a bit nervous,
428
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:28,745
I had to be the boss of everything,
but I was just happy though.
429
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:31,540
I was just like,
"Yeah, this is fun. This is who I am."
430
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,002
These are my tantrums.
I need everything to be particular.
431
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:36,128
Um... [laughs]
432
00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:40,173
But I think I was funny.
I was always a pretty funny kid.
433
00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:44,177
My parents put me in figure skating,
and I was like, "I'll be an Olympian."
434
00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:47,931
"This is the perfect sport for me.
It's about precision, and I'm good at it,"
435
00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,267
well up into adolescence.
436
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:53,395
And I gained some weight,
which freaked me out, and then I was like,
437
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:57,149
"Oh God, am I gay too?
Jesus, I really got dealt a hand here."
438
00:21:57,232 --> 00:22:00,402
I was like, "Okay, well,
this is everything that's wrong,
439
00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,654
so I'll just become everything
that's right."
440
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,407
So I became a very good student.
Became very type A.
441
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:10,454
In college, I found a lot of relief
in the party scene.
442
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:14,708
It was really sophomore year
where I just couldn't keep it all
443
00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:17,919
in balance anymore, and that's when...
444
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:21,590
In my head, I was like,
"Yeah, it's because I can't focus."
445
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:25,093
"Everyone else is taking Adderall,
so that's why I'll go see a doctor."
446
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:27,471
"I'll go take Adderall,
and everything will be fine
447
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:30,223
because I'll be able to do it all."
But very quickly after...
448
00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:33,810
[chuckles] ...anxiety reared its head
because that was really the problem.
449
00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:36,813
It was the anxiety
and trying to keep the anxiety at bay,
450
00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:40,442
and sort of destroying everything else
in the process
451
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:44,237
because it took so much mental energy
to keep it in check.
452
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:47,699
I like, went in and I was like,
"I can't sleep anymore." I was like...
453
00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:50,118
And that's really wrecking with things.
454
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:53,705
He's like, "Oh, okay, so do you feel
anxious or anything like that?"
455
00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:55,832
I was like,
"I don't know if I'd call it anxiety,
456
00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:57,918
but I definitely feel restless."
457
00:22:58,001 --> 00:22:59,920
And he was like,
"All right. Let's try Xanax."
458
00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:04,466
I mean, had some of the best sleep
of my life... taking Xanax.
459
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:10,514
No dreams, just hardcore, blackout sleep,
um, which was great.
460
00:23:10,597 --> 00:23:15,435
But I was never addressing my anxiety,
and I never thought I had anxiety.
461
00:23:15,519 --> 00:23:19,398
So it was, "Oh no, I have anxiety
from my Adderall." [chuckles]
462
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:21,483
So it was never a root cause.
463
00:23:21,566 --> 00:23:25,278
It was always the result
of something else for a long time.
464
00:23:25,362 --> 00:23:26,988
And then, as I met other people,
465
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:30,242
especially people I met
from New York City,
466
00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:34,121
or cities, or more affluent areas,
they were all very much like,
467
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:37,165
"Yeah. We all see therapists.
We all take pills."
468
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:40,961
Like, "Life sucks. We're not well,
so that's how you manage it."
469
00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:49,511
[Scott] The introduction
of medical treatments
470
00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:51,972
and pills that could treat
these things very effectively
471
00:23:52,055 --> 00:23:54,808
did change the... the notion of stigma.
472
00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:57,644
If you have glaucoma in your eye
and have trouble seeing,
473
00:23:57,727 --> 00:24:00,689
you take, you know, a glaucoma medication
that makes you able to see.
474
00:24:00,772 --> 00:24:03,483
If you have diabetes
and have insulin dysregulation,
475
00:24:03,567 --> 00:24:05,110
you regulate your insulin.
476
00:24:05,193 --> 00:24:08,071
That is not a moral failure
that my pancreas doesn't work right.
477
00:24:08,155 --> 00:24:10,949
It's not a moral failing
that my eyes aren't working right.
478
00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:15,996
So why is it a moral failing
that, um, I am susceptible to panic?
479
00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:19,708
There's a biological problem,
and you fix it.
480
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:23,920
Benzodiazepines were invented
in the 1950s, early '60s.
481
00:24:24,004 --> 00:24:27,549
There was a great deal of excitement
because they were to replace barbiturates.
482
00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:30,719
There's a strong possibility that
at this moment, in your medicine cabinet,
483
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:33,805
you have a drug
that can hook you just as completely,
484
00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:37,142
injure you just as terribly
as heroin or morphine.
485
00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:39,811
I'm speaking of barbiturates.
486
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:43,315
The number one cause of death
by poisoning in the United States.
487
00:24:43,398 --> 00:24:46,443
[man] You wake up a few hours later,
and you forgot how much you've taken.
488
00:24:49,362 --> 00:24:50,822
Better make it three.
489
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:52,949
Benzodiazepines are much safer than that.
490
00:24:55,035 --> 00:24:58,914
So by the 1970s,
benzodiazepines topped the charts
491
00:24:58,997 --> 00:25:01,166
of the most
frequently prescribed medications
492
00:25:01,249 --> 00:25:03,376
in the United States and across the world.
493
00:25:04,127 --> 00:25:05,921
There is something to the idea
494
00:25:06,004 --> 00:25:08,298
that this is the way
of medicating the masses.
495
00:25:08,381 --> 00:25:12,260
It is the literal opium of the masses.
It's the benzodiazepines of the masses.
496
00:25:12,344 --> 00:25:13,428
Does anyone have a Valium?
497
00:25:13,512 --> 00:25:15,514
[mellow music plays]
498
00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:22,896
On an individual level,
the unhappy housewife,
499
00:25:22,979 --> 00:25:26,816
or the unhappy lawyer
who might wanna be in a different career,
500
00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:29,194
instead of figuring out
that better life choice,
501
00:25:29,277 --> 00:25:32,531
they are simply smoothing away
those feelings of discomfort
502
00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:34,407
with that... medication.
503
00:25:34,491 --> 00:25:37,661
I can't believe the two of you are eating
in the middle of a crisis like this.
504
00:25:37,744 --> 00:25:41,456
- We're nervous. What do you want?
- Then take a Valium like a normal person.
505
00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:44,334
But lo and behold, as time went on,
506
00:25:44,417 --> 00:25:47,462
we realized that you can actually take
too much of these medications.
507
00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:50,006
And there are a number
of problematic side effects
508
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:52,092
that came
with long-term benzodiazepine use.
509
00:25:52,175 --> 00:25:56,388
Today a senate health subcommittee
heard a series of terrible stories
510
00:25:56,471 --> 00:25:58,473
told by people addicted to Valium.
511
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:01,935
[reporter 1] A doctor from California said
withdrawing from it felt
512
00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:05,522
as though someone poured kerosene
under his skin and set it a fire.
513
00:26:06,106 --> 00:26:08,858
[reporter 2] Valium is America's
most widely prescribed drug.
514
00:26:08,942 --> 00:26:12,737
The FDA is warning doctors
not to prescribe for everyday stress.
515
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:15,365
[Gold] And then came Xanax.
516
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:19,786
[man] Upjohn scientists succeeded
in creating a molecule
517
00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:22,205
that helps control anxiety disorders.
518
00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:25,333
Acting on nerve cells
in the area of the brain,
519
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:27,586
which controls emotion and anxiety.
520
00:26:27,669 --> 00:26:30,005
The drug is more selective in its action,
521
00:26:30,088 --> 00:26:32,632
resulting in fewer side effects
than older drugs.
522
00:26:32,716 --> 00:26:35,844
[woman] Xanax. Prescriptions number
in the millions.
523
00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:38,930
I'm very much afraid that the same kind
of over-prescribing,
524
00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:44,227
the same kind of promiscuous... availability
525
00:26:45,270 --> 00:26:47,272
is occurring with that drug.
526
00:26:47,355 --> 00:26:51,985
And then, 9/11 was really
when the floodgates were opened.
527
00:26:52,068 --> 00:26:54,821
People's nerves were very jangly.
People were on edge.
528
00:26:54,904 --> 00:26:58,658
The anguish of the attack on America
is taking its toll in many ways,
529
00:26:58,742 --> 00:26:59,868
including mental health.
530
00:27:00,869 --> 00:27:02,704
[reporter 1] How do we ever heal?
531
00:27:02,787 --> 00:27:07,083
This disaster was also
a mental health catastrophe
532
00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:08,960
of massive proportions.
533
00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,130
[reporter 2] Prescriptions
for antianxiety medications
534
00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:16,259
are up 23% in New York and 8% nationally.
535
00:27:17,344 --> 00:27:19,220
And there was an uptake in advertising.
536
00:27:19,929 --> 00:27:20,972
Ads saying, you know,
537
00:27:21,056 --> 00:27:24,684
"Are you feeling more nervous?
Our medicines can make you feel better."
538
00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,603
They showed pictures of women
539
00:27:26,686 --> 00:27:30,440
with worry bubbles
of all the things they were worried about.
540
00:27:31,399 --> 00:27:32,901
And women responded.
541
00:27:33,985 --> 00:27:37,030
And the numbers of women
who started taking antidepressants,
542
00:27:37,113 --> 00:27:41,534
antianxiety meds, sleeping pills,
after 9/11, went up and up and up.
543
00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:47,457
[Regina] Don't wanna stereotype,
but I think a lot of women do get that
544
00:27:47,540 --> 00:27:52,087
where we don't take care of ourselves
and don't carve out time for ourselves,
545
00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:57,008
and that really led into...
my anxiety boiling over.
546
00:27:58,259 --> 00:28:01,805
I'm of the generation where they told us
that we could have it all.
547
00:28:01,888 --> 00:28:03,098
They just didn't tell us how.
548
00:28:03,890 --> 00:28:07,477
My mother was home with us.
549
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:13,650
And I think I did have the mental picture
that I would be... mostly home,
550
00:28:13,733 --> 00:28:15,485
just 'cause that's what I knew growing up.
551
00:28:15,568 --> 00:28:16,820
But then,
552
00:28:17,362 --> 00:28:22,200
I was 34 when my son came along,
so I was already in the workplace,
553
00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:26,121
and already had a mortgage,
and had balanced out the life
554
00:28:26,204 --> 00:28:29,791
to where I have to work,
then trying to balance,
555
00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:33,336
well, "Who's going to be able
to take my son to this lesson,
556
00:28:33,420 --> 00:28:35,296
or try to get off work in time to do it?"
557
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:37,006
Now I have to come home and cook dinner.
558
00:28:37,090 --> 00:28:39,634
[laughs] And I felt like I was operating
559
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:43,805
on a high vibrating tension level
at all times.
560
00:28:43,888 --> 00:28:47,559
You think, "Okay, great. I'll finish work,
and I'll just have a glass of wine,"
561
00:28:47,642 --> 00:28:51,771
and overall,
that's physically and mentally
562
00:28:51,855 --> 00:28:54,357
a very unhealthy thing for me, personally.
563
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:56,234
I think for some people, it works great,
564
00:28:56,317 --> 00:28:59,070
but that was actually
ratcheting up my stress.
565
00:29:02,407 --> 00:29:04,325
About two years ago,
566
00:29:05,493 --> 00:29:08,496
everything really kind of
ramped up at once.
567
00:29:09,247 --> 00:29:13,543
My husband's mother has some dementia
568
00:29:13,626 --> 00:29:16,838
and is in a nursing home out of state
from us.
569
00:29:17,338 --> 00:29:20,508
My son entered a new stage of adolescence.
570
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:24,179
So it was just re-navigating
our relationship
571
00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:26,306
and me learning to back up.
572
00:29:26,806 --> 00:29:30,560
Work got incredibly stressful,
573
00:29:30,643 --> 00:29:35,231
and then menopause can
just throw everything out the window.
574
00:29:35,315 --> 00:29:37,650
It's like, you're going along
on an even keel,
575
00:29:37,734 --> 00:29:41,571
and your life has been fine up
until your '50s or whatever. [inhales]
576
00:29:41,654 --> 00:29:47,410
And that throws your hormones
and your life completely out of balance.
577
00:29:47,494 --> 00:29:48,828
I think it's fair to say
578
00:29:48,912 --> 00:29:52,707
that the female body and the male body
are not exactly identical.
579
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:56,711
That there are very different hormones
that work in one or in the other.
580
00:29:56,795 --> 00:29:59,214
But probably more important than that,
581
00:29:59,297 --> 00:30:01,883
women have a lot of role models
of other women
582
00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:05,345
who show them how to be anxious,
let's say, in an acceptable way.
583
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:12,060
[Dr. Lindsey] We socialize girls
to be more expressive of their emotions.
584
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:15,855
We support the little girl who is crying
585
00:30:15,939 --> 00:30:21,444
and... and, um...
and needs that extra attention.
586
00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:24,823
Whereas with boys,
we tell them to go out there and play,
587
00:30:24,906 --> 00:30:29,244
to... to fight it out,
to be tough and stop crying.
588
00:30:30,036 --> 00:30:32,539
Now, let's blow our nose and dry our eyes.
589
00:30:32,622 --> 00:30:33,540
[blows nose]
590
00:30:33,623 --> 00:30:36,376
Wouldn't want Mike and his mother
to see us this way.
591
00:30:37,377 --> 00:30:38,586
[mellow music plays]
592
00:30:38,670 --> 00:30:41,548
[Tasmin] I've been a therapist
for about 16, 17 years.
593
00:30:41,631 --> 00:30:44,467
I've worked in the schools.
I've gone and done in-home therapy.
594
00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:47,345
Finally, about five years ago,
I started a private practice.
595
00:30:47,428 --> 00:30:52,183
And in my practice, I just felt like
not enough men were coming into therapy.
596
00:30:52,267 --> 00:30:54,978
So in my process
of really just trying to understand,
597
00:30:55,061 --> 00:30:57,438
"Why? Why aren't men coming to therapy?"
598
00:30:57,522 --> 00:31:01,901
I did some research on that,
and cost, for one, like, you know,
599
00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:06,072
they might be underinsured,
uninsured, or not be able to afford it.
600
00:31:06,155 --> 00:31:09,200
That's a huge reason why a lot of people
I imagine might not go to therapy.
601
00:31:09,784 --> 00:31:12,787
But specifically with Black men,
also the issue of,
602
00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:15,039
"Going into a system
that is not built for me."
603
00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,457
Which it is not. [chuckles]
604
00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:19,752
It's not a system that is built
for people of color.
605
00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:22,714
I've been in session
with a person of color,
606
00:31:22,797 --> 00:31:25,300
and I'm like,
"That's just not gonna work."
607
00:31:25,383 --> 00:31:26,968
Like, "I can't say it that way."
608
00:31:27,051 --> 00:31:29,971
The very best example is
609
00:31:30,054 --> 00:31:34,142
one of my questions
on my intake paperwork is,
610
00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:36,060
"Have you ever experienced any traumas?"
611
00:31:36,144 --> 00:31:40,732
This client has said no
to that... that question, two, three times.
612
00:31:40,815 --> 00:31:42,650
Then one day,
as he was answering a question,
613
00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:46,821
he was like, "Hmm, let me see...
Was that before or after I got shot?"
614
00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:49,407
And I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you say, 'Got shot'?"
615
00:31:49,490 --> 00:31:51,534
"You never told me you got shot."
616
00:31:51,618 --> 00:31:54,287
And you know what he said?
"You never asked."
617
00:31:54,871 --> 00:31:57,248
And I'm like,
"I can't put on my intake paperwork,
618
00:31:57,332 --> 00:32:00,168
'Have you ever been shot, '
because that's a unique experience."
619
00:32:00,251 --> 00:32:02,587
And he said,
"It's not that unique of an experience."
620
00:32:02,670 --> 00:32:04,350
"I know a lot of people who've been shot."
621
00:32:04,422 --> 00:32:08,343
That was the moment that told me
that I needed to shift in the way in which
622
00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:12,138
I am even asking questions
or taking an assessment.
623
00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:15,683
Perhaps, if you live in an environment
624
00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:20,229
that your personal humanity,
625
00:32:20,313 --> 00:32:25,652
your safety, security,
well-being is constantly under threat,
626
00:32:26,486 --> 00:32:28,529
you know, you have to show toughness.
627
00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:30,573
So to then acknowledge
628
00:32:31,074 --> 00:32:35,578
that you're having
a mental health struggle or challenge...
629
00:32:36,663 --> 00:32:39,374
No, that's... that's not the case.
630
00:32:39,457 --> 00:32:43,252
I have a semester and a half at college.
So, I understand Freud.
631
00:32:43,336 --> 00:32:47,340
I understand therapy as a concept.
But in my world, that does not go down.
632
00:32:48,424 --> 00:32:51,552
Could I be happier?
Yeah. Yeah. Who couldn't?
633
00:32:52,261 --> 00:32:55,515
But I will tell you as a psychiatrist
who treats men... [chuckles]
634
00:32:55,598 --> 00:32:57,475
...uh, lots of men get anxious.
635
00:32:57,558 --> 00:33:00,436
Um, I think that many men
are getting more comfortable admitting
636
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,106
that they're anxious,
talking about social anxiety,
637
00:33:03,189 --> 00:33:04,816
or generalized anxiety,
638
00:33:04,899 --> 00:33:07,819
or something like fear of contagion,
for instance.
639
00:33:07,902 --> 00:33:10,321
It's changing.
I think there's a huge shift.
640
00:33:10,405 --> 00:33:13,741
Everybody's talking about mental health.
Now you have Charlamagne tha God.
641
00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:15,970
Everything is mental.
Everything starts with a thought.
642
00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:18,347
So if you don't have this right,
nothing else will be right.
643
00:33:18,371 --> 00:33:19,622
You have Jay-Z.
644
00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:23,918
Well, if you grow,
you realize the... the ridiculousness
645
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:26,004
of the stigma attached to it. It's like,
646
00:33:26,087 --> 00:33:29,632
"Why don't you just talk to someone
about your problems," you know.
647
00:33:29,716 --> 00:33:32,468
That is helping to normalize it
for... for men.
648
00:33:32,552 --> 00:33:34,846
That typical profile of a patient
649
00:33:34,929 --> 00:33:37,974
who might be prescribed benzodiazepine
is widening.
650
00:33:38,057 --> 00:33:42,228
So, um,
whereas it might have been, typically,
651
00:33:42,311 --> 00:33:45,523
you know, 30 years ago,
um, a middle-aged woman,
652
00:33:45,606 --> 00:33:48,067
now we're seeing younger
and younger age groups.
653
00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:52,613
We're seeing very old people are not
only being prescribed benzodiazepines,
654
00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:55,491
but being kept on them
for much longer periods of time.
655
00:33:55,575 --> 00:33:57,785
The training about using these medications
656
00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:59,746
is not always as robust as one would hope.
657
00:33:59,829 --> 00:34:03,458
These are drugs that were really meant
to be taken short-term,
658
00:34:03,541 --> 00:34:05,793
no longer than, let's say, a month or so,
659
00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:08,838
which is really stunning
when you think about the fact
660
00:34:08,921 --> 00:34:14,010
that many, many people
who are initiated on a benzodiazepine
661
00:34:14,093 --> 00:34:17,680
will be... will continue to take that
for years or even decades.
662
00:34:17,764 --> 00:34:19,766
[ominous music plays]
663
00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:29,901
[Audrey] When I first had
my... my very first panic attack,
664
00:34:29,984 --> 00:34:32,195
I really thought I was going crazy.
665
00:34:34,363 --> 00:34:38,534
I was like, "You need to lock me away
'cause I don't know what is going on."
666
00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:43,414
So I was probably 14 or 15.
667
00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:46,459
I had traveled a ton as a kid
and enjoyed flying.
668
00:34:46,542 --> 00:34:52,632
[inhales] But for some reason,
this day we were about ready to take off,
669
00:34:52,715 --> 00:34:56,928
and all of a sudden, I'm like...
Feel like I'm melting from the inside out.
670
00:34:57,011 --> 00:34:59,972
I can't breathe.
I thought I was dying. Uh, really.
671
00:35:00,848 --> 00:35:05,478
And, after that,
was a couple really smooth years.
672
00:35:06,395 --> 00:35:08,106
When I was about to be a senior,
673
00:35:08,189 --> 00:35:10,775
it was my summer going into
my senior year in high school,
674
00:35:10,858 --> 00:35:13,694
I worked at Panera at the time,
and I was at the cash register,
675
00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:17,240
and so I was interacting with people,
and I started bawling
676
00:35:17,323 --> 00:35:21,327
in front of this couple that had come in,
and I was, I mean... mortified.
677
00:35:21,410 --> 00:35:23,538
It was extremely embarrassing.
678
00:35:23,621 --> 00:35:26,040
But I was like, "I don't know
what was going on." Like...
679
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:28,292
"I've been here hundreds of times."
680
00:35:28,376 --> 00:35:31,170
"Why am I..." Like, "What is wrong with me?"
681
00:35:32,046 --> 00:35:35,466
It was getting to the point
where I couldn't complete daily tasks
682
00:35:35,550 --> 00:35:38,010
without, um, like, having a meltdown.
683
00:35:38,094 --> 00:35:41,180
I couldn't go to the grocery store,
I couldn't drive down the street,
684
00:35:41,264 --> 00:35:44,350
like simple things that you normally do
every single day.
685
00:35:44,433 --> 00:35:47,645
You feel trapped and that's...
Who wants to feel like that?
686
00:35:47,728 --> 00:35:50,231
I mean, you'd do anything
to not feel like that.
687
00:35:50,314 --> 00:35:52,400
[birds chirping]
688
00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:55,403
Me and my dad
have always been incredibly similar.
689
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:59,574
Just kind of an unspoken language
that we have,
690
00:36:00,074 --> 00:36:03,744
and he had experienced anxiety
in his early adulthood.
691
00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:06,497
Um, so he kind of
recognized the signs right away.
692
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:09,250
He just wasn't qualified
to deal with what I needed.
693
00:36:10,001 --> 00:36:14,422
I honestly didn't know a whole lot
about psychiatric medication at all
694
00:36:14,505 --> 00:36:16,674
when I started therapy.
695
00:36:16,757 --> 00:36:19,468
But she had mentioned
a certain drug called Zoloft,
696
00:36:19,552 --> 00:36:21,929
which I ended up taking and still take.
697
00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:26,392
We didn't start talking
about Xanax, um, until...
698
00:36:27,226 --> 00:36:28,561
I had to fly again.
699
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:32,481
I had told my psychiatrist, I was like,
"Look, there is no way in hell
700
00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:34,567
that I am ever going to fly again." Like...
701
00:36:34,650 --> 00:36:38,237
"I'll drive for three days in a row
if I have to. I'm just not doing it."
702
00:36:38,321 --> 00:36:41,908
And she was kinda like,
"Have you ever thought about Xanax?"
703
00:36:41,991 --> 00:36:43,826
[plane engine roaring]
704
00:36:43,910 --> 00:36:47,788
I landed, and I, like,
really wanted to go on top of a mountain
705
00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:49,790
and just scream to the world
that I did it.
706
00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:52,126
I didn't cry. I didn't hyperventilate.
707
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:54,879
I didn't have a panic attack.
I was completely fine.
708
00:36:55,588 --> 00:36:59,383
It originally started off
with using Xanax for certain situations,
709
00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:02,803
and then I made the choice
to take it daily
710
00:37:02,887 --> 00:37:04,722
because it did work for me.
711
00:37:04,805 --> 00:37:08,309
I need that release
in order to go to sleep.
712
00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:10,228
I was like, you know... [hesitates]
713
00:37:10,311 --> 00:37:11,938
...at this point, I'm...
714
00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,398
so far below my peers
715
00:37:14,482 --> 00:37:18,778
and their, um, ability to just live.
716
00:37:18,861 --> 00:37:23,491
Uh, and... and why would I do that
when there is something that could help?
717
00:37:24,617 --> 00:37:26,244
[Dr. Holland] Any medicine, any drug,
718
00:37:26,327 --> 00:37:28,996
there's always
a risk-benefit analysis, right?
719
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:30,539
So with the benzos,
720
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:34,168
the risk and the risk-benefit analysis
is quite a few things.
721
00:37:34,252 --> 00:37:36,212
The very common side effect
722
00:37:36,295 --> 00:37:39,799
is just simply being fatigued,
being sedated.
723
00:37:40,383 --> 00:37:44,720
That is why they are commonly prescribed
to help people fall asleep.
724
00:37:44,804 --> 00:37:47,765
You're disinhibited,
you're a little loopy, a little sleepy,
725
00:37:47,848 --> 00:37:49,392
maybe you make bad decisions.
726
00:37:49,475 --> 00:37:51,852
Like, nobody really wants to share, like,
727
00:37:51,936 --> 00:37:54,063
all the nitty-gritty stuff
when you take medication.
728
00:37:54,146 --> 00:37:57,066
For me, everything was just hilarious
when I took it, um...
729
00:37:58,567 --> 00:38:00,778
so that really would not be good
730
00:38:00,861 --> 00:38:03,864
if I was going to an interview
or something important like that,
731
00:38:03,948 --> 00:38:06,158
and I'm just laughing the whole time.
732
00:38:06,242 --> 00:38:10,121
For some people, that inhibitory effect
actually is a dis-inhibition effect,
733
00:38:10,204 --> 00:38:13,457
and they become more loose,
and light, and goofy, and silly.
734
00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:18,421
I just feel like I'm excited,
and I feel relaxed, and I'm...
735
00:38:18,504 --> 00:38:23,759
♪ Ready to party ♪
736
00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:27,596
Benzodiazepines are basically alcohol
in pill form.
737
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,682
You know, one of the problems
with the benzos
738
00:38:29,765 --> 00:38:33,019
is that they can really interfere
with short-term memory,
739
00:38:33,102 --> 00:38:36,981
with laying down new memories,
with retrieving memories,
740
00:38:37,064 --> 00:38:39,108
you know, everything gets a little fuzzy.
741
00:38:39,191 --> 00:38:41,986
Don't really remember anything
after taking it, um...
742
00:38:42,903 --> 00:38:47,325
and yeah, that obviously can be really bad
if you're, like, driving.
743
00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:50,619
Some of the long-term risks
of benzodiazepines are well-known.
744
00:38:50,703 --> 00:38:54,040
The data about Alzheimer's disease
and dementia, though, is relatively new
745
00:38:54,123 --> 00:38:56,083
in just the last several years.
746
00:38:56,584 --> 00:38:58,252
And it's a significant risk.
747
00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:00,338
If you think about it,
you're taking a depressant,
748
00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:02,590
so with less use of your brain,
749
00:39:02,673 --> 00:39:06,010
it could be that some of those brain cells
began to, like die off,
750
00:39:06,093 --> 00:39:07,762
decreasing overall brain activity.
751
00:39:07,845 --> 00:39:11,349
There is also
a much more ordinary side effect,
752
00:39:11,432 --> 00:39:13,351
which we call tolerance.
753
00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:18,439
And tolerance means needing more and more
of the drug to get the same effect.
754
00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:23,235
It was an essential part of my toolkit.
I carried benzos with me all the time.
755
00:39:23,319 --> 00:39:25,613
In fact, I had done that basically
for 30 years.
756
00:39:25,696 --> 00:39:28,657
It changed my overall level of anxiety
757
00:39:28,741 --> 00:39:31,243
because I knew
I always had that magic bullet.
758
00:39:31,327 --> 00:39:33,412
I was like,
"I have figured out a system that works."
759
00:39:33,496 --> 00:39:37,625
"I can get through plane flights.
I can get through public speaking things
760
00:39:37,708 --> 00:39:39,418
with my Xanax and Klonopin."
761
00:39:39,502 --> 00:39:44,131
Before that point, I would spend weeks,
if not months dreading these things,
762
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:47,718
nightmares about them, cold sweats.
That went away.
763
00:39:47,802 --> 00:39:49,970
If I would go through
a particularly anxious period
764
00:39:50,054 --> 00:39:52,723
where... where I would
intentionally take a lot more,
765
00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:57,228
I would go up on a higher level
and taper back down afterwards.
766
00:39:57,311 --> 00:40:01,232
And I would feel it.
Afterwards, I would get physical symptoms.
767
00:40:01,315 --> 00:40:03,609
Um, sometimes I'd just feel
like elevated anxiety,
768
00:40:03,692 --> 00:40:07,613
and my GABA receptor is basically going,
"Hey, where's that... where's that Xanax?"
769
00:40:07,696 --> 00:40:11,450
The nightmares I started to have
became different. What I would dream was,
770
00:40:11,534 --> 00:40:14,286
"Oh my God, I have to do a post speaking,
and I lost my Xanax."
771
00:40:14,370 --> 00:40:17,540
Or, you know, I'm on an airplane,
and I... I'm out of it.
772
00:40:17,623 --> 00:40:21,544
I was clearly psychologically dependent
from that point forward on,
773
00:40:21,627 --> 00:40:22,461
on the benzos.
774
00:40:22,545 --> 00:40:24,463
Not all benzodiazepines are created equal.
775
00:40:24,547 --> 00:40:28,759
Xanax, for example, works more quickly
than most other benzodiazepines
776
00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:31,720
and wears off more quickly
than most other benzodiazepines.
777
00:40:31,804 --> 00:40:35,599
Agents that had that kind
of immediate reinforcing quality,
778
00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:38,853
but then wear off quickly
so you get into that kind of dysphoric,
779
00:40:38,936 --> 00:40:41,856
wanting, craving state,
tend to be more addictive.
780
00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:44,108
[calm music plays]
781
00:40:44,191 --> 00:40:46,402
[Phoebe] I do have addiction in my family,
782
00:40:46,485 --> 00:40:51,240
and so I have really resisted
in having substances in my life at all.
783
00:40:51,323 --> 00:40:54,034
I don't really drink at all,
I've never smoked,
784
00:40:54,118 --> 00:40:56,537
I've never been high because I was afraid
785
00:40:56,620 --> 00:40:59,665
that maybe there was something
about my family
786
00:40:59,748 --> 00:41:02,251
that made it that people got addicted
to things.
787
00:41:02,334 --> 00:41:03,334
Yeah.
788
00:41:04,420 --> 00:41:05,420
Great job.
789
00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:09,216
But, you know, we talked about starting
on a really low dosage.
790
00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:12,011
We talked about, like,
what sort of things to look for
791
00:41:12,094 --> 00:41:14,138
and the fear that I had in the beginning,
792
00:41:14,221 --> 00:41:17,558
of having to go up and up and up and up,
didn't actually happen.
793
00:41:17,641 --> 00:41:20,686
I was able to get a lot of relief
with a pretty low dosage.
794
00:41:20,769 --> 00:41:25,107
[chuckling] And I think having
that very healthy fear of addiction
795
00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:27,860
made it so that I really focused on, like,
796
00:41:27,943 --> 00:41:30,821
"Medication is a tool for me to make space
797
00:41:30,905 --> 00:41:33,991
for non-medication things to work
in my life."
798
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,000
[Dr. Holland] If you're
using them judiciously,
799
00:41:38,037 --> 00:41:41,957
every once in a while for acute anxiety,
it may not be too much of a problem.
800
00:41:42,041 --> 00:41:44,877
If you take them every day,
multiple times a day,
801
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:48,672
you know, abruptly discontinuing
these medicines is very uncomfortable.
802
00:41:48,756 --> 00:41:51,258
The consequences can be severe.
803
00:41:51,342 --> 00:41:54,053
People can become psychotic.
They can have seizures.
804
00:41:54,136 --> 00:41:56,972
They can have severe anxiety,
terrible insomnia.
805
00:41:57,056 --> 00:42:00,434
I've even seen the distress
of benzodiazepine withdrawal
806
00:42:00,518 --> 00:42:03,646
result in suicidal thoughts
and even suicide attempts.
807
00:42:03,729 --> 00:42:05,147
Knowing what I know now,
808
00:42:05,856 --> 00:42:08,776
I would never have taken
that first prescription.
809
00:42:09,276 --> 00:42:10,319
N-Never.
810
00:42:10,402 --> 00:42:14,698
It was the biggest...
...it was the biggest mistake of my life.
811
00:42:15,616 --> 00:42:18,244
I moved to Colorado
because I love the outdoors.
812
00:42:18,327 --> 00:42:20,579
And I love... I love skiing.
813
00:42:20,663 --> 00:42:22,957
I love rock climbing.
I love mountaineering.
814
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,168
I love white-water rafting and kayaking.
815
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:32,174
In fact, I love so many high-risk,
adrenaline-type sports,
816
00:42:32,967 --> 00:42:34,843
that I kind of wonder,
817
00:42:34,927 --> 00:42:38,305
"How did I ever get diagnosed
with anxiety to begin with?"
818
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:46,272
Hi, sweetie. Let me see what you did.
819
00:42:46,897 --> 00:42:48,440
- So, Dada...
- Yeah?
820
00:42:48,524 --> 00:42:50,359
...this is the Christmas tree.
821
00:42:50,442 --> 00:42:53,237
[John] Yeah. Ooh, it's a tall one.
822
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,698
[girl] This is the snowman.
823
00:42:55,781 --> 00:42:57,116
[John] I love it, sweetie.
824
00:42:57,658 --> 00:43:02,788
I think I was maybe on one milligram
of Xanax in college, or half a milligram.
825
00:43:04,123 --> 00:43:08,127
And then over the years,
it creeped up to one milligram,
826
00:43:08,210 --> 00:43:11,672
to two milligrams,
to finally three milligrams,
827
00:43:11,755 --> 00:43:14,383
which is where I landed for,
828
00:43:14,466 --> 00:43:18,137
you know, a good 12 years, 15 years.
829
00:43:18,220 --> 00:43:23,517
And I never took any more
than my exact daily dose.
830
00:43:24,226 --> 00:43:26,895
So in about 2013,
831
00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:31,859
I remember telling my psychiatrist that,
"You know, life is going good right now."
832
00:43:33,068 --> 00:43:37,323
Kelly was pregnant with our first child,
and I couldn't wait to be a dad.
833
00:43:38,824 --> 00:43:44,455
He reduced my Xanax from three milligrams
to two-and-a-half milligrams.
834
00:43:44,538 --> 00:43:46,123
And then, out of the blue,
835
00:43:46,206 --> 00:43:50,336
I just started having some kind
of mysterious physical symptoms.
836
00:43:50,836 --> 00:43:54,506
Things like sounds
and smells being overwhelming.
837
00:43:54,590 --> 00:43:57,301
I would sort of have
some heart palpitations.
838
00:43:57,885 --> 00:44:00,679
The skin on my arms would feel
like it was burning.
839
00:44:00,763 --> 00:44:05,684
Random muscles would just twitch.
I had this horrible, um, brain fog.
840
00:44:06,268 --> 00:44:09,396
And the physical fatigue
is one of the worst symptoms.
841
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:10,939
[tense music plays]
842
00:44:11,023 --> 00:44:13,335
My wife and I started getting
more and more concerned. I...
843
00:44:13,359 --> 00:44:15,569
This is something serious going on.
844
00:44:16,445 --> 00:44:18,739
I went to see rheumatologists
845
00:44:18,822 --> 00:44:21,116
- and cardiologists and neurologists...
- [heart beating]
846
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:23,285
...and all sorts of specialists.
847
00:44:23,369 --> 00:44:25,579
Finally, uh, a doctor said,
848
00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:28,248
"You know what,
you've really been through the gamut."
849
00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:31,251
He said, "I'm gonna write you a referral
to the Mayo Clinic
850
00:44:31,335 --> 00:44:33,295
because they're the best of the best."
851
00:44:33,962 --> 00:44:37,299
Packed up the whole family
and flew to Minnesota.
852
00:44:37,383 --> 00:44:43,222
The Mayo neurologist said, "I think
you have autoimmune encephalitis."
853
00:44:43,305 --> 00:44:46,475
"It's an inflammation of the brain,
and it's easily treatable."
854
00:44:47,059 --> 00:44:50,479
"It is a little uncomfortable.
You have to get IV infusions."
855
00:44:50,562 --> 00:44:55,651
I did the eight weeks of infusions,
and I didn't feel any better whatsoever.
856
00:44:55,734 --> 00:44:57,319
I... If anything, I felt worse.
857
00:44:57,403 --> 00:45:00,489
And along this journey,
I started asking the doctors
858
00:45:00,572 --> 00:45:03,951
once in a while, I'd say, "Could it be
anything to do with my medications?"
859
00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:06,870
"Could my medications be causing
any of this?"
860
00:45:06,954 --> 00:45:10,624
And the answer was always, "Oh no.
It's definitely not the medications."
861
00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:12,292
"It's for sure not the medications."
862
00:45:12,376 --> 00:45:16,380
By this time, my psychiatrist had
crossed me over
863
00:45:16,463 --> 00:45:18,924
from Xanax over to Valium.
864
00:45:19,007 --> 00:45:21,927
I mean, call it just my intuition or...
865
00:45:22,010 --> 00:45:23,971
"I don't know where else to go with this,
866
00:45:24,054 --> 00:45:27,391
so please, I want to
taper off of the medication."
867
00:45:27,474 --> 00:45:29,476
[tense music continues]
868
00:45:33,355 --> 00:45:36,275
[kids talking indistinctly]
869
00:45:36,358 --> 00:45:38,944
February of 2018,
870
00:45:39,027 --> 00:45:40,571
I woke up in the morning,
871
00:45:41,739 --> 00:45:44,324
and something was very wrong.
872
00:45:45,409 --> 00:45:47,369
I could hear the kids downstairs,
873
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:51,665
but the... the noise
of the kids playing was... was piercing.
874
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:55,419
My skin was burning.
My... My chest was burning.
875
00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,382
I just couldn't take it anymore.
876
00:46:01,091 --> 00:46:02,843
I stormed out of the house,
877
00:46:03,469 --> 00:46:08,140
and I started driving really fast
and really erratic.
878
00:46:08,223 --> 00:46:11,977
A voice in my head just said,
"I've got to escape. I've got to escape."
879
00:46:12,686 --> 00:46:15,481
And I saw this hill off to the side,
880
00:46:15,564 --> 00:46:18,734
with probably 300 feet high
with a cliff on one side.
881
00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:21,653
And I just said,
882
00:46:22,321 --> 00:46:25,032
"I'm gonna climb up that hill,
and I'm gonna jump."
883
00:46:26,325 --> 00:46:28,160
[voice breaks] And as I was hiking up...
884
00:46:29,453 --> 00:46:33,332
[sobs] ...I had visions
of my kids in my head.
885
00:46:35,334 --> 00:46:38,045
And I... dropped on my knees,
886
00:46:39,338 --> 00:46:41,882
and I said,
"John, this is not who you are."
887
00:46:42,382 --> 00:46:44,051
"This is not who you are."
888
00:46:44,134 --> 00:46:48,096
And my wife heard me pull in
and greeted me at the door.
889
00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:52,810
And I looked at her, and I said,
"It's got to be the Valium."
890
00:46:53,852 --> 00:46:56,313
"It's got to be the Valium." [chuckles]
891
00:46:56,897 --> 00:47:01,652
And my wife started Googling
"Valium and suicide,"
892
00:47:01,735 --> 00:47:05,572
"Valium withdrawal," "Xanax withdrawal."
893
00:47:05,656 --> 00:47:07,991
[tense music continues]
894
00:47:08,075 --> 00:47:10,285
[Gold] Unfortunately,
it was patients themselves
895
00:47:10,369 --> 00:47:11,829
and not the medical profession
896
00:47:11,912 --> 00:47:14,957
that first recognized the problems
associated with benzodiazepines,
897
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,126
including dependence,
tolerance, and withdrawal.
898
00:47:18,210 --> 00:47:21,964
That data really came from the 1970s
and was characterized
899
00:47:22,047 --> 00:47:24,132
by Dr. Heather Ashton,
who was a psychiatrist
900
00:47:24,216 --> 00:47:27,469
who ran a benzodiazepine taper clinic
out of the UK.
901
00:47:27,553 --> 00:47:31,682
There's been a lack of training
in clinical pharmacology
902
00:47:31,765 --> 00:47:34,268
and in the management of drug withdrawal.
903
00:47:34,351 --> 00:47:37,437
Listening to patients
has become a lost art,
904
00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:41,275
and doctors have also been seduced
by the idea
905
00:47:41,358 --> 00:47:44,152
that drugs are the cure
for mental illness.
906
00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:46,780
And she wrote this whole treaty
called The Ashton Manual,
907
00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:50,367
which you can find online,
which is really a great, great document.
908
00:47:51,159 --> 00:47:55,539
[John] All of a sudden,
we came across The Ashton Manual.
909
00:47:55,622 --> 00:48:00,878
There was every symptom I had reported
to every doctor,
910
00:48:01,587 --> 00:48:02,963
one right after another.
911
00:48:03,046 --> 00:48:05,340
My wife and I
kind of looked at each other like,
912
00:48:07,009 --> 00:48:08,510
"How in the world?"
913
00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:13,056
We went to 32 different doctors,
and none of them
914
00:48:14,391 --> 00:48:18,270
connected the dots
that I was reducing my benzodiazepine,
915
00:48:18,353 --> 00:48:19,980
and I was in benzo withdrawal.
916
00:48:20,063 --> 00:48:23,275
Some patients have no problems,
and some patients are sensitive
917
00:48:23,358 --> 00:48:26,403
to even the most small dose adjustment,
dose reduction.
918
00:48:26,486 --> 00:48:28,447
This is particularly true in older people.
919
00:48:28,530 --> 00:48:31,283
You know, as we age,
our brains are less plastic.
920
00:48:31,783 --> 00:48:33,577
So, you know, once people get above 50
921
00:48:33,660 --> 00:48:35,829
and they've been on benzodiazepines
for decades...
922
00:48:35,913 --> 00:48:38,081
very, very hard to get off.
923
00:48:38,165 --> 00:48:40,542
Too few people are aware
of the potential dangers.
924
00:48:40,626 --> 00:48:44,338
Too few doctors are aware
of... of those dangers.
925
00:48:44,421 --> 00:48:46,924
And probably somewhat surprisingly
to me at this point.
926
00:48:47,007 --> 00:48:51,303
These are useful tools.
I'm very happy to have them.
927
00:48:51,386 --> 00:48:54,431
You know, I'm grateful to the people
who invented them.
928
00:48:54,514 --> 00:48:59,144
The problem is
that we're using them way too often,
929
00:48:59,227 --> 00:49:01,605
and we're using them way too long.
930
00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:05,067
When you look
at all the different risk factors
931
00:49:05,150 --> 00:49:06,485
for addiction,
932
00:49:06,568 --> 00:49:10,155
one of the most important is simple access
to the drug.
933
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:14,952
And we live in this age of incredible
overprescribing and oversupply,
934
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:18,789
which means you're more likely to try it
and more likely to get addicted to it.
935
00:49:18,872 --> 00:49:20,624
[somber music plays]
936
00:49:20,707 --> 00:49:22,709
I've been a psychiatrist
since the mid '90s,
937
00:49:22,793 --> 00:49:25,295
and back then, if somebody came to me
938
00:49:25,379 --> 00:49:28,173
and they had symptoms
of anxiety or depression,
939
00:49:28,256 --> 00:49:31,385
I had to sort of explain, you know,
"Oh, you have depression."
940
00:49:31,468 --> 00:49:33,804
Or "These are..."
"You know, this is a panic attack,"
941
00:49:33,887 --> 00:49:37,975
and I had to spend some time
in the first visit or the second visit
942
00:49:38,058 --> 00:49:41,603
where I would sort of destigmatize
the fact that they had to take medicines.
943
00:49:42,646 --> 00:49:46,775
Ever since 1997, when the FDA decided
944
00:49:46,858 --> 00:49:50,153
that drug companies could advertise
directly to people.
945
00:49:50,237 --> 00:49:52,864
[woman 1] You can't just snap out
of clinical depression.
946
00:49:52,948 --> 00:49:55,075
No one can, because it's a real illness.
947
00:49:55,158 --> 00:49:57,536
[man] You may feel anxious.
Can't even sleep.
948
00:49:57,619 --> 00:50:00,330
[woman 2] We know
what social anxiety can feel like.
949
00:50:00,414 --> 00:50:02,416
The chemical imbalance could be to blame.
950
00:50:02,499 --> 00:50:06,294
[woman 1] You can get your life back.
Life can feel like life again.
951
00:50:06,378 --> 00:50:10,257
I don't have to do any kind of educating
or destigmatizing or hand-holding
952
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:12,801
because I have people coming
to me saying, you know,
953
00:50:12,884 --> 00:50:14,845
"Should I take Wellbutrin or Effexor,"
954
00:50:14,928 --> 00:50:17,597
you know, or like, um,
"My Pilates instructor is on Paxil,
955
00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:21,309
but my dental hygienist said that Zoloft
is better, and what's the difference?"
956
00:50:21,393 --> 00:50:25,188
There was really no maintenance about it.
There's really no checking in on.
957
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:26,648
"How are you feeling?"
958
00:50:26,732 --> 00:50:28,275
"What's going on up here?"
959
00:50:28,358 --> 00:50:31,987
"What's your emotional state?"
Like, it was just very transactional.
960
00:50:32,070 --> 00:50:35,365
Medicine has become industrialized
to the point
961
00:50:35,449 --> 00:50:39,745
where doctors kind of function
like workers on an assembly line.
962
00:50:39,828 --> 00:50:44,541
And after him, all of my psychiatrists,
I guess, were very transactional.
963
00:50:44,624 --> 00:50:47,335
And I found people who were transactional,
because I was like,
964
00:50:47,419 --> 00:50:50,672
"I don't wanna get into what I'm feeling.
I don't wanna talk about that."
965
00:50:50,756 --> 00:50:54,676
There's enormous pressure on doctors
to see patients quickly,
966
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,679
to get them in and out,
to prescribe pills,
967
00:50:57,763 --> 00:51:00,015
because that's
what third-party payers will reimburse.
968
00:51:00,098 --> 00:51:03,560
One doctor was like, "Could you tell me
about your childhood in Texas?"
969
00:51:03,643 --> 00:51:06,688
And I was like, "I don't wanna."
Like, "Let's just get to the script part."
970
00:51:06,772 --> 00:51:09,983
[Dr. Lembke] We're now asking patients
were they satisfied with their service.
971
00:51:10,067 --> 00:51:12,110
Doctors very eager to be rated highly
972
00:51:12,194 --> 00:51:16,615
because their professional advancement
is tied to how they do on those surveys.
973
00:51:16,698 --> 00:51:19,910
So, naturally, with all of those kinds
of invisible incentives,
974
00:51:19,993 --> 00:51:23,413
you know, doctors will write
for what patients want.
975
00:51:23,497 --> 00:51:26,583
The other issue is that in the short term,
these agents really work.
976
00:51:26,666 --> 00:51:31,296
I went to a therapist
when I was thirteen in New Hampshire.
977
00:51:32,130 --> 00:51:33,507
[tsks] Uh...
978
00:51:33,590 --> 00:51:36,343
Who, the day I...
979
00:51:36,426 --> 00:51:40,764
First day, I went there, he said...
And this is in '84 or something,
980
00:51:40,847 --> 00:51:44,142
and he said,
"I'm going to write you a prescription."
981
00:51:44,226 --> 00:51:47,395
"Every time you feel sad,
you take one of these."
982
00:51:47,479 --> 00:51:48,522
It was Xanax.
983
00:51:48,605 --> 00:51:52,859
I do want to be careful. I don't wanna
demonize all benzodiazepines, all drugs.
984
00:51:52,943 --> 00:51:55,987
What I do know is that they're
overprescribed, like opioids.
985
00:51:56,071 --> 00:51:57,239
And they're both painkillers.
986
00:51:57,322 --> 00:51:59,658
One is of emotional pain,
and the other of physical pain.
987
00:52:00,242 --> 00:52:04,162
There's this huge Xanax crisis
in so many communities.
988
00:52:04,246 --> 00:52:07,082
[Dr. Lembke] We're in the midst
of a prescription drug epidemic.
989
00:52:07,165 --> 00:52:09,876
So a lot of times people think
that was just about opioids,
990
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:11,503
but it wasn't just about opioids.
991
00:52:12,129 --> 00:52:15,549
[interviewer] Rapper Lil Xan,
that's short for Xanax,
992
00:52:15,632 --> 00:52:17,217
is one of the more than 50 artists
993
00:52:17,300 --> 00:52:19,761
we found who reference Xanax
in their music.
994
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:21,930
I was probably taking... [exhales]
995
00:52:22,013 --> 00:52:25,100
...12 two milligrams
to 14 two milligrams a day.
996
00:52:26,017 --> 00:52:27,017
Wow.
997
00:52:27,519 --> 00:52:28,937
It was... It was really bad.
998
00:52:29,020 --> 00:52:31,481
["Praying To The Sky" by Lil Peep plays]
999
00:52:38,738 --> 00:52:41,032
That double-edged sword of...
1000
00:52:41,950 --> 00:52:44,578
of acknowledging pain, or anxiety,
1001
00:52:44,661 --> 00:52:47,455
or whatever it is, and not glamorizing it.
1002
00:52:47,956 --> 00:52:51,710
It's a very sharp double-edged sword.
It's just so easy to...
1003
00:52:51,793 --> 00:52:53,628
to not walk... walk that line.
1004
00:52:53,712 --> 00:52:56,882
And we don't give young people
many tools for doing that.
1005
00:52:56,965 --> 00:52:59,426
[interviewer] It wasn't long
before Bobby mimicked his idols
1006
00:52:59,509 --> 00:53:02,053
and swallowed his first pill
in tenth grade.
1007
00:53:02,762 --> 00:53:04,556
I got hooked the first pill I took.
1008
00:53:04,639 --> 00:53:07,142
One phone call,
one text away from getting it. Yeah.
1009
00:53:07,225 --> 00:53:08,476
Any type of pill, basically.
1010
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:11,521
[reporter] Social media,
now an essential tool
1011
00:53:11,605 --> 00:53:13,815
to buy these pills online.
1012
00:53:13,899 --> 00:53:17,235
Essentially, this is now...
This can now be your dealer.
1013
00:53:17,319 --> 00:53:21,114
By tapping a few things in,
you can get Xanax easily.
1014
00:53:21,198 --> 00:53:23,575
Those pills are all over the place.
1015
00:53:23,658 --> 00:53:27,412
I found this account
which is the 104 dealers
1016
00:53:27,495 --> 00:53:29,122
that are using Snapchat,
1017
00:53:29,206 --> 00:53:31,541
that you can contact
if you just type in their name.
1018
00:53:31,625 --> 00:53:33,710
So it's basically
a drug dealers directory.
1019
00:53:33,793 --> 00:53:36,254
Now we've got a lot of people
in illicit laboratories,
1020
00:53:36,338 --> 00:53:37,881
illegal laboratories,
1021
00:53:37,964 --> 00:53:41,009
who are making these super potent versions
of benzodiazepines.
1022
00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:43,261
[reporter] New information
about a deadly drug.
1023
00:53:43,345 --> 00:53:48,892
It's a small, white pill designed
to look like the antianxiety drug, Xanax.
1024
00:53:48,975 --> 00:53:51,728
But it is mixed
with an extremely strong opioid
1025
00:53:51,811 --> 00:53:52,812
called fentanyl.
1026
00:53:52,896 --> 00:53:55,565
[man] People can go online,
and they can buy a pill press.
1027
00:53:55,649 --> 00:53:57,192
They can buy the pill dye.
1028
00:53:57,275 --> 00:54:01,196
[woman] This is going to be the fentanyl
with any other cutting agent,
1029
00:54:01,279 --> 00:54:03,740
and then as I spin the wheel...
1030
00:54:04,824 --> 00:54:07,202
and then up comes the tablet.
1031
00:54:07,285 --> 00:54:10,372
You can have two pills
that you bought from your drug dealer,
1032
00:54:10,455 --> 00:54:13,041
and one has a little bit more fentanyl
than the other.
1033
00:54:13,124 --> 00:54:15,418
And that one will be the one
that ends your life.
1034
00:54:15,502 --> 00:54:19,965
The pills that are coming up from Mexico
are professionally, uh, done.
1035
00:54:20,048 --> 00:54:21,234
You can't tell the difference.
1036
00:54:21,258 --> 00:54:24,469
The color's perfect,
the markings are... are fine,
1037
00:54:24,552 --> 00:54:26,179
and the texture of the... of the pill...
1038
00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:29,057
They just look exactly like
the real thing. Scary.
1039
00:54:29,641 --> 00:54:33,895
Celebrity TV therapist, Laura Berman,
has revealed that her teenage son died
1040
00:54:33,979 --> 00:54:36,022
of a deadly drug overdose on Sunday.
1041
00:54:36,106 --> 00:54:38,358
You said you think it was fentanyl
laced with something.
1042
00:54:38,441 --> 00:54:42,320
Was he in any kind of pain that he'd be
taking these drugs to begin with?
1043
00:54:42,404 --> 00:54:44,906
- Do you think he knew what he was taking?
- No. He...
1044
00:54:44,990 --> 00:54:45,865
No.
1045
00:54:45,949 --> 00:54:48,285
In the last ten years,
what we have often seen
1046
00:54:48,368 --> 00:54:51,496
is that most overdoses
are not just one substance.
1047
00:54:51,579 --> 00:54:53,957
It's usually a combination
of different medications.
1048
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:57,711
A benzodiazepine is not very dangerous
when taken in high amounts alone,
1049
00:54:57,794 --> 00:54:59,671
but when you combine it with opioids,
1050
00:54:59,754 --> 00:55:02,173
that's essentially anesthesia
and is very dangerous.
1051
00:55:02,257 --> 00:55:04,944
[Dr. Dennis-Tiwary] Because then you have
a double-depressant effect.
1052
00:55:04,968 --> 00:55:07,846
So you can actually
have a cardiac emergency.
1053
00:55:07,929 --> 00:55:09,389
You can die. You can stop breathing.
1054
00:55:10,015 --> 00:55:11,391
[reporter] He was only twenty-one.
1055
00:55:11,474 --> 00:55:14,519
A popular YouTube star
and emerging rapper,
1056
00:55:14,602 --> 00:55:17,147
Lil Peep, died last night.
1057
00:55:17,230 --> 00:55:19,774
[Dr. Dennis-Tiwary] There's just
so many deaths in the news,
1058
00:55:19,858 --> 00:55:23,028
um, that have to do
with painkillers or benzodiazepines.
1059
00:55:23,111 --> 00:55:25,280
They're struggling so much
with that perfect storm
1060
00:55:25,363 --> 00:55:28,491
of pain and anxiety, and needing
to dull it and get through somehow.
1061
00:55:29,951 --> 00:55:31,831
[Lil Xan] I looked in the mirror
and I'm like...
1062
00:55:31,870 --> 00:55:33,747
it was just that moment, you know, like,
1063
00:55:33,830 --> 00:55:35,874
"If I keep doing this,
I'm gonna die soon."
1064
00:55:35,957 --> 00:55:38,710
So I just quit, cold turkey,
1065
00:55:38,793 --> 00:55:42,130
and I actually ended up having
a few seizures,
1066
00:55:42,213 --> 00:55:43,715
and I landed in the hospital.
1067
00:55:43,798 --> 00:55:46,968
[reporter] After numerous attempts,
Xan told us he got clean.
1068
00:55:47,052 --> 00:55:49,721
So I wanted to make a movement, Xanarchy,
1069
00:55:49,804 --> 00:55:52,974
about just nothing but anti-Xan use,
1070
00:55:53,058 --> 00:55:54,934
and that's really
what I'm trying to promote.
1071
00:55:55,018 --> 00:55:58,897
I think that we need to start holding
each other and ourselves accountable
1072
00:55:58,980 --> 00:56:03,026
for our glorification of the drug culture,
one hundred percent.
1073
00:56:03,109 --> 00:56:08,406
♪ Don't give me the Xannie now, or ever... ♪
1074
00:56:08,490 --> 00:56:11,493
I did not like growing up
with people I really loved
1075
00:56:11,576 --> 00:56:13,703
and then them turning
into people they weren't.
1076
00:56:13,787 --> 00:56:16,873
It's just weird to watch,
and I don't wanna have people die anymore.
1077
00:56:16,956 --> 00:56:18,236
I don't want people to die, due.
1078
00:56:18,291 --> 00:56:20,210
Kids are the canaries
in the coal mine now.
1079
00:56:20,293 --> 00:56:24,255
They are definitely the signs
that things are not okay... in our world.
1080
00:56:24,339 --> 00:56:27,675
My clinic has become
about 50% a "de-prescribing" clinic,
1081
00:56:27,759 --> 00:56:29,928
meaning I'm having more
and more patients coming in
1082
00:56:30,011 --> 00:56:33,640
or being referred
for help getting off of opioids
1083
00:56:33,723 --> 00:56:36,059
or benzodiazepines or both.
1084
00:56:36,142 --> 00:56:38,311
It's confusing for the patients too,
1085
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:40,897
because patients who are dependent
upon the medications,
1086
00:56:40,980 --> 00:56:44,526
who take them long-term,
they can't imagine a life without it.
1087
00:56:44,609 --> 00:56:46,694
And it may not even be
they're without anxiety
1088
00:56:46,778 --> 00:56:48,113
or that they're doing well,
1089
00:56:48,196 --> 00:56:51,282
but they just can't function
without the medicines.
1090
00:56:51,366 --> 00:56:53,660
The idea of it
is terribly frightening to them.
1091
00:56:53,743 --> 00:56:55,745
And that's really the withdrawal symptoms.
1092
00:56:55,829 --> 00:56:58,081
That's the nature
of tolerance and withdrawal.
1093
00:56:58,164 --> 00:57:01,084
[inhales, exhales]
1094
00:57:01,167 --> 00:57:03,169
[faucet running]
1095
00:57:07,048 --> 00:57:08,508
[exhales]
1096
00:57:11,428 --> 00:57:12,470
[deep breath]
1097
00:57:17,976 --> 00:57:21,604
It's a good thing I took chemistry
in college.
1098
00:57:26,317 --> 00:57:29,904
This isn't anything that any doctor
is gonna teach you how to do.
1099
00:57:32,073 --> 00:57:34,701
That's called a liquid micro taper.
1100
00:57:36,035 --> 00:57:38,329
And what it allows you to do is to...
1101
00:57:39,456 --> 00:57:43,293
reduce your dose by a tiny,
tiny fraction...
1102
00:57:44,377 --> 00:57:45,712
every day.
1103
00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:48,131
If you go too fast,
1104
00:57:49,132 --> 00:57:53,595
you can go into a state
of complete terror.
1105
00:57:57,807 --> 00:58:00,059
These chemicals are so powerful,
1106
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:05,398
even tapering slowly like this
takes... years.
1107
00:58:06,774 --> 00:58:08,776
[ice tinkling]
1108
00:58:14,032 --> 00:58:17,869
[train horn blaring]
1109
00:58:19,787 --> 00:58:22,373
[Audrey] So from center line
to top of rail?
1110
00:58:22,457 --> 00:58:24,250
- [man] Five foot one.
- [Audrey] Five-one.
1111
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:26,174
[man] Tell me when you're ready
for number one.
1112
00:58:26,211 --> 00:58:27,295
[Audrey] Go for it.
1113
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:30,507
[man] All right, over here we're looking
at... two foot six.
1114
00:58:30,590 --> 00:58:31,758
Two-six.
1115
00:58:33,801 --> 00:58:35,553
So I work with the state of Michigan,
1116
00:58:35,637 --> 00:58:38,932
and the program that I work in
is to become a civil engineer.
1117
00:58:39,015 --> 00:58:43,978
I've had it for three years now,
this job, and it's, um,
1118
00:58:44,062 --> 00:58:47,607
you know, it's a big-girl job.
I got it right when I turned 18.
1119
00:58:48,775 --> 00:58:52,695
And it was nice to have people rely on me
for, uh, certain things.
1120
00:58:52,779 --> 00:58:54,280
Stressful, no doubt,
1121
00:58:54,364 --> 00:58:57,367
but it was the right amount of stress
to push me to get it done.
1122
00:58:57,450 --> 00:58:59,118
Wasn't so much that I was overwhelmed.
1123
00:59:00,078 --> 00:59:02,830
Most of the people
who are very anti-Xanax,
1124
00:59:02,914 --> 00:59:06,751
get that idea
from the recreational use of it.
1125
00:59:06,834 --> 00:59:10,421
For people like me,
when you kind of see people using it
1126
00:59:10,505 --> 00:59:12,090
in the wrong way, it's like,
1127
00:59:12,173 --> 00:59:16,219
"If you only knew what it could do
to someone who really needs it."
1128
00:59:18,596 --> 00:59:20,557
I take one milligram daily,
1129
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:21,975
and that was my starting dose,
1130
00:59:22,058 --> 00:59:25,019
and it's been my dose
this whole entire time.
1131
00:59:26,229 --> 00:59:29,566
It can be addictive.
Um, it's not in my case,
1132
00:59:30,441 --> 00:59:34,112
but psychologically, yes.
1133
00:59:34,195 --> 00:59:37,198
I mean, it's always gonna be,
"If I don't have that, what do I do?"
1134
00:59:37,282 --> 00:59:39,492
I mean, it is easy to... to become...
1135
00:59:40,118 --> 00:59:43,246
totally, 100% dependent on a drug,
1136
00:59:43,329 --> 00:59:44,872
and I don't...
1137
00:59:44,956 --> 00:59:48,585
Even if it's a helpful drug,
that's, um, a scary thought.
1138
00:59:48,668 --> 00:59:51,129
"What if you run out of it?"
Or "What if someone takes it?"
1139
00:59:51,212 --> 00:59:53,423
Or "What if you forget it?"
Then what do you do?
1140
00:59:53,923 --> 00:59:55,883
And that thought terrifies me.
1141
00:59:55,967 --> 00:59:58,720
Medication is...
it can be really important for people,
1142
00:59:58,803 --> 01:00:02,432
and I do not want to underplay
the importance that it can serve
1143
01:00:02,515 --> 01:00:04,767
to help people manage
really overwhelming anxiety.
1144
01:00:04,851 --> 01:00:07,145
What it does
is it brings us back to a baseline,
1145
01:00:07,228 --> 01:00:09,022
it brings us back to being more ourselves,
1146
01:00:09,105 --> 01:00:12,275
but the minute you go off them,
unless you've gotten other treatments,
1147
01:00:12,942 --> 01:00:14,485
the anxiety goes up again.
1148
01:00:15,278 --> 01:00:20,700
[Matt] When my mom got sick,
we found out it was advanced colon cancer.
1149
01:00:20,783 --> 01:00:22,118
Ran to the airport.
1150
01:00:22,201 --> 01:00:26,456
We basically lived in Boston,
myself, my Dad, and my sister.
1151
01:00:27,332 --> 01:00:29,959
Every single time I went away,
I was like, "Is this it?"
1152
01:00:30,043 --> 01:00:32,795
And those thoughts kept going
and going and going,
1153
01:00:32,879 --> 01:00:36,174
which was really
where I had my first panic attack.
1154
01:00:36,257 --> 01:00:38,551
It was
because I had to come down for work.
1155
01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:42,930
And I was supposed to give a presentation,
and I just had a full breakdown
1156
01:00:43,014 --> 01:00:45,600
and found myself
in our company's bathroom,
1157
01:00:45,683 --> 01:00:48,144
hyperventilating, thinking I was having
a heart attack.
1158
01:00:48,227 --> 01:00:50,688
I was like, "This is... Oh my God."
1159
01:00:50,772 --> 01:00:54,233
Um, like the kind that you just
can't pull yourself out of.
1160
01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,027
[suspenseful music plays]
1161
01:00:56,110 --> 01:00:59,113
Before my mom passed away,
she wrote this letter.
1162
01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:02,492
She wrote a letter to all,
my brother, my sister, and I and my dad.
1163
01:01:02,992 --> 01:01:07,955
Um, and in my letter, she said,
"I'm sorry for putting you in a box,
1164
01:01:08,039 --> 01:01:11,250
and I'm sorry for making you feel
like you had to be something
1165
01:01:11,334 --> 01:01:13,336
that you were never going to be." And...
1166
01:01:14,337 --> 01:01:16,089
reading it, I was just... I broke down.
1167
01:01:16,172 --> 01:01:17,674
I was just like, "Yeah."
1168
01:01:18,633 --> 01:01:22,220
And that's what made me feel so tense
and so anxious for so long too,
1169
01:01:22,303 --> 01:01:25,682
because you're expected
to be a certain way. For me, it was like,
1170
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:28,685
"Okay, you're not expected to be
as flamboyant as you want to be."
1171
01:01:28,768 --> 01:01:30,848
"You're a person of color.
Why do you talk that way?"
1172
01:01:30,895 --> 01:01:33,356
"You're expected to talk like this.
I expected this."
1173
01:01:33,439 --> 01:01:37,985
My mom passed in, like, August,
and then that's really where...
1174
01:01:38,861 --> 01:01:40,947
everything bubbled up to the top.
1175
01:01:41,531 --> 01:01:43,157
There's just this feeling of,
1176
01:01:43,783 --> 01:01:47,078
"I have myself,
and I need to figure this out."
1177
01:01:47,161 --> 01:01:48,287
Um...
1178
01:01:49,163 --> 01:01:51,874
And that's when I was like,
"I need therapy." [laughs]
1179
01:01:51,958 --> 01:01:54,293
If you know there are things
that make you anxious,
1180
01:01:54,377 --> 01:01:55,837
and they're not going away,
1181
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:59,632
it becomes really important
to just remember the very basics.
1182
01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:01,259
I mean, first of all, breathe.
1183
01:02:01,342 --> 01:02:03,886
[exhales sharply]
1184
01:02:03,970 --> 01:02:07,056
Getting appropriate hours of sleep.
1185
01:02:08,141 --> 01:02:10,727
I really encourage people to sleep a ton.
1186
01:02:10,810 --> 01:02:12,061
There's exercise.
1187
01:02:13,813 --> 01:02:17,024
[Phoebe] And getting outside
as much as possible.
1188
01:02:17,775 --> 01:02:20,194
[Dr. Holland] Getting exercise
and getting sunshine.
1189
01:02:21,112 --> 01:02:23,072
Doing things like yoga or meditation.
1190
01:02:23,156 --> 01:02:25,366
[Phoebe] Meditation has been
really helpful for me.
1191
01:02:25,450 --> 01:02:30,288
[Dr. Dennis-Tiwary] We know that actually
creating a biological state of relaxation,
1192
01:02:30,371 --> 01:02:33,040
it actually disrupts
an anxious experience.
1193
01:02:33,124 --> 01:02:37,170
So you cannot be relaxed, um,
and anxious at the same time.
1194
01:02:37,253 --> 01:02:38,838
There are other medications
1195
01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:41,215
that are not habit-forming
in the same way.
1196
01:02:41,299 --> 01:02:43,301
The Selective Serotonin
Reuptake Inhibitors,
1197
01:02:43,384 --> 01:02:46,262
they don't cure anxiety in the moment,
1198
01:02:46,345 --> 01:02:49,891
but they lower
the overall anxiety quotient
1199
01:02:49,974 --> 01:02:52,852
to make people less likely
to have panic attacks.
1200
01:02:52,935 --> 01:02:54,937
You know,
I'm a psychiatrist in New York City,
1201
01:02:55,021 --> 01:02:57,815
and of course,
I write prescriptions for antidepressants,
1202
01:02:57,899 --> 01:02:59,484
and for antianxiety meds.
1203
01:03:00,276 --> 01:03:03,362
But I also like to talk to my patients
about cannabis-based medicines
1204
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:05,907
because it can be very helpful
for anxiety.
1205
01:03:07,116 --> 01:03:10,203
You're not disinhibited.
You're not cloudy.
1206
01:03:10,286 --> 01:03:12,371
You still very much have your wits
about you,
1207
01:03:12,455 --> 01:03:14,957
but you can sort of handle stress
a little bit better.
1208
01:03:15,041 --> 01:03:17,668
We know a lot
about the treatment of these disorders,
1209
01:03:17,752 --> 01:03:20,546
and the most successful treatments
with the best evidence base
1210
01:03:20,630 --> 01:03:23,049
tend to be
the cognitive behavioral therapies.
1211
01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:28,095
So the techniques tend to focus
on these systematic habits of thinking,
1212
01:03:28,179 --> 01:03:29,889
of behaving, the choices we make.
1213
01:03:29,972 --> 01:03:32,600
And they also create a new mindset,
I think,
1214
01:03:32,683 --> 01:03:35,102
about how we think about our distress.
1215
01:03:36,020 --> 01:03:39,398
[Phoebe] Having that additional layer,
that sort of little voice
1216
01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:42,568
that therapy grows for you that says,
"Hey, it's okay."
1217
01:03:42,652 --> 01:03:45,905
"You're feeling your feelings right now.
And it's okay to feel feelings."
1218
01:03:45,988 --> 01:03:49,033
"Feelings are not facts.
Thoughts are not facts."
1219
01:03:49,575 --> 01:03:51,786
"All you have to do
is keep going through today,
1220
01:03:51,869 --> 01:03:53,246
and then tomorrow will happen,
1221
01:03:53,329 --> 01:03:55,289
and eventually,
there'll be enough tomorrows
1222
01:03:55,373 --> 01:03:57,583
that you won't be feeling this anymore."
1223
01:03:57,667 --> 01:03:59,877
And it's just enough to keep going.
1224
01:03:59,961 --> 01:04:01,838
Because, ultimately,
when you're experiencing
1225
01:04:01,921 --> 01:04:05,216
those really difficult times,
you just have to keep going.
1226
01:04:05,299 --> 01:04:07,134
[mellow music plays]
1227
01:04:07,218 --> 01:04:10,137
[Dr. Dennis-Tiwary] It's become
so apparent during the pandemic,
1228
01:04:10,221 --> 01:04:13,683
but social connection is one
of the most powerful ways
1229
01:04:13,766 --> 01:04:15,476
to disrupt anxiety.
1230
01:04:17,228 --> 01:04:21,274
Loneliness is one
of the biggest, um, detriments,
1231
01:04:21,357 --> 01:04:23,317
not only to mental health,
but to physical health.
1232
01:04:25,069 --> 01:04:27,238
[Phoebe] I experienced a divorce
this year,
1233
01:04:27,321 --> 01:04:31,117
and between the revelations
that ended my marriage
1234
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:33,953
and being faced
with starting my life all over again,
1235
01:04:34,036 --> 01:04:36,831
I ended up again
in a depression-anxiety cycle.
1236
01:04:37,957 --> 01:04:39,208
I hadn't told my mom.
1237
01:04:39,292 --> 01:04:42,587
I hadn't told my best friends
about what had happened in my marriage.
1238
01:04:42,670 --> 01:04:45,923
I was just trying to focus
on meditation and journaling,
1239
01:04:46,007 --> 01:04:47,049
and "I'll go to therapy,
1240
01:04:47,133 --> 01:04:50,636
and do all the things I can do
to try to deal with this,"
1241
01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:54,473
when really the thing I needed to do
was lean on the women in my life
1242
01:04:54,557 --> 01:04:56,475
who loved me enough to help me through it.
1243
01:04:56,559 --> 01:05:00,688
[both laugh, talk indistinctly]
1244
01:05:00,771 --> 01:05:04,150
[Dr. Dennis-Tiwary] In whatever way
we can find connection that's authentic...
1245
01:05:04,233 --> 01:05:06,819
[laughs] I mean,
forget everything else I said,
1246
01:05:06,903 --> 01:05:09,238
that's probably the best thing we can do.
1247
01:05:09,322 --> 01:05:14,160
But the truth is, normal responses
to abnormal environments,
1248
01:05:14,243 --> 01:05:18,164
uh, that... that you don't have
to say is a disease.
1249
01:05:18,247 --> 01:05:19,665
In some ways,
1250
01:05:19,749 --> 01:05:24,170
instead of fixing our world
and the real problems in it,
1251
01:05:24,670 --> 01:05:27,048
we're using psychotropics
1252
01:05:27,131 --> 01:05:30,718
to have people just sort of accept
1253
01:05:30,801 --> 01:05:33,596
the broken world that we're offering them.
1254
01:05:33,679 --> 01:05:34,722
The Great Resignation.
1255
01:05:34,805 --> 01:05:37,975
That's what experts are calling
the growing trend of workers quitting
1256
01:05:38,059 --> 01:05:39,226
or just changing careers.
1257
01:05:39,310 --> 01:05:42,647
[woman reporter] Americans are retiring
in greater numbers too.
1258
01:05:42,730 --> 01:05:45,858
The push to shorten the work week
from five days to four,
1259
01:05:45,942 --> 01:05:47,485
gaining momentum around the globe.
1260
01:05:47,568 --> 01:05:50,112
Clearly, this pandemic has transformed
1261
01:05:50,196 --> 01:05:55,534
the way that Americans are wanting to work
and the work that they're willing to do.
1262
01:05:55,618 --> 01:05:59,205
We are building a movement
to address mental health in America.
1263
01:05:59,956 --> 01:06:04,710
We want to build a society
where no person has to feel isolated
1264
01:06:04,794 --> 01:06:06,963
and shamed because of their struggles.
1265
01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:10,841
We want to build a world
where anyone who needs help can get it.
1266
01:06:10,925 --> 01:06:13,344
We don't want to be just reactive
to mental illness.
1267
01:06:13,427 --> 01:06:15,846
We want to be proactive
about mental well-being.
1268
01:06:15,930 --> 01:06:17,431
New generations of athletes,
1269
01:06:17,515 --> 01:06:21,435
including Simone Biles and Naomi Osaka,
are speaking out about mental health.
1270
01:06:21,519 --> 01:06:23,729
[Simone] We go through our own things,
and it's hard.
1271
01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:26,691
You don't even realize
how many people you're helping,
1272
01:06:26,774 --> 01:06:29,735
even though you're sitting
in this really tough moment.
1273
01:06:29,819 --> 01:06:32,613
Mental health has everything to do
1274
01:06:32,697 --> 01:06:37,368
with everything that we live and breathe
1275
01:06:37,451 --> 01:06:40,663
and... and realize in our lives, you know,
1276
01:06:40,746 --> 01:06:44,375
whether, you know, we're in circumstances
that are favorable for us
1277
01:06:44,458 --> 01:06:46,085
or unfavorable, right?
1278
01:06:46,168 --> 01:06:48,045
Like, mental health is everything.
1279
01:06:48,129 --> 01:06:50,965
Oh my God. I can't.
Stay still, heart. He says,
1280
01:06:51,048 --> 01:06:53,926
"Thanks for providing a safe space
for people like me." I can't.
1281
01:06:54,010 --> 01:06:55,553
[Tasmin laughs]
1282
01:06:56,137 --> 01:06:58,055
He's so sweet. [laughs]
1283
01:06:58,139 --> 01:07:03,144
It started with an Instagram post
that said, "Free Therapy For Black Men."
1284
01:07:03,227 --> 01:07:05,813
I thought it'd be hard
to get Black men to come to therapy
1285
01:07:05,896 --> 01:07:09,066
because that's what all the media
and everything would have you believe,
1286
01:07:09,150 --> 01:07:10,192
and that was not the case.
1287
01:07:10,276 --> 01:07:12,737
Um, actually, we started kind of backwards
1288
01:07:12,820 --> 01:07:15,990
because when we put out
Free Therapy For Black Men,
1289
01:07:16,073 --> 01:07:18,200
initially, within that first two days,
1290
01:07:18,284 --> 01:07:20,870
we had 50 men who are like,
"I want the free therapy."
1291
01:07:20,953 --> 01:07:24,623
And we were like, "Wait a minute.
We didn't think this all the way through."
1292
01:07:25,207 --> 01:07:27,084
We give them
eight free individual sessions.
1293
01:07:27,668 --> 01:07:31,380
Right now, 75% of them continue on
with the therapy,
1294
01:07:31,464 --> 01:07:33,215
after it's no longer free.
1295
01:07:33,799 --> 01:07:36,635
And it's like, we're giving them
that drink of water,
1296
01:07:36,719 --> 01:07:39,263
and that drink of water
should be teaching them,
1297
01:07:39,346 --> 01:07:42,099
"Damn, I didn't even realize
I was so thirsty." Right?
1298
01:07:42,183 --> 01:07:45,269
And so now,
even when we go take the water away,
1299
01:07:45,352 --> 01:07:48,689
it's like, "Oh. But you know what?"
Yeah, that might be the next shirt.
1300
01:07:48,773 --> 01:07:50,107
[all laugh]
1301
01:07:50,191 --> 01:07:52,943
One thing I've been talking
to my patients about for a while
1302
01:07:53,027 --> 01:07:54,528
is this idea of flow.
1303
01:07:54,612 --> 01:07:58,074
That you can lose yourself
in doing something,
1304
01:07:58,157 --> 01:08:01,452
and it can be anything.
But whatever it is you're doing,
1305
01:08:01,535 --> 01:08:05,956
you've totally put yourself in the doing,
and you lose yourself in the doing,
1306
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:08,167
and there's something else
bigger than you.
1307
01:08:09,627 --> 01:08:12,713
[tense music plays]
1308
01:08:12,797 --> 01:08:17,093
[Regina] Twelve years ago,
we had gone to this horse ranch,
1309
01:08:17,176 --> 01:08:21,097
and they had a mission of rescue horses.
1310
01:08:21,597 --> 01:08:24,809
I think they're up to 60 rescue horses,
1311
01:08:24,892 --> 01:08:29,522
where most of them have been
in bad situations of one type or another.
1312
01:08:29,605 --> 01:08:31,982
Then we found out
they were looking for volunteers.
1313
01:08:32,066 --> 01:08:34,860
I thought, "Okay,
in the middle of a pandemic,
1314
01:08:34,944 --> 01:08:38,823
when the gyms are shut down,
and we can't go out to eat,
1315
01:08:38,906 --> 01:08:42,201
and we can't do anything.
We can't socialize."
1316
01:08:42,785 --> 01:08:47,915
"Maybe this outdoor volunteer work
could be a good thing to do."
1317
01:08:47,998 --> 01:08:51,794
The volunteers come out
and clean up the paddocks,
1318
01:08:51,877 --> 01:08:54,380
and groom the horses,
and take them for walks.
1319
01:08:55,131 --> 01:08:59,468
Being able to be outside,
doing physical work for a good cause,
1320
01:08:59,552 --> 01:09:01,887
getting to bond with animals again,
1321
01:09:01,971 --> 01:09:05,975
just everything about it
completely has gelled
1322
01:09:06,058 --> 01:09:09,145
to get out of my house, get out of myself,
1323
01:09:09,228 --> 01:09:12,815
and go do some hard work
and get some fresh air.
1324
01:09:12,898 --> 01:09:15,693
Having a bad day and hugging a horse
1325
01:09:15,776 --> 01:09:17,903
is really a wonderful thing.
1326
01:09:22,867 --> 01:09:26,620
[Matt] I need more of a stimulus
outside of myself to focus in on,
1327
01:09:27,663 --> 01:09:30,249
so I took up flower arranging.
1328
01:09:32,251 --> 01:09:35,045
There's just something so peaceful
about that process for me,
1329
01:09:35,129 --> 01:09:37,298
from going
and sorting through the flowers,
1330
01:09:37,381 --> 01:09:41,427
and looking at the flowers
and the colors, and it's all very tactile.
1331
01:09:41,510 --> 01:09:45,181
And realize I need those tactile things
1332
01:09:45,264 --> 01:09:47,683
to sort of cope and to calm myself.
1333
01:09:47,766 --> 01:09:50,811
[mellow music plays]
1334
01:09:50,895 --> 01:09:53,272
So much of my anxiety is rooted in
1335
01:09:53,814 --> 01:09:57,401
feeling like you're
not gonna accomplish something
1336
01:09:57,484 --> 01:10:00,446
or... that what you're doing is wrong.
1337
01:10:01,864 --> 01:10:04,867
The things that bring me peace
are these things where I'm like,
1338
01:10:04,950 --> 01:10:06,368
"I'm making for myself."
1339
01:10:06,452 --> 01:10:10,956
So there's no one that's gonna look at it
and judge it or critique it.
1340
01:10:12,291 --> 01:10:13,626
Expectations.
1341
01:10:14,710 --> 01:10:16,545
There's so much weight to them,
1342
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:19,924
and when you can sort of let 'em go
a little bit,
1343
01:10:20,424 --> 01:10:22,343
there's a freeing feeling to it.
1344
01:10:22,426 --> 01:10:26,513
That doesn't look good.
Yeah, it's all trial and error. [chuckles]
1345
01:10:26,597 --> 01:10:28,224
[Dr. Dennis-Tiwary] Anxiety is holistic,
1346
01:10:28,307 --> 01:10:31,185
and what it tells you is
that your mind and body are one.
1347
01:10:31,268 --> 01:10:33,562
That is really the insight
that anxiety gives us,
1348
01:10:33,646 --> 01:10:36,690
that our body and our mind
are in service of each other,
1349
01:10:36,774 --> 01:10:37,816
and they're reciprocal.
1350
01:10:37,900 --> 01:10:42,446
The problem with you taking a Xanax
every time you get anxious
1351
01:10:42,529 --> 01:10:45,449
is that you're not building up
the mental calluses
1352
01:10:45,532 --> 01:10:48,661
that you need to tolerate more anxiety.
1353
01:10:48,744 --> 01:10:52,331
Because if you're squelching
that experience of anxiety,
1354
01:10:52,414 --> 01:10:56,252
you miss the opportunity to learn
how to cope with it on your own.
1355
01:10:56,335 --> 01:10:58,295
So there's an opportunity cost
of benzodiazepines.
1356
01:10:58,379 --> 01:11:02,007
I'd say I probably take them
as needed. Um...
1357
01:11:02,091 --> 01:11:03,884
Probably a couple times a month.
1358
01:11:03,968 --> 01:11:07,513
I really think it's more at this point,
"I know I have it if I need it."
1359
01:11:07,596 --> 01:11:10,683
If the diet
and the exercise and the volunteering,
1360
01:11:10,766 --> 01:11:13,018
and if my resources fail,
1361
01:11:13,102 --> 01:11:16,021
or if life ramps up
to an out-of-control level,
1362
01:11:16,105 --> 01:11:17,731
then I've got another tool.
1363
01:11:18,732 --> 01:11:21,235
[Matt] For me, with Xanax,
it never really addressed
1364
01:11:21,318 --> 01:11:24,196
the lingering anxiety
that's just sort of always there.
1365
01:11:24,863 --> 01:11:27,491
And the first time I tried Klonopin,
it was a different feeling.
1366
01:11:27,574 --> 01:11:30,536
Say it's a smoother type
of anxiety relief,
1367
01:11:30,619 --> 01:11:33,914
versus Xanax, which is really like a hit
to the face. It happens fast.
1368
01:11:33,998 --> 01:11:36,375
That's the reason people don't party
on Klonopin.
1369
01:11:36,458 --> 01:11:38,294
Klonopin is not a party drug. [chuckles]
1370
01:11:38,377 --> 01:11:42,715
I still take, um, Lexapro,
which is an SSRI antidepressant,
1371
01:11:42,798 --> 01:11:45,509
um, kind of a... a moderate dosage of that.
1372
01:11:45,592 --> 01:11:49,013
And then I have cut
way, way back on benzos,
1373
01:11:49,096 --> 01:11:51,765
um, to the point
where I try not to take them.
1374
01:11:51,849 --> 01:11:54,935
If you're not confronting
your anxiety head-on, if you're doing it
1375
01:11:55,019 --> 01:11:59,189
mediated through a Xanax that you took,
you're not really confronting it.
1376
01:11:59,273 --> 01:12:01,567
The only way out is through. Really.
1377
01:12:01,650 --> 01:12:04,778
What's gonna get you
on the other side of the anxiety
1378
01:12:04,862 --> 01:12:09,074
is to actually go through it
and experience it and understand it
1379
01:12:09,158 --> 01:12:11,160
and make some sort of peace with it.
1380
01:12:11,243 --> 01:12:12,536
On the other hand,
1381
01:12:12,619 --> 01:12:17,499
there is something awfully stigmatizing
and shaming for someone to say,
1382
01:12:17,583 --> 01:12:20,669
"Pull yourself up by your bootstraps,
just do it," if you can't.
1383
01:12:20,753 --> 01:12:24,757
You wouldn't tell someone with diabetes,
"Make your pancreas work better. Come on!"
1384
01:12:28,927 --> 01:12:31,889
[Audrey] You know... Xanax is obviously
1385
01:12:31,972 --> 01:12:33,557
one of those drugs that
1386
01:12:33,640 --> 01:12:36,268
kind of raise people's eyebrows a bit.
1387
01:12:37,644 --> 01:12:41,940
And there is a part of me, um,
you know, that really resents the fact
1388
01:12:42,024 --> 01:12:45,319
that I need... something
other than myself to help.
1389
01:12:46,195 --> 01:12:47,529
And it's... [sighs]
1390
01:12:47,613 --> 01:12:51,450
I think the stubborn part
of me really doesn't want to be on it, um,
1391
01:12:52,493 --> 01:12:54,328
for an incredibly long time.
1392
01:12:54,411 --> 01:12:57,998
I'd love to be able to figure out
how to do it without... without Xanax,
1393
01:12:58,082 --> 01:13:00,125
but for now, um...
1394
01:13:01,877 --> 01:13:05,839
it has done its job,
and I'm very thankful for it. [laughs]
1395
01:13:05,923 --> 01:13:08,926
What is insidious about benzodiazepines
is how well they work.
1396
01:13:09,009 --> 01:13:13,055
Our society may not be very forgiving
of people who have anxiety or depression,
1397
01:13:13,138 --> 01:13:14,681
but we've all got that inside of us.
1398
01:13:14,765 --> 01:13:18,352
And when people get exposed
to that benzodiazepine for the first time,
1399
01:13:18,435 --> 01:13:19,978
boy, ever does it make it go away.
1400
01:13:20,062 --> 01:13:22,064
And then it sets them up to think,
1401
01:13:22,147 --> 01:13:24,942
"I don't have to feel that way
all the time, so I shouldn't,
1402
01:13:25,025 --> 01:13:26,568
and now I want more benzodiazepines."
1403
01:13:26,652 --> 01:13:28,904
I believe that benzodiazepines erode,
1404
01:13:28,987 --> 01:13:32,157
the resilience that we must rely upon
at some point in our lives
1405
01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:35,869
to manage distress,
anxiety, difficult situations,
1406
01:13:35,953 --> 01:13:38,956
and just the painful aspects
of being a human being.
1407
01:13:39,039 --> 01:13:41,750
Resilience is kind of the key
to everything
1408
01:13:41,834 --> 01:13:43,585
in terms of not just anxiety,
1409
01:13:43,669 --> 01:13:46,255
but mental health generally,
surviving in the world,
1410
01:13:46,338 --> 01:13:50,300
tolerating the existential reality
of the way things are.
1411
01:13:50,884 --> 01:13:54,221
Whether you're talking about living
through Covid, or our own mortality,
1412
01:13:54,304 --> 01:13:56,849
or the fact
that I have an anxiety disorder.
1413
01:13:56,932 --> 01:14:00,144
Acceptance is key.
And the closer you can come to that,
1414
01:14:00,227 --> 01:14:03,564
the closer you will be
to mental health and contentment.
1415
01:14:03,647 --> 01:14:07,234
Looking back on it,
I don't know that I had any anxiety
1416
01:14:07,317 --> 01:14:11,864
that was really any different
than what the average person goes through.
1417
01:14:11,947 --> 01:14:15,075
Just the transition
from high school to college,
1418
01:14:15,784 --> 01:14:18,370
I just felt a little, um, lost.
1419
01:14:18,912 --> 01:14:21,582
One of the first things I did was go
into student health.
1420
01:14:22,082 --> 01:14:27,921
I just vividly remember, you know,
having, a prescription in hand
1421
01:14:28,005 --> 01:14:31,175
and thinking, "I'm an adult now."
1422
01:14:31,258 --> 01:14:34,386
"This is what student health
has recommended that I take,"
1423
01:14:35,137 --> 01:14:36,555
and that's what I did.
1424
01:14:37,389 --> 01:14:38,474
Yeah, life is hard,
1425
01:14:38,557 --> 01:14:41,268
and somehow we've sort of forgotten that,
1426
01:14:41,351 --> 01:14:43,520
and if we're not happy,
then something's wrong,
1427
01:14:43,604 --> 01:14:45,439
and we need to change it or take a pill.
1428
01:14:45,522 --> 01:14:50,444
Our job is not to take away
all of our patients' pain and suffering,
1429
01:14:50,527 --> 01:14:52,905
but to make that suffering tolerable
1430
01:14:53,489 --> 01:14:55,949
so that they can still find
a life worth living.
1431
01:14:56,950 --> 01:15:00,662
There's a phenomenon
in withdrawal called windows.
1432
01:15:02,956 --> 01:15:05,918
This is when your symptoms melt away.
1433
01:15:07,252 --> 01:15:11,215
And I was at the playground with my son,
1434
01:15:11,298 --> 01:15:12,883
just out of nowhere,
1435
01:15:12,966 --> 01:15:15,344
the ringing in my ears went quiet,
1436
01:15:15,427 --> 01:15:18,805
the pressure in my head just vanished.
1437
01:15:19,389 --> 01:15:23,143
And I just had this incredible sense
of calm come over me.
1438
01:15:23,644 --> 01:15:25,562
It was like
something I'd never experienced
1439
01:15:25,646 --> 01:15:26,980
my entire adult life.
1440
01:15:28,065 --> 01:15:32,277
[laughing] And I've been
on a benzodiazepine my entire adult life.
1441
01:15:33,487 --> 01:15:36,365
So if that's what life is like
after benzos,
1442
01:15:37,157 --> 01:15:38,450
I... I can't wait.
1443
01:15:39,535 --> 01:15:41,328
I... I can't wait. [chuckles]
1444
01:15:43,914 --> 01:15:45,832
- [trainer] Let's go.
- [inhales, exhales]
1445
01:15:45,916 --> 01:15:48,627
- Yes! Easy. Yes.
- [grunts loudly]
1446
01:15:49,294 --> 01:15:50,587
- Yes!
- [trainer] Good job.
1447
01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:52,673
- [laughs]
- [trainer talks indistinctly]
1448
01:15:52,756 --> 01:15:54,076
- Yes!
- [trainer] It was awesome.
1449
01:15:54,132 --> 01:15:57,886
[Phoebe] I worked really hard
to change a lot of aspects of my life
1450
01:15:57,970 --> 01:16:01,723
so that I wasn't experiencing anxiety
as intensely.
1451
01:16:01,807 --> 01:16:06,603
Learning how to cope
with the world is a journey.
1452
01:16:06,687 --> 01:16:09,523
It's not something where you take a pill,
and then it's fine.
1453
01:16:09,606 --> 01:16:11,608
It's something
that you learn to do over time,
1454
01:16:11,692 --> 01:16:16,238
and the messy work is what allows me
to show up here looking all cute,
1455
01:16:16,321 --> 01:16:18,574
like I have everything, uh, handled.
1456
01:16:18,657 --> 01:16:21,410
[laughs] Um, there will be times
when I have to go back
1457
01:16:21,493 --> 01:16:23,662
and do more messy work,
and I'm okay with that.
1458
01:16:23,745 --> 01:16:25,998
And... yeah.
1459
01:16:26,832 --> 01:16:28,834
[upbeat instrumental music plays]
1460
01:18:01,843 --> 01:18:03,845
[upbeat instrumental music continues]
1461
01:18:37,045 --> 01:18:40,590
[music fades]