1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:02,572
Let me tell you,
Dar, a collection like

2
00:00:02,606 --> 00:00:04,510
this doesn't come
together overnight.

3
00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:07,014
It took me years of
strategic trades and

4
00:00:07,081 --> 00:00:09,720
a keen eye for value
to put this thing together.

5
00:00:09,753 --> 00:00:12,225
My entire youth is
right here in this binder,

6
00:00:12,325 --> 00:00:15,097
and one day, I plan to
pass it down to you.

7
00:00:15,197 --> 00:00:17,135
Thanks, but I have my own cards.

8
00:00:17,235 --> 00:00:18,771
Yeah, but those aren't
collectibles, okay.

9
00:00:18,871 --> 00:00:21,844
That's a kid's game.
They're basically just UNO cards

10
00:00:21,944 --> 00:00:23,648
with the Japanese
monsters on 'em.

11
00:00:23,681 --> 00:00:24,984
They got no lasting value.

12
00:00:25,017 --> 00:00:26,119
Who cares?
They're fun.

13
00:00:26,186 --> 00:00:27,689
Nah, I'll tell you what's fun.

14
00:00:27,789 --> 00:00:30,662
Turning a card collection into
a vacation house.

15
00:00:30,762 --> 00:00:34,703
Oh...kay... I'd say you're
looking at 40, maybe 50 bucks.

16
00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:36,840
For the uh... that's
for the Wally Joyner?

17
00:00:36,874 --> 00:00:38,476
Uh... no.
The whole collection.

18
00:00:38,577 --> 00:00:39,378
Pfft.

19
00:00:39,579 --> 00:00:41,584
That can't be right, dude.
These are vintage.

20
00:00:41,617 --> 00:00:43,053
Vintage Junk Wax Era--

21
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,389
Late '80s, early '90s, they

22
00:00:44,422 --> 00:00:46,092
overprinted the
hell out of these.

23
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:48,263
Unless you've got
big-name rookies,

24
00:00:48,297 --> 00:00:50,167
rare errors, or PSA 10 inserts,

25
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,404
these are worth a big, fat NADA.

26
00:00:52,505 --> 00:00:54,375
Alright you know what?
Forget it. Give me this.

27
00:00:54,475 --> 00:00:56,279
I'll be back, pal.
With a collection

28
00:00:56,345 --> 00:00:58,483
worth more than this
whole frickin' shop.

29
00:00:58,584 --> 00:00:59,485
Let's go, Dar.

30
00:00:59,519 --> 00:01:01,289
We've wasted enough
of this dork's time.

31
00:01:01,389 --> 00:01:03,728
No way!
Firetail Scorpionyx!

32
00:01:03,761 --> 00:01:05,164
Oh, sick!

33
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:07,234
I'll give you $150
for that right now.

34
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:10,106
Alright, you know what?
Screw the whole frickin' planet.

35
00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:14,415
♪ Well, I used to work
in hot dog factory ♪

36
00:01:14,517 --> 00:01:16,419
♪ until them
robots came along, ♪

37
00:01:16,521 --> 00:01:18,323
♪ and now there is no
job for me, ♪

38
00:01:18,423 --> 00:01:20,728
♪ but I get three thousand
bucks a month. ♪

39
00:01:20,762 --> 00:01:25,336
♪ Thanks to UBI.

40
00:01:25,437 --> 00:01:28,945
♪ Now we're Universal
Basic Guys. ♪

41
00:01:28,978 --> 00:01:33,921
♪ It may not sound like much,
but we're still gonna try. ♪

42
00:01:34,055 --> 00:01:37,895
♪ We're just Universal
Basic Guys. ♪

43
00:01:42,004 --> 00:01:43,507
Oh man, this is fun, Mark.

44
00:01:43,541 --> 00:01:46,178
Splittin' a box of cards.
It's like we're kids again.

45
00:01:46,278 --> 00:01:48,617
Except the uh, packs cost
five times as much.

46
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,589
Oh my G-- Are you serious?
Another Mark Canha?

47
00:01:50,622 --> 00:01:53,460
How many frickin' Mark Canha's
are in this set?

48
00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:55,164
Hey, look. Mark!
I got an Aaron Judge!

49
00:01:55,264 --> 00:01:57,067
Holy crap?!
Rookie card?!

50
00:01:57,134 --> 00:01:58,436
I mean... yeah, it's not bad.

51
00:01:58,470 --> 00:02:00,006
Rookie card's pretty valuable,
right?

52
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:00,875
Ah, it depends.

53
00:02:00,975 --> 00:02:02,646
A lot of people don't
like rookie cards

54
00:02:02,679 --> 00:02:05,183
because you know... they don't
got any stats, so...

55
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,352
- Oh. True.
- Tell ya what.

56
00:02:06,452 --> 00:02:07,388
I'm feelin' generous...

57
00:02:07,522 --> 00:02:11,329
You give me that Aaron
Judge and I'll give you...

58
00:02:11,362 --> 00:02:14,603
Man... Shouldn't do this.
Should not do this.

59
00:02:14,703 --> 00:02:16,574
But uh...
I'll give you this bad boy.

60
00:02:16,607 --> 00:02:20,548
1990, near mint,
Baltimore Orioles sticker card

61
00:02:20,581 --> 00:02:22,986
with the old school,
cartoon logo.

62
00:02:23,086 --> 00:02:24,757
Ooooh. That's nice.

63
00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:27,127
But Aaron Judge does hit a lot
of home runs.

64
00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:28,129
Alright, I'll tell you what--

65
00:02:28,196 --> 00:02:30,434
I'll throw in this uh,
checklist card, okay.

66
00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:32,404
It's like 40 cards
in one right there.

67
00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:33,508
Whoa...

68
00:02:33,541 --> 00:02:35,177
Ah, dammit.
These frickin' guys again.

69
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:36,881
They've been here all week,
making a ruckus.

70
00:02:36,981 --> 00:02:39,986
Hey yo! Would you stop yappin'?
We're doin' business over here!

71
00:02:40,086 --> 00:02:42,224
C'mon, Mark.
Be nice. I like crows.

72
00:02:42,257 --> 00:02:43,493
No, they're annoying.

73
00:02:43,694 --> 00:02:46,232
So, we doin' this or what, okay?
It's a limited time offer.

74
00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:47,301
Yeah, okay.

75
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,303
Ah, it's a good trade,
dude.

76
00:02:48,604 --> 00:02:50,709
You're really sharpening your
instincts, lemme tell you.

77
00:02:50,742 --> 00:02:53,213
Yo! What the hell?!
Hey! Drop it! Hey!

78
00:02:53,246 --> 00:02:54,583
You think that's funny?!

79
00:02:54,616 --> 00:02:56,587
Yo gimme that
frickin' card back!

80
00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:57,923
Gah!

81
00:02:57,956 --> 00:02:59,358
Oh, be careful, Mark.

82
00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:01,229
I hear crows hold long grudges.

83
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:02,364
Yeah well so do I.

84
00:03:02,464 --> 00:03:03,801
Yeah, that's right!

85
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,572
Frickin' sky rats.

86
00:03:05,839 --> 00:03:07,742
Uh... hey Mark.

87
00:03:08,009 --> 00:03:09,712
Oh come on! Dammit!

88
00:03:09,879 --> 00:03:11,249
Ugh, stupid birds...ah.

89
00:03:11,382 --> 00:03:12,685
Maybe just leave them alone.

90
00:03:12,718 --> 00:03:15,691
No. It's been three days
of non-stop harassment.

91
00:03:15,791 --> 00:03:17,261
Do you wanna
spend the rest of our

92
00:03:17,361 --> 00:03:18,731
lives in a frickin'
Hitchcock movie?

93
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:21,001
So what, you're gonna shoot
them with a water gun?

94
00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:21,903
That's the plan?

95
00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:24,509
Uh, it's not just a "water gun,"
Tam, okay?

96
00:03:24,542 --> 00:03:30,955
This is the Rainreaper AR-9000
Tactical... Hydro Rifle.

97
00:03:33,026 --> 00:03:34,028
Ah!

98
00:03:34,162 --> 00:03:36,767
There we go.
Let's do this.

99
00:03:40,173 --> 00:03:42,377
Hey, Mark!
I got some more cards!

100
00:03:43,079 --> 00:03:44,281
Where's Mark?

101
00:03:46,386 --> 00:03:47,622
Mark? What are you doing?

102
00:03:47,723 --> 00:03:48,757
Shh, yo. Get down.

103
00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:49,960
What's going on?

104
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,830
- War.
- Oh. With who?

105
00:03:52,264 --> 00:03:53,801
Crows.

106
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,236
Oh.

107
00:03:55,638 --> 00:03:56,773
Go time.

108
00:03:56,907 --> 00:03:59,344
♪ [action] ♪

109
00:03:59,779 --> 00:04:01,248
Hey scumbags!

110
00:04:02,017 --> 00:04:03,788
Time for a bird bath!

111
00:04:03,821 --> 00:04:06,325
Yeah, you like that?

112
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,278
Fall back, fall back!

113
00:04:17,916 --> 00:04:19,218
Just a temporary setback.

114
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:22,090
This is a war of attrition,
okay. No backing down.

115
00:04:22,191 --> 00:04:23,192
The hell is that?

116
00:04:23,226 --> 00:04:24,362
Oh it's a snack.

117
00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:25,698
Here you go, birdies.

118
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,504
Why are you feeding them, dude?
They're never gonna leave now!

119
00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:33,714
Well good riddance, you
frickin' uh, winged degenerates.

120
00:04:33,748 --> 00:04:35,484
C'mon Mark.
They're good birds.

121
00:04:35,618 --> 00:04:36,853
They're just misunderstood.

122
00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:38,724
And they're back.

123
00:04:39,024 --> 00:04:41,329
This is exactly why you don't
negotiate with terrorists.

124
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:43,734
Wait a minute. It's got
something in its mouth.

125
00:04:44,302 --> 00:04:45,738
I think it's a gift.

126
00:04:45,838 --> 00:04:47,374
Oh, my God.

127
00:04:47,408 --> 00:04:48,744
I stand corrected.

128
00:04:48,844 --> 00:04:51,850
This is exactly why you
negotiate with terrorists.

129
00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:54,656
And Darren playing
his second Scorpionyx,

130
00:04:54,756 --> 00:04:57,595
knocks out Ji Hoon's Plagueworm
for damage +6.

131
00:04:57,628 --> 00:05:00,266
Solid turn but, is
it too little too late?

132
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,903
What's Ji Hoon gonna do?

133
00:05:01,937 --> 00:05:05,110
Summon... Phoenix...
Voltura... Gold Edition.

134
00:05:05,143 --> 00:05:06,278
Ohhh.

135
00:05:06,378 --> 00:05:08,717
Cast Double Rush and attack
with Hellhoof.

136
00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:10,020
Oh!!!

137
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:10,922
Holy macaroni!

138
00:05:11,322 --> 00:05:14,530
Ji Hoon with a knockout blow
on a D-Rush Hellhoof combo!

139
00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:16,498
That's the eighth
win in a row for

140
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:19,472
Ji Hoon, who will be taking
home the "Black Obelisk!"

141
00:05:19,573 --> 00:05:20,474
Wow!

142
00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:22,110
Oh man that thing is sweet.

143
00:05:22,244 --> 00:05:23,781
Bro, this kid's unbeatable, and

144
00:05:23,815 --> 00:05:26,385
now he cops a Black Obelisk.
Rich get richer.

145
00:05:26,385 --> 00:05:28,958
Dude, you got a solid deck.

146
00:05:28,991 --> 00:05:30,260
Okay? Keep your head up.

147
00:05:30,293 --> 00:05:32,431
That kid Charlie from
Willy Wonka wasn't

148
00:05:32,464 --> 00:05:34,167
rich but all it took was one

149
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,506
sick pull and bam!
Golden Ticket.

150
00:05:38,644 --> 00:05:39,946
Whoa. What's going on here?

151
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,320
Oh, I'm just educating myself on
these incredible animals.

152
00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:46,894
Not enough people appreciate the
intricate intelligence of birds.

153
00:05:47,027 --> 00:05:48,196
It's really astonishing.

154
00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:50,635
Alright. Ken Griffey uh, Senior.

155
00:05:50,668 --> 00:05:52,939
Alright, we're getting close.
Were getting closer.

156
00:05:53,039 --> 00:05:54,041
Nice work, Cam.

157
00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:54,976
[caw]

158
00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:56,713
Wow. You're like a
regular Cinderella.

159
00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:58,382
Oh yeah.
I'm a big crow guy now.

160
00:05:58,416 --> 00:06:00,253
They actually got a pretty
complex language.

161
00:06:00,287 --> 00:06:01,690
I've been learning it.
And I've been

162
00:06:01,724 --> 00:06:03,794
training them to find
the valuable cards.

163
00:06:04,429 --> 00:06:05,497
No frickin' way, yo.

164
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,602
That's a no joke
card right there.

165
00:06:07,636 --> 00:06:10,140
Nice job, buddy!
There we go.

166
00:06:10,173 --> 00:06:11,911
Ay. Whoa. C'mon dude.
Give it.

167
00:06:12,011 --> 00:06:13,346
[caw caw caw]

168
00:06:13,447 --> 00:06:14,783
What's he saying?

169
00:06:14,816 --> 00:06:17,320
Says he wants more than food.
Hm.

170
00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:20,059
He wants us to do them a favor?

171
00:06:22,030 --> 00:06:24,502
Uhh... I don't know, Mark.
This seems a little sketchy.

172
00:06:24,569 --> 00:06:25,838
Hank, it's just a
scarecrow, okay?

173
00:06:25,905 --> 00:06:27,742
The farmer's not even gonna
know it's gone.

174
00:06:27,876 --> 00:06:30,380
It just... seems like a little
much for a football card.

175
00:06:30,414 --> 00:06:33,186
Hank... this isn't
about the cards.

176
00:06:33,419 --> 00:06:34,690
It's about the crows.

177
00:06:34,756 --> 00:06:36,893
Sure, we look at a
scarecrow and we think

178
00:06:36,926 --> 00:06:40,466
it's just a weird straw
guy, but to them-- it's fear.

179
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,770
It's rejection.

180
00:06:41,871 --> 00:06:43,841
How would you feel
if you walked into

181
00:06:43,874 --> 00:06:45,644
a restaurant and
there was a ScareHank

182
00:06:45,744 --> 00:06:47,481
standing at the host stand?

183
00:06:47,515 --> 00:06:49,686
Uh... pretty weirded out.

184
00:06:49,786 --> 00:06:50,721
Exactly.

185
00:06:50,754 --> 00:06:52,859
But I got no doubt
that if you asked those

186
00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:56,365
crows to destroy it for you,
they would in a heartbeat.

187
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:57,535
You know why?

188
00:06:57,769 --> 00:06:59,471
Because they're
good birds, Hank.

189
00:06:59,706 --> 00:07:00,975
They're good birds.

190
00:07:01,175 --> 00:07:02,812
Yeah... okay.

191
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,101
Darren?

192
00:07:15,605 --> 00:07:16,807
What are you doing?

193
00:07:16,907 --> 00:07:18,977
Oh just... clearing
out that robin's nest.

194
00:07:19,077 --> 00:07:19,913
Uhh... what?

195
00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:21,984
Nice job there, Darren.
Here ya go.

196
00:07:22,084 --> 00:07:23,754
Sick.
Thanks, Mark.

197
00:07:23,787 --> 00:07:25,925
Hey, don't thank me.
Thank the crows.

198
00:07:26,025 --> 00:07:28,229
Why are you dressed
like Alice Cooper?

199
00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:30,501
Yeah, going for
more of a dark vibe.

200
00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:32,538
Dr. Michael Chalupa
says it relaxes

201
00:07:32,572 --> 00:07:34,408
them and helps them form a bond.

202
00:07:34,442 --> 00:07:36,078
Barry Bonds, baby.

203
00:07:36,211 --> 00:07:39,117
Small price to pay for ripping
out David's wind chimes.

204
00:07:39,217 --> 00:07:40,420
Uh... What?

205
00:07:40,454 --> 00:07:42,157
Yeah, apparently it,
uh, sound annoys him.

206
00:07:42,291 --> 00:07:43,092
I dunno.

207
00:07:43,226 --> 00:07:45,297
- Oh, speaking of which...
- What's this?

208
00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:47,669
That, my friend,
is a Topps Mascot

209
00:07:47,769 --> 00:07:50,340
Legend Phanatic
Game-Worn Fur Edition.

210
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,747
The boys want to say thanks for
y'know, handling the scarecrow.

211
00:07:53,847 --> 00:07:55,183
Oh, okay.

212
00:07:55,217 --> 00:07:58,389
Dude the cards they're
bringing me, unbelievable.

213
00:07:58,389 --> 00:08:00,160
See, it's all about
"conditioning."

214
00:08:00,193 --> 00:08:03,534
If they do something for me,
I reinforce the behavior.

215
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,538
It's animal psychology 101.

216
00:08:05,604 --> 00:08:06,807
Yeah. Right.

217
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,409
Hey, Hank, you
mind, uh, running out

218
00:08:08,510 --> 00:08:10,146
and grabbing some
more of the trail mix?

219
00:08:10,246 --> 00:08:11,583
Uh... sure.

220
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:12,652
Awesome, bud, 'preciate it.

221
00:08:12,852 --> 00:08:16,225
Oh, uh, get the, uh, premium
kind with the macadamia nuts.

222
00:08:16,258 --> 00:08:18,831
The crows actually have pretty
refined palates.

223
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:21,770
Frickin' crows.
Gotta love 'em.

224
00:08:22,104 --> 00:08:24,642
Caw, caw. Caw, caw.

225
00:08:25,110 --> 00:08:26,479
Summon Glowdiver.

226
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:30,353
Deal 3 damage to all your
water 'Mons. Boom.

227
00:08:30,454 --> 00:08:31,957
Not bad. Not bad.

228
00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:34,762
I guess I'll have to just play
this little guy.

229
00:08:35,196 --> 00:08:35,998
Black Obelisk.

230
00:08:36,065 --> 00:08:38,402
Oh, no way!
You got a Black Obelisk?

231
00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:39,573
That's insane!

232
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,608
Where'd you get that?

233
00:08:41,008 --> 00:08:45,450
Uh, my stepdad got it for me
for doing... chores. Why?

234
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:47,487
- Mine was stolen.
- Stolen?

235
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:49,124
Yeah. I was playing
in my backyard and

236
00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:52,197
some bird just snatched
it right out of my hand.

237
00:08:52,297 --> 00:08:55,203
Oh... uh... that's weird.

238
00:08:58,510 --> 00:09:00,013
Uh... Mark?

239
00:09:00,046 --> 00:09:01,717
Yo yo, my crow bro.

240
00:09:01,717 --> 00:09:04,388
I uh, didn't think you were
a jewelry guy.

241
00:09:04,488 --> 00:09:06,392
Ah, you know, a
little gift from the boys.

242
00:09:06,492 --> 00:09:08,163
That's, uh... not your name.

243
00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:09,065
Eh, close enough.

244
00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:12,872
Yeah. Uh, can I talk to you?
In private?

245
00:09:13,006 --> 00:09:15,277
Uh, I mean, I'm not sure what
you can't say in front of the

246
00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:18,817
most loyal, trustworthy birds
ever, but okay.

247
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:20,721
Sup?

248
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:24,061
I'm starting to think that
these uh... aren't good birds.

249
00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:25,798
Aw come on, Hank.
You said it yourself.

250
00:09:25,831 --> 00:09:27,267
They're just misunderstood.

251
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,470
What the hell, Mark?

252
00:09:28,571 --> 00:09:29,773
Did the crows steal this card?

253
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:30,808
What?
What're you talking about?

254
00:09:31,108 --> 00:09:33,881
Ji Hoon said that his Black
Obelisk was stolen by a bird.

255
00:09:33,881 --> 00:09:37,221
Pfft! Yeah, no way, okay.
Must've been a uh, robin.

256
00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:38,322
I dunno, Mark, uh...

257
00:09:38,389 --> 00:09:40,628
where do you think they're
getting all these cards?

258
00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:42,297
Uh. Landfills?
Dead people's houses?

259
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:44,669
I dunno. Listen,
they're still wild animals.

260
00:09:44,702 --> 00:09:46,372
Just 'cause I'm training
them doesn't

261
00:09:46,405 --> 00:09:47,642
mean I control
everything they do.

262
00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:49,545
Well maybe you should uh, stop.

263
00:09:49,579 --> 00:09:51,181
I mean... how many
cards do you need?

264
00:09:51,315 --> 00:09:54,756
Hank, I took a lot of pride in
that card collection, okay.

265
00:09:54,789 --> 00:09:56,793
Do you know how
insulting it is for some

266
00:09:56,826 --> 00:09:58,964
nerd with a spreadsheet
to tell me that my

267
00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:01,703
entire youth was
wasted collecting junk?

268
00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:03,941
These crows, they're not just
bringing me cards--

269
00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:06,278
they're helping me
take back what's mine.

270
00:10:06,378 --> 00:10:08,049
I deserve these cards.

271
00:10:08,082 --> 00:10:11,823
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta
be at town hall in 20 minutes.

272
00:10:11,856 --> 00:10:13,861
I'm pitching to town
council to classify

273
00:10:13,928 --> 00:10:16,098
Blue Jays as an
invasive species.

274
00:10:16,432 --> 00:10:18,002
Yeahhhh...

275
00:10:20,708 --> 00:10:24,716
Uh yeah, hi is this the uh,
Princeton Ornithi-

276
00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:27,788
.. Ornit-logical... D--
Bird Department?

277
00:10:27,822 --> 00:10:32,063
Uh. Can I speak with a uh...
Dr. Michael Chalupa?

278
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,234
The aquarium?

279
00:10:42,818 --> 00:10:44,990
Uh... excuse me?
Uh, sir?

280
00:10:45,023 --> 00:10:48,329
For the last time, I'm not
diddling the rays.

281
00:10:48,429 --> 00:10:50,701
I'm studying its cloaca.

282
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:53,439
Uh... eh, it's about crows?

283
00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:55,644
I don't know
anything about crows.

284
00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,582
But aren't you
Dr. Michael Chalupa?

285
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,318
I go by Fred Fries now.

286
00:10:59,351 --> 00:11:01,856
Oh uh, sorry, er, Dr. Fries.

287
00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:04,763
Uh... So, I kinda need your help
with some crows.

288
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:07,868
I study only coastal reef and
sandbar animals now.

289
00:11:07,902 --> 00:11:09,873
Well, it's just, uh... y'know,
my brother, he uh,

290
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:12,746
I think he's going down a
bad path ever since he started

291
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,584
training crows to bring
him baseball cards.

292
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,088
He's not training those crows.

293
00:11:18,623 --> 00:11:20,928
They're training him.

294
00:11:20,961 --> 00:11:21,763
What?

295
00:11:22,197 --> 00:11:26,506
In my past life, I was the
world's foremost crow expert.

296
00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:29,411
I lived among them.
Wrote the book.

297
00:11:29,444 --> 00:11:33,620
But even I didn't grasp how
diabolical they were.

298
00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:38,162
They find your weakness.
For me, it was Lego.

299
00:11:38,229 --> 00:11:39,498
- Legos?
- No!

300
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,268
The plural of Lego is Lego.

301
00:11:41,703 --> 00:11:45,343
It started small.
A few random bricks.

302
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:48,751
Soon they were bringing me
all kinds of rare pieces.

303
00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,655
Modulars and the like.

304
00:11:50,688 --> 00:11:52,926
But then they wanted
more than cashews.

305
00:11:53,026 --> 00:11:56,098
And I started doing things
that still haunt me--

306
00:11:56,198 --> 00:11:59,639
They wanted me to destroy
my neighbor's fake owl.

307
00:11:59,739 --> 00:12:01,308
Smash a raven's nest.

308
00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:02,678
Burn a scarecrow.

309
00:12:02,778 --> 00:12:06,653
Then one day, they invited me
to their roost.

310
00:12:06,753 --> 00:12:09,993
Said I was to become
their "Crowmaster"

311
00:12:10,093 --> 00:12:13,199
And they brought me the minifig
I most coveted:

312
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,203
Cloud City Boba Fett.

313
00:12:15,370 --> 00:12:21,783
But in return, they asked me to
do something... unspeakable.

314
00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:24,054
It was a bridge too far.

315
00:12:24,121 --> 00:12:25,389
I refused.

316
00:12:25,524 --> 00:12:28,930
And in return,
they took my eyes!

317
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,805
Now go!
I've already said too much.

318
00:12:32,905 --> 00:12:34,108
Wait, but I...

319
00:12:34,208 --> 00:12:36,278
Listen! Unless you want to
hear how a starfish's

320
00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:38,416
anus also functions
as its mouth...

321
00:12:38,449 --> 00:12:40,554
I suggest you get out!

322
00:12:44,829 --> 00:12:46,733
Mark!
Mark?

323
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:47,902
Hank?

324
00:12:48,002 --> 00:12:49,873
Hey Tammy, have you seen Mark?

325
00:12:49,973 --> 00:12:51,341
Yeah, he left a while ago.

326
00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:53,112
I told him he needed
to get rid of those

327
00:12:53,212 --> 00:12:55,216
crows so they stopped
pooping on the garage.

328
00:12:55,249 --> 00:12:57,053
He had a tantrum
and stormed off.

329
00:12:57,086 --> 00:12:58,757
- Where'd he go?
- I don't know.

330
00:12:58,857 --> 00:13:01,061
Some new bar or something
called The Roost.

331
00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:02,196
Oh no.

332
00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:05,872
Uh, Dr. Chalupa--

333
00:13:05,938 --> 00:13:08,342
I mean uh... Fred Fries?

334
00:13:08,475 --> 00:13:09,946
I really need your help.

335
00:13:09,979 --> 00:13:11,115
What did I tell you?

336
00:13:11,148 --> 00:13:13,754
But uh-- My brother,
He's at The Roost.

337
00:13:13,754 --> 00:13:15,724
Then it's already too late.

338
00:13:15,824 --> 00:13:17,528
Oh man. Alright, well...

339
00:13:17,628 --> 00:13:21,101
I brought you something just to,
uh, y'know, say thanks.

340
00:13:23,306 --> 00:13:24,809
Cloud City Boba Fett...

341
00:13:24,842 --> 00:13:26,980
Oh actually, it's just a
regular uh--

342
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,384
Alright. Let's go.

343
00:13:30,086 --> 00:13:31,188
What?

344
00:13:34,495 --> 00:13:37,500
[clicking]

345
00:13:37,902 --> 00:13:39,037
What are you doing?

346
00:13:39,104 --> 00:13:41,576
Echolocation.
I see with sound.

347
00:13:41,643 --> 00:13:42,811
Oh. Gotcha, yeah.

348
00:13:42,912 --> 00:13:45,884
Cause, y'know I'm uh,
happy to drive.

349
00:13:45,918 --> 00:13:47,053
There's no time.

350
00:13:47,154 --> 00:13:49,559
So, uh, why'd you
change your name?

351
00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:50,694
Witness Crow-tection.

352
00:13:50,794 --> 00:13:52,430
Witness Crow-tection?

353
00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:55,738
After years of relentless
harassment, I lost everything.

354
00:13:55,838 --> 00:13:57,976
I had nothing left
but vengeance.

355
00:13:58,009 --> 00:14:00,313
But hate, it takes a toll.

356
00:14:00,346 --> 00:14:02,718
One day I realized
I was no better

357
00:14:02,751 --> 00:14:05,056
than the crows I so reviled.

358
00:14:05,156 --> 00:14:09,732
Resolved to move on,
I became Fred Fries.

359
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,468
Oh, wow.

360
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:12,838
Whoa, whoa! Watch it!

361
00:14:13,439 --> 00:14:17,146
Sorry.
Forgot I can't talk and drive.

362
00:14:24,695 --> 00:14:28,102
♪ [eerie]

363
00:14:30,674 --> 00:14:33,980
Caw caw.

364
00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:40,427
A special gift, for
a special friend.

365
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:41,262
Oh, nice.

366
00:14:41,362 --> 00:14:43,198
Is this like uh...
Baltimore Ravens

367
00:14:43,232 --> 00:14:45,770
feather-cut limited
edition Lamar Jackson?

368
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:47,908
It's a feather.

369
00:14:47,975 --> 00:14:49,077
Oh. Okay.

370
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:51,482
This feather is
our highest honor.

371
00:14:51,549 --> 00:14:53,252
A symbol of our bond.

372
00:14:53,319 --> 00:14:55,858
The Council of the
Marlton Murder has

373
00:14:55,958 --> 00:14:59,565
chosen you to become...
our human champion...

374
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,536
The Crow Master.

375
00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,574
Caw, caw.
Caw, caw.

376
00:15:03,741 --> 00:15:04,842
Oh nice.
Appreciate that.

377
00:15:04,943 --> 00:15:05,778
It's a huge honor.

378
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:10,253
But first... you must pass a
final test of loyalty.

379
00:15:10,888 --> 00:15:13,091
Okay that's uh... questionable.

380
00:15:13,191 --> 00:15:17,602
This intruder was found
encroaching on our territory.

381
00:15:17,702 --> 00:15:19,973
He killed three of our brothers.

382
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:23,379
You must take care of this...
monster.

383
00:15:23,412 --> 00:15:25,851
Oh yeah no problem, dude.
Always wanted a pet eagle.

384
00:15:25,851 --> 00:15:30,259
No. You must
shoot it in the face.

385
00:15:30,861 --> 00:15:32,230
Oh.

386
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,369
We're here.

387
00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:36,372
Barnes & Noble?

388
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:40,413
Closest thing this town has to
an abandoned clock tower.

389
00:15:40,881 --> 00:15:42,117
Ice Falcon attacks.

390
00:15:42,217 --> 00:15:43,987
Four damage to your Mummy Snake.

391
00:15:44,021 --> 00:15:46,224
Your move, Darren.
Just go ahead.

392
00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:48,095
Play your Black
Obelisk and end it.

393
00:15:48,796 --> 00:15:52,905
[sigh] Listen Ji Hoon, that card
might actually be yours.

394
00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:55,009
- Here.
- Oh wow.

395
00:15:55,109 --> 00:15:56,311
Thanks man.

396
00:15:57,013 --> 00:15:59,317
Nah, you have it.

397
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:00,286
What?

398
00:16:00,353 --> 00:16:02,357
Look. I appreciate
you being honest, but

399
00:16:02,457 --> 00:16:05,029
the truth is, I already
have a ton of good cards.

400
00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:06,533
You deserve it man.

401
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,071
Oh... um... thanks.

402
00:16:09,171 --> 00:16:12,010
Well uh, I guess I play
Black Obelisk then.

403
00:16:12,043 --> 00:16:14,014
Darren, dropping the hammer.

404
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,619
That deals six damage
across the board.

405
00:16:16,619 --> 00:16:18,422
Or does it?

406
00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:20,393
Noooo!

407
00:16:20,426 --> 00:16:22,932
Ji Hoon counters
and reverses with the

408
00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:25,203
ultra-rare White
Obelisk for the win!

409
00:16:25,336 --> 00:16:28,141
I've never even seen that card
in real life!

410
00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:29,912
Okay, I'm done.

411
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:31,716
Can I just sell this?

412
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,354
What's this?

413
00:16:34,387 --> 00:16:37,094
A wire.
So I can translate for you.

414
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,599
Alright.
Going in.

415
00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:40,499
Are you out of your mind?

416
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,236
No human can just
walk into the roost.

417
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:43,339
They'll eat you alive.

418
00:16:43,372 --> 00:16:46,411
Oh.
Uh... so what's the plan?

419
00:16:56,132 --> 00:16:59,538
Alright.
Now just act like you belong.

420
00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:02,578
Oh, uh... hello.

421
00:17:04,347 --> 00:17:07,554
Uh... Squawk, squawk, squawk?

422
00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:08,657
Nice feathers.

423
00:17:08,757 --> 00:17:12,097
Dammit, Hank!
You can't speak English! Caw!

424
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:13,566
Oh. Right.
Sorry.

425
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,535
Repeat after me.

426
00:17:14,802 --> 00:17:17,173
And it's very important you say
exactly what I say.

427
00:17:17,206 --> 00:17:19,077
Now remember, I'm an expert.

428
00:17:19,110 --> 00:17:20,180
Copy. yeah.

429
00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:23,452
Caw, caw.
Caw, caw, caw.

430
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:32,436
Caw, caw, caw.

431
00:17:34,509 --> 00:17:37,548
I dunno, man.
This uh... it's kinda messed up.

432
00:17:37,648 --> 00:17:40,186
Can I just drive it to Canada or
something?

433
00:17:40,286 --> 00:17:42,891
Perhaps we can sweeten the deal.

434
00:17:43,693 --> 00:17:46,264
Dude... No way.
You gotta be kidding me.

435
00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:50,039
That's the uh--
1990-91 Hoops #205.

436
00:17:50,106 --> 00:17:51,742
Mark Jackson.

437
00:17:51,842 --> 00:17:53,747
Menendez brothers courtside.

438
00:17:53,847 --> 00:17:55,951
Signed by Eric and Lyle.

439
00:17:55,984 --> 00:17:57,319
Cam...

440
00:17:57,754 --> 00:18:00,459
Ah-ah-ah.
Not yet.

441
00:18:00,594 --> 00:18:02,030
Business first.

442
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:04,301
Oh no.
I gotta do something.

443
00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:06,839
We're too late.
Get out of there!

444
00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,509
[sigh] Man...

445
00:18:10,647 --> 00:18:12,652
Mark!
Don't do it!

446
00:18:13,019 --> 00:18:15,189
You fool!
You're a dead man!

447
00:18:15,222 --> 00:18:17,326
- Hank?
- They're manipulating you.

448
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:19,231
Come on, dude.
You see this card?

449
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:20,934
- I'm training them.
- No.

450
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:22,604
They're training you.

451
00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:26,145
Don't listen to him.

452
00:18:26,178 --> 00:18:28,883
We have what in
nature is referred

453
00:18:28,917 --> 00:18:31,288
to as a
"symbiotic relationship."

454
00:18:31,321 --> 00:18:33,694
We help each other
get what we want.

455
00:18:33,794 --> 00:18:35,964
Mark, it's not just about value.

456
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:37,300
It's about the cost.

457
00:18:37,434 --> 00:18:39,171
Is having expensive cards really

458
00:18:39,204 --> 00:18:41,175
worth shooting an
eagle in the face?

459
00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:43,079
The real value
of cards is the fun

460
00:18:43,179 --> 00:18:46,384
times we spend together
building out collections.

461
00:18:47,187 --> 00:18:49,926
Yeah...
I can't do this.

462
00:18:50,026 --> 00:18:51,829
But I thought we were brothers.

463
00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:53,733
Nah, I already got a brother.

464
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:56,940
And he doesn't make me kill
eagles for trading cards.

465
00:18:57,073 --> 00:18:59,645
Shame.
Sheryl Crow--

466
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:05,790
... Peck his eyes out.

467
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:13,438
[bang!] I don't negotiate
with terrorists.

468
00:19:16,211 --> 00:19:18,382
Uh... yeah, this isn't good.

469
00:19:20,052 --> 00:19:21,254
Dammit!

470
00:19:33,044 --> 00:19:35,382
Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

471
00:19:35,416 --> 00:19:37,821
They're actually pretty weak!
Just keep punching them.

472
00:19:37,921 --> 00:19:39,124
They've got hollow bones.

473
00:19:39,257 --> 00:19:42,463
I don't know if I can hold them
off much longer, Mark.

474
00:19:42,999 --> 00:19:45,603
Caw!

475
00:19:47,173 --> 00:19:50,145
Ha ha ha ha.

476
00:19:50,179 --> 00:19:52,584
Hello old friends.

477
00:19:52,618 --> 00:19:54,120
Chalupa.

478
00:19:54,154 --> 00:19:56,258
I come with a peace offering.

479
00:19:56,291 --> 00:19:59,030
Ultra-premium
Kirkland Brand trail

480
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:01,802
mix with Goji
berries, raw peanuts,

481
00:20:01,902 --> 00:20:04,775
and truffle-infused cashews.

482
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,860
Caw caw caw caw.

483
00:20:14,729 --> 00:20:16,365
Argh!

484
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:17,333
Run!

485
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,003
Wait but what about--

486
00:20:19,036 --> 00:20:20,072
Go!
Now!

487
00:20:20,173 --> 00:20:21,408
Um Hank, let's go!

488
00:20:21,509 --> 00:20:23,880
Go. C'mon. We gotta go.

489
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:29,490
Time for a little..
quid pro Crow.

490
00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:31,361
No!

491
00:20:39,812 --> 00:20:41,750
Fly eagles fly.

492
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:42,951
Go Birds.

493
00:20:47,426 --> 00:20:48,797
I gotta say, uh...
Really nice of

494
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,168
Chalupa to die
for us and whatnot.

495
00:20:51,301 --> 00:20:52,237
Solid dude.
Solid dude.

496
00:20:52,538 --> 00:20:55,877
Yeah, and I really enjoyed his
posthumously published book.

497
00:20:56,011 --> 00:21:00,019
Alright... so I gotta say, this
new box has some juicy pulls.

498
00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:02,891
I'd say uh... sixty bucks.

499
00:21:02,925 --> 00:21:03,960
Sixty bucks?!

500
00:21:04,094 --> 00:21:05,363
Yeah, well... they're beaked.

501
00:21:05,396 --> 00:21:07,601
Beaked?
Ah, dammit!

502
00:21:07,702 --> 00:21:09,470
You uh... might not wanna
keep your

503
00:21:09,571 --> 00:21:11,441
collection near your
pet parakeet.

504
00:21:11,474 --> 00:21:13,947
Holy...
is that what I think it is?

505
00:21:14,047 --> 00:21:14,849
The puzzle card?

506
00:21:15,249 --> 00:21:18,122
Oh yeah, I think that's the
San Diego Chicken's uh, leg.

507
00:21:18,155 --> 00:21:19,658
No!
This checklist!

508
00:21:19,658 --> 00:21:20,627
Wait... what?

509
00:21:20,661 --> 00:21:23,065
No. This is it.
W-wow. See?

510
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,902
Boston Red... Cox?

511
00:21:24,969 --> 00:21:27,641
Bingo! I think they only printed
twelve of these things.

512
00:21:27,741 --> 00:21:30,412
I'll give you $900 for
this right now.