1 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,678 Oh man, this thing drives unbelievable. 2 00:00:05,712 --> 00:00:07,315 Got the power, the handling-- 3 00:00:07,348 --> 00:00:10,555 woo, this is pure American engineering right here. 4 00:00:10,588 --> 00:00:11,957 Yeah I don't know, Mark. 5 00:00:12,091 --> 00:00:14,429 Don't you think the car's a little... wide? 6 00:00:14,462 --> 00:00:16,801 Yeah, the girth is the signature design feature 7 00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:19,973 of the Dodge Chode. Never felt so connected to the road. 8 00:00:20,007 --> 00:00:22,077 Yeah, because you take up all of it. 9 00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:24,215 Come on man! 10 00:00:24,248 --> 00:00:25,985 Ugh. Hate these frickin' cyclists riding 11 00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:27,355 around like they own the road. 12 00:00:27,388 --> 00:00:29,560 We get it pal, okay. You're saving a planet. Pfft. 13 00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:33,099 Not everyone wants to drive a storage unit on wheels, Mark. 14 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,335 Of course they do, Tam. 15 00:00:34,703 --> 00:00:37,609 Driving an unnecessarily huge car, that's the American dream. 16 00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:39,178 Ya know, in some cultures, it's 17 00:00:39,211 --> 00:00:41,282 considered rude to take up so much space. 18 00:00:41,382 --> 00:00:42,752 Yeah well, those places are dumb. 19 00:00:42,786 --> 00:00:45,759 Wow, Mark. So open-minded. Such a man of the world. 20 00:00:45,859 --> 00:00:47,729 Pfft! What the hell are you talking about, Tam? 21 00:00:47,762 --> 00:00:51,002 I have been to every single country in Epcot, twice. 22 00:00:51,136 --> 00:00:53,273 Uh, careful Mark, uh, the red light's out. 23 00:00:53,306 --> 00:00:55,277 Ah don't worry, Hank, okay. It's all good. 24 00:00:55,377 --> 00:00:59,820 We are ensconced in a protective cocoon of thick American steel. 25 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,558 - Boom. - Oh, my God! 26 00:01:02,925 --> 00:01:05,497 Ah, damnit. Frickin' cyclists. 27 00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,040 ♪ Well, I used to work in hot dog factory ♪ 28 00:01:10,107 --> 00:01:12,044 ♪ until them robots came along, ♪ 29 00:01:12,111 --> 00:01:13,781 ♪ and now there is no job for me, ♪ 30 00:01:13,814 --> 00:01:16,085 ♪ but I get three thousand bucks a month. ♪ 31 00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:20,561 ♪ Thanks to UBI. 32 00:01:20,595 --> 00:01:23,934 ♪ Now we're Universal Basic Guys. ♪ 33 00:01:24,068 --> 00:01:29,178 ♪ It may not sound like much, but we're still gonna try. ♪ 34 00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:33,520 ♪ We're just Universal Basic Guys. ♪ 35 00:01:38,196 --> 00:01:39,232 Uh, your Honor, if I may, um... 36 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:42,404 so when a traffic light goes out the rules of the road 37 00:01:42,505 --> 00:01:44,408 become the rules of the jungle, okay, 38 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:47,749 the cars, they're the lions and a bikes, they're gazelles. 39 00:01:47,849 --> 00:01:49,953 Objection. There are no gazelles in the jungle. 40 00:01:49,987 --> 00:01:52,425 Overruled. Mr. Hoagies, where are you going with this? 41 00:01:52,559 --> 00:01:55,932 Yeah, so buses, they're the elephants and trucks, 42 00:01:55,965 --> 00:01:58,704 they are... they're the rhinos... 43 00:01:58,738 --> 00:02:01,376 Alright. That's enough. Though if we were to continue, 44 00:02:01,476 --> 00:02:03,581 let the record reflect that motorcycles are hyenas. 45 00:02:03,614 --> 00:02:05,618 - I'll allow it. - Mr. Hoagies, normally you'd be 46 00:02:05,685 --> 00:02:07,455 facing jail time and a steep fine. 47 00:02:07,488 --> 00:02:09,025 Lucky for you, I'm a creative judge who 48 00:02:09,058 --> 00:02:11,964 believes in teaching profound lessons with quirky sentences. 49 00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:13,601 Hence, it's my opinion that the best way 50 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,337 for you to learn to share the road with 51 00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:17,742 cyclists is for you to become one. 52 00:02:17,775 --> 00:02:19,078 What does that mean exactly? 53 00:02:19,112 --> 00:02:21,449 I'm suspending your license for two weeks. 54 00:02:21,482 --> 00:02:23,554 During that time, your sole method 55 00:02:23,587 --> 00:02:25,958 of transportation will be a bicycle. 56 00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,227 Oh come on, are you serious! 57 00:02:27,294 --> 00:02:29,766 Might as well just throw me in front of the firing squad. 58 00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:32,004 Hey, would you shut up? This sentence is a joke. 59 00:02:32,104 --> 00:02:32,973 You could be going to jail. 60 00:02:33,073 --> 00:02:35,343 No, I don't think you understand, okay... 61 00:02:35,443 --> 00:02:37,214 Do we have an attorney-client privilege? 62 00:02:37,314 --> 00:02:38,316 Yeah, of course. 63 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,987 I don't know how to ride a bike, okay. 64 00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:40,989 Wait, hold on, 65 00:02:41,089 --> 00:02:43,393 you can't ride a bike! He can't ride a bike! 66 00:02:43,493 --> 00:02:46,232 Uh... of course I know how to ride a bike. 67 00:02:46,265 --> 00:02:47,803 I just... I don't want to. 68 00:02:47,903 --> 00:02:50,240 Then you won't be going anywhere. Case adjourned. 69 00:02:50,274 --> 00:02:51,309 Um, excuse me? 70 00:02:51,409 --> 00:02:54,148 Aren't I supposed to be compensated for my injuries? 71 00:02:54,248 --> 00:02:56,252 You'll be compensated by watching Mr. Hoagies 72 00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:57,688 learn a valuable lesson. 73 00:02:58,758 --> 00:03:02,364 Um, I'd like to request a less quirky judge. 74 00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:08,410 Ugh. Leanne just posted another sad Instagram. 75 00:03:08,511 --> 00:03:10,982 I think she's depressed about the divorce. 76 00:03:11,049 --> 00:03:11,951 I should reach out. 77 00:03:12,118 --> 00:03:14,154 Just take her to Atlantic City to get hammered... 78 00:03:14,254 --> 00:03:15,256 and make bad choices. 79 00:03:15,356 --> 00:03:16,392 Uh no, Mark. 80 00:03:16,593 --> 00:03:18,597 She doesn't need to party, she needs to heal, 81 00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:21,035 and as a fellow divorcee, I feel like I got an 82 00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:22,872 obligation to guide her through this. 83 00:03:22,906 --> 00:03:25,911 Oh come on. Hey hun, uh you mind picking me up 84 00:03:25,978 --> 00:03:27,882 some more PB Banana Balls? 85 00:03:27,882 --> 00:03:29,085 No, I gotta go to work. 86 00:03:29,118 --> 00:03:30,588 Why don't you just take Darren's bike. 87 00:03:30,655 --> 00:03:33,895 Uh, because it's an outdated and inferior mode of transport. 88 00:03:33,928 --> 00:03:37,434 Wow. Y'know, that doesn't sound like someone who's open-minded. 89 00:03:37,502 --> 00:03:39,004 Yo, would you stop saying that okay, 90 00:03:39,138 --> 00:03:40,908 my mind is so open, it's gaping. 91 00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:43,747 Ugh. Disgusting. 92 00:03:45,217 --> 00:03:47,020 Gah, c'mon, stupid... UGH! 93 00:03:47,087 --> 00:03:47,889 Hey, Mark. 94 00:03:48,356 --> 00:03:50,394 Whoa, I don't think I've ever seen you actually ride a bike. 95 00:03:50,427 --> 00:03:51,530 Pfft, are you serious, Hank? 96 00:03:51,696 --> 00:03:54,302 Okay, I rode a ton before you were born, okay, 97 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,239 It's just... it's been a while. 98 00:03:56,472 --> 00:03:58,009 Dyah... see you later, Hank. 99 00:03:58,109 --> 00:03:59,245 Whoa, ah... Dammit! 100 00:03:59,513 --> 00:04:02,652 If you need help, y'know uh, I'd be happy to teach you. 101 00:04:02,686 --> 00:04:04,154 I know how to ride a bike, okay! 102 00:04:04,254 --> 00:04:06,392 I just gotta get my muscle memory back. 103 00:04:06,593 --> 00:04:08,798 There we go. There we go. 104 00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,335 Whoa, ah!! Alright. Fine. 105 00:04:12,438 --> 00:04:13,808 I'm such a mess right now. 106 00:04:13,808 --> 00:04:15,578 Last night I almost bought a machine gun 107 00:04:15,678 --> 00:04:18,183 online because I thought I heard a bear in the house. 108 00:04:18,283 --> 00:04:21,155 Ugh, hey, divorce is rough. I've been there. 109 00:04:21,222 --> 00:04:22,892 Y'know, the best thing I did was stop 110 00:04:22,992 --> 00:04:25,999 mourning what I lost and start celebrating what's next. 111 00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,838 Surround yourself with people who love you. 112 00:04:28,904 --> 00:04:30,207 Say yes to new things. 113 00:04:30,274 --> 00:04:31,744 Yes. I love that. 114 00:04:31,844 --> 00:04:34,281 We should totally do a divorceloratte party! 115 00:04:34,314 --> 00:04:35,183 Wait. What? 116 00:04:35,283 --> 00:04:37,922 You're a genius. It's exactly what I need. 117 00:04:37,956 --> 00:04:43,032 We'll go to AC, do some tequila shots make some bad decisions. 118 00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:44,502 Leanne, no, that's not what I-- 119 00:04:44,602 --> 00:04:46,940 I'll text you a list of my girls so you can coordinate. 120 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,213 Oh. Thank you, Tammy. 121 00:04:50,347 --> 00:04:51,817 You're seriously the best ever. 122 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,255 Yeah... Happy to help... 123 00:04:54,723 --> 00:04:57,227 Yo, I'm doing it! I'm riding a bike! 124 00:04:57,327 --> 00:04:58,296 Yeah. You're doing great! 125 00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:01,369 Oh yeah. You can already feel my core strength building. 126 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,574 Just gotta dial in my lactic acid threshold 127 00:05:03,608 --> 00:05:05,578 so I can maintain peak performance. 128 00:05:05,678 --> 00:05:09,318 Uh... okay, uh... you wanna try taking the training wheels off? 129 00:05:09,418 --> 00:05:11,122 Uh, they're not training wheels Hank, okay. 130 00:05:11,222 --> 00:05:15,430 These are high-performance... traction... stabilizers. 131 00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:18,103 Tammy thinks of not open-minded to new things? 132 00:05:18,136 --> 00:05:19,673 Well look at me now! 133 00:05:19,773 --> 00:05:23,748 Woah! Ah! Frickin' automobiles. 134 00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:25,651 Yo. Check it out, Hank. Bike path. 135 00:05:25,685 --> 00:05:28,089 Uh, but it says expert riders only. 136 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:30,361 Cycling isn't about experience, Hank. 137 00:05:30,394 --> 00:05:31,697 It's about mindset. 138 00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:32,632 Uh-oh. 139 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,603 Just stay calm, I got it. 140 00:05:34,703 --> 00:05:35,538 Ooh. 141 00:05:35,705 --> 00:05:38,276 Okay, just gotta feather the brakes and uh-- 142 00:05:38,377 --> 00:05:40,581 Oh crap! Whoa! 143 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,386 Yo, you alright? 144 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,457 Uh, I think so. That was scary. 145 00:05:45,491 --> 00:05:47,227 Nah nah, I was in complete command. 146 00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,262 Whoaaa. 147 00:05:48,363 --> 00:05:50,466 Dude, what the... 148 00:05:54,509 --> 00:05:56,613 Holy maca-frickin-roni. 149 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,590 Yo, this place is quaint as hell. 150 00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:03,895 It's like if mini-golf was a town. 151 00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:06,700 Ooh. "Cafe." That sounds interesting... 152 00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,671 Damn dude, this place is classic. 153 00:06:08,704 --> 00:06:09,940 This might be the original Panera. 154 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,679 Hallo und welcome. Wait, you are new here! 155 00:06:12,745 --> 00:06:15,283 Ah yeah. Mark Hoagies. This is my brother, Hank. 156 00:06:15,316 --> 00:06:16,418 Nice spot you got here, bud. 157 00:06:16,519 --> 00:06:17,521 Ah, dank je. 158 00:06:17,588 --> 00:06:19,559 I'm Christoffel, owner of this café. 159 00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:21,963 Gotta say, you know I've lived in Glantontown my whole life. 160 00:06:21,997 --> 00:06:23,232 I never even knew this place existed. 161 00:06:23,265 --> 00:06:26,640 Well, we have no motorways here, so we don't get many visitors. 162 00:06:26,673 --> 00:06:27,776 How did you find us? 163 00:06:28,109 --> 00:06:30,548 Oh, I just rode my bike down a little trail right there. 164 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,552 Are you crazy? That is De Krag! 165 00:06:32,652 --> 00:06:35,323 The most challenging descent in all of Glantontown. 166 00:06:35,423 --> 00:06:38,563 Wow. You must be a very dedicated cyclist. 167 00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:41,102 Yeah, I mean, you could say I'm a bit of a cycling fanatic so... 168 00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:43,574 Yeah, he's almost ready to take off his training whe-- 169 00:06:43,740 --> 00:06:45,177 Could I offer you espresso? 170 00:06:45,277 --> 00:06:46,278 Oh nice, dude. 171 00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:49,051 This is like one of those uh, little European baby coffees. 172 00:06:49,151 --> 00:06:51,856 Hoo! It's a little strong! 173 00:06:52,057 --> 00:06:54,161 So uh... what's the deal with this place? 174 00:06:54,262 --> 00:06:55,732 Little The Netherlands was founded by 175 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,635 families of the original Dutch settlers, 176 00:06:57,669 --> 00:06:59,672 who were frustrated to see what Glantontown 177 00:06:59,706 --> 00:07:01,677 was becoming: chain restaurants and 178 00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:04,247 big-box stores, giant parking lots 179 00:07:04,348 --> 00:07:06,854 filled with obnoxious, oversized SUV's. 180 00:07:06,987 --> 00:07:09,325 Ah, I'm right there with you dude, it's ridiculous. 181 00:07:09,358 --> 00:07:11,462 So, we withdrew to the woods and founded 182 00:07:11,495 --> 00:07:13,634 a slower-paced European-style community, 183 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,571 built around the most efficient, civilized 184 00:07:15,671 --> 00:07:18,410 mode of transportation ever conceived: the bicycle. 185 00:07:18,443 --> 00:07:20,915 Nice dude, yeah, sounds like my kind of place. 186 00:07:20,948 --> 00:07:21,750 Wonderful! 187 00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,987 Would you like a singing tour of our little town? 188 00:07:24,087 --> 00:07:25,089 Oh yeah, dude. Let's do it! 189 00:07:25,123 --> 00:07:27,662 ♪ Let me guide you through the wonders ♪ 190 00:07:27,762 --> 00:07:29,733 ♪ of our cycling paradise. Cute little shops, ♪ 191 00:07:29,766 --> 00:07:32,437 ♪ fine tulip crops, windmills are spinning in the sky ♪ 192 00:07:32,437 --> 00:07:35,878 ♪ Stroopwafels, Appletaarts, Limburg pie? Here have a slice ♪ 193 00:07:35,978 --> 00:07:37,715 ♪ Our portions maybe half the size, ♪ 194 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,653 ♪ but they still are twice the price! ♪ 195 00:07:39,719 --> 00:07:45,832 ♪ Welkom in hets kleiner Nederlands! ♪ 196 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:52,077 ♪ Welcome to Little The Netherlands! ♪ 197 00:07:52,444 --> 00:07:54,381 ♪ You don't have to tip our servers-- ♪ 198 00:07:54,381 --> 00:07:56,251 ♪ No, they earn a living wage. 199 00:07:56,352 --> 00:07:57,789 ♪ But that's also why you may not ♪ 200 00:07:57,889 --> 00:07:59,291 ♪ get your check for several days. ♪ 201 00:07:59,425 --> 00:08:02,832 ♪ Our taxes pay for healthcare, so we make it to old age ♪ 202 00:08:02,932 --> 00:08:06,239 ♪ Then we offer euthanasia and a lovely painted grave. ♪ 203 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:12,251 ♪ Welkom in hets kleiner Nederlands! ♪ 204 00:08:13,019 --> 00:08:19,899 ♪ Welcome to Little The Netherlands! ♪ 205 00:08:22,905 --> 00:08:24,909 I gotta say, it's... it's actually not bad. 206 00:08:25,043 --> 00:08:27,515 Eh... I dunno. Looks kinda like bait. 207 00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:30,286 Oh no way. Is that one of those caricature guys? 208 00:08:30,386 --> 00:08:32,057 Oh man. Those guys are hysterical. 209 00:08:32,290 --> 00:08:35,197 Alright, can you do me as James Bond riding a snowmobile? 210 00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:36,099 No. 211 00:08:36,366 --> 00:08:38,135 Alright, well, just take it easy on me, alright. 212 00:08:38,202 --> 00:08:41,309 The guy on the boardwalk went a little nuts on the unibrow. 213 00:08:41,577 --> 00:08:43,179 Whoa. What's that? 214 00:08:43,446 --> 00:08:45,049 That's Little The Red Light District. 215 00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:47,421 Oh wow. Hey Mark, I'm gonna go find 216 00:08:47,421 --> 00:08:49,291 something to fix that traffic light. 217 00:08:49,325 --> 00:08:50,627 Sounds good. 218 00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:53,934 - Yoohoo! - Ooh! 219 00:08:54,168 --> 00:08:55,403 Hallo, handsome. 220 00:08:55,504 --> 00:08:58,611 Oh, hey! You look like someone who knows how to stop traffic. 221 00:08:58,711 --> 00:09:00,715 Oh, you are quite the charmer. 222 00:09:00,815 --> 00:09:04,155 Are you interested in the ultimate red light experience? 223 00:09:04,188 --> 00:09:05,490 Oh yeah, that'd be great. 224 00:09:05,591 --> 00:09:07,595 I might uh, also need some help getting it up. 225 00:09:07,662 --> 00:09:11,468 Oh. Don't worry. I'll handle that. 226 00:09:12,304 --> 00:09:15,043 Let me tell you, I've been to basically all the countries. 227 00:09:15,143 --> 00:09:17,716 China, Morocco-- I even did Norway before 228 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:19,384 it became the Frozen ride. 229 00:09:19,484 --> 00:09:22,024 But this place might be my favorite country in the world. 230 00:09:22,057 --> 00:09:23,894 And it's right here in Glantontown. 231 00:09:23,927 --> 00:09:26,734 You are clearly a man of worldly sophistication. 232 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,303 You will fit in well here. 233 00:09:28,336 --> 00:09:29,438 'preciate that, bud. 234 00:09:29,539 --> 00:09:31,576 You know, it's nice to finally be seen 235 00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:33,847 as the cultured, worldly man that I am. 236 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,718 Hey, dude, is it possible to add some 237 00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:37,588 Wolverine claws to my knuckles here? 238 00:09:37,622 --> 00:09:38,857 Christoffel!. 239 00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:41,597 Who is your friend? 240 00:09:41,964 --> 00:09:45,237 Oh, this is Mark. He is from outer Glantontown. 241 00:09:45,403 --> 00:09:46,740 Sup, dude? Like the bib. 242 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,044 Mark, this is Grumpmeester. 243 00:09:49,078 --> 00:09:51,215 He is the town Dorpsburgemeester. 244 00:09:51,315 --> 00:09:54,522 Oh yeah? You're the uh... the Dorpsburgemeester? 245 00:09:54,589 --> 00:09:56,191 Ah man. Love the setup here, man. 246 00:09:56,225 --> 00:09:58,162 - This place is classic. - Yes, it is. 247 00:09:58,195 --> 00:10:00,500 And we intend to keep it that way. 248 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,337 Man, what's that guy's deal? 249 00:10:02,437 --> 00:10:04,008 Grumpmeester is very protective of 250 00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:05,745 our traditional Dutch way of life. 251 00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:08,149 This is why he closed our only road to town. 252 00:10:08,249 --> 00:10:09,017 Ah shame, man. 253 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,990 I feel like people would get a real kick outta this place. 254 00:10:12,191 --> 00:10:13,392 Okay. Here you go. 255 00:10:14,328 --> 00:10:15,564 Not bad, eh? 256 00:10:15,931 --> 00:10:17,902 Eh. Could be funnier. 257 00:10:18,002 --> 00:10:19,939 So you're saying we only get bottomless 258 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:22,545 mai-tais if we rent a VIP cabana? 259 00:10:22,579 --> 00:10:24,214 Hey where do we keep the tiny cups? 260 00:10:24,247 --> 00:10:25,283 Look in the top cabinet. 261 00:10:25,551 --> 00:10:26,385 Got it. Alright. 262 00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:28,923 Then let's go ahead and reserve that. Thank you. 263 00:10:29,024 --> 00:10:31,630 Oh c'mon is-- this is literally the only petite thing in here. 264 00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:33,399 I don't know. Just use a mug. 265 00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:34,468 Uh yeah, no thanks, okay, 266 00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,405 not everything needs to be supersized. 267 00:10:37,274 --> 00:10:38,510 What'd you do to your hair? 268 00:10:38,544 --> 00:10:40,681 You look like diabetic He-Man. 269 00:10:40,781 --> 00:10:43,052 Ah well, it's quite popular at the cute 270 00:10:43,086 --> 00:10:45,691 little European enclave I chanced upon. 271 00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,795 Y'know, it's pretty incredible what you discover 272 00:10:47,829 --> 00:10:49,264 when you're untethered by roads. 273 00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:50,500 Ughhh... 274 00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:53,707 Leanne wants me to make everyone custom dime bags. 275 00:10:53,807 --> 00:10:55,176 This is a frickin' disaster. 276 00:10:55,209 --> 00:10:57,347 I tried to give Leanne advice and somehow 277 00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:59,753 I got roped into planning a two-day bender. 278 00:10:59,853 --> 00:11:01,421 Alright well, clearly you're stressed. 279 00:11:01,488 --> 00:11:02,859 Maybe you should take a break and uh, 280 00:11:02,959 --> 00:11:04,094 y'know, get some perspective. 281 00:11:04,128 --> 00:11:07,266 Ah. Yeah. Sure. Wooderhans? 282 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:11,475 Yeah, I was thinking somewhere a little more uh... worldly. 283 00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:14,682 I mean, don't get me wrong, I got a lot of respect for 284 00:11:14,782 --> 00:11:16,418 Mr. Met, but y'know, the Phanatic, 285 00:11:16,451 --> 00:11:18,289 man, he's on another level. 286 00:11:18,557 --> 00:11:20,828 Wow, that's so interesting. 287 00:11:21,129 --> 00:11:22,865 Okay, Mr. Hank. We are out of time. 288 00:11:22,965 --> 00:11:25,369 Oh. But you didn't even show me the red lights. 289 00:11:25,504 --> 00:11:27,908 Ya if you want to come back tomorrow, I will be here. 290 00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:29,111 Alright. See you then. 291 00:11:29,211 --> 00:11:31,415 Uh, there is just the matter of payment? 292 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,620 Payment...? Did I buy something? 293 00:11:33,787 --> 00:11:36,760 $200 per hour, plus $600 for the overnight. 294 00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:40,333 That will be $5,425 guilders. 295 00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:41,970 Uh... 296 00:11:42,771 --> 00:11:44,509 Yo, that cheese is legit, right? 297 00:11:44,609 --> 00:11:46,880 I gotta say, this place is adorable. 298 00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:48,584 I love all the Danish stuff. 299 00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:49,686 Uh, Dutch, Tam, okay. 300 00:11:49,786 --> 00:11:52,992 This is Little The Netherlands, not Little... Dane-land. 301 00:11:53,126 --> 00:11:54,729 You know, this place would be 302 00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:56,700 perfect for Leanne's Divorcelorette. 303 00:11:56,733 --> 00:11:58,403 It's exactly the right energy she needs 304 00:11:58,504 --> 00:11:59,872 to start her healing journey. 305 00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:02,712 Charming, peaceful, temptation-free... 306 00:12:02,745 --> 00:12:04,047 Yeah... Thing is, y'know, 307 00:12:04,081 --> 00:12:05,751 they're not really big on tourists. 308 00:12:05,784 --> 00:12:07,622 Uh. Aren't you a tourist? 309 00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:08,958 Actually uh, the locals have kinda 310 00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:10,060 taken me in as one of their own. 311 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:13,132 You know, I think they see me for who I really am: 312 00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:16,271 a refined, open-minded, man of the world. 313 00:12:16,438 --> 00:12:19,612 Ooh. Look at that guy, Mark. He's straight out of Shrek. 314 00:12:20,013 --> 00:12:21,650 Maybe uh, chill with the pics. 315 00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:23,554 Oh no way. This is going on my story. 316 00:12:23,587 --> 00:12:27,461 Oooh. I wanna see if that hat shop sells bedazzled tulip hats. 317 00:12:27,595 --> 00:12:30,300 Hey, can we get our bill!? Been waiting forever over here! 318 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,304 Whoa whoa, Tam. Tam. What are you doing? 319 00:12:32,337 --> 00:12:34,876 What? Nobody's checked on us in like 30 minutes. 320 00:12:34,909 --> 00:12:36,679 Alright well, in certain cultures, y'know, 321 00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:38,416 it's considered rude to be in a rush. 322 00:12:38,517 --> 00:12:39,919 Okay well, in our culture, it's 323 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,057 rude to keep your customers waiting. 324 00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,227 Yoohoo! Can we get the check over here?! 325 00:12:44,294 --> 00:12:46,799 Alright, you know, maybe this isn't really your scene. 326 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,102 What's that supposed to mean? 327 00:12:48,102 --> 00:12:49,539 Well, it's just... you know, you're 328 00:12:49,639 --> 00:12:50,941 being a very American right now. 329 00:12:50,975 --> 00:12:52,612 We're literally "In" America. 330 00:12:52,645 --> 00:12:54,314 Oh man. Typical American. 331 00:12:54,348 --> 00:12:56,819 Thinking the whole world revolves around you. 332 00:12:57,086 --> 00:12:58,824 You know, I'm impressed, 333 00:12:58,857 --> 00:13:00,861 you've only been riding a bike for three days 334 00:13:00,961 --> 00:13:02,865 and you're already insufferable! 335 00:13:03,065 --> 00:13:05,269 Frickin' Americans. 336 00:13:10,981 --> 00:13:13,118 Oho man, there she goes again! 337 00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:16,458 Frickin' Elske laying the bonk on Wim Wobble man, 338 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:17,662 It gets me every time. 339 00:13:17,695 --> 00:13:18,930 You like the poppentheater? 340 00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:20,801 Oh my God dude, it's hysterical. 341 00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:22,437 Man, Hank would love this. 342 00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:23,841 Wait a minute. Where's Hank? 343 00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:25,811 Hey Grumps uh, you seen my brother? 344 00:13:25,944 --> 00:13:28,149 Oh yes. We put him in prison. 345 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,317 Wait, what! 346 00:13:34,394 --> 00:13:36,198 Hank? You alright? 347 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,102 Oh man, I wanna go home, Mark. 348 00:13:38,135 --> 00:13:41,008 I hear ya, but I mean honestly, it doesn't look that bad, dude. 349 00:13:41,008 --> 00:13:42,979 It's like a five-star hotel. Is that a bidet? 350 00:13:43,079 --> 00:13:45,984 Oh you don't understand, Mark. They don't have hot dogs. 351 00:13:46,017 --> 00:13:49,424 Just like these uh weird fancy venison sausages. 352 00:13:49,592 --> 00:13:51,997 And the mustard has seeds. 353 00:13:52,130 --> 00:13:53,867 Oh boy. Alright. Hold tight. 354 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,269 I'm gonna get you outta here, bud. 355 00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,140 Yo, can I just pay whatever the hell he owes? 356 00:13:57,173 --> 00:14:00,146 Failure to pay a sex worker is a serious violation here. 357 00:14:00,179 --> 00:14:02,484 Uh... sure, but I just feel like, y'know 358 00:14:02,518 --> 00:14:04,187 life in prison's a bit much. 359 00:14:04,287 --> 00:14:06,191 I mean, can you at least get him some hot dogs? 360 00:14:06,291 --> 00:14:07,995 He's already having withdrawal symptoms. 361 00:14:08,029 --> 00:14:09,699 Well. There is one option that 362 00:14:09,732 --> 00:14:11,736 would grant him immediate release. 363 00:14:12,003 --> 00:14:13,540 You simply bring a tulip to the queen. 364 00:14:13,674 --> 00:14:15,811 Ah hell yeah. I knew it was going to be some weird 365 00:14:15,911 --> 00:14:17,915 little Dutch thing. Yo, where's she at? 366 00:14:17,948 --> 00:14:20,419 In her castle. Right over there. 367 00:14:20,486 --> 00:14:24,461 All you need to do is cross that bridge... on your bike. 368 00:14:24,494 --> 00:14:26,499 Hahahaha! 369 00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:28,636 Oh uh. Gotcha. Yeah... 370 00:14:32,778 --> 00:14:35,015 Ohh-- Is someone smoking cigarettes? 371 00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:36,520 They're cloves. 372 00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:37,988 Please put that out. 373 00:14:38,022 --> 00:14:39,993 Ughhh. Okay Mom. 374 00:14:40,026 --> 00:14:43,166 Maybe we should focus on helping Leanne heal. 375 00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:46,104 Totally. Okay Leanne, the first thing we need 376 00:14:46,204 --> 00:14:48,309 to do is shut down the sad thoughts. 377 00:14:48,342 --> 00:14:52,785 Best way? Pre-game with shots of 151 and black out immediately. 378 00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:54,388 - Ugh love that! - Oh my God yessss! 379 00:14:54,421 --> 00:14:55,223 You know, Leanne... 380 00:14:55,423 --> 00:14:57,628 there's a free sunrise breath work meditation 381 00:14:57,662 --> 00:14:59,297 on the beach tomorrow morning. 382 00:15:01,503 --> 00:15:03,005 Yeah, totally. 383 00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:09,552 Orrrr... we could get matching underboob tattooooos! 384 00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:15,597 You know, I think I'm gonna... gonna walk this one. 385 00:15:15,698 --> 00:15:17,935 Ah-ah. Bikes only. 386 00:15:18,035 --> 00:15:19,806 Shouldn't be a problem for an 387 00:15:19,839 --> 00:15:21,943 experienced bike rider like yourself. 388 00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:24,582 Ah, yeah... So here's the thing, you know, my bike's 389 00:15:24,615 --> 00:15:25,717 still in the shop, so... 390 00:15:25,818 --> 00:15:28,489 Actually, good news-- It is repaired! 391 00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:31,095 The Fietsenmaker was even nice enough to 392 00:15:31,128 --> 00:15:34,535 re-attach your... training wheels. 393 00:15:34,569 --> 00:15:36,339 Mark?! Training wheels? 394 00:15:36,439 --> 00:15:38,711 But... I-- I thought you were experienced. 395 00:15:38,844 --> 00:15:40,213 Uh, yeah? I am, okay? 396 00:15:40,246 --> 00:15:42,518 The real ones know that training wheels 397 00:15:42,552 --> 00:15:45,222 actually make riding more challenging, okay. 398 00:15:45,256 --> 00:15:46,893 It's like running with weights. 399 00:15:46,993 --> 00:15:49,197 Well then, let's make it easier. 400 00:15:49,999 --> 00:15:51,669 Alright... 'Preciate that, yeah. 401 00:15:51,903 --> 00:15:56,178 Well love to stay in chat, but I've got a date with the queen. 402 00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:00,654 Alright. You got this. 403 00:16:04,729 --> 00:16:08,169 No whoa whoa whoa-- Ah! 404 00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:10,006 Oh, embarrassing... 405 00:16:10,106 --> 00:16:13,145 Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Wooooo! 406 00:16:13,179 --> 00:16:15,684 Hey giiirrllls. My drug dealer just texted, 407 00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:19,023 we get 30% off if we hide his guns in our room. 408 00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:20,627 - Oh my God, yaaaas! - Wooo! 409 00:16:20,727 --> 00:16:22,564 Okay. Enough! 410 00:16:22,698 --> 00:16:25,537 I love you, hun, but I cannot let you do this to yourself. 411 00:16:25,604 --> 00:16:28,409 What?! This is exactly what I need right now. 412 00:16:28,544 --> 00:16:31,315 I can assure you this is the last thing you need right now. 413 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:34,254 Don't listen to her, Leanne. You deserve this. 414 00:16:34,287 --> 00:16:36,893 Actually, what she deserves is friends who 415 00:16:36,993 --> 00:16:39,665 don't enable self-destructive behavior. 416 00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,035 So buckle up, bitches. 417 00:16:41,135 --> 00:16:42,738 We're going on a healing journey. 418 00:16:44,842 --> 00:16:46,479 Tammy! What the hell are you doing! 419 00:16:46,546 --> 00:16:49,785 You put me in charge, so now I'm taking charge. 420 00:16:49,852 --> 00:16:51,055 Where are we going? 421 00:16:51,155 --> 00:16:54,360 Somewhere a little more culturally elevated. 422 00:16:56,298 --> 00:16:57,735 He does not belong here. 423 00:16:57,768 --> 00:17:00,774 Maybe he does not have the cycling skills he claims, 424 00:17:00,907 --> 00:17:03,846 but he has embraced our way of life. 425 00:17:03,947 --> 00:17:06,218 He even added an extra "a" to his name. 426 00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:09,759 No no no no, It starts with one tourist, 427 00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:13,633 before you know it, your café will be replaced by a Starbucks, 428 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:17,373 our shoe-maker, will become a Foot Locker! 429 00:17:17,473 --> 00:17:21,549 Our queen's castle? A Ripley's, Believe It or Not! 430 00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:27,093 Alright, listen-- sure, maybe I don't know how to ride a bike. 431 00:17:27,227 --> 00:17:29,899 and yeah, maybe the only reason I did was because 432 00:17:29,932 --> 00:17:31,569 it was court-mandated. 433 00:17:31,602 --> 00:17:35,577 but at least I tried to open my mind to something new. 434 00:17:35,610 --> 00:17:39,251 Maybe you could do the same about normal American stuff. 435 00:17:39,284 --> 00:17:40,888 I know you all think we're a bunch of 436 00:17:40,988 --> 00:17:42,591 lazy, wasteful, selfish idiots 437 00:17:42,658 --> 00:17:45,363 who get their news from Facebook memes. 438 00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:47,467 And yeah, maybe we are. 439 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,006 But that doesn't mean we don't have some good things too. 440 00:17:50,073 --> 00:17:52,176 Riding a bike, it's great, but 441 00:17:52,210 --> 00:17:54,080 sometimes it's nice to just park your 442 00:17:54,181 --> 00:17:56,519 big-ass car in a big-ass parking a lot 443 00:17:56,619 --> 00:17:59,057 of some big-ass department store where you buy a bunch 444 00:17:59,091 --> 00:18:01,094 of random crap made in China. 445 00:18:01,128 --> 00:18:02,632 I mean what's the point of being all 446 00:18:02,632 --> 00:18:04,736 "cultured" if you're just gonna be smug and 447 00:18:04,769 --> 00:18:06,639 elitist about it? Because in the end, isn't 448 00:18:06,739 --> 00:18:08,543 that what being open-mind is all about. 449 00:18:08,543 --> 00:18:12,216 Taking the best things from all cultures. 450 00:18:13,251 --> 00:18:17,026 Well, that was... enlightening. 451 00:18:17,059 --> 00:18:19,632 I think our American friend made a really 452 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:22,805 compelling case... for why we do not allow-- 453 00:18:22,871 --> 00:18:24,440 Watch out! 454 00:18:25,710 --> 00:18:27,413 ... tourists! 455 00:18:27,915 --> 00:18:31,523 Oh my God, this place is redonk. 456 00:18:31,556 --> 00:18:33,793 Is this where they shot Beauty and the Beast? 457 00:18:33,893 --> 00:18:35,029 I know! 458 00:18:35,096 --> 00:18:37,901 Like I'm literally Emily in Paris right now. 459 00:18:38,002 --> 00:18:40,673 Oh my God are those tanning booths? 460 00:18:40,774 --> 00:18:42,644 Where are we even? 461 00:18:42,745 --> 00:18:44,648 Little Danishland. 462 00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:46,418 No. Frickin'. Way. 463 00:18:46,552 --> 00:18:48,422 Okay, Leanne. I'm telling you. 464 00:18:48,456 --> 00:18:52,196 This is the perfect place to recenter and find inner peace... 465 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:53,933 Leanne? 466 00:18:57,874 --> 00:19:00,580 I've got the milk from the well! 467 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,018 Eh, screw it. 468 00:19:03,051 --> 00:19:06,024 Guards! Deport these heathens! 469 00:19:06,058 --> 00:19:08,395 Yes, Grumpmeester! 470 00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:13,472 Mark? You came back? 471 00:19:13,607 --> 00:19:16,613 Of course I did. Wooden shoe? 472 00:19:18,917 --> 00:19:20,085 Hell yeah! 473 00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:24,027 Someone get a pic of me on this giant fan! 474 00:19:24,194 --> 00:19:27,066 Guards! Stop this madness! 475 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,170 Ugh! Someone do something! 476 00:19:29,237 --> 00:19:31,041 You know, maybe you should be more 477 00:19:31,075 --> 00:19:33,312 open-minded about this tourist thing. 478 00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:35,884 I mean, they do spend a lot of money. 479 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,255 Thanks! 480 00:19:38,355 --> 00:19:39,926 Oop! I need another one. 481 00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:42,129 Oh my God. 482 00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:43,633 Are you like an artist or something? 483 00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:46,739 I would literally give you a thousand dollars for that. 484 00:19:46,772 --> 00:19:50,948 So... they just spend money but they do not stay. 485 00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:54,221 Exactly. And you know, with this revenue we could 486 00:19:54,254 --> 00:19:56,291 finally add a spa to the prison gym. 487 00:19:57,728 --> 00:19:59,230 Uh-- Can I help you? 488 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,236 You look like an albino mushroom. 489 00:20:02,805 --> 00:20:04,274 ... Okay? 490 00:20:04,575 --> 00:20:06,411 it's so hot. 491 00:20:09,619 --> 00:20:12,090 So uh... what happened to Atlantic City? 492 00:20:12,223 --> 00:20:15,830 I decided to take Leanne somewhere more cultured. 493 00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:17,634 You know, so she wouldn't do 494 00:20:17,667 --> 00:20:20,607 anything... self-destructive. 495 00:20:21,308 --> 00:20:23,245 I guess you can lead a horse to water, 496 00:20:23,312 --> 00:20:25,517 but you can't make it not do tequila shots. 497 00:20:25,617 --> 00:20:27,186 Well, I'm glad you showed up. 498 00:20:27,286 --> 00:20:29,290 Turns out, this isn't really my scene. 499 00:20:29,290 --> 00:20:30,159 Oh, really? 500 00:20:30,259 --> 00:20:32,263 Yeah. Y'know, travel really opens your eyes 501 00:20:32,296 --> 00:20:35,303 to just how closed-minded every culture is. 502 00:20:35,403 --> 00:20:39,477 Hey guys? I think Ashley just died in the tanning bed. 503 00:20:44,287 --> 00:20:46,959 Wow. So many options! 504 00:20:47,260 --> 00:20:49,264 My mind, it spins. 505 00:20:49,397 --> 00:20:52,436 I can't believe you've never been to a Wowo's. Haha. 506 00:20:52,470 --> 00:20:54,274 Well, I have spent my whole life 507 00:20:54,307 --> 00:20:56,211 thinking I had everything I needed. 508 00:20:56,244 --> 00:21:00,620 Turns out, I was just too scared to see what else is out there. 509 00:21:01,454 --> 00:21:03,292 I am going to try one of these "hoagies." 510 00:21:03,326 --> 00:21:04,628 Sounds good, babe. 511 00:21:04,728 --> 00:21:05,730 Leanne? 512 00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:07,366 Steve? 513 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,769 Who's the pilgrim? 514 00:21:09,539 --> 00:21:11,408 His name is Grumpmeester. 515 00:21:11,441 --> 00:21:15,015 Grumpmeester? The hell kind of name is that? 516 00:21:15,048 --> 00:21:16,085 He's Dutch. 517 00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:17,286 Yeah alright, alright. 518 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,589 Anyway, I gotta get outta here. 519 00:21:18,689 --> 00:21:20,760 I'm meeting up with some chick from Tinder for a little 520 00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:23,032 - "Hulu and Chill." - Have fun with that. 521 00:21:23,165 --> 00:21:25,035 - Who was that guy? - Nobody. 522 00:21:25,435 --> 00:21:26,806 You want an Italian shortie? 523 00:21:26,839 --> 00:21:27,941 No. 524 00:21:28,676 --> 00:21:30,045 No, I don't.