1 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,800 (playfully spooky music) 2 00:00:14,879 --> 00:00:16,959 FEMALE VOICE: As far back as I can remember, 3 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,319 my life has been steeped in death. 4 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,519 (Heart monitor flatlines) 5 00:00:23,559 --> 00:00:25,720 MALE DOCTOR: Time of death, 11.20. 6 00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:27,559 (instruments clanging) 7 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,639 (wailing) 8 00:00:35,199 --> 00:00:37,959 V/O: Who knows if that's a bad thing. 9 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,040 But what I do know, is that death, 10 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:44,559 like a child's soother, has always been there for me 11 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,639 when I needed relief. 12 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,839 Unfortunately for me, 13 00:00:48,959 --> 00:00:50,919 relief is in short supply. 14 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:55,160 Remember... think of someone who annoys you. Pull the trigger. 15 00:00:55,279 --> 00:00:57,199 (gunshot) (glass smashing) 16 00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,040 (gun reloading) 17 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,720 (gunshot) 18 00:01:06,559 --> 00:01:09,599 Look at you, getting good at this. 19 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,639 (gun reloading) 20 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:13,680 (gunshot) 21 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,519 Duh. I missed. 22 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:19,239 I wouldn't be so sure about that. 23 00:01:20,239 --> 00:01:22,680 V/O: Take my 10th birthday. 24 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,800 Stood over that dead deer, 25 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:28,080 it was the first time my father saw me happy. 26 00:01:28,199 --> 00:01:31,839 Like, actually... really happy. 27 00:01:33,519 --> 00:01:36,519 How I prayed it wouldn't be the last. 28 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,959 (sniffs) 29 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,400 What's that for? 30 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,080 (blood spilling) (flesh tearing) 31 00:01:51,199 --> 00:01:53,839 Being the kind of person I am, 32 00:01:53,959 --> 00:01:57,400 school would have been torture, but for two key things. 33 00:01:57,519 --> 00:01:59,279 My writing... 34 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,680 And my best friend, Mal. 35 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,360 I'm tellin' ya. You get up there, 36 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,000 you're gonna win this contest. 37 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,040 A couple of them fancy words, 38 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,559 and they'll be eating out of your hand. 39 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,559 And if that doesn't work? 40 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,440 Picture everyone naked. 41 00:02:16,559 --> 00:02:18,839 Now come on. Let's hear it. 42 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,199 (sighs) 43 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:27,080 'That day... while smashing her bully's skull off the credenza, 44 00:02:27,199 --> 00:02:29,639 surprise took hold.' 45 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,959 V/O: Picturing people naked was a bust. 46 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,440 But picturing them dead... bingo. 47 00:02:36,559 --> 00:02:38,839 'The sound of intracranial cracking 48 00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,480 as brain splattered off walls...' That's disgusting! 49 00:02:41,599 --> 00:02:46,360 '.. was akin to a music this young girl had never heard before.' 50 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,360 V/O: Right then I realised 51 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:50,680 that death and writing were a powerful match. 52 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,720 'That this is where happiness lies.' 53 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:58,239 'Of course, like everything else that gave me peace, 54 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,319 it was fleeting.' 55 00:03:01,239 --> 00:03:05,040 'Yet when a doctor did finally see me about my crushing depression, 56 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,319 all we talked about were pills.' 57 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,480 'Oh, so many pills.' 58 00:03:11,239 --> 00:03:14,120 'But five years ago, I put the brakes on that.' 59 00:03:14,239 --> 00:03:17,599 'Those things made me sleepwalk, lose time.' 60 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,120 'Do batshit stuff I barely remember.' 61 00:03:21,559 --> 00:03:25,080 'The bottom line? They made me more dead than alive.' 62 00:03:25,199 --> 00:03:26,839 (rapping on glass) Elvira! 63 00:03:26,959 --> 00:03:28,800 'And I want to feel alive.' 64 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:30,720 Elvira! (furious knocking) 65 00:03:30,839 --> 00:03:33,919 'Then... (gleeful) something amazing happened!' 66 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,879 (keyboard tapping) 67 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,879 (dying gasp) 68 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,839 'You know, they say if you want to write, you have to sit down, 69 00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:43,480 open a vein, and bleed on the page.' 70 00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:47,360 'Talk about words to live by.' 71 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,279 'So, here I am.' 72 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,919 'The Kilraven Chronicle's brand new obituarist.' 73 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:57,559 'A job I've dreamed of. And yet... 74 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:01,239 .. this happiness I've yearned for remains missing.' 75 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,919 'Like a jigsaw piece lost down the side of a couch.' 76 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,000 When you're done, file it. 77 00:04:07,559 --> 00:04:10,400 And then what? Then you wait for someone to die. 78 00:04:10,519 --> 00:04:12,440 And when might that be? 79 00:04:13,919 --> 00:04:17,000 Clancy... never say that out loud. 80 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,199 Your job is to write obituaries. 81 00:04:19,319 --> 00:04:21,199 To take that talent you claimed you had 82 00:04:21,319 --> 00:04:24,680 to make the deceased alive, to give voice to the voiceless. 83 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:28,000 Not to sit there praying that some pensioner pops his clogs. 84 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,519 (ping) 85 00:04:29,639 --> 00:04:32,160 What are you looking at? Nothing. 86 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:34,599 Well then, get back to work. 87 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,839 It won't write itself. 88 00:04:40,599 --> 00:04:42,400 ♪♪ 89 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,319 (music builds to crescendo) 90 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,360 ELVIRA V/O: Population 5,000 and falling... 91 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:09,519 'Kilraven is like a fun fair in winter.. 92 00:05:09,639 --> 00:05:13,559 'Its people convinced that, if the sun only shone, 93 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,160 if that factory re-opened, 94 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:18,319 if the foreigners left, 95 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,959 their lives would be good again.' 96 00:05:21,599 --> 00:05:25,199 'On the surface, a bog-standard, backwater.' 97 00:05:25,319 --> 00:05:27,239 (gulls crying) 98 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:29,599 'But as my Dad likes to say, 99 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,839 under that veneer of nothingness, 100 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,080 there's a tonne of weird shit going on.' 101 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,919 (spooky music) 102 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,440 'Ah, funeral homes.' 103 00:05:43,519 --> 00:05:45,279 'Heaven!' 104 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,919 'And it's not just the peace and quiet or the human remains.' 105 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:53,839 'See, people go through life wearing big, stupid grins.' 106 00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:56,239 'Hiding how they really feel.' 107 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,639 'Here, there is no smiling.' 108 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:02,199 'Only tears, pain and impotence.' 109 00:06:02,919 --> 00:06:04,559 'Here... 110 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,680 .. you see people as they really are.' 111 00:06:08,879 --> 00:06:10,480 'Damn!' 112 00:06:10,599 --> 00:06:13,639 'That half-blind mortician made him more alive than my obituary did.' 113 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,480 My mammy gave you a tip. 114 00:06:21,599 --> 00:06:25,360 She insisted. Well... she wants it back. 115 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,639 She said your writing was rubbish. 116 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,919 I'm still finding my voice. 117 00:06:30,559 --> 00:06:33,279 She said you're at this six months. 118 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,959 Now, we expected better. 119 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,279 Look... 120 00:06:39,239 --> 00:06:41,120 .. Daddy was a farmer. 121 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:43,559 And a Fenian. 122 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:47,279 'No, Daddy was a fat fuck that barely fit inside this box.' 123 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,680 Yet, reading what you wrote, 124 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,680 'twas like I didn't even know the man. 125 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:55,000 Which, tells me, you didn't get to know the man. 126 00:06:55,120 --> 00:07:00,599 Which, last time I checked, was your job. 127 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,360 (toilet flushing) 128 00:07:10,319 --> 00:07:11,839 (door closing) 129 00:07:11,959 --> 00:07:13,720 (clears throat) 130 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,760 Patsy... Tom. 131 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,080 (menacing music) 132 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,080 I'm sorry for your loss. 133 00:07:25,199 --> 00:07:27,080 And I'm sorry for yours. 134 00:07:31,839 --> 00:07:33,519 (chatter) 135 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,120 ELVIRA V/O: Crime correspondents. 136 00:07:42,239 --> 00:07:44,519 'To some, a juicy gig.' 137 00:07:44,639 --> 00:07:47,519 'But to others, it's a slow death, 138 00:07:47,639 --> 00:07:50,000 haunted by unsolved murders.' 139 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,879 Who did this to you? 140 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,760 'For Clive, indeed, for Kilraven, 141 00:07:53,879 --> 00:07:56,120 that meant Maria Riedle.' 142 00:07:56,239 --> 00:07:59,040 Clive? My office. Now. 143 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,519 Ah, the Grim Reaper 144 00:08:03,639 --> 00:08:06,120 Out from behind the death desk. 145 00:08:06,239 --> 00:08:08,680 Tell me, is what this lot says true? 146 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,440 Is what true? 147 00:08:10,559 --> 00:08:14,000 Your co-workers reckon you listen to the death notices 148 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,480 as you twiddle your twaddle. 149 00:08:16,599 --> 00:08:18,400 (sniggering) 150 00:08:23,360 --> 00:08:24,959 (door closing) 151 00:08:26,279 --> 00:08:28,376 (Hughie's voice slightly muffled) This gives me no joy, but... 152 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,279 I've two options. You either go freelance, 153 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,440 or I let you go. 154 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:34,456 Thirty years?! Just like that? What am I to do, Clive? 155 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,239 You know what, Burns? What? 156 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,120 Eat SHIT! 157 00:08:38,239 --> 00:08:40,239 Ah, come on! 158 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,959 Jesus. 159 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,480 Clancy... 160 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,519 Clive quit. It was his choice. 161 00:08:56,639 --> 00:08:59,919 'Cos you asked him to go freelance. Circulation is down. 162 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,440 I'm having to combine Farming with Fashion. 163 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:05,680 That will kill Kate. 164 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,559 No way! That's her. Getting the email now. 165 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,720 Perhaps you could combine birth notices with obituaries. 166 00:09:12,839 --> 00:09:14,839 Cut out the middleman. 167 00:09:14,959 --> 00:09:17,000 And perhaps your work could improve, just a tad, 168 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,160 so that the families stop bitching at me. 169 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,199 Look, you'll get 200 an obit. 170 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,319 No regular salary? We'll review it down the line. 171 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,040 Hughie... 172 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,839 .. on average, one person dies every ten days in this town. 173 00:09:30,959 --> 00:09:33,639 Sometimes, I've waited weeks. Isn't that a good thing? 174 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,639 Not when I'm supporting my father? 175 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,360 Chin up. At least you're still a reporter. 176 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,440 You're not stuck in here like me, 177 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,000 massaging ulcer-inducing spreadsheets. 178 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,800 But... How will I live? I dunno. 179 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,800 Maybe you should start killing people. 180 00:09:50,919 --> 00:09:52,959 (INTERNAL V/O) Maybe I can start with you. 181 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,199 Maybe I can start with you. 182 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,360 (awkward silence) 183 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,919 (laughs) 184 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,080 (nervous chuckle) 185 00:10:04,199 --> 00:10:05,959 THAT's the spirit. 186 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,120 Now, off you pop. 187 00:10:08,239 --> 00:10:10,319 It won't write itself. 188 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,400 ELVIRA V/O: Because I had my own stuff going on back then, 189 00:10:17,519 --> 00:10:19,760 I missed all the signs. 190 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:23,800 'But it's like, one day, Dad woke up and decided. 191 00:10:24,519 --> 00:10:27,319 'You know, I think I'll take to the drink.' 192 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,839 You know, I read somewhere that freelancers 193 00:10:30,959 --> 00:10:33,599 get paid by the column, or even by the word, sometimes. 194 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,519 Or perhaps, never. 195 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,360 How is the 'aul noggin'? 196 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,839 It'd be a lot better if that was your last of the day. 197 00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:46,279 You know I'm always here for ya if you want to talk. 198 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,319 Yeah. 199 00:10:49,319 --> 00:10:51,400 The same applies to you. 200 00:10:52,839 --> 00:10:55,519 You can always get another job in the town. 201 00:10:55,639 --> 00:10:59,360 V/O: Notice he didn't tell me to get another job, in another town? 202 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:03,440 'Poor man. He can't see a future without me.' 203 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:05,760 I know you think you've got no future, but... 204 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,800 Writing's everything I have. 205 00:11:09,599 --> 00:11:13,519 This job, Dad... It's like, my life. 206 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,080 And by the way, 207 00:11:16,199 --> 00:11:18,440 you know if I'm broke, you're broke too, yeah? 208 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:20,319 Jesus! 209 00:11:22,879 --> 00:11:24,879 Tadaa! 210 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,400 I tell you something... 211 00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:29,400 .. nobody hurts my wee girl. (liquid flowing) 212 00:11:29,519 --> 00:11:32,680 Especially not that ballbag, Hughie. Shut the door! 213 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,199 It breaks my heart to see you like this. 214 00:11:36,879 --> 00:11:38,639 Hey... 215 00:11:39,519 --> 00:11:41,720 I could dust off my CV. 216 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,160 Are you gonna tell me to go back and wash my hands? No... 217 00:11:47,279 --> 00:11:49,959 CVs, Dad. That's what I just said. 218 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:53,160 That's what I've been writing. 219 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:56,160 But people's lives aren't CVs. 220 00:11:56,279 --> 00:11:58,919 They're much, much more. But I like your writing. 221 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,680 Yeah... (sighs) 222 00:12:01,199 --> 00:12:03,040 It can be better. How? 223 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,440 'Not always, but sometimes, 224 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,639 Dad inspires me.' 225 00:12:08,879 --> 00:12:11,120 I'm going to write advances. 226 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,559 Obituaries for the pre-dead. 227 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,879 Like zombies? Like Michael Jackson. 228 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,440 Who did a mean zombie. And who, the minute he did die, 229 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,279 the big papers had his obit up on their websites. 230 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,519 Years in the making, researched, refined. 231 00:12:25,639 --> 00:12:27,639 Ready in a heartbeat to go to print. 232 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,239 (thud) 233 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,440 So you'll, what... pick old people? Sick people. 234 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:35,559 People whose lives dice with death. 235 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:37,720 And write them up before they do die. 236 00:12:40,199 --> 00:12:42,400 'These advances, with thought and time, 237 00:12:42,519 --> 00:12:44,639 will be heartfelt and moving.' 238 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,440 'Not crap jotted down as the coffin slides into the ground.' 239 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:51,559 'Something the families adore.' 240 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,519 (keyboard tapping) 241 00:12:53,639 --> 00:12:56,839 'That gives Hughie no choice but to put me back on full pay.' 242 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,360 ♪♪ 243 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,800 How does it feel, Alice? 244 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,160 To die? To know you're dying. 245 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,160 It's Rose I worry about. Your daughter? 246 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,519 A big lug of a thing. Tomboy. 247 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,480 I don't think she'll cope. She'll have to grieve. 248 00:13:30,599 --> 00:13:32,839 They say there are stages. 249 00:13:32,959 --> 00:13:36,919 Denial, anger bargaining, depression, and... 250 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,720 Suicide? Eh... no. 251 00:13:39,839 --> 00:13:41,639 Acceptance. 252 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:45,760 Here, who are you? 253 00:13:45,879 --> 00:13:51,160 I know, I shouldn't. But... Your daughter. 254 00:13:52,279 --> 00:13:53,599 Rose. 255 00:13:54,239 --> 00:13:55,760 Remember? 256 00:13:55,879 --> 00:13:58,120 Thank God! 257 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,680 I'm here, Mam. 258 00:14:01,319 --> 00:14:03,919 Finally, you lost some weight. 259 00:14:04,959 --> 00:14:08,279 But would it kill you to wear a little bit of rouge, huh? 260 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,040 Where were we? 261 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,760 You were advising me on how to accept your death. 262 00:14:18,599 --> 00:14:20,680 Who says I'm dying? 263 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,760 No one listens to me. 264 00:14:22,879 --> 00:14:25,160 The story of my life. 265 00:14:25,279 --> 00:14:29,199 Why do people say that, the story of my life? 266 00:14:29,319 --> 00:14:31,400 Because everyone's got one. 267 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,959 And I'd kill to hear yours. 268 00:14:35,919 --> 00:14:40,239 'For Alice, the voyage of discovery is not in seeking new lands, 269 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:44,000 but seeing old lands with new eyes.' 270 00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:47,239 Dump that last line. 271 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,160 You're not bloody 'Prowst.' 272 00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,080 Proust. 273 00:14:51,199 --> 00:14:55,239 You don't like it? Kudos for the turnover time. She's barely cold. 274 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:59,080 But, Clancy, your words screech when they should sing. 275 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,279 Do better. Or don't do it. 276 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,839 Do better? Fine. 277 00:15:10,959 --> 00:15:12,639 How about a dead man walking. 278 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:15,199 Or well... climbing. 279 00:15:15,319 --> 00:15:17,480 It's a really dangerous job, right? Says who? 280 00:15:17,599 --> 00:15:19,919 The National Statistics Office. 281 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,919 They claim that fatality rates for roofers are... 282 00:15:23,919 --> 00:15:25,760 .. through the roof. 283 00:15:25,879 --> 00:15:29,559 Nothing can kill me. Not no roof nor no... statistics! 284 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:33,040 Sorry, Bob. But the stats beg to differ. 285 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,519 'Always reaching for the heights, 286 00:15:35,639 --> 00:15:39,360 as Bob mounts his ladder, one last time. 287 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:42,800 Think of him as gone, yet not defeated.' 288 00:15:43,839 --> 00:15:46,800 Lose that last line. You're not bloody Hemingway. 289 00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:50,519 Look, there is some improvement. 290 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,360 I only spotted two typos. 291 00:15:58,199 --> 00:16:00,599 V/O: The people of this town think my next advance 292 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:02,959 is Kilraven's nicest man. 293 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,839 'Dad STRONGLY disagrees.' 294 00:16:05,959 --> 00:16:08,839 'Still, the guy is riddled with cancer. Stage Four.' 295 00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:11,040 'And because there's no Stage Five, 296 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,199 it's just a matter of waiting.' 297 00:16:15,839 --> 00:16:19,720 'And waiting... .. and waiting!' 298 00:16:20,599 --> 00:16:22,440 'And waiting.' 299 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,000 'And waiting!' 300 00:16:25,839 --> 00:16:28,400 'And waiting, and...' 301 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,919 Beautiful day, isn't it? 302 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,800 'It's the weirdest thing. This dying man is refusing to die.' 303 00:16:42,599 --> 00:16:44,319 Beautiful day, isn't it? 304 00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:49,800 'His body screams cancer.' 305 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:52,800 Beautiful day, isn't it? 306 00:16:53,639 --> 00:16:57,279 'Yet four weeks since my last obit, 307 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,919 Sandy walks this earth.' 308 00:17:00,559 --> 00:17:02,720 It's a beautiful day, isn't it? 309 00:17:02,839 --> 00:17:06,519 'My bank balance is a bust, and my work remains unread.' 310 00:17:06,639 --> 00:17:09,519 (tapping) 311 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,959 Beautiful day, isn't it? 312 00:17:13,919 --> 00:17:16,760 'My words, trapped on my hard drive.' 313 00:17:16,879 --> 00:17:18,919 'Sandy's tumours, fighting for their lives.' 314 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,800 'A kango hammer, chipping away at my brain.' 315 00:17:22,919 --> 00:17:24,800 'What the hell do I do?' 316 00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:33,879 What the hell are you doing?! Beautiful day, isn't it? 317 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,760 Are you serious? 318 00:17:35,879 --> 00:17:38,760 No one in their right mind could think today is a beautiful day. 319 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,719 Are you saying there's something wrong with my mind? Finally. 320 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,919 Something out of your mouth that makes sense. 321 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,360 You can't talk to me like that. I'm sick. 322 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,639 Oh, join the fucking club. 323 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,760 Go get them. Make me. 324 00:17:55,879 --> 00:17:57,800 Fine. (he struggles) 325 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,599 Aghhh... ah! 326 00:18:03,279 --> 00:18:05,040 (effort grunts) 327 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:09,000 We're going to the Guards. Why? I... I saved you. 328 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,800 Jesus. Saved me! 329 00:18:11,919 --> 00:18:14,160 You're more stupid than I thought! 330 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,519 You didn't know. Know what? 331 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:21,639 The town laughs at ye. The sewer rat unfit to be a father. 332 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,559 The freak waiting for people to die. 333 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:28,919 Now your mother? Mmm... A tasty bit a pipe. 334 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,199 Pity she died and you didn't. 335 00:18:33,599 --> 00:18:35,639 You were right. So you admit it? 336 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,480 You did push me. No. 337 00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:42,239 It is a beautiful day. 338 00:18:43,319 --> 00:18:45,160 (effort grunt) 339 00:18:45,279 --> 00:18:47,040 (scream) 340 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,239 ♪♪ 341 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,120 V/O: I'd be lying if I said 342 00:19:08,239 --> 00:19:10,639 I didn't fantasize about doing this someday.' 343 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,160 'I just never knew how I'd feel.' 344 00:19:13,279 --> 00:19:15,559 Mrs Benson, thanks for seeing me. 345 00:19:16,319 --> 00:19:18,000 I know this is weird, 346 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,800 with me being the one who saw your husband... slip. 347 00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:24,760 But.. Look, I won't take up much of your time. 348 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,559 The thing is... Yeah. 349 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,959 Your words are how Sandy will be remembered. 350 00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,800 The more you know... The more I can, 351 00:19:33,919 --> 00:19:37,000 pardon the pun, bring him to life. 352 00:19:38,639 --> 00:19:40,279 Okay. 353 00:19:40,919 --> 00:19:42,639 But we're getting drunk. 354 00:19:48,199 --> 00:19:52,199 So... (chuckles) I'm under this big sycamore. 355 00:19:52,319 --> 00:19:54,040 First time making love. 356 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,959 But there's this farmer, sneaking a sly look at us, 357 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,160 his Friesians behind him. 358 00:20:00,279 --> 00:20:04,040 I slip my bits back in... Which are still fabulous! 359 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,480 But my husband, still at half-mast, 360 00:20:06,599 --> 00:20:09,040 offers to put on a second showing. 361 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,080 (awkward laugh) 362 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,680 Sandy could be crude that way. 363 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,800 I'll see if I can get that in. 364 00:20:18,559 --> 00:20:20,480 (sighs deeply) 365 00:20:20,599 --> 00:20:22,919 Then... that's that. 366 00:20:25,199 --> 00:20:26,800 Really? 367 00:20:26,919 --> 00:20:29,800 'Cos I feel like we're still missing something. 368 00:20:31,919 --> 00:20:34,720 Look, let's go off record. 369 00:20:35,279 --> 00:20:36,879 Eh? 370 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,839 Okay. 371 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,120 Sandy was... 372 00:20:46,239 --> 00:20:48,279 .. in remission! 373 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,080 (laughing) 374 00:20:50,199 --> 00:20:53,440 The last five years! Sandy wasn't sick. 375 00:20:53,559 --> 00:20:55,879 He just loved the attention! 376 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,120 But he had a blog. 377 00:20:58,239 --> 00:21:01,239 About his ups and downs - the town read it. 378 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,800 Lies. 379 00:21:03,639 --> 00:21:06,800 Sandy could have lived 30 more years but for that fall. 380 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,720 (laughs, and coughs) 381 00:21:10,919 --> 00:21:13,599 Oh pet, you're crying. Sorry. 382 00:21:14,519 --> 00:21:16,360 It's a shock. 383 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:22,000 I thought Sandy had months left, not years. 384 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,599 V/O: Years I took from him. 385 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,839 I thought I'd killed a dying man, 386 00:21:26,959 --> 00:21:30,120 when really, I'd killed a man who deserved to die. 387 00:21:30,239 --> 00:21:33,480 That's okay, love. 'I've never felt such happiness.' 388 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,440 'And everyone wants to be happy.' 389 00:21:37,559 --> 00:21:39,720 'Right?' 390 00:21:40,919 --> 00:21:44,760 'Sadly, we can do nothing for Sandy, but cherish his memory. 391 00:21:44,879 --> 00:21:47,040 As surely his wife, Margo will, 392 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,760 who one day hopes to meet him under that sycamore in the sky, 393 00:21:51,879 --> 00:21:56,440 where they will frolic like teens while the Friesians watch.' 394 00:21:57,639 --> 00:21:59,760 No, no, no, this is good. I know it is! 395 00:21:59,879 --> 00:22:03,400 I can't publish it. You can your typos can go fuck... Margo! 396 00:22:03,519 --> 00:22:06,480 Sandy's wife doesn't want him declared dead. 397 00:22:06,599 --> 00:22:09,440 But... he is dead. 398 00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:12,440 His body was never recovered. She's going to wait out the 7 years. 399 00:22:12,559 --> 00:22:14,559 So no one reads my work? 400 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,559 And no pay? 401 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,680 (deep sigh) I'm sorry, Clancy. 402 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,800 It kills me as much as it does you. 403 00:22:25,279 --> 00:22:27,120 V/O: No matter. 404 00:22:27,239 --> 00:22:29,239 'I like what I wrote.' 405 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,599 'I've found my voice now.' 406 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,440 'A voice with murder as a muse.' 407 00:22:36,519 --> 00:22:38,879 'Of course, I should stop.' 408 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,919 'But now is not a good time for me.' 409 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,680 I'll see you later? 410 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,599 'Your first kill is like your first orgasm.' 411 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,400 'You feel guilty.' 412 00:22:52,519 --> 00:22:54,519 Is Patsy's chest still at him? 413 00:22:54,639 --> 00:22:56,639 'You're not sure how it happened.' 414 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:58,839 Belt. 415 00:22:58,959 --> 00:23:00,599 'But you're damn sure you want another.' 416 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,599 'At least, that's what Mal says.' 417 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,760 (horn beeps) 418 00:23:05,879 --> 00:23:08,440 Hey, where d'ya get your licence? A fuckin' raffle? 419 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,319 Who was that? Sylvester McHugh. 420 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,800 Big builder back in London. Contracted all his work out. 421 00:23:15,919 --> 00:23:19,639 Cut so many corners that three boys died on the job. 422 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,279 And Kilraven welcomed that asshole back with open arms. 423 00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:27,120 'As I said, sometimes my Dad inspires me.' 424 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,080 I tell you something, 425 00:23:29,199 --> 00:23:32,760 someone should clip his wings, before anybody else gets hurt. 426 00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:36,879 'Still, it's all well and good, but I've got to be smart.' 427 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,080 'That means never getting caught.' 428 00:23:39,199 --> 00:23:41,319 'Which means picking the right one, which means... 429 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,680 .. picking someone who deserves it.' 430 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:48,959 'So, does Sylvester deserve it?' 431 00:23:54,839 --> 00:23:56,680 Oh, Mal. 432 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:01,040 You're my best friend, but you've lousy taste in men. 433 00:24:02,519 --> 00:24:04,279 (engine revving) 434 00:24:08,839 --> 00:24:10,879 You know, we're in the same boat. 435 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,919 We both don't want some rando 436 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:15,040 who's spent his whole life in Kilraven, but... 437 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:19,360 .. trust me, Mal, someone... Better will come along? 438 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,480 Elvira! Christ, you've been spouting that same shite 439 00:24:22,599 --> 00:24:24,720 for the last five years. 440 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,599 Look... (she sighs) What? 441 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,480 Last Christmas, I overheard the Scriney sisters. 442 00:24:33,599 --> 00:24:36,480 Those piss-bags said that girls like us, 443 00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:39,120 who never left Kilraven were different from girls 444 00:24:39,239 --> 00:24:41,160 who went to college. I went to college. 445 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,440 Okay, online. But so did you. 446 00:24:46,559 --> 00:24:49,879 Ah, look - a month blowing my grant on MDMA is not college. 447 00:24:51,919 --> 00:24:55,080 Anyways, they said we were robbed of our dreams. 448 00:24:55,199 --> 00:24:57,239 That our small-minded brains never grew 449 00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:59,800 because we never went anywhere. 450 00:24:59,919 --> 00:25:03,480 Then I meet Sylvester. And he's seen the world. 451 00:25:03,599 --> 00:25:07,279 Well, London. So I says, I'll have that for a bit. 452 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:10,639 And why not, like? The man's a... 453 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,519 .. go-getter. 454 00:25:12,639 --> 00:25:14,480 V/O: You may think we have nothing in common. 455 00:25:14,599 --> 00:25:16,559 'This crazy mess and me.' 456 00:25:17,279 --> 00:25:19,839 'But you could not be more wrong.' 457 00:25:19,959 --> 00:25:24,720 'Both mothers dead.' 'Mine in a pool of her own blood, 458 00:25:24,839 --> 00:25:27,919 hers on a hen party in Liverpool.' 459 00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:31,400 Deadly place, isn't it? 460 00:25:34,279 --> 00:25:36,559 What's the sex like? (Mal chortles) 461 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,519 You never ask me about my sex life. 462 00:25:38,639 --> 00:25:40,559 Well, you never ask me about mine. 463 00:25:44,919 --> 00:25:47,879 He says I blow the wife out of the water. (She laughs) 464 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,400 Oh, get this. The last night he was on top of me, 465 00:25:50,519 --> 00:25:52,959 he starts twitching like crazy. 466 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,519 Isn't that a good thing? 467 00:25:55,639 --> 00:25:57,480 He was having an epileptic fit. 468 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,519 Forgot to take his pills. 469 00:26:00,639 --> 00:26:03,639 Who says I can't make men drool, eh? 470 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,879 You know, Mal. Guys like him... 471 00:26:07,959 --> 00:26:10,440 Push them and they're dangerous. So he's got a temper! 472 00:26:10,559 --> 00:26:13,080 He's up the walls with work, but I can handle mys... 473 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,720 Fuck it! 474 00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:19,120 Here, have mine. 475 00:26:22,319 --> 00:26:27,120 It's just a 99, Mal. Nothing's ever just a 99, Elvira. 476 00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:32,440 You know, sometimes, I just feel like... 477 00:26:32,559 --> 00:26:34,519 A laughing stock? 478 00:26:35,959 --> 00:26:37,599 Lost. 479 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,199 People tell me to skip town. I say, why? 480 00:26:43,199 --> 00:26:44,879 I'm from here. 481 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:47,279 What I want is something to happen here! Like what? 482 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,160 I dunno. 483 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,279 I just want it to happen. 484 00:26:53,239 --> 00:26:55,279 I'll wait for it if I have to. 485 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,639 V/O: I'm done waiting. Sylvester's purpose in life 486 00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,000 seems to be to hurt everyone around him. 487 00:27:00,599 --> 00:27:03,440 'Therefore, if my purpose in life is to kill, 488 00:27:03,559 --> 00:27:05,839 I think I'll make some rules.' 489 00:27:05,959 --> 00:27:10,199 'And one must be, no one I love ever gets hurt.' 490 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,879 (pulsating music) 491 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,919 (muffled chatter) 492 00:27:22,319 --> 00:27:24,440 'This is a small town.' 493 00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:27,199 'That means there can never be a whiff of murder.' 494 00:27:27,319 --> 00:27:29,879 'Everything must be a mishap or a suicide.' 495 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:34,160 'An act of God, or a sex act gone wrong.' 496 00:27:34,279 --> 00:27:35,879 (clanging) 497 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,440 (rustling) 498 00:27:57,959 --> 00:28:00,120 ♪ 499 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,160 'A while back, a journalist opened an image sent to him on Twitter.' 500 00:28:09,279 --> 00:28:11,279 'It was strobe lighting.' 501 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,839 'The guy, a known epileptic, 502 00:28:13,959 --> 00:28:17,080 came within seconds of dying, when he suffered a seizure.' 503 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:20,839 'Still, it could have been worse.' 504 00:28:20,959 --> 00:28:23,319 'He could have been trapped in the boot of a car.' 505 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,319 (flicking) 506 00:28:30,959 --> 00:28:32,760 (loud clanging) 507 00:28:35,199 --> 00:28:37,400 (car engine humming) 508 00:28:39,879 --> 00:28:41,440 ♪ 509 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,400 (music builds) 510 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,239 'Crucial to this whole thing, is research.' 511 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,319 (barking) 512 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,360 'In this case, the dark web and a can of Ketamine.' 513 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,400 'Several good blasts, they're toast.' 514 00:29:05,519 --> 00:29:07,959 'But a couple of spritzes... 515 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,400 ..it's sleepy time.' 516 00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,040 ♪ 517 00:29:21,919 --> 00:29:23,919 (music pings) 518 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,879 (pills rattling) 519 00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:30,120 'Sylvester's going to spend the next few days 520 00:29:30,239 --> 00:29:34,160 swallowing a little something from my own medicine cabinet.' 521 00:29:35,199 --> 00:29:36,919 ♪ 522 00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:46,480 'Also essential is intel.' 523 00:29:46,599 --> 00:29:48,599 'And because she tells me everything, 524 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:52,879 I always know when and where Sylvester and Mallory will meet.' 525 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,800 I told you he'd remember! 526 00:29:58,919 --> 00:30:00,839 Aren't they gorgeous? 527 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,400 (tapping) 528 00:30:15,559 --> 00:30:17,319 How do you do that? 529 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,400 Eh... do what? Well, hello! 530 00:30:21,519 --> 00:30:24,879 Get people to open up to you like that. When they're at their lowest. 531 00:30:25,599 --> 00:30:29,000 The people I deal with are consumed with death. 532 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,760 Add sedatives and stodgy funeral food, they soon realise 533 00:30:31,879 --> 00:30:34,559 their deep dark secrets aren't worth taking to the grave. 534 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,800 Emerson Stafford. Elvira... Clancy. 535 00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:41,319 I know. Tell me, what are you working on now? 536 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,639 It's a... surprise. 537 00:30:44,559 --> 00:30:47,400 Oh... does it not get depressing? 538 00:30:47,519 --> 00:30:48,959 Obituaries? 539 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:52,639 I spend two lines out of a hundred on how someone died. 540 00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,319 The rest is a celebration of their life. 541 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,160 Yeah, but you make your living from death. 542 00:30:58,279 --> 00:31:01,199 As do cigarette companies... And crime correspondents. 543 00:31:01,319 --> 00:31:03,279 I'm taking over from Clive, so... 544 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:04,919 looks like we're working together. 545 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,279 Now I know, staff will bitch about the new hire. 546 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,519 But don't worry. But I'm paid per piece. 547 00:31:09,639 --> 00:31:11,800 Still, they'll get mighty snotty when they see 548 00:31:11,919 --> 00:31:14,239 every second article is mine, right? 549 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,800 Hey, uh... you up to anything later? 550 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:21,040 Only I thought I'd grab a drink at the Mariner. 551 00:31:23,639 --> 00:31:26,919 How's nine sound? It sounds a lot better than 'no'. 552 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,239 I'll see you later. 553 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,639 V/O: Tonight was to be Sylvester's last night on earth. 554 00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,599 'Looks like we both got lucky.' 555 00:31:38,239 --> 00:31:39,800 (chatter) 556 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,040 Sorry I'm late. Don't worry about it. 557 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,959 What are you doing here? 558 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,519 Well 'hello' to you too. What are you having, Elvira? 559 00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:55,400 Whatever Mallory's having. 560 00:31:55,519 --> 00:31:57,519 'Since she's having what I'm having.' 561 00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,040 What can I get you? Whiskey and ice... 562 00:32:04,199 --> 00:32:05,879 (excited squeal) 563 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,040 What's that for? You said someone better would come along, 564 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,760 and bam! I bump into him. 565 00:32:11,879 --> 00:32:14,400 What? He could be married. 566 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,680 Or gay? 567 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:18,959 You don't like him, do you? 568 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:21,959 Good. 569 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,680 Eh, hey Emerson. 570 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,160 Elvira reckons you're gay... which... I'm down with. 571 00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:31,040 No, I don't. I'm sorry to disappoint you. (Mal sighs) 572 00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,480 Well, with that put to bed, tell us. 573 00:32:33,599 --> 00:32:36,839 How do you end up working at our little rag, 574 00:32:36,959 --> 00:32:39,879 for that wanker, Hughie? I like Hughie. 575 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,319 At least you know where you stand with him. 576 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:44,416 You like Hughie because he lets you away with murder. 577 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,400 Oh, does he? Let you away with murder? 578 00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:50,760 So Emerson, why journalism? 579 00:32:50,879 --> 00:32:52,720 (bored sigh) And why here? 580 00:32:52,839 --> 00:32:55,879 Ahh, you guys will laugh at me. No, we won't. 581 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,760 It was my cousin's funeral. I was 9. 582 00:32:58,879 --> 00:33:01,800 He was 6, poor kid drowned. Pool, river or sea? 583 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,040 Sea. 584 00:33:04,639 --> 00:33:06,919 But he had this twin. Now on the day of the funeral, 585 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,559 his parents for some reason - do not ask me why - 586 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,000 but they decided to dress them both in matching outfits. 587 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,639 So you can imagine, I'm standing there, I'm 9 years old. 588 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,959 I'm looking into this coffin with this kid lying there, my cousin. 589 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,376 And then they close the lid, and stick the lad in the ground. 590 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,639 'There are sixteen words for 'love' in Latin, 591 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,440 yet none to describe how turned on I am.' 592 00:33:25,559 --> 00:33:27,760 But there's this other lad, standing right there. 593 00:33:27,879 --> 00:33:30,400 Identical to the one just buried. 594 00:33:30,519 --> 00:33:33,080 I thought I was looking at a ghost. It changes you. 595 00:33:34,279 --> 00:33:37,360 And I went home and told my friends what had happened. 596 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:40,680 And they had the worst nightmares, they'd ever had in their lives. 597 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,599 That's when I knew, 598 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,599 my job is to bring the world's weirdest stories to the people. 599 00:33:46,559 --> 00:33:49,160 And what better place than Kilraven. 600 00:33:49,279 --> 00:33:51,639 We don't even have a Penneys. 601 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:54,639 But we have people like Mal, who has committed armed robbery. 602 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,519 'Armed' is a stretch. You had a golf club. 603 00:33:57,639 --> 00:33:59,800 A putter. Still took two grand out of that shop. 604 00:33:59,919 --> 00:34:02,279 Well, it would have been a grand more if it were a Penneys. 605 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:04,199 Did you get time? Suspended. 606 00:34:04,319 --> 00:34:07,239 Eighteen months if I darken the door of a court again. 607 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,959 Well, I should write a story about you. 608 00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:12,040 (Mal giggles) 609 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,080 'Reformed con makes good'. 610 00:34:14,199 --> 00:34:17,680 Maybe I should write a story on you. 'Reformed con dies'. 611 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,879 Eh... 612 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,120 My phone is broken, can I... Yeah, yeah. Use mine. 613 00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:36,040 (ping) 614 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,199 (message tinkle) 615 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:40,959 (door creaking) 616 00:34:42,959 --> 00:34:45,959 You followed me in here? This is the mens. 617 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,519 Oh... yeah. 618 00:34:48,639 --> 00:34:50,440 I wondered what that smell was. 619 00:34:50,559 --> 00:34:53,199 'Whatever he does, he's giving me that feeling again.' 620 00:34:53,319 --> 00:34:54,839 (message tinkles) 621 00:34:55,519 --> 00:34:57,959 'And then there's that other feeling.' 622 00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:03,080 I've to go. Ah, stay. Mallory and I would love it. 623 00:35:03,199 --> 00:35:05,680 'Two shandies and they're 'Mallory and I' already?' 624 00:35:06,639 --> 00:35:08,120 Dad's ill. 625 00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,080 Give Mal her phone. 626 00:35:14,319 --> 00:35:15,959 (flickering) 627 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:20,839 ♪ 628 00:35:24,599 --> 00:35:26,160 (slamming) 629 00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:38,639 (engine humming) 630 00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:41,720 (foreboding music) 631 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:46,040 (faint sound of Garda radio) 632 00:35:47,559 --> 00:35:49,239 (gravel crunching) 633 00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,120 (rapping) 634 00:35:58,519 --> 00:36:01,919 Ehm... (window opening) 635 00:36:04,599 --> 00:36:06,680 Everything alright? 636 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:11,839 Good. Now... Why are you parked here? 637 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,800 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 638 00:36:15,919 --> 00:36:18,400 Just getting my driver's license. 639 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,000 I-I come here sometimes to... 640 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,919 .. clear my head. 641 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,680 Funny that. Because usually when people come here, 642 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,400 they come here to do drugs. Do you do drugs? 643 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,879 Have you been drinking? Just the one, Guard. Really? 644 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,400 Because you seem very nervous. 645 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,639 Are you nervous? 646 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,639 Then you won't mind me checking your vehicle. Yeah? 647 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,519 Be my guest. 648 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,199 Anything in your boot? 649 00:36:54,319 --> 00:36:56,416 V/O: Just an eight-inch hunting knife and enough strobe lighting 650 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,400 to kill a man.' 651 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:03,319 Still... .. you better pop it for me. 652 00:37:04,959 --> 00:37:06,959 The thing's broken. 653 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,519 (keys jangling) 654 00:37:08,639 --> 00:37:10,559 You'll have to do it yourself. 655 00:37:16,720 --> 00:37:18,480 (foreboding music) 656 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,919 Hey... (Garda radio sounds) 657 00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,480 What's with the can? 658 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,120 The thing is always acting up. It's just... 659 00:37:33,559 --> 00:37:37,040 Rose... A call came in. A domestic. 660 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:40,120 Gimme a second. 661 00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:43,199 Alice worked nights at Fruit of the Loom. 662 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,400 Having spent a whole day weaving baskets, 663 00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,879 she'd still be home in time to make her daughter's breakfast. 664 00:37:52,199 --> 00:37:55,760 A glamorous woman, her speciality was... 665 00:37:56,919 --> 00:37:59,160 Fancy baskets. 666 00:37:59,279 --> 00:38:02,199 Made from ash strips woven in patterns. 667 00:38:02,319 --> 00:38:05,879 Topped with carved flowers as... Her mother's had been. 668 00:38:06,639 --> 00:38:10,959 And as she hoped her daughter, Rose's would someday be too. 669 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,519 You wrote that? My mam's obituary? 670 00:38:17,599 --> 00:38:20,080 We spoke before she passed. 671 00:38:20,199 --> 00:38:22,639 She said you meant the world to her. 672 00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:26,519 She had a weird way of showing it. 673 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,440 Left an awful lot unsaid. 674 00:38:30,279 --> 00:38:33,239 Must have made accepting her death difficult. 675 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:34,559 Ah... 676 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,080 She was always telling you to lose weight, find a man. 677 00:38:38,199 --> 00:38:40,319 Wear make-up, join a gym. 678 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,279 You've made your point! My point is... 679 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,959 She thought you were beautiful. 680 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,400 She wished she'd said it more. 681 00:38:50,319 --> 00:38:52,239 She said that? 682 00:38:53,559 --> 00:38:55,440 Those very words? 683 00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,919 I never met my Mam. 684 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,879 I'd die happy hearing what she thought of me. 685 00:39:07,959 --> 00:39:09,480 (siren wailing) 686 00:39:12,319 --> 00:39:14,120 (keys jangling) 687 00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,040 Safe home. 688 00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,080 Oh, and Miss Clancy... 689 00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,160 When my time comes, 690 00:39:27,959 --> 00:39:30,360 I'd like you to write my obituary. 691 00:39:31,599 --> 00:39:33,199 Done. 692 00:39:33,319 --> 00:39:35,080 V/O: 'As am I.' 693 00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:38,760 'I'm not cut out for this.' 694 00:39:39,279 --> 00:39:41,599 'That close to getting caught.' 695 00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:44,239 'No way. No!' 696 00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:46,680 'It ends now.' 697 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:48,879 ♪♪ 698 00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:01,559 (locks clicking) 699 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,120 So this is where they found Maria Riedle's body? 700 00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:08,879 (deep inhale) 701 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,279 (coughing) 702 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,400 You okay? 703 00:40:15,519 --> 00:40:17,639 Heard it's in both lungs now. 704 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,959 The rest of my files this week. 705 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,879 (gulping) 706 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:25,680 First Guard on the scene? 707 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:29,919 If you want to get the DPP file off her, you'll need leverage. 708 00:40:31,959 --> 00:40:34,199 The 'Mallory' I mentioned. 709 00:40:34,319 --> 00:40:36,559 Last person to see Maria alive. 710 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,400 Five years have passed. 711 00:40:39,519 --> 00:40:42,279 But I bet she still remembers every tiny detail. 712 00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,360 Oh, I'm way ahead of ya there. 713 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,839 I didn't drag you to this town to get your hole. No. 714 00:40:46,959 --> 00:40:49,279 You dragged me here so I could finish what you couldn't. 715 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,080 Emerson, this is my life's work. 716 00:40:53,199 --> 00:40:55,279 Mmm. Jesus! 717 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,040 You still don't get it. She's German! 718 00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,279 The story's international. 719 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,639 If your work leads to the arrest of Maria Riedle's killer, 720 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,919 we're talking books, films. 721 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,599 In German? In every language! 722 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,639 Netflix? 723 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,279 I was thinking more Sky, but we'll ask them too. 724 00:41:16,279 --> 00:41:18,519 That grabbed your attention. 725 00:41:18,639 --> 00:41:20,839 Now... our deal. 726 00:41:21,839 --> 00:41:23,839 A change of plan. 727 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:28,199 Upon the arrest of the killer, 728 00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:31,080 you don't get half of my life savings. You get the lot. 729 00:41:31,199 --> 00:41:32,839 (curious) Yeah. 730 00:41:32,959 --> 00:41:34,879 What's the catch? Not a penny 731 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,199 if you don't finish up before I die. 732 00:41:37,319 --> 00:41:40,199 And when do you think that might that be? 733 00:41:40,319 --> 00:41:42,160 (cackling and coughing) 734 00:41:44,559 --> 00:41:46,800 I'm working on it. 735 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,400 And you're sure this scumbag... And I'm not saying it's him. 736 00:41:50,519 --> 00:41:53,839 Are you sure her husband did it? No doubt. 737 00:41:53,959 --> 00:41:55,919 Now go and prove it. 738 00:41:58,319 --> 00:42:00,040 Cheers. Go on! 739 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:06,559 (chilling music) 740 00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,720 (banging) Elvira! 741 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,440 (banging) 742 00:42:13,559 --> 00:42:15,319 Uhhh! 743 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,720 (he sighs) Are the rats at ya? 744 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:21,360 I didn't always drink, you know? Oh yeah? 745 00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,959 Just these last few years. Yeah, well... 746 00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,040 Maybe one day I'll tell you why. 747 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,360 But for the moment, I enjoy it. Alright? 748 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,400 And I could stop any time I want. But truthfully, 749 00:42:32,519 --> 00:42:35,080 I don't like me without it, anyway. Yeah, well.. 750 00:42:35,199 --> 00:42:37,639 People change, Dad. Yeah pigs might fly... 751 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:39,599 (tyres screeching) Jesus Christ! 752 00:42:40,720 --> 00:42:44,440 Go on, jog on redneck! Ya prize bollocks! 753 00:42:44,559 --> 00:42:46,855 Do you know he's suing his own brother over his father's will? 754 00:42:46,879 --> 00:42:48,919 And the poor fella's not the full shilling. 755 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,239 And then he steps out in front of ya? 756 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,360 He's an accident waiting to happen, that one. 757 00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,800 V/O: No. When I say, I'm done. I'm done. 758 00:42:58,279 --> 00:43:01,160 Hughie, you promised to review my salary. Now is the time. 759 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,040 You read The Lancet, Clancy? 760 00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:09,720 They claim that flu season is late this year, 761 00:43:09,839 --> 00:43:12,199 but it's going to hit big. 762 00:43:12,319 --> 00:43:14,839 Soon. That's a boon for your beat. 763 00:43:14,959 --> 00:43:16,879 So no review. 764 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:22,680 I'm paying you for Sandy Benson. 765 00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,680 I can't publish it, but quality work deserves recognition. 766 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:28,879 There's enough here for two obits. 767 00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,120 You ever heard of Sylvester McHugh? 768 00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:36,360 'Fraid not. 769 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,440 A controversial figure. 770 00:43:38,559 --> 00:43:40,999 They found him slumped over the wheel of his car this morning. 771 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:42,760 V/O: His meds. 772 00:43:42,879 --> 00:43:45,400 His wife says he suffered from epilepsy. 773 00:43:45,519 --> 00:43:49,319 That's the official line. 'I forgot to change them back.' 774 00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:52,120 Look, with Sandy's obit... 775 00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:54,639 'I did that. That was me.' 776 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:58,559 It finally felt like you got the person you were writing about. 777 00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,319 (gleeful) Too right, I did! 778 00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:04,279 And also, it inspired me. 779 00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:08,360 To see you not have it, search for it, and find it, 780 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,319 it made me want to get back into 'real' journalism again. 781 00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,080 Big and small. 782 00:44:13,199 --> 00:44:15,800 This town is full of stories. 783 00:44:16,559 --> 00:44:18,599 I'm going to find them. 784 00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:21,879 So I stay on 200 an obit? Desperation drives you. 785 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:23,959 Let's see where it takes us. 786 00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,279 Do you know what you're doing? 787 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:28,839 I'm making a good journalist. 788 00:44:28,959 --> 00:44:31,639 V/O: No, you're taking a flamethrower to this town. 789 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:33,839 You just keep doing exactly as you've been doing 790 00:44:33,959 --> 00:44:35,720 these last few weeks. 791 00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,839 And if work turns slow again? 792 00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,040 You'll think of something. 793 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:46,839 ♪ 794 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,720 Hey babe! Hiya. Will we bounce? Wow. 795 00:44:53,839 --> 00:44:55,800 (kissing) 796 00:45:01,839 --> 00:45:04,559 Hey! Watch it. I'm sorry. 797 00:45:05,199 --> 00:45:07,319 V/O: They say if you want to write, 798 00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:11,519 you have to sit down, open a vein, and bleed on the page.' 799 00:45:11,639 --> 00:45:15,040 'Thing is, whose vein are they talking about?' 800 00:45:16,839 --> 00:45:19,440 'And whose blood do they mean?' 801 00:45:21,519 --> 00:45:24,040 'No matter. Hughie's right.' 802 00:45:24,839 --> 00:45:27,239 'These things won't write themselves.' 803 00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:30,760 ♪