1
00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:03,780
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

2
00:00:03,780 --> 00:00:08,317
<i>- ♪ MTV ♪</i>

3
00:00:08,317 --> 00:00:11,287
<i>[Katy Perry's
"Cozy Little Christmas"]</i>

4
00:00:11,287 --> 00:00:14,323
[car horn honks]
<i>- ♪ Everybody's in a hurry ♪</i>

5
00:00:14,323 --> 00:00:16,826
<i>- Ah, Christmas.</i>

6
00:00:16,826 --> 00:00:18,294
<i>- ♪ Shopping till
they're droppin' in the snow ♪</i>

7
00:00:18,294 --> 00:00:21,597
<i>- The most magical time
of the year.</i>

8
00:00:21,597 --> 00:00:22,932
<i>- ♪ Kids are cryin',
dogs are barkin' ♪</i>

9
00:00:22,932 --> 00:00:25,568
<i>- A truly wondrous time,</i>

10
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:30,072
<i>a time when
all our wishes come true</i>

11
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:32,809
<i>in fairy-tale land.</i>

12
00:00:32,809 --> 00:00:34,210
<i>[dramatic music]</i>

13
00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:35,645
<i>But this isn't a fairy tale,</i>

14
00:00:35,645 --> 00:00:37,580
<i>and Christmas
is a horseshit holiday</i>

15
00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:39,515
<i>that makes us all
feel like crap</i>

16
00:00:39,515 --> 00:00:42,251
<i>and reminds us of what's wrong
in our lives.</i>

17
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,219
[car honks]
[tires screech]

18
00:00:43,219 --> 00:00:44,320
[metallic crunch]

19
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:45,888
That's why I'm here.

20
00:00:45,888 --> 00:00:47,790
Welcome back, KLDA listeners.

21
00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:52,161
I'm Emily Harris and you're
listening to "Ask Emily."

22
00:00:52,161 --> 00:00:53,996
Oh, it looks like we have time

23
00:00:53,996 --> 00:00:57,767
for one more sad Christmas
caller who needs my help.

24
00:00:57,767 --> 00:01:00,470
Hi, you're on the line
with Emily.

25
00:01:00,470 --> 00:01:02,939
What's your name,
and what's your problem?

26
00:01:02,939 --> 00:01:04,574
<i>- Uh, hi.</i>

27
00:01:04,574 --> 00:01:07,243
<i>My name is Greg and I have
sort of an awkward question.</i>

28
00:01:07,243 --> 00:01:08,611
- Awkward.

29
00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:11,080
Mm, that's my specialty.
Lay it on me.

30
00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,149
<i>- My girlfriend's parents
have been calling me Craig</i>

31
00:01:13,149 --> 00:01:15,218
<i>for two years, but it's Greg.</i>

32
00:01:15,218 --> 00:01:17,620
<i>Do I correct them?
</i>- Yes, you correct them!

33
00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:20,456
Also, real quick,
if the holidays isn't the time

34
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:21,924
to get a little
passive-aggressive,

35
00:01:21,924 --> 00:01:24,026
then I don't know when is.

36
00:01:24,026 --> 00:01:26,095
Greg, here's what
you're gonna do.

37
00:01:26,095 --> 00:01:27,530
You're going to go out
and get yourself

38
00:01:27,530 --> 00:01:30,800
a custom Christmas sweater
with your actual name,

39
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,436
Greg, front and center.

40
00:01:33,436 --> 00:01:35,137
- Oh, my God, that's genius.

41
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,572
Can I write,

42
00:01:36,572 --> 00:01:37,907
"No one likes your fruitcake"
on the back?

43
00:01:37,907 --> 00:01:40,042
- Fruitcake?
You talking about fraudcake?

44
00:01:40,042 --> 00:01:42,945
Yeah, you write that too,
on the back in lights--

45
00:01:42,945 --> 00:01:44,347
- Out of my chair, Harris.

46
00:01:44,347 --> 00:01:46,148
- Uh--one, test, test.
- Who's this?

47
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,184
- Uh, that's the new intern,

48
00:01:48,184 --> 00:01:49,719
and we're just
testing the audio.

49
00:01:49,719 --> 00:01:50,987
It sounds great.
- Yeah, whatever.

50
00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:52,355
Listen.

51
00:01:52,355 --> 00:01:54,123
Queue up that new music
I sent you this morning.

52
00:01:54,123 --> 00:01:55,424
It totally sings.

53
00:01:55,424 --> 00:01:57,426
- Yeah, you got it.
You're on in two.

54
00:01:57,426 --> 00:01:59,161
- [clears throat]

55
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:00,563
<i>- ♪ It's a celebration ♪</i>

56
00:02:00,563 --> 00:02:04,066
- What's up, what's up,
what's up, New York City?

57
00:02:04,066 --> 00:02:06,135
You're listening to KLDA 93.3,

58
00:02:06,135 --> 00:02:09,105
your choice for music, news,
celeb gossip, and me,

59
00:02:09,105 --> 00:02:12,108
Ken "Spicy Ay-yi-yi" Spicer!

60
00:02:12,108 --> 00:02:13,843
Now we're going to go
straight to the phone lines

61
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,379
for your favorite Christmas
tradition, "Dear Santa."

62
00:02:16,379 --> 00:02:18,247
I mean, it's my last week.
[chuckles]

63
00:02:18,247 --> 00:02:20,249
Okay?
I can do what I want.

64
00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:23,352
- Ugh, only four more days
of this song.

65
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:24,987
<i>[festive hip-hop music]</i>

66
00:02:24,987 --> 00:02:27,523
- Well, there'll be
no avoiding tonight,

67
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,926
because tonight's
the big night.

68
00:02:29,926 --> 00:02:31,327
- Yeah.

69
00:02:31,327 --> 00:02:33,429
- Em, you know
Ken is deciding tonight

70
00:02:33,429 --> 00:02:35,531
on who's taking over his slot,
okay?

71
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,033
You got to strap
on your boss pants

72
00:02:37,033 --> 00:02:39,769
and pitch him "Ask Emily"
tonight at the Christmas party.

73
00:02:39,769 --> 00:02:40,736
- Mm-hmm.
- Right?

74
00:02:40,736 --> 00:02:41,938
He's never gonna know that you

75
00:02:41,938 --> 00:02:42,905
want to be a DJ
unless you tell him.

76
00:02:42,905 --> 00:02:44,106
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

77
00:02:44,106 --> 00:02:46,509
- Okay.
So what's your plan?

78
00:02:46,509 --> 00:02:48,544
- Oh, I was hoping
you would ask.

79
00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:51,647
So my plan is to keep
all my wishes to myself,

80
00:02:51,647 --> 00:02:54,350
so I'm never embarrassed
or disappointed.

81
00:02:54,350 --> 00:02:55,618
- See you tonight, coward.

82
00:02:55,618 --> 00:02:57,019
And don't forget
to wear your sparkly dress.

83
00:02:57,019 --> 00:02:59,522
- I would never forget
to wear my sparkly dress.

84
00:02:59,522 --> 00:03:02,491
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

85
00:03:02,491 --> 00:03:08,831
<i>♪ ♪</i>

86
00:03:08,831 --> 00:03:11,834
[phone ringing]

87
00:03:11,834 --> 00:03:15,104
<i>♪ ♪</i>

88
00:03:15,104 --> 00:03:17,106
No.

89
00:03:17,106 --> 00:03:21,544
<i>♪ ♪</i>

90
00:03:21,544 --> 00:03:24,447
<i>[Mykola Leontovych's
"Carol of the Bells"]</i>

91
00:03:24,447 --> 00:03:27,416
<i>[choir vocalizing]</i>

92
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:34,557
<i>♪ ♪</i>

93
00:03:42,298 --> 00:03:44,834
- [clears throat]

94
00:03:46,002 --> 00:03:49,238
You gave the kid
a LEGO Tokyo Skyline.

95
00:03:49,238 --> 00:03:50,539
- Uh, yeah.

96
00:03:50,539 --> 00:03:52,108
- He asked for a scooter!

97
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:55,077
- Okay, I did that kid a favor,
all right?

98
00:03:55,077 --> 00:03:57,613
And if he had any taste,
he would know that.

99
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,215
- Do you know
how many complaint letters

100
00:03:59,215 --> 00:04:01,050
we've gotten about you?

101
00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:03,886
You know how the big man
feels about being selfish.

102
00:04:03,886 --> 00:04:07,690
He is not happy,
so here's what we're gonna do.

103
00:04:07,690 --> 00:04:09,525
We are assigning you
to the Lost Souls Department.

104
00:04:09,525 --> 00:04:11,527
- No! Lost Souls?

105
00:04:11,527 --> 00:04:13,562
Nah, nah, nah, I'm not good
with talking with people.

106
00:04:13,562 --> 00:04:14,930
- Mm, you don't say.

107
00:04:14,930 --> 00:04:16,432
- No, I don't like
people like that, okay?

108
00:04:16,432 --> 00:04:17,533
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- I can't--I can't do it.

109
00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:19,068
- So here's what
you're gonna do.

110
00:04:19,068 --> 00:04:21,003
You are going to work with,
listen to,

111
00:04:21,003 --> 00:04:23,172
and actually help
your assigned human,

112
00:04:23,172 --> 00:04:25,775
and learn not to be so selfish.

113
00:04:25,775 --> 00:04:29,078
Or you are getting reassigned
to work for...

114
00:04:29,078 --> 00:04:31,714
<i>♪ ♪</i>

115
00:04:31,714 --> 00:04:34,884
The Tooth Fairy.
[all gasp]

116
00:04:36,285 --> 00:04:38,254
<i>♪ ♪</i>

117
00:04:38,254 --> 00:04:43,559
<i>- ♪ I want to be beautiful ♪</i>

118
00:04:43,559 --> 00:04:45,361
<i>♪ Want to be beautiful ♪</i>

119
00:04:45,361 --> 00:04:46,996
- Okay, okay!

120
00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:49,799
<i>- ♪ I want to be
so much more ♪</i>

121
00:04:49,799 --> 00:04:53,469
- [sighs]
Not bad, Harris.

122
00:04:53,469 --> 00:04:55,504
Boris!

123
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,173
You think all the boys
at the Christmas party

124
00:04:57,173 --> 00:04:59,075
is gonna like my outfit?

125
00:04:59,075 --> 00:05:01,077
[cat meows]

126
00:05:01,077 --> 00:05:02,812
- Well, KLDA listeners,

127
00:05:02,812 --> 00:05:05,281
looks like we're gonna need
a little liquid courage

128
00:05:05,281 --> 00:05:07,983
to do anything cool tonight!

129
00:05:07,983 --> 00:05:10,853
<i>[Arin Maya's
"I Want To Be Beautiful"]</i>

130
00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:13,489
A little more eggnog
for your girl.

131
00:05:13,489 --> 00:05:16,125
<i>♪ ♪</i>

132
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,094
Wow.
Completely out.

133
00:05:18,094 --> 00:05:19,829
It's not even worth
drinking that.

134
00:05:19,829 --> 00:05:21,263
[sighs]
Okay, fine.

135
00:05:21,263 --> 00:05:24,100
Adult booze it is.

136
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:26,068
You're grown anyway, girl.

137
00:05:26,068 --> 00:05:27,970
Get you a little.

138
00:05:29,905 --> 00:05:32,408
Mm, mm, mm.

139
00:05:32,408 --> 00:05:34,443
Ugh!
There it goes.

140
00:05:34,443 --> 00:05:36,679
There it is.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

141
00:05:36,679 --> 00:05:38,914
Okay.
Cool Emily.

142
00:05:38,914 --> 00:05:41,016
Cool Emily is coming
to the party.

143
00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:42,952
Okay, okay.

144
00:05:42,952 --> 00:05:45,321
You look him right in the eye
with all of your confidence

145
00:05:45,321 --> 00:05:48,023
and you say--you say, um...

146
00:05:48,023 --> 00:05:49,325
[clears throat]

147
00:05:49,325 --> 00:05:51,527
Ken, baby.

148
00:05:51,527 --> 00:05:53,395
Listen up, okay?

149
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,764
I want to take over for you

150
00:05:54,764 --> 00:05:58,501
with my groundbreaking
advice show, "Ask Emily."

151
00:05:58,501 --> 00:06:00,669
The ratings
are gonna spike so high,

152
00:06:00,669 --> 00:06:02,505
you'll think
you're on cocaine again,

153
00:06:02,505 --> 00:06:04,306
but in a good way.

154
00:06:04,306 --> 00:06:06,242
Come on, baby, Ken!

155
00:06:06,242 --> 00:06:09,745
You and I both know
I'm too good to be producing

156
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,380
somebody else's show.

157
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:13,415
What do you say?

158
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:14,784
The wink is what's
gonna sell it.

159
00:06:14,784 --> 00:06:16,552
It's the--you're
gonna get your show.

160
00:06:16,552 --> 00:06:17,820
You're gonna get your show,

161
00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:20,156
and Christmas is not
gonna suck for once.

162
00:06:20,156 --> 00:06:21,257
Let's go!

163
00:06:21,257 --> 00:06:22,625
[phone ringing]

164
00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:24,360
- Ugh, Mom.

165
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,428
Why is she always calling me?

166
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,165
[phone ringing]

167
00:06:29,165 --> 00:06:31,600
<i>- It's finally happened!</i>

168
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,203
<i>We're finalists
for the annual Glen Ridge</i>

169
00:06:34,203 --> 00:06:36,672
<i>Christmas Tree
Decorating Contest!</i>

170
00:06:36,672 --> 00:06:39,041
<i>Linda's gonna eat my dust!</i>

171
00:06:39,041 --> 00:06:41,110
<i>I just need you
to come for the party.</i>

172
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:43,379
- Oh, absolutely not.
That's never gonna happen.

173
00:06:43,379 --> 00:06:45,080
Definitely working all day.

174
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,582
<i>- I won't take no
for an answer.</i>

175
00:06:46,582 --> 00:06:48,017
<i>See you tomorrow.</i>

176
00:06:48,017 --> 00:06:49,752
- No, you won't!

177
00:06:49,752 --> 00:06:51,987
<i>- And don't bring
that hideous silver thing</i>

178
00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:54,657
<i>that makes you look
like a burrito.</i>

179
00:06:54,657 --> 00:06:57,993
<i>- ♪ Yeah,
I want to be beautiful ♪</i>

180
00:06:57,993 --> 00:06:59,895
- Can't wait
to put her in a home.

181
00:06:59,895 --> 00:07:02,364
<i>- ♪ I want to be beautiful ♪</i>

182
00:07:02,364 --> 00:07:04,333
<i>- ♪ Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪</i>

183
00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:05,601
<i>- ♪ Merry Christmas ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪</i>

184
00:07:05,601 --> 00:07:06,869
<i>♪ Merry Christmas ♪</i>

185
00:07:06,869 --> 00:07:08,304
- Hey!

186
00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:10,005
I thought we were both
wearing our sparkly dresses.

187
00:07:10,005 --> 00:07:11,807
- I had a dry
cleaning emergency.

188
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:13,943
But, a little sparkle.

189
00:07:13,943 --> 00:07:16,078
There.
Now we look exactly alike.

190
00:07:16,078 --> 00:07:18,581
- Exactly.
- We're like Tia and Tamera.

191
00:07:18,581 --> 00:07:20,316
- Ladies!

192
00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:22,117
Nice to see you.

193
00:07:22,117 --> 00:07:24,286
Shouldn't I be
wearing that crown?

194
00:07:24,286 --> 00:07:25,921
- Why is that, Janice?

195
00:07:25,921 --> 00:07:29,792
Because you're the queen
of kissing Ken's ass?

196
00:07:29,792 --> 00:07:32,995
- It's obvious Ken's gonna
name me his replacement.

197
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,898
- Okay, we all know how
you got your job, Janice.

198
00:07:35,898 --> 00:07:38,767
You give your knee pads
a rest tonight?

199
00:07:38,767 --> 00:07:41,904
- Oh, good one.

200
00:07:41,904 --> 00:07:46,775
You should know by now that
I get everything I want, okay?

201
00:07:46,775 --> 00:07:48,444
Cute dress, though.

202
00:07:48,444 --> 00:07:50,446
I like the zipper.
It's cute.

203
00:07:50,446 --> 00:07:52,514
- Ugh.

204
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:53,849
No, I know, I know, I know.

205
00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,517
I'm gonna ask Ken.
I will.

206
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,152
I'm gonna ask him, but, like--

207
00:07:57,152 --> 00:07:58,854
look, for now let's just
concentrate on getting

208
00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,122
really drunk, really fast.

209
00:08:00,122 --> 00:08:01,423
- Yes, oh, yes.
Right here.

210
00:08:01,423 --> 00:08:02,458
- Focus on that.
- Hi.

211
00:08:02,458 --> 00:08:04,660
- Hey, hi.

212
00:08:04,660 --> 00:08:07,529
- Ah!
- And to boobs.

213
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:10,599
<i>♪ ♪</i>

214
00:08:10,599 --> 00:08:12,835
both: Ugh!

215
00:08:12,835 --> 00:08:14,703
- It's in the throat,
you know what I mean?

216
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,939
Just like, mm.

217
00:08:16,939 --> 00:08:17,873
- OMG.

218
00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,208
It's the hot IT guy.

219
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,943
He's standing there
at the buffet.

220
00:08:20,943 --> 00:08:22,511
Alone.

221
00:08:22,511 --> 00:08:23,646
- Hey!

222
00:08:23,646 --> 00:08:26,048
Not for long.
Hold this.

223
00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:31,654
<i>♪ ♪</i>

224
00:08:31,654 --> 00:08:32,888
Hey.

225
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:35,057
- Emily!
Fun party.

226
00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:37,860
- Thank you, you look--
oh, you didn't say--

227
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:40,729
- What?
- Nice sweater.

228
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,631
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

229
00:08:42,631 --> 00:08:46,101
I--uh-oh, mistletoe.

230
00:08:46,101 --> 00:08:47,369
- Hmm.

231
00:08:47,369 --> 00:08:50,706
- You know, maybe we should--

232
00:08:50,706 --> 00:08:52,942
uh, do you--you don't
have a cat, right?

233
00:08:52,942 --> 00:08:55,744
Because cats are allergic
to mistletoe, so...

234
00:08:56,612 --> 00:08:58,847
Stay alert, stay alive.

235
00:08:58,847 --> 00:09:01,850
Bye!
- Bye.

236
00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:08,991
<i>♪ ♪</i>

237
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,129
[toilet flushing]

238
00:09:17,199 --> 00:09:19,835
- Come on, Emily, spit it out.
Just say it.

239
00:09:19,835 --> 00:09:22,504
- You say something?

240
00:09:22,504 --> 00:09:24,139
- [laughs]

241
00:09:24,139 --> 00:09:27,042
Ken, I was, um--

242
00:09:27,042 --> 00:09:30,012
It's just that I know that--

243
00:09:30,012 --> 00:09:33,048
Ken, what I want you to--

244
00:09:33,048 --> 00:09:35,918
I've had to pee all night,
you know?

245
00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:38,354
- Good to know.

246
00:09:39,455 --> 00:09:42,458
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

247
00:09:42,458 --> 00:09:45,127
<i>♪ ♪</i>

248
00:09:45,127 --> 00:09:46,762
- Hey, what happened?
- I don't know.

249
00:09:46,762 --> 00:09:48,097
I don't know what happened.

250
00:09:48,097 --> 00:09:51,033
I just--like,
how do people do this?

251
00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:53,736
Like, I know I'm supposed
to ask Ken for the on air job,

252
00:09:53,736 --> 00:09:55,137
and I choked.

253
00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:57,239
And I know I'm supposed
to try to make out

254
00:09:57,239 --> 00:09:58,774
with the hottie
under the mistletoe,

255
00:09:58,774 --> 00:10:00,342
and I choked at that too.

256
00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:02,077
And it just feels like
all of my words get stuck

257
00:10:02,077 --> 00:10:04,880
in my throat, and I can't--

258
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,448
Like, what do you do--
how do you do--

259
00:10:06,448 --> 00:10:08,050
how does anyone do any of this?

260
00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:10,019
I just feel like every single
thing I do is so wrong.

261
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:12,988
Hey, um, can I have
a nogtini, please?

262
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,691
- Sorry.
That guy got the last of them.

263
00:10:15,691 --> 00:10:18,560
- [laughs]
Love nogtinis.

264
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:21,830
- Gosh.
Cheers.

265
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:27,636
- That butt-kissing Janice
got my nogtini?

266
00:10:27,636 --> 00:10:29,772
She ain't getting my job.
Not at all.

267
00:10:29,772 --> 00:10:31,106
I'm gonna go in,
and I'm gonna--

268
00:10:31,106 --> 00:10:32,775
I'm gonna demand it, and I'm--

269
00:10:32,775 --> 00:10:35,310
I'm--here I go.

270
00:10:35,310 --> 00:10:37,146
<i>♪ ♪</i>

271
00:10:37,146 --> 00:10:40,115
- Emily, you're
still standing here.

272
00:10:40,115 --> 00:10:41,483
- [whispering]
My feet.

273
00:10:41,483 --> 00:10:42,851
- All right, let's do this.

274
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,920
Okay everyone, hey, come on.

275
00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,189
Gather round, gather round.
Listen up.

276
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:50,426
So I was gonna do this
after the holiday,

277
00:10:50,426 --> 00:10:52,461
but hell, it's Christmas.

278
00:10:52,461 --> 00:10:55,831
Anyway, we figured out
who's gonna replace me.

279
00:10:55,831 --> 00:10:57,232
- It's gonna be Janice.

280
00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:58,901
- As you can imagine,
the choice was clear.

281
00:10:58,901 --> 00:11:00,903
So get ready

282
00:11:00,903 --> 00:11:03,739
for "The Dish with Janice"!

283
00:11:03,739 --> 00:11:04,907
[laughs]
There you go!

284
00:11:04,907 --> 00:11:06,208
Let's dance.

285
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,510
Here we go.

286
00:11:08,510 --> 00:11:10,646
- Boo!
- Boo.

287
00:11:10,646 --> 00:11:13,715
- I already hate your show.

288
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,084
- You're the only one
not dancing.

289
00:11:15,084 --> 00:11:16,752
Where's your Christmas spirit?

290
00:11:16,752 --> 00:11:18,687
- Santa,
mind your business, okay?

291
00:11:18,687 --> 00:11:21,657
Also, you have never brought me
anything I've ever asked for.

292
00:11:21,657 --> 00:11:24,326
- Well, why don't you put it
in a letter then, drunky?

293
00:11:24,326 --> 00:11:27,029
<i>♪ ♪</i>

294
00:11:27,029 --> 00:11:28,630
- Oh, you gonna go with him.

295
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:30,132
Real supportive.

296
00:11:30,132 --> 00:11:32,601
Hey, can you, um--
can you give me something

297
00:11:32,601 --> 00:11:35,571
to make me forget tonight?

298
00:11:35,571 --> 00:11:36,872
- Try that.

299
00:11:36,872 --> 00:11:38,607
- Thank you,
but keep them coming.

300
00:11:38,607 --> 00:11:40,876
- You got it.
- Mm, mm.

301
00:11:40,876 --> 00:11:42,077
[gags]
Yeah.

302
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:45,981
- Pure elf's blood.
- Oh, mm.

303
00:11:45,981 --> 00:11:48,717
Nah, you acting shy.

304
00:11:48,717 --> 00:11:51,587
One and two, and, and...

305
00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:55,057
And do the step.

306
00:11:55,057 --> 00:11:59,161
- Look at the babies.

307
00:11:59,161 --> 00:12:00,996
Hi!

308
00:12:00,996 --> 00:12:03,732
Merry Christmas!

309
00:12:03,732 --> 00:12:05,134
What are you doing?

310
00:12:05,134 --> 00:12:06,668
You guys writing your letters?

311
00:12:06,668 --> 00:12:09,471
About your hopes,
and your dreams,

312
00:12:09,471 --> 00:12:11,573
and your Christmas wishes,
and--

313
00:12:11,573 --> 00:12:14,643
ooh, Santa's gonna
deliver my Christmas wishes.

314
00:12:14,643 --> 00:12:16,612
Lies, children!

315
00:12:16,612 --> 00:12:18,280
- Ma'am, please.

316
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,282
- Lies!
They need to know.

317
00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:22,251
Santa doesn't
grant you anything.

318
00:12:22,251 --> 00:12:24,520
He didn't grant me my job,
and I want to--look at her!

319
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,388
She got my job.

320
00:12:26,388 --> 00:12:28,357
How'd they get that up
so quick?

321
00:12:28,357 --> 00:12:32,694
And I didn't even get
to make out with the IT guy!

322
00:12:32,694 --> 00:12:35,230
When's the last time
you make out with somebody, hm?

323
00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:36,732
- You can't be here
without kids.

324
00:12:36,732 --> 00:12:38,400
- Oh!

325
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,736
All of a sudden,
I ain't got a kid.

326
00:12:40,736 --> 00:12:42,237
I can't have a baby?

327
00:12:42,237 --> 00:12:44,706
I have a child, and his name--

328
00:12:44,706 --> 00:12:46,341
it's Timothy.

329
00:12:46,341 --> 00:12:48,210
- You're drunk.
- You're drunk!

330
00:12:48,210 --> 00:12:51,046
And his name is Thomas,
and he would

331
00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:53,448
really appreciate--
so I'm gonna go ahead

332
00:12:53,448 --> 00:12:55,217
and I'm gonna get--
- Excuse me?

333
00:12:55,217 --> 00:12:58,654
Sis, I will not.
- That way!

334
00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:01,490
- Ma'am, no, ma'am!
[groans]

335
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,926
- Excuse me!

336
00:13:03,926 --> 00:13:05,260
Rude.

337
00:13:05,260 --> 00:13:08,030
- Okay, you got your letter.

338
00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:10,098
Thank you.

339
00:13:10,098 --> 00:13:12,968
- Merry Christmas.

340
00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:18,106
For Timmy!
For Timmy!

341
00:13:18,106 --> 00:13:21,076
<i>[hip-hop music]</i>

342
00:13:21,076 --> 00:13:25,314
<i>♪ ♪</i>

343
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,419
Okay, Santa.

344
00:13:30,419 --> 00:13:34,256
Let's see how magical
this mofo really is.

345
00:13:34,256 --> 00:13:36,091
Dear

346
00:13:36,091 --> 00:13:40,596
ugly asshole.
[chuckles]

347
00:13:40,596 --> 00:13:43,832
JK, JK.

348
00:13:43,832 --> 00:13:47,936
Dear Santa Claus,

349
00:13:47,936 --> 00:13:50,539
I know it's been a while
since we spoke

350
00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:54,142
because I don't believe in you
because I'm an adult.

351
00:13:54,142 --> 00:13:59,781
However, um,
you still be granting wishes?

352
00:13:59,781 --> 00:14:01,216
<i>'Cause here are mine.</i>

353
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:02,851
- All right,
come on, it's for kids.

354
00:14:02,851 --> 00:14:05,153
Let's go, let's go.

355
00:14:05,153 --> 00:14:08,123
<i>[soft festive music]</i>

356
00:14:08,123 --> 00:14:11,326
<i>♪ ♪</i>

357
00:14:11,326 --> 00:14:13,028
- Santa needs
to grant me wishes!

358
00:14:13,028 --> 00:14:14,997
Ma'am, no.

359
00:14:14,997 --> 00:14:17,899
Ma'am, no!
- It's for Timmy!

360
00:14:19,668 --> 00:14:22,638
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

361
00:14:22,638 --> 00:14:29,578
<i>♪ ♪</i>

362
00:14:39,655 --> 00:14:42,090
- Hey, boss.
I got a good one for you.

363
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,926
- [laughs]
Okay.

364
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,895
Let's see.

365
00:14:46,895 --> 00:14:49,464
Oh, nogtinis, yes.

366
00:14:49,464 --> 00:14:52,467
Oh!
This is a toughie.

367
00:14:52,467 --> 00:14:56,571
Her Christmas spirit
is in the basement.

368
00:14:56,571 --> 00:14:58,940
I think I know
just the right elf

369
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,642
for this assignment.

370
00:15:00,642 --> 00:15:01,943
<i>♪ ♪</i>

371
00:15:03,211 --> 00:15:05,947
- This is the guy.

372
00:15:08,884 --> 00:15:11,920
Boris, I did it.

373
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,289
I did it.

374
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:19,561
Okay.

375
00:15:19,561 --> 00:15:21,063
All right.

376
00:15:21,063 --> 00:15:23,732
Goodnight, Boris.

377
00:15:23,732 --> 00:15:28,203
Maybe this Christmas
won't be so bad after all.

378
00:15:28,203 --> 00:15:31,306
Get off of me.

379
00:15:35,544 --> 00:15:37,979
<i>[soft music]</i>

380
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:41,083
[yawns]

381
00:15:45,954 --> 00:15:48,190
Second best?

382
00:15:48,190 --> 00:15:52,260
Hm, Oprah?

383
00:15:52,260 --> 00:15:55,163
You are enough?

384
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,666
<i>- Emily, breakfast!
</i>- [gasps]

385
00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,634
<i>Get a move on.
We have a lot to talk about.</i>

386
00:15:59,634 --> 00:16:01,303
- Is that my mom?

387
00:16:01,303 --> 00:16:05,240
<i>Wish number one, I want to be
actually close to my mom.</i>

388
00:16:07,542 --> 00:16:10,712
[grunting]

389
00:16:10,712 --> 00:16:12,914
<i>- ♪ Hark,
the herald angels... ♪</i>

390
00:16:12,914 --> 00:16:14,716
- Hey, beautiful.
- Hey, handsome.

391
00:16:14,716 --> 00:16:17,652
<i>♪ ♪</i>

392
00:16:17,652 --> 00:16:21,757
<i>- ♪ Peace on Earth
and mercy mild ♪</i>

393
00:16:21,757 --> 00:16:25,060
<i>♪ God and sinners
reconciled ♪</i>

394
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:27,763
<i>♪ Joyful all ye nations rise ♪</i>

395
00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:29,931
- Mom?

396
00:16:29,931 --> 00:16:32,934
Dad?
Why am I here?

397
00:16:32,934 --> 00:16:35,137
- Oh!
Good afternoon.

398
00:16:35,137 --> 00:16:38,106
I see someone overslept again.

399
00:16:38,106 --> 00:16:39,941
- Um...

400
00:16:39,941 --> 00:16:41,276
- How fast can you eat?

401
00:16:41,276 --> 00:16:43,111
Because we have
a million things to do.

402
00:16:43,111 --> 00:16:45,580
And what are you wearing?
Oh, ugh!

403
00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:47,916
You're gonna go up
and change, right?

404
00:16:47,916 --> 00:16:49,951
- Okay, I'm sorry, when did--

405
00:16:49,951 --> 00:16:52,454
- In an hour, I told you!

406
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:59,528
The annual tree
decorating contest?

407
00:16:59,528 --> 00:17:01,797
Big parties?

408
00:17:01,797 --> 00:17:03,432
In three days?

409
00:17:03,432 --> 00:17:06,101
We have to go and get
the fireplace garland!

410
00:17:06,101 --> 00:17:09,538
Oh, oh!
Honestly, Emily!

411
00:17:09,538 --> 00:17:12,841
- Okay, I just meant,
when did I get here?

412
00:17:12,841 --> 00:17:15,744
I didn't--did I
drive here last night?

413
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:17,279
Oh, I am going to jail.

414
00:17:17,279 --> 00:17:19,181
- I don't understand
your sense of humor.

415
00:17:19,181 --> 00:17:21,616
Here, here.
Drink your nogtini, okay?

416
00:17:21,616 --> 00:17:24,986
<i>- Wish number two, I want
all the nogtinis ever.</i>

417
00:17:24,986 --> 00:17:29,357
- Go up, change into
something flattering, please!

418
00:17:29,357 --> 00:17:31,193
And then let's scoot!

419
00:17:31,193 --> 00:17:33,628
- Oh, all right.

420
00:17:33,628 --> 00:17:34,996
I don't know
what's happening here,

421
00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:37,432
but I need to get back
to my show--oh, my God,

422
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:38,600
do I still have that job?

423
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,669
- Show?
What is she talking about?

424
00:17:40,669 --> 00:17:42,404
- I have no idea.

425
00:17:42,404 --> 00:17:43,905
The Rockettes or something?

426
00:17:43,905 --> 00:17:45,073
- Rockettes?

427
00:17:45,073 --> 00:17:47,008
[doorbell rings]
Oh, God, finally.

428
00:17:47,008 --> 00:17:49,110
You know, he is so late.

429
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,879
He is 12 minutes late!

430
00:17:50,879 --> 00:17:52,113
The liquor for the party!

431
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:54,449
- Okay, what is happening here?

432
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:56,751
- Hi, ma'am.
Where would you like these?

433
00:17:56,751 --> 00:17:58,987
- You're late.
- I'm sorry about that.

434
00:17:58,987 --> 00:18:00,455
We're a little backed up.

435
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,123
Christmas parties and all that.
- Fine, over there.

436
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,159
- Okay.

437
00:18:10,432 --> 00:18:12,267
- Hi.
- Hi.

438
00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,804
- I don't live here.

439
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:17,639
- Cool, I don't either.

440
00:18:19,574 --> 00:18:22,110
Yep, here we go.
- Ah!

441
00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:24,846
Careful!
Those are my snowmen!

442
00:18:24,846 --> 00:18:26,047
- All right.

443
00:18:26,047 --> 00:18:27,382
- They're heirlooms!

444
00:18:27,382 --> 00:18:29,217
- Thank you for your business,

445
00:18:29,217 --> 00:18:32,420
and sorry again for the delay.

446
00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:34,256
<i>♪ ♪</i>

447
00:18:34,256 --> 00:18:36,658
Merry Christmas.

448
00:18:40,095 --> 00:18:42,564
Okay.
[chuckles]

449
00:18:42,564 --> 00:18:43,765
- Men!

450
00:18:43,765 --> 00:18:47,435
Never trust a man
with a winning smile.

451
00:18:47,435 --> 00:18:49,671
Your daddy ain't got one.

452
00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:52,140
Zoom, zoom.

453
00:18:52,140 --> 00:18:53,375
Don't you start.

454
00:18:53,375 --> 00:18:54,809
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

455
00:18:54,809 --> 00:18:57,479
Absolutely not.
I'm not dealing with this.

456
00:18:57,479 --> 00:18:58,713
Look, I'm sorry,
I'm not going to look

457
00:18:58,713 --> 00:19:00,682
at any fireplace garland
or anything.

458
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,517
I'm just gonna--

459
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:04,119
Merry Christmas, y'all.

460
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,987
- Emily.
- See you.

461
00:19:05,987 --> 00:19:08,456
- What?
She--oh!

462
00:19:08,456 --> 00:19:10,292
How could she?

463
00:19:10,292 --> 00:19:13,328
<i>- ♪ Hark, the herald sing ♪</i>

464
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:18,959
<i>[hip-hop music]</i>

465
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:21,962
<i>[light music]</i>

466
00:19:21,962 --> 00:19:28,903
<i>♪ ♪</i>

467
00:19:41,048 --> 00:19:43,284
- That's what I thought.

468
00:19:45,419 --> 00:19:47,421
What's up?

469
00:19:47,421 --> 00:19:48,656
No, because you've
been following me.

470
00:19:48,656 --> 00:19:50,191
What's up?
What you want?

471
00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:52,393
- I'm trying to sort out
how much of a pain in my ass

472
00:19:52,393 --> 00:19:54,261
you're gonna be.

473
00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:56,564
- I'm sorry, who are you?

474
00:19:56,564 --> 00:19:58,532
- I'm an elf.
Wolf.

475
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:00,101
- You're a wolf?
You're an elf?

476
00:20:00,101 --> 00:20:01,535
What is this?
What are you talking about?

477
00:20:01,535 --> 00:20:02,903
- No, no--oh.
I'm an elf.

478
00:20:02,903 --> 00:20:04,805
My name is Wolf.

479
00:20:04,805 --> 00:20:06,307
- Cool, Wolf elf.

480
00:20:06,307 --> 00:20:07,875
Here's what I'm gonna do.

481
00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:10,945
I'm going to mind my business
back to the city by myself.

482
00:20:10,945 --> 00:20:13,047
I suggest you stay here.
- Okay, but look.

483
00:20:13,047 --> 00:20:14,915
Your apartment's not gonna
be there when you get there.

484
00:20:18,252 --> 00:20:21,021
- [laughs]

485
00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:22,990
You're still drunk.

486
00:20:22,990 --> 00:20:25,493
I'm still drunk.
I get what's happening here.

487
00:20:25,493 --> 00:20:27,394
- But still, your apartment's
not gon' be there, okay?

488
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:28,562
Because this isn't your life.

489
00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:30,598
I mean, technically it is.

490
00:20:30,598 --> 00:20:32,767
But--this part is
always hard to explain.

491
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:35,269
Okay, look, you know that
letter you wrote to Santa?

492
00:20:37,204 --> 00:20:39,240
All your wishes
are coming true.

493
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,709
- Okay.
You're a crazy person.

494
00:20:41,709 --> 00:20:45,146
That's clear.
There's a--hello?

495
00:20:45,146 --> 00:20:47,815
Help?

496
00:20:47,815 --> 00:20:49,650
Damn it, nobody here no more?

497
00:20:49,650 --> 00:20:52,153
Elf guy talking to me.
- You know what, go ahead.

498
00:20:52,153 --> 00:20:53,587
See for yourself, all right?

499
00:20:53,587 --> 00:20:55,656
But don't be surprised
by all the magical crap.

500
00:20:55,656 --> 00:20:57,258
Go on.
- Okay.

501
00:20:57,258 --> 00:20:59,360
I want some help
for you, brother.

502
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,462
Let me get in here.

503
00:21:01,462 --> 00:21:03,697
Don't--you stay there.
- Okay.

504
00:21:03,697 --> 00:21:05,633
- Okay.

505
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:09,203
<i>[bell dings]</i>

506
00:21:09,203 --> 00:21:16,343
<i>♪ ♪</i>

507
00:21:20,047 --> 00:21:21,782
- "Woman crushed to death

508
00:21:21,782 --> 00:21:24,251
in freak reindeer
leaping accident."

509
00:21:24,251 --> 00:21:25,519
[gasps]

510
00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:30,457
Wish number three,
I wish Janice

511
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:35,696
would take a flying leap.

512
00:21:35,696 --> 00:21:39,567
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

513
00:21:39,567 --> 00:21:41,969
Can I have this for free?
She's my best friend.

514
00:21:41,969 --> 00:21:44,405
Thank you.
No.

515
00:21:46,173 --> 00:21:47,975
Okay.

516
00:21:54,281 --> 00:21:55,382
That's it.
That's it.

517
00:21:55,382 --> 00:21:56,717
Oh, come on.

518
00:21:56,717 --> 00:21:59,019
This is not happening.
This is not happening.

519
00:21:59,019 --> 00:22:00,187
Come on!

520
00:22:00,187 --> 00:22:01,589
- Yo!

521
00:22:01,589 --> 00:22:03,691
You got the wrong
apartment, lady.

522
00:22:05,059 --> 00:22:06,293
- Is this 5C?

523
00:22:06,293 --> 00:22:08,462
- Yeah.
- And you live here?

524
00:22:08,462 --> 00:22:10,297
- Yeah.
Can I help you?

525
00:22:10,297 --> 00:22:12,800
- Cool, cool, no.
Don't panic.

526
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,669
Hey, um,
is there a cat in here?

527
00:22:15,669 --> 00:22:18,906
His name is Boris,
and he's insightful and fluffy.

528
00:22:18,906 --> 00:22:20,875
- I'm vegan.
- Oh, but we don't eat him.

529
00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:23,811
He's for loving.
Boris? Okay.

530
00:22:26,714 --> 00:22:28,649
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.

531
00:22:28,649 --> 00:22:30,017
What is happening?

532
00:22:30,017 --> 00:22:31,552
This can't be real.
It's not real.

533
00:22:31,552 --> 00:22:33,220
Is it? Is it?

534
00:22:33,220 --> 00:22:35,522
Wait, am I crazy?

535
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:38,092
Oh, God, did I kill someone?

536
00:22:38,092 --> 00:22:41,629
Oh, no, do I have to spend
Christmas with my mom?

537
00:22:41,629 --> 00:22:43,264
<i>- Did you say kill?
</i>- [gasps]

538
00:22:43,264 --> 00:22:44,765
<i>[festive music]</i>

539
00:22:44,765 --> 00:22:47,902
[muttering angrily]

540
00:22:47,902 --> 00:22:49,803
You wanna tell me what
the hell is going on here?

541
00:22:49,803 --> 00:22:51,639
- It's what I was
trying to tell you, okay?

542
00:22:51,639 --> 00:22:54,308
You remember wandering
up in here last night?

543
00:22:54,308 --> 00:22:56,143
- Dear Santa Claus.

544
00:22:56,143 --> 00:22:58,445
Job stealing bitch!

545
00:22:58,445 --> 00:23:00,347
Lies, children!

546
00:23:00,347 --> 00:23:03,083
There's nothing
in this but lies!

547
00:23:03,083 --> 00:23:04,418
- Ma'am.

548
00:23:04,418 --> 00:23:07,655
- I'm--I'm going, sir!

549
00:23:07,655 --> 00:23:10,791
<i>♪ ♪</i>

550
00:23:10,791 --> 00:23:12,760
Yes.
- Okay?

551
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,995
Well, your wish came true,
okay?

552
00:23:14,995 --> 00:23:16,363
You got your wish.

553
00:23:16,363 --> 00:23:17,798
Santa is
into lessons this year.

554
00:23:17,798 --> 00:23:20,000
I know.
It's super annoying.

555
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,169
You know how you want to be
close to your mom, right?

556
00:23:22,169 --> 00:23:23,537
- Okay.

557
00:23:23,537 --> 00:23:25,873
- Okay, well, now y'all
are close physically.

558
00:23:25,873 --> 00:23:29,677
- That's not what I meant!
- I know.

559
00:23:29,677 --> 00:23:31,612
Santa is a literal
son of a bitch.

560
00:23:31,612 --> 00:23:33,714
- Actually,
is this your boy here?

561
00:23:33,714 --> 00:23:35,549
Tell your boy to take it back.

562
00:23:35,549 --> 00:23:37,017
I'm out.
- Okay, okay, okay.

563
00:23:37,017 --> 00:23:38,652
Wait, wait, wait.
Listen, listen, listen, okay?

564
00:23:38,652 --> 00:23:40,621
It's not that easy, all right?

565
00:23:40,621 --> 00:23:43,824
You got until 12:00 midnight
Christmas Eve.

566
00:23:43,824 --> 00:23:46,694
And you got to prove
to Santa that you've changed,

567
00:23:46,694 --> 00:23:48,228
that you've learned
your lesson,

568
00:23:48,228 --> 00:23:49,964
that you got
your Christmas spirit back.

569
00:23:49,964 --> 00:23:51,398
And you're gonna
have to write him

570
00:23:51,398 --> 00:23:56,103
an amended letter about
your true Christmas wish.

571
00:23:56,103 --> 00:23:58,372
Then you'll get
your old life back,

572
00:23:58,372 --> 00:24:00,908
and no one will remember
any of this except you.

573
00:24:00,908 --> 00:24:02,409
- No.

574
00:24:02,409 --> 00:24:04,378
Fight me.
What if I don't do it?

575
00:24:04,378 --> 00:24:05,646
- No?
- Yeah, no.

576
00:24:05,646 --> 00:24:07,181
- Okay, well,
if you don't do it,

577
00:24:07,181 --> 00:24:09,850
then you're gonna be in this
alternate universe forever.

578
00:24:09,850 --> 00:24:13,954
And your last wish
is gonna come true forever.

579
00:24:13,954 --> 00:24:15,856
- My last wish.
Oh, God.

580
00:24:15,856 --> 00:24:17,725
I don't even want to know.
What is it?

581
00:24:17,725 --> 00:24:20,594
- Oh, okay, okay.
Let's see what it is.

582
00:24:20,594 --> 00:24:22,796
You wished
that the entire world

583
00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:24,131
would turn into fruitcake.

584
00:24:24,131 --> 00:24:26,700
- I would never ask for that.
Not once.

585
00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:28,102
- You right.
Yeah, okay.

586
00:24:28,102 --> 00:24:29,503
You didn't ask
for that exactly.

587
00:24:29,503 --> 00:24:30,704
This is what you said.

588
00:24:30,704 --> 00:24:33,140
You said, "Oh, I'm so hungry.

589
00:24:33,140 --> 00:24:35,843
"Oh, I could eat anything.
Oh, you know what?

590
00:24:35,843 --> 00:24:38,412
"Deliver me all the fruitcake
in the world

591
00:24:38,412 --> 00:24:41,582
since you such
a magical mofo."

592
00:24:41,582 --> 00:24:44,251
- Damn.
- That's what you said.

593
00:24:44,251 --> 00:24:45,719
- That sounds just like me.

594
00:24:45,719 --> 00:24:47,354
- And I guess
I'm here to help you.

595
00:24:47,354 --> 00:24:51,725
- I just--good God, I truly
am the queen of bad decisions.

596
00:24:51,725 --> 00:24:55,662
<i>- ♪ It's a celebration ♪</i>

597
00:24:55,662 --> 00:24:57,931
- What is happening?

598
00:24:57,931 --> 00:25:00,968
- Okay, well,
apparently you wished

599
00:25:00,968 --> 00:25:03,570
to be the queen
of a dance circle,

600
00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:05,572
and you just said
the secret word.

601
00:25:05,572 --> 00:25:07,941
- What--no, no, no, no.

602
00:25:07,941 --> 00:25:10,344
You can go.
How do I get them to go?

603
00:25:10,344 --> 00:25:12,946
You can go.
- They're not gonna stop, okay?

604
00:25:12,946 --> 00:25:15,449
You gon' have to dance, okay?

605
00:25:15,449 --> 00:25:16,850
Or this gonna go on forever.

606
00:25:16,850 --> 00:25:18,585
Look at her.
That's gonna happen.

607
00:25:18,585 --> 00:25:19,820
That right there
with the ribbon.

608
00:25:19,820 --> 00:25:21,455
There.
Go on, dance.

609
00:25:21,455 --> 00:25:26,627
<i>- ♪ Let me hear you say,
I'm ready for the holiday ♪</i>

610
00:25:26,627 --> 00:25:28,495
- That's what you chose?
You chose that?

611
00:25:28,495 --> 00:25:31,298
Okay, okay.

612
00:25:31,298 --> 00:25:33,667
- I can't do this.

613
00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:40,774
<i>♪ ♪</i>

614
00:25:48,115 --> 00:25:50,184
Mm.

615
00:25:54,788 --> 00:25:57,891
Mm-hmm, how do I
still have that?

616
00:26:07,234 --> 00:26:10,003
Well, KLDA Nation,

617
00:26:10,003 --> 00:26:12,873
looks like
we officially have a Christmas

618
00:26:12,873 --> 00:26:15,676
of all I didn't want.

619
00:26:23,617 --> 00:26:27,387
- Mm.
Ah.

620
00:26:27,387 --> 00:26:29,857
<i>- Emily, breakfast!</i>

621
00:26:29,857 --> 00:26:32,192
Okay.
[clears throat]

622
00:26:33,827 --> 00:26:37,364
Ice sculptures, which you
and your dad can pick up.

623
00:26:37,364 --> 00:26:38,699
- Okay.

624
00:26:38,699 --> 00:26:41,535
- And also, of course,
our hair appointments.

625
00:26:41,535 --> 00:26:46,740
And we have to find you
a date for the party.

626
00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:50,344
- No, I really
don't think we do.

627
00:26:52,513 --> 00:26:54,982
- Listen, it's only two days.

628
00:26:54,982 --> 00:26:59,052
Don't be nervous.
I know that we can do this.

629
00:26:59,052 --> 00:27:02,923
Which brings us to Goldie,

630
00:27:02,923 --> 00:27:07,828
Silversmith, and Platinum.

631
00:27:07,828 --> 00:27:09,730
I'll handle her alone.

632
00:27:09,730 --> 00:27:13,400
Oh, she is going
to win that cover for us.

633
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,637
It's her year.
I know she can do it.

634
00:27:16,637 --> 00:27:19,039
If we find her the right tools,

635
00:27:19,039 --> 00:27:21,909
she can do anything she wants.

636
00:27:21,909 --> 00:27:24,344
- Right, the tree can
do whatever she wants.

637
00:27:24,344 --> 00:27:26,013
Me, not so much.

638
00:27:26,013 --> 00:27:28,715
- Hey, how do I look?

639
00:27:28,715 --> 00:27:31,185
- Like you are
avoiding helping me.

640
00:27:31,185 --> 00:27:33,120
- Oh, oh, oh, Em.

641
00:27:33,120 --> 00:27:34,621
There was
this sort of love letter

642
00:27:34,621 --> 00:27:36,123
waiting for you at the door.

643
00:27:36,123 --> 00:27:38,392
Okay.
Well, ladies, have fun.

644
00:27:38,392 --> 00:27:40,227
Fellas are waiting.
I got to go.

645
00:27:40,227 --> 00:27:43,130
I love you, baby.
- Get out of here!

646
00:27:43,130 --> 00:27:45,399
He's always running off.
Oh!

647
00:27:45,399 --> 00:27:47,634
- It's from Chet Charles.
No frigging way.

648
00:27:47,634 --> 00:27:51,538
- Chet Charles.
- Oh.

649
00:27:51,538 --> 00:27:53,707
[card playing music]
Okay.

650
00:27:53,707 --> 00:27:56,009
"Please go out with me.

651
00:27:56,009 --> 00:27:59,613
"Until then,
here's a lock of my hair

652
00:27:59,613 --> 00:28:01,748
"to keep my essence near.

653
00:28:01,748 --> 00:28:03,684
Love you forever."

654
00:28:03,684 --> 00:28:06,453
Oh, my God.
This is so gross.

655
00:28:06,453 --> 00:28:07,788
<i>Wish number five,</i>

656
00:28:07,788 --> 00:28:09,690
<i>I want the hottest guy
I can think of</i>

657
00:28:09,690 --> 00:28:12,092
<i>to be completely crazed-balls
obsessed with me.</i>

658
00:28:12,092 --> 00:28:14,361
<i>High school god Chet Charles.</i>

659
00:28:14,361 --> 00:28:18,232
- Oh, Chet Charles.
He's a sweetheart.

660
00:28:18,232 --> 00:28:21,101
Didn't you have a big crush
on him in high school?

661
00:28:21,101 --> 00:28:22,936
- Mom, that was
like a million years ago.

662
00:28:22,936 --> 00:28:24,972
But it looks like
he's a serial killer now.

663
00:28:24,972 --> 00:28:27,507
- No, no.
You should know he's a dentist.

664
00:28:27,507 --> 00:28:31,278
I mean, he has
his posters all over town.

665
00:28:31,278 --> 00:28:35,482
I am just so surprised
that he sent this to you.

666
00:28:35,482 --> 00:28:40,020
Now you can cross off
finding a date as one

667
00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:41,989
of the tasks on your list.

668
00:28:41,989 --> 00:28:43,257
You know something?

669
00:28:43,257 --> 00:28:45,392
You have been moving
like molasses.

670
00:28:45,392 --> 00:28:48,028
You act like you want
to be late for work.

671
00:28:48,028 --> 00:28:50,030
- Work?
- Work!

672
00:28:50,030 --> 00:28:52,299
Come on, let's get out of here.

673
00:28:52,299 --> 00:28:54,067
- I didn't realize
I had a job here.

674
00:28:54,067 --> 00:28:55,302
- Well, you do.

675
00:28:57,721 --> 00:28:59,089
- Come on, hurry up.
Oh!

676
00:28:59,089 --> 00:29:01,325
The ice angels
are back in stock again.

677
00:29:01,325 --> 00:29:04,495
Now, remember to pick up the
frozen pigs in a blanket, okay?

678
00:29:04,495 --> 00:29:06,664
After you get off of work.
And brush your hair.

679
00:29:06,664 --> 00:29:08,199
Ah!

680
00:29:08,199 --> 00:29:10,301
Look, your boyfriend,
Chet the dentist!

681
00:29:10,301 --> 00:29:12,369
[laughing]
Oh, I gotta go.

682
00:29:12,369 --> 00:29:13,671
I gotta get those angels.

683
00:29:13,671 --> 00:29:15,773
Oh, come on,
they're over there.

684
00:29:15,773 --> 00:29:18,075
- That's not my man.

685
00:29:19,610 --> 00:29:22,112
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?

686
00:29:22,112 --> 00:29:24,682
- Okay, well,
this is where you work.

687
00:29:24,682 --> 00:29:26,116
- Boss Ass Bitchmas?

688
00:29:26,116 --> 00:29:29,887
<i>Wish number six,
I want to be a boss ass bitch!</i>

689
00:29:29,887 --> 00:29:30,921
- Mm-hmm.
- Ornament?

690
00:29:30,921 --> 00:29:32,723
I--oh, no!

691
00:29:32,723 --> 00:29:33,924
- Huh, what?
- Hide me!

692
00:29:33,924 --> 00:29:35,125
- Okay, look.

693
00:29:35,125 --> 00:29:36,493
I don't really do hugs,
you know.

694
00:29:36,493 --> 00:29:38,162
This feel weird, so...

695
00:29:38,162 --> 00:29:40,164
- No, no, no, no, no.

696
00:29:40,164 --> 00:29:42,766
You see that girl over there
with the blonde hair

697
00:29:42,766 --> 00:29:44,802
and the angry eyes?

698
00:29:44,802 --> 00:29:46,637
Ginger George.

699
00:29:46,637 --> 00:29:49,373
She used to be my best friend,
up until freshman year,

700
00:29:49,373 --> 00:29:51,709
when she decided
to ruin my life

701
00:29:51,709 --> 00:29:53,510
at the Glen Ridge
Christmas Fair

702
00:29:53,510 --> 00:29:56,013
in front of everybody.
- What happened?

703
00:29:57,348 --> 00:30:00,351
[applause]

704
00:30:03,153 --> 00:30:04,855
- I actually can't
go there right now.

705
00:30:04,855 --> 00:30:07,358
I can't.
It's--I can't.

706
00:30:07,358 --> 00:30:09,393
In a nutshell,

707
00:30:09,393 --> 00:30:12,563
she bullied me straight through
high school graduation.

708
00:30:12,563 --> 00:30:14,765
It was awful.

709
00:30:14,765 --> 00:30:16,934
I mean,
I went from having friends

710
00:30:16,934 --> 00:30:19,236
to all of a sudden
being a social pariah.

711
00:30:19,236 --> 00:30:20,671
Like, you should
have heard the things

712
00:30:20,671 --> 00:30:22,072
that the kids said about me.

713
00:30:22,072 --> 00:30:23,807
And to my face!

714
00:30:24,775 --> 00:30:26,343
Oh, no, no, no.
- Ahh!

715
00:30:26,343 --> 00:30:27,645
BFF!

716
00:30:27,645 --> 00:30:30,214
<i>- Wish number seven,
I want a BFF.</i>

717
00:30:30,214 --> 00:30:32,082
- You crazy biznatch!

718
00:30:32,082 --> 00:30:34,051
Why were you doing
that little hidey-hidey thing?

719
00:30:34,051 --> 00:30:36,587
And um--oh, my God,
who is this?

720
00:30:36,587 --> 00:30:38,689
Is it your boyfriend?

721
00:30:38,689 --> 00:30:40,824
- No, this is my elf.

722
00:30:40,824 --> 00:30:42,593
- Okay.

723
00:30:42,593 --> 00:30:45,062
Why you being so weird,
you weirdo?

724
00:30:45,062 --> 00:30:46,597
Oh, my God.

725
00:30:46,597 --> 00:30:48,932
So I finished the
Bitches Love Santa ornaments,

726
00:30:48,932 --> 00:30:52,936
and I designed
this super cute new one.

727
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,475
- "Don't be silent
tonight, bae."

728
00:30:58,475 --> 00:31:00,144
- It's even cuter
when other people say it.

729
00:31:00,144 --> 00:31:04,114
So are you ready
to get to work?

730
00:31:04,114 --> 00:31:05,716
- No, I need a minute.

731
00:31:05,716 --> 00:31:09,353
- Okay, BRB then because
I'm going to grab coffee,

732
00:31:09,353 --> 00:31:13,190
unless maybe I could
grab something else?

733
00:31:16,293 --> 00:31:18,729
Okay.

734
00:31:18,729 --> 00:31:20,931
- Excuse me, what was that?

735
00:31:20,931 --> 00:31:22,700
- Yeah, I figured
this would happen.

736
00:31:22,700 --> 00:31:24,268
It's my elfmones.

737
00:31:24,268 --> 00:31:27,304
Yeah, elf pheromones
are like catnip to humans.

738
00:31:27,304 --> 00:31:28,872
Sad.

739
00:31:28,872 --> 00:31:30,908
- [sniffs]
- Huh?

740
00:31:30,908 --> 00:31:32,843
- Can I get you something,
Daddy?

741
00:31:32,843 --> 00:31:35,813
No, no!
Focus.

742
00:31:35,813 --> 00:31:38,682
Okay, what I'm getting here

743
00:31:38,682 --> 00:31:42,653
is that I work here

744
00:31:42,653 --> 00:31:47,491
with my bully, who is my BFF?

745
00:31:51,495 --> 00:31:53,530
I'm gonna leave
in a huff so huffy.

746
00:31:53,530 --> 00:31:55,499
- Okay.
- Get ready for it.

747
00:31:55,499 --> 00:31:57,000
[groans]

748
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:01,038
I'm writing Santa now!
[laughs]

749
00:32:01,038 --> 00:32:06,643
Dear Santa,
my true wish is to go back

750
00:32:06,643 --> 00:32:10,514
to my real life.

751
00:32:10,514 --> 00:32:12,983
- That's not gonna work.
- There, yeah.

752
00:32:16,353 --> 00:32:18,055
[laughs]

753
00:32:18,055 --> 00:32:22,192
No, oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

754
00:32:22,192 --> 00:32:25,462
Santa, you got me.
You will not beat me!

755
00:32:25,462 --> 00:32:27,998
I think the real problem was
that I wasn't specific enough,

756
00:32:27,998 --> 00:32:30,000
and I totally under--
I apologize.

757
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,204
Dear Santa, sorry
I wasn't specific enough.

758
00:32:34,204 --> 00:32:39,042
I would like
to live at 5C again.

759
00:32:39,042 --> 00:32:42,413
- No, it's--
- Chill, I got this.

760
00:32:42,413 --> 00:32:44,681
- Okay, okay.
- 5C.

761
00:32:47,284 --> 00:32:49,019
- Pass the tofu nuggets,
roomie.

762
00:32:49,019 --> 00:32:51,021
- Tofu?

763
00:32:51,021 --> 00:32:52,689
- Hey, welcome back!
- I got it.

764
00:32:52,689 --> 00:32:54,525
I figured it out.
- You smell like tofurkey.

765
00:32:54,525 --> 00:32:55,826
- I know, I know.

766
00:32:55,826 --> 00:32:57,628
I just need
to be real specific with him,

767
00:32:57,628 --> 00:32:59,096
or I need to--I got it.

768
00:32:59,096 --> 00:33:03,767
Dear Santa, I want everyone

769
00:33:03,767 --> 00:33:06,570
at my job to see the real me.

770
00:33:06,570 --> 00:33:08,005
- Real you--no!

771
00:33:08,005 --> 00:33:10,107
- I have to beat Santa's ass.
- Santa is literal!

772
00:33:10,107 --> 00:33:11,108
- I will beat--
- Santa is literal!

773
00:33:11,108 --> 00:33:12,676
- Can Santa whoop my ass?

774
00:33:12,676 --> 00:33:15,078
[gasps]

775
00:33:15,078 --> 00:33:18,282
- Why are you naked,
you crazy bitch?

776
00:33:18,282 --> 00:33:22,519
- Lookin' good, Emily!
- Is this casual Friday?

777
00:33:22,519 --> 00:33:24,455
- Okay.

778
00:33:24,455 --> 00:33:27,891
Dear Santa,
you think this is a game?

779
00:33:27,891 --> 00:33:29,760
Huh, Santa?
- Okay.

780
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,563
- Erase everything--
- No, don't write that!

781
00:33:32,563 --> 00:33:34,331
- And start--shh!

782
00:33:34,331 --> 00:33:35,466
- Don't write it.
- Huh? Huh?

783
00:33:35,466 --> 00:33:37,668
- Don't do that.
- Huh! Huh!

784
00:33:37,668 --> 00:33:42,239
Erase everything
and start over, ha!

785
00:33:42,239 --> 00:33:43,974
- Ooh!
You don't wanna say start over.

786
00:33:43,974 --> 00:33:47,144
- No, we gon' start--
♪ Over ♪

787
00:33:47,144 --> 00:33:50,280
[wind whooshing]

788
00:33:55,118 --> 00:33:57,287
Wolf?

789
00:33:59,690 --> 00:34:02,125
Wolf?

790
00:34:04,495 --> 00:34:07,698
Oh, my God, fruitcake feet.

791
00:34:07,698 --> 00:34:10,734
[creature screeching]

792
00:34:10,734 --> 00:34:12,936
- Oh, no, no, no!

793
00:34:12,936 --> 00:34:15,539
[tablet jingles]

794
00:34:15,539 --> 00:34:18,342
- Lost Souls Department,
Emergency Services.

795
00:34:18,342 --> 00:34:19,943
- Uh, yeah, man,
I'ma need a reset.

796
00:34:19,943 --> 00:34:21,111
She reached Snowpocalypse.

797
00:34:21,111 --> 00:34:23,213
- Yikes, Tooth Fairy.

798
00:34:23,213 --> 00:34:24,815
Sure you wanna reset now?

799
00:34:24,815 --> 00:34:27,351
- I mean, how bad
can the Tooth Fairy be?

800
00:34:27,351 --> 00:34:31,221
- You seen her teeth, man?
Ugh.

801
00:34:31,221 --> 00:34:34,691
[tablet dings]
- Ah! Ah, help me!

802
00:34:34,691 --> 00:34:37,594
[creature growling]

803
00:34:40,197 --> 00:34:43,100
Wolf!
- Yo, hey.

804
00:34:43,100 --> 00:34:45,102
Are you done?
- Ah!

805
00:34:45,102 --> 00:34:46,803
I'm done.
- Okay.

806
00:34:46,803 --> 00:34:51,308
Well, now what,
oh, magical elfin guide?

807
00:34:51,308 --> 00:34:54,678
- Okay, well, maybe neither
is your best life, okay?

808
00:34:54,678 --> 00:34:56,813
Not the old one
and not the new one.

809
00:34:56,813 --> 00:34:58,549
- Are you trying
to say something helpful?

810
00:34:58,549 --> 00:35:00,717
Be careful.
- Okay, okay, look.

811
00:35:00,717 --> 00:35:02,152
I'm sorry you got stuck
with a shitty guide.

812
00:35:02,152 --> 00:35:03,554
- I did.
- All right.

813
00:35:03,554 --> 00:35:05,522
This is not my area
of expertise.

814
00:35:05,522 --> 00:35:08,158
But maybe it's time
we lean into this whole thing.

815
00:35:08,158 --> 00:35:10,193
Okay?
For the both of us.

816
00:35:10,193 --> 00:35:11,862
Because I know you don't care.
- I don't.

817
00:35:11,862 --> 00:35:13,330
- But if this doesn't
work out for you,

818
00:35:13,330 --> 00:35:15,299
I'ma have to work
for the Tooth Fairy.

819
00:35:15,299 --> 00:35:17,267
- [laughs]
Okay, cool.

820
00:35:17,267 --> 00:35:19,369
So now the Tooth Fairy is real.

821
00:35:19,369 --> 00:35:21,271
Look, assuming
that I believe you,

822
00:35:21,271 --> 00:35:23,307
that doesn't even
sound that bad.

823
00:35:23,307 --> 00:35:25,042
- Not that bad?
Okay.

824
00:35:25,042 --> 00:35:26,343
All right.
You know what?

825
00:35:26,343 --> 00:35:28,779
Look at this.

826
00:35:28,779 --> 00:35:31,715
<i>[creature screeches]</i>

827
00:35:31,715 --> 00:35:34,618
- Oh, we need to figure
this out together.

828
00:35:34,618 --> 00:35:36,620
- One sec.

829
00:35:36,620 --> 00:35:39,723
<i>[bell dings]
</i>[chuckles]

830
00:35:41,625 --> 00:35:43,794
- Not you dressed
like you in Silk Sonic.

831
00:35:43,794 --> 00:35:46,496
How you do that?
- I'm a magical elf, bitch!

832
00:35:47,898 --> 00:35:49,533
- All right, well,
now I look like garbage,

833
00:35:49,533 --> 00:35:50,867
so I'm finna go change.

834
00:35:50,867 --> 00:35:53,437
Do not look
at my yearbooks, okay?

835
00:35:54,905 --> 00:35:57,307
- Hmm, what's a yearbook?

836
00:36:00,377 --> 00:36:02,145
- [sniffing]

837
00:36:02,145 --> 00:36:04,514
- The disrespect.

838
00:36:04,514 --> 00:36:06,683
Okay, you were not kidding
about those pheromones, huh?

839
00:36:06,683 --> 00:36:08,785
- Yeah.
That's why we don't do karaoke.

840
00:36:08,785 --> 00:36:11,288
It's too risky.
- Yeah, say less.

841
00:36:11,288 --> 00:36:12,889
That'd be too
dangerous for you.

842
00:36:12,889 --> 00:36:14,191
- Hey!

843
00:36:14,191 --> 00:36:15,325
It's the gal
from the party house

844
00:36:15,325 --> 00:36:17,761
with the punctual mom.

845
00:36:17,761 --> 00:36:20,697
- It's the late delivery guy
with the booze.

846
00:36:20,697 --> 00:36:21,765
- Yeah.

847
00:36:21,765 --> 00:36:26,069
Wyatt Snowmyn.
- Wyatt Snowman?

848
00:36:26,069 --> 00:36:27,804
- No, close, "myn."

849
00:36:27,804 --> 00:36:29,706
- Are you serious right now?
- Snowmyn.

850
00:36:29,706 --> 00:36:31,375
- Oh, I understand
what's happening.

851
00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:33,143
This is--it's very clear.

852
00:36:33,143 --> 00:36:35,178
You're a snowman
who's temporarily been

853
00:36:35,178 --> 00:36:36,480
turned into a human being.

854
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:38,815
This is really hilarious.
This is very clever.

855
00:36:38,815 --> 00:36:41,284
This is why he was so cute
and smiley the other day.

856
00:36:41,284 --> 00:36:43,253
- You think--
you thought I was cute?

857
00:36:43,253 --> 00:36:44,321
- Actually, I'm sorry.

858
00:36:44,321 --> 00:36:45,856
I don't have time
for questions.

859
00:36:45,856 --> 00:36:47,357
We're actually in the middle
of something right now, so--

860
00:36:47,357 --> 00:36:49,393
can I just learn whatever
the lesson is tomorrow?

861
00:36:49,393 --> 00:36:51,261
- I'm sorry, what?
- Babe!

862
00:36:51,261 --> 00:36:53,764
[laughs]
I'm very busy.

863
00:36:53,764 --> 00:36:56,566
Please just go find your magic
hat or whatever, you know.

864
00:36:56,566 --> 00:36:58,101
I'll catch up with you
tomorrow, all right?

865
00:36:58,101 --> 00:36:59,336
- Okay, I'm--
- Get!

866
00:36:59,336 --> 00:37:01,304
- Get?
- Snowmyn.

867
00:37:01,304 --> 00:37:03,473
Y'all ain't on a schedule?
[laughs]

868
00:37:03,473 --> 00:37:06,243
- He's not one of ours.

869
00:37:06,243 --> 00:37:09,713
- Oh, sh--hey, Snowmyn!

870
00:37:09,713 --> 00:37:11,782
Sh--
- Maybe he melted.

871
00:37:11,782 --> 00:37:12,716
- Shut up!

872
00:37:15,169 --> 00:37:17,705
- Okay,
a little corn dog truck.

873
00:37:17,705 --> 00:37:21,308
- Mm-hmm, that's how
we do it in the 'burbs!

874
00:37:21,308 --> 00:37:22,977
Where do you hang out?

875
00:37:22,977 --> 00:37:25,546
- Oh, reindeer stalls.

876
00:37:25,546 --> 00:37:26,914
All right, so let's lean in!

877
00:37:26,914 --> 00:37:30,351
Okay, let's start here.
So, uh, lover boy.

878
00:37:30,351 --> 00:37:32,086
Tell me about him.
- Oh, come on.

879
00:37:32,086 --> 00:37:33,520
That's so embarrassing.

880
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:35,456
Chet Charles was like
the high school heartthrob.

881
00:37:35,456 --> 00:37:36,757
If I knew that this was real,

882
00:37:36,757 --> 00:37:38,459
I would have chosen
someone else.

883
00:37:38,459 --> 00:37:40,027
- Let's go a little
bit deeper, okay?

884
00:37:40,027 --> 00:37:43,397
Let's start at the beginning.
Let's see.

885
00:37:43,397 --> 00:37:45,332
Tell me about this.

886
00:37:45,332 --> 00:37:47,401
- Yeah,
that's me and Mom in front

887
00:37:47,401 --> 00:37:50,170
of her three
precious Christmas trees.

888
00:37:50,170 --> 00:37:53,140
She was always more proud
of them than she was of me.

889
00:37:53,140 --> 00:37:54,908
Yeah.
- Okay.

890
00:37:54,908 --> 00:37:56,977
Are you ready
to tell me about Ginger?

891
00:37:58,579 --> 00:38:01,281
- [sighs]
Okay.

892
00:38:03,183 --> 00:38:07,755
Ginger and I were best friends.
We were inseparable, honestly.

893
00:38:07,755 --> 00:38:12,126
And when I started getting
a little chubby,

894
00:38:12,126 --> 00:38:17,031
I also got really insecure
because kids are assholes.

895
00:38:17,031 --> 00:38:20,668
And Ginger always had my back,
you know,

896
00:38:20,668 --> 00:38:24,872
until the Christmas she decided
to make my body a thing.

897
00:38:24,872 --> 00:38:28,542
- I hate her already.
Continue.

898
00:38:28,542 --> 00:38:30,544
- So we were rehearsing

899
00:38:30,544 --> 00:38:32,613
for the Christmas talent show
for weeks,

900
00:38:32,613 --> 00:38:36,884
and we were just
about to go on stage, and...

901
00:38:36,884 --> 00:38:39,586
- Hey, Ginger!
Are you ready?

902
00:38:39,586 --> 00:38:41,588
I'm pretty nervous.

903
00:38:41,588 --> 00:38:44,091
- So they don't think

904
00:38:44,091 --> 00:38:46,293
you should perform with us.

905
00:38:46,293 --> 00:38:48,128
- What?

906
00:38:48,128 --> 00:38:49,997
But why?

907
00:38:49,997 --> 00:38:53,767
- Isn't it obvious,
Gummy Tummy?

908
00:38:55,235 --> 00:38:57,004
- Rude.

909
00:38:57,004 --> 00:38:59,506
I hate Christmas.

910
00:39:00,674 --> 00:39:03,644
Then she just dropped me.

911
00:39:03,644 --> 00:39:05,112
- And you really
never danced again?

912
00:39:05,112 --> 00:39:09,416
- No, not at school,
or really anywhere else.

913
00:39:10,651 --> 00:39:12,886
Yeah, when
your best friend dumps you

914
00:39:12,886 --> 00:39:15,155
real publicly like that,
you sort of learn

915
00:39:15,155 --> 00:39:20,227
that life is a little better
out of the limelight.

916
00:39:20,227 --> 00:39:22,563
- Man, that makes me mad.

917
00:39:22,563 --> 00:39:25,432
I just want to punch Dasher
right in his face.

918
00:39:25,432 --> 00:39:28,168
And I like Dasher.
He's my guy.

919
00:39:28,168 --> 00:39:31,405
- Thank you so much
for your emotional outburst.

920
00:39:31,405 --> 00:39:34,174
Also, you know, I uh--
[chuckles]

921
00:39:34,174 --> 00:39:36,610
Even though I still don't know
how to get out of this mess,

922
00:39:36,610 --> 00:39:40,214
I actually do feel a lot better

923
00:39:40,214 --> 00:39:42,216
unloading all of that.

924
00:39:42,216 --> 00:39:44,451
So thank you.

925
00:39:45,753 --> 00:39:48,655
Look at you being
surprisingly helpful.

926
00:39:48,655 --> 00:39:50,791
- Hey, I'm pretty wise.

927
00:39:50,791 --> 00:39:53,494
- Great, I need that.
So what do I do now?

928
00:39:53,494 --> 00:39:56,063
- Ooh, fudge if I know.

929
00:39:56,063 --> 00:39:59,466
- Why are we
opening these books?

930
00:40:01,735 --> 00:40:04,138
- You really think Linda's
trying to sabotage you?

931
00:40:04,138 --> 00:40:05,939
- Well, I don't know anymore.

932
00:40:05,939 --> 00:40:08,842
But I did see her peeping
through our window last night.

933
00:40:08,842 --> 00:40:10,978
And if you don't call
that sabotage,

934
00:40:10,978 --> 00:40:12,946
then I don't know.

935
00:40:12,946 --> 00:40:17,151
- Um, I think you should
just talk to her.

936
00:40:17,151 --> 00:40:19,186
You like all the same stuff.

937
00:40:19,186 --> 00:40:21,522
Decorating, holidays,

938
00:40:21,522 --> 00:40:25,159
glitter, dressing nice,

939
00:40:25,159 --> 00:40:28,462
holidays, looking pretty.

940
00:40:28,462 --> 00:40:31,365
- You think she's pretty?
- Oh, heavens no.

941
00:40:31,365 --> 00:40:34,601
♪ I think
you're pretty, baby ♪

942
00:40:34,601 --> 00:40:36,370
♪ Sure look good to me ♪
- Oh.

943
00:40:36,370 --> 00:40:38,405
- Mm-hmm.

944
00:40:38,405 --> 00:40:40,741
- Well, she never invites me

945
00:40:40,741 --> 00:40:44,578
to her ladies' nights,
you know?

946
00:40:44,578 --> 00:40:48,048
Of course I wouldn't go,
but I mean,

947
00:40:48,048 --> 00:40:52,052
I think it still would
be nice to be asked, you know?

948
00:40:53,887 --> 00:40:55,422
I'm fun.

949
00:40:55,422 --> 00:40:57,524
Right, Stan?

950
00:40:57,524 --> 00:40:59,159
- Of course you are.

951
00:40:59,159 --> 00:41:02,362
You are very--yeah.

952
00:41:02,362 --> 00:41:05,065
- [laughs]
- Sure you are, baby.

953
00:41:05,065 --> 00:41:08,368
- I think there's one spot
over by your right armpit

954
00:41:08,368 --> 00:41:11,505
that is empty still.

955
00:41:11,505 --> 00:41:13,941
No, no, your right armpit.
The right.

956
00:41:13,941 --> 00:41:15,576
- Baby, this is
my right armpit.

957
00:41:15,576 --> 00:41:17,144
No more nogtinis for you.

958
00:41:17,144 --> 00:41:19,813
- Okay.

959
00:41:19,813 --> 00:41:24,918
I just don't think we have
the right feature piece.

960
00:41:24,918 --> 00:41:28,222
We need a unique
conversation piece,

961
00:41:28,222 --> 00:41:29,590
you know, a showstopper.

962
00:41:29,590 --> 00:41:31,892
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

963
00:41:31,892 --> 00:41:34,494
Maybe I can find one
after the hair salon.

964
00:41:34,494 --> 00:41:36,697
- Hey, you ready?

965
00:41:36,697 --> 00:41:38,932
- Oh, hey, baby.
You ready to go?

966
00:41:38,932 --> 00:41:41,068
Okay, chop chop.
- Let's do it.

967
00:41:41,068 --> 00:41:44,338
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

968
00:41:44,338 --> 00:41:50,110
<i>♪ ♪</i>

969
00:41:50,110 --> 00:41:51,979
- So, Sally.

970
00:41:51,979 --> 00:41:55,616
Thank you for squeezing us in
for this trial run.

971
00:41:55,616 --> 00:42:00,554
So tell me,
how high can you get our hair?

972
00:42:00,554 --> 00:42:02,422
- All the way up, baby.

973
00:42:02,422 --> 00:42:05,559
- Oh, you gave me a chill.

974
00:42:05,559 --> 00:42:08,896
You know, my daughter, Emily,
she's gonna be bringing

975
00:42:08,896 --> 00:42:11,398
a dentist to the party.

976
00:42:11,398 --> 00:42:13,433
- No.
- Oh, a dentist?

977
00:42:13,433 --> 00:42:15,002
- Yes!
- No, no, no, no, I'm not.

978
00:42:15,002 --> 00:42:17,771
I'm not gonna bring
the dentist to the party.

979
00:42:17,771 --> 00:42:21,408
Actually, that drinks
delivery guy was really cute,

980
00:42:21,408 --> 00:42:24,878
don't you think?
- Uh...

981
00:42:24,878 --> 00:42:27,648
- Mom, are you listening to me?

982
00:42:27,648 --> 00:42:31,418
<i>♪ ♪</i>

983
00:42:31,418 --> 00:42:35,155
- So how is Linda
wearing her hair to the party?

984
00:42:35,155 --> 00:42:36,690
- I'm not sure yet.

985
00:42:36,690 --> 00:42:38,926
She's gonna tell me
at rummy tonight.

986
00:42:38,926 --> 00:42:40,327
- Oh.

987
00:42:40,327 --> 00:42:43,764
So you still playing rummy
with that basic bitch?

988
00:42:44,765 --> 00:42:47,067
- Just a few of us.

989
00:42:47,067 --> 00:42:51,505
- I don't even like rummy,
honestly, hm.

990
00:42:51,505 --> 00:42:54,207
- Mm-hmm.

991
00:42:55,742 --> 00:42:59,746
Uh, we look like
giant Christmas gnomes.

992
00:42:59,746 --> 00:43:03,483
Did you--I mean,
you really like it this way?

993
00:43:03,483 --> 00:43:07,721
- The holiday look in Paris.

994
00:43:07,721 --> 00:43:11,491
We must do it.
[chuckles]

995
00:43:11,491 --> 00:43:14,328
- Mom, are you gonna be okay
if you don't win this thing?

996
00:43:14,328 --> 00:43:16,930
- I just love this look.

997
00:43:16,930 --> 00:43:19,266
Huh?
You say something?

998
00:43:19,266 --> 00:43:21,001
- I said you're gorgeous,

999
00:43:21,001 --> 00:43:22,803
and I'm so glad
I look like you.

1000
00:43:22,803 --> 00:43:24,705
- No, you look like your dad.

1001
00:43:28,575 --> 00:43:31,712
- Yeah, well, now the hair's
coming all the way down, baby.

1002
00:43:31,712 --> 00:43:34,281
Much better.

1003
00:43:34,281 --> 00:43:36,049
[sighs]

1004
00:43:36,049 --> 00:43:38,618
Dear KLDA listeners,
Emily Harris here,

1005
00:43:38,618 --> 00:43:41,021
reporting live from
the nightmare before Christmas.

1006
00:43:41,021 --> 00:43:44,358
Do I have what it takes
to find my Christmas spirit

1007
00:43:44,358 --> 00:43:45,826
while working for my bully

1008
00:43:45,826 --> 00:43:48,261
and also wearing
the world's worst hairstyle?

1009
00:43:48,261 --> 00:43:50,030
Stay tuned!

1010
00:43:52,232 --> 00:43:53,867
Let me just do that.

1011
00:43:55,669 --> 00:43:58,105
Was that always a fruitcake?

1012
00:44:01,575 --> 00:44:05,345
No, it used to be a bush.

1013
00:44:05,345 --> 00:44:10,250
Ginger, I'm reporting
for work or whatever.

1014
00:44:11,785 --> 00:44:15,555
Ugh, a note.
Okay.

1015
00:44:15,555 --> 00:44:18,492
<i>- Hey, bitch!
Sorry, had to close today.</i>

1016
00:44:18,492 --> 00:44:20,861
<i>Sexmergency.</i>

1017
00:44:20,861 --> 00:44:23,096
<i>Blame your spicy
little friend</i>

1018
00:44:23,096 --> 00:44:24,998
<i>and his spicy cologne.</i>

1019
00:44:24,998 --> 00:44:27,300
- Oh, girl, I'm pretty sure
elves are asexual.

1020
00:44:27,300 --> 00:44:29,336
<i>- I'm not
with your friend, B-T-dubs.</i>

1021
00:44:29,336 --> 00:44:32,039
<i>Not yet.
</i>- Gross, come on, girl.

1022
00:44:32,039 --> 00:44:33,774
<i>- Anyways, uh,
take the day off.</i>

1023
00:44:33,774 --> 00:44:36,143
<i>It's Xmas Eve Eve.</i>

1024
00:44:36,143 --> 00:44:38,678
<i>See you at darts
tonight, bitch.</i>

1025
00:44:38,678 --> 00:44:41,248
- Christmas Eve Eve already?

1026
00:44:41,248 --> 00:44:43,250
God!

1027
00:44:43,250 --> 00:44:46,920
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1028
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,857
"I wanna roast your chestnuts
this Christmas."

1029
00:44:50,857 --> 00:44:54,194
I hate that that's so funny,
but it is.

1030
00:44:54,194 --> 00:44:56,229
Ooh.

1031
00:44:56,229 --> 00:44:58,432
Hey, handsome.

1032
00:44:58,432 --> 00:45:01,101
Talk about a showstopper.

1033
00:45:01,101 --> 00:45:06,106
<i>- ♪ And no guy in the world
like mine ♪</i>

1034
00:45:06,106 --> 00:45:09,209
<i>♪ No way, I miss
the nights by the fire ♪</i>

1035
00:45:09,209 --> 00:45:11,378
- Hi.

1036
00:45:11,378 --> 00:45:14,081
Just gonna...

1037
00:45:14,081 --> 00:45:16,349
Aw.

1038
00:45:16,349 --> 00:45:19,486
<i>- ♪ And the city
keep on moving ♪</i>

1039
00:45:19,486 --> 00:45:21,988
<i>♪ Last minute lovers
like the movie ♪</i>

1040
00:45:21,988 --> 00:45:26,259
<i>♪ Gonna feel like Christmas,
baby ♪</i>

1041
00:45:26,259 --> 00:45:27,627
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1042
00:45:27,627 --> 00:45:30,063
- He's got the mouth.
[laughs]

1043
00:45:32,725 --> 00:45:34,493
- You playing rummy
tonight too?

1044
00:45:34,493 --> 00:45:37,129
[laughs]

1045
00:45:37,129 --> 00:45:38,564
No problem.

1046
00:45:38,564 --> 00:45:40,299
Oh, I have plenty
that I can do.

1047
00:45:40,299 --> 00:45:43,369
Listen, I'll just see you
tomorrow at the party, okay?

1048
00:45:43,369 --> 00:45:44,904
Okay.

1049
00:45:44,904 --> 00:45:47,840
Oh!
I can't stand her.

1050
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,976
- Hey, Mom.
- Oh, Emily.

1051
00:45:50,976 --> 00:45:52,511
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

1052
00:45:52,511 --> 00:45:55,815
I want you to help me
apply that gold leaf

1053
00:45:55,815 --> 00:45:57,416
to the nutcracker dolls.

1054
00:45:57,416 --> 00:45:58,918
- Yeah, I got you.

1055
00:45:58,918 --> 00:46:01,954
But actually, I wanted
to show you something.

1056
00:46:01,954 --> 00:46:03,889
So I went down to the shop,

1057
00:46:03,889 --> 00:46:07,159
and I got you a bunch of,
you know, really cute

1058
00:46:07,159 --> 00:46:09,361
but traditional ornaments.

1059
00:46:09,361 --> 00:46:11,831
But I think we both know
that what you really need

1060
00:46:11,831 --> 00:46:14,100
is a showstopper.
- Mm-hmm.

1061
00:46:14,100 --> 00:46:18,671
- So I found something that
your girl Platinum over here

1062
00:46:18,671 --> 00:46:20,106
would really appreciate.

1063
00:46:20,106 --> 00:46:21,874
And I want to warn you,

1064
00:46:21,874 --> 00:46:23,843
it can be seen
as a little edgy,

1065
00:46:23,843 --> 00:46:26,445
but edgy is in right now.

1066
00:46:26,445 --> 00:46:29,648
Trust me, so...

1067
00:46:29,648 --> 00:46:31,350
Bam!
Isn't he cute?

1068
00:46:31,350 --> 00:46:33,452
He's a little merman!
- Yeah.

1069
00:46:33,452 --> 00:46:35,621
- I was thinking
that he would go great

1070
00:46:35,621 --> 00:46:36,956
right in that middle space,

1071
00:46:36,956 --> 00:46:39,458
right in the center
of the tree.

1072
00:46:39,458 --> 00:46:41,327
- [laughs]

1073
00:46:42,461 --> 00:46:45,731
- Why don't you put
all of these

1074
00:46:45,731 --> 00:46:48,501
on the tree
in your daddy's office?

1075
00:46:50,236 --> 00:46:52,972
- Right, of course,
the tree no one's gonna see.

1076
00:46:55,808 --> 00:46:59,645
Mom, do you think maybe
you want to try the ornament?

1077
00:46:59,645 --> 00:47:01,013
It's really, really important.

1078
00:47:01,013 --> 00:47:05,417
- Baby, it's a bit edgy
for the judges.

1079
00:47:05,417 --> 00:47:07,920
- Okay,
but I'm asking you to try.

1080
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,390
I'm trying.
I'm try--Santa!

1081
00:47:11,390 --> 00:47:13,626
If your magical ears
can hear me,

1082
00:47:13,626 --> 00:47:15,127
it's not working, so now what?

1083
00:47:15,127 --> 00:47:16,929
- What?
What about Santa?

1084
00:47:16,929 --> 00:47:18,330
- Nothing!

1085
00:47:18,330 --> 00:47:21,333
- Did you ask that nice dentist
to the party?

1086
00:47:21,333 --> 00:47:23,536
- Mom, I told you
I don't want to go with him.

1087
00:47:23,536 --> 00:47:26,605
He sent me a lock of his hair.
It's gross.

1088
00:47:26,605 --> 00:47:29,608
- Romantic.
- Seriously?

1089
00:47:29,608 --> 00:47:31,610
- Baby, he's handsome.

1090
00:47:31,610 --> 00:47:34,180
He likes you.
He's successful.

1091
00:47:34,180 --> 00:47:37,082
- You really don't care
what I want, do you?

1092
00:47:37,082 --> 00:47:40,386
- I don't want
to see you to end up alone.

1093
00:47:40,386 --> 00:47:42,822
- Now, why would
I end up alone?

1094
00:47:43,989 --> 00:47:45,891
Because I'm not perfect?

1095
00:47:45,891 --> 00:47:48,294
Because I'm not you?
- [chuckles]

1096
00:47:48,294 --> 00:47:50,896
- Is it how I act
or how I look?

1097
00:47:50,896 --> 00:47:52,231
- No, I don't know.

1098
00:47:52,231 --> 00:47:53,799
- Oh, you don't want
to talk about it,

1099
00:47:53,799 --> 00:47:55,668
but I'm just supposed to settle
for someone I don't like

1100
00:47:55,668 --> 00:47:57,703
because girls that act
like me and look like me

1101
00:47:57,703 --> 00:48:00,706
are supposed to settle?
- No, not necessarily.

1102
00:48:00,706 --> 00:48:03,108
- Jesus, Mom, you--

1103
00:48:03,108 --> 00:48:06,579
- Baby, I love you.

1104
00:48:06,579 --> 00:48:08,047
I love you.

1105
00:48:08,047 --> 00:48:09,648
Just, the world is--

1106
00:48:09,648 --> 00:48:12,751
- Mom, I know how the world is,
but you could be on my side.

1107
00:48:12,751 --> 00:48:14,119
- I am on your side!

1108
00:48:14,119 --> 00:48:15,421
- You think
you're on my side

1109
00:48:15,421 --> 00:48:18,190
when you won't even
hang up an ornament?

1110
00:48:19,825 --> 00:48:21,827
This is exactly
why I don't talk to you.

1111
00:48:21,827 --> 00:48:25,664
It is--there's no point.

1112
00:48:25,664 --> 00:48:28,701
By the way, you probably
wouldn't be alone all the time

1113
00:48:28,701 --> 00:48:31,637
if you didn't expect everybody
and everything around you

1114
00:48:31,637 --> 00:48:33,072
to be perfect all the time!

1115
00:48:33,072 --> 00:48:35,140
Whatever it is
that you think is perfect.

1116
00:48:35,140 --> 00:48:37,776
- Oh, young lady,
you watch your tone!

1117
00:48:37,776 --> 00:48:39,745
You watch your--ooh!

1118
00:48:39,745 --> 00:48:42,081
<i>- ♪ Have yourself ♪</i>

1119
00:48:42,081 --> 00:48:46,619
<i>♪ A merry little Christmas ♪</i>

1120
00:48:46,619 --> 00:48:48,220
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1121
00:48:48,220 --> 00:48:51,390
<i>♪ Let your heart be light ♪</i>

1122
00:48:51,390 --> 00:48:55,794
- This might go--
okay, that means ace, so--

1123
00:48:55,794 --> 00:48:57,196
- [sighs]

1124
00:48:57,196 --> 00:48:59,965
<i>- ♪ From now on ♪</i>

1125
00:48:59,965 --> 00:49:03,202
<i>♪ Our troubles
will be out... ♪</i>

1126
00:49:03,202 --> 00:49:05,904
- Hey, gang,
welcome to the annual

1127
00:49:05,904 --> 00:49:08,407
Bullseyes for Blitzen contest.

1128
00:49:08,407 --> 00:49:10,809
The first team
to hit ten bullseyes

1129
00:49:10,809 --> 00:49:14,680
gets Blitzened on the house.

1130
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:16,982
[cheers and applause]

1131
00:49:16,982 --> 00:49:20,386
- Oh, my God, it's the snowman.
- What?

1132
00:49:20,386 --> 00:49:23,956
- The bartender's
last name is Snowmyn.

1133
00:49:23,956 --> 00:49:27,760
- Oh, he is cute.
You like him?

1134
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:29,194
You should go chat him up.

1135
00:49:29,194 --> 00:49:33,299
Maybe, um, nibble his carrots
if you know what I mean.

1136
00:49:33,299 --> 00:49:35,301
- I don't.
Can you explain it in detail?

1137
00:49:35,301 --> 00:49:37,069
- You know, like his--
- Bullseye Candy?

1138
00:49:37,069 --> 00:49:38,904
Bullseye Candy?

1139
00:49:38,904 --> 00:49:41,073
- Yeah.

1140
00:49:41,073 --> 00:49:43,542
Bullseye Candy.
- That's us.

1141
00:49:43,542 --> 00:49:45,744
- Yo, we got this.

1142
00:49:45,744 --> 00:49:47,680
Boom!

1143
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:49,315
both: ♪ Bullseye Candy ♪

1144
00:49:49,315 --> 00:49:51,283
♪ Bullseye Candy ♪

1145
00:49:51,283 --> 00:49:54,053
- ♪ Bullseye Candy,
get out of the way ♪

1146
00:49:54,053 --> 00:49:55,821
- Excuse us!

1147
00:49:55,821 --> 00:49:58,524
Excuse us!
Move out of the way.

1148
00:49:58,524 --> 00:49:59,491
Okay.

1149
00:49:59,491 --> 00:50:01,093
[together]
One, two, three.

1150
00:50:01,093 --> 00:50:03,028
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

1151
00:50:03,028 --> 00:50:05,130
- Oh, well.

1152
00:50:05,130 --> 00:50:07,333
We'll get 'em next year.

1153
00:50:07,333 --> 00:50:09,068
- I'm sorry,
that was embarrassing.

1154
00:50:09,068 --> 00:50:11,203
I'm a little rusty.

1155
00:50:11,203 --> 00:50:12,604
- Yeah, that was weird.

1156
00:50:12,604 --> 00:50:14,373
Normally, you're like
a total bullseye bitch.

1157
00:50:14,373 --> 00:50:16,408
- I am?
- Yeah!

1158
00:50:16,408 --> 00:50:17,910
- Cool.

1159
00:50:17,910 --> 00:50:19,178
- I think I'm gonna go for it

1160
00:50:19,178 --> 00:50:22,147
with your, uh, cinnamon friend.

1161
00:50:22,147 --> 00:50:24,550
If you don't mind.
- No, no, no, no.

1162
00:50:24,550 --> 00:50:26,051
I definitely don't mind.

1163
00:50:26,051 --> 00:50:28,854
Um, full disclosure,
he might not be into you.

1164
00:50:28,854 --> 00:50:30,189
But you know.

1165
00:50:30,189 --> 00:50:31,490
- Cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.

1166
00:50:31,490 --> 00:50:33,125
Yeah, I'm definitely
gonna make my move then.

1167
00:50:33,125 --> 00:50:35,494
- You're not scared?
- No!

1168
00:50:35,494 --> 00:50:38,664
I mean, I've made a fool
of myself like a million times.

1169
00:50:38,664 --> 00:50:39,865
I mean, you know.

1170
00:50:39,865 --> 00:50:42,668
- You've always
been really ballsy.

1171
00:50:42,668 --> 00:50:44,370
I've always envied
that about you.

1172
00:50:44,370 --> 00:50:45,637
- Thank you very much.

1173
00:50:45,637 --> 00:50:48,107
I mean, I'd rather just know.
You know?

1174
00:50:48,107 --> 00:50:49,975
You got to go after
what you want.

1175
00:50:49,975 --> 00:50:51,643
Be bold.

1176
00:50:51,643 --> 00:50:53,412
Like, uh...

1177
00:50:53,412 --> 00:50:56,582
<i>[upbeat hip-hop music]</i>

1178
00:50:56,582 --> 00:51:00,686
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1179
00:51:00,686 --> 00:51:03,655
- Look, it's
crazy snowman girl.

1180
00:51:03,655 --> 00:51:05,457
- Oh.

1181
00:51:05,457 --> 00:51:07,626
You remember that.
- Mm-hmm.

1182
00:51:07,626 --> 00:51:09,128
- [laughs]
Hi.

1183
00:51:09,128 --> 00:51:11,463
I'm sorry about that.

1184
00:51:11,463 --> 00:51:13,499
I thought
you were someone else,

1185
00:51:13,499 --> 00:51:15,868
but I was wrong.

1186
00:51:15,868 --> 00:51:17,736
So who are you?

1187
00:51:19,138 --> 00:51:20,739
- I'm Wyatt Snowmyn.

1188
00:51:20,739 --> 00:51:25,310
Age 31, Scorpio,
Leo moon rising, obviously.

1189
00:51:25,310 --> 00:51:27,946
Originally of Glen Ridge,
New Jersey.

1190
00:51:27,946 --> 00:51:30,582
Go Panthers.

1191
00:51:30,582 --> 00:51:32,317
Currently residing
in Manhattan.

1192
00:51:32,317 --> 00:51:35,320
Part owner of a few bars,
including this little gem

1193
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:36,889
in the old hometown.

1194
00:51:36,889 --> 00:51:39,725
- Okay, so I stopped listening
after you said Scorpio

1195
00:51:39,725 --> 00:51:41,827
because I know
that Scorpios are kinky.

1196
00:51:41,827 --> 00:51:43,429
- Oh, yeah?
- And uh--

1197
00:51:43,429 --> 00:51:44,997
- Sting.

1198
00:51:44,997 --> 00:51:46,598
- I'm kidding.

1199
00:51:46,598 --> 00:51:49,168
I'm--it's nice
to meet you, Wyatt.

1200
00:51:49,168 --> 00:51:51,003
I'm Emily.

1201
00:51:51,003 --> 00:51:53,539
I don't think
I gave you my name.

1202
00:51:53,539 --> 00:51:56,742
- No, you were definitely
too busy yelling at me.

1203
00:51:56,742 --> 00:52:00,245
- Oh, you didn't like that?
- Oh, well, eh.

1204
00:52:00,245 --> 00:52:02,748
Hmm.
- Because you're welcome.

1205
00:52:02,748 --> 00:52:04,650
[both laugh]

1206
00:52:04,650 --> 00:52:06,018
Scorpios love that.

1207
00:52:06,018 --> 00:52:07,085
- Yeah, I can take
a little abuse.

1208
00:52:07,085 --> 00:52:08,287
- Yeah.
[laughs]

1209
00:52:08,287 --> 00:52:11,390
- Okay, you know what?
Here.

1210
00:52:11,390 --> 00:52:15,727
Emily, for you and your friend.

1211
00:52:17,362 --> 00:52:18,964
Boom.
- Okay.

1212
00:52:18,964 --> 00:52:20,833
- Yeah.
- For free?

1213
00:52:20,833 --> 00:52:21,800
- Yes.
- Okay.

1214
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:23,469
- No charge.

1215
00:52:23,469 --> 00:52:26,538
- Your tip is that you get
to watch me walk away.

1216
00:52:26,538 --> 00:52:28,040
- Oof!

1217
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,209
This is better than 20%.

1218
00:52:30,209 --> 00:52:32,411
Whew!
- Check this out.

1219
00:52:32,411 --> 00:52:33,745
[laughs]
- Mm, thank you.

1220
00:52:36,915 --> 00:52:38,384
- Okay, so I'll get a glass
of this Sancerre to start.

1221
00:52:38,384 --> 00:52:40,986
- Very good.
Will anyone be joining you?

1222
00:52:40,986 --> 00:52:43,689
- Nope!
Just a little me time.

1223
00:52:43,689 --> 00:52:46,492
You know, I don't
get a lot of me time.

1224
00:52:46,492 --> 00:52:49,595
So this is extremely exciting.

1225
00:52:49,595 --> 00:52:51,530
- Oh, very good.

1226
00:52:51,530 --> 00:52:53,532
- Yeah.
You been working here long?

1227
00:52:53,532 --> 00:52:55,034
- Two years.
- Two years!

1228
00:52:55,034 --> 00:52:56,669
Oh, very nice.

1229
00:52:56,669 --> 00:52:58,237
So--
- I'll bring you that Sancerre.

1230
00:52:58,237 --> 00:53:02,107
- But--oh, okay.

1231
00:53:02,107 --> 00:53:04,476
- Sancerre.
- Yes.

1232
00:53:04,476 --> 00:53:06,845
- It's my favorite.
- Good taste.

1233
00:53:06,845 --> 00:53:08,147
- You too.

1234
00:53:08,147 --> 00:53:11,116
- It might sound crazy,
but be my guest.

1235
00:53:11,116 --> 00:53:12,584
- You know what?

1236
00:53:12,584 --> 00:53:14,787
I was hoping that you would
say something like that.

1237
00:53:14,787 --> 00:53:16,288
- Oh!
- Yeah.

1238
00:53:16,288 --> 00:53:18,190
- Oh.
- Yeah.

1239
00:53:18,190 --> 00:53:20,693
<i>[soft music]</i>

1240
00:53:20,693 --> 00:53:25,064
- Yeah!
Entertaining nonetheless.

1241
00:53:25,064 --> 00:53:26,999
- Oh, my God,
that is disgusting.

1242
00:53:26,999 --> 00:53:28,400
- It's getting mintier,
I swear.

1243
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:30,069
- So creamy.
Let's get another one.

1244
00:53:30,069 --> 00:53:32,237
- Okay, I'm in charge of the--

1245
00:53:32,237 --> 00:53:33,439
I'll get the--

1246
00:53:33,439 --> 00:53:36,241
- Yes you are!
He totally likes you.

1247
00:53:36,241 --> 00:53:38,711
- No!
- Yes!

1248
00:53:38,711 --> 00:53:40,179
- No, no, he doesn't.

1249
00:53:40,179 --> 00:53:41,647
He's, uh--no.

1250
00:53:41,647 --> 00:53:44,149
- He's been comping
your drinks all night.

1251
00:53:44,149 --> 00:53:45,350
- It's like,
why would he be into me?

1252
00:53:45,350 --> 00:53:46,885
- Why wouldn't he be into you?

1253
00:53:46,885 --> 00:53:48,520
- Well, because he
looks like he's from,

1254
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:51,156
like, a J.Crew, like, ar--oh.

1255
00:53:51,156 --> 00:53:53,525
- Oh, my God, Chet Charles?

1256
00:53:53,525 --> 00:53:56,028
- What are you--
- What are you doing?

1257
00:53:56,028 --> 00:53:58,430
- ♪ I really can't stay ♪

1258
00:53:58,430 --> 00:54:01,600
♪ Baby, it's cold outside ♪

1259
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:07,506
♪ I gotta get away 'cause,
baby, it's cold outside ♪

1260
00:54:07,506 --> 00:54:09,341
- All right, it's done, so--

1261
00:54:09,341 --> 00:54:11,543
- Your mom told me that you
wanted me to be your date

1262
00:54:11,543 --> 00:54:12,978
for the Christmas Eve party.

1263
00:54:12,978 --> 00:54:14,146
- Okay, but I didn't actually--

1264
00:54:14,146 --> 00:54:15,614
- And I have never
been more honored

1265
00:54:15,614 --> 00:54:17,883
by anything in my entire life.

1266
00:54:17,883 --> 00:54:19,785
So I obviously accept.

1267
00:54:19,785 --> 00:54:22,287
- Oh, no, no, no,
I'm not--I didn't--

1268
00:54:22,287 --> 00:54:23,956
- I got you something.

1269
00:54:23,956 --> 00:54:25,591
- This is a misunder--
this is a Christmas adventure,

1270
00:54:25,591 --> 00:54:29,061
and I wrote a--
it's a San--uh, mm.

1271
00:54:29,061 --> 00:54:31,130
Okay, okay.

1272
00:54:31,130 --> 00:54:33,132
- I'll see you tomorrow.

1273
00:54:33,132 --> 00:54:35,267
- Probably not.

1274
00:54:35,267 --> 00:54:39,204
Don't show up
because I don't--oh.

1275
00:54:39,204 --> 00:54:42,875
Oh, no,
is that chair fruitcake?

1276
00:54:42,875 --> 00:54:45,177
- Oh, my God.

1277
00:54:45,177 --> 00:54:49,515
You sneaky little hussy!

1278
00:54:49,515 --> 00:54:52,551
Are you
and Chet Charles a thing?

1279
00:54:52,551 --> 00:54:54,419
- No, we are not--
no, no, no, no, no.

1280
00:54:54,419 --> 00:54:55,888
We're not a thing, me and Chet.

1281
00:54:55,888 --> 00:54:57,055
No, no, we're not.

1282
00:54:57,055 --> 00:54:58,724
Stop, stop,
stop scissoring yourself.

1283
00:54:58,724 --> 00:55:03,829
Actually, um, I think
that my mom is more interested

1284
00:55:03,829 --> 00:55:06,365
like, actually interested
in him for me,

1285
00:55:06,365 --> 00:55:08,834
but I'm definitely
not interested in him.

1286
00:55:08,834 --> 00:55:11,136
That's not the guy for me
or anything like that.

1287
00:55:11,136 --> 00:55:12,838
- Okay, Em, you're, like,

1288
00:55:12,838 --> 00:55:15,474
really yelling this
out loud right now.

1289
00:55:15,474 --> 00:55:19,611
- I just wanted to make sure
everybody gets the point

1290
00:55:19,611 --> 00:55:22,781
about my personal feeling.

1291
00:55:22,781 --> 00:55:24,416
[both laughing]

1292
00:55:24,416 --> 00:55:26,385
- That's funny.
That's funny.

1293
00:55:26,385 --> 00:55:28,554
Look, look.

1294
00:55:28,554 --> 00:55:31,456
Lorraine,
can I be honest with you?

1295
00:55:31,456 --> 00:55:33,859
- Yes, if you
let me wear the hat.

1296
00:55:33,859 --> 00:55:35,194
- Oh, okay!

1297
00:55:35,194 --> 00:55:39,364
Here you go.
Ooh!

1298
00:55:39,364 --> 00:55:41,300
Oh!
- I like.

1299
00:55:41,300 --> 00:55:42,768
I like!
- Looks nice on you.

1300
00:55:42,768 --> 00:55:44,903
- You like it?

1301
00:55:44,903 --> 00:55:47,906
- Okay, but don't take
this the wrong way,

1302
00:55:47,906 --> 00:55:51,210
but you're not really
a good listener.

1303
00:55:51,210 --> 00:55:52,911
- Mm-hmm.

1304
00:55:52,911 --> 00:55:57,616
But what if I know better
for the people than they do?

1305
00:55:57,616 --> 00:55:59,484
What if I know
what's better for them?

1306
00:55:59,484 --> 00:56:01,019
- Look, put your hands out.
Come here.

1307
00:56:01,019 --> 00:56:02,521
- I put my hands out?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1308
00:56:02,521 --> 00:56:03,922
Like this.
- Oh, okay.

1309
00:56:03,922 --> 00:56:05,224
- Hold mine, okay.

1310
00:56:05,224 --> 00:56:07,526
Repeat after me.

1311
00:56:07,526 --> 00:56:10,362
Sometimes,
my opinions are wrong.

1312
00:56:10,362 --> 00:56:13,332
- Mm.

1313
00:56:13,332 --> 00:56:15,767
Sometimes,
my opinions are wrong.

1314
00:56:15,767 --> 00:56:20,572
- And sometimes, I hurt people
and myself when I judge them.

1315
00:56:20,572 --> 00:56:23,942
- Sometimes, I hurt people
and myself when I judge them.

1316
00:56:23,942 --> 00:56:25,344
- Mm-hmm.

1317
00:56:25,344 --> 00:56:27,012
- Okay.

1318
00:56:27,012 --> 00:56:29,181
- Yeah, and I need
to be a better listener,

1319
00:56:29,181 --> 00:56:33,385
and I need to be more
supportive of my daughter.

1320
00:56:33,385 --> 00:56:35,287
- You got a daughter?

1321
00:56:35,287 --> 00:56:39,157
- No, that one was for you.

1322
00:56:39,157 --> 00:56:41,627
- Oh.
- See what I'm saying?

1323
00:56:41,627 --> 00:56:43,729
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.

1324
00:56:43,729 --> 00:56:44,997
- I see you.

1325
00:56:44,997 --> 00:56:46,999
- Did you get
what I was saying, though?

1326
00:56:46,999 --> 00:56:48,700
You understood?

1327
00:56:48,700 --> 00:56:52,971
- I'm--my daughter--
[laughs]

1328
00:56:52,971 --> 00:56:55,540
Whew!
She's just like her father.

1329
00:56:55,540 --> 00:56:57,142
- Okay.
- You know what I'm saying?

1330
00:56:57,142 --> 00:56:58,644
- Right.

1331
00:56:58,644 --> 00:57:00,479
- That's all I got
to say about it.

1332
00:57:00,479 --> 00:57:02,814
And I was--

1333
00:57:02,814 --> 00:57:05,984
I need to be more supportive
and listen.

1334
00:57:05,984 --> 00:57:07,452
- Mm-hmm.

1335
00:57:07,452 --> 00:57:09,187
- I can do that.
- You can do that?

1336
00:57:09,187 --> 00:57:10,589
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay!

1337
00:57:10,589 --> 00:57:12,557
All right.
- Yes, I can.

1338
00:57:12,557 --> 00:57:14,626
- Cool!
You enjoying that Sancerre?

1339
00:57:14,626 --> 00:57:17,095
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

1340
00:57:17,095 --> 00:57:20,165
It's good, ain't it?

1341
00:57:20,165 --> 00:57:22,968
It's that bubbly.
- [laughs]

1342
00:57:22,968 --> 00:57:24,903
It is good!

1343
00:57:24,903 --> 00:57:26,638
- Do you remember
when we were--

1344
00:57:26,638 --> 00:57:27,873
we had to do
the Christmas show?

1345
00:57:27,873 --> 00:57:29,041
- Mm-hmm.

1346
00:57:29,041 --> 00:57:31,143
- And you, like,
dumped me as a friend,

1347
00:57:31,143 --> 00:57:33,578
and then you started saying
really mean things about me

1348
00:57:33,578 --> 00:57:34,980
to like, the whole school.

1349
00:57:34,980 --> 00:57:36,281
Do you remember that?

1350
00:57:36,281 --> 00:57:38,684
- I didn't--no, no!

1351
00:57:38,684 --> 00:57:41,920
I don't remember--but wait.
Yo, where are those shots?

1352
00:57:43,755 --> 00:57:46,525
- No, yeah,
why would you--okay.

1353
00:57:46,525 --> 00:57:48,460
So I do remember, though.
- Yeah.

1354
00:57:48,460 --> 00:57:51,730
- And it was like a nightmare
for me, honestly.

1355
00:57:51,730 --> 00:57:54,166
And it just was
really weird for me,

1356
00:57:54,166 --> 00:57:56,735
because you went from,
like, being my best friend

1357
00:57:56,735 --> 00:57:59,104
in the whole world to, like,
then being my bully.

1358
00:57:59,104 --> 00:58:02,908
And it really--it, like,
messed me up, honestly, then,

1359
00:58:02,908 --> 00:58:05,243
and I kind of feel like
it still messes me up now.

1360
00:58:05,243 --> 00:58:07,112
- Yeah, dude,
but what are you talking about?

1361
00:58:07,112 --> 00:58:08,413
We were kids.

1362
00:58:08,413 --> 00:58:09,715
It's like
a bajillion years ago.

1363
00:58:09,715 --> 00:58:12,250
Come on!
Come on, we're past that.

1364
00:58:12,250 --> 00:58:13,819
- Yeah?
- We're good.

1365
00:58:13,819 --> 00:58:15,053
- Like, I'm already
really embarrassed,

1366
00:58:15,053 --> 00:58:16,455
and I feel like
the queen of idiots--

1367
00:58:16,455 --> 00:58:18,557
<i>- ♪ It's a celebration ♪</i>

1368
00:58:18,557 --> 00:58:23,628
- Oh, oh, oh!
It's jam time!

1369
00:58:23,628 --> 00:58:27,432
Get your ears out
because we about to party!

1370
00:58:27,432 --> 00:58:32,237
<i>- ♪ So, baby, don't you
stop dancing with me ♪</i>

1371
00:58:32,237 --> 00:58:36,008
<i>♪ Holiday, holiday,
holiday, holiday, holiday ♪</i>

1372
00:58:36,008 --> 00:58:38,777
<i>♪ Holiday, holiday,
holiday, holiday ♪</i>

1373
00:58:38,777 --> 00:58:41,613
<i>♪ Holiday, holiday, holiday ♪</i>

1374
00:58:41,613 --> 00:58:46,151
<i>♪ So, baby, don't you stop ♪</i>

1375
00:58:46,151 --> 00:58:50,122
<i>- ♪ Let me hear you say,
I'm ready for the holiday ♪</i>

1376
00:58:50,122 --> 00:58:53,859
<i>♪ Call the family up,
tell 'em we're on our way ♪</i>

1377
00:58:53,859 --> 00:58:55,927
<i>♪ Trying to party
'cause we're going crazy ♪</i>

1378
00:58:55,927 --> 00:58:57,896
- Um...

1379
00:58:57,896 --> 00:58:59,831
God, you told me
so much about you,

1380
00:58:59,831 --> 00:59:02,734
but you did not tell me how
great you were at miming.

1381
00:59:02,734 --> 00:59:05,604
- Oh, it is one
of my finest skills, milady.

1382
00:59:05,604 --> 00:59:08,540
- Well, that's very clear.

1383
00:59:10,175 --> 00:59:14,946
Oh, you might know
the answer to this.

1384
00:59:14,946 --> 00:59:16,648
Like, okay.

1385
00:59:16,648 --> 00:59:19,551
What is the mime for,

1386
00:59:19,551 --> 00:59:22,754
"I want to kiss you"?

1387
00:59:25,290 --> 00:59:27,059
- Wow, uh.

1388
00:59:27,059 --> 00:59:28,660
Okay, well, I uh--

1389
00:59:28,660 --> 00:59:30,495
I think it's just,

1390
00:59:30,495 --> 00:59:32,197
lean in

1391
00:59:32,197 --> 00:59:35,534
and purse your lips,

1392
00:59:35,534 --> 00:59:37,636
and you close your eyes.

1393
00:59:45,277 --> 00:59:47,279
- Good to know.
Thank you.

1394
00:59:47,279 --> 00:59:48,280
Thanks for telling me.

1395
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,982
That's, uh, maybe I'll--

1396
00:59:50,982 --> 00:59:53,485
I'm gonna--I should get her
home because she's drunk.

1397
00:59:53,485 --> 00:59:55,320
- Totally cool, yeah.
- Yeah, hey!

1398
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:58,223
Ginger, get--
- What?

1399
00:59:58,223 --> 01:00:00,892
- All right, stop dancing!

1400
01:00:03,128 --> 01:00:06,598
[imitates radio jingle]

1401
01:00:06,598 --> 01:00:11,169
Well, KLDA Nation,
I choked again.

1402
01:00:11,169 --> 01:00:15,607
I have no idea what I'm
writing to Santa tomorrow,

1403
01:00:15,607 --> 01:00:17,876
and I'm gonna be stuck here

1404
01:00:17,876 --> 01:00:21,513
in a world
made entirely of fruitcake.

1405
01:00:21,513 --> 01:00:25,951
[imitates airhorn]

1406
01:00:28,753 --> 01:00:32,691
"I think this one looks nice
here after all."

1407
01:00:35,227 --> 01:00:38,096
Aw, Mom.

1408
01:00:39,631 --> 01:00:41,600
[sighs]

1409
01:00:41,600 --> 01:00:44,903
That's so nice.

1410
01:00:44,903 --> 01:00:48,073
<i>["Joy to the World" playing]</i>

1411
01:00:48,073 --> 01:00:54,980
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1412
01:00:56,081 --> 01:00:57,616
- Good morning.

1413
01:00:57,616 --> 01:01:01,319
- Is it?
But I am glad you're up.

1414
01:01:01,319 --> 01:01:02,654
- Thank you.

1415
01:01:02,654 --> 01:01:04,322
I was really glad to get
your note last night.

1416
01:01:04,322 --> 01:01:05,891
That ornament is super cute.

1417
01:01:05,891 --> 01:01:09,361
- You know, I have been
thinking about that.

1418
01:01:09,361 --> 01:01:10,795
It should go in the back

1419
01:01:10,795 --> 01:01:14,566
because it does not fit
my vision.

1420
01:01:14,566 --> 01:01:16,468
- Okay.
Well, it's no use.

1421
01:01:16,468 --> 01:01:17,936
How can I be helpful?

1422
01:01:17,936 --> 01:01:20,672
- Well, I have to spray paint
the banister gold,

1423
01:01:20,672 --> 01:01:22,641
then I have to go
and set up a meeting

1424
01:01:22,641 --> 01:01:25,443
with that incompetent bartender
about what

1425
01:01:25,443 --> 01:01:27,379
our signature cocktail...
- Oh, I'll settle that.

1426
01:01:27,379 --> 01:01:29,581
- Is going to be, and--Emily?

1427
01:01:29,581 --> 01:01:32,584
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

1428
01:01:32,584 --> 01:01:35,020
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1429
01:01:35,020 --> 01:01:37,455
- Way to grab the reindeer
by the antlers.

1430
01:01:37,455 --> 01:01:40,492
I might have a shot at this.

1431
01:01:40,492 --> 01:01:42,460
Six hours to midnight?

1432
01:01:42,460 --> 01:01:45,730
<i>[bell dings]</i>

1433
01:01:45,730 --> 01:01:48,233
- Okay, people.

1434
01:01:48,233 --> 01:01:51,870
The judges will be here
at 7:00 sharp,

1435
01:01:51,870 --> 01:01:55,307
and I want everyone
to be whistling Christmas

1436
01:01:55,307 --> 01:01:58,310
out of their buttholes
when they get here.

1437
01:01:58,310 --> 01:01:59,878
Excuse my French.

1438
01:01:59,878 --> 01:02:02,380
- Uh, who is this woman?

1439
01:02:02,380 --> 01:02:04,583
- That's the competition.

1440
01:02:04,583 --> 01:02:05,984
You can let her in the house,

1441
01:02:05,984 --> 01:02:08,587
you can serve her
cocktails and canapés,

1442
01:02:08,587 --> 01:02:11,723
but do not let her
touch my trees.

1443
01:02:11,723 --> 01:02:13,825
If she comes within

1444
01:02:13,825 --> 01:02:19,064
a 3-foot radius of my trees...

1445
01:02:19,064 --> 01:02:21,900
Then you have my permission
to use force.

1446
01:02:21,900 --> 01:02:23,668
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.

1447
01:02:23,668 --> 01:02:25,604
Uh, look.
You need to talk to your mama.

1448
01:02:25,604 --> 01:02:26,938
You are running out of time.

1449
01:02:26,938 --> 01:02:28,640
- Does she look like someone
who's capable

1450
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:30,141
of being talked to?

1451
01:02:30,141 --> 01:02:33,345
She's not gonna change, okay?
She's who she is.

1452
01:02:33,345 --> 01:02:35,680
I have a few questions
about Wyatt, though.

1453
01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,182
- Uh, look.

1454
01:02:37,182 --> 01:02:39,084
She might be more ready
to change than you think.

1455
01:02:39,084 --> 01:02:41,820
- Mm, absolutely not.
Impossible.

1456
01:02:41,820 --> 01:02:43,288
Here's my question, though.
- Okay.

1457
01:02:43,288 --> 01:02:45,423
- Like, let's say I do
write this letter to Santa

1458
01:02:45,423 --> 01:02:46,992
tomorrow, right?

1459
01:02:46,992 --> 01:02:48,827
Okay, so like, then what
happens back in the real world?

1460
01:02:48,827 --> 01:02:49,961
Like, does my mom
become normal?

1461
01:02:49,961 --> 01:02:51,830
Do I stand up to Ginger?

1462
01:02:51,830 --> 01:02:54,833
Does, like--
will I be able to find Wyatt?

1463
01:02:54,833 --> 01:02:57,902
Like, what exactly is the black
magic we're working with here?

1464
01:02:57,902 --> 01:02:59,271
- Okay, okay, look, look.

1465
01:02:59,271 --> 01:03:01,406
You found him before,
you can find him again.

1466
01:03:01,406 --> 01:03:03,108
And Ginger might surprise you.

1467
01:03:03,108 --> 01:03:04,743
And your mom, for that matter.

1468
01:03:04,743 --> 01:03:06,411
- All right, you're just saying
that to save your own ass.

1469
01:03:06,411 --> 01:03:07,879
- No, no, no.

1470
01:03:07,879 --> 01:03:09,214
I'm saying it because I care
about you, all right?

1471
01:03:09,214 --> 01:03:11,583
And I'm pretty sure
that lady's hair

1472
01:03:11,583 --> 01:03:13,652
was not made out of fruitcake.

1473
01:03:13,652 --> 01:03:16,154
- Oh, damn, it's spreading.
- Yeah.

1474
01:03:16,154 --> 01:03:17,856
- Look, I got to go
finish getting ready.

1475
01:03:17,856 --> 01:03:19,457
Lorraine is gonna
blow a gasket

1476
01:03:19,457 --> 01:03:21,660
if I'm not "picture-perfect by
the time the judges get here."

1477
01:03:21,660 --> 01:03:23,828
I just don't think any
of this makes any sense to do.

1478
01:03:23,828 --> 01:03:25,530
It's not worth it.
- Damn it!

1479
01:03:25,530 --> 01:03:27,666
Thought I was getting
through to these people.

1480
01:03:27,666 --> 01:03:29,768
Oh, humans!

1481
01:03:29,768 --> 01:03:32,270
[slurping]

1482
01:03:32,270 --> 01:03:35,707
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1483
01:03:35,707 --> 01:03:38,410
- [sighs quietly]

1484
01:03:48,353 --> 01:03:49,821
Enough.

1485
01:03:54,526 --> 01:03:58,763
<i>- ♪ Joy to the world,
the Lord is come ♪</i>

1486
01:03:58,763 --> 01:04:03,235
<i>♪ Let Earth receive her King ♪</i>

1487
01:04:03,235 --> 01:04:07,806
<i>♪ Let every heart
prepare Him room ♪</i>

1488
01:04:07,806 --> 01:04:09,941
- Sure.

1489
01:04:09,941 --> 01:04:13,445
<i>- ♪ Let heaven
and nature sing ♪</i>

1490
01:04:13,445 --> 01:04:16,181
- Linda!
- Lorraine.

1491
01:04:16,181 --> 01:04:18,850
- You remember my successful,

1492
01:04:18,850 --> 01:04:21,786
high SAT scoring daughter,
Emily?

1493
01:04:21,786 --> 01:04:23,955
- Of course.
Nice to see you, Emily.

1494
01:04:23,955 --> 01:04:25,524
I love your dress.

1495
01:04:25,524 --> 01:04:28,593
- Thank you so much!
It's actually my favorite.

1496
01:04:28,593 --> 01:04:30,562
- [chuckles]
- Oh.

1497
01:04:30,562 --> 01:04:32,931
- Unfortunately,
my daughter couldn't make it.

1498
01:04:32,931 --> 01:04:36,468
She's on duty again
in the Congo.

1499
01:04:36,468 --> 01:04:38,770
Doctors Without Borders.

1500
01:04:38,770 --> 01:04:40,739
Such noble work.

1501
01:04:40,739 --> 01:04:43,308
Yes, she's a doctor.
- Thank the Lord.

1502
01:04:43,308 --> 01:04:45,810
My daughter
is dating a dentist.

1503
01:04:45,810 --> 01:04:47,345
- Wow.

1504
01:04:47,345 --> 01:04:50,982
Mom, I'm actually not gonna
do this with you tonight.

1505
01:04:50,982 --> 01:04:53,952
Linda, good luck tonight.

1506
01:04:55,820 --> 01:04:57,989
- My baby has jokes.

1507
01:04:59,591 --> 01:05:01,927
- Oh, oh!

1508
01:05:01,927 --> 01:05:04,496
Oh, you must be
so proud of your mom.

1509
01:05:04,496 --> 01:05:06,097
What a perfect family.

1510
01:05:06,097 --> 01:05:07,732
- We're announcing
the winner tomorrow,

1511
01:05:07,732 --> 01:05:09,334
and I'm sure you'll be pleased.

1512
01:05:09,334 --> 01:05:11,269
- Thank you.
Thank you very much.

1513
01:05:11,269 --> 01:05:12,637
Have a good day.

1514
01:05:12,637 --> 01:05:15,440
Honey, why don't you take
a picture with Santa?

1515
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:17,142
- All right.

1516
01:05:17,142 --> 01:05:19,678
- What are you asking
Santa for, little missy?

1517
01:05:19,678 --> 01:05:21,079
- I don't know.
I don't know.

1518
01:05:21,079 --> 01:05:22,447
Just take--can you take--
- Okay, baby.

1519
01:05:22,447 --> 01:05:24,616
Here we go.
Thank you, darling.

1520
01:05:24,616 --> 01:05:26,117
It's so perfect.

1521
01:05:26,117 --> 01:05:29,454
- Okay, all right,
all right, all right.

1522
01:05:29,454 --> 01:05:31,056
- Why you touch
my girl like that?

1523
01:05:31,056 --> 01:05:32,624
- I didn't touch her.

1524
01:05:32,624 --> 01:05:34,359
I just leaned a little bit,
and you took a picture.

1525
01:05:34,359 --> 01:05:36,161
- I took a--
I took a picture.

1526
01:05:36,161 --> 01:05:37,495
Get your ass in there,
go to work.

1527
01:05:37,495 --> 01:05:38,897
What's the matter with you?
Took a picture.

1528
01:05:38,897 --> 01:05:40,031
If you touch another
woman here today,

1529
01:05:40,031 --> 01:05:42,000
I'ma kick your ass.

1530
01:05:46,705 --> 01:05:49,441
- Emily.

1531
01:05:49,441 --> 01:05:52,210
Try to leave some canapés
for the guests.

1532
01:05:52,210 --> 01:05:54,746
It's not like
you have much room

1533
01:05:54,746 --> 01:05:57,248
to breathe in that dress.

1534
01:05:57,248 --> 01:05:59,584
Heaven forbid
you listen to me once.

1535
01:05:59,584 --> 01:06:01,586
Did you even try the red one?

1536
01:06:01,586 --> 01:06:03,555
- I'm so sorry, I have--

1537
01:06:03,555 --> 01:06:05,890
- Ugh!
- Thank you!

1538
01:06:12,664 --> 01:06:15,266
- Hello, my love.

1539
01:06:15,266 --> 01:06:17,502
- Oh, you must be kidding me.

1540
01:06:17,502 --> 01:06:20,538
- Oh, I would never joke about
something as pure and natural

1541
01:06:20,538 --> 01:06:22,040
as my devotion for you.

1542
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:23,975
I brought you this.

1543
01:06:23,975 --> 01:06:26,077
May I feed it to you
like the goddess you are?

1544
01:06:26,077 --> 01:06:29,514
- Don't worry about it
because you're about to go!

1545
01:06:29,514 --> 01:06:31,816
I said goodbye!

1546
01:06:31,816 --> 01:06:35,186
I said--what if I--good day!

1547
01:06:36,655 --> 01:06:38,456
Thank you.
Thanks for this.

1548
01:06:38,456 --> 01:06:39,557
That's sweet.

1549
01:06:39,557 --> 01:06:41,726
- Portrait time!

1550
01:06:41,726 --> 01:06:44,929
[indistinct chatter]

1551
01:06:44,929 --> 01:06:46,631
Portrait time!

1552
01:06:46,631 --> 01:06:48,266
[indistinct chatter]

1553
01:06:48,266 --> 01:06:49,834
Come on.

1554
01:06:52,837 --> 01:06:54,839
- Okay.

1555
01:06:54,839 --> 01:06:57,375
You ready?

1556
01:06:57,375 --> 01:06:59,744
- Yeah.
Something is not right.

1557
01:06:59,744 --> 01:07:02,113
- It's the dress isn't it?

1558
01:07:02,113 --> 01:07:04,115
Baby, why don't you
just go up and change?

1559
01:07:04,115 --> 01:07:06,785
- Do I just disgust you,
or is there anything

1560
01:07:06,785 --> 01:07:08,920
you actually like about me?

1561
01:07:08,920 --> 01:07:11,189
No, no nogtinis!

1562
01:07:11,189 --> 01:07:12,924
- Lower your voice.
Everyone's watching.

1563
01:07:12,924 --> 01:07:15,160
- No, Lorraine!
You need to answer me.

1564
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:18,229
- You're my daughter.
I love you.

1565
01:07:18,229 --> 01:07:20,398
- But do you like me?

1566
01:07:20,398 --> 01:07:23,668
My dress is too tight.
I make too many jokes.

1567
01:07:23,668 --> 01:07:25,036
I eat too many canapés.

1568
01:07:25,036 --> 01:07:26,604
What do you actually
like about me?

1569
01:07:26,604 --> 01:07:29,407
- Now is not the time
or the place, young lady.

1570
01:07:29,407 --> 01:07:31,810
- I have actually just wasted
so much time

1571
01:07:31,810 --> 01:07:34,379
letting everyone
walk all over me.

1572
01:07:34,379 --> 01:07:36,781
My friends, my mom,
the radio station.

1573
01:07:36,781 --> 01:07:38,016
But enough!

1574
01:07:38,016 --> 01:07:39,684
Have you ever once
thought about what

1575
01:07:39,684 --> 01:07:43,254
it was like for me to be
your daughter, Mrs. Perfect?

1576
01:07:43,254 --> 01:07:46,925
What it's like for me to exist
while everyone around me

1577
01:07:46,925 --> 01:07:49,360
makes me feel like I don't
even deserve to love myself

1578
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:50,962
because
of the ass-backwards way

1579
01:07:50,962 --> 01:07:53,198
that this world judges women?

1580
01:07:53,198 --> 01:07:56,534
And every comment you make
just brings me right back

1581
01:07:56,534 --> 01:07:59,738
to being that shy
and insecure little girl

1582
01:07:59,738 --> 01:08:01,639
from freshman year.

1583
01:08:01,639 --> 01:08:04,909
She's always with me,

1584
01:08:04,909 --> 01:08:07,846
always telling me
to be small and quiet,

1585
01:08:07,846 --> 01:08:11,249
and telling me not to be honest
about how I'm feeling.

1586
01:08:11,249 --> 01:08:13,985
And I am exhausted!

1587
01:08:13,985 --> 01:08:16,421
That's why I don't
come back here!

1588
01:08:16,421 --> 01:08:19,190
- I have only been
making suggestions.

1589
01:08:19,190 --> 01:08:22,827
- Baby, it's time to listen.

1590
01:08:22,827 --> 01:08:26,197
- Mom,
you have spent a lifetime

1591
01:08:26,197 --> 01:08:29,033
suggesting everything
that was wrong with me,

1592
01:08:29,033 --> 01:08:31,469
validating every single bully
I have ever had,

1593
01:08:31,469 --> 01:08:34,239
and all I wanted you to do
was just look at me one time

1594
01:08:34,239 --> 01:08:36,574
and suggest
what was right about me!

1595
01:08:39,177 --> 01:08:41,446
- Why didn't you say anything?

1596
01:08:41,446 --> 01:08:43,882
- Because as much as I
want to be close to you

1597
01:08:43,882 --> 01:08:45,717
and tell you all of this stuff,

1598
01:08:45,717 --> 01:08:48,153
you are not
the easiest person to talk to.

1599
01:08:48,153 --> 01:08:51,322
- Oh, well,
I wouldn't say that.

1600
01:08:51,322 --> 01:08:53,591
- Look, I learned
this week that talking

1601
01:08:53,591 --> 01:08:56,261
about your feelings is actually
really, really important,

1602
01:08:56,261 --> 01:08:58,029
and so is standing up
for yourself

1603
01:08:58,029 --> 01:09:00,098
and asking for what you want.

1604
01:09:00,098 --> 01:09:01,533
- That's my girl.

1605
01:09:01,533 --> 01:09:04,536
- So there will be no more
of me doubting myself

1606
01:09:04,536 --> 01:09:07,238
and no more of me
not asking for what I want.

1607
01:09:07,238 --> 01:09:09,107
That is not who I am anymore.

1608
01:09:09,107 --> 01:09:12,644
- Yes, partner!
Preach!

1609
01:09:12,644 --> 01:09:16,147
- Oh, bitch,
I know you not talking.

1610
01:09:16,147 --> 01:09:18,216
Ginger, you were my bully.

1611
01:09:18,216 --> 01:09:20,251
Do you get that?

1612
01:09:20,251 --> 01:09:22,921
And no, we are not over it.

1613
01:09:22,921 --> 01:09:25,223
I'm not over anything.

1614
01:09:25,223 --> 01:09:27,058
And the messed up part
is I actually like you,

1615
01:09:27,058 --> 01:09:29,260
and we're friends now,
but being friends

1616
01:09:29,260 --> 01:09:30,662
means being honest.

1617
01:09:30,662 --> 01:09:32,697
And you honestly need
to acknowledge

1618
01:09:32,697 --> 01:09:33,998
what you did to me.

1619
01:09:33,998 --> 01:09:35,800
And you need to apologize.

1620
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:38,636
Maybe then we can be good.

1621
01:09:40,271 --> 01:09:42,273
No, no.
Let me tell you something.

1622
01:09:42,273 --> 01:09:43,842
We are not in love.

1623
01:09:43,842 --> 01:09:47,478
Go on somewhere and find
your happiness outside of me!

1624
01:09:47,478 --> 01:09:48,847
And you!

1625
01:09:48,847 --> 01:09:50,248
Wyatt!

1626
01:09:50,248 --> 01:09:51,783
How dare you!

1627
01:09:51,783 --> 01:09:55,253
Why would you show up
in this insane Santa reality?

1628
01:09:55,253 --> 01:09:57,689
Huh?
And the thing is, I like you.

1629
01:09:57,689 --> 01:09:59,057
So do me a favor, okay?

1630
01:09:59,057 --> 01:10:00,658
This isn't gonna
make any sense,

1631
01:10:00,658 --> 01:10:03,494
but in a few days
when a really cute,

1632
01:10:03,494 --> 01:10:05,597
a little bit plump
with a booty,

1633
01:10:05,597 --> 01:10:08,066
self-assured girl
comes up to you

1634
01:10:08,066 --> 01:10:10,068
and shoots her shot,
just say yes.

1635
01:10:10,068 --> 01:10:11,469
Huh?
Just say yes.

1636
01:10:11,469 --> 01:10:12,804
Because I
can flip my tongue over,

1637
01:10:12,804 --> 01:10:14,939
and only one in 10,000 people
can do that.

1638
01:10:14,939 --> 01:10:16,407
You're gonna miss out on that.

1639
01:10:16,407 --> 01:10:21,145
And I know that I sound angry,
but I am not mad at you!

1640
01:10:21,145 --> 01:10:23,014
And this tree!

1641
01:10:23,014 --> 01:10:25,216
Move!

1642
01:10:25,216 --> 01:10:28,620
[all gasping]

1643
01:10:28,620 --> 01:10:31,189
- How dare you!
You stole my mom!

1644
01:10:31,189 --> 01:10:33,124
- Okay, get it out.
Get it out.

1645
01:10:33,124 --> 01:10:35,026
Yeah.

1646
01:10:35,026 --> 01:10:37,795
- No, not my tree!
Not Goldy!

1647
01:10:37,795 --> 01:10:39,864
Not Goldy!

1648
01:10:39,864 --> 01:10:41,799
[sobbing]

1649
01:10:41,799 --> 01:10:46,571
No, no, no!
- Oh, that's not right.

1650
01:10:46,571 --> 01:10:49,107
- Stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it!

1651
01:10:49,107 --> 01:10:52,343
- [screaming]
- [screaming]

1652
01:10:52,343 --> 01:10:56,014
- Ahh!
[groans]

1653
01:10:56,014 --> 01:10:58,016
- No.

1654
01:10:58,016 --> 01:11:00,084
<i>- ♪ Oh, I'm so happy ♪</i>

1655
01:11:00,084 --> 01:11:02,153
- Feel good, feel good?

1656
01:11:02,153 --> 01:11:04,389
- Peace out, kings and queens!

1657
01:11:04,389 --> 01:11:07,926
<i>- ♪ It's a celebration ♪</i>

1658
01:11:07,926 --> 01:11:13,097
- Oh, yeah, they definitely win
for Best Entertainment.

1659
01:11:13,097 --> 01:11:15,199
Oh!

1660
01:11:15,199 --> 01:11:18,603
- Oh, don't you say it.
- Say what?

1661
01:11:18,603 --> 01:11:20,638
- That you were right
about everything.

1662
01:11:20,638 --> 01:11:22,206
- Okay, as much
as I like being right,

1663
01:11:22,206 --> 01:11:24,442
this is not bringing
me Christmas joy.

1664
01:11:24,442 --> 01:11:26,244
You still got some time.
- You think so?

1665
01:11:26,244 --> 01:11:27,912
- Yeah, go talk to her.
- Talk to her.

1666
01:11:27,912 --> 01:11:30,081
Emily, oh!

1667
01:11:30,081 --> 01:11:32,583
- Are we gonna?

1668
01:11:32,583 --> 01:11:34,285
No, I'm gonna--
yeah.

1669
01:11:34,285 --> 01:11:36,688
- Make it right.

1670
01:11:36,688 --> 01:11:38,289
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1671
01:11:38,289 --> 01:11:41,192
Okay!
Come on, DJ!

1672
01:11:41,192 --> 01:11:42,627
DJ!

1673
01:11:42,627 --> 01:11:45,663
All right!
Y'all better come on.

1674
01:11:45,663 --> 01:11:47,799
Come on, uh, uh!

1675
01:11:47,799 --> 01:11:49,000
Come on.

1676
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:50,635
Michael.
Michael.

1677
01:11:50,635 --> 01:11:52,704
Come on, you get in there.
Let me see what you got.

1678
01:11:52,704 --> 01:11:54,739
Hey, hey!

1679
01:11:56,874 --> 01:11:59,377
- [chuckling]

1680
01:11:59,377 --> 01:12:01,512
Oh, my God.

1681
01:12:05,416 --> 01:12:08,419
KLDA listeners, it's me, Emily,

1682
01:12:08,419 --> 01:12:10,054
and I'm finally

1683
01:12:10,054 --> 01:12:13,925
a boss-ass bitch.

1684
01:12:13,925 --> 01:12:18,696
[imitates airhorn]

1685
01:12:26,771 --> 01:12:29,140
- I've said everything
I needed to say.

1686
01:12:29,140 --> 01:12:30,942
- You're right.

1687
01:12:30,942 --> 01:12:34,145
And I'm so glad that you had
a chance to say everything

1688
01:12:34,145 --> 01:12:38,249
you needed to say because I
have a few things to say too

1689
01:12:38,249 --> 01:12:40,285
if that's okay with you.

1690
01:12:40,285 --> 01:12:42,520
- Go ahead.

1691
01:12:46,991 --> 01:12:48,660
- You were right.

1692
01:12:48,660 --> 01:12:51,095
I tried to control everything,

1693
01:12:51,095 --> 01:12:54,365
to make everything perfect,

1694
01:12:54,365 --> 01:12:57,335
and that makes me
a terrible listener,

1695
01:12:57,335 --> 01:12:59,304
a terrible mother.

1696
01:12:59,304 --> 01:13:01,239
But let me say this,
you have to know

1697
01:13:01,239 --> 01:13:03,641
that I like you.

1698
01:13:03,641 --> 01:13:06,377
You're funny.
You're smart.

1699
01:13:06,377 --> 01:13:08,680
Oh, you're so funny sometimes,

1700
01:13:08,680 --> 01:13:10,815
the jokes you make
I don't even understand.

1701
01:13:10,815 --> 01:13:13,084
But that's not your fault.
That's my fault.

1702
01:13:13,084 --> 01:13:15,820
Because I'm not funny.

1703
01:13:15,820 --> 01:13:19,324
You know, I thought
that if I could just

1704
01:13:19,324 --> 01:13:23,528
make everything perfect,
make myself perfect,

1705
01:13:23,528 --> 01:13:28,433
just push harder,
you guys would

1706
01:13:28,433 --> 01:13:32,370
be proud of me.

1707
01:13:32,370 --> 01:13:36,374
Because I could
take care of you.

1708
01:13:36,374 --> 01:13:39,844
But you're already perfect
because you're you.

1709
01:13:39,844 --> 01:13:44,249
And I should have been
telling you that all the time.

1710
01:13:44,249 --> 01:13:49,187
I just wonder now,

1711
01:13:49,187 --> 01:13:50,788
is it too late?

1712
01:13:52,790 --> 01:13:54,392
- No.

1713
01:13:54,392 --> 01:13:55,960
Of course it's not too late.

1714
01:13:55,960 --> 01:13:57,962
It's Christmas,
for Christ's sakes.

1715
01:13:57,962 --> 01:14:00,365
It's never too late.

1716
01:14:00,365 --> 01:14:02,734
- Okay, okay.

1717
01:14:04,802 --> 01:14:06,504
- Geez.

1718
01:14:06,504 --> 01:14:11,209
Right,
that's a tough act to follow.

1719
01:14:11,209 --> 01:14:14,245
But you're right, Em.

1720
01:14:14,245 --> 01:14:18,916
You're--you are
so totally beyond right.

1721
01:14:25,523 --> 01:14:28,259
I know I bullied you.

1722
01:14:28,259 --> 01:14:31,663
God, I was so mean.

1723
01:14:31,663 --> 01:14:33,531
It's really hard for me
to think about sometimes,

1724
01:14:33,531 --> 01:14:37,869
but I've been talking
about it in therapy, so--

1725
01:14:37,869 --> 01:14:39,804
I was an insecure
piece of crap,

1726
01:14:39,804 --> 01:14:42,940
and I took it out on you,
and you didn't deserve that.

1727
01:14:42,940 --> 01:14:45,276
You're so beautiful.

1728
01:14:45,276 --> 01:14:47,445
I'm so sorry if I
ever made you doubt that.

1729
01:14:49,480 --> 01:14:51,582
You're my best bitch, bitch!

1730
01:14:51,582 --> 01:14:54,519
- Oh, my God, come here.

1731
01:15:00,158 --> 01:15:01,859
- Get it, girl.

1732
01:15:02,994 --> 01:15:04,395
- Hey.
- Hey.

1733
01:15:04,395 --> 01:15:06,364
Hey.
Enjoying the party?

1734
01:15:06,364 --> 01:15:08,132
- Oh, yeah,
I'm having a good time.

1735
01:15:08,132 --> 01:15:10,601
Someone assaulted a tree.

1736
01:15:10,601 --> 01:15:12,103
- I know.
I saw that.

1737
01:15:12,103 --> 01:15:13,271
She's crazy.
- Yeah.

1738
01:15:13,271 --> 01:15:14,572
- She's unhinged.

1739
01:15:14,572 --> 01:15:16,140
- I wouldn't let
that person go to a forest

1740
01:15:16,140 --> 01:15:18,676
because then that--you're
in the tree's territory, so--

1741
01:15:18,676 --> 01:15:22,146
- She gon' get jumped.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

1742
01:15:22,146 --> 01:15:23,581
I just--

1743
01:15:23,581 --> 01:15:25,850
I just want to say
I loved how you stood up

1744
01:15:25,850 --> 01:15:28,319
to everyone in there, and I--

1745
01:15:28,319 --> 01:15:29,987
I think you're incredible.

1746
01:15:29,987 --> 01:15:32,290
And I'm not really sure
what you meant when you asked

1747
01:15:32,290 --> 01:15:34,759
about this mystery person
who might ask me a question,

1748
01:15:34,759 --> 01:15:36,994
but I will definitely say yes.

1749
01:15:36,994 --> 01:15:39,897
And if I'm being honest,
it kind of sounds like

1750
01:15:39,897 --> 01:15:42,300
an invitation to an orgy,
which I've never done.

1751
01:15:42,300 --> 01:15:44,635
Not to say I'm not,
you know, I can't be a freak.

1752
01:15:44,635 --> 01:15:47,739
I'm a freak.
I get freaky.

1753
01:15:47,739 --> 01:15:50,274
Not like freaky, ugh.
Like freaky, hmm.

1754
01:15:50,274 --> 01:15:52,577
- But rated on a scale?

1755
01:15:52,577 --> 01:15:54,412
- A moderate six.

1756
01:15:54,412 --> 01:15:56,180
You know.
- I could work with that.

1757
01:15:56,180 --> 01:15:57,749
- Yeah, yeah.

1758
01:15:57,749 --> 01:16:01,953
Well, good, because whenever
you meet an Emily, you know,

1759
01:16:01,953 --> 01:16:03,955
you kind of want
to hang on to them.

1760
01:16:03,955 --> 01:16:08,493
So you know,
I might push it to a seven.

1761
01:16:08,493 --> 01:16:09,894
- We'll get you to eight.

1762
01:16:09,894 --> 01:16:11,963
- Ooh!

1763
01:16:11,963 --> 01:16:14,265
Oh.

1764
01:16:14,265 --> 01:16:17,235
<i>[tender music]</i>

1765
01:16:17,235 --> 01:16:22,707
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1766
01:16:22,707 --> 01:16:25,309
- Emily, you want
to go back into the party

1767
01:16:25,309 --> 01:16:28,212
and have a good time?

1768
01:16:28,212 --> 01:16:30,481
- Yes.
Um, yeah.

1769
01:16:30,481 --> 01:16:32,083
- Yep.

1770
01:16:32,083 --> 01:16:33,484
- But I'm gonna be in
in a little bit.

1771
01:16:33,484 --> 01:16:34,919
I have to go--

1772
01:16:34,919 --> 01:16:36,220
I actually have
to go do something.

1773
01:16:36,220 --> 01:16:38,189
- I got a job to do.
- Yeah, totally, totally.

1774
01:16:38,189 --> 01:16:39,757
I'll meet you in there, though.

1775
01:16:39,757 --> 01:16:42,627
- All right.
- We'll get you at a nine.

1776
01:16:42,627 --> 01:16:45,063
[exhales]
Okay.

1777
01:16:47,465 --> 01:16:50,368
- It really is a lovely tree.

1778
01:16:50,368 --> 01:16:52,336
You okay?

1779
01:16:52,336 --> 01:16:54,439
- I think I will be.

1780
01:16:56,374 --> 01:16:59,844
- You know, we've had
an opening at the rummy table

1781
01:16:59,844 --> 01:17:01,746
if that doesn't
sound too awful.

1782
01:17:01,746 --> 01:17:03,781
- Oh, I'd love that!

1783
01:17:03,781 --> 01:17:06,818
- Oh, if you don't mind
messy pajamas

1784
01:17:06,818 --> 01:17:08,753
and too many Sancerres.

1785
01:17:08,753 --> 01:17:12,356
- Oh, I love Sancerres,
and the messier the better.

1786
01:17:12,356 --> 01:17:17,228
I am just exhausted
with all this perfection stuff.

1787
01:17:17,228 --> 01:17:19,096
Could you help me with this?

1788
01:17:19,096 --> 01:17:21,165
- Sure, hold these.

1789
01:17:21,165 --> 01:17:24,068
Okay, I got it.

1790
01:17:24,068 --> 01:17:26,404
- There you go.
Oh, I think it's right.

1791
01:17:26,404 --> 01:17:27,638
It's perfect.

1792
01:17:30,000 --> 01:17:33,203
<i>[soft music]</i>

1793
01:17:33,203 --> 01:17:36,106
- What, what, what, what, what.

1794
01:17:36,106 --> 01:17:38,708
- Oh.
[laughs]

1795
01:17:40,343 --> 01:17:41,845
You ready to do this?

1796
01:17:41,845 --> 01:17:44,915
- Yes, did you leave the rest
of B2K at the party?

1797
01:17:44,915 --> 01:17:47,017
- [laughs]

1798
01:17:47,017 --> 01:17:49,252
You know,
Omarion didn't show up.

1799
01:17:49,252 --> 01:17:51,321
- Didn't he?
- Yeah, yeah.

1800
01:17:51,321 --> 01:17:53,457
All right, here you go.

1801
01:17:53,457 --> 01:17:56,026
- You already know.
- Let's do this.

1802
01:17:56,026 --> 01:17:58,061
- Let's do it.

1803
01:17:58,061 --> 01:18:01,865
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1804
01:18:01,865 --> 01:18:04,401
Okay.

1805
01:18:04,401 --> 01:18:07,737
<i>Dear Santa, wow, what a ride,</i>

1806
01:18:07,737 --> 01:18:10,273
<i>you mischievous SOB, you.</i>

1807
01:18:10,273 --> 01:18:14,711
<i>Anyway, what I really wanted
to say was, thank you.</i>

1808
01:18:14,711 --> 01:18:16,279
<i>I found my voice.</i>

1809
01:18:16,279 --> 01:18:19,082
<i>Ironic for someone
who wants to be a DJ.</i>

1810
01:18:19,082 --> 01:18:22,886
<i>Thing is,
it was in me the whole time.</i>

1811
01:18:22,886 --> 01:18:25,655
<i>I just let the world
tell me it wasn't.</i>

1812
01:18:25,655 --> 01:18:30,293
<i>PS, Wolf did a stellar job.</i>

1813
01:18:30,293 --> 01:18:33,029
<i>Thanks for reminding me
that I'm a queen.</i>

1814
01:18:33,029 --> 01:18:36,867
<i>B-T-dubs, if you want to keep
that dance circle thing,</i>

1815
01:18:36,867 --> 01:18:39,102
<i>I'm cool with that.</i>

1816
01:18:39,102 --> 01:18:41,171
Here goes everything.

1817
01:18:41,171 --> 01:18:43,073
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1818
01:18:43,073 --> 01:18:45,208
There's one more thing
we need to do.

1819
01:18:45,208 --> 01:18:47,577
- Okay.

1820
01:18:47,577 --> 01:18:49,546
Ready?

1821
01:18:49,546 --> 01:18:52,449
- Let's do it together.
One, two, three.

1822
01:18:52,449 --> 01:18:53,917
<i>[bell dings]</i>

1823
01:18:53,917 --> 01:18:55,552
<i>- ♪ It's a celebration ♪</i>

1824
01:18:55,552 --> 01:18:57,854
- Out of my way.

1825
01:18:57,854 --> 01:19:00,857
<i>- ♪ Get ready
for the holidays ♪</i>

1826
01:19:00,857 --> 01:19:04,761
<i>♪ Yeah it's a celebration ♪</i>

1827
01:19:04,761 --> 01:19:08,431
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1828
01:19:08,431 --> 01:19:11,735
<i>♪ It's what we make it ♪</i>

1829
01:19:11,735 --> 01:19:16,640
- Yeah!
[laughs]

1830
01:19:16,640 --> 01:19:20,110
I am a boss-ass bitch!

1831
01:19:20,110 --> 01:19:21,811
Boss-ass bitch!

1832
01:19:21,811 --> 01:19:23,813
all: Boss-ass bitch!

1833
01:19:23,813 --> 01:19:27,150
Boss-ass bitch!
- Whoo!

1834
01:19:29,486 --> 01:19:32,856
- Emily, breakfast!

1835
01:19:32,856 --> 01:19:36,826
- Oh, damn, it didn't work.

1836
01:19:36,826 --> 01:19:38,295
- Emily.
- [gasps]

1837
01:19:38,295 --> 01:19:41,665
- Oh, no, the Tooth Fairy!

1838
01:19:41,665 --> 01:19:43,700
Am I gonna turn into fruitcake?

1839
01:19:43,700 --> 01:19:45,802
Oh, my God, that is
a terrible way to die.

1840
01:19:45,802 --> 01:19:47,470
Why would I write that?

1841
01:19:47,470 --> 01:19:49,406
- Emily, it worked!

1842
01:19:49,406 --> 01:19:51,541
- Are you sure?
- Yeah!

1843
01:19:51,541 --> 01:19:53,677
I mean, I like to think
that I could take a little bit

1844
01:19:53,677 --> 01:19:56,146
of the credit, but you did it.

1845
01:19:56,146 --> 01:19:57,948
- Oh, wow, okay.

1846
01:19:57,948 --> 01:20:01,384
- Yeah, like--look,
your job, the apartment,

1847
01:20:01,384 --> 01:20:05,422
your cat, it's all back,
and no one's the wiser.

1848
01:20:05,422 --> 01:20:09,459
Yeah, and now you just know
how to ask for what you need.

1849
01:20:09,459 --> 01:20:14,264
And maybe, just maybe, you hate
Christmas just a little less.

1850
01:20:14,264 --> 01:20:16,333
- Aww.

1851
01:20:16,333 --> 01:20:18,735
- But, uh, yeah.

1852
01:20:18,735 --> 01:20:20,971
This is me saying goodbye.

1853
01:20:23,506 --> 01:20:25,475
I just, uh--

1854
01:20:25,475 --> 01:20:27,177
I just don't know how.

1855
01:20:31,247 --> 01:20:34,484
- I'm really, really
gonna miss you too.

1856
01:20:35,418 --> 01:20:38,555
- Hey, if you ever want
to write Santa, just--

1857
01:20:38,555 --> 01:20:40,123
- Oh, absolutely not.

1858
01:20:40,123 --> 01:20:43,660
I am completely done
writing to Santa.

1859
01:20:43,660 --> 01:20:46,630
But I'm gonna go in,
and I'm gonna ask

1860
01:20:46,630 --> 01:20:47,998
for my show today.

1861
01:20:47,998 --> 01:20:49,733
And I want you
to come on as a guest

1862
01:20:49,733 --> 01:20:54,437
because you are really, really
incredible at giving advice.

1863
01:20:54,437 --> 01:20:56,706
- You know what?

1864
01:20:56,706 --> 01:20:59,376
You weren't a pain
in my ass after all.

1865
01:20:59,376 --> 01:21:02,178
Yeah.
- Thank you.

1866
01:21:02,178 --> 01:21:04,247
- Mm-hmm.

1867
01:21:05,482 --> 01:21:08,485
<i>[soft music]</i>

1868
01:21:08,485 --> 01:21:12,255
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1869
01:21:12,255 --> 01:21:18,194
<i>- ♪ We were warm and wonderful
once upon a time ♪</i>

1870
01:21:18,194 --> 01:21:20,063
- Whoa.

1871
01:21:20,063 --> 01:21:24,167
It smells and looks delicious
down here, but I can't stay.

1872
01:21:24,167 --> 01:21:27,203
I gotta run to work.
- Right, your show.

1873
01:21:27,203 --> 01:21:28,805
- Yeah.

1874
01:21:28,805 --> 01:21:31,207
But I'm gonna come right back
and celebrate with you after.

1875
01:21:31,207 --> 01:21:32,809
- Really?

1876
01:21:32,809 --> 01:21:34,878
But you always work
on Christmas.

1877
01:21:34,878 --> 01:21:37,047
- I know,
but sometimes, things change.

1878
01:21:37,047 --> 01:21:38,214
- Yeah.

1879
01:21:38,214 --> 01:21:40,150
- Wait,
where'd you get that hat?

1880
01:21:40,150 --> 01:21:44,054
- From a very special friend
who wants me

1881
01:21:44,054 --> 01:21:46,022
to remember him by it

1882
01:21:46,022 --> 01:21:49,693
and all the things
that have happened this week.

1883
01:21:49,693 --> 01:21:52,495
When you come home
this evening,

1884
01:21:52,495 --> 01:21:55,031
can we talk more?

1885
01:21:55,031 --> 01:21:59,402
Well, actually, can you
talk more and I listen more?

1886
01:22:01,638 --> 01:22:04,441
- Yeah.
Yeah, I would love that.

1887
01:22:04,441 --> 01:22:06,242
I would really love that.

1888
01:22:06,242 --> 01:22:07,877
- Aw, merry Christmas, sweetie.

1889
01:22:07,877 --> 01:22:09,946
- Merry Christmas, Mom.

1890
01:22:09,946 --> 01:22:13,183
- This is Ken Spicer saying,
it's been a blast.

1891
01:22:13,183 --> 01:22:16,219
<i>- ♪ Just make it
to Christmas? ♪</i>

1892
01:22:16,219 --> 01:22:19,422
<i>♪ Make it to Christmas ♪</i>

1893
01:22:19,422 --> 01:22:21,524
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1894
01:22:21,524 --> 01:22:23,860
- Hey, you got a second?

1895
01:22:23,860 --> 01:22:25,962
- Can it wait?

1896
01:22:25,962 --> 01:22:27,564
I'm trying
to catch a plane to Cabo,

1897
01:22:27,564 --> 01:22:29,399
if you know what I mean.

1898
01:22:29,399 --> 01:22:31,835
- Actually, it can't.

1899
01:22:31,835 --> 01:22:34,037
Also, if that's
a sexual innuendo,

1900
01:22:34,037 --> 01:22:37,173
you keep that to yourself.

1901
01:22:37,173 --> 01:22:39,676
Um...

1902
01:22:39,676 --> 01:22:43,179
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1903
01:22:43,179 --> 01:22:46,216
So I--

1904
01:22:46,216 --> 01:22:49,419
so I know that you
gave your show to Janice,

1905
01:22:49,419 --> 01:22:55,725
and congratulations to her,
but you still own the station,

1906
01:22:55,725 --> 01:23:00,764
and you and I both know that
there is one more slot left

1907
01:23:00,764 --> 01:23:03,767
for an hour-long show,

1908
01:23:03,767 --> 01:23:07,771
and I'm asking you
for that show.

1909
01:23:10,540 --> 01:23:14,110
Being your producer
has been really great,

1910
01:23:14,110 --> 01:23:18,047
but I'm better than that.

1911
01:23:18,047 --> 01:23:20,183
The meter spikes
every time I chime in

1912
01:23:20,183 --> 01:23:22,418
on your show because I'm--

1913
01:23:22,418 --> 01:23:25,121
I'm funny and I'm smart.

1914
01:23:25,121 --> 01:23:28,758
And we'll call it "Ask Emily."

1915
01:23:28,758 --> 01:23:31,461
What do you say?

1916
01:23:34,297 --> 01:23:37,667
- Nice to have you
in the game, Emily.

1917
01:23:37,667 --> 01:23:40,870
Glad you finally showed up.

1918
01:23:40,870 --> 01:23:42,238
- Here I am.

1919
01:23:44,107 --> 01:23:46,509
So I can take that as a yes?

1920
01:23:46,509 --> 01:23:48,011
- Yes.

1921
01:23:48,011 --> 01:23:50,013
- All right!

1922
01:23:50,013 --> 01:23:52,682
<i>- ♪ Hold on a little longer ♪</i>

1923
01:23:52,682 --> 01:23:56,686
<i>♪ Don't have me
spending it alone ♪</i>

1924
01:23:56,686 --> 01:23:59,355
<i>♪ This time of year
is precious ♪</i>

1925
01:23:59,355 --> 01:24:02,859
<i>♪ Just, please,
can we make it to Christmas? ♪</i>

1926
01:24:02,859 --> 01:24:05,962
<i>♪ Can we make it
to Christmas? ♪</i>

1927
01:24:05,962 --> 01:24:07,797
[bell rings]

1928
01:24:07,797 --> 01:24:10,767
<i>[soft music]</i>

1929
01:24:10,767 --> 01:24:16,806
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1930
01:24:16,806 --> 01:24:19,542
- Hi.
- Hi.

1931
01:24:23,079 --> 01:24:25,648
- You know, my last name
is actually Snowmyn?

1932
01:24:25,648 --> 01:24:27,350
- No kidding.

1933
01:24:27,350 --> 01:24:29,953
- I swear to God,
Wyatt Snowmyn, at your service.

1934
01:24:29,953 --> 01:24:31,754
- What a coincidence.

1935
01:24:31,754 --> 01:24:33,323
- And you, uh...
- Oh.

1936
01:24:33,323 --> 01:24:37,060
- Your name?
- Emily Harris.

1937
01:24:37,060 --> 01:24:39,762
I'm a Sagittarius.
I just turned 31.

1938
01:24:39,762 --> 01:24:42,065
I'm a big fan of miming

1939
01:24:42,065 --> 01:24:44,601
and Christmas themed
craft cocktails

1940
01:24:44,601 --> 01:24:47,971
with terrible names.

1941
01:24:47,971 --> 01:24:51,374
- Well then, you're going to--

1942
01:24:51,374 --> 01:24:53,643
- Ah, heart?

1943
01:24:53,643 --> 01:24:55,044
- A little drink I call

1944
01:24:55,044 --> 01:24:58,514
the Santa Clausmopolitan.

1945
01:24:58,514 --> 01:25:01,117
- Do you want
to go out with me?

1946
01:25:03,253 --> 01:25:05,989
- I don't know why,
but I have a strong feeling

1947
01:25:05,989 --> 01:25:07,991
I should say yes.

1948
01:25:07,991 --> 01:25:10,326
- Mm, I don't know why either,

1949
01:25:10,326 --> 01:25:13,429
but you should
follow that maybe.

1950
01:25:13,429 --> 01:25:15,131
- Yes.

1951
01:25:15,131 --> 01:25:17,467
Absolutely yes.

1952
01:25:17,467 --> 01:25:20,637
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1953
01:25:20,637 --> 01:25:23,840
<i>[upbeat music]</i>

1954
01:25:23,840 --> 01:25:27,877
- Well, I bet you were anxious
to get back to kids' gifts.

1955
01:25:27,877 --> 01:25:30,546
- Actually, I wanted to talk
to you about something.

1956
01:25:30,546 --> 01:25:32,515
You might think
I'm pulling your chain,

1957
01:25:32,515 --> 01:25:35,018
but I think I want
to continue doing

1958
01:25:35,018 --> 01:25:36,986
this whole helping people job.

1959
01:25:36,986 --> 01:25:39,322
- And why is that?

1960
01:25:39,322 --> 01:25:42,492
- Well, you were right, okay?

1961
01:25:42,492 --> 01:25:45,028
I was selfish,
and I was really dismissing

1962
01:25:45,028 --> 01:25:47,096
the virtue of kindness.

1963
01:25:47,096 --> 01:25:49,432
I really like helping people.
- Ah!

1964
01:25:49,432 --> 01:25:52,468
Oh, Wolfie!
Yes you do!

1965
01:25:52,468 --> 01:25:54,370
Wolfie, I knew it.
I knew it!

1966
01:25:54,370 --> 01:25:56,306
I didn't know it.
I was hoping, though.

1967
01:25:56,306 --> 01:25:57,774
[laughs]

1968
01:25:57,774 --> 01:25:59,409
Yeah, whoo!
- Whoo!

1969
01:25:59,409 --> 01:26:02,178
Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas, Wolfie.

1970
01:26:02,178 --> 01:26:05,181
[both laughing]

1971
01:26:05,181 --> 01:26:06,549
<i>[ominous music]</i>

1972
01:26:06,549 --> 01:26:08,184
- The Tooth Fairy.

1973
01:26:08,184 --> 01:26:10,753
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1974
01:26:10,753 --> 01:26:13,656
- [screeching]

1975
01:26:16,926 --> 01:26:18,027
- Oh.

1976
01:26:18,027 --> 01:26:22,198
- [screeching]

1977
01:26:22,198 --> 01:26:25,601
- Uh, let's dance!

1978
01:26:25,601 --> 01:26:28,271
Yeah, can-can, hey!

1979
01:26:28,271 --> 01:26:29,639
Reindeer, reindeer.
Do the reindeer.

1980
01:26:29,639 --> 01:26:30,940
Do the reindeer.

1981
01:26:30,940 --> 01:26:32,575
We on the reindeer,
we ride the reindeer.

1982
01:26:32,575 --> 01:26:35,011
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1983
01:26:35,011 --> 01:26:38,281
<i>- ♪ Uh-huh, that's just
the way you make me feel ♪</i>

1984
01:26:38,281 --> 01:26:40,016
<i>♪ That's just the way
you make me feel ♪</i>

1985
01:26:40,016 --> 01:26:42,385
<i>♪ That's just
the way you make me feel ♪</i>

1986
01:26:42,385 --> 01:26:44,187
<i>♪ Know what love is,
always don't stop it ♪</i>

1987
01:26:44,187 --> 01:26:45,722
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1988
01:26:45,722 --> 01:26:48,591
<i>♪ You got me right here
in your jean pocket ♪</i>

1989
01:26:48,591 --> 01:26:50,093
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1990
01:26:50,093 --> 01:26:53,162
<i>♪ Laying your body
on the shag carpet ♪</i>

1991
01:26:53,162 --> 01:26:55,198
<i>♪ Ooh, you know what love is ♪</i>

1992
01:26:55,198 --> 01:26:56,933
<i>♪ Always don't stop it ♪</i>

1993
01:26:56,933 --> 01:26:58,634
<i>♪ ♪</i>

1994
01:26:58,634 --> 01:27:02,672
<i>♪ It's like I'm powerful
with a little bit of tender ♪</i>

1995
01:27:02,672 --> 01:27:06,976
<i>♪ An emotional,
a sexual blender ♪</i>

1996
01:27:06,976 --> 01:27:09,045
<i>♪ Mess me up, yeah ♪</i>

1997
01:27:09,045 --> 01:27:11,814
- KLDA Nation,
did you get everything

1998
01:27:11,814 --> 01:27:13,016
you asked for this year?

1999
01:27:13,016 --> 01:27:14,283
I know I did.

2000
01:27:14,283 --> 01:27:16,352
And great news,

2001
01:27:16,352 --> 01:27:19,789
tonight and every night,
I'm gonna be coming at you

2002
01:27:19,789 --> 01:27:22,258
with my own show, "Ask Emily."

2003
01:27:22,258 --> 01:27:24,260
We'll spend
an entire hour together

2004
01:27:24,260 --> 01:27:25,895
talking and listening.

2005
01:27:25,895 --> 01:27:29,298
You can tell me your worries,
tell me your wishes,

2006
01:27:29,298 --> 01:27:31,601
and you can ask
for what you want.

2007
01:27:31,601 --> 01:27:33,703
And I'm gonna ask you
to bear with me

2008
01:27:33,703 --> 01:27:36,939
because I'm about to get real
vulnerable up in this piece.

2009
01:27:36,939 --> 01:27:40,309
So let's start it off right
with our first caller.

2010
01:27:42,145 --> 01:27:44,213
Hi, you're on the air
with Emily.

2011
01:27:44,213 --> 01:27:46,549
What's your name,
and what's your problem?

2012
01:27:46,549 --> 01:27:49,519
<i>- Linda, and I have
a game night emergency.</i>

2013
01:27:49,519 --> 01:27:54,023
<i>But also,
I'm so proud of you, honey.</i>

2014
01:27:54,023 --> 01:27:57,026
- Hi, Mom.
What's your question?