-[♪ tense music playing] -[Max and Seven Sugar chattering]
-[Seven] Shut up. -[cocks gun]
[indistinct conversation]
Sorry, Max. It's not me,
it's you.
[tapping]
-[whispering] What? -[whispering] Hey, don't do it.
-What are you two doing here? -Preventing you from doing
something stupid that's gonna bring us all down.
Yeah, Matthew called us and told us everything that happened.
[Lucky scoffs]
Shit! He's gone.
-Come on, we gotta go. -Not before I kill that piece of shit.
We'll figure it out.
This is not the way, and you know it.
[sighing] Fuck.
[Mir] Can you guys hear my heartbeat?
-[panting] I feel electric right now. -Did you do coke?
I did a tremendous amount of cocaine,
and it is the best I've ever felt in my entire life.
He's having so much fun. I love it.
Let me hold your gun.
-Come on. Let's get outta here. -[Lucky] Go, go, go.
-I got the golf course. Yeah. -Good for you.
And Ahmad died. Raj's name is in the clear.
We should dance!
[♪ funky upbeat music playing]
-[gun cocks] -[gunshots]
[bullet shells clinking]
[wet wiping]
-[staffers chattering] -[office phones ringing]
[sighs] We've gotta get the Dars.
I know they have something to do with Saeed Ahmad's death.
Which death?
-[Chadwater] [scoffs] Very funny. -[whispers] Two.
They were supposed to send me somebody from Special Ops.
I'm calling the Chief of Police.
I wouldn't do that.
The Chief is done with your personal crusade against the Dars.
That's why they sent me.
You get caught in one orgy at a strip club. [sighs]
Oh, so they're humoring me?
Well, the joke's gonna be on them when we nab the biggest drug lords in town.
[Carl] Well, we're gonna have to, sir.
We're down in every demographic, especially women.
Some of 'em are even planning to vote for Fuck Me Felon as a write-in candidate.
Oh, with the "Fuck Me Felon." Fuck me!
I got a flat white.
-That's me. -And a warm pretzel slathered in mustard.
Yum.
Hey, do you have tits for brains?
No. Yes?
Were you going through my files?
Because I found these hairs in my file cabinet.
-That-- -These are your greasy ringlets.
[gulps] It must have been from when I was tidying up your desk.
No, you were snooping.
Trust has been broken.
You're fired.
[sobbing] Please, sir, I beg you!
-Do not touch my face! -Please, please!
Dino! Pull it together.
[♪ tense percussive music playing]
[sobbing loudly]
[door slamming]
[screaming] Fuck!
[Chadwater] As I was saying,
I'm gonna get the Dars once and for all.
And I know I've said that before,
but this time is different.
This time we have...
Max Sugar.
Carl, you're fired. I wanted to say it.
Man!
Stand-up career taking off, anyway.
I don't need this bullshit.
[door slamming]
[screaming] Fuck!
He does, like, an evening of characters.
[inhaling]
You know, I always had a bad feeling about Max in my gut.
[exhales] No, you did not.
Hey, let's not fight. That's exactly what Max would want us to be doing.
[inhaling deeply]
♪♪
[continues inhaling]
[exhaling slowly]
Men beg you to open your heart
-just to rip it out. -[front door opening]
-[yells] -[bowl shattering]
[chuckles] Oh. The gang's all here.
Aren't you supposed to be at a staff meeting?
The bad news is, I was fired.
-Oh. -What's the good news?
Uh, there is no good news.
There's worse news.
Chadwater fired me before I could learn what he knows
about us or his plans to destroy us
or before I could make any meaningful work relationships.
[screaming] Fuck!
[plate shatters]
-[Lucky] [sighs] That was Hermès. -Don't throw things!
[Lucky] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
[crying] I failed you, Chief Saab!
[gun clicking]
-What the hell? -Grant me the mercy of death! [sobbing]
-What the hell is wrong with you? -He does this all the time.
Oh! Let go!
-God! -Thank you.
Get off of me!
You know what this means? Hmm?
Who knows what Max could have told Chadwater?
[♪ dramatic music playing]
-Jawnie, whoa! -Woo!
Baba's dream, our future, all secure!
They could come get us at any minute!
Yeah, we're fucked.
They'll know everything about us. Everything!
We'd have to shut down our entire operation!
[sighs]
[screams]
[continues screaming]
[wailing]
What octave is that?
[screaming stops]
I got it.
We're gonna take Chadwater and Max down...
-[grunts] -Oh, God.
...with one bullet.
Alright. You are never smoking my weed again.
[Lucky] Honey, I'm home.
[Max] Lucky!
What a surprise.
[switch blade clicks]
Knife play.
Alright. I like it.
-What's our safe word? -Chadwater?
Don't love it. Uh, how 'bout "banana"?
You can stop the shit.
I know you're working with Chadwater and that you staged the deli robbery.
Panic mode. Tony?
-[clicking panic button] -Tony! Tony!
No, I told Tony we needed some private time,
so he went to Dave and Buster's.
Oh, he's gonna be off the grid for hours.
-[Lucky] Mm. -He's addicted to Skee-Ball.
Alright. I arranged the deli thing.
I... I just wanted your business. That's it.
I wasn't counting on falling in love, Lucky.
You played me.
No one plays me.
Now tell me what you told Chadwater,
or this knife becomes your dildo.
All he knows is my part in it.
That's it.
Just the laundering at the casino.
I didn't want to turn you in.
They made it so that it was between you and Seven.
You know how I am about Seven.
Seven's got bigger problems than Andrew Chadwater.
Where the fuck is my daughter?!
[Matthew] Uh, can we just run over the plan one more time?
We need to use Seven as bait
to get her dad to help us sabotage Chadwater.
What don't you get about that?
Yeah, stop overthinking it, Matthew. Okay?
And if you need us, we're gonna be right here in the car,
you know, somewhere else.
What? I'm doing this part by myself?!
Do you really think it'd be better if two brown guys went in that house
and captured a young white woman?
I wouldn't touch this with a ten-foot PR firm. Think!
And don't question the Chief Saabs!
I'm sorry, man, we really need you, buddy.
Come on.
[gulps] Okay.
[inhales sharply] I will not let you down, Chief Saabs.
-Yeah. -I really love you guys.
Hey, I love you back.
Mm-hmm. Thank you.
Okay. Okay!
You got this, Jedediah!
-Alright, let's get the fuck out of here. -Let's get the fuck outta here.
[Mir] Honestly, I think he looks better Amish.
Hope he doesn't die.
[engine revving]
[knocking]
[♪ percussive music playing]
Top of the evening, Sister Seven.
[chuckles] The name's Jedediah.
Your papa sent me to protect you from any evil afoot.
Ugh.
You know, I'm actually in the middle of a New Girl marathon.
Could you wait outside?
Oh, how I wished to have watched television
but a once in my life.
You're a rebellious little Amish boy, aren't you?
[chuckling] Guess I'm sort of like the bad boy in my village.
[laughing]
[sighs] You know what? I really need to pack for France.
But... you can come in.
-Oh. -[Seven] Yeah.
-Come on in. -Thank you. Thanks.
Would you like a coffee?
Ooh, what is coffee?
I've only ever had milk from Esther, my cow.
[Max] You're sick
and not in the way I used to like.
Oh.
[sing-songy] ♪ You want to kill me ♪
I know you hate me. I understand.
I am begging you.
Please, please don't hurt her.
She's just a kid.
You follow my instructions...
[♪ tense music playing]
...or I'll do worse than hurt her.
I didn't have a choice.
Shut up, traitor!
-[clattering] -[grunts]
Lucky, I didn't mean for it to turn out this way.
Hey, you wanna tell them
how you wanted me to abandon them for you?
-[scoffs] -He said you two were bringing me down.
[gasps]
[Mir] Pitting us against each other.
Classic divide-and-conquer move.
Just like the British did with India and Pakistan.
-Fuck you! -[clattering]
It wasn't a move. I just couldn't stand you two.
Us two?
I thought you just hated him and admired my work ethic.
-He's doing it again! -Oh!
-I can't believe I bought your magazine! -Ow!
Listen up, Judas Brutus.
Here's the plan.
You're going to invite Chadwater to your office,
and you're going to say...
-[mouthing] -..."I know how you can bust the Dars."
[Mir] And he'll yell some dumb shit like...
-[mouthing] -[Raj] "Get to it, Sugar.
I have anger issues because of my tiny penis."
[Lucky] " They drop their dirty money at the casino every week.
You can link it to their drug empire."
[Raj] " Yeah! Let's go bust drug dealers
while banks and corporations ravage the middle class."
-And then... -[Lucky] When he finally thinks
he has us cornered and he has his win,
that's when we get that arrogant loudmouth.
Oh, we are gonna play him like a sitar.
[both mimicking sitar sounds]
So, you think you can turn a sting to get you arrested...
into a sting to get the DA
of Philadelphia arrested?
Yeah, we do. Fuck you!
[Max] There's no way that goes wrong.
[Seven] In the next episode,
Winston tries to find a girlfriend for his cat.
Ooh, I loveth that one. [chuckles]
You told me you've never seen TV before.
I haven't. Just saying
I love the idea of the spirit of what you're talking about.
Um... [clears throat] Hey! Well, I have an idea.
Do you wanna see a traditional-style Amish dance?
No, thank you.
It's customary that I show you, because we are now friends.
-[laughing, clears throat] -Oh.
[♪ percussive music playing]
[exhales sharply]
Once the sun rises over the last mountain,
methinks it's time for chores.
A cow. Oh, mine cow from my family.
A pet will give him milk.
And once the milk is collected, I know it is time for rest.
Haha! And the dance is over
once Papa has got his oats. [chuckles]
You know, I miss the woman I was when I hadn't seen that.
[TV continues playing softly]
She was perfect.
♪♪
Once we see the Dars enter with the money, we bust in there
and we catch 'em red-handed.
You know this entire operation of yours is nowhere near proper protocol?
You got caught having sex with multiple orifices in a strip club.
We do this right, we're both back on top, loser.
[♪ "Goons" by Hanumankind and Maxo Kream playing]
♪ The ones in the room you assume are a problem ♪
Max.
Hey, why don't you guys take off?
♪ Don't know, never knew how we function ♪
-♪ So baby, what's the deal? ♪ -[kiss smacking]
♪ Hit them with the Boomshakalaka ♪
-♪ Have 'em running to the chopper ♪ -[kiss smacking]
♪ Get the tools out the locker... ♪
It's a lot.
-[doors banging] -[Chadwater] Freeze,
you drug-dealing criminals!
You've been caught.
-Oh, no, it's the Five-oh! -[Mir] What?
This is not the end of our line.
-No! -My worst nightmare.
At last, the gang's all here.
[Raj] Andrew Chadwater.
I figured you'd never catch us.
Putting you scum in jail is just another perfect field goal for the Chadski.
Pew! Thanks for the assist, Max.
-[Lucky] What? -What?
You're working with Max?
No. No. What?
Yeah. You should probably break up with him.
He's been a bad boy.
Whoa!
You know, Chadwater,
I didn't think you were this smart.
-At all. -Especially since everyone knows
you got lucky with the Joey Tomatoes case.
[scoffs] You don't know what you're talking about.
Google Joey Tomatoes.
It's too risky to pull a frame job like the one I did on Joey Tomatoes.
I told you about that, right?
Whoa-oh-oh! Don't get so aggro.
You know, everybody saw the news.
We know that the cops found the murder weapon inside the car.
We know you didn't do shit.
There is absolutely no shame in being a basic bitch
-who can't get the job done right. -[Raj] Mm-mm.
[Lucky] Everyone here knows losers like you.
I was the mastermind behind putting Joey Tomatoes behind bars for good!
I planted the gun in his goddamn car!
[Raj gasps]
You framed him?
[groaning exhale]
I thought you were the one government dude that wasn't corrupt.
Pl-- I'm not corrupt.
The world is corrupt.
So, if I occasionally need to frame
a lowlife to win a case, I do it.
This filthy city needs a hero, and I'm he.
-Excuse me. -Yeah.
-How do I look? -[Mir] Incredible.
-What are you doing? -I just want to see
how I look on the camera
that just caught you admitting to framing someone.
[Raj] Yeah, quick question. Um, just wondering,
how does it feel to get fucked by the Fuck Me Felon?
Unh!
Say hi. You're on the you're-my-bitch cam.
[sighs] You're bluffing.
Oh, no, they're not bluffing.
You're a textbook blowhard.
You just couldn't help yourself, could you?
Well, it was painful to watch.
You know what? I think it might be time to call the actual police.
I have never said those words in my entire life.
-But that feels good. Felt natural, yeah. -Wow. Wow!
Oh, I'm fudged.
I'm fudged right in the ashtray!
Oh, you people are spicy demons.
-[Raj scoffs] -What the hell was that?
That was racially charged.
Anyone can be spicy!
Well, I think my work is done here.
And I believe we are even, so I will see you later.
Oh, Max,
we're not even.
And you're not done here.
Yeah, you sneaky silver fuck.
We're only on part one.
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
[whispers] Part two.
If I had to guess,
you don't want to spend any time in jail,
do you, Andy?
With this bum?
No, I'll be torn apart in minutes.
And if I had to guess,
you want to arrest a drug kingpin to get you elected.
Is that right, Andy?
[sighs] Well, I mean that was the idea.
But now I'm back to square one.
Well, what if I told you you were standing
right in front of Philly's biggest drug lord?
-I don't understand. -Yeah, I'm lost, too.
Walk with me.
Now, over here, you will find
Max's pallet of cocaine.
[grunts]
[chuckles] Take a look.
What the heck?
-This wasn't part of the plan. -Yeah, it is.
It's the part that you didn't know about.
How does that feel?
Max Sugar is the real Jawnie King.
[gasps] I'm shocked.
This is obviously a setup.
-[Lucky chuckles] -I'm not a drug kingpin.
Look, we're both intelligent people.
I'm a little smarter 'cause I went to Drexel.
-But... -Mm.
...between the drugs here in his casino and the dossier,
I think you have more than enough to make an arrest.
So, I arrest him and nobody sees that video?
Chadwater, come on.
Chad. [scoffs] What? Me?
What-- What are you--
-[stammering] -[mimicking stammering]
-We made a deal! -To quote you, Max,
"Loyalty-schmoyalty."
I'm in.
[Raj] Ugh! That's such a good line.
-That's quite a handshake. -Mm-hmm.
-[all shouting] -He's got a gun, he's got a gun.
-No. -I'm not gonna be framed!
-Get away from my brother! -Put that gun down!
How about I murder your almost son right here in front of you?
-[cocking gun] -[Lucky] No!
[Max] Gimme that tape or he's dead.
-Get back! -[Raj whimpers]
Yeah!
-[yells] -[groans]
-[♪ dramatic music playing] -[both grunting]
-[Lucky yells] -[Max screams]
[groaning]
You betrayed me.
You're betraying me right now.
[Lucky] You betrayed me first!
The gun.
[gunshot]
-[debris clatters] -Shit!
[Chadwater] That's enough!
Max Sugar, you're under arrest for possession of narcotics.
[♪ upbeat percussive music playing]
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will...
Yada, yada, yada. You get it.
-No one cares. -Yes!
-You played me. -You played me, first.
We both lost.
You played me more.
But in the game, we're both losers, and you know it.
Give me the dignity of having the last word. Thank you.
Have fun in jail.
[Chadwater] Get him outta here!
Come on.
Bye-bye.
Looks like you might get a conviction after all, Chadwater.
Well, I'm not a shoo-in for the election anymore.
The Eff Me Felon over here really effed my chances of winning.
-[Raj chuckles] -Well, we got a plan for that,
don't we, Raj?
[Lucky] if you promise to stay out of our way.
What's up, Philly? I'm Raj.
Most of you might know me as the Fuck Me Felon.
But to me, he's the Forgive Me Friend.
People can change and become the best versions of themselves.
And when they do,
-I say we should reward them. -Thanks, Raj.
-Spicy! -Not really.
And that is why I am officially endorsing Andrew Chadwater
as mayor!
[crowd cheering]
Say, "Heck No" to drugs!
Say, "Heck Yes" to halal!
[all cheering]
♪ Boyz II Men, A B C, B B D ♪
-Whoo! -[Chadwater laughing]
I'm Andrew Chadwater, and I approve this message.
-[gate unlocking] -[prison buzzer blares]
What are you doing here?
Came here to gloat?
You look sexy in a jumpsuit.
Almost makes me regret putting you here.
Do you?
You crossed the wrong girl.
And you really should not have left Danyal
with power of attorney over the casino.
Oh, how about we go to that place where we had our first kiss?
You know, that was a--
Sign the fucking papers, [speaking Urdu].
Okay, okay.
[scoffs] Danyal.
It's doing better than ever under new ownership.
Good.
Well... [tapping table]
I should go, I guess.
You know, I did just come here to gloat.
And to see if Seven is doing okay in Paris.
She wrote and said that her "Franch" is going really good.
I'm glad she hasn't abandoned you.
[sighs] You would have made a great stepmother.
Being an auntie is more than enough for me.
Goodbye, Max.
We'll meet again. The game's not over.
[♪ "City of Stars" by Moo$h and Wavmage playing]
[♪ epic music playing]
[laughing]
Amazing. Hey, do me one favor.
Let's get an Andar Bahar table in the high rollers area.
And go ahead and give them broke bitches a little bit of Ludo.
No, no. Trust me, it's better than blackjack.
Listen to me. My brother wants to sell in that market,
that's where we're going.
Hey, I set a meeting with Mr. Abedi for tomorrow. You good?
-Jawnies in Lahore? -Jawnies in fucking Lahore!
-Fuck, yeah. -I'll see you tomorrow at our golf course.
Vah, vah, vah.
Love to see two Chief Saabs
running one tight ship.
[speaking Urdu]
We're just doing what you taught us with slightly less bullying.
And I got Chadwater under control.
The new clubhouse at the golf course is incredible.
It's so sexy.
And, you know, he's just doing that to get married, right?
-We all know this? -[Lucky chuckles]
Shipments are running smoothly.
We renovated the fuck out of Max's old office,
and now you have enough time to finally go on that trip.
[Lucky] Mm.
Thanks, beta, but I'm right here where I want to be.
And here, have this.
I could tell you idiots skipped lunch, again.
-So... -Ooh. Keema sandwich?
-You made mine with no peas though, right? -[Lucky] Wrong.
You need the fiber, or else--
-[Raj] And mine has peas, right? -[Mir] Alright.
This is mostly just peas.
[Lucky] Just eat it. [speaking Urdu]
-Somebody sent you a gift. -[Lucky] Oh.
We have too many gifts, man. What is it?
-It's a pie. -Take it back.
-Or you know what? You keep it. -Oh, thanks. [chuckles]
Here, it's the card.
Why are you giving this to me?
I don't know. You're good at reading, I guess.
"Congrats on your recent success.
Now I'm coming for my piece of the pie."
Oh, that's funny.
-"From the eldest Dar"? -[Mir] Huh?
[Raj] [voice muffled] I'm the eldest Dar. Mir, did you do this?
[Matthew gagging, coughing]
Don't eat that!
[groans, chokes]
[♪ "City of Stars" by Moo$h and Wavmage playing]
Fuck!
♪ It's for the city ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ This for the City of Stars ♪
♪ Together we're taking it far ♪
♪ We let it play out the car ♪
♪ Look how we leading the charge ♪
♪ You know how Philly get down ♪
♪ You know how Philly get down, how Philly get down ♪
♪ Hey, you know how Philly get down ♪
♪ You know how Philly get down, how Philly get down ♪
♪ They know we still in the field ♪
♪ They know we sealing the deal ♪
♪ But, like, I play for the feels ♪
♪ They know we do it for real ♪
-♪ You know how Philly get down ♪ -♪ You know how Philly get down ♪
-♪ How Philly get down ♪ -♪ Yeah, you know how Philly get down ♪
♪ You know how Philly get down, how Philly get down ♪
♪ Hey, now I can rock a suit and tie ♪
♪ Like I work on Wall Street ♪
♪ I'm always at the game ♪
♪ Probably live on Broad Street ♪
♪ We just knock 'em out the park even when that wall steep ♪
♪ If we say it, then we mean it even if they talk cheap ♪
-♪ Yeah, the City of Stars ♪ -♪ Whoo! ♪
-♪ Together we're taking it far ♪ -♪ Philly! ♪
♪ We let it play out the car ♪
♪ Look how we leading the charge ♪
♪ You know how Philly get down ♪
♪ You know how Philly get down, how Philly get down ♪
♪ Hey, you know how Philly get down ♪
♪ You know how Philly get down, you know how Philly get down ♪
♪ They know we still in the field ♪
♪ They know we sealing the deal ♪
♪ But, like, I play for the feels ♪
♪ They know we do it for real ♪
-♪ You know how Philly get down ♪ -♪ You know how Philly get down ♪
-♪ Whoo! ♪
♪♪
[♪ fanfare playing]
♪♪