1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,802
Oh, this water is so good.
4
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,097
I don't know why I was so thirsty.
5
00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:16,975
But anyway, I feel comfortable now.
6
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,602
It feels real good in here. Yeah.
7
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:22,272
It's so good to see you, babe.
8
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:25,191
What are you…
Tell me, I've been thinking about it…
9
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,985
What are you doing with Netflix?
10
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,070
Is it gonna be like your…
11
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,573
Cole Blooded Seminar that you did?
12
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,952
Is it gonna be like
the Cole Blooded… you taught?
13
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,164
You know, you taught at your
Cole Blooded Seminar, you taught.
14
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,291
You took the people to school.
15
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:45,503
-It's gonna be--
-You talked about peanut butter.
16
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:49,758
You talked about, relationships.
17
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:53,553
You talked about sex.
18
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,139
I'll get you on that one.
19
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,683
What else?
20
00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:56,366
What's up, Brooklyn? How y'all feeling?
21
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,915
Thank you all for coming out, man.
22
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:07,168
I sure appreciate y'all for coming
out to this special and shit, man.
23
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:10,463
Good to see you. How're y'all
beautiful motherfucking faces tonight?
24
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:12,423
Give it up for yourselves, thank you.
25
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:16,970
I'ma tell you this much, though.
26
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:20,223
These young women
have been on my ass lately.
27
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,642
I ain't gonna even lie, look.
And I know they're young, too.
28
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,853
Because they're always
asking me for my Instagram
29
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,938
-instead of my phone number and shit.
30
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:28,940
Yeah, that's young bitch game.
31
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,776
"Wanna go out?" "Yeah." "What's your IG?"
32
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,028
I'll be like, "Argh, young bitch! Shit."
33
00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:38,741
Could it be some old
motherfucker's asking for my Instagram,
34
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,412
I'd be like, "Now, you know you're
too old to be asking for my Instagram.
35
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,913
Go get a pen."
36
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,960
"You know better,
motherfucker. Go get a pen.
37
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,880
Old bitch keep a pen, don't you?"
38
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:56,718
All this technology,
that motherfucker is still got that pen.
39
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,934
Phone right here in her hand.
40
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:12,233
I asked a woman one day,
I was like, "If you see an attractive man,
41
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,526
do you come on to him when you him?"
42
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:16,404
She was like, "No." I was like, "Really?"
43
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:17,488
I was asking another woman out.
44
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,449
I was like, "If you see an attractive guy,
45
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,910
do you say anything to him?"
She was like, "No.
46
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:24,996
If he don't say nothing to me,
then it really ain't going down."
47
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,540
I was like,
"That's some dumb ass shit, man.
48
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,335
-Do you know how many potential soulmates,
49
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:33,630
husbands your goofy ass could have had,
50
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:39,010
if you woulda just said hi, waved, winked,
smiled, pointed at a motherfucker?"
51
00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:41,721
You even ain't gotta look
at the man directly in his eye.
52
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:44,098
You can just look
at his way and he'll get it."
53
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:46,267
A woman look my way
too long, I'ma be like,
54
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,811
"I'ma go over there and
put this thang on that bitch, I promise."
55
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:53,316
I mean, you and I speaking.
56
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,526
And you women over 45,
let me tell you something.
57
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,780
You can't afford not to speak to anybody.
58
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:05,286
You need to be speaking
to everybody you see.
59
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,625
Every door you go through,
you need to be like, "Hey, y'all!
60
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,002
-I'm Sheryl.
61
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:15,964
I brought potato salad."
62
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:20,134
Bitch, you need to boil potato salad
every goddamn door you go through,
63
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,387
because time ain't on your side.
64
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:26,224
Don't be mad at me.
This's God talking to you right now.
65
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,726
-I'm just a vessel.
66
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,897
Damn, older women know that.
See, you gotta understand,
67
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,109
like, woman 50, 55 and up,
they understand you know that
68
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:39,946
the older you get, and everybody knows
this, men and women, the older you get,
69
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:43,449
you know, time becomes
the new currency. It really does.
70
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:46,619
Money, I'ma make that.
I'ma get that. But my time,
71
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,247
you fuck over my time,
motherfucker, we're gonna have a problem
72
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,291
because I can't get that back.
73
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,211
Goddamn it!
74
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,509
Motherfucker take me
to a fucked up movie, I'll be like,
75
00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:03,219
"Bitch, I'ma need two hours about you."
76
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,183
Goddamn it. Older women know that, though.
77
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,560
They move as such too.
78
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,645
See, they don't ride
with a whole bunch of women and shit.
79
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,939
Like when they go out, they don't ride
with a whole bunch of women and shit
80
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,734
because it's too time-consuming, you know.
81
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,820
Waiting on three bitches to get ready,
you'll miss the show and shit.
82
00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:26,909
Going out to eat, one bitch want taco,
one want a hotdog, one want a pizza…
83
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,162
you'll starve fucking with these hoes.
84
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:33,750
Old bitch will be like, "No, just send me
that address. I'll meet you out there."
85
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,337
"No, I'ma meet you all there.
86
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,838
Ain't you gonna be drinking and driving?"
87
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:40,298
"Yes I am, bitch."
88
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:45,845
Bitch ready to catch
a DUI than fuck with you, ho!
89
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,722
-That's how serious this is.
90
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,020
Plus they drive by themselves
just in case it goes down that night.
91
00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:57,231
They can dip off without
a whole bunch of judgement and shit.
92
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,317
-Yeah.
-Yeah!
93
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,570
Without a whole bunch of
motherfuckers in their business and shit.
94
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,239
"Text me when you get in."
"Nah, I'll be alright, bitch.
95
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,867
-I don't need to text you."
96
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,452
"I'm 50 for a reason, ho.
97
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,788
I've made it this far. I'ma be alright.
98
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,749
I don't need to start texting bitches,
letting them know I'm leaving."
99
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,628
Yeah.
100
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:22,840
Older women, lemme ask you something.
101
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,176
If you ever have be at a party,
102
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,677
and you see a young girl there
103
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,680
and that motherfucker be dropping
that motherfucker down to the ground,
104
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:32,141
do you be jealous of her knees?
105
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,354
-Yes you do, bitch. Yes you do.
106
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,691
Young bitch sweeping
the floor with her ass.
107
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,320
You can't go no lower than this.
108
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,282
All your shit gotta be super-sexy up here.
109
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,883
Bust out Tina Turner shit all there.
110
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:17,520
And upgrade your sex toys, goddamn it!
111
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:20,982
Some of y'all sex toys
are older than your kids.
112
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,903
Got that same rabbit tongue…
113
00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:29,449
wand… bullet…
114
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:32,452
It ain't even a bullet
no more. It's a slingshot, shit.
115
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,748
Upgrade your shit. There's some
new shit out there right now called,
116
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,834
Tracy's Dog.
117
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,389
Our little
testimonial holler is right there.
118
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,936
Shando!
Let them use you, sister! Go ahead.
119
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,819
Tracy's Dog, this
motherfucker is serious, you hear me?
120
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:09,197
It's only 50 motherfucking dollars, y'all.
121
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,617
My son's mother, she said, "I can't keep
that motherfucker in the house
122
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,912
because I ain't getting
any shit done with it in there, alright?
123
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,830
Can't get shit done
with that motherfucker in there.
124
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,374
This motherfucker
is 50 fucking dollars, you hear me?"
125
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,960
And this is like this
U-shaped device, right? This part goes in,
126
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:25,630
it's vibrating and it curves
around to the top. And on top,
127
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:28,299
there's this sucking mechanism
that goes right on the clit.
128
00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:30,927
All it does is just sucks.
129
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:36,974
Ten speeds
of sucking on this motherfucker.
130
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:40,645
This bitch will collapse
your forehead, I promise you.
131
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:45,983
It's serious. Now go ahead.
Put it in your phone. Go ahead.
132
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,778
No, go ahead before you forget it
and shit. Put it in your god…
133
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:50,947
Don't worry about who's looking at you.
134
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,949
-Put it in your phone.
135
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,451
You old women, put it…
you know your mind ain't…
136
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,288
doing like it used to be. Go ahead,
put it in your phone before you forget it.
137
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,374
Sitting there trying
to remember that shit.
138
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:04,085
"Ha ha ha, he's so silly.
139
00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:06,546
-Tracy's Dog, Tracy's Dog, Tracy's Dog…"
140
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,967
"Tracy's Dog, Tracy's Dog…
141
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,677
"Okay, I know a bitch, she's named Tracy.
142
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,054
-She got a dog. Tracy's dog.
143
00:09:15,137 --> 00:09:17,682
You know, Tracy's… Tracy's dog."
144
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:23,271
You out there with your man. Your man's
like, "You don't need that shit."
145
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,689
"You're right, Daddy."
146
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,525
"Tracy's Dog, Tracy's Dog, Tracy's Dog…"
147
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,118
Older men change too.
It ain't just women. Men change too.
148
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,662
We get old and shit.
Like, we can't fuck the same.
149
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,040
No, not at all. The older we get,
now, we can't fuck the same.
150
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:47,253
Shit, sometimes, niggas don't even be
thinking about fucking like that, though.
151
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:51,090
For real, though. Just imagine
doing this for 50 years. Just…
152
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:56,846
50 years, just…
153
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:01,475
Picking up all different sizes of bitches.
154
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:05,354
50 fucking years, just…
155
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,658
Niggas get tired of that shit!
156
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:22,663
50 years of that shit, no.
157
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:27,293
Niggas can't be thinking about fucking
all the time. Not successful men.
158
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:30,588
No. Successful older men
won't be thinking about fucking.
159
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:33,799
We'll be having other shit
on our minds like taxes and,
160
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:37,303
"When are the kids moving out?" Payroll…
161
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,680
Motherfuckers depend on us.
We got payroll.
162
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:43,059
We ain't got time to be cuddling
with your ass all the goddamn time.
163
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:46,228
And then we are cuddling
with you, we ain't thinking about you.
164
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:48,981
You know what we're thinking about?
165
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,734
When I'm gonna get
the feeling back in my goddamn arm?
166
00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:56,197
From your big ass
laying on it for two hours.
167
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,575
-If I wanna grab a titty, I can't feel it.
168
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:08,209
Got no time to be cuddling with you,
motherfucker I got payroll in the morning.
169
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:12,004
"Grab that goddamn pen
and help me crunch these numbers, bitch."
170
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,467
This is what older successful men do
171
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:19,512
when it comes to our wives,
girlfriends, fiancées and shit.
172
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,764
We fuck to keep you.
173
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,558
That's the realest shit you gonna hear.
174
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:28,437
"Not my man." Especially your man, bitch.
175
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,650
Whoever the fuck just thought that.
176
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,861
We fuck to keep you and that's it.
177
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:40,366
Your man could be sitting on the couch
at home, one sock on, one sock off…
178
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,079
Holes all in his underwear…
179
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:48,416
Parliament Funkadelic t-shirt…
180
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,709
He just ate three sandwiches.
181
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:53,462
You can tell from
the bread crust on his plate.
182
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:57,258
Grabbing his plate, going to the kitchen
and making a fourth sandwich.
183
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,846
And you come down the steps looking
good to the motherfucker, he's like,
184
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,432
"Where are you going?"
185
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,645
"I told you it was
April's birthday. We're going out."
186
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:14,108
"We're gonna get something to eat,
and after we get something to eat,
187
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,319
we'll go get some drinks, so…
188
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,405
you ain't gotta wait up."
189
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,877
"Let me put a little dick in you
before you get on outta here."
190
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:40,676
He didn't want to fuck. He had to fuck.
191
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,638
Looking too good.
You gotta put that dick in there.
192
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,807
You ain't even thinking about no pussy.
193
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:49,268
He was going to make another sandwich.
194
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,732
Wasn't thinking about no goddamn pussy.
195
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:57,193
You gotta put that dick
in her before she go out.
196
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,278
Man, before somebody else
offer her some dick.
197
00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:00,613
See, one thing a lot of women don't do,
198
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,740
they don't do two dicks in one day. That
199
00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:05,201
-kinda fucks with their psyche and shit.
200
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,328
Yeah. They don't do two in one day.
201
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,497
So you gotta be the first one in there.
202
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,130
You gotta get in there first.
203
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:22,092
If she goes out and another nigga offers
some dick, she's gonna be like, "Oh!
204
00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:27,139
Damn, why did I let
that other nigga fuck me earlier?!
205
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,934
Should have listened to my spirit."
206
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:42,404
Fellas, your girl ever come home
from out kicking it all night
207
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:45,157
and she goes straight to bed
and you'll be like this,
208
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,493
"Hey, baby. I've been up waiting
on you and shit. I know you had
209
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,036
a good time tonight but come on.
210
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:50,579
Hey, I know you're ready." She'll be like,
211
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,749
"Look, just let me go to sleep, please."
212
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:58,087
If that happened, you're number two.
213
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,220
See how the laughter died down?
214
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:12,351
Men, in here like, "Ha ha ha…
215
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,232
That bitch did that shit Thursday night."
216
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,156
There's a certain age, a man should be
217
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,993
where he should
no longer be considered a gentleman.
218
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,662
Like a motherfucker being 80 years old…
219
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,080
He shouldn't be considered a gentleman,
220
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,374
you shouldn't even look
at him to be a gentleman.
221
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,543
Motherfucker's 80.
But women don't give a fuck.
222
00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:40,045
As long as somebody's
doing something for your monkey ass,
223
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,463
that's all you care about.
224
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,133
-That's damn true.
225
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,511
I'm at the airport and shit,
this little young chick
226
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,180
she gets to the door,
she waiting on somebody to open it,
227
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,390
I'm about 30 feet away, I'm like,
228
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,767
"Nigga, I ain't about to go
over there and open that door."
229
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:58,439
But here comes
this old teskyer man nigga like,
230
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:15,372
Young bitch go through the door,
the door slid his ass on.
231
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:19,960
Like, "You seen I'm struggling, bitch."
232
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,468
This woman gets on
the plane with her luggage and shit.
233
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:31,221
She like,
"Ugh! I can't pick it up."
234
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,599
You knew you couldn't pick
that motherfucker up
235
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:36,310
when you packed
all them goddamn sweaters and shit.
236
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:40,439
But you ain't give a fuck 'cause you
thought some man gonna come along and…
237
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:43,901
And sure enough, here come
this old civil rights nigga like…
238
00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:58,749
We had to grab that nigga like,
239
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:02,461
"Champ! Sit down, champ.
We'll get it. We'll get it, champ.
240
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:04,838
We'll get it, champ."
241
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,716
You gotta call them old niggas champ
242
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,927
to make them feel like they still got it.
243
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,305
It's all good, champ.
You woulda got that shit up there
244
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:16,100
if that bitch didn't pack up
all them sequined sweaters and shit.
245
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:19,186
Those sequins get heavy
when they're in bulk like that, champ.
246
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:27,653
I would not be a gentleman
for you until I get to know you.
247
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,321
Point blank. Period.
248
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:33,075
'Cause you don't even know what the
fuck you want, as a collective. You don't.
249
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,328
Some women, you open the door for them,
they'll be like, "Thank you so much."
250
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,038
Some women be like, "I can open the door!"
251
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,707
You'll be like, "Bitch,
go open the goddamn door!"
252
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,960
-Scaring me and shit.
253
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:48,465
Gentlemen shit. Women judge men on
what they're do and don't do for them
254
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,217
before you even know who we are!
255
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,345
Cold game y'all been running it for years.
256
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,725
Gentlemen shit. Well, hell,
there ain't no gentlewomen shit to do.
257
00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:01,729
Name some gentlewomen shit. Right.
258
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,859
Here's some gentlewomen shit y'all can do.
259
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,903
Just go to a random motherfucker
and moisturize his hands.
260
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,199
Yeah, that'll work.
261
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,286
Nigga talking,
"Yeah, I told that nigga last night…"
262
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:24,043
"Well, that's mighty sweet of you,
Ma'am. Thank you very much."
263
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,594
Looking at the motherfucker, he like…
264
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,345
"Aha!"
265
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,729
Gentlemen shit. What?!
266
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,441
I gotta open the door for you,
pull your chair out.
267
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:50,694
If it's cold outside, I gotta take
my jacket off and put it on you
268
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:54,948
but I saw the weather and I knew
it was 40 motherfucking degrees.
269
00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:59,536
So I brought a jacket.
So now I gotta catch pneumonia
270
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,247
'cause your goofy ass
won't watch the weather.
271
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:13,717
I commend all you young folks
out here to taking a stance in life
272
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,136
on all kinds of shit
like Black Lives Matter.
273
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:20,265
Gay, trans, bi and all that shit.
274
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,727
I commend y'all, man.
275
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:27,481
It was instilled
in our minds back in the day like,
276
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:28,774
if you was gay or something like that,
277
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:32,069
they'd beat your ass and shit if
that shit was, if you was gay or whatever.
278
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:34,988
There's a lot of people my age
right now ain't living their truth
279
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:38,450
because of the way that we was
fucking raised and shit. Right now.
280
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,452
Real shit.
281
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:45,374
Wasn't nobody gay in my class.
Wasn't nobody gay in my school.
282
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:48,085
Wasn't nobody gay in my school district.
283
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,797
Not that I know of.
284
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,467
Yeah, wasn't nobody,
like, hanging out like that.
285
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,345
Man, the motherfuckers was
like homophobic as fuck back in the day.
286
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,515
I remember my mother took me
to one of my uncle's houses
287
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,976
to stay over there for the summer.
This nigga was homophobic as fuck.
288
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:07,271
Had all these rules and shit. We get
over there, this motherfucker's like,
289
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,440
"Yeah, uh,
first of all, I got some rules and shit
290
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,651
if you gonna stay here,
you understand me? First of all,
291
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:16,196
if you see something in my hair,
you leave it there, motherfucker, alright?
292
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,575
Don't no man pick shit out of
another man's hair, you understand me?
293
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,411
There's a feather in there, you leave
that motherfucking feather in there.
294
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:26,248
There could be a whole bird in my shit,
you leave it in there, motherfucker.
295
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:29,042
If there's something in my eye, nigga,
you fix your lips to blow on my eye,
296
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,961
I'll rip your motherfucking mouth off.
297
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,338
Don't no man blow on another man's eye.
298
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,341
You let that motherfucker
bleed to death, you understand me?
299
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:40,012
If I catch you on your tippy-toes,
I'm kicking you and your nuts.
300
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:43,599
If you can't reach some shit, you get
a broom or shoe trying to knock it down.
301
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,559
If it don't fall,
it ain't meant for you, nigga.
302
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,812
But I catch you on your tippy-toes,
I'll fuck you up, you understand that?
303
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:53,150
You put cologne on in this house, nigga,
you spray that shit dead on your clothes.
304
00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:56,820
If you spray that shit in the air
and walk through, nigga, I'll fuck you up.
305
00:19:57,946 --> 00:19:59,740
"Nigga, if I see this shit…
306
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:04,203
I'll beat your ass, you understand me?
307
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,623
And all the food you eat in this house
better be solid as a rock, motherfucker.
308
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:10,167
Don't you eat shit
that ooze in your mouth, motherfucker.
309
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:14,922
Ain't no Twinkies,
jelly doughnuts, sunny-side up eggs,
310
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,133
Halls Mentho-Lyptus, sucking on that Halls
311
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,177
and it burst all in your mouth.
312
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:22,429
You keep your cold, nigga!"
313
00:20:28,977 --> 00:20:33,482
Look, I'm nine years old,
like, "Argh…"
314
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,948
All I'm saying to the younger generation
is, "Be patient with us,
315
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:43,700
being patient with you."
316
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,285
Alright?
317
00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,459
'Cause I can only fathom
what a motherfucker go through
318
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,962
not living their truth and shit, you know.
319
00:20:55,045 --> 00:20:57,381
Being something
that they're not, you know.
320
00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,717
I can, I mean, I sympathize
with people like that, you know.
321
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:03,345
I remember one time, I read
an article about me. That shit said,
322
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:05,639
"Deon Cole is gay."
323
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:07,182
I was like, "What?!"
324
00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:10,435
It didn't say, "Is he gay?"
325
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:14,481
"Deon Cole is gay,"
like they had facts on this shit.
326
00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:17,651
Hey, motherfucker,
I ain't never been gay, goddamn it.
327
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:21,488
Closest I came to being gay
was fucking a tomboy.
328
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,086
That was my nigga.
329
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:41,466
That bitch was cold on the court, nigga.
330
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:44,052
That bitch was at a crossover…
331
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,971
crossing over niggas, nigga.
332
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:49,224
Breaking niggas ankles out there, nigga.
333
00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:54,563
I had to let her go though,
'cause every time we had sex
334
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:58,734
she would put her arms under
my arms and grab me and do this shit.
335
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,696
"Look, get your arms
from under my arms, bitch.
336
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,367
"That's some disrespectful shit."
337
00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:12,164
Slide that shit under
then grab me like, "Yeah, nigga."
338
00:22:13,373 --> 00:22:16,043
What the fuck is you doing?
Get your arms from me.
339
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:22,341
I like to take pictures
of fucked up shit I see,
340
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:26,136
save it on my phone
and use it for lies later on.
341
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,815
If I had a girl and I was out all night,
342
00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:40,817
she be like, "Where the fuck you at?"
343
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:43,028
Send her a picture of a helicopter crash.
344
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:49,034
"As soon as they clean this shit up, baby,
I'm on my way home."
345
00:22:54,414 --> 00:22:58,585
Men out there like, "Ha ha…"
346
00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:02,964
"Makes sense to me!"
347
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:09,638
There, anything fucked up. Take
a picture of it. You could use that shit.
348
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:11,932
You see somebody fighting, film that shit.
349
00:23:12,015 --> 00:23:15,352
You could easily be like, "Man,
that's my boy. I gotta go help him there."
350
00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:18,730
I'm telling you this shit works, nigga.
351
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:22,943
Dead animals, take a picture
of them. Anything fucked up.
352
00:23:23,026 --> 00:23:24,319
Oh, here's the good one.
353
00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:26,863
If you see an abandoned car
on the side of the road
354
00:23:26,947 --> 00:23:28,824
take a picture of that motherfucker there.
355
00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:31,868
You could leave
in the middle of the night on those.
356
00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:35,664
Yeah, you get up, get dressed
at midnight. Your girl like,
357
00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:39,751
"Where the fuck you going?"
Be like, "To get my boy a jump."
358
00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:49,302
"He'd been out there
for three days. I gotta go help him."
359
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:54,766
"Why is it daylight
in the picture, nigga?"
360
00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:01,731
"God works in mysterious ways, bitch."
361
00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:10,240
How many fellas out here
with a thick woman with him tonight?
362
00:24:10,323 --> 00:24:12,159
Make some noise. Where you at?
363
00:24:22,419 --> 00:24:26,590
Should be a few more of y'all clapping.
364
00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:33,972
-You know I can see you, right?
365
00:24:35,348 --> 00:24:38,393
Let me ask one more time
before I start point niggas out.
366
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:40,562
How many in here with a thick one tonight?
367
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:43,315
-Make some noise.
368
00:24:43,398 --> 00:24:46,568
-Oh, okay then. Alright. Alright, then.
369
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:55,952
Did you clap? Okay.
I'm making sure you clapped.
370
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,370
There we go, alright.
371
00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:01,791
Nigga all under the seat with it.
372
00:25:09,257 --> 00:25:11,843
You ever take a thick woman to the 'hood?
373
00:25:11,927 --> 00:25:14,179
That shit's stressful than a motherfucker.
374
00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:17,515
Them 'hood niggas
don't give a fuck you're with her,
375
00:25:17,599 --> 00:25:20,227
they'll be circling
that motherfucker like…
376
00:25:34,115 --> 00:25:36,952
I'd be standing there
like I don't see none of that shit.
377
00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:43,041
I ain't getting shot
over this motherfucker, nigga.
378
00:25:47,462 --> 00:25:50,131
Putting their dick all on her thighs shit.
379
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:54,052
"You're just gonna
let them do that to me?!"
380
00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:56,763
"Let me take this call,
I'll be right back."
381
00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:06,898
Um, I don't think I'm where I need
to be at in my career and shit, you know.
382
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:10,026
I think I'm almost there but
I ain't really there and shit, you know.
383
00:26:10,110 --> 00:26:12,779
I can tell I'm not there because,
384
00:26:12,862 --> 00:26:14,906
I still got a flyer guy.
385
00:26:18,952 --> 00:26:20,954
I think if you still got
a motherfucker making flyers for you
386
00:26:21,037 --> 00:26:23,164
you ain't really where you,
387
00:26:23,248 --> 00:26:25,792
where you really wanna be at in life.
388
00:26:29,671 --> 00:26:33,383
Dave Chapelle and Chris Rock can
post they're shit, one time. "World Tour.
389
00:26:33,466 --> 00:26:35,302
Our latest sellout." Me?
390
00:26:35,385 --> 00:26:40,265
I gotta make individual flyers
for every city I go to.
391
00:26:40,348 --> 00:26:42,851
And try to appease to them, you know?
392
00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:45,103
"Hey, Memphis, I know you like barbeque.
393
00:26:45,186 --> 00:26:48,523
Check this slab out tonight
at the Comedy Club."
394
00:26:57,699 --> 00:27:00,285
Men's some nasty motherfuckers. Oh we are.
395
00:27:00,368 --> 00:27:01,828
You know what we do when we go pee?
396
00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:04,372
Any toilet we see, we get to it.
397
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:07,500
If there's something
on the inside rim of that toilet,
398
00:27:07,584 --> 00:27:09,294
we gotta piss it off.
399
00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:17,844
It's gotta happen.
400
00:27:18,553 --> 00:27:20,972
It turn into a game instantly.
401
00:27:22,432 --> 00:27:25,268
I don't give a fuck
what it is, gum, toilet paper…
402
00:27:25,352 --> 00:27:28,146
It could be somebody
else's shit. We don't care.
403
00:27:30,482 --> 00:27:32,859
Soon as we see it, we be like, "Oh!"
404
00:27:39,532 --> 00:27:43,244
We don't move, nigga. We froze
right on that spot, pissing.
405
00:27:44,746 --> 00:27:46,706
When you run out of piss,
you be mad as shit, like,
406
00:27:46,790 --> 00:27:50,752
"No, no! Argh!
407
00:27:52,337 --> 00:27:54,089
Ah, I lost."
408
00:27:55,590 --> 00:27:57,258
Let me go get another beer.
409
00:28:04,682 --> 00:28:07,435
Who in here used to be racist?
410
00:28:14,567 --> 00:28:16,653
Niggas in here like, "Used to be?!
411
00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:21,408
Still is, nigga!"
412
00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:28,248
You know what
some racist shit is in hotels?
413
00:28:28,331 --> 00:28:30,041
Overhead showers.
414
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:34,254
You ever check into a hotel, they got that
motherfucker come out the ceiling down?
415
00:28:34,337 --> 00:28:35,839
That's some racist shit.
416
00:28:36,339 --> 00:28:38,591
Yeah, they ain't thinking about niggas.
417
00:28:39,467 --> 00:28:43,847
Nah, they're not.
They thinking about white folks.
418
00:28:44,848 --> 00:28:46,433
When I see shit like that,
that let me know
419
00:28:46,516 --> 00:28:48,893
ain't no Black people
on the board over there.
420
00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:55,442
If there was, there'd be
one nigga like, "Hell no.
421
00:28:57,902 --> 00:29:01,322
This shit here coming straight from
the ceiling, we niggas don't want that.
422
00:29:01,406 --> 00:29:05,118
Water hit our hair first
then the rest of us? No!"
423
00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:09,122
White folks like that.
That make them feel like they're in a,
424
00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:10,790
rainfall or some waterfall.
425
00:29:18,047 --> 00:29:21,885
Nah. Niggas want that spout out the wall
426
00:29:22,969 --> 00:29:24,387
where the water descend down and we can
427
00:29:24,471 --> 00:29:27,682
decide how much water we want on our hair
428
00:29:27,766 --> 00:29:32,061
if any. If any.
429
00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:39,486
You go straight out the ceiling shit.
430
00:29:39,569 --> 00:29:42,781
Now you got motherfuckers
washing up like this in that motherfucker.
431
00:30:00,548 --> 00:30:02,801
This white woman called me a nylph.
432
00:30:12,769 --> 00:30:15,188
I was like, "Bitch,
I ain't never be your neighbor."
433
00:30:20,151 --> 00:30:22,946
I got no money living next door to me…
434
00:30:26,866 --> 00:30:28,409
You was thinking neighbor, right, Ma'am?
435
00:30:30,703 --> 00:30:33,122
Excuse me, white lady,
you was thinking "neighbor"?
436
00:30:43,591 --> 00:30:46,970
Would you like to answer
the question or get fucked up?
437
00:30:47,053 --> 00:30:50,223
You wanna answer the question
or get fucked up tonight, which one?
438
00:30:50,306 --> 00:30:52,058
You gonna answer the question? Answer!
439
00:30:52,141 --> 00:30:55,520
Neighbor? Alright.
There we go. Appreciate that.
440
00:31:00,233 --> 00:31:02,193
She's still racist too.
441
00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:14,539
You ain't Black to me
442
00:31:14,622 --> 00:31:17,458
unless you got a case
of water on the floor at home.
443
00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:36,936
That's how I test niggas' Blackness
when I get to their house.
444
00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:39,689
I walk around
with my hands behind my back.
445
00:31:41,482 --> 00:31:43,443
-Can I see your pantry please?
446
00:31:44,402 --> 00:31:47,113
Or laundry room.
They're the same, I think.
447
00:31:50,491 --> 00:31:53,369
That case of water
be dusty than a motherfucker.
448
00:31:54,454 --> 00:31:56,331
Niggas never drink that water, boy.
449
00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:59,459
They use it as a stepladder now and shit.
450
00:32:07,008 --> 00:32:08,760
Listen up, white folks.
451
00:32:12,972 --> 00:32:17,352
If you go to a Black person's house,
and use their bathroom,
452
00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:21,314
and in that bathroom, you see some
clean, crispy white towels hanging up…
453
00:32:29,906 --> 00:32:32,283
You better not touch them motherfucker.
454
00:32:38,039 --> 00:32:39,832
Them for show.
455
00:32:41,834 --> 00:32:44,337
-You use your clothes like everybody else.
456
00:32:54,681 --> 00:32:57,767
Tonight, fellas, when you go home
to your girl, y'all about to get it in
457
00:32:57,850 --> 00:32:59,811
and get it popping and shit like that,
458
00:32:59,894 --> 00:33:01,521
she wanna get all the way naked,
459
00:33:01,604 --> 00:33:04,273
don't let her get naked. No.
460
00:33:04,357 --> 00:33:06,442
This could be your wife or whoever,
don't let her get all in there.
461
00:33:06,526 --> 00:33:09,862
Tell her to keep them panties on, yes.
462
00:33:09,946 --> 00:33:14,367
Something about a pair of panties on,
man, make you feel like uh,
463
00:33:14,450 --> 00:33:16,494
you ain't supposed to be doing this.
464
00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,874
Like you ain't got enough time.
465
00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:25,378
Yeah, tell her
to keep them panties on, goddamn it.
466
00:33:25,461 --> 00:33:28,214
Just hook the motherfucker to the side.
467
00:33:28,756 --> 00:33:31,676
A nice "hookening" just…
468
00:33:33,344 --> 00:33:34,846
Yeah.
469
00:33:36,472 --> 00:33:39,017
Catch her at night while she brushing
her teeth by the sink, you know,
470
00:33:39,100 --> 00:33:42,353
before she go to bed.
That's if y'all brush your teeth at night.
471
00:33:43,896 --> 00:33:47,150
Aw, don't do that. Don't do that.
472
00:33:47,233 --> 00:33:50,361
There's a whole bunch of you
goodnight hoes in here right now.
473
00:33:53,031 --> 00:33:55,491
Wrap your hair up, "Goodnight!"
474
00:34:00,580 --> 00:34:03,374
Ain't brush shit
but your edges, motherfucker.
475
00:34:07,670 --> 00:34:11,257
She brushing her teeth, come behind her,
nigga, smack her on that ass and shit,
476
00:34:11,340 --> 00:34:14,302
she be like, "What you doing?"
Hook the motherfucker over here,
477
00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:17,597
slide in the motherfucker. Yeah.
478
00:34:18,181 --> 00:34:22,268
Now the elastic from them panties
gonna eat that dick up on the left side.
479
00:34:22,852 --> 00:34:24,520
Oh yeah, it's gonna chafe
the shit out of that dick
480
00:34:24,604 --> 00:34:26,564
but keep going, nigga, you a soldier, go.
481
00:34:28,024 --> 00:34:32,195
Go! No burn, no earn, nigga, roll!
482
00:34:42,330 --> 00:34:45,083
I got some jokes
I'm gonna read for y'all real quick.
483
00:34:55,927 --> 00:34:59,472
Hopefully, y'all like 'em. If y'all don't,
I'll never see y'all again and all…
484
00:35:01,265 --> 00:35:03,601
You ever see a big girl at Whole Foods?
485
00:35:20,910 --> 00:35:24,914
Anytime I do, I always go up to her and
be like, "Today must be your first day."
486
00:35:39,220 --> 00:35:41,889
When you're
in a grocery store checkout line,
487
00:35:41,973 --> 00:35:44,225
whose job is it
to put the grocery divider down?
488
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:46,144
Is it the person that's standing there,
489
00:35:46,227 --> 00:35:48,855
or the person that walks up
because this is a very stressful moment.
490
00:35:48,938 --> 00:35:49,772
-Go.
491
00:35:51,524 --> 00:35:54,819
The person standing there.
Yeah, fuck that!
492
00:35:55,945 --> 00:35:58,239
Why fucking would I put
the divider down and probably
493
00:35:58,322 --> 00:36:00,324
ain't nobody even behind me?
It should be the job
494
00:36:00,408 --> 00:36:04,203
of the person that walks up to put
the divider down to buy their groceries.
495
00:36:08,499 --> 00:36:11,836
I'm in line, this white dude
come behind me like, "Ugh!"
496
00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:15,464
I'm like, "Wait a minute, white nigga,
497
00:36:15,548 --> 00:36:18,092
I ain't know that was
my job to put that down."
498
00:36:19,385 --> 00:36:22,054
Come over here
stressing me out, white nigga.
499
00:36:35,443 --> 00:36:37,361
You ever curse when you pray?
500
00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:42,533
-Y'all some bourgeois motherfuckers.
501
00:36:43,701 --> 00:36:47,246
"Lord, keep these hating
assholes off of a bitch, God.
502
00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:51,626
Don't wanna see a bitch be great, God."
503
00:36:56,881 --> 00:36:59,091
You ever asked God to hurt somebody?
504
00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:07,391
"Lord, please kill my supervisor.
505
00:37:07,975 --> 00:37:10,144
"I'll glorify your name forevermore.
506
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:12,980
Shaloh!"
507
00:37:23,866 --> 00:37:27,370
You ever be wearing some pants,
go home take them off?
508
00:37:27,453 --> 00:37:28,704
Next day, you wake up, you be like,
509
00:37:28,788 --> 00:37:30,873
"Shit. Didn't nobody see that outfit?"
510
00:37:40,007 --> 00:37:42,176
So you put them same pants on.
511
00:37:42,843 --> 00:37:44,971
You just going on with your day.
512
00:37:46,973 --> 00:37:49,809
About an hour later,
you notice a big knot in your pants,
513
00:37:49,892 --> 00:37:52,103
and it's your drawers from yesterday?
514
00:37:59,485 --> 00:38:02,863
"My good drawers, too.
I can't throw these away."
515
00:38:03,781 --> 00:38:06,450
I just push them up
by my dick until I get home.
516
00:38:13,582 --> 00:38:15,001
White people don't laugh at that joke
517
00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:17,878
'cause they wear their shit
five days any goddamn week.
518
00:38:23,718 --> 00:38:24,885
Why do you guys do that?
519
00:38:30,016 --> 00:38:34,270
I only call white people "guys" 'cause
it makes them feel comfortable and shit.
520
00:38:34,937 --> 00:38:37,315
Y'all niggas do it too at work.
521
00:38:37,398 --> 00:38:39,942
-Put on your white voice and shit.
522
00:38:40,026 --> 00:38:41,819
"Hey guys, we're going to lunch."
523
00:38:45,823 --> 00:38:47,950
"You're buying?" "Thanks, guys."
524
00:38:53,205 --> 00:38:57,668
I never call Black people "guys."
Never call niggas "guys."
525
00:38:58,586 --> 00:39:00,838
Like, "Hey guys, wanna smoke a blunt?"
526
00:39:03,299 --> 00:39:06,177
-"Who the fuck you calling guys, nigga?
527
00:39:06,260 --> 00:39:08,095
Get your moist ass
outa here, motherfucker."
528
00:39:15,311 --> 00:39:18,272
Is it racist to say, "No way, Jose"?
529
00:39:25,112 --> 00:39:27,281
'Cause that's my shit. I love saying it.
530
00:39:27,990 --> 00:39:31,410
Let's find out. Hold on. Where
the Hispanic people at? Make some noise.
531
00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:37,166
-Hey! I can say that shit, right?
-Yeah!
532
00:39:37,249 --> 00:39:40,419
See, this is how you learn,
motherfucker. Ask questions.
533
00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:42,671
Yeah. Goddamn it.
534
00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:49,345
-Can white people say it?
-No!
535
00:40:02,233 --> 00:40:03,651
Sorry, guys.
536
00:40:07,029 --> 00:40:08,906
They'll fuck you up. Don't say it, guys.
537
00:40:09,949 --> 00:40:10,908
Refrain.
538
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:21,544
Do vegan women swallow?
539
00:40:29,009 --> 00:40:32,221
'Cause it's life so…
540
00:40:32,304 --> 00:40:35,099
I don't know. I don't fucking know.
541
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:40,729
Protein?
542
00:40:42,940 --> 00:40:47,153
It's protein. Men be running
that game a long time.
543
00:40:47,236 --> 00:40:50,322
"Hey, bitch, get over here
and get this protein in your life.
544
00:40:50,906 --> 00:40:53,534
-Looking a little flimsy on that couch."
545
00:41:04,503 --> 00:41:07,298
Some more testimonial chuckles over here.
546
00:41:13,179 --> 00:41:16,974
Late, late, late at night,
right before you go to bed,
547
00:41:17,057 --> 00:41:20,769
you had some nasty sex.
I'm talking about nasty, like,
548
00:41:20,853 --> 00:41:23,314
you gotta kill this bitch
after y'all done.
549
00:41:24,356 --> 00:41:26,275
-She got secrets on you now.
550
00:41:27,067 --> 00:41:28,611
Nasty.
551
00:41:28,694 --> 00:41:33,032
I'm talking about sucking
and licking and cum shots
552
00:41:33,115 --> 00:41:36,577
to the face and riding a man's face raw,
553
00:41:36,660 --> 00:41:39,330
moustache all white, just…
554
00:41:39,413 --> 00:41:40,789
nasty.
555
00:41:42,458 --> 00:41:46,712
And right before you go to bed,
do you say your prayers?
556
00:41:55,679 --> 00:41:56,597
I do.
557
00:41:58,307 --> 00:42:00,726
I had a whole day
that happened before that episode
558
00:42:00,809 --> 00:42:02,478
that I gotta give God the glory for.
559
00:42:02,561 --> 00:42:04,688
-So yes, I say my prayers.
560
00:42:05,564 --> 00:42:08,025
I be on my knees butt-ass naked,
561
00:42:08,734 --> 00:42:09,860
glistening.
562
00:42:11,487 --> 00:42:13,489
Lips stuck together.
563
00:42:18,452 --> 00:42:22,873
"Heavenly Father,
we thank you for this wonderful day
564
00:42:22,957 --> 00:42:24,792
that you created, Lord.
565
00:42:26,126 --> 00:42:29,338
Without Your grace and mercy,
I don't know where I'll be, Lord."
566
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:36,136
Oh my God!
567
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:42,768
I was having sex
with this girl and she screamed out,
568
00:42:42,851 --> 00:42:45,729
"Deeper!" And I said, "Tighter!" And then,
569
00:42:47,898 --> 00:42:49,984
and then we both sat there, depressed,
570
00:42:51,944 --> 00:42:54,321
because we knew
we weren't gonna get what we wanted.
571
00:43:11,088 --> 00:43:12,673
Oh, man.
572
00:43:13,799 --> 00:43:17,845
Here's a fun fact,
pretty women are never in the way.
573
00:43:19,930 --> 00:43:23,142
Pretty women are never in the way.
574
00:43:23,809 --> 00:43:24,768
They're not.
575
00:43:24,852 --> 00:43:28,522
"Oh, excuse me."
"Nah, you're straight. You're good."
576
00:43:30,899 --> 00:43:34,862
"No, don't worry about him. He bleeds
in the neck all the goddamn time.
577
00:43:34,945 --> 00:43:37,031
You good. Stay where you are. That's it."
578
00:43:42,119 --> 00:43:44,413
My taste in women changed a lot, you know.
579
00:43:44,997 --> 00:43:48,751
The type of women
I'm into right now is, lonely women.
580
00:43:50,919 --> 00:43:53,255
-Lonely. Like, lonely.
581
00:43:53,964 --> 00:43:57,551
Like, she gotta use
her hanger to zip up her dresses.
582
00:44:04,767 --> 00:44:07,436
See how there wasn't
a lot of laughter there just then?
583
00:44:08,145 --> 00:44:11,231
A lot of women
evaluating their lives right now.
584
00:44:11,815 --> 00:44:14,151
Yeah, that truth hurt, doesn't it?
585
00:44:14,234 --> 00:44:15,611
Yeah, it was all fun and dandy when I was
586
00:44:15,694 --> 00:44:18,322
talking about
the fat bitch and old fools, right?
587
00:44:18,864 --> 00:44:20,866
Oh yeah, they was in here, kicking it up.
588
00:44:20,949 --> 00:44:23,702
-"Ha ha ha.
589
00:44:23,786 --> 00:44:25,454
Fat bitch. Ha ha ha."
590
00:44:26,622 --> 00:44:27,915
Lonely bitch.
591
00:44:36,465 --> 00:44:39,218
You better smile. Everybody
gonna know you're the lonely bitch.
592
00:44:39,301 --> 00:44:40,469
-Smile.
593
00:44:42,930 --> 00:44:44,556
Lonely.
594
00:44:45,474 --> 00:44:48,686
Motherfucker got
a closet full of sundresses.
595
00:45:00,864 --> 00:45:03,575
Hard to fuck with them zippers.
596
00:45:06,412 --> 00:45:09,456
-Look at all the lonely motherfuckers.
597
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,376
I'm gonna keep talking
about it until you smile.
598
00:45:13,085 --> 00:45:14,753
Lonely.
599
00:45:16,338 --> 00:45:18,465
Bitch ain't even got a shadow.
600
00:45:24,388 --> 00:45:26,807
Shadow-less bitches. That's what I like.
601
00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:30,477
Lonely.
602
00:45:32,479 --> 00:45:34,857
Motherfucker ain't never been
in the carpool lane.
603
00:45:38,735 --> 00:45:41,321
"Why they going so fast over there?"
604
00:45:42,114 --> 00:45:44,616
You gotta know
somebody to be in that lane.
605
00:45:46,785 --> 00:45:48,829
You will forever be in traffic.
606
00:45:53,834 --> 00:45:55,752
Don't get in your emotions,
this is still jokes.
607
00:45:55,836 --> 00:45:57,546
Stay with me, motherfucker.
608
00:46:02,885 --> 00:46:06,180
I like older women.
Nice little vintage piece, you dig?
609
00:46:07,431 --> 00:46:11,351
Yeah. Gotta have
a nice vintage piece in your life.
610
00:46:11,435 --> 00:46:14,605
Keep everything all civilized,
you know what I'm talking about?
611
00:46:14,688 --> 00:46:17,691
Yeah. I love me a nice vintage piece.
612
00:46:17,774 --> 00:46:22,070
I love me a woman
with more yesterdays than tomorrows.
613
00:46:29,161 --> 00:46:31,413
-Say it again for the people on top.
614
00:46:31,497 --> 00:46:35,876
I love a motherfucker
with more yesterdays than tomorrows!
615
00:46:39,963 --> 00:46:43,550
Yes, nice vintage piece, you dig?
616
00:46:43,634 --> 00:46:45,719
Nice nurturing motherfucker.
617
00:46:45,802 --> 00:46:48,764
Yes.
618
00:46:48,847 --> 00:46:51,767
Treat you so good,
you understand why her son won't leave.
619
00:46:57,189 --> 00:46:59,525
Motherfucker 38, still at home.
620
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:02,027
He moved his girlfriend in.
621
00:47:09,743 --> 00:47:11,995
All her money be warm.
622
00:47:14,665 --> 00:47:16,375
"Go get me some bread."
623
00:47:19,711 --> 00:47:21,505
Hmmm!
624
00:47:29,972 --> 00:47:34,309
Every time we get in her old ass car,
it takes us 15 minutes to pull off.
625
00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:38,647
Now she gotta find
the right CD to play in her book of CDs.
626
00:47:47,906 --> 00:47:51,618
"This ain't it. Hand me
that red book down there. This ain't it.
627
00:47:51,702 --> 00:47:53,745
The one that say "nephew." Give me that.
628
00:47:57,708 --> 00:48:00,544
Now where's my Sounds of Blackness?"
629
00:48:11,763 --> 00:48:14,433
She always making me feel sick.
630
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:18,937
Be coming to my house,
"Ooh, it's hot in here!"
631
00:48:20,022 --> 00:48:21,315
What you got the heat on?"
632
00:48:23,317 --> 00:48:25,152
"The air's on 65."
633
00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:29,448
"No, it ain't! You must be sick!
634
00:48:30,574 --> 00:48:32,576
Go in there and take some Theraflu."
635
00:48:33,410 --> 00:48:36,705
Three p.m. nigga,
I'm drowsy than a motherfucker.
636
00:48:40,667 --> 00:48:43,879
Fucking with
this motherfucker on her hot flashes.
637
00:48:53,055 --> 00:48:55,974
Motherfucker has seven fan chains on.
638
00:48:57,809 --> 00:49:01,938
Everywhere we go, I gotta get
this bitch a cup of crushed ice.
639
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:09,780
Y'all sleep with an older woman?
640
00:49:09,863 --> 00:49:12,366
Whoop! They'll wear your ass out, boy.
641
00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:14,951
An older woman? Aw, nigga, their…
642
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:17,829
A hole will outlast
a pole on them motherfuckers.
643
00:49:24,169 --> 00:49:27,714
They'll wear your ass out, nigga.
If they don't catch no cramp,
644
00:49:27,798 --> 00:49:29,216
shit.
645
00:49:31,468 --> 00:49:33,387
Wear your ass out.
646
00:49:36,098 --> 00:49:38,266
Fuck your ass into slave sleep.
647
00:49:40,686 --> 00:49:42,729
You ever have slave sleep, nigga?
648
00:49:45,607 --> 00:49:48,443
It's an inch from death, nigga. You be…
649
00:49:52,447 --> 00:49:54,616
Cotton field sleep, nigga, that…
650
00:49:57,369 --> 00:49:59,788
Older woman will fuck you to slave sleep.
651
00:50:01,331 --> 00:50:02,874
Now when you have sex with an older woman,
652
00:50:02,958 --> 00:50:05,585
they don't be making
a whole bunch of noises and shit, nah.
653
00:50:05,669 --> 00:50:07,462
They just give you encouragement.
654
00:50:09,423 --> 00:50:12,217
"Go ahead in there, baby.
Go ahead. Get in there.
655
00:50:13,176 --> 00:50:15,303
No, go ahead. This ain't my first rodeo.
656
00:50:15,387 --> 00:50:17,389
You ain't gotta be shy.
Go ahead. Push it on in there.
657
00:50:18,056 --> 00:50:20,726
Push it. There you go! There he is!
658
00:50:20,809 --> 00:50:23,437
I knew he's show up. There he is!
659
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:27,399
Go on ahead, baby. Put that back,
where I had that leg. Put that back.
660
00:50:27,482 --> 00:50:30,861
Put it back. There you go now. Go on,
big guy. Go on, get up in. There ya go.
661
00:50:31,486 --> 00:50:34,573
Alright now, get off
them knees. Get off them knees."
662
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:40,787
What she want me off my knees for?
663
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:51,298
I keep all my vintage women the same.
664
00:50:51,381 --> 00:50:53,425
I keep them all farsighted.
665
00:50:56,011 --> 00:50:59,222
They can see for miles
and miles and miles.
666
00:50:59,806 --> 00:51:02,726
But when we in bed
together, shoulder to shoulder,
667
00:51:02,809 --> 00:51:05,103
and I'm texting hella hoes…
668
00:51:12,194 --> 00:51:14,821
she can't see none of that shit.
669
00:51:15,405 --> 00:51:17,991
And I keep my fonts real small.
670
00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:22,621
My screen black as night.
671
00:51:25,707 --> 00:51:28,502
She be trying to see, though.
That motherfucker be like…
672
00:51:37,636 --> 00:51:41,139
Don't strain your brain, bitch.
You know you can't see this shit.
673
00:51:44,184 --> 00:51:46,144
-But when she put on them readers,
674
00:51:47,771 --> 00:51:50,065
them Walgreen Number Threes,
675
00:51:53,151 --> 00:51:55,570
the one with the chain
on the back of them motherfuckers?
676
00:51:55,654 --> 00:51:58,782
That bitch could see through
my sim card wearing them motherfuckers.
677
00:52:01,868 --> 00:52:04,371
Put my phone under the mattress, nigga.
678
00:52:09,459 --> 00:52:11,837
I keep a young piece too, you dig.
679
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:15,090
Yeah, it's all about balance,
you know what I'm talking about. Yeah.
680
00:52:15,173 --> 00:52:18,385
All about balance. That's what it is.
681
00:52:18,468 --> 00:52:21,638
She keep me vibrant.
Keep me on my toes and shit, you know.
682
00:52:21,721 --> 00:52:25,225
Always show me the cool little
TikTok videos and shit.
683
00:52:25,308 --> 00:52:29,604
We busting up together and shit.
I be like, "Ha ha ha, send me that."
684
00:52:32,107 --> 00:52:34,943
That make her happy
when I tell her, "Send me that."
685
00:52:35,026 --> 00:52:36,236
That mean the video hot.
686
00:52:36,319 --> 00:52:40,031
She be like, "Oh, let me send it to you."
687
00:52:45,036 --> 00:52:46,997
She'd be playing me all
the new music out and shit.
688
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:48,164
And I be blowing her mind 'cause
689
00:52:48,248 --> 00:52:51,585
I tell her where all her
original samples come from and songs.
690
00:52:56,464 --> 00:52:59,092
I be like, "You know,
Curtis Mayville made that, right?"
691
00:52:59,175 --> 00:53:01,136
Like, "What?!"
692
00:53:05,807 --> 00:53:10,478
I keep all my young pieces the same too.
None of them can read cursive.
693
00:53:17,569 --> 00:53:20,238
You know they don't teach
penmanship in college, right?
694
00:53:20,322 --> 00:53:21,907
It's all typity-type type type.
695
00:53:22,490 --> 00:53:25,201
Yeah, they don't know
how to read cursive, motherfucker.
696
00:53:25,285 --> 00:53:28,038
Cursive is the new pig Latin, nigga.
697
00:53:32,792 --> 00:53:34,878
They can't read that shit.
698
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:38,340
Show a young person the big S in cursive.
They don't know what it is.
699
00:53:38,423 --> 00:53:41,134
They'd be like, "What's that?
The infinity sign? What the fuck is that?"
700
00:53:43,345 --> 00:53:45,555
-They don't know.
701
00:53:46,723 --> 00:53:50,226
I'd be writing love letters to my vintage
bitch in front of my little young piece.
702
00:53:57,025 --> 00:53:59,945
She don't know
what the fuck going on there.
703
00:54:00,028 --> 00:54:02,405
She be trying to follow my pen and shit.
704
00:54:09,037 --> 00:54:10,038
Mail it.
705
00:54:17,963 --> 00:54:20,298
Getting old is the goal.
706
00:54:21,007 --> 00:54:25,095
Know that getting old, is the goal.
707
00:54:31,893 --> 00:54:34,437
You want to be
at a certain age in your life, man.
708
00:54:34,521 --> 00:54:37,983
You wanna get there and shit.
Your 40, upper 40, your 50s and shit.
709
00:54:38,066 --> 00:54:41,444
You wanna be there like,
it's a sexy place to be, goddamn it.
710
00:54:41,528 --> 00:54:43,947
I promise you that, boy. For real.
711
00:54:46,241 --> 00:54:49,577
There's a
I-don't-give-a-fuckness that just,
712
00:54:50,578 --> 00:54:53,373
drench your mind, body and soul.
713
00:54:53,915 --> 00:54:56,126
-Unlike you ever been before.
714
00:54:56,209 --> 00:54:59,879
There's a selfishness too
that you love and embrace,
715
00:54:59,963 --> 00:55:02,799
goddamn it. You don't care about shit.
716
00:55:02,882 --> 00:55:05,093
Not even your kids.
717
00:55:07,512 --> 00:55:10,598
You're like, "I did the best
I could do. Y'all get the fuck out."
718
00:55:14,769 --> 00:55:19,399
If you got a kid over the age of 19, you
got the right to say you don't have kids.
719
00:55:22,277 --> 00:55:25,989
Next time you go out, ladies, and the
motherfucker like, "How many kids you got?
720
00:55:26,072 --> 00:55:27,657
You like, "None. What we drinking?"
721
00:55:32,871 --> 00:55:36,124
I be asking women.
I be like, "You got any grownups?"
722
00:55:40,503 --> 00:55:44,924
You know, I'm old and I embrace that shit,
goddamn it. This is my shit, goddamn it.
723
00:55:45,967 --> 00:55:49,554
I'm at that age now where as soon
as I get somewhere, I'm ready to go.
724
00:55:53,058 --> 00:55:55,602
I don't give a fuck
how long it took me to get ready.
725
00:55:56,561 --> 00:55:58,938
I don't care how long
it took me to get there.
726
00:55:59,439 --> 00:56:01,775
I go on that bitch and spin around.
727
00:56:09,574 --> 00:56:10,950
Alright.
728
00:56:20,335 --> 00:56:22,587
I used to think old people were rude.
729
00:56:22,670 --> 00:56:24,339
They always cut your off
when you're talking.
730
00:56:24,422 --> 00:56:28,009
But that ain't the case. They just got say
what they gotta say before they forget it.
731
00:56:29,677 --> 00:56:31,846
I do that same shit now.
732
00:56:31,930 --> 00:56:34,140
You could be telling me
a cure for AIDS. I'll be like this,
733
00:56:34,224 --> 00:56:36,267
"What?! All you go to do is…
734
00:56:36,351 --> 00:56:38,812
"Wait, wait, wait.
735
00:56:39,562 --> 00:56:41,940
They got greens on sale down the street."
736
00:56:43,983 --> 00:56:46,194
"Alright. Back to AIDS. Go ahead."
737
00:56:50,281 --> 00:56:54,494
I'm old, nigga.
I'll be working out to slow music.
738
00:57:13,388 --> 00:57:17,684
Fuck all that fast shit.
It's about to burn, nigga. The slow burn.
739
00:57:23,731 --> 00:57:27,360
You know you're old when
your favorite DJ start wearing glasses.
740
00:57:38,288 --> 00:57:41,332
Like, look at Kid Capri
blind ass up there.
741
00:57:52,135 --> 00:57:54,429
I can't chew and hear at the same time.
742
00:57:56,264 --> 00:57:59,142
I cannot eat cornflakes and watch CNN.
743
00:58:01,102 --> 00:58:03,396
I will miss valuable information.
744
00:58:04,063 --> 00:58:06,441
I gotta stop chewing in order to hear.
745
00:58:14,115 --> 00:58:16,075
"Who got murdered?
What the fuck they talking about?"
746
00:58:17,410 --> 00:58:20,330
My vintage bitch
be sitting there eating oatmeal.
747
00:58:27,962 --> 00:58:30,173
"If you ate oatmeal,
you'd know who got murdered now."
748
00:58:33,927 --> 00:58:35,929
Motherfucker always got one
up on me, doesn't she?
749
00:58:41,976 --> 00:58:44,395
I can't fuck on a full stomach.
750
00:58:47,690 --> 00:58:50,193
Too old for that shit.
I ain't doing that shit no more.
751
00:58:50,693 --> 00:58:53,029
"We gonna fuck before we eat.
752
00:58:55,949 --> 00:58:57,325
I'ma feed you.
753
00:58:59,285 --> 00:59:00,411
You just gotta trust me.
754
00:59:05,166 --> 00:59:07,293
You want me to sign something,
I'll sign something.
755
00:59:08,545 --> 00:59:10,004
But we're fucking first."
756
00:59:11,923 --> 00:59:16,052
I'm sick of going to eat, coming back
trying to fuck all bloated and shit.
757
00:59:16,135 --> 00:59:18,846
Here come your big ass
crawling on top of me.
758
00:59:19,764 --> 00:59:24,561
And I got to breathe
like this so I don't throw up on your ass.
759
00:59:28,898 --> 00:59:32,110
You ever catch the 'itus
and try to fuck, nigga, you be like…
760
00:59:32,193 --> 00:59:37,740
-Too old!
761
00:59:53,298 --> 00:59:55,508
Too old to fuck with squirters.
762
00:59:57,677 --> 01:00:00,430
You can handle this.
This grown talk we doing.
763
01:00:01,556 --> 01:00:04,517
I don't fuck with
that squirt shit. That shit is silly.
764
01:00:07,228 --> 01:00:11,399
That some young man shit. That's
silly, shit, that squirt shit is silly.
765
01:00:15,820 --> 01:00:18,281
You don't even know
what that shit is, do you?
766
01:00:19,449 --> 01:00:23,369
Well, don't come over to my house shooting
that shit all over the goddamn place.
767
01:00:23,453 --> 01:00:25,413
You calm that pussy down.
768
01:00:30,084 --> 01:00:33,838
That pussy don't know how to act, you
and that pussy get the fuck out my house.
769
01:00:38,259 --> 01:00:40,428
Fucking my sheets up and shit.
770
01:00:41,054 --> 01:00:44,057
You know long it take
a nigga my age to change sheets?
771
01:00:45,767 --> 01:00:48,936
I gotta put this corner on
and come around here.
772
01:00:49,020 --> 01:00:53,274
Put this corner on then that corner
to pop off then I gotta come back over.
773
01:00:53,358 --> 01:00:56,611
Lay on the bed and hold
this part with my foot. Put this here,
774
01:00:57,445 --> 01:01:01,240
then I realize I put the short side
on the long side of the bed.
775
01:01:01,324 --> 01:01:04,952
Now I gotta lift all that shit up
with the pillows up and turn it around.
776
01:01:08,289 --> 01:01:11,959
Bitch, you squirt in my bed,
I'll sling your ass smooth out my window.
777
01:01:16,964 --> 01:01:19,384
Can't cum on my back like I used to.
778
01:01:26,182 --> 01:01:29,310
So many testimonial cries in here tonight!
779
01:01:37,026 --> 01:01:39,612
Can't cum on my back
like I used to. When I was young,
780
01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:42,907
I lay on my back,
that shit come out like a oil rig. Hey.
781
01:01:42,990 --> 01:01:44,534
-Hey!
782
01:01:44,617 --> 01:01:48,663
Ceiling fan going around,
I hit every blade on that motherfucker.
783
01:01:53,418 --> 01:01:54,627
Not no more.
784
01:01:55,586 --> 01:01:58,631
Now my shit is more like a fondue machine.
785
01:02:04,721 --> 01:02:07,682
It just come up and over the sides.
786
01:02:21,237 --> 01:02:24,365
It ain't just me.
There's some fondue niggas out here.
787
01:02:25,324 --> 01:02:28,786
Any nigga hairline back here fondued out.
788
01:02:28,870 --> 01:02:32,623
Any bald head nigga fondulicous nigga.
789
01:02:37,211 --> 01:02:39,213
Women, you seen
the progression of that shit from you
790
01:02:39,297 --> 01:02:40,798
when you was younger till now.
791
01:02:40,882 --> 01:02:43,718
Back in the day, yous had to run
to catch that nut then, you'll be like…
792
01:02:50,391 --> 01:02:52,852
Now, you just sit there and be patient.
793
01:03:11,120 --> 01:03:13,748
Yo Brooklyn, I'm Deon Cole.
794
01:03:33,726 --> 01:03:35,895
I wanna tell y'all something real quick.
795
01:03:37,396 --> 01:03:39,023
When y'all come to these comedy shows,
796
01:03:39,106 --> 01:03:41,943
and specials and shit like that,
man, do me a favor, y'all.
797
01:03:42,610 --> 01:03:45,071
Give it and then what I'm about to say,
I ain't saying this for claps,
798
01:03:45,154 --> 01:03:48,199
so I want you to hear me.
Give the comedian's love, y'all.
799
01:03:48,282 --> 01:03:49,367
'Cause I'm a let you know something.
800
01:03:49,450 --> 01:03:51,744
Comedians be some hurt motherfuckers, man.
801
01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:54,247
We gotta put away
everything that's bothering us
802
01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:55,873
in order to come make y'all happy
803
01:03:55,957 --> 01:03:58,167
and we not complaining.
It's part of the job.
804
01:03:58,251 --> 01:04:00,795
A boxer get hit,
so that's just the job and shit.
805
01:04:00,878 --> 01:04:04,507
But you never understand
what the comic is going through.
806
01:04:04,590 --> 01:04:07,093
He has to constantly be doing this shit
807
01:04:07,176 --> 01:04:08,970
and being happy around everybody
808
01:04:09,053 --> 01:04:12,306
when his whole fucking world
is caving the fuck in.
809
01:04:12,390 --> 01:04:15,893
And y'all don't know that. That's a lot
of hurt motherfucking comics out there.
810
01:04:15,977 --> 01:04:19,480
Me, personally? I'm coming
out here doing the special and shit but
811
01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:21,858
this past year was hard for me, y'all.
812
01:04:21,941 --> 01:04:26,612
I lost my aunty, two of my uncles,
my mother's best friend,
813
01:04:26,696 --> 01:04:29,490
and I lost my moms. My mom,
814
01:04:30,283 --> 01:04:34,745
is the only thing I have
'cause like, I'm the only child
815
01:04:34,829 --> 01:04:38,040
and it's just her. I ain't have no father
and no brothers and sisters and shit.
816
01:04:38,124 --> 01:04:40,042
It's just her, and I lost her.
817
01:04:40,126 --> 01:04:42,795
And I lost her a year to this day.
818
01:04:43,629 --> 01:04:45,965
She died last year this day.
819
01:04:46,674 --> 01:04:48,551
And I said to myself,
820
01:04:49,635 --> 01:04:52,847
"I want her name to ring
and I want her to be
821
01:04:52,930 --> 01:04:55,266
out here and live through me."
822
01:04:56,517 --> 01:04:58,102
But hold on.
823
01:05:00,229 --> 01:05:03,608
That shit devastated me
and I've been fucked up ever since.
824
01:05:03,691 --> 01:05:06,110
But when I come out here
and I get love from y'all, I'll be good.
825
01:05:06,193 --> 01:05:09,405
But I know there's other people out there
going through the same thing, man.
826
01:05:09,488 --> 01:05:12,283
They told me there's
a club called the 50 Club.
827
01:05:12,366 --> 01:05:15,411
And motherfuckers close
to 50 or at 50, we lose our parents
828
01:05:15,494 --> 01:05:17,997
'cause our parents
is like 70 and 80 and shit.
829
01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:21,459
There's a lot of people going through the
same thing I'm going through right now.
830
01:05:21,542 --> 01:05:23,753
I'm not normal,
motherfucker, I promise you.
831
01:05:23,836 --> 01:05:25,963
And I'm trying
to live normal every fucking day.
832
01:05:26,047 --> 01:05:30,301
I'm trying to find a new normal in this
fucking world. But when you got people
833
01:05:30,384 --> 01:05:33,638
like that, and I know y'all out there,
I know you lost your parents,
834
01:05:33,721 --> 01:05:36,098
and I'm here
to tell you, man, you ain't alone.
835
01:05:36,182 --> 01:05:38,935
I'm here for you as long
as everybody else is too.
836
01:05:39,018 --> 01:05:42,730
And anybody that you see
who lost their parents, you embrace them.
837
01:05:42,813 --> 01:05:46,359
Go try and make them
still be normal as fuck, they're not.
838
01:05:46,442 --> 01:05:51,530
They hurting, they crushed.
And they lost. Just like me.
839
01:05:51,614 --> 01:05:56,035
So I dedicate this
to my mother, Charleen Cole.
840
01:05:56,118 --> 01:05:59,205
I love you to death, Ma.
And thank y'all, Brooklyn,
841
01:05:59,288 --> 01:06:00,915
I hope you had a wonderful time.
842
01:06:01,499 --> 01:06:04,168
I love you, Mommy. I miss you so much.
843
01:06:05,878 --> 01:06:08,923
And I thank y'all Brooklyn, man.
I appreciate y'all, man.
844
01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:07,314
Subtitle translation by: Regina Njoku