1
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:10,578
<i>I got a call</i>
<i>just like any other call.</i>

2
00:00:10,712 --> 00:00:14,047
You know, a dude hit me up,
like, "What's up, Ma?

3
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,884
How are you? What you up to?

4
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:17,819
<i>What's your rates?</i>

5
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:19,621
<i>How much you charge?</i>
<i>Da, da, da."</i>

6
00:00:19,754 --> 00:00:21,255
So I told him,
"What you trying to do?"

7
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,390
"Oh, I wanna get fucked,"
"Okay," boom.

8
00:00:23,725 --> 00:00:25,359
<i>So he comes over,</i>

9
00:00:25,927 --> 00:00:27,762
everything is cool,
everything is normal,

10
00:00:27,896 --> 00:00:29,363
everything was going great,
you know?

11
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,131
I just...
I don't expect anything of it.

12
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,600
Next thing you know, he's like,

13
00:00:32,734 --> 00:00:34,502
<i>"Can I use your bathroom</i>
<i>real quick?"</i>

14
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:37,037
I said, "Okay sure, go ahead."

15
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:39,106
So I guess he said
he needs to freshen up,

16
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:40,542
or wash his dick or whatever.

17
00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:42,142
So I'm like, "nigga,
your dick should've been washed

18
00:00:42,276 --> 00:00:43,545
before you came in this bitch."

19
00:00:43,678 --> 00:00:45,847
So just as I'm about
to pull down his pants,

20
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,815
he sits on the bed,

21
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,518
and I'm right here in front

22
00:00:50,652 --> 00:00:52,887
in missionary position
on my knees,

23
00:00:53,021 --> 00:00:54,288
like, you know, getting down,

24
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,256
about to suck his dick,
and I pull down his pants.

25
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:58,158
<i>Bitch, and I notice</i>

26
00:00:59,027 --> 00:01:01,963
there is a big-ass
motherfucking pistol, bitch.

27
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:04,398
A big-ass glock next to him.

28
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,903
And I gag,
like, bitch, like honestly,

29
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,773
this was one of the most
scariest moments of my life

30
00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:14,909
doing sex work, because
I didn't know what to expect.

31
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,277
I didn't know
what was gonna happen.

32
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:20,280
My first instinct was,
"Bitch, grab the gun."

33
00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:23,518
That was my first instinct.
And I know people

34
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,452
just like, "Bitch,
that's crazy as hell.

35
00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:27,487
Why would you do
some shit like that?"

36
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,090
Bitch,
the way that I thought was,

37
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,225
it's either his life or mine.

38
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:36,864
So I grabbed the nigga's gun
and he was like,

39
00:01:36,998 --> 00:01:39,000
<i>"What are you doing,</i>
<i>what are you doing?"</i>

40
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:40,768
As he's walking towards me,

41
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,475
I click it, I click the gun,
but I notice

42
00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:50,344
it's not going off,
bitch. So I'm like,

43
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:51,879
"Bitch, what the fuck
is going on, hoe?"

44
00:01:52,013 --> 00:01:53,748
Like, I'm just like,
I'm just clicking this gun,

45
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,650
like, trying to get it
to go off, like,

46
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,819
I'm thinking, I aimed the gun
at this nigga head.

47
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,286
Like, I was bold-bold,

48
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,788
<i>I don't know what</i>
<i>the fuck I was thinking.</i>

49
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,557
It didn't go off.

50
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,224
Mind you, I've never
shot a gun in my life,

51
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,927
so I don't know
how this shit works, like,

52
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:07,461
so I was like, "Damn."

53
00:02:07,662 --> 00:02:10,464
So at this point he gets
scared and he feel like,

54
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,132
"Oh, this bitch tryna kill me."

55
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,936
So he charges at me...

56
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,405
...and we start
wrestling over the gun.

57
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,575
we're tussling over the gun

58
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:25,546
and we fucking
knocking shit over, bitch.

59
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,314
<i>Dentin' holes in the wall.</i>

60
00:02:27,682 --> 00:02:31,819
We literally fought from here
down to the hallway,

61
00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:36,223
and nigga, we started tumbling
down the stairs together,

62
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:37,992
<i>fighting over this damn gun.</i>

63
00:02:38,126 --> 00:02:40,460
<i>So I ran outside</i>
<i>by my neighbor's car.</i>

64
00:02:40,762 --> 00:02:42,362
My neighbor's
looking at me, like,

65
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:43,463
<i>"Bitch, what the fuck</i>
<i>is going on, bitch?</i>

66
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:44,866
Don't put me in your shit.

67
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,199
I don't have nothing
to do with it, hoe."

68
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,970
He actually end up
just getting in the car,

69
00:02:49,704 --> 00:02:52,406
and as he's like coming around,
I'm still ducking

70
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,742
because I don't want him
to do a drive-by on me.

71
00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:57,779
So I'm still kinda, like,
getting low and like ducking.

72
00:02:57,912 --> 00:02:59,714
But he ends up
just speeding off.

73
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,717
He just sped off. So I was like,
"Thank God, like, bitch,

74
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:06,654
this is over, I survived this."
Bitch I was like, "I'm done.

75
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,255
I'm done with this shit, hoe.

76
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:10,158
I'm never doing sex work
again in my life."

77
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,727
So, he gave me a...
he sent me a text,

78
00:03:13,161 --> 00:03:14,562
"You ruined my night,

79
00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:17,765
I'm sore, I'm limping,
my leg is broke.

80
00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:20,568
I'm a rapper in Atlanta,
I'm known,

81
00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:23,805
and I carry around my strap
with me because, you know,

82
00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:26,406
it be girls, you know,
trans girls in the community

83
00:03:26,541 --> 00:03:27,942
that be setting me up
and trying to rob me."

84
00:03:28,076 --> 00:03:31,646
I was like, "So did you still
wanna do this?"

85
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,117
He introduced himself again.
I introduced myself again,

86
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:39,087
and we decided to fuck.

87
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,057
<i>♪ I play the street life ♪</i>

88
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,660
<i>♪ Because there's</i>
<i>no place I can go ♪</i>

89
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:50,263
<i>♪ Street life,</i>
<i>it's the only life I know ♪</i>

90
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:51,899
<i>♪ Street life ♪</i>

91
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,702
<i>♪ And there's a thousand</i>
<i>parts to play ♪</i>

92
00:03:54,836 --> 00:03:58,472
<i>♪ Street life,</i>
<i>until you play your life away ♪</i>

93
00:03:58,873 --> 00:04:02,977
<i>♪ You let the people see</i>
<i>just who you wanna be ♪</i>

94
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:07,247
<i>♪ And every night you shine</i>
<i>just like a superstar ♪</i>

95
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,382
<i>♪ The type of life</i>
<i>that's played ♪</i>

96
00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,519
<i>♪ A ten-cent masquerade ♪</i>

97
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,688
<i>♪ You dress,</i>
<i>you walk, you talk ♪</i>

98
00:04:13,888 --> 00:04:15,623
<i>♪ You're who you</i>
<i>think you are ♪</i>

99
00:04:16,057 --> 00:04:19,894
<i>♪ Street life,</i>
<i>you can run away from time ♪</i>

100
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:24,331
<i>♪ Street life,</i>
<i>for a nickel or a dime ♪</i>

101
00:04:24,866 --> 00:04:28,503
<i>♪ Street life,</i>
<i>but you better not get old ♪</i>

102
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:32,607
<i>♪ Street life,</i>
<i>or you're gonna feel the cold ♪</i>

103
00:04:32,974 --> 00:04:35,143
<i>♪ There's always</i>
<i>love for sale ♪</i>

104
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,811
<i>♪ A grown-up fairytale ♪</i>

105
00:04:37,245 --> 00:04:40,982
<i>♪ Prince Charming always</i>
<i>smiles behind a silver spoon ♪</i>

106
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:45,318
<i>♪ And if you keep it young,</i>
<i>your song is always sung ♪</i>

107
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:49,724
<i>♪ Your love will pay your way</i>
<i>beneath the silver moon ♪</i>

108
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,059
<i>♪ Street life ♪</i>

109
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,063
<i>♪ Street life ♪</i>

110
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,701
<i>♪ Street life ♪</i>

111
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:05,338
<i>♪ Street life ♪</i>

112
00:05:07,008 --> 00:05:08,876
<i>♪ Street life ♪</i>

113
00:05:10,211 --> 00:05:13,346
Okay, get that skin
nice and cunt,

114
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:16,483
and nice and pussy.

115
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:21,823
So hopefully these trades
don't clock, darling.

116
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:26,994
My name is Daniella Carter.

117
00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:29,530
I almost told you
my middle name,

118
00:05:30,131 --> 00:05:33,333
but Daniella Carter
originally from Queens,

119
00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,769
Queens, New York.

120
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,807
I guess this is a good thing
to see...

121
00:05:39,941 --> 00:05:41,709
see toothpaste on
the mirror, right?

122
00:05:42,243 --> 00:05:44,545
At least you know
the girl's got a fresh mouth.

123
00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:49,951
Because I do electrolysis,
I can't wax my face,

124
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,053
I have to shave it like this.

125
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:55,289
But I like it,
it's actually, like really good.

126
00:05:55,990 --> 00:05:58,593
So to any girls
who's trying to figure out

127
00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:00,561
how to get a close shave,

128
00:06:00,962 --> 00:06:02,763
Miss Conair, Miss Thing.
And give me my coin,

129
00:06:02,897 --> 00:06:04,431
'cause I'm giving y'all
a little shout out.

130
00:06:04,866 --> 00:06:06,634
But this is very much the tea,

131
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,736
to be honest with you,
I keep this in my purse.

132
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:13,373
If you out, I'm out and about
with a trade or something,

133
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,843
or you know, you gotta wake up
at somebody's house honey,

134
00:06:16,177 --> 00:06:18,613
but you know
you're a very spiky girl,

135
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:22,049
make sure
you carry your little tools.

136
00:06:22,984 --> 00:06:25,385
Cause you might've looked real
going in there at night,

137
00:06:26,187 --> 00:06:27,922
'cause you don't want to walk
out there giving clock

138
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,892
during the day in these.
And if you do, fuck it.

139
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:35,196
Just be you. Be true to you.

140
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,865
But this cunt? Oh, no, honey.

141
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,801
Not me.

142
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:44,805
I'm sorry, walk in your truth,
but that one's just not mine.

143
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,913
<i>I had gotten</i>
<i>introduced to sex work</i>

144
00:06:52,046 --> 00:06:54,181
<i>because I was working</i>
<i>at a restaurant,</i>

145
00:06:54,315 --> 00:06:57,417
<i>a very famous restaurant</i>
<i>here in New York City,</i>
<i>called Lucky Chang's.</i>

146
00:06:57,652 --> 00:07:01,689
<i>And all my girlfriends</i>
<i>were like,</i>

147
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,858
<i>getting all surgeries,</i>

148
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:07,762
like breasts and faces
and nose jobs and you know,

149
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:11,198
I'm 19 at the time,
19 going on 20.

150
00:07:11,332 --> 00:07:13,668
And like, you know,
we were making good money,

151
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,069
<i>but it wasn't enough money</i>
<i>to pay</i>

152
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,837
<i>thousands of dollars</i>
<i>of surgery.</i>

153
00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:20,241
So I'm like asking
my friends, I'm like,

154
00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:23,844
"Hey, you guys, like,
What? How did you do that?

155
00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:26,080
<i>Like, what's going on?"</i>
<i>And they're like...</i>

156
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:28,215
<i>they're like,</i>
<i>"Oh, you know girl,</i>

157
00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:29,884
<i>we're working, you know,</i>
<i>we're working."</i>

158
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,385
<i>I'm like,</i>
<i>"Well, we're working here.</i>

159
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:32,753
Like, what do you mean
we're working?"

160
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,755
And they're like,
"No, we're working."

161
00:07:35,056 --> 00:07:37,825
The only reason I started
sex work was because

162
00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:40,628
my mom, my sister
and I was homeless.

163
00:07:40,962 --> 00:07:42,196
<i>We had family members</i>

164
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,098
<i>letting us stay at the house,</i>
<i>but they wouldn't feel</i>

165
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,766
<i>comfortable with me</i>
<i>being there,</i>

166
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:48,202
<i>because I was gay.</i>

167
00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:51,005
My oldest sister let us
come stay with her

168
00:07:51,172 --> 00:07:52,573
<i>and she was like,</i>

169
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,375
she had just got married
and she was like,

170
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,577
"I don't feel comf... My husband
does not feel comfortable

171
00:07:56,711 --> 00:07:57,945
with you staying here,"

172
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,181
Which I don't know why,
cause he never seen me.

173
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,184
<i>Like, we stayed</i>
<i>in the basement or whatever.</i>

174
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:05,286
He would never see me,
so I didn't understand

175
00:08:05,419 --> 00:08:07,922
how he didn't feel comfortable
with me being there.

176
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:12,326
I felt like more... she was more
uncomfortable, you know,

177
00:08:13,094 --> 00:08:14,996
<i>not knowing who I was</i>
<i>as this new girl.</i>

178
00:08:15,129 --> 00:08:17,932
<i>Like, but I transitioned</i>
<i>and she asked me</i>

179
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,734
<i>to leave her house,</i>
<i>that was the last straw for me.</i>

180
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,402
<i>I was like,</i>
<i>"I gotta find a way."</i>

181
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,237
<i>My mom and my sister left too</i>
<i>because they didn't...</i>

182
00:08:23,371 --> 00:08:26,240
<i>they was like,</i>
<i>"She gotta go, we gotta go."</i>

183
00:08:26,374 --> 00:08:30,077
<i>And we all slept in the truck</i>
<i>on National Highway,</i>

184
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,179
I'll never forget.

185
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,648
And that was the first day
I started working

186
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:36,183
<i>to put us in a hotel,</i>
<i>and then from then</i>

187
00:08:36,317 --> 00:08:39,754
I would like, catch my clients,
like every other day

188
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,389
<i>to make sure</i>
<i>that I had enough money to pay</i>

189
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:46,427
<i>for like hotels, and make sure</i>
<i>we had food to eat,</i>

190
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:47,962
<i>and we would go hotel to hotel.</i>

191
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,697
We did that
for a couple of years

192
00:08:49,864 --> 00:08:52,133
until I got stronger
in my craft

193
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:55,770
and figured out
how to master this shit.

194
00:08:57,238 --> 00:09:00,141
<i>♪ Yeah, mm-hmm ♪</i>

195
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:04,245
<i>♪ Yeah, uh, mm-hmm, uh ♪</i>

196
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,081
<i>♪ Yeah, uh, yeah, uh ♪</i>

197
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:10,684
<i>♪ Yeah, uh, mm-hmm ♪</i>

198
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:16,891
Girl the neighbors be
all in my damn business, girl.

199
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,527
These walls are paper thin.

200
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:23,230
Most of the time it's niggas
that you would never know

201
00:09:23,798 --> 00:09:26,667
that they get down,
you would never know.

202
00:09:26,801 --> 00:09:31,672
<i>I've had the most thuggish</i>
<i>hood type niggas, you know,</i>

203
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,141
saggin their pants,
"What up, bro?"

204
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:35,943
You know what I'm saying?
Like those type of niggas,

205
00:09:36,077 --> 00:09:37,512
<i>like when you come around</i>
<i>you would never...</i>

206
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:38,879
<i>Dread heads,</i>

207
00:09:39,180 --> 00:09:42,249
fine-ass dread head
light-skinned niggas

208
00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:44,685
<i>with big dicks,</i>

209
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:46,954
you know the type that
the average girl would go for.

210
00:09:47,188 --> 00:09:48,289
<i>You know.</i>

211
00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:52,593
It's crazy because
these types of men,

212
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,695
like you would never think

213
00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:58,599
<i>that they would do anything</i>
<i>with a trans woman</i>

214
00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,634
<i>or just a gay person</i>
<i>or anything.</i>

215
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,804
But they would walk up to you
and say,

216
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:05,906
<i>you know, it depends.</i>

217
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,710
If you're getting a client
off your ad, that's different.

218
00:10:09,844 --> 00:10:11,846
But sometimes
I meet clients in real life,

219
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,247
and they'll be like...

220
00:10:19,521 --> 00:10:20,855
"Hey, psst.

221
00:10:21,122 --> 00:10:23,624
What's up, ma? I'm trying
to get at you," you know.

222
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,126
"Can I get your number?"

223
00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:26,827
Just trying to, you know,
looking around and shit,

224
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:28,929
making sure nobody is watching.

225
00:10:31,432 --> 00:10:33,367
<i>I've had some type of men</i>
<i>that you just,</i>

226
00:10:33,502 --> 00:10:37,638
you would never expect at all
that they like trans women,

227
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,708
<i>and especially ones</i>
<i>that you would never think</i>

228
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,877
like to take dick up the ass.

229
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,514
<i>Niggas can't accept</i>
<i>being with a trans woman</i>

230
00:10:45,646 --> 00:10:48,617
in public because it's their ego
and they going to feel like,

231
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:52,052
because that's what they like,
the world is gonna look at them

232
00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:53,588
and belittle them
for what they like.

233
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:56,023
Or if they married like,
like I said,

234
00:10:56,157 --> 00:10:58,125
<i>if they married</i>
<i>or have children, you know,</i>

235
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,261
that's something
that could compromise his whole,

236
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:01,962
- <i>his whole...</i>
<i>- His whole situation.</i>

237
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:03,532
<i>Whatever job he has,</i>
<i>you know.</i>

238
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,432
<i>It could stop, you know,</i>
<i>depending on what situation,</i>

239
00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:06,767
<i>- but now...</i>
<i>- He got, I mean,</i>

240
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,769
that shit get a nigga
fucked up too.

241
00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:10,771
That goes to him,
that's going for the dudes
not being true to they self.

242
00:11:10,905 --> 00:11:12,373
<i>That shit get a nigga</i>
<i>fucked up too.</i>

243
00:11:12,507 --> 00:11:13,908
<i>But that's why</i>
<i>niggas can't, they...</i>

244
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,409
<i>like if that's what you like,</i>

245
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,211
<i>you have to be true</i>
<i>to yourself, but they can't.</i>

246
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,846
<i>Because you done built</i>
<i>this whole life,</i>

247
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,981
this whole lie,
you done lied your whole life,

248
00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:23,484
of about, yeah,
you this tough top dude

249
00:11:23,618 --> 00:11:25,419
or you this family man.

250
00:11:25,587 --> 00:11:27,087
<i>You got your kids, you married,</i>

251
00:11:27,221 --> 00:11:29,323
she owns half your stuff.
You can't lose none of that.

252
00:11:29,524 --> 00:11:31,692
But you know, you in love
with a trans woman

253
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,394
and you can't
come out with that,

254
00:11:33,528 --> 00:11:35,062
<i>because that's gonna</i>
<i>compromise everything.</i>

255
00:11:35,196 --> 00:11:37,064
So like,
this person is transgender,

256
00:11:37,198 --> 00:11:38,299
<i>I know that they got a past.</i>

257
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,167
I know that at one point
in time they was

258
00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:42,002
- <i>another gender, okay?</i>
<i>- They was a, yeah.</i>

259
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:44,371
So now I have like
within this mindset,

260
00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,874
<i>if I'm gonna start a</i>
<i>relationship with this person,</i>

261
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,943
<i>I have to basically</i>
<i>take in they...</i>

262
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,844
see I have to accept that.

263
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:53,414
Now I think acceptance
is a lot of the problem too.

264
00:11:53,548 --> 00:11:57,718
I think acceptance of,
they've overcome
whatever it is for them.

265
00:11:58,452 --> 00:11:59,954
Their acceptance
is not at the same level

266
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:01,922
that the trans person's
is obviously,

267
00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:03,357
<i>because they've made that jump.</i>

268
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:04,693
<i>Yeah,</i>
<i>they already jumped.</i>

269
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:05,993
<i>As a person, no matter</i>

270
00:12:06,227 --> 00:12:07,728
how attracted to it they
may be, no matter what,

271
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,965
they in their mind, they
ain't make that jump yet.

272
00:12:11,332 --> 00:12:13,668
So because they ain't make
that jump, they're not gonna.

273
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:14,969
They ain't, they ain't gonna.

274
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,470
They physically
made the jump

275
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,640
- <i>as far as dealing with one...</i>
<i>- Right, right, right.</i>

276
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,675
- <i>But not mentally as far as...</i>
- <i>Let's experience it.</i>

277
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:22,577
<i>Letting the world know</i>
<i>that that's what they like.</i>

278
00:12:22,711 --> 00:12:24,478
That's why I said if you like
them, go hard for them bro.

279
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,880
Because you, if you feel like
you're gonna be embarrassed,

280
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,849
<i>you shouldn't be doing it</i>
<i>if you feel like you gonna</i>
<i>be embarrassed.</i>

281
00:12:28,983 --> 00:12:30,351
<i>Go hard,</i>
<i>if that's what you like,</i>
<i>it's okay.</i>

282
00:12:30,685 --> 00:12:32,152
<i>If you go hard,</i>
<i>who's gonna say anything?</i>

283
00:12:32,286 --> 00:12:33,454
<i>What they,</i>
<i>what they gonna say?</i>

284
00:12:33,588 --> 00:12:35,122
Just don't try to live
a double life.

285
00:12:35,356 --> 00:12:36,490
Don't live a double,
that's when you get caught up.

286
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:36,423
don't live the double life.

287
00:12:37,525 --> 00:12:38,792
No ass.

288
00:12:39,527 --> 00:12:40,861
But they still live.

289
00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:42,463
Flat ass.

290
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:43,931
Flat ass bitch.

291
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,433
No I'm...

292
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,303
I'm really a Kiki.

293
00:12:51,539 --> 00:12:53,073
They say, "Yo, flatty,"

294
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,776
"Yo shorty with the flatty."

295
00:12:56,511 --> 00:12:57,911
"Hey, yo, muma."

296
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,349
A girl finally get
a good sugar daddy,

297
00:13:02,617 --> 00:13:04,918
"Oh yes honey, he got me
living like the white women."

298
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,489
Guess there is no successful
Black women in this world.

299
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,893
Can't be a fab Black woman.

300
00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:15,296
Only gotta be the fab
white women.

301
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,801
I used to be problematic
like that too, so.

302
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,507
I wanted to be white,
I wanted to be cunt.

303
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:30,344
And it's giving, bitch,
they don't even want you
in their neighborhoods,

304
00:13:33,748 --> 00:13:34,948
at all.

305
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,117
So now you trying to keep up
with the fucking Joneses,

306
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,986
and the Joneses
don't want you.

307
00:13:41,055 --> 00:13:42,590
And that's how dumb we becoming.

308
00:13:44,526 --> 00:13:46,260
All right, you ready?

309
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:52,166
<i>♪ Do, do, do, do, do ♪</i>

310
00:13:54,536 --> 00:13:59,541
<i>♪ Do, ooh ♪</i>

311
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:07,214
<i>♪ Do, ooh ♪</i>

312
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:14,321
<i>♪ Do, do, do, do,</i>
<i>do, do, do ♪</i>

313
00:14:18,626 --> 00:14:21,663
<i>We met through</i>
<i>a mutual friend.</i>

314
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:23,931
I'm not gonna say his name,

315
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,568
but we met
through a mutual friend

316
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:33,107
who called this one on FaceTime.

317
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:39,614
And when he called this one
on Facetime and I seen him,

318
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,982
I was, I went to flirting.

319
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,885
He was acting stuck up.

320
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:48,690
He didn't wanna
add me back on Instagram,

321
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,558
even when I
DMed him and was like...

322
00:14:50,692 --> 00:14:52,359
- That's crazy you didn't say...
- "Are you gonna add me

323
00:14:52,493 --> 00:14:54,061
- back on Instagram?"
- ...none of this on the call.

324
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,697
Now you wanna snitch on me.
That's so crazy.

325
00:14:55,830 --> 00:14:56,798
That is so crazy.

326
00:14:57,398 --> 00:14:59,066
I was already cooking spaghetti.

327
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:01,235
That shit was good as fuck.

328
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:02,737
And then I knew he liked me,

329
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:06,608
because when we slept
together he nudged me. So...

330
00:15:07,675 --> 00:15:08,942
I who?

331
00:15:09,744 --> 00:15:11,111
- I nudged you?
- Yeah.

332
00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:13,380
- What that mean?
- You put it up against me.

333
00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:17,786
I knew about everything
that came with him as well.

334
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,654
Like, so I seen the pictures.

335
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,357
So I already knew.

336
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:28,897
I was with a girlfriend
of mine and we were in the Bronx

337
00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:30,732
and we met these guys at a club.

338
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,000
We ended up
going home with them,

339
00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:34,968
and we went to some
basement apartment.

340
00:15:35,503 --> 00:15:40,374
And you know, we were
messing around with the guys,
oral sex, whatever.

341
00:15:48,750 --> 00:15:52,486
<i>♪ Ah, ah ♪</i>

342
00:15:55,456 --> 00:15:58,425
<i>♪ Hey, yeah ♪</i>

343
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:01,462
<i>♪ Yeah, yeah ♪</i>

344
00:16:10,772 --> 00:16:12,841
<i>It's like, after the fact</i>
<i>when I'm cleaning myself,</i>

345
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:15,108
<i>like standing there washing</i>
<i>myself and I had a skirt,</i>

346
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,377
<i>and he wanted to like,</i>
<i>go under my skirt.</i>

347
00:16:18,513 --> 00:16:20,380
<i>And he like grabbed me</i>
<i>like by force,</i>

348
00:16:20,515 --> 00:16:22,249
<i>like and felt</i>
<i>that I have a penis.</i>

349
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:26,220
And the same time like came and
smacked me so hard in the face.

350
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,789
I ran out of the apartment.

351
00:16:27,922 --> 00:16:30,658
The fact that, that happened
after the orgasm,

352
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:35,797
<i>you felt embarrassed</i>
<i>after you came,</i>
<i>which is usually how it goes.</i>

353
00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:38,700
Like, violence doesn't happen
before the orgasm.

354
00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:41,836
It happens after and then
they wanna realize and act out,

355
00:16:41,970 --> 00:16:44,873
because they feel like
their masculinity is threatened.

356
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,474
And that's why like,
you know, you need to be honest.

357
00:16:47,609 --> 00:16:49,243
I used to do those shows
all the time.

358
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:50,845
I used to have sex
with guys without telling them

359
00:16:50,979 --> 00:16:53,413
I was trans and telling them
I have my period,

360
00:16:53,548 --> 00:16:55,984
and bending over
with the lights off.

361
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,585
And you know,
at the end of the day

362
00:16:57,719 --> 00:17:00,287
these guys wanna act out,
and of their masculinity,

363
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,155
they feel like
their masculinity is threatened.

364
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:05,693
The whole stereotype
that you're gay

365
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,595
if you sleep with a trans woman,

366
00:17:07,729 --> 00:17:09,597
just because
we have male genitals

367
00:17:09,731 --> 00:17:13,233
but a lot of us are way woman
than a lot of cis women.

368
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,638
The only thing is
we have male parts.

369
00:17:18,606 --> 00:17:21,809
What we usually do as trannies,
we be broken down,

370
00:17:21,943 --> 00:17:23,410
but we need to stand out.

371
00:17:26,581 --> 00:17:30,585
Okay, broken the fuck down
and needed all of that sound,
all of that attention.

372
00:17:31,753 --> 00:17:34,522
Maybe I'm lying to myself here,
you know, but,

373
00:17:35,657 --> 00:17:37,457
it's kinda funny
because it's like,

374
00:17:37,659 --> 00:17:40,260
with that moment
of the car going by,

375
00:17:40,394 --> 00:17:42,195
like being broken down
but making it sound

376
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,398
like it's a motherfucking
Mustang or a Porsche.

377
00:17:44,899 --> 00:17:48,836
It's like that's what we give.
We're good at being broken down,

378
00:17:49,403 --> 00:17:54,474
<i>but before people see us,</i>
<i>we have a great way</i>
<i>of making ourselves stand out.</i>

379
00:17:54,909 --> 00:17:56,844
Having that loud roar.

380
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,714
<i>You know, it's like we gotta</i>
<i>be the bitch in the room</i>
<i>with the 28 inches.</i>

381
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,785
You gotta be the bitch
with the biggest boobs,
the biggest body, you know?

382
00:18:04,052 --> 00:18:06,821
<i>And it's like,</i>
<i>but meanwhile whether you use</i>

383
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:10,190
materialistic things
to cover it up or not,
are you really at peace?

384
00:18:10,692 --> 00:18:13,528
You know, are you really
at peace with yourself

385
00:18:13,761 --> 00:18:17,197
knowing that the best of you
is only seen

386
00:18:17,331 --> 00:18:18,766
when you're a survivalist.

387
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:22,402
<i>Something like for me</i>
<i>that I've always</i>
<i>had to think about,</i>

388
00:18:22,537 --> 00:18:25,607
<i>is the best of you only when</i>
<i>you are seen as a survivalist</i>

389
00:18:25,773 --> 00:18:28,175
because that man
that's giving you the money,

390
00:18:28,643 --> 00:18:31,746
that man that's helping us
pay our light bill, okay?

391
00:18:31,879 --> 00:18:34,916
But he don't gotta worry
about that because his Stacy,

392
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:38,385
his Barbara Ann, oh trust,
she's laid up.

393
00:18:38,786 --> 00:18:41,556
That bitch don't gotta
suck a dick, flip monkeys,

394
00:18:41,756 --> 00:18:44,726
tickle a prostate
to get her light bill paid.

395
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:48,062
Okay?

396
00:18:52,767 --> 00:18:54,334
<i>I can't speak</i>
<i>for other trans women,</i>

397
00:18:54,468 --> 00:18:57,105
<i>but I'm not</i>
<i>a judgmental trans woman.</i>

398
00:18:57,371 --> 00:18:58,673
<i>I think that</i>
<i>when they're around us</i>

399
00:18:58,806 --> 00:19:00,875
they feel like
they can release themselves,

400
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:02,810
and be who they really wanna be.

401
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,015
<i>And they feel like</i>
<i>they don't have to hide</i>
<i>or put on a front.</i>

402
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:09,416
that's also what guys
like about trans women,

403
00:19:09,550 --> 00:19:11,786
because cis women tend to be
very judgmental.

404
00:19:12,053 --> 00:19:14,287
Most cis women don't even
wanna date bisexual men.

405
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:17,125
As soon as they hear
you're a bisexual,
bitch, they're out.

406
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,627
Okay hoe, like that's,
that's done for.

407
00:19:19,761 --> 00:19:21,395
<i>Me personally,</i>
<i>I love bisexual men.</i>

408
00:19:21,562 --> 00:19:22,897
<i>I've had butch queens,</i>

409
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:25,432
<i>if you don't know</i>
<i>what that is, that is gay men,</i>

410
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:28,036
you know, that are more on
the feminine, submissive side.

411
00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:32,106
I've had, you know, more
trade, top kinda guys that,

412
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:35,643
you know, there's some guys that
they just wanna fuck you.

413
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:37,344
They don't wanna
touch the dick,

414
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,913
they don't wanna see the dick,

415
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,480
they don't wanna
do anything with it.

416
00:19:40,615 --> 00:19:42,150
They don't wanna be
reminded of anything,

417
00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,886
that you were even once born
male, or any of those things.

418
00:19:45,586 --> 00:19:48,388
So you have different
types of clients,

419
00:19:48,523 --> 00:19:51,258
there's different guys
that are into you

420
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,860
for different reasons
and different things.

421
00:19:52,994 --> 00:19:59,366
<i>♪ I've been looking</i>
<i>for someone like you ♪</i>

422
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:06,306
<i>♪ A kind man</i>
<i>who's honest and who's true ♪</i>

423
00:20:07,975 --> 00:20:14,949
<i>♪ The kind of man who will</i>
<i>love me just the way I am ♪</i>

424
00:20:15,183 --> 00:20:21,321
<i>♪ Who will love me,</i>
<i>the good, the bad, the ugly ♪</i>

425
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:23,825
My name is Lo.

426
00:20:27,895 --> 00:20:31,498
I wrote for people like
P. Diddy, Beyoncé,

427
00:20:31,866 --> 00:20:35,737
Usher, Mario Winans
to name a few.

428
00:20:37,071 --> 00:20:38,338
Oh. Janet Jackson

429
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,709
Oh, another thing that I did,

430
00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:43,845
<i>I smoked weed with Rick James</i>

431
00:20:44,145 --> 00:20:47,548
You know what I'm saying?
I mean, I guess you could
say I'm a ladies man.

432
00:20:47,949 --> 00:20:50,885
I love women
and I always go for the women

433
00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:54,889
that niggas afraid to even
approach,

434
00:20:55,223 --> 00:20:56,456
you know what I mean?

435
00:20:56,691 --> 00:20:58,826
I don't want somebody
like that he can get,

436
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,195
you know what I mean?
I want the one that they say,

437
00:21:01,696 --> 00:21:03,396
"Oh. She ain't gonna
give you none.

438
00:21:03,531 --> 00:21:06,834
All she gonna do is
do up all your drugs and leave".

439
00:21:08,636 --> 00:21:09,871
That's the one that I want.

440
00:21:10,505 --> 00:21:12,774
<i>I ran across this girl online.</i>

441
00:21:12,907 --> 00:21:14,474
I was looking at her
like, "Damn, she bad".

442
00:21:14,609 --> 00:21:16,878
And I was like...
I was started looking close

443
00:21:17,011 --> 00:21:18,579
and reading the captions
and I was like,

444
00:21:18,713 --> 00:21:20,313
<i>"Oh, she's transgender."</i>

445
00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:23,718
<i>And I was like, "How?"</i>

446
00:21:23,851 --> 00:21:25,987
<i>I was like,</i>
<i>"She's like Beyoncé fine".</i>

447
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:28,589
Like to this day I still
never met her in person.

448
00:21:28,856 --> 00:21:32,392
And when it came down to, okay,
come out to where she lives,

449
00:21:32,527 --> 00:21:35,362
I would,
I just would never do it.

450
00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:37,965
But I think it's because
I had too much going on,

451
00:21:38,099 --> 00:21:41,502
and too many... If I didn't
have any options, like I said,

452
00:21:42,003 --> 00:21:43,504
she would
probably be my girlfriend.

453
00:21:43,638 --> 00:21:45,807
I get a lot of guys
that's bottoms

454
00:21:45,973 --> 00:21:49,110
'cause I'm a top.
I'm a full top and

455
00:21:49,510 --> 00:21:50,645
well, I bottom sometimes.

456
00:21:50,778 --> 00:21:52,547
But mainly,
majority of my clients,

457
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,516
<i>they call about big dick girls.</i>

458
00:21:57,718 --> 00:21:59,587
If you in the workin...
if you're a trans girl,

459
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,291
you know that
the clients like big dicks,

460
00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:04,625
and if you don't got a big dick,

461
00:22:04,759 --> 00:22:06,160
you won't make no money
in this industry

462
00:22:06,294 --> 00:22:07,662
<i>being a trans girl, I'm sorry.</i>

463
00:22:07,862 --> 00:22:11,599
<i>And that's what the men</i>
<i>in, that come see me,</i>

464
00:22:11,732 --> 00:22:13,000
<i>that's what they're</i>
<i>attracted to.</i>

465
00:22:13,301 --> 00:22:15,770
They want to see
a pretty-ass girl
with a big dick.

466
00:22:15,903 --> 00:22:17,772
<i>And titties, you gotta</i>
<i>have titties and body,</i>

467
00:22:17,905 --> 00:22:19,674
'cause if you don't,
they won't be attracted to you.

468
00:22:19,807 --> 00:22:21,542
'Cause before
I got any work done,

469
00:22:21,676 --> 00:22:23,644
<i>they would walk out on me.</i>

470
00:22:23,978 --> 00:22:25,513
<i>They would turn around</i>
<i>and walk out on me.</i>

471
00:22:25,646 --> 00:22:28,649
<i>If you didn't have</i>
<i>no work done, or like,</i>

472
00:22:29,283 --> 00:22:30,885
<i>but once I started</i>
<i>getting work done,</i>

473
00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:34,889
I start getting clients like,
the price went up.

474
00:22:35,089 --> 00:22:37,325
<i>♪ I met a girl,</i>
<i>let her give me head ♪</i>

475
00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:38,893
<i>♪ It was fire ♪</i>

476
00:22:39,093 --> 00:22:41,494
<i>♪ She told me she was trans</i>
<i>I said liar ♪</i>

477
00:22:41,863 --> 00:22:43,764
<i>♪ She proved me wrong ♪</i>

478
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:46,701
<i>♪ Shit was hot ♪</i>

479
00:22:47,635 --> 00:22:50,137
<i>♪ I like what she's got ♪</i>

480
00:22:50,571 --> 00:22:53,207
<i>♪ I know it's so hot ♪</i>

481
00:22:53,674 --> 00:22:56,277
<i>♪ I don't give a fuck ♪</i>

482
00:22:59,780 --> 00:23:02,149
<i>♪ I like that I like</i>
<i>that you like ♪</i>

483
00:23:02,283 --> 00:23:05,418
<i>♪ Shit we might fuck</i>
<i>on two dykes ♪</i>

484
00:23:05,786 --> 00:23:06,888
<i>♪ Tonight ♪</i>

485
00:23:09,523 --> 00:23:15,428
I'm supposed to, you know,
have my... get my letters and,

486
00:23:15,897 --> 00:23:19,100
and start
the hair removal process.

487
00:23:19,233 --> 00:23:22,402
I've always wanted to have
a vagina.

488
00:23:22,570 --> 00:23:24,939
I think they said
it's like three hours,

489
00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:29,343
and then you spend five days
in the hospital

490
00:23:30,011 --> 00:23:33,814
where you have to deal with your
you know, your packing,

491
00:23:33,948 --> 00:23:36,284
your catheter,
and your dilation.

492
00:23:36,617 --> 00:23:41,022
Then you go home and you start
the long process of recovery.

493
00:23:41,355 --> 00:23:42,957
It's a very long process.

494
00:23:43,858 --> 00:23:46,861
It's just,
I embraced my transsexuality

495
00:23:47,194 --> 00:23:49,530
through all the years
of sex work.

496
00:23:50,331 --> 00:23:53,067
But I've played the both sides
of the fence.

497
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,270
I've lived my life as a woman
without telling everyone,

498
00:23:56,704 --> 00:23:58,372
and I lived my life as trans.

499
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:02,743
And personally I like
the other side when I'm a woman

500
00:24:02,877 --> 00:24:04,545
and no one knows that I'm trans.

501
00:24:05,212 --> 00:24:08,249
Life is a lot better
that way for me.

502
00:24:08,683 --> 00:24:11,886
I feel like it's a normal life,
you know?

503
00:24:13,187 --> 00:24:14,221
More normal.

504
00:24:15,990 --> 00:24:17,591
But it's a lot of work,
'cause you know,

505
00:24:17,725 --> 00:24:20,895
you gotta to work on
your voice, your mannerisms,

506
00:24:21,028 --> 00:24:23,931
you have to hide
who you really are.

507
00:24:24,065 --> 00:24:27,368
It's very uncomfortable,
very taxing on the brain.

508
00:24:27,902 --> 00:24:29,870
It's a very stressful situation.

509
00:24:31,272 --> 00:24:34,608
But like, as that being said,
like life is a lot better.

510
00:24:34,742 --> 00:24:37,745
You get treated better,
you get, you know,

511
00:24:37,878 --> 00:24:42,216
people acknowledge you publicly,
they're more affectionate.

512
00:24:43,818 --> 00:24:45,052
I will say this much.

513
00:24:45,186 --> 00:24:47,121
I'm not villainizing
black men because,

514
00:24:47,254 --> 00:24:48,923
or black people,
because I do have

515
00:24:49,056 --> 00:24:50,758
some very great Black friends.

516
00:24:50,891 --> 00:24:53,127
Like I have a Black friend
who lives down in Tribeca,

517
00:24:53,260 --> 00:24:55,963
and I've known him literally
since I was 16 years old.

518
00:24:56,097 --> 00:24:59,133
He thought I was a little
older, but I was actually 16,

519
00:24:59,667 --> 00:25:01,836
and he was the first
actually example

520
00:25:01,969 --> 00:25:04,505
<i>of a successful Black man</i>
<i>that I had ever seen,</i>

521
00:25:04,638 --> 00:25:06,574
<i>or encountered or</i>
<i>had access to.</i>

522
00:25:07,108 --> 00:25:09,543
And because of him I was like,

523
00:25:09,677 --> 00:25:13,147
"Oh, Black men
can be successful."

524
00:25:13,347 --> 00:25:15,182
But then I realized
in that very moment

525
00:25:15,316 --> 00:25:17,151
that I'm dealing with
this Black successful man,

526
00:25:17,284 --> 00:25:21,355
that I'm actually a part of him
cheating on a Black woman.

527
00:25:22,023 --> 00:25:23,357
<i>She's not aware of the fact</i>

528
00:25:23,524 --> 00:25:25,693
that her Black successful
husband is upstairs

529
00:25:25,826 --> 00:25:28,062
in their beautiful condo
down in Tribeca

530
00:25:28,295 --> 00:25:29,997
laid up with a
Black trans woman.

531
00:25:30,131 --> 00:25:31,866
Right, but that could happen
with a white man as well.

532
00:25:31,999 --> 00:25:34,668
Yeah, but the way that
it's happening with white men,

533
00:25:34,935 --> 00:25:36,670
it's easier for them to
talk about the ways that

534
00:25:36,804 --> 00:25:38,739
in our Black culture and
communities, that we're not.

535
00:25:38,873 --> 00:25:40,775
Like we act as if
it does not happen,

536
00:25:41,008 --> 00:25:43,477
until people are put
in positions to be shamed.

537
00:25:43,677 --> 00:25:47,448
If anybody is better
at anything, I believe,
and this is no shade,

538
00:25:47,681 --> 00:25:49,817
that Black people
are more prevalent

539
00:25:49,950 --> 00:25:53,054
to be in a position
of the imposter syndrome,

540
00:25:53,487 --> 00:25:55,423
<i>and having to propagate</i>
<i>that because they're,</i>

541
00:25:55,556 --> 00:25:58,325
<i>they've always been perceived</i>
<i>as a second-class citizen.</i>

542
00:25:58,659 --> 00:25:59,860
So they're always
trying to find a way

543
00:25:59,994 --> 00:26:01,562
how to be seen as enough.

544
00:26:01,996 --> 00:26:04,031
But that is
something so common.

545
00:26:04,598 --> 00:26:06,100
You know? It's so common.

546
00:26:06,233 --> 00:26:07,802
Like you may not understand it
to be that way

547
00:26:07,935 --> 00:26:09,136
I don't but I do.

548
00:26:09,403 --> 00:26:11,105
I don't understand it
cause I am not Black.

549
00:26:11,305 --> 00:26:12,640
- Right.
- No, but...

550
00:26:13,107 --> 00:26:14,375
And they'll give you
the treatment
that I will never get.

551
00:26:14,509 --> 00:26:16,710
- But...
- They really will.

552
00:26:16,844 --> 00:26:18,012
Okay, and I, okay.

553
00:26:18,412 --> 00:26:19,447
- Simply, because you look...
- I'm just trying...

554
00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:20,748
You don't look like,

555
00:26:21,015 --> 00:26:22,316
you don't look like
a part of the problem.

556
00:26:22,450 --> 00:26:23,818
You look like
you're a part of a solution.

557
00:26:24,085 --> 00:26:25,453
For the females,
I want you to understand,

558
00:26:25,586 --> 00:26:27,254
it's nothing but respect.

559
00:26:28,622 --> 00:26:31,759
I don't bash females at all,
that's not something I do.

560
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,496
I'm willing to teach the females
how to keep these dudes.

561
00:26:35,696 --> 00:26:38,632
The dudes love how dominant
I am, 'cause I like basically

562
00:26:38,766 --> 00:26:40,601
make them do
what the fuck I want them to do.

563
00:26:40,968 --> 00:26:42,269
Like if they come here,
I'm like,

564
00:26:42,403 --> 00:26:43,538
"Get on your fucking knees

565
00:26:43,704 --> 00:26:45,039
and suck my dick
and don't look at me".

566
00:26:45,606 --> 00:26:48,375
That's how your average hood
nigga want to be treated.

567
00:26:48,976 --> 00:26:50,244
Like, that's how
they want to be treated.

568
00:26:50,377 --> 00:26:53,114
Like, the reason
you girls can't keep,

569
00:26:53,247 --> 00:26:55,216
the reason a lot of females
cannot keep a man

570
00:26:55,349 --> 00:26:57,017
because you don't,
you gotta know how to operate,

571
00:26:57,151 --> 00:27:01,355
how they operate. Bitch,
they go work 12-hour jobs.

572
00:27:01,489 --> 00:27:03,057
<i>Bitch,</i>
<i>they don't wanna come home</i>

573
00:27:03,324 --> 00:27:05,292
and hear you talking about,
"Who you've been talking to,

574
00:27:05,426 --> 00:27:07,161
where you been,"
and da, da, da, da.

575
00:27:07,294 --> 00:27:10,764
Bitch, I'll be on my knees with
my hands tied behind my back

576
00:27:10,898 --> 00:27:13,134
with my mouth open,
like that's how you keep a man.

577
00:27:13,801 --> 00:27:16,538
<i>They come see us,</i>
<i>they don't go straight home</i>
<i>to y'all no mo'.</i>

578
00:27:16,804 --> 00:27:18,507
It's because,
and I'm not against y'all.

579
00:27:18,639 --> 00:27:21,041
I'm willing to, I'm willing
to share this with you guys.

580
00:27:21,175 --> 00:27:23,911
I want y'all to know like,
so y'all can keep y'all man,

581
00:27:24,044 --> 00:27:25,045
'cause I don't want them.

582
00:27:25,412 --> 00:27:26,914
Bitch, I just want a few dollar,
you know,

583
00:27:27,047 --> 00:27:28,449
I want what they can
do for me, that's it.

584
00:27:28,583 --> 00:27:30,117
I don't care about being
in a relationship with them.

585
00:27:30,251 --> 00:27:31,652
I'm never gonna
be in love with them.

586
00:27:31,785 --> 00:27:33,087
<i>I don't care about</i>
<i>how they feel.</i>

587
00:27:33,220 --> 00:27:34,556
I don't care if they
had a bad day at work.

588
00:27:34,688 --> 00:27:35,823
This is not
something I care about.

589
00:27:36,090 --> 00:27:38,159
I only care about
their bank account,

590
00:27:39,426 --> 00:27:40,427
their income...

591
00:27:43,197 --> 00:27:44,965
...how good they can suck
dick and get on their knees

592
00:27:45,099 --> 00:27:47,334
and get fucked and that's it,
that's all I care about.

593
00:27:47,668 --> 00:27:50,104
I really don't care about
nothing else with them.
Like, I just don't,

594
00:27:50,237 --> 00:27:52,206
I don't have a heart
for them, and I'm being honest.

595
00:28:11,660 --> 00:28:15,930
<i>She's just an exotic looking</i>
<i>girl, she looks different.</i>

596
00:28:16,063 --> 00:28:18,567
Like you don't know
what nationality she is.

597
00:28:18,699 --> 00:28:24,573
You know she's, she just looks
like an attractive woman.

598
00:28:25,372 --> 00:28:28,809
that's you know,
that's all I see.

599
00:28:29,143 --> 00:28:32,179
I just saw a girl that I liked
that I thought was a girl,

600
00:28:32,313 --> 00:28:36,050
and then when I found out
that she was trans,

601
00:28:37,284 --> 00:28:38,752
you know, I still liked her.

602
00:28:39,621 --> 00:28:43,457
And then she has breasts.
I'm like, I might play with her
titties and all that.

603
00:28:43,592 --> 00:28:47,962
I'm definitely not
touching any dicks.

604
00:28:49,664 --> 00:28:51,566
You know, I might squeeze
her ass or something.

605
00:28:51,865 --> 00:28:54,101
Nobody's touching my ass,
'cause that turns me off,
my dick go limp.

606
00:28:54,268 --> 00:28:56,003
Even regular girls,
if they try to do that,

607
00:28:56,136 --> 00:28:57,505
get too close with a finger,
limp.

608
00:28:57,938 --> 00:28:59,574
I don't know, it's just I mean,

609
00:28:59,708 --> 00:29:03,210
I'll probably
let her suck my dick
because she's so pretty

610
00:29:03,344 --> 00:29:04,845
and she looks good,
you know what I mean?

611
00:29:05,212 --> 00:29:08,749
<i>It depends on what state</i>
<i>you catch me in, I guess.</i>

612
00:29:09,116 --> 00:29:10,951
Just not,
it's not that cut and dry.

613
00:29:11,385 --> 00:29:13,320
If somebody's attractive,
they're just attractive.

614
00:29:35,442 --> 00:29:37,679
<i>I feel like my oldest</i>
<i>brother on my mom's side</i>

615
00:29:37,811 --> 00:29:39,947
<i>always knew but never said.</i>

616
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:44,451
<i>Well, I feel like he knew</i>
<i>when I started being DL,</i>
<i>I feel like.</i>

617
00:29:45,553 --> 00:29:51,892
<i>Now my sister, she hangs</i>
<i>around gays all the time,</i>

618
00:29:52,026 --> 00:29:54,828
<i>so I'm pretty sure she knew,</i>
<i>and she didn't have a problem</i>
<i>with it.</i>

619
00:29:57,231 --> 00:29:58,899
My mom, my older family,

620
00:29:59,033 --> 00:30:00,267
like the older generation
of my family,

621
00:30:00,401 --> 00:30:02,102
like my mom,
aunties and all of them,

622
00:30:02,369 --> 00:30:03,738
they found out
through social media.

623
00:30:03,971 --> 00:30:06,508
And one day I was in Atlanta
at a hotel room,

624
00:30:07,074 --> 00:30:08,275
and my mama called me.

625
00:30:11,245 --> 00:30:15,349
And I was just sitting
right there like, "Hey Ma."

626
00:30:15,684 --> 00:30:17,719
She called me and was like,
"You know if there's anything

627
00:30:17,851 --> 00:30:20,020
you need to talk about,
you know you can talk to me".

628
00:30:20,220 --> 00:30:21,523
But in my head I'm like,

629
00:30:21,989 --> 00:30:24,793
I know my mama don't like the
LGBT, she does not like gays.

630
00:30:24,925 --> 00:30:27,529
Like, they old school,
my mom is 70.

631
00:30:27,895 --> 00:30:30,030
I lied, very fast,
my mom is 70.

632
00:30:32,933 --> 00:30:36,036
So if y'all like parents or
guardians are around that age,

633
00:30:36,170 --> 00:30:37,672
y'all should know,
they don't play that shit.

634
00:30:37,806 --> 00:30:42,744
Like they just don't, even
to this day it's still weird

635
00:30:42,876 --> 00:30:43,844
having to talk to my mom.

636
00:30:44,512 --> 00:30:47,147
<i>Like, and it's super</i>
<i>weird to say that,</i>

637
00:30:47,281 --> 00:30:49,116
<i>because it's like</i>
<i>my mom has been</i>

638
00:30:49,249 --> 00:30:51,485
like my number one
backbone since I was a kid.

639
00:30:51,619 --> 00:30:54,689
I've never met my father ever,
for real, for real.

640
00:30:54,823 --> 00:30:56,090
Like, I don't even know him.

641
00:30:56,223 --> 00:30:57,759
His personality, I don't
even know his lingo.

642
00:30:58,827 --> 00:31:01,629
My father started calling me
from prison last year around,

643
00:31:01,763 --> 00:31:02,963
down around the time I got shot.

644
00:31:03,497 --> 00:31:05,132
He was calling,
still never saw him.

645
00:31:05,567 --> 00:31:07,569
He called me
and I had told him,

646
00:31:07,702 --> 00:31:09,036
I think I had told him like,

647
00:31:09,169 --> 00:31:10,437
after like the second
phone call I told him.

648
00:31:10,572 --> 00:31:11,905
He was like,
"Oh, that's fine.

649
00:31:12,072 --> 00:31:13,575
My best friend's gay
whoopty whoop."

650
00:31:13,708 --> 00:31:15,376
But I wanna say a couple of
months went down the line.

651
00:31:15,510 --> 00:31:17,277
Remember I told you,
I told you I ran into my,

652
00:31:17,411 --> 00:31:19,880
ran into my brothers and I end
up talking to them and shit,

653
00:31:20,013 --> 00:31:22,517
and they told me that my dad
was in there gettin down.

654
00:31:22,650 --> 00:31:23,718
I was like.

655
00:31:23,852 --> 00:31:27,087
<i>♪ Hey, hey ♪</i>

656
00:31:27,221 --> 00:31:28,523
<i>♪ Hey, make my pussy say ♪</i>

657
00:31:28,656 --> 00:31:30,491
<i>♪ Hey, hey ♪</i>

658
00:31:31,191 --> 00:31:34,629
<i>♪ Yeah, make my pussy say ♪</i>

659
00:31:36,230 --> 00:31:38,031
<i>♪ Hey, yeah,</i>
<i>make my pussy say ♪</i>

660
00:31:38,165 --> 00:31:41,235
<i>♪ Hey, hey, mwah ♪</i>

661
00:31:47,776 --> 00:31:51,412
<i>I wish like at least</i>
<i>like half of the guys</i>

662
00:31:51,546 --> 00:31:56,083
that I've dated, been with,
slept with, celebrities,

663
00:31:56,216 --> 00:31:59,888
would you know, say that
they are been with me.

664
00:32:00,421 --> 00:32:03,223
I mean any normal guy
would not be ashamed

665
00:32:03,357 --> 00:32:05,192
to say that
they've slept with me.

666
00:32:05,459 --> 00:32:08,095
And my thing is, why do you care

667
00:32:08,228 --> 00:32:10,130
where somebody else
is putting their dick?

668
00:32:10,497 --> 00:32:13,267
Like if they wanna put their
dick in the girl, in the wife

669
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:16,036
and they're trans,
like that's their dick.

670
00:32:16,236 --> 00:32:17,772
That's who they wanna fuck.

671
00:32:17,906 --> 00:32:22,209
Why does everybody else care
about who wants to fuck who?

672
00:32:22,409 --> 00:32:23,645
It should be nobody's business.

673
00:32:23,778 --> 00:32:26,614
Worry about who you're fucking,
and that's it.

674
00:32:26,848 --> 00:32:28,516
Like, this is the problem
with this world.

675
00:32:28,650 --> 00:32:31,686
Everybody's so worried
about who's fucking who,

676
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,455
when at the end of the day
they wanna fuck each other.

677
00:32:35,289 --> 00:32:38,192
So that's the whole tea.

678
00:32:45,365 --> 00:32:50,237
♪ <i>I've been a fool</i>
<i>for too long</i> ♪

679
00:32:51,371 --> 00:32:54,642
♪ <i>In my eyes, there's no wrong</i> ♪

680
00:32:56,176 --> 00:32:59,179
♪ <i>Oh god, I'm blind</i> ♪

681
00:33:02,483 --> 00:33:07,020
♪ <i>And now</i>
<i>he's lying to my face</i> ♪

682
00:33:07,287 --> 00:33:11,526
♪ <i>I wish he knew a cooler way</i> ♪

683
00:33:12,459 --> 00:33:16,631
♪ <i>To break</i>
<i>a girl's heart today</i> ♪

684
00:33:17,297 --> 00:33:20,668
<i>And girls ask me like</i>
<i>why I don't give a fuck</i>
<i>about trade, 'cause I don't.</i>

685
00:33:20,802 --> 00:33:24,238
<i>They will come fuck on you,</i>
<i>drain you of all your energy,</i>

686
00:33:24,672 --> 00:33:26,139
<i>and go back home</i>
<i>to their girlfriend.</i>

687
00:33:26,340 --> 00:33:28,643
<i>And what I had learned</i>
<i>about trade too,</i>

688
00:33:29,711 --> 00:33:31,411
<i>like it's hard to deal</i>
<i>with them men</i>

689
00:33:31,546 --> 00:33:33,982
<i>when they got baby mamas,</i>
<i>'cause they always,</i>

690
00:33:34,114 --> 00:33:36,350
<i>they'll drop you at any time</i>
<i>to go back to them.</i>

691
00:33:36,551 --> 00:33:40,053
<i>So that's why I learned like,</i>
<i>pay me.</i>

692
00:33:40,454 --> 00:33:42,456
<i>Pay me</i>
<i>and get the fuck outta my face.</i>

693
00:33:44,926 --> 00:33:48,863
<i>But trade is</i>
<i>the average straight man.</i>

694
00:33:50,097 --> 00:33:52,032
<i>And those are the people</i>
<i>that wanna bottom,</i>

695
00:33:53,133 --> 00:33:56,270
<i>like it's the hood guys.</i>
<i>Like they want to get fucked,</i>

696
00:33:57,037 --> 00:33:59,406
<i>and they go right back</i>
<i>home to their girlfriends</i>

697
00:33:59,541 --> 00:34:02,042
<i>like nothing never happened,</i>
<i>and get in the bed</i>

698
00:34:02,175 --> 00:34:03,912
<i>with they girlfriends like</i>
<i>nothing never happened.</i>

699
00:34:04,044 --> 00:34:09,483
<i>But it'd be like real tough,</i>
<i>rugged trade like,</i>

700
00:34:11,151 --> 00:34:12,620
<i>and</i>

701
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:14,622
<i>but trade also</i>
<i>will kill you too.</i>

702
00:34:14,756 --> 00:34:16,490
<i>So you have to be</i>
<i>very careful.</i>

703
00:34:16,624 --> 00:34:19,126
Things that, like even when
I think about my experience

704
00:34:19,259 --> 00:34:21,361
as a Black trans woman
and how, you know,

705
00:34:21,495 --> 00:34:23,330
most Black women think,
you know,

706
00:34:23,463 --> 00:34:25,533
that their husbands
aren't sleeping with us.

707
00:34:25,667 --> 00:34:27,569
That their husbands
aren't attracted to us.

708
00:34:27,702 --> 00:34:29,571
But they're the first ones
that when they see us,

709
00:34:29,704 --> 00:34:32,006
they'll call us out
and say that we're beautiful.

710
00:34:32,272 --> 00:34:33,608
"You really gorgeous,
you're a woman."

711
00:34:33,741 --> 00:34:35,275
But until the moment
they find out

712
00:34:35,409 --> 00:34:37,244
that their son
or their husband likes us.

713
00:34:37,377 --> 00:34:41,716
It's for them,
it's surprising to find out
that their kids can be gay.

714
00:34:42,149 --> 00:34:45,887
If they understood that
it's something in our culture

715
00:34:46,020 --> 00:34:47,522
that your kid can be trans,

716
00:34:47,855 --> 00:34:49,958
then we wouldn't be
in a position where, you know,

717
00:34:50,090 --> 00:34:51,593
at a higher rate Black

718
00:34:51,926 --> 00:34:55,697
LGBTQIA plus
youth are being rejected.

719
00:34:55,830 --> 00:34:59,366
You have to sound a certain way,
you have to look a certain way.

720
00:34:59,499 --> 00:35:01,035
You have to be a certain way.

721
00:35:01,168 --> 00:35:04,271
That most of the time the strife
that comes with who we are

722
00:35:04,404 --> 00:35:05,807
is because we didn't
become who our parents

723
00:35:05,940 --> 00:35:07,709
- wanted us to be.
- They wanted us to be.

724
00:35:07,842 --> 00:35:10,277
And I don't need to be
anything you say I need to be.

725
00:35:10,410 --> 00:35:12,245
Because when your husband
encountered me,

726
00:35:12,479 --> 00:35:15,248
he saw me as a Black woman,
and he too would agree

727
00:35:15,382 --> 00:35:17,217
that I deserve protection
as a Black woman.

728
00:35:17,384 --> 00:35:20,487
But your ignorance
keep making you think
that he don't see me as one.

729
00:35:20,655 --> 00:35:23,057
When I carry out my Black
womanhood experience,

730
00:35:23,190 --> 00:35:27,127
know that it looks
so much like you,
and it is very close to home.

731
00:35:27,394 --> 00:35:31,065
It is so close to home
that I may be in your home
when you're not there.

732
00:35:31,465 --> 00:35:34,636
<i>♪ Lord, I woke up</i>
<i>this morning ♪</i>

733
00:35:34,769 --> 00:35:38,673
<i>♪ With my pork-grinding</i>
<i>business in my hand ♪</i>

734
00:35:43,578 --> 00:35:46,480
<i>♪ Yeah, I woke up</i>
<i>this morning ♪</i>

735
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:50,752
<i>♪ With my pork-grinding</i>
<i>business in my hand ♪</i>

736
00:35:54,789 --> 00:35:57,692
<i>♪ Lord, if you can't</i>
<i>send me no woman ♪</i>

737
00:35:58,593 --> 00:36:02,195
<i>♪ Please,</i>
<i>send me some sissy man ♪</i>

738
00:36:03,230 --> 00:36:04,832
<i>♪ Hey, Kokomo ♪</i>

739
00:36:05,099 --> 00:36:06,500
I do this literally every day.

740
00:36:06,968 --> 00:36:09,671
Literally, every day I'm in
the mirror looking at myself...

741
00:36:18,012 --> 00:36:19,914
Yes, period.

742
00:36:20,515 --> 00:36:22,817
I don't like
the concept of passibility,

743
00:36:24,886 --> 00:36:26,654
because I feel like...

744
00:36:29,590 --> 00:36:30,858
I feel like fuck passibility.

745
00:36:31,291 --> 00:36:33,728
Everybody should just do them
and just be them, you know?

746
00:36:34,227 --> 00:36:35,897
And not every girl's
gonna pass.

747
00:36:36,931 --> 00:36:38,633
that's, that's just
the reality of it.

748
00:36:39,100 --> 00:36:43,403
Not every girl is gonna pass
to look like a biological girl,
you know?

749
00:36:44,404 --> 00:36:47,709
But it's, I feel
like it's about working
with what you got...

750
00:36:50,745 --> 00:36:53,147
just owning your look
that's unique to you.

751
00:36:54,182 --> 00:36:57,919
There's all types of girls
out there, you know?

752
00:36:58,686 --> 00:37:01,055
There's alternative girls,

753
00:37:01,856 --> 00:37:04,892
there's more, you know,
hood bitch type of girls.

754
00:37:05,026 --> 00:37:09,564
There's the white college
girls type of trans girls,

755
00:37:09,697 --> 00:37:13,500
like nerdy, you know, anime,

756
00:37:13,634 --> 00:37:16,637
Black girl lovers,
like trans girls, you know?

757
00:37:17,505 --> 00:37:19,140
They're into cosplay
and stuff like that.

758
00:37:19,272 --> 00:37:21,509
So there's all different types
of trans women out there.

759
00:37:21,642 --> 00:37:24,712
Like, there's not
just one girl.

760
00:37:27,582 --> 00:37:29,016
Personally,
I don't care about passibility,

761
00:37:29,150 --> 00:37:33,286
because I feel like
it stops you from living life

762
00:37:33,588 --> 00:37:34,856
the way that
you wanna live life.

763
00:37:35,288 --> 00:37:37,424
And I don't feel like
you should live by rules.

764
00:37:37,592 --> 00:37:39,560
You already transitioned
and said fuck it,

765
00:37:39,694 --> 00:37:41,562
you might as well just do
what you wanna do anyway.

766
00:37:41,729 --> 00:37:44,397
A person could be
in the suburbs, right?

767
00:37:44,532 --> 00:37:47,935
And raise they child
to be the most, you feel me?

768
00:37:48,069 --> 00:37:49,237
But they be a gangster,

769
00:37:49,369 --> 00:37:50,838
they out there shooting,
selling drugs.

770
00:37:50,972 --> 00:37:52,607
And they parents ain't,
they have great jobs.

771
00:37:52,740 --> 00:37:54,008
- They have no reason...
- They don't have to do

772
00:37:54,142 --> 00:37:55,843
- none of that.
- There's no reason for...

773
00:37:55,977 --> 00:37:57,410
- You feel me?
There's no reason
for them.

774
00:37:57,545 --> 00:37:58,980
And then you see
somebody in the hood,

775
00:37:59,614 --> 00:38:01,314
they're parents was hood,
ghetto, crack baby,
you know, crack whatever.

776
00:38:01,448 --> 00:38:02,784
And he ain't want
none of that now,

777
00:38:02,917 --> 00:38:04,484
he wanted to be
something different.

778
00:38:04,619 --> 00:38:05,987
He wanted something
totally different, like...

779
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:07,655
You know, this is what
you wanna do, just be real.

780
00:38:07,789 --> 00:38:09,857
<i>Don't be hiding</i>
<i>and actin' like you not</i>

781
00:38:09,991 --> 00:38:10,792
<i>be real nigga.</i>

782
00:38:10,925 --> 00:38:12,425
<i>Have a conversation first.</i>

783
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:13,861
<i>The fuck, nigga?</i>
<i>You like dudes</i>

784
00:38:13,995 --> 00:38:15,295
nigga you like dudes?
I don't wanna hear that.

785
00:38:15,428 --> 00:38:16,564
Now you trying to hide,
you in school,

786
00:38:16,697 --> 00:38:18,166
you wanna be, no nigga.

787
00:38:18,331 --> 00:38:20,300
If niggas try to make fun
of you, beat them niggas up.

788
00:38:20,433 --> 00:38:21,669
- That's right.
- The fuck, nigga?

789
00:38:21,803 --> 00:38:23,871
You gotta be a tough gay nigga.
The fuck,

790
00:38:24,005 --> 00:38:25,706
- like that's it.
- Toughen up.

791
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,508
<i>My son, he gonna be</i>
<i>a tough gay nigga, that's it.</i>

792
00:38:27,642 --> 00:38:29,143
<i>Gonna be knockin'</i>
<i>these niggas the fuck out,</i>

793
00:38:29,277 --> 00:38:31,078
like that's how I see it.

794
00:38:31,212 --> 00:38:32,880
You can't be soft and gay.

795
00:38:33,614 --> 00:38:35,382
<i>My son,</i>
<i>I'm gonna be real with him.</i>

796
00:38:35,783 --> 00:38:37,518
<i>If you gonna be gay, nigga,</i>
<i>you better be</i>
<i>the toughest nigga in there,</i>

797
00:38:37,652 --> 00:38:38,920
<i>'cause they gonna</i>
<i>tease you, nigga.</i>

798
00:38:45,860 --> 00:38:47,228
What they gonna say, nigga?

799
00:38:47,427 --> 00:38:48,796
<i>My pop's a real nigga,</i>

800
00:38:49,130 --> 00:38:50,731
I'm gay, I'm knocking you out.
What's up? Whatchu wanna do?

801
00:39:08,683 --> 00:39:13,020
If she had the full
operation, and you know,

802
00:39:13,287 --> 00:39:15,656
and she had a vagina now

803
00:39:15,790 --> 00:39:18,292
and didn't have that,
those parts,

804
00:39:18,759 --> 00:39:20,194
I probably would've
met her by now.

805
00:39:20,328 --> 00:39:22,930
I would've probably,
wouldn't have kept, you know,

806
00:39:23,064 --> 00:39:25,333
hesitating and not doing it,
not going to,

807
00:39:25,498 --> 00:39:27,802
not just going to,
just to meet her,

808
00:39:28,069 --> 00:39:29,103
you know what I mean?

809
00:39:29,937 --> 00:39:32,840
In fact, I prob-
I know I probably would have.

810
00:39:33,541 --> 00:39:34,842
It's like, I don't wanna feel,

811
00:39:34,976 --> 00:39:36,677
feel that just like
poking up against me.

812
00:39:36,811 --> 00:39:40,248
Like I don't, I don't have
no desire to, to feel that.

813
00:39:40,380 --> 00:39:47,188
But you know,
it's just I look at,
I look at her as, as a woman.

814
00:39:47,622 --> 00:39:50,558
And so when things come,
when facts come around,

815
00:39:50,691 --> 00:39:52,526
like to make it seem like,

816
00:39:52,660 --> 00:39:56,063
oh well, she's not all
the way a woman yet.

817
00:39:56,197 --> 00:39:58,966
So that makes,
that makes it, you know,

818
00:39:59,967 --> 00:40:02,803
<i>that's where I feel</i>
<i>I can't go through with it,</i>

819
00:40:03,204 --> 00:40:04,437
<i>you know what I mean?</i>

820
00:40:08,209 --> 00:40:10,978
Like when I see my sister and
them nowadays, I don't even...

821
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,181
it's not that I don't
respect them.

822
00:40:14,315 --> 00:40:18,152
It's just I don't, I don't
have a heart for them.

823
00:40:18,386 --> 00:40:19,620
Like because that's why I,

824
00:40:19,754 --> 00:40:22,857
that's why I think
I love so hard now.

825
00:40:24,457 --> 00:40:28,129
<i>♪ Don't wait for me, honey ♪</i>

826
00:40:28,930 --> 00:40:31,866
That's why I think
I love so hard now, because...

827
00:40:33,134 --> 00:40:34,769
like people showing you,

828
00:40:34,902 --> 00:40:37,238
and that's the thing
about our community now,

829
00:40:37,405 --> 00:40:39,472
is why the gay people
can't love each other

830
00:40:39,607 --> 00:40:40,875
and they always fighting
and da, da, da,

831
00:40:41,008 --> 00:40:42,475
because they don't
grow up in homes

832
00:40:42,610 --> 00:40:43,978
<i>where they teach you</i>
<i>how to love.</i>

833
00:40:44,111 --> 00:40:45,413
<i>They just throw you</i>
<i>out to the street.</i>

834
00:40:45,947 --> 00:40:50,351
And you know, I had to learn
as a adult, as a teenager,

835
00:40:51,018 --> 00:40:52,586
how to be in a adult world,

836
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:55,756
<i>and like dealing</i>
<i>with different people.</i>

837
00:40:55,890 --> 00:40:59,126
And like, that's why today
I can't even date guys now

838
00:40:59,260 --> 00:41:01,461
because I've dealt
with so many different men.

839
00:41:01,595 --> 00:41:05,933
It's just my brain is so
connected to like work,

840
00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:09,603
<i>work, work, work. If you don't</i>
<i>have anything for me,</i>
<i>I don't wanna deal with you.</i>

841
00:41:10,204 --> 00:41:12,106
<i>You can't do this for me,</i>
<i>I don't wanna deal with you.</i>

842
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:13,941
Can't buy me this,
I don't wanna deal with you.

843
00:41:14,075 --> 00:41:18,746
It's, it done got
like that for me.

844
00:41:20,581 --> 00:41:22,850
<i>♪ You'll always be my heart ♪</i>

845
00:41:23,084 --> 00:41:25,519
Now I can laugh
and kiki and ha-ha with them,

846
00:41:25,653 --> 00:41:28,723
but at the end of the day,

847
00:41:28,856 --> 00:41:31,993
I know what they did to me
as a child.

848
00:41:32,492 --> 00:41:33,894
Like put me out on,
like put me,

849
00:41:34,028 --> 00:41:35,563
pushed me to the streets
like that.

850
00:41:35,696 --> 00:41:37,198
I can't be around them
for too long.

851
00:41:37,331 --> 00:41:39,767
Like my brother now, I can't
even look him in his face.

852
00:41:40,201 --> 00:41:42,103
Like I,
I won't even look at him.

853
00:41:44,672 --> 00:41:50,511
So when trans, when
us trans women out men,

854
00:41:51,879 --> 00:41:53,314
I'm not a big fan of that.

855
00:41:53,781 --> 00:41:58,953
Because you know,
we have to make a living
at the end of the day.

856
00:41:59,086 --> 00:42:03,124
A lot of us are secrets
to many powerful people

857
00:42:03,324 --> 00:42:07,795
<i>who pay our rent</i>
<i>and you know, take care of us.</i>

858
00:42:07,928 --> 00:42:12,500
And when you expose them,
it just dries up the well.

859
00:42:12,767 --> 00:42:15,202
Girls like me, you know,
we need that well

860
00:42:15,336 --> 00:42:17,738
to be plentiful,
you know what I mean?

861
00:42:17,872 --> 00:42:20,041
<i>So I'm not with exposing.</i>

862
00:42:20,174 --> 00:42:23,077
<i>I really don't appreciate</i>
<i>when girls do that,</i>

863
00:42:23,644 --> 00:42:26,213
or try to blackmail guys
or you know,

864
00:42:26,347 --> 00:42:28,749
because that doesn't bring
good karma, you know?

865
00:42:28,916 --> 00:42:31,318
And the end of the day
they're suffering,

866
00:42:31,619 --> 00:42:33,654
<i>because they're not living</i>
<i>in their truth,</i>

867
00:42:33,954 --> 00:42:36,590
<i>and that's enough punishment</i>
<i>as it is.</i>

868
00:42:36,824 --> 00:42:38,759
They have to lay
with that every night.

869
00:42:38,926 --> 00:42:42,196
By exposing them, you're
not really getting anything.

870
00:42:42,329 --> 00:42:45,566
You're just ruining the game,
and we're all in the game.

871
00:42:45,699 --> 00:42:48,836
It doesn't only affect you,
it affects other girls too.

872
00:42:49,136 --> 00:42:51,906
<i>♪ I've got a man back at home ♪</i>

873
00:42:52,039 --> 00:42:55,709
<i>♪ He ain't worth a dime,</i>
<i>but he's my own ♪</i>

874
00:42:56,077 --> 00:42:59,447
<i>♪ I ain't going broke with you,</i>
<i>nigga please ♪</i>

875
00:42:59,647 --> 00:43:04,251
<i>♪ 'Bout to go and get</i>
<i>myself a sugar daddy ♪</i>

876
00:43:04,485 --> 00:43:08,222
<i>♪ Don't tell me to get a job ♪</i>

877
00:43:08,557 --> 00:43:12,259
<i>♪ Look at me boy, I'm a star ♪</i>

878
00:43:12,493 --> 00:43:16,397
<i>♪ Woman go crazy</i>
<i>out in these streets ♪</i>

879
00:43:16,531 --> 00:43:19,300
<i>♪ 'Bout to go and get</i>
<i>myself a sugar daddy ♪</i>

880
00:43:19,433 --> 00:43:21,635
<i>Most of the time,</i>
<i>like as trans women,</i>

881
00:43:21,769 --> 00:43:25,372
we're not meeting the guy
who's already this millionaire

882
00:43:25,507 --> 00:43:29,110
and they're taking us
to the penthouse,
and they're putting us up.

883
00:43:29,310 --> 00:43:31,580
<i>Like no,</i>
<i>we're meeting guy after guy,</i>

884
00:43:31,712 --> 00:43:35,850
who's this is guy after guy
who's in denial after denial.

885
00:43:36,417 --> 00:43:39,653
And so in no way
are they there to protect us.

886
00:43:40,121 --> 00:43:43,390
They're there to exploit us,
to fetishize us.

887
00:43:43,824 --> 00:43:46,127
<i>And so whatever we face</i>
<i>as a reality,</i>

888
00:43:46,260 --> 00:43:50,397
<i>once we leave that experience</i>
<i>that benefited them,</i>
<i>they don't give a fuck.</i>

889
00:43:50,998 --> 00:43:53,267
But so many of us are caught up
telling each other like,

890
00:43:53,501 --> 00:43:55,369
<i>"Oh girl, don't worry</i>
<i>about getting a job.</i>

891
00:43:55,504 --> 00:43:57,238
<i>Oh girl, don't pursue</i>
<i>your real dream.</i>

892
00:43:57,572 --> 00:44:00,474
Bitch, cause you can make a coin
and that's gonna be easier."

893
00:44:00,908 --> 00:44:02,877
<i>But they don't tell her</i>
<i>how easy it is</i>

894
00:44:03,077 --> 00:44:04,912
<i>when you lose</i>
<i>a sense of yourself,</i>

895
00:44:05,179 --> 00:44:08,382
when the only thing you know
of value to yourself

896
00:44:08,517 --> 00:44:10,084
<i>is what a man put on you.</i>

897
00:44:11,452 --> 00:44:13,921
And that's not healthy,
that's not reality.

898
00:44:14,054 --> 00:44:17,024
Like, and I'm not shaming
it, I'm not shunning it.

899
00:44:17,191 --> 00:44:20,261
<i>I'm not saying that</i>
<i>it didn't work for me, it did.</i>

900
00:44:20,661 --> 00:44:23,864
It gave me some of the greatest
experiences of my life.

901
00:44:23,998 --> 00:44:26,333
<i>It even taught me value</i>
<i>from a man, okay?</i>

902
00:44:26,467 --> 00:44:28,802
Because I walked in
playing cheap cunt,

903
00:44:29,170 --> 00:44:32,173
and he threw stacks on my ass,
you know?

904
00:44:32,306 --> 00:44:34,543
<i>And so, so at one point</i>
<i>I would even be the person</i>

905
00:44:34,675 --> 00:44:38,479
to say, "Yes that's okay,
get your coin, catch your bag,"

906
00:44:38,712 --> 00:44:41,148
and I would've never told
you to go get your knowledge.

907
00:44:45,554 --> 00:44:46,787
And that's fucked up.

908
00:44:47,254 --> 00:44:50,958
That's fucked up that we've
normalized as a culture

909
00:44:51,091 --> 00:44:53,727
of whoever we are,
whether it's cis women,

910
00:44:53,861 --> 00:44:56,063
whether we trans women,
whether we goddamn

911
00:44:56,197 --> 00:44:58,866
just motherfucking
survivors in the hood, okay?

912
00:44:58,999 --> 00:45:02,937
We've normalized
letting grown men
take advantage of our bodies.

913
00:45:04,138 --> 00:45:06,240
But we all out here
motherfucking preaching,

914
00:45:06,373 --> 00:45:09,243
"Women lives matter,
trans lives matter."

915
00:45:09,544 --> 00:45:12,681
<i>Bitch, how much do we</i>
<i>really matter when we know</i>

916
00:45:12,813 --> 00:45:14,048
that we are still
seeing each other

917
00:45:14,181 --> 00:45:15,916
right after
that motherfucking protest

918
00:45:16,651 --> 00:45:18,819
<i>in the hands of the man</i>
<i>that could kill us,</i>

919
00:45:19,286 --> 00:45:20,754
<i>all because of survival?</i>

920
00:45:21,488 --> 00:45:23,190
<i>For what I'm going,</i>
<i>I'm supposed to tell people,</i>

921
00:45:23,390 --> 00:45:26,327
"Oh this shit is cool,
this shit is safe"?

922
00:45:27,228 --> 00:45:31,165
Nah, that's not like, don't let
no motherfucking fancy thing

923
00:45:31,398 --> 00:45:33,234
<i>that gets in front</i>
<i>of you confuse you</i>

924
00:45:33,367 --> 00:45:35,002
<i>as to what the fuck this is.</i>

925
00:45:35,302 --> 00:45:39,206
This is survival work,
this is risky shit.

926
00:45:39,340 --> 00:45:42,209
This is putting your
hands in the life of a man

927
00:45:42,343 --> 00:45:45,112
that don't know
shit about you.

928
00:45:45,714 --> 00:45:47,582
And the only thing
he there for

929
00:45:47,982 --> 00:45:50,685
is escaping his own
goddamn reality.

930
00:45:50,851 --> 00:45:52,419
And you know what
that reality is?

931
00:45:52,587 --> 00:45:54,888
Ten times better
than the one he's giving you.

932
00:45:55,856 --> 00:45:59,293
A lot of girls don't make it out
of it, to be honest with you.

933
00:45:59,426 --> 00:46:01,895
A lot of girls do not
make it out of it.

934
00:46:02,196 --> 00:46:04,999
'Cause I've almost been killed
like two to three times.

935
00:46:05,132 --> 00:46:07,768
Like just to even
still be here,

936
00:46:07,901 --> 00:46:09,970
like all my girlfriends
are dead and gone.

937
00:46:10,538 --> 00:46:12,674
All my girlfriends
are dead and gone.

938
00:46:12,873 --> 00:46:15,075
Yes from sex,
all my girlfriends.

939
00:46:15,376 --> 00:46:18,546
One HIV, one,
two clients killed.

940
00:46:20,047 --> 00:46:22,082
Two of my girlfriends
killed by clients.

941
00:46:26,621 --> 00:46:28,455
One of the killers got out by,

942
00:46:28,590 --> 00:46:31,559
they charged him
with manslaughter,
said that she tricked him.

943
00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:35,829
And my other homegirl killed
on Candler Road in Decatur.

944
00:46:39,233 --> 00:46:41,302
<i>Whoever the killer was</i>
<i>she let him in,</i>

945
00:46:41,468 --> 00:46:42,637
<i>it was a client.</i>

946
00:46:42,970 --> 00:46:45,072
<i>'Cause her last calls was,</i>
<i>"How much did you have?"</i>

947
00:46:45,439 --> 00:46:48,876
And you just gotta be
careful, 'cause like I don't,

948
00:46:49,009 --> 00:46:50,377
<i>like people done came after me.</i>

949
00:46:50,512 --> 00:46:52,514
<i>Like, and then when</i>
<i>you put your pictures,</i>

950
00:46:52,647 --> 00:46:54,315
your numbers, your
locations on the internet,

951
00:46:54,649 --> 00:46:56,618
<i>you got people all,</i>
<i>from all around the world</i>

952
00:46:56,751 --> 00:47:00,120
is watching you,
and you gotta understand that

953
00:47:00,254 --> 00:47:02,389
and you have to be open
for that like...

954
00:47:06,327 --> 00:47:07,895
<i>And you have to know</i>
<i>how to protect yourself.</i>

955
00:47:08,028 --> 00:47:10,831
<i>Like,</i>
<i>I had to learn all of that.</i>

956
00:47:10,964 --> 00:47:14,902
But like coming
outta high school,
I didn't even have a education.

957
00:47:16,103 --> 00:47:17,772
I didn't,
when I came outta high school,

958
00:47:17,905 --> 00:47:19,507
<i>I didn't even know how to read.</i>
<i>I didn't know how to write.</i>

959
00:47:19,641 --> 00:47:22,209
<i>I didn't know how to</i>
<i>really do a lotta shit,</i>

960
00:47:22,343 --> 00:47:23,578
and they still graduated me.

961
00:47:23,944 --> 00:47:26,581
I still walked across that
stage and got my diploma,

962
00:47:26,715 --> 00:47:27,848
and da, da, da, da.

963
00:47:28,082 --> 00:47:30,084
But I didn't know
how to do a lot of shit,

964
00:47:30,217 --> 00:47:32,721
and like being in the sex work
taught me a lotta shit,

965
00:47:32,853 --> 00:47:35,222
like my math and all that.

966
00:47:35,356 --> 00:47:38,258
The shit that I need to know
to survive, for real.

967
00:47:38,727 --> 00:47:41,028
Like, but I did what I had
to do to survive, so.

968
00:47:41,261 --> 00:47:43,364
'Cause nine times outta
10 what you did doing,

969
00:47:43,497 --> 00:47:45,999
the monkey flips,
the dog tricks for,

970
00:47:46,568 --> 00:47:48,235
there's a woman
that he respects,

971
00:47:48,369 --> 00:47:50,304
that he says
he respects her value,

972
00:47:50,805 --> 00:47:56,611
and allows her to lay in
his home that he provides for,
and gives her the world.

973
00:47:57,111 --> 00:47:59,814
But come to our
rinky-dink-ass apartments,

974
00:48:00,214 --> 00:48:02,550
<i>our so-called</i>
<i>hood-ass environments,</i>

975
00:48:02,684 --> 00:48:04,786
<i>where they women</i>
<i>won't even come to.</i>

976
00:48:05,152 --> 00:48:07,287
Why they women
feel disrespected?

977
00:48:08,021 --> 00:48:11,358
<i>Because they gotta come here in</i>
<i>these environments to escape.</i>

978
00:48:12,192 --> 00:48:15,362
And we, but we've normalized
that being degraded,

979
00:48:15,496 --> 00:48:18,767
being devalued,
not realizing that this man

980
00:48:19,333 --> 00:48:22,537
is bringing pocket change, okay?

981
00:48:22,871 --> 00:48:26,608
To my real fucking reality,
thinking it's doing something.

982
00:48:26,741 --> 00:48:30,177
And because I'm so
goddamn oppressed, okay?

983
00:48:30,377 --> 00:48:32,346
I'm letting this
rich man come give me,

984
00:48:32,479 --> 00:48:34,948
uh, pennies of his investment,
okay?

985
00:48:35,082 --> 00:48:36,751
And in any other woman's life,

986
00:48:37,284 --> 00:48:39,119
and make me think
I'm grand from that?

987
00:48:39,521 --> 00:48:41,255
Make me think
I'm safe from that?

988
00:48:41,455 --> 00:48:43,725
'Cause why is it that
a woman got a suck a dick

989
00:48:43,892 --> 00:48:45,426
to be able
to go to Benihana's?

990
00:48:47,829 --> 00:48:48,996
<i>Why is it?</i>

991
00:48:49,229 --> 00:48:50,632
A lot of bitches at
Benihana's won't say it,

992
00:48:51,398 --> 00:48:53,668
but why is it you had to
suck a dick to get there?

993
00:48:54,067 --> 00:48:55,670
Oh,
and to the independent bitch,

994
00:48:56,336 --> 00:48:59,607
who you didn't have to do it,
kudos to you, sis.

995
00:48:59,940 --> 00:49:02,644
You had agency,
you had resource.

996
00:49:03,578 --> 00:49:06,079
But you know what a lot of us
motherfuckers on the other side

997
00:49:06,213 --> 00:49:08,650
of this Benihana's
experience had to go through?

998
00:49:09,283 --> 00:49:12,052
A lack of agency,
a lack of resource.

999
00:49:12,453 --> 00:49:15,623
And the only resource
we had was to the men, okay?

1000
00:49:15,757 --> 00:49:18,927
That fetishized us
to get us to the table.

1001
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,898
So my bad if my glamour
has had to come through
sucking a dick to get there.

1002
00:49:24,465 --> 00:49:29,504
My bad if me being real enough
to not wanna be in my hood
and be limited to that reality,

1003
00:49:29,737 --> 00:49:31,773
<i>and I had to put myself</i>
<i>in that position</i>

1004
00:49:31,906 --> 00:49:33,207
<i>to sit next to you.</i>

1005
00:49:33,808 --> 00:49:35,075
My bad.

1006
00:49:35,209 --> 00:49:37,077
My bad if that's
how it makes you feel

1007
00:49:37,211 --> 00:49:38,713
<i>when you are uncomfortable</i>
<i>around me.</i>

1008
00:49:39,446 --> 00:49:42,584
But know that my money,
that my swipe

1009
00:49:43,283 --> 00:49:46,119
has the same motherfucking
value as your sacrifice

1010
00:49:46,253 --> 00:49:48,021
to start your Fortune 500,

1011
00:49:48,388 --> 00:49:50,491
<i>to start your</i>
<i>cornerstone business.</i>

1012
00:49:51,526 --> 00:49:53,695
'cause all it is is two
different sacrifices,

1013
00:49:54,629 --> 00:49:56,564
and I used my body
unfortunately,

1014
00:49:56,698 --> 00:49:57,932
and you used your brain.

1015
00:49:58,566 --> 00:50:00,869
But you know what?
We were just two ambitious women

1016
00:50:01,001 --> 00:50:03,036
trying to ultimately
achieve a goal.

1017
00:50:22,155 --> 00:50:25,693
Yeah, I grew up in a small town,
Hiram, Georgia,

1018
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:27,194
real little country town.

1019
00:50:27,461 --> 00:50:29,664
Grew up with both of my parents
in the household,

1020
00:50:30,698 --> 00:50:34,468
and I grew up in church.
My dad never went to church,

1021
00:50:34,602 --> 00:50:36,403
<i>but my mom always</i>
<i>had us in church</i>

1022
00:50:36,538 --> 00:50:38,673
every Sunday and Wednesday
night and all that.

1023
00:50:39,574 --> 00:50:43,711
I had a, you know,
the all-American upbringing,

1024
00:50:43,845 --> 00:50:46,614
I guess.
I always had girlfriends.

1025
00:50:47,916 --> 00:50:50,652
<i>You know that's,</i>
<i>it's a pretty normal life.</i>

1026
00:50:50,952 --> 00:50:55,023
And after, I don't know
why, after all this time

1027
00:50:55,155 --> 00:50:58,760
I found myself attracted to this
one particular trans girl...

1028
00:51:00,327 --> 00:51:03,430
<i>you know,</i>
<i>after the norm for so long.</i>

1029
00:51:03,698 --> 00:51:07,200
What I'm doing right now,
like a lot of niggas are scared

1030
00:51:07,334 --> 00:51:08,536
to do and would never do.

1031
00:51:08,736 --> 00:51:11,138
I know they're just
waiting on somebody to,

1032
00:51:12,439 --> 00:51:14,042
to say what I'm saying
so they can

1033
00:51:14,174 --> 00:51:15,610
feel better about themselves.

1034
00:51:15,877 --> 00:51:18,546
And I haven't, I haven't
even had an experience.

1035
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:20,414
I'm just admitting
to an attraction.

1036
00:51:20,915 --> 00:51:23,051
One of the things that gave
me the courage to do this

1037
00:51:23,183 --> 00:51:26,486
is I think about
so many people I know

1038
00:51:26,621 --> 00:51:28,790
that are actually acting
on their attraction

1039
00:51:28,923 --> 00:51:31,593
and getting caught
and still lying about it,

1040
00:51:31,726 --> 00:51:33,561
<i>and still like</i>
<i>in denial about it.</i>

1041
00:51:33,761 --> 00:51:37,197
So I was like,
it made it easier for me

1042
00:51:37,331 --> 00:51:41,035
to just say I have
an attraction to somebody.

1043
00:51:41,435 --> 00:51:45,172
At this point
we are at a good place,

1044
00:51:45,773 --> 00:51:51,411
and I definitely look at her now
as more than just a sex object.

1045
00:51:51,546 --> 00:51:57,250
I definitely have gained
some kinda feelings for her.

1046
00:51:59,687 --> 00:52:01,656
<i>I don't know</i>
<i>where it's going or,</i>

1047
00:52:02,523 --> 00:52:04,559
<i>I mean we still haven't met</i>
<i>or whatever,</i>

1048
00:52:04,826 --> 00:52:08,161
but I definitely look
forward to hearing from her

1049
00:52:08,663 --> 00:52:12,000
at some point every day,
you know?

1050
00:52:12,399 --> 00:52:13,635
And we, and I'm just,

1051
00:52:13,768 --> 00:52:16,037
I'm just enjoying
getting to know her.

1052
00:52:16,604 --> 00:52:18,539
<i>When we was growing up,</i>
<i>we was always taught,</i>

1053
00:52:18,673 --> 00:52:20,474
<i>- you can't be like this...</i>
<i>- Can't accept that.</i>

1054
00:52:20,608 --> 00:52:22,142
<i>You can't be that way.</i>
<i>You, fuck that shit.</i>

1055
00:52:22,275 --> 00:52:24,144
<i>You know, "None of my sons,</i>
<i>and none of my nephews,</i>

1056
00:52:24,679 --> 00:52:26,313
and none of my brothers
gonna be that way," so.

1057
00:52:26,446 --> 00:52:28,315
I seen a lot of,
you know, people,

1058
00:52:28,549 --> 00:52:31,619
<i>homosexual or transsexual</i>
<i>people get picked on.</i>

1059
00:52:31,753 --> 00:52:33,487
I seen a lot,
just because of who they was

1060
00:52:33,621 --> 00:52:36,390
or you know, how they looked.

1061
00:52:36,624 --> 00:52:37,959
It was just something,

1062
00:52:38,926 --> 00:52:40,962
It was just something they did
and it wasn't, you know,

1063
00:52:41,095 --> 00:52:43,564
<i>at the time,</i>
<i>me being young, you know,</i>

1064
00:52:43,798 --> 00:52:45,867
I didn't know how to
feel about it, you know?

1065
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:47,501
I didn't know if it
was the right thing

1066
00:52:47,635 --> 00:52:49,871
to help or not help, but
you know, it happens.

1067
00:52:50,004 --> 00:52:52,573
<i>it's not accepted in gang</i>
<i>life at all, in gang culture,</i>

1068
00:52:52,707 --> 00:52:55,043
- that's the thing, like...
- We're taught to procreate,

1069
00:52:55,175 --> 00:52:56,844
- <i>you know what I mean?</i>
- <i>Yeah, nobody...</i>

1070
00:52:56,978 --> 00:52:58,546
<i>We need to be able</i>
<i>to have our kids,</i>

1071
00:52:58,680 --> 00:52:59,981
<i>and our kids</i>
<i>need to have kids.</i>

1072
00:53:00,114 --> 00:53:02,617
So it's like, it starts
boiling down to like,

1073
00:53:02,917 --> 00:53:05,953
<i>a whole ideal way of like</i>
<i>thinking and living your life.</i>

1074
00:53:06,486 --> 00:53:08,255
So if that's what the old G's
is teaching you,

1075
00:53:08,388 --> 00:53:10,357
if they teaching you
to hate another person,

1076
00:53:10,490 --> 00:53:12,126
and they show you all this love,

1077
00:53:12,359 --> 00:53:14,529
when you young,
that's what you gonna do.

1078
00:53:14,662 --> 00:53:16,329
You gonna hate
who the people that love you

1079
00:53:16,463 --> 00:53:17,598
tell you to hate.

1080
00:53:17,865 --> 00:53:19,534
The Black experience
has always been limited

1081
00:53:19,667 --> 00:53:21,536
to the way
in which a white person

1082
00:53:21,669 --> 00:53:24,304
told us we could live, okay?

1083
00:53:24,672 --> 00:53:27,141
And we threaten
that as Black trans people,

1084
00:53:27,608 --> 00:53:30,078
because what we're saying
to Black people

1085
00:53:30,210 --> 00:53:32,747
who had been conditioned
in that mindset,

1086
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:34,749
that a Black man
should be this way,

1087
00:53:35,049 --> 00:53:37,217
and a Black woman
should be that way.

1088
00:53:37,384 --> 00:53:39,020
we're saying,
"Fuck all that."

1089
00:53:39,620 --> 00:53:42,590
And we're basically saying,
"I'm not 'bout to be

1090
00:53:42,724 --> 00:53:46,928
your good nigga, I'm not about
to be your cute house nigga.

1091
00:53:47,095 --> 00:53:48,328
I'm 'bout to be me".

1092
00:53:48,629 --> 00:53:50,932
And I think so many of us
as Black people,

1093
00:53:51,065 --> 00:53:53,601
whether we are rich
or poor, we are always,

1094
00:53:53,735 --> 00:53:55,469
especially in front
of white people,

1095
00:53:55,603 --> 00:53:59,540
we always trying to figure out,
is it okay to be
the field nigga,

1096
00:53:59,674 --> 00:54:01,241
or do we gotta be
the house nigga?

1097
00:54:01,374 --> 00:54:05,680
You know, and for trans people

1098
00:54:06,047 --> 00:54:08,015
<i>we're interrupting</i>
<i>that in itself,</i>

1099
00:54:08,381 --> 00:54:10,518
<i>because we're saying</i>
<i>we can't be in the field,</i>

1100
00:54:10,651 --> 00:54:13,054
<i>because there's nobody</i>
<i>in the field that accepts us.</i>

1101
00:54:13,453 --> 00:54:14,756
<i>We can't be in the house,</i>

1102
00:54:14,889 --> 00:54:16,758
<i>so there's nobody there</i>
<i>to accept us.</i>

1103
00:54:16,891 --> 00:54:18,793
So we gotta always play
the in between,

1104
00:54:18,926 --> 00:54:21,963
trying to find our house
or field, you know?

1105
00:54:22,096 --> 00:54:25,066
And I, and I use that
language in particular

1106
00:54:25,199 --> 00:54:29,269
<i>because it all to me goes</i>
<i>back to slave mentality, okay?</i>

1107
00:54:29,402 --> 00:54:33,207
Because it never, I've never
understood this shit, okay,

1108
00:54:33,508 --> 00:54:35,510
as Black people,
how we could do this shit.

1109
00:54:36,343 --> 00:54:39,847
<i>We all scream the narrative</i>
<i>that we oppressed,</i>

1110
00:54:40,114 --> 00:54:43,416
<i>that we all bound</i>
<i>by the white man,</i>

1111
00:54:43,718 --> 00:54:45,385
<i>but we're the first</i>
<i>motherfuckers</i>

1112
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:46,854
<i>to turn our nose up</i>

1113
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:49,957
<i>to the next person who wanna</i>
<i>stand out and be different.</i>

1114
00:54:50,124 --> 00:54:52,126
<i>Okay, like we are</i>
<i>literally the first</i>

1115
00:54:52,260 --> 00:54:54,629
<i>fucking group of people</i>
<i>to do it to each other.</i>

1116
00:54:54,929 --> 00:54:56,964
<i>So the same way the white man</i>
<i>won't accept you,</i>

1117
00:54:57,231 --> 00:54:59,000
<i>now 'cause I come</i>
<i>with my Blackness</i>

1118
00:54:59,133 --> 00:55:02,402
and presenting it
in a trans way,
now you can't accept me?

1119
00:55:02,603 --> 00:55:04,639
In the eyes of the
white man we all niggas,

1120
00:55:04,772 --> 00:55:06,473
whether I show up
as a man in a wig,

1121
00:55:06,607 --> 00:55:09,277
or you show up
just as a man, okay?

1122
00:55:09,476 --> 00:55:11,078
You a nigga, and that's it,
period.

1123
00:55:11,311 --> 00:55:14,347
We motherfucking hurt people
hurting people, but we,

1124
00:55:14,481 --> 00:55:17,118
it's just very few of us
out there, okay,

1125
00:55:17,251 --> 00:55:21,155
very few who got a little
change in our pocket.

1126
00:55:21,421 --> 00:55:23,157
Think we better
than the next one.

1127
00:55:23,558 --> 00:55:24,992
And now all of a sudden
we should define

1128
00:55:25,126 --> 00:55:27,394
what a Black man or woman
should be?

1129
00:55:28,095 --> 00:55:29,297
Kiss my ass.

1130
00:55:55,223 --> 00:55:56,557
My name is Lenox Love,

1131
00:55:56,691 --> 00:55:59,961
and I'm the CEO
of Lenox Love Entertainment.

1132
00:56:01,762 --> 00:56:03,798
I promote events that features

1133
00:56:03,931 --> 00:56:07,535
transgender dancers
and entertainers.

1134
00:56:08,169 --> 00:56:13,007
How I started Hush Night
is ultimately I'm,
I am trans attracted.

1135
00:56:13,140 --> 00:56:15,710
I do like trans women
as well as women,

1136
00:56:15,843 --> 00:56:17,778
I like all women, all women.

1137
00:56:17,912 --> 00:56:24,417
Back in 2003 I was
fresh outta high school,

1138
00:56:24,819 --> 00:56:29,156
but I wanted to try
to meet trans women.

1139
00:56:29,290 --> 00:56:30,457
And the only place in Atlanta

1140
00:56:30,591 --> 00:56:31,659
that you could meet
trans women

1141
00:56:31,792 --> 00:56:33,361
<i>was on the stroll, as they say.</i>

1142
00:56:33,493 --> 00:56:35,897
<i>I've always thought that</i>
<i>was kinda degrading,</i>

1143
00:56:36,530 --> 00:56:37,765
<i>at least for the guy,</i>

1144
00:56:38,199 --> 00:56:41,836
<i>and I'm pretty sure for</i>
<i>the trans woman herself.</i>

1145
00:56:42,103 --> 00:56:46,340
<i>But and I've,</i>
<i>and I never really meshed well</i>

1146
00:56:46,473 --> 00:56:49,777
<i>with just in a all-out</i>
<i>LGBT club.</i>

1147
00:56:50,211 --> 00:56:53,114
<i>So I thought it would</i>
<i>be a great atmosphere</i>

1148
00:56:53,247 --> 00:56:56,150
to have it in like
a stripper atmosphere,

1149
00:56:56,284 --> 00:56:59,086
<i>instead of a drag show</i>
<i>and stuff like that.</i>

1150
00:56:59,220 --> 00:57:01,088
<i>Because like I said it is,</i>
<i>it's a little bit different.</i>

1151
00:57:01,222 --> 00:57:03,991
<i>The drag show is different</i>
<i>than an actual stripper.</i>

1152
00:57:04,959 --> 00:57:09,096
So this is a place
where you can get your rappers,

1153
00:57:09,230 --> 00:57:13,301
your regular guys,
your hood guys, the trade trade.

1154
00:57:13,768 --> 00:57:15,703
I mean the trade, bitch,
if you really wanna

1155
00:57:15,870 --> 00:57:17,872
get some trade without being
out in the streets

1156
00:57:18,005 --> 00:57:20,541
and no judgment,
this is the place to come.

1157
00:57:20,675 --> 00:57:24,312
Because Hush Night
is like for the girls

1158
00:57:24,444 --> 00:57:25,980
that wanna come
and get the trade.

1159
00:57:26,147 --> 00:57:29,383
Like bitch, the trade is no,
like they all in the building.

1160
00:57:29,717 --> 00:57:31,352
Like,
and it's no fucking judgment,

1161
00:57:31,552 --> 00:57:33,421
and you can do whatever
the fuck you want.

1162
00:57:33,554 --> 00:57:36,157
<i>Like they got like private</i>
<i>rooms and stuff like that,</i>

1163
00:57:36,290 --> 00:57:39,894
<i>and you can fuck</i>
<i>and you can suck,</i>
<i>and whatever you wanna do,</i>

1164
00:57:40,027 --> 00:57:42,630
but be safe and be clean
and keep it discreet.

1165
00:57:43,463 --> 00:57:46,867
I've even seen like
professional athletes
inside of here before.

1166
00:57:54,675 --> 00:57:57,511
<i>♪ Too many empty encounters ♪</i>

1167
00:57:58,279 --> 00:58:02,083
<i>♪ So much I sort of</i>
<i>lost track of all the men ♪</i>

1168
00:58:08,990 --> 00:58:10,725
<i>♪ All the many men I like ♪</i>

1169
00:58:10,858 --> 00:58:13,694
<i>♪ Just take advantage of me ♪</i>

1170
00:58:15,429 --> 00:58:18,966
<i>♪ I know I didn't</i>
<i>mean anything ♪</i>

1171
00:58:23,637 --> 00:58:27,975
<i>♪ You see I did it,</i>
<i>but I never did it in love ♪</i>

1172
00:58:39,387 --> 00:58:42,590
<i>I want out,</i>
<i>I need something else to do,</i>

1173
00:58:43,090 --> 00:58:45,226
<i>because I don't</i>
<i>realistically know</i>

1174
00:58:46,127 --> 00:58:49,430
or see how long that
I can see myself doing this.

1175
00:58:49,563 --> 00:58:51,265
And it's like, in this game,

1176
00:58:54,135 --> 00:58:55,936
bitch,
either you get out of it,

1177
00:58:56,303 --> 00:58:58,205
or you end up dead,
you end up popped,

1178
00:58:58,339 --> 00:58:59,573
and that's just how it is.

1179
00:59:12,053 --> 00:59:14,922
And I know that I have more
potential to do better.

1180
00:59:17,725 --> 00:59:19,627
I have a good,
I have a great personality.

1181
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:21,796
A lot of people know me
for my personality.

1182
00:59:22,096 --> 00:59:24,231
I feel like I have
so much more, more potential.

1183
00:59:24,365 --> 00:59:27,468
And I feel like so many
other trans women
have so much more potential.

1184
00:59:27,802 --> 00:59:30,371
<i>♪ Ooh, ooh ♪</i>

1185
00:59:30,604 --> 00:59:32,373
<i>♪ Ooh ♪</i>

1186
00:59:32,807 --> 00:59:35,476
Unfortunately because of
the society that we're in,

1187
00:59:36,043 --> 00:59:39,080
and the way that jobs
are set up for trans women,

1188
00:59:39,447 --> 00:59:41,315
it's hard to get out the game,
you know?

1189
00:59:41,682 --> 00:59:43,317
For some girls,
it's all that they have.

1190
00:59:52,359 --> 00:59:56,397
Personally for me, my dream
is to make it outta sex work,

1191
00:59:56,864 --> 01:00:01,202
and to put my abilities
into something else.

1192
01:00:01,836 --> 01:00:03,003
I just wanna try
something different.

1193
01:00:03,137 --> 01:00:04,738
I never learned
anything else in life.

1194
01:00:04,939 --> 01:00:09,276
Like and I just, in my
mind for a long time

1195
01:00:09,410 --> 01:00:12,581
I just depended on catching
a client, catching a client.

1196
01:00:12,713 --> 01:00:13,981
I've been doing it
all my life.

1197
01:00:14,348 --> 01:00:18,252
Like, I don't know nothing else,
I don't know nothing else.

1198
01:00:18,486 --> 01:00:19,720
Like all I know is escorting,

1199
01:00:19,854 --> 01:00:21,655
and I wanna try to
do something different.

1200
01:00:22,022 --> 01:00:25,326
And I was, probably with
the money I was making,

1201
01:00:25,459 --> 01:00:27,862
I'm like, what else
could I, I thought of, I,

1202
01:00:28,129 --> 01:00:29,797
it took years for me to
even come up with this.

1203
01:00:29,930 --> 01:00:31,265
I'm like,
"Well, what else can I do

1204
01:00:31,398 --> 01:00:32,933
to make the kind of money
that I'm making

1205
01:00:33,067 --> 01:00:36,203
without doing something
illegal?"

1206
01:00:36,437 --> 01:00:38,706
And then I done been to jail
three times from this.

1207
01:00:39,273 --> 01:00:41,208
I done been to jail
like three times.

1208
01:00:42,776 --> 01:00:44,211
The next time
will be a felony.

1209
01:00:45,112 --> 01:00:47,781
If I can find something,
another way to make my money

1210
01:00:48,082 --> 01:00:50,784
the way I, as much
money as I'm making

1211
01:00:50,918 --> 01:00:55,156
in the escort industry,
I'll do it.

1212
01:00:55,322 --> 01:00:57,191
And the music was the first
thing that came to my mind.

1213
01:00:57,324 --> 01:01:00,461
So I was like, "Well, if I
can get my music out there."

1214
01:01:01,630 --> 01:01:04,165
And then like seeing other
trans girls on reality shows

1215
01:01:04,298 --> 01:01:06,867
and stuff like that,
kinda brought attention.

1216
01:01:07,001 --> 01:01:08,537
Like, I kind of gave up.

1217
01:01:08,669 --> 01:01:10,104
So I'm just like, "They don't
wanna hear no trans girl,

1218
01:01:10,237 --> 01:01:11,640
they don't wanna
see a trans girl."

1219
01:01:12,173 --> 01:01:15,676
And then when I kind of seen
some girls on reality shows

1220
01:01:15,809 --> 01:01:17,344
and stuff like that,
kinda gave me life.

1221
01:01:17,612 --> 01:01:21,550
So I'm just like,
if I can use the music to get,

1222
01:01:21,715 --> 01:01:24,485
to reach the people.

1223
01:01:25,386 --> 01:01:26,987
And I really don't want
nothing from it,

1224
01:01:27,121 --> 01:01:29,089
like I really don't want,

1225
01:01:29,223 --> 01:01:31,325
if I make money from it,
it's fine.

1226
01:01:31,859 --> 01:01:34,795
But I really wanna just
send a message,

1227
01:01:34,929 --> 01:01:36,297
and I want them to hear me.

1228
01:01:36,997 --> 01:01:38,499
I want them to be able
to hear me.

1229
01:01:38,766 --> 01:01:41,502
And for the girls
that can't speak,

1230
01:01:41,835 --> 01:01:43,003
I wanna be the girl that,

1231
01:01:43,404 --> 01:01:46,541
I wanna be the girl that
speak for them, like honestly.

1232
01:01:46,974 --> 01:01:48,475
It's so crazy. I've been wanting

1233
01:01:48,610 --> 01:01:50,177
to tell my story
for a long time.

1234
01:01:55,149 --> 01:01:59,720
Because I want people
to understand that it's okay.

1235
01:02:01,922 --> 01:02:04,458
Like when you push
your child out to the,

1236
01:02:04,593 --> 01:02:06,126
not even push your child out,

1237
01:02:06,260 --> 01:02:09,930
'cause I can't say my mom
pushed me out, but just being,

1238
01:02:10,632 --> 01:02:13,467
just being something
that you was born to be.

1239
01:02:13,602 --> 01:02:17,171
Like how could people
look down on you

1240
01:02:17,304 --> 01:02:22,743
and say things to,
to make it not, people,

1241
01:02:23,277 --> 01:02:25,145
I cannot believe
how the world make you think

1242
01:02:25,279 --> 01:02:29,917
that you've done something
wrong, if you came out gay,

1243
01:02:30,050 --> 01:02:34,021
or you know,
as a boy being feminine.

1244
01:02:34,154 --> 01:02:36,857
They make you, they make you
think that you're one way.

1245
01:02:37,124 --> 01:02:40,060
Like, it's fucking ridiculous,
and I'm sick of it.

1246
01:02:40,261 --> 01:02:43,030
It's so funny that
when we try to understand

1247
01:02:43,163 --> 01:02:45,899
why we can't have relationships
with the Black community,

1248
01:02:46,300 --> 01:02:48,802
and it's,
like in particular too,

1249
01:02:48,936 --> 01:02:51,205
like relationships
with like Black women.

1250
01:02:51,405 --> 01:02:53,575
And like,
I had to tell my mother this,

1251
01:02:53,708 --> 01:02:56,277
and I don't know if this
could help, but it's,

1252
01:02:56,410 --> 01:02:59,113
I had to tell my mother
that when I chose

1253
01:02:59,246 --> 01:03:01,315
not to be a Black man,
and I transitioned

1254
01:03:01,448 --> 01:03:04,852
into what I believe
is my Black womanhood,

1255
01:03:05,052 --> 01:03:07,421
you know, identifying
as a Black trans woman,

1256
01:03:07,555 --> 01:03:11,058
I had to in some ways
process with her

1257
01:03:11,292 --> 01:03:14,763
how it feels to lose
another Black man again.

1258
01:03:15,896 --> 01:03:19,266
<i>She was so used to losing</i>
<i>Black men in her life,</i>

1259
01:03:19,466 --> 01:03:22,336
<i>because she wasn't able</i>
<i>to have that so-called,</i>

1260
01:03:22,469 --> 01:03:24,838
you know, traditional
relationship, the way we see

1261
01:03:24,972 --> 01:03:26,541
so many of our
white counterparts have.

1262
01:03:26,675 --> 01:03:30,944
So she already normalized
being disposable,

1263
01:03:31,546 --> 01:03:35,215
and she was dependent
on that Black child

1264
01:03:35,650 --> 01:03:38,452
to do everything her
Black lover couldn't do.

1265
01:03:39,219 --> 01:03:44,425
And so she feels again
abandoned by another Black man

1266
01:03:44,559 --> 01:03:48,295
when this Black son says,
"I'm becoming a Black woman."

1267
01:03:49,330 --> 01:03:55,603
And I think that that is,
if I be real, that has to hurt.

1268
01:03:56,604 --> 01:03:58,640
<i>That has to hurt</i>
<i>as a Black woman</i>

1269
01:03:58,773 --> 01:04:00,307
<i>to be hurt by Black men,</i>

1270
01:04:00,608 --> 01:04:04,011
then give birth
to a Black man and he says,

1271
01:04:04,311 --> 01:04:06,146
"I'm not here to protect you.

1272
01:04:06,880 --> 01:04:11,553
I'm here to be in some ways
just as vulnerable as you."

1273
01:04:14,488 --> 01:04:18,560
<i>I think that's hard</i>
<i>for a lot of Black women</i>
<i>to accept.</i>

1274
01:04:19,393 --> 01:04:22,096
And so when so many Black
mothers stop expecting

1275
01:04:22,229 --> 01:04:27,501
their Black children
to grow up and be essentially,

1276
01:04:27,968 --> 01:04:30,170
<i>you know,</i>
<i>those freedom fighters.</i>

1277
01:04:30,839 --> 01:04:33,273
You know, because a Black woman
don't know how to be Black woman

1278
01:04:33,407 --> 01:04:35,275
unless a Black man tell her
she can be,

1279
01:04:35,643 --> 01:04:37,478
<i>unless a white man</i>
<i>give her the opportunity</i>

1280
01:04:37,679 --> 01:04:40,447
<i>to flourish</i>
<i>and then become successful.</i>

1281
01:04:40,582 --> 01:04:41,583
And then all of a sudden

1282
01:04:41,716 --> 01:04:43,417
she's now representing
Black success.

1283
01:04:44,118 --> 01:04:46,521
So we are always existing
around systems,

1284
01:04:46,654 --> 01:04:48,723
or who we should be
for someone else.

1285
01:04:49,123 --> 01:04:51,258
And that's why Black women
are so forceful

1286
01:04:51,392 --> 01:04:55,062
in trying to make their Black
kids conform to that system.

1287
01:04:56,798 --> 01:05:02,537
And it's scary, it's scary
that they would rather us

1288
01:05:02,771 --> 01:05:06,373
conform to a system
that will kill us,

1289
01:05:07,341 --> 01:05:09,744
than to step outside
of that system

1290
01:05:10,745 --> 01:05:15,349
and redefine our own lives
in any way we can,

1291
01:05:15,482 --> 01:05:17,819
in order to live out
a truth that allows us

1292
01:05:17,951 --> 01:05:21,890
to be our full self, our...
reaching our fullest potential.

1293
01:05:22,289 --> 01:05:23,825
<i>You know, Black women hasn't</i>
<i>been able to do</i>

1294
01:05:23,957 --> 01:05:26,126
<i>that themselves</i>
<i>without needing a Black man.</i>

1295
01:05:27,194 --> 01:05:30,197
Let's be real, like
there's so many we know,

1296
01:05:30,565 --> 01:05:32,834
<i>but it started off with a man</i>
<i>giving them an opportunity.</i>

1297
01:05:32,966 --> 01:05:35,570
<i>It starts off with some man</i>
<i>having the access first.</i>

1298
01:05:35,703 --> 01:05:37,271
It didn't just start off like,
you know,

1299
01:05:37,404 --> 01:05:39,674
how many Madam CJ Walkers
do we know?

1300
01:05:41,876 --> 01:05:44,178
<i>And then once they become</i>
<i>the Madam CJ Walkers,</i>

1301
01:05:44,311 --> 01:05:46,013
how many of them
are accessible?

1302
01:05:46,947 --> 01:05:51,351
So even the Black woman who
learned how to love herself,

1303
01:05:51,519 --> 01:05:53,588
she's no longer accessible
to teach that girl

1304
01:05:53,721 --> 01:05:56,825
in the community where I was
raised how to love herself.

1305
01:05:57,224 --> 01:05:59,226
So I'm dealing
with broken Black women.

1306
01:05:59,460 --> 01:06:01,295
I'm not dealing with
liberated Black women,

1307
01:06:01,529 --> 01:06:02,996
because the liberated
Black women

1308
01:06:03,163 --> 01:06:05,265
don't got time
for the broken Black women.

1309
01:06:05,733 --> 01:06:07,702
<i>They don't got time for</i>
<i>the broken Black people.</i>

1310
01:06:07,836 --> 01:06:11,004
"Oh, because I don't
experience that,"
is how they look at it.

1311
01:06:11,606 --> 01:06:16,544
But remember this, the way
you not experiencing it

1312
01:06:17,344 --> 01:06:19,446
is the way I'm experiencing it,

1313
01:06:20,247 --> 01:06:22,416
and what makes my shit
so different?

1314
01:06:22,884 --> 01:06:26,019
Because I'm not carrying it out
the way you want me to?

1315
01:06:26,888 --> 01:06:31,124
<i>And now ask yourself, who are</i>
<i>you and who are you really,</i>

1316
01:06:31,258 --> 01:06:33,628
when God is gonna be the one
to judge you?

1317
01:06:38,398 --> 01:06:41,034
Your man didn't even know
I was transgender

1318
01:06:41,970 --> 01:06:43,771
and came ready to climb my hole,

1319
01:06:44,238 --> 01:06:45,974
giving me all my
Black womanness,

1320
01:06:46,908 --> 01:06:49,811
but you still don't think
we in this fight together.

1321
01:06:50,979 --> 01:06:54,516
it's weird, so weird how
your man will climb your back

1322
01:06:54,649 --> 01:06:57,752
and climb my hole and see us
both as equals, but you can't.

1323
01:07:21,408 --> 01:07:23,410
<i>♪ I've been crying so long ♪</i>

1324
01:07:23,545 --> 01:07:26,346
<i>♪ I could fill a river basin ♪</i>

1325
01:07:26,948 --> 01:07:30,752
<i>♪ I feel the scorchin'</i>
<i>heat on my back ♪</i>

1326
01:07:30,985 --> 01:07:32,954
<i>♪ I've been praying so long ♪</i>

1327
01:07:33,086 --> 01:07:36,089
<i>♪ That the good Lord</i>
<i>come and take me ♪</i>

1328
01:07:36,490 --> 01:07:39,527
<i>♪ Death would be easier ♪</i>

1329
01:07:40,895 --> 01:07:43,297
<i>♪ Then raising</i>
<i>someone else's child ♪</i>

1330
01:07:43,430 --> 01:07:45,533
<i>♪ While mine been sold away ♪</i>

1331
01:07:45,667 --> 01:07:48,068
<i>♪ The husband that you're</i>
<i>laying with ♪</i>

1332
01:07:48,201 --> 01:07:49,938
<i>♪ Come night is raping me ♪</i>

1333
01:07:50,605 --> 01:07:52,840
<i>♪ You know the truth,</i>
<i>it bothers you ♪</i>

1334
01:07:52,974 --> 01:07:54,842
<i>♪ You act like you don't see ♪</i>

1335
01:07:55,877 --> 01:07:59,313
<i>♪ But who gon listen</i>
<i>to lil ol' me ♪</i>

1336
01:08:01,481 --> 01:08:03,618
<i>♪ Ain't I a woman ♪</i>

1337
01:08:04,619 --> 01:08:08,690
<i>♪ Mm, mm,</i>
<i>ain't I a woman too ♪</i>

1338
01:08:09,122 --> 01:08:11,391
<i>♪ Cook your food,</i>
<i>wash your clothes ♪</i>

1339
01:08:11,593 --> 01:08:14,963
<i>♪ Till my fingers</i>
<i>bloody red and ♪</i>

1340
01:08:15,095 --> 01:08:19,033
<i>♪ Yet you treat me like</i>
<i>I owe the debt ♪</i>

1341
01:08:19,366 --> 01:08:21,301
<i>♪ And I'm fed up, God knows ♪</i>

1342
01:08:21,536 --> 01:08:24,204
<i>♪ I done spent my</i>
<i>whole life serving ♪</i>

1343
01:08:24,639 --> 01:08:28,208
<i>♪ Even freedom couldn't</i>
<i>get my time back ♪</i>

1344
01:08:28,710 --> 01:08:31,345
<i>♪ From raising</i>
<i>someone else's child ♪</i>

1345
01:08:31,478 --> 01:08:33,447
<i>♪ And mine been sold away ♪</i>

1346
01:08:33,648 --> 01:08:36,149
<i>♪ The husband</i>
<i>that you're laying with ♪</i>

1347
01:08:36,283 --> 01:08:38,052
<i>♪ Come night still raping me ♪</i>

1348
01:08:38,586 --> 01:08:41,221
<i>♪ You know the truth,</i>
<i>it bothers you ♪</i>

1349
01:08:41,488 --> 01:08:43,123
<i>♪ You act like you don't see ♪</i>

1350
01:08:43,858 --> 01:08:47,394
<i>♪ Who gon listen</i>
<i>to lil ol' me ♪</i>

1351
01:08:49,530 --> 01:08:51,866
<i>♪ Ain't I a woman ♪</i>

1352
01:08:52,132 --> 01:08:56,671
♪ <i>Ain't I a woman too</i> ♪

1353
01:09:01,676 --> 01:09:05,880
<i>♪ Ain't I a woman too ♪</i>

1354
01:09:15,422 --> 01:09:16,658
It's like me.

1355
01:09:18,158 --> 01:09:23,064
It's big, but... and strong
but soft on the inside too.

1356
01:09:23,463 --> 01:09:25,399
'Cause I'm soft
and I'm delicate,

1357
01:09:26,466 --> 01:09:29,070
even though I've been
broken down a lot.

1358
01:09:29,202 --> 01:09:31,471
But I'm still here.

1359
01:09:41,949 --> 01:09:45,086
<i>♪ Don't let the world</i>
<i>get you down ♪</i>

1360
01:09:45,753 --> 01:09:48,523
<i>♪ Keep your head up high ♪</i>

1361
01:09:50,223 --> 01:09:53,193
<i>♪ Don't let your problems</i>
<i>get you down ♪</i>

1362
01:09:54,095 --> 01:09:57,297
<i>♪ Lift your spirit to the sky ♪</i>

1363
01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:04,237
<i>♪ We are the fabulous</i>
<i>children of the world ♪</i>

1364
01:10:07,175 --> 01:10:11,846
<i>♪ We are</i>
<i>the children of the rainbow ♪</i>

1365
01:10:13,748 --> 01:10:15,616
<i>♪ We're fabulous ♪</i>

1366
01:10:24,125 --> 01:10:28,295
<i>♪ You're killing</i>
<i>my sisters every day ♪</i>

1367
01:10:32,066 --> 01:10:37,839
<i>♪ You turn a blind eye</i>
<i>and simply walk away ♪</i>

1368
01:10:38,506 --> 01:10:41,976
<i>♪ Ooh, I wonder why ♪</i>

1369
01:10:42,710 --> 01:10:45,079
<i>♪ Is beating me a crime ♪</i>

1370
01:10:45,245 --> 01:10:47,081
Wit' yo' ugly ass.

1371
01:10:47,215 --> 01:10:48,916
Quit looking in
the damn camera.

1372
01:10:49,050 --> 01:10:50,818
I don't know
what else to look at,

1373
01:10:50,952 --> 01:10:52,319
- I'm not sure...
- Her.

1374
01:10:52,452 --> 01:10:54,287
All right, I'll look at you.

1375
01:10:55,089 --> 01:10:56,657
<i>♪ Yes it's time ♪</i>

1376
01:10:56,791 --> 01:10:59,227
<i>♪ Don't let the world</i>
<i>get you down ♪</i>

1377
01:10:59,927 --> 01:11:02,864
<i>♪ Keep your head up,</i>
<i>keep your head up high ♪</i>

1378
01:11:03,164 --> 01:11:04,799
<i>♪ Ooh, talking to my sisters ♪</i>

1379
01:11:04,932 --> 01:11:07,668
<i>♪ Don't let your problems</i>
<i>get you down ♪</i>

1380
01:11:08,335 --> 01:11:11,672
<i>♪ Lift your spirit to the sky ♪</i>

1381
01:11:13,241 --> 01:11:18,045
<i>♪ We are the fabulous</i>
<i>children of the world ♪</i>

1382
01:11:19,514 --> 01:11:21,115
She couldn't take it, darling.

1383
01:11:21,549 --> 01:11:25,186
She was getting it,
but that was cis-late,

1384
01:11:25,520 --> 01:11:27,955
dried ends kinda fish.

1385
01:11:35,163 --> 01:11:36,329
Very Donna Summers.

1386
01:11:36,463 --> 01:11:38,599
<i>♪ Love to love you baby ♪</i>

1387
01:11:38,833 --> 01:11:41,602
<i>♪ Love to love you baby ♪</i>

1388
01:11:44,371 --> 01:11:45,573
<i>♪ Do, do, do, do ♪</i>

1389
01:11:45,740 --> 01:11:48,910
- I need a bump.
- Yes, right.

1390
01:11:49,744 --> 01:11:52,046
Trust, and a hee...
and a sickening heel,

1391
01:11:52,180 --> 01:11:53,480
and be very,

1392
01:11:54,682 --> 01:11:57,285
- Look.
- I see it.

1393
01:11:57,484 --> 01:11:59,086
<i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>

1394
01:11:59,220 --> 01:12:01,088
Baby, the trans girls,

1395
01:12:02,489 --> 01:12:05,860
the boys are coming
to the yard, okay?

1396
01:12:06,459 --> 01:12:07,662
All of them.

1397
01:12:09,230 --> 01:12:10,765
They don't wanna admit it.

1398
01:12:12,800 --> 01:12:16,637
But they, they're comin'
to the yard, babe.

1399
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:22,076
<i>♪ Don't let the problems</i>
<i>get you down ♪</i>

1400
01:12:22,710 --> 01:12:27,114
<i>♪ Lift your spirit</i>
<i>to the sky, yeah ♪</i>

1401
01:12:27,882 --> 01:12:31,384
If I was a...
be a A-list celebrity today,

1402
01:12:32,820 --> 01:12:35,289
I still would be, I think
I would still be into sex work.

1403
01:12:36,057 --> 01:12:38,793
'cause I'm just not fucking
for free, that's just, period.

1404
01:12:39,660 --> 01:12:40,895
I'm not,
I'm not fucking for free.

1405
01:12:41,028 --> 01:12:43,130
I don't give a fuck
if it's like,

1406
01:12:44,866 --> 01:12:47,635
if I was on the billboards,
I'm still not fucking for free.

1407
01:12:47,835 --> 01:12:50,171
They gone pay me,
I'm sorry.