This programme contains some strong language
# My money doesn't jiggle jiggle It folds
# I like to see you wiggle wiggle For sure
# If you wanna dribble dribble
# You know, riding in my Fiat You really have to see it
# Six feet two in a compact
# No slack
# Luckily the seats go back
# I've got a knack to relax in my mind
# Sipping some red, red wine. #
Woo!
That was incredible. You killed it!
At the home of Ashley Walters,
I was being treated to a recital of classic rap tracks.
Do you know a rap called 21 Seconds? BOTH: Yeah!
How does that one go?
# I got 21 seconds to flow I got 21 seconds to go
# Cos if you like me lemme know
# Let me in da studio I got 21 seconds before I got to go
# 21 seconds, t-t-t 21 seconds, t-t-t
You could have sang it with us.
I don't know the words, baby, I don't know... Yes, you do!
You are the person that sang it!
You're the person that sang it! Aw, shush.
So, should we get to the interview?
Yeah, I'm ready to go. You lead the way.
The actor and star of one of Britain's biggest TV exports
had let me in for a rare behind the scenes look at his life,
and to share the untold story of his rise to fame.
Is that good? You don't want to feel...
Like I look over-relaxed.
Sometimes you look at yourself and I'm like, "I look sort of lazy."
Like, "Tell me more about your career, Ashley..."
Do you know what I mean?
I just don't want to look... Like, I want to look like I'm attentive
and respectful and paying attention.
It's all good, man, relax. Make yourself at home. Calm down, Louis.
I first met Ashley in Soho,
in the heart of London's trendy media village.
He was hosting a screening
of the last season of his critically acclaimed series Top Boy,
which was about to be released on Netflix.
There he is. Hiya, how are you doing?
Good, man. Nice to meet you.
You too. I feel like I know you.
Yeah. I feel like I know you as well. Watched a lot of your stuff.
This is my wife, Danielle. How do you do, Louis?
Nice to meet you, Danielle. Nice to meet you. Top Boy. The grand finale.
Yeah. Yeah. It's coming up.
I'm a big fan. Thank you.
And I'm from Southside. Are you?
So hopefully no beef.
No, no, no. We are good. We ain't got no beef, man.
Shall we go in? Yeah, man. Here we go.
Hi, everyone.
CHEERING
Good to see you all here.
Yeah. Look, Top Boy.
Last season. Final chapter for the show.
Final chapter for me.
It's been a show that I've been on for, like, over a decade.
Basically, everyone in this room is my circle.
Like, I don't have a really, really wide, wide circle.
I very rarely come out of my house, as people know, unless I'm working.
So I'm happy to be able to share it with you,
so you know that I'm not just hiding somewhere and avoiding you.
Like, I am actually out there working.
You know, this is what I've been doing.
All right. Episode one of Top Boy, guys. Enjoy.
Top Boy is a wildly popular drama series
set in a Hackney housing estate
in which Ashley stars as the drug kingpin, Dushane.
I've had a long fucking day, bro.
I'll give you a piece of advice.
Do what the fuck I'm telling you to do.
His smouldering authenticity in the role
has brought him international recognition
following years of work in British and American films and TV.
Yes.
# They don't know about my crew... #
But Ashley's path has been far from conventional,
including a pioneering role in the UK garage scene.
The best UK Garage Act is...
..So Solid.
And a high-profile legal case and prison sentence
that threatened to permanently derail his career.
Ashley Walters, better known to his fans as Asher D,
was jailed for 18 months
after police found him with a loaded weapon.
With his latest release, Ashley is a man enjoying his moment.
I'm so proud, man. Bless you.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God.
Amazing, Ash.
Though he grew up in Peckham, southeast London,
for the past few years, Ashley has lived in Kent on the Thames estuary,
an area known for its beaches and its tranquillity.
So what's the... What's this?
Our son wants a praying mantis.
And we said, "Well, if you can look after a stick insect,
"then you can have the praying mantis."
What's the name of the stick insect? Barry. Barry?
Barry, yeah. Does Barry have quite a lot of personality?
No. No. He's essentially a stick. Wow.
He's about to go on your face, that what he's about to do.
You think I'm going to be a wimp about this, but I'm not.
No. You know, I've, I've never...
I've never touched him.
It's just like, I don't do insects.
Spiders. Spiders. Anything like that. Really?
Yeah. I'm the one that... Fly. Anything that flies.
Other than planes - don't bring them near me.
When the time came to speak,
I was hoping to understand
something of both Ashley's real-life struggles and his acting prowess
and whether the two might even be related.
Thank you for doing this, man.
Why?
Because I don't like people in my house.
So even my family have a certain amount of time in here,
and then it's like...
No, I love my family, but I'm, like, quite a reserved,
introverted sort of person.
Having people in my space, do you know what I mean?
It's different for me. Yeah.
Um, social anxiety comes up for me a lot.
Appreciate it. Thank you for doing it.
No problem. Thank you for having me.
I'd like to start by reflecting on kind of where you are now
a little bit in terms of your career.
You're riding high. You've got this hit show, Top Boy.
For people who don't know,
how would you characterise what the show is and who you are in it?
Top Boy is a TV drama about organised crime in east London
and the journey of one man's attempt
to become top of the food chain in the drug game.
For me, Top Boy stood out
just for making characters human and 3D
and not getting your typical bad boy, gangster sort of stereotype.
We were talking about mental health, we're talking about neglect,
you're talking about poverty.
And for me, that was real.
You know, the drugs was a sideline
of what was going on in these people's heads.
And I feel like if you're going to be playing drug dealers,
there are plenty of drug dealers out there.
And actually, this may sound really weird
and I don't want people to take it the wrong way,
but my main thing is to honour them.
Honour who? The drug dealers?
Well, yeah. If I'm playing a drug dealer,
I want drug dealers to watch the show and go, "That's good." Mm.
Like, "I feel like that resonates."
Has it felt like it's mainly a positive experience
in terms of how it's been received?
There's been one or two high-profile people who called it out and said,
"This isn't what we need to be saying about the black community."
When that happened, I was quite shocked, actually.
Especially if they're black.
If you look at what Top Boy's done,
it's probably our only show from that genre that exports worldwide.
Outside of that, we have maybe Sex Education, The Crown
and just period drama in general.
Downton Abbey. Downton Abbey.
Doctor Who. Doctor Who.
Which you've also been in.
Which I've also been in.
That was a good episode. Thank you very much.
I think Doctor Who fans are, like, a lot wilder than Top Boy fans.
Whovian is the word you're looking for.
Oh, is that, is that the term, yeah? OK.
Whovian. You learn something... You kind of have to be a Whovian
to know the word Whovian. Mm.
I'm Doctor Who at six o'clock and Top Boy at 9.30.
Well, there you go.
But your point was that Top Boy had reached that pinnacle of,
well, international reach.
And actually, we should celebrate something that has that level...
We should celebrate it. And it's a door opener.
The point I was trying to make is if you don't like it,
you don't like it, that's fine. But it's more than just a TV show.
It's a bit of history,
and it's a door that's open now for a lot of black actors and creatives.
You should be worrying about my money, though.
Ashley's success comes off the back of years of learning his craft
as a jobbing actor in theatre and film and TV,
starting aged just 14 with a role in Grange Hill.
Hi, sis, I've got it all worked out, right?
The party was your idea
and I was in my room all night doing my homework, yeah?
Joke! Just a joke.
MUSIC: 21 Seconds by So Solid Crew
But he had his first blush of fame in his late teens,
making music under the name Asher D after joining So Solid Crew,
a collective of MCs and producers
formed by south London rap mogul Mega Man.
So Solid had four top ten hits to their name,
including the legendary 21 Seconds...
# I got 21 seconds to go... #
..before disintegrating under the weight of criminal cases
and government disapproval.
# I got 21 seconds before I got to go. #
Shall we talk about So Solid,
this legendary foundational rap collective?
Well, garage collective. Mm.
It's amazing how quickly it all blew up. Mm.
It felt like the culture had been waiting
for something like this to happen,
something that felt homegrown and authentic
and a little bit dangerous.
There was a lot of voiceless people at that time.
You know, what we spoke or what we stood for
was, like, a disenfranchised sort of youth
that just felt neglected and left out.
It became a huge story,
and the idea that So Solid was associated with negativity.
Home Secretary David Blunkett
made a sort of disparaging remark about the group, you know,
"They're contributing to gun crime,
"they're part of this rampant social problem that we have."
I just wonder what that felt like from the inside.
We felt we were like the correspondents, I guess,
of our space.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Because we were out there on the front line
reporting what was going on around us,
because no-one else was talking about it.
I mean, a lot of the time, my music was about fear.
It was about fearing for my life.
When people are outside your house pointing guns at you,
or shooting at your car or whatever, then there is a threat.
These things were happening? These things were happening, yeah.
You said you had a gun pulled on you
when you were carrying your baby at the time? Mm.
Yeah.
What was that all about? Do you know who it was?
Just intimidation.
I made a comment on radio.
Lyrics that I'd wrote, someone was copying
and I just made a passing comment of, like,
"Whoever's doing that, be original."
You know what I mean?
Maybe said it in a slightly more aggressive way than that.
And they pulled up at my house.
Like, I had to learn a lot of lessons.
I wasn't... I was never the one from the group,
and I put my hands up and say this, I didn't...
My upbringing was OK. Do you know what I mean?
I didn't grow up rich,
but I had no reason to sell drugs or to be out on the street.
Do you get what I'm saying?
But I was walking with some real gangsters at the time,
so, easy for me to become a target.
And then there came a time when you went and got...
I went and bought a gun. A gun.
Yeah. For £1,300.
Is that right?
You done the research. That's what it said.
It seemed quite expensive.
Yeah. Probably was.
Especially because it said it was a modified air pistol. Yeah.
When you think of air pistol, doesn't sound,
I mean, I don't mean to, I don't know,
I'm in danger of trivialising it.
Dangerous enough. Dangerous enough.
Where did you get the gun from?
Nowhere.
Dates, names, places.
You must be crazy.
Was it hard to get it?
No.
My aim was to protect myself.
But it's something that comes with owning a firearm,
like a sense of power,
entitlement that grew within me.
So at some point, it stopped being about fear
and more about control.
Know what I mean? Mm-hm.
I think that's where it kind of went wrong for me.
How I got caught was having an argument with a traffic warden,
and I made some harsh comments that involved firearms.
You said, "I'm going to come and shoot you." Something like that.
Along those lines.
Presumably, you didn't mean it.
No.
No, I weren't willing to risk my liberty
over shooting a traffic warden.
But, I mean, I made my comments. Said what I said.
But, yeah, I left and not too long after,
armed police stopped me in Haymarket and arrested me.
In Haymarket in the West End? In the West End. Yeah.
Did they pull guns on you? Yeah.
Were you with your girlfriend at the time?
I was. She was in the vehicle? And my kids.
And your kids as well? Mm.
That sounds horrific. It was horrific,
but my biggest regret is that my kids were there.
They gave you 18 months?
Yeah. And then you did seven months in the end?
Yeah.
And it was a tough time.
It was a tough time.
But it was a long time ago.
And I think it's the most boring topic
that any interviewer could ever choose to talk to me about,
in my opinion.
Yeah. Nah. Good bants.
Nah. Look, it was a big... It was a big part of my life
and I didn't ever want to go back.
Back to prison? Yeah, back to prison. Yeah.
Ashley's imprisonment
and a bout of depression that followed after he was released
would turn out to be his lowest ebb,
but also the beginning of a comeback.
Come on, sleepy head. Time to go home.
With his role in Bullet Boy,
a film written for him based on his real-life prison experience,
he embarked on a full-time acting career.
How many men, yeah, go to jail, yeah,
and have their mum come to pick them up after that?
It's a bit embarrassing, innit?
How long have you been in this house, if I may ask?
Just over two years.
You got so much space.
Yeah, it's a lot of space.
This will be an indoor swimming pool. Gym.
I'd like to get, like, a cinema here as well.
You said there was a planning application war?
What's that all about? There was, yeah.
We've appealed.
Now we're going to try and go to a committee.
And then, I mean, I guess after that...
..it's moving, really.
I thought you were going to say something else. No.
No, not any more.
I'm a changed man.
So you've got the history of So Solid, really, in CD form?
Well, some plaques that I earned,
got the Platinum Sales Award for the album.
That was our first album, They Don't know.
I've got some clapperboards.
Clapperboards. Yeah.
But we've got, look, A Thousand Blows, which is a TV show.
That's a new project.
This is my third directing job.
That looks cool. It's a period drama. Period drama.
Created by the guy who created Peaky Blinders.
Is that right? Yeah, Steven Knight.
So they actually... I've never done that before. No?
30 years, I've been in television.
That's the first time I've ever done that.
It feels good.
And...
Cut.
Is that your gym? Do you want to have a look?
Come on, then. Do you do much working out?
Every day, I work out, you know.
Wow. Impressive.
Yeah, that was a couple of years ago.
It's meant to be inspiration to get back.
Muscle-spiration. Hmm.
You're training, though, right? Do you have to ask?
Should I see if I can pick up one of these or not? Test me...
Not that bad.
Curl it or lift it? The shoulders, mainly, with that one.
Am I holding it the right way round?
Yeah.
Yeah, you are quite tall.
That's not too bad. Nah. You're all right.
That's not too bad, Rachel's smiling.
Does it look ridiculous?
No. It looks... This is so light.
It's like a balloon.
I feel like it's making you look, like,
a lot stronger than you probably are.
How dare you? I heard that.
I don't think you can lift that up.
ASHLEY LAUGHS
That's what I would usually do.
Impressive.
Point taken.
Wow.
You mentioned that you've stopped drinking.
Yeah.
One was never enough for me.
Me stopping coincided with lockdown.
I was drinking most of the day.
I think it became apparent to everyone else around me
that it was like, it's time.
Was it hard to stop? I will stick at something.
Do you know what I mean? Mm-hm. I've always been like that.
Once I'm on it, I will, I'll see it through to the end.
Mm-hm.
You know?
Yeah.
That is a huge spider.
Want me to sort it out?
I mean, you can say hello to it. Are you serious?
Come on.
Look at him.
He wants nothing more than to have a cuddle with his friend Ashley.
I'm going to take him outside.
Spiders are our friends.
Your friends.
Ashley's struggles with alcohol and his mental health
are something he's been open about in interviews.
His move to Kent in 2021 with his wife of ten years,
Danielle Walters, also an actor, was in part in search of a calmer,
lower profile existence away from the pressures of London life.
Max, come on, please, mate. Babe.
Come on, son.
We had a deal.
If I buy a house, I'm allowed a dog.
But she has to pick the dog.
I'd like a couple of Dobermans.
Anyway, I took what I could get. You love him, don't you?
Yeah, course I love Max.
I just wish he was a bit bigger and more vicious.
How did the two of you meet, may I ask?
I was doing a show on MTV.
And I was meant to have a love interest in this party scene.
And Dan was cast for that part.
I apparently... I was wearing trousers.
And I apparently said to the wardrobe people,
she should be wearing a skirt. "Put her in a skirt."
That's exactly what he said. And I was like...
This is the wrong narrative to be putting out there. I know.
Especially in 2023 with all the stuff that's going on with...
This was 20-odd years ago. ..with Me Too and that.
I never... I know I never said that.
And if I did say it,
it was a creative decision. And then at lunch,
I was sitting by myself and he went, "Come over here."
And I was like, "No."
And he was like, "Come on, just come over here."
I sat with him, and then I thought,
"Do you know what," after the conversation, "He's quite cool.
"He's all right." He was just being a... I don't know. An idiot.
Something I was talking to Ashley about
was how he's a very private person.
Right? And maybe he's quite introspective.
And behind that is a certain level of social anxiety.
Right? Mm. I'm wondering whether there's a role that you play
in terms of taking care of Ashley's sort of wellbeing.
Oh, 100%. I'm very, very protective of Ashley.
Like, you see the other night
when I went to that Evening Standard thing, right? I was in the tux.
Yeah. And I FaceTimed you
and was on the phone with you, like, in the venue for how long? Yeah.
And you stayed on the phone and talked with me
because you knew that I was uncomfortable. Yeah.
And I just kind of wanted to go home.
In the beginning, when we first started dating and stuff,
I would bring you to events with me
because I didn't know how to have small talk.
Like, I found it really difficult
to just strike up conversations with people,
and I just know Dan is a talker.
I'll talk to anyone. Yeah, and she can always break the ice.
So just having my back like that...
And I have to go, "Babe, it's all right. It's OK." True.
"It's just fine."
Are those oyster beds over there?
Yes, they are. Yeah.
This is apparently the biggest oyster farm in Europe.
They're world famous.
You can find them in America sometimes.
What? Whitstable Oysters? Yeah. Whitstable Oysters. Yeah.
You all right? Can I get a portion of scampi? And half a dozen? Dozen?
Get a dozen. A dozen oysters, please.
I want a bit of everything.
Bit of lemon juice?
Yeah. Yeah. Why not?
Cheers. Cheers.
Mm-nm.
Look at your face. Whoa. Did you chew it? That's tangy.
Taste one. Are you out of your mind?
OK. I nearly threw up the last time I had an oyster.
There's an oyster hater over here.
MAN NEARBY:
Well, let him have it, then.
I only eat like 1,200, 1,200,
1,250 calories a day.
So when I do have oysters,
it's like my calorie intake is pretty much over.
I didn't have you pegged as a calorie-counter.
Well, I am at times.
I am at times when I need to, when I need to lose weight.
Ashley was saying that he's stopped drinking,
and that's been a positive.
Big positive.
A different person.
It caused arguments between us unnecessarily.
Just didn't need it in his life.
Do you do meetings?
Yeah. Do you? Yeah, I do a lot of meetings.
I mean, my life is pretty much based on recovery at this point
because I put it first.
Because whatever I put before that, I was pretty much going to lose,
if I'm honest with you.
So I stay close to recovery,
I stay close to my fellowship.
It's important to me.
What made you decide to finally get married?
My dream woman.
Oh, I was hoping you weren't going to say that.
Yeah, well.
Like, I loved her to death.
And then I wanted to, like, hang up my boots.
Had you been a bit of a Casanova in the past?
I wouldn't say a Casanova.
That's not, that's not me.
Don't get me wrong. I didn't shy away.
Like, I still managed to end up with eight kids.
Eight kids.
I think it's just three relationships.
Is that right? Yeah. Three's enough.
You had your first when you were just 17. Mm.
That's very young. Mmm.
And then you became a grandfather?
Yeah.
When you were, what, 36?
30... 38. ..8. Yeah.
Do you think you were able to be a good dad to the eight kids?
Try my best. Try my best.
They may not have the desired relationships
that they want with me.
I think mainly, I think mainly, that's with my older kids.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
I know, there have been moments
where I haven't been the best dad, because I couldn't be.
I wasn't around, or wasn't in the right place to be, right?
I feel like with my dad, I held his past against him.
I think my kids can sometimes do the same.
Ashley's father died in 2005, but before that,
he'd been an intermittent presence in Ashley's life.
What was preventing him from seeing more of you
when you were growing up?
I think his own demons that he was battling with.
He led quite a crazy lifestyle, you know, a lot of different women.
A lot of different kids?
Yeah. Yeah.
Brushes with the law as well, maybe? Brushes with the law.
Yeah. He sat down with the Queen quite a bit.
You said 17 times in one interview.
Yeah. Is that really possible?
Yeah.
He spent a lot of time...
He spent a lot of time in prison.
Do you feel like you had reached
a point of mutual love and understanding
by the end before he died?
Maybe not mutual.
I was angry.
Very, very angry.
Very angry with him.
And that made me angry with the world, man.
It's taken me to some dark places.
I've done some really stupid things.
And I've hurt some people, you know, people close to me,
but all of that anger and pain
and hurt that I had,
and the resentment that I had against him gave me fire.
If I haven't got talent in anything else,
I've always been able to use my pain for good use.
Ashley had arranged for us to visit his mum.
She lives in Hackney,
not far from some of the most iconic locations featured in Top Boy.
And so, en route, I'd asked
if we could take a short detour to see the sights.
Yes, chum. Yes, bro.
With the new series just launched,
featuring a controversial and bloody final episode,
it would be a chance to get some in-person audience feedback.
I can't tell you, bro.
Within minutes, the verdicts were coming in.
They take it so seriously.
I rate it, though. Appreciate it.
But one thing I didn't like. What?
Yeah, I hear you man. I hear you.
Would I be able to get a quick snap with you, please?
Um, all right, cool.
But because we've stopped... I hear that...
Nice one, brother, bless. No worries, brother.
Nah, nah, I'm filming, bro.
Thank you very much for making me, bro.
Yes, big man.
Just off the market was another well-known Top Boy location
and hang spot for local characters.
Yeah, yeah, I know that.
Are you a fan? Did you watch Top Boy?
Yeah, bro, me watch the thing, man,
but me doesn't like the ending of the thing, you know?
You didn't like the ending? No, me don't like the ending.
I couldn't sit by and watch a story
where they succeeded after everything that they've done.
Everyone's got a different opinion.
I hear you. Good point. Point taken.
My name's Jared. Good to meet you, brother. I'm a Rasta man.
Let me say, you know, for the world.
I'm from Montserrat.
Who's taking the picture? Ah, there.
What does that mean? That's the trinity sign.
The trinity? Yes. Rastafari.
It's blessed. Guys, take care. Thank you so much, yeah.
Thank you. Bless man.
Ashley had told me about wanting Top Boy
to honour its real-life counterparts,
and so there was something heartening
about everyone's enthusiasm for the new season.
Have you seen Top Boy?
Yes. I think it's a great show. Have you seen the new...?
He used to be slim. He used to be slim. He's still slim!
What are you talking about?
Thank you very much. Sorry!
You head-butted me as well. You used to be slim. Let me get some...
What a way to just destroy me!
Sorry. You're still slim.
Don't you listen. It's all good, man.
I love my size.
A short walk away was the house belonging to Ashley's mum, Pam.
Hello. She lives with Ashley's stepdad and former manager, Richard.
Is it Richard? Yes. Louis.
Sorry, Richard. Louis. Lovely to meet you.
How are you doing? Can we come in?
Yeah, of course you can, don't be silly.
Little slice of heaven.
The family manor.
Hello. Hi, Pamela. Hiya, hi.
Sorry. Louis. How are you? Your house is beautiful.
Oh, thank you.
Hi, son.
Ashley had grown up Pam's only child.
With his dad not often around
and his mum holding down a full-time job with the council,
he'd been enrolled in a weekend drama school.
What have you got there? It's a folder.
This is a folder that I've kept for some time
of bits and bobs of Ashley's work.
What are you hiding in there? Here we go.
Remember that?
Yeah. Oxford Street, yeah.
A play by Levi David Addai.
You stole that off the wall in the theatre.
I mean, this is an odd question, isn't it,
but would you say you're a fan?
I'm his biggest fan.
The only thing I would say, I'd prefer him to do more stage.
That was a good pivot.
We didn't stay very long on the positive.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
But this has been my life.
Trust me.
I feel what you're trying to say is, you enjoy when I'm on stage,
but I'm also very good in my TV shows and films and stuff?
No, but... You don't want to leave it?
LAUGHTER
Amazing. Amazing.
I like your dynamic. You kind of...
It's sort of like watching conversation tennis.
Yeah, no, this is how I've grown up.
I had to explain everything, being questioned.
"I rebelled against my strict upbringing."
It was strict. Was it? In what way?
It was definitely strict.
Look, most of those things like stage school, like piano,
like home tutoring,
I didn't want to do.
LAUGHTER Right.
But I would never sit here and go,
"That was the worst thing she ever did for me",
because it was amazing... Look at all the opportunities.
Look at all the opportunity came from that.
It was about trying to ensure
that his time was properly and meaningfully occupied.
We lived in a place where if young people are not fully occupied,
then what are they doing?
They're hanging around and maybe getting themselves into trouble.
It was only when I got to, like, maybe 16, I changed as a kid.
In those years is when I went out and I got in trouble,
it's when I got arrested, it's when I... Do you know what I mean?
I joined So Solid.
I was doing, you know, it's not, like, rebelling against my mum,
but it was rebelling against, like,
all of those things that she'd built up for me
and how safe she kept me and whatever.
Can I ask about... I know from reading your book
and also from looking at the back of your neck
that there was a there was a time when you were attacked as well.
How old were you?
15. 15. Maybe. Yeah, something like that.
And it was just people... It wasn't people you knew, was it?
It was just like a couple of... No.
It was a couple of men who were in their, like, mid-thirties,
something like that,
Eastern European guys that were just drunk outside the off-licence.
And one of my friends got into an argument,
if I remember correctly, with these guys.
I mean, to be fair, it wasn't even my fight to fight,
but I was carrying a knife.
These are two big men. Right? And we're kids.
We're babies.
So they would have literally took the knife out of my hand,
threw it and started throwing us about, man.
But, yeah, in the end,
they just broke a bottle and just stabbed me in my neck.
But I didn't realise I'd been stabbed.
I just thought I'd been punched.
I didn't realise. It was only when my friends were like,
"Bro, you are bleeding."
And then I was like... Everything just faded to black.
I was gone.
I think that's the first and only time in my life
that I thought, "I'm dead."
I thought I was going to die
because I think it started to get black really slowly.
You know, it's like...
So I thought, "Ah, that's it."
But then I woke up.
Mum was there...crying.
So I actually thought they were going to come in there
and tell me that he had died.
I said to myself, "This only happens on the TV.
"This is not real."
So it was harrowing.
I'll never forget that day.
Erm...
It still sends shudders down my spine now thinking about it.
We don't talk about... We've not really talked about this
because I've not really...
Hearing it from your perspective just sheds a new light on it for me.
I've just never heard you express that emotion.
I think you narrowly escaped death.
Yeah, I did. I did. I did.
Yeah.
It would be, erm, disrespectful
if I didn't make the most of my life, to be fair.
Ash! Yo. Good on Hannah.
All right, let's shoot.
All right. Lovely. Thank you.
Excited, energy, guys.
In West London, Ashley was shooting a scene
on the Disney+ historical drama A Thousand Blows.
Here he is. Are we staying out of your way?
I want to see you in work mode. How are you doing? You all right?
Yeah. All good, man. Thanks for coming in.
This is a very big operation. It is a bloody big operation! It's major.
Yeah. Yeah, that frame's good.
Well, let's do those two shots.
Looking on at Ashley,
immersed in the pressures of his first big budget directing gig,
I had a moment to reflect on him,
the long journey he's been on,
his challenges and coming back and imbuing his work
with everything he's learned along the way.
Hey! All right, Stephen. Louis. Hi.
Yeah. I've met you, but it was very brief. Yeah, yeah.
Nice to meet you.
Among the actors are two of the show's executive producers,
Ashley's friends, Hannah Walters and Stephen Graham.
How is it that you connected with Ashley on this?
And what was it about Ashley that you thought would work?
Obviously, when we offered him the role,
to watch his - like I just said then - his dedication,
his preparation,
the amount of work he puts in off set is phenomenal.
Do you know what I mean?
And I think that's, knowing Ashley the way I do, I think
that was his own little thing to prove to himself
and to prove to other people when he got on set
that he knew what he was doing.
I'm not just saying it's because we're working class,
but it's that kind of impostor syndrome that I think
many of us have in this industry. Do you know what I mean? 100%, yeah.
And we'll cut there. Thank you very much.
One more, one more. Do one more. One more for luck.
I'll tell you what I wanted to ask about.
I was reading a profile of you from 2001 in The Guardian.
Mm. The Guardian newspaper.
"I just want to be safe.
"Not mad rich.
"Just to be safe is good, man."
I just thought there was something touching
and kind of interesting about having the ambition of being safe.
Right? Mm. It's quite a low bar, in one sense.
Yeah? You know, it's something I certainly take for granted.
Do you feel pretty safe now?
I feel safe enough.
I think, I think my energy now is more about like...
..trusting people.
They're not going to be kicking off the door
pointing guns at me any more. Those days are done.
What I fear is people being manipulative.
What I fear is people being around me for the wrong reasons.
Do you know what I mean?
This is why I've created a world for myself
that I very rarely have to step out of,
and I very rarely let other people into.
How healthy that is, I don't know.
You keep the world at a distance a little bit.
Yeah. Try to. Not now. Look at you lot.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
It's come and found you. Mm.
That's the perils of success.
I guess so. I guess so.
The world beats a path to your door.
And what makes you think it might not be healthy?
Because, I mean, being the way that I am
means that there's no new people
that really get to come into the circle.
And there's some people that would be really cool to be around
and, you know... HE LAUGHS
Yeah, like, am I missing out on good things?
How is your mental health, would you say?
Does it feel to you like you're in a good spot,
in a good place, more or less?
I keep an eye on it every day, Louis. Do you?
Like, I-I have a...
..I have a messy head.
And that takes daily maintenance.
That takes meditation.
That takes prayer. Really? That takes connection.
Like, that's what keeps me afloat.
When you say you've got a messy head, can you be more specific?
That's how I wake up in the morning.
Negativity? Wayward impulses? Self-sabotage?
Maybe all of the above, if I'm honest sometimes.
Yeah.
And that's still on a daily basis?
That'll be every day for the rest of my life.
That'll be every day.
CHILDREN LAUGH
Is that normal?
How old is Max? Max is two! He seems very affectionate.
Not much use as a guard dog. Mm.
I've successfully put him in a trance.
So embarrassing.
They say you can judge a lot about an owner from his dog.
Very trusting.
He is very trusting.
He's too trusting.
HE LAUGHS