1 00:00:07,592 --> 00:00:10,511 [people chattering] 2 00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:18,728 - My fellow public servants, 3 00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:24,275 I stand here before you with great responsibility. 4 00:00:24,317 --> 00:00:26,194 Some will say that what I'm asking you to do 5 00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,071 is impossible, but to them, I say-- 6 00:00:28,112 --> 00:00:31,532 and pardon my language-- phooey. 7 00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:36,412 This is our day, our hour, our moment 8 00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:39,457 to grab the bull by its horns. 9 00:00:39,499 --> 00:00:42,460 And later, of course, gently set him free. 10 00:00:42,502 --> 00:00:46,255 We need to raise $60,000 in six hours. 11 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:51,052 I need each and every one of you to step up. 12 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,221 Damn the man. Save "In the Know." 13 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:56,057 It's pledge drive day! 14 00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:57,892 [claps softly] 15 00:00:57,934 --> 00:00:59,811 - Fuck yeah! Whose house? 16 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,272 Our house! 17 00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:04,649 I said, whose house? 18 00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,110 - It's fine. 19 00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:08,945 - Whoo! 20 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,906 [jazz music] 21 00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:14,450 * * 22 00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:16,619 - I have a feeling this is going to be 23 00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:19,122 our most successful pledge drive yet. 24 00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:22,625 - Barb, you might be content as a hamster 25 00:01:22,667 --> 00:01:24,293 in the wheel of late capitalism. 26 00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:26,045 But I refuse to treat our listeners 27 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,547 like udders to be squeezed. 28 00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:28,798 Orange. 29 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,466 - That's fine, because after your introduction, 30 00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:33,177 Fabian will take over on air. 31 00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:36,305 - Have you lost your center-left bourgeois mind? 32 00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:38,683 Fabian's not on-air talent. 33 00:01:38,725 --> 00:01:43,521 - We're already most of the way to our goal, thanks to one VIP. 34 00:01:43,563 --> 00:01:45,982 He's dropping off his check in person today. 35 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,443 And he specifically asked for Lauren 36 00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:50,528 to give him a studio tour. 37 00:01:50,570 --> 00:01:52,655 - Oh, well, anything for the almighty dollar. 38 00:01:52,697 --> 00:01:55,408 Shall I give him a wanky massage as well? 39 00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:57,368 Oil myself all up? Hmm? 40 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,163 - How are you feeling, Fabian? 41 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:02,165 Ready to roll? - [scoffs] 42 00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,959 - Remember, all you have to do is talk up our wonderful gift 43 00:02:05,001 --> 00:02:06,586 for sustaining members. 44 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,380 It's a small Bluetooth speaker that clips onto your belt loop 45 00:02:09,422 --> 00:02:11,007 with a carabiner. 46 00:02:11,049 --> 00:02:12,508 Here, I wrote it down in case you-- 47 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,261 - Don't condescend to me. I'm not your underling. 48 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:17,472 - Of course not. We're a team. 49 00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,098 - Don't pretend there's no hierarchy 50 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,391 in this fucking fiefdom! 51 00:02:20,433 --> 00:02:22,185 - Fabian, please. 52 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,187 Part of why we need donations so urgently 53 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,397 is that $20,000 lactation station 54 00:02:26,439 --> 00:02:28,232 you demanded we purchase even though 55 00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,984 no one here breastfeeds. 56 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:32,904 - Oh! 57 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,032 - And honestly, I worry that thing 58 00:02:36,074 --> 00:02:38,910 has been bad for Sandy's mind. 59 00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,870 [soft jazz music] 60 00:02:40,912 --> 00:02:43,247 - Today marks yet another pledge drive. 61 00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:45,500 And while I find this sort of shilling distasteful, 62 00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:48,795 our producer, Barb, crassly insists. 63 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,130 We'll be sharing some of our favorite clips with you, 64 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,882 our beloved know-it-alls. 65 00:02:52,924 --> 00:02:56,094 Let's kick things off with a fascinating conversation 66 00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:59,430 I had with the documentarian Ken Burns. 67 00:02:59,472 --> 00:03:03,559 * Legendary Lauren * 68 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:06,604 Ken, as a teenager, I'd go to the video rental, 69 00:03:06,646 --> 00:03:09,816 and I would hide your films in the DVD jackets 70 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,318 of pornography films so that the local perverts 71 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,237 would get a history lesson. 72 00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:17,156 - There's a lot of people who hide pornography 73 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,409 in our DVD jacket. 74 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:22,870 So there's a kind of reciprocity that 75 00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:27,375 I think that you've kind of appropriately brought up. 76 00:03:27,417 --> 00:03:29,377 - And now maybe those sex-watchers will 77 00:03:29,419 --> 00:03:31,379 spend less time yanking their trash 78 00:03:31,421 --> 00:03:34,006 and more time learning about Sonny Rollins. 79 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:37,301 - Well, Sonny Rollins was called the Saxophone Colossus. 80 00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:39,971 So there might be some kind of synergy there. 81 00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:41,764 - [chuckles heartily] Oh, Ken. 82 00:03:41,806 --> 00:03:43,349 Oh, you dirty dog. 83 00:03:45,143 --> 00:03:47,603 - Remember, if you get nervous, plant both feet on the ground 84 00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:48,938 and breathe through your nose. 85 00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:50,273 - Barb. [scoffs] 86 00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:52,024 I was part of the people's microphone 87 00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,651 during Occupy Penn Station. 88 00:03:53,693 --> 00:03:56,779 I amplified messages from the Acela Lounge 89 00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:59,157 all the way to the Duane Reade with the bathroom. 90 00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:01,242 I think I can handle a pledge drive. 91 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:02,785 - You're our gal. 92 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:03,953 - Don't call me gal. 93 00:04:03,995 --> 00:04:05,955 - You're our person. 94 00:04:05,997 --> 00:04:08,082 - Jesus, fuck, Barb. 95 00:04:08,124 --> 00:04:10,126 I am not your property. 96 00:04:10,168 --> 00:04:11,711 Wow. 97 00:04:13,463 --> 00:04:15,423 - The kids are being hard on you today. 98 00:04:15,465 --> 00:04:17,091 - They're hard on me every day. 99 00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:18,426 [laughs] But I don't mind. 100 00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:20,303 It just means they feel safe. 101 00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,513 It's like I'm the guest of honor at a roast that 102 00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:24,766 goes on for my entire career. 103 00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:26,642 - You know, for even amateur historians, 104 00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:29,896 the farther away you get from an event, strangely, 105 00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,440 sometimes paradoxically, the closer you can get 106 00:04:32,482 --> 00:04:34,317 to understanding it more fully. 107 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,319 - That makes a great deal of sense. 108 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:39,447 My ex-partner Grania told me that she was 109 00:04:39,489 --> 00:04:41,824 best able to love me from a great distance, 110 00:04:41,866 --> 00:04:44,285 both geographically and emotionally. 111 00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:45,411 - That's right. 112 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:46,871 It's got to be a little platonic, 113 00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:49,540 and it's got to have some distance between it, yeah. 114 00:04:49,582 --> 00:04:51,125 - Because if history touches you, 115 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,086 it makes her skin crawl. 116 00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,587 - Exactly. 117 00:04:56,589 --> 00:04:58,257 - And where exactly did you find 118 00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:00,510 this dark-money malefactor anyway, Barb? 119 00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:01,719 ExxonMobil? 120 00:05:01,761 --> 00:05:03,638 The Russian oligarchy? Mm? 121 00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:06,015 Barnes and Noble that still carries J.K. Rowling? 122 00:05:06,057 --> 00:05:08,976 - He's the in-house counsel at Pata Lulu. 123 00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,561 [elevator dings] 124 00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:13,856 Ah, you must be Gene. 125 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,525 - Hello. [gasps] 126 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,944 It's really you. 127 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,320 Lauren Caspian? 128 00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:20,947 - Yes? 129 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,533 - Gene Jacoby. Huge fan. 130 00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:25,034 - Is that right? 131 00:05:25,076 --> 00:05:26,494 - Hi, Gene. 132 00:05:26,536 --> 00:05:29,372 I'm Barb, executive producer of the show. 133 00:05:29,414 --> 00:05:30,665 [clears throat] 134 00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,458 Would you like to give me the check now or-- 135 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,252 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Barb. 136 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,295 Did you not learn the art of introductions 137 00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:38,297 in your Podunk Ohio town? 138 00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:39,799 - I'm from Ames, Iowa. 139 00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:42,051 - More like "aimless" Iowa. 140 00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:44,595 - [laughs] Aimless Iowa? 141 00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:47,765 Oh, God, that's some Sarah Vowell-level shit. 142 00:05:48,808 --> 00:05:51,060 - Oh, come, Gene. This way. 143 00:05:51,102 --> 00:05:53,187 I'm going to show you my personal minibar 144 00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:54,856 of drinkable cold soups. 145 00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:56,566 - Oh. 146 00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,234 [mic beeps] - First time on air? 147 00:05:58,276 --> 00:05:59,694 - Oh, no, no, no. 148 00:05:59,736 --> 00:06:02,071 I host a daily podcast, "Black Lives Matter More." 149 00:06:02,113 --> 00:06:03,489 Which, it isn't live. 150 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,241 But I mean--[chuckles] 151 00:06:05,283 --> 00:06:08,327 It's not like I have to follow Edward R. Murrow here. 152 00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,747 - I once self-financed a documentary 153 00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:12,874 about my ex-wife's new husband, Glenn. 154 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:15,043 And I took pains to be evenhanded. 155 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,295 But in retrospect, certain sections are 156 00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:20,923 just me making fun of his botched LASIK surgery. 157 00:06:20,965 --> 00:06:22,300 - Okay. 158 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:25,845 That clip is ending, and we're back in three, two-- 159 00:06:27,305 --> 00:06:29,015 - [clears throat] 160 00:06:29,057 --> 00:06:31,976 [electricity humming] 161 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,730 [beep] Fabian, you're on. 162 00:06:37,899 --> 00:06:42,111 - Hello, and welcome to the "In the Know." 163 00:06:42,153 --> 00:06:43,988 The more you know. [chuckles] 164 00:06:44,030 --> 00:06:46,574 Oh, no. [laughs] 165 00:06:46,616 --> 00:06:48,618 I am Absolutely Fabian, filling in 166 00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:51,871 for your usual Laurencini Alfredo. 167 00:06:51,913 --> 00:06:53,456 I'm your dad. 168 00:06:53,498 --> 00:06:56,501 Today, we've got so much to make you listen. 169 00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:58,002 But enough of these things. 170 00:06:58,044 --> 00:07:00,463 Because when you, today, here, right now, 171 00:07:00,505 --> 00:07:03,800 you take home one gift, my babies, okay? 172 00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:06,094 I'm your dad, and that gift is-- 173 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:08,596 it's a--a small Bluetube-- 174 00:07:08,638 --> 00:07:10,139 Bluetube? [laughs] 175 00:07:10,181 --> 00:07:11,307 [beep] - Bluetooth. 176 00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:13,017 - A Bluetube speaker. 177 00:07:13,059 --> 00:07:15,186 And it doesn't just sing, ladies and gentlemen. 178 00:07:15,228 --> 00:07:16,771 It can do a carabiner. 179 00:07:16,813 --> 00:07:18,856 Yes, you heard that right. 180 00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:22,402 Now let's get back to the stuff you love with more Lawrence. 181 00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,654 Goodbye, and stay Black. 182 00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:29,158 That felt a little weird. 183 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,701 - The fuck? 184 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,954 [bright notes chime] - * Lauren * 185 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,415 Finn Wolfhard, your career began as a boy 186 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:38,418 of just nine years old responding to Craigslist ads 187 00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,837 for freelance acting gigs. 188 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,339 Are you grateful to still be alive? 189 00:07:43,381 --> 00:07:44,716 - I am, yeah. 190 00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:46,551 I'm grateful that I didn't answer any Craigslist ads 191 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:49,679 that had me killed, for sure. - Mm. 192 00:07:49,721 --> 00:07:52,014 I've still never forgiven my ex-partner 193 00:07:52,056 --> 00:07:55,435 for listing my nude body as "for sale" 194 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:59,188 under "furniture," subsection old brooms, 195 00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:00,773 which makes no sense, does it? 196 00:08:00,815 --> 00:08:03,985 Because Finn, is a broom a piece of furniture? 197 00:08:04,026 --> 00:08:06,320 - No, I would say it's a cleaning supply. 198 00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:07,780 - That's exactly right. 199 00:08:07,822 --> 00:08:09,240 Finn, I just want to have you on record 200 00:08:09,282 --> 00:08:12,869 as saying that Lauren Caspian is nobody's broom. 201 00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:15,913 - Uh, Lauren Caspian is no one's broom. 202 00:08:15,955 --> 00:08:19,375 - Oh, I love how playful you are on the air. 203 00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:20,877 - Interviews, to me, 204 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,962 are like making love-- - Uh-huh. 205 00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:24,922 - But without all of the awful smells. 206 00:08:24,964 --> 00:08:28,551 - Huh. You were about to show me your loose leaf teas. 207 00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:29,886 - Ah, yes. 208 00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:31,721 I stick to the high-end chamomiles. 209 00:08:31,763 --> 00:08:34,557 I once had a blood orange rooibos, 210 00:08:34,599 --> 00:08:36,976 and I completely lost my mind. - Mm. 211 00:08:37,018 --> 00:08:38,936 - I had to take Narcan to level out. 212 00:08:38,978 --> 00:08:40,396 - [laughs] 213 00:08:40,438 --> 00:08:41,814 [Barb laughs] 214 00:08:41,856 --> 00:08:44,192 - Barb, what are you doing loitering here? 215 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:47,236 - Yeah, I thought the break room was VIPs only. 216 00:08:47,278 --> 00:08:49,530 - Wouldn't that be nice? 217 00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:50,990 - Chase, what's that? 218 00:08:51,032 --> 00:08:52,366 - When I found out it was pledge day, 219 00:08:52,408 --> 00:08:53,910 I ran out and got a keg. 220 00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:57,163 - Chase, we're asking our listeners to pledge donations. 221 00:08:57,205 --> 00:09:00,416 Mr. Jacoby here is our most generous donor. 222 00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:02,251 - Hey, I was a frat bro myself. 223 00:09:02,293 --> 00:09:03,336 Sig Ep. 224 00:09:03,378 --> 00:09:05,380 - Sig Ep? Are you serious? 225 00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:06,631 - Wait-- 226 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:11,219 both: Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof! 227 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:12,553 - Oh, wow. 228 00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:14,180 - [grunts] Yeah! - Whoo! 229 00:09:14,222 --> 00:09:15,264 - Ah, yes. That's good. 230 00:09:15,306 --> 00:09:17,350 And that's enough. Shall we continue? 231 00:09:17,392 --> 00:09:18,726 - But of course. 232 00:09:18,768 --> 00:09:21,938 I must see where the Caspian genius is hatched. 233 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,481 - I've been shopping the film rights 234 00:09:23,523 --> 00:09:25,191 of my life story for years. 235 00:09:25,233 --> 00:09:27,527 I think you could make a great young Lauren, 236 00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:30,738 so I'd like to offer you the chance to audition right now. 237 00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:32,240 Let me set the scene. 238 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:35,785 You're 14-year-old me, and you're asking Belinda, 239 00:09:35,827 --> 00:09:37,870 the school nurse, to prom. 240 00:09:37,912 --> 00:09:39,288 - Do I have to do this? 241 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:40,790 - Mm-hmm. 242 00:09:40,832 --> 00:09:43,376 So Lauren, I understand you've come to the infirmary 243 00:09:43,418 --> 00:09:47,213 because you've been having panic attacks and passing gas. 244 00:09:47,255 --> 00:09:48,965 - Yeah, I can't stop. 245 00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,300 Oh, God, it won't stop. 246 00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:53,302 Jesus, it won't stop! 247 00:09:53,344 --> 00:09:55,012 - Okay, can I--can I pause you for a second 248 00:09:55,054 --> 00:09:56,305 and give you a little direction? 249 00:09:56,347 --> 00:09:57,515 - Mm-hmm. 250 00:09:57,557 --> 00:09:59,016 - I think the distress is right. 251 00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:01,644 But young Lauren had a lot more charisma. 252 00:10:01,686 --> 00:10:03,479 Okay, let's jump to the sex scene. 253 00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:04,981 - What? 254 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,525 - Maybe we can come up with a little mnemonic device 255 00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:10,486 to help you reset, like BTS. 256 00:10:10,528 --> 00:10:12,071 Breathe, Think, Speak. 257 00:10:12,113 --> 00:10:13,322 - I'm good. 258 00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:15,867 - BTS can also stand for Bluetooth Speaker. 259 00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:17,326 So that might help you in two ways. 260 00:10:17,368 --> 00:10:19,579 - Yeah, I think it was just the last time 261 00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,080 you said "three, two," 262 00:10:21,122 --> 00:10:22,749 and I expected you to say "one," 263 00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,167 and it threw me off. 264 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:25,501 But I'm--[chuckles] 265 00:10:25,543 --> 00:10:27,336 I'm ready now. 266 00:10:27,378 --> 00:10:29,422 Small Bluetooth speaker, belt loop carabiner. 267 00:10:29,464 --> 00:10:30,631 - Perfect. 268 00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:32,216 Real words in the right order. 269 00:10:32,258 --> 00:10:33,426 And here we go. 270 00:10:33,468 --> 00:10:35,094 Three, two-- 271 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,680 - Hello. 272 00:10:37,722 --> 00:10:39,599 Welcome, again. 273 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,184 Ahh! 274 00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:45,063 I'm sorry, that was my throat and body screaming. 275 00:10:45,104 --> 00:10:49,108 The time is now 30:40 in the FM, 276 00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:50,526 so don't be shy. 277 00:10:50,568 --> 00:10:51,861 The water's fine. 278 00:10:51,903 --> 00:10:55,364 Let's hop on in and make pledge pie. 279 00:10:55,406 --> 00:10:56,866 - [breathes deeply] 280 00:10:56,908 --> 00:10:58,868 - During our last break-- this is Babian, by the-- 281 00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:00,870 Babian? [laughs] 282 00:11:00,912 --> 00:11:02,622 That's not my name. 283 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:04,207 [in baby voice] I'm a baby. 284 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:05,458 [laughs] 285 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:06,626 - No, you're a grown person. 286 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,544 - [in baby voice] The mafia did kill JFK. 287 00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:09,670 - [whispering] BTS. 288 00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:12,215 - [clears throat] BTS. 289 00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:14,008 Be Tooth Strangler. 290 00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:16,844 It is so small, yet the sound is large. 291 00:11:16,886 --> 00:11:20,348 With a handy loop to crimp your wiener. 292 00:11:20,390 --> 00:11:21,891 Belt! Belt! 293 00:11:21,933 --> 00:11:26,729 Use this "squaribiner" to clam your favorite wiener today. 294 00:11:26,771 --> 00:11:28,689 What is happening? 295 00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,274 - It's okay. I've seen worse. 296 00:11:30,316 --> 00:11:32,235 - When? 297 00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:34,237 - YouTube compilations of monkey attacks. 298 00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:35,446 - Oh, God. 299 00:11:36,781 --> 00:11:39,075 - Now, when asked in an interview 300 00:11:39,117 --> 00:11:42,537 if you could star in any movie you wanted, what would it be, 301 00:11:42,578 --> 00:11:44,789 your answer was, "'Jaws.' 302 00:11:44,831 --> 00:11:46,541 "I'd like to be an ocean creature 303 00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,793 with an appetite for ass." 304 00:11:48,835 --> 00:11:50,878 Can you please elaborate? 305 00:11:52,547 --> 00:11:54,757 What did you mean by that? 306 00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:56,050 - I don't know. 307 00:11:56,092 --> 00:11:58,302 I think you can tease apart the subtext. 308 00:11:58,344 --> 00:12:00,763 Any kind of public radio listener 309 00:12:00,805 --> 00:12:03,433 could understand what I was saying from that. 310 00:12:03,474 --> 00:12:05,727 - An appetite for ass. 311 00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,895 - [laughs] - That's lovely. 312 00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:10,273 [Loon calls] [bright chime] 313 00:12:10,314 --> 00:12:12,024 - Whoo! 314 00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:15,319 - The call of the common loon means we have a new pledge. 315 00:12:15,361 --> 00:12:19,157 And the donor is entitled to an "In the Know" T-shirt. 316 00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:21,284 Gene, would you like to help us grab one 317 00:12:21,325 --> 00:12:23,161 to pack up and send out? - Yeah. 318 00:12:23,202 --> 00:12:24,954 And then maybe Gene would like to take out the garbage 319 00:12:24,996 --> 00:12:26,622 and put toner in the copy machine. 320 00:12:26,664 --> 00:12:28,332 - I just thought he might enjoy-- 321 00:12:28,374 --> 00:12:30,126 - Come, Gene. Let's get you a shirt. 322 00:12:30,168 --> 00:12:33,212 We keep them in the lactation station. 323 00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:34,464 [knocks] 324 00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:35,840 - What do you want? 325 00:12:35,882 --> 00:12:37,216 - We were just grabbing a T-shirt. 326 00:12:37,258 --> 00:12:38,760 - Why? - It's for a donor. 327 00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:40,136 - Who? 328 00:12:40,178 --> 00:12:42,889 - Gene, this is Sandy, the studio's hobgoblin. 329 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:45,016 - 10 bucks for the shirt. 330 00:12:45,058 --> 00:12:47,310 - Sandy, the T-shirt is a gift. 331 00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:48,811 - I-it's fine. 332 00:12:48,853 --> 00:12:50,897 Got to respect an entrepreneurial spirit. 333 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,607 Here's $20, and you know what? 334 00:12:52,648 --> 00:12:54,317 Keep the change. 335 00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:55,860 - [sniffs] 336 00:12:55,902 --> 00:12:57,737 [grunts] 337 00:12:57,779 --> 00:12:59,655 - Well, if we could fire him, we would. 338 00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:02,408 But every time we do, he gets picked up for prostitution. 339 00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:03,868 - Huh. 340 00:13:03,910 --> 00:13:05,995 - Evidently, he's a legal alternative for necrophiliacs. 341 00:13:06,037 --> 00:13:08,498 His body is 64 degrees. 342 00:13:08,539 --> 00:13:09,874 - Hmm? 343 00:13:13,169 --> 00:13:16,506 - * Legendary Lauren * 344 00:13:16,547 --> 00:13:20,051 Norah Jones, as a girl, you were given multiple solos 345 00:13:20,093 --> 00:13:21,761 in your church choir. 346 00:13:21,803 --> 00:13:23,179 Because even in the House of God, 347 00:13:23,221 --> 00:13:24,931 you were the real star. 348 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,100 - [chuckles] I didn't get all the solos. 349 00:13:27,141 --> 00:13:28,976 I remember auditioning once for the part 350 00:13:29,018 --> 00:13:31,521 of Mary in a church program. 351 00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:34,107 And instead, I got the part of Joseph. 352 00:13:34,148 --> 00:13:35,775 - Mm. - I was upset, 353 00:13:35,817 --> 00:13:37,235 'cause I really wanted the Mary solo. 354 00:13:37,276 --> 00:13:39,612 Also, I was about two feet shorter 355 00:13:39,654 --> 00:13:41,030 than the girl who got Mary. 356 00:13:41,072 --> 00:13:42,698 - And did you ever think about taking matters 357 00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:45,576 into your own hands and pulling a Tonya Harding 358 00:13:45,618 --> 00:13:47,453 with that unholy giantess? 359 00:13:47,495 --> 00:13:50,123 - I do think that her mom was the choir director, so... 360 00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:52,125 - Ugh! - I'm not saying that's why. 361 00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:55,586 - The original nepo baby was Mary on Christmas. 362 00:13:55,628 --> 00:13:57,088 - [laughs] Yes. 363 00:13:58,506 --> 00:13:59,882 - Yo, Carl. 364 00:13:59,924 --> 00:14:01,175 You ready to pledge? 365 00:14:01,217 --> 00:14:03,469 - What? Also, no. 366 00:14:03,511 --> 00:14:05,972 - Okay, I know today isn't literally about frats. 367 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,057 But it's still the perfect opportunity 368 00:14:08,099 --> 00:14:10,893 to traumatize our sweet little livers as a fam. 369 00:14:10,935 --> 00:14:12,186 - I'm good. 370 00:14:12,228 --> 00:14:13,730 How you doing, Fabian? 371 00:14:17,150 --> 00:14:18,484 - I can help you. 372 00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:20,737 Suck on this tube till you hit foam. 373 00:14:20,778 --> 00:14:22,155 - [groans] 374 00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:25,366 - Honestly, Fabian, that might be a good idea. 375 00:14:25,408 --> 00:14:27,160 - This is not an endorsement of Greek life 376 00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:29,120 or its rapey wolf culture. 377 00:14:29,162 --> 00:14:32,331 - Chug, chug, chug, chug! 378 00:14:35,084 --> 00:14:37,336 - Ah. 379 00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:39,547 This office is so impressive. 380 00:14:39,589 --> 00:14:42,467 - Oh, you're the first person who's reacted that way. 381 00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:44,052 - Look at this. 382 00:14:44,093 --> 00:14:47,180 - That's the blue ribbon I got for fastest recovery 383 00:14:47,221 --> 00:14:49,223 from pediatric bone spurs. 384 00:14:49,265 --> 00:14:52,351 - What a fun piece of memorabilia. 385 00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:53,853 My God. 386 00:14:53,895 --> 00:14:55,188 - It's my childhood recorder. 387 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:56,439 - Oh, my gosh. 388 00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:57,982 - My first interview was with my father. 389 00:14:58,024 --> 00:14:59,859 I was five years old. 390 00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:01,360 It's a simple question. 391 00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:03,029 Why did Mommy leave? 392 00:15:03,071 --> 00:15:04,447 - God damn it, Lauren! 393 00:15:04,489 --> 00:15:05,698 Put on your jacket. We're going to school! 394 00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:07,658 - You're pivoting. 395 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:09,327 - A child prodigy! 396 00:15:09,368 --> 00:15:12,038 - He never did answer the question. 397 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,956 - Lauren, 398 00:15:13,998 --> 00:15:17,293 I didn't come here today for a studio tour. 399 00:15:17,335 --> 00:15:19,754 I came here for you. 400 00:15:19,796 --> 00:15:21,422 - Are we about to kiss? 401 00:15:21,464 --> 00:15:23,091 - We could. 402 00:15:23,132 --> 00:15:24,842 But I think I've got something better. 403 00:15:26,469 --> 00:15:28,721 I'm starting a podcast network, 404 00:15:28,763 --> 00:15:31,974 and I want you to host our flagship show. 405 00:15:32,016 --> 00:15:33,434 - Oh, wow. 406 00:15:33,476 --> 00:15:34,894 Podcasts. 407 00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:37,438 - We'll be rolling in Casper money. 408 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,484 - Gene, I'm experiencing a full body blush. 409 00:15:41,526 --> 00:15:44,237 But I could never leave public radio. 410 00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:45,655 - I'm going to write a number down. 411 00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:47,573 - No, there's no point. 412 00:15:47,615 --> 00:15:49,659 Gene, public radio is not a career, 413 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,077 it's a calling, 414 00:15:51,119 --> 00:15:53,121 to disturb the comfortable, 415 00:15:53,162 --> 00:15:55,373 to comfort the disturbed. 416 00:15:55,415 --> 00:15:57,750 It's about giving voice to-- 417 00:15:57,792 --> 00:15:59,794 oh, heavens to fucking Betsy. 418 00:15:59,836 --> 00:16:01,713 - Yeah. - [gasps] 419 00:16:01,754 --> 00:16:03,047 - Knock knock. 420 00:16:03,089 --> 00:16:05,258 - Does she always knock and say, "Knock knock?" 421 00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:06,801 - She does. You do. 422 00:16:06,843 --> 00:16:08,428 - Gene, can I get you anything? 423 00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:09,595 Coffee? 424 00:16:09,637 --> 00:16:12,098 Maybe a pen if you need to sign anything. 425 00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:14,934 - Could you get us two 38-ounce Pom Boys? 426 00:16:14,976 --> 00:16:17,603 Cold pressed pomegranate juice for men. 427 00:16:17,645 --> 00:16:18,938 - 38 ounce? 428 00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:20,273 - If that's too-- - No, no, no! 429 00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:21,607 I'll be right back. 430 00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:22,650 - Hurry, Barbo. 431 00:16:22,692 --> 00:16:24,152 We're thirsty. 432 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:28,781 And that, my friend, is how you create a no crone zone. 433 00:16:28,823 --> 00:16:32,160 I'm not even sure they make a 38-ounce Pom. 434 00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:34,120 In fact, I know they don't. 435 00:16:34,162 --> 00:16:35,705 [chuckles] 436 00:16:37,248 --> 00:16:39,167 [exhales] 437 00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:43,296 - Asked for $10, but I got $20. 438 00:16:43,337 --> 00:16:46,215 Asked for a bit, but I got plenty. 439 00:16:46,257 --> 00:16:47,842 - Hey, Sandy. 440 00:16:47,884 --> 00:16:49,302 - Who told you my name? 441 00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:51,179 - Look, I'm starting an office frat. 442 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:53,014 Want to be our first member? 443 00:16:53,056 --> 00:16:55,516 - Waive the dues, and it's a deal. 444 00:16:55,558 --> 00:16:56,768 - Hell yeah! 445 00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:00,146 - Let's go, girls. 446 00:17:00,188 --> 00:17:01,856 Time to have a little fun. 447 00:17:03,274 --> 00:17:04,609 - Hard core. 448 00:17:08,696 --> 00:17:11,157 - It couldn't have been easy living in the shadow 449 00:17:11,199 --> 00:17:12,617 of your famous father, 450 00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:15,661 Darth Vader himself, James Earl Jones. 451 00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:17,663 - [laughs] 452 00:17:17,705 --> 00:17:18,873 That's not my dad. 453 00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:20,124 - Are you sure? 454 00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:21,834 - No, my dad is Indiana Jones. 455 00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:23,669 - Ah, Harrison Ford. 456 00:17:23,711 --> 00:17:25,922 And was it confusing to have a father 457 00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:29,133 who would steal artifacts, even in fictional form, 458 00:17:29,175 --> 00:17:30,885 from developing nations? 459 00:17:30,927 --> 00:17:32,345 - I'm messing with you. 460 00:17:32,387 --> 00:17:35,431 My dad was an Indian musician named Ravi Shankar. 461 00:17:35,473 --> 00:17:37,975 - I mean, so they call him Indiana Jones 462 00:17:38,017 --> 00:17:39,435 because he's Indian? 463 00:17:39,477 --> 00:17:42,063 Oh, hateful and confusing. 464 00:17:42,105 --> 00:17:45,316 - No, I did-- I didn't say that. 465 00:17:45,358 --> 00:17:47,360 - You think you can handle a few calls? 466 00:17:47,402 --> 00:17:48,820 - I'm gonna crush this. 467 00:17:48,861 --> 00:17:50,196 I talk every day. 468 00:17:50,238 --> 00:17:52,407 To the mailman, Starbucks. 469 00:17:52,448 --> 00:17:53,783 - That's right. 470 00:17:53,825 --> 00:17:56,160 You're just gonna talk, just like to Starbucks. 471 00:17:56,202 --> 00:17:58,871 - No problem-o, Barl. 472 00:17:58,913 --> 00:18:01,833 - And we're on in three, two-- 473 00:18:01,874 --> 00:18:02,959 - Let's go, motherfuckers. 474 00:18:04,794 --> 00:18:06,587 Wow, and it's back. 475 00:18:06,629 --> 00:18:10,341 Drivers, pledge your engines. 476 00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:12,468 - How did she get sober that fast? 477 00:18:12,510 --> 00:18:14,804 [buzzer] - We have a caller. 478 00:18:14,846 --> 00:18:15,972 Jaynar. 479 00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,473 Am I pronouncing that correctly? 480 00:18:17,515 --> 00:18:19,225 - It's actually Shayna. 481 00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:21,310 Hi. - I'm so sorry, Jaynar. 482 00:18:21,352 --> 00:18:23,563 - No, it's okay. It's Shayna. 483 00:18:23,604 --> 00:18:26,274 I'm scared for you personally, and I'm worried 484 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:27,817 you're putting the station in jeopardy. 485 00:18:27,859 --> 00:18:30,278 - Thanks so much, Jaynar. 486 00:18:30,319 --> 00:18:33,573 Send that fatty a speaker with one long Blacktooth. 487 00:18:33,614 --> 00:18:36,909 It's great for women, pets, teens! 488 00:18:36,951 --> 00:18:40,329 Give it to a young boy, and they will scream. 489 00:18:40,371 --> 00:18:42,957 Everyone must die, but, Bluetooth, 490 00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:45,585 me love you long time. 491 00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:46,794 Carabiner. 492 00:18:46,836 --> 00:18:49,380 Next up, Carl! 493 00:18:51,507 --> 00:18:52,925 - What are you doing? 494 00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:54,385 - I was a problemo, Carl. 495 00:18:54,427 --> 00:18:56,345 - No. Dead air is a problemo. 496 00:18:56,387 --> 00:18:58,139 - Yeah, so, go get on the mic. 497 00:18:58,181 --> 00:18:59,891 I already introduced you. - Oh. 498 00:18:59,932 --> 00:19:01,809 - [groans] 499 00:19:03,686 --> 00:19:05,021 - Hello. 500 00:19:05,063 --> 00:19:06,939 [chuckles] 501 00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:09,901 [electricity humming] 502 00:19:14,489 --> 00:19:17,116 [electronic music playing] - Libations, please. 503 00:19:17,158 --> 00:19:18,534 - Whoo! 504 00:19:18,576 --> 00:19:20,369 - I'm going to live forever. 505 00:19:20,411 --> 00:19:21,496 - You go, girl. 506 00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:23,081 [both grunting loudly] 507 00:19:23,122 --> 00:19:26,501 - It's strange because we're around the same age, 508 00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:28,044 but I must confess, 509 00:19:28,086 --> 00:19:30,880 I have an odd desire for you to be my mother. 510 00:19:30,922 --> 00:19:32,757 Has anyone ever told you that before? 511 00:19:32,799 --> 00:19:34,050 - Never. 512 00:19:34,092 --> 00:19:35,301 That is strange. 513 00:19:35,343 --> 00:19:36,719 - Mm. Follow-up. 514 00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:39,472 If you were my mother, how would you sleep train me? 515 00:19:39,514 --> 00:19:41,140 Assume I'm already swaddled. 516 00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:44,977 - Oh. I would teach you the 4-7-8 breathing technique. 517 00:19:45,019 --> 00:19:46,145 - Teach me right now, please. 518 00:19:46,187 --> 00:19:47,313 As though you were my mother. 519 00:19:47,355 --> 00:19:48,815 - Okay, sweetie. 520 00:19:48,856 --> 00:19:51,150 Now, now, breathe in for four counts. 521 00:19:51,192 --> 00:19:52,402 Ready? 522 00:19:52,443 --> 00:19:53,653 Two, three-- 523 00:19:53,694 --> 00:19:54,987 - I ran out of lung capacity. 524 00:19:55,029 --> 00:19:57,365 - I don't think you're doing it right. 525 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,077 - [groans] 526 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:02,412 - Isn't that nice? 527 00:20:02,453 --> 00:20:03,788 - [hoarsely] It's smooth as hell. 528 00:20:03,830 --> 00:20:05,706 - And, look, we're just getting started. 529 00:20:05,748 --> 00:20:07,166 Picture it. 530 00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:10,169 You, me, and Malcolm Gladwell 531 00:20:10,211 --> 00:20:14,424 loading up on veggie samosas before we go out and slay. 532 00:20:14,465 --> 00:20:15,633 I want to tell you something. 533 00:20:15,675 --> 00:20:18,928 Podcast chicks are out of control, Laur. 534 00:20:18,970 --> 00:20:22,890 It's like a women's march straight to your fucking futon. 535 00:20:22,932 --> 00:20:24,350 - Gladwell has a lot of intercourse? 536 00:20:24,392 --> 00:20:25,768 - Are you kidding? 537 00:20:25,810 --> 00:20:28,271 His dick's so dirty, when he swam in the East River, 538 00:20:28,312 --> 00:20:30,356 the river got sick. 539 00:20:30,398 --> 00:20:32,442 - But Gene, I'm actually more of a sapiosexual, 540 00:20:32,483 --> 00:20:34,068 attracted to ideas. 541 00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:37,280 - Well, here's an idea to make your dangle tingle. 542 00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:38,948 Public recognition. 543 00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,533 - Mm. 544 00:20:40,575 --> 00:20:42,785 - I haven't heard a pledge loon in a long time. 545 00:20:42,827 --> 00:20:45,371 Why is that? - I don't know. 546 00:20:45,413 --> 00:20:47,415 - "In the Know" is third-tier Public Radio. 547 00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:49,459 - Oh. - It's not your fault, though. 548 00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:52,503 My uncle PJ, he used to say this, 549 00:20:52,545 --> 00:20:54,547 and he used to say it all the time. 550 00:20:54,589 --> 00:20:58,259 Without proper support, even the most beautiful boob 551 00:20:58,301 --> 00:20:59,886 just looks like a silly tit. 552 00:20:59,927 --> 00:21:01,679 - You know, I always wanted a guy I could 553 00:21:01,721 --> 00:21:03,556 just talk brassieres with. 554 00:21:03,598 --> 00:21:05,141 - Lauren, you're the most beautiful boob 555 00:21:05,183 --> 00:21:06,726 I have ever heard. 556 00:21:06,768 --> 00:21:11,189 But your squad treats you like an old broom. 557 00:21:12,607 --> 00:21:16,319 - Lauren Caspian is no one's broom. 558 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:17,612 [knocks] 559 00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:19,572 - I guess I'll say, knock knock. 560 00:21:19,614 --> 00:21:21,949 - [chuckles] Where'd you get them, Taiwan? 561 00:21:21,991 --> 00:21:25,453 - I did actually have to take the PATH out to Jersey. 562 00:21:25,495 --> 00:21:26,913 [electronic music playing] 563 00:21:26,954 --> 00:21:31,000 - Boobs are like a keg, but the beer is milk. 564 00:21:31,042 --> 00:21:32,335 - Hey. 565 00:21:32,377 --> 00:21:33,878 Hey. 566 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:34,921 [pump whirring] 567 00:21:34,962 --> 00:21:36,631 - [laughs] 568 00:21:38,257 --> 00:21:40,259 - Oh, shit! 569 00:21:40,301 --> 00:21:41,469 - Oh! - [grunts] 570 00:21:41,511 --> 00:21:43,429 Hey! - Dude. 571 00:21:43,471 --> 00:21:45,306 Shit. Shit. 572 00:21:45,348 --> 00:21:47,642 - It's dragging me into a black hole! 573 00:21:47,683 --> 00:21:49,936 - Sandy! Sandy! 574 00:21:49,977 --> 00:21:54,482 - Ergo, it is not furniture, but a cleaning supply. 575 00:21:54,524 --> 00:21:55,775 - What? 576 00:21:55,817 --> 00:21:57,193 - You need me to spell it out, Barb? 577 00:21:57,235 --> 00:21:58,486 Today's the last-- 578 00:21:58,528 --> 00:22:00,780 - Sandy's inside a machine and might be dead. 579 00:22:00,822 --> 00:22:03,241 - I'm merging with the past. 580 00:22:07,453 --> 00:22:08,704 - [groaning] [pump whirring] 581 00:22:08,746 --> 00:22:09,831 - Oh, my God. 582 00:22:09,872 --> 00:22:11,165 - What is--oh. 583 00:22:11,207 --> 00:22:12,542 - Sandy, stay calm. 584 00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:15,044 - It thinks my whole body's a tit! 585 00:22:15,086 --> 00:22:16,838 [groaning] 586 00:22:16,879 --> 00:22:18,172 - [grunting] 587 00:22:18,214 --> 00:22:19,590 [whirring stops] 588 00:22:19,632 --> 00:22:20,842 - Oh. 589 00:22:20,883 --> 00:22:22,927 - You're okay now. 590 00:22:22,969 --> 00:22:24,178 It's over. 591 00:22:24,220 --> 00:22:25,847 - All right, beautiful moment. 592 00:22:25,888 --> 00:22:27,014 Let's go, Laur. 593 00:22:27,056 --> 00:22:28,433 - Where are you going? 594 00:22:28,474 --> 00:22:31,686 - I'm going to be a host at Amuse Bouche Media. 595 00:22:31,728 --> 00:22:32,895 I'm leaving. 596 00:22:32,937 --> 00:22:34,564 - He's leaving. Lauren's out. 597 00:22:35,982 --> 00:22:37,525 - What? - Oh, come on. 598 00:22:37,567 --> 00:22:39,152 You didn't see it coming? 599 00:22:39,193 --> 00:22:40,611 Lauren fucking Caspian isn't gonna 600 00:22:40,653 --> 00:22:42,196 waste away with you losers. 601 00:22:42,238 --> 00:22:43,281 - I'm not gonna waste away-- 602 00:22:43,322 --> 00:22:45,032 we don't have to call them losers. 603 00:22:45,074 --> 00:22:46,451 - Are you being serious right now? 604 00:22:46,492 --> 00:22:48,119 Look at this group of people. 605 00:22:48,161 --> 00:22:50,872 Look at this dreadful group of humans. 606 00:22:50,913 --> 00:22:52,206 - [clears throat] 607 00:22:52,248 --> 00:22:54,792 - I mean, this guy looks like a C-list mummy man. 608 00:22:54,834 --> 00:22:56,586 You know, one of those guys they threw in the pyramids 609 00:22:56,627 --> 00:22:58,755 so the pharaoh would have company. 610 00:22:58,796 --> 00:23:00,339 - Easy, Gene. 611 00:23:00,381 --> 00:23:02,341 - This one over here is like if Lena Dunham 612 00:23:02,383 --> 00:23:04,469 had a kid with Lena Dunham 613 00:23:04,510 --> 00:23:06,596 and was raised by an au pair Lena Dunham. 614 00:23:06,637 --> 00:23:07,764 - No. Yeah. 615 00:23:07,805 --> 00:23:09,766 I mean, it's uncanny, but it's mean. 616 00:23:09,807 --> 00:23:11,059 - Oh, come on! 617 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:13,061 Look at this guy. 618 00:23:13,102 --> 00:23:14,604 Nerd. 619 00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:15,897 Straight up. 620 00:23:17,273 --> 00:23:18,733 - Just cool it. 621 00:23:18,775 --> 00:23:19,984 - Give me a break. 622 00:23:20,026 --> 00:23:21,319 This one looks like a sad child who dressed up 623 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:22,820 in her father's ugly sweater. 624 00:23:22,862 --> 00:23:24,113 - No. 625 00:23:24,155 --> 00:23:26,574 - It actually belonged to my deceased husband. 626 00:23:26,616 --> 00:23:28,743 - Was he shot by the fashion police? 627 00:23:28,785 --> 00:23:29,994 That's my question. 628 00:23:30,036 --> 00:23:31,162 - Gene, enough! 629 00:23:31,204 --> 00:23:32,455 - I'm just having some fun. 630 00:23:32,497 --> 00:23:34,332 - No, this isn't fun! 631 00:23:34,373 --> 00:23:35,750 I don't know how things work 632 00:23:35,792 --> 00:23:37,293 in the world of luxury athleisure. 633 00:23:37,335 --> 00:23:40,171 But here at NPR, having money doesn't mean 634 00:23:40,213 --> 00:23:41,464 you get to be cruel. 635 00:23:41,506 --> 00:23:43,424 - But Lauren, these people suck. 636 00:23:43,466 --> 00:23:44,926 - Maybe they do. 637 00:23:44,967 --> 00:23:46,469 But they're also my friends. 638 00:23:46,511 --> 00:23:48,054 And I'm not gonna just stand here 639 00:23:48,096 --> 00:23:51,182 and let you ridicule their dead husband's horrible clothes. 640 00:23:51,224 --> 00:23:53,017 - Aw. 641 00:23:53,059 --> 00:23:54,310 - Come on. 642 00:23:54,352 --> 00:23:55,853 - No, I think it's time for you to leave. 643 00:23:55,895 --> 00:23:58,314 You're probably late for an Indian lunch 644 00:23:58,356 --> 00:24:00,483 with Malcolm Gladwell's dirty old penis. 645 00:24:02,026 --> 00:24:03,694 - Do you still want the check? 646 00:24:04,737 --> 00:24:05,822 - Yes, please. 647 00:24:05,863 --> 00:24:07,323 - Yeah. Well, you're not gonna get it. 648 00:24:07,365 --> 00:24:08,991 Fuck you. And fuck them. 649 00:24:10,493 --> 00:24:11,953 Stop looking at me. 650 00:24:11,994 --> 00:24:13,746 Weirdos. 651 00:24:13,788 --> 00:24:16,207 And fuck whatever the hell that lame-ass gift for donors 652 00:24:16,249 --> 00:24:17,792 was supposed to be. 653 00:24:17,834 --> 00:24:19,335 - [shouts] 654 00:24:19,377 --> 00:24:21,129 - [grunts] - Oh, shoot. 655 00:24:21,170 --> 00:24:24,048 - It is a small Bluetooth speaker 656 00:24:24,090 --> 00:24:27,552 that clips onto your belt loop with a carabiner, 657 00:24:27,593 --> 00:24:30,680 you arrogant sack of shit! 658 00:24:30,722 --> 00:24:33,975 Carl, turn up my mic. Let's go! 659 00:24:34,016 --> 00:24:35,518 - You got it. 660 00:24:36,686 --> 00:24:38,396 - Listen up, all you needle-dicked, 661 00:24:38,438 --> 00:24:40,857 neoliberal, piss pants pricks. 662 00:24:40,898 --> 00:24:44,110 [shouting] I am done messing around! 663 00:24:44,152 --> 00:24:45,987 Donate, and we will give you 664 00:24:46,028 --> 00:24:49,490 a motherfucking small Bluetooth speaker that 665 00:24:49,532 --> 00:24:53,911 clips onto your belt loop with a motherfucking carabiner. 666 00:24:53,953 --> 00:24:59,333 It is the perfect size to shove up your little buttholes. 667 00:24:59,375 --> 00:25:01,627 But don't just take my word for it. 668 00:25:01,669 --> 00:25:06,883 Pledge right now and see for yourself, perverts! 669 00:25:06,924 --> 00:25:08,718 Fabian out! 670 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:09,719 [mic thuds] 671 00:25:11,137 --> 00:25:14,057 [Loon calling] 672 00:25:17,060 --> 00:25:19,562 - Holy shit. 673 00:25:20,438 --> 00:25:23,357 - I guess deep down, public radio listeners 674 00:25:23,399 --> 00:25:25,943 are just a bunch of progressive pay pigs 675 00:25:25,985 --> 00:25:27,987 begging to get dommed. 676 00:25:28,029 --> 00:25:29,572 - Who knew? 677 00:25:33,701 --> 00:25:35,036 - And how long will it take the ambulance 678 00:25:35,078 --> 00:25:36,204 to get here? 679 00:25:39,499 --> 00:25:40,666 Mm. 680 00:25:40,708 --> 00:25:42,168 - Voila. 681 00:25:42,210 --> 00:25:45,046 - Sandy, that's like the "Mona Lisa" of wieners. 682 00:25:46,047 --> 00:25:48,007 What's she smiling about? 683 00:25:49,717 --> 00:25:52,178 - Whose house? 684 00:25:52,220 --> 00:25:53,471 - Our house. 685 00:25:54,764 --> 00:25:57,266 - Gene's definitely going to sue us. 686 00:25:58,601 --> 00:25:59,644 Sandy, no! 687 00:25:59,685 --> 00:26:02,605 [jazz music] 688 00:26:02,647 --> 00:26:09,779 * *