1 00:00:08,827 --> 00:00:10,758 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,862 --> 00:00:12,655 [door opens] 3 00:00:18,689 --> 00:00:21,896 And coming in at number three on the Arky Rankings: 4 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,309 Symone Champagne. 5 00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:25,206 Aw, I wanted to be number une. 6 00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:26,827 And fresh off discovering Charles Dickens' 7 00:00:26,965 --> 00:00:28,412 first draft of A Christmas Carol, 8 00:00:28,413 --> 00:00:29,655 where Tim is huge, 9 00:00:29,793 --> 00:00:31,654 at number two, it's Bella Torres. 10 00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:33,517 DOREEN: She's been on a hot streak 11 00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:34,724 ever since returning from the dead. 12 00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:36,274 I wouldn't be surprised, if next week, 13 00:00:36,275 --> 00:00:38,172 - she's number one. - C'est n'importe quoi. 14 00:00:38,275 --> 00:00:40,585 DOREEN: And continuing his reign atop the Arky Rankings: 15 00:00:40,586 --> 00:00:43,206 [singsongy] Zane Troy! 16 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:44,862 Ridicule. 17 00:00:49,137 --> 00:00:51,275 Blanc or rouge? 18 00:00:51,379 --> 00:00:52,585 - Hmm. - [clattering] 19 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,344 Bonjour? 20 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,344 Is someone there? 21 00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,275 - [meowing] - [sighs] 22 00:01:03,413 --> 00:01:05,068 It was only le cat. 23 00:01:05,172 --> 00:01:06,309 - [yowls] - Le shitballs! 24 00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:08,724 [grunting] 25 00:01:10,068 --> 00:01:11,206 [meows] 26 00:01:11,310 --> 00:01:13,448 ♪ ♪ 27 00:01:18,931 --> 00:01:20,171 Hmm. 28 00:01:20,172 --> 00:01:22,172 Okay, I know I can do this. 29 00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:24,000 Whip and yank! 30 00:01:24,103 --> 00:01:25,241 Okay, let's try it again. 31 00:01:25,344 --> 00:01:27,068 Just because I can never become a full arky 32 00:01:27,172 --> 00:01:30,172 doesn't mean I can't become the best assistant arky ever. 33 00:01:30,275 --> 00:01:31,343 Whip and yank! 34 00:01:31,344 --> 00:01:33,068 - [grunting] - [Fleety shrieking] 35 00:01:33,172 --> 00:01:34,793 Ugh! I'm just not getting the hang of this. 36 00:01:34,896 --> 00:01:37,344 What if an actual mannequin attacks me with a banana? 37 00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:40,688 [singsongy] Who likes freshly baked muffins? 38 00:01:40,689 --> 00:01:42,413 - Woo-hoo! - You have to tell me 39 00:01:42,517 --> 00:01:44,551 - how they taste. - Mmm. Rip, they're divine, 40 00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:45,896 as always. 41 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,758 You got to tell me that secret ingredient. 42 00:01:47,862 --> 00:01:50,551 Nuh-uh-uh! A chef never tells. 43 00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:52,000 SWOOPER: Hey, everyone! 44 00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:54,724 Guess who got engaged! 45 00:01:54,827 --> 00:01:55,999 - [cheering] - I was wondering 46 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,586 when you'd pop the question. 47 00:01:57,689 --> 00:01:59,896 Cornelia is one lucky woman. 48 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,655 - Ooh! You shocked me. - Yeah, well, 49 00:02:01,758 --> 00:02:04,000 the human body's a good conductor of electricity. 50 00:02:04,137 --> 00:02:05,689 Now, Rip, there's something I got to ask you. 51 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,655 Will you walk me down the aisle? 52 00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:09,723 Of course I will, my dear friend. 53 00:02:09,724 --> 00:02:12,482 All right! I'm feeling sky-high! 54 00:02:12,586 --> 00:02:14,412 You know what? This is the happiest I've been 55 00:02:14,413 --> 00:02:15,586 - in a long time. - [phone rings] 56 00:02:15,689 --> 00:02:17,137 Well, not everything is perfect. 57 00:02:17,241 --> 00:02:18,551 I still can't do the whip-and-yank. 58 00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:20,310 I'm sure you'll master it soon enough, 59 00:02:20,413 --> 00:02:22,102 if you spent more time practicing 60 00:02:22,103 --> 00:02:24,895 and less time putting on puppet shows using your whip handle. 61 00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:26,689 How dare you say that to Miss Hiss. 62 00:02:26,827 --> 00:02:28,137 - [humming] ♪ Hiss, hiss, hiss ♪ - [Rip laughs] 63 00:02:28,241 --> 00:02:30,793 Yes, things are certainly great! 64 00:02:30,896 --> 00:02:32,517 And they're about to get better. 65 00:02:32,655 --> 00:02:35,413 That was the Louvre. They want to hire you for a job. 66 00:02:35,517 --> 00:02:36,965 Well, that's tremendous! 67 00:02:37,068 --> 00:02:39,310 But, wait, isn't Symone Champagne their head arky? 68 00:02:39,413 --> 00:02:41,413 - I guess she's on vacation. - You see, this is why 69 00:02:41,517 --> 00:02:44,482 I always preach the grind set mindset mentality, Swooper. 70 00:02:44,586 --> 00:02:47,517 If you're not on your hustle, someone else will be. 71 00:02:47,655 --> 00:02:49,412 - I'm learning, I'm learning. - [laughs] 72 00:02:49,413 --> 00:02:50,620 Let's do it! 73 00:02:50,724 --> 00:02:52,550 ♪ ♪ 74 00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:54,620 Avec plaisir. 75 00:02:55,448 --> 00:02:57,448 You got another job! 76 00:02:57,551 --> 00:02:59,965 ♪ ♪ 77 00:03:01,689 --> 00:03:05,206 And landing at number ten on the Arky Rankings: Rip Digman! 78 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:08,034 His first appearance on the Top Ten in over a decade. 79 00:03:08,137 --> 00:03:12,000 To us! And my long-awaited return to the Arky Rankings! 80 00:03:12,103 --> 00:03:15,068 May many more RumChatas befall our lips 81 00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:16,689 in the mirthful moons to come. 82 00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:18,206 - All right. - Not to rain on the parade, 83 00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:19,688 but aren't you a little suspicious? 84 00:03:19,689 --> 00:03:21,310 All those museums have in-house arkies. 85 00:03:21,413 --> 00:03:23,344 Why do they keep turning to us with assignments? 86 00:03:23,448 --> 00:03:24,862 Because their arkies were on vacation. 87 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,551 I don't see what the big deal is. 88 00:03:26,655 --> 00:03:28,172 You don't think it's the slightest bit odd 89 00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:30,551 that all of the arkies in the Arky Rankings Top Ten 90 00:03:30,689 --> 00:03:32,172 are on vacation at the same time? 91 00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:33,999 Not all of them. Bella's on there, 92 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,379 and I'm getting coffee with her at 1:59 tomorrow. 93 00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:40,517 I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. 94 00:03:42,724 --> 00:03:44,413 - [beeping] - Bella didn't show up 95 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:46,206 for our coffee. She must have been kidnapped. 96 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,413 Or killed! Those are the only two options! 97 00:03:48,517 --> 00:03:49,826 I think that's a bit of a leap, but I'm glad 98 00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:51,551 you're lending credence to my theory. 99 00:03:51,655 --> 00:03:53,758 So, someone is disappearing arkies. Who would do that? 100 00:03:53,862 --> 00:03:55,688 It can only be one person: Zane. 101 00:03:55,689 --> 00:03:57,862 He's eliminating anyone who might threaten his place 102 00:03:57,965 --> 00:03:59,275 atop the Arky Rankings. 103 00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:01,206 - Why would he do that? - Oh, my God, Saltine. 104 00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:03,724 Do you not even know how much money you make in endorsements 105 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,068 if you're the number one arky? 106 00:04:05,172 --> 00:04:07,205 We're talking copious skrilla, my dude! 107 00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:09,689 Now let's go confront that bastard. 108 00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:13,310 Rip Digman. Sorry, I'm on my way out the door. 109 00:04:13,413 --> 00:04:15,103 I'm meeting up with my secret society 110 00:04:15,206 --> 00:04:16,827 to watch The Eligible Arkyette. 111 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:19,758 No problemo. We're just here to see and possibly kill Zane. 112 00:04:19,862 --> 00:04:21,861 - NBD. - No can do. Zane's on vacation. 113 00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,757 "Sorry I didn't say goodbye, 114 00:04:23,758 --> 00:04:25,482 "but I'm taking a mental health break. 115 00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:28,240 - Back soon, bruv." - Huh, this seems suspicious. 116 00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:29,827 Do you have the security camera footage 117 00:04:29,931 --> 00:04:31,000 from his last day of work? 118 00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:32,482 Does a bear shit in toilets 119 00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:33,758 I invented specifically for turning bear shit 120 00:04:33,896 --> 00:04:34,827 into fossil fuel? 121 00:04:34,931 --> 00:04:36,103 Follow me. 122 00:04:36,793 --> 00:04:38,448 Put this on. My security cameras record 123 00:04:38,586 --> 00:04:40,275 in high-tech smell-o-vision. 124 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,379 Okay, but you better not show us Skunks: The Movie. 125 00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:45,033 - Mm, mm. - Ugh. 126 00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:47,206 I hate the smell of Zane's signature scent. 127 00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:49,310 It's just a rip-off of my old cologne, 128 00:04:49,448 --> 00:04:51,550 Ketchup Smell by Rip. 129 00:04:51,551 --> 00:04:52,895 - [Zane yells] - [gasping] 130 00:04:52,896 --> 00:04:53,965 SALTINE: Oh, my smell-o-vision goggles! 131 00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:55,896 Zane was kidnapped! 132 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,585 That is what's been happening to all of the top arkies! 133 00:04:58,586 --> 00:05:00,275 [sniffing] Wait, I know that smell. 134 00:05:00,379 --> 00:05:04,274 It's a mix of winged bellflower and mallow bindweed, 135 00:05:04,275 --> 00:05:06,379 unique to one place on Earth. 136 00:05:07,310 --> 00:05:08,551 [door slams] 137 00:05:08,689 --> 00:05:11,034 WOMAN: Good morning, arkies. 138 00:05:11,137 --> 00:05:13,689 Have any of you reconsidered my offer? 139 00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:16,137 No arky on Earth would agree to your demands. 140 00:05:16,241 --> 00:05:18,827 Then the torture shall continue. 141 00:05:18,931 --> 00:05:21,586 For years, you have put relics in museums 142 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,827 to be ogled by mindless museumgoers day in and day out. 143 00:05:24,965 --> 00:05:26,172 - So what? - Yeah. 144 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:27,931 So now that you yourselves are confined, 145 00:05:28,034 --> 00:05:30,931 how would you like it if a relic were to look at you? 146 00:05:31,034 --> 00:05:33,862 - No! You sick fuck! - [crying, shouting] 147 00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:36,586 I am so proud I thought of this. 148 00:05:36,689 --> 00:05:37,827 RIP: Breathe it in, Saltine. 149 00:05:37,931 --> 00:05:39,344 Recognize that smell? 150 00:05:39,448 --> 00:05:40,586 A mix of winged bellflower 151 00:05:40,689 --> 00:05:42,068 - and mallow bindweed! - Precisely. 152 00:05:42,172 --> 00:05:45,034 Our kidnapper must be around here somewhere. 153 00:05:45,172 --> 00:05:47,413 WOMAN: Rip Digman. 154 00:05:47,517 --> 00:05:49,792 It's been a while since last we met. 155 00:05:49,793 --> 00:05:52,793 Oh! Um, hey, you! 156 00:05:52,896 --> 00:05:54,172 Good to see you again. 157 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,757 [quietly] I have no fucking idea who this is. 158 00:05:55,758 --> 00:05:57,931 Wow, it's been a while, huh? 159 00:05:58,034 --> 00:05:59,517 When was the last time we saw each other? 160 00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,206 [quietly] Never seen this creep in my life. 161 00:06:01,310 --> 00:06:03,551 So what's new? [quietly] Bail me out here, Saltine. 162 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,137 I'm basically dying of embarrassment. 163 00:06:08,413 --> 00:06:10,758 Do you remember the last time you were here, Rip Digman? 164 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,758 Christ Figure here! Get your Christ Figures! 165 00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:16,931 Here it is, the Christ Figure! 166 00:06:17,068 --> 00:06:19,103 - [oohing] - Rip, are you in position? 167 00:06:19,241 --> 00:06:21,241 - Affirmative, my true love. - CONFESSOR: Father? 168 00:06:21,344 --> 00:06:22,550 May I begin my confession? 169 00:06:22,551 --> 00:06:23,793 [quietly] Shit, I'm delayed. 170 00:06:23,896 --> 00:06:24,965 Someone actually wants confession. 171 00:06:25,068 --> 00:06:26,310 Well, get rid of them. Fast. 172 00:06:26,413 --> 00:06:29,000 I steal toilet paper from my office. 173 00:06:29,103 --> 00:06:32,068 Okay. Um, you should... 174 00:06:32,172 --> 00:06:33,689 kill yourself? 175 00:06:34,482 --> 00:06:36,688 - We're all clear. - Question. Wasn't this artifact 176 00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,310 donated to the Smithsonian 177 00:06:38,413 --> 00:06:40,999 before it "mysteriously" went missing and ended up here? 178 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,275 - Um... - Follow-up question. 179 00:06:42,413 --> 00:06:44,068 Mind if I take it for a spin? 180 00:06:44,206 --> 00:06:45,205 [grunts] 181 00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:46,931 - Ha-ha! - Security! 182 00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:52,344 There's no escape, you fool. 183 00:06:52,448 --> 00:06:54,275 What the...? 184 00:06:54,379 --> 00:06:55,481 We got it! Let's go! 185 00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:56,826 Zane, the shovel! 186 00:06:56,827 --> 00:06:58,448 - Leave no trace! - [whimpers] 187 00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:00,137 You didn't see nothin', kid. 188 00:07:00,931 --> 00:07:03,551 I still don't see why I had to wear this humiliating costume 189 00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:05,309 - just to be the lookout. - Because this was 190 00:07:05,310 --> 00:07:08,137 a high-intensity situation and we needed the comic relief! 191 00:07:08,241 --> 00:07:09,482 Swooper, go! 192 00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:12,102 WOMAN: My mother 193 00:07:12,103 --> 00:07:14,034 ran the gift stand in front of the church. 194 00:07:14,137 --> 00:07:17,068 But after you stole the Christ Figure, we lost everything. 195 00:07:17,172 --> 00:07:18,586 We couldn't even afford a doctor. 196 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,172 Some say my mom died 197 00:07:20,275 --> 00:07:22,792 because she was bitten by a poisonous long-nosed viper. 198 00:07:22,793 --> 00:07:25,482 But I know she died of a broken heart. 199 00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:27,586 Remember this, Mr. Digman? 200 00:07:27,689 --> 00:07:30,068 [gasps] That's the 1997 silver half-dollar 201 00:07:30,172 --> 00:07:32,482 I flipped to that kid I knew I would never see again. 202 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,412 - Well, that kid was... - I wonder who it's gonna be. 203 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,689 - ...me. - [yells] 204 00:07:36,827 --> 00:07:38,793 Before she died, I swore to my mother 205 00:07:38,896 --> 00:07:40,344 that I, Vindita, 206 00:07:40,448 --> 00:07:42,724 would return the Christ Figure to its rightful home. 207 00:07:42,827 --> 00:07:44,896 - It belongs to the Smithsonian. - Ha! 208 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,551 All you arkies are the same. 209 00:07:46,689 --> 00:07:50,655 You love to dig, but you never dig deep enough. 210 00:07:50,758 --> 00:07:52,000 Follow me. 211 00:07:52,862 --> 00:07:54,172 [door buzzes] 212 00:07:54,965 --> 00:07:56,517 RIP: Hey, everyone! Guess who's here 213 00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:57,964 to save you! 214 00:07:57,965 --> 00:08:00,136 - [booing, groaning] - Oh, not this guy! 215 00:08:00,137 --> 00:08:01,931 VINDITA: I kidnapped all the top arkies 216 00:08:02,034 --> 00:08:04,103 and tried to convince them to steal the Christ Figure, 217 00:08:04,241 --> 00:08:05,171 and they all refused. 218 00:08:05,172 --> 00:08:06,448 Because arkies put artifacts 219 00:08:06,551 --> 00:08:08,068 into museums, not take them out. 220 00:08:08,172 --> 00:08:09,689 We swore an oath to Yorbo. 221 00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:11,171 Why not just steal it yourself? 222 00:08:11,172 --> 00:08:14,103 The Smithsonian never even put it on display. 223 00:08:14,241 --> 00:08:17,586 It's hidden away in their ultra-secure storage archives. 224 00:08:17,689 --> 00:08:19,688 So that's why you were kidnapping the top ten arkies. 225 00:08:19,689 --> 00:08:21,931 Okay, somebody explain this whole thing to me. 226 00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,413 The Smithsonian allows anyone on the Arky Top Ten 227 00:08:24,517 --> 00:08:26,689 to access their archives for research purposes. 228 00:08:26,793 --> 00:08:29,448 Got it. And "arky," that's short for "archaeologist"? 229 00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:31,931 And now that you are on the Top Ten, Mr. Digman, 230 00:08:32,034 --> 00:08:33,826 you can just waltz into the archives 231 00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:36,448 and retrieve the Christ Figure for me. 232 00:08:36,551 --> 00:08:39,068 - Fine, I will. - No, you can't trust her! 233 00:08:39,172 --> 00:08:41,965 But if I do, you have to promise to let everyone go. 234 00:08:42,068 --> 00:08:43,896 It's a deal. But any funny business 235 00:08:44,034 --> 00:08:45,448 and they all die. 236 00:08:45,586 --> 00:08:48,103 Of old age? JK, JK. I know what you were saying. 237 00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:50,379 It would be so hilarious though if that's what you meant. 238 00:08:50,517 --> 00:08:51,999 Don't you agree? 239 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,448 [chuckles] 240 00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:57,723 ♪ 241 00:08:57,724 --> 00:08:59,758 AUTOMATED VOICE: Arky Top Ten confirmed. 242 00:09:00,896 --> 00:09:02,310 Welcome, Mr. Digman. I understand 243 00:09:02,448 --> 00:09:03,931 you're here today to see the Christ Figure, 244 00:09:04,034 --> 00:09:05,895 one of my favorite pieces in our collection. 245 00:09:05,896 --> 00:09:07,482 Indeed, indeed. 246 00:09:07,620 --> 00:09:09,862 We'd be more than happy to show it to you for research purposes. 247 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,965 Of course, you can't leave the facility with it. 248 00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:13,517 Me? I wouldn't think of it. 249 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,517 The very thought nearly sends me into a tizzy. 250 00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:17,586 ARCHIE: Truly a remarkable piece. 251 00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:19,172 It's made of dilonium crystal, 252 00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:21,965 one of the rarest and most pyroelectric materials on Earth. 253 00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:23,585 Yes. 'Tis wonderful, indeed. 254 00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:25,310 This is certainly helping my research. 255 00:09:25,413 --> 00:09:27,482 And may I ask, what kind of research are you doing? 256 00:09:27,586 --> 00:09:29,895 Uh, copious amounts, to be certain, yeah. 257 00:09:29,896 --> 00:09:31,379 My favorite quantity of research. 258 00:09:31,482 --> 00:09:32,793 You're a man after my own heart. 259 00:09:32,896 --> 00:09:35,274 Yes, yes, this is certainly assisting my research. 260 00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,103 I certainly may be examining this 261 00:09:37,206 --> 00:09:38,517 for a good long while, you know? 262 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,000 I'm more than happy to wait. 263 00:09:40,137 --> 00:09:42,103 Indeed, indeed. Hey, what's that over there?! 264 00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:43,655 I can tell by the direction you're pointing 265 00:09:43,793 --> 00:09:45,206 it's our new Etruscan cauldron. 266 00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:46,448 Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah. 267 00:09:46,551 --> 00:09:48,068 So what's over that way?! 268 00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:50,137 In that particular direction, it could be but one thing: 269 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,619 our 14th century Ming vase. 270 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:53,412 Oh, that's also completely interesting. 271 00:09:53,413 --> 00:09:55,275 Something scary is behind you! 272 00:09:55,379 --> 00:09:57,482 I'm so glad you've noticed our new hannya mask 273 00:09:57,620 --> 00:09:59,620 from the Edo period. 274 00:10:02,344 --> 00:10:04,655 Hey, Saltine. What do you think of my new earring? 275 00:10:04,793 --> 00:10:05,896 It's cool. You look good. 276 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,067 Cornelia gave it to me. 277 00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:08,689 It means so much to me. 278 00:10:08,793 --> 00:10:10,448 Swooper, start the chopper! 279 00:10:10,551 --> 00:10:11,965 - Oh, crap! - Rip, grab the rope ladder! 280 00:10:12,068 --> 00:10:13,655 [yells] 281 00:10:14,137 --> 00:10:15,241 [grunts] 282 00:10:15,344 --> 00:10:17,000 [screaming] 283 00:10:18,103 --> 00:10:19,447 Just take the Christ Figure! 284 00:10:19,448 --> 00:10:21,448 - Whip and yank! Whip and yank! - [whimpers] 285 00:10:21,551 --> 00:10:22,757 [distorted] Saltine! 286 00:10:22,758 --> 00:10:25,517 - Whip and yank! - [breathing heavily] 287 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:26,482 [grunts] 288 00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:27,862 - Ow! - [screams] 289 00:10:27,965 --> 00:10:29,137 [yells] 290 00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,448 - [screaming] - I've got something 291 00:10:32,586 --> 00:10:33,448 you can research. 292 00:10:33,586 --> 00:10:35,241 Human jaw pain! 293 00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,344 - [grunts, yelling] - He's free! Take off! 294 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,827 I got the Christ Figure! 295 00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:42,793 Wait a second. Swooper, where's your earring? 296 00:10:42,896 --> 00:10:45,103 I almost don't recognize you without it! 297 00:10:45,206 --> 00:10:46,827 It's gone! 298 00:10:46,965 --> 00:10:49,241 I tore it off with my botched whip-and-yank. 299 00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:51,965 There, there, good buddy. I know it meant so much to you. 300 00:10:52,103 --> 00:10:53,793 I just miss it, you know? 301 00:10:53,896 --> 00:10:56,034 I know I'll feel better someday. I know that. 302 00:10:56,137 --> 00:10:58,206 But I'm so sad right now. 303 00:10:58,310 --> 00:11:00,689 There's nothing I can say that'll make you feel better. 304 00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,551 But the world appreciates your sacrifice. 305 00:11:07,655 --> 00:11:09,620 Don't worry. It's all going according to the plan. 306 00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:11,965 [singsongy] Yoo-hoo! We got the Christ figure! 307 00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:14,965 Mr. Digman. 308 00:11:15,103 --> 00:11:17,827 You've played right into the palm of my hand, 309 00:11:17,965 --> 00:11:20,620 which I've been told is abnormally soft and cold. 310 00:11:20,724 --> 00:11:22,896 This figurine is made of dilonium crystals. 311 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,931 That's the rarest and most pyroelectric material on Earth! 312 00:11:26,034 --> 00:11:27,550 And the only thing that can power 313 00:11:27,551 --> 00:11:30,758 my long-range, ultra-destructive laser cannon. 314 00:11:30,896 --> 00:11:34,241 Or as I call it, the History Maker. 315 00:11:34,344 --> 00:11:37,517 [laughing maniacally] 316 00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,620 I'm going to incinerate every museum on the planet. 317 00:11:41,724 --> 00:11:43,620 Now throw them in the cell with the others. 318 00:11:43,724 --> 00:11:45,103 But that's cheating! 319 00:11:45,241 --> 00:11:47,033 - You moron! - I told you not to trust her! 320 00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:50,896 And now it's time for my network television debut. 321 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:54,482 This is the hardest shovel ceremony yet. 322 00:11:54,586 --> 00:11:55,895 [voice breaking] On this journey, 323 00:11:55,896 --> 00:11:58,482 I've developed a deep connection with all of you. 324 00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:01,034 - And us you. - LOU: I wonder 325 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:04,344 - who she's going to pick. - My money's on Yedward the Yeti. 326 00:12:04,448 --> 00:12:06,655 Hello, world. Sorry to interrupt. 327 00:12:06,758 --> 00:12:08,517 - What is this? - [all clamoring] 328 00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:12,240 For years, museums have stolen artifacts without consequence. 329 00:12:12,241 --> 00:12:13,241 Until now. 330 00:12:13,344 --> 00:12:15,481 As retribution for their crimes, 331 00:12:15,482 --> 00:12:18,724 I am going to destroy every major museum on Earth, 332 00:12:18,862 --> 00:12:21,827 starting with one of the most beloved of all: 333 00:12:21,965 --> 00:12:23,551 the U2 Museum in Dublin, Ireland. 334 00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:26,172 [gasps] In the name of love, why?! 335 00:12:27,793 --> 00:12:29,827 Wow, they got a photo of Bono. 336 00:12:29,965 --> 00:12:32,068 Huh, I've always wondered what he looks like. 337 00:12:32,172 --> 00:12:33,619 [shouting] 338 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:38,000 No! We just installed an exhibit about the music they make. 339 00:12:38,103 --> 00:12:41,172 And as my refracting satellite continues 340 00:12:41,310 --> 00:12:44,309 to move into position, I'll destroy the rest! 341 00:12:44,310 --> 00:12:45,793 Now back to your show. 342 00:12:45,896 --> 00:12:47,585 By the way, I think Ximena will pick Blueberry. 343 00:12:47,586 --> 00:12:49,379 He treats her like a queen. 344 00:12:49,517 --> 00:12:51,274 I'm sorry, Snerdly Tootbottom. 345 00:12:51,275 --> 00:12:52,413 Can I walk you out? 346 00:12:52,517 --> 00:12:54,344 Oh, poor me. 347 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:55,724 [sighs, farts] 348 00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:58,413 Okay, look, clearly we all screwed up. 349 00:12:58,517 --> 00:13:00,102 "We"? You're the one that handed her 350 00:13:00,103 --> 00:13:02,068 - the dilonium crystal. - Well, no one stopped me, 351 00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:04,379 even though you all know I'm a people pleaser. 352 00:13:04,482 --> 00:13:05,620 Guys, come on. 353 00:13:05,724 --> 00:13:07,241 We're the greatest arkies in the world. 354 00:13:07,344 --> 00:13:08,931 If we use our collective knowledge of history, 355 00:13:09,068 --> 00:13:10,241 I'm sure we can find a way out. 356 00:13:10,344 --> 00:13:11,723 You're absolutely right, my ex-wife, 357 00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,103 for whom I still pine even though you've 358 00:13:13,206 --> 00:13:14,689 made it clear you're not interested. 359 00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,137 Okay, now, I believe this church was constructed 360 00:13:16,241 --> 00:13:17,448 during the early fourth century. 361 00:13:17,586 --> 00:13:18,758 During the reign of Constantine the Great. 362 00:13:18,862 --> 00:13:20,620 With semicircular niches in the corners. 363 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:23,931 - VOICE: Where's my man?! - [banging on door] 364 00:13:24,068 --> 00:13:26,206 What the hell was that? 365 00:13:26,310 --> 00:13:27,793 [shouts] 366 00:13:27,896 --> 00:13:29,379 Cornelia! 367 00:13:31,241 --> 00:13:33,620 - That's Cornelia? - My true love. 368 00:13:33,758 --> 00:13:36,689 Yes! I told her we were coming here. 369 00:13:36,793 --> 00:13:39,103 Are you okay, Swoopy-poo? 370 00:13:39,206 --> 00:13:41,896 I am now that you're here, my little corn pop. 371 00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:43,448 Let's go! 372 00:13:44,551 --> 00:13:46,275 [grunting] 373 00:13:48,413 --> 00:13:49,517 Hyah! 374 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,171 - Stop them! - Hyah, machete! 375 00:13:51,172 --> 00:13:53,275 Hyah, whip and yank! 376 00:13:53,379 --> 00:13:54,551 [gasps] 377 00:13:54,655 --> 00:13:56,241 Take that and that! 378 00:13:56,379 --> 00:13:58,068 Impressive. 379 00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:01,103 I ought to give you a hand. 380 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,344 [grunts] 381 00:14:08,034 --> 00:14:09,482 Let's finish this thing. 382 00:14:09,586 --> 00:14:11,620 You'll have to kill me first. 383 00:14:11,724 --> 00:14:12,723 - Okay. - Fuck! 384 00:14:12,724 --> 00:14:14,862 Hyah, leg sweep-uh! 385 00:14:20,344 --> 00:14:21,482 - [whimpers] - [grunts] 386 00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:23,827 This is so crazy. What's going on? 387 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,827 I feel like we should be asking you that question, Quail. 388 00:14:26,965 --> 00:14:28,447 Why's that, Billy Themet? 389 00:14:28,448 --> 00:14:30,619 The hologram that displayed all the museum targets. 390 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:33,793 One museum was suspiciously missing: yours. 391 00:14:33,896 --> 00:14:36,895 [all murmuring] 392 00:14:36,896 --> 00:14:38,931 Okay, you caught me. 393 00:14:39,034 --> 00:14:41,551 Yeah, I'm trying to blow up all of your museums. 394 00:14:41,655 --> 00:14:43,517 But why, Quail? You were one of us. 395 00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:45,551 Actually, no, I was faking this entire time. 396 00:14:45,655 --> 00:14:47,895 I've been planning my revenge on all of you 397 00:14:47,896 --> 00:14:49,793 ever since you killed my dad. 398 00:14:49,896 --> 00:14:51,447 You really thought I was okay with that? 399 00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:52,482 - Guess that was pretty mean. - [overlapping chatter] 400 00:14:52,620 --> 00:14:53,827 I met Vindita one day 401 00:14:53,965 --> 00:14:55,620 as I caught her scoping out the Eegan. 402 00:14:55,724 --> 00:14:58,827 After a brief chat, I realized we had similar goals in mind. 403 00:14:58,931 --> 00:15:02,379 So I gave her a laser cannon and financed her entire operation. 404 00:15:02,517 --> 00:15:04,000 You're not gonna get away with this. 405 00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,724 [shouting, grunting] 406 00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:09,344 [grunting on TV] 407 00:15:09,448 --> 00:15:11,241 Get off of me! 408 00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,689 Look on my knifey and despair! 409 00:15:13,827 --> 00:15:15,275 [shouts] 410 00:15:15,379 --> 00:15:17,482 I knew I should've killed you the first time I saw you. 411 00:15:17,586 --> 00:15:20,068 - When I was a little kid? - A nosy little kid, yeah! 412 00:15:20,172 --> 00:15:22,655 Time to send you back. 413 00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:24,310 [whimpering] 414 00:15:24,413 --> 00:15:26,241 I know what I must do. 415 00:15:26,344 --> 00:15:28,758 Now to finally avenge the death of my mother, 416 00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:31,826 who, as I previously mentioned, died from the bite of-- 417 00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:34,551 - A longnose viper! - [Saltine vocalizing] 418 00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:38,586 [shouting] 419 00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:43,034 Saltine, Miss Hiss rescued me! 420 00:15:43,137 --> 00:15:45,343 - Museums are saved! - [cheering] 421 00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,931 Your plan failed, Mr. Eegan. You've lost. 422 00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:50,000 Ugh. You just can't trust supervillains these days. 423 00:15:50,103 --> 00:15:51,516 - Oh, well. - [beeping] 424 00:15:51,517 --> 00:15:53,241 AUTOMATED VOICE: Self-destruct sequence 425 00:15:53,344 --> 00:15:54,827 initiated. 426 00:15:57,758 --> 00:16:00,793 Alexa, deactivate self-destruct sequence. 427 00:16:00,896 --> 00:16:02,517 AUTOMATED VOICE: Playing 428 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:04,310 "Deactivate Self-Destruct Sequence" by the Watingos. 429 00:16:04,448 --> 00:16:05,620 ♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪ 430 00:16:05,758 --> 00:16:06,965 ♪ Please don't self-destruct ♪ 431 00:16:07,103 --> 00:16:09,413 ♪ I love you, I guess... ♪ 432 00:16:09,517 --> 00:16:11,310 Oh, God, this song sucks! 433 00:16:11,413 --> 00:16:13,620 [groaning, overlapping shouting] 434 00:16:18,413 --> 00:16:19,620 [grunting] We can't get out. 435 00:16:19,724 --> 00:16:21,344 How can we defuse this thing? 436 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,206 [echoing] ...defuse this thing? 437 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,103 ♪ ♪ 438 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,689 Come on, Slowsy! 439 00:16:50,413 --> 00:16:51,448 Faster, Slowsy! 440 00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:52,862 Faster! 441 00:16:52,965 --> 00:16:54,757 I know you've got it in you! 442 00:16:54,758 --> 00:16:56,620 Slowsy, faster! 443 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:59,827 - [screams] - [distorted yell] 444 00:17:00,724 --> 00:17:02,137 [sniffs] 445 00:17:05,655 --> 00:17:07,172 OFFICER: Bye. Good job, Slowsy. 446 00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:11,793 - [grunting] - What's that, Fleety? 447 00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:13,724 If I connect that red cable to the green one, 448 00:17:13,827 --> 00:17:15,343 it'll reroute the voltage and short out the system, 449 00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:16,964 - disabling the self-destruct? - [grunts] 450 00:17:16,965 --> 00:17:19,689 As usual, thanks for being so fast. 451 00:17:19,827 --> 00:17:21,551 - Here you go. - [sniffs] 452 00:17:21,655 --> 00:17:23,206 Okay, Saltine, you're with me. 453 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:25,517 Bella, Swooper, you grab the green one. 454 00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:26,551 On it! 455 00:17:26,655 --> 00:17:28,931 [grunting] 456 00:17:29,034 --> 00:17:30,688 - [grunts] - Almost there. 457 00:17:30,689 --> 00:17:33,551 Hey, all this weird death stuff has made me hungry. 458 00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:35,586 Who's up for poke bowls later? 459 00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:37,517 Oh, shit, Vendita's alive! 460 00:17:37,655 --> 00:17:39,137 Die! 461 00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,034 - Oh, crap! - It can't reach anymore. 462 00:17:43,137 --> 00:17:44,206 - C'est fini. - We're gonna die. 463 00:17:44,344 --> 00:17:45,896 [timer beeping] 464 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,068 As usual, you're wrong, Zane. 465 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,034 We are not gonna die. 466 00:17:55,137 --> 00:17:57,000 Not all of us anyway. 467 00:17:58,517 --> 00:17:59,826 Rip, what are you doing? 468 00:17:59,827 --> 00:18:02,620 You said it yourself way earlier, Swooper. 469 00:18:02,724 --> 00:18:05,793 The human body is a good conductor of electricity. 470 00:18:05,896 --> 00:18:08,551 There's over 10,000 volts running through that thing. 471 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,310 - Rip, no. - What are you doing, Rip? 472 00:18:10,448 --> 00:18:12,793 That which must be done. 473 00:18:12,931 --> 00:18:16,689 Hyah, save all my friends and colleagues! 474 00:18:17,448 --> 00:18:19,482 [Rip sputtering] 475 00:18:23,793 --> 00:18:25,241 [grunts] 476 00:18:25,379 --> 00:18:26,965 Rip? 477 00:18:27,827 --> 00:18:29,827 [groans] I can't see anything, Saltine. 478 00:18:29,931 --> 00:18:32,448 - Is that you? - Yes, Rip, it's me. 479 00:18:32,551 --> 00:18:34,310 I guess it happens to every arky. 480 00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:37,482 You go from digging up history to becoming it. 481 00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:40,655 I always wanted to say that. Saltine, I'm fading. 482 00:18:40,758 --> 00:18:42,551 Promise me you'll walk Swooper down the aisle. 483 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,895 I will, Rip. I will. 484 00:18:43,896 --> 00:18:46,550 And tell Agatha [coughs] the secret ingredient 485 00:18:46,551 --> 00:18:48,793 in my muffins is flour. 486 00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:50,310 I'll tell her. Of course I will. 487 00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,827 Saltine, I officially name you my replacement. 488 00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:55,000 Congratulations. You're a full-blown arky now. 489 00:18:55,103 --> 00:18:57,758 - Shh. Rip, you're delirious. - No, I mean it. 490 00:18:57,896 --> 00:18:59,310 If you don't pass the arky trials, 491 00:18:59,413 --> 00:19:00,827 the only other way to become an arky 492 00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:02,206 is if your boss names you 493 00:19:02,310 --> 00:19:03,344 their replacement on their deathbed. 494 00:19:03,448 --> 00:19:05,000 - Is that true? - It is. 495 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,241 It's true as shit. 496 00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:08,585 You can ask Yorbo. He'll back me up. 497 00:19:08,586 --> 00:19:10,379 Wow. Thank you, Rip. 498 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,034 Oh, and, hey, check it out. 499 00:19:12,172 --> 00:19:13,379 I finally-- [coughs] 500 00:19:13,482 --> 00:19:16,827 I finally got Garf's stripes right. 501 00:19:16,931 --> 00:19:18,827 - Pretty good, huh? - It's perfect. 502 00:19:18,931 --> 00:19:21,172 Just remember, Saltine, you don't have to learn 503 00:19:21,275 --> 00:19:23,551 how to whip and yank to be an arky. 504 00:19:23,655 --> 00:19:27,724 You can be your own arky in your own way. 505 00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:30,517 - Thank you, Rip. - Okay. You're welcome. 506 00:19:30,620 --> 00:19:34,655 Hey, can you have Swooper come over here for a sec now? 507 00:19:37,586 --> 00:19:39,103 What is it, boss? 508 00:19:39,206 --> 00:19:40,862 I just told Saltine she doesn't need to learn how to whip, 509 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,619 but that was some horseshit to make her feel better. 510 00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:44,274 You got to make her practice more. 511 00:19:44,275 --> 00:19:45,896 She's so freaking boned if she doesn't learn how to use 512 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,379 her whip, I don't even want to think about it. 513 00:19:47,482 --> 00:19:48,826 - I will. - Okay, good. Thanks, buddy. 514 00:19:48,827 --> 00:19:50,689 She's such trash right now with the whip. 515 00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:53,000 Ooh, hyah, 516 00:19:53,103 --> 00:19:55,655 die. 517 00:19:56,448 --> 00:19:58,448 [birds calling] 518 00:19:58,551 --> 00:20:01,724 Once again, Rip Digman is dead at middle age. 519 00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:03,862 Here is his in memoriam segment. 520 00:20:03,965 --> 00:20:06,137 [jaunty music playing] 521 00:20:09,172 --> 00:20:13,379 So... sorry for trying to destroy all your museums. 522 00:20:13,482 --> 00:20:15,655 I didn't even mention I was gonna kill you guys as well. 523 00:20:15,758 --> 00:20:16,965 Sorry for that, too. 524 00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:19,068 I'll gather my stuff from my cubby and... 525 00:20:19,172 --> 00:20:21,309 Quail, there's no need. You're all right in our book. 526 00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:23,103 - I am? - It was messed up for us to lie 527 00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:25,551 about killing your dad so we could all make more money. 528 00:20:25,655 --> 00:20:27,344 Like, we don't regret it, but we admit 529 00:20:27,448 --> 00:20:29,344 it was sus, so let's call it even. 530 00:20:29,482 --> 00:20:30,793 Besides, we've all tried to destroy 531 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:32,586 each other's museums at one point or another. 532 00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,136 Wow. So I guess we can all move on, 533 00:20:34,137 --> 00:20:36,206 even though none of us have any reason 534 00:20:36,344 --> 00:20:38,000 whatsoever to trust each other. 535 00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,275 [laughter] 536 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,862 [jaunty music continues] 537 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,620 - That was beautiful. - Check it out, guys. 538 00:20:44,724 --> 00:20:45,757 I framed Rip's Garf. 539 00:20:45,758 --> 00:20:47,034 What do you think? 540 00:20:47,137 --> 00:20:48,551 - It's great, Saltine. - I love it. 541 00:20:48,655 --> 00:20:49,862 But enough of the distractions. 542 00:20:49,965 --> 00:20:51,758 Time for your whip practice, Saltine. 543 00:20:51,862 --> 00:20:53,103 I know, I know. 544 00:20:53,206 --> 00:20:54,586 Now, where did I leave that thing? 545 00:20:54,724 --> 00:20:56,241 Oh, that's right. It's downstairs. 546 00:20:56,344 --> 00:20:57,758 Great. I'll meet you outside. 547 00:20:57,896 --> 00:21:00,516 ["Hazy Shade of Winter" by The Bangles playing] 548 00:21:00,517 --> 00:21:04,275 ♪ See what's become of me ♪ 549 00:21:04,413 --> 00:21:06,413 There it is. 550 00:21:07,413 --> 00:21:09,482 See you later, Rip. 551 00:21:10,344 --> 00:21:12,379 ♪ ♪ 552 00:21:19,172 --> 00:21:20,310 ♪ Time, time, time ♪ 553 00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:23,412 ♪ See what's become of me ♪ 554 00:21:23,413 --> 00:21:25,620 ♪ While I looked around ♪ 555 00:21:25,724 --> 00:21:29,344 ♪ For my possibilities ♪ 556 00:21:29,482 --> 00:21:32,862 ♪ I was so hard to please ♪ 557 00:21:32,965 --> 00:21:34,448 ♪ Look around ♪ 558 00:21:34,551 --> 00:21:35,965 ♪ Leaves are brown ♪ 559 00:21:36,103 --> 00:21:38,275 ♪ And the sky is a hazy ♪ 560 00:21:38,379 --> 00:21:41,724 ♪ Shade of winter. ♪ 561 00:21:44,620 --> 00:21:46,793 ♪ MTV. ♪