♪ ♪
SWOOPER: ♪ Every day ♪
♪ I make a frowning face ♪
♪ I'm not glad, I am sad ♪
♪ Well, I used to laugh like, "ho-ho, hee-hee" ♪
♪ But now I cry ♪
♪ "Boo-hoo, bee-hee" ♪
♪ Well, my eyes are filled ♪
♪ With shiny teardrops ♪
♪ And there they go ♪
♪ Plop, plop, plop ♪
♪ I'm a sad pilot ♪
♪ I'm a ♪
[falsetto]: ♪ Sad pilot... ♪
Hey, knock it off! I'm on a Zoom!
[dialing]
[line ringing]
Hey, how's Swooper Jr. doing?
He's fine, Swooper.
He's getting an award at school on Friday.
That's great. I'll be there.
Hey, boss, can I get this Friday off?
Yeah, sure, you can take off.
Take off into the sky for a long day of work
because we just got hired to find
Amelia Earhart's plane.
Wait, why do you ask? Is it for a religious thing
and I could get in trouble if I make you work?
-No. -Great! Then buckle up
because we just got hired to find Amelia Earhart's plane!
♪ ♪
RIP: The Aviation Museum got a tip
that Emilia Earhart's plane might be around here,
so stay frosty.
-You got it, Rip. -Agatha?
If you're on the plane, who's running the office?
[ringing]
Bleargh! [chomps]
Okay, but why are you here?
Because I want to earn airline miles.
But we're on Swooper's plane, not a commercial flight.
I also have a mileage program.
The more you fly with me, the more Swoop-tificates you accrue.
They're coupons for stuff he'll do for you,
like making your bed, unloading the dishwasher,
providing an alibi.
Why not just call them Swoop-ons?
It didn't clear.
Oh, come on, Agatha. Tell them the truth.
You're here because you freaking love Amelia Earhart.
All right, it's true.
-I'm a major Earhead. -Aw.
-Shut up. -Okay.
I've always loved her.
She's my biggest historical crush.
Well, I can think of no better way
of honoring her legacy than by finding the very plane
that houses her moldering corpse.
[engine rumbling]
-What the...? Ah! -Ah!
Holy mother of God!
Saltine, now is not the time for jokes.
I didn't say anything!
I know, I'm just saying that now
would be an inappropriate time to crack wise
because our lives are in danger.
[grunts] I can't get away.
[winch whirring]
RIP: Okay, play it cool.
And just remember, if we need to sacrifice anyone,
Agatha has led a long and fulfilling life.
All right, here we go.
♪ ♪
[mechanical whirring]
Greetings. My name...
is Amelia Earhart.
[gasping]
Wow, you look great for 126.
Thank you. Welcome to the Mile High Club.
Allow me to show you around.
The Mile High Club is a floating utopia in the sky.
Darling, should we deny ourselves
even one of life's many pleasures?
Methinks not.
My God, this place is utterly bucolic.
It's not all roses. Check that out.
RIP: Oh, yeah. What's going on over there?
Those are our onboard therapists.
They're out of work because everyone here is so happy.
-Hi. -Hey.
-That makes sense. -Aw, nice.
Yes, in the Mile High Club,
your greatest fantasies can be made reality.
What's your greatest fantasy?
Well, it was to meet you.
Guess I need a new one.
Ooh, I've never seen Agatha flirt.
Yeah, what's up with that?
I always thought that Agatha and I
had a sort of "will they/ won't they" type thing.
-Really? -I don't know. Fucking maybe.
[laughs] It doesn't matter.
Here you see our founders,
Orville and Wilbur Wright.
You may know the Wright brothers
as the inventors of the airplane.
Upon realizing that their beloved invention
was being turned into a weapon of war,
they faked their deaths
and built this airship, the Mile High Club,
a place where peace-loving aviators could live forever.
And only the greatest pilots in the world can fly it.
That's why the Wright brothers reeled me in, in 1937.
I've been piloting this ship ever since,
kept alive long past normal age
by our advanced steam-based technology.
But now the time has come for me to retire,
which is why I brought you here.
[gasping]
I've been searching the world over
for my replacement.
And it's you, Swooper Goodfly.
Me? Old Swoops?
Yes, Swooper.
You are the only one who can take over
because you are the best pilot in the world.
Really? I mean, he's good, sure,
but the best in the entire world?
-Yes. -Huh. Crazy.
But I guess you guys would know.
A lot of pilots up here and whatnot.
Just curious, though, how does one gauge that?
Like, what's the criteria? Nothing personal, Swooper.
-Yeah, no, I get it. -Enough.
He's the best because we say he's the best.
Now, what do you say, Swooper?
Do you want to be the captain of the greatest flying machine
ever invented?
I am mighty flattered, Ms. Earhart.
But I can't abandon my boy Rip.
He needs me too bad. Right, Rip?
I mean, gosh, Swooper, I don't want you to go,
but it feels like this is pretty much
the best job a pilot could get, right?
I mean, I wouldn't want you to get in my way
if I was hired for my dream job:
Head Arky of Musee d'Hiss,
-the Snakes Museum. -You're sure?
-I sure am sure. -Well, then.
Okay, Ms. Earhart. I'll take it.
-[cheering] -A new captain has been crowned!
Wow. Okay.
Well, I sure am going to miss Swooper.
Today has been an emotional Gravitron,
but the Aviation Museum is gonna flip
when I bring in the actual Amelia Earhart.
-I'm not leaving. -What?
But you said you were retiring.
I am, but I'll remain here in our utopia in the sky,
never to set foot on land again.
But land is great.
It's what gave Lands' End its name.
It's also where land-walkers wage endless wars
and reckless college students
are always piling into phone booths.
No, thanks. I choose to remain
where everyone exists in harmony,
the Mile High Club.
Just so I'm clear, you guys don't realize that nowadays
being in the "mile high club" means you've had sex on a plane.
My God, you land-walkers are perverts, too?
You know, it does seem nice up here.
Amelia makes a good point.
Well, sure it seems nice living up here in the sky,
but what happens when you're in the mood to see a worm?
What then, Agatha?
Why don't you stay?
Gladly.
What? Oh, man.
Are you sure, ma'am?
This is like my senior superlative:
Most irregular.
Save your worries, First Mate O'Dooley.
I'll take Miss Agatha under my wing.
Hmm. I do like that you use the word "wing." Okay.
Seems like everyone is getting
what they want except the main guy Rip.
This is worse than a wife in the attic
and a governess beneath. Hi-ya.
I'm really going to miss Agatha and Swooper.
-Kicking the trash can helps. -Huh!
-Ow. -Well, don't kick it there.
-That's dense as shit. -How about this?
You can take my plane back with you to the museum.
That should prove a worthy prize for your troubles.
And also get you to stop kicking my trash can.
Well, it's not you, but it is better
than friggin' jack squat, so we'll take it.
-O'Dooley, show them the way. -Gladly, Captain.
-[Rip whistling] -Captain Earhart's plane
is right through this door.
Ah! I can't see!
Good thing my sense of taste is heightened.
Ew. A wall.
You didn't really think we'd let you go back to the surface
and tell everyone about the Mile High Club, did you?
That's exactly what I thought, and, in fact, still do.
[both screaming]
[grunts]
What the hell?
[machinery clanking]
Get back to work, humanoids.
Oh, no. This 'topia just went from "U" to "Dys."
Ugh. This sucks. What in Christian hell are we doing?
Turning condensation into steam.
The noblest work known to man.
-You actually enjoy this? -Of course.
I mean, I guess I have nothing to compare it to.
I was born and raised here and all I've ever known is
turning this crank 15 back-breaking hours a day.
-I love it. -That's so sad.
Well, I left out one part.
At the end of the day,
you're given a disgusting protein bar to eat.
[sighs]
[gulps] It's great.
You just said it was disgusting.
You guys will get used to it
or my name isn't Interchangeable Crank-Turner Number 937.
-Seems unlikely. -Haven't you ever thought
about what would happen if you didn't turn the crank?
Oh, I know what would happen.
Oh, I can't turn this crank anymore.
That.
[whooshing]
-Good Lord! -Oh, my God!
Ha. Yeah, that'll happen. I'll miss you, Dad.
Saltine, we got to get out of here.
Yeah, so we can help these people.
Right, yeah, and maybe we can also grab
Amelia Earhart's plane for the Aviation Museum.
-Rip! -After we save everyone.
-You didn't let me finish. -Psst.
Oh, no, are you a lunatic, too?
Yes, but that's irrelevant.
There's a secret meeting tonight after our shift.
I think you'll find it very intriguing.
-Are you in? -Sounds good.
But can I get a plus one for my friend Saltine?
She's kind of a nerd, so I want to bring her along.
Hey!
It's been a long time
since I've been around a land-walker.
You haven't missed much on land.
Modest necklines are back,
but they only look good if you're thin with small boobs.
But not if you're ripped, with giant knockers? That's awful.
May I sing you a song of love and merriment?
Please.
-Ahem. -♪ ♪
♪ Up in the sky it's not just birds ♪
♪ With their dirty little beaks and their bright white turds ♪
♪ It's love ♪
[echoing]: ♪ Love, love, love. love... ♪
-Oh, uh... -[gasps] Oops.
[laughing]
The view is so beautiful here.
But you're not even taking in the view.
You're looking at my rotors.
-Am I? -You am.
[squawking]
Now, don't move.
Just stay still for three more hours.
O'DOOLEY: So, sir...
where would you like to go tomorrow?
The sky is your oyster.
Well, my son's getting an award at school.
Let's go there.
Oh, no, no, no.
We can't bring this airship
anywhere near a populated area,
much less ever visit the surface world ever again.
But how will I see my son?
Sir, let me be upfront with you.
The reason we chose you to be our pilot
is because your family attachments are nonexistent.
But I want to have family attachments.
They just don't want them with me.
Exactly.
So I'll never see my son again?
Now you get it. So, where should we go tomorrow?
Uh, west?
West, it is. Want to get a drink with us
down at the Black Box? That's the name of our bar.
Sure. But can I have a few minutes
just to sort of, you know, soak up the day?
I read you loud and clear.
You want the bridge to yourself so you can jack off
while taking in the spectacular view.
Been there many times myself.
Just activate the autopilot before you go.
Oh, I'll activate the autopilot all right.
Just as soon as I put in a new destination.
♪ ♪
And if we band together,
we can create a better life for everyone.
Get your head out of the clouds.
That's a pipe dream.
-There's nothing else out there. -You're wrong.
There's a much better world out there.
Let me guess. A world where we only have to work
13-hour shifts and we get one and a half protein bars a day?
-What? No! -[laughter]
Let me guess. It's a ten-hour shift
and we get two protein bars a day
and the toilets aren't wired to shock your butthole
every time you sit down on them?
-No, it's better than that. -[laughter]
Okay, now you sound crazy.
No, he's right. There's a better world and we can take you there.
Wee-woo, wee-woo!
Get back to work, get back to work!
[panicked shouting]
This way. Head for the door.
Oh, Agatha, I'm having a wonderful time with you.
Tell me again how the Three Stooges died.
-Well, Curly went first...
My, my, my, who have we here?
I haven't seen you around before.
You must be the new pilot.
Oh, well...
She's not a pilot, Lilian.
She's from the surface.
A land-walker? Well, well, well.
Who knew the great Amelia Earhart could fly so low?
Watch your tone, Lilian.
I'm only looking out for you as a friend, Amelia.
Can you imagine what people will say
when they find out you're with a land-walker?
A ground clown? A Surface McDurface?
[laughs] You'll be ostracized.
Do you really want that sort of turbulence in your life?
Well, I, uh, uh...
It's fine, Amelia. I don't want to burden you.
Oh, dear.
Was it something I said?
♪ ♪
[gasps] The elevator.
[elevator bell dings]
Going up, losers. [laughing]
[both screaming]
[grunting]
Oh, this level is worse than the last one,
for which I made no secret of my distaste!
This must be where they make those gross protein bars.
Ew! I ate so many of those!
-[grunting] -[buzzing]
I hate to pass hasty judgment,
but I don't like the look of this place... so far.
Oh, I want to help, but I don't know how.
I wish there was something we could foment.
I mean, yeah, they do all seem like they could use
a part of their bodies bathed With warm or medicated lotions.
No, Rip, with the other definition of foment.
Oh, I see. Well, then what about...
a revolution?
[gasps] I love that for us.
Attention, protein bar plant workers.
This may come as a shock,
but you don't need to hammer yourselves in the groin all day!
Really? We're listening.
-[yelps] -[buzzing]
♪ ♪
You're leaving?
It's for the best.
I'm no stranger to causing trouble.
-Ever heard of Watergate? -No.
Oh, well, my point is,
I don't want to cause trouble for you.
But Agatha...
I'm asking for trouble.
Ask and you shall receive.
♪ Hello, my baby, hello, my honey ♪
♪ Hello, my ragtime gal... ♪
AMELIA: Wow-wee!
What's this? We're off course.
We're not heading west at all. We're heading...
Hold on. Let me cross-check the data.
-East. -East?
That's right. Noticed a rainbow up ahead
so I pulled a U-ey.
Didn't want to get distracted
by its beauty and make a mistake.
Smart. Eastward ho.
I'm coming for you, Junior.
-I still don't get it. [yells] -[buzzing]
You're saying we don't have to hammer our groins all day?
But it's what our parents did. Ow!
But your parents didn't know
there was a better world out there.
Why don't you just buzz off
and stop telling us these fairy tales?
Quiet. These people speak the truth.
-The old man? -He hasn't spoken in 40 years.
Many years ago, as a lad, I got lost one night
and caught sight of a world
more beautiful than any I'd ever seen.
I thought it was a dream, but I, like,
never remember my dreams, and I totally remember this.
These people speak the truth. We must rise.
Yes, let's rise and tear down the world of your oppressors
while leaving Amelia Earhart's plane untouched
so I can return it to the Aviation Museum.
-Yeah! -We rise!
-[cheering] -Let's go!
Viva la revolución! Yeah!
Wow. It's like heaven up here.
I knew it! I love my life!
-[grunting] -Yeah, we're behind you.
-Let's go. -It gets better. Follow me.
-Where are they going? -Let's follow them.
My, my, wherever did you get that necklace, Lilian?
Oh, at the "Bitch, You Can't Afford It" Store.
[laughter]
Oh! Intruders! Everyone, clutch your pearls!
[whimpering]
The smells.
[grunting]
[growling]
Jeezo Flip! What's going on here?
The Mile High Club is bad.
The only reason it exists is because
there's lower levels being exploited
to make the people up here happy.
Amelia, did you know about this?
Agatha, you don't understand.
When the ship was created, everyone lived in harmony.
But soon we divided into first class, economy class,
protein bar manufacturing class...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it escalated from there.
Now, Amelia, where's your plane we were promised?
My plane's been gone for years, you absolute dumbass.
We repurposed it for my mechanical body parts.
No! It was all a lie.
Whoa. That was crazy.
Did you guys see that pillar?
Amelia, this has to end. Dissolve the classes.
And share bathrooms?
If it isn't a utopia for everyone,
then it's not a utopia.
[sighs] Your moving words have inspired me... to bounce.
Engage ankle boosters!
Holy shit. Did anyone know she could do that?
The revolution is on!
We have to take down the upper class.
You are the upper class.
In a hellhole like this?
You absolute dumbass.
There's another level above this one. Let's march.
Another level?
What is this? The King of Prussia Mall?
This is it, where the richest of the rich live.
-What's that smell? -Inequality, Saltine.
And it makes me sick.
Fucking plane isn't even here anymore.
Whole thing's a bust.
♪ ♪
♪ It's been a whole lot easier since the bitch left town ♪
♪ Been a whole lot happier... ♪
The Wright brothers?
Oh, hey, you guys.
They're chilling out inside a totally decked-out man cave.
My God, you have chairs of bean
and we've been sitting on regular wood like chumps.
I call bullshit.
Quit harshing our vibe.
The whole reason we started this thing was to vibe.
Whoa. You have the Moody Blues'
In Search of the Lost Chord on vinyl?
I know, right? Grab a Red Bull.
We're just playing Vice City.
It's so effed up, you can punch anyone.
Wait a minute.
If all of you are up here,
who is turning the steam cranks?
-No one. -We saw to that.
Morons! If no one is working the steam factory,
this ship will crash!
-[metallic creaking] -[hissing]
What the...? Sir, why are we above all those people?
'Cause my son is receiving an award.
I'm a good dad!
We're going down. Your little son is gonna die.
That's not what a good dad would do. I fucked up!
-Swooper, we got to go! -If we leave,
my ten-year-old son will die.
-You have a son? -Yes.
He's receiving an award today from MIT
for Professor of the Year.
Your ten-year-old son is an MIT professor?
Oh, my God, Saltine, catch up.
Swooper Jr. is the savant who left home
a few years ago to teach at MIT.
-Got it. -Swooper is always trying
to see him, but Junior never makes any time for him.
-Uh-huh. -He's an absentee son.
So, the opposite of the usual thing?
-Exactly. -We have to evacuate.
Professor Swooper Jr.'s achievements in the field
of quantum mechanics are... Oh, my God!
What is that?
[screaming]
You can't make me go! I have to save my son!
No. Swooper, you'll perish.
[grunting]
Oh, my God, he evaporated.
Oh, no. His boot just came off.
He's my kid, Rip.
I don't expect you to stay,
but there's no way I'm leaving.
Fine. What do you want us to do?
Wait, really?
Yeah. We're a team.
We're not just gonna leave you here.
All right. Okay, here's the plan.
We're going to dive headfirst
into the flaming engine to gum it up
Uh-huh, right.
We'll definitely die,
but there's a 1% chance it works.
Well, seems like a bad plan, but we've got your back.
I must admit, I never thought I'd see
such compassion from a bunch of Surface McDurfaces.
-Because we're not all bad. -I suppose the Mile High Club
wound up being no better
than the world we tried to escape.
Exactly. You're a big piece of shit.
Go. I'll save the land-walkers.
Thanks, but we've already got a plan.
You can trust her, Swooper.
Now it's time for you to take us home.
SWOOPER: The Swoop-tificates.
What are the odds of that one actually happening?
Okay, let's go.
[alarm blaring]
♪ ♪
[grunting]
There's only one way.
Please, Amelia Earhart, save my little son!
-[panting] -[hissing]
[grunting]
♪ ♪
Goodbye, my love.
-Woo-hoo! -She did it!
I'm sure she didn't suffer.
She exploded.
Yeah, just seemed like something to say.
But you're right. It was probably like
the most suffering imaginable. [chuckles]
I guess I really missed the mark on that one, huh?
I mean, I know it's not about me.
This is your moment. Of sadness, obviously.
Not like your moment to shine or something like that,
but still, pretty upsetting.
It's almost like I should just cram it
and let you experience your very, very fresh grief.
So, I will. Starting right...
...now.
I do have another thing to say, though.
Debating if I should say it or not.
Okay, I'll just say it real quick.
With apologies to the Smashing Pumpkins,
this is infinite sadness, What your feeling.
Okay, I'll stop now.
So curious what you thought of my line, though,
about Smashing Pumpkins.
Did you like it?
Tell me it was worth the wait.
Please tell me it was worth the wait.
[phone chimes]
[Swooper sighing]
[Swooper moans]
Say, Swooper, I just got this new ball glove.
You want to play catch?
You mean it?
-Right here. -All right.
Put 'er right in here.
-Come on. -Give me your best stuff.
Got room for two more?
We can play doubles.
This is going to be the best day ever!
-[laughing] -Whoa.
Hit me. Ow.
Ah! Ha!
-[grunts] -And that's catch.
Indeed, the sport of catch.
[laughter]
♪ ♪
Chirp.