1
00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:27,729
This holiday season,

2
00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:29,764
show your loved ones
that you really care

3
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,767
by getting them the gift
that they've always wanted.

4
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,770
Whoa, Dad! Really?!

5
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,371
Yes!

6
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,172
Is there anything else?
Wow.

7
00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,709
Slim Jenko!
This is just what I wanted!

8
00:00:41,743 --> 00:00:43,778
I want some!

9
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,647
We can all have some.

10
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,115
We here at Slim Jenko
pride ourselves

11
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:51,151
on delivering a rich,
flavorful malt beverage

12
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:52,687
for the entire family.

13
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,489
Make us part
of your holiday tradition.

14
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,792
This Friday night
at midnight on Channel 83.

15
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,794
-Mommy!
-Lester.

16
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,428
Lester, what are you doing?

17
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,431
"Killed on Christmas:
The Lester Lord stor--"

18
00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:13,106
Including a regulation
busting 2,500 milligrams

19
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,676
of pure THC.

20
00:01:14,709 --> 00:01:16,511
Kunz Christmas
Creampies,

21
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:19,313
an established cream pie
professional for over 50--

22
00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,649
The U.S. Defense
Department has spent over

23
00:01:21,683 --> 00:01:24,552
a trillion dollars on the most
cutting edge robot technology,

24
00:01:24,586 --> 00:01:27,689
deployed overseas for a swift
victory against America's

25
00:01:27,722 --> 00:01:31,224
deadliest enemies, and now
Sowell Robotic Products

26
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:34,696
is here to make that technology
fun for the entire family.

27
00:01:36,798 --> 00:01:39,166
Ho. Ho. Ho.

28
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,835
Introducing RoboSanta Plus

29
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,570
for the upcoming holiday season,

30
00:01:42,604 --> 00:01:45,439
with a vocabulary
of over 90,000 words,

31
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:46,808
a full range of motion,

32
00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:48,776
and built with
military grade construction,

33
00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:51,746
RoboSanta Plus fully replaces
your local degenerate

34
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,749
mall Santa, keeping you
and your children safe.

35
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:58,185
Exclusively this weekend

36
00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:03,625
at Midland Mall and GW Bonkers.

37
00:02:28,783 --> 00:02:32,386
♪ I am the yule tide cold ♪

38
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:35,389
♪ Leave the winter closed ♪

39
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:39,359
♪ Like hive of holy ♪

40
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:42,597
♪ Well, I dream of you ♪

41
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:46,266
♪ Nothing is ♪

42
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:49,369
♪ And the slick ♪

43
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:53,206
♪ To not peak at your
breast, love ♪

44
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,444
♪ Before the devil reigns ♪

45
00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,614
Thanks for
coming in, guys.

46
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,517
Thank you. Have a good one.

47
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,886
Oh, shit!

48
00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,721
Hi.

49
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,723
You look amazing.

50
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,559
Hey, let me know if
you need anything.

51
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,594
Hey, it's almost 7:00,
so I'm going to start

52
00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,262
closing up out back.
You got it?

53
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,330
-Yeah.
-Oh, can you put this away?

54
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,000
-Sure.
-Thank you.

55
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,267
-Hey!
-Oh, shit.

56
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,769
-Merry Christmas.
-Hi.

57
00:03:21,803 --> 00:03:23,437
It's about time you show
your fucking face around here.

58
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:24,672
Yeah, I've been busy.
You guys are swamped.

59
00:03:24,706 --> 00:03:26,306
-I know, I know.

60
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:27,842
I thought you and Lahna
were closing tonight.

61
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,377
Yeah, no, I told her I had to
run home because I, um...

62
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,646
Didn't get her gift.

63
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,246
-I did get her a gift.
-Oh, did you?

64
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,615
But I'm now second guessing it,
so now I'm going

65
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,017
-to get some records.
-Oh, yeah, you should be

66
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,518
second guessing this.
She has both of these.

67
00:03:37,552 --> 00:03:38,986
-She does.
-She does. Yeah.

68
00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:40,755
Uh, follow me. Come on.

69
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,724
You guys been together
for, what, like a year?

70
00:03:42,757 --> 00:03:44,424
How are you this fucking dumb?

71
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,259
No, I'm not -- It's --
I can't tell the difference

72
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,529
between all these bands that
the logos all look the same.

73
00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:50,297
-They all look the fucking same?
-They all look the same.

74
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,265
-All scratchy and weird.
-Yeah, they kind of do.

75
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:55,870
Uh, all right, so what I'm going
to show you now -- Yes.

76
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,271
We saw these guys open at
a festival this summer.

77
00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:01,743
She was fucking all over it.
They've got the psychedelic,

78
00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,376
cosmic riff.
She'll fucking love it.

79
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,612
-Deathcrux?
-Yeah.

80
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,013
Okay. And she does
not have this?

81
00:04:06,047 --> 00:04:07,615
-She does not have this.
-Right on.

82
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,950
-You're welcome.
-Yes. No, thank you, Tori.

83
00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:10,852
Thank you.
You saved Christmas again.

84
00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:14,756
By the way, I will come
and say Merry Christmas

85
00:04:14,789 --> 00:04:16,423
-to Lauren.
-Sounds good.

86
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,059
But just don't tell her
I showed up here, okay?

87
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,961
-What are you talking about?
-Don't do the whole thing you do

88
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,529
-when you're like --
-"Oh, my God, it's so good

89
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,497
-to see you.
-No, yeah, don't do that.

90
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,632
-Okay, bye.
-Okay.

91
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:25,967
-Robbie.
-Hey, bro.

92
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,568
-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas, man.

93
00:04:27,602 --> 00:04:30,437
♪ Bloody Christmas,
bloody Christmas ♪

94
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,340
♪ Bloody Christmas,
bloody Christmas ♪

95
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,345
Fuck yeah.
Almost 2 grand.

96
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:41,649
-Yeah, that's a big day.
-Does that mean a big boy bonus?

97
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,384
-Means a bonus, yeah.
-Fuck yeah, dawg!

98
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:46,888
What are you going
to do with your big bonus?

99
00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:48,388
You got any plans?

100
00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:49,624
Well, the talent show
is at 8:00 p.m.

101
00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,358
-So, no, not really.
-Yeah.

102
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,027
What are you going to do this
fine Christmas Eve?

103
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:57,965
I was potentially going to go
meet up with a dude,

104
00:04:57,999 --> 00:05:00,001
but I don't know.

105
00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:01,636
-A dude, a man.
-Yep.

106
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:02,970
Okay, on Christmas Eve,
you're going to invite

107
00:05:03,004 --> 00:05:04,739
a stranger to your house.

108
00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:05,973
Uh, a stranger to
Reggie's, yeah.

109
00:05:06,007 --> 00:05:07,575
Okay, cool.
Fuck, they're still open.

110
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,342
Did you meet him organically,

111
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:10,845
or is this, like, a tinder
sort of scenario?

112
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,781
-Tinder situation, yeah.
-Oh, Tinder, okay.

113
00:05:13,815 --> 00:05:15,049
-Yeah.
-Can I see him?

114
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,819
-Eh.
-Eh. He must be a fucking stud.

115
00:05:17,852 --> 00:05:19,419
What the fuck else
am I supposed to do?

116
00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:21,856
You want me to go home,
drink some whiskey,

117
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,792
sit by the fire by my lonesome,
watch "A Christmas Story"

118
00:05:24,826 --> 00:05:27,728
like every other
fucking douchebag in America?

119
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:29,530
Yeah. Sounds kind of nice.

120
00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:32,533
Or you to go to
drink some whiskey with me.

121
00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:33,801
Uh, that Lahna's Christmas gift.

122
00:05:33,835 --> 00:05:35,368
-Is it?
-So you can put a fuckin' --

123
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,038
-No longer.
-What the fuck are you doing?

124
00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:38,673
So, fuck no.

125
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:39,974
I wanted to do that, too.

126
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,375
So hand me some cups,
and let's go.

127
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,411
Are you gonna go see
your pops up north tomorrow?

128
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:45,813
-Yeah.
-You should probably get

129
00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:47,480
-a head start late tonight.
-No. Fuck that.

130
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,816
One day, in and out, is my rule.

131
00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,417
I can't see anything
wrong in that.

132
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:51,752
-Fair enough.
-Mazel tov.

133
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:55,623
Mazel tov.
Cheers, motherfucker.

134
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,390
Only quit stalling.
Show me Tommy Tinder.

135
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,392
What the fuck is
your obsession with this?

136
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,828
-I want to see him.
-I don't want to

137
00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:02,096
-show him to you.
-Is he big? Is he a big boy?

138
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,598
-Oh.
-BBW.

139
00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:04,966
-That what you want to know?
-Yeah.

140
00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:07,969
In that case,
I'll fuckin' show you. Here.

141
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,873
What?

142
00:06:11,906 --> 00:06:13,741
I didn't know you knew
Emmett Eyeliner.

143
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,810
Emmett Eyeliner.
Why are you calling him that?

144
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,178
-Do you know him?
-I know of him.

145
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,846
Did he tell you he got,
like, three kids?

146
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,581
Wait four.
Someone's pregnant now, I think.

147
00:06:20,615 --> 00:06:22,917
-Oh, fuck! He's got kids?
-Yeah.

148
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,619
I don't fucking care.

149
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,988
I just want a little
Christmas Eve schlong.

150
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,624
Well, dude's a genic jackhammer.

151
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,792
-Oh, Jesus.
-Little, uh, sperm canon,

152
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,594
all I'm saying.

153
00:06:33,628 --> 00:06:35,796
Okay, I'm happy you told me
that, so I'll wear my dental dam

154
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,932
and get fucking sauced
before he shows up.

155
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,867
Thank you.
That's so sweet of you.

156
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:40,902
Well,
I'll tell you what.

157
00:06:40,935 --> 00:06:42,435
I can go to Reggie's with you

158
00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:44,772
because, um, I don't really
have shit to do.

159
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,008
Robbie, that's very,
very sweet of you,

160
00:06:47,041 --> 00:06:48,209
but I want to get laid.

161
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,977
Not wax poetic
with the regulars.

162
00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:52,880
Well, seeing as you didn't
buy me a Christmas present

163
00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:54,749
this year, I'm going
to take this.

164
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,117
-Oh.
-Thank you.

165
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,952
And you can enjoy your,
what, two hours

166
00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:02,156
of unbearable conversation,
your 7 seconds of lame sex.

167
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:06,227
You go home, probably, you know,
get yourself off anyway.

168
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,929
Or, I'm just throwing
this out there,

169
00:07:07,962 --> 00:07:12,667
you can have two hours of
amazing, vivacious,

170
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:16,604
sort of hauntingly
erotic conversation.

171
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,471
-Hauntingly erotic?
-Hauntingly erotic?

172
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,174
And you can go home anyway.

173
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,977
You know, get yourself off,
like, flick your little bean.

174
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,812
-Oh?
-Yeah.

175
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,948
And you don't have to wake up
next to 30 Seconds To Mars.

176
00:07:26,981 --> 00:07:29,183
All right, well, I've got
a proposition for you.

177
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,052
How about you give me back
my fucking whiskey

178
00:07:31,085 --> 00:07:34,789
and stop talking about me
flicking at my fucking bean?

179
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:35,923
-Okay.
-How about that?

180
00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:37,658
Have you confirmed with him?

181
00:07:37,692 --> 00:07:40,493
No, I have not given him a time.

182
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:42,063
Poor guy. It's kind of sad.
He's probably at home

183
00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:45,066
scrolling through your
social media, fingers sweaty,

184
00:07:45,099 --> 00:07:48,102
hand firmly on cock, just...

185
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,870
beating that meat,
waiting for your text

186
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:52,173
to pop up at the top.

187
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:53,941
Mm. I've blown off
twice already, so.

188
00:07:53,975 --> 00:07:55,509
-Third time's a charm.
-Yeah.

189
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:58,112
Come on, get a drink
with your old pal Robbie.

190
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,282
It's my long time
employee Robbie.

191
00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,718
-That's a little bit harsh.
-It's true. I own you.

192
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,152
-You own me?
-You're on my payroll. Yeah.

193
00:08:05,186 --> 00:08:07,154
Mama. Okay. Okay. Okay.

194
00:08:07,188 --> 00:08:10,291
I'm going to change your mind.
Have you heard his music?

195
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:13,227
-I have not bothered, no.
-Oh, that answers a lot.

196
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,862
Why? What you got?

197
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,197
I'll show you something
Something fun.

198
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,665
Hmm.

199
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,633
All right. Ready?

200
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,702
I'm losing interest already.
Come on.

201
00:08:21,736 --> 00:08:23,037
Alright, you'll see.

202
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,538
Hang on, hang on, hang on,
hang on, hang on.

203
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,108
What?

204
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,111
-Oh, my God.
-Soothing.

205
00:08:30,144 --> 00:08:31,846
Shut the fuck up.
Why is he whisper singing?

206
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,280
Doesn't want to
wake his parents, probably.

207
00:08:33,314 --> 00:08:34,715
What the fuck?
Turn that off.

208
00:08:34,749 --> 00:08:36,250
Why are you showing
that to me? Stop.

209
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,918
Well, you know, it's not like
you're going to saddle up

210
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,787
with the son of a bitch.
I mean, you should probably

211
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,857
let the guy go back
to his family and his kids.

212
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,258
He's a daddy, after all.

213
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,760
-Daddy?
-Yeah.

214
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:48,929
Little Tommy Tinder.

215
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,731
Well...

216
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,168
All right.
Let's go get shit faced.

217
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,936
But you're not getting
anything either.

218
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,605
So if you want to go flick
your fucking bean,

219
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:58,806
do what you need to do.

220
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,341
-Come on.
-All right.

221
00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:01,976
-Turn off the music.
-Well, considering you were

222
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,344
gonna saddle up
with old Emmett Eyeliner,

223
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,112
I'm not sure
how I should feel about that.

224
00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:06,981
Well, I don't work with them
Emmett Eyeliner, do I?

225
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,649
Well, I am better looking in
that douche, though, right?

226
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,017
Do you want to fucking die?

227
00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:11,752
Get your fucking grubby shoes
off the counter.

228
00:09:11,786 --> 00:09:15,056
Kill the music
before I change my mind.

229
00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:17,258
-Should I meet you there or?
-No, We're going to walk.

230
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:21,829
-Well, it's fucking snowing out.
-Oh, my God. That's so scary!

231
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,798
Come on.
Get those chicken legs out.

232
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,900
Let's go for a walk.
I got to bring this to Lahna.

233
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,868
Why? They close at 6:00.
They're not going to be open.

234
00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:29,336
No, they'll still be there.

235
00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:31,372
They're having a little
Christmas Eve Fuckfest.

236
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,973
What the hell, Why?

237
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:34,708
You don't want to fuck
in a toy store?

238
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,877
No. Well, mm, maybe. I mean...

239
00:09:36,911 --> 00:09:38,379
Sounds like you don't want
to fuck in a toy store.

240
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,748
It's just kind of weird.
Like, I feel sorry for the kid

241
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,716
that's going to go in tomorrow,
buy a teddy bear covered

242
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,151
-in fucking cum.
-Oh, my God.

243
00:09:44,185 --> 00:09:45,920
We're going to scar him.
That poor child.

244
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,289
Come on. Lock up behind you.

245
00:09:55,196 --> 00:09:56,664
We could have taken my car.

246
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,998
Would have been a smart option.

247
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,000
Do you want to keep
keep complaining?

248
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:01,702
Or do you want to just walk
in silence?

249
00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,137
-What do you want to do?
-You're the one who was

250
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,172
complaining all day about
fucking Christmas this,

251
00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:06,640
Christmas that, oh, I fucking
hate Christmas.

252
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,275
Well, Christmas fucking sucks.

253
00:10:08,309 --> 00:10:10,845
Do you not agree that there's
no good fucking Christmas music,

254
00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,114
-no good Christmas movies.
-Bad Religion had

255
00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,249
-a great Christmas album.
-Just fucking get it over with.

256
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,184
-Eh.
-It was good.

257
00:10:17,218 --> 00:10:20,087
There aren't many albums
that give me that spirit

258
00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:21,422
of fucking Christmas.

259
00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,257
Well, Bad fuckin' Religion,
ain't it, buddy.

260
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,925
Give me that.

261
00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:30,764
I would go as far to say
there's like fucking two --

262
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,666
two Christmas songs
that are good,

263
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:36,137
and that's if you don't count,
if and only if, you don't count

264
00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:38,172
fucking Crypt Keeper
"Christmas Rap."

265
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,740
Okay, love
"Tales From the Crypt."

266
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,742
That song sucks the fucking shit
out of my ass.

267
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:45,312
This is coming from a guy
who jizzes his fucking pants

268
00:10:45,346 --> 00:10:49,450
every single time he hears
Buster Poindexter's cover of

269
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,418
"Zat You, Santa Claus?"

270
00:10:51,452 --> 00:10:53,320
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't like that cover.

271
00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:54,955
I like the version
with the commentary

272
00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:56,824
from Beavis and Butthead.

273
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,993
-Okay.
-Okay.

274
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,728
"Merry Christmas", Ramones,
then.

275
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,997
That's mine. What's your big
fucking runner up?

276
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:08,035
Uh, sorry to say,
but "Merry Christmas", Ramones,

277
00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,837
that's a fucking runner up.

278
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,005
-Yeah.
-Fuck you.

279
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,273
-First place --
-Fuck you.

280
00:11:12,306 --> 00:11:13,941
First place is our lord
and savior Lemmy

281
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,177
with "Run Rudolph Run."
Oh, it's magic!

282
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:17,878
Okay.
It's not like it's Motorhead.

283
00:11:17,912 --> 00:11:19,313
It's Lemmy with
the fucking Foo Fighters.

284
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,482
-Oh, R.I.P.
-Oh, R.I.P.

285
00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:23,884
Also Lemmy is fucking Motorhead,
you idiot.

286
00:11:23,918 --> 00:11:24,952
Yeah.

287
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,187
Hey!

288
00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,923
Lahna!

289
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,357
She knows you're coming, right?

290
00:11:30,391 --> 00:11:32,293
Yeah, of course
she knows I'm fucking coming.

291
00:11:32,326 --> 00:11:33,861
Oh.

292
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,763
-Hey, bitch.
-Hi!

293
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,198
Mwah! You look so good.

294
00:11:37,231 --> 00:11:38,232
-Thank you.
-Hey, gorgeous.

295
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,967
-Mwah.
-Mwah.

296
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,337
I brought you and Jay
a little something, something.

297
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,972
Ooh, I got you this.

298
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,207
Oh, my God. I love you so much.

299
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,075
-I missed you.
-I missed you, too.

300
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,410
Where's Jay?

301
00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:51,445
He's in the back, freshening up.

302
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,215
You know, he just gets
a little musty.

303
00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:56,283
He gets a little musty?

304
00:11:56,317 --> 00:11:57,885
-You got a lot going on.
-Musty she says.

305
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,420
Yeah, you know
all about that, right?

306
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:00,487
-No, I do.
-You know all about that?

307
00:12:00,522 --> 00:12:02,122
-Baby.
-Yeah.

308
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,324
You know all about
a little musty must?

309
00:12:03,357 --> 00:12:05,025
I got a stinky dick.

310
00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:07,261
- That's so fucked up.
- Cute, right?

311
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,762
-Bitch.
-Yeah?

312
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,364
You already cracked this open.

313
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,100
We may have had, like,
like a couple of drinks.

314
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:16,437
This is the nicest thing
anybody's ever done for me.

315
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:18,772
I know. I know. It's very nice.
And listen.

316
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,407
Because we love you.
we didn't buy it for you.

317
00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,544
We're giving it to you.

318
00:12:22,577 --> 00:12:25,145
-Well, merry fucking Christmas.
-Merry fucking Christmas.

319
00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:28,048
-Baby!
-On it. Jesus Christ!

320
00:12:28,082 --> 00:12:29,250
-Hey!
-This motherfucker.

321
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:30,484
I haven't seen you in so long.

322
00:12:30,518 --> 00:12:32,186
-How are you?
-Oh, yeah. Right?

323
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,854
-How are you?
-Hey, bro.

324
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,189
-Hey, buddy. Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

325
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,824
-You look good.
-Thank you.

326
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,359
-Yeah, you do.
-I've been doing nothing but

327
00:12:38,392 --> 00:12:41,028
selling toys and fucking
living the clean life.

328
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,796
Keep up.

329
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,933
Oh! Um, what's up with you two?
What's going on here?

330
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,901
-Uh, just grabbing a drink.
-Just grabbing a drink.

331
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,370
I had to talk her out
of some Tinder trash.

332
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:50,871
You didn't talk me
out of anything.

333
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,139
What was his name?
Emmett -- Emmett --

334
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,474
-We don't have to talk --
-Emmett! Oh, shit!

335
00:12:53,508 --> 00:12:55,042
No, I think
we're ignoring that.

336
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,310
Motherfuckin' four-kid Emmett.
Four kid Emmett?

337
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,911
-No.
-Nearly five kid Emmett.

338
00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,179
Four kid Emmett. Why does
everybody know Emmett

339
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:00,881
-except for me?
-He's got four kids.

340
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,816
-All right. Well, cheers. Yeah.
-No, no, no.

341
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,385
What was the song? What was
the song? It was...

342
00:13:04,418 --> 00:13:05,953
We don't need the song.

343
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,822
♪ And her heart
whispers in my head ♪

344
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,357
-Alright, fuckers.
-Go for it, tap on in.

345
00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:11,593
♪ Because she's half dead ♪

346
00:13:11,626 --> 00:13:13,460
-Tori!
-No, no, no, no.

347
00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:15,195
Come back, come back,
come back, come back.

348
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,564
-Come back, come back.
-Alright, you guys, I'm back.

349
00:13:16,598 --> 00:13:18,132
-It's a catchy song.
-It's a good song.

350
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,199
It's the feel good hit
of the winter.

351
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,334
-Okay, cheers.
-Cheers.

352
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,036
-To Christmas!
-To Christmas!

353
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,904
-Bah humbug.
-Bah humbug.

354
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,105
Ho, ho, ho.

355
00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:26,974
Come sit on Santa's lap

356
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,310
and tell him what you
want for Christmas.

357
00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:31,011
Ugh!

358
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:34,315
-I fucking hate that.
-No, they all get recalled.

359
00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:36,417
Priest said that to me
when I was a young boy.

360
00:13:36,450 --> 00:13:39,521
Are you okay?
You're not fucking okay.

361
00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:41,288
-No, I'm not well.
-It's so bad.

362
00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,190
Thank God they're taking it out
on Friday.

363
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,259
Has he ever come to life
while you guys were fucking?

364
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,561
Oh, he joins.

365
00:13:46,594 --> 00:13:48,028
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

366
00:13:48,062 --> 00:13:49,564
-He's anatomical.
-Oh, really?

367
00:13:49,597 --> 00:13:51,398
-Big bad Santa.
-Okay.

368
00:13:51,432 --> 00:13:53,934
-Big Santa.
-But I am hoping that they

369
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,002
leave behind this aspect of it.

370
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,103
What?

371
00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:01,543
-Oh!
-Oh, baby, it's so romantic!

372
00:14:01,576 --> 00:14:04,044
Okay, we're getting the fuck
out of here.

373
00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:05,212
This is too much
Christmas for me.

374
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,649
-Oh, no, no.
-No, no, no, stay, stay.

375
00:14:07,682 --> 00:14:11,619
Stop! I fuckin' -- that's a lot.
That is a lot.

376
00:14:11,653 --> 00:14:14,455
It's really excessive. We're
gonna have one drink and go.

377
00:14:14,488 --> 00:14:16,156
-All right. Yeah, fine.
-Fine.

378
00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:17,925
We could just --
You guys hang out.

379
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,527
-We could have some more drinks.
-We're not going to hang out.

380
00:14:19,561 --> 00:14:21,095
-The four of us.
-We're not gonna hang out.

381
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,630
-Santa, the anatomical Santa.
-We're good.

382
00:14:22,664 --> 00:14:24,098
-Okay, alright.
-Alright.

383
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,466
-Easy, tiger.
-Alright.

384
00:14:25,499 --> 00:14:27,067
-Cheers.
-Cheers.

385
00:14:27,101 --> 00:14:29,370
Fuck. Merry Christmas
to a fuckin' day off.

386
00:14:29,403 --> 00:14:31,238
-Little bit of flavor in there.
-Yeah.

387
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,407
-Mm.
-Okay, I love you.

388
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,242
Get the fuck out.
I want to fuck my husband.

389
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,544
-Mwah.
-Merry Christmas.

390
00:14:36,578 --> 00:14:37,679
-Merry Christmas.
-Bye.

391
00:14:37,712 --> 00:14:39,046
-See you.
-See you.

392
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,147
-See ya, bud.
-All right. We're going.

393
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,048
-Goodbye.
-See ya.

394
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:44,652
♪ Oh, she's whispering
in my head ♪

395
00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:46,621
Fucking hate you guys!

396
00:14:46,654 --> 00:14:48,556
♪ I'm half deaf for you ♪

397
00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:51,559
I'm stealing your candy.
Thank you.

398
00:14:51,593 --> 00:14:53,561
-Come on, let's go.
-Ugh!

399
00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:55,129
Let's fucking go.

400
00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,531
-God!
-Come on!

401
00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:58,633
Coming. I'm coming.

402
00:14:58,666 --> 00:15:03,003
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas.

403
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,512
<i>Sowell Robotic Products'</i>
<i>new animatronic</i>

404
00:15:10,545 --> 00:15:12,547
<i>state of the art Santa Claus</i>
<i>featured at our own</i>

405
00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,682
<i>T.W. Bonkers is now the subject</i>
<i>of an international recall.</i>

406
00:15:14,716 --> 00:15:16,551
There have been reports that
some of the Santa units

407
00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,952
are reverting to their old
Defense Department firmware.

408
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,589
Thus far, most of the reports
have been of harmless pranks.

409
00:15:21,623 --> 00:15:24,391
Fuck no!

410
00:15:24,425 --> 00:15:25,993
Larry, can you turn
that shit off?

411
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,461
-That's so depressing.
-Yeah.

412
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:28,962
You guys want one more

413
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,097
to close it out?

414
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,599
Yeah, we will.

415
00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:33,467
Can we get another round
and a shot of whiskey, please?

416
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,402
You're going to chase a shot
of whiskey with more whiskey?

417
00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:37,404
I am. It's a holiday.
That's what you do.

418
00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:39,306
-This is true.
-Thank you.

419
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,109
Is this, uh, together?
Or separate?

420
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,579
Togeth-- Together.

421
00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:46,079
It's on one bill. I got it.

422
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,615
-Oh, la di da.
-It's part of your bonus.

423
00:15:47,649 --> 00:15:50,284
Although I am a little
disappointed.

424
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,587
He didn't even offer
to pay for the fuckin' last --

425
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,254
Excuse me, this is not
a date, remember?

426
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:56,423
Yeah, no, I fuckin'
remember now.

427
00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:57,991
Happy I didn't think otherwise.

428
00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,092
-Fun hangout
-Yeah.

429
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:00,528
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

430
00:16:00,562 --> 00:16:03,063
You think would have
picked up the tab for, uh,

431
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:06,066
Doctor fuckin' Emmett Eyeliner.

432
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,635
Depends on how the night went.

433
00:16:07,669 --> 00:16:09,771
Probably would have forgotten
his wallet or something.

434
00:16:09,804 --> 00:16:12,607
Mnh-mnh. Did this dude fuck
your mom or something?

435
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,275
Why the fuck -- every single
time you talk about him,

436
00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:16,778
I'm like so close
to forgetting him,

437
00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,245
and then you bring him up again.

438
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,714
I'm just like, just like,
it baffles me

439
00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:21,181
that you were going to let him,
like, you know,

440
00:16:21,215 --> 00:16:22,617
-stick his penis just...
-Taint me?

441
00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,184
-...inside you.
-He's gonna fuckin' taint me?

442
00:16:24,218 --> 00:16:25,553
-He was gonna taint you.
-Yeah, I'm horny,

443
00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:27,354
and it's a holiday.
What am I supposed to do?

444
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,791
Do you want to go through --
Larry, do you want to go through

445
00:16:29,824 --> 00:16:31,492
Robbie's list of prize catches?

446
00:16:31,526 --> 00:16:33,060
-Not again.
-'Cause fuckin' --

447
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,562
no, remember this?
Remember rotten Rebecca?

448
00:16:34,596 --> 00:16:36,063
The one that smelled like
a fucking fish market.

449
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,765
-Oh, God.
-She was great.

450
00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:39,333
Yeah, had to walk out
of the room every time...

451
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,101
-Rotten Rebecca.
-...every time she fucking

452
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,169
walked in one.

453
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,505
Oh, my God.

454
00:16:43,538 --> 00:16:45,172
That honestly made me
want to throw up.

455
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,306
That was so gross.

456
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,474
Who else? Come on.

457
00:16:47,509 --> 00:16:49,109
Do you want to talk about Tina?

458
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,613
-Tina?
-Googly eyed Tina?

459
00:16:51,646 --> 00:16:53,347
Do you want me to keep going?
That's my point.

460
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,816
-That was a condition.
-Do you want me to keep going?

461
00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:56,551
-She couldn't help it.
-Okay.

462
00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:59,119
-She's a beautiful woman.
-Can you shut the fuck up?

463
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,320
Okay, babe, no, seriously.

464
00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:02,189
He's been her employee
for years.

465
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,124
One, I think
it's illegal if they fuck.

466
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,728
And two, he'll never
close the deal.

467
00:17:09,597 --> 00:17:11,766
She had that glow
in her eyes.

468
00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:13,735
Okay, okay, fine.
No, she fucking might have.

469
00:17:13,768 --> 00:17:15,235
But he won't even come close to
closing the deal.

470
00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:16,638
-What?
-Not at all.

471
00:17:16,671 --> 00:17:19,507
1,000 percent
they're fucking tonight.

472
00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:22,175
-Fuck that.
-Unless Robbie's dick

473
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:25,547
gets chopped up,
they're gonna fuck tonight.

474
00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:27,849
What are you fuck--
Fuck that. Okay. All right.

475
00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:29,449
-You want him bet?
-Yeah.

476
00:17:30,718 --> 00:17:32,286
Okay, great, great,
great, great.

477
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:33,555
Alright, how much you fucking
want to bet then?

478
00:17:33,588 --> 00:17:34,822
Are you ever going
to settle down,

479
00:17:34,856 --> 00:17:36,558
you know, chill the fuck out.

480
00:17:36,591 --> 00:17:37,559
Are you?

481
00:17:37,592 --> 00:17:39,192
-Yeah.
-Yeah?

482
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,828
-Hopefully.
-Oh, okay, great.

483
00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:42,697
Well, maybe I'll fucking settle
down when I can find a man

484
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:44,298
that can keep up with me.

485
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,266
Do you know how hard it
is being in a world

486
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:49,737
surrounded by so many boys
that can't handle a woman

487
00:17:49,771 --> 00:17:52,105
who can out drink, out earn
and out fuck them,

488
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,340
for the love of God?

489
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,209
Do you know
how many men cannot fuck?

490
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,145
-There's a few.
-No.

491
00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,547
-And some can.
-None of them know

492
00:17:59,581 --> 00:18:01,148
how to eat pussy.
I'll tell you that right now.

493
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,449
-See, I beg to differ.
-No.

494
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,284
In fact, I would argue
there are one,

495
00:18:04,318 --> 00:18:06,153
maybe two people
in this general vicinity

496
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,790
who can do it with the ferocity
of a fucking tyrannosaurus

497
00:18:08,823 --> 00:18:12,125
No, No.

498
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,795
-Larry.
-Larry.

499
00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:15,763
Can you please,
for the love of God,

500
00:18:15,797 --> 00:18:17,699
give me one more round.

501
00:18:17,732 --> 00:18:19,366
I'll be you

502
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:24,706
that if they fuck,
I'll make you a steak dinner.

503
00:18:24,739 --> 00:18:26,373
-Really?
-Yeah.

504
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,510
Wearing nothing but an apron.

505
00:18:32,547 --> 00:18:34,247
If I lose?

506
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:37,250
Oh, when you lose,

507
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,887
you have to eat my
ass out on this throne.

508
00:18:39,921 --> 00:18:42,289
Well, why wait? Why don't
I eat it fuckin' right now?

509
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:43,758
Daddy's hungry.

510
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:46,159
Ah! Daddy!

511
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,663
Oh!

512
00:18:48,696 --> 00:18:50,898
I can trace it back
every fucking time.

513
00:18:50,932 --> 00:18:54,167
The second they cut their hair,
they cut their worst record!

514
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:57,237
Ah, it's just such
an absurd claim.

515
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,642
It isn't -- It's a fucking
absurdly correct claim.

516
00:19:00,675 --> 00:19:02,944
Is what it is. Okay?

517
00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:04,879
Do you remember that fucking
study I showed you?

518
00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:07,515
-Oh, yeah. The scientist one.
-Yes, the fuckin' scientist one.

519
00:19:07,548 --> 00:19:10,183
The second that they cut
the hair of

520
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,520
a Native American person,
they lost, like,

521
00:19:12,553 --> 00:19:14,321
-all sense of intuition.
-Okay.

522
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,757
-Like fucking all of it.
-First off.

523
00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:17,625
-And it's really scary.
-First off.

524
00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:20,460
Whatever bullshit fucking blog
you pulled that study off --

525
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,195
-A government study, dude.
-Government.

526
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,698
Has about as much merit as
the fucking Reddit thread.

527
00:19:23,731 --> 00:19:25,566
-Okay.
-Second off, second off,

528
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,969
that has absolutely zero
fucking merit when it comes to

529
00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:30,505
talking about somebody's actual
musical ability.

530
00:19:30,538 --> 00:19:32,507
Okay. I'm going to go through
the fucking list.

531
00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:33,808
-Okay, do it.
-Metallica.

532
00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:35,475
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

533
00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,879
They cut their hair,
the fuckers release "Load."

534
00:19:37,912 --> 00:19:41,582
Yeah? Soundgarden.
Cornell cuts his hair off.

535
00:19:41,616 --> 00:19:44,686
Opts for the Spencers Gift tips
with the frosted spikes,

536
00:19:44,719 --> 00:19:46,754
and then the motherfuckers
release "Superunknown"!

537
00:19:46,788 --> 00:19:49,724
-What is that?!
-Boom! Boom right there, bitch!

538
00:19:49,757 --> 00:19:51,324
Voids your argument?
Do you know why?

539
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:54,996
-Why? Tell me why.
-'Cause "Superunknown",

540
00:19:55,029 --> 00:19:56,664
-peak Soundgarden.
-Oh, fuckin' --

541
00:19:56,698 --> 00:19:58,833
-Are you kidding me?
-Not one bad track on the album.

542
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,568
Are you actually going to
stop with the fucking

543
00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:02,269
Jesus Christ pose right now?

544
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,838
What the fuck?!
Are you serious?!

545
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,907
Are you fuckin' --

546
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:08,308
Are you fucking kidding me?

547
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:11,579
That's so fuckin' dumb,
so fuckin' dumb.

548
00:20:11,612 --> 00:20:13,246
Let me guess.

549
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,550
You prefer you prefer, uh,
you prefer Van Hagar?

550
00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:19,620
"Prefer" is a strong word.
They lost zero appeal

551
00:20:19,654 --> 00:20:21,022
when Diamond Dave ducked out.

552
00:20:21,055 --> 00:20:23,658
-Oh! Really?
-Yes, really.

553
00:20:23,691 --> 00:20:26,359
Because it's around that time
that they got

554
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,963
rid of their guitar god,
and then replaced him

555
00:20:28,996 --> 00:20:32,033
with a synth loving clone
of said guitar god.

556
00:20:32,066 --> 00:20:34,367
Alright, get your ass
off the bar, Robbie.

557
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,003
-Oh.
-Hate to break up the party.

558
00:20:36,037 --> 00:20:38,005
I got four little
diaper pissers at home.

559
00:20:38,039 --> 00:20:39,874
They're going to wake me
up in four hours. Let's --

560
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:41,609
Yes, thank you.

561
00:20:41,642 --> 00:20:43,745
I don't want to listen to this
fucking guy anyway.

562
00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,546
-Sweet baby. Jesus.
-Mm, got my card.

563
00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:48,649
Slow your roll, Larry.
Got two more coming my way.

564
00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:51,284
-I'll pour you one.
-Hands behind your back.

565
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,721
-Hands behind my back?
-You're lucky like you.

566
00:20:53,755 --> 00:20:55,857
Yeah, and you're lucky I don't
have health inspector

567
00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:56,924
shut this shit hole down.

568
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,027
He's right.

569
00:21:00,061 --> 00:21:01,662
Is he right?

570
00:21:01,696 --> 00:21:05,700
-And pour Tori and her new beau.
-Oh, thanks, man.

571
00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:09,369
One and one for yourself, Larry.

572
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,672
I didn't know
you two were a thing.

573
00:21:11,706 --> 00:21:12,807
-We're not.
-Yet.

574
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,876
Get fucked.

575
00:21:18,846 --> 00:21:20,681
Ah, yeah!

576
00:21:46,507 --> 00:21:49,309
The wife's back
is with her family.

577
00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:57,384
So that's why I'm spending
Christmas alone.

578
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,720
Unless you count
that fucking mutt

579
00:21:59,754 --> 00:22:01,088
that won't keep its trap shut.

580
00:22:01,122 --> 00:22:02,824
Why do you have a fucking
dog then, man?

581
00:22:02,857 --> 00:22:04,792
You think I wanted that thing?

582
00:22:04,826 --> 00:22:07,595
-That's all Donna.
-Okay.

583
00:22:07,628 --> 00:22:10,064
That little son of a whore
is like an angel around her.

584
00:22:10,097 --> 00:22:13,134
But with me, just me,
it won't shut the fuck up

585
00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:15,703
because I won't spoil him,
like Donna does.

586
00:22:15,736 --> 00:22:17,404
Just like with her old man.

587
00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:19,439
Yeah, I think -- I think it
sounds like the dog just

588
00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:21,843
probably needs, like, some
lovin' from Daddy Monroe.

589
00:22:21,876 --> 00:22:23,811
-Like.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

590
00:22:23,845 --> 00:22:26,781
I think the little bastard needs
his balls clipped.

591
00:22:26,814 --> 00:22:28,749
-Hey, man.
-Sure.

592
00:22:28,783 --> 00:22:30,518
Donna had me get
my balls clipped

593
00:22:30,551 --> 00:22:34,454
-two days after Henry was born.
-Jesus fucking Christ.

594
00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:39,560
You're gonna wake up
a sleeping, Junior.

595
00:22:39,594 --> 00:22:42,563
Well, uh, here,
let's have a toast.

596
00:22:42,597 --> 00:22:45,066
I think you've had enough
there, Supercuts.

597
00:22:45,099 --> 00:22:46,801
Cheers.

598
00:22:46,834 --> 00:22:50,071
Cheers.

599
00:22:51,873 --> 00:22:55,576
Here, let me, uh, cover
what these kids are drinking.

600
00:22:55,610 --> 00:22:58,746
-Oh, no, no, that's --
-No, hey, hey, hey, hey.

601
00:22:58,779 --> 00:23:00,147
-You...
-Thank you, Chief.

602
00:23:00,181 --> 00:23:03,851
-...keep the rest for yourself.
-Thank you.

603
00:23:03,885 --> 00:23:06,120
Watch yourself
with that one.

604
00:23:06,153 --> 00:23:07,622
Merry Christmas, Sheriff.

605
00:23:07,655 --> 00:23:09,857
Shit, that little punk
motherfucker,

606
00:23:09,891 --> 00:23:11,792
wipe that smirk off...

607
00:23:11,826 --> 00:23:14,729
Mm. That sucked the
fucking Christmas early.

608
00:23:14,762 --> 00:23:17,464
God damn, what a sad
fuckin' human being.

609
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:20,601
You gonna be
good to drive?

610
00:23:20,635 --> 00:23:22,136
Uh, no.

611
00:23:22,169 --> 00:23:24,605
I drove with Robbie --
I fuckin' walked with Robbie.

612
00:23:24,639 --> 00:23:26,040
If I drove you, you'd be fucked.

613
00:23:26,073 --> 00:23:27,842
So much for drinking
every guy under the table.

614
00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:31,913
Excuse me. You've got, like,
at least five pounds on me.

615
00:23:31,946 --> 00:23:33,514
Soaking wet maybe.

616
00:23:33,547 --> 00:23:34,782
Get her home safe.
Robbie.

617
00:23:34,815 --> 00:23:36,449
What the fuck's that's
supposed to mean?

618
00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:38,485
-It's a big world out there.
-You get home safe.

619
00:23:38,519 --> 00:23:40,621
Better watch for your children.

620
00:23:42,056 --> 00:23:43,925
-I'm just kidding.
-Sounded so threatening.

621
00:23:43,958 --> 00:23:46,426
-Good night.
-Thank you, Larry.

622
00:23:48,963 --> 00:23:51,232
-Ugh.
-Come on.

623
00:23:54,268 --> 00:23:55,736
Yes!

624
00:23:56,971 --> 00:23:58,205
Oh, shit.

625
00:23:58,239 --> 00:23:59,974
Not yet.

626
00:24:00,007 --> 00:24:01,542
It's coming early.

627
00:24:01,575 --> 00:24:02,543
Hold it.
No, baby, hold it.

628
00:24:02,576 --> 00:24:04,578
Hold it! You better not!

629
00:24:04,612 --> 00:24:05,947
Fuck! You better not!

630
00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:07,848
Ah!

631
00:24:09,517 --> 00:24:11,686
Like, what did
he arrest you for?

632
00:24:11,719 --> 00:24:13,921
It was fucking --
you were like --

633
00:24:13,955 --> 00:24:15,756
you were like pissing
on a playground.

634
00:24:15,790 --> 00:24:17,658
I didn't know the kid
was going to show up like that.

635
00:24:17,692 --> 00:24:19,492
Oh, fuck, and the kid
was his grandson.

636
00:24:19,527 --> 00:24:20,861
Yeah, I made him a man.

637
00:24:20,895 --> 00:24:22,495
That's fucked.
You took that away from him.

638
00:24:22,530 --> 00:24:24,065
-I know.
-You took it away him.

639
00:24:42,683 --> 00:24:45,786
Somebody help!

640
00:24:45,820 --> 00:24:47,121
Do you want to keep drinking,
or...?

641
00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:50,257
I mean, yeah.
What are you thinking?

642
00:24:50,291 --> 00:24:52,026
-What am I thinking?
-Yeah.

643
00:25:08,943 --> 00:25:11,712
You can come over
and kill that bottle with me.

644
00:25:11,746 --> 00:25:13,080
-Really?
-Yeah.

645
00:25:13,114 --> 00:25:14,582
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.

646
00:25:14,615 --> 00:25:16,550
Come kill the fucking bottle.

647
00:25:16,584 --> 00:25:18,819
I said come over for a drink,
not over for a fuck.

648
00:25:23,991 --> 00:25:26,260
Well, it sounds like someone's
hankering for a little bit of --

649
00:25:30,064 --> 00:25:32,133
-You hear that?
-Hear what?

650
00:25:42,376 --> 00:25:43,778
Yeah, dawg!

651
00:25:43,811 --> 00:25:46,013
Jay hitting that pipe.

652
00:25:46,047 --> 00:25:47,348
Yeah, he's hitting
that fucking pipe.

653
00:25:47,381 --> 00:25:48,816
Speaking of, have you seen it?

654
00:25:48,849 --> 00:25:50,684
Yeah, it's fucking fat
as fuck.

655
00:25:50,718 --> 00:25:52,720
-It's fat.
-Oh, he be gaping that shit

656
00:25:52,753 --> 00:25:54,321
for sure.

657
00:26:06,934 --> 00:26:08,669
How old are you, fuckin' 12?

658
00:26:08,702 --> 00:26:10,137
I can see you smoking
that blunt from here!

659
00:26:10,171 --> 00:26:12,339
-I didn't fuckin' ask --
-I said give it to me!

660
00:26:12,373 --> 00:26:15,042
I need to salvage
this Lincoln Log...

661
00:26:15,076 --> 00:26:17,378
-No!
-...before you run it into

662
00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:18,946
the fuckin' ground.

663
00:26:22,083 --> 00:26:24,685
Yeah, I want to fuckin'
salvage this thing.

664
00:26:24,718 --> 00:26:26,253
What are we watching when
we get to yours,

665
00:26:26,287 --> 00:26:27,988
"A Christmas Story"?

666
00:26:28,022 --> 00:26:29,790
What is your fucking obsession
with "A Christmas Story"?

667
00:26:29,824 --> 00:26:31,158
What's your issue
with "A Christmas Story"?

668
00:26:31,192 --> 00:26:32,726
You're the one that
brought it up earlier.

669
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,195
Everyone's obsessed with it.

670
00:26:34,228 --> 00:26:35,830
If you want to watch
a Bob Clark Christmas movie

671
00:26:35,863 --> 00:26:38,332
will watch
fucking "Black Christmas."

672
00:26:38,365 --> 00:26:40,868
Oh, that --
that Blumhouse joint?

673
00:26:40,901 --> 00:26:43,337
I'm just going to
drive myself home.

674
00:26:43,370 --> 00:26:45,172
No, no, no. You said we were
going to my car --

675
00:26:45,206 --> 00:26:47,341
If you want to go home
and fucking jerk off

676
00:26:47,374 --> 00:26:49,877
-to fucking Blumhouse movies --
-Get your fuckin' ass over here.

677
00:26:49,910 --> 00:26:51,946
Okay, but are you done spewing
garbage out of your fuckin'

678
00:26:51,979 --> 00:26:53,314
-whore mouth?
-Oh, there it is.

679
00:26:53,347 --> 00:26:55,149
There's your fuckin'
Rhode Island accent.

680
00:26:55,182 --> 00:26:57,384
I maybe sound like
I'm from Rhode Island,

681
00:26:57,418 --> 00:27:00,121
but at least I don't have
shit taste in movies,

682
00:27:00,154 --> 00:27:04,692
shit opinions on everything,
and drive a fucking shit car.

683
00:27:04,725 --> 00:27:06,160
Uh, excuse me,
this is basically

684
00:27:06,193 --> 00:27:07,661
the same as your fucking car.

685
00:27:07,695 --> 00:27:08,829
Don't say that about her.
She's beautiful.

686
00:27:08,863 --> 00:27:10,397
-Also --
-I get her first.

687
00:27:10,431 --> 00:27:12,099
My lady. My lady.
You got to get in on this side.

688
00:27:12,133 --> 00:27:13,901
You haven't got
this fucking car fixed yet?

689
00:27:13,934 --> 00:27:15,269
With what you pay me,

690
00:27:15,302 --> 00:27:17,805
you think I can afford
a fucking door?

691
00:27:17,838 --> 00:27:19,673
What are you doing
with your paychecks?

692
00:27:19,707 --> 00:27:21,142
-This is --
-My minimum, my minimum --

693
00:27:21,175 --> 00:27:22,676
That's embarrassing.

694
00:27:22,710 --> 00:27:24,011
My minimum
fucking wage paycheck.

695
00:27:24,044 --> 00:27:25,412
Yeah, your minimum
fucking wage paycheck.

696
00:27:25,446 --> 00:27:26,747
-Get it.
-That should be

697
00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:28,716
-a fucking priority.
-Please.

698
00:27:28,749 --> 00:27:30,184
-Wow.
-Lady.

699
00:27:30,217 --> 00:27:32,753
No, I changed my fucking mind.
I changed my mind.

700
00:27:32,786 --> 00:27:34,288
Hop in, hot shot.
We got fucking whiskey waiting.

701
00:27:34,321 --> 00:27:35,890
-Get in.
-Oh, whiskey you say?

702
00:27:35,923 --> 00:27:37,124
-Yes.
-Okay, in that case,

703
00:27:37,158 --> 00:27:38,993
-shut your fucking mouth.
-Oh, this mouth.

704
00:27:39,026 --> 00:27:41,228
This fucking whore mouth
and that devil's tongue, baby.

705
00:27:41,262 --> 00:27:44,965
-Ew, shut the -- Robbie.
-Come on, what?

706
00:27:44,999 --> 00:27:46,400
-This is a --
-Get your fuckin' ass in.

707
00:27:46,433 --> 00:27:48,469
Don't touch my fuckin' ass.

708
00:27:48,503 --> 00:27:50,304
She got a bit of a fight in her.
All right.

709
00:27:50,337 --> 00:27:53,774
-Call fucking H.R.
-I'll give you space.

710
00:27:53,807 --> 00:27:55,309
No wonder you don't
get fuckin' laid.

711
00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:59,413
-Look at this.
-What?

712
00:27:59,446 --> 00:28:01,015
No wonder you don't
get fucking laid.

713
00:28:01,048 --> 00:28:03,150
-This is disgusting.
-It adds to the flavor.

714
00:28:03,184 --> 00:28:06,420
Adds to the flavor of what?
A fucking chicken coop.

715
00:28:06,453 --> 00:28:09,156
This is fucked up.

716
00:28:09,190 --> 00:28:11,292
Some empty cans and bottles.
That's Tori Tooms' break?

717
00:28:11,325 --> 00:28:13,194
No, but it's the nail
in the fucking coffin

718
00:28:13,227 --> 00:28:14,962
because this is really bad.

719
00:28:14,995 --> 00:28:17,164
-Come on, baby.
-How do you live like this?

720
00:28:17,198 --> 00:28:19,066
-Let's cowboy up.
-Just take my car.

721
00:28:19,099 --> 00:28:21,835
Just take my fucking card.

722
00:28:21,869 --> 00:28:23,804
You just got to be patient
with her.

723
00:28:23,837 --> 00:28:26,407
I'm gonna lose my buzz.

724
00:28:29,511 --> 00:28:31,312
-Hey!
-Oh, God.

725
00:28:31,345 --> 00:28:34,248
-Jesus.
-Feel that between my pants.

726
00:28:34,281 --> 00:28:36,350
We're going to have to roll this
up the hill ourselves.

727
00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:38,986
-Alright.
-Whoa. Jesus fucking Christ.

728
00:28:39,019 --> 00:28:41,288
I don't feel safe.
What are you -- okay.

729
00:28:41,322 --> 00:28:43,224
She's road worthy.
Don't even worry about it.

730
00:28:43,257 --> 00:28:46,493
Okay! Here we go.

731
00:29:10,317 --> 00:29:13,320
Oh, if this guy parks his
fucking Ranchero here

732
00:29:13,354 --> 00:29:15,089
one more time,
I'm going to total it,

733
00:29:15,122 --> 00:29:17,091
smash out his fucking windows.

734
00:29:17,124 --> 00:29:18,959
Little harsh
to the Griswolds.

735
00:29:18,993 --> 00:29:20,562
NO, it's boozin' Benny
down at the bottom of the hill.

736
00:29:20,595 --> 00:29:22,530
-He's a fucking alcoholic.
-Boozin' Benny.

737
00:29:22,564 --> 00:29:24,231
Just pull up behind
my sister's car.

738
00:29:24,265 --> 00:29:25,866
Wait.
Your sister is here?

739
00:29:25,899 --> 00:29:27,401
Do you not listen
to a fucking thing I say?

740
00:29:27,434 --> 00:29:29,303
Well, I mean, I listen,
but I don't retain.

741
00:29:29,336 --> 00:29:31,338
Yeah, well, I don't want
to retain the stink

742
00:29:31,372 --> 00:29:33,508
from this fucking chicken coop,
so get out.

743
00:29:33,541 --> 00:29:35,209
Come on, let's go drink.

744
00:29:35,242 --> 00:29:37,945
-Beautiful.
-Oh, Jesus.

745
00:29:37,978 --> 00:29:40,147
-All right, my lady.
-Listen, I really can't --

746
00:29:40,180 --> 00:29:42,349
Please exit your chariot.

747
00:29:42,383 --> 00:29:44,251
I honestly -- I'm -- whoa.

748
00:29:44,285 --> 00:29:46,220
I'm too drunk for this. Jesus.

749
00:29:46,253 --> 00:29:48,389
Walk carefully, please.
Thank you.

750
00:29:48,422 --> 00:29:51,425
And treat her
with respect and dignity.

751
00:29:57,264 --> 00:29:59,033
Uh, welcome to my humble abode.

752
00:29:59,066 --> 00:30:00,602
Yeah, it's cute. It's uh --

753
00:30:00,635 --> 00:30:03,103
Charming, classy, cute.
I know.

754
00:30:03,137 --> 00:30:04,606
-Yeah, sure.
-Extravagant.

755
00:30:04,639 --> 00:30:06,240
-Rustic.
-Yeah.

756
00:30:06,273 --> 00:30:08,842
Humble. Barn-like.

757
00:30:08,876 --> 00:30:11,312
I really hope we don't take
my sister out because

758
00:30:11,345 --> 00:30:14,181
I don't want to have
to awkwardly introduce you.

759
00:30:14,214 --> 00:30:17,284
Wait, so are we drinking
alone tonight, or what?

760
00:30:17,318 --> 00:30:19,286
Robbie, do not fucking
listen to me?

761
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,588
They're out cold.

762
00:30:20,622 --> 00:30:22,323
Out cold already?
It's not even midnight.

763
00:30:22,356 --> 00:30:24,559
Plus, my lame ass brother in law
doesn't even drink, so...

764
00:30:24,592 --> 00:30:28,362
Oh, that fucking cunt Mike.
Yeah?

765
00:30:28,395 --> 00:30:31,031
Mr. Hollywood? Yeah.

766
00:30:34,636 --> 00:30:38,972
These goddamn neighbors and
their fucking obnoxious lights.

767
00:30:39,006 --> 00:30:41,442
Hey, Tori.

768
00:30:41,475 --> 00:30:44,445
How much music was there
in "Unsolved Mysteries"?

769
00:30:44,478 --> 00:30:46,380
- What?
- I mean, like, I don't --

770
00:30:46,413 --> 00:30:48,148
I don't want to --
I don't want to scare you,

771
00:30:48,182 --> 00:30:51,051
like, in your own home,
but there's like six hours

772
00:30:51,085 --> 00:30:52,654
worth of the
"Unsolved Mysteries" soundtrack?

773
00:30:52,687 --> 00:30:55,889
What the fuck is your problem
with "Unsolved Mysteries"?

774
00:30:55,923 --> 00:30:57,991
I mean, like, 30 second intro,
and then, like,

775
00:30:58,025 --> 00:30:59,460
do you need six hours?

776
00:30:59,493 --> 00:31:01,295
Have you heard it?

777
00:31:01,328 --> 00:31:04,431
No, not the entire fucking
expanse of isolated soundtrack.

778
00:31:04,465 --> 00:31:07,334
Oh, well, it is the fucking
creepiest goddamn synth pads

779
00:31:07,368 --> 00:31:09,970
you will ever hear
in your fucking life.

780
00:31:10,003 --> 00:31:11,905
-Mm-hmm. Right.
-They're amazing. Put it on.

781
00:31:11,939 --> 00:31:13,907
Yeah, okay. No, I've already got
something queued up.

782
00:31:13,941 --> 00:31:15,442
No, put it on. I want you to get
like soaked up and like

783
00:31:15,476 --> 00:31:16,644
-immersed in it.
-No, no, no, I'm good.

784
00:31:16,678 --> 00:31:18,445
-I'm good.
-It's so good. Please.

785
00:31:18,479 --> 00:31:20,280
Robbie. All right, fine. At
least I know it won't be "Load."

786
00:31:20,314 --> 00:31:23,217
-Oh, I know. I already looked.
-Oh, did you?

787
00:31:23,250 --> 00:31:26,920
Of course.
Oh, come on, Robbie.

788
00:31:26,954 --> 00:31:29,990
"Rhythms From a Cosmic Sky" is,
like, at least four times --

789
00:31:30,023 --> 00:31:31,559
Oh, you're the worst
fuckin' opinion.

790
00:31:31,593 --> 00:31:33,595
No, everybody knows that.
What are you talking about?

791
00:31:33,628 --> 00:31:35,429
Uh, it's in your collection.

792
00:31:35,462 --> 00:31:36,598
Yeah, because I'm a completist.
Thank you.

793
00:31:36,631 --> 00:31:39,032
-Not for Metallica.
-Shut up.

794
00:31:39,066 --> 00:31:42,504
Follow -- get that
fucking thing away from me.

795
00:31:42,537 --> 00:31:45,239
Okay.

796
00:31:45,272 --> 00:31:47,575
I'm weirdly turned on by this.

797
00:31:47,609 --> 00:31:49,677
-Really?
-But I need you to stop.

798
00:32:07,027 --> 00:32:10,264
Hey, Freddy.
Buddy, let's not open gifts.

799
00:32:12,032 --> 00:32:13,434
There's absolutely
no fucking way

800
00:32:13,467 --> 00:32:14,702
that you actually think
that "Pet Sematary 2"

801
00:32:14,736 --> 00:32:16,437
is better than
the fucking first one!

802
00:32:16,470 --> 00:32:19,106
It's twice is good, if not
fucking three times, okay?

803
00:32:19,139 --> 00:32:22,577
It's good. Not better.
Not better. No.

804
00:32:22,610 --> 00:32:25,412
Edward Furlong,
Clancy fucking Brown.

805
00:32:25,446 --> 00:32:28,348
Who, by the way, chews up
scenery like it's a piece of

806
00:32:28,382 --> 00:32:30,652
fucking gum,
and that soundtrack.

807
00:32:30,685 --> 00:32:33,187
They've got 12 tracks
of female fronted

808
00:32:33,220 --> 00:32:37,024
fucking aggressive as hell,
early '90s grunge!

809
00:32:37,057 --> 00:32:38,760
Traci Lords has three goddamn
songs on the album,

810
00:32:38,793 --> 00:32:40,528
and they're fucking good,
they're so good.

811
00:32:40,562 --> 00:32:43,030
So, you think it's better
because Traci Lords, porn star,

812
00:32:43,063 --> 00:32:47,100
fucking superstar, big titty
Traci Lords has, what, like,

813
00:32:47,134 --> 00:32:49,136
fuckin' two tracks on the album.

814
00:32:49,169 --> 00:32:52,339
No, three, by the way,
and better story.

815
00:32:52,372 --> 00:32:55,342
Better music, obviously.
Better kills.

816
00:32:55,375 --> 00:32:59,581
Better makeup,
better fucking cast and...

817
00:32:59,614 --> 00:33:03,518
Lord Gwynn aside,
I will say, you got me there.

818
00:33:03,551 --> 00:33:06,119
But Mary Lambert, she was
finally given free reign.

819
00:33:06,153 --> 00:33:07,655
-Yeah, that was a mistake.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

820
00:33:07,689 --> 00:33:09,490
-What the fuck are you doing?
-What?

821
00:33:09,524 --> 00:33:12,392
What fucking Neanderthal puts
salsa on nachos

822
00:33:12,426 --> 00:33:14,361
-before they cook them?
-Me.

823
00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:17,197
Freddy, put it away
and get to bed.

824
00:33:22,436 --> 00:33:24,506
-"Elm Street."
-Part 6, "Freddy's Dead."

825
00:33:24,539 --> 00:33:26,440
-Come the fuck on.
-Yeah.

826
00:33:26,473 --> 00:33:28,643
Whoa! Hellraiser?

827
00:33:28,676 --> 00:33:30,344
-"Hell on Earth."
-Child's Play?

828
00:33:30,377 --> 00:33:32,079
-2.
-Alien?

829
00:33:32,112 --> 00:33:35,215
-"Covenant."
-Oh, no, No, no.

830
00:33:35,249 --> 00:33:37,619
-Yes.
-Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,

831
00:33:37,652 --> 00:33:41,556
-okay, okay, okay, okay.
-Okay.

832
00:33:41,589 --> 00:33:42,824
Blair Witch?

833
00:33:42,857 --> 00:33:45,359
-Book of Motherfucking
Shadows", bitch?

834
00:33:45,392 --> 00:33:47,427
It's a fucking classic,
and you're going to watch it,

835
00:33:47,461 --> 00:33:50,565
and you'll -- stop.
You'll get it. I promise.

836
00:33:50,598 --> 00:33:52,399
Do you use your little
fucking fingers, like,

837
00:33:52,432 --> 00:33:53,801
typing on the keyboard,
and you're like,

838
00:33:53,835 --> 00:33:55,269
"Oh, like Reddit,
Reddit thread."

839
00:33:55,302 --> 00:33:56,738
-Shut the fuck up.
No, no, I am like,

840
00:33:56,771 --> 00:33:58,640
I am a gal with fucking
strong opinions.

841
00:33:58,673 --> 00:34:00,274
And now we're going to take
a shot to

842
00:34:00,307 --> 00:34:01,441
"Book of"
motherfuckin' "Shadows"

843
00:34:01,475 --> 00:34:03,410
because it's so good.

844
00:34:03,443 --> 00:34:05,345
Ah.

845
00:34:35,175 --> 00:34:36,678
Oh, fuck.

846
00:34:47,755 --> 00:34:49,323
Jesus.

847
00:34:59,399 --> 00:35:01,234
Freddy, that better
not be you.

848
00:35:01,268 --> 00:35:03,871
If you're opening those gifts,
I swear to God.

849
00:35:07,575 --> 00:35:10,444
Hey, you know what happens
if I come down there.

850
00:35:19,186 --> 00:35:20,588
Oh!

851
00:35:20,622 --> 00:35:22,422
Oh, my God.

852
00:35:22,456 --> 00:35:24,559
Sorry, sorry.

853
00:35:25,392 --> 00:35:27,695
Fuck it.

854
00:35:29,229 --> 00:35:33,400
Freddy?
Freddy, is that you, buddy?

855
00:35:33,433 --> 00:35:35,870
Said we weren't gonna open
or touch any of these gifts

856
00:35:35,903 --> 00:35:37,672
till Santa got --

857
00:35:42,242 --> 00:35:45,345
Get the fuck out of my house.
I'm calling the cops right now.

858
00:35:45,379 --> 00:35:47,280
Oh, shit!

859
00:35:56,758 --> 00:35:58,626
Wait.

860
00:36:13,373 --> 00:36:15,375
Oh, king shit.

861
00:38:22,637 --> 00:38:24,605
Frankie, what was --

862
00:38:35,883 --> 00:38:37,084
Frankie!

863
00:38:41,956 --> 00:38:44,559
Oh, what the fuck?

864
00:38:46,459 --> 00:38:47,595
That was...

865
00:38:49,831 --> 00:38:51,566
unexpected.

866
00:38:51,599 --> 00:38:53,935
Too bad find out
about that earlier.

867
00:38:53,968 --> 00:38:56,336
Yeah, it's too bad.

868
00:39:08,850 --> 00:39:12,820
This thing is USDA approved
organic prime man meat.

869
00:39:12,854 --> 00:39:14,922
Sorry, Are you asking me
to peg you?

870
00:39:14,956 --> 00:39:18,092
I'm not asking.
I'm inviting.

871
00:39:18,125 --> 00:39:20,595
Please, sir, may I have a hit?

872
00:39:27,467 --> 00:39:29,670
No! Pl-- Aah!

873
00:39:30,872 --> 00:39:33,541
I'm gonna get some more
whiskey, flip the record.

874
00:39:33,574 --> 00:39:35,977
Come back up.
Don't fucking move.

875
00:39:43,951 --> 00:39:46,687
Mom?

876
00:39:49,223 --> 00:39:50,992
Mommy?

877
00:39:51,025 --> 00:39:52,994
You okay?

878
00:40:00,034 --> 00:40:02,136
Santa?

879
00:40:02,169 --> 00:40:03,971
Where's Mommy?

880
00:40:08,475 --> 00:40:11,512
Did you bring me
any good presents?

881
00:40:11,545 --> 00:40:13,147
You did!

882
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:54,989
Oh. Fuck, fuck!

883
00:40:55,022 --> 00:40:57,158
Fuck me.

884
00:40:57,191 --> 00:40:58,960
Damn it.

885
00:41:00,628 --> 00:41:02,229
Jesus.

886
00:41:05,132 --> 00:41:06,934
That's fucked.

887
00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:26,020
Not stupid clothes again.

888
00:41:31,859 --> 00:41:33,894
Why are you so bloody?

889
00:41:35,029 --> 00:41:36,964
Mommy?

890
00:41:40,301 --> 00:41:42,536
Mom!

891
00:41:49,877 --> 00:41:51,912
-Oh, fuck!
-What?

892
00:41:51,946 --> 00:41:53,280
-This guy --
-Tori!

893
00:41:53,314 --> 00:41:55,616
I think he maybe
just killed the kid next door.

894
00:41:55,649 --> 00:41:57,184
What the hell are you
talking about?

895
00:41:57,218 --> 00:41:59,854
Oh, fuck.

896
00:42:05,259 --> 00:42:07,628
Oh, fuck!

897
00:42:07,661 --> 00:42:09,830
Call the fucking cops now.
Come on.

898
00:42:09,864 --> 00:42:12,767
Fuck. Have you seen my phone?
Fuck! Get my phone!

899
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,302
-It's upstairs.
-Shit. Is your phone down here?

900
00:42:15,336 --> 00:42:18,005
Robbie, go! Find a phone!

901
00:42:29,717 --> 00:42:32,119
Robbie? He's gone.

902
00:42:32,153 --> 00:42:33,320
What?

903
00:42:33,354 --> 00:42:35,022
Robbie, he's fucking gone.

904
00:42:35,056 --> 00:42:37,024
He saw us. The fucker's gonna
come over here.

905
00:42:37,058 --> 00:42:38,292
Find a phone
and get the fuck out.

906
00:42:38,325 --> 00:42:40,094
I have to get my sister.

907
00:42:40,127 --> 00:42:42,863
Liddy, Mike, wake the fuck up.
Get your asses out of bed.

908
00:42:42,897 --> 00:42:44,632
There's no time to explain.
Come on, we --

909
00:42:44,665 --> 00:42:46,100
-Come on. We have to go.
-What is going on?

910
00:42:46,133 --> 00:42:47,768
Uh, uh, where's your phone?

911
00:42:47,802 --> 00:42:49,870
It's up there.
There weren't any outlets.

912
00:42:49,904 --> 00:42:51,639
Okay. Get out of bed.
Put your shoes on.

913
00:42:51,672 --> 00:42:53,140
Put your shoes on now.
Come on.

914
00:42:53,174 --> 00:42:55,042
Mike, get the fuck up.
I'm trying to help you.

915
00:42:55,076 --> 00:42:56,710
-Alright, alright.
-Does it look like I'm joking?

916
00:42:56,744 --> 00:42:58,712
You fucking idiot!
Get out of bed!

917
00:43:01,048 --> 00:43:02,283
All right, come on, move it.
You should go.

918
00:43:02,316 --> 00:43:04,618
No, you go.
Mike, get the fuck out.

919
00:43:04,652 --> 00:43:05,686
-Alright.
-Go!

920
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:07,922
Fuck you, go.

921
00:43:07,955 --> 00:43:09,290
I have no idea
what the fuck my phone is.

922
00:43:09,323 --> 00:43:11,125
Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

923
00:43:16,397 --> 00:43:18,699
Where are you keys?

924
00:43:18,732 --> 00:43:20,167
I don't know.

925
00:43:20,201 --> 00:43:22,002
I must have left them
in the truck or something.

926
00:43:22,036 --> 00:43:23,771
Well, if they're not in the
fucking truck, where are they?

927
00:43:23,804 --> 00:43:25,306
I don't fucking know, do I?

928
00:43:25,339 --> 00:43:27,341
Liddy, do you have your keys?
Your fucking keys, Liddy?

929
00:43:27,374 --> 00:43:29,410
-Where are they?
-Get the keys.

930
00:43:29,443 --> 00:43:31,178
The keys? What do you
want with the fuckin' --

931
00:43:31,212 --> 00:43:32,813
Shut the fuck up, you cunt.

932
00:43:32,847 --> 00:43:34,682
Okay. Do you want me
to get the keys or not?

933
00:43:34,715 --> 00:43:35,816
-Yes.
-Fine. I'll get the keys.

934
00:43:35,850 --> 00:43:37,384
Jesus.

935
00:43:41,989 --> 00:43:44,191
Did anybody see where he went?

936
00:43:47,461 --> 00:43:49,330
Okay.

937
00:43:49,363 --> 00:43:51,866
Okay, okay, okay.

938
00:43:51,899 --> 00:43:53,701
We're going to go
to the basement.

939
00:43:53,734 --> 00:43:55,436
-What if it's in the basement?
-Then we don't have

940
00:43:55,469 --> 00:43:58,739
anywhere to go, do we?

941
00:43:58,772 --> 00:44:00,141
Okay, hang on.

942
00:44:03,811 --> 00:44:04,879
All right, I got the keys.

943
00:44:04,912 --> 00:44:06,280
-Shh!
-Look, I didn't even

944
00:44:06,313 --> 00:44:07,781
want to come here
in the first --

945
00:44:07,815 --> 00:44:09,416
Shut the fuck up, Mike.
Shut the fuck up.

946
00:45:23,157 --> 00:45:25,059
Get up!

947
00:45:26,528 --> 00:45:28,530
Run!

948
00:45:28,563 --> 00:45:31,198
Get out!

949
00:45:37,171 --> 00:45:40,474
Go! Fucking! Go!

950
00:45:43,043 --> 00:45:44,478
Liddy!

951
00:45:44,512 --> 00:45:48,282
Get -- fuck! Shit!

952
00:45:49,283 --> 00:45:50,451
No!

953
00:45:50,484 --> 00:45:53,153
No! Please!

954
00:45:53,187 --> 00:45:55,724
No! Please! No!

955
00:46:03,464 --> 00:46:05,332
Hey, hey, you got to get in,
you got to get in,

956
00:46:05,366 --> 00:46:06,467
you got to get in,
you got to get in,

957
00:46:06,500 --> 00:46:08,135
Hey, she's not coming?
Okay.

958
00:46:08,168 --> 00:46:09,903
-I need my sister --
-Listen to me. Listen to me.

959
00:46:09,937 --> 00:46:11,805
Listen to me, listen.
Okay, she's not coming, okay?

960
00:46:11,839 --> 00:46:13,541
You've got to get in the car.
Okay? For me. Please.

961
00:46:13,575 --> 00:46:15,476
Please, please, please,
please, please.

962
00:46:15,510 --> 00:46:17,278
Yeah, okay, come on. Yeah.

963
00:46:17,311 --> 00:46:20,014
Get up, come on.
Just get in there.

964
00:46:20,047 --> 00:46:21,516
Yeah, okay, get in there.

965
00:46:21,549 --> 00:46:23,417
I need Liddy here right now.

966
00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:24,552
-I need Liddy here.
-Hey.

967
00:46:24,586 --> 00:46:28,122
-Come on, Robbie!
-Come on!

968
00:46:28,155 --> 00:46:31,158
Fuck you! Fuck!

969
00:46:33,494 --> 00:46:36,397
Go, Robbie, come on.

970
00:46:42,036 --> 00:46:44,305
Robbie! Robbie!

971
00:46:47,174 --> 00:46:51,111
-Fuck.
-Oh, fuck!

972
00:46:51,145 --> 00:46:52,379
Are you all right?

973
00:46:52,413 --> 00:46:54,181
-Yeah.
-Okay. Well, we got to --

974
00:46:54,214 --> 00:46:56,317
We got to go. We got to go
because he's gonna come back.

975
00:46:56,350 --> 00:46:58,118
Come on!

976
00:46:58,152 --> 00:47:01,021
-Fuck! It's stuck.
-Try going forward.

977
00:47:01,055 --> 00:47:02,456
What the fuck?!

978
00:47:02,489 --> 00:47:04,925
-Fuck.
-Oh, fuck!

979
00:47:04,958 --> 00:47:06,594
Totaled by fuckin' Ranchero!

980
00:47:06,628 --> 00:47:08,095
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

981
00:47:09,163 --> 00:47:10,264
-Come on.
-Fuck!

982
00:47:10,297 --> 00:47:11,932
You fucking cocksuckers!

983
00:47:11,965 --> 00:47:13,867
-Hey.
-B, hey, hey.

984
00:47:13,901 --> 00:47:15,436
Get the fuck out of the car.

985
00:47:15,469 --> 00:47:17,539
I can't get out of the
fucking car. Listen to me.

986
00:47:17,572 --> 00:47:20,240
What is with this door? Hey,
you two bit fuckin' scumbag,

987
00:47:20,274 --> 00:47:22,876
get the fuck out of the car.
Come on.

988
00:47:22,910 --> 00:47:24,411
-Oh, what the fuck?
-Fuck!

989
00:47:24,445 --> 00:47:25,979
Get out of the fucking car!

990
00:47:26,013 --> 00:47:27,582
Oh, look, the paint's
all fucked up, man!

991
00:47:27,615 --> 00:47:29,917
I just got this detailed!

992
00:47:29,950 --> 00:47:32,986
I'm calling the fuckin' cops on
your ass, Tori.

993
00:47:33,020 --> 00:47:34,321
-Hello?
-Go now.

994
00:47:34,355 --> 00:47:36,023
-246 --
-Fuck. He's coming.

995
00:47:36,056 --> 00:47:37,224
He's right there! Hey!

996
00:47:37,257 --> 00:47:39,059
He can't fucking
hear you because --

997
00:47:39,093 --> 00:47:41,395
-Hey, behind you!
-Hey, behind you!

998
00:47:41,428 --> 00:47:44,131
-Behind you!
-No, no, no, no!

999
00:47:44,164 --> 00:47:45,466
No!

1000
00:47:45,499 --> 00:47:47,635
Stop fucking honking!

1001
00:47:47,669 --> 00:47:49,236
Oh!

1002
00:47:51,171 --> 00:47:52,574
Okay, go.

1003
00:47:52,607 --> 00:47:55,075
Go, come on, let's go!

1004
00:47:55,109 --> 00:47:58,312
I'm trying!

1005
00:47:59,446 --> 00:48:01,115
Oh, oh!

1006
00:48:04,586 --> 00:48:06,887
Okay, okay! Fucking drive!

1007
00:48:24,037 --> 00:48:26,006
No! No! No!

1008
00:48:26,674 --> 00:48:28,510
No!

1009
00:48:28,543 --> 00:48:31,713
Fucker! Robbie!
No, fuck off!

1010
00:48:31,746 --> 00:48:33,480
Robbie!

1011
00:48:33,515 --> 00:48:37,017
No! No! Robbie! No!

1012
00:48:37,050 --> 00:48:39,654
Oh, fuck!

1013
00:48:39,687 --> 00:48:42,322
No, Robbie. You got to get up.

1014
00:48:42,356 --> 00:48:45,058
You got to get up right now.
Get up right now, come on!

1015
00:48:45,092 --> 00:48:47,961
Get your ass -- get your ass up,
come on!

1016
00:48:47,995 --> 00:48:50,197
Get the fuck up, Robbie!

1017
00:48:50,230 --> 00:48:52,567
Somebody help us!

1018
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:54,536
Where the fuck is everyone?

1019
00:48:54,569 --> 00:48:57,171
No! Robbie, Robbie,
he's coming back.

1020
00:48:57,204 --> 00:48:58,706
Come on, get up, get up.

1021
00:48:58,740 --> 00:49:00,675
Get it here, Robbie!

1022
00:49:00,708 --> 00:49:02,744
No! Behind you!

1023
00:49:02,777 --> 00:49:04,712
Behind you!

1024
00:49:04,746 --> 00:49:06,514
No!

1025
00:49:06,548 --> 00:49:09,483
Robbie!

1026
00:49:14,154 --> 00:49:16,290
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

1027
00:49:16,323 --> 00:49:18,158
Hide!

1028
00:49:18,192 --> 00:49:19,561
Drop the weapon!

1029
00:49:19,594 --> 00:49:21,428
Now!

1030
00:49:21,462 --> 00:49:22,630
Hey!

1031
00:49:22,664 --> 00:49:24,164
Don't come any closer!

1032
00:49:24,198 --> 00:49:25,365
Kill this motherfucker!

1033
00:49:25,399 --> 00:49:28,636
Drop the weapon now!

1034
00:49:37,679 --> 00:49:39,413
This is Officer Danny Davis.

1035
00:49:39,446 --> 00:49:41,683
I got at least three people
down at 246 Chestnut.

1036
00:49:41,716 --> 00:49:45,385
Send back up
and an ambulance immediately.

1037
00:49:50,290 --> 00:49:52,192
It's gonna be okay.

1038
00:49:52,226 --> 00:49:53,494
Don't touch me. Don't touch me!

1039
00:49:53,528 --> 00:49:57,397
It's okay. Help is on the way.

1040
00:49:57,431 --> 00:49:59,166
Help is on the way, okay?

1041
00:49:59,199 --> 00:50:02,135
-Are you sure he's dead?
-Yes. He's dead.

1042
00:50:02,169 --> 00:50:04,304
He's dead.

1043
00:50:04,338 --> 00:50:06,273
He's not getting up.

1044
00:50:08,075 --> 00:50:09,677
I got you.

1045
00:50:12,514 --> 00:50:14,214
Oh, Robbie.

1046
00:50:14,248 --> 00:50:16,316
-I got you.
-Oh, Robbie. Robbie!

1047
00:50:16,350 --> 00:50:18,385
It's okay, it's okay. Don't
look at him. Don't look at him.

1048
00:50:18,418 --> 00:50:22,489
Okay, stay calm.
Help is on the way, alright?

1049
00:50:25,793 --> 00:50:29,496
It's gonna be okay. It's gonna
be fi-- Watch your head.

1050
00:50:44,579 --> 00:50:46,280
Can you tell me what happened?

1051
00:50:46,313 --> 00:50:48,382
-You need to check the store.
-What?

1052
00:50:48,415 --> 00:50:50,284
The toy store.
You need to check the toy store.

1053
00:50:50,317 --> 00:50:52,119
Why?

1054
00:50:52,152 --> 00:50:55,222
Because that thing looks exactly
like the Santa from the store.

1055
00:50:55,255 --> 00:50:57,357
You mean the T.W. Bonkers thing?

1056
00:50:57,391 --> 00:50:59,226
Yeah.

1057
00:50:59,259 --> 00:51:01,796
That fucking guy looks exactly
like the thing from the store.

1058
00:51:01,829 --> 00:51:03,631
I can assure it's not
on the same Santa.

1059
00:51:03,665 --> 00:51:05,767
No, no, that's -- I'm saying
that maybe he took

1060
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,569
the fucking suit or something.

1061
00:51:07,602 --> 00:51:10,638
And my friends, my friends were
staying the night there,

1062
00:51:10,672 --> 00:51:12,807
and -- and maybe that fucker
killed them and then took

1063
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:14,308
the fucking suit.
That's what I'm saying.

1064
00:51:14,341 --> 00:51:16,176
He didn't get that
thing anywhere.

1065
00:51:16,209 --> 00:51:17,612
You need to fucking check!
Okay?

1066
00:51:17,645 --> 00:51:19,313
-There's only a few of us, okay?
-I don't fucking care.

1067
00:51:19,346 --> 00:51:21,583
Listen to me. No one's been
fucking listening to me.

1068
00:51:21,616 --> 00:51:22,850
There's only a few of us!

1069
00:51:22,884 --> 00:51:24,852
You need to do
a fucking drive by!

1070
00:51:24,886 --> 00:51:26,721
-More people are gonna die!
-Once everything --

1071
00:51:26,754 --> 00:51:28,723
Once everything is all right,
I can go back and do a check.

1072
00:51:28,756 --> 00:51:30,592
More people are gonna
fucking die!

1073
00:51:30,625 --> 00:51:33,193
Calm down.

1074
00:51:34,227 --> 00:51:36,564
Shoot him! Fucking shoot him!

1075
00:51:45,707 --> 00:51:50,545
Blow his fucking head off,
Davies, now!

1076
00:51:52,479 --> 00:51:53,681
He's done for!

1077
00:51:53,715 --> 00:51:55,650
Ah!

1078
00:51:55,683 --> 00:51:57,885
Davies?

1079
00:52:01,889 --> 00:52:05,627
Davies? Davies, get the fuck up!

1080
00:52:05,660 --> 00:52:09,564
Hey! Oh, you fuckin' idiot!
Come on!

1081
00:52:09,597 --> 00:52:11,465
Get up!

1082
00:52:11,498 --> 00:52:13,367
Behind you!

1083
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,336
No, no, no, no, no!

1084
00:52:47,635 --> 00:52:49,236
Ho, ho, ho!

1085
00:52:49,269 --> 00:52:51,338
Merry Christmas.

1086
00:52:58,980 --> 00:53:00,782
Okay, okay.

1087
00:53:00,815 --> 00:53:02,249
Okay, okay, okay.

1088
00:53:05,252 --> 00:53:07,789
Hello?
Officer Davis was killed, okay?

1089
00:53:07,822 --> 00:53:09,590
He's fucking dead.
Is anyone there?

1090
00:53:10,858 --> 00:53:12,259
Listen to me.

1091
00:53:12,292 --> 00:53:14,862
The officers going to
246 Chestnut

1092
00:53:14,896 --> 00:53:16,898
need to be fucking careful
because the killer is

1093
00:53:16,931 --> 00:53:19,567
still there, and he looks like
fucking Santa, okay?

1094
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:20,768
He's in a Santa costume.

1095
00:53:20,802 --> 00:53:22,970
Fuck!

1096
00:53:23,004 --> 00:53:25,707
Oh, fuck.

1097
00:53:25,740 --> 00:53:28,910
Yes, go!

1098
00:53:30,645 --> 00:53:33,748
Hey! Hey!

1099
00:53:33,781 --> 00:53:36,450
Hey!

1100
00:53:36,483 --> 00:53:38,720
Stop, stop, stop, stop.

1101
00:53:38,753 --> 00:53:40,420
-Get on the ground!
-No, I've been calling you!

1102
00:53:40,454 --> 00:53:42,724
Don't fuckin' move!
On the ground!

1103
00:53:42,757 --> 00:53:44,792
-Get on the ground!
-Get your hands on your head!

1104
00:53:44,826 --> 00:53:46,326
-I need your help!
-Hands on your head.

1105
00:53:46,359 --> 00:53:47,795
-I need your --
-Get your fucking hands

1106
00:53:47,829 --> 00:53:49,429
-on your head!
-Fine, I'm fucking sorry!

1107
00:53:49,463 --> 00:53:50,898
Get your hands on
your fucking head!

1108
00:53:50,932 --> 00:53:52,499
-No, no, no, I need your help.
-Where's Davies?

1109
00:53:52,533 --> 00:53:54,635
I need your help.
I need your fucking help, man.

1110
00:53:54,669 --> 00:53:57,404
Where is Davies?
Get your hands behind your back.

1111
00:53:57,437 --> 00:53:59,040
He's dead, he's dead, he's dead.

1112
00:53:59,073 --> 00:54:00,942
-What did you just say?
-He's dead. He's fuckin' dead.

1113
00:54:00,975 --> 00:54:02,409
They're all fucking dead.

1114
00:54:02,442 --> 00:54:03,644
-Bullshit! Where is he!
-He's dead!

1115
00:54:03,678 --> 00:54:05,813
I've been trying to
fucking tell you!

1116
00:54:05,847 --> 00:54:07,715
-What did you do?
-I didn't do anything?

1117
00:54:07,749 --> 00:54:09,316
-I didn't do anything
-What did you do?

1118
00:54:09,349 --> 00:54:12,419
I need your fuckin' help!
I need your fuckin' help!

1119
00:54:12,452 --> 00:54:15,388
-Get up, sweetheart. Get up!
-I need -- Ah!

1120
00:54:15,422 --> 00:54:17,692
He's still there!

1121
00:54:17,725 --> 00:54:19,426
You need help, you need help.

1122
00:54:19,459 --> 00:54:21,729
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
I call the shots!

1123
00:54:21,763 --> 00:54:23,798
-Hey, hey, hey, hey.
-Weston, you get down

1124
00:54:23,831 --> 00:54:26,299
to Chestnut. I'm taking her --
I'm taking you in.

1125
00:54:26,333 --> 00:54:27,668
You can't alone.
You're gonna fuckin' die.

1126
00:54:27,702 --> 00:54:29,336
-Listen.
-You need to call in some --

1127
00:54:29,369 --> 00:54:31,038
-Hey!
-You got to fuckin listen to me.

1128
00:54:31,072 --> 00:54:33,040
You're gonna fucking die.
He killed everybody.

1129
00:54:33,074 --> 00:54:37,779
-You need back up!
-Get in the fuckin' car!

1130
00:54:37,812 --> 00:54:40,615
-You need back up!
-Fuck! Shut the fuck up.

1131
00:54:40,648 --> 00:54:42,083
What do you want to do
with Davies' car?

1132
00:54:42,116 --> 00:54:44,351
Nothing. Don't touch it.

1133
00:54:44,384 --> 00:54:45,853
Fucking crime scene.

1134
00:54:45,887 --> 00:54:47,789
I'll call and have it
towed into the station.

1135
00:54:47,822 --> 00:54:49,957
Alright. Be safe.

1136
00:54:49,991 --> 00:54:52,459
I need your fucking help.

1137
00:54:52,492 --> 00:54:56,831
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Do you fucking job.

1138
00:54:56,864 --> 00:55:00,835
Shut the fuck up!

1139
00:55:02,103 --> 00:55:06,373
You can't send him there alone.

1140
00:55:06,406 --> 00:55:09,110
I don't think you're in any
position to tell me what to do.

1141
00:55:09,143 --> 00:55:10,745
You know, you're in a world
of hurt, lady.

1142
00:55:10,778 --> 00:55:12,513
-No fucking --
-You're in a world

1143
00:55:12,547 --> 00:55:14,015
-of fucking shit.
-No fucking idea!

1144
00:55:14,048 --> 00:55:15,783
We caught you covered in blood
and a missing cop --

1145
00:55:15,817 --> 00:55:18,853
<i>Unit 17, Smith, you there?</i>

1146
00:55:18,886 --> 00:55:21,522
Yeah. This is unit 17.
This is Smith. Go ahead.

1147
00:55:21,556 --> 00:55:24,992
<i>This is Lenny.</i>
<i>We just got here.</i>

1148
00:55:25,026 --> 00:55:27,862
<i>It's a massacre, and we haven't</i>
<i>even been inside yet.</i>

1149
00:55:27,895 --> 00:55:29,897
Alright, copy that. Look, don't
make a move, alright?

1150
00:55:29,931 --> 00:55:33,534
Just hang back.
Weston's on his way down there.

1151
00:55:33,568 --> 00:55:35,069
Any word from Renn County?

1152
00:55:35,102 --> 00:55:38,639
<i>Just us right now, sir.</i>

1153
00:55:38,673 --> 00:55:42,643
Any sign of Davies?

1154
00:55:42,677 --> 00:55:44,712
<i>He's dead, sir.</i>

1155
00:55:44,745 --> 00:55:49,517
Fuck! Fuck! Motherfucker!

1156
00:55:51,886 --> 00:55:54,622
I just saw you at Reggie's
three goddamn hours ago.

1157
00:55:54,655 --> 00:55:55,890
I don't understand.

1158
00:55:55,923 --> 00:55:57,825
What is there
to fucking understand?

1159
00:55:57,859 --> 00:56:00,427
What I don't understand
is the lax fucking attitude

1160
00:56:00,460 --> 00:56:01,829
when people are fucking dead.

1161
00:56:01,863 --> 00:56:03,698
Look, Tori, we know you didn't
murder anyone,

1162
00:56:03,731 --> 00:56:06,767
but we're having a hard time
believing what you're saying.

1163
00:56:06,801 --> 00:56:09,170
I'm having a hard time
fucking believing it. Okay?

1164
00:56:09,203 --> 00:56:12,106
But I saw it. I saw it
with my own goddamn eyes.

1165
00:56:12,139 --> 00:56:14,075
And my fucking eyes don't lie.
Okay, Monroe?

1166
00:56:14,108 --> 00:56:16,143
Listen, I can smell the weed
and whiskey on you

1167
00:56:16,177 --> 00:56:18,012
-from a mile away.
-Yeah. So fucking what?

1168
00:56:18,045 --> 00:56:20,514
I smoked some weed.
I had some fucking whiskey.

1169
00:56:20,548 --> 00:56:21,816
But that does not
make you hallucinate.

1170
00:56:21,849 --> 00:56:23,517
I promise you. I promise you.

1171
00:56:23,551 --> 00:56:25,786
After what I saw, I'm sober.
I'm sober as a fucking --

1172
00:56:25,820 --> 00:56:28,022
Oh, that's good you're sober.
Well, I hate to break it to you,

1173
00:56:28,055 --> 00:56:29,724
Ms. Tooms,
but it is still illegal.

1174
00:56:29,757 --> 00:56:32,560
Can you shut the fuck up?
Shut the fuck up!

1175
00:56:32,593 --> 00:56:34,862
My sister is dead!

1176
00:56:34,896 --> 00:56:36,530
Okay? My fucking friends
are dead.

1177
00:56:36,564 --> 00:56:37,865
Not that you give
a fuck about him.

1178
00:56:37,899 --> 00:56:39,133
But what are you going
to do about it?

1179
00:56:39,166 --> 00:56:40,701
-What do you --
-Hey! Hey!

1180
00:56:40,735 --> 00:56:42,703
The best goddamn officer
in this precinct is dead.

1181
00:56:42,737 --> 00:56:44,138
Now, if you want to be the one
to tell his widow.

1182
00:56:44,171 --> 00:56:46,007
Oh, fuck. Debbie.
Someone's got to tell Debbie.

1183
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:47,875
Hey, hey, hey, Bobby.

1184
00:56:47,909 --> 00:56:49,442
We're all getting
a little emotional here.

1185
00:56:49,476 --> 00:56:52,079
Just cut it. Both of yous.
You, sit down.

1186
00:56:53,915 --> 00:56:56,951
Get this fucking
off your fucking desk.

1187
00:57:01,889 --> 00:57:04,058
Have you heard from the boys
down at the scene yet?

1188
00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:05,693
Not since Renn County
showed up.

1189
00:57:05,726 --> 00:57:07,995
They're still down
there counting bodies.

1190
00:57:08,029 --> 00:57:10,898
Nothing about a killer
Santa Claus either.

1191
00:57:10,932 --> 00:57:12,700
Well, why don't you
give him a call?

1192
00:57:12,733 --> 00:57:15,937
It's been a little while now.
See if they need any help.

1193
00:57:15,970 --> 00:57:17,505
I think they got it
under control.

1194
00:57:17,538 --> 00:57:19,140
Double check.

1195
00:57:25,579 --> 00:57:27,782
Fuck!

1196
00:57:27,815 --> 00:57:30,985
You need to keep that asshole
away from me, Monroe.

1197
00:57:31,018 --> 00:57:33,721
He's worked with Davies
for over 15 years now.

1198
00:57:33,754 --> 00:57:35,990
We're tight staff. Look around.

1199
00:57:36,023 --> 00:57:38,526
It's been a rough night
for all of us.

1200
00:57:38,559 --> 00:57:39,994
Bear with us.

1201
00:57:40,027 --> 00:57:42,163
We'll do the same.

1202
00:57:42,196 --> 00:57:44,231
Just breathe.

1203
00:57:51,772 --> 00:57:55,676
Okay, I'm going to brew
a fresh pot of coffee.

1204
00:57:55,710 --> 00:57:57,078
There's a bathroom down the hall

1205
00:57:57,111 --> 00:57:59,479
if you want to
clean yourself up some.

1206
00:59:01,108 --> 00:59:03,044
There is no
fucking back up, man.

1207
00:59:03,077 --> 00:59:05,579
Just hold on a second.
Just hold on a second.

1208
00:59:05,613 --> 00:59:07,181
We got to think this out.

1209
00:59:07,214 --> 00:59:08,616
Oh, shit.

1210
00:59:08,649 --> 00:59:09,850
Have tried the guys
from Renn?

1211
00:59:09,884 --> 00:59:14,055
Yep, Renn, paramedics, Weston.

1212
00:59:14,088 --> 00:59:15,189
Nothing.

1213
00:59:15,222 --> 00:59:16,957
CHP? Anything?

1214
00:59:16,991 --> 00:59:18,592
-Nope.
-Hey. Hey. Hey.

1215
00:59:18,626 --> 00:59:20,161
-What's going on?
-You coming with me or not?

1216
00:59:20,194 --> 00:59:22,696
Something happen? You guys
can't go back to my house.

1217
00:59:22,730 --> 00:59:24,331
-I told you.
-We're police, Tori.

1218
00:59:24,365 --> 00:59:26,133
-That's what we do.
-Well, no.

1219
00:59:26,167 --> 00:59:27,868
You need to call the fucking
National Guard or something.

1220
00:59:27,902 --> 00:59:30,137
He wiped everybody out.
He's going to wipe you out!

1221
00:59:30,171 --> 00:59:32,106
Hey, you know, Monroe,
maybe you should stay here.

1222
00:59:32,139 --> 00:59:33,774
You can, baby sit
the little girl.

1223
00:59:33,808 --> 00:59:35,076
Okay, you know what?
If you don't want to fucking

1224
00:59:35,109 --> 00:59:36,710
listen to me,
you go out there and die.

1225
00:59:36,744 --> 00:59:38,145
Because, quite frankly,
I don't fucking care.

1226
00:59:38,179 --> 00:59:40,848
Tori, we're going to go,
we're gonna lock the door.

1227
00:59:40,881 --> 00:59:43,084
-No, no.
-Oh, oh, oh, oh.

1228
00:59:43,117 --> 00:59:44,952
What is that?

1229
00:59:44,985 --> 00:59:46,921
Yeah. What the fuck is that?

1230
00:59:50,291 --> 00:59:51,926
That an ambulance?

1231
00:59:51,959 --> 00:59:54,795
Oh, fuck. It's him.

1232
00:59:54,829 --> 00:59:56,297
Oh, Santa Claus?

1233
00:59:56,330 --> 00:59:57,932
-Yeah, it's fuckin' Santa Claus.
-Fuckin' Santa Claus!

1234
00:59:57,965 --> 01:00:00,668
It's the motherfucker
that killed everybody.

1235
01:00:00,701 --> 01:00:02,236
Okay, okay, uh...

1236
01:00:02,269 --> 01:00:04,038
-Oh, fuck.
-He's not stopping.

1237
01:00:04,071 --> 01:00:05,906
Fuck!

1238
01:00:17,418 --> 01:00:20,654
Fuck! Ah!

1239
01:00:20,688 --> 01:00:22,723
Is everyone all right?

1240
01:00:22,756 --> 01:00:24,658
Yeah, I think I'm fine.

1241
01:00:24,692 --> 01:00:28,395
-Tori?
-Uh, yeah.

1242
01:00:31,699 --> 01:00:35,769
Jesus Christ.
What the fuck was that?

1243
01:00:35,803 --> 01:00:39,440
Hey, Tori, take these,
go to the holding room,

1244
01:00:39,473 --> 01:00:40,975
lock yourself in.

1245
01:00:41,008 --> 01:00:43,010
No, no, no!
There's fucking people dead.

1246
01:00:43,043 --> 01:00:45,279
You need to give me a gun. You
need to give me a fucking gun.

1247
01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:47,114
-Where the driver?
-You're 38. Give her your 38.

1248
01:00:47,148 --> 01:00:48,816
Are you out
of your fucking mind?

1249
01:00:48,849 --> 01:00:50,885
-Give me your fucking gun.
-Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1250
01:00:50,918 --> 01:00:52,419
Hey, do you even know
how to use that thing?

1251
01:00:52,453 --> 01:00:54,255
Yeah. You aim is and pull
the fucking trigger.

1252
01:00:54,288 --> 01:00:55,823
Yeah?

1253
01:00:55,856 --> 01:00:57,424
Let's go.

1254
01:01:10,771 --> 01:01:12,239
Cover me.

1255
01:01:21,815 --> 01:01:23,017
Okay. I'm clear.

1256
01:01:23,050 --> 01:01:24,752
Tori, get in there!

1257
01:01:24,785 --> 01:01:27,054
Stay away from the fucking car!
He's in there!

1258
01:01:27,087 --> 01:01:29,089
Do you see anything?

1259
01:01:34,161 --> 01:01:37,198
Something's not right.
Something's not right!

1260
01:01:37,231 --> 01:01:39,466
Yeah, he's not fucking human.
That's what's not right.

1261
01:01:39,500 --> 01:01:41,101
Do you see anything?

1262
01:01:43,003 --> 01:01:46,006
Monroe! Monroe!

1263
01:01:48,075 --> 01:01:49,843
Oh, fuck!

1264
01:01:50,811 --> 01:01:52,913
Where are you, motherfucker?!

1265
01:01:52,947 --> 01:01:54,782
Show yourself!

1266
01:01:54,815 --> 01:01:57,084
Get out of here now!

1267
01:01:57,117 --> 01:02:01,322
Come on, motherfucker!
Let me see your face.

1268
01:02:01,355 --> 01:02:02,790
Hey!

1269
01:02:05,893 --> 01:02:07,394
Come on, fuck you!

1270
01:02:09,363 --> 01:02:11,498
Oh, no, wait!

1271
01:02:11,533 --> 01:02:13,067
No! No!

1272
01:02:13,100 --> 01:02:14,068
Aah!

1273
01:02:14,101 --> 01:02:17,204
Oh, fuck!

1274
01:02:42,129 --> 01:02:44,498
Oh, God. Okay.

1275
01:03:08,222 --> 01:03:11,091
Hello? Oh, fuck!

1276
01:03:11,125 --> 01:03:12,459
Fuck.

1277
01:03:29,109 --> 01:03:32,813
Okay, okay, okay.

1278
01:03:33,380 --> 01:03:34,415
Uh...

1279
01:03:35,382 --> 01:03:36,850
Hello?

1280
01:03:37,217 --> 01:03:38,485
Hello?

1281
01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:40,555
Fuck!

1282
01:03:59,039 --> 01:04:01,375
Hello? Hello, is anyone there?

1283
01:04:01,408 --> 01:04:02,910
Dispatch, I'm at the fuckin'
police station.

1284
01:04:02,943 --> 01:04:04,478
I need your help.

1285
01:04:04,512 --> 01:04:06,447
Hello? Someone fuckin' answer
me, please.

1286
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,248
Fuck!

1287
01:07:10,097 --> 01:07:12,232
Fuck you!

1288
01:07:13,868 --> 01:07:17,404
No! No! No!

1289
01:07:17,437 --> 01:07:21,141
No! No!

1290
01:07:21,174 --> 01:07:24,278
No, no! No!

1291
01:07:46,199 --> 01:07:48,603
Fucking cocksucker!

1292
01:08:11,593 --> 01:08:13,861
Hello? Hello?
Can anybody hear me?

1293
01:08:13,895 --> 01:08:16,631
Everybody's fucking dead!
Please, someone, please!

1294
01:08:20,802 --> 01:08:22,804
Fuck! Okay.
Come on, come on, come on.

1295
01:08:22,837 --> 01:08:25,439
Yes, come on! Come on!

1296
01:08:29,276 --> 01:08:31,178
Yes! Yes!

1297
01:08:31,211 --> 01:08:32,680
Ah!

1298
01:08:56,470 --> 01:08:58,773
Oh, fuck!

1299
01:08:58,806 --> 01:09:00,240
Fuck!

1300
01:09:01,308 --> 01:09:02,910
Fuck you! No!

1301
01:09:18,425 --> 01:09:19,727
Fuck you!

1302
01:09:23,665 --> 01:09:25,900
No! No!

1303
01:09:25,933 --> 01:09:27,702
No!

1304
01:09:29,302 --> 01:09:31,338
What the fuck?! Fuck!

1305
01:09:33,508 --> 01:09:35,308
Fuck you!

1306
01:12:32,452 --> 01:12:33,721
Fuck!

1307
01:12:48,769 --> 01:12:50,004
Fuck!

1308
01:12:50,972 --> 01:12:53,140
Fuck!

1309
01:15:06,173 --> 01:15:08,242
What the fuck?!

1310
01:17:58,412 --> 01:18:00,114
Okay.

1311
01:18:10,791 --> 01:18:13,327
No, no, no, no!

1312
01:18:13,360 --> 01:18:14,929
No!

1313
01:18:47,161 --> 01:18:49,463
Oh, fuck.

1314
01:18:52,933 --> 01:18:54,501
Fuck!

1315
01:18:54,536 --> 01:18:57,805
Come on. Come on.

1316
01:19:00,542 --> 01:19:02,977
Come on! No, no, no!

1317
01:19:03,010 --> 01:19:04,945
Come on!

1318
01:19:04,979 --> 01:19:06,914
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
come on!

1319
01:19:06,947 --> 01:19:11,986
Come on! Fuck you!

1320
01:19:15,489 --> 01:19:17,925
Oh, fuck!

1321
01:20:02,903 --> 01:20:04,405
Oh, fuck!

1322
01:21:08,001 --> 01:21:10,371
No!

1323
01:21:13,675 --> 01:21:16,343
Fuck! No!

1324
01:21:45,105 --> 01:21:47,441
No! No!

1325
01:21:48,308 --> 01:21:51,412
No! No! No!

1326
01:21:51,445 --> 01:21:53,480
Fuck! Fuck!

1327
01:21:56,283 --> 01:21:58,185
Ah! Fuck!