And here's the greatest hits list.
♪ Christmas time is here ♪
♪ Let's get out the decorations ♪
♪ It's my favorite time of the year ♪
♪ Let's go pick out a tree ♪
♪ Then we'll stuff the stockings ♪
♪ And hang up the mistletoe ♪
♪ The nights are getting colder ♪
♪ I put another log on the fire ♪
♪ How about some hot apple cider? ♪
♪ Sounds real good to me ♪
♪ We're singing along to Christmas songs ♪
♪ On the radio ♪
♪ Candy canes and chocolate kisses ♪
♪ You'll die cheering Christmas wishes ♪
♪ First thing on my Christmas list is you ♪
♪ I can't wait for you to open your gift ♪
♪ You're the only present for me ♪
♪ I bet you can't guess what it is ♪
♪ But I have to wait till Christmas Eve ♪
♪ I'll tell Santa you've been extra nice this year ♪
♪ Candy canes and chocolate kisses ♪
♪ You'll die cheering Christmas wishes ♪
♪ First thing on my Christmas list is you ♪
♪ With truthful spirit burning bright ♪
♪ Together on this silent night ♪
♪ First thing on my Christmas list is you ♪
Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho.
♪ Christmas town ♪
♪ Once again taking in all the sights and sounds ♪
♪ A celebration of lights on this glorious night ♪
♪ Happiness all around ♪
♪ Why don't you come on down? ♪
♪ To Christmas town ♪
♪ Hey, what you looking there? ♪
♪ A Christmas tree bringing Christmas cheer ♪
♪ And everybody's singing along ♪
♪ To all their favorite Yule time songs ♪
♪ Christmas town ♪
♪ Once again taking in all the sights and sounds ♪
♪ The snow is falling down ♪
♪ Here in Christmas town ♪
♪ Mistletoe add some glow ♪
♪ Let's gather round ♪
♪ A celebration of lights on this glorious night ♪
♪ Happiness all around ♪
♪ Why don't you come on down? ♪
♪ To Christmas town ♪
Nikki, as I've been saying,
It's a miracle you woke up.
You've been in a coma for almost a year.
We were beginning to lose hope,
even though we kept you stable.
It's been a year?
It's the holidays again.
Um, which we know can be a stressful time.
Giving your suicide attempt last Christmas,
we'd like to keep you here a little bit longer
just to talk, okay?
S-- suicide?
No.
No, it wasn't.
I-- I didn't.
Try to breathe deeply, Nikki, okay?
But I-- I didn't-- I didn't do it to myself.
It was-- it was-- it was someone else.
Are you saying you weren't yourself that night?
No. I'm-- I'm saying...
There's someone here to see you.
You ready for visitors?
Nikki.
Dr. Peter, please call in. Dr. Peter, please call in.
Oh my God.
Penguin...
Can-- Can you talk?
Hi.
Jess.
What are you doing here?
I missed you, Nik.
Missed you, too.
You guys came together?
Yeah, we've been so worried about you.
The doctors said--
Um, let's just get you home.
Your parents just got the call
and they're-- they're prepping your room right now.
What do you mean?
Prepping my room?
Well, they kind of turned it into an exercise room.
Actually, we'd like to keep Nikki here
for a few more days.
Just to evaluate her.
Can you keep me here against my will?
No, but...
I feel like we should probably listen to the doctor though, right?
Nathan, take me home.
Nikki, your friends are here.
Merry Christmas, Nik.
Yeah, you too.
So, you guys coming
to Christmas Eve dinner tomorrow?
To tell you the truth,
I'm kind of dreading it.
I'd almost rather be in a coma again
than have to make conversation with my parents' friends.
What?
Um, I was actually gonna head up to MJ's cabin tomorrow.
Their dad just dropped them off there, so.
- Tomorrow? - Yeah.
I mean, I just think that
after everything that happened last year,
it might be good to get out of town.
What do you mean, everything that happened?
Nothing happened to you.
I'm literally the one who almost died,
you know, whole year in coma.
Yeah, I-- I know, Nik.
I can't even imagine.
But it's not like we all just went on with our lives
while you were in a coma, you know.
We-- we visited you, we hung out with your parents,
we even started a GoFundMe to help try
to pay for the medical expenses.
I mean, we all put our lives on hold to try
to make sure that you
and your family were gonna be okay.
Okay, well, I didn't know that.
You know, thank you.
But I'm feeling better now, so why don't we all go
to the cabin together?
Um, you don't want to spend time with your family?
Yeah, of course I do.
But I also want to spend time with you guys,
You know, and um, I don't really want
to spend Christmas again at this house.
Yeah, I get that.
Um, but like, you just woke up and it's like...
I said I want to go, so can we go?
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, your two best friends and your boyfriend.
That's awesome. That's great.
Um, it's gonna be the best Christmas ever.
Okay.
So, your friend has suffered from cerebral hypoxia.
The blood she lost when her wrist tendons were severed
caused a lack of oxygen to the brain.
There could be complications.
What kind of complications?
Cognitive impairment, memory loss,
even a change in personality.
We'll want to keep her on crutches
to help her with balance and to ensure that her depth
of perception is intact.
Meanwhile, she should stay on the meds
she was on before her attempt.
- Meds? - Yes.
It's alright.
No way.
Malibu Barbie, and Ken, and Hospice Barbie, and Kendra?
MJ, what happened to you?
What happened to me?
Girl, you've been in a coma for the last year.
I'm good.
I just was chopping some wood for the fire tonight.
The snow's about to dump.
We should get in the house,
because you're gonna get buried and Rexie is not a rescue dog.
Come on, Rexie.
Yo, this stuff is rad.
Yeah.
My family used to go crazy for Christmas.
There's like 10 more boxes of it somewhere around here.
I love it.
You know, for a Jew, no one goes harder
for Christmas than you, Nathan.
That's because I was deprived growing up.
I gotta make up for all that lost time.
Yeah, but you get eight nights of gifts for Hanukkah, don't you?
Sure, but we don't have...
...Santa!
Wow, the snow is really coming down now.
Yeah.
You guys are lucky you came in when you did.
They don't plow on Christmas and the roads are really scary
when they get icy.
Well, are we gonna be okay?
Yeah, we're good.
It's like drunk doomsday preppers up in here.
We have enough food and booze for a lifetime.
Well, nog?
Um, no, actually.
I think Nathan and I are gonna have
some TLC time.
Um, yeah.
Actually I was gonna finish decorating the tree first.
Well, you sure?
I'm feeling better.
I know, and you know I want to.
It's just that, um...
The doctor says we have to wait at least a month.
What?
She didn't tell me that.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, well,
maybe we can do that thing I like.
Yeah,
and we'll have plenty of time for that.
Okay?
Okay.
Nog me, I guess.
♪ What to give the rest? ♪
You know,
you can tell us what happened that night.
This is a safe space.
There's no point in talking about it.
You probably won't believe me.
Well, try me. I believe in astrology.
No, I'm-- I'm serious, MJ.
Why wouldn't we believe you?
Because people believe what they want to.
And if information comes along that conflicts with that,
it's ignored.
Yeah, confirmation bias.
Hmm.
I don't think that's necessarily true.
That's exactly what she's talking about.
I didn't try to commit suicide.
I believe you.
Me too.
Um, me too, Nik.
Somebody tried to kill me.
What?
Is it someone we know?
Well, kind of.
It's-- it's what I'm saying about you not believing me.
Well, try us.
I mean, we're your best friends.
If you can't trust us, then who can you trust?
It was Santa.
Santa Claus?
Yes.
Big belly, white beard, red hat.
And a mask.
Okay.
True Crime buff here.
If it was Santa, what was his weapon of choice?
- MJ! - What?
I'm curious.
A knife.
What kind of knife?
A regular butcher's knife, probably from my kitchen.
That makes sense to me.
Guys, Santa isn't real.
And he doesn't wear a mask and go around killing people.
Okay.
But what if Santa is real?
I've been doing research
and there's so many different Santa mythologies.
Okay, my mom, she's from Iceland.
And in their culture,
Santa is a monstrous woman who has a cat
who devours people who aren't wearing new clothes.
She has 13 children who descend from the mountains on Christmas.
One of them who has a giant meat hook
to impale animals, and another who lurks outside
waiting to steal baked goods.
That's the reason why we leave cookies out.
Yeah, probably.
And did you know that Satan, his nickname is Old Nick?
Old Nick.
Like Old Saint Nick.
Do you guys not see the similarities here?
Satan, Santa?
And what about Krampus, Santa's assistant
who literally drags naughty children to hell?
Girl, I believe you.
And I didn't say that I didn't, but so just to clarify.
Some psycho dressed up as Santa Claus
and broke into your house and tried to kill you.
I mean, how did the police not discover this?
'Cause he didn't break in.
He came through the chimney.
It wasn't some psycho.
It was actually him.
Just to clarify, Santa Claus flew here
from the North Pole, pulled by flying reindeer,
and in between stops dropping off My Little Pony's
and Nintendo Switches,
he put on a mask, slid down your chimney,
uh, took a knife from your kitchen,
and slit your wrist.
I'm telling the truth.
Hello?
Jess?
Nikki!
Nathan?
Niki! I'm-- I'm s--
-No. -What's happening?
Nikki, I--
Nikki.
What?
Oh my God.
You guys were fucking?
We were gonna tell you.
What is wrong with you guys?
How could you do that to her?
MJ, you knew.
Nikki.
They made me promise.
They-- they told me they were gonna stop
if I didn't tell you.
You guys couldn't keep it in your fucking pants
until after the trip?
MJ.
It's okay.
Really?
What?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, it sucks, but I was in a coma for a year.
That's-- that's-- it's a long time,
and you guys are you know two consenting adults, right?
So, I'm sure we can-- I'm sure we can move past this.
Yeah.
I've been polyamorous for a long time.
Sex isn't a big deal.
Really, Nikki, you're not mad?
No.
We'll be okay.
Best Christmas ever, remember?
Merry Christmas.
Hello?
Mom?
Nikki?
Darling, are you alright?
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm-- I'm fine.
I just wish I was at home with you guys.
Can you come pick me up?
I'm glad you called.
I was worried about you guys out there.
Why?
The storm's getting worse,
and they've closed all the access roads,
including Highway 187.
You guys have everything you need out there?
Yeah.
We're good.
I just missed you and Dad.
We miss you too, darling.
What's that, dear?
Yes, I'll be-- I'll be right there.
Darling, the Taylors are here, so if everything's okay--
Yeah.
Everything is okay.
It's just good to hear your voice.
Okay.
Merry Christmas, darling.
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Oh.
How's my coma recovery going?
Mmm. Pretty good, I guess.
I mean, my head still hurts, and I'm having trouble walking.
And you know, I missed a whole year
of my life during which apparently all my friends
and family just moved on.
Plus, everyone thinks I'm both psycho
and suicidal, and you know, I'm starting to feel
a little fucking psycho myself, and...
As my mom, you were my last tether to reality.
But you've just left me to float around in this injured,
mushy brain of mine.
But yeah, I mean, besides that, everything is--
everything's good.
I'm fine.
Everything is great.
Best Christmas ever.
♪ There is no place that I'm going ♪
Uh, um...
Uh, a surfer!
Uh...
Oh, a homeless person!
-Oh, a scarecrow! -Jesus Christ!
- Yeah. Got it! - Boom.
You get it, suckers.
Such language on your Lord's birthday?
Okay, okay.
But is Christmas actually Jesus' birthday?
I read a bunch of Reddits, and they say that Christmas
is actually just a plot by the communists
to brainwash us all into becoming gay.
Well, I didn't need to be brainwashed to be gay.
I was born this way.
Um, but anyways, whose turn is it?
Mine.
Nikki!
Did we wake you up?
Nah, I wasn't sleeping.
Well, now she's here, we can play Secret Santa.
I mean, White Elephant.
Yeah, my stuff is under the tree with everyone else's.
I'll grab 'em.
Thanks.
Is there any more eggnog?
Uh, yep, I'll get it.
Uh, hey, penguin.
I mean, Nikki, don't you think we should maybe
take it easy on the alcohol?
Yeah, sure, let's make it a virgin.
Thanks, Nathan.
Like the birthday boy's mama!
Uhh.
- Thank you. - There you go.
Speaking of religious extremist groups,
Jess, did you still want to go to church tomorrow?
It's kind of a family tradition.
Like Christmas morning?
Uh, we usually do midnight mass.
For real?
Yeah, it's kind of fun actually.
Um, I like the pageantry, the robes, the hymns,
the candles.
That's very pagan of you.
Ha-ha. Okay, shut up.
If you did want to go, though, there's a church down the road.
I don't like going there, because it's really spooky.
And there's a priest there that likes
to stare at me as if he can't wait to pray my sins away.
Yeah, I'm sure.
How often do you see this guy?
He's like the only other person in town.
So basically, whenever I'm up here.
I mean, whatever, it's cool.
As long as he doesn't come back up dressed as Santa,
knocking on the door,
asking for cookies and milk again.
- He did not. - Yes, I swear to God he did.
So, me and the invalid are gonna pass gas on mass,
but if you wanted to go, there's boots by the door.
Let's do Secret Santa.
Okay.
Let's do Secret Santa.
Yeah, okay.
Um, this one's for MJ.
Okay, um, this one is for Nikki.
Thank you.
Stop.
You guys know me a little too well.
Who's been snooping on my OnlyFans?
I love it.
It's perfect.
Nikki, you good?
What is it?
Nikki, what is it?
Yo, that is fucked up, y'all.
It wasn't me.
It wasn't me either.
MJ, are you messing with us?
Why-- why would I do that?
Cookies, I'm gonna grab 'em.
So, who's next?
Um, I think it's Jess.
Jess?
Here, guys, patient much?
Spooky.
It's chill, guys.
It does this all the time.
Especially when it snows, but I have a bunch
of those battery-powered candles.
They should be right behind Nikki.
Nikki?
Nikki!
Dude, where is she?
Nik?
♪ Christmas time is here ♪
♪ Let's get all the decorations ♪
♪ It's my fav... ♪
Nikki, are you fucking with us?
♪ Let's go gather our tree ♪
♪ Then we'll stuff... ♪
I guess I should go look for her.
I mean, she couldn't have gone far
without the crutches, right?
- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
I'll go grab the candles.
♪ How about some hot apple cider? ♪
♪ Sounds real good to me ♪
Nikki? ♪ Singing along to Christmas songs ♪
♪ On the radio ♪
♪ Candy canes and chocolate kisses ♪
♪ You'll die cheering Christmas wishes ♪
♪ First things on my Christmas list is you ♪
She's not in there.
- Hey. - Oh, shit.
Nikki!
You almost scared me.
What the hell you doing back there?
I was just grabbing a flashlight.
Well, I mean, we already have candles, so...
Okay, I didn't know that,
so I'm just gonna get my PJs on and I'll come join you.
Okay, well, hurry up.
We were all really worried about you.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Come on, Nik.
Don't make this more weird than it has to be.
Why are you acting like this?
We used to have fun.
You thought that we were having fun.
We were always hanging out with your friends,
doing what you wanted to do.
It was like it was Nikki's world and I was just living in it.
I didn't know you felt that way.
You know, we could have talked about it,
hung out with your friends, whatever.
-You know. -I know, I know.
We just didn't have enough time before, you know, what happened.
Dude, fuck this shit.
I thought you said this happens all the time.
That light is plugged in right now!
Nikki!
Nathan, are you okay?
She's gone.
What?
- What do you mean she's gone? - Where is she?
That's coming from upstairs!
Okay, Nikki.
You got us.
Please come out now.
Help me!
Nikki!
Open the door!
Fuck!
Stress eating much?
What?
Well, I made a dozen cookies.
I figured you'd save at least one for me.
That wasn't me.
Um, me either.
Maybe it was Santa Claus.
That's not funny, MJ.
I'm not trying to be funny.
Don't tell me you believe Nikki's story.
I mean, I feel for her, but she's obviously delusional.
Or maybe she's just fine,
'cause this is typical Nikki making everything about her.
Actually, I have a confession.
When I was 9, my dad didn't make enough money
from his car dealership that year.
And so we weren't going to get any presents.
And after dinner, I went back to my room,
cried myself to sleep.
And then all of a sudden, I heard...
Then we woke up
and underneath the Christmas tree
was a pile of beautifully-wrapped presents.
And the thing that I remember the most was that
our parents were just as surprised as me
and my brother were.
I overheard them talking later, like whether they should call
the cops or not,
or like if my mom was having an affair
and like was trying to fuck with my dad,
because he didn't have any money,
and well, I don't know.
And then what happened?
My brother went off to college, my parents split up,
and my dad gave my mom this house in their divorce.
We never talked about it again.
It's like the vow of secrecy or something.
But what I do know is is that it was him.
It was Santa Claus.
Are you guys all messing with me
or am I just the only sane person left here?
Okay.
Then Jess, why do you go to church every Sunday?
What?
- Do you believe in God? - Yes, MJ.
And in Jesus?
Yes, even Nathan admits that he was a real person.
Like historically, you can't argue with that.
Okay.
And that Jesus was God's son sent by Him
to be sacrificed for all of our sins
and that Christmas is his birthday.
Yes.
Happy birthday, Jesus!
Very funny, MJ.
What about Satan?
What?
Do you believe in the devil?
Yes.
- And angels? - Yes.
But not Santa Claus.
Okay.
I see your logic there,
but then what about the Easter Bunny?
Leprechauns?
I mean, I'm not ruling any of it out.
Okay, I really can't deal with this right now.
I'm gonna go to my room.
Just let me know when Nathan gets back.
Oh, fuck.
No fucking way.
Fuck!
Rexie!
Rexie, get over here! Come help!
Goddamn it, dog.
It's freezing out there.
Finally.
Did you see Nikki?
No.
Did lose a slipper though.
We should call the police.
She hasn't even been gone for 24 hours.
We can't report her as missing.
She did say she wanted to be alone.
Maybe she doesn't want to be found.
I don't think she wants to be alone,
so I'm gonna go find her.
MJ, it's freezing out there.
I'm gonna go to the church.
You're really gonna go out there?
Yeah. Your lazy ass didn't even make it past my backyard.
I feel like I shouldn't leave Jess alone in the house, though.
Of course, you feel that way.
So, you stay here, protect the fort, protect us.
I'll just bring Rexie with me.
Rexie?
She's probably underneath the porch.
Finish the fire?
Yeah, whatever.
Rexie!
Come on, Rexie.
Come here, girl.
Tell everyone, Santa is real.
Nathan!
This is so messed up.
Do you think Nikki's screwing with us?
Jess, Nikki can barely walk without her crutches.
We need to call 9-1-1.
I dropped my phone in the snow.
Give me yours.
There's no service.
The landline!
Oh, I forgot about it.
Um, where is it?
Um...
I don't see it.
Oh, I think there's one in our room.
Uh, I mean Nikki's.
Sorry.
Do you know how to use this thing?
Yeah, you just dial nine first.
Come on, come on, come on.
Is something supposed to happen?
A dial tone.
Oh, come on.
MJ.
Is that you?
Is this 9-1-1?
9-1-1, 4-1-1.
It's all the same around these parts.
This is Ray.
-I'm the sheriff of the county. -Hi.
Uh, Nathan.
I'm MJ's friend.
Merry Christmas, Nathan.
What can I do for you?
Um, Merry Christmas.
Um, yeah.
So, the power just went out over here.
Sure. That happens all the time.
MJ's folks should have plenty of flashlights.
No, no, no, no, no. It's-- it's-- it's--
And batteries and uh,
I saw them down at Costco...
...essentials.
Hello?
-Sheriff? -What's happening?
Open...
His mouth won't read.
Twisted. He-- there's nothing to dread.
What the f--
Nothing to dread-- red.
Nothing...
-No. -Give me the phone.
We need to leave.
Well, there's no car.
I can't believe MJ just left us here with some psycho.
Yeah, some psycho Santa Claus.
What'd you just say?
What, Jess?
Isn't that the simplest explanation?
It's Pavlov's dog or whatever?
It's Occam's razor, you jock
and you're not even using it right.
Shh, shh, shh.
♪ Candy canes and chocolate kisses ♪
-Do you hear that? -Yeah.
♪ The first thing on my Christmas list is you ♪
Nathan, look.
Nathan, wait for me.
Hey, look.
It's tradition.
Hey.
So, we haven't talked about it.
Yeah.
I mean, what do you think?
Like I-- I obviously feel bad, but I also don't,
like she was gonna find out anyway, so.
Yeah, it's kind of weird.
It's like she was dead and then came back to life.
Like Jesus?
I see what you did there.
Or am I just a dumb jock?
I'm sorry I was stressed.
Yeah, me too.
So, what now, like with us?
Um, well,
we obviously have to stop seeing each other in that way.
Okay.
Glad, we're on the same page.
Yeah, hundo P.
Um, okay.
There's nothing there.
You need to go get them. You need to go get 'em.
You need to go...
Okay, okay, okay.
They need only-- okay, okay.
I'm coming for you, Nikki.
Tell me, little girl.
Have you been naughty or nice?
Fucking night mass.
Merry Christmas.
You're a bit early,
but uh, I wasn't expecting that much of a crowd tonight.
If any, what with the weather and all.
Yeah, and with the-- the power outage, right?
Oh, this?
This is just ambiance, my son.
I was watching the Celtics and Lakers game
on the big screen in the back.
Anyway, take a seat.
Might as well get started.
- No, no, no, it's a-- - Oh, don't worry, son.
We're Lutherans here.
I'll have you out in no time.
We need help.
I'm staying over the hill with my friends
and my girlfriend, well--
I guess my ex-girlfriend, she's missing.
And-- and Santa Claus is--
Oh, it's Santa Claus?
Good old Saint Nick.
Kris Kingle.
I think Santa is real and he's trying to kill us.
I couldn't agree more.
Um...
I'm-- I'm Nathan.
I'm Father Childeric, but you can call me "Ric".
Father, I think I need to use your phone.
We're in danger.
Listen,
I'll tell you something about Santa Claus.
Santa is one of our two crimson antipodal Christ mockeries.
One freezing at the North Pole and one burning in hell.
Santa, Satan, what's the difference?
Look, I'm Jewish, but the Santa I know,
he delivers presents and he brings joy.
He doesn't wear a mask and try to kill people.
Oh, the real Santa Claus doesn't look anything
like that character in your Coca-Cola commercials,
Nathan.
He looks like your deepest fears.
The greatest trick Santa ever pulled
was convincing the world he's jolly.
Making light of the sacrament by eating a cookie
instead of a wafer.
Promising his return as if he were the Messiah.
He's no better than a-- a vagrant,
an itinerant sneaking into homes
with his cheap so-called list.
Naughty or nice.
A tri-facsimile of your Jewish book of life.
As if a fat man in a silly red hat could decide
whether we live or d--
Father!
Please don't!
'Twas the night before Christmas...
when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Three stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow...
gave the lustre of midday to objects below.
A little old driver so lively and quick.
I knew in the moment, it must be Saint Nick.
Nikki?
Jess?
Nathan?
Huh, dumbass.
Wait. Wait.
Nathan!
Has this little boy been naughty...
or nice?
He's been nice.
Oh, has he?
And what about you, little girl?
You didn't answer me before.
Have you been naughty?
Or nice?
Do you want to sit on Santa's lap and tell him?
Get away from me!
Ow!
Oh.
Nikki?
Nikki, what are you doing?
Let's talk about this, okay?
I can explain.
All right.
I would say you have about...
Stop. Stop! Just stop it!
15 seconds.
Everyone thought you were dead except for me.
I never lost hope
and your parents were planning your memorial
and I told them to stop,
because God was gonna bring you back,
because He works miracles.
- 10. - And I spent
so many nights by your bed crying
and praying for you and-- and Nathan was so sad.
Nikki, you should have seen him.
We didn't plan for this to happen, okay?
- Five. - And we just did
and we tried to be friends for so long
out of respect for you,
but we only had each other when you were gone.
He was the only person who understood
what I was going through.
Nikki, come on.
Nikki, come on! He can't breathe.
Forgive us, Nikki.
We love you.
I love you too, Nathan.
Nathan!
But unfortunately, you're on my naughty list.
No! What did you do?
You did this to me.
This isn't about you!
I was just going for what I wanted for once.
Why couldn't you just let me have this one thing?
Oh, but Jess,
if you want a gift,
you have to sit on my lap
and say pretty please, Santa.
You're a fucking psycho.
I'm so fucking tired of living in your shadow.
I worked so fucking hard, Jess.
I worked so fucking hard.
So, it's not my fault that you are too weak
and insecure to be my fucking friend,
which you never were.
You saw a chance to feed your ego.
You took it.
You slept with my boyfriend.
And you betrayed me.
You just can't stand that the world went on without you.
Well, I'm still alive, Jess, aren't I?
I didn't try to kill myself.
You still expect me to believe the Santa bullshit?
Look at yourself.
You look ridiculous, Nikki.
You're just living proof that Santa isn't real.
Oh, but Jess,
Santa is real.
You know why Nathan never wanted to go down on you?
It's because you're a pillow princess.
But I made him feel so good,
he couldn't keep his hands off of me.
Face it, Nikki,
-I won. -Ho!
Ho!
I'm so happy you're okay.
I've been looking for you forever.
You were right. Santa's out killing people.
I'm pretty sure he got Nate and Jess.
You were right.
You've always been right.
Santa is real.
♪ Up on the housetop, reindeer paws ♪
♪ Out jumps good old Santa Claus ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with lots of toys ♪
♪ All for the little ones Christmas joys ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Up on the housetop ♪
♪ Click, click, click ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪
♪ First comes a stocking of little Nell ♪
♪ Oh, dear Santa, fill it well ♪
♪ Give her a dolly that laughs and cries ♪
♪ One that will open and shut its eyes ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Up on the housetop ♪
♪ Click, click, click ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Up on the housetop ♪
♪ Click, click, click ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪
♪ Next comes a stocking of little Will ♪
♪ Oh, just see what a glorious fill ♪
♪ Here is a hammer and lots of tacks ♪
♪ A whistle and a ball and a whip that cracks ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Up on the housetop ♪
♪ Click, click, click ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Up on the housetop ♪
♪ Click, click, click ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪
♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪
♪ Up on the housetop ♪
♪ Click, click, click ♪
♪ Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick ♪
Hey, somebody order a pizza?
Santa?
How are you gonna do me like that?
Cut!
And that's a wrap!