1 00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:04,238 - ♪♪ MTV ♪♪ 2 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,775 - I'm so pissed at myself for letting 3 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,244 myself even get to here. 4 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:13,447 Like, the gambling, I've gambled all my money away. 5 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,283 - She called me and started hysterically just, like, 6 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:17,518 crying and was like, I really think 7 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,152 I need to go to a facility. 8 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:20,687 And I'm like, you're going to die. 9 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:24,424 I just feel like I can't get married and be happy, 10 00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:26,393 like, watching her like that. 11 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,495 - Last week, I talked to my mom's counselor. 12 00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,097 They want me to come visit my parents, 13 00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:31,231 but only if I want to. 14 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:32,199 - I think you should go. 15 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,001 - Yeah. 16 00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:37,538 - Nate asked me to do the next season of The Challenge. 17 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,806 - Oh. - And I'm excited about it. 18 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,042 - I've, like, tried to distract her 19 00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:46,747 all day because of her dad, and then he sent this video. 20 00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,115 - Happy birthday. 21 00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,950 I know it's sad I'm leaving on your birthday. 22 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,419 But either way, I love you. 23 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,254 - I don't know. I didn't show her. 24 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:55,355 - That's only going to make her sad. 25 00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:56,823 - No, it's good. 26 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:57,958 If you want to show her that video now, 27 00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,459 I think her mood would change. 28 00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,528 - Like, all of this has been hard. 29 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:02,729 A breakup is hard. 30 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,431 - Did he ask you to sign a legal document 31 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,033 or anything not to share? 32 00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,467 - I did agree not to. 33 00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:08,435 - So you can't share with us. 34 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,703 - I cannot. 35 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:10,971 - Legally, you cannot share. 36 00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:12,239 - Legally, I cannot share. 37 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:16,243 [dramatic music] 38 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,011 - And it's not just me that's involved. 39 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,414 I have three kids that I have to think about as well. 40 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,815 So [bleep] you. 41 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,518 - Luis just texted me saying that he's 42 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,453 stopping by to see Stella, but we haven't 43 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,554 heard from him in months. 44 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,056 Where the hell have you been? 45 00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:30,624 - Home. 46 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,226 - What's his excuse now? 47 00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:33,427 - He's overwhelmed. 48 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:35,796 - Bitch, and what are you? 49 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:37,397 - Generally, it's only two sessions, 50 00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:38,599 two ketamine sessions. 51 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,368 And just see if it gets brought up. 52 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,336 - So you go out there for a few days, 53 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,370 and then I come out. 54 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,105 - Tell me why you're here. 55 00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:47,074 - My wife was like, listen, I think you should dive deeper 56 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:48,342 into your sexual abuse trauma. 57 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,078 The sexual identity got robbed. 58 00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:52,579 Your young hormones are raging. 59 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:53,714 You're young, whatever. 60 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,249 I mean, I literally had a child 61 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:56,917 that I had to place for adoption. 62 00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:59,386 Pretty much, I think because of that, I-- 63 00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:02,556 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, man. 64 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,191 - How do you forgive yourself for that? 65 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:07,327 - I don't know if I ever can. 66 00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:10,297 [upbeat music] 67 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:17,137 ♪♪ ♪♪ 68 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,011 - ♪♪ Waves and rows ♪♪ 69 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:28,148 ♪♪ The highway gold is in our hands ♪♪ 70 00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:29,383 - Hello? 71 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:30,717 - Hi, honey. How are you doing? 72 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:31,718 - I'm doing good. 73 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,020 How was your day today? 74 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:34,288 - It was good. 75 00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:35,389 The session with Dr. Michael was 76 00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:36,323 pretty intense, to be honest. 77 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,691 But it's good. 78 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,960 - Sharing hard stuff is never easy. 79 00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:43,730 But I'll be interested to see how it goes for you tomorrow, 80 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,365 because I'm sure I'll be in the air just 81 00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:46,300 landing when you get there. 82 00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:47,467 - Yeah. 83 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:48,368 Well, I'll text you and let you know 84 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:49,770 what's going on. [sighs] 85 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,305 - Well, I'll see you tomorrow. 86 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:53,140 I can't wait to give you a hug, and I'm proud of you. 87 00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,541 - Thanks, babe. - Yeah. 88 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,343 And I love you very, very much. 89 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:58,512 - I love you very, very much. 90 00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:01,381 - ♪♪ Go high ♪♪ 91 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:05,285 ♪♪ ♪♪ 92 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:08,088 ♪♪ Let the story start ♪♪ 93 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,457 ♪♪ I am ready for a new world ♪♪ 94 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,025 ♪♪ Ready for a new world ♪♪ 95 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,126 - Hey. - Hey. 96 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,628 - Welcome back. - How's it going? 97 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:15,662 - Here I am, back. - Nice to see you. 98 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:16,663 I'll take you back. 99 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:17,998 - OK, awesome. Let's go. 100 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:20,200 ♪♪ ♪♪ 101 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,368 - What are you noticing today? 102 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:22,369 - I'm just feeling-- 103 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,171 I feel very ready. 104 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,974 [suspenseful music] 105 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:32,546 ♪♪ ♪♪ 106 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,615 - So now you're going to notice 107 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:38,151 that there may be a little bit of floatiness 108 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,220 over the next few seconds. 109 00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:44,525 ♪♪ ♪♪ 110 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:47,227 Go into your mind. 111 00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:51,064 ♪♪ ♪♪ 112 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:54,168 Tell me where you are. 113 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:58,805 - I'm in my childhood trailer. 114 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,742 - Hmm. - I'm about four. 115 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,844 - What are you doing? 116 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,445 - Hiding. 117 00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:06,914 - Who are you hiding from? 118 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,249 - Bounty hunters coming for my dad. 119 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:11,451 - And how does that feel? 120 00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,153 - Very scary. 121 00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,556 - What did that little four-year-old in this trailer, 122 00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,157 what did he need? 123 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:21,128 - He needed someone to save him, hold him. 124 00:04:21,195 --> 00:04:24,131 - And now imagining that your higher self is 125 00:04:24,198 --> 00:04:29,603 hugging all of the versions of Tyler. 126 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,171 Do you see that happening? 127 00:04:31,238 --> 00:04:33,574 - Yeah. - What's coming up for you? 128 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,176 - I'm sorry. 129 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:38,145 Trust me. 130 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:41,949 - And when you can help that little boy feel safe, 131 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,919 it can be very easy to begin to trust yourself. 132 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,755 And I also wonder if some part of you 133 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:51,825 connected not being taken care of 134 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:57,798 and not being safe enough as not being worthy. 135 00:04:57,865 --> 00:05:00,734 And you know what is the best gift that you can give 136 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,003 your kids for them to feel worthy and safe 137 00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:05,606 is for you to feel worthy and safe. 138 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,074 - Yeah. 139 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,809 - When you think of your wife now, 140 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:11,411 what are the feelings that come over you? 141 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,247 - I'm so grateful. 142 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,115 - Yeah. 143 00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,450 - Oh, man. 144 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,952 She's saved me in so many ways. 145 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,187 [sighs] 146 00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:23,190 - What do you want to say to Catelynn? 147 00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:24,925 - Thank you. 148 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,127 [crying] 149 00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:28,862 [sighs] 150 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,365 She's given me everything. 151 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:34,735 - Yeah. 152 00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:38,071 - And she's shown me more love than 153 00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:40,240 I ever thought I ever deserved. 154 00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,242 It's crazy. 155 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,344 [sighs] 156 00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,079 - Look at how far you've come. 157 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:49,082 There's a reason why you are here. 158 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:50,450 Yes, Tyler. 159 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:54,354 You were meant-- 160 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:58,192 you are meant to be here. 161 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,060 - I am. 162 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:04,431 [sighs] 163 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:07,301 - Wow, Tyler. 164 00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:12,272 - What a gift. 165 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:13,707 Oh, man. 166 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,043 - Want this? 167 00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,544 - Thank you. 168 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,146 - What a gift. 169 00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,715 - [sighs] 170 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,685 [hip-hop music] 171 00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:30,791 ♪♪ ♪♪ 172 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,693 - [crying] 173 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,532 - Cory's been away doing The Challenge 174 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,033 for three weeks now. 175 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,135 And Ryder's been having a really hard time with it. 176 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,605 ♪♪ ♪♪ 177 00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,006 [line ringing] 178 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,141 Hey. How are you doing? 179 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,676 - I'm fine. 180 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,645 I just am more so concerned about all the kids. 181 00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:52,946 - Yeah. 182 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,748 - Like, Mila on her birthday, 183 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,817 I kept her awake to talk to him. 184 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,118 Then when he got on the phone, 185 00:06:58,185 --> 00:06:59,386 she just started bawling her eyes out. 186 00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,421 You could tell he was upset. - Yeah. 187 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,923 - And then the other day, she thought 188 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:04,892 Daddy was coming to pick her up. 189 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,794 And I'm like, no. 190 00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,063 - Aww. - No, he's not coming. 191 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,599 - I feel like Ryder has struggled 192 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,701 this time more than the past. 193 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,969 And it's-- 194 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,771 - It's so weird because I figured 195 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,207 she'd be, like, a little better now that she's older... 196 00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,275 - Right. 197 00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:22,910 - And understands. 198 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,280 But I don't know. 199 00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,549 - ♪♪ So I, I wait patiently ♪♪ 200 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,683 ♪♪ I won't complain ♪♪ 201 00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,285 ♪♪ Oh, no, no, no, no, no ♪♪ 202 00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,187 ♪♪ I won't keep on cruising away I go ♪♪ 203 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,621 ♪♪ Keep on cruising away I go ♪♪ 204 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,491 - Can I get a tabbouleh salad 205 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,660 and then a chicken shawarma plate? 206 00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:40,961 - I'll do the Greek salad 207 00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:42,496 and the chicken shawarma. 208 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,897 - Can I get an Armenian salad? 209 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,265 - Yeah, sure. 210 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:46,466 - How are you? 211 00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:47,868 Are you OK? 212 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,370 - Now that Cory's gone doing The Challenge, 213 00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:51,638 I feel like I'm just... 214 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,140 - One day at a time. - One day at a time. 215 00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:56,176 So Ryder's gotten to talk to her dad, well, twice now. 216 00:07:56,243 --> 00:08:00,047 He left on Ryder's birthday to go do The Challenge. 217 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,682 - But he was at the party. 218 00:08:01,748 --> 00:08:03,584 - He was at--right, her birthday was the next day. 219 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,319 - Her birthday was after. 220 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:06,720 - Yeah, he left that day 221 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,722 on her birthday to go do the show. 222 00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:09,623 - And how did she feel about that? 223 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:10,858 - Oh, [bleep]. 224 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,993 - I think she's a little upset with him. 225 00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,095 And last night, she kind of cried a little bit, 226 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,731 and was upset, and was like, who leaves 227 00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,433 on someone's actual birthday? 228 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,068 And I'm laying there and I'm like-- 229 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,836 - How did that conversation even come up? 230 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:23,904 - It must have been stewing. 231 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:25,405 - It had to be stewing. 232 00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:26,773 - Yeah. 233 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,409 - Right now, she's like, what the hell is going on? 234 00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:32,079 Because not only did he leave, Taylor left 235 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,313 and the girls left. 236 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,015 - Oh, they did? 237 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,450 - Yeah, because Taylor doesn't have any family out here. 238 00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:38,085 So the day he left... - She went home. 239 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,720 - She went home. - She went home to Seattle. 240 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,421 - Yeah. - So her world... 241 00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:42,923 - Is now minimized. 242 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,592 - It's just making me feel guilty. 243 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,593 - Not a good thing at all. 244 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:47,728 - I can't do anything about it. 245 00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,229 Like, this is just what it is. 246 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,931 You're--you're going to have two homes forever. 247 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:52,366 - Yeah. - Yeah. 248 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:55,135 - I think that Ryder is truly trying to figure it out. 249 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,471 I asked her, like, do you want to tell him how you feel 250 00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:58,839 and how you've been feeling? 251 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,708 And she said, no, I want you to tell him. 252 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,911 And now, I'm like, help. 253 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:05,579 - That's hard. 254 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,047 - Help me. - That's very hard because... 255 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:07,915 - Because he's there for a reason. 256 00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,149 - Yeah. 257 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,450 - I don't want to mess up his head. 258 00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:12,619 - And that is a big portion of getting 259 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,521 through The Challenge is, like, the mental stability, right? 260 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:15,889 - It's mental, yeah. 261 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,058 - Because once you disconnect from the goal 262 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,793 and you start allowing the life to get in-- 263 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,061 - He might as well come home. 264 00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,429 - He might as well just come home, yeah. 265 00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:24,364 I just don't want it to be an instance where, like, 266 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,901 you know, Ryder's older, and she has 267 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,469 all the things that she wants. 268 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:32,806 But then she still feels empty from the relationships. 269 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:36,643 ♪♪ ♪♪ 270 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,613 [upbeat pop music] 271 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,416 ♪♪ ♪♪ 272 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,517 - OK, we're ready. 273 00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:44,518 - All right. 274 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,752 I love you. 275 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:46,887 Have a safe trip. 276 00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:49,256 - So me, Cheyenne, and Margaret had 277 00:09:49,323 --> 00:09:51,191 a really good conversation. 278 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:54,528 I decided that I am going to go and visit my parents 279 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:55,829 while they're in rehab. 280 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,965 So first, I'm going to fly to Texas. 281 00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,499 I'm going to visit my mom. 282 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,635 And then right after, I'm going to fly to Arizona 283 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,070 and visit my dad. 284 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,038 My aunt, which is my mom's sister, 285 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,274 is going to come with me for some moral support 286 00:10:07,341 --> 00:10:09,676 because I definitely don't want to do this visit alone. 287 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:12,746 ♪♪ ♪♪ 288 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:15,482 My aunt's never flown on a plane. 289 00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:16,950 - Oh. 290 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,386 - [chuckling] 291 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:23,023 ♪♪ ♪♪ 292 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,826 - Oh, got an iron and ironing board. 293 00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,495 - What are you ironing? 294 00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:29,930 What are you ironing? 295 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,565 - I'm old school, baby. 296 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:32,533 I like some creases. 297 00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,836 - Some creases. 298 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,271 Oh. 299 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,438 Yeah, I'm gong to need to take off my shoes 300 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,740 and get comfortable. 301 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,909 - So what time do we see your mom tomorrow? 302 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:45,913 - So we're going to go to the facility At 12:30. 303 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,015 - What do you expect from tomorrow? 304 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,316 - I have hope. 305 00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:50,817 I don't have expectation, but I have hope. 306 00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:51,852 - Don't set expectations. - Yeah. 307 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,287 I don't set expectations. 308 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,289 But you know, I've been around this rodeo 309 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,090 so many times that I know when someone's just 310 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,693 trying to lie and manipulate me or trying to tell 311 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,261 me what I want to hear. 312 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,896 For so long, my feelings were not acknowledged. 313 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,364 I wasn't acknowledged. 314 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,301 My trauma was downplayed and never acknowledged. 315 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,769 - You know, you might feel better after this too. 316 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,037 - I know. 317 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,405 - Getting it all out on the table. 318 00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:12,873 - But just because you know you need to do 319 00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,641 something doesn't make it less hard to do it, you know? 320 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,677 - It is hard. This is your mother, and-- 321 00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,445 - I just know I'm getting into when I do this whole 322 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,247 meeting thing, it's just like I know 323 00:11:20,314 --> 00:11:22,583 I'm getting to this really vulnerable place 324 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,051 of just so much emotions. 325 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,286 And like, it's overwhelming to think about how much 326 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,788 work that needs to be done. 327 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:28,989 - Yeah. 328 00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:31,792 [hip-hop music] 329 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,493 - I'm seeing my mom for the first time today 330 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,929 and doing a private therapy session with her. 331 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:37,631 And I haven't slept at all. 332 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:38,899 I had a panic attack. 333 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,501 My nerves are just, like, shot. 334 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,369 I think I've just dealt with this for so long, 335 00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:46,006 and it's just a lot of anxiety. 336 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,574 And I don't know how this meeting 337 00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:49,710 is going to affect our relationship moving forward. 338 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:50,944 - How do you feel? 339 00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:53,247 - My brain is, like, hurting. 340 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,749 Like, I just want the day to be over. 341 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:57,150 ♪♪ ♪♪ 342 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,719 I'm already about to have a [bleep] heart attack. 343 00:11:58,785 --> 00:11:59,753 - Oh, my gosh. 344 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,389 I'll rub you real quick. 345 00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:05,192 Oh, just breathe and relax. 346 00:12:05,259 --> 00:12:07,728 ♪♪ ♪♪ 347 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,667 - ♪♪ Everyone will go and make waves ♪♪ 348 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,002 ♪♪ Shine like the summer sun rays ♪♪ 349 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,371 ♪♪ Heat like a hundred degrees ♪♪ 350 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,641 ♪♪ Oh, no, you can't touch me ♪♪ 351 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:23,977 ♪♪ ♪♪ 352 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,479 - Hello? 353 00:12:25,546 --> 00:12:27,014 - Hey, what's up? - What's going on? 354 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,750 - There's a daddy-daughter dance coming up, 355 00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:33,520 and I wanted to know if you could take both the girls. 356 00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,255 - Yeah, of course. 357 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,423 - Yeah? 358 00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:39,059 All right, I'll keep you updated. 359 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,060 - All right, cool. 360 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,695 - All right, bye. Thanks. 361 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,198 - Yeah, no problem. 362 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,566 - Hey, girls. 363 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,467 So I just did something, 364 00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,369 and I hope it was the right call. 365 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:54,208 There's a daddy-daughter dance and I ended up asking Devoin 366 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,909 if he could take both the kids, 367 00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:59,413 because Luis hasn't seen Stella in months. 368 00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:02,649 I know Devoin isn't perfect, but he really has stepped up. 369 00:13:02,716 --> 00:13:05,652 [upbeat music] 370 00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:08,889 ♪♪ ♪♪ 371 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,324 - How was school today? 372 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,491 - Good. 373 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:12,893 - What did you guys do? 374 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,595 Anything new? - No. 375 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:15,829 - No? 376 00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:23,704 - Give me a kiss. 377 00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,405 I love you. 378 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:29,576 [smooching] 379 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,544 Well, you smell good. 380 00:13:30,611 --> 00:13:33,113 - What's up? 381 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:36,416 - There's a daddy-daughter dance coming up. 382 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,818 - Mm-hmm. 383 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:41,054 - And I was talking to Nova about it. 384 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:42,122 - Mm-hmm. 385 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:43,757 - I was telling Nova, like, hey. 386 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:45,225 You're going to go, right? And she's like, yeah. 387 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,593 And I'm like, OK, Stella's going to go too. 388 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,762 And Devoin is going to bring you guys. 389 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,297 And she's like, ugh, I don't really want that. 390 00:13:50,364 --> 00:13:51,365 - Why? 391 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:53,233 - And I'm just like, I get it. 392 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,002 You want to spend alone time with your dad. 393 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:58,605 But right now, Luis hasn't seen Stella since December. 394 00:13:58,672 --> 00:13:59,907 We're almost in June. 395 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,175 - Nuh-uh. 396 00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:02,943 - So then I'm in the car with them. 397 00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:06,713 And I'm explaining the whole situation to Stella and Nova, 398 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,815 and Stella starts crying. 399 00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,884 She's like, I want Luis to go. 400 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,186 I want my dad to go. I miss my dad. 401 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:13,787 - Because she wants to feel included. 402 00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,122 - And I'm like, are you sure you just don't 403 00:14:15,189 --> 00:14:16,356 want to go with Devoin? And she's like, no. 404 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,125 I want my dad. Call him. 405 00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:20,961 So now I'm in a situation where... 406 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,429 - That's crazy to me. 407 00:14:22,496 --> 00:14:23,830 - A part of me doesn't even want to reach out to him 408 00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,499 because it's [bleep] him. 409 00:14:25,566 --> 00:14:28,869 But the way Stella cried for him hurt my heart so bad... 410 00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,337 - You have to suck it up. 411 00:14:30,404 --> 00:14:32,105 - That I have to suck it up, put my feelings aside, 412 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,273 and reach out. 413 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,374 I'm going to call him real quick. 414 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:37,277 [line ringing] 415 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,612 - Hello? 416 00:14:38,679 --> 00:14:41,114 - Hey. - Hey. 417 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,683 - How are you? 418 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,151 - I'm all right. 419 00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:48,188 - Um, there is a daddy-daughter dance 420 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:52,492 coming up in a few days, and Stella 421 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,495 asked for you to be there. 422 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,664 Would you be able to go? 423 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,833 - Yeah, of course I'll be there. 424 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,869 - Don't say you're going to come and then don't come. 425 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,470 You have to show up. 426 00:15:03,537 --> 00:15:04,905 - I'll show up. 427 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,640 Just send me the info. 428 00:15:06,707 --> 00:15:07,875 - All right. 429 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:09,476 I will send you all the information 430 00:15:09,543 --> 00:15:11,645 so you can be a part of this. 431 00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:12,913 She really wants you there. 432 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,482 She, like, cried and everything. 433 00:15:15,549 --> 00:15:17,217 - OK, I'll be there. 434 00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,785 - OK. 435 00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:20,320 - All right. 436 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:26,560 - Why are we the ones reaching out to him so that he can be 437 00:15:26,627 --> 00:15:27,861 a part of his daughter's life? 438 00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,329 It should be the other way around. 439 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,964 - We know how it feels to have a dad and then 440 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,199 the mother[bleep] disappear. 441 00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:34,001 He's going to keep doing this to her 442 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,469 for the rest of her life. 443 00:15:35,536 --> 00:15:37,104 So her as a five-year-old upset 444 00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:40,174 is going to be the same thing when she's 15 and upset. 445 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,475 At that point, that's when you're going to 446 00:15:41,542 --> 00:15:44,678 have to tell her the damn truth about her dad. 447 00:15:44,745 --> 00:15:47,080 - ♪♪ And on and on and on ♪♪ 448 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,982 ♪♪ We're running, running ♪♪ 449 00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,785 ♪♪ Till love, love is all we got and got it ♪♪ 450 00:15:51,852 --> 00:15:55,189 ♪♪ This time, this time, this time got nothing, nothing ♪♪ 451 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:58,091 - So I was organizing some things downstairs 452 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,660 and I ran into a photo album that 453 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:00,994 was actually Jaylan's. 454 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,096 Has a lot of his family photos in it. 455 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,531 So I definitely want to reach out to him 456 00:16:04,598 --> 00:16:07,034 and let him know that I have it 457 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,903 if he wants to meet up and get them. 458 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,439 Jay and I broke up about six months ago, 459 00:16:12,506 --> 00:16:14,074 and I've come a long way. 460 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,742 I genuinely think it's the right thing to do, 461 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,244 and I want to give it back to him. 462 00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:19,379 - ♪♪ We laughed until the sun went down ♪♪ 463 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,782 ♪♪ Crying till our tears ran out ♪♪ 464 00:16:21,849 --> 00:16:23,917 ♪♪ Laughed until, laughed until ♪♪ 465 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:26,253 ♪♪ Laughed until the tears ran out ♪♪ 466 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,654 - [clears throat] 467 00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,356 [line ringing] 468 00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:30,390 - Hello? 469 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:31,959 - Hey, what's up? 470 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,193 - Hey, what's going on? 471 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:34,428 - I'm trying to go through some things 472 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,496 because the community is doing, like, 473 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,632 a little garage sale for the community. 474 00:16:38,699 --> 00:16:39,933 - OK. 475 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,802 - And I found some of your family portraits. 476 00:16:41,869 --> 00:16:43,370 - OK. 477 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,739 - I'll be running downtown shortly and I can meet you. 478 00:16:45,806 --> 00:16:47,441 I have to run some errands. 479 00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:49,276 - OK, sounds good. That works. 480 00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:50,244 I can meet you. 481 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,445 - All right. All right. 482 00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:52,446 - I appreciate it. 483 00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:53,680 - You're welcome. 484 00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:55,249 I have to go to Taylor Books. 485 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,917 So if you want to meet me outside Taylor Books, 486 00:16:56,984 --> 00:16:59,086 we can do that. 487 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,687 - OK, that works. I can meet you there. 488 00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:01,922 - All right. 489 00:17:01,989 --> 00:17:03,090 All right, I'll see you in a bit. 490 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:04,458 - All right, sounds good. 491 00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:05,659 - All right, bye. 492 00:17:05,726 --> 00:17:08,662 [somber music] 493 00:17:08,729 --> 00:17:15,836 ♪♪ ♪♪ 494 00:17:17,571 --> 00:17:19,573 [line ringing] 495 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,109 - Hello? 496 00:17:22,176 --> 00:17:23,544 - I'm running errands. 497 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,513 And I was organizing for a garage sale coming up 498 00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:30,150 and found some of Jaylan's family portraits. 499 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,985 And I would have shipped them to him. 500 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,387 But honestly, what if they got damaged? 501 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,755 I wouldn't want them to get damaged. 502 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,223 - Yeah. - So I'm going to meet him 503 00:17:36,290 --> 00:17:37,991 and give him those. - Are you meeting him today? 504 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,395 - Yeah, I'm about to meet him right now. 505 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,163 I went through a lot of emotions after-- 506 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,532 after the breakup because I genuinely loved someone. 507 00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:47,868 And it takes time to get over, you know what I mean, 508 00:17:47,935 --> 00:17:49,303 a breakup? 509 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,538 - Just keep in mind why you all broke up. 510 00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:54,341 - I asked Lee for his blessing. 511 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:55,676 - You don't need his permission. 512 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,145 I just want you to know that you're the man. 513 00:17:58,212 --> 00:17:59,479 - I just want to enjoy this time. 514 00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:02,850 This is not the time to-- 515 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,219 are we done? 516 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,888 - I just think the entire year and a half 517 00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:09,089 of my life was a façade. 518 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:16,296 ♪♪ ♪♪ 519 00:18:22,002 --> 00:18:27,741 - ♪♪ Moving along, moving along ♪♪ 520 00:18:27,808 --> 00:18:30,811 ♪♪ Moving along, moving along ♪♪ 521 00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:32,212 - Hi. 522 00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,180 - Hi, honey bunny. 523 00:18:33,247 --> 00:18:34,548 [smooches] 524 00:18:34,615 --> 00:18:35,816 - ♪♪ It feels so right ♪♪ 525 00:18:35,883 --> 00:18:38,218 - How are you? - How are you? 526 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,553 - Good. 527 00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:41,221 So do you know what's happening tomorrow? 528 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,556 Dr. Mike said it's like a couples session, 529 00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:43,590 so I'm like, OK. 530 00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:45,325 - You came up a lot. 531 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,793 - I did? - Yes. 532 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:47,628 - Oh, no. 533 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:48,729 - No, no, no. 534 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,998 It's a good thing. - [giggles] 535 00:18:51,064 --> 00:18:54,601 - ♪♪ Whoo-hoo, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪♪ 536 00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:57,404 ♪♪ It got me through, whoo-hoo ♪♪ 537 00:18:57,471 --> 00:18:59,573 ♪♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪♪ 538 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:00,674 - Have a seat here. 539 00:19:00,741 --> 00:19:02,109 - Yeah. - Yeah. 540 00:19:02,176 --> 00:19:03,911 ♪♪ ♪♪ 541 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,345 - Catelynn. Catelynn, nice to see you. 542 00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:06,813 - Yes, good to see you too. 543 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,715 - So today, we're going to do a little couples therapy. 544 00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:12,019 So I like to start couples therapy with an intention 545 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,821 because trauma is a family disease. 546 00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:17,191 It affects not only you, but also your relationship. 547 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,659 Why don't you just talk to each other? 548 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:21,562 - So I guess my intention for us would be, yeah, 549 00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:22,996 deeper understanding, I guess. 550 00:19:23,063 --> 00:19:24,431 - I know Tyler and I, you and I have been talking 551 00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:28,168 about it all week about your feelings of giving up 552 00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,237 your first child for adoption. 553 00:19:30,304 --> 00:19:32,306 What do you want Catelynn to know about that? 554 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:35,175 - Sexual abuse, I think, created hypersexual behavior 555 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:38,212 which resulted in us being irresponsible, 556 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:39,713 and then that happened. 557 00:19:39,780 --> 00:19:43,984 And I'm really, really sorry. 558 00:19:44,051 --> 00:19:45,586 - Sorry for what? 559 00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,855 - We didn't get to parent her. 560 00:19:49,590 --> 00:19:54,328 I just felt very guilty that that behavior, 561 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,097 like, resulted with Carly. 562 00:19:57,164 --> 00:19:59,566 And you had to go through so much [bleep]. 563 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:03,637 - And what did you learn about yourself this week? 564 00:20:03,704 --> 00:20:08,408 - I learned that it wasn't my fault. 565 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:09,743 I was just so-- 566 00:20:09,810 --> 00:20:13,080 I was a wounded kid. 567 00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:14,715 - Well-- 568 00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,116 - We both were. 569 00:20:16,183 --> 00:20:17,951 - Yeah. 570 00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:20,220 - What makes sense about that? 571 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,288 Does that make sense to you? 572 00:20:21,355 --> 00:20:23,090 - Oh, my gosh, yes, you know? 573 00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:26,426 We were just two little kids that in the beginning, 574 00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:29,263 were very much trauma-bonded. 575 00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,631 - What does your inner child want 576 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:33,634 to say to her inner child? 577 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,536 - That I got you. - Mm. 578 00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:37,604 - Yeah, you're safe. 579 00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:39,506 - Mm, thanks. - [chuckles] 580 00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,375 - And what does yours want to say to his? 581 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,044 - That you're worthy of my love... 582 00:20:44,111 --> 00:20:45,479 - [sighs] Thank you. 583 00:20:45,546 --> 00:20:47,481 - And our kids' love. - Mm-hmm. 584 00:20:47,548 --> 00:20:50,751 - Yeah, we made some dumb decisions 585 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,386 that led to an unplanned pregnancy. 586 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:57,257 But I truly feel like if it wasn't for that child, 587 00:20:57,324 --> 00:21:00,394 we probably wouldn't be as far as where we are today. 588 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:03,263 I do feel like she was the catalyst that pushed us 589 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:06,967 both to really dig deep into ourselves 590 00:21:07,034 --> 00:21:11,839 and to start working hard on ourselves so that way one day, 591 00:21:11,905 --> 00:21:13,707 we would be ready for the beautiful kids 592 00:21:13,774 --> 00:21:15,008 that we do get to raise, you know? 593 00:21:15,075 --> 00:21:16,176 - Yeah. 594 00:21:16,243 --> 00:21:17,945 - What would you say to Carly now? 595 00:21:18,011 --> 00:21:20,814 - I would just want to tell her that 596 00:21:20,881 --> 00:21:23,417 I'm blessed that she was born. - Mm. 597 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:27,054 [gentle guitar music] 598 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:30,224 ♪♪ ♪♪ 599 00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:34,294 [tense music] 600 00:21:34,361 --> 00:21:36,530 - I feel like I'm just, like, disassociating 601 00:21:36,597 --> 00:21:37,598 from my own body. 602 00:21:37,664 --> 00:21:39,166 - Yeah, don't do that. 603 00:21:39,233 --> 00:21:40,934 Just breathe and relax. 604 00:21:41,001 --> 00:21:42,102 Relax. 605 00:21:42,169 --> 00:21:43,203 - All right, ready? 606 00:21:43,270 --> 00:21:44,204 - Yeah. 607 00:21:44,271 --> 00:21:45,672 - Okey-dokey. 608 00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:51,278 - How are you all today? 609 00:21:51,345 --> 00:21:52,412 - I'm OK. - Good. 610 00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:53,480 - A little nervous? 611 00:21:53,547 --> 00:21:54,882 - I'm sick to my stomach. 612 00:21:54,948 --> 00:21:56,817 - You'll be good. - No, I'm not, but-- 613 00:21:56,884 --> 00:21:58,285 - I told her I think that this is 614 00:21:58,352 --> 00:21:59,786 going to be a new, you know, breakthrough 615 00:21:59,853 --> 00:22:01,188 for the relationship. 616 00:22:01,255 --> 00:22:02,556 - I think it's going to be excellent, yeah. 617 00:22:02,623 --> 00:22:04,224 - It's going to make it a whole lot better, yeah. 618 00:22:04,291 --> 00:22:06,093 - So, Kim, we're going to have you in here. 619 00:22:06,159 --> 00:22:07,961 And Jade, we're going to be down here. 620 00:22:08,028 --> 00:22:10,197 - OK. 621 00:22:10,264 --> 00:22:11,498 - Here we go. 622 00:22:11,565 --> 00:22:12,499 - Hey. 623 00:22:12,566 --> 00:22:13,500 - Hi. 624 00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:15,068 How are you? 625 00:22:15,135 --> 00:22:16,103 - Not OK. 626 00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:17,371 - Why? 627 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:18,705 - I'm just, like, disassociating really bad, 628 00:22:18,772 --> 00:22:20,207 and I'm--my stomach hurts. 629 00:22:20,274 --> 00:22:21,241 I feel nauseous. 630 00:22:21,308 --> 00:22:22,743 I--I'm not feeling good. 631 00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:24,211 - Did you all go out in Austin last night? 632 00:22:24,278 --> 00:22:25,712 - No. - Oh. 633 00:22:25,779 --> 00:22:28,215 - So first, we're going to talk about kind of 634 00:22:28,282 --> 00:22:30,317 the cycle of addiction, and recovery, 635 00:22:30,384 --> 00:22:32,619 and what that looks like, and what it's going to 636 00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:34,521 look like for her going forward. 637 00:22:34,588 --> 00:22:36,223 I'm going to turn it over to Ryan 638 00:22:36,290 --> 00:22:38,525 and let him talk about addiction and the 12 steps. 639 00:22:38,592 --> 00:22:40,594 - What an addict is searching for in a substance 640 00:22:40,661 --> 00:22:42,129 is wholeness. 641 00:22:42,196 --> 00:22:44,398 The 12 steps are a clear-cut instruction manual 642 00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:47,100 on how to have a spiritual awakening so that Christy can 643 00:22:47,167 --> 00:22:48,569 experience this power and this wholeness 644 00:22:48,635 --> 00:22:50,003 without the substance. 645 00:22:50,070 --> 00:22:53,841 - When I got here I had, like, intensive, like, therapy 646 00:22:53,907 --> 00:22:56,810 for my childhood trauma. 647 00:22:56,877 --> 00:23:01,348 You know, like, sexual assaults and just [bleep] 648 00:23:01,415 --> 00:23:03,050 I didn't even think I was holding on to. 649 00:23:03,116 --> 00:23:05,385 I just thought I've let that go. 650 00:23:05,452 --> 00:23:08,088 And I was just stuffing it down so deep inside 651 00:23:08,155 --> 00:23:11,325 that finally, when I got here, I was just like, 652 00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:12,759 oh, thank God. 653 00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:15,062 It's hard to admit that you have 654 00:23:15,128 --> 00:23:17,364 a problem just in general, 655 00:23:17,431 --> 00:23:19,733 and then to announce it to the world. 656 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,969 I was on methamphetamine and I was [bleep] 657 00:23:22,035 --> 00:23:24,771 my life up to the point of, like, 658 00:23:24,838 --> 00:23:26,540 do I even want to live anymore? 659 00:23:26,607 --> 00:23:28,141 Like, that's the point I was at. 660 00:23:28,208 --> 00:23:30,844 Like, and I couldn't give anyone love or any respect 661 00:23:30,911 --> 00:23:33,013 because I didn't have any for myself. 662 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:37,317 Drugs, gambling, it's just anything that feels good, 663 00:23:37,384 --> 00:23:40,354 I had to have more of because I was missing something. 664 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:41,522 - Yeah. 665 00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:42,890 To me, it's just everyone has something 666 00:23:42,956 --> 00:23:44,157 that makes them feel empty. 667 00:23:44,224 --> 00:23:46,927 I don't understand filling it with things 668 00:23:46,994 --> 00:23:48,495 that you know are going to destroy you 669 00:23:48,562 --> 00:23:49,930 and everyone around you. 670 00:23:49,997 --> 00:23:51,899 To me, it's like that's where I just get confused. 671 00:23:51,965 --> 00:23:55,068 - Well, your brain's wired different than mine. 672 00:23:55,135 --> 00:23:57,204 - So I think what's important for you 673 00:23:57,271 --> 00:23:59,072 to logically understand is that this 674 00:23:59,139 --> 00:24:00,807 has to make sense to Christy. 675 00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:02,543 You're not the first family member 676 00:24:02,609 --> 00:24:04,878 to be resentful, if you are, at the fact that, like, 677 00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:05,913 well, why--why can't I? 678 00:24:05,979 --> 00:24:07,381 Why can't you? 679 00:24:07,447 --> 00:24:09,316 Because truth be told, as much as it is a family illness 680 00:24:09,383 --> 00:24:11,752 because it affects the family, this is Christy's 681 00:24:11,818 --> 00:24:13,587 responsibility to deal with. - Right. 682 00:24:13,654 --> 00:24:14,555 I totally understand that. 683 00:24:14,621 --> 00:24:15,756 Like, I do Al-Anon. 684 00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:17,391 And I have such a big understanding. 685 00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:19,426 I feel like I don't have a lot of hatred, or anger, 686 00:24:19,493 --> 00:24:21,295 or like, I'm not holding on to anything. 687 00:24:21,361 --> 00:24:22,729 - Good. 688 00:24:22,796 --> 00:24:24,164 - I just don't want to have any regrets, so I'm-- 689 00:24:24,231 --> 00:24:26,066 good thing I don't have no regrets. 690 00:24:26,133 --> 00:24:27,668 - I've spoken very highly of Sean since I've been here. 691 00:24:27,734 --> 00:24:30,737 And Sean's the reason I came. 692 00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:32,005 I want what he [bleep] has. 693 00:24:32,072 --> 00:24:33,674 - Yeah, he is--he's-- 694 00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:35,242 he's been doing good. 695 00:24:35,309 --> 00:24:38,679 - The three major players in your life are now in recovery. 696 00:24:38,745 --> 00:24:40,080 - Yeah. 697 00:24:40,147 --> 00:24:41,648 - You probably put up with a lot of abuse, 698 00:24:41,715 --> 00:24:44,518 a lot of negative behaviors directed directly towards you. 699 00:24:44,585 --> 00:24:47,020 And so now, everybody around you is getting well. 700 00:24:47,087 --> 00:24:48,689 You're going to have to make sure 701 00:24:48,755 --> 00:24:51,058 that you're not trying to control this, this, and this. 702 00:24:51,124 --> 00:24:52,926 - Yeah. - It's now theirs. 703 00:24:52,993 --> 00:24:54,761 - You're always going to be more than welcome to hold 704 00:24:54,828 --> 00:24:56,129 Christy accountable, but you also 705 00:24:56,196 --> 00:24:57,397 can't control her recovery. 706 00:24:57,464 --> 00:24:59,900 ♪♪ ♪♪ 707 00:24:59,967 --> 00:25:01,101 Well, it was a pleasure meeting you. 708 00:25:01,168 --> 00:25:02,302 - Yeah, it was nice to meet you too. 709 00:25:02,369 --> 00:25:03,670 Thank you so much. - Yeah, absolutely. 710 00:25:03,737 --> 00:25:04,905 - Thanks, Ryan. - All right. 711 00:25:04,972 --> 00:25:05,973 Pray up, dude. - OK. 712 00:25:06,039 --> 00:25:08,075 - So I'm going to ask 713 00:25:08,141 --> 00:25:11,278 if you guys can kind of head out, 714 00:25:11,345 --> 00:25:13,814 and the three of us are going to have some time 715 00:25:13,881 --> 00:25:16,383 to go over some personal. 716 00:25:16,450 --> 00:25:23,390 ♪♪ ♪♪ 717 00:25:28,462 --> 00:25:32,199 - ♪♪ I'm floating, going through the motions ♪♪ 718 00:25:32,266 --> 00:25:35,135 ♪♪ At least I don't feel hopeless, yeah ♪♪ 719 00:25:35,202 --> 00:25:36,703 - How was today at school? 720 00:25:36,770 --> 00:25:37,971 - Good. 721 00:25:38,038 --> 00:25:39,039 - OK. 722 00:25:39,106 --> 00:25:41,875 So Daddy's going to call. - [gasps] 723 00:25:41,942 --> 00:25:44,111 - Do you want to tell him what we talked about last night? 724 00:25:44,178 --> 00:25:45,612 - You. 725 00:25:45,679 --> 00:25:47,581 - If I told Daddy how you feel, 726 00:25:47,648 --> 00:25:50,751 he's going to go, OK, Cheyenne. 727 00:25:50,817 --> 00:25:53,921 But if you tell Daddy how you feel, 728 00:25:53,987 --> 00:25:57,758 then he'll go, Rydee, tell me more. 729 00:25:57,824 --> 00:25:58,892 - [giggles] 730 00:25:58,959 --> 00:26:00,928 - Here, Ry. Your dad's calling. 731 00:26:05,299 --> 00:26:06,934 - Hey. - Hey. 732 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,001 - What's up, Ry? 733 00:26:08,068 --> 00:26:11,138 - Daddy. 734 00:26:11,205 --> 00:26:15,342 Daddy, I'm sad that you left on my birthday, 735 00:26:15,409 --> 00:26:17,244 my real birthday. 736 00:26:17,311 --> 00:26:19,079 [gentle music] 737 00:26:19,146 --> 00:26:20,347 - I know you're sad. 738 00:26:20,414 --> 00:26:21,315 That was sad for me. 739 00:26:21,381 --> 00:26:23,050 - And I cried. 740 00:26:23,116 --> 00:26:24,218 I missed you. 741 00:26:24,284 --> 00:26:25,352 - Guess what. 742 00:26:25,419 --> 00:26:26,587 Daddy misses you too. 743 00:26:26,653 --> 00:26:28,322 Daddy was crying. 744 00:26:28,388 --> 00:26:30,791 Daddy cries here because I miss you so much. 745 00:26:30,858 --> 00:26:33,994 I feel bad when you say that you have meltdowns 746 00:26:34,061 --> 00:26:35,395 and you miss me. 747 00:26:35,462 --> 00:26:37,197 But I'm glad that you're honest with me 748 00:26:37,264 --> 00:26:38,398 and you tell me how you feel. 749 00:26:38,465 --> 00:26:40,367 You be strong. 750 00:26:40,434 --> 00:26:41,768 You hang in there. 751 00:26:41,835 --> 00:26:43,303 Keep talking to your mom about 752 00:26:43,370 --> 00:26:46,139 whatever you're feeling whenever you feel it. 753 00:26:46,206 --> 00:26:48,008 I'll be home before you know it. 754 00:26:48,075 --> 00:26:49,009 - OK. 755 00:26:49,076 --> 00:26:50,410 - OK, Rydee. 756 00:26:50,477 --> 00:26:52,045 Tell Daddy you love him, OK? 757 00:26:52,112 --> 00:26:53,780 - I love you, Dada. 758 00:26:53,847 --> 00:26:55,215 [smooches] 759 00:26:55,282 --> 00:26:56,850 - Say, good luck. 760 00:26:56,917 --> 00:26:59,186 - Good luck. 761 00:26:59,253 --> 00:27:00,220 - All right. 762 00:27:00,287 --> 00:27:01,288 - I'm doing good. 763 00:27:01,355 --> 00:27:02,256 I'll see you guys. 764 00:27:02,322 --> 00:27:04,758 - All right, bye. 765 00:27:04,825 --> 00:27:08,462 - It's a hard situation with Cory 766 00:27:08,529 --> 00:27:10,364 being gone for The Challenge. 767 00:27:10,430 --> 00:27:12,833 I met Cory on The Challenge. 768 00:27:12,900 --> 00:27:16,436 I have the most important person in the world 769 00:27:16,503 --> 00:27:19,139 because of The Challenge. 770 00:27:19,206 --> 00:27:22,910 But in this same voice, I hate that Ryder misses her dad. 771 00:27:22,976 --> 00:27:27,548 I hate that Ryder is so sad because her dad is gone. 772 00:27:27,614 --> 00:27:30,317 It's so confusing. 773 00:27:30,384 --> 00:27:32,819 And I just want Ryder to grow up 774 00:27:32,886 --> 00:27:36,490 in a non-confusing situation. 775 00:27:36,557 --> 00:27:39,259 I just have to manage it the best I can. 776 00:27:39,326 --> 00:27:42,763 ♪♪ ♪♪ 777 00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:46,600 - ♪♪ What are you trying to be ♪♪ 778 00:27:46,667 --> 00:27:48,735 ♪♪ I don't know quite yet ♪♪ 779 00:27:48,802 --> 00:27:53,540 ♪♪ I guess I'm working it out ♪♪ 780 00:27:53,607 --> 00:27:54,875 - My sissy. 781 00:27:54,942 --> 00:27:56,143 I love you. - Love you too. 782 00:27:56,210 --> 00:27:57,110 Love you, Jade. 783 00:27:57,177 --> 00:27:58,312 See you tomorrow. 784 00:27:58,378 --> 00:28:00,414 - She's emotional. 785 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:01,815 - I love you. - All right, I love you. 786 00:28:01,882 --> 00:28:03,450 I'll see you tomorrow. - See you tomorrow. 787 00:28:03,517 --> 00:28:04,718 - Love you. 788 00:28:04,785 --> 00:28:06,653 - Bye. - I love you, sissy. 789 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,690 You're beautiful. 790 00:28:09,756 --> 00:28:11,992 So it was a good visit, though? - Yeah. 791 00:28:12,059 --> 00:28:13,493 - Probably emotional and all the things. 792 00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:14,895 - Oh, my God. I'm, like, exhausted. 793 00:28:14,962 --> 00:28:16,897 You know, I said some things to her that I'm sure 794 00:28:16,964 --> 00:28:18,332 were like... - Hard for her to hear? 795 00:28:18,398 --> 00:28:19,600 - Yes. 796 00:28:19,666 --> 00:28:21,235 I think the only thing that, like, sucks 797 00:28:21,301 --> 00:28:23,403 is that all she can say is, like, I'm sorry, 798 00:28:23,470 --> 00:28:26,507 and that wasn't me, that was, like, the addiction. 799 00:28:26,573 --> 00:28:28,208 And I'm just like-- 800 00:28:28,275 --> 00:28:29,843 and sometimes you want to be like, that's not good enough. 801 00:28:29,910 --> 00:28:31,612 It also was you too. Like, you know? 802 00:28:31,678 --> 00:28:32,746 There has to be accountability. 803 00:28:32,813 --> 00:28:34,114 - Accountability, yeah. 804 00:28:34,181 --> 00:28:35,983 - And I feel like sometimes, it seems like 805 00:28:36,049 --> 00:28:37,417 I don't like it to sound like a cop-out, you know? 806 00:28:37,484 --> 00:28:39,319 She was saying, like, oh, that was the addiction. 807 00:28:39,386 --> 00:28:40,821 That wasn't me. 808 00:28:40,888 --> 00:28:43,023 Like, me in my right mind would never hurt you. 809 00:28:43,090 --> 00:28:44,791 Me in--and I'm like, but you did hurt me. 810 00:28:44,858 --> 00:28:46,493 - So do you think you're going to be 811 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:51,298 able to build that new relationship with your mother 812 00:28:51,365 --> 00:28:53,834 and get, you know... 813 00:28:53,901 --> 00:28:55,135 - It takes a long time. 814 00:28:55,202 --> 00:28:57,938 And I told her that could take years, you know? 815 00:28:58,005 --> 00:29:00,707 We just scratched the surface. You know what I mean? 816 00:29:00,774 --> 00:29:02,609 There's so much work that has to be done at home. 817 00:29:02,676 --> 00:29:04,244 This is just the beginning. 818 00:29:04,311 --> 00:29:06,280 And you can't rush my healing process just like I can't 819 00:29:06,346 --> 00:29:07,881 rush her healing process. 820 00:29:07,948 --> 00:29:09,283 - So I'm going to ask you a question. 821 00:29:09,349 --> 00:29:10,684 I mean, if it's too much, just let me know. 822 00:29:10,751 --> 00:29:13,987 But do you feel resentment towards Sean 823 00:29:14,054 --> 00:29:16,790 like you feel resentment towards your mom and dad? 824 00:29:16,857 --> 00:29:19,126 Like, are you still healing from Sean and-- 825 00:29:19,193 --> 00:29:20,527 - Yeah. 826 00:29:20,594 --> 00:29:22,563 I think I'm still healing with some stuff with Sean. 827 00:29:22,629 --> 00:29:24,298 But also, your parents, you hold to a higher standard. 828 00:29:24,364 --> 00:29:25,732 - Yeah. 829 00:29:25,799 --> 00:29:27,067 - Sean is, at the end of the day, just some guy. 830 00:29:27,134 --> 00:29:28,569 I told her, I was like, out of anything in life, 831 00:29:28,635 --> 00:29:30,804 you will go in the books of being 832 00:29:30,871 --> 00:29:32,806 my biggest heartbreak ever. 833 00:29:32,873 --> 00:29:35,776 [somber music] 834 00:29:35,843 --> 00:29:38,145 ♪♪ ♪♪ 835 00:29:42,282 --> 00:29:46,053 [soft music] 836 00:29:46,119 --> 00:29:47,855 [camera shutter clicking] 837 00:29:47,921 --> 00:29:51,792 ♪♪ ♪♪ 838 00:29:51,859 --> 00:29:54,895 [birds chirping] 839 00:29:54,962 --> 00:29:56,163 - What's up? 840 00:29:56,230 --> 00:29:57,698 - What's up? How have you been? 841 00:29:57,764 --> 00:29:59,199 - I've been good. 842 00:29:59,266 --> 00:30:01,068 - So there's all of these and then-- 843 00:30:01,134 --> 00:30:02,870 - Oh, yeah, yeah. 844 00:30:02,936 --> 00:30:05,405 - I swear there were some with your grandma and grandpa too, 845 00:30:05,472 --> 00:30:06,874 but I got to-- - No, these are good. 846 00:30:06,940 --> 00:30:08,742 - I'm going to find it. - Yeah, these are good. 847 00:30:08,809 --> 00:30:09,776 I appreciate it. 848 00:30:09,843 --> 00:30:10,777 - That works. 849 00:30:10,844 --> 00:30:12,079 - How have you been? 850 00:30:12,145 --> 00:30:13,680 - Good. - Yeah? 851 00:30:13,747 --> 00:30:15,215 - Good. 852 00:30:15,282 --> 00:30:17,017 - How are the girls doing? - Good. 853 00:30:17,084 --> 00:30:19,186 - Yeah? - Getting big. 854 00:30:19,253 --> 00:30:20,287 - Well, I'm glad we met. 855 00:30:20,354 --> 00:30:21,622 - A lot of emotions. 856 00:30:21,688 --> 00:30:22,723 It takes a little while. - I know. I understand. 857 00:30:22,789 --> 00:30:23,857 I understand. 858 00:30:23,924 --> 00:30:24,992 - It takes a little while, you know? 859 00:30:25,058 --> 00:30:26,193 - That's what's up. - All right. 860 00:30:26,260 --> 00:30:27,461 Well, I'll talk to you later. - OK. 861 00:30:27,528 --> 00:30:28,662 Well, it was good seeing you. - You too. 862 00:30:28,729 --> 00:30:29,496 - If you need anything, let me know. 863 00:30:29,563 --> 00:30:30,831 - All right, for sure. 864 00:30:30,898 --> 00:30:32,466 [soft music] 865 00:30:32,533 --> 00:30:35,469 - ♪♪ If I could trade places ♪♪ 866 00:30:35,536 --> 00:30:36,570 ♪♪ Trade places ♪♪ 867 00:30:36,637 --> 00:30:40,674 ♪♪ Trade places with you ♪♪ 868 00:30:43,977 --> 00:30:45,579 - Hi. 869 00:30:45,646 --> 00:30:47,748 - Oh, man. 870 00:30:47,814 --> 00:30:49,049 Hungry. - Hey. 871 00:30:49,116 --> 00:30:50,217 - Oh, hello. 872 00:30:50,284 --> 00:30:51,685 - So pretty. 873 00:30:51,752 --> 00:30:52,953 - Thank you. 874 00:30:53,020 --> 00:30:54,621 - You're welcome. 875 00:30:54,688 --> 00:30:56,590 - So you met Jaylan, right, and dropped the pictures off? 876 00:30:56,657 --> 00:30:58,225 - Yeah. - Like, was it weird? 877 00:30:58,292 --> 00:30:59,226 Was it awkward? 878 00:30:59,293 --> 00:31:00,594 - I don't know. 879 00:31:00,661 --> 00:31:02,229 I just don't look at him like I did. 880 00:31:02,296 --> 00:31:03,330 You know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah. 881 00:31:03,397 --> 00:31:04,598 - What did he say? 882 00:31:04,665 --> 00:31:06,166 Like, was he-- did he say anything? 883 00:31:06,233 --> 00:31:07,701 - Uh, asked me how I was doing. 884 00:31:07,768 --> 00:31:09,803 I said, great. - And simple as that? 885 00:31:09,870 --> 00:31:11,104 - Yeah. 886 00:31:11,171 --> 00:31:12,206 - So do you think that'll be, like, 887 00:31:12,272 --> 00:31:13,640 the last time you see him? 888 00:31:13,707 --> 00:31:15,542 Like, do you think that you'll ever, like, 889 00:31:15,609 --> 00:31:17,311 talk to him in the future? 890 00:31:17,377 --> 00:31:18,545 - I think that I'm not going to make an attempt 891 00:31:18,612 --> 00:31:19,880 to see him all the time. - Right. 892 00:31:19,947 --> 00:31:21,882 - I mean, if I see him, I'm going to be cordial. 893 00:31:21,949 --> 00:31:23,283 Like, I'm good. 894 00:31:23,350 --> 00:31:24,484 - Yeah. 895 00:31:24,551 --> 00:31:25,919 - And I know my boundaries. 896 00:31:25,986 --> 00:31:28,055 I know when--when it's like, all right. 897 00:31:28,121 --> 00:31:29,489 - You've learned-- 898 00:31:29,556 --> 00:31:30,958 - I mean, not here, but I've been-- 899 00:31:31,024 --> 00:31:31,892 - You've learned enough about people to know, like-- 900 00:31:31,959 --> 00:31:33,026 - Yeah. 901 00:31:33,093 --> 00:31:34,728 And pain, and like-- like heartbreak. 902 00:31:34,795 --> 00:31:38,265 And I know what I have to do to not go back to that place. 903 00:31:38,332 --> 00:31:41,368 So it's like sometimes, you just don't get second chances. 904 00:31:41,435 --> 00:31:42,402 You got to move--keep moving. 905 00:31:42,469 --> 00:31:43,403 You got to keep moving. 906 00:31:43,470 --> 00:31:44,771 You got to keep going. 907 00:31:44,838 --> 00:31:46,106 - I agree. 908 00:31:46,173 --> 00:31:48,008 - So cheers to continuing to move forward. 909 00:31:48,075 --> 00:31:49,376 - Cheers to that. 910 00:31:49,443 --> 00:31:53,213 ♪♪ ♪♪ 911 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:55,415 - Sometimes, things don't work out. 912 00:31:55,482 --> 00:31:56,950 But it's going to be OK. 913 00:31:57,017 --> 00:31:58,452 I got to go through these emotions. 914 00:31:58,519 --> 00:32:00,954 I got to go through this pain, healing, grief. 915 00:32:01,021 --> 00:32:03,257 And I know that there's a rainbow at the end. 916 00:32:03,323 --> 00:32:05,058 ♪♪ ♪♪ 917 00:32:05,125 --> 00:32:08,262 [upbeat music] 918 00:32:08,328 --> 00:32:11,698 ♪♪ ♪♪ 919 00:32:11,765 --> 00:32:13,667 - What are you guys doing? 920 00:32:13,734 --> 00:32:15,702 - Nova, you hit so hard, girl. 921 00:32:15,769 --> 00:32:16,670 - Stop it. 922 00:32:16,737 --> 00:32:18,071 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. 923 00:32:18,138 --> 00:32:19,640 - Stop what? 924 00:32:19,706 --> 00:32:22,776 - So you guys have your daddy-daughter dance, right? 925 00:32:22,843 --> 00:32:26,146 And I need to show you what you guys are going to wear. 926 00:32:26,213 --> 00:32:28,482 Nova, I got you these little heels here that you 927 00:32:28,549 --> 00:32:29,850 can--that you can wear. 928 00:32:29,917 --> 00:32:30,851 - Those are pretty. 929 00:32:30,918 --> 00:32:32,853 - You like that? 930 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:36,957 - Miss Stellita, I got you this one. 931 00:32:37,024 --> 00:32:38,358 - Stella. 932 00:32:38,425 --> 00:32:39,660 - You like this one? 933 00:32:39,726 --> 00:32:40,694 - Let me see you stand up. 934 00:32:40,761 --> 00:32:42,362 I want to see you next to it. 935 00:32:42,429 --> 00:32:43,497 Put your--OK, you know what comes to mind? 936 00:32:43,564 --> 00:32:45,365 - [vocalizing] 937 00:32:45,432 --> 00:32:46,967 - You're like a Disney princess, period. 938 00:32:47,034 --> 00:32:48,602 - [giggles] 939 00:32:48,669 --> 00:32:51,205 - ♪♪ These are the days we'll remember ♪♪ 940 00:32:51,271 --> 00:32:52,673 - The daddy-daughter dance is today, 941 00:32:52,739 --> 00:32:54,474 and the girls are super excited. 942 00:32:54,541 --> 00:32:56,743 They look absolutely beautiful. 943 00:32:56,810 --> 00:32:59,179 Luis texted me saying that he's on his way. 944 00:32:59,246 --> 00:33:02,249 I'm only doing this because this is what Stella asked for. 945 00:33:02,316 --> 00:33:03,817 ♪♪ ♪♪ 946 00:33:03,884 --> 00:33:06,086 - Do I do a hairstyle or do I just leave it down? 947 00:33:06,153 --> 00:33:07,321 - I would just leave it down. 948 00:33:07,387 --> 00:33:08,488 It looks cute. 949 00:33:08,555 --> 00:33:09,790 It's just little curls. 950 00:33:09,857 --> 00:33:12,559 - Your child picked a pair of my heels 951 00:33:12,626 --> 00:33:13,861 that actually fit her. 952 00:33:13,927 --> 00:33:14,928 Hey, Luis. 953 00:33:14,995 --> 00:33:16,129 Oh, you look nice. 954 00:33:16,196 --> 00:33:17,130 He's still got a baby. 955 00:33:17,197 --> 00:33:18,131 You have an adult. 956 00:33:18,198 --> 00:33:19,099 - She fit your shoes? 957 00:33:19,166 --> 00:33:20,701 - Yeah, she did. 958 00:33:20,767 --> 00:33:22,669 But she--but they won't let her wear the heels, 959 00:33:22,736 --> 00:33:23,670 because it's like too much of a heel. 960 00:33:23,737 --> 00:33:25,038 But she was feeling it. 961 00:33:25,105 --> 00:33:26,840 - Hey, you guys can come down. 962 00:33:26,907 --> 00:33:30,377 ♪♪ ♪♪ 963 00:33:30,444 --> 00:33:31,612 - Oh, no. 964 00:33:31,678 --> 00:33:33,347 - Wait, wait, wait, wait. 965 00:33:33,413 --> 00:33:34,314 Let me open the door. 966 00:33:34,381 --> 00:33:38,385 - Oh, my God. 967 00:33:38,452 --> 00:33:39,920 - Ooh. 968 00:33:39,987 --> 00:33:42,856 ♪♪ ♪♪ 969 00:33:42,923 --> 00:33:44,291 - Wow. 970 00:33:44,358 --> 00:33:45,826 - No slack at all, huh? 971 00:33:45,893 --> 00:33:46,927 Beautiful. 972 00:33:46,994 --> 00:33:48,362 - Look at that, OK. 973 00:33:48,428 --> 00:33:49,329 - With the heels too? 974 00:33:49,396 --> 00:33:50,631 Beautiful. 975 00:33:50,697 --> 00:33:52,366 - You guys ready? - Beautiful. 976 00:33:52,432 --> 00:33:54,168 You're both pretty. - Grown. 977 00:33:54,234 --> 00:33:55,669 They want to know, but I need y'all to stand right here 978 00:33:55,736 --> 00:33:57,337 so I can take a picture of y'all. 979 00:33:57,404 --> 00:33:59,973 - And when you walk in, all eyes on you. 980 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,209 Make sure you stand up tall, and you do that strut. 981 00:34:02,276 --> 00:34:03,477 - Are you ready to go? 982 00:34:03,544 --> 00:34:04,511 Yeah? 983 00:34:04,578 --> 00:34:05,812 OK, give me a hug. 984 00:34:05,879 --> 00:34:07,948 You're going to call me, right? 985 00:34:08,015 --> 00:34:09,183 I love you. 986 00:34:09,249 --> 00:34:10,684 You look so beautiful. 987 00:34:10,751 --> 00:34:12,085 - Have fun. - Come on. 988 00:34:12,152 --> 00:34:13,187 - Don't embarrass them. 989 00:34:13,253 --> 00:34:15,355 - Right. 990 00:34:15,422 --> 00:34:16,990 - Bye. 991 00:34:19,526 --> 00:34:22,863 [soft music] 992 00:34:22,930 --> 00:34:24,031 - I feel like we just took her-- 993 00:34:24,097 --> 00:34:25,566 sent her off to prom or something. 994 00:34:25,632 --> 00:34:27,100 - I know. - It pretty much felt like it. 995 00:34:27,167 --> 00:34:28,602 - I feel like it's good that they-- 996 00:34:28,669 --> 00:34:30,404 that they saw them look so grown up, 997 00:34:30,470 --> 00:34:31,672 because, like, wake up. 998 00:34:31,738 --> 00:34:33,740 You're missing [bleep]. 999 00:34:33,807 --> 00:34:35,776 - Luis looked miserable and Stella was uncomfortable. 1000 00:34:35,843 --> 00:34:37,678 He barely said a word to her. 1001 00:34:37,744 --> 00:34:40,781 - I personally think that Luis' mental health 1002 00:34:40,848 --> 00:34:42,216 is not all there. - 100%. 1003 00:34:42,282 --> 00:34:44,184 - But neither is Briana's. - Neither is mine. 1004 00:34:44,251 --> 00:34:46,353 - Damn it, Briana has a support system, Brittany. 1005 00:34:46,420 --> 00:34:47,821 That's the difference. 1006 00:34:47,888 --> 00:34:49,423 - But that's not Briana's fault 1007 00:34:49,489 --> 00:34:52,159 and that's not Briana's, like, fight. 1008 00:34:52,226 --> 00:34:56,063 That's for Luis to [bleep] be the--a man, 1009 00:34:56,129 --> 00:34:57,231 and reach out and do. 1010 00:34:57,297 --> 00:34:58,532 - Listen, if you eat [bleep] this far, 1011 00:34:58,599 --> 00:34:59,633 you might as well continue to eat [bleep], 1012 00:34:59,700 --> 00:35:00,834 because that little girl needs him. 1013 00:35:00,901 --> 00:35:04,004 - Honestly, they don't need 1014 00:35:04,071 --> 00:35:06,807 a piece of [bleep] person in their life. 1015 00:35:06,874 --> 00:35:09,543 - So then moving forward, you're going to have to make 1016 00:35:09,610 --> 00:35:11,178 that ultimate decision. 1017 00:35:11,245 --> 00:35:13,247 [phone ringing] 1018 00:35:13,313 --> 00:35:14,615 - Hello? 1019 00:35:14,681 --> 00:35:16,316 - Stella wants to go home. 1020 00:35:16,383 --> 00:35:17,651 - Stella wants to go home? 1021 00:35:21,655 --> 00:35:22,923 - I'm coming. 1022 00:35:22,990 --> 00:35:23,924 Oh, my God. 1023 00:35:23,991 --> 00:35:25,058 - What happened? 1024 00:35:25,125 --> 00:35:26,560 - Do you want me to pick her up? 1025 00:35:26,627 --> 00:35:27,427 - She's crying. - Do you want me to get her? 1026 00:35:27,494 --> 00:35:28,529 - No. 1027 00:35:28,595 --> 00:35:29,463 - Do you want me to go with you? 1028 00:35:29,530 --> 00:35:30,631 - [crying] No. 1029 00:35:30,697 --> 00:35:32,132 - I'm going to go with her. 1030 00:35:32,199 --> 00:35:33,333 I'll go with you. 1031 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:35,102 - You got to be [bleep] kidding me. 1032 00:35:35,169 --> 00:35:38,105 [somber music] 1033 00:35:38,172 --> 00:35:39,306 ♪♪ ♪♪ 1034 00:35:39,373 --> 00:35:41,775 - Part of me was hoping 1035 00:35:41,842 --> 00:35:43,177 that the whole dance would be fine. 1036 00:35:43,243 --> 00:35:45,479 But then another part of me was like, 1037 00:35:45,546 --> 00:35:46,980 I feel like something's going to happen. 1038 00:35:47,047 --> 00:35:49,850 Even when I saw her just sitting there, like, 1039 00:35:49,917 --> 00:35:52,920 she looked happy, but she didn't look happy-happy. 1040 00:35:52,986 --> 00:35:55,389 Look, like, you go missing for so long 1041 00:35:55,455 --> 00:35:57,958 and your own daughter is not comfortable being with you. 1042 00:35:58,025 --> 00:35:59,726 It's just a [bleep] up situation. 1043 00:35:59,793 --> 00:36:02,629 I can't keep allowing Luis to come in and out. 1044 00:36:02,696 --> 00:36:05,966 And hopefully one day, I'm able to-- 1045 00:36:06,033 --> 00:36:09,236 to find somebody that can, you know, 1046 00:36:09,303 --> 00:36:11,538 be a father figure to my girls because they need that, 1047 00:36:11,605 --> 00:36:12,573 you know? 1048 00:36:12,639 --> 00:36:13,674 And I don't know. 1049 00:36:13,740 --> 00:36:15,309 We'll see. 1050 00:36:15,375 --> 00:36:16,443 We'll see. 1051 00:36:16,510 --> 00:36:18,312 ♪♪ ♪♪ 1052 00:36:22,850 --> 00:36:24,184 [pop music] 1053 00:36:24,251 --> 00:36:27,354 - ♪♪ Where do we go now ♪♪ 1054 00:36:27,421 --> 00:36:29,523 ♪♪ Where do we go now ♪♪ 1055 00:36:29,590 --> 00:36:31,425 - So I'm leaving Texas today. 1056 00:36:31,491 --> 00:36:34,294 This visit has been a lot. 1057 00:36:34,361 --> 00:36:37,431 So I'm going to visit with my mom one more time, 1058 00:36:37,497 --> 00:36:41,301 and just kind of have a chill visit, 1059 00:36:41,368 --> 00:36:43,337 and, you know, say our goodbyes. 1060 00:36:43,403 --> 00:36:45,472 I feel like the time has flown by. 1061 00:36:45,539 --> 00:36:46,340 - No. 1062 00:36:46,406 --> 00:36:47,741 - I feel like it's-- 1063 00:36:47,808 --> 00:36:49,009 I feel like it's been quick. 1064 00:36:49,076 --> 00:36:50,344 To me, it felt like it was quick. 1065 00:36:50,410 --> 00:36:51,512 - Well, of course it's been quick to you. 1066 00:36:51,578 --> 00:36:52,946 I was like yesterday, I was like, 1067 00:36:53,013 --> 00:36:54,648 ooh, I get released in 18 days. 1068 00:36:54,715 --> 00:36:56,617 And the RA up there was like, released? 1069 00:36:56,683 --> 00:36:57,918 You mean discharged. 1070 00:36:57,985 --> 00:36:59,086 And I was like, no, released. 1071 00:36:59,152 --> 00:36:59,953 This was a 90-day sentence, ma'am. 1072 00:37:00,020 --> 00:37:01,622 [chuckles] 1073 00:37:01,688 --> 00:37:03,457 - So are you ready to come home, like, mentally, 1074 00:37:03,524 --> 00:37:04,658 physically, emotionally? 1075 00:37:04,725 --> 00:37:05,893 - Yes. 1076 00:37:05,959 --> 00:37:07,828 - Because the real test of rehabilitation 1077 00:37:07,895 --> 00:37:10,831 is applying everything that you learn into the real world. 1078 00:37:10,898 --> 00:37:12,232 Because this isn't the real world. 1079 00:37:12,299 --> 00:37:14,535 - I am more in tune with my emotions now 1080 00:37:14,601 --> 00:37:17,371 and I have tools to use when I get home to deal with things 1081 00:37:17,437 --> 00:37:21,041 and people to reach out to if I feel like, you know, 1082 00:37:21,108 --> 00:37:23,377 it's getting overwhelming or I don't know what to do. 1083 00:37:23,443 --> 00:37:25,812 Because I flipped over chairs and everything here. 1084 00:37:25,879 --> 00:37:26,914 - [bleep]. 1085 00:37:26,980 --> 00:37:28,148 Huh. 1086 00:37:28,215 --> 00:37:29,583 Oh, that doesn't sound like you at all. 1087 00:37:29,650 --> 00:37:32,586 - But that's not like me now. 1088 00:37:32,653 --> 00:37:34,721 I'm nothing like I used to be. 1089 00:37:34,788 --> 00:37:36,356 When I first got here, I'm like, these bitches-- 1090 00:37:36,423 --> 00:37:37,658 these bitches [bleep] hate me. 1091 00:37:37,724 --> 00:37:39,493 I can't stand these bitches ganging up on me. 1092 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:40,827 And I would be pissed. 1093 00:37:40,894 --> 00:37:42,162 - Victim--victim mentality. 1094 00:37:42,229 --> 00:37:43,630 - I would be pissed. 1095 00:37:43,697 --> 00:37:45,732 But then when you start getting the same awarenesses 1096 00:37:45,799 --> 00:37:47,434 by a bunch of people at once, you're like, well, 1097 00:37:47,501 --> 00:37:48,836 maybe I should take a look at that. 1098 00:37:48,902 --> 00:37:50,370 - Maybe it's a me problem. 1099 00:37:50,437 --> 00:37:51,505 - I can't believe how good you look. 1100 00:37:51,572 --> 00:37:52,372 - Thanks. 1101 00:37:52,439 --> 00:37:53,907 - Your color, everything. 1102 00:37:53,974 --> 00:37:54,975 - Thanks. 1103 00:37:55,042 --> 00:37:56,176 - You're, like, glowing. 1104 00:37:56,243 --> 00:37:57,711 - I'm sweating. 1105 00:37:57,778 --> 00:37:59,479 It's probably sweat. OK. 1106 00:37:59,546 --> 00:38:02,449 You want to go up here and get something to drink and stuff? 1107 00:38:02,516 --> 00:38:03,617 It's hot out here. 1108 00:38:03,684 --> 00:38:05,786 - OK. 1109 00:38:05,853 --> 00:38:08,856 When the cameras were there, she seems good. 1110 00:38:08,922 --> 00:38:11,825 But the moment we had a private conversation, 1111 00:38:11,892 --> 00:38:13,794 she was like, I want to go home 1112 00:38:13,861 --> 00:38:15,362 and do fun stuff with you guys. 1113 00:38:15,429 --> 00:38:17,164 And then she looks at me and my aunt, 1114 00:38:17,231 --> 00:38:18,198 and she was like, oh, yeah. 1115 00:38:18,265 --> 00:38:19,299 We could do bingo together. 1116 00:38:19,366 --> 00:38:20,834 And I was like, what the [bleep]? 1117 00:38:20,901 --> 00:38:22,269 Why would we do bingo? 1118 00:38:22,336 --> 00:38:24,538 Like, you had a gambling problem, a drug problem. 1119 00:38:24,605 --> 00:38:27,274 Like, why would you even consider 1120 00:38:27,341 --> 00:38:30,444 doing bingo when the type of bingo you play 1121 00:38:30,511 --> 00:38:32,212 is gambling for money? 1122 00:38:32,279 --> 00:38:35,082 It's a huge red flag and a big problem. 1123 00:38:35,148 --> 00:38:37,584 And I have to be open and honest with her counselor 1124 00:38:37,651 --> 00:38:40,487 and tell her about my reservations 1125 00:38:40,554 --> 00:38:42,055 about her coming home and transitioning 1126 00:38:42,122 --> 00:38:45,359 into normal life. 1127 00:38:45,425 --> 00:38:49,096 - ♪♪ Will you help me when my heart beats fast ♪♪ 1128 00:38:49,162 --> 00:38:51,899 ♪♪ When my heart beats fast for you ♪♪ 1129 00:38:51,965 --> 00:38:54,234 ♪♪ Stay mine ♪♪ 1130 00:38:54,301 --> 00:38:55,736 - This spot looks nice, see? 1131 00:38:55,802 --> 00:38:57,237 - I know. It is nice. - Dang. 1132 00:38:57,304 --> 00:38:59,239 We about to be picnicking on the hill. 1133 00:38:59,306 --> 00:39:02,442 Oh, yeah. 1134 00:39:02,509 --> 00:39:03,544 OK, first off. 1135 00:39:03,610 --> 00:39:04,878 [cork pops] - Oh. 1136 00:39:04,945 --> 00:39:08,448 - Hey, it did it by-- on its own, bro. 1137 00:39:08,515 --> 00:39:10,117 This is crazy how much connections I made. 1138 00:39:10,184 --> 00:39:11,451 I was like, damn, I never realized 1139 00:39:11,518 --> 00:39:13,153 that leaked into that, that leaked into that, 1140 00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:14,421 that leaked into that. 1141 00:39:14,488 --> 00:39:15,923 I was like, what the [bleep] man? 1142 00:39:15,989 --> 00:39:17,457 Because the flashbacks of me being 1143 00:39:17,524 --> 00:39:19,092 a little kid in the trailer, that was pretty intense. 1144 00:39:19,159 --> 00:39:20,427 - Yeah. 1145 00:39:20,494 --> 00:39:21,762 - Because it was one of my earliest memories. 1146 00:39:21,828 --> 00:39:24,631 But I felt like that really unlocked, like, 1147 00:39:24,698 --> 00:39:27,501 a deeper, like, really clear memory. 1148 00:39:27,568 --> 00:39:30,204 My first earliest memory was complete fear, 1149 00:39:30,270 --> 00:39:32,172 like, striking fear, bounty hunters 1150 00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:33,240 bashing on your window, and door, 1151 00:39:33,307 --> 00:39:34,708 and lights coming all in. 1152 00:39:34,775 --> 00:39:36,543 Like, dude, what the [bleep]? 1153 00:39:36,610 --> 00:39:38,011 - And it's weird too. 1154 00:39:38,078 --> 00:39:40,514 It just puts it all together. - Yeah. 1155 00:39:40,581 --> 00:39:42,683 That's why I wanted to make sure that I said sorry, 1156 00:39:42,749 --> 00:39:43,951 even if it wasn't necessary. 1157 00:39:44,017 --> 00:39:45,452 - Yeah. 1158 00:39:45,519 --> 00:39:47,020 - That's why it was important for me to say that. 1159 00:39:47,087 --> 00:39:48,722 - And I accept your apology. 1160 00:39:48,789 --> 00:39:50,424 - But you understand where I'm coming from, though? 1161 00:39:50,490 --> 00:39:51,358 - Yes, I do. - Yeah. 1162 00:39:51,425 --> 00:39:52,726 - I do. 1163 00:39:52,793 --> 00:39:54,294 - Because I'm a guy, I don't carry kids. 1164 00:39:54,361 --> 00:39:55,362 - Yeah. - You know? 1165 00:39:55,429 --> 00:39:57,998 - Mm-hmm. - So I don't-- 1166 00:39:58,065 --> 00:40:00,968 yeah, I can't even really imagine that. 1167 00:40:01,034 --> 00:40:02,536 - Yeah, I mean, it was of the hardest things 1168 00:40:02,603 --> 00:40:04,404 I've ever had to do in my life, for sure. 1169 00:40:04,471 --> 00:40:08,141 But I knew it was necessary. 1170 00:40:08,208 --> 00:40:10,377 - I'm so thankful that you're the mother of my children. 1171 00:40:10,444 --> 00:40:12,479 I know that. - Oh, thanks. 1172 00:40:12,546 --> 00:40:13,847 - Because goddamn. 1173 00:40:13,914 --> 00:40:16,316 - I'm thankful you're the dad of my kids, yeah. 1174 00:40:16,383 --> 00:40:17,985 - [chuckles] Good. 1175 00:40:18,051 --> 00:40:19,686 - There's a lot of losers out there, you know? 1176 00:40:19,753 --> 00:40:22,256 - [laughs] 1177 00:40:22,322 --> 00:40:25,893 - ♪♪ Floating like water ♪♪ 1178 00:40:25,959 --> 00:40:27,060 - I still love you. 1179 00:40:27,127 --> 00:40:28,462 - I love you too. 1180 00:40:28,529 --> 00:40:31,064 ♪♪ ♪♪ 1181 00:40:31,131 --> 00:40:35,569 - ♪♪ It's the start of something good ♪♪ 1182 00:40:35,636 --> 00:40:38,605 ♪♪ I got a feeling you and I could make ♪♪ 1183 00:40:38,672 --> 00:40:43,143 ♪♪ The stars shine like they should ♪♪ 1184 00:40:43,210 --> 00:40:47,080 ♪♪ Brighter than the fire in your eyes, in your eyes ♪♪ 1185 00:40:47,147 --> 00:40:50,918 ♪♪ It's the start of ♪♪ 1186 00:40:50,984 --> 00:40:55,055 ♪♪ It's the start of something ♪♪ 1187 00:40:55,122 --> 00:40:58,525 ♪♪ It's the start of ♪♪ 1188 00:40:58,592 --> 00:41:02,629 ♪♪ It's the start of something ♪♪