So, listen, how much was it to get in?
- Five. - Five bucks?
Okay, you paid the money, you're expecting to see a professional show,
so let's not waste any more time.
Let's go with professional show business. Let's go. Hey!
You know what I--
Is this on? Is this mic on?
Are we okay out there? Okay, I'm sorry.
Love me.
And it's all totally spontaneous and completely unrehearsed.
It's unrehearsed.
So...
What's the matter with you people, don't you have a sense of humor?
Hey.
Cut.
I've got something else. We can do another one.
This guy was getting people so happy.
He's up there as most idolized comedian ever.
I always thought of him as the door out of the '60s.
Well, here's something you don't often see.
You know, you could be silly again.
You know, I have figured out one thing
that would totally put an end to show business,
and that is if the human race, instead of having two arms,
just had one arm right in the center of our body.
Now the reason that would put an end to show business, how would people clap?
It'd be...
He reinvented stand-up.
That doesn't happen often.
But he never thought success was a permanent state.
I always thought, "This just does not happen."
And it did.
And one more thing, if you bought my album
and you came here expecting me to do a lot of routines
from the record, and I didn't do them,
well, excuse me!
Good night!
I think if I had any guidance...
...nothing would have happened for me.
I really just wanted to be on stage.
When I saw a stage, my eyes went wide,
and I just imagined myself up there.
But I guarantee you I have no talent.
None.
So, I had to do a workaround in order to get on stage.
I was probably ten or eleven
when I realized you can go to a magic store and buy a trick
and then you read, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,"
and you're in show business.
Don't be alarmed, there's nothing wrong with the set, so help me.
I was trying to be a straight magician.
But it didn't take me long to figure out...
When I say they're coming up, they're coming up.
"They love it when the tricks don't work."
My life really didn't begin until I was ten.
A friend of mine said, "Hey, they're hiring kids at Disneyland."
I said, "What?!"
That's right, anything's possible in Disneyland.
You can imagine when you're ten years old and really haven't seen anything,
and there was Mickey Mouse in flowers
and there's a train pulling in the station, and...
...and characters and rides and rocket ships.
And they immediately gave me a job to sell the Disneyland News.
Which no one wanted to buy.
But the main thing was, I was done by 9:00 a.m.,
and I could spend the rest of the day in the park for free.
I would hang out at the Golden Horseshoe Revue.
And there was a comedian there. His name was Wally Boag.
And he was the first comedian I ever saw live.
Here we have the gambler's friend.
This always makes the sale and you make your fortune with these.
They never fail. Looky here, Niagara Falls.
From the Canadian side.
Niagara Falls frozen.
I saw his show hundreds of times.
What else you got?
The average and normal person will blow a balloon something like that.
That's the average and normal type.
And then we have the straight forward type, they...
Say, now, you've heard of pink elephants? Here's an elephant in color right here.
Looking a little something like that. Elephant, right there.
It's nothing, I can tell by the applause. Now, let's...
You know, my fantasy was, I'm sitting there in the audience,
that he would get sick.
Somebody would say, "Does anybody know this show?"
I would be ready to go.
What's your name?
You got a name?
I think the fact that it was Disneyland, it wasn't like a job job.
I think sometimes he might have made a nickel, but he didn't care.
He was loving what he did.
It was a nice escape for him
because Steve kind of got the frustrating end from our dad.
He would just blow his stack at him.
I don't remember hugs.
I don't remember affection.
I remember thinking when I was a kid, I said,
"God, I had this happy, happiest childhood, happiest. It was so happy.
And then later I realized that, "Oh, yeah, happy outside the house."
To the happiest place on Earth, Disneyland.
And then I got a job at the magic shop.
And that changed my life.
To perform tricks all day?
That's just a dream come true.
Eventually, you become good.
We had all kinds of gags.
Bunny ears and arrows through the head.
We did the tricks, but we had all these jokes.
I had a friend, Jim Barlow. He had patter worked out.
He would go up to customers and say, "May I take your money? I mean, help you?"
I just took all of Jim's patter.
Somebody would buy something and I would say,
"And because you are our 100th customer today, you get a free paper bag."
Little silly things like that. But it's Disneyland and I'm 15.
Martin the Magic Marvel! Let's bring him on.
I would do shows for my parents' bridge parties or for Cub Scouts.
It was nothing. I could tell by the applause.
Jim Barlow and I had developed hundreds of gags.
Could I have a little magic music, please?
It's mostly stolen and borrowed.
I just want to remind you, if you want to laugh, go ahead.
If you want to leave, the doors are locked.
I thought I'd be using them my whole life.
I said magic, not tragic.
Here we go! One!
Two!
And three!
I often hear, "Well, just be yourself."
But who knows what their self is?
I don't.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, Cub Scouts,
I am your magical host for the evening.
I am Steve Martin, your magical host for the evening.
Take business cards. Give several to head guy.
No children's shows under eight years of age.
Terrific show, went over terrific. Laughs all the way through.
Had an accident with the square circle, but it was covered and nobody knew."
You can define a personality for yourself and become that on stage.
You can be what you choose to be.
- Can you play something for us? - Sure, sure. Yeah.
No, you don't play it like that, Tex.
Oh, well. Like this?
- No. - No.
I remember realizing,
"I think there's a little bit of a dead end for me in magic.
In comedy, it seems more wide open."
You come on television--
You come on television, and you know, so many performers, they get nervous.
I don't get nervous.
I don't want anyone to think that this is something I hold in my heart.
Anyone ever thought I was nervous, I'd die.
I loved Jerry Lewis.
I loved Laurel and Hardy.
And Nichols and May, they were like music.
And you remember that Mommy loves you.
I love you too, Mommy.
- Goodbye, baby. - Goodbye, Mommy.
There was Lenny Bruce,
Bob Newhart, Charlie Chaplin, I Love Lucy,
Jack Benny, Danny Kaye, Bob Hope, Red Skelton,
Peter Sellers, Steve Allen, Jackie Gleason.
But I had absolutely nothing in common with what they did.
Do you believe I can play this song backwards?
No. Can you?
- Wanna see me do it? - Yeah.
Watch this.
I'm in Orange County, which might have been 10,000 miles from Hollywood.
And I didn't have any bits.
I felt uncomfortable without props.
I'd be standing there telling a story?
So, how do I transform myself into a comedian?
When I was 18, I worked at this very cute little theater
at Knott's Berry Farm called the Birdcage Theater.
And I met a girl who worked there
and we fell in love in that sort of 18-year-old way.
Her name then was Stormie Sherk, and she became a Christian proselytizer,
and she's a huge best selling author.
But anyway, then she wasn't.
She had a spirit that was not yet holy.
And she was very enthusiastic about knowledge and learning.
He was so open to things.
I wanted to give him the books that had really affected my life.
She had convinced me to read The Razor's Edge.
And The Razor's Edge is about man questing truth.
There can be no real happiness until men learn
that it comes from within themselves.
I couldn't recite it back to you.
All I know is, "Oh, I'm supposed to be interested in the meaning of life."
So, I kept encouraging him. I said, "Steve, you're so brilliant.
You've got to go to college. That's how you're gonna find who you are.
That's how you're gonna learn so much about yourself and the world."
So I made a major change in my life.
I applied to Long Beach State and started studying philosophy.
In philosophy, everything is being broken down.
Everything is being rethought.
Everything. And I like that.
The feeling that you would solve something grand.
So, I started questioning the only thing I had, which was comedy.
Instead of, "Does God exist?"
It was, "Hey, how can I get some better laughs?"
I remembered an essential element
of my thinking about comedy, which was indicators.
Like that, see?
I wanna tell you...
You know, once I wanted to become an atheist.
I gave it up. They have no holidays.
The things comedians do to indicate that the joke is over,
and whether it was funny or not, the audience has made a pact.
"Okay, that's when we laugh."
For example, the punch line.
I suppose you read where Elvis Presley passed his Army physical.
I feel a lot safer now, don't you?
By telling the story, you create tension.
Elvis is really musical too.
When the doctor tapped him with a hammer
his kneecaps played three choruses of "Don't Be Cruel."
With the punch line, you release the tension and everybody goes...
That's not real laughter.
So I thought, "What if I created tension and never released it?
What if I could get real laughter?"
Like the kind you have with your friends, where your sides are aching.
Where there was no pact. We were just laughing.
There was no indicators.
There was nothing to say, "This is a joke." You just get giggly.
"What are we laughing at?" "I don't know."
So, I had this theory.
"What if I took out the indicators, but just kept going?"
Like, the audience eventually would have to pick their own place to laugh.
It's either gonna be, "This is so stupid," which will make them laugh
or, "That was funny," which will make them laugh.
Or, "Now I'm laughing at the thing that was actually two things before."
So, there was this kind of free form laughter without the pact.
I was after that quality that is indefinable,
where it's that "I don't know why it was funny, but it was."
My very first show that I would say I was actually paid for,
the Little Place coffee shop.
Thank you.
I wanted to mention, we really have a great show tonight.
We have Steve Martin. He'll be out here in a minute.
We have the Tijuana Brass, and then we have Elvis Presley.
We have Flamey and the Burn Outs, we have Bill Haley and the Comets,
Truman Capote, Queen of England, Montie Montana...
I had the kitchen sink in my act, I put the magic in.
Ace of spades.
The ace of spades. Well, you're wrong!
I read E.E. Cummings.
"The devil, ach the great green dancing devil devil devil devil."
I juggled.
I haven't always done a fantastically funny comedy act.
I used to do dramatic readings, you know, of things like...
I did a dramatic reading of the periodic table of the elements.
It's a big one.
Pud.
Mup.
Zun.
Just kind of goes on like that.
It was hard getting 20 minutes of stuff. It really was.
If the audience was bad, it got down to 11, you know?
This has really been a big one for me, kind of, put me where I am today.
It's the comedy telephone routine.
This is where I pretend like I call somebody up on the phone,
talk to them and make funny jokes.
I think you're really gonna like this one.
Hello, is Fred there?
That's a funny one. And then...
I was just as happy with a look.
Like, "What?"
There are two kinds of people in the world.
Those who understand Steve Martin's humor and those who don't.
The audience had to catch up.
Thank you.
I transferred to UCLA, and I took advanced logic.
We're having a good time. Yes.
These are the good times and we're having them.
I was influenced by Lewis Carroll,
who was the great, sort of, master of nonsense.
One. Babies are illogical.
Two. Nobody is despised who can manage a crocodile.
Three. Illogical persons are despised.
Therefore, babies cannot manage crocodiles.
And then one day I was with my friend Phil Carey
and we decided to have an adventure.
Phil got this assignment in his class. I don't know what the assignment was,
but it was to interview someone, so he asked Aaron Copland.
And Aaron Copland said, "Yeah."
He had not been across country
and had not been in a lot of these small towns.
There were places that I thought, "Steve needs to see this."
Phil and I were in sync. You know how that goes.
When you have a close friend you can riff with.
That's what happened on that trip.
I've got a good name for a product. Meat Wax.
"Hi, friends. Are you tired of having a dull, rotten body?
Well, you can make it gleam again with new spray on Meat Wax."
We sort of shared interests in the strange and wonderful about life.
I was still 20,
and I was proud to make it to New York City before I turned 21.
And when Phil and I got there, we ran over to the Museum of Modern Art.
Because we had to see Guernica.
So, what is happening in 1964?
You have an explosion in the art world.
You have a culture shifting with The Beatles.
Give us a kiss.
So, when I looked at my so-called act,
it was natural to think, "What makes them want to see this again?
What would make them go home and talk about it?"
Even if it was just, "I just saw the weirdest thing," you know?
"A comedian who thinks he's funny, and isn't."
I thought, there's something there.
I mailed a postcard to my fabulous college girlfriend.
"Dear Nina, I have decided my act is going to go avant-garde.
It is the only way to do what I want."
I have no idea what I meant except that I wasn't going to be traditional.
I guess.
Now, ladies and gentlemen... Steve Martin.
Good evening, thank you. Thank you very much, this is too much.
Really, too much. Thank you. Thank you.
It's my farewell performance, so thank you very much.
So long, and thank you very much.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
or hello, or whatever time it is wherever you are.
Good evening and welcome to the show.
My name is Steve Martin and I'll be out here in just a moment.
And while we're waiting for me,
I'd like to announce, first of all, that two weeks ago,
I recorded my first live comedy album.
And two days from tonight, we're going to erase it.
So, that's why I'm sort of out here.
That's funny, isn't it?
Yes, comedy is king in this amazing world.
You know, laughter is so important.
It's really the one thing that distinguishes
a human being from all the other creatures, you know,
is that ability when something funny happens to really be able to lean back
and go, "Funny."
The clubs would hire comedians.
They were always the opening act.
It was my only bar scene ever, and I didn't real--
Sounds just like a California "ever" when I said that, but anyway.
The mecca was the Troubadour.
Even though there was a club called The Mecca.
...welcome to Steve Martin.
Thank you.
Thank you. Well, shoot.
You've really been a wonderful audience, and thank you very much and goodnight.
No, I just thought I'd say that. As he said, I was doing the Bishop show...
Usually, he'd do two shows.
There could be, like, six people in the audience.
It was weird to watch when nobody laughed,
because then you're like, "Oh, is this funny?"
Here we are in the alley behind the Troubadour
with Mr. Steve Martin.
Yes, yes, it's me.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you're listening,
some people just walked by and recognized me here. Exciting--
Woody Allen, right?
No, no, no, no.
Are you Jerry Lewis?
No, this is Steve Martin. The King of Comedy.
I've never heard of Steve Martin.
Make me laugh.
But then there'd be a second show
and people had been drinking and you know, it would go great.
But now I realize a lot of you people are sitting out there saying to yourself,
"Oh, this is just another banjo magic act."
"But when is he going to do balloon animals?"
Once they got him, he had them.
I think I tried hard to get him to be romantic that summer.
His brain works in many interesting, different ways.
"Dear, dear Mitz. Actually, nothing much is happening.
I auditioned at the Golden Horseshoe, but haven't heard back."
"I'm in the process of growing a moustache, are you?"
He had fun with my family.
We would smoke a little pot and laugh and eat.
My father was a writer, a screenwriter.
He and many of his friends were blacklisted.
There'd be dinners with artists, writers.
It's the first time I ever saw art in a house.
Conversation was the opposite of my own.
Dinner with my parents was silent.
That was the first time I walked into another complete life.
Another kind of life.
You know, the way we look at each other when we're that age,
we don't know anything about anything.
And so, I broke up with Steve.
I think I could have seen that he would go someplace.
I didn't think he'd stop. And he didn't.
This is one of the most beautiful sights...
I once performed at a drive-in movie theater.
If they thought something was funny, they honked.
When people say, "Hey, mind if I smoke?"
I say, "No, you mind if I fart?"
I thought, "No, I can't let this turn into my life.
I don't wanna be doing this in my 50s, 60s.
So, I'll give myself till 30 to make it."
You know, I'd work at night. I'd go to college in the day.
And I'm thinking, "How do I earn a living? What do I do?"
"August 9th, auditioned for The Mighty Hercules TV show."
Quit now, Hercules, you don't stand a chance.
That's what you think. Here I come, Theseus.
"Didn't get it."
I was definitely thinking of becoming a professor of philosophy
because I always felt that teaching was show business.
You're standing up in front of people.
You know, and then this opportunity came through with The Smothers Brothers.
Which was a hit show.
So, here's my brother Tom with, for the first time on television,
30, count them, folks, 30 topless dancers.
They were casting around for young writers.
I thought, "Well, that's show business."
I had been performing stand-up comedy around town
and they had heard a little bit about me.
I've got a great practical joke.
Do you want to play it on your friends? It's really funny.
You're invited to one of those big dinner parties,
walk in and throw the salad on the floor.
I did that at the last party I went to.
That was about two years ago.
And the only thing I'd written were some jokes in my act
and a few, little, weird, short stories.
But my girlfriend was dating the head writer.
Remember, this is 1967.
I would go out to The Ice House four or five times a week.
I probably saw him 20 or 30 times there.
When you see something 30 times,
you start to see the essence of what's going on.
And they hired me.
I was launched into the stratosphere.
From nowhere to somewhere in a week.
I was scared out of my mind.
I would say he was a little bit shy.
Rolling!
We didn't have an office for him,
and he would sit in the hallway outside of the writers' room.
And just leaning against the wall.
I went in and, you know, I wrote something.
Mason circled a line and he said,
"That's the punchline and we'll just take it and put it at the end."
Started having anxiety attacks.
I really struggled with it for many, many years.
"Well, here I am... alive. Now what do I do?
Two days ago, I went through what was the worst experience of my life.
Fantastically rapid palpitation of the heart accompanied by fear.
I felt very detached from the world.
No past, only a distant present.
I was very disjointed at work.
I could not talk without stumbling over words.
I had thoughts of quitting."
Who is that disgusting person?
"And then...
I drove home and realized that I am pretty fucking great.
I have a good job. I have a creative job.
I have a good act, an artistic act.
I have a mind.
I decided to think of my work as an end rather than happiness as an end.
That is a good idea."
I mean, Tommy Smothers once said,
"Talking to Steve Martin is like talking to nobody."
And he was right.
I'd like to introduce you, but I can't quite decide how to describe your act.
What would you suggest?
Oh, how about...
..."world's greatest comedian"?
No.
Hi, I'm the world's greatest comedian.
Hello. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Thank you. Well, thank you.
This is too much. I didn't expect this. Thank you.
I'd like to start off with something that's an old gag
and I haven't really perfected it yet,
but something that's always funny no matter how many times you see it,
it's the old forgetting your own name gag.
This is where I start to say my own name
and then, suddenly, I pretend like I forgot it.
Now, I haven't perfected this yet, but something that's really funny.
So, here we go, the old forgetting your own name gag.
Hi, folks, I'm Steve Martin.
Oh, I blew it.
Peace, now! Peace, now! Peace, now!
The Vietnam War was raging,
and everyone had really long hair and was very, very serious.
Instead of making war, it's better to just stay...
- Let's stay in bed for three years. - And grow your hair.
- Yes. - For peace.
Well, I feel that every act should contain some kind of social comment
and something really meaningful.
So, right now, I'd like to do my balloon animals.
Here we go.
This is really fun. This is for the kids.
All comedy was political.
And you could just mention the name Nixon
and get a big laugh or boo or some huge response.
And I felt that it was time to change that.
At the time, the comedians were into talking about the war,
talking about some maybe off-color stuff.
Oh, beautiful for smoggy skies Insecticided grain
Well, I'm with the women's libs too, man.
You can pay all the check and leave a big tip too.
I'd hate to be white, 'cause y'all got to go to the Moon.
Hey, man, let's organize and help them white motherfuckers get to the Moon,
so they leave us alone.
Steve was simply silly.
What he was doing was unique. It was chancy.
No one thought it was brilliant, including Steve.
Now, I know this really looks stupid.
And it looks like there's no explanation for what I just did, but let me explain.
You see...
I got nothing but bad reviews.
"The worst thing to ever happen to American comedy." I remember that.
"Steve Martin, who I consider to be the luckiest person in show business."
While we're waiting for me, I'd like to do a comedy routine
that's sort of been a big one for me.
I'm sure most of you will recognize the title when I mention it.
It's the comedy nose on microphone routine.
No, no.
Even better, he said, "The world's luckiest amateur."
Well, you know, kind of true.
Even I have to chuckle on that.
But I liked it.
And I just wanted it to work.
All right, I'm gonna do some meditation for you now.
Some yoga meditation on my meditation stool.
You sit on the meditation stool, just like this.
And then you get something to read, you know.
And meditate. Just like this.
This was the hippie days.
Welcome, brothers. Peace.
It was just... That was the style, I was in with the style.
If you didn't have long hair and smoke marijuana, you were an outcast.
I think the pill's taking effect.
I feel so groovy.
How do you feel, kitty?
But I never smoked pot, and I never...
I couldn't take aspirin. I was so afraid of anxiety attacks.
You smoke this. I think you might enjoy it.
- What do you think of my hair? - Awful.
You look like like Charles Manson.
Well, I mean, you look like a... Well, you look like a...
you look like a simian.
Like from the San Francisco Zoo.
Or the San Diego Zoo, which is even worse.
I don't think it does anything for your career.
I always thought my father was a little embarrassed by me.
He couldn't quite be proud of an unconventional showbiz act
that he didn't quite understand.
By that time, I had been so, kind of, alienated from my father
that negative comments were actually my encouragement.
About 1970, Ann-Margret and her husband, Roger Smith hired me
to open the show for them in Vegas.
And I was, like, I was a star.
And they had this fantastic dressing room that was better than any house
I've ever lived in my life.
And I see Elvis coming back to visit Ann-Margret.
He was all in white, and he had the big belt,
and he goes past my dressing room, and he says,
"Son, you have an oblique sense of humor.
You want to see my guns?"
Hello, thank you very much.
Well, this is too much. Whoa, thank you, you're beautiful...
It was the Hilton.
Thank God it's gone.
It had the highest ceiling of any theater, which is a disaster for comedy,
which means the laughs just sort of... They don't gel.
They just go up into the air and they just dissipate, you know, like smoke.
This is my impression of The Incredible Shrinking Man.
Now, in order for me to do this, you have to close your eyes,
just for about three seconds, and then open them again.
And you will see right before you, The Incredible Shrinking Man.
So, everyone, close your eyes. I'll tell you when to open them.
Okay, open them!
Well, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, thank you very much, really. Too much. All right.
The fabulous glove into dove trick.
The napkin trick.
I think the glove's better.
A little delayed reaction there.
Has Ann-Margret come on yet?
And I went back and all my stuff in my dressing room was in the hallway.
In boxes.
That's how...
That's how hot I was.
Okay, we have you in your glory.
- All right. - Now, what's new, besides the beard?
Well, here I am, I'm standing in front of my parents' house.
I'm 25 years old now. I guess I'm a black sheep.
Well, I mean, we've got you, so we're stuck with you.
- That's right. - But the question is why? I mean, why?
Well, I was thinking about that the other day and the reason is
I've decided, is that in my job or in my life anymore,
I don't have any authorities over me.
If I had a job I'd have a boss.
If I were living with my parents, I'd have my parents, but I don't.
I just work for myself and get paid for being me.
But I was trying to be somebody else here.
Somebody said, "Oh, you look like you're trying to be the Eagles."
And I wasn't making any waves, so I made a decision.
Instead of being at the tail end of an old movement,
I'll be at the front end of a new one.
Whenever I shave off my beard, I like to use Gillette Foamy.
When I worked with Bob Einstein, he said,
"You know what's gonna help you? Age."
And he was right.
Because the act looked juvenile.
That's why it helped when my hair turned grey a little bit.
You'll always have to think that a grown man was doing this.
And so I decided, "Okay, I'm putting on a suit,
I'm putting on a tie and I'm cutting my hair."
Instead of looking like a hippie from the '60s,
I'll look like somebody new from the '70s.
Look at that. Thank you very much.
Or like someone from the future.
Thank you very much.
I wanted to do my sound effects bit.
All comedians do sound effects, where you tell a little story, you know,
and sort of make it come to life,
you know, through the use of sound effects.
And I really worked on this. It's done totally with my own voice.
There's no... Do I look all right?
There's no artificial gimmicks or anything.
So, here we go. The old sound effects bit.
Well, I woke up this morning and had a bowl of cornflakes.
Then I went down and started up the car.
Then a band of Hells Angels roared up.
We met in Disneyland before our senior year
and we worked all summer at the Magic Shop.
We were instant friends.
When he started performing solo, I told my brother,
"Bill, you gotta go see Steve. He's funny now."
You want a Steve Martin laugh?
My brother had Steve start opening for us.
He'd make $50 or $150 a night.
He believed in Steve and Steve believed in Steve.
No pictures. No pictures.
Steve believed in Steve the least.
...like to use good mic technique, and this is basically it.
Thank you, and good night.
Good evening. I'm Linda Ron... Oh!
I opened for everybody.
The Carpenters, Mimi Fariña, Sonny and Cher, Poco, B.B. King,
Sha Na Na, Merle Haggard.
Black Oak Arkansas.
I don't remember opening for Black Oak Arkansas, but it must be a fact.
Well, thank you very much.
It was great for a while, but I realized it was going nowhere.
I'm just going to do about ten minutes because...
Thank you, thank you.
Well, how about five minutes?
I'd go do a show and I'd get paid $200 for the show,
and it would cost me $250 to get there and get back.
What am I doing wrong?
No matter how good I am, no matter how I went over,
nobody cared.
Dirt Band! Dirt Band!
That's what he'd hear a lot during his show.
I can remember being off stage
and you hear the noise of the audience before the shows, kind of like...
And then they go, "And now, Steve Martin,"
and there's no sound change, no applause.
It just continues and you start doing your act and there's still...
Yeah, you're-- It was a battle.
If I turn 30, I'd better start looking for something else,
'cause I thought, you know, this... I just don't want to end up doing this.
Aspen, December 28th, 1974.
"Jack Benny died yesterday
and that would be the proper time for the beginning of a journal.
Jack Benny's voice was one of the earliest sounds I know,
and that sound has been perhaps what I want to create."
Did you see my wife? No, I haven't.
Matter of fact, I don't even know your wife.
Then how do you know you didn't see her?
Have you ever seen me before?
No? Then how do you know it's me?
Sometimes, like the night in New York City,
I sobbed in my hotel room after watching old film clips of comedians.
I'm getting happy feet!
"I must develop the use of my body more.
I was using it well, I thought. But few laughed."
Because audiences of 1974 were terrible.
They're conditioned through late night rock shows
to yell and participate vocally in a show.
Now make orange juice!
"No thanks."
"So, this year will be very revealing of myself.
I intend to perform only.
No slipshod halfway shows in hostile environments."
And that was the first time I thought, "Headline. Don't open."
When you headline, it has a different power.
So I went from playing 500 seat places, opening for somebody,
to playing for literally 40 people.
I got a great dirty trick you can play on a three-year-old kid.
See, kids learn how to talk from listening to their parents.
See, what you do, you have a three-year-old kid
and you want to play a dirty trick on them.
You talk wrong.
So, now it's like his first day in school, and he raises his hand,
"May I mambo dog face to the banana patch?"
But it worked.
More! More! More!
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.
This is too much. Thank you.
Okay, I guess I'll just practice one joke for tonight's show.
Well, this grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, we got a drink named after you."
And the grasshopper says, "You mean you got a drink named Fred?"
Laughter, laughter, laughter, laughter.
"Hey, we got a drink named after you."
And the grasshopper says, "You mean you got a drink named Fred?"
Laughter, laughter, laughter.
Steve was always trying to find an audience,
finding some here and some over there.
I've seen the world from both sides now!
From upside down and round and round.
And I only have one question.
Where am I?
We've got to remind you that you're listening to WRVU, Nashville.
Where are you appearing next?
We'll give you a Johnny Carson type plug, make me feel just like JC.
Well, Johnny, I'll be at the...
I don't know where I'll be, as a matter of fact.
I think I'm going to Russellville. I don't even know what state that's in.
Yes?
Should I answer that?
Hello, BSU, WPWPW, yes?
I saw you with your arrow through your head.
- You did? - Yeah, it was intense.
I have never, ever worn an arrow through my head.
That's the peculiar thing. You must be mistaking me for someone else.
- Hello? - You're on the air.
- I'm on the air? - Well, yes.
- He asked you first. - Is this Steve Martin?
- Could be. - It could be?
Well, I'm at the party room in Hemingway.
The only thing we're missing is you.
Girls, girls!
Well, I have a sexual problem.
Oh, what's that?
I like to wear men's underwear.
All right!
How many people remember a couple of years ago when the earth blew up?
See, so few people remember that.
And you would think that something like that people would remember, but no.
You don't remember that?
The earth blew up and was completely destroyed.
And we escaped to this planet on the giant space ark.
And the government decided not to tell the stupider people
because they thought it might...
Well, let's move on.
There were a lot of college gigs early on. A lot of clubs.
Every club he played in, you'd start to hear Steve Martin routines
coming from the staff.
He just seeped into everybody's consciousness.
Wait a second.
You know, you perform in all kinds of odd performing situations.
I remember one night I was playing for about 100 students.
I'm into language, that's kind of my thing, I guess.
You know, being a professional comedian, you have to have a knowledge of language
and that's... let's face it, some people have a way with words, other people...
...not have way, I guess.
It wasn't a theater. It was one of those school rooms
with the little stage, like for drama students.
So, there's no wings. You had to exit through the class.
And I finished, and I said, "Thank you and good night."
And they're still sitting there like this.
So, I actually went out and I said, "It's over. It's actually over."
And they still sat there.
So, I went through the audience, and I just started talking.
I have no idea what I was saying.
You know, folks, we've had some fun out here
and I think that's so important.
People come to me, they say, "Steve, what's your motto?"
My motto.
"Laugh once a day.
Because a day without sunshine is like...
...night."
I left and it had a little bit of a weird Pied Piper effect
because they just started following me.
Eventually, I ended up taking the audience out into the street
and walking around with them.
And I was walking along outside and this audience sort of following along.
And I came across a drained swimming pool.
And I said, "Okay," I said, "Everybody get in the pool.
And now I'm going to swim across you."
I went home that night and I thought, "Oh, something happened. That was good."
And that was the beginning of a very important part of my career
where I left the stage.
Now, I've got to get rambling, and you've been a great crowd, really.
Gee, I think I'll read for a while.
Everything sort of opened up.
He'd take people out for hamburgers and order 350 of them
or something like that.
Did you see the show tonight?
Yeah, I was with you in Krystal.
Did you enjoy the burger?
No, I didn't get a chance. There were too many people.
All I saw was a couple of waitresses crying.
The last couple of times he did that, in fact,
he drew complaints from neighbors a block away.
They complained to police about the volume of the noise
caused by hundreds of people laughing.
By the way, I do sell drugs between shows.
Is that the police? Oh, God.
- Outside. - Having some jive.
- Are they outside? - Yeah.
If the police come, act natural, all right?
Listen, if the police come, I want everyone to put on a balloon hat
so they won't tell which one is me.
Don't you worry about it. It's my problem.
Okay, let's rip the place apart!
Then the owner said, "Yeah, well, we're doing okay,"
he said, "But we don't get many Steve Martins here."
Like I was a big hit.
And I thought, "What are you talking about?"
I was in debt $5,000.
College gigs just did not pay very well,
so I agreed to headline the Playboy Club in San Francisco for a week.
The crowd was much older than I was used to, but I needed the money.
I'm all dressed up because it's a very special kind of restaurant.
And I said to a musician backstage, I said,
"Hey, we got a full house out there."
And he just kind of looked at me, and he went...
"The Bunny introduced me as Steve Miller."
They didn't pay to get in to see me.
I was tangential.
Puppy dog.
I heard a guy say, "I don't understand any of this."
And it was not a moment of pride, you know.
Death. Comedy death.
Which is worse than regular death.
"Where is the old-time show business I dreamed of?
Is this it?
Where's my theme song?"
Comedy is timing. There's no way around it.
If the audience is not allowing you to use your timing, then you're dead.
I have a joke I'd like to tell you--
"Alternatives:
Quit.
TV.
A likely possibility."
I want to go into show business.
I don't believe this.
Hey, would I lie?
So, there I was.
And I had my act that I'd been working on for ten years.
It's like waiting around the corner, you know?
You've got all your bags packed and you're ready to go.
And you're just waiting for the bus to come.
"Here comes my bus and I'm getting on and I've got all my bags with me."
Well, you know, if it looks like I'm fooling around up here,
I wasn't gonna tell you this, but...
I'm quitting show business tonight. Thank you.
And this is my final performance in the business.
So, I'm just kind of doing anything I ever wanted to do, you know,
and it doesn't matter if I go over, you know,
or if everybody hates me, you know,
or if there's reviewers out there going,
"I didn't think that this was the most wonderful thing..."
So I'm just kind of doing anything I ever wanted to do, so...
I was really stupid.
It took me a while to figure out, this act doesn't work everywhere.
At the Playboy Club, it was just weird.
The Boarding House was very hip
and it became notable because it was weird.
You ever feel like doing something just crazy?
I mean, really, just, like, crazy thing? Let's go murder someone.
See, I think it was generational.
There was a generation of pot smoking, crazy people
who could bend enough to get what you were talking about.
And they weren't going to the Playboy Club.
Let me shuffle the cards first using the famous cow pasture shuffle.
Now, what's your sign?
Scorpio. Let's see, I'm a feces. So, that'll make...
You have to find your audience.
And Steve did that.
They were all there for him. There were his fans.
See, I always fill the balloons up with words and if they pop, they go,
"Damn it!"
Puppy dog.
Actually, what this is, it's a... birth control device.
And I'll show you how this works.
See, if you wear this on your head...
...then no one will talk to you.
I'd like to get serious just for a moment.
There was a presence there on stage of someone quite special
that you just wanted to see.
So, I guess I'll say goodnight now.
And, you know, ordinarily, I just walk off the stage
and go back to the dressing room, you know, but...
...I don't think I'm going to do that tonight.
I think tonight...
...I'm going to Bananaland.
And it's so beautiful in Bananaland tonight.
You know, it's just...
The little men are in their banana-skin coats and banana-shoes,
and they have the little banana-mobile.
And it's so wonderful in Bananaland because...
...in Bananaland, only two things are true.
One, all chairs are green.
And two, no chairs are green.
That's where I'm going.
The end of the '60s lasted until about 1975.
It was a very dark period
to have this clean guy in a white suit come out and take you away.
If you bought into it, you'd go for a fun ride.
But remember, the Boarding House seated 300 people, so it wasn't a breakout.
But if you have a packed house that feels like something's happening.
I think we should all be one.
That's why I'm just going to step down among the people.
Don't touch me.
And when that corner turned, I felt great, you know?
That was actually the first time I was ready for anything.
The act was starting to click.
Oh, the shark bites
With it's teeth, dear
And it keeps them pearly white
Oh, the shark bites
With its teeth, dear
And it keeps them pearly white
Oh, the shark bites
With it's teeth, dear
And it keeps them...
Here's one of the funniest guys I've ever met in my entire life, Mr. Steve Martin.
- Steve Martin. - Oh, wow.
He's back tonight to do something else,
and I don't have the slightest idea what it is.
Well, it's great to be back here, and...
I know that sounds corny, because every entertainer who comes on goes,
"Hey, it's really great to be here."
And it really sounds phony, but believe me, I'm sincere when I say,
"Hey, it's really great to be here."
- Cher, it's really great to be here. - Thank you.
Well, actually, excuse me, it's great to be here. I'm sorry.
Okay... well, actually, it's really great to be here.
This is where it's great to be. I'm sorry.
I think Steve is so far out.
I mean, he always does these weird, crazy, unimaginable things.
- Hey, hold it a second. Wait a second. - What are you going to do--?
Telling these people I do weird and crazy things, John.
Great to be here. Wow.
Oh, boy, I remember when it was great to be there,
but it is great to be here.
And it keeps them pearly white
I was always fascinated by arrogance.
I have a favor I'd like to ask you. Would you take my picture?
Let me get in kind of a casual thing, like a...
Like a...
And I started to create a character for me.
These cameras are so fantastic, like an idiot can really work this kind of...
A kind of overly confident idiot.
I started to realize what I was doing was a parody of show business.
His act was not comedy. It was about the absurdity of performing
and the ridiculousness of people standing up in front of other people being funny.
Do I look stupid?
It was aggressively stupid.
Have I degraded myself?
And aggressive stupidity, you can't ignore it.
I've been stuck on this escalator for 40 minutes.
When you insist on something that is wrong.
Help!
What it was, was here is an asshole who is going to act like one.
But he wants you to know that he knows that.
That we're both gonna laugh at the same asshole.
Hey, I don't do a Vegas act.
See in Vegas, you know, it costs like $15 to get in.
You go and you pay the money and you sit down
and the opening act usually like a singer, you know.
And he's really great, really keeps it moving really fa--
You can't understand a word he says, but it doesn't matter
because he's so entertaining.
Hey, good evening, ladies and gentlemen...
Curtain up, light the light
Okay, and I'd now like to introduce the band.
Frank's an old personal friend of mine. Okay.
Sammy Davis Jr., personal friend of mine. Okay!
Oh, hey, great to be... here.
Oh, the shark bites...
Steve Martin, I'm a personal friend of mine too, okay.
It's great to be here!
And now, it's time for a little dance. And here we go!
Sammy came over. But there was an instant endorsement.
Yeah, I didn't know what I was supposed to do
because, you know, we never hugged at home.
Am I supposed to hug? I don't know.
That's five or six minutes of the funniest things
I've ever seen here for a long time.
Really. That's super. That's really funny.
I felt that I alone was carrying the banner for the new comedy and then...
Live from New York, it's Saturday night!
I saw Saturday Night Live and I thought, "Oh. Oh, no."
- I would like... - I would like...
to feed your fingertips...
to the wolverines.
There's somebody else doing it.
I was aware of him when he was writing on Smothers Brothers
and I was writing on Laugh-In.
I think there was a touch football game between the two.
Later, Lily Tomlin and I saw him in LA somewhere, I think.
Hey, man, wanna smoke some shit?
No, I don't want any marijuana.
Marijuana? This is shit.
I was real naive in those days, too, you know.
People would come and say, "Hey, you wanna snort?
And I go, "Sure."
I thought, "I'm really missing something here."
We were doing deeply political satire.
And... Steve wasn't.
You know, the show was so hot, you know.
They were on a roll.
And I had this little bit of drawing power,
but I was still underground.
I wanted people I knew could do the show
and so, Steve was a risk.
Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Martin!
For me, risk is oxygen.
If you're not on the edge, how are you expected to feel alive?
I can only think a few times in my life before I was about to go on
where I would think, "Wait'll they see this."
Most of the time it was, "I hope this goes well."
Boy, I'll never forget how great it was to be over there.
Okay, we're moving now.
Excuse me.
All right.
Are we on? We are. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
To... open the show, I always like to do one thing that is impossible.
So right now I'm going to suck this stool into my lungs.
Oh, darn. Okay.
Well, here's something you don't often see.
Introducing Fido-flex, the digital watchdog.
And now, it's time to play Jeopardy 1999.
Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!
No, I gotta...
Zoom!
I remember thinking, "Wow, other people."
What's your favorite landmass?
The Dalmatian Islands, just off the coast of Yugoslavia.
The southern one? A little further inland?
Just above the thirtieth parallel!
I'd worked alone for 15 years.
And now you're in a sketch and you're looking in someone's eyes,
and they have a gleam in their eye and you have a gleam in your eye.
It's really a good feeling.
The banjo's such a happy instrument. It really is.
It's a good thing for a comedian like me, and just a happy thing.
You can go,
Oh, murder and death And grief and sorrow
Okay, I want to do this last banjo tune and we'll move on with the show.
Can I get, like, a tight shot? Maybe on the fingers on this, okay?
Dave? Dave Wilson, the director.
I'd like to start off with a tight shot. Okay?
I did this thing in dress, I thought we had it worked out, I'm sorry.
Excuse me. Okay, I'll do something else then.
I can go with it. All right, you know what I'm saying?
It's just...
You know, you ask for something, you think you're gonna get it,
throws you off when you're a performer, a professional, like I am.
And... I'm sorry if I look a little angry, but I guess I am.
Because, you know, it hurts you. You know what I'm saying?
It hurts the people who are watching the show when, me, the artist,
comes out here and I can't get what? A little cooperation. Know what I mean?
I mean, I can't get a little help from the backstage crew?
Excuse me.
I'm sorry, I'm angry.
I'm sorry.
We'll be back after this commercial.
And I had a show the next day, on a Monday.
- Fifteen, Steve. Fifteen minutes. - Thank you.
I said, "How many people are out there?"
And he said, "7,000."
I'm like, "What?"
And there was this impact like a wave.
"Something's changed."
Thank you. Keep it.
Telephoto lens.
Double scotch.
Do you recognize him?
He's hosted the Tonight Show a couple of times.
Is Steve Martin here? I wanna seduce him.
In the mid-'70s, he came out
and it just felt like a flash bulb of energy.
This is just gonna be pure fun.
I'm a rambling guy.
Way to go, Steve! That's good stuff.
One of the most refreshing comedians
to come along in a long time is Steve Martin.
As you know, he advertises himself
as a wild and crazy guy when he's on stage.
The first time we did the Czech brothers, it played okay.
We are two wild and crazy guys.
And we kind of forgot about it.
And then the next time I hosted, Danny said, "Let's do another one."
And suddenly the sketch started and there was this...
We would go up to see his show.
We got to the theater and people were lined up around the building.
I didn't think he was opening for somebody,
and then I started seeing rabbit ears and thought,
"Oh my gosh, it was all for him."
It's kind of fun for me to see the people in the audience
with the amateur model arrow through the head.
This, of course, is the professional model.
Made in Germany, cost 150 dollars.
But... that's okay for me!
Because I am a wild and crazy guy.
This must be, obviously, very exciting for you now.
Really, 'cause Steve gets standing ovations as a comedian.
- That very seldom happens. - Yeah, it's been a...
In the last six months it's been explosive.
- Yeah. - Which, you know, I'm thankful for
- and puzzled by, but am very happy about. - Yeah.
We're having some fun now, hey!
The biggest shift was, so I'm playing these places
and I was still doing the bit where I would take audiences outside.
And I realized they're standing in traffic,
they're standing on cars, and I said, "Well, that bit's over."
Becoming too dangerous, literally.
I mentioned it earlier in the show as the drug joke.
And I hate to do that because...
it creates myths and I'm not into drugs anymore.
I quit completely and I hate people who are still into it so...
Well, I do take one drug now for fun, and maybe you've heard of it.
It's a new thing. I don't know if you have or not.
It's a new thing... makes you small.
About this big.
And you might as well plug your album while you're here.
Are they prepared comedy gags?
No, it's completely spontaneous. Every album is different.
I'll be darned. How many did they release? Millions?
Yeah. I've recorded a million of them.
And they're all completely different.
Steve Martin. Let's Get Small.
These represent funny comedy gags.
You can play this on your record player at home.
That's it.
And, you know, I'll be home, sitting with my friends, and...
we'll be sitting around and somebody will say,
"Hey...
Let's get small."
My brother recorded all his albums before Saturday Night Live,
before Tonight Show, and they sat around for two years.
Now, I know I shouldn't get small when I'm driving.
But I was driving around the other day, and I said, "What the heck," you know.
So I'm driving, going...
I hold in my hand the first platinum comedy album in history.
Platinum means you have to sell a million albums.
It's an honor to know that you sold a million albums,
but it's also kind of weird to know that there are
a million lunatics out in the country.
There are a great deal more than a million.
They're just slowly finding you out.
Well...
Steve never thought he'd get a record deal.
And he ended up selling nine million albums.
And what would be your day like though?
For example, today, what you did the Good Morning, America show.
- I did Good Morning, America. - Did this show.
Then we fly to Washington, DC.
Two shows at Kennedy Performing Arts.
When I played Kennedy Center, I asked the promoter,
"I'm just curious, how much am I making?"
And he said, "25,000."
And I said, "Wow, that's great."
And he said, "And the second show is better."
And then we come back here and then we go to...
I think, Boston the next day,
and we're doing 50 cities in 60 days.
How many people are here?
Two, four, six, seven,
eight, ten, 11, 12, 13,
plus 16, 17.
There's the guy at the bar. That's 18.
So I do just-- Should I do more time, or...?
No, probably shouldn't do more time, that's just ridiculous.
Steve Martin would sell out before the ads could finish running.
And then we would go in restaurants
and we could overhear people talking and using his tag lines.
I think they were just really happy to be part of something.
It was a cultural phenomenon.
Oh, no, I'm getting happy feet!
And we didn't use any video projection or anything.
And 20,000 people away. They were getting it.
And I think what happened is,
material became secondary to the nature of the act.
It's where you're performing right down to your fingertips.
Where every movement counts.
Where there's nothing extraneous.
You're conducting the audience.
Okay. I'd like to--
He made 60 sell-out concert appearances in 1977.
Last month, he gave a one-man concert here in Southern California
before 9,000 fans at the Anaheim Convention Center,
not too far from where he grew up in the little town of Garden Grove.
About 17 years ago, I used to stand across the street at Disneyland
and sell guidebooks for 25 cents.
And... I think one of the big thrills for me is to be able to...
...not to come back in a limousine,
but to be able to come back and see your old friends
and kind of be the same thing that you were...
Hey, Steve, one of your old friends is here.
Oh, really? Well, get rid of him.
Once we sat on his... the porch of this house in Aspen.
And he says, "Is this the life?
I mean, we just wrote some great comedy.
You have a great bottle of wine. It's a beautiful sunset.
This is... this is the best."
And I remember saying to myself, "No. It's not the best.
I want a... I want a girlfriend."
What about your love life? How is Steve Martin's love life?
Well...
Are you married? Are you straight? Are you nuts?
Think of it this way. Say I get married,
and I say, "Well, going on the road for three months
and I'll see you sometime."
I've never... I don't have a home life.
Actually, that's a myth about entertainers.
You always think you meet girls, and you don't.
Because here I'm in town for nine days,
and you don't have time to get to know anybody.
And I'm not into that one-night thing.
I think a person should get to know someone
and even be in love with them before you...
...use and degrade them.
Would you mind if I kissed you?
No, I don't mind.
Good.
I'll remember that for the future.
I also get the sense that you really are quite buttoned-up,
and nobody's gonna get too close to Steve Martin.
And yet your persona is,
"I'm the wild and crazy guy, and I'll do anything.
I'll take my pants off and run around with the dog in front of me."
Yeah.
Well, I say, like, um, if you make it in business,
you sit behind a big, elegant desk with a view,
and if you make it in show business, you end up riding an elephant.
I remember talking to Carl Gottlieb and he said,
"You know, when a TV actor walks into the room, everybody goes,
'Hey, how you doing?' They walk. 'Hey... We love you, blah-blah.'
When a movie actor walks in they go..."
And I kind of like that. Actually kind of impressed me.
Oh, Steve, you better pull yourself together.
You've got a big movie offer.
I do?
What's the movie offer?
From stand-up to movies is just smart.
If I do the best stand-up show I've ever done,
the next day it's completely gone. It's over.
Whoa! "God damn it!" What?
Plus, I had to fly to Florida.
But if I do a movie, I can do seven takes,
get it right, forever,
and then the movie goes to Florida.
Excellent choice.
This is not your first movie. You've been in others.
I was in Gone with the Wind.
I did On the Waterfront.
- Did you? - A Streetcar Named Desire.
And now, The Jerk.
It started off as Banana Boulevard.
About a guy who can't live in the world,
so he has to become crazy and he crosses over into Bananaland.
I had 17 versions.
I mean, it's... They're unproduceable, all right?
I wrote it, two other really good writers, Carl Gottlieb, who wrote Jaws.
The fish movie.
And Michael Elias, who was a great comedy writer.
I do interviews about my novel.
They all want to talk about The Jerk.
"What's your favorite part? Which part did you write?
What was it like to write with Steve Martin?"
I want to sell my book.
He hates these cans!
Stay away from the cans!
Could you explain to us what it's about?
Well, I... When I saw the film completed,
I honestly did not know what it was about.
There's cans in there too!
Then a friend of mine, I said, "How did you like the film?"
He says, "I loved it. It's about the most naive person who ever lived."
More cans!
Die, you bastard!
Steve Martin, America's hottest young comedian,
has just taken the big leap onto the big screen,
making his movie debut in a new picture called The Jerk.
It was a hit from day one.
You know, Steve was a little nervous, but he didn't let it show.
First axiom of the business, "Never let 'em see you sweat."
When I was on stage, I would think,
"I know what I am right now. I'm a cat."
Whoa! Give me that, give me that, give me that!
Or, "I'm R. Crumb."
I always felt the act is what you want it to be.
You want it to be smart, you can find that.
You want it to be stupid, you can find that.
You want it to be parody, you can find that.
Boy, those are good seats up there.
The show has started!
I used to like walking behind him...
...and seeing people look at him, people could not believe.
"Holy shit, it's Steve Martin."
Yeah, you're outdrawing Fleetwood Mac.
You know, I mean, in the same venues.
Because we tend to forget that in the '70s,
Steve was not a successful comedian, he was like a rock star.
He was the first comedian who could play stadiums.
It was very odd and strange.
It's like it was... It's a panicky emotion.
Because he was alone for much of his life.
At its biggest, we did three days at the Nassau Coliseum.
Forty-five thousand.
I mean, your whole life is number one.
Well, only way to go now is down.
Steve!
Okay, calm down, don't anybody get hurt.
Could you sign my cigarette?
The size of the audience was never a problem.
It was the mania.
Well, I'm a little disappointed that... more photographers didn't show up.
There you go.
I thought I was still doing comedy.
But really, I was a party host.
Okay, good. Now let's repeat the non-conformist oath.
I promise to be different.
I promise to be unique.
I promise not to repeat things other people say.
Good! Okay.
There's this moment, like around '75, '76,
where I think I'm really funny.
But by '80, it's not new.
You'll call a disc jockey up and you'll go,
"Hello." And they'll go...
You know, every time I go anywhere on an airplane,
stewardesses are always doing you, I mean, so to speak.
You know what I mean? They always say wild and crazy guy,
and then they always go, "Excuse me."
Isn't it funny when they do that?
Will the real Steve Martin step forward?
Well, he wasn't anywhere in sight,
but more than 100 aspiring Steve Martins were.
But that's okay for me 'cause I am a wild and crazy guy.
There. Okay. Having some fun now, hey, kids?
Well, excuse me!
Excuse me!
- Excuse moi! - Excuse...
Excuse me!
I'm gonna rip his face off, I swear to God!
- Let me ask you a serious question now. - Okay.
- You've got your serious attitude, now. - Yeah.
You made a lot of money. Are you any happier now
with the money you've made than you were, say, five years ago
when you were scrambling around?
- Generally, relatively. - Money does not buy happiness.
I know what you're saying. You don't even want to say it seriously.
No, I mean that seriously.
- I meant that it doesn't buy happiness. - Yeah.
You still have to have your personal problems.
- Right. Do you have-- - You can't buy your way out of...
Do you have personal problems? Find anything... we can talk about?
I... since we started this spot, I have wet my pants.
Right here?
That's all right, we'll...
I was in the dressing room once and his father was up there.
Steve walks in after a perfect hour and five minutes,
and his father goes, "You know what was wrong with that show?"
Anyway, I sneaked out.
'Cause there was nothing wrong with the show.
Say I want to do something kind of special.
My parents are in the audience tonight and... I'd like to introduce them.
They've been my parents all my life. And...
Well, the family was not a... a goal for me.
I wasn't shown... that it was something fantastic.
And...
Not sure if I'm phrasing it correctly, because it's such a...
a common thing for most people, and it just wasn't for me.
I can't hold this smile much longer.
It's-- On one hand, you feel this exceeding love coming at you.
But it's not what you expected it to feel like.
Creates anxiety.
I said to Steve once, "Don't you get a high when the show's over?"
And he kind of looked at me like, "Not really, no."
I thought, "Wow, that is so unusual for a performer."
I was very, very isolated and very lonely.
You... literally can't go outside.
It's very hard to find alone time, except when you're deeply alone.
You know.
Your own silence is not there for you.
You want people to like you.
But it's something that leaves you kind of cold.
It's easy to come to the conclusion you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.
You know, in Vegas you could see the back booths are lit.
And I saw an empty one.
Now, later, a comedian friend said,
"Maybe somebody just didn't show up."
But it played into a sadness I was going under.
And I just didn't want to see that it. I didn't want to go downhill.
And I don't need any of this! I don't need this stuff!
I don't need you. I don't need anything.
The act, essentially, was conceptual,
and once the concept was understood,
there was nothing more to develop.
I sort of created my own dead end.
I felt that I was on a speeding train called stand-up comedy.
Coming in the other direction was a speeding train called movies.
My job was to get off the stand-up train and throw myself onto the movie train.
And I thought, "I get to start over.
I can be an actual new person."
An act is built.
I mean, I did my act for literally 15 years before it clicked.
Why didn't you quit before that?
Too stupid.
Well, no.
Unfortunately, the story goes on.