1 00:00:02,038 --> 00:00:03,440 Good morning, Seattle, and welcome 2 00:00:03,473 --> 00:00:07,181 to Old Town's 17th annual Wiener Parade! 3 00:00:07,214 --> 00:00:08,383 We've got food trucks. 4 00:00:08,416 --> 00:00:09,686 We've got marching bands. 5 00:00:09,686 --> 00:00:10,722 And of course... 6 00:00:10,755 --> 00:00:12,458 The Wiener Queen. 7 00:00:12,458 --> 00:00:13,628 At 17 years old, 8 00:00:13,628 --> 00:00:16,366 Her Majesty is the longest living wiener 9 00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:18,538 in Washington's history. 10 00:00:18,571 --> 00:00:21,242 I don't like one bit of this. Something feels off. 11 00:00:21,242 --> 00:00:24,281 You just say that every time we experience whimsy. 12 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,119 No, a parade is no place for whimsy. 13 00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,156 Whimsy is for college improv teams before they all 14 00:00:28,189 --> 00:00:30,360 have sex with each other, ruining the dynamic. 15 00:00:30,394 --> 00:00:32,331 Teams, this is Ace. I got a pocket Queen. 16 00:00:32,364 --> 00:00:34,135 Check in. Is everything copacetic? 17 00:00:34,169 --> 00:00:35,572 No. It's your worst nightmare, Frank. 18 00:00:35,605 --> 00:00:36,707 People are having fun. 19 00:00:36,707 --> 00:00:38,210 Yeah. Everything's cool. 20 00:00:38,210 --> 00:00:40,113 It's all that and a bag of chips. 21 00:00:40,147 --> 00:00:41,516 You got any salt and vinnies? 22 00:00:47,863 --> 00:00:49,399 Put your hands together 23 00:00:49,399 --> 00:00:51,837 for the Memorial High School marching band, 24 00:00:51,837 --> 00:00:53,373 the Fighting Badgers! 25 00:00:53,407 --> 00:00:55,144 For the love of God, no. 26 00:00:55,144 --> 00:00:57,582 Dachshunds hunt badgers. It's in their DNA. 27 00:00:57,615 --> 00:01:00,521 Along with short legs and back problems. 28 00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:04,830 Take your head off! 29 00:01:04,863 --> 00:01:06,567 Show 'em you're a man! 30 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,073 Take your head off! 31 00:01:11,544 --> 00:01:12,746 Stay calm! 32 00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,448 I said stay calm! 33 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:17,822 Where are you? 34 00:01:17,856 --> 00:01:18,691 I lost the queen. 35 00:01:18,958 --> 00:01:20,595 She's old and blind, she doesn't stand a chance. 36 00:01:20,629 --> 00:01:22,431 I've got eyes on the queen. 37 00:01:22,431 --> 00:01:24,803 Unfortunately, she's in the middle of a sausage party 38 00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:26,540 and we're all invited. 39 00:01:27,776 --> 00:01:29,813 I saved the Queen! 40 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,153 I mean, it's a dog, but still. 41 00:01:33,186 --> 00:01:35,224 Dressed like a queen! 42 00:01:35,257 --> 00:01:37,294 It's peeing all over me. 43 00:02:07,288 --> 00:02:09,392 Who's excited for the Animal Control Officer 44 00:02:09,425 --> 00:02:12,431 of the Year award weekend in Bellingham? 45 00:02:12,464 --> 00:02:15,337 Are you gonna be like this for the entire two-hour bus ride? 46 00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:16,641 Well, I for one am jazzed, 47 00:02:16,674 --> 00:02:19,278 because two of our ACOOTY nominees hail from 48 00:02:19,311 --> 00:02:20,649 our very own precinct. 49 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,519 We have Frank Shaw. 50 00:02:22,552 --> 00:02:24,522 Yeah! Whoo! 51 00:02:24,923 --> 00:02:27,227 And Templeton Dudge. 52 00:02:29,198 --> 00:02:30,635 Future winners get to board the bus first. 53 00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:32,638 Let's bring home that hardware T-rophy! 54 00:02:32,672 --> 00:02:34,441 You know, there's a world where 55 00:02:34,509 --> 00:02:36,814 Templeton's compression socks cut the blood off to his heart, 56 00:02:36,847 --> 00:02:38,249 and I win by default. 57 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,753 Frank, I'm really excited to watch you glad-hand 58 00:02:39,786 --> 00:02:42,390 on the campaign trail, but I do have one note. 59 00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:43,528 Too handsome? Yeah, it's a curse 60 00:02:43,528 --> 00:02:45,397 I've had to deal with most of my life 61 00:02:45,397 --> 00:02:46,900 since a very successful puberty. 62 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:47,835 We need to talk handshakes. 63 00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:50,240 You come from a time when it was fun to squeeze hard, 64 00:02:50,274 --> 00:02:51,844 but that's not where we're at now. 65 00:02:51,877 --> 00:02:53,948 Yeah. See that? That's crazy. 66 00:02:53,948 --> 00:02:55,484 I need you to win the Golden Moose 67 00:02:55,484 --> 00:02:56,419 so that Templeton doesn't. 68 00:02:56,687 --> 00:02:58,825 'Cause I know him, and he's gonna try and leverage a win 69 00:02:58,858 --> 00:02:59,793 to take over the precinct. 70 00:02:59,993 --> 00:03:01,964 So, no pressure, but I need you at your most charming 71 00:03:01,997 --> 00:03:02,966 and least offensive. 72 00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:05,771 Well, it's tricky because people find my offensiveness charming. 73 00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:06,506 If he takes over, 74 00:03:06,706 --> 00:03:07,508 I mean, it's gonna be a nuclear winter. 75 00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:11,283 Forced overtimes, creepy one-on-one performance reviews 76 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,654 and say goodbye to riddle of the day. 77 00:03:13,687 --> 00:03:15,725 Uh, riddle of the day is the first thing to go. 78 00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:18,362 After that, we're going gender-specific uniforms. 79 00:03:18,396 --> 00:03:19,933 Girls in skirts. 80 00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,001 Boys in shorts. 81 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:23,640 Terrifying. 82 00:03:24,543 --> 00:03:26,212 Are you leaving for good? 83 00:03:26,246 --> 00:03:28,517 Supplies for my annual cocktail party! 84 00:03:28,551 --> 00:03:31,489 We had a huge crowd for Speakeasy Fo-Sheezy last year. 85 00:03:31,524 --> 00:03:32,992 This year's theme is Freaky Tiki. 86 00:03:32,992 --> 00:03:34,495 I don't know what to expect. 87 00:03:34,530 --> 00:03:36,299 I'm loving ACOOTY Patel, man. 88 00:03:36,332 --> 00:03:38,470 48 hours away from the family. So full of life. 89 00:03:38,504 --> 00:03:40,407 It's a little glimpse of what coulda been, brother. 90 00:03:40,407 --> 00:03:43,246 Okay, no flaming cocktails, though, 'cause after the fire 91 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,549 that Victoria started last year, 92 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:45,585 we're kind of on thin ice with the venue. 93 00:03:45,818 --> 00:03:48,824 Um, you neglect to mention me saving all of our co-workers 94 00:03:48,857 --> 00:03:50,862 by pulling the fire alarm, all without spilling 95 00:03:50,895 --> 00:03:52,064 my margarita el fuego. 96 00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:53,433 Thanks to you, I spent the evening 97 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:54,168 shivering on the sidewalk. 98 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,239 Yeah, because you ripped your shirt off 99 00:03:56,272 --> 00:03:57,441 as you were running down the hallway. 100 00:03:57,509 --> 00:03:58,276 That was for speed. 101 00:03:58,511 --> 00:04:00,614 Look, I'm sure it was an accident... sort of. 102 00:04:00,648 --> 00:04:02,786 But, you know you're banned from the hotel, right? 103 00:04:02,786 --> 00:04:05,490 No, no, no, I'm banned from booking a room at the hotel. 104 00:04:05,525 --> 00:04:07,529 That doesn't mean that I can't find someone to crash with. 105 00:04:07,562 --> 00:04:09,566 And this is like the horniest animal control weekend 106 00:04:09,599 --> 00:04:11,570 of the year, I'm sure someone will take in a stray. 107 00:04:11,603 --> 00:04:13,607 Alright, let's get everyone on the bus. 108 00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:18,282 Welcome, everybody. 109 00:04:18,517 --> 00:04:20,889 I'm Wayne Peters and I'm running this year's ACOOTYs. 110 00:04:20,889 --> 00:04:22,659 Quick administrative housekeeping note. 111 00:04:22,692 --> 00:04:25,397 Uh, I've noticed a few officers walking around in these 112 00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:27,367 "What Happens in Bellingham" t-shirts. 113 00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,739 This is a work event. 114 00:04:29,773 --> 00:04:32,311 And we do not want a repeat of last year. 115 00:04:32,344 --> 00:04:34,448 No, we do not, you. 116 00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,319 Because what happens in Bellingham 117 00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:38,056 can wind up on your professional record. 118 00:04:38,323 --> 00:04:39,960 Okay, let's go get 'em! 119 00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:43,066 In the meantime, cocktails and so forth. 120 00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:44,669 Enjoy yourselves. 121 00:04:45,771 --> 00:04:48,376 Hey. So, I haven't checked in yet. 122 00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:50,380 Should we try to get conjoining rooms? 123 00:04:50,413 --> 00:04:51,517 What? No, of course not. 124 00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:52,786 Didn't you hear what Wayne said? 125 00:04:52,819 --> 00:04:53,721 This is still work. 126 00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:56,092 Wait, so everybody's gonna hook up with a co-worker here 127 00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:57,762 - except for us? - Exactly. 128 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:01,703 It's Morgan from Oregon. 129 00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:04,108 Oh, I barely recognize you with that pretty dress. 130 00:05:04,108 --> 00:05:05,311 Get outta here, girl. 131 00:05:05,344 --> 00:05:06,012 Jerry! Hey. 132 00:05:06,212 --> 00:05:08,349 Congrats on the empty nest, brother. 133 00:05:08,382 --> 00:05:09,351 My kids are doing great, though. 134 00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,924 I got one in travel soccer, the other one's doing debate. 135 00:05:11,924 --> 00:05:14,461 Wait, why am I talking about my kids at a party? 136 00:05:14,495 --> 00:05:16,332 Next thing you know, I'll be trying to show you 137 00:05:16,365 --> 00:05:18,035 pictures of my baby eatin' with a fork. 138 00:05:19,038 --> 00:05:20,975 It is pretty cute, though. 139 00:05:21,008 --> 00:05:21,877 Hey. 140 00:05:21,911 --> 00:05:24,749 Cheers to last year's ACOOTY winner. 141 00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:26,920 Did they put you up in the penthouse? 142 00:05:26,953 --> 00:05:27,822 No, just a garden unit. 143 00:05:27,855 --> 00:05:29,559 Mmm. Tell me more about this unit. 144 00:05:29,559 --> 00:05:30,360 It's pretty nice. 145 00:05:30,561 --> 00:05:32,430 It's got one of those retractable clotheslines 146 00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:33,466 in the shower and everything. 147 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,404 My clothes get so wet. 148 00:05:35,437 --> 00:05:36,740 Man, he looks confident. 149 00:05:36,774 --> 00:05:38,778 I was a nervous wreck this time last year, 150 00:05:38,778 --> 00:05:40,547 and I didn't even have to write a speech. 151 00:05:40,581 --> 00:05:42,619 Wait, Frank has to give a speech? 152 00:05:42,619 --> 00:05:43,353 Yeah. 153 00:05:43,554 --> 00:05:44,957 Can I talk to you out here for a second? 154 00:05:44,957 --> 00:05:48,397 Okay, everybody here is going nuts on each other. 155 00:05:48,397 --> 00:05:50,434 On the walk over, every other door had 156 00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:51,202 a Do Not Disturb sign on. 157 00:05:51,402 --> 00:05:53,172 Just try not to think about it, you know? 158 00:05:53,172 --> 00:05:54,609 Enjoy the party. 159 00:05:55,243 --> 00:05:56,780 Okay, yeah. This is rough. 160 00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:58,751 - He is really gettin' in there. - Yeah. 161 00:05:58,784 --> 00:06:03,126 You can count on the guy that rescued 24 animals in 24 hours. 162 00:06:03,159 --> 00:06:04,128 Hey, um... 163 00:06:04,428 --> 00:06:06,600 did you know that you have to make a speech tomorrow night? 164 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,301 Yeah. Acceptance. 165 00:06:07,502 --> 00:06:09,438 No, this is a speech about what being 166 00:06:09,438 --> 00:06:10,708 an animal control officer means to you, 167 00:06:10,742 --> 00:06:11,544 and it's a new thing this year. 168 00:06:11,811 --> 00:06:13,714 Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You have to give a speech 169 00:06:13,747 --> 00:06:15,551 - and you didn't know about it? - Guys... 170 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,454 I know that I have to give a speech. 171 00:06:17,488 --> 00:06:18,558 - Now... - Okay. 172 00:06:18,591 --> 00:06:19,892 If you'll excuse me. 173 00:06:20,928 --> 00:06:21,963 Whew. 174 00:06:21,997 --> 00:06:24,134 Are you, uh, enjoying the party? 175 00:06:24,168 --> 00:06:25,838 Damn it. If you'll excuse me. 176 00:06:25,871 --> 00:06:26,806 Okay. 177 00:06:27,107 --> 00:06:28,109 Yoo-hoo! 178 00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:31,015 Hello! Erin, do you mind if I just jump in here real quick? 179 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,185 Oh, this is like prom all over again. 180 00:06:33,486 --> 00:06:35,724 But don't take my word for it. 181 00:06:36,994 --> 00:06:38,463 Take mine. 182 00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,703 Confirming you can still see the teleprompter with the video? 183 00:06:41,736 --> 00:06:43,807 I don't need it, I memorized this three weeks ago. 184 00:06:43,841 --> 00:06:45,443 I have a photographic memory. 185 00:06:45,443 --> 00:06:46,914 That's why women don't change in front of me. 186 00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:48,684 Yeah, that's one of the reasons why. 187 00:06:48,717 --> 00:06:50,888 You kept the speech requirement from me? 188 00:06:50,921 --> 00:06:51,723 I did. 189 00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:52,926 When I took over your desk, 190 00:06:52,959 --> 00:06:54,863 I started intercepting your emails. 191 00:06:54,896 --> 00:06:57,368 Oh, your dentist says happy birthday, by the way. 192 00:06:57,401 --> 00:06:59,873 I lost a molar because I didn't get that appointment reminder. 193 00:06:59,907 --> 00:07:01,676 I don't think you're gonna be smiling anyway, 194 00:07:01,709 --> 00:07:03,881 sputtering improvised sentence fragments in front of 195 00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:06,486 a full room of your very judgmental peers. 196 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,489 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a fitting, 197 00:07:08,489 --> 00:07:10,928 because you just ruined my rehearsal. We're done. 198 00:07:10,961 --> 00:07:12,965 The two-three is comin' for you. 199 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:14,168 Are you afraid? 200 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,604 Because you should be. 201 00:07:15,938 --> 00:07:17,474 No, I'm not afraid. 202 00:07:17,474 --> 00:07:19,044 Just... hey! Stop it. 203 00:07:19,077 --> 00:07:20,046 Stop! 204 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:21,683 Stop! 205 00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:32,638 - Hi. - Oh! 206 00:07:32,839 --> 00:07:35,812 If it isn't the almost arsonist of Bellingham. 207 00:07:36,145 --> 00:07:38,483 Oh, I can't talk right now. 208 00:07:38,517 --> 00:07:40,153 I'm writing the speech. 209 00:07:40,186 --> 00:07:41,021 I just hit a flow state. 210 00:07:41,255 --> 00:07:43,861 Ooh, let's see what's flowed out of you so far. 211 00:07:43,894 --> 00:07:45,831 Well, the faucet's not fully cranked. 212 00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:47,969 What does job mean to Frank? 213 00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:50,073 Templeton really screwed you over. 214 00:07:50,073 --> 00:07:52,077 You might as well do your go-to and rip your shirt off, 215 00:07:52,111 --> 00:07:54,147 'cause you're not gonna win people over with this. 216 00:07:54,147 --> 00:07:56,554 I just started. An hour ago. 217 00:07:56,587 --> 00:07:57,454 I'll tell you what. 218 00:07:57,689 --> 00:08:00,326 I'll help you with your speech. You let me crash here. 219 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,032 So, your alley cat in heat strategy didn't work on anyone? 220 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,103 You know what? I think I've underestimated 221 00:08:05,136 --> 00:08:06,606 the emotional trauma 222 00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:08,711 escaping a burning building leaves on people. 223 00:08:08,711 --> 00:08:10,514 And I bought these to sweeten the deal. 224 00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:12,718 Screw tops. Way to go. 225 00:08:14,055 --> 00:08:15,056 Hey. 226 00:08:17,595 --> 00:08:18,964 Thanks for meeting me here. 227 00:08:18,964 --> 00:08:21,637 I know it's not the honeymoon suite, 228 00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:23,807 but, you know, it's ours. 229 00:08:25,911 --> 00:08:26,746 Okay... 230 00:08:26,980 --> 00:08:29,952 Why are you kissing me like I'm your grandmother? 231 00:08:30,587 --> 00:08:31,790 Okay, I know... 232 00:08:31,823 --> 00:08:33,560 this whole thing is hard. 233 00:08:33,593 --> 00:08:34,529 Yeah. It is. 234 00:08:34,796 --> 00:08:37,167 You won't come to my room, but we have to meet in, like, 235 00:08:37,201 --> 00:08:38,971 the coldest place in the hotel. 236 00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:40,741 You know I hate it, too, but there's nothing 237 00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:41,877 we can really do about it, so... 238 00:08:41,910 --> 00:08:42,912 Yeah, but there is, though. 239 00:08:42,946 --> 00:08:45,551 You said we could tell people two months ago, 240 00:08:45,584 --> 00:08:46,285 and it's been four months. 241 00:08:46,519 --> 00:08:48,123 Okay, well, the two month thing was just 242 00:08:48,156 --> 00:08:48,991 kind of like an estimate. 243 00:08:49,025 --> 00:08:50,961 It's just starting to feel like... 244 00:08:50,995 --> 00:08:53,199 maybe you don't want people to know because 245 00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,268 I'm not worth the risk. 246 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,070 - Like... - What? 247 00:08:55,303 --> 00:08:57,006 That you don't think this can actually work. 248 00:08:58,310 --> 00:08:59,278 Ugh. 249 00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:01,616 This is hopeless. 250 00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:02,719 No, you just... 251 00:09:02,719 --> 00:09:05,023 you have to hook people emotionally. 252 00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:06,760 Like, that's the only way to win them over, 253 00:09:06,794 --> 00:09:08,597 because people are stupid and they're ruled 254 00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:09,398 by their dumb hearts. 255 00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:12,037 I've spent a lifetime bottling up my feelings. 256 00:09:12,071 --> 00:09:13,907 You want me to spill it to these pleebs? 257 00:09:13,907 --> 00:09:16,112 Yes! Give me a good sob story. 258 00:09:16,445 --> 00:09:19,184 Ugh, this is so beneath me. 259 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,128 I had an awful dog named Buddy. 260 00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:25,765 Okay, not a great start. 261 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,233 Here's the sad part. 262 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,335 My mom got sick. 263 00:09:28,369 --> 00:09:29,271 G-great. 264 00:09:29,539 --> 00:09:31,441 We're getting somewhere. Okay, let me write this down. 265 00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:36,018 I don't know how, but Buddy sensed that I needed him, 266 00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:38,990 and he turned into the sweetest guy. 267 00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:42,665 And on the morning my mom died, 268 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,669 Buddy wouldn't leave my side. 269 00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:45,871 He knew... 270 00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:48,008 my pain. 271 00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:51,282 Animals are amazing. 272 00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:55,323 Growing up, my bird always knew when I was high. 273 00:09:56,158 --> 00:09:57,327 Every time. 274 00:09:58,997 --> 00:09:59,866 He was the best. 275 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,003 Sometimes I'm in the field and I see 276 00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:03,574 a dog that looks like Buddy. 277 00:10:04,108 --> 00:10:08,249 It reminds me of how great animals are to us, 278 00:10:09,953 --> 00:10:12,023 and I wanna try my best for them. 279 00:10:12,959 --> 00:10:15,163 Unless the Buddy lookalike is rabid. 280 00:10:15,196 --> 00:10:17,935 And then, of course, I keep my distance. 281 00:10:18,837 --> 00:10:20,707 I don't think I've ever heard you talk 282 00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:21,944 like an actual person before. 283 00:10:22,244 --> 00:10:26,986 Please, do not tell anyone what has transpired here. 284 00:10:28,256 --> 00:10:30,159 I'm gonna tell everyone. 285 00:10:35,437 --> 00:10:36,607 Frank? 286 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:37,775 Frank, are you poopin'? 287 00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:39,278 I need you, man. 288 00:10:41,382 --> 00:10:42,184 What is it? 289 00:10:42,451 --> 00:10:45,056 Hey, man, me and Emily had a fight, and I just... 290 00:10:46,025 --> 00:10:47,728 I need a bro to lean on right now. 291 00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:49,900 W-wait. What happened? Is Emily okay? 292 00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:52,203 Uh, she's fine. I'm distraught. 293 00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:55,042 I'm sorry, do you mind? I think the boys need the room. 294 00:10:56,178 --> 00:10:57,146 Okay. 295 00:11:01,054 --> 00:11:02,457 I... I will... 296 00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:04,929 text you the speech. 297 00:11:07,201 --> 00:11:08,335 Oh, love. 298 00:11:11,041 --> 00:11:11,776 Emily! 299 00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:14,014 Take off your sleep apnea mask and turn off 300 00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:15,349 your rainforest soundscape. 301 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,151 I need to sleep. 302 00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:19,291 And... and I, I wanna make sure you're okay. 303 00:11:19,659 --> 00:11:21,930 Do you mind shuttin' the hell up? 304 00:11:21,964 --> 00:11:25,103 Uh, yeah, I do mind, actually, because I have nowhere to go 305 00:11:25,136 --> 00:11:26,706 and nobody wants to have sex with me, 306 00:11:26,739 --> 00:11:28,075 which never happens, so. 307 00:11:31,115 --> 00:11:32,317 Thank you. 308 00:11:35,356 --> 00:11:37,026 Fine, you can bunk with me. 309 00:11:37,026 --> 00:11:38,296 But I am a very active sleeper, 310 00:11:38,296 --> 00:11:40,968 so don't crowd me or you might get punched. 311 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:58,135 Daddy! 312 00:11:58,202 --> 00:11:58,970 Hi! 313 00:11:59,371 --> 00:12:00,373 Are you okay? 314 00:12:00,507 --> 00:12:01,977 Hey. 315 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:04,280 Uh... what are you guys doing here? 316 00:12:04,648 --> 00:12:05,951 Hi, kids. 317 00:12:05,984 --> 00:12:07,187 I miss you so much. 318 00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,858 Oh, my God, you would love this place. 319 00:12:08,891 --> 00:12:09,793 You have to come. 320 00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:11,829 I mean, I'm telling you, the only thing that's good 321 00:12:11,863 --> 00:12:13,332 about my life is my family. 322 00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,069 Guys, Daddy, uh... 323 00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:16,438 had a lot to drink last night. 324 00:12:16,472 --> 00:12:17,942 Can we just shh! 325 00:12:18,142 --> 00:12:19,980 Thank you, Raquel St. James 326 00:12:20,013 --> 00:12:20,715 and Lieutenant Peaches. 327 00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:23,052 Uh, I'd also like to ask everyone else, 328 00:12:23,052 --> 00:12:25,056 please act respectfully to the nominees. 329 00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:27,193 It takes a lot of courage to get up here. 330 00:12:27,226 --> 00:12:28,797 Moose! 331 00:12:28,797 --> 00:12:29,966 Stop saying moose! 332 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,302 It sounds like you're booing. 333 00:12:31,736 --> 00:12:33,974 Let's keep this ACOOTY train moving, huh? 334 00:12:34,007 --> 00:12:36,446 With our next nominee, Templeton Dudge, 335 00:12:36,446 --> 00:12:37,414 who has asked me to 336 00:12:37,682 --> 00:12:42,090 issue a strobe light warning to pregnant women and the weak. 337 00:12:43,326 --> 00:12:45,764 Pay attention. You might learn something. 338 00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,335 Cue the fog. 339 00:12:53,045 --> 00:12:56,385 ♪ I never meant to be so bad to you ♪ 340 00:12:56,418 --> 00:12:57,421 Daisy. 341 00:12:57,454 --> 00:12:59,291 Cut the fog. 342 00:12:59,892 --> 00:13:01,596 I had a feast for the eyes planned, 343 00:13:01,596 --> 00:13:03,867 but tonight's about the animals. 344 00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,303 So I'm gonna speak from the heart. 345 00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:09,344 Growing up, I had an awful dog named Buddy. 346 00:13:09,377 --> 00:13:11,783 Then my mom got sick. 347 00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:12,618 No. 348 00:13:12,652 --> 00:13:14,187 Cue the strings. 349 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,193 What the hell is happening? 350 00:13:17,226 --> 00:13:17,961 I do-- 351 00:13:18,162 --> 00:13:20,967 And it's like he knew that I needed him. 352 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,540 He turned into the sweetest guy. 353 00:13:24,509 --> 00:13:26,478 And when my mom died, he... 354 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,150 He never left my side that day. 355 00:13:29,150 --> 00:13:31,589 First he steals my bear rescue, then he steals my desk, 356 00:13:31,589 --> 00:13:33,092 and now he steals my dead mom? 357 00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:36,198 Sometimes when I'm in the field and I see a dog that looks 358 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:38,604 like Buddy, I'm reminded of all the great things 359 00:13:38,604 --> 00:13:40,073 that animals do for us. 360 00:13:40,106 --> 00:13:42,477 So, I try to do my best for them. 361 00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:45,885 Thank you. 362 00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:52,831 That's my slop! He-he fed you my slop! 363 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,134 Wha-- how did he get my slop? 364 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,573 Daisy must've stolen it off my phone. 365 00:13:56,606 --> 00:13:57,307 I sure did. 366 00:13:57,542 --> 00:14:00,515 I put that sleeping mug up to the face ID. 367 00:14:00,515 --> 00:14:01,883 Two-three fo' life! 368 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,454 Oh! Oh! 369 00:14:04,487 --> 00:14:05,825 Let's bring up our, uh. 370 00:14:05,858 --> 00:14:08,062 final nominee, Frank Shaw. 371 00:14:08,462 --> 00:14:09,297 Yeah! 372 00:14:09,565 --> 00:14:11,468 How am I supposed to follow that? That was great. 373 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:12,538 It's like following myself. 374 00:14:12,572 --> 00:14:13,606 Whoo! 375 00:14:15,577 --> 00:14:17,146 Yeah! 376 00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,419 Oh, God. 377 00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:41,461 This is like watching an old man get confused at the post office. 378 00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:42,096 We're screwed. 379 00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:43,934 Seriously, just give me the award. 380 00:14:43,968 --> 00:14:45,070 He's got nothing. 381 00:14:49,411 --> 00:14:51,315 - Oh... no. - Frank, this is not the time. 382 00:14:51,315 --> 00:14:52,117 Frank! 383 00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,987 Oh, no. No, no, not that. 384 00:14:53,987 --> 00:14:55,958 I was joking when I said take off your shirt. 385 00:14:55,991 --> 00:14:58,295 - Oh, god, I can't watch. - Is he getting naked? 386 00:14:58,328 --> 00:14:59,297 No! 387 00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:00,432 Oh, there it is. 388 00:15:05,009 --> 00:15:06,979 This guy's jacked! 389 00:15:08,382 --> 00:15:10,721 ♪ Pump up the jam, pump it up ♪ 390 00:15:10,721 --> 00:15:11,989 ♪ While your feet are stompin' 391 00:15:13,727 --> 00:15:14,728 I mean... 392 00:15:14,762 --> 00:15:16,165 he do look good. 393 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,269 ♪ Pump it up a little more 394 00:15:18,269 --> 00:15:20,306 ♪ Get the party goin' on the dance floor ♪ 395 00:15:20,339 --> 00:15:21,709 ♪ See, 'cause that's where... 396 00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:26,184 And the Animal Control Officer of the Year is... 397 00:15:30,359 --> 00:15:31,228 Frank Shaw. 398 00:15:31,262 --> 00:15:32,564 Yes! 399 00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:37,240 Frank, you did it! 400 00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:43,553 Once again, the hedonistic spirit of Bellingham has spoken. 401 00:15:44,989 --> 00:15:46,391 Officer Shaw. 402 00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:48,195 Yeah. 403 00:15:49,732 --> 00:15:52,070 Thank you, Pacific Northwest! 404 00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:54,340 ♪ Pump up the jam, pump it up 405 00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:55,309 ♪ Pump it up 406 00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:57,146 Table 12, a few more bounces? 407 00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:02,156 ♪ Pump up the jam, pump it up ♪ 408 00:16:11,609 --> 00:16:13,112 - Hi. - Hi. 409 00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:15,283 So, I didn't hear my name in your acceptance speech, 410 00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:18,055 which is crazy, because I'm basically why you won. 411 00:16:18,055 --> 00:16:20,493 My dedication to protein is why I won. 412 00:16:20,493 --> 00:16:21,462 But... thank you. 413 00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:24,602 I think I saw the Portland team walking each other on leashes. 414 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:26,806 Well, that tracks with people from Oregon. 415 00:16:26,806 --> 00:16:28,576 This thing gets messier every year. 416 00:16:29,377 --> 00:16:30,245 Yeah. 417 00:16:30,513 --> 00:16:34,220 Things happen here that maybe... wouldn't happen at home. 418 00:16:36,491 --> 00:16:38,362 Did you find a place to crash tonight? 419 00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:40,600 Uh, table 12 gave me some molly, so... 420 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:45,175 I think I'm just gonna dance until our pick up time tomorrow. 421 00:16:47,614 --> 00:16:51,522 ♪...You were there tonight, tonight ♪ 422 00:16:53,459 --> 00:16:54,662 Hey. 423 00:16:54,662 --> 00:16:56,365 - You got my text. - Yeah. 424 00:16:56,398 --> 00:16:58,570 I was worried you weren't gonna come. 425 00:16:59,104 --> 00:17:01,208 Hotel rooms are off-limits, but... 426 00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:03,378 tiny little photo booths are okay? 427 00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:06,118 I'm sorry. That was-- 428 00:17:06,118 --> 00:17:07,722 I didn't mean that. That sounded bad. 429 00:17:07,755 --> 00:17:09,190 No, no, no, I've... 430 00:17:09,223 --> 00:17:11,696 I've been thinking a lot about what you said, and... 431 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:14,367 I'm really sorry. 432 00:17:14,969 --> 00:17:17,073 'Cause the truth is, you are just... 433 00:17:17,073 --> 00:17:19,410 in every way, completely... 434 00:17:20,815 --> 00:17:22,518 Definitely worth the risk. 435 00:17:23,386 --> 00:17:26,091 So, I'm gonna call my boss first thing on Monday. 436 00:17:26,158 --> 00:17:27,628 Wait, really? 437 00:17:27,662 --> 00:17:28,696 Yeah, 'cause I-- 438 00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:32,604 Well, I love you, and... 439 00:17:33,674 --> 00:17:35,577 I just wanna be with you. 440 00:17:36,512 --> 00:17:37,581 I love you, too. 441 00:17:38,081 --> 00:17:39,685 You sure you wanna do this? 442 00:17:39,718 --> 00:17:40,587 Yeah. 443 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,237 Okay, okay, let's just stagger our entrances to be safe. 444 00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:51,308 'Cause we're so close, so let's not mess up now. 445 00:17:51,342 --> 00:17:52,645 - Home stretch. - Okay. 446 00:17:52,678 --> 00:17:53,847 - Monday. - Mm-hmm. 447 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,416 - Ooh! - Okay. 448 00:17:58,255 --> 00:18:00,459 That'll be good for my passport photo. 449 00:18:01,562 --> 00:18:02,397 Pardon me, folks. 450 00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,702 Good to see you. Good to see you, Jim. 451 00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:08,643 Look at that! 452 00:18:14,889 --> 00:18:16,559 This is bad. 453 00:18:17,194 --> 00:18:18,596 This is really bad. 454 00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:22,403 I heard they're serving sherbert in a few minutes. 455 00:18:24,374 --> 00:18:25,343 Hey. 456 00:18:25,376 --> 00:18:27,447 Something bad happened. 457 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,415 What? 458 00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:31,288 Oh, my God. 459 00:18:31,722 --> 00:18:34,160 How fast can we turn that into a poster? 460 00:18:34,193 --> 00:18:36,431 Business center's open 24/7. 461 00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:38,670 Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank! 462 00:18:39,437 --> 00:18:42,343 Kids are finally asleep. Who's ready to party? 463 00:18:43,412 --> 00:18:44,480 What? 464 00:18:45,818 --> 00:18:46,853 Oh, my God. 465 00:18:46,886 --> 00:18:48,122 Oh, God. It's Wayne. 466 00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:48,924 I'm getting fired. 467 00:18:48,957 --> 00:18:50,193 Oh, my God. This is it. 468 00:18:50,226 --> 00:18:51,562 I have to do something. 469 00:18:52,463 --> 00:18:54,602 Don't worry, I'm gonna save you. 470 00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:55,770 Oh my God! 471 00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,343 You are-- fire! 472 00:18:59,343 --> 00:19:00,581 Come on, this way! This way! 473 00:19:00,614 --> 00:19:02,450 The exit's this way! Follow me! 474 00:19:02,484 --> 00:19:04,287 Thank God I knew where this was. 475 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,790 - It's okay. - What's happening? 476 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,535 Fire save. 477 00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:22,224 - Feels right. - Mm-hmm. 478 00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:24,662 Hey. Congrats again, Frank. 479 00:19:24,662 --> 00:19:26,432 And I don't say it enough, but... 480 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:27,634 you're my hero, man. 481 00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,505 - You say it all the time. - Right. 482 00:19:29,538 --> 00:19:32,578 Now, ditch that wobbly hall table and reclaim your desk. 483 00:19:32,578 --> 00:19:33,747 Really? 484 00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:38,189 In fact, all shall return to their proper desks 485 00:19:38,222 --> 00:19:39,925 now that I've vanquished the pale, 486 00:19:39,958 --> 00:19:42,196 muscularly atrophied beast. 487 00:19:42,229 --> 00:19:44,769 Normalcy is returned. 488 00:19:44,802 --> 00:19:46,338 - Yeah! - Thank God! 489 00:19:46,372 --> 00:19:48,609 The napping was no good under this desk. 490 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:53,018 Hey, um, can I have everyone's attention? 491 00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:53,953 I have a little... 492 00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,458 announcement, um... 493 00:19:57,127 --> 00:19:59,999 Due to my relations with Shred, um... 494 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:04,274 Yeah, I've been suspended, um, pending an investigation. 495 00:20:04,341 --> 00:20:05,777 - What? - But I consented! 496 00:20:05,811 --> 00:20:08,282 - It's okay. - I consented to the whole thing! 497 00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:09,718 Yeah, um, this means there will be, uh, 498 00:20:09,751 --> 00:20:13,492 an interim supervisor filling my position until, um... 499 00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:15,429 yeah, further notice. 500 00:20:15,429 --> 00:20:17,701 - Who's taking over? - Uh, yeah, it's, um... 501 00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:19,805 It's... 502 00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:33,065 I guess I did die in that dachshund parade. 503 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:34,401 I'm in hell. 504 00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,537 I'm still your god. 505 00:20:35,604 --> 00:20:36,906 Well, you'd be the devil. 506 00:20:36,939 --> 00:20:38,408 Well, I'd be your boss. 507 00:20:40,046 --> 00:20:41,549 The boss. 508 00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:49,599 Morning meetings won't be the same without you. 509 00:20:49,599 --> 00:20:51,636 He's already threatening to ban meeting snacks. 510 00:20:51,636 --> 00:20:53,840 Come on. It's not goodbye, guys. 511 00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:55,343 It's see ya later. 512 00:20:55,343 --> 00:20:56,712 Pending a thorough investigation, 513 00:20:56,745 --> 00:20:59,451 an ethics board review and reinstatement confirmation 514 00:20:59,484 --> 00:21:00,653 from the mayor's office. 515 00:21:00,687 --> 00:21:02,558 I just hope they don't subpoena our texts. 516 00:21:02,591 --> 00:21:05,028 I sent you that Jessica Rabbit GIF on your birthday. 517 00:21:05,062 --> 00:21:06,732 - I mean... - You're gonna be fine. 518 00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,570 And in the meantime, we'll make Templeton's life 519 00:21:08,603 --> 00:21:09,738 as hellish as possible. 520 00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:12,076 I've already started. 521 00:21:12,109 --> 00:21:14,413 Daisy! Grab me a tire jack. 522 00:21:14,915 --> 00:21:16,619 Got a flat. Again. 523 00:21:16,619 --> 00:21:18,789 Wait, is this what it's like to not be the boss? 524 00:21:18,823 --> 00:21:19,959 I kinda like it. 525 00:21:19,992 --> 00:21:21,060 Can I throw something? 526 00:21:21,494 --> 00:21:23,533 I'd be disappointed if you didn't. 527 00:21:24,835 --> 00:21:25,837 Okay. 528 00:21:27,674 --> 00:21:29,477 Oh, no! 529 00:21:30,947 --> 00:21:32,885 I've never respected you more. 530 00:21:32,918 --> 00:21:33,987 - Run! - Ahh! 531 00:21:34,020 --> 00:21:34,955 What?