'In the UK today,
'one in five people have a dispute with their neighbour.'
I am working from home!
'These escalate...' He threw the first one!
'..turning quiet cul-de-sacs...' Shut up! Aaah!
'..into war zones...
'and Victorian terraces...'
These lights need to be taken down this year!
'..into battle grounds.
'This is Deep Fake Neighbour Wars.
'The city of Plymouth in Devon, a holiday destination for some,
'but for van driver Mark Wahlberg,
'this city has been home for six years.'
I fuckin' love Plymouth, man.
You've got Asdas, OK, the Mayflower Steps...
Plymouth Argyle, Cornwall.
Let me tell you something right now,
I am an honorary Janner. Come on, you Greens!
'But Mark's poor physical health holds him back.'
Just give me two seconds. You turn the camera off, that OK?
All right. OK.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, what's happenin'? What's goin' on here?
Oh, just a few seconds ago I was really happy, what's going on?
Are you OK, Mark?
I'm all right, I'm OK.
Do you want your inhaler? What?
Do you want your inhaler? No, I'm OK, what's...
I told you, I'm OK, I'm all right. OK.
Yeah, I got asthma...
which is aggravated by a high pollen count.
You know, the pollen, it kills me, man.
Yeah, the particles, they get in. It's a real problem.
So, what do you have to do to keep healthy?
Well, firstly, you know, I have to keep the windows closed.
Even if it's hot outside.
Secondly, I gotta line the inside of my nostrils with petroleum jelly.
That's very important, I gotta do that.
That's a pain in the ass, let me tell you that much.
'Mark also suffers from deep vein thrombosis,
'and under doctor's orders, exercises daily.'
I didn't really do any exercise before.
But now I'm walkin' around, lookin' after my legs.
Tryin' to be healthy here.
But now when I go outside, the pollen is killin' me here.
'But Mark found the answer when he began making his own honey.
'Mark believes the honey made by local bees
'can alleviate allergic symptoms that can bring on an asthma attack.'
As soon as I'm eatin' my own honey -
Boom! My asthma's gone.
Nature's fuckin' medicine.
But then, all of a sudden...
a swarm of wasps decided to show up.
BUZZING 'In a matter of weeks
'an army of wasps had invaded.
'Unbeknown to Mark, his neighbour Chris Rock,
'had accumulated a collection of pop cans
'and now the sugar was attracting the wasps.'
Suddenly, he gradually... just left all the cans there.
'Mark soon became concerned for the welfare of his bees,
'so asked Chris to remove the cans, but he refused.'
And what's bad for bees? Wasps!
They may look similar, but they fuckin' hate each other.
'Coming up...'
Just... crushing... these... cans, Marky Mark.
'..tensions rise as Chris Rock shows a can-do attitude.
'We move now from England to Wales -
'Whitchurch Village near Cardiff,
'where Beyonce Knowles has lived for four years at number four...
'and juggles a successful telesales job
'with being a mother, whilst working from home.'
I sell all kinda things over the phone from home.
Anything from home insurance to bulk-buy nappies.
I got a really good deal for you,
you just stay on the line now for five minutes,
you just give me five minutes of your time.
It's the perfect job for me.
And fits in with my husband, who often isn't at home...
He works in the fire service.
"Whitschurch" is such a nice place to live,
with excellent local amenities.
Do you know the Llanishen leisure centre?
Erm, I don't, no.
They have a wave pool.
I love wave pools.
'One day, whilst working...'
OK, Mr Simpson, may I call you David?
'..Beyonce heard a strange noise coming from next door.'
I was on a call, and suddenly I got interrupted
by this high-pitched whining noise coming through the wall.
HIGH-PITCHED WHINING
It-It sounded like the purge.
It affected my work. It was constant.
It was, like, a noise like... HIGH-PITCHED: Beeeeee.
Beeeeee.
Byyeeu. Nnnnn. Veeee.
'Beyonce decided to head next door
'and speak to her friend and neighbour, Billie Eilish,
'to find out the source of the unidentified racket.'
I decided to go over and knock on her door
and I was like, "Hey, girl, what was that noise?"
I was just asking and she said, "A vacuum cleaner."
And I was like, "Child, please."
That so-called vacuuming noise, it kept happening and happening.
And happening. And happening.
And happening.
That's a lot of vacuuming. And I thought,
"Girl, sooner or later you ain't gonna have no carpets left."
'But not long after,
'Beyonce accepted a package for Billie Eilish
'and made an interesting discovery.'
When I saw the wording,
I put two and two together...
and made business.
Billie was running a business from her house.
So later, I took the package round...
..and I said to her, "Are you running a business from your house?"
And she said, "Yes, I'm running a business from my house,
"and it's none of your business."
SHE SCOFFS
Took the box and slammed the door on my face.
That's when I knew what I was hearing through the partition...
She was running an illegal dentist shop in there.
It all... made... sense!
While I was trying to get a sale off,
she was getting plaque off.
'Coming up...' THEY CHANT
'..it's fighting talk.' I am working from home!
'Back in Plymouth, Devon,
'Mark Wahlberg's bees that were literally helping to keep him alive
'were under attack from Chris Rock's wasps.
'But aspiring strongman and waiter, Chris Rock,
'believes Mark was the one responsible
'for starting the dispute.'
I've been trainin' to be a strongman
since... March 2022.
I wanted to get strong and look after myself.
One day I'm training and one of his bees stung me.
On the ear - right here.
I can't even do my signature military bench press.
I can't get, hah, full extension, you know -
haargh! See what I'm talking about? Aaargh!
It really affected my strongman training,
I was always just a little bit scared
of when I was gonna be attacked. You can't pump iron scared.
So why did you leave all the cans out, Chris?
Originally... I said it was me saving 'em to recycle,
you know, "Save the planet, Janet!", all that.
So, did you leave the cans out to attract wasps,
if you're being honest? Yeah!
Wasps are aggressive toward bees.
I knew they'd drive 'em out and I have my outdoor gym area back.
Becoming a UK Strongman contender, you need confidence,
and I did not have that when I was under attack.
BUZZING
'Chris Rock was forced to pump iron in his cramped kitchen.'
Yeah. Hold on.
'But Chris's plan to use wasps to drive out Mark's bees
'had started to work.'
Come here, I wanna show you somethin'.
You can see how close the gardens are.
And all his cans are right there next to the hive.
So when I came over to get honey, I was usually getting two jars,
but when the wasps came, I was only getting half a jar.
That's not enough for my asthma.
Which meant I couldn't go outside.
And which also meant... my deep vein thrombosis flared up.
I was getting it from both sides. Here and here.
'Mark contacted the council to complain about Chris's cans.
'The council instructed Chris to dispose of his cans within 28 days.'
CLATTERING What?!
Chris! Chris, what are you doing, man?
Stop! Stop doing what you're doing.
It's twelve thirty at night.
Come on, be a good neighbour, come on.
I gotta pee in four hours, it's very important for me, Chris,
you're really upsetting me here. Come on, I need my four hours.
I gotta get up, I... I gotta urinate.
Just... crushing... these cans, Marky Mark.
Don't... wanna... miss... the deadline.
Oh, come on, man, it's too late for you to do that. Come on, Chris.
I can't believe this. What's he doing?
I thought that was the end of it, I really did.
But then...
we discovered a wasp's...
nest.
'With a large colony of wasps now in the garden,
'Chris was forced to stay inside the house,
'unable to train.
'A prisoner of his own making,
'Chris's kitchen was too small to accommodate his strongman training.'
You better believe it, the wasps, they gave me some justice.
Nature's justice.
'Coming up, Chris goes to war on nature.'
It is extremely difficult
to operate a spray can with socks on your hands.
Aaaargh!
'In Cardiff, Beyonce Knowles's world had been turned upside down
'by strange noises coming from Billie Eilish's house next door.
'Beyonce decided to document things.'
HIGH-PITCHED WHINING
That is the sound reverberating through the wall
of my next door neighbour Billie Eilish,
using some kind of a... dentist-al equipment.
HIGH-PITCHED WHINING How many times today?
HIGH-PITCHED WHINING SLOWS AND STOPS
38.
'Up until recently, Beyonce and neighbour Billie Eilish,
'had been firm friends.
'Beyonce was a regular at Billie's house
'for a weekly meet-up, nicknamed Mummy Mondays.'
Hey, Gwyneth, quit filming! On it.
'Held every Monday at Billie's, this group of mums would get together,
'have a cuppa, a chat and a laugh.'
I'm not shaking it off. You are.
I'm not shaking it off! Girl, you got it.
I used to love Mommy Mondays.
No divas, no drama, just moms hanging out,
talking, laughing, whatever. But then this one Mommy Mondays,
Beyonce gets all up in my face
and is accusing me of running a back-alley dentistry.
A totally false allegation, because I'm not a dentist,
I'm a dental hygienist.
So different.
'Billie had bought some second-hand dental equipment online,
'set it up at home,
'and had been cleaning between ten and 15 mouths a week.'
You're doing good.
All right, let's get you there.
I clean people's teeth in my kitchen.
It's cheaper than going to the dentist,
you just get charged too much.
I was helping people out, and Beyonce didn't like that,
so, Mommy Mondays stopped...
cos the moms just found the situation too tense.
They just stopped showing up.
'A few months later, Billy received a letter from the council...
'stating she would need to register the business at the property
'to continue trading.'
Bro, it was a kick in the teeth, literally.
But I got over it.
I'm not gonna let her mess up what I had going on.
Bro, this music is good.
So I started up a new meet-up group called Tapas Tuesdays,
with the other moms, we'd meet in the garden,
eat Spanish food and it was good.
I love learning about Spanish culture.
'Coming up, Tapas Tuesday group
'get a lesson in self-defence.'
THEY CHANT
'Back in Plymouth, Chris Rock had been locked inside
'by the wasps he had himself attracted.
'But everything was about to come to a head.'
I wanted... I wanted to put up this,
so I'm standing over there and I start drillin'.
And then before I know it, the drill goes in real deep,
I got a big hole and I just hear some buzzin'.
And then the whole room started filling with wasps.
'Chris had drilled all the way through the wall
'and into the wasps' nest on the other side.'
It was like being on the highway during rush hour.
They were everywhere.
So I get my bearings and I skedaddle.
'At that very moment, Mark was returning home.'
So I was coming back from the shop to get some honey for my asthma,
and Chris is running outside, crying,
"We got a wasp situation. We got a wasp situation.
"What am I gonna do?"
And I was just like, "I don't know, empty a can of wasp spray into it?"
I was just joking...
but that crazy son of a bitch, he went for it.
Every single part of my body was covered and safe.
I was confident my makeshift armour will withstand an attack,
so, I ran over and emptied the whole can into the nest.
Aaargh!
Chris, how many times were you stung? 24!
I hear this commotion and Chris is all there like, "Uuurrgh!"
He hands me his car keys and he says...
AS CHRIS: "Please, take me to the hospital!"
BEEPING So I drove him to the hospital.
I'm OK.
I was just attacked 24 times, and I would've died
if it had not have been for this fine human being
sat right here beside me.
I had you wrong all along, Marky Mark.
That's-That's OK, Chris, it's all... Aaargh.
Sorry, sorry. Sorry about that.
'Mark went back to making honey, but with an unlikely assistant.'
Make sure you get that jar in shot, Chris.
There you go. There you go.
'In Whitchurch, Cardiff,
'the friendship between neighbours Beyonce Knowles and Billie Eilish
'have become strained over a noise dispute.
'And now, with no invite to Billie's regular Tapas Tuesdays,
'the gap between them had widened.'
I didn't invite Beyonce
because of the bad vibes she was creating in Mommy Mondays.
And then she started causing problems over the fence,
which was screwing up my Tapas Tuesdays.
Ho. Ho! Ho! Ha! Hee!
I hadn't really noticed there were extra cars on Tuesdays
because I had taken on a taekwondo student.
And a one, and a two. That's it, go, girl.
My friend Priyanka, had asked for tuition
and we were just doing some drills in the garden.
'Beyonce Knowles had begun teaching Priyanka Chopra
'the martial art of taekwondo in her back garden.
'But it clashed with next door's Tapas Tuesdays.
'These women were there that day
'but only agreed to speak to us if we kept their identities secret.'
So, we hear all this grunting coming over the fence.
We were like, "OK",
but Billie turned up the Spanish music to drown them out.
Yeah. Then Beyonce turned hers up a bit louder,
then Billie retaliated by turning hers up to the max,
and then Beyonce went louder again.
Mmm. Yeah. Mm-hm.
Like, really awkward. Right.
Absolutely mental, I filmed it all on my phone. Mm-hm.
Yeah, girl. What is that sound?
She had her hi-fi speaker pumping out some mystical stuff, real loud.
Oh, what? What is that?
I had decided to introduce some Korean music into the lesson
to focus the mind and create a calm learning environment.
I am working from home!
So was I, I'm a dental hygienist.
You're a dentist school dropout!
Come on, ladies, can we please talk this through?
I am working from home!
'With the noise at ridiculous levels...'
I'm working from home! I'm working from home!
'..somebody called the police.'
I hear you, bro! Search them all for evidence.
I decided to fight fire with fire...
I guess it wasn't the right way to deal with it.
And I know I went too far, but... we both did.
It must've been the music...
and Spanish wine. Mm.
But we have some successful results now.
Yellow.
'Since the dispute's culmination,
'Beyonce now teaches Priyanka at a different location.'
I've known Priyanka for a few months,
she works at the leisure centre too.
I'm a lifeguard... on the big pool for adults.
And Beyonce here is teaching me to kick ass.
Well, self-defence really but, yeah, she could kick your ass.
And-And now, as well as Taekwondo Tuesdays,
we do Wasabi Wednesdays. Ho ho ho.
Erm, so what do you both get up to on a Friday?
None of your business.
'Billie has now moved her business into the garden,
'to keep her noise to a minimum.'
CHAIR WHIRRS AND CREAKS
'Next time on Deep Fake Neighbour Wars...
'Tom Holland and Nicki Minaj find an unwelcome visitor.'
Get the fuck off my roof, Mark!
'And Matthew McConaughey's tree pushes Dua Lipa to breaking point.'
I don't care! I'm sick of it!