1
00:00:14,003 --> 00:00:16,003
'In the UK today,

2
00:00:16,003 --> 00:00:19,003
'one in five people have a dispute
with their neighbour.'

3
00:00:19,003 --> 00:00:21,003
I am working from home!

4
00:00:21,003 --> 00:00:23,363
'These escalate...'
She threw the first one!

5
00:00:23,363 --> 00:00:26,003
'..turning quiet cul-de-sacs...'
Shut up!

6
00:00:26,003 --> 00:00:28,003
'..into war zones,

7
00:00:28,003 --> 00:00:29,683
'and Victorian terraces...'

8
00:00:29,683 --> 00:00:33,003
These lights need to be taken down
this year!

9
00:00:33,003 --> 00:00:34,683
'..into battlegrounds.

10
00:00:34,683 --> 00:00:38,003
'This is Deep Fake Neighbour Wars.

11
00:00:44,003 --> 00:00:46,003
'Kidbrooke in South East London

12
00:00:46,003 --> 00:00:50,003
'is where single mother Rihanna RiRi
and son Baby Kev

13
00:00:50,003 --> 00:00:52,003
'have been living for 18 months.'

14
00:00:54,003 --> 00:00:58,003
Well, the area
had everything I needed.

15
00:00:58,003 --> 00:01:01,003
A Co-Op at the end of the road.

16
00:01:01,003 --> 00:01:04,003
It was nice and quiet,

17
00:01:04,003 --> 00:01:08,003
and we had a great relationship
with Mr Bolt next door.

18
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:11,003
'Recently separated from his wife,

19
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:14,003
'Rihanna's next door neighbour,
Usain Bolt,

20
00:01:14,003 --> 00:01:16,003
'had no grandchildren of his own,

21
00:01:16,003 --> 00:01:18,003
'but got on great
with his neighbours.'

22
00:01:18,003 --> 00:01:22,003
RIHANNA'S VOICE FROM PHONE:
'On your marks... get set...

23
00:01:22,003 --> 00:01:26,003
'Go!'
CHILD LAUGHS

24
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:30,003
Oh, he became like a granddad
to Baby Kev, you know.

25
00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:34,843
And our doors were always open.

26
00:01:36,003 --> 00:01:39,003
I mean, he even shared
his Wi-Fi password.

27
00:01:40,003 --> 00:01:42,003
He had high speed fibre optics.

28
00:01:43,523 --> 00:01:46,003
'You're the fastest boy
in the world.

29
00:01:46,003 --> 00:01:48,003
'You better not be a drugs cheat.'

30
00:01:48,003 --> 00:01:52,003
And then everything started
to change.

31
00:01:55,003 --> 00:01:59,003
'Ex-farmer Phoebe Waller-Bridge
met Usain Bolt

32
00:01:59,003 --> 00:02:03,003
'after they met on the online
dating site, Lightning Love.'

33
00:02:03,003 --> 00:02:06,003
To begin with, she seemed OK,

34
00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:11,003
but the first problem
was her fragrance -

35
00:02:11,003 --> 00:02:14,843
chickens mixed with a goat.

36
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:18,003
I mean, it was so smelly.

37
00:02:18,003 --> 00:02:20,003
Especially when the wind
would blow this way.

38
00:02:20,003 --> 00:02:24,003
But, Usain, he seemed happy,
you know.

39
00:02:26,003 --> 00:02:28,203
'Then, one day, and without warning,

40
00:02:28,203 --> 00:02:32,363
'Rihanna couldn't work out
why her internet wasn't working.'

41
00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:34,003
So, I tried a few times,

42
00:02:34,003 --> 00:02:37,003
but it was his internet Wi-Fi

43
00:02:37,003 --> 00:02:41,003
that he had shared with me
for two years just disappeared.

44
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:46,003
I mean it used to say
"Speedygonzales958",

45
00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:50,683
but then a new one appeared
that read,

46
00:02:50,683 --> 00:02:53,683
"Get your own bloody internet."

47
00:02:53,683 --> 00:02:58,003
That's when I realised
this woman might be trouble.

48
00:03:00,003 --> 00:03:05,003
Something wasn't right.
Something was amiss.

49
00:03:07,003 --> 00:03:11,003
I was not ready
for what was coming next.

50
00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:15,523
So, I came out
to take my washing in,

51
00:03:15,523 --> 00:03:20,003
and I noticed someone had stolen
my underwear,

52
00:03:20,003 --> 00:03:22,003
but they took my bloomers...

53
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:26,003
..and not my thongs.

54
00:03:26,003 --> 00:03:28,003
They were right here.

55
00:03:30,003 --> 00:03:31,003
Strange.

56
00:03:31,003 --> 00:03:33,003
'Coming up...'

57
00:03:33,003 --> 00:03:37,003
I know it's you
that's been thieving my pants.

58
00:03:45,003 --> 00:03:49,683
'This street in Coventry may look
like your typical terraced road,

59
00:03:49,683 --> 00:03:52,003
'but this is home to Jake Paul,

60
00:03:52,003 --> 00:03:56,003
'one of Britain's youngest
and most ambitious pigeon fanciers,

61
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,003
'training pigeons for racing,

62
00:03:58,003 --> 00:04:01,003
'and he told us
about his prizewinning bird.'

63
00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:05,003
I got him from a show in Wigan.

64
00:04:05,003 --> 00:04:08,003
Soon as I saw him,
I knew he was special.

65
00:04:08,003 --> 00:04:09,003
The first week I had him,

66
00:04:09,003 --> 00:04:11,203
I drove him out to Coombe Abbey
and let him go,

67
00:04:11,203 --> 00:04:13,203
and by the time I got back
to the house,

68
00:04:13,203 --> 00:04:16,523
he was there waiting for me
on the shed.

69
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:20,003
And I thought "Here we go."

70
00:04:20,003 --> 00:04:22,003
A pigeon like that comes along
once in a lifetime.

71
00:04:23,043 --> 00:04:26,003
I named him Logan's Run.
That's you, buddy.

72
00:04:26,003 --> 00:04:27,683
PIGEON COOS

73
00:04:27,683 --> 00:04:29,003
If you'd have asked me
12 months ago,

74
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:33,003
I'd have told you he was nailed on
to win the British title.

75
00:04:33,003 --> 00:04:34,683
We weren't here to take part.

76
00:04:36,003 --> 00:04:37,843
We were here to take over.

77
00:04:39,003 --> 00:04:43,843
'But Logan's training
wasn't going quite to plan.'

78
00:04:43,843 --> 00:04:46,003
These are Logan's training times
from last June.

79
00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:47,523
As you can see here,

80
00:04:47,523 --> 00:04:51,003
he is actually getting slower
each time,

81
00:04:51,003 --> 00:04:53,003
which is the opposite
of what you'd expect.

82
00:04:53,003 --> 00:04:55,003
He should've been peaking.

83
00:04:56,003 --> 00:05:01,003
'But it wasn't just the pigeon's
times which were worrying Jake.'

84
00:05:01,003 --> 00:05:05,003
I started to notice a big change
in his overall vibe.

85
00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:08,003
Like, he was really distant
and quite standoffish.

86
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:12,003
PIGEON COOS

87
00:05:12,003 --> 00:05:14,003
We live and train together,

88
00:05:14,003 --> 00:05:18,203
so the slightest change
in behaviour... I can sense it.

89
00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:23,003
It's like we speak
the same language.

90
00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:25,363
I mean, they don't actually speak,
though.

91
00:05:26,523 --> 00:05:28,003
Obviously.

92
00:05:28,003 --> 00:05:31,843
'Jake decided to take Logan's Run
to a pigeon specialist.

93
00:05:31,843 --> 00:05:36,003
'What Jake found out
stopped him dead in his tracks.'

94
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,003
He said there was nothing
physically wrong with him,

95
00:05:38,003 --> 00:05:40,003
but he was spooked.

96
00:05:41,003 --> 00:05:43,003
Once a pigeon's been spooked,

97
00:05:43,003 --> 00:05:46,003
it is almost impossible
to get them racing again.

98
00:05:47,003 --> 00:05:50,003
'But it was Jake
who was about to get spooked next.'

99
00:05:50,003 --> 00:05:54,003
It was about 1700 hours pm.

100
00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:55,683
I'd just come out
to change the feeders.

101
00:05:55,683 --> 00:05:58,003
I know it was that time
because The Chase was on,

102
00:05:58,003 --> 00:06:00,003
and I kinda turned
to head back inside

103
00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:01,363
for the Final Chase.

104
00:06:01,363 --> 00:06:04,003
Three of the team had gotten through
the Cash Builder,

105
00:06:04,003 --> 00:06:05,363
so I knew it was gonna be
a good one,

106
00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:08,003
and I don't know
what made me look up,

107
00:06:08,003 --> 00:06:11,003
but it was just like
I got this feeling.

108
00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:14,003
I look up, and there it is.

109
00:06:17,003 --> 00:06:20,003
'Coming up, Jake and his neighbour
go head-to-head.'

110
00:06:20,003 --> 00:06:24,003
No! No!
They're pooping all over my awning!

111
00:06:30,003 --> 00:06:33,003
'We move now
from Coventry to Kidbrooke,

112
00:06:33,003 --> 00:06:39,003
'where Rihanna was a victim of
a thief with a penchant for pants.'

113
00:06:40,003 --> 00:06:46,003
Every time I put a wash out to dry,
my pants were going missing.

114
00:06:46,003 --> 00:06:50,003
Bloomers, bloomers,
it's gone missing.

115
00:06:51,003 --> 00:06:54,363
I was racking my brains,

116
00:06:54,363 --> 00:06:58,003
but I thought, "There's only
one person who it could be."

117
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:05,003
'Next door neighbours Usain
and Phoebe Waller-Bridge-Bolt

118
00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:08,003
'strenuously deny any wrongdoing.'

119
00:07:10,003 --> 00:07:12,003
Hungry little goat, aren't you?
Yeah.

120
00:07:12,003 --> 00:07:13,043
Good boy.

121
00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:15,043
The first thing
she had a problem with

122
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:17,003
was the smell of the chickens.

123
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:21,003
Apparently, the odour
was ruining her dinner times.

124
00:07:21,003 --> 00:07:24,003
And what was she eating? Chicken!

125
00:07:24,003 --> 00:07:25,003
Yeah, ridiculous.

126
00:07:25,003 --> 00:07:28,843
'And then, one afternoon,
Rihanna was taking her rubbish out,

127
00:07:28,843 --> 00:07:31,003
'and noticed something.'

128
00:07:31,003 --> 00:07:34,003
So, I was here,
and I look over there,

129
00:07:34,003 --> 00:07:38,003
and I noticed a little bit of cloth
poking out of the bin.

130
00:07:38,003 --> 00:07:42,003
So I pulled at it,
and I realised it's my panties.

131
00:07:45,003 --> 00:07:48,203
That's when I realised
the thief lived in that house.

132
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,003
I mean, it was their bin.

133
00:07:55,003 --> 00:07:57,003
It was like she was sticking
two fingers up at me.

134
00:07:58,003 --> 00:08:02,003
Then she turns up out of the blue,
going full-blown mental.

135
00:08:03,523 --> 00:08:05,003
We were watching TV.

136
00:08:05,003 --> 00:08:07,003
LOUD KNOCKING

137
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:09,003
There's this banging
on the front door,

138
00:08:09,003 --> 00:08:11,003
so I go and answer it.

139
00:08:12,003 --> 00:08:14,003
I thought, "This sounds serious."

140
00:08:14,003 --> 00:08:16,003
So I went over by the window.

141
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:17,003
It's Rihanna.

142
00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:21,003
She looked like
a good girl gone bad.

143
00:08:21,003 --> 00:08:23,203
We caught it all
on the doorbell camera.

144
00:08:24,683 --> 00:08:27,003
Hello?
You've been stealing my pants.

145
00:08:27,003 --> 00:08:29,003
What on earth
are you talking about?

146
00:08:29,003 --> 00:08:30,363
Don't play the innocent act.

147
00:08:30,363 --> 00:08:34,003
I know it's you
that's been thieving my pants.

148
00:08:34,003 --> 00:08:36,003
Why on earth would I do that?

149
00:08:36,003 --> 00:08:39,003
I don't know.
Maybe you're a kinky bitch.

150
00:08:39,003 --> 00:08:41,203
No. Right, get off my land
or I will call the police.

151
00:08:43,003 --> 00:08:46,003
And then SHE called the police.

152
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,003
I've done nothing wrong,
and the police agree,

153
00:08:48,003 --> 00:08:51,203
so she started posting about me
on social media.

154
00:08:55,003 --> 00:08:57,003
She just took my face
without my permission

155
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,203
and started posting it
on other people's bodies.

156
00:08:59,203 --> 00:09:03,363
Those images combined had 38 likes.

157
00:09:03,363 --> 00:09:06,523
I had people shouting
"knicker thief" at me on the street.

158
00:09:07,683 --> 00:09:10,003
My mental health was affected.

159
00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:12,363
'Rihanna wanted to catch the thief
red-handed,

160
00:09:12,363 --> 00:09:15,003
'so set up a camera
in her kitchen window

161
00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:18,003
'and pointed it directly
at the washing line.'

162
00:09:18,003 --> 00:09:20,003
It took a few goes,

163
00:09:20,003 --> 00:09:24,003
but eventually I caught the culprit
coming through a hole in the hedge.

164
00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:26,003
GOAT BLEATS

165
00:09:28,003 --> 00:09:33,003
It turns out it was her goat
that was stealing my pants.

166
00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:37,003
No, no, no,
I've only just got them!

167
00:09:37,003 --> 00:09:39,003
I felt vindicated.

168
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:41,003
I've never stolen pants in my life.

169
00:09:41,003 --> 00:09:45,003
I was quite surprised
that goats eat pants.

170
00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,003
'Coming up...'
Phoebe, don't throw it.

171
00:09:49,003 --> 00:09:52,003
'..criminal damage on both sides.'

172
00:09:52,003 --> 00:09:54,843
Stop!
CAT SHRIEKS

173
00:10:01,363 --> 00:10:03,003
'Back in Coventry,

174
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,003
'Jake Paul was trying
to get to the bottom

175
00:10:05,003 --> 00:10:09,003
'of why his prize pigeon
had totally lost his mojo.'

176
00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:12,003
He was really distant
and quite standoffish.

177
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:16,003
'What he discovered
sent chills down his spine.'

178
00:10:17,003 --> 00:10:19,043
As I've looked up, it caught my eye.

179
00:10:19,043 --> 00:10:23,003
A bird scarer,
right above the flight path.

180
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:25,523
Farmers use them
to protect their crops,

181
00:10:25,523 --> 00:10:27,683
but I never thought for a second

182
00:10:27,683 --> 00:10:30,003
someone on this street
would have one.

183
00:10:31,683 --> 00:10:33,003
Suddenly, it all made sense.

184
00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:36,003
It was her.

185
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,043
From next door.

186
00:10:40,003 --> 00:10:42,003
'Newly single caretaker

187
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:45,003
'and shopping channel enthusiast
Adele Atkins

188
00:10:45,003 --> 00:10:47,003
'recently moved to Coventry

189
00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:50,003
'after splitting
with her long-term boyfriend.

190
00:10:51,003 --> 00:10:53,003
'Never one to miss a deal,

191
00:10:53,003 --> 00:10:56,003
'Adele knows a steal
when she sees one.'

192
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,003
I saw it on the shopping channels.

193
00:10:57,003 --> 00:11:00,003
They dropped the price, I thought,
"Oh, I'm having that."

194
00:11:00,003 --> 00:11:01,363
Got nothing else
to spend my money on

195
00:11:01,363 --> 00:11:03,003
since that lump of shite
buggered off.

196
00:11:03,003 --> 00:11:04,043
It's my property,

197
00:11:04,043 --> 00:11:06,203
and as far as I'm concerned,
I can do what I like.

198
00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:09,003
Have it.

199
00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:10,003
'Along with the owl,

200
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,203
'Adele had recently splashed out
on an electrical awning.'

201
00:11:13,203 --> 00:11:17,003
It's fully automated,
runs completely off a motor.

202
00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:20,003
The difference between this
and your bog-standard awning

203
00:11:20,003 --> 00:11:22,003
is the sheer quality of the tarp.

204
00:11:22,003 --> 00:11:24,003
It keeps the heat in
in the winter,

205
00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:26,003
and has cooling properties
in the summer.

206
00:11:26,003 --> 00:11:29,003
And you get all that for £995,

207
00:11:29,003 --> 00:11:31,003
nothing to pay
for the first 12 months.

208
00:11:31,003 --> 00:11:32,003
I'll send you a link, babes.

209
00:11:33,003 --> 00:11:36,363
'But Adele's owl wasn't just
a bargain she couldn't refuse -

210
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,363
'it was a necessity.'

211
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,003
I'd just cleaned out the air fryer,

212
00:11:42,003 --> 00:11:44,003
and I was sat here
having a cup of tea,

213
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:49,003
and then I just hear this
"plop, plop, plop" sound.

214
00:11:49,003 --> 00:11:52,683
I'm looking around, thinking,
"Have I left a tap on?"

215
00:11:52,683 --> 00:11:56,003
Then it goes again,
"plop, plop, plop."

216
00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:58,523
Sounds like it's coming
from above me.

217
00:11:58,523 --> 00:12:00,523
So, I've run upstairs, like this.

218
00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:04,683
Come in here, look out the window,

219
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:09,003
and the awning is covered in -
Now, excuse my language - excrement.

220
00:12:13,003 --> 00:12:17,203
'Adele's new awning
was covered in birds' faeces.'

221
00:12:19,003 --> 00:12:22,003
Now, it's got easy-clean technology,
that's not the issue,

222
00:12:22,003 --> 00:12:23,003
but it's the principle of it.

223
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:26,003
I'm a single woman, on my own,
by myself,

224
00:12:26,003 --> 00:12:28,003
trying to make a fresh start.

225
00:12:28,003 --> 00:12:31,843
I moved to Cov' to be near
my sister. She's got angina.

226
00:12:31,843 --> 00:12:33,003
If I wanted pigeons all over me,

227
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:36,003
I'd cover myself in jam
and hang out in Trafalgar Square.

228
00:12:37,003 --> 00:12:38,003
You just don't expect it in Cov'.

229
00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:44,003
They're athletes of the sky.

230
00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:47,043
They're on a special diet.
They don't just shit anywhere.

231
00:12:49,003 --> 00:12:51,843
So I went round,

232
00:12:51,843 --> 00:12:54,003
and I politely asked Adele
to take it down.

233
00:12:55,523 --> 00:12:58,003
I'm in the lounge, and I just hear
this aggressive knocking.

234
00:12:58,003 --> 00:13:00,003
KNOCKING

235
00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:03,523
And I'm thinking, "That's odd,
why haven't they used the doorbell?"

236
00:13:03,523 --> 00:13:05,003
It's got over
40 polyphonic ringtones

237
00:13:05,003 --> 00:13:07,523
and integrated movement sensor.

238
00:13:07,523 --> 00:13:09,363
But I don't even answer.

239
00:13:09,363 --> 00:13:13,003
I'm just at the glass shouting
"Hello?" from the other side.

240
00:13:17,003 --> 00:13:22,003
'But the intrusion on Adele
didn't stop at just the front door.'

241
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,003
I've come out here
to peg my washing out,

242
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:27,003
save on the tumble dryer costs,

243
00:13:27,003 --> 00:13:29,003
and then I just hear
this buzzing above me.

244
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:32,003
I think,
"What the bloody hell's that?"

245
00:13:32,003 --> 00:13:35,003
I look up, I got a pair of britches
in one hand, a cardie in the other.

246
00:13:35,003 --> 00:13:38,003
He's only flying a drone
over my house.

247
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:41,043
I knew exactly what it was,

248
00:13:41,043 --> 00:13:44,003
cos I got one out the catalogue
six months ago,

249
00:13:44,003 --> 00:13:46,003
but I sent it back,
cos battery life were cack.

250
00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:47,003
Mind my language.

251
00:13:48,003 --> 00:13:52,203
'Adele felt that the drone
was an invasion on her privacy.'

252
00:13:52,203 --> 00:13:56,003
I couldn't believe it.
He was spying on me.

253
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,003
A woman on her own?

254
00:13:58,043 --> 00:14:02,003
So I dropped the britches
and I run inside the house.

255
00:14:03,003 --> 00:14:05,003
I get inside,
and I just shut the door,

256
00:14:05,003 --> 00:14:08,003
and I turn all the lights off -
partly out of fear

257
00:14:08,003 --> 00:14:10,003
and partly it's saving
the electricity.

258
00:14:10,003 --> 00:14:12,003
You've just got to.

259
00:14:12,003 --> 00:14:14,003
I was shaking
for the rest of the day.

260
00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:16,003
I was supposed to be taking
my sister to the doctor's

261
00:14:16,003 --> 00:14:19,003
for her psoriasis,
but I just couldn't face it.

262
00:14:20,683 --> 00:14:24,003
'Now it wasn't just Jake's
prized pigeon who was spooked.

263
00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:28,003
'Adele decided to take action
immediately.'

264
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:33,003
I get this through the door
from the NPRA,

265
00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:35,003
National Pigeon Racers' Association,

266
00:14:35,003 --> 00:14:39,203
saying that I cannot use my drone
in a built-up area.

267
00:14:39,203 --> 00:14:42,003
I knew straight away
where the complaint had come from.

268
00:14:45,003 --> 00:14:48,003
Now, look, I only send it up there

269
00:14:48,003 --> 00:14:52,003
to monitor and improve
the flight of the birds, OK?

270
00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:55,003
It is those one percents
that can get you on the podium.

271
00:14:55,003 --> 00:14:58,003
If you get a bird into
the top three of the British Open,

272
00:14:58,003 --> 00:15:01,003
you can add a grand
onto the sale price straight away.

273
00:15:02,043 --> 00:15:05,003
Not that I'd ever sell him.
Obviously.

274
00:15:07,003 --> 00:15:11,003
'Jake agreed to stop flying
the drone over Adele's airspace.

275
00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:13,003
'But there was more drama
still to come.'

276
00:15:14,003 --> 00:15:19,003
The letter didn't say anything
about installing CCTV, though.

277
00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:20,003
'Coming up...'

278
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,203
'Bugger off.'

279
00:15:21,203 --> 00:15:24,003
'..Adele is swept away
by flying visitors.'

280
00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:26,043
'Shoo, you little bastards!'

281
00:15:32,003 --> 00:15:35,363
'Finally, in Kidbrooke,
the pant thief had been found.'

282
00:15:35,363 --> 00:15:38,003
Here you go, Rhubarb.
There you go.

283
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:40,683
'But relations hadn't improved.'

284
00:15:40,683 --> 00:15:42,203
Well, I'm off to do
the guinea pigs now.

285
00:15:42,203 --> 00:15:46,003
I still said hello to Usain,

286
00:15:46,003 --> 00:15:51,003
but I had zero interactions
with Mrs Waller-Bridge-Bolt.

287
00:15:51,003 --> 00:15:55,003
Her goat, Rhubarb,
ate six pairs of my pants.

288
00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,003
These are my good ones!

289
00:15:58,003 --> 00:16:00,003
That's nearly a week's worth.

290
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:06,003
'Rihanna fixed the hole in her fence
and got herself some kittens.'

291
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:09,003
My cats seem way happier.

292
00:16:09,003 --> 00:16:12,003
I'm sorry, this is Fenty,

293
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:14,683
and that is Eve.

294
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:16,003
I love my cats.

295
00:16:18,843 --> 00:16:21,683
'With the goat and underwear
situation resolved,

296
00:16:21,683 --> 00:16:24,203
'it wasn't long before Usain
found himself

297
00:16:24,203 --> 00:16:27,003
'in the middle
of yet another dispute.'

298
00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:32,003
So, there's this tree on the street,
right outside of Rihanna's house,

299
00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:34,003
and it is a nightmare for sap.

300
00:16:36,003 --> 00:16:40,003
Even if you park your car underneath
for even, like, a day,

301
00:16:40,003 --> 00:16:44,003
your car's all sticky and resiny,

302
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,043
it just drips down
and covers everything.

303
00:16:47,523 --> 00:16:51,003
Nobody wants to park
their car underneath.

304
00:16:51,003 --> 00:16:53,003
Phoebe thought Rihanna should park
her car underneath,

305
00:16:53,003 --> 00:16:56,003
because that's the spot
right outside her house.

306
00:16:59,203 --> 00:17:02,003
So, I only just popped
to the post office, came back,

307
00:17:02,003 --> 00:17:04,043
and she'd moved her car
from where it was under the sap tree

308
00:17:04,043 --> 00:17:06,003
to where my car had been parked.

309
00:17:06,003 --> 00:17:08,003
I thought, "Bloody hell!"

310
00:17:08,003 --> 00:17:10,843
She hadn't gone anywhere,
she'd just stolen my space.

311
00:17:10,843 --> 00:17:12,003
Yeah, she actually did.

312
00:17:14,843 --> 00:17:17,003
So, I came out through the house,
out here to the garden,

313
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:20,003
and she's sat under her umbrella...

314
00:17:20,003 --> 00:17:23,003
Er, er, er...
..looking very pleased with herself.

315
00:17:23,003 --> 00:17:26,003
So I said "You stole my space.
That was my space.

316
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,003
"Like, who do you think you are?"

317
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:32,003
And she said, very sarcastically,
"Oh, sorry. Here, have an apple."

318
00:17:32,003 --> 00:17:34,003
And she threw it at me,
but it hit my house.

319
00:17:37,003 --> 00:17:40,003
So I picked it up and threw it
back at hers. Silly cow.

320
00:17:40,003 --> 00:17:43,003
'Watching from a window...'
Hey, stop it!

321
00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:46,003
Phoebe, don't throw it.
Well, she threw the first one.

322
00:17:46,003 --> 00:17:49,003
'Usain caught the whole apple fight
on camera.'

323
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:53,003
Phoebe, don't throw it.
Get out of my way.

324
00:17:53,003 --> 00:17:55,003
Ugh!
What are you doing?

325
00:17:55,003 --> 00:17:57,003
PHOEBE GROANS

326
00:17:57,003 --> 00:17:59,683
No! You're killing Eve!
You're killing Eve!

327
00:17:59,683 --> 00:18:01,203
Good, the dirty fleabag!

328
00:18:01,203 --> 00:18:03,003
GROANING, CAT SHRIEKS

329
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:07,003
'The police soon arrived,

330
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:11,003
'and Rhubarb the goat was taken away
by the RSPCA.

331
00:18:11,003 --> 00:18:13,683
'And sadly,
since making this programme,

332
00:18:13,683 --> 00:18:17,003
'Phoebe and Usain's marriage
broke down and ended.

333
00:18:17,003 --> 00:18:21,363
'But for Rihanna and Baby Kev,
life is back to normal.'

334
00:18:21,363 --> 00:18:24,043
Of course I'm sad things didn't
work out between me and Phoebe...

335
00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:28,003
..but that's
how life goes sometimes.

336
00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:29,003
CHUCKLES

337
00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:32,003
You know,
I should have seen the signs.

338
00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:33,043
She was quite strange, really.

339
00:18:34,843 --> 00:18:38,003
'She used to turn and...
and speak to an imaginary friend.

340
00:18:39,003 --> 00:18:40,843
'That got on my nerves.'

341
00:18:42,003 --> 00:18:44,003
RIHANNA IN DISTANCE:
No, Baby Kev, no.

342
00:18:44,003 --> 00:18:45,003
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, no!

343
00:18:45,003 --> 00:18:48,003
CHUCKLES
Kids will be kids, huh?

344
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:49,003
LAUGHS

345
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:56,003
'Back in Coventry,

346
00:18:56,003 --> 00:18:59,003
'the conflict between
two warring neighbours

347
00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:01,003
'was about to take off
in a big way.'

348
00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:04,003
It was bad enough the awning
was forever covered

349
00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:06,003
in those pigeons' skyfall,
excuse my language.

350
00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:11,003
Then, no sooner had the drone gone,
I look up,

351
00:19:11,003 --> 00:19:15,003
he's got a CCTV camera
on his back wall

352
00:19:15,003 --> 00:19:16,003
pointing right at me.

353
00:19:18,003 --> 00:19:19,003
A woman on her own.

354
00:19:19,003 --> 00:19:22,003
Tell me that's not weird?
That's weird.

355
00:19:22,003 --> 00:19:23,043
Yeah, it is weird.

356
00:19:25,003 --> 00:19:27,003
I wasn't spying on her.

357
00:19:27,003 --> 00:19:30,003
I was using the CCTV
to watch the pigeons

358
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,003
when they take off
and when they land.

359
00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:34,843
I record every run we do
and watch them back.

360
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:38,003
One night, I'm scrolling
through the footage, and...

361
00:19:38,003 --> 00:19:39,003
there it is.

362
00:19:40,043 --> 00:19:42,003
'Bugger off.'

363
00:19:42,003 --> 00:19:44,003
This is from the external microphone
outside.

364
00:19:44,003 --> 00:19:45,523
'Shoo, you little bastards!'

365
00:19:45,523 --> 00:19:49,003
I never thought she'd resort
to something like that.

366
00:19:49,003 --> 00:19:52,003
I wasn't trying to hurt his pigeons.

367
00:19:52,003 --> 00:19:54,003
I was just doing a home workout.

368
00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:56,003
Is that a crime, is it?

369
00:19:56,003 --> 00:19:58,003
Woman on her own,
trying to keep fit.

370
00:19:58,003 --> 00:20:00,683
'Jake tried to report the incident
to the police,

371
00:20:00,683 --> 00:20:04,003
'but officers stated
that the footage was inconclusive.

372
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,523
'He has since decided
to stop training the birds.'

373
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:12,043
'I was chasing a crazy dream.'

374
00:20:14,003 --> 00:20:15,683
I'll never raise a champion here.

375
00:20:16,843 --> 00:20:20,003
I decided from that day
to stop pushing them so hard,

376
00:20:20,003 --> 00:20:22,003
and just keep them as friends.

377
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:25,003
Hey, buddy, how are you doing today?

378
00:20:25,003 --> 00:20:26,003
PIGEON COOS

379
00:20:26,003 --> 00:20:28,683
Once the pigeons
were no longer a problem,

380
00:20:28,683 --> 00:20:31,683
I thought,
"Sod it, I'll get another one."

381
00:20:31,683 --> 00:20:34,203
So I sent back the original,
complained, got a refund.

382
00:20:34,203 --> 00:20:37,003
Result. Double bubble.

383
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:39,203
I also got some solar lights
for the back garden.

384
00:20:39,203 --> 00:20:42,003
She's clearly a lonely woman

385
00:20:42,003 --> 00:20:45,003
who is looking for happiness
in material possessions.

386
00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:47,003
I got it in the clearance.

387
00:20:47,003 --> 00:20:49,843
It's meant for kids,
but it works for me.

388
00:20:49,843 --> 00:20:52,003
I just wanna move on
with my life now,

389
00:20:52,003 --> 00:20:54,003
be happy here in Cov'.

390
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:58,003
I don't wanna fuss,
and I'm not one for arguments.

391
00:20:59,043 --> 00:21:01,003
I got myself a whippet, too.

392
00:21:02,003 --> 00:21:05,203
I just wanna enjoy my animals
without all the drama.

393
00:21:08,003 --> 00:21:11,003
DOG BARKING

394
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,003
Oh, for fuck's sake!

395
00:21:39,003 --> 00:21:40,683
'..on Deep Fake Neighbour Wars,

396
00:21:40,683 --> 00:21:44,003
'backyard battles
with Billie Eilish and Beyonce.'

397
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:47,003
I am working from home!
I am working from home!

398
00:21:47,003 --> 00:21:50,003
'And Chris Rock's backyard gym
gets unwanted visitors.'

399
00:21:50,003 --> 00:21:52,003
BEES BUZZING