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‪《我叫莫妮卡》

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‪-莫妮卡瘋了
‪-死要錢

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‪莫妮卡是傳奇

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‪-她太愛過河拆橋了
‪-那是行家手法

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‪-她深得我心
‪-本日最驢!

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‪她很愛找碴

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‪莫妮卡是傳奇?

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‪她太愛過河拆橋了

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‪-她情緒不穩
‪-本日最驢

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‪她的事業結束了

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‪多謝鼓勵

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‪我們上

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‪我的寶貝

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‪叫起來,寶貝

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‪喔,寶貝!

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‪喔,喬治亞州亞特蘭大!

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‪喬治亞州亞特蘭大!

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‪喔,寶貝!

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‪現場的氣氛太感心了

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‪喔,我的寶貝!

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‪喔,我們做到了,寶貝!

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‪我們做到了

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‪莫妮卡...

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‪老娘我是不是站上這個舞台了?

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‪老娘我是不是站上這個舞台了?

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‪我現在用盡了一切的力量

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‪才好不讓自己哭出來,老鄉

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‪我告訴各位,我好感恩

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‪我好感恩

30
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‪我要謝謝在場的每一位

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‪做我的後盾,厲害了

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‪我要謝謝各位的加油打氣,厲害了

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‪我要謝謝今晚買票進來的各位老鄉

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‪你也是,白人寶貝

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‪我要謝謝所有的大家

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‪今晚當各位離開這場演出
‪將會知道我是何方神聖

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‪今晚當各位離開現場

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‪你們將會知道我的氣場是怎麼來的

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‪今晚當各位離開這個劇場

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‪你們將會說:“現在我懂了”

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‪寶貝,那些人有所不知

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‪那些人有所不知,當他們全都箭指我

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‪把我罵得一文不值

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‪說我哪裡不好、罵一堆胡說八道

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‪有人在問:“莫妮卡

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‪妳怎能忍受那些人這樣說妳?

47
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‪感覺一切都是雲淡風清”

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‪外界有所不知,寶貝...

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‪我沒想過會在現場的
‪電視或舞台演出這樣講

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‪因為這件事帶有污名

51
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‪那些人不知道的是

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‪我是唸特殊教育班的小孩

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‪我要你們看看這是什麼樣子

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‪看看唸特教班的小孩是怎樣,老鄉

55
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‪我要你們看看遲緩兒是怎樣

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‪我要你們瞭解,“阿呆喔”

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‪老鄉...那就是我

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‪老鄉...那就是我

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‪我唸七年級到九年級那時

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‪能用來罵人的話,我全都被罵過

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‪我唸特殊教育班

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‪老鄉,聽到沒有?

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‪特殊,老鄉

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‪教育,老鄉

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‪像是有人會交互跳繩
‪好特殊喔,老鄉

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‪教育,老鄉

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‪特殊教育

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‪寶貝,想要批評人的時候
‪請先搞清楚狀況

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‪老娘我唸中學的時候

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‪從七年級、八年級,到九年級

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‪都是唸特殊教育班

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‪我就先跟你們說了

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‪免得有人還要上網查

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‪我認真相信那是誤會,老鄉

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‪我相信那真的是弄錯了
‪因為沒有寄信到家裡

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‪沒有親師會

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‪也沒跟教育委員會談過

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‪我這一過去

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‪到了那間中學

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‪一身新行頭

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‪精心打扮,穿著最潮的牛仔褲,寶貝

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‪白色T恤,還搭上白鞋

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‪我準備迎接七年級生活

84
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‪而我注意到

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‪我沒收到學校寄來的通知

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‪不知道自己是唸哪一班

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‪所以我說:
‪“這下子今年肯定會很特殊

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‪沒有寄通知到家裡給我
‪還要我來學校拿

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‪這真是太特殊了”

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‪進去的時候,看到布告欄上

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‪寫著一堆名字

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‪對應著被分配到的班級

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‪小朋友跑去找自己的名字
‪說自己是哪一班又哪一班

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‪而我看著這個布告欄

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‪問旁邊女生那邊的布告欄寫什麼
‪讓我看ㄧ下

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‪我的資訊是裝在一個信封裡

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‪各位,我的資訊是裝在一個信封裡

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‪我早該知道這會是個問題

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‪但我始終很樂觀

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‪我始終是往好處看的那種人

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‪所以看到我的資訊裝在信封裡
‪我自然會說

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‪“這下子肯定很特殊

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‪學校把資訊裝在信封裡耶”

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‪所以我打開信封

105
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‪有個人問說:“裡頭寫了什麼?”

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‪老鄉,我來解答

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‪裡頭寫著“B...217”

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‪對吧?

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‪我心想B是代表“一級棒”

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‪我是這兒一級棒的學生

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‪我要去217號教室了啦

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‪我人在那家中學的二樓

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‪老鄉,只有很特殊的新學生

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‪才會被分到二樓的教室

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‪我要去B217教室

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‪當我到了217號教室

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‪沒看到開頭有寫B

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‪但我心想沒關係,起碼有寫217

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‪所以我霸氣走進教室

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‪穿著一身新行頭

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‪老師在那兒,我把資料給她

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‪因為她問我是哪位

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‪我說:“莫妮卡伊姆斯”

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‪她說她沒看到我的資料

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‪我說:“我的資料在這兒”

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‪她接下我的資料,有點竊笑

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‪我不懂這竊笑的意思

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‪但我懶得管她,因為我一級棒

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‪“管她去死”,對吧?

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‪她一邊竊笑一邊說,“不對啦

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‪不是這間217教室

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‪妳要去一樓教室,在後面”

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‪原來B是後面的意思

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‪是後面,我要去後面

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‪所以等我到了B217教室

136
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‪我走進這間死教室

137
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‪我看到一個女的戴了頭盔

138
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‪還有下巴固定帶

139
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‪我說:“完蛋了”

140
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‪然後又帶著樂觀的態度覺得

141
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‪“對,這或許是她的時尚宣言

142
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‪這是中學

143
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‪那女的或許想說
‪要用這頂頭盔讓大家驚艷”

144
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‪所以她戴著頭盔,對吧?

145
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‪後來我坐下的時候

146
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‪我看到一個白人男生

147
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‪他把膠水

148
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‪塗在自己的手上

149
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‪我很喜歡被逗樂,老鄉

150
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‪我超喜歡被逗樂的

151
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‪我有啦啦隊員體質

152
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‪我就這樣看著他手上的膠水乾掉

153
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‪被他在手上這樣捲啊捲的

154
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‪小提米知道我正看著他

155
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:11,343
‪所以這傢伙成了魔術師

156
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,595
‪他就這樣...

157
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‪然後他說...

158
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‪我說:“糗了,我被分到特殊教育班

159
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:34,408
‪我是唸特殊教育班,可惡”

160
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:37,786
‪但你們認為我因此崩潰了嗎?

161
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:42,082
‪我看到了這當中的好處
‪因為當我看著黑板

162
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‪我看到了老師今天要教什麼

163
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‪我說:“我在這一班肯定是第一名

164
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‪三原色、二次色

165
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‪榮譽榜,我來了!”

166
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:04,146
‪我就是在這時候

167
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:07,983
‪發現我媽是文盲

168
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,195
‪你們真的是胡搞瞎搞

169
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:13,530
‪你們真的很胡搞瞎搞

170
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:17,451
‪聽到我媽媽不識字,竟然還在笑

171
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,912
‪你們真的很壞心

172
00:10:23,374 --> 00:10:25,709
‪不是我們真有談過這件事

173
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,753
‪不是坐下來促膝長談那樣

174
00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,797
‪只是觀察得出的結論

175
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:34,134
‪我或許不是在場學業成績最優異的人

176
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:37,513
‪因為我以前是唸教室在後面的特教班

177
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,807
‪但是不礙事,老鄉

178
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,183
‪但事情不一樣

179
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‪我還是看得出來

180
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:47,272
‪因為我很有觀察力
‪我會觀察事情,對吧?

181
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,733
‪我拿出老師寫的信

182
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:53,237
‪這個臭老師還寫信要我帶回家

183
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:59,201
‪說什麼“莫妮卡太聒噪”

184
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,454
‪這又不是什麼新鮮事

185
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:05,416
‪我這輩子都是這樣啊

186
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:09,128
‪“她太聒噪,害同學分心

187
00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:12,923
‪下次再犯就得要召開親師會”

188
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,175
‪我已經先看過了這封信

189
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,429
‪所以我把這封信帶回家

190
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,265
‪各位,我有個重點,就是很誠實

191
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,808
‪我是誠實女王

192
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:26,687
‪要是我做錯了,我很誠實
‪我會說自己搞砸了

193
00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,816
‪所以一路上回家,我有點緊張

194
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,944
‪因為要給我媽看這封信

195
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,488
‪那個白人說我太聒噪

196
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:39,742
‪不是只有他這樣說
‪我媽也跟我這樣說過

197
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:44,580
‪所以我家現在不是很喜歡我

198
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:46,749
‪是吧?

199
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:50,169
‪所以我到了家,把這封信給我媽

200
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:53,255
‪她打開這封信

201
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:54,840
‪我告訴各位

202
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,385
‪我最初說要在台上講這件事
‪我先生跟我說

203
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,345
‪-他說什麼?
‪-老鄉,我會告訴你

204
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‪他說:“老婆

205
00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:09,271
‪不要說妳媽媽是文盲

206
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,482
‪這樣有點狠”

207
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:15,152
‪我從十年級就已經認識我先生

208
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,029
‪從14歲認識到現在

209
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:22,409
‪他是我這輩子遇過最好心的人

210
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,245
‪所以我看著他說:“我就知道

211
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:31,794
‪你會說這種話,老鄉

212
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:34,880
‪我從十年級就認識你了

213
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:39,051
‪但你也是從十年級就認識我了

214
00:12:39,051 --> 00:12:41,345
‪我媽又不是有閱讀障礙,老鄉

215
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:44,556
‪她是完全不識字耶!”

216
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,686
‪好,所以我把那封信給她

217
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,606
‪我等著被她唸一頓

218
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,566
‪我等著她走過來說

219
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,985
‪“我不是說過要妳閉上嘴巴嗎?”

220
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,446
‪我等著我媽狂唸我一頓

221
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,156
‪她看了看這封信

222
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,830
‪她抬頭看我

223
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,665
‪她看我的時候,我面帶微笑

224
00:13:09,665 --> 00:13:13,126
‪我要一路演到底
‪裝作我也不知道信裡寫什麼

225
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:18,632
‪她低頭看那封信,又抬頭看我說

226
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:21,134
‪“妮基,這真的很棒”

227
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:27,641
‪我心想:“我媽真的不識字!”

228
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:33,730
‪我媽真的不識字,靠

229
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:43,240
‪我沒有在打分數,事實就是如此

230
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:46,493
‪媽的她不識字

231
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:53,417
‪後來我想要現場教學一下

232
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:56,670
‪“三橫一豎王”

233
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:04,052
‪想說在特殊教育班

234
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,222
‪不可能會有種族歧視

235
00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:13,020
‪在特教班哪可能會有種族歧視

236
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,063
‪因為唸特教班的人

237
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:18,025
‪都被認為很特殊

238
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,986
‪不是那種有天分的特殊

239
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:23,071
‪而是有特殊需要的特殊

240
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,825
‪我們全都被放在胡搞瞎搞的名單

241
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:30,871
‪唸特教班的人都被放在垃圾名單上

242
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,123
‪我們每個人都要吃藥

243
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,334
‪但他們沒給我吃藥,想得美

244
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:42,215
‪有個麥金尼老師

245
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:46,261
‪麥金尼老師是白人

246
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:48,722
‪白得徹底的那種白人

247
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,272
‪白人聽了很疑惑
‪什麼叫做白得徹底?

248
00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:00,984
‪就是不喜歡黑人的白人

249
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,612
‪白得徹底

250
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,574
‪我這時唸七年級,寶貝

251
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:11,203
‪你們得要了解我一出生就有個性

252
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:14,915
‪我天生的個性是,不會主動去找碴

253
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:17,834
‪我天生的個性是,奮鬥再奮鬥

254
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,796
‪我天生的個性是
‪路見不平,拔刀相助

255
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:24,216
‪我天生就是這種個性,對吧?

256
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:28,011
‪所以有一天,我們坐在教室

257
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,973
‪麥金尼老師站起來說:“注意聽

258
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:36,603
‪被叫到名字的,就去教室右邊

259
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,649
‪沒被叫到名字的

260
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,611
‪就去教室左邊”

261
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:49,616
‪光是做完這個指示
‪就花了我們大概20分鐘

262
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:56,248
‪我玩得超樂的:“哪一邊?”

263
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,625
‪對吧?

264
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,086
‪等到大家都就定位

265
00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:05,173
‪我注意到了所有的白人小孩

266
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:07,467
‪都是在右邊

267
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:12,431
‪而所有的黑人小孩,都他媽的在左邊

268
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:18,020
‪老師跟白人小孩說:
‪“聽著,你們都有著色本

269
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,605
‪字謎遊戲

270
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:21,982
‪還可以堆積木

271
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,443
‪你們可以做這些事”

272
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:27,446
‪然後他站在我們前面

273
00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:31,616
‪他說:“至於這個團體呢...”

274
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,703
‪他一說“這個團體”

275
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:37,581
‪麥爾坎X就叫我出動了

276
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,626
‪“...這個團體

277
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,963
‪我要教你們怎麼用正確的文法說話”

278
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:47,674
‪我立馬舉手

279
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:52,054
‪麥金尼老師說:
‪“莫妮‘卞’,什麼事?”

280
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,855
‪因為我不是叫什麼“卞”的

281
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,859
‪所以我繼續舉手

282
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:15,077
‪然後那個白人看著我說:
‪“莫妮卡,什麼事?”

283
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,662
‪我說:“我需要去辦公室”

284
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:21,666
‪他問我為什麼要去辦公室
‪我說這樣我才能打電話給我爸爸

285
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,835
‪他問我為什麼要打給我爸爸

286
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,880
‪我說這樣我才能告訴他
‪你隔離了班上的學生

287
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,883
‪白人一邊、黑人一邊

288
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,052
‪你說你要教我們怎麼講話

289
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,971
‪結果小提米剛剛才吃掉了一整瓶膠水

290
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:44,022
‪寶貝,那個白人看我的表情

291
00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:47,776
‪活像是在說:“臭小鬼
‪要是我現在有頭套...”

292
00:17:49,820 --> 00:17:51,488
‪他就一直瞪著我看

293
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:54,908
‪而我的祖先說:
‪“丫頭,死盯著這個王八蛋

294
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:57,119
‪千萬不要挪開視線

295
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,704
‪妳最好也別眨眼”

296
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:09,714
‪然後他說:“大家回到座位”

297
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,967
‪好吧,這樣才對嘛

298
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:15,762
‪那個白人不喜歡我
‪但我坐在教室前排

299
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:19,182
‪因為我要他每天都會看到我

300
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,977
‪因為我知道他有多賊

301
00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:23,812
‪我無法容忍這種鳥事

302
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:26,982
‪你如果亂來,我一定會讓你知道厲害

303
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:28,692
‪沒有一次例外

304
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:31,403
‪我唸七年級

305
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:37,325
‪認識了一些很美好的人

306
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:39,286
‪我把話說清楚,寶貝

307
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,622
‪我認識一些很美好的人
‪被我們當做很特殊

308
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,792
‪他們非常美好

309
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,254
‪擁有非常豐富的故事

310
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:50,338
‪和歷史

311
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:54,593
‪我坐在教室裡感受這些人的美好

312
00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:56,720
‪每每都覺得非常神奇

313
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,597
‪而我坐在教室前排

314
00:18:58,597 --> 00:19:01,141
‪旁邊是兩個愛霸凌的女同學

315
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:04,728
‪你們都知道我看不慣霸凌

316
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,189
‪而那兩個霸凌女一直在說

317
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,191
‪後頭戴著頭盔的女同學

318
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:13,904
‪話說後頭戴著頭盔的女同學
‪完全不會去招惹別人

319
00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:16,448
‪她都很友善,說話像是這樣子

320
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,658
‪我進教室,她會這樣

321
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:24,581
‪我們就是這樣溝通,美好極了

322
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:28,126
‪我沒問過她頭盔的事

323
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,921
‪她也從不說話,我們相處得很好

324
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:34,466
‪所以那兩個霸凌女
‪想要找戴頭盔那個女同學的麻煩

325
00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:36,092
‪我當然看不下去

326
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,345
‪那兩個一整個星期都在講

327
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:43,099
‪要怎麼弄那個坐在後頭
‪戴頭盔又有下巴固定帶的女同學

328
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:46,228
‪我坐在那兒心想
‪絕對不能讓這種事發生

329
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,939
‪我要來處理ㄧ下

330
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,150
‪所以到了週四

331
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,903
‪我要直接槓上那兩個

332
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,366
‪我們都很特殊

333
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:02,994
‪好嗎?

334
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:07,082
‪好戲準備要上場了...對吧?

335
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,000
‪所以我跟那個帶頭的說...

336
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,795
‪一般都有帶頭的和跟班

337
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:14,673
‪兩個都愛霸凌,但有一個是帶頭的

338
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:17,884
‪然後跟班的只會照帶頭說的做

339
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,970
‪那個跟班發出這種聲音

340
00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:22,597
‪這在以前會讓我大爆氣

341
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:27,602
‪所以週四那天,準備要放學的時候

342
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:32,148
‪我準備要跟那兩個愛霸凌的說
‪我絕對不容許這種事

343
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,317
‪我會讓戴頭盔的同學

344
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:36,653
‪知道妳們兩個要弄她

345
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,697
‪所以我走到那兩個面前

346
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,699
‪我說:“聽好了

347
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,827
‪我明天就會跟她說

348
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:47,330
‪因為她戴頭盔,所以妳們要弄她”

349
00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:50,000
‪我心想這個帶頭的已經被我嚇到了

350
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,294
‪因為我都當面嗆她了

351
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,381
‪結果那個帶頭的看著我說
‪“妳這個智障死胖女

352
00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:58,800
‪妳要是不馬上滾開...”

353
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,721
‪我心想這不是我要的回答

354
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:07,017
‪這個帶頭的很特殊

355
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:14,774
‪你們都懂

356
00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:24,868
‪我本來不知道那兩個愛霸凌的臭女生

357
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:26,536
‪是從東巴爾的摩來的

358
00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:31,666
‪巴爾的摩來的人都知道
‪東巴爾的摩來的女生很會打架

359
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:36,087
‪她們把人打到地上還在那邊猛踹

360
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:42,802
‪所以我走到後面跟伊莉莎白說

361
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:44,346
‪“聽好了,伊莉莎白

362
00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:48,224
‪那兩個愛霸凌的女生這整個星期

363
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:50,352
‪都在說妳壞話

364
00:21:50,852 --> 00:21:54,522
‪所以等她們來找碴的時候
‪妳得要先對付歐麗莎

365
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:57,025
‪妳得要先把她打爆

366
00:21:57,025 --> 00:22:01,738
‪她只要一到後頭來問妳頭盔的事

367
00:22:02,781 --> 00:22:04,532
‪妳就這樣看著她

368
00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:08,244
‪然後妳把戴著頭盔的頭往後仰

369
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,622
‪再往前朝她的嘴敲下去

370
00:22:11,122 --> 00:22:13,708
‪使盡吃奶的力氣敲下去

371
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:16,711
‪對準她的臭嘴,敲得她滿地找牙

372
00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:18,588
‪結果伊莉莎白看著我說...

373
00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:29,432
‪我說這是在演哪齣啊

374
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:35,855
‪我頓了一下看著她說:
‪“我很欣賞妳”

375
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:40,652
‪我相當欣賞這個音效

376
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:46,282
‪然後麥金尼老師說

377
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:50,537
‪“伊莉莎白,不要再笑了”

378
00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:55,834
‪我心想“原來她的笑聲是這樣喔?

379
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,963
‪這下子一定會很好玩”

380
00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:06,928
‪從那天起

381
00:23:08,388 --> 00:23:09,514
‪一直到今天

382
00:23:10,265 --> 00:23:14,894
‪伊莉莎白和我依然是好姐妹

383
00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:23,236
‪而美好的地方來了

384
00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:26,072
‪伊莉莎白戴頭盔的時候

385
00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:28,408
‪沒辦法說話

386
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:32,620
‪這時她沒辦法說話

387
00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:37,417
‪或是用我們所知的笑聲那樣笑

388
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:41,588
‪但是當她拿下頭盔

389
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:45,383
‪她說起話來就跟你我...

390
00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:46,968
‪一樣清楚

391
00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:52,432
‪她只是無法控制她的脖子

392
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:22,212
‪而我非常榮幸

393
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:25,757
‪九年級那時她從廁所打電話給我

394
00:24:25,757 --> 00:24:28,343
‪因為我們知道彼此即將分道揚鑣

395
00:24:28,343 --> 00:24:30,512
‪我們也無法維繫之前那樣的友誼

396
00:24:30,512 --> 00:24:31,638
‪因為我們年紀還太小

397
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:34,390
‪沒辦法讓父母帶我們去對方那兒見面

398
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:38,102
‪而她在九年級的時候
‪從廁所打電話給我

399
00:24:38,102 --> 00:24:42,649
‪她比了這個姿勢,像是在說“等一下”

400
00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:46,277
‪她脫掉了那個死下巴固定帶

401
00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:49,989
‪還有那一頂死頭盔

402
00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:51,783
‪然後說:“莫妮卡”

403
00:24:55,328 --> 00:24:57,413
‪我說:“怎樣?”

404
00:24:59,290 --> 00:25:02,460
‪我們那次都快笑死了

405
00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:05,713
‪伊麗莎白說:
‪“少了那頂死頭盔我就可以說話”

406
00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:17,141
‪是這樣的...

407
00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:20,770
‪我從小就住在

408
00:25:21,896 --> 00:25:26,025
‪真誠黑人大道

409
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:29,112
‪我要各位瞭解,寶貝

410
00:25:29,112 --> 00:25:31,614
‪我在馬里蘭州巴爾的摩

411
00:25:31,614 --> 00:25:33,783
‪真誠黑人大道長大

412
00:25:33,783 --> 00:25:36,035
‪身邊都是真誠的老鄉

413
00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:38,913
‪而在真誠黑人大道的第一條規矩是

414
00:25:38,913 --> 00:25:41,916
‪人不犯我,我不犯人

415
00:25:41,916 --> 00:25:46,170
‪因為你不知道自己會犯到誰
‪惹錯人可能會去掉半條命

416
00:25:46,754 --> 00:25:49,591
‪在真誠老鄉大道就是這樣

417
00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:52,677
‪說給大家瞭解ㄧ下我的來歷,寶貝

418
00:25:52,677 --> 00:25:55,346
‪我來自真誠黑人大道

419
00:25:55,346 --> 00:25:59,017
‪所以要打架的時候
‪他們不知道我會不會還手

420
00:25:59,017 --> 00:26:02,020
‪搞不好老娘是從剛果來的,老鄉

421
00:26:02,020 --> 00:26:04,105
‪我是大猩猩

422
00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:09,694
‪是這樣的

423
00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:13,239
‪我有個唐諾舅舅

424
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:18,453
‪我的唐諾舅舅很不可思議

425
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,580
‪非常神奇

426
00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:23,750
‪我的唐諾舅舅非常有夠黑

427
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:26,336
‪也非常有夠同性戀

428
00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:30,965
‪在1930和40年代出生
‪又非常有夠黑

429
00:26:30,965 --> 00:26:32,925
‪非常有夠同性戀

430
00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:36,929
‪老鄉,那等於是集各種箭靶於一身
‪遠超過你能想像

431
00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:39,974
‪當你非常有夠黑又非常有夠同性戀

432
00:26:39,974 --> 00:26:43,061
‪在那時就連自己的家人
‪都不想跟你有瓜葛

433
00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:45,938
‪而我眼看著他們孤立我的唐諾舅舅

434
00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:48,441
‪我眼看著他們

435
00:26:48,441 --> 00:26:51,486
‪把同住一個屋簷下的他,攆出家門

436
00:26:51,486 --> 00:26:53,988
‪但是厲害了,我真的被他逗樂

437
00:26:53,988 --> 00:26:58,242
‪因為每週五,我媽都會去我外婆家

438
00:26:58,242 --> 00:26:59,619
‪打撲克牌

439
00:26:59,619 --> 00:27:03,706
‪當我說這些人是賭徒
‪我希望各位聽進去

440
00:27:03,706 --> 00:27:06,084
‪他們真的是賭性堅強

441
00:27:06,084 --> 00:27:11,130
‪我被毒蟲、賭徒、酒鬼和皮條客帶大

442
00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:12,924
‪我阿姨絕對不會承認

443
00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:16,260
‪但我知道她賣身給那個保險員

444
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:18,096
‪因為那老兄一進來就上樓

445
00:27:18,096 --> 00:27:21,099
‪“你是在賣那種保險啊,老鄉?”

446
00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:25,061
‪我阿姨看著我說:“房租”
‪那好吧

447
00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:27,647
‪我是這樣被帶大的

448
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:30,608
‪他們會圍坐在餐桌,寶貝

449
00:27:30,608 --> 00:27:33,820
‪我說的可是餐桌中間有一大筆錢

450
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:35,738
‪各式各樣的紙牌

451
00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:39,826
‪老鄉,只要是能賭的,他們通通都賭

452
00:27:39,826 --> 00:27:41,911
‪而每個人手頭都很緊

453
00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:45,164
‪根本沒錢卻還硬要賭

454
00:27:45,164 --> 00:27:48,668
‪上梁不正下梁歪

455
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,754
‪我第一次看到這陣仗還心想

456
00:27:51,754 --> 00:27:53,756
‪晚上到了結束他們會說

457
00:27:53,756 --> 00:27:57,135
‪“好了,大家把錢分一分
‪東西收一收,我們玩得很愉快“

458
00:27:57,135 --> 00:27:59,554
‪但事實是贏錢的卻還數落輸錢的人

459
00:28:03,391 --> 00:28:04,809
‪而每週五

460
00:28:05,476 --> 00:28:06,686
‪我的唐諾舅舅

461
00:28:07,270 --> 00:28:08,730
‪都會去酒吧

462
00:28:09,272 --> 00:28:11,315
‪而每週五,都有同樣的三個人

463
00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:14,277
‪把他打一頓

464
00:28:14,277 --> 00:28:17,363
‪拿走他的錢
‪把爛醉如泥的他打發回家

465
00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:19,782
‪酒吧裡的那些人,有一點我還挺欣賞

466
00:28:19,782 --> 00:28:21,993
‪就是他們打完他,從不拿光他的東西

467
00:28:21,993 --> 00:28:25,413
‪打完他之後
‪只會拿走正好夠他們喝上一整晚

468
00:28:25,413 --> 00:28:26,748
‪然後坐計程車回家的錢

469
00:28:26,748 --> 00:28:28,458
‪這些人是可敬的酒鬼,各位

470
00:28:28,458 --> 00:28:31,669
‪他們不是把我舅打一頓
‪讓他孑然一身

471
00:28:32,170 --> 00:28:33,880
‪而我舅每週五回家

472
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,383
‪都是醉醺醺又滿身傷

473
00:28:37,383 --> 00:28:41,220
‪那時我會是坐在餐廳看其他人打牌

474
00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:43,723
‪而他從前門走到廚房

475
00:28:43,723 --> 00:28:45,892
‪距離沒多遠,前門...

476
00:28:48,019 --> 00:28:49,187
‪老鄉,廚房到了

477
00:28:49,854 --> 00:28:53,274
‪而這當中就是餐廳,好嗎?

478
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:56,194
‪對,他走到了廚房

479
00:28:56,194 --> 00:28:57,945
‪他會拿出一根熱狗

480
00:28:57,945 --> 00:29:03,868
‪從包裝裡拿出一根熱狗
‪用叉子插著,老鄉

481
00:29:03,868 --> 00:29:06,537
‪不是放進平底鍋裡煎熱狗

482
00:29:06,537 --> 00:29:08,623
‪是用叉子插著,然後開火

483
00:29:08,623 --> 00:29:13,419
‪用叉子叉著熱狗,站在瓦斯爐旁邊烤

484
00:29:13,419 --> 00:29:15,046
‪我心想:“看你表現了

485
00:29:15,046 --> 00:29:18,007
‪我愛死了這每一分鐘”

486
00:29:18,007 --> 00:29:22,970
‪然後他會罵那些在酒吧裡打他的人

487
00:29:22,970 --> 00:29:26,224
‪“下個禮拜我一定要把你們揍扁

488
00:29:26,224 --> 00:29:30,394
‪你們惹錯人了,我可是唐諾
‪我要把你們每個人都打趴

489
00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:32,522
‪我要打趴你們,打趴你們的女友

490
00:29:32,522 --> 00:29:33,856
‪我要打趴每一個人”

491
00:29:33,856 --> 00:29:36,526
‪我就一副
‪“對啊,唐諾舅舅,打趴他們”

492
00:29:36,526 --> 00:29:39,153
‪我這是在心裡說,看得很樂這樣

493
00:29:39,153 --> 00:29:43,241
‪然後我的外婆說:
‪“唐諾,我真是受夠你這樣了

494
00:29:43,241 --> 00:29:45,076
‪如果你敢當面跟他們這樣說

495
00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:48,287
‪他們就不會每週五都把你打一頓
‪你的錢也就還會在了

496
00:29:48,287 --> 00:29:50,122
‪快給我閉嘴”

497
00:29:51,999 --> 00:29:55,545
‪我的唐諾舅舅聽了從廚房走出來

498
00:29:55,545 --> 00:30:00,132
‪整個人都清醒了過來
‪站在我外婆面前低頭看著她

499
00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:03,886
‪那可是他親媽,然後他說:“媽媽

500
00:30:03,886 --> 00:30:06,138
‪妳可以親我的老二!”

501
00:30:07,390 --> 00:30:09,350
‪我聽到的反應跟你們一樣

502
00:30:10,852 --> 00:30:13,646
‪但我真的是被他逗樂了

503
00:30:13,646 --> 00:30:15,022
‪所以李丹尼爾斯,聽好了

504
00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:18,109
‪那天晚上我說:“如果我有老二
‪你們通通吸我的老二算了”

505
00:30:18,109 --> 00:30:20,736
‪那是在對我的唐諾舅舅致敬,老鄉!

506
00:30:21,529 --> 00:30:25,408
‪那是我在跟唐諾舅舅說:
‪“老舅...你依然在我心中”

507
00:30:28,578 --> 00:30:29,787
‪沒錯,寶貝

508
00:30:30,288 --> 00:30:33,666
‪李丹尼爾斯,那就是我的唐諾舅舅...

509
00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:37,295
‪我說我被很強壯的黑人女性帶大

510
00:30:37,295 --> 00:30:38,588
‪請各位聽進去

511
00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:42,675
‪我真的是被很強壯的黑人女性帶大

512
00:30:42,675 --> 00:30:45,261
‪我說的那種力量

513
00:30:45,261 --> 00:30:46,554
‪讓人不敢相信

514
00:30:46,554 --> 00:30:47,972
‪又無法否認

515
00:30:47,972 --> 00:30:51,100
‪我被很強壯的黑人女性帶大

516
00:30:51,100 --> 00:30:53,019
‪她們超級強壯

517
00:30:53,019 --> 00:30:54,437
‪超級錯誤

518
00:30:54,437 --> 00:30:55,897
‪超級悲慘

519
00:30:55,897 --> 00:30:57,356
‪超級不服氣

520
00:30:57,356 --> 00:30:59,859
‪超級生氣也超級老練

521
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,569
‪以上皆是

522
00:31:01,569 --> 00:31:03,529
‪她們超級強壯

523
00:31:04,030 --> 00:31:05,239
‪直到她們錯了為止

524
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,745
‪所以看著她們那樣

525
00:31:11,245 --> 00:31:12,371
‪從小看到大

526
00:31:12,872 --> 00:31:15,291
‪你們認為我會變成哪種女人?

527
00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:19,587
‪你們認為我在男人面前
‪會變成哪種女人?

528
00:31:24,508 --> 00:31:26,969
‪你們想要聊女強人嗎?

529
00:31:27,470 --> 00:31:30,806
‪老鄉,翻開字典查“女強人”

530
00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:34,018
‪就是我在街坊的寫照

531
00:31:37,855 --> 00:31:40,441
‪因為我就是那樣被帶大

532
00:31:40,441 --> 00:31:44,070
‪我爸跟我說:“賺錢的是老大”

533
00:31:44,070 --> 00:31:47,114
‪而我始終是賺錢的那個人

534
00:31:47,114 --> 00:31:50,326
‪所以規矩都是我在訂

535
00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:52,620
‪不用討論

536
00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:56,123
‪來自兩人關係當中的那種氣勢

537
00:31:56,123 --> 00:31:58,209
‪就是輕描淡寫的一句

538
00:31:58,209 --> 00:32:00,127
‪“那就九點見囉”

539
00:32:04,131 --> 00:32:05,967
‪“三點車子會去接你”

540
00:32:06,592 --> 00:32:08,219
‪這樣就瞭了

541
00:32:08,719 --> 00:32:09,845
‪我就是那樣子

542
00:32:10,346 --> 00:32:13,349
‪所以我結了三次婚

543
00:32:15,059 --> 00:32:17,728
‪各位,不要這樣反應,不要評斷我

544
00:32:17,728 --> 00:32:18,938
‪不要那樣

545
00:32:20,398 --> 00:32:21,649
‪我結了三次婚

546
00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:24,360
‪而這次是我的最後一次

547
00:32:25,236 --> 00:32:27,321
‪其實這是我的第一次

548
00:32:27,822 --> 00:32:30,282
‪因為這是第一次我懂得自己的分寸

549
00:32:30,783 --> 00:32:32,576
‪要怎麼做黑人男性的太太

550
00:32:33,369 --> 00:32:34,870
‪我們有很多人都不懂

551
00:32:36,789 --> 00:32:40,876
‪我沒在批評,老鄉
‪但我得要學習自己的分寸

552
00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:42,753
‪因為我會披上披風

553
00:32:43,254 --> 00:32:45,673
‪讓披風隨風飄送,寶貝

554
00:32:45,673 --> 00:32:49,468
‪我還記得
‪要讓披風退休的那一刻,可惡

555
00:32:49,468 --> 00:32:54,724
‪恍如昨日,我起床時還是女強人模式

556
00:32:54,724 --> 00:32:57,226
‪我起床,主導全場

557
00:32:57,226 --> 00:32:59,729
‪那時《帕克一家》正在拍最後一季

558
00:33:00,229 --> 00:33:02,565
‪我出演熱門電視影集

559
00:33:02,565 --> 00:33:04,233
‪-沒錯
‪-拜託ㄧ下,老鄉

560
00:33:06,652 --> 00:33:08,070
‪拜託ㄧ下,老鄉

561
00:33:11,741 --> 00:33:13,909
‪我們是帕克一家

562
00:33:13,909 --> 00:33:15,786
‪沒錯,寶貝

563
00:33:20,958 --> 00:33:22,001
‪所以我起床

564
00:33:22,835 --> 00:33:25,963
‪我早上八點要進棚

565
00:33:26,714 --> 00:33:28,299
‪我六點起來

566
00:33:28,799 --> 00:33:30,217
‪洗澡

567
00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:33,971
‪進去房間和孩子玩ㄧ下

568
00:33:34,472 --> 00:33:36,515
‪我回來親ㄧ下我的先生

569
00:33:37,058 --> 00:33:40,478
‪我說:“爹地,等我從片場回來再見”

570
00:33:40,978 --> 00:33:43,272
‪他說:“老婆
‪好好享受不可思議的一天”

571
00:33:43,773 --> 00:33:49,403
‪我坐進超豪華的賓士雙座敞篷車

572
00:33:50,654 --> 00:33:53,699
‪或許我開這種車有點大隻
‪但我才懶得管

573
00:33:58,913 --> 00:34:00,623
‪我在車裡感覺很卡

574
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:09,715
‪我到了片場...
‪跟大家分享ㄧ下當中的運作

575
00:34:09,715 --> 00:34:13,052
‪好讓你們瞭解怎會有人因此迷失自我

576
00:34:13,052 --> 00:34:15,346
‪我到了片場

577
00:34:15,346 --> 00:34:18,015
‪有寫著我的名字的停車格

578
00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:23,187
‪我連車子都還沒停好
‪就有人幫我開車門

579
00:34:23,187 --> 00:34:26,690
‪幫我把我需要的東西
‪從車上搬去我的休息室

580
00:34:26,690 --> 00:34:29,151
‪然後他們有人護送我進休息室

581
00:34:29,151 --> 00:34:31,654
‪再來有其他人到我的休息室

582
00:34:31,654 --> 00:34:35,032
‪敲門之後帶我去梳化

583
00:34:35,032 --> 00:34:37,952
‪我梳化完之後,另一個女生過來說

584
00:34:37,952 --> 00:34:39,620
‪“可以準備換裝了”

585
00:34:39,620 --> 00:34:43,499
‪我換裝完之後上台

586
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:46,335
‪可以演出這個一生難得的角色

587
00:34:46,335 --> 00:34:47,837
‪寶貝,沒有人可以告訴我

588
00:34:47,837 --> 00:34:51,090
‪在這些時刻的人生不美好

589
00:34:51,090 --> 00:34:54,552
‪因為我所有的夢想都成了真實的人生

590
00:34:54,552 --> 00:34:57,179
‪下午五點,正準備回家

591
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:02,268
‪片場一些製作人都有這些小水晶飾品

592
00:35:02,768 --> 00:35:04,228
‪這些小水晶飾品

593
00:35:04,228 --> 00:35:07,106
‪愛跟風就會是這樣,我不是她

594
00:35:07,106 --> 00:35:09,817
‪我不是那種會花一萬美元買皮包的人

595
00:35:09,817 --> 00:35:11,819
‪我不會去買紅底高跟鞋

596
00:35:11,819 --> 00:35:14,530
‪搞得雙腳痛得要死

597
00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:16,866
‪穿一次會脾氣暴躁兩天

598
00:35:16,866 --> 00:35:19,493
‪因為小腳趾還卡在大腳趾上

599
00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:21,412
‪完全拔不開

600
00:35:21,412 --> 00:35:24,707
‪寶貝,我不是那種人
‪我這女孩很簡單

601
00:35:27,334 --> 00:35:28,335
‪對吧?

602
00:35:28,335 --> 00:35:30,796
‪但人家都有這些水晶飾品

603
00:35:31,297 --> 00:35:33,883
‪我感受到了同儕壓力

604
00:35:33,883 --> 00:35:37,845
‪“莫妮卡,妳得要去比佛利中心
‪買水晶飾品

605
00:35:37,845 --> 00:35:39,221
‪好可愛”,對吧?

606
00:35:39,221 --> 00:35:42,308
‪我不喜歡這玩意兒
‪但因為那些女製作人都有

607
00:35:42,308 --> 00:35:44,768
‪所以我得要去買水晶飾品

608
00:35:44,768 --> 00:35:48,772
‪才好跟她們都一樣
‪“嘿,我有水晶飾品了”

609
00:35:49,273 --> 00:35:50,482
‪對吧?

610
00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:52,151
‪所以我坐上車

611
00:35:52,943 --> 00:35:56,488
‪我要去比佛利中心,店家在那兒

612
00:35:58,365 --> 00:36:00,242
‪我打給我的寶貝說:“爹地

613
00:36:00,910 --> 00:36:03,579
‪我回家前要先去比佛利中心一趟

614
00:36:03,579 --> 00:36:04,997
‪我得要去飾品店”

615
00:36:04,997 --> 00:36:08,083
‪他說:“祝妳玩得愉快
‪慢慢逛,等妳回家見”

616
00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:09,960
‪我說:“好喔,回家見”

617
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,796
‪我一坐上車,就拿出大麻菸

618
00:36:12,796 --> 00:36:15,049
‪我先把話說清楚

619
00:36:15,049 --> 00:36:17,843
‪因為怕你們有人想知道
‪我會不會呼麻?我會

620
00:36:19,386 --> 00:36:21,055
‪這是天賜

621
00:36:22,181 --> 00:36:26,185
‪耶穌有令

622
00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:27,603
‪對吧?

623
00:36:27,603 --> 00:36:30,940
‪我是買最好的
‪我不買街角在賣的那種

624
00:36:30,940 --> 00:36:32,858
‪我是抽藥用大麻

625
00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:36,070
‪早在藥用大麻合法前,我就在抽了

626
00:36:36,070 --> 00:36:37,947
‪真的是真的

627
00:36:37,947 --> 00:36:39,657
‪所以我是抽好大麻,對吧?

628
00:36:39,657 --> 00:36:43,035
‪去看大麻醫師,他問我哪裡不舒服

629
00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:44,745
‪我說:“渾身都不舒服

630
00:36:47,998 --> 00:36:51,210
‪給我最好的,我諸事不順”

631
00:36:51,210 --> 00:36:55,714
‪他開給我的大麻真是太神了

632
00:36:55,714 --> 00:36:58,008
‪對吧?所以我抽了一小口

633
00:36:58,008 --> 00:37:00,678
‪熄菸,放進祕密夾層

634
00:37:00,678 --> 00:37:04,181
‪因為我知道
‪在比佛利中心要找人泊車

635
00:37:04,181 --> 00:37:08,394
‪我在比佛利中心給人泊車就學過教訓

636
00:37:08,394 --> 00:37:11,230
‪因為把大麻菸放在菸灰缸

637
00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:13,649
‪那些泊車小弟會偷抽

638
00:37:13,649 --> 00:37:16,777
‪等他們幫忙把車開回來
‪看著你像是在說:

639
00:37:16,777 --> 00:37:18,612
‪“我抽到茫了”

640
00:37:19,488 --> 00:37:20,698
‪所以我找人泊車的時候

641
00:37:21,407 --> 00:37:24,368
‪都會把大麻菸放進特別的夾層

642
00:37:24,368 --> 00:37:26,120
‪我下車

643
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:27,579
‪我進到那家飾品店

644
00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:29,957
‪擺滿了那些水晶飾品

645
00:37:29,957 --> 00:37:31,875
‪我進去的時候,店裡只有我一個客人

646
00:37:31,875 --> 00:37:34,003
‪店員是一個白人女性

647
00:37:34,003 --> 00:37:36,463
‪我走進去的時候,那個人沒有問好

648
00:37:36,463 --> 00:37:38,590
‪而這自動就成了一個問題,可惡

649
00:37:38,590 --> 00:37:40,759
‪應該要說“歡迎光臨”之類的

650
00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:44,930
‪我心想這個死店員
‪我是要來買水晶飾品

651
00:37:44,930 --> 00:37:48,350
‪因為那些女製作人都有水晶飾品

652
00:37:48,350 --> 00:37:50,436
‪所以我要來處理一下她的態度

653
00:37:50,436 --> 00:37:51,770
‪我走過去

654
00:37:52,604 --> 00:37:56,275
‪看到了一個小水晶河馬

655
00:37:57,276 --> 00:38:01,322
‪寶貝,我認為河馬是叢林裡

656
00:38:01,322 --> 00:38:02,948
‪最性感的動物

657
00:38:02,948 --> 00:38:05,451
‪你們注意過母河馬是怎麼走路的嗎?

658
00:38:05,451 --> 00:38:07,661
‪有沒有注意過母河馬走路的時候

659
00:38:07,661 --> 00:38:09,747
‪那個姿勢總像是在說:“快來上我”

660
00:38:12,750 --> 00:38:15,461
‪“我準備好了”

661
00:38:16,295 --> 00:38:19,381
‪所以當我先生跟我說
‪“快把河馬帶過來”

662
00:38:19,381 --> 00:38:21,675
‪“老鄉,快來上我”

663
00:38:23,552 --> 00:38:24,595
‪真美好

664
00:38:25,095 --> 00:38:26,680
‪所以我看了看價錢

665
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:30,225
‪竟然要525美元

666
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:32,978
‪那玩意兒才這麼點大

667
00:38:33,479 --> 00:38:36,440
‪我告訴自己:
‪“莫妮卡,不要因為價錢吃驚

668
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,692
‪妳可是熱門電視影集的明星

669
00:38:38,692 --> 00:38:43,197
‪妳買得起525美元的水晶飾品”

670
00:38:43,697 --> 00:38:45,949
‪所以我到了收銀台

671
00:38:47,951 --> 00:38:49,578
‪那個白人女士只顧著打收銀機

672
00:38:49,578 --> 00:38:52,998
‪從頭到尾沒跟我有眼神接觸

673
00:38:52,998 --> 00:38:56,960
‪她就打收銀機說:“5025美元”

674
00:38:58,504 --> 00:39:00,547
‪我說:“抱歉,妳說什麼?”

675
00:39:03,092 --> 00:39:04,551
‪她重複一次

676
00:39:04,551 --> 00:39:07,513
‪聽起來就像是
‪“我就知道你們黑人買不起”

677
00:39:07,513 --> 00:39:11,725
‪她說:“5千...又25美元”

678
00:39:12,226 --> 00:39:15,646
‪我得要讓這個女人知道我不是...
‪那個女的叫什麼來著的?

679
00:39:15,646 --> 00:39:17,564
‪《異世界》裡的惠特莉吉伯特

680
00:39:17,564 --> 00:39:20,025
‪她得要向白女人證明自己買得起

681
00:39:20,025 --> 00:39:21,902
‪老娘不買了,免了,多謝

682
00:39:21,902 --> 00:39:25,280
‪祝妳擁有美好的一天
‪把那個爛東西放回去

683
00:39:26,281 --> 00:39:28,075
‪我開車回家

684
00:39:28,575 --> 00:39:30,077
‪抽著大麻菸

685
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,163
‪說到我抽的大麻呢

686
00:39:34,331 --> 00:39:36,041
‪會讓人性慾高漲

687
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:38,127
‪先聽我說完

688
00:39:39,336 --> 00:39:41,130
‪你們一副糟糕了的反應

689
00:39:42,256 --> 00:39:44,842
‪那會讓人很想要

690
00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:47,469
‪但有程度之分

691
00:39:47,970 --> 00:39:51,348
‪不是抽了一口馬上就想要
‪而是會慢慢爬升

692
00:39:51,348 --> 00:39:53,183
‪所以我算好時間

693
00:39:54,351 --> 00:39:55,477
‪抽了大麻

694
00:39:56,937 --> 00:39:59,064
‪因為我知道我要回家了

695
00:39:59,648 --> 00:40:00,691
‪對吧?

696
00:40:01,191 --> 00:40:02,818
‪等我到家

697
00:40:03,569 --> 00:40:08,282
‪就會是性致最高漲的時候

698
00:40:08,782 --> 00:40:11,201
‪所以我到家,現在大概是七分

699
00:40:11,702 --> 00:40:15,205
‪對吧?還沒到“快來上我”的頂點

700
00:40:15,205 --> 00:40:18,542
‪而是“唉唷,很想來一發”的感覺
‪懂我意思嗎?

701
00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:20,002
‪是這情況,對吧?

702
00:40:20,002 --> 00:40:23,005
‪所以那天晚上我到家
‪大概是七分的狀態

703
00:40:24,214 --> 00:40:27,384
‪我首先就是上樓問候我先生

704
00:40:27,384 --> 00:40:30,012
‪我最先做的事

705
00:40:30,012 --> 00:40:32,723
‪就是走上樓

706
00:40:32,723 --> 00:40:36,101
‪問候我的先生

707
00:40:36,101 --> 00:40:38,770
‪其他人乖乖照著排隊

708
00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:42,608
‪我的外婆很久以前就跟我說過
‪“回家的時候

709
00:40:42,608 --> 00:40:45,277
‪第一件事就是要去看妳的先生

710
00:40:45,277 --> 00:40:48,530
‪他回家的時候
‪第一個看到的人應該要是妳”

711
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:51,533
‪所以我遵照這個規矩,我上樓

712
00:40:51,533 --> 00:40:53,035
‪問候我的先生

713
00:40:53,535 --> 00:40:55,996
‪然後我再去看我的孩子

714
00:40:55,996 --> 00:40:58,665
‪再來是下樓看我的家僕

715
00:40:59,166 --> 00:41:01,043
‪老鄉,你們沒聽錯,就是家僕

716
00:41:10,052 --> 00:41:13,388
‪然後我重新上樓,再跟孩子玩一下

717
00:41:13,889 --> 00:41:16,058
‪然後再下樓、再上樓

718
00:41:16,058 --> 00:41:17,434
‪跟老公再聊ㄧ下

719
00:41:17,434 --> 00:41:19,811
‪接著下樓、再上樓

720
00:41:19,811 --> 00:41:21,313
‪然後呢,有了

721
00:41:21,313 --> 00:41:24,316
‪大概過了20分鐘,這下子是十分了

722
00:41:24,316 --> 00:41:26,235
‪我來到想要的最高點

723
00:41:26,235 --> 00:41:30,614
‪現在要來幹正事了

724
00:41:30,614 --> 00:41:33,492
‪這個好女孩說話兼唱歌

725
00:41:33,492 --> 00:41:35,953
‪那隻貓在喵喵叫

726
00:41:35,953 --> 00:41:37,829
‪口中說著...

727
00:41:50,050 --> 00:41:53,679
‪所以我進臥房,關上房門,寶貝

728
00:41:54,221 --> 00:41:56,515
‪擺出最性感的姿勢

729
00:41:57,140 --> 00:41:58,934
‪屁股要翹得恰到好處

730
00:41:59,434 --> 00:42:00,435
‪對吧?

731
00:42:00,435 --> 00:42:02,729
‪嘴巴的開度也很講究

732
00:42:02,729 --> 00:42:06,650
‪不要大到能吸屌
‪但要讓他以為妳或許會吸屌

733
00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:22,874
‪然後得要深呼吸
‪稍微就好,不要太用力

734
00:42:26,545 --> 00:42:29,673
‪所以我先生看著我說:
‪“老婆,妳在幹嘛?”

735
00:42:34,845 --> 00:42:38,307
‪我說:“我想要跟你來一發”

736
00:42:40,225 --> 00:42:42,728
‪我說:“我需要你過來這兒

737
00:42:43,687 --> 00:42:45,981
‪幫我口交”

738
00:42:50,152 --> 00:42:51,737
‪那傢伙說:“不用了,謝謝”

739
00:42:56,491 --> 00:42:58,535
‪我心想:“這是錯誤的回答

740
00:42:58,535 --> 00:43:00,329
‪你不知道我才是老大嗎?

741
00:43:00,329 --> 00:43:04,541
‪你不知道這是我的房子、我的車
‪這些錢全是我的嗎?”

742
00:43:04,541 --> 00:43:06,126
‪我這樣對自己說:

743
00:43:06,126 --> 00:43:08,503
‪“你是失心瘋了嗎?”

744
00:43:08,503 --> 00:43:10,380
‪所以我想說:“我再問一次

745
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:14,509
‪再給他一個改過自新的機會”

746
00:43:14,509 --> 00:43:16,303
‪所以我擺回了性感的姿勢說:

747
00:43:24,227 --> 00:43:25,771
‪“我需要你

748
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,315
‪過來這兒

749
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:32,402
‪幫我口交”

750
00:43:34,237 --> 00:43:37,407
‪他說:“或許我沒把話說清楚”

751
00:43:38,450 --> 00:43:41,328
‪我說不用了,謝謝妳”

752
00:43:41,870 --> 00:43:44,247
‪我說:“可惡,這下子我真的受傷了

753
00:43:44,247 --> 00:43:47,209
‪因為你兩次都答錯

754
00:43:47,209 --> 00:43:50,087
‪所以我就直接問了
‪你到底有什麼問題?

755
00:43:50,087 --> 00:43:53,173
‪我下樓又上樓中間發生了什麼事嗎?

756
00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:56,218
‪是有人打給你嗎?你有什麼毛病?”

757
00:43:56,218 --> 00:43:58,053
‪他說:“莫妮卡,我沒有毛病”

758
00:43:58,053 --> 00:44:00,514
‪我說:“我叫你過來幫我口交那時

759
00:44:00,514 --> 00:44:03,934
‪你肯定有哪裡不對勁”

760
00:44:03,934 --> 00:44:07,646
‪他說:“我完全沒有不對勁
‪但我們來討論一件事

761
00:44:07,646 --> 00:44:10,607
‪妳早上七點出門

762
00:44:10,607 --> 00:44:14,653
‪去片場一路待到大概下午五點

763
00:44:14,653 --> 00:44:17,072
‪接著又跑去比佛利中心

764
00:44:17,072 --> 00:44:18,824
‪然後回家

765
00:44:18,824 --> 00:44:24,371
‪妳上樓下樓...

766
00:44:24,371 --> 00:44:26,415
‪這樣還要我幫妳口交?

767
00:44:26,415 --> 00:44:28,208
‪不用了,謝謝妳”

768
00:44:35,799 --> 00:44:39,094
‪我說這是黑人的愛...

769
00:44:39,094 --> 00:44:43,056
‪“你應該要隨時都能幫我口交
‪不然算什麼男人啊”

770
00:44:43,056 --> 00:44:45,809
‪現在我很傷心
‪卻得帶著性致走出房間

771
00:44:45,809 --> 00:44:48,186
‪他說:“莫妮卡,不然這樣吧

772
00:44:48,186 --> 00:44:49,229
‪當我沒說

773
00:44:49,730 --> 00:44:51,481
‪妳過來吧”

774
00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:54,151
‪我這時心想:“這樣就對了

775
00:44:54,901 --> 00:44:57,195
‪你最好反省ㄧ下”

776
00:44:57,696 --> 00:44:58,989
‪男人喔

777
00:45:02,075 --> 00:45:04,077
‪我到了他前面

778
00:45:04,578 --> 00:45:06,121
‪我站在那兒

779
00:45:07,372 --> 00:45:09,374
‪陽剛到不行

780
00:45:15,088 --> 00:45:17,340
‪就像是我在家裡看到的女性形象

781
00:45:17,340 --> 00:45:19,426
‪要拿下主導權

782
00:45:19,926 --> 00:45:21,595
‪然後他用他的手

783
00:45:23,013 --> 00:45:24,931
‪放到我的妹妹上面

784
00:45:25,515 --> 00:45:28,602
‪在那邊弄啊弄的

785
00:45:28,602 --> 00:45:34,441
‪我說“好喔,繼續來”

786
00:45:34,441 --> 00:45:37,736
‪後來他把手拿開,我知道

787
00:45:37,736 --> 00:45:42,783
‪這一定是他準備要幫我口交了

788
00:45:42,783 --> 00:45:44,159
‪但我不知道的是

789
00:45:44,159 --> 00:45:48,288
‪他把剛才用來幫我指交的手

790
00:45:48,288 --> 00:45:49,831
‪放到我的鼻子底下

791
00:45:49,831 --> 00:45:52,125
‪我說:“老鄉,你這是在搞啥鬼?

792
00:45:54,544 --> 00:45:57,631
‪你這是在搞啥鬼?
‪你想害我有創傷嗎?

793
00:45:58,131 --> 00:45:59,174
‪搞什麼鬼東西啊?”

794
00:45:59,174 --> 00:46:02,177
‪他說:“那就是妳妹妹的味道”

795
00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:12,229
‪要死了,我真是萬念俱灰

796
00:46:12,229 --> 00:46:13,271
‪各位懂我意思嗎?

797
00:46:13,271 --> 00:46:15,649
‪因為在那當下我能說什麼?

798
00:46:15,649 --> 00:46:18,527
‪我完全無法回嘴

799
00:46:18,527 --> 00:46:20,946
‪如果他是說上週妳的陰道很臭
‪妳還可以說

800
00:46:20,946 --> 00:46:22,781
‪“去死啦,都上週的事了”

801
00:46:22,781 --> 00:46:24,825
‪但這是剛剛才發生的

802
00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:28,286
‪我脫下了披風

803
00:46:28,286 --> 00:46:30,997
‪我得要讓披風退休

804
00:46:30,997 --> 00:46:33,500
‪是這樣的,我得要去瞭解的是

805
00:46:34,042 --> 00:46:38,380
‪我小時候沒人跟我談過衛生問題

806
00:46:38,380 --> 00:46:41,675
‪我媽沒跟我說過衛生的事

807
00:46:41,675 --> 00:46:43,134
‪好比“妳必須照顧自己

808
00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:46,638
‪等妳變成了大女孩
‪一天洗一次澡絕對不夠

809
00:46:46,638 --> 00:46:50,100
‪早上和晚上都得要洗一次

810
00:46:50,100 --> 00:46:53,061
‪如果是八月天
‪早上洗一次、下午洗一次

811
00:46:53,061 --> 00:46:56,398
‪早午餐一次,晚上一次
‪深夜上床前再一次

812
00:46:56,398 --> 00:46:58,567
‪妳得要一洗再洗才行”

813
00:46:58,567 --> 00:47:00,986
‪從來沒人跟我說過那些事

814
00:47:03,238 --> 00:47:05,031
‪除了我的祖母之外

815
00:47:05,532 --> 00:47:07,117
‪我爸爸的母親

816
00:47:07,617 --> 00:47:09,870
‪我的祖母咪咪是我的天

817
00:47:10,370 --> 00:47:11,955
‪她才這麼高

818
00:47:11,955 --> 00:47:15,709
‪再矮個幾公分就是侏儒了

819
00:47:15,709 --> 00:47:18,044
‪大概這麼高,膚色非常黑

820
00:47:18,545 --> 00:47:21,882
‪她的生活過得真的很吃力

821
00:47:22,382 --> 00:47:25,218
‪但她會跟我說:
‪“莫妮卡,妳是我的心肝寶貝”

822
00:47:25,802 --> 00:47:28,096
‪你能想像有人跟你這樣說嗎?

823
00:47:28,597 --> 00:47:30,390
‪“妳是我的心肝寶貝”

824
00:47:30,891 --> 00:47:34,019
‪所以我祖母跟我說的,我全都相信

825
00:47:34,519 --> 00:47:37,772
‪因為我知道她絕不會跟我說錯的事

826
00:47:38,273 --> 00:47:41,192
‪她要我坐下,教導我的每一件事

827
00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:42,944
‪我全都銘記在心

828
00:47:42,944 --> 00:47:46,281
‪我13歲那時,我永遠不會忘記這件事

829
00:47:46,281 --> 00:47:50,076
‪我13歲那時
‪我的祖母把我叫進她的房間

830
00:47:50,076 --> 00:47:51,369
‪他說:“妮基”

831
00:47:52,329 --> 00:47:53,663
‪我說:“祖母“

832
00:47:54,164 --> 00:47:55,624
‪她說:“坐下”

833
00:47:56,124 --> 00:47:57,667
‪我說:“遵命,祖母”

834
00:47:57,667 --> 00:47:58,919
‪她說:“妳聽好了

835
00:47:59,419 --> 00:48:02,797
‪千萬不要把老二放進嘴巴

836
00:48:03,924 --> 00:48:05,592
‪否則會爆炸”

837
00:48:05,592 --> 00:48:06,676
‪我說:“恐怖喔

838
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:14,601
‪我絕對不會把老二放進嘴巴
‪我才不要看到老二爆炸”

839
00:48:14,601 --> 00:48:15,936
‪她說:“很好

840
00:48:15,936 --> 00:48:18,229
‪千萬不要把老二放進嘴巴”

841
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:21,858
‪那是我們最後一次說到吸屌

842
00:48:21,858 --> 00:48:23,109
‪反正別吸屌就對了

843
00:48:23,693 --> 00:48:26,571
‪所以從我13歲到22歲

844
00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:28,239
‪從來沒吸過屌

845
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,660
‪而我22歲幫人吸屌唯一的原因是

846
00:48:31,660 --> 00:48:34,704
‪他很暖,他真的很好心

847
00:48:37,123 --> 00:48:40,794
‪那個老鄉的心地實在是太暖了

848
00:48:40,794 --> 00:48:43,213
‪我們白天去約會,那是週日

849
00:48:43,213 --> 00:48:44,297
‪很美好

850
00:48:44,297 --> 00:48:47,968
‪我們到了一個小公園
‪去港口散步之類的

851
00:48:47,968 --> 00:48:51,972
‪所以當他邀請我去他家
‪我當然很願意

852
00:48:51,972 --> 00:48:54,516
‪我們到了他家,喝了紅酒等等的

853
00:48:54,516 --> 00:48:57,102
‪就這樣一直聊天,聊得很愉快

854
00:48:57,602 --> 00:48:59,980
‪然後他看著我說:“莫妮卡?”

855
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:01,898
‪我說:“請說”

856
00:49:02,983 --> 00:49:05,193
‪他說:“妳願意幫我吸屌嗎?”

857
00:49:14,744 --> 00:49:17,080
‪我說:“我當然願意幫你吸屌”

858
00:49:17,914 --> 00:49:22,252
‪這是不是很美好的一問一答?
‪有沒有看出其中的奧妙?

859
00:49:25,422 --> 00:49:28,550
‪然後我跟他說:“我要跟你說一件事

860
00:49:29,134 --> 00:49:32,220
‪我從來沒吸過屌”

861
00:49:32,721 --> 00:49:35,181
‪他說:“莫妮卡,不用擔心

862
00:49:36,057 --> 00:49:38,309
‪我會教妳怎麼吸我的屌”

863
00:49:39,394 --> 00:49:41,688
‪我心想:“這也太大心了吧?

864
00:49:43,773 --> 00:49:47,652
‪他要教我怎麼吸他的屌
‪不只是隨便一根屌”

865
00:49:47,652 --> 00:49:50,321
‪那個老鄉說:
‪“我會教妳怎麼吸我的屌”

866
00:49:50,321 --> 00:49:53,241
‪我心想這真是太美好了

867
00:49:54,284 --> 00:49:55,660
‪所以他說:“聽好了

868
00:49:57,579 --> 00:49:59,664
‪當我把屌放進妳的嘴巴

869
00:50:00,957 --> 00:50:03,710
‪開始要像是蒸汽火車哪樣吸

870
00:50:04,461 --> 00:50:07,672
‪就像是火車一開始離站那樣

871
00:50:08,214 --> 00:50:09,924
‪開動的時候很慢

872
00:50:10,550 --> 00:50:12,177
‪所以妳慢慢吸

873
00:50:20,060 --> 00:50:22,937
‪然後火車會加速,妳也要加速

874
00:50:28,651 --> 00:50:29,736
‪現在全速前進!”

875
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:33,615
‪那個老鄉說...

876
00:50:33,615 --> 00:50:38,036
‪而我聽到我祖母的聲音:
‪“老二會在妳的嘴裡爆炸”

877
00:50:38,036 --> 00:50:41,456
‪結果我往他的老二用力咬下去

878
00:50:45,835 --> 00:50:48,171
‪那個老鄉往我的太陽穴用力一敲

879
00:50:48,171 --> 00:50:50,965
‪我整個人從沙發掉下去

880
00:50:50,965 --> 00:50:54,052
‪我知道我自己大概昏了17秒

881
00:50:55,595 --> 00:50:57,097
‪等我恢復意識

882
00:50:57,889 --> 00:51:01,309
‪等我恢復意識
‪我看著他說:“你要去坐牢了

883
00:51:01,309 --> 00:51:05,688
‪你一定會去坐牢,因為你攻擊我

884
00:51:05,688 --> 00:51:09,275
‪你想要把我們炸死
‪把這整個街區炸掉

885
00:51:09,275 --> 00:51:11,361
‪我絕對不會讓你得逞!

886
00:51:11,361 --> 00:51:13,780
‪我一定要拯救街坊鄰居!

887
00:51:15,198 --> 00:51:17,033
‪我要報警!

888
00:51:17,033 --> 00:51:19,786
‪這下子你坐牢坐定了

889
00:51:19,786 --> 00:51:22,789
‪我一定要讓你去坐牢!”

890
00:51:25,083 --> 00:51:29,212
‪警察來的時候,我和他都還是裸體

891
00:51:30,421 --> 00:51:33,007
‪我們裸體站在他家裡

892
00:51:33,007 --> 00:51:34,425
‪我那時22歲

893
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:36,427
‪才22歲,你會以為我的乳房很尖挺

894
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:39,013
‪但我的乳房就跟54歲的人一樣

895
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:46,020
‪我的乳房從來就不堅挺
‪就跟大猩猩的乳房一樣

896
00:51:46,020 --> 00:51:47,522
‪直直往下!

897
00:51:48,022 --> 00:51:49,816
‪所以我裸體站在那兒

898
00:51:49,816 --> 00:51:52,235
‪有兩個警察過來

899
00:51:52,235 --> 00:51:55,155
‪一黑一白

900
00:51:55,655 --> 00:51:58,783
‪他們到的時候,白人警察先開口

901
00:51:58,783 --> 00:52:01,870
‪我心想:“那是帶頭的
‪你肯定要去坐牢了

902
00:52:01,870 --> 00:52:03,204
‪你肯定要去坐牢了”

903
00:52:03,204 --> 00:52:05,707
‪所以那個警察問說:
‪“女士,發生了什麼事?”

904
00:52:06,207 --> 00:52:10,837
‪我說:“警察先生,他打我的太陽穴

905
00:52:11,588 --> 00:52:13,631
‪我頭很暈

906
00:52:14,424 --> 00:52:16,342
‪我要他被抓起來

907
00:52:16,843 --> 00:52:18,553
‪我要他去坐牢”

908
00:52:18,553 --> 00:52:21,139
‪白人警察接著說:“先生

909
00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:23,933
‪麻煩轉身,雙手放在背後”

910
00:52:23,933 --> 00:52:25,935
‪我說:“沒錯,你要去坐牢了”

911
00:52:25,935 --> 00:52:29,147
‪結果那個黑人警察參一腳

912
00:52:29,147 --> 00:52:33,359
‪黑人警察跟白人警察說:
‪“等等,別給他上銬”

913
00:52:33,359 --> 00:52:35,695
‪我心想:“這個老鄉才是老大”

914
00:52:37,822 --> 00:52:40,074
‪黑人警察沒有問我發生了什麼事

915
00:52:40,074 --> 00:52:42,702
‪他問那個男的發生了什麼事

916
00:52:42,702 --> 00:52:46,414
‪黑人警察說:
‪“先生,請說明發生了什麼事”

917
00:52:46,414 --> 00:52:47,957
‪他說:“謝謝你,兄弟”

918
00:52:47,957 --> 00:52:51,878
‪我說:“完了,他們在講暗語”

919
00:52:52,587 --> 00:52:56,090
‪他說:“警察先生
‪她本來在幫我吸屌”

920
00:52:56,090 --> 00:52:57,884
‪我心想完了

921
00:53:01,721 --> 00:53:04,515
‪這聽起來很糗,不是嗎?

922
00:53:04,515 --> 00:53:08,311
‪“老鄉,這很傷耶
‪你不用講得這麼直接嘛”

923
00:53:08,311 --> 00:53:10,396
‪因為後來那兩個警察看我的眼神

924
00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:13,233
‪活像我是街坊最後的妓女

925
00:53:15,068 --> 00:53:18,613
‪那個黑人警察又問他:
‪“抱歉,您剛才說什麼?”

926
00:53:18,613 --> 00:53:20,698
‪他說:“我說她本來在幫我吸屌

927
00:53:22,867 --> 00:53:25,495
‪我想要教她怎麼吸我的屌

928
00:53:25,495 --> 00:53:27,914
‪就像是火車離站那樣子

929
00:53:27,914 --> 00:53:30,416
‪所以我跟她說
‪我把老二放進她嘴巴的時候

930
00:53:30,416 --> 00:53:33,127
‪一開始就像火車離站那樣慢慢吸”

931
00:53:35,171 --> 00:53:39,801
‪結果我看到那個黑人警察
‪跟他一樣在學火車的氣笛聲

932
00:53:40,426 --> 00:53:44,597
‪我心想完了
‪他也有教過女生怎麼吸屌

933
00:53:44,597 --> 00:53:45,556
‪糟糕!

934
00:53:47,392 --> 00:53:50,019
‪所以他解釋完之後

935
00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:52,313
‪我看著那兩個警察說:

936
00:53:52,313 --> 00:53:54,816
‪“聽著,這傢伙是恐怖分子

937
00:53:54,816 --> 00:53:57,819
‪他是恐怖分子,他有帶炸彈

938
00:53:57,819 --> 00:53:59,445
‪你們一定要把他抓去關”

939
00:53:59,445 --> 00:54:00,822
‪現在事情可大條了

940
00:54:00,822 --> 00:54:04,075
‪他們問說:“女士,炸彈在哪裡?
‪爆裂物在哪裡?”

941
00:54:04,075 --> 00:54:05,743
‪我說:“在他的老二裡

942
00:54:05,743 --> 00:54:07,829
‪他的老二全都是炸彈

943
00:54:07,829 --> 00:54:09,205
‪滿滿的都是炸彈

944
00:54:09,205 --> 00:54:12,208
‪他會把整個街區炸掉
‪我救了大家

945
00:54:12,208 --> 00:54:13,960
‪我是英雄

946
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:15,003
‪快抓住他”

947
00:54:16,963 --> 00:54:19,507
‪結果黑人警察拿起對講機說

948
00:54:19,507 --> 00:54:21,384
‪我們有“EDP”

949
00:54:23,219 --> 00:54:27,849
‪我不知道EDP是什麼
‪所以我在心裡排列組合

950
00:54:27,849 --> 00:54:30,101
‪“EDP可能是指勃起障礙

951
00:54:30,101 --> 00:54:31,686
‪不是這樣的

952
00:54:31,686 --> 00:54:33,396
‪他的老二裡頭有炸彈

953
00:54:33,396 --> 00:54:34,897
‪他會把我們都炸死”

954
00:54:34,897 --> 00:54:37,567
‪只見警察說著:“EDP,快點派員”

955
00:54:37,567 --> 00:54:40,737
‪等到處理EDP的警察過來

956
00:54:40,737 --> 00:54:44,949
‪我才知道EDP是表示
‪“有情緒困擾的人”

957
00:54:44,949 --> 00:54:46,743
‪我心想那是誰啊?

958
00:54:48,202 --> 00:54:51,664
‪寶貝,當他們把束縛衣套在我身上

959
00:54:52,999 --> 00:54:55,918
‪把我帶去精神病房

960
00:54:55,918 --> 00:54:57,879
‪我連內褲都沒穿

961
00:54:57,879 --> 00:55:00,131
‪只套著束縛衣,屁股晾在外頭

962
00:55:04,093 --> 00:55:09,140
‪他們關了我72小時做評估

963
00:55:09,140 --> 00:55:13,019
‪我隔壁的姐妹問我為什麼會來

964
00:55:13,019 --> 00:55:15,438
‪我說:“我救了整個街區

965
00:55:17,523 --> 00:55:20,902
‪這傢伙的老二差點要爆炸
‪多虧我咬了下去”

966
00:55:20,902 --> 00:55:24,864
‪她說:“我也是因為這樣進來
‪我阿嬤跟我說了一樣的事”

967
00:55:28,534 --> 00:55:30,286
‪當我離開那兒

968
00:55:30,787 --> 00:55:32,163
‪我直接

969
00:55:32,663 --> 00:55:34,707
‪就去我祖母家

970
00:55:36,584 --> 00:55:37,919
‪我說:“咪咪

971
00:55:38,586 --> 00:55:39,754
‪妳跟我說

972
00:55:40,922 --> 00:55:44,175
‪如果放進嘴巴

973
00:55:44,675 --> 00:55:47,261
‪老二會爆炸”

974
00:55:47,887 --> 00:55:49,680
‪而我祖母聽了竊笑

975
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:55,686
‪她說:“妮基啊,有天妳會明白的”

976
00:55:56,187 --> 00:56:00,066
‪這時我的緹娜叔叔走過去說
‪“所以我才是同性戀”

977
00:56:08,533 --> 00:56:10,743
‪沒錯,各位,我就是這樣被帶大

978
00:56:11,244 --> 00:56:13,079
‪這就是我成長的環境,寶貝

979
00:56:13,079 --> 00:56:16,791
‪我是這樣被帶大
‪我跟各位說過我的祖母...

980
00:56:18,084 --> 00:56:19,293
‪很不可思議

981
00:56:20,086 --> 00:56:21,337
‪對吧?

982
00:56:21,337 --> 00:56:24,549
‪這個女人把我照顧得無微不至
‪彷彿等我起床了才能日出

983
00:56:25,049 --> 00:56:27,510
‪我去睡了才能日落

984
00:56:28,010 --> 00:56:30,430
‪如果我凌晨三點醒來說

985
00:56:30,430 --> 00:56:32,723
‪“咪咪,我餓了”

986
00:56:33,224 --> 00:56:37,103
‪祖母就會起床,幫我炸三根雞翅

987
00:56:38,813 --> 00:56:42,608
‪做馬鈴薯泥,老鄉
‪不是用現成的,是從頭開始煮

988
00:56:42,608 --> 00:56:45,570
‪四季豆加上兩片白麵包

989
00:56:45,570 --> 00:56:48,156
‪所以我現在才這麼胖
‪她把我餵得很好

990
00:56:48,656 --> 00:56:51,617
‪然後她會把我帶回樓上
‪幫我蓋好被子

991
00:56:53,327 --> 00:56:55,746
‪然後就坐在那邊等到我睡著

992
00:56:56,497 --> 00:57:01,252
‪等我又醒來了
‪還是會看到她坐在那邊

993
00:57:01,836 --> 00:57:04,130
‪在她的眼中,我是她的一切

994
00:57:05,006 --> 00:57:07,341
‪而我的祖母有個女兒

995
00:57:08,384 --> 00:57:12,013
‪但我們都叫她女兒“緹娜叔叔”

996
00:57:14,223 --> 00:57:16,267
‪你們有些人跟我一樣是上特教班

997
00:57:16,267 --> 00:57:18,769
‪因為滿臉問號:“我在說什麼?”

998
00:57:21,606 --> 00:57:23,733
‪我的緹娜叔叔,如果她現在走進來

999
00:57:23,733 --> 00:57:25,985
‪你們會以為自己看到的是男人

1000
00:57:26,652 --> 00:57:27,987
‪她留著滿臉的鬍子

1001
00:57:28,488 --> 00:57:30,865
‪她穿了東西壓住胸部

1002
00:57:30,865 --> 00:57:34,869
‪她在褲襠塞了東西,像是底下有一包

1003
00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:37,288
‪而她穿著男性的衣服和男鞋

1004
00:57:37,288 --> 00:57:40,791
‪我的緹娜叔叔怎麼看都是男人

1005
00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:45,046
‪所以性多樣社群的各位

1006
00:57:45,046 --> 00:57:46,547
‪我要你們聽我說

1007
00:57:46,547 --> 00:57:51,886
‪我尊重在這裡的每一個人
‪可以自由做自己

1008
00:57:52,803 --> 00:57:54,180
‪我尊重每一個人這樣說

1009
00:57:54,180 --> 00:57:56,682
‪“我懶得管你怎麼想或怎麼說

1010
00:57:56,682 --> 00:57:58,809
‪我要誠實做自己”

1011
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:02,188
‪如果你遇到有人老愛酸言酸語

1012
00:58:02,188 --> 00:58:03,773
‪不知道在好奇什麼

1013
00:58:03,773 --> 00:58:07,235
‪請大家了解
‪那些人是想要知道這是怎麼一回事

1014
00:58:07,235 --> 00:58:10,196
‪因為他們想衝第一體驗
‪所以各位別覺得生氣或是被冒犯

1015
00:58:10,196 --> 00:58:13,533
‪要知道他們只是想要當零號

1016
00:58:17,453 --> 00:58:20,164
‪是這樣的,我的祖母無法接受

1017
00:58:20,957 --> 00:58:24,085
‪自己的女兒是同性戀

1018
00:58:25,253 --> 00:58:27,338
‪她只能在私下愛自己的女兒

1019
00:58:28,005 --> 00:58:30,299
‪沒有辦法公開愛她

1020
00:58:31,300 --> 00:58:33,928
‪因為教會把我的祖母弄壞了

1021
00:58:35,012 --> 00:58:37,890
‪寶貝,那該死的教會在我們的社群

1022
00:58:37,890 --> 00:58:41,310
‪會做一些鳥事,害得家庭破碎

1023
00:58:41,310 --> 00:58:43,729
‪活像是家庭已經退流行了

1024
00:58:43,729 --> 00:58:46,107
‪他們會用“以耶穌之名”當開頭

1025
00:58:46,107 --> 00:58:49,193
‪而我眼看著我的好祖母被荼毒

1026
00:58:49,193 --> 00:58:53,114
‪她就是無法接受自己生了個女兒

1027
00:58:53,114 --> 00:58:55,157
‪結果竟然是同性戀

1028
00:58:55,157 --> 00:58:57,827
‪我看著她們母女倆一起出去的時候

1029
00:58:58,327 --> 00:59:02,039
‪我祖母就連緹娜怎麼呼吸都看不慣

1030
00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:04,959
‪“妳幹嘛要那樣呼吸?”
‪我心想這是怎樣?

1031
00:59:04,959 --> 00:59:06,460
‪不然是要她憋氣嗎?

1032
00:59:07,336 --> 00:59:09,130
‪這樣就可以不是同性戀了嗎?

1033
00:59:15,094 --> 00:59:16,679
‪而我的緹娜叔叔...

1034
00:59:18,264 --> 00:59:21,601
‪在我小時候就老實跟我說

1035
00:59:21,601 --> 00:59:24,812
‪因為她知道我不會下價值判斷

1036
00:59:24,812 --> 00:59:26,897
‪我不知道怎麼去下價值判斷

1037
00:59:27,648 --> 00:59:30,484
‪我只知道人怎麼對我,我就怎麼對人

1038
00:59:30,484 --> 00:59:33,195
‪而我的緹娜叔叔對我非常好

1039
00:59:33,195 --> 00:59:35,281
‪對吧,那時我還小

1040
00:59:35,281 --> 00:59:38,367
‪有次聖誕節,我七歲吧

1041
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:42,496
‪大人都在餐廳裡,而我在廚房

1042
00:59:42,496 --> 00:59:45,124
‪其他的小朋友都在客廳玩玩具

1043
00:59:45,124 --> 00:59:46,876
‪我怎麼會是在廚房裡?

1044
00:59:46,876 --> 00:59:49,962
‪好吧,因為我就是在廚房裡,對吧?

1045
00:59:49,962 --> 00:59:51,839
‪因為這裡有派餅、餅乾和蛋糕啊

1046
00:59:51,839 --> 00:59:53,424
‪我在廚房囉

1047
00:59:53,966 --> 00:59:54,842
‪對吧?

1048
00:59:55,468 --> 00:59:59,138
‪所以緹娜叔叔進廚房說:“妮基?”

1049
00:59:59,805 --> 01:00:00,973
‪我說:“請說”

1050
01:00:01,891 --> 01:00:03,434
‪她說:“我是同性戀”

1051
01:00:04,852 --> 01:00:06,187
‪我說:“我也是”

1052
01:00:09,315 --> 01:00:13,944
‪因為聽她說起來感覺很美好
‪我自然就會這樣回答啊

1053
01:00:13,944 --> 01:00:16,697
‪接著她又說:“不對

1054
01:00:16,697 --> 01:00:18,616
‪我是女同志”

1055
01:00:21,869 --> 01:00:25,373
‪我說:“我也是,我是女同志”

1056
01:00:25,873 --> 01:00:29,293
‪然後她說:“妮基,我跟女人做愛”

1057
01:00:30,336 --> 01:00:31,587
‪我說:“好喔”

1058
01:00:37,176 --> 01:00:39,053
‪因為我沒辦法附和

1059
01:00:39,053 --> 01:00:41,263
‪我不是那個走向

1060
01:00:53,859 --> 01:00:57,321
‪我看著這兩個女人互相拉扯

1061
01:00:59,782 --> 01:01:03,953
‪我看著她們拉扯,到我祖母離開人世

1062
01:01:05,162 --> 01:01:08,624
‪她們都無法和解

1063
01:01:09,291 --> 01:01:11,669
‪因為我祖母認為自己很失敗

1064
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:15,381
‪因為生了一個同性戀的孩子

1065
01:01:16,006 --> 01:01:21,429
‪教會洗腦讓她相信
‪自己的女兒是一種罪,對吧?

1066
01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:24,140
‪而她就是這樣對待她的女兒

1067
01:01:25,099 --> 01:01:27,435
‪可以想像我小時候很迷惑

1068
01:01:27,435 --> 01:01:30,855
‪因為對咪咪祖母來說

1069
01:01:30,855 --> 01:01:32,815
‪我是她的一切

1070
01:01:33,691 --> 01:01:35,735
‪但是說到自己生下的孩子

1071
01:01:37,069 --> 01:01:39,405
‪卻無法好好抱著她

1072
01:01:39,405 --> 01:01:41,407
‪因為女兒是同性戀

1073
01:01:41,907 --> 01:01:44,160
‪而我看著她們母女拉扯

1074
01:01:44,744 --> 01:01:46,662
‪我看著她們拉扯

1075
01:01:46,662 --> 01:01:51,667
‪當我的祖母離開人世
‪我的緹娜叔叔成了遊民酒鬼

1076
01:01:52,543 --> 01:01:55,838
‪因為她實在無法明白

1077
01:01:55,838 --> 01:01:57,965
‪為什麼她的母親

1078
01:01:57,965 --> 01:02:02,928
‪無法給她需要的愛,對吧?

1079
01:02:04,305 --> 01:02:05,473
‪而我覺得...

1080
01:02:08,601 --> 01:02:10,644
‪我覺得自己很懦弱

1081
01:02:11,228 --> 01:02:13,147
‪看著我祖母過世

1082
01:02:16,025 --> 01:02:18,194
‪卻無法跟我祖母說

1083
01:02:19,820 --> 01:02:22,198
‪她的孫女其實是怎樣

1084
01:02:23,908 --> 01:02:26,660
‪因為我不想要被偷偷地愛

1085
01:02:28,412 --> 01:02:31,040
‪我很愛她那樣愛著我

1086
01:02:31,540 --> 01:02:34,543
‪當我和祖母去店裡
‪如果我登上了雜誌封面

1087
01:02:34,543 --> 01:02:38,506
‪她一定會讓店裡的每個人都知道

1088
01:02:38,506 --> 01:02:40,674
‪我是她的孫女

1089
01:02:41,175 --> 01:02:43,427
‪我是她的心肝寶貝

1090
01:02:46,514 --> 01:02:48,682
‪所以我無法告訴我的祖母

1091
01:02:49,391 --> 01:02:51,101
‪我暗地裡的想法

1092
01:02:52,144 --> 01:02:54,021
‪還有我的遐想

1093
01:02:56,398 --> 01:02:58,609
‪因為我不要她...

1094
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:01,195
‪只能偷偷地私下愛我,我也...

1095
01:03:01,821 --> 01:03:05,574
‪不要她在離開人世時
‪覺得自己很失敗

1096
01:03:06,492 --> 01:03:08,244
‪因為如果我跟她說了

1097
01:03:10,162 --> 01:03:11,872
‪我暗地裡的想法

1098
01:03:15,918 --> 01:03:17,878
‪她離開人世時就會覺得

1099
01:03:18,712 --> 01:03:19,964
‪自己很失敗

1100
01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:25,219
‪我知道你們現在看著我心想
‪“慢著,婆娘

1101
01:03:28,264 --> 01:03:30,683
‪妳他媽的是同性戀嗎?”

1102
01:03:31,851 --> 01:03:34,812
‪我不是...不完全是

1103
01:03:42,570 --> 01:03:46,991
‪我沒辦法跟祖母大聲說出來...

1104
01:03:46,991 --> 01:03:49,410
‪你們知道保密有多難嗎?

1105
01:03:51,579 --> 01:03:53,372
‪祕密導致癌症

1106
01:03:59,420 --> 01:04:02,965
‪你們有些人有秘密
‪心想:“千萬不要看我

1107
01:04:02,965 --> 01:04:05,175
‪要是我現在張開嘴巴

1108
01:04:05,175 --> 01:04:07,261
‪祕密就會脫口而出”

1109
01:04:09,930 --> 01:04:11,974
‪但這是天生的

1110
01:04:13,183 --> 01:04:15,978
‪所以你也不能怎麼辦

1111
01:04:16,645 --> 01:04:17,730
‪完全沒辦法

1112
01:04:18,522 --> 01:04:20,691
‪請大家了解,我嘗試過

1113
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:24,361
‪我試過用做愛來壓過去,寶貝
‪大家聽我說

1114
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:26,947
‪我試過,以為做久了就會改變

1115
01:04:26,947 --> 01:04:29,450
‪因為我不想要被當成我有病

1116
01:04:29,450 --> 01:04:30,743
‪或是我有什麼問題

1117
01:04:30,743 --> 01:04:34,580
‪所以我盡可能跟一堆男人上床

1118
01:04:34,580 --> 01:04:38,334
‪我不是真的浪蕩的那種浪蕩

1119
01:04:39,793 --> 01:04:41,879
‪我大概有三分之一...

1120
01:04:41,879 --> 01:04:43,672
‪我有四分之一是蕩女體質

1121
01:04:43,672 --> 01:04:47,927
‪妮基帕克說:“嘿,奧格維教授”

1122
01:04:47,927 --> 01:04:51,138
‪天底下多得是這樣的人

1123
01:04:56,101 --> 01:04:58,896
‪但我把這件事保密,向自己承諾

1124
01:04:58,896 --> 01:05:00,814
‪永遠不會跟人說

1125
01:05:02,441 --> 01:05:04,401
‪我要把這個祕密帶進墳墓

1126
01:05:06,612 --> 01:05:08,864
‪因為我看到了我家人

1127
01:05:09,698 --> 01:05:12,493
‪被當成是有病的人對待

1128
01:05:12,993 --> 01:05:16,372
‪因為外界讓我們相信同性戀是一種病

1129
01:05:16,872 --> 01:05:18,040
‪對吧?

1130
01:05:18,999 --> 01:05:22,628
‪有天晚上,慾望來得很強烈

1131
01:05:23,629 --> 01:05:25,339
‪我那時在床上睡覺

1132
01:05:26,298 --> 01:05:28,884
‪那份性慾一直在拍我的肩膀

1133
01:05:28,884 --> 01:05:31,178
‪像是在說:“陰道...”

1134
01:05:36,934 --> 01:05:40,187
‪我躺在床上,害怕極了

1135
01:05:40,688 --> 01:05:42,523
‪這已經是我的第三任丈夫

1136
01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:44,316
‪對吧?

1137
01:05:45,317 --> 01:05:47,152
‪第三任了,寶貝

1138
01:05:47,903 --> 01:05:49,363
‪而他...

1139
01:05:52,199 --> 01:05:54,201
‪在我最落魄的時候愛著我

1140
01:05:54,702 --> 01:05:56,912
‪彷彿那是最好的我

1141
01:05:57,413 --> 01:05:59,331
‪而他,各位...

1142
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:05,462
‪把我捧在手心上的感覺

1143
01:06:05,462 --> 01:06:08,007
‪地表上再沒有人這樣過

1144
01:06:08,007 --> 01:06:09,466
‪這就是他

1145
01:06:09,466 --> 01:06:12,469
‪而有些黑人女性質疑:
‪“妳幹嘛叫他爹地?”

1146
01:06:12,469 --> 01:06:15,931
‪我來說原因,我就老實說了
‪“因為他像是在撫養我”

1147
01:06:15,931 --> 01:06:18,851
‪我來告訴各位原因
‪我用爹地稱呼我的先生

1148
01:06:18,851 --> 01:06:21,478
‪因為他做到了我父親

1149
01:06:21,478 --> 01:06:24,982
‪不知道要怎麼給我
‪或是懶得給我的一切

1150
01:06:24,982 --> 01:06:27,151
‪所以我才叫我先生“爹地”

1151
01:06:27,151 --> 01:06:30,779
‪有一個黑人男性
‪把妳所有的錯,都變成了對...

1152
01:06:31,780 --> 01:06:35,701
‪各位,那天晚上我躺在床上
‪害怕極了

1153
01:06:37,036 --> 01:06:38,620
‪我真的害怕極了

1154
01:06:39,371 --> 01:06:42,624
‪因為我跟自己說:
‪“莫妮卡,他結婚不是為了這個

1155
01:06:43,834 --> 01:06:47,379
‪他是跟妳結婚
‪不是跟妳和另一個女人結婚”

1156
01:06:56,055 --> 01:06:57,389
‪所以這下要怎麼辦?

1157
01:06:57,973 --> 01:07:01,435
‪在這個當下,身邊躺著的另一個人

1158
01:07:01,435 --> 01:07:04,605
‪比妳自己還更了解妳自己

1159
01:07:04,605 --> 01:07:07,316
‪在妳小時候對妳的注意

1160
01:07:07,316 --> 01:07:10,402
‪遠勝過妳對自己的注意

1161
01:07:10,402 --> 01:07:11,904
‪而我躺在那張床上

1162
01:07:11,904 --> 01:07:14,156
‪被那個祕密壓得喘不過氣來

1163
01:07:14,156 --> 01:07:18,035
‪讓我的身心靈都感覺想要吐

1164
01:07:18,035 --> 01:07:21,455
‪因為我覺得不能跟人說自己的性向

1165
01:07:21,455 --> 01:07:24,249
‪我得要叫醒睡夢中的他

1166
01:07:24,249 --> 01:07:26,919
‪我害怕極了,因為我說:
‪“等我跟你說了之後

1167
01:07:26,919 --> 01:07:28,420
‪拜託不要離開我

1168
01:07:29,463 --> 01:07:31,381
‪因為那樣我會無法呼吸

1169
01:07:31,882 --> 01:07:34,176
‪但我得要跟你說
‪寶貝,因為你很瞭解我

1170
01:07:34,176 --> 01:07:35,969
‪我有心事時,你都會知道

1171
01:07:35,969 --> 01:07:38,889
‪而有件事已經卡在我心裡多年”

1172
01:07:39,932 --> 01:07:43,227
‪但因為我是名人、明星

1173
01:07:43,727 --> 01:07:45,187
‪我可以戴上面具去掩蓋

1174
01:07:45,187 --> 01:07:47,523
‪我可以用光鮮亮麗去掩蓋

1175
01:07:47,523 --> 01:07:50,692
‪但那天晚上,面具得要脫下來

1176
01:07:52,611 --> 01:07:54,446
‪我得要叫醒他

1177
01:07:56,198 --> 01:07:58,742
‪我說:“爹地,我有事得要告訴你”

1178
01:07:59,868 --> 01:08:01,954
‪他說:“老婆,怎麼了?”

1179
01:08:02,913 --> 01:08:04,706
‪我說:“我有個祕密

1180
01:08:06,959 --> 01:08:11,547
‪你要保證我跟你說了
‪你不會離開我”

1181
01:08:13,090 --> 01:08:16,051
‪他說:“莫妮卡,不管妳說什麼

1182
01:08:16,927 --> 01:08:19,179
‪都不會讓我離開妳”

1183
01:08:21,181 --> 01:08:22,516
‪我說:“好吧

1184
01:08:23,350 --> 01:08:24,810
‪來囉”

1185
01:08:24,810 --> 01:08:26,395
‪我說:“爹地...”

1186
01:08:26,395 --> 01:08:28,147
‪他說:“等等...

1187
01:08:31,525 --> 01:08:33,777
‪妳是不是殺人了?”

1188
01:08:35,529 --> 01:08:38,824
‪我說:“不是,我才沒有殺人”

1189
01:08:39,324 --> 01:08:41,034
‪他說:“那就好,繼續”

1190
01:08:44,997 --> 01:08:46,415
‪我說:“爹地...”

1191
01:08:47,332 --> 01:08:49,960
‪我心跳狂飆,因為這是我第一次

1192
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:53,714
‪準備要對人大聲說出來

1193
01:08:57,926 --> 01:08:59,344
‪我說:“爹地...

1194
01:09:00,637 --> 01:09:04,391
‪我想要跟另一個女人做愛”

1195
01:09:06,143 --> 01:09:08,103
‪而他看著我

1196
01:09:08,729 --> 01:09:12,524
‪美好、耐心又深情

1197
01:09:14,151 --> 01:09:16,320
‪然後他說:“我也是耶!”

1198
01:09:18,655 --> 01:09:22,409
‪他說:“妳去找來那個女人
‪我們一起跟她做愛

1199
01:09:22,910 --> 01:09:26,622
‪妳這些年都在心煩這件事嗎?”

1200
01:09:26,622 --> 01:09:29,374
‪他說:“跟女人做愛太棒了”

1201
01:09:29,374 --> 01:09:34,046
‪我說:“真的是這樣”
‪他說:“妳快去跟女人做做看”

1202
01:09:40,302 --> 01:09:43,472
‪然後我告訴自己
‪“我必須把這個當成遐想

1203
01:09:45,265 --> 01:09:47,809
‪必須這樣做,因為我很瞭解自己

1204
01:09:48,477 --> 01:09:51,438
‪否則跨性別社群會談論我

1205
01:09:51,438 --> 01:09:54,483
‪他們會說那個女人爭取平權

1206
01:09:54,483 --> 01:09:56,860
‪但卻不願意這樣對人”

1207
01:09:59,863 --> 01:10:02,199
‪因為等妳幫我口交之後
‪我就先告退了

1208
01:10:06,703 --> 01:10:08,789
‪“要喝點咖啡什麼的嗎?”

1209
01:10:10,916 --> 01:10:13,877
‪敬謝不敏...女士

1210
01:10:14,670 --> 01:10:17,381
‪妳別把陰道靠過來

1211
01:10:19,007 --> 01:10:22,594
‪“莫妮卡,我都幫妳口交了
‪臭女人,謝謝妳喔

1212
01:10:23,178 --> 01:10:25,222
‪妳人真好

1213
01:10:26,223 --> 01:10:28,225
‪妳真聰明

1214
01:10:28,767 --> 01:10:31,812
‪妳真重要”

1215
01:10:33,522 --> 01:10:35,232
‪有人問我

1216
01:10:36,692 --> 01:10:38,235
‪“妳是怎麼做到

1217
01:10:39,528 --> 01:10:40,862
‪能夠繼續往前邁進?

1218
01:10:41,905 --> 01:10:44,283
‪妳是怎麼做到

1219
01:10:44,783 --> 01:10:46,118
‪能夠繼續往前邁進?”

1220
01:10:46,702 --> 01:10:50,747
‪因為當妳從小就是胖胖的黑人女孩

1221
01:10:51,248 --> 01:10:54,418
‪一心就只想要別人的認可和接受

1222
01:10:54,418 --> 01:10:56,670
‪妳滿腦子就是要這個

1223
01:10:56,670 --> 01:11:00,424
‪妳只求別人能夠接受妳

1224
01:11:00,424 --> 01:11:04,261
‪為了被接受,要妳怎麼做都可以

1225
01:11:04,261 --> 01:11:06,847
‪妳拼了命就是要被別人接受

1226
01:11:06,847 --> 01:11:09,182
‪而當年紀漸長,我說:“其實呢

1227
01:11:09,182 --> 01:11:13,729
‪妳只管去接受現狀就行了”

1228
01:11:13,729 --> 01:11:15,731
‪所以我得要去接受

1229
01:11:16,356 --> 01:11:20,027
‪我爸爸是個酒鬼

1230
01:11:20,027 --> 01:11:22,237
‪完全不管家人的死活

1231
01:11:22,237 --> 01:11:24,323
‪我得要去接受

1232
01:11:24,323 --> 01:11:27,326
‪我媽媽是個賭鬼

1233
01:11:27,326 --> 01:11:29,870
‪會把任何東西都拿去賭掉

1234
01:11:29,870 --> 01:11:31,830
‪我得要去接受

1235
01:11:31,830 --> 01:11:34,624
‪我的大哥是猥褻犯

1236
01:11:34,624 --> 01:11:37,544
‪我得要接受我另一個兄弟

1237
01:11:37,544 --> 01:11:41,256
‪冒名簽署文件,搞壞我的名聲

1238
01:11:41,256 --> 01:11:44,092
‪我沒在下價值判斷,陳述事實而已

1239
01:11:44,092 --> 01:11:48,722
‪所以這樣我就能夠去接受
‪別人亂講我的事

1240
01:11:48,722 --> 01:11:52,100
‪有人跟我說:“妳不是戴夫查普爾

1241
01:11:52,100 --> 01:11:54,311
‪妳不是艾米舒默

1242
01:11:54,311 --> 01:11:56,480
‪妳不是克里斯洛克”

1243
01:11:56,480 --> 01:11:58,648
‪那些人說得很對

1244
01:11:58,648 --> 01:12:01,818
‪因為我叫莫妮卡

1245
01:12:13,747 --> 01:12:17,000
{\an8}‪(我愛妳,莫妮卡)

1246
01:12:38,063 --> 01:12:48,615
‪莫妮卡...

1247
01:15:43,415 --> 01:15:48,420
‪字幕翻譯:姚祖恩