1
00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:10,261
[audience clamoring]
2
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,850
- [man 1] Mo'Nique is crazy.
- [woman 1] Money over integrity.
3
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:17,018
[man 2] Mo'Nique's a legend.
4
00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:19,353
- [woman 2] She burned too many bridges.
- [man 3] A pro!
5
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,230
- [woman 3] My girl.
- [man 4] Donkey of the Day!
6
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,315
[man 5] She's difficult.
7
00:00:22,315 --> 00:00:25,401
- [woman 4] Mo'Nique's a legend?
- [man 6] She burned too many bridges.
8
00:00:25,401 --> 00:00:28,071
- [woman 5] She's unstable.
- [man 4] Donkey of the Day.
9
00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:30,198
[voices overlapping]
10
00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:32,325
- [man 5] Her career is over.
- [static crackles]
11
00:00:32,325 --> 00:00:34,619
- [sounds fade]
- [Mo'Nique] Thanks for the encouragement.
12
00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:36,704
[upbeat, energetic music playing]
13
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:37,997
[Mo'Nique] ♪ Let's go ♪
14
00:00:38,498 --> 00:00:43,252
- Oh, my baby!
- ["My Name Is Mo'Nique" playing]
15
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,463
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
16
00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,840
Come on, baby!
17
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,008
[Mo'Nique] Oh!
18
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:53,179
Oh, baby!
19
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:58,142
Oh, Atlanta, Georgia!
20
00:00:58,142 --> 00:01:00,978
Atlanta, Georgia!
21
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,605
Oh, baby!
22
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:04,273
Oh!
23
00:01:04,941 --> 00:01:07,527
Oh, I'mma feel all of this right here.
24
00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:13,074
- Oh, my baby!
- [audience chanting]
25
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:15,076
Oh, we made it, baby!
26
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:16,494
We made it!
27
00:01:16,494 --> 00:01:18,329
- ♪ Yes! ♪
- [audience chanting] Mo'Nique!
28
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:22,917
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
29
00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:29,173
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
30
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:31,342
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
31
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:32,343
[audience cheers]
32
00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:35,596
Am I standin' on this motherfuckin' stage?
33
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,682
[cheering grows louder]
34
00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:41,269
Am I standin' on this motherfuckin' stage?
35
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,937
[crowd roars]
36
00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:51,696
Oh, when I tell you it's takin'
everything in me not to bust down
37
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:53,906
and cry right now, nigga.
38
00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:55,575
Oh!
39
00:01:56,409 --> 00:01:57,493
[sighs]
40
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,207
- [audience whoops]
- Whoo!
41
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:07,211
Oh, let me tell y'all something.
I am so grateful.
42
00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:09,672
I am so thankful.
43
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:12,466
I just wanna say thank you
for every motherfucka
44
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,510
that stood by me, goddammit.
45
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:15,678
I wanna say thank you
46
00:02:15,678 --> 00:02:18,389
for every motherfuckin' cheerleader,
goddammit!
47
00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:21,225
I wanna thank every nigga
that bought a ticket here tonight.
48
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:22,393
And you too, white baby.
49
00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:25,229
I wanna thank every-motherfuckin'-body!
50
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:27,398
[audience cheering]
51
00:02:28,608 --> 00:02:35,364
Tonight, when y'all walk away from me,
y'all will understand who the fuck I am.
52
00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:37,783
Tonight, when y'all walk away from here,
53
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:41,787
y'all will understand why the fuck
I swing like I motherfuckin' swing.
54
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,415
Tonight, when y'all leave
up out this motherfucka,
55
00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:46,709
y'all gonna say,
"Oh, bitch, I get it now!"
56
00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:50,922
Oh, baby, see,
what people didn't understand about me,
57
00:02:50,922 --> 00:02:52,882
what people did not know about me
58
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:55,134
when they were throwin'
those motherfucking daggers
59
00:02:55,134 --> 00:02:57,470
and they was calling a bitch
all kinds of names
60
00:02:57,470 --> 00:03:00,556
and they was saying what I wasn't
and saying all that bullshit.
61
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,642
And they was saying, "Mo'Nique,
62
00:03:02,642 --> 00:03:06,562
how can you withstand
what the fuck these people sayin' to you?"
63
00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:09,649
"It seem like it's just rollin'
off your motherfuckin' back."
64
00:03:09,649 --> 00:03:11,776
What people don't know about me, baby,
65
00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,570
and I thought I would never say this
on live TV,
66
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:17,990
live stage ever
because of the stigma that comes with it.
67
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:20,409
What motherfuckas don't know about me,
68
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,954
you lookin' at a bitch
from special education.
69
00:03:22,954 --> 00:03:24,664
I want y'all to see what it look like.
70
00:03:24,664 --> 00:03:25,873
I want y'all to see
71
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:29,126
what motherfuckin' special education
look like, nigga!
72
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:32,546
I want y'all to see
what the slow bus look like!
73
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,882
I want y'all to understand. "Duh!"
74
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,550
Nigga, that's me, nigga!
75
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,011
[audience cheering]
76
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,264
Nigga, that's me, nigga!
77
00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:42,765
They used to call me
78
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:45,685
every motherfuckin' name
in the book, nigga.
79
00:03:45,685 --> 00:03:52,149
From seventh to ninth grade,
a bitch was in special education.
80
00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:54,694
Nigga, did you hear me?
81
00:03:54,694 --> 00:03:57,655
- [audience whoops]
- [chuckles] Special, nigga.
82
00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:58,990
[sighs]
83
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,075
[in singsong] Education, nigga!
84
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:04,537
Like a bitch double Dutching.
[in singsong] "Oh, special, nigga!"
85
00:04:04,537 --> 00:04:06,163
"Education, nigga!"
86
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,669
Special... education.
87
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:16,299
When you wanna judge a motherfucka,
baby, understand what you lookin' at.
88
00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:18,676
You lookin' at a bitch,
when I went to middle school
89
00:04:18,676 --> 00:04:21,971
for the seventh, eighth,
and ninth motherfuckin' grade,
90
00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:24,765
I was in the special education class.
91
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,934
Now, let me tell y'all something
up the fuck front
92
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,811
so y'all don't get to researchin' a bitch.
93
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:31,647
[chuckling] I really believe
it was a mistake, nigga.
94
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:33,941
- [audience laughs]
- [woman mouthing]
95
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:38,070
I believe it was a motherfuckin' mistake
because no letter went home.
96
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:40,906
There was no parent-teachers' meeting.
97
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:44,118
There was no motherfuckin'
board of education conversation.
98
00:04:44,702 --> 00:04:46,620
Just when I showed the fuck up...
99
00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:48,873
[chuckles]
100
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,459
...for motherfuckin' middle school, bitch.
101
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,294
I showed up in my new shit.
102
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:56,380
I was together,
bitch, in my Chic jeans, baby.
103
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,633
My motherfuckin' white T-shirt
and my white shoes to match, bitch.
104
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,011
I was ready for seventh grade!
105
00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:08,059
And I notice...
I didn't get my shit sent home...
106
00:05:08,059 --> 00:05:09,435
[chuckles]
107
00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:10,978
[audience laughs]
108
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,356
...about the class a bitch was gonna be in.
109
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:16,776
So I say, "Oh, this motherfuckin' year
gonna be special."
110
00:05:16,776 --> 00:05:20,029
"They ain't even sent my shit home.
I got to pick it up at the school."
111
00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,781
"This some special shit!"
112
00:05:21,781 --> 00:05:24,367
- [audience laughs]
- [Mo'Nique sighs]
113
00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,535
And when you go in there,
they got your name.
114
00:05:28,204 --> 00:05:29,789
On the motherfuckin' board.
115
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:33,042
[chuckling] To what class
you go to, bitch.
116
00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:34,835
They got your name,
and all the kids running,
117
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,338
"I'm in this class, I'm in that class!"
118
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,632
And I'm lookin'
on this motherfuckin' board.
119
00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:46,806
"Bitch, let me see your board.
What's on your board, bitch?"
120
00:05:46,806 --> 00:05:48,307
[chuckles]
121
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:51,268
My shit was in an envelope.
122
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,396
[Mo'Nique and audience chuckle]
123
00:05:54,105 --> 00:05:57,775
Okay, bitch?
My motherfuckin' shit was in the envelope.
124
00:05:57,775 --> 00:06:00,194
Now, I knew
that should've been a situation,
125
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,737
but I've always been optimistic.
126
00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:05,366
I've always said
the glass is motherfuckin' half full.
127
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:09,370
So when I saw my shit
in the envelope, I automatically said,
128
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:14,291
"Aw, bitch!
This gon' be something special, bitch!"
129
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:17,461
"They put your shit
in the envelope, bitch."
130
00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:19,588
So when I opened up my envelope...
131
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,385
that nigga say,
"What it say, bitch? What it say?"
132
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,011
"Nigga, I'mma tell ya."
133
00:06:26,679 --> 00:06:30,933
It said, "B... 217."
134
00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,518
Right?
135
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:36,313
So I'm like,
"The B stands for 'motherfuckin' best.'"
136
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:39,358
[audience laughs]
137
00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:41,777
"I'm the best bitch up in here."
138
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:44,655
"Goin' to room 217, nigga."
139
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,282
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
140
00:06:46,282 --> 00:06:49,910
"I'm on the second floor
at motherfuckin' middle school."
141
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,955
"Nigga, they don't put new bitches
on the second floor."
142
00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,915
"Not unless they special, nigga."
143
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,544
"I'm in B217."
144
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:01,839
So when I get up to room 217,
145
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:05,509
I don't see the motherfuckin' B,
but I said, "Okay."
146
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:08,095
"It's still motherfuckin' 217!"
147
00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,681
So I go in the classroom proud.
148
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,600
In my new shit.
149
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,270
And the teacher there,
I give her my paper.
150
00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:19,940
'Cause she says,
"Oh, who are you?" [chuckles]
151
00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:22,276
I said, "Monique Imes."
152
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,986
[chuckles]
153
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:26,655
She said, "Oh, I don't see your name
on my paper."
154
00:07:27,198 --> 00:07:29,033
I said, "Well, I have this paper."
155
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:34,580
And when she took the motherfuckin' paper...
[scoffs] ...she chuckled a little bit.
156
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,123
[audience laughs]
157
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,083
I didn't understand
the motherfuckin' chuckle,
158
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,753
but I'm like,
"Fuck this bitch. I'm the best, bitch."
159
00:07:40,753 --> 00:07:43,088
[audience laughs]
160
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,716
"Fuck her!" Right?
161
00:07:46,217 --> 00:07:49,386
So she chuckles.
She say... [chuckles] "Oh no. No."
162
00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,305
"Not this 217."
163
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,558
"You're on the first floor... in the back."
164
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,185
[audience laughs]
165
00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:58,187
Like the B stood for "back," bitch.
166
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,314
"Back. Get in the back, bitch."
167
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:01,941
[audience laughs]
168
00:08:02,942 --> 00:08:06,070
So when I get to motherfuckin' B217,
169
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,949
and I walk
in this motherfuckin' classroom,
170
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:14,286
and I see a bitch in there
with a whole motherfuckin' helmet...
171
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,163
[audience laughs]
172
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,790
...and a goddamn chin trap.
173
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:20,543
I said, "Ohhh, shit!"
174
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:25,297
[chuckles] Ohh!
175
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:27,758
And then I said, with optimism...
176
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:32,680
"Right. That might be
her fashion statement, bitch."
177
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,098
"We in middle school."
178
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:35,224
"That bitch may say,
179
00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,560
'I'mma fuck 'em up
with this helmet, bitch.'"
180
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,936
[audience laughs]
181
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:41,021
And she like wearing this shit, right?
182
00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:44,233
And then, when I sit the fuck down,
183
00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:47,403
I see a little white boy over there,
184
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,239
and he done put glue...
185
00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:51,949
[chuckles]
186
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:54,034
...in his motherfuckin' hand.
187
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,537
Now, I like to be entertained, nigga.
188
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:59,373
I love to be motherfuckin' entertained.
189
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:00,958
I was the cheerleader.
190
00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:03,419
And I watched him
while that glue dried the fuck up.
191
00:09:03,419 --> 00:09:06,839
Then he got to rolling it around
in his motherfuckin' hand.
192
00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:09,300
Now, Little Timmy know
I'm looking at him at this point,
193
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:11,343
so this nigga has become a magician.
194
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,179
He's looking like... "Mm!"
195
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:15,931
"Mm!"
196
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,475
Then that motherfucka said...
[swallows, grunts]
197
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,476
[audience laughs]
198
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:23,564
I said, "Oh, bitch,
I'm in special education!"
199
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,649
[audience applauds]
200
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:34,074
"I am in motherfuckin' special education,
goddammit!"
201
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:37,786
But do you think I was fucked up?
202
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:42,082
I saw the goodness in it, goddammit,
because when I looked on the board,
203
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,710
and I saw what the fuck
they was gonna be teaching,
204
00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,920
I said, "Oh, I'mma fuck 'em up in here."
205
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:50,424
"Primary colors,
secondary motherfuckin' colors."
206
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:53,677
"Ooh! Honor roll!"
207
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,929
[audience laughs and cheers]
208
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:03,896
Now, here's where I found out
209
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:07,650
that my mother... was illiterate.
210
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:08,817
[audience chuckles]
211
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,112
- Y'all are so fucked up. [chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
212
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,490
Y'all are so fucked up,
laughing at the fact
213
00:10:14,490 --> 00:10:17,451
that my motherfuckin' mother
could not read.
214
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,745
Y'all dirty motherfuckas!
215
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:21,455
[exhales heavily, grunts]
216
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,709
It wasn't a conversation that we had.
217
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,753
It wasn't a sit-down.
218
00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:29,797
It was just,
when you start observing shit.
219
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:34,093
I may not have been academically
the smartest bitch in the room,
220
00:10:34,593 --> 00:10:37,471
'cause I was in the back special-ed room.
221
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,765
But that's okay, nigga.
222
00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:43,310
I could tell... when shit was different.
223
00:10:43,811 --> 00:10:47,272
'Cause I was very observant.
I would watch shit. Right?
224
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:49,775
And I took out a letter from the teacher.
225
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:56,156
This motherfucka gonna send a note home,
talkin' 'bout "Monique
226
00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:59,118
talks too much."
227
00:10:59,118 --> 00:11:00,369
[scoffs]
228
00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:02,454
So I ain't doing no new shit, y'all!
229
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:05,416
I been doing this shit
all my motherfuckin' life!
230
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:09,128
[imitating teacher] "She talk too much,
and she has become a distraction."
231
00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:10,629
"And one more time,
232
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:12,923
we're gonna have to have
a parent-teachers' meeting."
233
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:16,260
Now, I done read
the motherfuckin' note. [sighs]
234
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,846
So I'm gonna take this bitch home.
235
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,265
Now, one thing about me,
bitch, I'm honest.
236
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,808
I'm honest, bitch.
237
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:26,729
If I did it wrong, bitch, I'm honest.
I'm gonna fuckin' say, "I fucked this up."
238
00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,816
So all the way home, a bitch is nervous.
239
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,944
'Cause I got to give my mother
this motherfuckin' letter
240
00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,488
that this white man has said
a bitch talks too much.
241
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:40,284
Now, he's not the only one.
My mother has told me that. [laughs]
242
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,660
[audience laughs]
243
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:44,580
That's why my family
don't like a bitch right now.
244
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:46,749
Right?
245
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:50,169
So when I get home,
I give her this motherfuckin' letter.
246
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:53,255
And she opens the bitch up.
247
00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:54,840
Now, I'mma tell you something.
248
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,759
When I first said
I was gonna say this onstage,
249
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,218
my husband says to me...
250
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,345
- [man 7] What he say?
- Nigga, I'm gonna tell ya.
251
00:12:04,475 --> 00:12:09,271
He said, "Mama...
don't call your mother illiterate."
252
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:11,482
"That's rather harsh."
253
00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:15,152
Now, I been knowing my husband
since the motherfuckin' tenth grade,
254
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,029
since we was 14 years old.
255
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:22,409
And he's one of the kindest motherfuckas
I have ever met in my life.
256
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,078
So I look at him and said, "I figured...
257
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,164
[audience and Mo'Nique laugh]
258
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:31,794
...you was gonna say
some kind shit like that, nigga."
259
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:34,880
"I've been knowing you
since tenth motherfuckin' grade."
260
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:39,051
"However, nigga, you've been knowing me
since tenth motherfuckin' grade."
261
00:12:39,051 --> 00:12:41,345
"She didn't have
no challenge reading, nigga."
262
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:44,556
"That bitch was illiterate!"
263
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:46,517
[audience laughs]
264
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:49,686
Okay, so I give her
the motherfuckin' letter.
265
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,606
And I'm waitin' for the blowback.
266
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,566
I'm waitin' for her to come say,
267
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,985
"Didn't I tell you
to keep your goddamn mouth shut?"
268
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,446
I'm waiting
for the motherfuckin' blowback.
269
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,156
She look at the letter.
270
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:04,159
[audience laughs]
271
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,788
She looked up at me.
272
00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,915
But when she looked at me,
I had a smile on my face
273
00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:11,333
'cause I'mma play it all through.
274
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,126
"I don't know
what's in the letter either."
275
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:18,632
She looked back at that goddamn letter
and looked at me and said,
276
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:21,134
"Nikki, this is really good."
277
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:22,803
[audience cracks up]
278
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:27,641
I said, "Oh, this bitch can't read!"
279
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,269
[sighs]
280
00:13:30,269 --> 00:13:33,397
"The fuck but your mama
can't read, nigga!"
281
00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:36,859
- [audience continues laughing]
- [Mo'Nique clears throat]
282
00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:43,282
I'm not judging.
It's just what the fuck it is!
283
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:46,493
Could not... fuckin' read.
284
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,829
[audience laughs]
285
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:51,540
Then I was trying to put
The Electric Company on for her
286
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,417
to give her little clues.
287
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:56,670
"Break, fast, breakfast."
288
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,755
[audience laughs]
289
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,299
[man 8 groans]
290
00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:03,760
You would think
in motherfuckin' special education
291
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,889
there could not possibly be racism.
292
00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:13,020
There could not possibly be discrimination
in motherfuckin' special education
293
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:18,025
because everybody in this motherfucka
has been deemed... special, bitch.
294
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,986
And not in the, like...
[cheerfully] "Oh, they special."
295
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:23,071
[dismissively] Like, "Oh, they special."
296
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,114
[man 9 cheers]
297
00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:26,783
We have all been put
on the fucked-up list.
298
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:30,871
Every last one of us in this motherfucka
has been put on the throw away list.
299
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,040
Every last one of us
have gotten medicated.
300
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:36,293
Well, they did not medicate me. Mm-hmm.
301
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:39,046
[audience laughs]
302
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,924
This teacher named Mr. McKinney...
303
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:46,261
And Mr. McKinney was a white man.
304
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:48,722
And he was a white white man.
305
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,015
[audience chuckles]
306
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:53,644
- [applause]
- [Mo'Nique giggles]
307
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,272
Look. The white people are like,
"Bitch, what's a white white?"
308
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,857
[audience laughs]
309
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,817
The ones that don't like Blacks!
310
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:01,985
[audience laughs]
311
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:03,612
A white white.
312
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,574
Now, I'm in seventh
motherfuckin' grade, baby.
313
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:11,203
And y'all gotta understand
the spirit I came into this world with.
314
00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:14,915
I came with this motherfuckin' spirit.
I didn't just start no shit.
315
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:17,834
I came with the spirit of,
"Motherfuckin' fight."
316
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,796
I came with the spirit of,
"If it ain't right, bitch, fight."
317
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:24,049
I came with
that motherfuckin' spirit, right?
318
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:25,717
[audience cheers]
319
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,011
So one day, we sittin' in the class.
320
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,973
And Mr. McKinney stands up
and says, "Listen."
321
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:36,603
"If I call your name,
go to the right side of the class."
322
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,649
"If I don't call your name,
323
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,528
go to the left side of the class."
324
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:49,616
Now, just that one direction
took us about 20 motherfuckin' minutes.
325
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:55,914
I was having so much motherfuckin' fun.
"What side?"
326
00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:58,625
Right?
327
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,919
And once everybody got placed,
328
00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:07,467
I noticed that all the white kids...
was on the right side,
329
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:11,930
and all the Black kids
was on the motherfuckin' left side.
330
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:12,848
[man 10] Uh-oh.
331
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:17,894
He says to the white kids,
"Listen, y'all have coloring books,
332
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,982
word-search puzzles, and block buildin'."
333
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,317
"Y'all can do those projects."
334
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:27,446
And then he came
and stood the fuck in front of us.
335
00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:31,616
He said,
"And for this group right here..." [laughs]
336
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,703
And when that motherfucka said,
"this group..."
337
00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:37,581
Oh, Malcolm X said,
"Bitch, it's your turn."
338
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,833
[audience laughs]
339
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:44,963
"...this group right here, I'mma teach y'all
how to speak correct grammar."
340
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:47,424
- [audience gasps, murmurs]
- I put my motherfuckin' hand up.
341
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,092
Mm-mm, mm-mm!
342
00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:51,845
Mr. McKinney said, "Yes, Moni-cue?"
343
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,180
[audience laughs]
344
00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:58,727
[man 11] Mo'Nique!
345
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,855
'Cause that wasn't my motherfuckin' name.
346
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,484
So I kept my goddamn hand up.
347
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:07,569
[audience applauds]
348
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:15,077
Then, that white man looked
at me and said, "Yes, Monique."
349
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,621
I said, "I need to go to the office."
350
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:19,498
He said, "Why do you need
to go to the office?"
351
00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,666
"So I can call my father."
352
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,835
He said, "Why do you need
to call your father?"
353
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,880
"So I can tell him
that you have separated this class."
354
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,883
"You got white children over there
and Black children over here."
355
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,010
"You talking 'bout
you gonna teach us how to talk,
356
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:34,971
and Little Timmy just ate
a whole ball of motherfuckin' glue."
357
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:37,057
[audience laughing and cheering]
358
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:43,980
Baby, that motherfuckin' white man
looked at me like,
359
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:47,776
"Bitch, if I could put
my hood on right now..."
360
00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:49,736
[audience laughs and applauds]
361
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,446
And he kept starin' at me.
362
00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:54,908
And the ancestors said,
"Bitch, lock in on that motherfucka
363
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:57,119
and don't break your goddamn stare."
364
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,704
"And you better not motherfuckin' blink."
365
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,415
[audience cheering and clapping]
366
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:09,548
Then he said,
"Everybody go back to they seats."
367
00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,967
"Okay, that's the fuck right, goddammit."
368
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:15,720
Oh, and that white man did not like me,
but I sat the fuck up front,
369
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:19,182
'cause I wanted him to see my ass
every goddamn day.
370
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,977
'Cause I knew
how goddamn slick he was, baby.
371
00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:23,812
I did not fuck around like that.
372
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:26,982
If I know you out of order,
goddammit, I'mma call you to the mat
373
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:28,692
every motherfuckin' time.
374
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:31,862
- I'm in the seventh goddamn grade.
- [audience claps]
375
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:37,701
- And I met some beautiful people.
- [man 12] Mm-hmm.
376
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,286
Let me be clear, baby.
377
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,539
I met some beautiful people
that we consider special.
378
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,792
They were so motherfuckin' beautiful
379
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,254
and rich in their goddamn stories
380
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:50,338
and their history.
381
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:54,593
And I would sit in that goddamn class
and be so motherfuckin' amazed
382
00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:56,720
with the beauty of these people.
383
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,597
And I sat the fuck up front.
384
00:18:58,597 --> 00:19:01,141
And I sat next to these two bully bitches.
385
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:04,728
Oh, y'all know
I can't stand a motherfuckin' bully.
386
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,147
And these two bully bitches
kept talking shit
387
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,191
'bout the bitch
in the back with the helmet.
388
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:13,904
Now, the bitch in the back with the helmet
didn't fuck with no-goddamn-body.
389
00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:16,448
All she did was be friendly,
and she'd speak like this.
390
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,658
When I come in, she go... "Mm." I go...
391
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:19,784
[exhales]
392
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:20,827
[audience laughs]
393
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:23,788
[chuckling] And that's how the fuck
we communicated. Just beautiful.
394
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,624
"Mm!" [exhales]
395
00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:28,126
I never asked
about that motherfuckin' helmet,
396
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,921
she never said shit,
and we got along fine.
397
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:34,466
So these two bully bitches that wanna fuck
with the bitch with the helmet on,
398
00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:36,092
I don't play that bullshit.
399
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,345
So all week long, they talkin' shit
400
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,556
'bout what they gonna do
to this motherfucka with the helmet on
401
00:19:41,556 --> 00:19:43,099
in the back with the chin trap.
402
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:46,228
I'm sittin' there like, "No, bitch.
I ain't gonna let that happen."
403
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,939
I'mma get in the business.
404
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:54,819
So come motherfuckin' Thursday,
I'mma step to these bitches.
405
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,154
[chuckles]
406
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,366
All of us special, bitch.
407
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:02,994
Okay?
408
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:07,082
Oh, I'm ready for the shit, right?
I'm ready for the shit.
409
00:20:07,082 --> 00:20:09,000
So I say to the main bitch.
410
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,795
You got the main bitch,
then you got the kiss-ass bitch.
411
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:14,673
But they two bullies,
but the one bully bitch, she the leader.
412
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:17,884
Then you got the kiss-ass bitch
that everything the leading bully say,
413
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,970
the kiss-ass bully bitch go, "Mm-hmm."
414
00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:22,597
And that used to make me
mad as a motherfucka.
415
00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:24,391
[audience chuckles]
416
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:27,602
So come Thursday,
when we get ready to get out of school,
417
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:32,065
I'm ready to let these bully bitches know
I don't go for the bullshit.
418
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,985
And I'm gonna let this sister know
y'all getting ready to fuck with her
419
00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:36,611
with this goddamn helmet.
420
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,697
So I'm gonna step to 'em.
421
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:43,827
And I say, "Listen,
I'm telling her tomorrow
422
00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:47,330
that y'all gonna fuck with her
'cause she got that goddamn helmet on."
423
00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:49,874
Now, I'm thinking
I'd done intimidated this bitch,
424
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:52,294
you know, saying mean shit to her.
425
00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:56,298
[scoffs] That bitch looked
at me and said, "You fat, retarded bitch."
426
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:58,800
"If you don't get the fuck out my face..."
427
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,721
I said, "Oh! That wasn't the response!"
428
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:06,558
"Oh, this bitch is special!"
429
00:21:06,558 --> 00:21:08,935
[audience laughing]
430
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,478
[Mo'Nique sighs]
431
00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,440
[man 13 shouts]
432
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,774
Y'all see it.
433
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:16,860
[audience cheers]
434
00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:24,868
Now, what I did not realize
was that the two bully bitches
435
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:27,620
was from East Baltimore. [chuckles]
436
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:31,249
And anybody from Baltimore know,
East Baltimore, them bitches can fight!
437
00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:32,876
[audience and Mo'Nique laugh]
438
00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:35,670
Aw, them bitches stomp fight.
They stomp bitches on the ground.
439
00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,589
[grunts]
440
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:42,802
So I go back there,
and I say to motherfuckin' Elizabeth,
441
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:44,346
"Listen here, Elizabeth."
442
00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:48,224
"Them two bully bitches
been talking shit about you
443
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:50,352
all motherfuckin' week."
444
00:21:50,852 --> 00:21:54,522
"So when they come back here,
you got to get Oletha's ass first."
445
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:56,941
"You got to fuck her up first."
446
00:21:56,941 --> 00:22:01,363
"Soon as she come back here and ask you
anything about your motherfuckin' helmet,
447
00:22:02,781 --> 00:22:04,532
you look at that bitch like..."
448
00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:08,244
"Then you rev your motherfuckin' head
back with that helmet
449
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,497
and bash that bitch in her mouth."
450
00:22:11,122 --> 00:22:13,708
"As hard as you can,
bitch, bash that bitch
451
00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:16,711
in her motherfuckin' mouth
and knock her teeth out."
452
00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:19,714
That bitch looked at me and said... "Huh!"
453
00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:21,216
[audience laughing]
454
00:22:21,216 --> 00:22:24,344
[grunting loudly]
455
00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:29,099
I say, "What the fuck?!"
456
00:22:29,099 --> 00:22:30,433
[audience laughing]
457
00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:35,855
I paused and looked at that bitch
and said, "I fucks with you, bitch!"
458
00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:40,318
I fucks with that motherfuckin'
sound effects up in here, bitch.
459
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:42,362
[grunting loudly]
460
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:46,366
Then Mr. McKinney say... [laughs]
461
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:50,203
"Elizabeth, stop all that laughin'."
462
00:22:50,203 --> 00:22:52,455
[audience laughs]
463
00:22:52,455 --> 00:22:55,834
I'm like, "Oh!
This how this bitch laughs?"
464
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,504
"Oh, bitch, we gonna have a good time!"
465
00:22:59,504 --> 00:23:01,297
[grunting loudly]
466
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:04,050
[audience whoops and cheers]
467
00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:06,928
From that day,
468
00:23:08,346 --> 00:23:09,514
to this day,
469
00:23:10,265 --> 00:23:14,894
Elizabeth and I are still the best
of motherfuckin' friends.
470
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:16,980
[audience cheers]
471
00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:23,236
And here's where this gets beautiful.
472
00:23:24,154 --> 00:23:28,158
Elizabeth could not talk...
with that helmet on.
473
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:32,245
[softly] She could not speak
474
00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:37,417
nor laugh as we know
what laughter sounds like.
475
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:41,296
But when she took the helmet off,
476
00:23:42,130 --> 00:23:45,383
she could speak as clear
477
00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:46,843
as you and I.
478
00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:52,432
She just had no control
of her motherfuckin' neck.
479
00:23:52,432 --> 00:23:54,642
- [audience laughs]
- [Mo'Nique grunts]
480
00:24:02,567 --> 00:24:03,902
[Mo'Nique groans]
481
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:10,617
[chuckles]
482
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:25,757
And I was so honored the day she called me
in the bathroom in the ninth grade.
483
00:24:25,757 --> 00:24:28,343
Because we knew
we were going our separate ways
484
00:24:28,343 --> 00:24:30,220
and we wouldn't have
the friendship that we had
485
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:31,638
because we were too young
486
00:24:31,638 --> 00:24:34,390
to make our parents take us back and forth
to see each other.
487
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:38,102
And she called me in that bathroom
in the ninth motherfuckin' grade,
488
00:24:38,102 --> 00:24:42,649
and she just did like this to me,
as if to say, "Give me a second."
489
00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:46,277
And she untrapped
that motherfuckin' chin trap...
490
00:24:46,277 --> 00:24:47,320
[audience chuckles]
491
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,989
...and took that goddamn helmet off
492
00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:51,783
and said, "Monique..."
493
00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:53,868
[audience laughs]
494
00:24:55,328 --> 00:24:57,080
I said, "Bitch, what?"
495
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,165
[audience laughs]
496
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:02,460
Oh, we laughed
so motherfuckin' hard back then!
497
00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:05,713
That bitch said, "I can talk
without the motherfuckin' helmet, bitch."
498
00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:08,258
[groans loudly]
499
00:25:09,467 --> 00:25:11,302
[audience laughing]
500
00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:15,974
- [Mo'Nique chuckles]
- [scattered applause]
501
00:25:15,974 --> 00:25:17,141
See...
502
00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:20,770
I was raised
503
00:25:21,854 --> 00:25:25,942
on Real Nigga Boulevard.
504
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:29,112
I want y'all to understand, baby,
505
00:25:29,112 --> 00:25:31,614
I was raised in Baltimore, Maryland,
506
00:25:31,614 --> 00:25:33,783
on Real Nigga Boulevard
507
00:25:33,783 --> 00:25:36,035
by some real niggas.
508
00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:38,913
And on Real Nigga Boulevard,
the number one rule is
509
00:25:38,913 --> 00:25:41,916
you don't fuck with nobody
who's not fuckin' with you,
510
00:25:41,916 --> 00:25:46,170
'cause you don't know who you fuckin' with
and you might just get fucked up.
511
00:25:46,754 --> 00:25:49,591
That's what happens
on Real motherfuckin' Nigga Boulevard.
512
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:52,677
Just so y'all understand
where I come from, baby,
513
00:25:52,677 --> 00:25:55,346
I come from Real Nigga Boulevard.
514
00:25:55,346 --> 00:25:56,806
So when nigga's got to swinging,
515
00:25:56,806 --> 00:25:58,933
they did not know
a bitch was gonna swing back.
516
00:25:58,933 --> 00:26:01,978
They did not know a bitch
is from the goddamn Congo, nigga.
517
00:26:01,978 --> 00:26:03,730
[grunting] I'm a gorilla.
518
00:26:03,730 --> 00:26:05,481
[grunts loudly]
519
00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:08,234
[audience laughing]
520
00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:09,694
See...
521
00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:13,239
I had an Uncle Donald.
522
00:26:14,282 --> 00:26:15,575
Oh!
523
00:26:16,075 --> 00:26:18,453
My uncle Donald was so incredible
524
00:26:19,120 --> 00:26:20,580
and so amazing.
525
00:26:21,289 --> 00:26:23,750
My uncle Donald was very, very dark.
526
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:26,336
And very, very gay.
527
00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:30,965
And when you're born in the '30s and '40s,
and you're very, very dark
528
00:26:30,965 --> 00:26:32,925
and you're very, very gay,
529
00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:36,929
nigga, that's all kinds of strikes
against you that you can't even imagine
530
00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:39,974
because your own family
don't wanna fuck with you
531
00:26:39,974 --> 00:26:43,061
when you were really, really dark
and really, really gay.
532
00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:45,938
And I watched them isolate
my uncle Donald.
533
00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:48,441
I watched them throw that nigga away
534
00:26:48,441 --> 00:26:51,486
while he lived
in the same house they lived in.
535
00:26:51,486 --> 00:26:53,988
But goddamn, if he didn't entertain me.
536
00:26:53,988 --> 00:26:58,242
Because every motherfuckin' Friday,
my mother would be at her mother's house,
537
00:26:58,242 --> 00:26:59,619
playing goddamn cards.
538
00:26:59,619 --> 00:27:03,706
And when I tell you these niggas
was gamblers, I want you to hear me.
539
00:27:03,706 --> 00:27:06,084
These niggas was gamblers.
540
00:27:06,084 --> 00:27:11,130
I was raised with junkies, gamblers,
alcoholics, motherfuckin' pussy sellers.
541
00:27:11,130 --> 00:27:15,051
Now, my aunt would never admit to that,
but I know that bitch was selling pussy
542
00:27:15,051 --> 00:27:18,096
to the insurance man
'cause that nigga came and went upstairs.
543
00:27:18,096 --> 00:27:21,099
"What the fuck kind of insurance
are you selling, nigga?"
544
00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:23,434
And she looked at me and said,
"Rent, bitch."
545
00:27:23,434 --> 00:27:24,727
Okay, then.
546
00:27:24,727 --> 00:27:25,978
[audience laughs]
547
00:27:25,978 --> 00:27:27,647
That's what I'm raised with.
548
00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:30,608
And they would sit
around that dining room table, baby,
549
00:27:30,608 --> 00:27:33,820
and I'm talking 'bout it was money
in the middle of that motherfucka.
550
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:35,738
Pitty Pat, Tonk, Pokeno.
551
00:27:35,738 --> 00:27:39,826
Nigga, whatever they could gamble,
them niggas would motherfuckin' gamble.
552
00:27:39,826 --> 00:27:41,911
And everybody was on struggle.
553
00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:45,164
So they were gambling
with shit they really did not have.
554
00:27:45,164 --> 00:27:48,668
It was their mother and all her children.
555
00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,754
So I thought,
the first time I saw that shit,
556
00:27:51,754 --> 00:27:53,756
that they would,
at the end of the night, say,
557
00:27:53,756 --> 00:27:57,135
"Okay, everybody divvy back up.
Get your shit. We had a good time."
558
00:27:57,135 --> 00:27:59,554
Them niggas was like,
"Nigga, you lost, nigga."
559
00:28:00,179 --> 00:28:02,181
[audience and Mo'Nique chuckle]
560
00:28:03,391 --> 00:28:04,809
And every Friday
561
00:28:05,476 --> 00:28:06,686
my uncle Donald
562
00:28:07,270 --> 00:28:08,730
would go to the bar.
563
00:28:09,272 --> 00:28:11,399
And every Friday,
three niggas, the same niggas,
564
00:28:11,399 --> 00:28:14,277
would beat him up
every motherfuckin' Friday
565
00:28:14,277 --> 00:28:17,363
and take his money
and send his drunk ass home.
566
00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:19,741
Now, what I respected
about the niggas 'round the bar,
567
00:28:19,741 --> 00:28:21,993
they never beat him up
and took all his shit.
568
00:28:21,993 --> 00:28:25,413
They beat him up and took enough
so they could keep drinking for the night
569
00:28:25,413 --> 00:28:26,748
and cab fare home.
570
00:28:26,748 --> 00:28:28,458
They was respectful drunks, nigga.
571
00:28:28,458 --> 00:28:31,669
They didn't beat that nigga up
and send him with nothin'.
572
00:28:32,170 --> 00:28:37,383
And he would come in that house
every motherfuckin' Friday, fucked up.
573
00:28:37,383 --> 00:28:39,469
And I'd be sittin'
in my chair in the dining room,
574
00:28:39,469 --> 00:28:41,220
and they playin' motherfuckin' cards.
575
00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:43,723
And he walked
from the front door to the kitchen.
576
00:28:43,723 --> 00:28:45,892
It wasn't far, front door...
577
00:28:46,851 --> 00:28:47,935
[audience laughs]
578
00:28:47,935 --> 00:28:49,187
...nigga, kitchen.
579
00:28:49,854 --> 00:28:53,274
And in between that
is the goddamn dining room, okay?
580
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:56,152
Right, and he walkin'
to that goddamn kitchen,
581
00:28:56,152 --> 00:28:57,945
and he'd take one hot dog out.
582
00:28:57,945 --> 00:28:59,781
One mother hot dog out the pack.
583
00:28:59,781 --> 00:29:03,868
One hot dog out the motherfuckin' pack
and put it on a fork, nigga.
584
00:29:03,868 --> 00:29:06,537
Not in a pan,
where you boiled that motherfucka.
585
00:29:06,537 --> 00:29:08,623
A fork, and cut the fire on
586
00:29:08,623 --> 00:29:13,419
and stand over the fire
with this hot dog on a motherfuckin' fork.
587
00:29:13,419 --> 00:29:14,796
I'm like, "Show me, nigga."
588
00:29:14,796 --> 00:29:18,007
"Shit, I love every minute
of this shit right here."
589
00:29:18,007 --> 00:29:20,092
And then he would cuss out the niggas
590
00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:22,970
that just beat him up
'round the motherfuckin' bar.
591
00:29:22,970 --> 00:29:26,224
"Come next Friday,
I'm fuckin' all you motherfuckas up."
592
00:29:26,224 --> 00:29:30,394
"Y'all got the wrong motherfucka.
I'm Donald. I'm kicking everybody ass."
593
00:29:30,394 --> 00:29:32,522
"I'mma fuck you up.
I'mma fuck your bitch up."
594
00:29:32,522 --> 00:29:33,648
"I'm fucking everybody up."
595
00:29:33,648 --> 00:29:36,526
I'd be like, "Yeah,
Uncle Donald, fuck them nigga's up."
596
00:29:36,526 --> 00:29:39,153
But I'd be saying it in my mind
while I'm being entertained.
597
00:29:39,153 --> 00:29:43,241
Then my grandmother said,
"Donald, I'm so sick of that bullshit."
598
00:29:43,241 --> 00:29:45,076
"Maybe if you said that shit to them,
599
00:29:45,076 --> 00:29:48,287
they wouldn't fuck you up every Friday,
and you'd have your money!"
600
00:29:48,287 --> 00:29:50,122
"Now, shut the fuck up!"
601
00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:51,290
[huffs]
602
00:29:51,958 --> 00:29:55,545
My uncle Donald walked out
that motherfuckin' kitchen,
603
00:29:55,545 --> 00:30:00,132
nigga, and sobered the fuck up
and stood over top of my grandmother,
604
00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:03,886
which is his motherfuckin' mother,
and said, "Mama,
605
00:30:03,886 --> 00:30:05,847
you can kiss my dick!"
606
00:30:05,847 --> 00:30:07,306
[audience gasps]
607
00:30:07,306 --> 00:30:10,768
That's the same thing I did. "Oh!"
608
00:30:10,768 --> 00:30:13,604
But I was so motherfuckin' entertained!
609
00:30:13,604 --> 00:30:15,022
So, Lee Daniels, hear me.
610
00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:18,067
That night I said,
"Y'all can suck my dick if I had one,"
611
00:30:18,067 --> 00:30:20,736
that was in honor
of my uncle Donald, nigga!
612
00:30:21,529 --> 00:30:25,408
That was me telling my uncle Donald,
"Nigga, you still in the house, nigga!"
613
00:30:25,408 --> 00:30:28,494
[audience laughing and cheering]
614
00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:30,204
[Mo'Nique] Yes, baby!
615
00:30:30,204 --> 00:30:33,666
That's my uncle Donald,
Lee, that's my uncle Donald!
616
00:30:34,166 --> 00:30:37,295
And when I tell y'all I was raised
by some strong Black women,
617
00:30:37,295 --> 00:30:38,588
please hear me.
618
00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:42,675
I was raised by some strong Black women.
619
00:30:42,675 --> 00:30:45,261
I'm talking 'bout
that kind of motherfuckin' strength
620
00:30:45,261 --> 00:30:46,554
that's unbelievable
621
00:30:46,554 --> 00:30:47,972
and undeniable.
622
00:30:47,972 --> 00:30:51,100
I was raised
by some strong-ass Black women.
623
00:30:51,100 --> 00:30:53,019
They was so motherfuckin' strong
624
00:30:53,019 --> 00:30:54,437
and motherfuckin' wrong
625
00:30:54,437 --> 00:30:55,897
and motherfuckin' miserable
626
00:30:55,897 --> 00:30:57,356
and motherfuckin' bitter
627
00:30:57,356 --> 00:30:59,859
and motherfuckin' angry
and motherfuckin' slick.
628
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,569
They was all of that.
629
00:31:01,569 --> 00:31:03,529
They were so goddamn strong.
630
00:31:04,030 --> 00:31:05,239
Till they was wrong.
631
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:12,371
So with me watching that as a little girl,
632
00:31:12,872 --> 00:31:15,291
what kind of woman do you think I became?
633
00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:19,587
What kind of woman do you think
I became for a motherfuckin' man?
634
00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:22,548
Ooh!
635
00:31:22,548 --> 00:31:24,425
[audience chuckles]
636
00:31:24,425 --> 00:31:26,802
You wanna talk about a boss bitch?
637
00:31:27,470 --> 00:31:30,806
If you opened up the dictionary,
nigga, and you looked up "boss bitch,"
638
00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:34,018
it was my motherfuckin' picture
in the goddamn block.
639
00:31:37,855 --> 00:31:40,441
Because that's how I was raised.
640
00:31:40,441 --> 00:31:44,070
My father said to me, "Whoever make
the money make the motherfuckin' rules."
641
00:31:44,070 --> 00:31:47,114
And I've always been the bitch
who's made the motherfuckin' money,
642
00:31:47,114 --> 00:31:50,326
so I've always made
the motherfuckin' rules.
643
00:31:50,826 --> 00:31:52,620
And it wasn't no conversation.
644
00:31:52,620 --> 00:31:56,123
It was just the energy that was brought
into the goddamn relationship.
645
00:31:56,123 --> 00:31:58,209
It was just the conversations
that was had.
646
00:31:58,209 --> 00:32:00,294
"So I'mma see you at nine o'clock?"
647
00:32:00,294 --> 00:32:01,337
[chuckles]
648
00:32:01,337 --> 00:32:02,922
[audience laughs]
649
00:32:04,131 --> 00:32:05,967
"The car'll be to get you at three."
650
00:32:06,592 --> 00:32:08,219
It was just understood.
651
00:32:08,719 --> 00:32:09,845
I was that.
652
00:32:10,346 --> 00:32:13,099
That's why I'm three marriages in.
653
00:32:13,099 --> 00:32:14,976
[audience chuckles]
654
00:32:14,976 --> 00:32:17,728
Don't go, "Mm, nigga."
Don't judge me. Don't do that.
655
00:32:17,728 --> 00:32:18,938
Don't do that.
656
00:32:20,398 --> 00:32:21,649
I'm three in.
657
00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:24,360
And this is my last one.
658
00:32:25,236 --> 00:32:27,321
And actually, it's really my first one.
659
00:32:27,822 --> 00:32:30,282
'Cause it's the first time
I've known my place
660
00:32:30,783 --> 00:32:32,576
as a Black man's wife.
661
00:32:33,369 --> 00:32:34,870
So many of us don't.
662
00:32:35,538 --> 00:32:36,706
[audience cheers]
663
00:32:36,706 --> 00:32:38,916
I had to learn mine.
I ain't judging, nigga.
664
00:32:38,916 --> 00:32:40,876
I had to learn my motherfuckin' place.
665
00:32:40,876 --> 00:32:42,753
Because I would wear my cape.
666
00:32:43,254 --> 00:32:45,673
And I would let that bitch flow, baby.
667
00:32:45,673 --> 00:32:49,468
And I remember when I had
to retire my cape, god damn it.
668
00:32:49,468 --> 00:32:54,724
I remember it like it was yesterday
because I woke up in boss-bitch mode.
669
00:32:54,724 --> 00:32:57,226
I woke up, and I'm runnin' shit.
670
00:32:57,226 --> 00:32:59,729
It was the last season of The Parkers.
671
00:33:00,229 --> 00:33:02,565
I'm one of the stars of a hit TV show.
672
00:33:02,565 --> 00:33:04,233
- [man 14] Yes, you were.
- Come on, nigga.
673
00:33:04,233 --> 00:33:06,569
[audience laughing]
674
00:33:06,569 --> 00:33:07,903
Come on, nigga.
675
00:33:07,903 --> 00:33:09,989
[exclaims]
676
00:33:11,741 --> 00:33:13,909
We're the Parkers ♪
677
00:33:13,909 --> 00:33:15,619
Yes, baby!
678
00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:20,875
[sighs]
679
00:33:20,875 --> 00:33:22,001
So, I get up.
680
00:33:22,835 --> 00:33:25,963
My call time is at 8:00 a.m.
681
00:33:26,714 --> 00:33:28,299
I get up at six o'clock.
682
00:33:28,799 --> 00:33:30,217
I take my shower.
683
00:33:31,260 --> 00:33:33,971
I go in, and I play
with my kids for a little while.
684
00:33:34,472 --> 00:33:36,515
I come back, and I kiss my husband.
685
00:33:37,016 --> 00:33:40,478
And I say, "Daddy, I see you
when I get back from the set."
686
00:33:40,978 --> 00:33:43,272
He said, "Mama,
go have an incredible day."
687
00:33:43,773 --> 00:33:49,403
I get in my luxurious luxury convertible
two-seater Mercedes-Benz.
688
00:33:49,403 --> 00:33:50,571
[scattered applause]
689
00:33:50,571 --> 00:33:53,741
I may have been too big
for a bitch, but I didn't give a fuck.
690
00:33:53,741 --> 00:33:54,658
[chuckles]
691
00:33:54,658 --> 00:33:56,744
[audience laughs]
692
00:33:58,913 --> 00:34:02,166
I was stuffed in the motherfucker.
"Mm-mm-mm!"
693
00:34:05,377 --> 00:34:09,715
When I get to the set,
just to tell you how this shit works,
694
00:34:09,715 --> 00:34:13,052
so you can understand
how people can lose themselves.
695
00:34:13,052 --> 00:34:15,346
When I get to the motherfuckin' set,
696
00:34:15,346 --> 00:34:18,015
there's a parking space
with my name on it.
697
00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:23,187
Before I can even park the car good,
there's somebody that opens my car door
698
00:34:23,187 --> 00:34:26,690
and takes everything I need out of my car
into my motherfuckin' dressing room.
699
00:34:26,690 --> 00:34:29,151
Then they escort me into my dressing room.
700
00:34:29,151 --> 00:34:31,654
Then there's somebody else
that comes into my dressing room,
701
00:34:31,654 --> 00:34:35,032
knocks on the goddamn door,
and takes me over to hair and makeup.
702
00:34:35,032 --> 00:34:37,952
After I get hair and makeup,
there's another bitch that comes and says,
703
00:34:37,952 --> 00:34:39,578
"We ready for you in wardrobe."
704
00:34:39,578 --> 00:34:43,499
After I do goddamn wardrobe,
then I go out on the motherfuckin' stage
705
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:46,293
and get to play the character
of a goddamn lifetime.
706
00:34:46,293 --> 00:34:47,920
You couldn't tell me, baby,
707
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,965
life wasn't motherfuckin' beautiful
in those moments,
708
00:34:50,965 --> 00:34:54,552
because everything I had dreamed of,
I was walkin' in that shit.
709
00:34:54,552 --> 00:34:57,179
Now, when we get ready to go home,
it's five o'clock.
710
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:02,268
And some of the producers on the set
all had these little crystal trinkets.
711
00:35:02,768 --> 00:35:04,228
These little crystal trinkets.
712
00:35:04,228 --> 00:35:07,106
And this is what happen
when you follow motherfuckas. I'm not her.
713
00:35:07,106 --> 00:35:09,817
I'm not the bitch
that's gonna pay $10,000 for a purse.
714
00:35:09,817 --> 00:35:11,819
I'm not gonna get red bottoms
715
00:35:11,819 --> 00:35:14,530
so my motherfuckin' feet'll hurt
so goddamn bad
716
00:35:14,530 --> 00:35:16,866
I got a attitude
for two motherfuckin' days
717
00:35:16,866 --> 00:35:19,493
'cause the pinky toe is still stuck
on the other motherfuckin' toe,
718
00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:21,412
and I can't get that bitch down.
719
00:35:21,412 --> 00:35:24,582
I'm not that bitch to do that, baby.
I'm a simple girl.
720
00:35:24,582 --> 00:35:27,251
- [man 15 shouts]
- [man 16 whoops]
721
00:35:27,251 --> 00:35:28,335
Right?
722
00:35:28,335 --> 00:35:30,796
But they had
these motherfuckin' crystal trinkets.
723
00:35:31,297 --> 00:35:33,883
And I felt like
they was putting a bitch under pressure.
724
00:35:33,883 --> 00:35:35,801
"You've got to go to the Beverly Center
725
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:37,845
and get
this motherfuckin' crystal trinket."
726
00:35:37,845 --> 00:35:39,221
"It is so cute, right?"
727
00:35:39,221 --> 00:35:42,308
I ain't into this shit,
but because the producer bitches had it,
728
00:35:42,308 --> 00:35:44,768
I had to go get me
a motherfuckin' crystal trinket
729
00:35:44,768 --> 00:35:48,772
so I could be along with the party
and say, "Bitch, I got a crystal trinket."
730
00:35:49,273 --> 00:35:50,482
Right?
731
00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:52,151
So now I get in the car.
732
00:35:52,943 --> 00:35:56,530
I'm gonna go to the Beverly Center.
That's where the motherfuckin' store is.
733
00:35:58,365 --> 00:36:00,242
I call my baby, I say, "Daddy,
734
00:36:00,910 --> 00:36:03,579
I'm gonna stop
at the Beverly Center 'fore I come home."
735
00:36:03,579 --> 00:36:05,873
"I gotta go to the trinket store."
He said, "All right."
736
00:36:05,873 --> 00:36:07,917
"Have a good time.
Take your time. I'll see you."
737
00:36:07,917 --> 00:36:09,960
"Okay, nigga, see you when I get there."
738
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,796
Now, when I get in my motherfuckin' car,
I take my blunt out.
739
00:36:12,796 --> 00:36:15,049
Let me tell y'all something
so that I'm clear.
740
00:36:15,049 --> 00:36:16,592
If y'all wanna know, do I puff?
741
00:36:16,592 --> 00:36:17,718
Yes.
742
00:36:17,718 --> 00:36:19,303
[audience laughs]
743
00:36:19,303 --> 00:36:21,096
It is from God!
744
00:36:22,181 --> 00:36:26,185
♪ It has been ordained by Jesus! ♪
745
00:36:26,685 --> 00:36:27,603
Right?
746
00:36:27,603 --> 00:36:30,898
And I got the best shit.
I don't fuck around with corner boy shit.
747
00:36:30,898 --> 00:36:32,858
I fuck around with the medicinal shit.
748
00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:36,070
I was fuckin' around with medicinal shit
before it was fuckin' legal
749
00:36:36,070 --> 00:36:37,947
to have for real for real.
750
00:36:37,947 --> 00:36:39,657
So I had the good shit, right?
751
00:36:39,657 --> 00:36:43,035
When you go to the marijuana doctor,
he said, "Mo'Nique, what's wrong?"
752
00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:44,745
I say, "Everything."
753
00:36:44,745 --> 00:36:47,915
- [audience laughs]
- [Mo'Nique giggles]
754
00:36:47,915 --> 00:36:51,210
"Give me your best shit.
Everything is bothering me."
755
00:36:51,210 --> 00:36:55,714
[in singsong] Oh, and the shit
he gave me was incredible!
756
00:36:55,714 --> 00:36:58,008
Right? So I take a little puff off of it,
757
00:36:58,008 --> 00:37:00,678
and I put it out,
and I put it in my secret compartment.
758
00:37:00,678 --> 00:37:04,181
Because I know I'm going to valet
at the goddamn Beverly Center.
759
00:37:04,181 --> 00:37:08,394
I had to learn my lesson about valetin'
at the motherfuckin' Beverly Center.
760
00:37:08,394 --> 00:37:11,230
Because when you leave
your blunt in the ashtray,
761
00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:13,649
them motherfuckas will smoke your shit.
762
00:37:13,649 --> 00:37:16,777
And when they bring you back your car,
they'll look at you like,
763
00:37:16,777 --> 00:37:18,612
- "I'm fucked up!"
- [audience laughs]
764
00:37:19,488 --> 00:37:21,323
[Mo'Nique] So I put my little shit
765
00:37:21,323 --> 00:37:24,368
in the special compartment
when I pull up to the valet.
766
00:37:24,368 --> 00:37:27,579
I get out the goddamn car,
and I go in the little trinket store,
767
00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:29,957
where they have
all these goddamn crystal trinkets.
768
00:37:29,957 --> 00:37:31,875
Now, when I get in there, it is just me,
769
00:37:31,875 --> 00:37:34,086
and there's a white salesclerk
that works there.
770
00:37:34,086 --> 00:37:36,463
Now, when I walk in there,
this bitch does not greet me,
771
00:37:36,463 --> 00:37:38,549
and that's a problem automatically, goddammit.
772
00:37:38,549 --> 00:37:40,759
You supposed to say, "hello"
and "welcome to the store."
773
00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:42,177
But I said, "Fuck this bitch."
774
00:37:42,177 --> 00:37:44,930
"I'mma go ahead
and get this goddamn crystal-ass trinket
775
00:37:44,930 --> 00:37:48,350
'cause all the producing bitches
got these goddamn crystal-ass trinkets,
776
00:37:48,350 --> 00:37:50,436
so I'mma have to fuck
with her attitude right now."
777
00:37:50,436 --> 00:37:51,770
So I go over,
778
00:37:52,604 --> 00:37:56,275
and I see
these little crystal hippopotamuses.
779
00:37:57,276 --> 00:38:01,322
Oh, baby, I think the hippopotamus
is the sexiest motherfuckin' animal
780
00:38:01,322 --> 00:38:02,948
in the goddamn jungle.
781
00:38:02,948 --> 00:38:05,451
You ever notice
how a hippopotamus bitch walk?
782
00:38:05,451 --> 00:38:07,661
Do you ever notice
how when that bitch walks,
783
00:38:07,661 --> 00:38:09,747
she always walk like,
"Nigga, come get it."
784
00:38:09,747 --> 00:38:10,914
[audience laughing]
785
00:38:10,914 --> 00:38:12,666
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
786
00:38:12,666 --> 00:38:15,461
"Nigga, I'm ready, nigga. Nigga."
787
00:38:16,295 --> 00:38:19,381
So when my husband say to me,
"Bring that hippopotamus over here,"
788
00:38:19,381 --> 00:38:21,675
"Nigga, come get it!"
789
00:38:21,675 --> 00:38:23,469
[audience laughs]
790
00:38:23,469 --> 00:38:26,263
Beautiful. So I look at the price.
791
00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:30,225
The motherfuckin' price say $525.
792
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:32,978
Now, that motherfucka was about this big.
793
00:38:33,479 --> 00:38:36,440
So I said, "Okay, Mo'Nique.
Don't trip off of this shit."
794
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,692
"Bitch, you one of the stars
on a hit show."
795
00:38:38,692 --> 00:38:43,197
"You can afford
a motherfuckin' $525 crystal-ass trinket."
796
00:38:43,697 --> 00:38:45,949
So when I get up to the register...
797
00:38:47,951 --> 00:38:49,578
the white lady ring it up.
798
00:38:49,578 --> 00:38:52,998
She never makes
fuckin' eye contact with me.
799
00:38:52,998 --> 00:38:56,960
She just ring the shit up
and said, "$5,025."
800
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,420
[audience gasps]
801
00:38:58,420 --> 00:39:00,381
I said, "I'm sorry. What did you say?"
802
00:39:00,881 --> 00:39:03,008
[chuckles]
803
00:39:03,008 --> 00:39:04,551
And then she repeated it, like,
804
00:39:04,551 --> 00:39:07,513
"Oh, I knew you couldn't afford this shit
with your Black ass."
805
00:39:07,513 --> 00:39:11,725
She said,
"Five thousand twenty-five dollars."
806
00:39:12,226 --> 00:39:15,646
And I had to let that bitch know
I'm not Whit... What was that bitch's name?
807
00:39:15,646 --> 00:39:17,481
Whitley Gilbert from A Different World,
808
00:39:17,481 --> 00:39:20,025
where she had to prove
to the white woman she could afford that.
809
00:39:20,025 --> 00:39:21,902
Bitch, fuck you. No, thank you.
810
00:39:21,902 --> 00:39:25,280
Have a beautiful day.
And put that motherfucka back.
811
00:39:26,281 --> 00:39:28,075
'Cause I'm driving home,
812
00:39:28,575 --> 00:39:30,077
I'm smoking my blunt.
813
00:39:30,077 --> 00:39:31,036
[audience laughs]
814
00:39:31,036 --> 00:39:33,163
Now, the marijuana that I have,
815
00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:36,041
it makes you very horny.
816
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:38,127
Stay with me.
817
00:39:38,627 --> 00:39:41,171
- [audience laughs]
- [Mo'Nique] Y'all like, "Ooh, bitch, ooh."
818
00:39:42,256 --> 00:39:44,466
But it takes your horniness
819
00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:47,469
in levels.
820
00:39:47,970 --> 00:39:51,348
You don't just smoke
and get horny right away. It climbs.
821
00:39:51,348 --> 00:39:53,183
So I strategically
822
00:39:54,309 --> 00:39:56,854
puffed... [chuckles]
823
00:39:56,854 --> 00:39:58,772
...'cause I know I'm goin' home.
824
00:39:59,648 --> 00:40:01,108
Right? [chuckles]
825
00:40:01,108 --> 00:40:02,818
And when I get home,
826
00:40:03,527 --> 00:40:08,282
that thang gonna kick in,
that thang thang... gonna kick in.
827
00:40:08,782 --> 00:40:11,201
So when I get home, I'm at about a seven.
828
00:40:11,702 --> 00:40:15,205
Right? I'm not there yet,
at the, "Come get this."
829
00:40:15,205 --> 00:40:18,542
I'm there like, "Oh shit."
You know what I'm sayin'?
830
00:40:18,542 --> 00:40:20,002
I'm there, right?
831
00:40:20,002 --> 00:40:23,005
So when I get at the house,
it's about seven o'clock that night.
832
00:40:24,173 --> 00:40:27,384
The first thing I do is go upstairs
and greet my motherfuckin' man.
833
00:40:27,384 --> 00:40:32,723
That is the first thing I do,
is I take my ass up those steps
834
00:40:32,723 --> 00:40:36,101
and I greet my goddamn husband.
835
00:40:36,101 --> 00:40:38,770
Then everybody else falls in line.
836
00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:42,608
My grandmother told me a long time ago,
"When you go in that goddamn house,
837
00:40:42,608 --> 00:40:45,277
your man is
the first motherfucka you see."
838
00:40:45,277 --> 00:40:48,530
"When he comes in that house,
he should be the first person you see."
839
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:51,492
So I went by that rule,
and I took my ass upstairs,
840
00:40:51,492 --> 00:40:53,035
and I greeted my husband.
841
00:40:53,535 --> 00:40:55,996
Then I went in there,
and I greeted the goddamn kids.
842
00:40:55,996 --> 00:40:58,582
Then I went downstairs,
and I greeted the staff.
843
00:40:59,166 --> 00:41:00,709
You heard me, nigga. The staff.
844
00:41:00,709 --> 00:41:02,794
[audience laughs]
845
00:41:08,759 --> 00:41:09,968
[Mo'Nique sighs]
846
00:41:09,968 --> 00:41:13,388
Then I went back upstairs,
and I play with the kids some more.
847
00:41:13,889 --> 00:41:16,058
Then I went back downstairs,
then I went back upstairs,
848
00:41:16,058 --> 00:41:17,434
and I talked to Sid a bit more,
849
00:41:17,434 --> 00:41:19,811
then I went back downstairs,
and I went back upstairs.
850
00:41:19,811 --> 00:41:21,313
And then, oh, bitch,
851
00:41:21,313 --> 00:41:24,316
about 20 minutes later,
here come the number ten.
852
00:41:24,316 --> 00:41:26,235
I am motherfuckin' there.
853
00:41:26,235 --> 00:41:30,614
It is time for the get down
on the get down.
854
00:41:30,614 --> 00:41:33,492
This good girl was talkin'
and singin' songs.
855
00:41:33,492 --> 00:41:35,953
♪ Oh, that cat-cat was meowin' ♪
856
00:41:35,953 --> 00:41:37,829
♪ Saying things, she's sayin' ♪
857
00:41:37,829 --> 00:41:39,331
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
858
00:41:39,331 --> 00:41:42,668
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow
Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
859
00:41:42,668 --> 00:41:46,171
♪ Meow, meow, meow! ♪
860
00:41:46,171 --> 00:41:48,674
[audience laughs]
861
00:41:50,092 --> 00:41:53,679
So I go into the bedroom,
and I close the door, baby.
862
00:41:54,221 --> 00:41:56,515
And I get in my sexiest position.
863
00:41:57,140 --> 00:41:58,934
You got to put that right hip out.
864
00:41:59,434 --> 00:42:00,435
- Right?
- [audience laughs]
865
00:42:00,435 --> 00:42:02,729
And you gotta open your mouth just enough.
866
00:42:02,729 --> 00:42:06,400
Not all the way to suck a dick,
but he might think you will suck a dick.
867
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:07,818
[audience laughs]
868
00:42:11,113 --> 00:42:13,115
[Mo'Nique grunting softly]
869
00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:22,874
And you've got to pump,
just a little, not hard.
870
00:42:26,545 --> 00:42:29,631
So my husband looked at me
and said, "Mama, what are you doin'?"
871
00:42:29,631 --> 00:42:30,841
[chuckles]
872
00:42:34,845 --> 00:42:38,307
I said, "Nigga, it's... it's...
I'm sexy for you, nigga."
873
00:42:38,307 --> 00:42:40,142
[audience laughs]
874
00:42:40,142 --> 00:42:42,728
I said, "I'mma need you to come over here
875
00:42:43,687 --> 00:42:45,981
and lick up on this lollipop."
876
00:42:45,981 --> 00:42:48,025
- [audience laughs]
- [woman mouthing]
877
00:42:49,610 --> 00:42:51,737
[chuckles] That nigga said,
"No, thank you."
878
00:42:51,737 --> 00:42:54,239
[audience laughs]
879
00:42:56,491 --> 00:43:00,329
"That's the wrong motherfuckin' response.
Don't you know I'm the boss, nigga?"
880
00:43:00,329 --> 00:43:04,541
"Don't you know this is my goddamn house,
my motherfuckin' cars, my goddamn money?"
881
00:43:04,541 --> 00:43:06,126
Now, I'm saying this to myself, like,
882
00:43:06,126 --> 00:43:08,503
"Nigga, have you lost
your motherfuckin' mind?"
883
00:43:08,503 --> 00:43:10,380
So I said, "Let me ask this nigga again
884
00:43:10,380 --> 00:43:14,509
and give him another opportunity
to check his goddamn self."
885
00:43:14,509 --> 00:43:16,303
So I got back in position.
886
00:43:16,303 --> 00:43:18,388
[audience laughs]
887
00:43:24,227 --> 00:43:25,771
"I'mma need you
888
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,315
to come on over here
889
00:43:28,940 --> 00:43:32,194
and lick up on this lollipop."
890
00:43:34,237 --> 00:43:37,074
That nigga said, "Maybe I wasn't clear."
891
00:43:37,074 --> 00:43:38,367
[audience laughs]
892
00:43:38,367 --> 00:43:41,119
"I said, 'No, thank you.'"
893
00:43:41,870 --> 00:43:44,247
"Now I'm in my goddamn feelings,
god damn it,
894
00:43:44,247 --> 00:43:47,209
'cause you have responded wrong
both motherfuckin' times."
895
00:43:47,209 --> 00:43:50,087
"So now I'm coming strong.
So what's your goddamn problem?"
896
00:43:50,087 --> 00:43:53,173
"Did something happen by the time
I went downstairs and came back upstairs?"
897
00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:56,218
"Did somebody call or something, nigga?
What the fuck is wrong with you?"
898
00:43:56,218 --> 00:43:58,053
He said, "There is nothing wrong with me."
899
00:43:58,053 --> 00:44:00,514
I said, "Nigga, there must
be something wrong with you
900
00:44:00,514 --> 00:44:03,934
when I'm telling you to come on
and get up on this lollipop."
901
00:44:03,934 --> 00:44:07,646
He said, "There is absolutely nothing
wrong with me, but let's discuss this."
902
00:44:07,646 --> 00:44:10,607
"You left out of this motherfucka
about seven o'clock this morning."
903
00:44:10,607 --> 00:44:14,653
"You took your ass to the set and stayed
at that bitch till about five o'clock."
904
00:44:14,653 --> 00:44:17,072
"Then you went
to the motherfuckin' Beverly Center."
905
00:44:17,072 --> 00:44:18,824
"Then you brought your ass home."
906
00:44:18,824 --> 00:44:21,743
"You
907
00:44:21,743 --> 00:44:24,371
came upstairs, went downstairs,
came upstairs, went downstairs,
908
00:44:24,371 --> 00:44:26,415
and you want me to lick that lollipop?"
909
00:44:26,415 --> 00:44:28,208
"Bitch, no, thank you."
910
00:44:28,709 --> 00:44:31,628
[audience laughs and cheers]
911
00:44:35,799 --> 00:44:39,094
I was like, "Nigga, that's Black love!
Nigga, that's Black love!"
912
00:44:39,094 --> 00:44:41,263
"You should be able
to lick me any motherfucking time!"
913
00:44:41,263 --> 00:44:42,472
"Ain't gotta be no goddamn..."
914
00:44:42,472 --> 00:44:43,932
"Nigga, now I'm in my feelings,
915
00:44:43,932 --> 00:44:45,809
and I'm ready
to walk out the room fucked up."
916
00:44:45,809 --> 00:44:48,186
He said, "You know what, Mo'Nique?
You know what?"
917
00:44:48,186 --> 00:44:49,229
"Never mind."
918
00:44:49,730 --> 00:44:51,273
"Bring that ass on over here."
919
00:44:51,982 --> 00:44:54,401
Now, I'm sayin' to myself,
"You goddamn right."
920
00:44:54,901 --> 00:44:57,195
[scoffs] "You better check that shit,
nigga."
921
00:44:57,696 --> 00:44:58,697
♪ Many men ♪
922
00:44:58,697 --> 00:45:00,157
[audience laughs]
923
00:45:02,075 --> 00:45:06,121
Now, when I got in front of him,
I stood there
924
00:45:07,372 --> 00:45:09,082
like the masculint...
925
00:45:09,583 --> 00:45:10,917
[sighs, scoffs]
926
00:45:10,917 --> 00:45:13,712
[audience laughs]
927
00:45:15,088 --> 00:45:17,340
...nigga that I saw
the women in my family be.
928
00:45:17,340 --> 00:45:19,426
Like, "Nigga, you better go on
and get that."
929
00:45:19,926 --> 00:45:21,344
Then he took his hand
930
00:45:23,013 --> 00:45:24,931
and put it on my good girl
931
00:45:25,515 --> 00:45:28,602
and got to twiddlin' with that lollipop!
932
00:45:28,602 --> 00:45:34,441
I was like, "Oh yeah!
Get it, get it, get it, get it!"
933
00:45:34,441 --> 00:45:37,736
And then, when he removed his hand,
I just knew
934
00:45:37,736 --> 00:45:42,783
that that nigga was gettin' ready
to get to get to lickin' on the lollipop.
935
00:45:42,783 --> 00:45:46,119
What I did not know
was that he was taking that hand
936
00:45:46,119 --> 00:45:48,288
that he put on my lollipop
937
00:45:48,288 --> 00:45:49,748
and put it under my nose.
938
00:45:49,748 --> 00:45:52,125
[sniffs] I said,
"Nigga, what the fuck is that?!"
939
00:45:52,125 --> 00:45:54,461
[audience laughing hysterically]
940
00:45:54,461 --> 00:45:57,631
"What the fuck is that, nigga?
Are you trying to haunt me, nigga?"
941
00:45:58,131 --> 00:45:59,174
"The fuck was that?"
942
00:45:59,174 --> 00:46:02,177
He said, "Bitch, that's your lollipop!"
943
00:46:02,177 --> 00:46:04,262
[audience laughs]
944
00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:12,229
Oh, bitch, I was devastated!
945
00:46:12,229 --> 00:46:13,271
Do you hear me?
946
00:46:13,271 --> 00:46:15,649
Because what the fuck
can you say in that moment?
947
00:46:15,649 --> 00:46:18,485
There's not shit you can say.
You can't say shit.
948
00:46:18,485 --> 00:46:20,946
If he says your pussy stank last week,
you could say,
949
00:46:20,946 --> 00:46:22,781
"Nigga, fuck you.
That was last week, nigga."
950
00:46:22,781 --> 00:46:24,825
But it was in the moment!
951
00:46:24,825 --> 00:46:26,034
[audience laughs]
952
00:46:26,034 --> 00:46:28,286
[Mo'Nique] Oh, I took
that motherfuckin' cape off.
953
00:46:28,286 --> 00:46:30,997
I had to retire the goddamn cape.
954
00:46:30,997 --> 00:46:33,124
And see, what I had to understand was
955
00:46:34,042 --> 00:46:38,380
there were no hygiene conversations
with me when I was a young girl.
956
00:46:38,380 --> 00:46:41,675
There weren't those conversations
that my mother had with me that said,
957
00:46:41,675 --> 00:46:43,134
"You must take care of yourself."
958
00:46:43,134 --> 00:46:46,638
"And when you a big girl,
one shower a day will not fuckin' get it."
959
00:46:46,638 --> 00:46:50,100
"You've got to get in that shower
in the morning and the nighttime."
960
00:46:50,100 --> 00:46:53,061
"And if it's August, bitch,
in the morning, in the afternoon,
961
00:46:53,061 --> 00:46:56,398
brunch, and then in the evening,
'fore you go to bed, and late night."
962
00:46:56,398 --> 00:46:58,567
"You got to wash that ass repeatedly."
963
00:46:58,567 --> 00:47:00,861
No one ever had
those conversations with me.
964
00:47:00,861 --> 00:47:03,154
[audience chuckles]
965
00:47:03,154 --> 00:47:04,781
Except for my grandmother.
966
00:47:05,532 --> 00:47:06,867
My father's mother.
967
00:47:07,617 --> 00:47:09,870
[softly] My grandmother Mimi
was everything.
968
00:47:10,370 --> 00:47:11,872
She was about this tall.
969
00:47:11,872 --> 00:47:15,709
She was just a few inches
over being a little person.
970
00:47:15,709 --> 00:47:18,044
About this tall and very, very dark.
971
00:47:18,545 --> 00:47:21,631
And she really, really fought with that.
972
00:47:22,382 --> 00:47:25,010
But she would tell me,
"Mo'Nique, you are my prize."
973
00:47:25,802 --> 00:47:27,971
Can you imagine someone telling you that?
974
00:47:27,971 --> 00:47:30,390
- [audience] Aww.
- "You are my prize."
975
00:47:30,891 --> 00:47:33,727
So everything my grandmother told me,
I believed.
976
00:47:34,519 --> 00:47:37,647
'Cause I knew
she would never tell me nothin' wrong.
977
00:47:38,273 --> 00:47:41,192
Everything she set me down
and taught me, baby,
978
00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:42,944
I took that shit in.
979
00:47:42,944 --> 00:47:46,281
So when I was 13 years old...
I will never forget this.
980
00:47:46,281 --> 00:47:50,076
When I was 13 years old,
my grandmother called me in her room.
981
00:47:50,076 --> 00:47:51,369
She said, "Nikki."
982
00:47:52,329 --> 00:47:53,663
I said, "Ma'am?"
983
00:47:54,164 --> 00:47:55,624
She says, "Sit down."
984
00:47:56,124 --> 00:47:57,667
I say, "Yes, ma'am."
985
00:47:57,667 --> 00:47:58,919
She said, "Listen."
986
00:47:59,419 --> 00:48:02,589
"Don't you ever put a dick in your mouth."
987
00:48:02,589 --> 00:48:03,840
[audience laughs]
988
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,676
"'Cause if you do, it will explode."
I said, "Oh, shit!"
989
00:48:06,676 --> 00:48:09,471
[audience laughs and claps]
990
00:48:10,889 --> 00:48:12,891
"Oh! I'm never gonna
put no dick in my mouth!"
991
00:48:12,891 --> 00:48:15,936
"I don't want no dick to explode!"
She said, "Good."
992
00:48:15,936 --> 00:48:18,229
"Don't you ever put a dick in your mouth."
993
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:20,857
And that was
the last motherfuckin' conversation we had
994
00:48:20,857 --> 00:48:23,109
about dick-sucking, "Just don't do it."
995
00:48:23,693 --> 00:48:26,571
So from the time I was 13
till the time I was 22,
996
00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:28,239
I had never sucked a dick.
997
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,660
And the only reason
why I sucked his dick when I was 22
998
00:48:31,660 --> 00:48:33,286
is because he was kind.
999
00:48:33,286 --> 00:48:34,412
He was kind.
1000
00:48:34,412 --> 00:48:35,413
[audience laughs]
1001
00:48:37,123 --> 00:48:40,794
That nigga had so much kindness
in his heart.
1002
00:48:40,794 --> 00:48:43,213
We had a day date.
It was on a Sunday, nigga.
1003
00:48:43,213 --> 00:48:44,297
It was beautiful.
1004
00:48:44,297 --> 00:48:46,341
And we went to the little park
and everything.
1005
00:48:46,341 --> 00:48:47,968
Walked around the harbor and shit.
1006
00:48:47,968 --> 00:48:51,972
So when he invited me back to his house,
I was like, "I sure will go back."
1007
00:48:51,972 --> 00:48:54,516
We went back.
We had a glass of wine and everything.
1008
00:48:54,516 --> 00:48:57,018
We just sittin',
talkin', havin' a good time.
1009
00:48:57,602 --> 00:48:59,980
And then he looked at me
and said, "Mo'Nique?"
1010
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:01,898
I said, "Yes?"
1011
00:49:02,983 --> 00:49:05,193
He said, "Would you mind suckin' my dick?"
1012
00:49:05,193 --> 00:49:07,278
[audience laughs]
1013
00:49:14,744 --> 00:49:16,913
I said, "I sure will suck your dick."
1014
00:49:17,914 --> 00:49:22,043
Wasn't that a beautiful exchange, bitch?
Did you see how we just did that?
1015
00:49:25,422 --> 00:49:28,550
And then I said to him,
"Let me tell you something right now."
1016
00:49:29,134 --> 00:49:32,220
"I've never... sucked a dick before."
1017
00:49:32,721 --> 00:49:34,889
He said, "Mo'Nique, don't you worry."
1018
00:49:36,057 --> 00:49:38,143
"I will teach you how to suck my dick."
1019
00:49:38,143 --> 00:49:39,310
[audience laughs]
1020
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:41,354
I said, "How gracious is that?"
1021
00:49:41,354 --> 00:49:42,480
[audience laughs]
1022
00:49:43,773 --> 00:49:46,317
"That he is gonna teach me
how to suck his dick,
1023
00:49:46,317 --> 00:49:47,652
not just any ol' dick."
1024
00:49:47,652 --> 00:49:50,321
That nigga said,
"I will teach you how to suck my dick."
1025
00:49:50,321 --> 00:49:52,741
"Well, goddammit, this is beautiful."
1026
00:49:52,741 --> 00:49:53,700
[audience laughs]
1027
00:49:54,284 --> 00:49:55,660
So he say, "Listen."
1028
00:49:57,579 --> 00:49:59,622
"When I put my dick in your mouth
1029
00:50:00,957 --> 00:50:03,543
start suckin' it
like it's a choo choo train."
1030
00:50:04,461 --> 00:50:07,672
"You know how when the train
first take off from the station?"
1031
00:50:08,214 --> 00:50:09,674
"It take off slow."
1032
00:50:10,550 --> 00:50:11,926
"So you suck slow."
1033
00:50:11,926 --> 00:50:14,846
[imitating train chugging slowly]
1034
00:50:17,682 --> 00:50:19,976
[chugging grows faster]
1035
00:50:19,976 --> 00:50:22,937
"Now," he said, "the train gonna speed up.
You got to speed up."
1036
00:50:22,937 --> 00:50:24,064
[chugging grows faster]
1037
00:50:28,651 --> 00:50:29,736
"Now full speed ahead!"
1038
00:50:29,736 --> 00:50:31,446
[imitating train speeding]
1039
00:50:31,446 --> 00:50:33,615
That nigga said, "Choo choo!"
1040
00:50:33,615 --> 00:50:38,036
And I heard my grandmother say,
"The dick will blow up in your mouth!"
1041
00:50:38,036 --> 00:50:41,122
Oh, I bit that nigga's dick so hard!
1042
00:50:41,122 --> 00:50:42,123
[audience laughs]
1043
00:50:42,123 --> 00:50:45,085
[Mo'Nique] Oh!
1044
00:50:45,752 --> 00:50:48,088
That nigga hit me
in the side of my head so hard,
1045
00:50:48,088 --> 00:50:50,965
I fell off
the motherfuckin' sofa, bitch! [gasps]
1046
00:50:50,965 --> 00:50:54,177
And I know I blacked out
for about 17 seconds.
1047
00:50:55,595 --> 00:50:57,097
Oh, when I came to.
1048
00:50:57,889 --> 00:51:01,309
Oh, when I came to, I looked
at that nigga and said, "Jail, nigga."
1049
00:51:01,309 --> 00:51:05,688
"You are going to fuckin' jail
because you have assaulted me, nigga!"
1050
00:51:05,688 --> 00:51:09,275
"You were trying to blow us up
and blow up the motherfuckin' block!"
1051
00:51:09,275 --> 00:51:11,361
"I will not let you do it, nigga!"
1052
00:51:11,361 --> 00:51:13,780
"I will save the block, nigga!"
1053
00:51:13,780 --> 00:51:15,115
[audience laughs]
1054
00:51:15,115 --> 00:51:17,033
"I am callin' the police!"
1055
00:51:17,033 --> 00:51:19,786
"Your Black ass is going to jail!"
1056
00:51:19,786 --> 00:51:22,789
"Look at my motherfuckin' head,
nigga! Jail!"
1057
00:51:22,789 --> 00:51:24,999
[audience laughs]
1058
00:51:24,999 --> 00:51:27,418
Ooh, when the police came!
1059
00:51:27,418 --> 00:51:29,212
Now, both of us naked.
1060
00:51:30,421 --> 00:51:33,007
We're standing in his bitch naked.
1061
00:51:33,007 --> 00:51:34,425
I'm 22.
1062
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:36,427
At 22, you would think
I had perky titties,
1063
00:51:36,427 --> 00:51:39,013
but my titties was doing the same thing
they did at 54.
1064
00:51:39,013 --> 00:51:41,349
[audience laughs]
1065
00:51:41,349 --> 00:51:42,517
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
1066
00:51:42,517 --> 00:51:46,020
My titties never came in straight.
They came in like gorilla titties.
1067
00:51:46,020 --> 00:51:47,522
[in singsong] Straight down!
1068
00:51:48,022 --> 00:51:49,816
So I'm standing there naked.
1069
00:51:49,816 --> 00:51:52,235
And it was two policemen.
1070
00:51:52,235 --> 00:51:55,155
One white one and one Black one.
1071
00:51:55,655 --> 00:51:58,783
Oh, and when they came,
and the white one start talkin' first,
1072
00:51:58,783 --> 00:52:01,870
I said, "Nigga, that's the boss.
You goin' to motherfuckin' jail!"
1073
00:52:01,870 --> 00:52:03,204
"You goin' to jail!"
1074
00:52:03,204 --> 00:52:05,707
So the white officer said,
"Ma'am, what happened?"
1075
00:52:06,207 --> 00:52:10,837
I said, "Sir, he knocked me
in the side of my head!"
1076
00:52:11,588 --> 00:52:13,631
"And I... I'm dizzy."
1077
00:52:14,424 --> 00:52:16,342
"And I want him arrested!"
1078
00:52:16,843 --> 00:52:18,553
"Jail, nigga, jail!"
1079
00:52:18,553 --> 00:52:21,139
The white officer says, "Sir,
1080
00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:23,933
turn around and place your hands
behind your back."
1081
00:52:23,933 --> 00:52:25,935
I said, "That's right, nigga!
Jail, nigga!"
1082
00:52:25,935 --> 00:52:29,147
Until the Black officer
got fuckin' involved.
1083
00:52:29,147 --> 00:52:31,983
And the Black officer
told the white officer, "Hold up."
1084
00:52:31,983 --> 00:52:35,403
"Don't handcuff him."
I said, "Oh, this nigga's the boss."
1085
00:52:35,403 --> 00:52:37,739
[audience laughs]
1086
00:52:37,739 --> 00:52:40,074
So the Black officer did not ask me
what happened.
1087
00:52:40,074 --> 00:52:42,702
He asked the goddamn man
what the fuck happened!
1088
00:52:42,702 --> 00:52:46,414
He said,
"Sir, explain to me what happened."
1089
00:52:46,414 --> 00:52:47,957
He said, "Thank you, brother."
1090
00:52:47,957 --> 00:52:51,878
I said, "Oh, they using code words
in this motherfucka."
1091
00:52:52,587 --> 00:52:56,090
He said, "Sir, she was suckin' my dick."
1092
00:52:56,090 --> 00:52:57,592
I was like, "Oh."
1093
00:52:57,592 --> 00:52:59,677
[audience laughs]
1094
00:53:01,721 --> 00:53:04,515
Like, that sounded so fucked up,
didn't it?
1095
00:53:04,515 --> 00:53:08,311
"Oh, nigga, that's painful!
You don't have to say it like that!"
1096
00:53:08,311 --> 00:53:10,396
Because then everybody lookin'
right the fuck at me
1097
00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:13,233
like I'm the last whore
on the goddamn block!
1098
00:53:15,068 --> 00:53:18,613
So then, the brother gonna say to him,
"I'm sorry, sir. What did you say again?"
1099
00:53:18,613 --> 00:53:20,698
"I said she was suckin' my dick."
1100
00:53:20,698 --> 00:53:22,784
[Mo'Nique clears throat, sighs]
1101
00:53:22,784 --> 00:53:25,495
"And I was tryin' to teach her
how to suck my dick
1102
00:53:25,495 --> 00:53:27,914
like the train take off
in the train station."
1103
00:53:27,914 --> 00:53:30,416
"So I told her,
'When I put my dick in your mouth,
1104
00:53:30,416 --> 00:53:32,543
you know,
you suck it like it's first takin' off.'"
1105
00:53:32,543 --> 00:53:35,088
[imitating train chugging along]
1106
00:53:35,088 --> 00:53:37,090
Then I see the Black police officer
1107
00:53:37,090 --> 00:53:39,384
doin' the motherfuckin' train
with this nigga.
1108
00:53:39,384 --> 00:53:40,343
[chugging]
1109
00:53:40,343 --> 00:53:44,597
I said, "Oh, this nigga done told a bitch
how to suck his dick too."
1110
00:53:44,597 --> 00:53:45,556
"Shit!"
1111
00:53:45,556 --> 00:53:47,308
[audience laughs]
1112
00:53:47,308 --> 00:53:50,019
So after he got finished explaining,
1113
00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:52,313
I looked at those two police officers
and I said,
1114
00:53:52,313 --> 00:53:54,816
"Listen, this is
a motherfuckin' terrorist."
1115
00:53:54,816 --> 00:53:57,819
"He is a terrorist,
and he is loaded with bombs."
1116
00:53:57,819 --> 00:54:00,822
"And y'all must lock him up!"
So now, shit got serious!
1117
00:54:00,822 --> 00:54:04,075
They said, "Ma'am, where are the bombs?
Where are the explosives?"
1118
00:54:04,075 --> 00:54:05,743
I say, "In his dick!"
1119
00:54:05,743 --> 00:54:07,829
"His dick is full of bombs!"
1120
00:54:07,829 --> 00:54:09,205
"It's full of bombs!"
1121
00:54:09,205 --> 00:54:12,208
"He's gonna blow up the block!
I have saved everyone!"
1122
00:54:12,208 --> 00:54:13,960
[in singsong] "I'm a hero!"
1123
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:15,003
"Get him!"
1124
00:54:16,963 --> 00:54:19,507
The Black officer got
on his motherfuckin' walkie-talkie
1125
00:54:19,507 --> 00:54:21,384
and said, "We have an EDP."
1126
00:54:21,884 --> 00:54:23,136
[audience laughs]
1127
00:54:23,136 --> 00:54:27,849
Now, I don't know what the fuck an EDP is,
so I just put it together in my mind.
1128
00:54:27,849 --> 00:54:30,101
You got an erect dysfunctional penis.
1129
00:54:30,101 --> 00:54:31,686
"That is not what it is, sir."
1130
00:54:31,686 --> 00:54:33,396
"He has bombs in his dick."
1131
00:54:33,396 --> 00:54:34,897
"He's gonna blow us up!"
1132
00:54:34,897 --> 00:54:37,567
He was like, "EDP, quick!"
1133
00:54:37,567 --> 00:54:40,737
When the motherfucka got there
for the EDP,
1134
00:54:40,737 --> 00:54:43,531
that stood for "emotionally distressed...
1135
00:54:43,531 --> 00:54:44,949
[chuckles] ...person."
1136
00:54:44,949 --> 00:54:46,534
I'm like, "Who is that?"
1137
00:54:46,534 --> 00:54:48,077
[audience laughs]
1138
00:54:48,077 --> 00:54:51,664
Baby, when they put
that motherfuckin' straitjacket on me,
1139
00:54:52,999 --> 00:54:55,918
and took me to the goddamn psych ward,
1140
00:54:55,918 --> 00:54:57,879
I don't have on no drawers or nothin'.
1141
00:54:57,879 --> 00:55:00,131
I just got on the jacket and my ho ass!
1142
00:55:00,131 --> 00:55:02,216
[audience laughs]
1143
00:55:04,093 --> 00:55:09,140
They kept me in there
for 72 motherfuckin' hours, evaluating me.
1144
00:55:09,140 --> 00:55:13,019
And a sister who was next door to me,
she said, "What you in here for?"
1145
00:55:13,019 --> 00:55:15,229
I said, "Bitch, I saved the block!"
1146
00:55:15,229 --> 00:55:17,440
[audience chuckles]
1147
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:20,902
"This nigga's dick was getting ready
to blow up, and I bit that bitch!"
1148
00:55:20,902 --> 00:55:22,779
She said, "Bitch,
that's why I'm in here too."
1149
00:55:22,779 --> 00:55:24,864
"My grandmother told me the same shit."
1150
00:55:24,864 --> 00:55:26,657
[audience laughs]
1151
00:55:26,657 --> 00:55:28,451
[audience applauds]
1152
00:55:28,451 --> 00:55:30,286
And when I left there,
1153
00:55:30,787 --> 00:55:34,457
I went straight...
to my goddamn grandmother's house.
1154
00:55:34,457 --> 00:55:36,501
- [audience chuckles]
- [Mo'Nique sighs]
1155
00:55:36,501 --> 00:55:39,629
I said, "Mimi, you told me
1156
00:55:40,922 --> 00:55:43,883
that the dick would blow up
1157
00:55:44,675 --> 00:55:47,261
if you put it... in your mouth."
1158
00:55:47,887 --> 00:55:49,597
And my grandmother chuckled.
1159
00:55:49,597 --> 00:55:50,723
[laughs]
1160
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:55,686
She said, "Oh, Nikki,
one day you'll understand."
1161
00:55:56,187 --> 00:56:00,066
And that's when my uncle Tina walked by
and said, "That's why I'm a dyke."
1162
00:56:00,066 --> 00:56:02,151
[audience laughs]
1163
00:56:07,698 --> 00:56:11,160
[chuckles] Yes, the fuck she did.
See, that's what I grew up with.
1164
00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,079
That's what I grew up with, baby.
1165
00:56:13,079 --> 00:56:16,791
I grew up with that,
and when I tell you my grandmother
1166
00:56:18,084 --> 00:56:19,293
was incredible...
1167
00:56:20,086 --> 00:56:21,337
Right?
1168
00:56:21,337 --> 00:56:24,549
This woman treated me like
the sun did not come up till I woke up.
1169
00:56:25,049 --> 00:56:27,510
And it didn't go down
till I went the fuck to sleep.
1170
00:56:28,010 --> 00:56:30,430
And if I woke up at three o'clock
in the morning and I said,
1171
00:56:30,430 --> 00:56:32,557
"Mimi, I'm hungry,"
1172
00:56:33,182 --> 00:56:34,225
my grandmother would get up
1173
00:56:34,225 --> 00:56:37,103
and goddamn fry me
three chicken wings hard.
1174
00:56:37,103 --> 00:56:38,729
[Mo'Nique sighs]
1175
00:56:38,729 --> 00:56:42,608
Some motherfuckin' mashed potatoes, nigga.
Not from the box. She boiled 'em bitches.
1176
00:56:42,608 --> 00:56:45,570
Some string beans
and two pieces of goddamn white bread.
1177
00:56:45,570 --> 00:56:48,156
That's why a bitch is fat right now.
She fed me good.
1178
00:56:48,656 --> 00:56:51,617
Then she'd take me back upstairs
and put me in the bed.
1179
00:56:53,327 --> 00:56:55,746
And she would be sitting there
when I fell asleep.
1180
00:56:56,497 --> 00:57:00,877
And when I woke back up,
she would be sitting right there.
1181
00:57:01,836 --> 00:57:04,130
In her eyes, I was everything.
1182
00:57:05,006 --> 00:57:06,966
And my grandmother has a daughter.
1183
00:57:08,384 --> 00:57:12,013
But we call her daughter Uncle Tina.
1184
00:57:12,013 --> 00:57:14,056
[audience murmurs]
1185
00:57:14,056 --> 00:57:16,267
Some of y'all niggas was
in the special-ed class with me
1186
00:57:16,267 --> 00:57:18,686
'cause y'all looking round like,
"What does she mean?"
1187
00:57:19,312 --> 00:57:21,481
[audience laughs]
1188
00:57:21,481 --> 00:57:23,733
My uncle Tina,
if she walked in here right now,
1189
00:57:23,733 --> 00:57:25,985
you would think
you were looking at a whole man.
1190
00:57:26,652 --> 00:57:27,987
She has a full beard.
1191
00:57:28,488 --> 00:57:30,865
She wears something
to smash her breasts down.
1192
00:57:30,865 --> 00:57:34,869
She puts something in her pants to make
it look like she could have a dick.
1193
00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:37,288
And she wears men clothes and men shoes.
1194
00:57:37,288 --> 00:57:40,541
[Mo'Nique] Everything about my uncle Tina
is a man.
1195
00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:45,046
So for you babies in the LGBTQ community,
1196
00:57:45,046 --> 00:57:46,547
I want y'all to hear me.
1197
00:57:46,547 --> 00:57:51,886
I respect every-motherfuckin'-body in here
free enough to be their goddamn selves.
1198
00:57:51,886 --> 00:57:52,803
[audience applauds]
1199
00:57:52,803 --> 00:57:54,180
I respect niggas that say,
1200
00:57:54,180 --> 00:57:56,682
"I don't give a fuck
what you think or say."
1201
00:57:56,682 --> 00:57:58,809
"I'mma walk in my goddamn shit."
1202
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:02,188
And any time you have people
that always got shit to say,
1203
00:58:02,188 --> 00:58:03,773
and so motherfuckin' curious,
1204
00:58:03,773 --> 00:58:07,318
please understand, those are the niggas
that wanna see what it's really like.
1205
00:58:07,318 --> 00:58:10,196
And they'll bend over the furthest,
so don't get mad or offended.
1206
00:58:10,196 --> 00:58:13,533
Just know they wanna get
that poddy-po-po-po-poke!
1207
00:58:13,533 --> 00:58:15,618
[audience applauds]
1208
00:58:17,453 --> 00:58:20,164
See, my grandmother
could not come to grips
1209
00:58:20,957 --> 00:58:24,085
that she had... a gay daughter.
1210
00:58:25,253 --> 00:58:27,338
She could only love her privately.
1211
00:58:28,005 --> 00:58:30,091
She couldn't love her publicly.
1212
00:58:31,259 --> 00:58:33,928
Because the Church
had my grandmother fucked up.
1213
00:58:35,012 --> 00:58:37,890
That goddamn Church,
baby, in our communities
1214
00:58:37,890 --> 00:58:41,310
will do some shit to us
and rip apart motherfuckin' families,
1215
00:58:41,310 --> 00:58:43,729
just like it's going out of goddamn style.
1216
00:58:43,729 --> 00:58:46,107
And they'll put "In the name of Jesus"
in front of it.
1217
00:58:46,107 --> 00:58:49,193
And I watched that shit happen
to my sweet grandmother.
1218
00:58:49,193 --> 00:58:53,114
She just could not come to grips
that she had a goddamn daughter
1219
00:58:53,114 --> 00:58:55,157
that was goddamn gay, baby.
1220
00:58:55,157 --> 00:58:57,827
And I would watch them
when they would go out publicly.
1221
00:58:58,327 --> 00:59:02,039
And just the way my aunt would breathe
would fuck with my grandmother.
1222
00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:04,959
"Why you breathing like that?"
I'd be like, "Well, what the fuck?"
1223
00:59:04,959 --> 00:59:07,253
- "Should she hold her breath?"
- [audience laughs]
1224
00:59:07,253 --> 00:59:09,255
"Will that take the gay away?" [gasps]
1225
00:59:09,255 --> 00:59:11,340
[audience laughs]
1226
00:59:15,094 --> 00:59:16,679
And my uncle Tina...
1227
00:59:18,264 --> 00:59:21,601
was very honest with me... as a little girl
1228
00:59:21,601 --> 00:59:24,395
because what they knew was
I had no judgment.
1229
00:59:24,895 --> 00:59:26,897
I didn't know how to judge.
1230
00:59:27,648 --> 00:59:30,484
All I knew how to do was treat you
how the fuck you treated me,
1231
00:59:30,484 --> 00:59:33,195
and my goddamn uncle Tina
was very good to me,
1232
00:59:33,195 --> 00:59:35,281
right, as a little girl.
1233
00:59:35,281 --> 00:59:38,367
So one Christmas, I'm about seven.
1234
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:42,496
And all the adults are in the dining room.
I'm in the motherfuckin' kitchen.
1235
00:59:42,496 --> 00:59:45,124
All the kids are in the living room,
playing with their toys.
1236
00:59:45,124 --> 00:59:46,876
Why the fuck I was in the kitchen?
1237
00:59:46,876 --> 00:59:49,962
Uh, okay, bitch, because I was, right?
1238
00:59:49,962 --> 00:59:51,839
Pies and cookies
and cakes and shit, bitch.
1239
00:59:51,839 --> 00:59:53,424
[in singsong] I was in the kitchen!
1240
00:59:53,966 --> 00:59:54,842
Right?
1241
00:59:55,468 --> 00:59:59,138
So, my uncle Tina comes in the kitchen
and she says, "Nikki?"
1242
00:59:59,805 --> 01:00:00,973
I said, "Ma'am?"
1243
01:00:01,891 --> 01:00:03,392
She said, "I'm a dyke."
1244
01:00:03,392 --> 01:00:04,769
[audience chuckles]
1245
01:00:04,769 --> 01:00:06,187
I said, "Me too."
1246
01:00:06,187 --> 01:00:07,938
[audience laughs]
1247
01:00:09,315 --> 01:00:13,944
Because she said it so beautifully, right?
Like, "Bitch, me too. I'm that."
1248
01:00:13,944 --> 01:00:16,697
And then she said, "No, no, no, no, no."
1249
01:00:16,697 --> 01:00:18,157
"I'm a bull dyke."
1250
01:00:20,743 --> 01:00:21,786
[chuckles]
1251
01:00:21,786 --> 01:00:25,373
"Me too! I am a bull dyke too."
1252
01:00:25,873 --> 01:00:29,001
Then she said, "Nikki, I fucks women."
1253
01:00:30,336 --> 01:00:31,587
I say, "Okay."
1254
01:00:31,587 --> 01:00:33,673
[audience laughs]
1255
01:00:37,176 --> 01:00:39,053
Because, bitch,
I don't have nothing for that.
1256
01:00:39,053 --> 01:00:40,930
I don't have anything for that.
1257
01:00:42,014 --> 01:00:44,016
[audience chuckles]
1258
01:00:53,859 --> 01:00:57,113
And I watched those two women... struggle.
1259
01:00:59,782 --> 01:01:03,953
I watched them struggle in the way that
my grandmother left this earth.
1260
01:01:05,162 --> 01:01:08,624
And they just couldn't... come together.
1261
01:01:09,333 --> 01:01:11,377
Because she thought she was a failure.
1262
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:15,297
Because she brought a gay child
into the world.
1263
01:01:16,006 --> 01:01:21,429
The church had fucked her up to believe
that her daughter was a sin, right?
1264
01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:24,140
And that's how she treated her.
1265
01:01:25,099 --> 01:01:27,435
So imagine the confusion
I went through as a child
1266
01:01:27,435 --> 01:01:30,855
because here, this woman,
for me, goddammit,
1267
01:01:30,855 --> 01:01:32,815
I'm everything.
1268
01:01:33,649 --> 01:01:35,401
But the one you fuck for
1269
01:01:37,069 --> 01:01:39,405
you can't wrap your arms around her
1270
01:01:39,405 --> 01:01:41,073
'cause the way she came here.
1271
01:01:41,907 --> 01:01:44,160
And I watched them struggle.
1272
01:01:44,744 --> 01:01:46,662
Oh, I watched them struggle.
1273
01:01:46,662 --> 01:01:51,250
And when my grandmother left here,
my uncle Tina became a homeless drunk.
1274
01:01:52,543 --> 01:01:55,838
Because she just couldn't understand
1275
01:01:55,838 --> 01:01:57,965
why her mother
1276
01:01:57,965 --> 01:02:02,636
could not love her
the way she needed to be loved, right?
1277
01:02:04,305 --> 01:02:05,473
And I felt...
1278
01:02:06,932 --> 01:02:07,892
[clicks tongue]
1279
01:02:08,601 --> 01:02:10,227
I felt cowardly
1280
01:02:11,228 --> 01:02:12,772
when my grandmother left.
1281
01:02:16,025 --> 01:02:18,068
Because I couldn't tell my grandmother
1282
01:02:19,779 --> 01:02:21,781
who her granddaughter really was.
1283
01:02:23,908 --> 01:02:26,243
'Cause I didn't wanna be loved privately.
1284
01:02:28,412 --> 01:02:31,040
I adored how she adored me.
1285
01:02:31,540 --> 01:02:34,543
When we were walkin' to the store,
if I was on a magazine cover,
1286
01:02:34,543 --> 01:02:38,506
she made sure everybody
in that fuckin' store knew
1287
01:02:38,506 --> 01:02:40,674
that I was her grandchild
1288
01:02:41,175 --> 01:02:43,177
and I was her prize.
1289
01:02:46,472 --> 01:02:48,516
So I couldn't tell my grandmother
1290
01:02:49,391 --> 01:02:50,893
my secret thoughts.
1291
01:02:52,144 --> 01:02:53,687
And my fantasies.
1292
01:02:56,398 --> 01:02:58,234
'Cause I didn't want her
1293
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:03,405
to love me privately, and I did not want
her to leave this earth
1294
01:03:03,405 --> 01:03:05,574
thinking that she was a failure.
1295
01:03:06,492 --> 01:03:07,952
'Cause had I told her...
1296
01:03:10,162 --> 01:03:11,497
my secret thoughts...
1297
01:03:15,918 --> 01:03:17,628
she would've left thinking
1298
01:03:18,712 --> 01:03:19,964
that she failed.
1299
01:03:21,298 --> 01:03:25,135
Now, I know y'all are looking
at me, saying, "Wait a minute, bitch."
1300
01:03:25,135 --> 01:03:26,595
[audience laughs]
1301
01:03:28,264 --> 01:03:30,349
"Are you a motherfuckin' dyke?"
1302
01:03:30,349 --> 01:03:31,767
[audience laughs]
1303
01:03:31,767 --> 01:03:34,436
No, I'm not... all the way.
1304
01:03:34,436 --> 01:03:35,813
[audience laughs]
1305
01:03:42,570 --> 01:03:44,780
Oh, I couldn't say it to her out loud.
1306
01:03:44,780 --> 01:03:46,991
I could not say it to her out loud.
1307
01:03:46,991 --> 01:03:49,410
And do you know
how hard it is to keep a secret?
1308
01:03:51,579 --> 01:03:53,372
Secrets cause cancer.
1309
01:03:59,420 --> 01:04:01,213
Some of y'all got secrets right now.
1310
01:04:01,213 --> 01:04:03,007
Y'all like, "Bitch,
please don't look at me."
1311
01:04:03,007 --> 01:04:05,175
"'Cause this shit is getting ready
to come outta me
1312
01:04:05,175 --> 01:04:07,261
if I just open my goddamn mouth. Secrets!"
1313
01:04:09,930 --> 01:04:11,599
But when you're born with that,
1314
01:04:13,142 --> 01:04:15,477
there's absolutely nothing
you can do about it.
1315
01:04:16,645 --> 01:04:17,730
Nothing.
1316
01:04:18,522 --> 01:04:20,441
And please understand, I tried.
1317
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:24,361
Oh, I tried to fuck it away, baby.
I want y'all to hear me.
1318
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:26,947
I tried to fuck that away from me
1319
01:04:26,947 --> 01:04:29,450
because I didn't wanna be treated
like I had a disease
1320
01:04:29,450 --> 01:04:30,743
or something was wrong.
1321
01:04:30,743 --> 01:04:34,580
So I tried to fuck
as many niggas as I could.
1322
01:04:34,580 --> 01:04:37,958
Now, I wasn't no...
like, no whore whore, but...
1323
01:04:37,958 --> 01:04:39,710
[audience laughs]
1324
01:04:39,710 --> 01:04:41,712
...you know, I was one third, nigga.
1325
01:04:41,712 --> 01:04:43,672
I was a quarter of a whore.
1326
01:04:43,672 --> 01:04:47,927
Nikki Parker was,
"Hey, Professor Oglevee!"
1327
01:04:47,927 --> 01:04:51,138
There was a lot of them niggas
around the world, nigga! Oh!
1328
01:04:51,138 --> 01:04:52,681
[audience chuckles]
1329
01:04:56,060 --> 01:04:58,896
But I kept that secret,
and I promised myself
1330
01:04:58,896 --> 01:05:00,814
I would never tell anyone.
1331
01:05:02,441 --> 01:05:04,401
That I would take that to my grave.
1332
01:05:06,612 --> 01:05:08,697
Because I saw how they treated
1333
01:05:09,698 --> 01:05:12,242
the people in my family with that disease.
1334
01:05:12,993 --> 01:05:16,205
'Cause they made us believe
it was a disease.
1335
01:05:16,872 --> 01:05:18,040
Right?
1336
01:05:18,999 --> 01:05:22,503
And one night,
that desire was on me so bad.
1337
01:05:23,629 --> 01:05:25,130
I was in the bed asleep.
1338
01:05:26,298 --> 01:05:28,884
And that little thing
kept tappin' my shoulder.
1339
01:05:28,884 --> 01:05:30,761
[softly] Like, "Pussy, pussy."
1340
01:05:30,761 --> 01:05:31,804
[audience laughs]
1341
01:05:33,514 --> 01:05:34,932
[audience cheers]
1342
01:05:36,934 --> 01:05:40,187
And I'm layin' in that bed,
and I'm so goddamn scared because
1343
01:05:40,688 --> 01:05:42,356
this my third husband.
1344
01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:44,316
Right?
1345
01:05:44,316 --> 01:05:45,234
[audience laughs]
1346
01:05:45,234 --> 01:05:47,152
It's the third one, baby.
1347
01:05:47,903 --> 01:05:49,363
This that one...
1348
01:05:50,030 --> 01:05:51,115
Ha.
1349
01:05:52,199 --> 01:05:54,201
...that loved me when I was at my worst.
1350
01:05:54,702 --> 01:05:56,578
Like I was at my best.
1351
01:05:57,413 --> 01:05:59,331
This is that one, baby...
1352
01:06:00,124 --> 01:06:01,208
Hmm.
1353
01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:04,253
...that makes me feel like
no other human being
1354
01:06:04,253 --> 01:06:08,007
on the face of this earth
has ever made me feel before.
1355
01:06:08,007 --> 01:06:09,466
This is that one.
1356
01:06:09,466 --> 01:06:12,469
And some Black women question,
"Why do you call him Daddy?"
1357
01:06:12,469 --> 01:06:15,931
Let me tell you why. I'mma be very clear.
'Cause that nigga raisin' me.
1358
01:06:15,931 --> 01:06:18,851
Let me tell you why
I call that Black man "Daddy."
1359
01:06:18,851 --> 01:06:21,478
'Cause that Black man giving me
everything my motherfucking father
1360
01:06:21,478 --> 01:06:24,982
either didn't know how to give me
or didn't give a fuck to give it to me.
1361
01:06:24,982 --> 01:06:27,151
That's why I call that Black man "Daddy."
1362
01:06:27,151 --> 01:06:30,779
When you got a Black man that make
all your motherfuckin' wrongs right...
1363
01:06:31,780 --> 01:06:35,701
Oh, baby, that night I laid
in that goddamn bed, and I was so scared...
1364
01:06:37,036 --> 01:06:38,495
I was so scared.
1365
01:06:39,371 --> 01:06:42,624
'Cause I'm sayin' to myself,
"This not what he signed up for."
1366
01:06:43,834 --> 01:06:47,254
He signed up for you, bitch.
Not you and another bitch.
1367
01:06:47,254 --> 01:06:48,756
[audience laughs]
1368
01:06:54,511 --> 01:06:55,971
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
1369
01:06:55,971 --> 01:06:57,389
So what do you do?
1370
01:06:57,973 --> 01:07:01,435
What do you do in that moment
when you're layin' next to the person
1371
01:07:01,435 --> 01:07:04,605
that's been knowin' you better
than you know your motherfuckin' self?
1372
01:07:04,605 --> 01:07:07,316
Because they paid attention
to you when y'all were kids
1373
01:07:07,316 --> 01:07:10,402
far more than you paid attention
to your own goddamn self.
1374
01:07:10,402 --> 01:07:11,945
And I'm laying in that bed, baby,
1375
01:07:11,945 --> 01:07:14,156
and that thing is
on my back so motherfuckin' hard,
1376
01:07:14,156 --> 01:07:18,035
it's making me sick,
mentally, physically, spiritually,
1377
01:07:18,035 --> 01:07:21,455
'cause I feel like I can't tell nobody
what I was born with.
1378
01:07:21,455 --> 01:07:24,249
And I had to wake that nigga up
out of his sleep, baby.
1379
01:07:24,249 --> 01:07:25,626
I'm so scared 'cause I'm sayin',
1380
01:07:25,626 --> 01:07:28,337
"Please, when I tell you,
don't walk away from me."
1381
01:07:29,463 --> 01:07:31,381
"'Cause it'll take my breath away."
1382
01:07:31,882 --> 01:07:34,176
"But I gotta tell you,
baby, 'cause you know me,
1383
01:07:34,176 --> 01:07:35,969
you know when something ain't right,
1384
01:07:35,969 --> 01:07:38,639
and something
haven't been right for years."
1385
01:07:39,932 --> 01:07:43,227
But because I'm a celebrity, a... a star,
1386
01:07:43,727 --> 01:07:45,187
I could mask it.
1387
01:07:45,187 --> 01:07:47,523
I could mask it with my pretty things.
1388
01:07:47,523 --> 01:07:50,692
But that night, the mask had to come off.
1389
01:07:51,193 --> 01:07:52,111
[sighs]
1390
01:07:52,611 --> 01:07:54,446
And I had to wake him up.
1391
01:07:55,447 --> 01:07:58,742
[clicks tongue] And I said,
"Daddy, I gotta tell you somethin'."
1392
01:07:59,868 --> 01:08:01,620
He said, "Mama, what's wrong?"
1393
01:08:02,913 --> 01:08:04,706
I said, "I got a secret."
1394
01:08:06,959 --> 01:08:11,547
"And promise me when I tell you,
you won't walk away from me."
1395
01:08:13,090 --> 01:08:15,717
He said, "Mo'Nique,
there's nothing you can tell me
1396
01:08:16,927 --> 01:08:19,096
that would make me walk away from you."
1397
01:08:21,181 --> 01:08:22,516
I said, "Okay."
1398
01:08:23,350 --> 01:08:24,810
"Here we go."
1399
01:08:24,810 --> 01:08:28,147
I said, "Daddy..."
He said, "Wait a minute, bitch."
1400
01:08:28,147 --> 01:08:30,107
[audience laughs]
1401
01:08:31,525 --> 01:08:33,443
"Have you killed somebody, bitch?"
1402
01:08:35,529 --> 01:08:38,532
I said, "No, nigga,
I ain't killed no-motherfuckin'-body."
1403
01:08:39,324 --> 01:08:40,909
He said, "All right. Go ahead."
1404
01:08:42,244 --> 01:08:44,288
[audience chuckles]
1405
01:08:44,997 --> 01:08:46,415
I said, "Daddy..."
1406
01:08:47,332 --> 01:08:49,960
And my heart is racin'
'cause this is the first time
1407
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:53,463
I was getting ready
to say it out loud to anybody.
1408
01:08:55,340 --> 01:08:56,466
[Mo'Nique grunts]
1409
01:08:57,926 --> 01:08:59,303
I said, "Daddy,
1410
01:09:00,637 --> 01:09:04,099
I wanna be with another woman, sexually."
1411
01:09:06,143 --> 01:09:12,191
And he looked at me, so beautifully
and so patient and so loving...
1412
01:09:14,151 --> 01:09:15,986
and said, "Bitch, me too!"
1413
01:09:15,986 --> 01:09:17,321
[audience laughs]
1414
01:09:18,655 --> 01:09:22,409
He said, "You find that bitch,
and we will fuck that bitch together!"
1415
01:09:22,910 --> 01:09:26,622
He said, "Is that what's been fuckin'
with you all these years, bitch?"
1416
01:09:26,622 --> 01:09:29,374
He said, "Pussy is amazin'!"
1417
01:09:29,374 --> 01:09:34,046
I was like, "Nigga, for real!"
He said, "Bitch, go get you some pussy!"
1418
01:09:35,672 --> 01:09:39,051
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
1419
01:09:40,302 --> 01:09:43,055
And then I said to myself,
"I must keep it a fantasy."
1420
01:09:45,265 --> 01:09:47,809
"I must keep it a fantasy
because I know me."
1421
01:09:48,477 --> 01:09:51,438
"And they would talk about me
in the LGBTQ community."
1422
01:09:51,438 --> 01:09:54,483
"They would talk about me and say,
'That bitch fights for equality,
1423
01:09:54,483 --> 01:09:56,860
but that bitch
ain't willing to give equality.'"
1424
01:09:56,860 --> 01:09:58,904
- [chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
1425
01:09:59,863 --> 01:10:02,199
'Cause after you lick me,
bitch, thank you.
1426
01:10:02,199 --> 01:10:04,117
[audience laughs]
1427
01:10:06,703 --> 01:10:08,789
"You want some coffee or something?"
1428
01:10:10,916 --> 01:10:13,877
"No, ma'am. No, ma'am. No, ma'am."
1429
01:10:14,670 --> 01:10:17,130
"Don't you put your puss-- No!"
1430
01:10:19,007 --> 01:10:20,884
"Well, Mo'Nique, I did you, bitch!"
1431
01:10:20,884 --> 01:10:22,386
"And thank you!"
1432
01:10:23,178 --> 01:10:25,639
- [imitating Aibileen] "You is kind."
- [audience laughing]
1433
01:10:26,223 --> 01:10:28,225
"You is smart."
1434
01:10:28,767 --> 01:10:31,353
"You is important!"
1435
01:10:33,522 --> 01:10:35,232
Folk were asking me...
1436
01:10:36,692 --> 01:10:38,235
"How are you able
1437
01:10:39,528 --> 01:10:40,862
to keep goin'?"
1438
01:10:41,905 --> 01:10:46,118
"How are you able, bitch, to keep goin'?"
1439
01:10:46,702 --> 01:10:50,747
Because when you are born
a fat little Black girl,
1440
01:10:51,248 --> 01:10:54,418
all you want is validation and acceptance.
1441
01:10:54,418 --> 01:10:56,670
That's all the fuck you want.
1442
01:10:56,670 --> 01:11:00,424
You just want motherfuckas to accept you.
1443
01:11:00,424 --> 01:11:04,261
And you will do anything you can
to try to get that acceptance.
1444
01:11:04,261 --> 01:11:06,847
You fightin'
for that motherfuckin' acceptance.
1445
01:11:06,847 --> 01:11:09,182
And when I got older,
I said, "You know what, Mo'Nique?"
1446
01:11:09,182 --> 01:11:13,729
"What you gotta do
is accept shit and be okay with shit."
1447
01:11:13,729 --> 01:11:15,731
So I had to accept the fact
1448
01:11:16,356 --> 01:11:20,027
that my father
was a motherfuckin' alcoholic
1449
01:11:20,027 --> 01:11:22,237
and really didn't give a fuck
about his family.
1450
01:11:22,237 --> 01:11:27,326
I had to accept the fact
that my mother was a goddamn gambler
1451
01:11:27,326 --> 01:11:29,870
and would gamble away
any motherfuckin' thing.
1452
01:11:29,870 --> 01:11:31,830
I had to accept the fact
1453
01:11:31,830 --> 01:11:34,624
that my oldest brother
was a goddamn molester.
1454
01:11:34,624 --> 01:11:37,544
I had to accept the fact
that my other brother
1455
01:11:37,544 --> 01:11:41,256
signed my name to motherfuckin' documents
and fucked with my reputation.
1456
01:11:41,256 --> 01:11:44,092
I don't judge it.
It's just what the fuck it is.
1457
01:11:44,092 --> 01:11:48,722
So it allowed me to accept...
when people were telling me what I wasn't.
1458
01:11:48,722 --> 01:11:52,100
When motherfuckas told me,
"You're no Dave Chappelle."
1459
01:11:52,100 --> 01:11:54,311
"You're no Amy Schumer."
1460
01:11:54,311 --> 01:11:56,480
"You're no Chris Rock."
1461
01:11:56,480 --> 01:11:58,648
Them motherfuckas was right.
1462
01:11:58,648 --> 01:12:01,818
Because my name is Mo'Nique.
1463
01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:03,904
[audience cheering and applauding]
1464
01:12:03,904 --> 01:12:07,199
["My Name Is Mo'Nique" playing]
1465
01:12:10,660 --> 01:12:12,120
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
1466
01:12:15,624 --> 01:12:17,000
[Mo'Nique] Oh!
1467
01:12:18,335 --> 01:12:19,544
Oh!
1468
01:12:21,505 --> 01:12:22,506
Oh!
1469
01:12:26,343 --> 01:12:27,719
[man 17 whoops]
1470
01:12:27,719 --> 01:12:29,805
[audience whooping]
1471
01:12:32,099 --> 01:12:33,975
[Mo'Nique whoops]
1472
01:12:38,063 --> 01:12:41,817
[audience chanting] Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
1473
01:12:41,817 --> 01:12:48,615
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
1474
01:12:48,615 --> 01:12:51,743
["My Name Is Mo'Nique" continues playing]
1475
01:12:58,125 --> 01:13:00,460
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
1476
01:13:31,908 --> 01:13:33,201
{\an8}♪ Yes ♪
1477
01:13:49,676 --> 01:13:51,803
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
1478
01:14:19,122 --> 01:14:20,248
♪ Yes ♪
1479
01:14:40,769 --> 01:14:42,646
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
1480
01:15:10,298 --> 01:15:11,341
♪ Yes ♪
1481
01:15:43,707 --> 01:15:45,709
[song fades out]