1 00:00:00,758 --> 00:00:02,718 [upbeat jazz music] 2 00:00:02,724 --> 00:00:04,384 ♪ She was unemployed, unhappy, 3 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:05,969 ♪ she had no cash. 4 00:00:05,965 --> 00:00:08,755 ♪ Pretending to be classy, but just poor white trash. ♪ 5 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,098 ♪ The tragic but true fact is 6 00:00:10,103 --> 00:00:11,523 ♪ a bitter aging actress 7 00:00:11,517 --> 00:00:14,547 ♪ who's agent just recently dropped her. ♪ 8 00:00:14,551 --> 00:00:17,101 ♪ Sittin' on her ass, drinking cheap boxed wine, ♪ 9 00:00:17,103 --> 00:00:19,903 ♪ 'til she took a bogus class while at home online. ♪ 10 00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:22,756 ♪ Finished fast, came in last, barely passed. ♪ 11 00:00:22,758 --> 00:00:26,338 ♪ Now the bitch calls herself a doctor. ♪ 12 00:00:26,344 --> 00:00:29,174 ♪ Who would have guessed that this phony would treat ♪ 13 00:00:29,172 --> 00:00:33,102 ♪ the craziest of the showbiz elite ♪ 14 00:00:33,103 --> 00:00:36,103 ♪ And now the only thing more distant and more scary ♪ 15 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,143 ♪ is her slutty blonde assistant, that dumb whore, Sherry. ♪ 16 00:00:39,137 --> 00:00:41,717 ♪ You don't wanna be on her client list. ♪ 17 00:00:41,724 --> 00:00:46,694 ♪ It's Doctor Jackie, the unlicensed psychotherapist. ♪ 18 00:00:49,689 --> 00:00:52,029 [door slams] 19 00:00:53,310 --> 00:00:54,790 [laughing] 20 00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:57,003 Honey, that's what I said. 21 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,140 I told him if you want anal, 22 00:00:59,137 --> 00:01:02,067 you're gonna have to do a lot better than Applebee's. 23 00:01:02,068 --> 00:01:03,588 [laughter] 24 00:01:03,586 --> 00:01:05,656 Oh my God, you know exactly what I'm talking about biatch. 25 00:01:05,655 --> 00:01:07,895 [laughter] 26 00:01:07,896 --> 00:01:09,546 I gotta go. Bye mom. 27 00:01:11,517 --> 00:01:14,587 Well hi, and welcome to Dr. Jackie's show- office. 28 00:01:14,586 --> 00:01:18,546 I mean Dr. Jackie's office, how may I help you? 29 00:01:18,551 --> 00:01:22,241 I'm Tiffany, I'm leasing the office next door. 30 00:01:22,241 --> 00:01:24,761 I wanted to come over and introduce myself 31 00:01:24,758 --> 00:01:26,378 Hi, I'm Sherry. 32 00:01:26,379 --> 00:01:29,169 to Dr. Jackie. I've seen her on TV. 33 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:32,482 I wanted to introduce myself to Dr. Jackie. 34 00:01:32,482 --> 00:01:33,722 Oh, okay. 35 00:01:33,724 --> 00:01:35,244 Well, she's not here 36 00:01:35,241 --> 00:01:38,411 and I'm not expecting her until much, much later. 37 00:01:38,413 --> 00:01:41,863 Good morning. I wasn't expecting you. 38 00:01:41,862 --> 00:01:43,412 [clearing throat] 39 00:01:43,413 --> 00:01:45,003 Oh, this is Susan. 40 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,280 Tiffany. 41 00:01:46,275 --> 00:01:47,685 Susan's renting the space next door. 42 00:01:47,689 --> 00:01:49,379 I'm an aesthetic nurse. 43 00:01:49,379 --> 00:01:52,829 I wanted to come by and say hello and offer you a 44 00:01:52,827 --> 00:01:55,927 complimentary procedure of your choice. 45 00:01:55,931 --> 00:01:58,831 Oh, that is so generous of you. 46 00:01:58,827 --> 00:01:59,617 Thank you. 47 00:02:01,034 --> 00:02:03,834 You don't, by any chance, do a tattoo removal do you? 48 00:02:03,827 --> 00:02:05,097 I would love to get rid of this 49 00:02:05,103 --> 00:02:07,933 Dave Chappelle portrait on my shoulder 50 00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:11,861 and maybe the I heart J.K. Rowling tramp stamp? 51 00:02:13,379 --> 00:02:14,789 I'm afraid I don't. 52 00:02:14,793 --> 00:02:19,173 I specialize in Botox, filler, follicle rejuvenation, 53 00:02:22,068 --> 00:02:24,478 lip plumping, hair removal. 54 00:02:24,482 --> 00:02:27,002 Hair removal? Oh, I might be interested in that. 55 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,830 Do you have a weed whacker over there? 56 00:02:28,827 --> 00:02:30,137 [laughing] 57 00:02:30,137 --> 00:02:33,207 Hey, could you maybe help me get rid of this 58 00:02:33,206 --> 00:02:37,896 unsightly thing that has been embarrassing me for years? 59 00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:38,856 [laughing] 60 00:02:38,862 --> 00:02:40,172 Just kidding, Shirley. 61 00:02:40,172 --> 00:02:41,002 I love you. 62 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:41,860 Sherry. 63 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,342 Whatever. 64 00:02:43,344 --> 00:02:47,624 You know, the combination of all that cheap, greasy, 65 00:02:49,275 --> 00:02:53,375 heavy makeup and all this unflattering fluorescent lighting 66 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:57,788 can really wreak havoc on one's face. 67 00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:03,070 [laughing] Oh, I'm sorry if that sounded insensitive. 68 00:03:03,068 --> 00:03:06,928 It's just that skin changes the older you get. 69 00:03:09,310 --> 00:03:12,690 Well I'm right next door. So just let me know. 70 00:03:12,689 --> 00:03:15,519 Yes, I will. And just to show you 71 00:03:15,517 --> 00:03:18,167 how much I appreciate you coming over here, 72 00:03:18,172 --> 00:03:21,342 I'd like to offer you one free therapy session 73 00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:22,864 of your choice. 74 00:03:22,862 --> 00:03:25,932 I specialize in helping clueless, classless idiots 75 00:03:25,931 --> 00:03:28,071 gain common social skills. 76 00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:31,034 [thump] 77 00:03:31,931 --> 00:03:33,551 What's my first appointment? 78 00:03:33,551 --> 00:03:35,521 Oh, these two weirdos. 79 00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:37,757 They just called to say that they were having trouble 80 00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:41,068 parking because the vibrations were off. 81 00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:43,165 F M L. 82 00:03:43,172 --> 00:03:44,242 Huh? 83 00:03:44,241 --> 00:03:47,211 That means fuck my life. 84 00:03:47,206 --> 00:03:48,516 Just kidding. 85 00:03:48,517 --> 00:03:50,067 [upbeat music] 86 00:03:50,068 --> 00:03:50,928 [typing] 87 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:51,861 Horrible. Just awful. 88 00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:53,212 Oh my God, the receptionist. 89 00:03:53,206 --> 00:03:54,276 Oh, it's a wasteland. 90 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:55,095 It's awful. 91 00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:55,973 It's a spiritual 92 00:03:55,965 --> 00:03:57,515 District nine. 93 00:03:57,517 --> 00:03:58,997 It's a spiritual vacuum out there. Just like I'm. 94 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,340 Ugh. 95 00:04:00,344 --> 00:04:01,484 We're here to help people. 96 00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:02,412 Yeah. 97 00:04:02,413 --> 00:04:03,693 So how can we help you? 98 00:04:03,689 --> 00:04:04,339 We come in, it's like a Brillo pad 99 00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:05,624 Oh my God. 100 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,900 of bad energy up in my face. Just, 101 00:04:06,896 --> 00:04:08,166 Hi you guys. 102 00:04:08,172 --> 00:04:10,282 Sh, ba ba ba bah, no, no, no, 103 00:04:10,275 --> 00:04:11,375 No, no, no, not yet. 104 00:04:11,379 --> 00:04:12,209 Uh uh. 105 00:04:12,206 --> 00:04:13,136 Not yet. 106 00:04:13,137 --> 00:04:13,967 We have to set our intentions 107 00:04:13,965 --> 00:04:15,335 Always do that. 108 00:04:15,344 --> 00:04:18,104 We have to set the operation thing. Just like, 109 00:04:18,103 --> 00:04:21,593 there. Gonna get some good stuff going, 110 00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:24,996 because I am already in a mood and I don't need that on. 111 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,340 Do you have a lighter dear or long handled lighter? 112 00:04:27,344 --> 00:04:28,554 I brought matches. 113 00:04:28,551 --> 00:04:29,761 Thank you. Babe, look at me in the eye. 114 00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:30,588 You're welcome. 115 00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:31,656 Thank you. 116 00:04:31,655 --> 00:04:32,475 You're welcome. 117 00:04:32,482 --> 00:04:33,312 Thanks for being my, 118 00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:34,140 [breathes out] 119 00:04:34,137 --> 00:04:35,477 break up some of this. 120 00:04:35,482 --> 00:04:36,662 My champion. 121 00:04:38,206 --> 00:04:39,026 Ah, yes. 122 00:04:40,241 --> 00:04:42,281 A mask in case we want to go blank. 123 00:04:42,275 --> 00:04:44,855 Just gonna take that out. Oh, oh, that's better. 124 00:04:44,862 --> 00:04:45,972 Just get this out of the way 125 00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:46,895 So much better. 126 00:04:46,896 --> 00:04:47,616 Just set that right there. 127 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:48,450 [sniff] Mmmm 128 00:04:48,448 --> 00:04:50,208 That's a coaster. 129 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:51,136 [tongue roll] 130 00:04:51,137 --> 00:04:52,137 No no no, just, um, can you 131 00:04:52,137 --> 00:04:53,827 A coaster. 132 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,477 She's adorable. 133 00:04:55,482 --> 00:04:57,932 Labels? No, gonna lay that down there, over there. 134 00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:01,381 Okay. Well gentlemen, I don't want to misgender anybody. 135 00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:02,209 Yeah. Be careful. 136 00:05:02,206 --> 00:05:03,026 Gentlemen okay? 137 00:05:03,034 --> 00:05:03,904 Yeah, uh, 138 00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:04,926 I don't like gentle. 139 00:05:04,931 --> 00:05:05,861 I don't man. 140 00:05:05,862 --> 00:05:07,072 I don't appreciate that. 141 00:05:07,068 --> 00:05:08,408 So spirit, sweet sprite spirits. 142 00:05:08,413 --> 00:05:10,763 Sweet sprite spirits, let's start. Now 143 00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:14,028 Yeah, 'cause this is very harsh and priapic 144 00:05:14,034 --> 00:05:15,284 and I don't need to look at that. 145 00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:16,545 I might get too aroused by it so, 146 00:05:16,551 --> 00:05:19,411 Ugh, electronics. Not great, but, 147 00:05:19,413 --> 00:05:21,693 Okay. You guys just breathe. 148 00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,309 Thank you so much for being here. 149 00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:24,760 Thank you. 150 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,998 That was a lot, but remember we only have 50 minutes. 151 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,170 So Peodor and Grimsley. 152 00:05:29,172 --> 00:05:30,692 [blowing lips] 153 00:05:30,689 --> 00:05:31,519 No, wrong again. 154 00:05:31,517 --> 00:05:33,277 Opposite. 155 00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:33,995 Wow. Not intuitive at all. 156 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,240 I'm so sorry. 157 00:05:35,241 --> 00:05:36,451 Should we change chairs for you? 158 00:05:36,448 --> 00:05:37,688 Is that what you need it to be? 159 00:05:37,689 --> 00:05:38,859 We've never met, no come on you guys. 160 00:05:38,862 --> 00:05:40,342 [laughter] 161 00:05:40,344 --> 00:05:42,384 Let's try to keep this a fertile zone if you will. 162 00:05:42,379 --> 00:05:43,339 Ooh, yes. 163 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,174 Um 164 00:05:44,172 --> 00:05:45,692 Like my throat. 165 00:05:45,689 --> 00:05:47,859 Um, so let's just get to brass tax if you will. 166 00:05:47,862 --> 00:05:48,692 Yes. 167 00:05:48,689 --> 00:05:49,929 Why are we here? 168 00:05:49,931 --> 00:05:51,971 We are depleted from helping others. 169 00:05:51,965 --> 00:05:54,025 Just exhausted. 170 00:05:54,034 --> 00:05:55,314 Yeah. What exactly do you do? 171 00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:56,590 I mean, I see you the accoutrement of your, 172 00:05:56,586 --> 00:05:57,656 [laughing] 173 00:05:57,655 --> 00:05:59,335 What do we do? 174 00:05:59,344 --> 00:06:00,174 Clearly we do 175 00:06:00,172 --> 00:06:01,002 Is it healing? Or 176 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,140 Yes. A. That 177 00:06:03,137 --> 00:06:03,997 Yes. 178 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,830 B. Fulfilling. 179 00:06:05,827 --> 00:06:07,617 Yes. Spiritual purging. 180 00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:09,170 Radical screen jumping. 181 00:06:09,172 --> 00:06:10,032 Yes. 182 00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:11,284 It's all in the 183 00:06:11,275 --> 00:06:12,305 Shriek enlightenment. 184 00:06:12,310 --> 00:06:13,690 Yeah. 185 00:06:13,689 --> 00:06:15,099 Ignoring truth. 186 00:06:15,103 --> 00:06:16,283 Yeah. There's a, the grip. 187 00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:18,305 The grip of forgiveness. 188 00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:19,240 Uh oh. 189 00:06:19,241 --> 00:06:20,101 The gripping of forgiveness. 190 00:06:20,103 --> 00:06:21,383 No, no, no. 191 00:06:21,379 --> 00:06:22,789 I've never heard the phrase ignoring truth. 192 00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:23,623 Yeah, oh 193 00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:24,450 That, uh 194 00:06:24,448 --> 00:06:25,448 Why would you wanna 195 00:06:25,448 --> 00:06:26,478 I recommend it. 196 00:06:26,482 --> 00:06:27,412 There's a word for that. 197 00:06:27,413 --> 00:06:29,283 We need someone delusion. 198 00:06:29,275 --> 00:06:30,855 I named my niece delusion, 199 00:06:30,862 --> 00:06:32,412 they let me raise her for three months. 200 00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:35,833 The state took her away from me. But her, uh 201 00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:36,717 Which state was that? 202 00:06:36,724 --> 00:06:38,384 Huh? Wiscon. 203 00:06:38,379 --> 00:06:39,789 Wiscon. 204 00:06:39,793 --> 00:06:42,593 I won't say sin. Wiscon. 205 00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:45,336 I don't like sin. I love to sin. 206 00:06:45,344 --> 00:06:47,904 I don't like the negative connotation. Here's the thing, 207 00:06:47,896 --> 00:06:49,586 Where did you hear? 208 00:06:49,586 --> 00:06:53,476 Did you see my, did you see my bus bench ad, or 209 00:06:53,482 --> 00:06:54,692 Maybe. 210 00:06:54,689 --> 00:06:55,899 I'm just curious as did someone 211 00:06:55,896 --> 00:06:57,136 I'm getting a, 212 00:06:57,137 --> 00:06:59,307 I'm getting a vision of you on maybe like 213 00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:01,240 a television program of some sort. 214 00:07:01,241 --> 00:07:02,241 You seem elegant. 215 00:07:02,241 --> 00:07:03,071 Oh, you saw me on 216 00:07:03,068 --> 00:07:03,928 We hate television. 217 00:07:03,931 --> 00:07:04,761 We won't deal with it. 218 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,928 We don't like it. 219 00:07:05,931 --> 00:07:06,901 Maybe we were walking by a storefront 220 00:07:06,896 --> 00:07:07,756 with televisions in it. 221 00:07:07,758 --> 00:07:08,998 Yeah. 222 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:09,930 You know, we saw you on television, possibly. 223 00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:11,381 In a small town in America. 224 00:07:11,379 --> 00:07:12,309 Yeah. 225 00:07:12,310 --> 00:07:13,410 You were passing a store. 226 00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:14,483 So. In Connecti. In Connecti. 227 00:07:14,482 --> 00:07:15,312 Connecti. 228 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,000 I don't say cut. 229 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,340 God no, cause cut is harsh and very violent. 230 00:07:19,344 --> 00:07:21,694 But we definitely saw you in our thing, 231 00:07:21,689 --> 00:07:23,029 and you know. 232 00:07:23,034 --> 00:07:25,344 Uh, that. That's interesting. That's weird. 233 00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,554 I guess it's just like, therapists need therapy. 234 00:07:27,551 --> 00:07:28,931 Mm-hmm. 235 00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:29,861 So I just invented that and I like it. 236 00:07:29,862 --> 00:07:30,792 Have you met a more brilliant, 237 00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:31,593 a more brilliant, more sexy. 238 00:07:31,586 --> 00:07:32,826 So help us. Help! 239 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:33,967 sweet, sweet fellow? 240 00:07:33,965 --> 00:07:34,785 Thank you. 241 00:07:34,793 --> 00:07:35,723 [exhales] 242 00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:38,034 Now, are you too a couple? 243 00:07:38,034 --> 00:07:38,904 A couple? 244 00:07:38,896 --> 00:07:40,096 No, no we are not. 245 00:07:40,103 --> 00:07:41,033 No, not right now we're not. Okay? 246 00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,004 No. No, we're not right now. 247 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:42,830 Let's just be clear we're not. 248 00:07:42,827 --> 00:07:43,657 We were. 249 00:07:43,655 --> 00:07:45,095 Agreed. 250 00:07:45,103 --> 00:07:47,933 We used to be. We were and have someone hoards his sweat. 251 00:07:47,931 --> 00:07:49,721 And someone keeps their toenail clippings 252 00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:51,004 in a tiny little jar. 253 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:51,830 Okay. 254 00:07:51,827 --> 00:07:53,307 So anyway, I was raised, 255 00:07:53,310 --> 00:07:54,930 my father made us live in a sand castle for the first five 256 00:07:54,931 --> 00:07:58,901 years of my life. So I have a lot of abandonment issues. 257 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:01,966 How do you, how did you get on that TV show? 258 00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:03,275 It was an early thing. 259 00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,855 Good morning USA. 260 00:08:04,862 --> 00:08:05,692 Whatever, sure. 261 00:08:05,689 --> 00:08:06,619 Sure, if you say so. 262 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,410 So that's, you know, yeah. 263 00:08:07,413 --> 00:08:09,213 And we were just like 264 00:08:09,206 --> 00:08:10,476 Yeah, we were like, we could do that. 265 00:08:10,482 --> 00:08:12,762 We could do that. Why can't, why her not us? 266 00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:13,688 Yeah, I know. It's kind of weird. 267 00:08:13,689 --> 00:08:14,859 It's like you watch things and 268 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,172 immediately a light bulb went off. 269 00:08:16,172 --> 00:08:17,452 Right? 270 00:08:17,448 --> 00:08:18,448 Cause it's like, we were like, that's us. 271 00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:19,618 That's what we should be doing 272 00:08:19,620 --> 00:08:20,790 and why is she getting to do that? 273 00:08:20,793 --> 00:08:22,213 Sounds like me watching pornography. 274 00:08:22,206 --> 00:08:24,996 I could do that. Or how come that's not me? 275 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,520 You know what, 276 00:08:26,517 --> 00:08:29,687 but I had a dream the other night that we were on TV. 277 00:08:29,689 --> 00:08:30,619 See? So 278 00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:31,590 Um, and that was the dream. 279 00:08:31,586 --> 00:08:32,516 And if I don't follow my dreams, 280 00:08:32,517 --> 00:08:34,927 I get very bad indigestion. 281 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,451 Do you have a number you call to just say 282 00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:37,858 I'd like to be on TV or is it like a 283 00:08:37,862 --> 00:08:41,102 I'm a psychotherapist. I'm not a producer. 284 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:44,173 You know, they just contacted me. 285 00:08:44,172 --> 00:08:46,102 They were looking for therapists. 286 00:08:46,103 --> 00:08:46,973 That's good. 287 00:08:46,965 --> 00:08:47,785 Is that vodka? 288 00:08:47,793 --> 00:08:48,723 Yeah, or tequila. 289 00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:49,524 You giving out samples? 290 00:08:49,517 --> 00:08:50,787 I don't have a cup. 291 00:08:50,793 --> 00:08:52,313 We have a mouth. 292 00:08:52,310 --> 00:08:54,000 Just traded in my salt. 293 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:54,860 Yeah. Just 294 00:08:54,862 --> 00:08:56,072 Salt 295 00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:57,308 Water the salt. They'll love it. 296 00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:59,070 I don't know any of these terms. 297 00:08:59,068 --> 00:09:00,378 Barely drink, I hate it. 298 00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:01,479 But in my, at all, 299 00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:02,312 [slams bottle] 300 00:09:02,310 --> 00:09:03,660 but in my, um. In my 301 00:09:03,655 --> 00:09:04,825 [sniffs] 302 00:09:04,827 --> 00:09:06,657 dream, I definitely the word agent 303 00:09:06,655 --> 00:09:08,205 [mispronouncing agent] 304 00:09:08,206 --> 00:09:09,686 agent came up. 305 00:09:09,689 --> 00:09:11,519 Do you know what that means? And can you get us one? 306 00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:12,687 Okay. You guys, 307 00:09:12,689 --> 00:09:14,659 I see what's going on here. 308 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:15,785 Well, we're helping. 309 00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:17,173 You're therapist. I hope so. 310 00:09:17,172 --> 00:09:20,342 And you are passionate about what you do. 311 00:09:20,344 --> 00:09:21,174 Thank you. 312 00:09:21,172 --> 00:09:23,482 You wanna help as many 313 00:09:23,482 --> 00:09:24,312 It's okay. 314 00:09:24,310 --> 00:09:25,140 It's alright. 315 00:09:25,137 --> 00:09:26,137 Someone just saw me. 316 00:09:26,137 --> 00:09:26,997 You saw me. 317 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,340 I see you. 318 00:09:28,344 --> 00:09:32,074 Oh, okay. Not listening but I'm seeing. 319 00:09:32,068 --> 00:09:32,928 Now, listen. 320 00:09:32,931 --> 00:09:33,761 That was weird. 321 00:09:33,758 --> 00:09:34,998 Yeah. 322 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,000 You are passionate about what you do. 323 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,930 Thank you. 324 00:09:36,931 --> 00:09:37,661 You love healing people. 325 00:09:37,655 --> 00:09:38,585 Absolutely. 326 00:09:38,586 --> 00:09:39,516 You love helping people. 327 00:09:39,517 --> 00:09:41,377 And when you saw me on TV, 328 00:09:41,379 --> 00:09:45,829 you immediately thought I could help more people. 329 00:09:45,827 --> 00:09:46,657 Yes. 330 00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:47,475 using this. 331 00:09:47,482 --> 00:09:48,412 Sure. 332 00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:49,623 I have to burst your bubble. 333 00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,830 I have nothing to do with that. Like I said, 334 00:09:51,827 --> 00:09:53,447 the phone just rang. 335 00:09:53,448 --> 00:09:57,998 I said yes because that was, I was, have you done yes week? 336 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,520 Is that peyote? 337 00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:00,337 No. 338 00:10:00,344 --> 00:10:01,284 Oh. 339 00:10:01,275 --> 00:10:02,755 Yes week is where for one week 340 00:10:02,758 --> 00:10:04,588 you just say yes to everything. 341 00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:05,406 Yes. I'll be able to 342 00:10:05,413 --> 00:10:07,033 I've done yes life. 343 00:10:07,034 --> 00:10:08,904 Yeah. That's true. 344 00:10:08,896 --> 00:10:11,096 I had my first lesbian experience. 345 00:10:11,103 --> 00:10:15,413 That's when the producers of Good Morning USA called. 346 00:10:15,413 --> 00:10:17,213 I ate blowfish. 347 00:10:17,206 --> 00:10:18,136 I need to take notes. 348 00:10:18,137 --> 00:10:19,067 Yeah. 349 00:10:19,068 --> 00:10:20,308 If I only knew how to write. 350 00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:21,340 I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. 351 00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:22,624 I'm gonna do my 352 00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:23,790 But here's my thing, I wish I could help you 353 00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:25,033 Blowfish, lesbian. 354 00:10:25,034 --> 00:10:26,834 Blow a fish and eat a lesbian is what I heard. 355 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:27,757 Get on TV. 356 00:10:27,758 --> 00:10:28,998 Yeah. 357 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,450 If there's like a number we could, 358 00:10:30,448 --> 00:10:31,968 it'd be great if you could like call a number . 359 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:32,785 A contact. 360 00:10:32,793 --> 00:10:33,663 A person. 361 00:10:33,655 --> 00:10:34,895 An agent. 362 00:10:34,896 --> 00:10:37,516 Look, I will do anything with my body. 363 00:10:37,517 --> 00:10:38,827 Um, I 364 00:10:38,827 --> 00:10:39,897 [blowing lips] 365 00:10:39,896 --> 00:10:40,856 wasn't done, but 366 00:10:40,862 --> 00:10:43,072 Won't say sin. Won't say cut. 367 00:10:43,068 --> 00:10:46,308 You're not a couple anymore, but you used to be 368 00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:47,140 Fingers crossed. 369 00:10:47,137 --> 00:10:49,067 You hoard your sweat? 370 00:10:49,068 --> 00:10:50,758 Nope. 371 00:10:50,758 --> 00:10:51,718 You hoard your sweat. 372 00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:53,314 I hold my toenails in a jar. 373 00:10:53,310 --> 00:10:55,380 Okay, maybe you should switch seats. 374 00:10:55,379 --> 00:10:57,859 Anyway. I'm kidding. 375 00:10:57,862 --> 00:11:00,792 It's hard to tell cause it's never funny. 376 00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,793 This is a coaster and 377 00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:04,483 Oh. That's where I draw a line. 378 00:11:04,482 --> 00:11:06,002 That's where I draw a line. 379 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,000 Wow. That's where you stop looking at your notes and you 380 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,620 Here's where I draw the line. 381 00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:09,830 Okay. 382 00:11:09,827 --> 00:11:11,027 Oh, you're a very literal person. 383 00:11:11,034 --> 00:11:11,864 Okay, alright, so she just, what she did 384 00:11:11,862 --> 00:11:13,832 was that she judged. 385 00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:14,657 She shattered. 386 00:11:14,655 --> 00:11:16,065 And she shattered. 387 00:11:16,068 --> 00:11:18,068 Well, then I'd be Judge Jackie, wouldn't I. 388 00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:19,338 And I'm not Judge Jackie. 389 00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:20,554 I'm 390 00:11:20,551 --> 00:11:22,001 Give it to me. Give it to me. I'm 391 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,690 It fell off. 392 00:11:23,689 --> 00:11:24,519 Okay. 393 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,337 This is me right now 394 00:11:25,344 --> 00:11:26,594 Person. Very 395 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,236 I feel like I've got nothing to give. 396 00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:30,591 No, can I just really get real with you for a minute? 397 00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:32,066 Please, please. 398 00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:33,898 I think it's time to look in the mirror and admit that the 399 00:11:33,896 --> 00:11:36,306 only fuckin' reason you came here 400 00:11:36,310 --> 00:11:38,720 was to get on Good Morning USA. 401 00:11:38,724 --> 00:11:40,244 [laughing] 402 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,071 You are funny. 403 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,858 Now come on, you guys. 404 00:11:42,862 --> 00:11:44,552 Truth with a capital T. 405 00:11:44,551 --> 00:11:47,031 If there's anything you could do to get us on there, 406 00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:48,314 that would be great. 407 00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:50,140 Alright. You guys, we're out of time. 408 00:11:50,137 --> 00:11:52,547 This has been enlightening. 409 00:11:52,551 --> 00:11:53,971 It's fake! 410 00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:55,825 Like some other people in this room 411 00:11:55,827 --> 00:11:57,687 who won't help other people who just need it. 412 00:11:57,689 --> 00:11:58,519 Yeah. Get it, somebody's famous. 413 00:11:58,517 --> 00:11:59,407 Guess what? 414 00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:00,173 Somebody's 415 00:12:00,172 --> 00:12:01,412 Guess what? 416 00:12:01,413 --> 00:12:03,833 My toenails are in the city dump right now. 417 00:12:03,827 --> 00:12:04,657 Yeah. 418 00:12:04,655 --> 00:12:06,335 [blowing lips] 419 00:12:06,344 --> 00:12:07,454 You guys, you guys, you guys 420 00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:08,688 What? 421 00:12:08,689 --> 00:12:10,619 I'm messing with you. 422 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,589 Here's the business card of the 423 00:12:13,586 --> 00:12:16,446 producer of Good Morning USA. 424 00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:17,758 Bye, Felicia. 425 00:12:17,758 --> 00:12:18,718 [laughing] 426 00:12:18,724 --> 00:12:20,864 Get it and memorize it. 427 00:12:20,862 --> 00:12:21,932 I love winning! 428 00:12:21,931 --> 00:12:23,241 You're horrible people, 429 00:12:23,241 --> 00:12:26,101 but you're gonna make great TV. 430 00:12:26,103 --> 00:12:27,793 Oh my 431 00:12:27,793 --> 00:12:29,243 Freaks. 432 00:12:29,241 --> 00:12:30,521 Fucking freaks. 433 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,033 [clears throat] 434 00:12:33,034 --> 00:12:35,764 Why can't everybody be normal like me? 435 00:12:35,758 --> 00:12:38,998 [easy listening music] 436 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,550 [phone ringing] 437 00:12:41,551 --> 00:12:43,001 Dr. Jackie here. 438 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,480 Hi, Dr. Jackie. 439 00:12:44,482 --> 00:12:46,792 It's me, Cassandra Peterson. 440 00:12:46,793 --> 00:12:47,763 Hey, honey. 441 00:12:47,758 --> 00:12:48,858 I have kind of an emergency. 442 00:12:48,862 --> 00:12:49,692 You know, I 443 00:12:49,689 --> 00:12:50,899 Oh! 444 00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,166 I'm running around the country, 445 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:54,412 you know, trying to promote my new book. 446 00:12:54,413 --> 00:12:55,973 Yours cruelly, Elvira. 447 00:12:55,965 --> 00:12:56,785 Oh yeah. I read it. 448 00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:58,243 It's real juicy. 449 00:12:58,241 --> 00:13:00,791 Yours cruelly, by Elvira. You should read it. 450 00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:03,143 Anyway, I have this thing that keeps happening. 451 00:13:03,137 --> 00:13:06,307 All these guys keeps sending me pictures. 452 00:13:06,310 --> 00:13:07,550 Oh. 453 00:13:07,551 --> 00:13:10,591 They're pictures of them dressed as Elvira. 454 00:13:10,586 --> 00:13:12,206 They all look better than me. 455 00:13:12,206 --> 00:13:16,206 And that's getting to be really, really depressing. 456 00:13:16,206 --> 00:13:19,206 So we're talking about drag queens here. Am I right? 457 00:13:19,206 --> 00:13:20,856 Which is also fine. 458 00:13:20,862 --> 00:13:22,932 We're talking about men 459 00:13:22,931 --> 00:13:25,831 who put on tons of garish makeup 460 00:13:25,827 --> 00:13:30,067 and plop synthetic, fake looking wigs on their head 461 00:13:31,068 --> 00:13:33,308 and you know, prance around? 462 00:13:33,310 --> 00:13:34,590 Um 463 00:13:34,586 --> 00:13:37,136 Don't let a bunch of drag queens, you know, 464 00:13:37,137 --> 00:13:38,857 make you feel less than. 465 00:13:38,862 --> 00:13:41,862 I, I just thought maybe you have some advice for me. 466 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:44,212 You are the real deal. 467 00:13:44,206 --> 00:13:47,096 You are fucking gorgeous. 468 00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:49,553 Okay? Are you listening to me? Are you hearing this? 469 00:13:49,551 --> 00:13:51,071 [laughing] 470 00:13:51,068 --> 00:13:54,238 There's only one Elvira, and it's you bitch. 471 00:13:54,241 --> 00:13:56,721 Thank you, Dr. Jackie, that really helps. 472 00:13:56,724 --> 00:13:58,004 Alright. Glad to hear it. 473 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:58,860 You are brilliant. 474 00:13:58,862 --> 00:14:00,072 Okay. Bye-bye. 475 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,660 [end call tone] 476 00:14:02,655 --> 00:14:04,405 [sigh] 477 00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:06,243 I can't believe Elvira 478 00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:08,339 [sniffs] 479 00:14:08,344 --> 00:14:10,104 is one of my clients. 480 00:14:11,793 --> 00:14:13,103 Hashtag blessed. 481 00:14:16,517 --> 00:14:19,547 I guess you're probably wondering why I wanted to speak with 482 00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:20,901 you this morning. 483 00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:21,996 I'm getting fired. 484 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:22,830 No. 485 00:14:22,827 --> 00:14:23,787 I'm getting a raise? 486 00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,003 Ha, no. 487 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,240 I give up. Why? 488 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,071 Well, it's the first of the month 489 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:32,928 so I read everything that's in the employee suggestion box 490 00:14:32,931 --> 00:14:35,591 and I must say, I am not amused. 491 00:14:37,103 --> 00:14:38,723 What do you mean? 492 00:14:39,758 --> 00:14:41,588 Give Sherry a raise. 493 00:14:43,517 --> 00:14:45,517 Hey, how about a four day work week 494 00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:48,137 like they do in Japan? 495 00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,477 Fire Dr. Jackie. 496 00:14:51,206 --> 00:14:52,856 You wrote all these, didn't you? 497 00:14:52,862 --> 00:14:54,382 No! 498 00:14:54,379 --> 00:14:57,169 Sherry, we are the only two people who work here. 499 00:14:57,172 --> 00:14:58,722 Maybe you wrote them. 500 00:14:58,724 --> 00:15:01,344 They are all in your handwriting. 501 00:15:01,344 --> 00:15:04,454 No, they're not. I did it with my left hand. 502 00:15:04,448 --> 00:15:07,408 Fill the water cooler with Chardonnay, 503 00:15:07,413 --> 00:15:10,313 get a subscription to People Magazine. 504 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,830 Adopt an office puppy? 505 00:15:12,827 --> 00:15:16,167 Come on. You have to admit those are great ideas. 506 00:15:16,172 --> 00:15:19,002 This is a place of business, 507 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,000 not an amusement park, Sherry. 508 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,140 Despite the way you dress. 509 00:15:24,068 --> 00:15:26,448 Whatever, you're the boss. 510 00:15:26,448 --> 00:15:27,408 Sherry? 511 00:15:27,413 --> 00:15:29,313 Yes, Dr. Jackie? 512 00:15:29,310 --> 00:15:33,170 Do you notice anything about my desk? 513 00:15:33,172 --> 00:15:35,932 Oh, there. One suggestion left. 514 00:15:38,034 --> 00:15:40,034 Why don't you read it? 515 00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:44,310 Are you serious? 516 00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,170 We're getting a frozen yogurt machine? 517 00:15:46,172 --> 00:15:47,382 Uh-huh. 518 00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:49,169 We're getting a frozen yogurt machine! 519 00:15:49,172 --> 00:15:50,002 Yes! 520 00:15:51,137 --> 00:15:54,407 We're getting a frozen yogurt machine! 521 00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,523 [crying] 522 00:15:57,896 --> 00:16:00,896 Hello, I'm Dr. Jackie, and you are? 523 00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:02,997 I'm Dorothy. 524 00:16:03,931 --> 00:16:04,861 Dorothy. 525 00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:06,932 It's pronounced Dorothy. 526 00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:09,283 Three syllables. 527 00:16:09,275 --> 00:16:10,205 Alright. 528 00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:11,826 They're very important. 529 00:16:11,827 --> 00:16:13,857 Dorothy. 530 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,140 So it's our very first session together, 531 00:16:19,137 --> 00:16:20,307 so why don't we start out by 532 00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:21,970 you telling me a little bit about yourself 533 00:16:21,965 --> 00:16:23,405 and why you're here today? 534 00:16:23,413 --> 00:16:27,623 Well, quite frankly, I'm a little embarrassed. 535 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:31,380 Me, sitting here with such small, demure shoulders. 536 00:16:31,379 --> 00:16:32,209 What are you 537 00:16:32,206 --> 00:16:33,206 Pardon me. 538 00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:35,406 Adding shoulder pads? 539 00:16:35,413 --> 00:16:37,903 I'd feel more comfortable. You don't mind do you? 540 00:16:37,896 --> 00:16:41,166 Not at all. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. 541 00:16:41,172 --> 00:16:42,002 Thank you 542 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,520 Is, uh 543 00:16:43,517 --> 00:16:47,587 Anyway, Doctor, therapy has never really been my thing. 544 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,030 Right. 545 00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:51,414 Tell me about yourself. 546 00:16:51,413 --> 00:16:53,143 Well, I'm divorced, 547 00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:56,378 I live in Miami, 548 00:16:56,379 --> 00:16:58,929 I'm a substitute teacher 549 00:16:58,931 --> 00:17:01,451 and I have three roommates. 550 00:17:01,448 --> 00:17:03,928 Doctor, is this a safe space? 551 00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:05,861 Of course it is. You can tell me anything. 552 00:17:05,862 --> 00:17:08,932 Can I speak to you frankly? 553 00:17:08,931 --> 00:17:10,141 Honestly? 554 00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:10,997 Please. 555 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,450 Alright. 556 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,828 That's the only way we're gonna get anywhere. 557 00:17:14,827 --> 00:17:17,027 My roommates are driving me crazy. 558 00:17:17,034 --> 00:17:18,314 What's going on? 559 00:17:18,310 --> 00:17:20,410 Oh God. Where do I start? 560 00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:23,693 Well, there's my first roommate, Blanche. 561 00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:24,519 Blanche 562 00:17:24,517 --> 00:17:26,067 No last names please. 563 00:17:26,068 --> 00:17:27,518 Oh, 564 00:17:27,517 --> 00:17:31,587 because we wanna keep this patient-doctor confidentiality. 565 00:17:31,586 --> 00:17:33,756 Actually it's for legal purposes. 566 00:17:33,758 --> 00:17:36,688 We're already pushing it by calling you Dorothy and 567 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:37,519 nevermind. 568 00:17:38,862 --> 00:17:40,382 Tell me about Blanche. 569 00:17:40,379 --> 00:17:43,659 I wanna be as sensitive as I can here. 570 00:17:43,655 --> 00:17:44,855 Um, she's, uh 571 00:17:44,862 --> 00:17:45,972 she's a slut! 572 00:17:47,103 --> 00:17:49,483 The men that she has had coming in and out 573 00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:51,592 of this house in Miami. 574 00:17:51,586 --> 00:17:53,066 I mean, seriously, 575 00:17:53,068 --> 00:17:56,828 she once went on a date with my ex-husband Stanley, 576 00:17:56,827 --> 00:17:58,687 if you can believe that. 577 00:17:58,689 --> 00:18:02,239 I once walked in on this woman having a train run on her 578 00:18:02,241 --> 00:18:05,761 from the entire cast of Fiddler on the Roof 579 00:18:05,758 --> 00:18:07,758 for the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater. 580 00:18:07,758 --> 00:18:08,588 Oh, one. 581 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,240 [Siri tone] 582 00:18:11,241 --> 00:18:12,241 Yeah, Deary, could you tell me what 583 00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:14,311 "run a train" means? 584 00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,930 [Siri] "Run a train" is a euphemism for a gangbang. 585 00:18:16,931 --> 00:18:18,381 Oh, well that's terrible! 586 00:18:18,379 --> 00:18:19,619 [sounds of disgust] 587 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,140 It sounds like this woman has no boundaries. 588 00:18:22,137 --> 00:18:23,657 Right? 589 00:18:23,655 --> 00:18:25,925 She's not respecting you as a roommate. 590 00:18:25,931 --> 00:18:27,101 Not at all. 591 00:18:27,103 --> 00:18:29,593 Now you said you had several roommates. 592 00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:30,616 Who's the other one? 593 00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,210 Her name is Rose. 594 00:18:33,724 --> 00:18:35,794 How do I put this gently? 595 00:18:36,793 --> 00:18:37,723 Rose is, 596 00:18:37,724 --> 00:18:39,724 she marches to the beat of 597 00:18:39,724 --> 00:18:40,864 Well, 598 00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:41,832 Rose is, 599 00:18:41,827 --> 00:18:43,067 she's an idiot. 600 00:18:44,103 --> 00:18:45,523 My God. 601 00:18:45,517 --> 00:18:46,857 She's so stupid. 602 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,340 And honestly I never really liked her. 603 00:18:50,344 --> 00:18:54,484 Now, Rose is supposed to be the fun one, the innocent one, 604 00:18:54,482 --> 00:18:57,142 but that's not how it really is. 605 00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:01,207 The truth is Rose has been addicted to pain pills and she's 606 00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:03,546 killed not one, but two men. 607 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:05,830 How? 608 00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:07,517 By sleeping with them. 609 00:19:07,517 --> 00:19:08,447 Oh. 610 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,828 It's almost unbelievable. 611 00:19:10,827 --> 00:19:12,967 It's like a house full of sluts. 612 00:19:12,965 --> 00:19:13,855 Yes. 613 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,342 Well, except me. 614 00:19:15,344 --> 00:19:18,624 Oh, is that something you might want to talk about? 615 00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:20,000 I wish. 616 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,410 You wish you were a slut? 617 00:19:21,413 --> 00:19:24,523 Oh, I wish I was getting any dick whatsoever. 618 00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:26,927 Blanche and Rose. Are those your only roommates? 619 00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:27,761 No. 620 00:19:27,758 --> 00:19:28,968 Get this. 621 00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:31,785 My mother moved into the house. Oh, 622 00:19:31,793 --> 00:19:33,313 What? 623 00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:37,000 My God. Oh God, you see her retirement home burned down. 624 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,410 It was a very nice retirement village. 625 00:19:39,413 --> 00:19:40,243 Sha- 626 00:19:40,241 --> 00:19:43,001 [halts] 627 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,210 Not sunny, evergreen trees. 628 00:19:46,206 --> 00:19:47,066 Hm. 629 00:19:47,068 --> 00:19:48,548 Yeah. 630 00:19:48,551 --> 00:19:49,621 So she moved in with you after it burned down? 631 00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:51,410 Oh, she did. 632 00:19:51,413 --> 00:19:52,763 My mother's horrible. 633 00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:55,758 She's the source of all of my problems, Doctor. 634 00:19:55,758 --> 00:19:57,688 Well, that's one of my famous phrases. 635 00:19:57,689 --> 00:19:59,549 "When in doubt, blame the mother." 636 00:19:59,551 --> 00:20:03,621 Well, it's really accurate in this case. 637 00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:06,690 But, Doctor, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. 638 00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:11,689 You know, the girls: Rose, Blanche; my mother, Sophia. 639 00:20:12,551 --> 00:20:13,971 We may have our differences. 640 00:20:13,965 --> 00:20:15,825 We may have our ups and downs, 641 00:20:15,827 --> 00:20:18,407 but at the end of every episode, 642 00:20:18,413 --> 00:20:23,073 we come together and find a common ground and realize we're 643 00:20:23,068 --> 00:20:24,238 chosen family. 644 00:20:25,413 --> 00:20:27,623 Did you say episode? 645 00:20:27,620 --> 00:20:28,590 What? 646 00:20:28,586 --> 00:20:30,406 At the end of every episode. 647 00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:33,413 I'm not sure what you're talking about, Doctor. 648 00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:36,173 I think that's a very interesting way to phrase it. 649 00:20:36,172 --> 00:20:39,242 And something's been bothering me as you were talking about 650 00:20:39,241 --> 00:20:41,761 your roommates and your life and 651 00:20:41,758 --> 00:20:43,028 Not enough shoulder pads? 652 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:45,664 No, more than enough shoulder pads. 653 00:20:45,655 --> 00:20:47,445 Very self-conscious. 654 00:20:48,379 --> 00:20:49,759 Sasquatch chic. 655 00:20:51,068 --> 00:20:53,168 You know, when you were talking about your life 656 00:20:53,172 --> 00:20:55,312 and specifically your roommates, 657 00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:58,280 there was something that I couldn't put my finger on, 658 00:20:58,275 --> 00:21:01,445 but it seemed very familiar to me. 659 00:21:01,448 --> 00:21:03,718 And then when you said episode, 660 00:21:03,724 --> 00:21:05,834 it hit me like a ton of bricks. 661 00:21:05,827 --> 00:21:07,407 There is a television program, 662 00:21:07,413 --> 00:21:10,313 a beloved sitcom from the eighties, 663 00:21:11,758 --> 00:21:14,688 about four older women who lived together in Miami. 664 00:21:14,689 --> 00:21:17,209 I can't say the title for legal reasons, 665 00:21:17,206 --> 00:21:19,026 but let's just call it 666 00:21:19,931 --> 00:21:20,761 The Gilded Gals. 667 00:21:20,758 --> 00:21:22,688 [bell dings] 668 00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:26,169 I feel like you are the character Dorothy, 669 00:21:27,793 --> 00:21:31,693 from that television show and the people you're describing 670 00:21:31,689 --> 00:21:34,169 are characters from that show. 671 00:21:37,827 --> 00:21:40,377 Doctor, you're absolutely right. 672 00:21:40,379 --> 00:21:43,339 Oh, I can't believe it I've been so blind. 673 00:21:43,344 --> 00:21:46,344 I just don't understand what's going on in your real life, 674 00:21:46,344 --> 00:21:51,004 where being a 50-something year old unattractive, manly, 675 00:21:53,068 --> 00:21:56,718 shoulder-padded, divorced substitute teacher 676 00:21:57,827 --> 00:22:00,657 is better than being yourself. 677 00:22:00,655 --> 00:22:02,585 Oh, I feel like such a fool. 678 00:22:02,586 --> 00:22:04,786 You're trying to escape from your real life. 679 00:22:04,793 --> 00:22:05,833 Yes. Yes. 680 00:22:05,827 --> 00:22:07,237 You're right. 681 00:22:07,241 --> 00:22:09,521 So I guess the question is, 682 00:22:09,517 --> 00:22:12,857 are you ready to be your authentic self? 683 00:22:14,586 --> 00:22:16,406 Yes. Yes I am. 684 00:22:16,413 --> 00:22:21,313 Are you ready to be courageous and brave and not only pull 685 00:22:21,310 --> 00:22:24,930 down this emotional wall that you're putting up, 686 00:22:24,931 --> 00:22:27,141 but also pull off that wig? 687 00:22:28,551 --> 00:22:33,171 That horrible wig and maybe pull off that hideous outfit and 688 00:22:34,517 --> 00:22:36,787 those chunky eighties earrings. 689 00:22:36,793 --> 00:22:38,283 All right. I get it. 690 00:22:38,275 --> 00:22:40,475 All of it has to go. 691 00:22:40,482 --> 00:22:41,312 Okay. 692 00:22:42,172 --> 00:22:45,522 All right, here we go, Doctor. 693 00:22:45,517 --> 00:22:47,897 I'm with you. You can do this. 694 00:22:47,896 --> 00:22:51,136 I can't wait to meet the real you. 695 00:22:51,137 --> 00:22:54,067 [wig flying] 696 00:22:54,068 --> 00:22:56,788 [suspenseful music] 697 00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:58,483 Hi, what's your name? 698 00:22:59,448 --> 00:23:00,278 Hi. 699 00:23:00,275 --> 00:23:02,205 My name is Carrie. 700 00:23:02,206 --> 00:23:04,826 I'm a newspaper columnist from New York city and I love 701 00:23:04,827 --> 00:23:06,617 hanging out with my close friends, 702 00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:09,720 Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. You see 703 00:23:09,724 --> 00:23:11,524 [muted] 704 00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:12,997 And just like that, 705 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:17,550 I helped get another person separate reality from fantasy. 706 00:23:19,137 --> 00:23:21,137 [muted] 707 00:23:27,241 --> 00:23:30,241 [upbeat jazz music]