1 00:00:00,758 --> 00:00:02,688 [introduction music] 2 00:00:02,689 --> 00:00:04,339 ♪ She was unemployed and happy 3 00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:05,834 ♪ She had no cash 4 00:00:05,827 --> 00:00:07,097 ♪ Pretending to be classy 5 00:00:07,103 --> 00:00:08,763 ♪ But just poor white trash 6 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,168 ♪ The tragic but true fact is 7 00:00:10,172 --> 00:00:11,482 ♪ A bitter aging actress 8 00:00:11,482 --> 00:00:14,482 ♪ Whose agent just recently dropped her ♪ 9 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,692 ♪ Sitting on her ass 10 00:00:15,689 --> 00:00:17,209 ♪ Drinking cheap boxed wine 11 00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:18,586 ♪ Til she took a bogus class 12 00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:19,996 ♪ While at home online 13 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:20,830 ♪ Finished fast 14 00:00:20,827 --> 00:00:21,657 ♪ Came in last 15 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,895 ♪ Barely passed 16 00:00:22,896 --> 00:00:26,236 ♪ Now the bitch calls herself a doctor ♪ 17 00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:29,001 ♪ Who woulda guessed that this phony would treat ♪ 18 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:33,100 ♪ The craziest of the Showbiz elite ♪ 19 00:00:33,103 --> 00:00:34,833 ♪ And now the only thing more distant ♪ 20 00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:36,167 ♪ And more scary 21 00:00:36,172 --> 00:00:37,382 ♪ Is her slutty blonde assistant ♪ 22 00:00:37,379 --> 00:00:39,169 ♪ That dumb whore Sherry 23 00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:42,002 ♪ You don't wanna be on her client list ♪ 24 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,930 ♪ It's Doctor Jackie 25 00:00:44,931 --> 00:00:49,001 ♪ The unlicensed psychotherapist ♪ 26 00:00:51,896 --> 00:00:54,616 [birds chirping] 27 00:00:56,862 --> 00:01:01,212 Well, it wasn't very long, but it was super thick. 28 00:01:01,206 --> 00:01:02,136 [chuckles] 29 00:01:02,137 --> 00:01:03,547 Well, plus he paid for dinner. 30 00:01:03,551 --> 00:01:04,721 I gotta go. 31 00:01:04,724 --> 00:01:06,344 Good morning Dr. Jackie. 32 00:01:06,344 --> 00:01:07,484 Good morning. 33 00:01:07,482 --> 00:01:08,722 I'm sorry I'm late. 34 00:01:08,724 --> 00:01:10,144 I had car trouble. 35 00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,687 You got a brand new car. 36 00:01:11,689 --> 00:01:12,929 What happened? 37 00:01:12,931 --> 00:01:14,831 I overslept and got in it too late. 38 00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:18,593 What's my first appointment this morning? 39 00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:20,896 A young lady named Katya 40 00:01:20,896 --> 00:01:22,336 Young? 41 00:01:22,344 --> 00:01:24,104 Yes. 42 00:01:24,103 --> 00:01:25,413 Lady? 43 00:01:25,413 --> 00:01:26,413 Mhmm. 44 00:01:26,413 --> 00:01:27,793 Katya? 45 00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:30,863 That's what it says, right here. 46 00:01:30,862 --> 00:01:33,622 Well, what's her situation? 47 00:01:33,620 --> 00:01:35,310 She's severely depressed. 48 00:01:35,310 --> 00:01:37,450 Suffers from low self-esteem. 49 00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:38,998 No, no, no, no. 50 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,030 I mean, is she paying cash, or does she have insurance? 51 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:44,004 Oh! Oo, she has top of the line insurance 52 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,830 that covers 100% of all her sessions. 53 00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:48,027 Oh goodie. 54 00:01:48,034 --> 00:01:51,834 I mean, she sounds like a very sick woman 55 00:01:51,827 --> 00:01:53,277 and I'm probably going to have to see her at 56 00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:55,065 least four times a week. 57 00:01:55,068 --> 00:01:55,898 Got it. 58 00:01:57,103 --> 00:01:58,383 Oh, I thought you said 59 00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:00,859 you weren't gonna get any more plants. 60 00:02:00,862 --> 00:02:02,342 It's a small one. 61 00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:04,074 And besides Sherry, 62 00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:07,898 people need oxygen, and plants produce oxygen. 63 00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:10,098 Coffee? 64 00:02:10,103 --> 00:02:13,283 I think just the cup this morning. 65 00:02:13,275 --> 00:02:14,095 Mhmm. 66 00:02:15,310 --> 00:02:16,280 Sherry? 67 00:02:16,275 --> 00:02:17,205 [Sherry] Yes? 68 00:02:17,206 --> 00:02:18,516 I think you might wanna review 69 00:02:18,517 --> 00:02:21,207 the employee dress code again. 70 00:02:22,344 --> 00:02:23,864 No sequins. 71 00:02:23,862 --> 00:02:25,692 But you're wearing sequins. 72 00:02:25,689 --> 00:02:26,619 I'm the star! 73 00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:28,410 The boss, I'm the boss. 74 00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:31,593 Got it. 75 00:02:35,724 --> 00:02:38,314 [upbeat music] 76 00:02:39,482 --> 00:02:42,622 Plants produce oxygen? 77 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,930 I don't think so. 78 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:44,761 [Sherry types] 79 00:02:44,758 --> 00:02:45,588 Look it up. 80 00:02:45,586 --> 00:02:47,206 [dial up tone] 81 00:02:47,206 --> 00:02:48,476 I'll get my answer in 20 minutes. 82 00:02:49,793 --> 00:02:52,343 [upbeat music] 83 00:03:02,827 --> 00:03:05,547 [door opens] 84 00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:06,481 [Katya] Hi. 85 00:03:06,482 --> 00:03:07,622 [Dr. Jackie] Hi. How are you? 86 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:08,930 [Katya] Not great. 87 00:03:08,931 --> 00:03:09,861 [Dr. Jackie] Oh, Honey. 88 00:03:09,862 --> 00:03:10,902 I know I heard your call. 89 00:03:10,896 --> 00:03:11,856 It was frantic. 90 00:03:11,862 --> 00:03:13,412 What's going on? 91 00:03:13,413 --> 00:03:14,413 I don't even know where to start. 92 00:03:14,413 --> 00:03:15,383 Okay. Well, I have a- 93 00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:16,659 At the beginning. 94 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:17,585 Okay. 95 00:03:17,586 --> 00:03:18,306 That's where you start. 96 00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:19,450 Okay. 97 00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:20,278 That might be your problem. 98 00:03:20,275 --> 00:03:21,335 Oh. What? 99 00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:23,284 Relax. We have an hour. 100 00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:24,095 Okay. 101 00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:24,973 What's the problem? 102 00:03:26,655 --> 00:03:30,205 Well, I think that I might be 103 00:03:32,827 --> 00:03:33,827 psychotically 104 00:03:36,655 --> 00:03:39,025 preoccupied with 105 00:03:39,034 --> 00:03:40,414 other people's opinion. 106 00:03:40,413 --> 00:03:41,343 Okay. Here we go. I- 107 00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:43,414 There's no judgment here. 108 00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:44,663 Oh, okay. 109 00:03:44,655 --> 00:03:45,925 Okay? Tell me about your life first of all. 110 00:03:45,931 --> 00:03:47,691 And then let's get to the problem later. 111 00:03:47,689 --> 00:03:48,659 Well, it's perfect. 112 00:03:48,655 --> 00:03:49,825 That's the problem. 113 00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:51,067 My life is perfect. 114 00:03:51,068 --> 00:03:55,208 I have a huge set of adoring fans. 115 00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:57,276 I'm world famous for something 116 00:03:57,275 --> 00:03:59,135 that I don't even know what for. 117 00:03:59,137 --> 00:04:03,657 I'm beloved in my community and around the world. 118 00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,000 All, all I get online is just 119 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,210 like praise and love and constant. 120 00:04:09,206 --> 00:04:13,406 But I just have this feeling that everybody hates me. 121 00:04:14,482 --> 00:04:16,102 Everybody hates you. 122 00:04:16,103 --> 00:04:18,283 And it doesn't make any sense, but I just, I don't know. 123 00:04:18,275 --> 00:04:19,685 Oh 124 00:04:19,689 --> 00:04:21,659 Everybody 125 00:04:21,655 --> 00:04:24,235 Hates me. 126 00:04:24,241 --> 00:04:27,341 Yeah, there's something about the way that my friends, 127 00:04:27,344 --> 00:04:31,244 my coworkers, even my family, and especially 128 00:04:31,241 --> 00:04:34,141 my main partner, my creative partner. 129 00:04:35,344 --> 00:04:38,004 I just sense this seething, hatred. 130 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:42,240 This bubbling, churning, putrescent, like a 131 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,930 [gags] 132 00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:49,857 Deary, what does putrescent mean? 133 00:04:51,034 --> 00:04:53,414 [Deary] It means like super gross. 134 00:04:53,413 --> 00:04:54,343 Continue. 135 00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:55,834 Okay. So it's like this. 136 00:04:55,827 --> 00:04:58,477 You know how smells can get like hit you 137 00:04:58,482 --> 00:05:01,072 and you fall over and then you, you start puking. 138 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,688 It's like, it's like a real 139 00:05:02,689 --> 00:05:04,969 it's like the gut punch of a feeling. 140 00:05:04,965 --> 00:05:05,785 Right. 141 00:05:05,793 --> 00:05:06,723 Yeah. And it's, I just 142 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:07,974 That everyone hates you. 143 00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:10,165 Every single person at the post office, 144 00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:12,762 at the Boulangerie at the, the Jamboree. 145 00:05:12,758 --> 00:05:14,758 You can say bakery. 146 00:05:14,758 --> 00:05:16,068 It's in France. 147 00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:16,928 Oh. 148 00:05:16,931 --> 00:05:18,101 So what do I do? 149 00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:20,003 Well, first of all I do have to say 150 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,450 that in my opinion, 151 00:05:23,793 --> 00:05:25,933 low self-esteem 152 00:05:25,931 --> 00:05:30,141 and this is sort of classic imposter syndrome. 153 00:05:30,137 --> 00:05:32,757 The whole world loves you, but you don't love yourself. 154 00:05:32,758 --> 00:05:34,828 It's rooted in the mother. 155 00:05:34,827 --> 00:05:37,027 So let me ask you, tell me about your mother 156 00:05:37,034 --> 00:05:40,314 and how she treated you and how she raised you. 157 00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,410 Well, she didn't talk until she was about 30 158 00:05:42,413 --> 00:05:45,283 and then she screamed and went to China for two weeks. 159 00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:46,825 Okay. This makes no sense. 160 00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:50,277 How would you know that she didn't talk until she was 30? 161 00:05:50,275 --> 00:05:52,475 Because she screamed I'm 30 and I'm going. 162 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,312 And then she went to China. 163 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:57,310 Who among us has not had that type of mother. 164 00:05:57,310 --> 00:05:58,900 You know, she never hit me. 165 00:05:58,896 --> 00:05:59,896 She kicked me. 166 00:05:59,896 --> 00:06:00,716 Sure. 167 00:06:00,724 --> 00:06:02,104 Right. 168 00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:03,623 You know, she never strangled me, but she fingered me. 169 00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:07,410 So I feel like she blamed me for a lot of things that were 170 00:06:07,413 --> 00:06:10,213 you know, you know, deaths, 171 00:06:10,206 --> 00:06:11,026 [Dr. Jackie] Right. 172 00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:11,934 murders. 173 00:06:11,931 --> 00:06:13,311 There were murders? 174 00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:14,100 There was a lot of murders in the neighborhood. 175 00:06:14,103 --> 00:06:15,003 Mostly animals, but... 176 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:15,930 [phone vibrates] 177 00:06:15,931 --> 00:06:18,001 I'm so sorry, one second. 178 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,480 This is important. 179 00:06:19,482 --> 00:06:20,722 Did somebody die? 180 00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:24,174 No, it's a really funny meme. 181 00:06:24,172 --> 00:06:25,622 Oh my God. 182 00:06:25,620 --> 00:06:27,070 I love corgis. 183 00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:28,278 Corgis? 184 00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:29,545 I'm so sorry. 185 00:06:29,551 --> 00:06:30,661 It's fine. 186 00:06:30,655 --> 00:06:31,995 I have an idea. 187 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,210 [Katya] Okay. 188 00:06:33,206 --> 00:06:34,376 I want to do some affirmations. 189 00:06:34,379 --> 00:06:35,589 Okay. 190 00:06:35,586 --> 00:06:36,686 You have a tape playing in your head. 191 00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:37,549 Have you ever heard that? 192 00:06:37,551 --> 00:06:38,831 That phrase? 193 00:06:38,827 --> 00:06:40,027 A what? 194 00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:41,004 Like you have, like you have a recording 195 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,480 in your head from your mother. 196 00:06:42,482 --> 00:06:44,552 Remember the woman who kicked you and fingered you? 197 00:06:44,551 --> 00:06:46,211 Yeah. 198 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,136 Oh, like a recording? 199 00:06:47,137 --> 00:06:48,067 Yeah. 200 00:06:48,068 --> 00:06:48,998 Like, like a, like a boombox. 201 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,240 You're worthless. 202 00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:51,071 Yes. 203 00:06:51,068 --> 00:06:52,588 Hey you little bitch. 204 00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:53,656 You know? 205 00:06:53,655 --> 00:06:55,715 I never should have had you. 206 00:06:55,724 --> 00:06:57,244 God damn it you're ugly. 207 00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:58,721 Yeah. 208 00:06:58,724 --> 00:06:59,974 [Dr. Jackie] What is going on with that eye makeup? 209 00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:00,895 Yeah. 210 00:07:00,896 --> 00:07:02,066 Why did you wear that dress? 211 00:07:02,068 --> 00:07:04,658 You know, black and White's not good for TV. 212 00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,585 [Katya] Yeah. 213 00:07:05,586 --> 00:07:06,406 What is wrong with you bitch? 214 00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:07,623 [Katya] Yeah. 215 00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:08,450 What the fuck? 216 00:07:08,448 --> 00:07:09,378 Why so many elbows? 217 00:07:09,379 --> 00:07:10,479 Why the knees always dirty? 218 00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:12,002 What's with all the fingers? 219 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:12,830 Exactly. 220 00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:13,757 [Katya] Yeah. 221 00:07:13,758 --> 00:07:15,548 So we need to stop that tape. 222 00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:17,141 Now, I don't know how old you are, 223 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,687 and I don't care, don't say it. 224 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:19,619 Okay. 225 00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,100 Now you're gonna push stop. 226 00:07:21,103 --> 00:07:22,863 We don't wanna hear that anymore. 227 00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:24,342 Okay. 228 00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:26,454 That's that song on Jagged Little Pill that doesn't work. 229 00:07:26,448 --> 00:07:27,378 Okay. 230 00:07:27,379 --> 00:07:28,759 You wanna hear the hits. 231 00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:30,478 The Macarena. 232 00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:31,722 Okay, that's not. 233 00:07:31,724 --> 00:07:34,244 Alanis Morrissette did not do the Macarena. 234 00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:35,721 Gangnam Style. 235 00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:36,554 [Dr. Jackie shushes] 236 00:07:36,551 --> 00:07:37,381 Okay. 237 00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:38,619 We're pushing stop. 238 00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:40,000 We're gonna, we're gonna play a different song. 239 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,860 We're gonna play a different tape. 240 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:42,692 Okay? 241 00:07:42,689 --> 00:07:43,619 Okay. 242 00:07:43,620 --> 00:07:44,340 So you're gonna repeat after me. 243 00:07:44,344 --> 00:07:45,174 Okay. 244 00:07:45,172 --> 00:07:46,312 Okay? 245 00:07:46,310 --> 00:07:47,760 No more Mommy saying, "I hate you." 246 00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:48,688 "You're ugly." 247 00:07:48,689 --> 00:07:49,719 "What the fuck?" 248 00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:52,004 "Why did you wear that?" 249 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,690 Why did you wear that? 250 00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:55,690 We're gonna do a new thing. 251 00:07:55,689 --> 00:07:56,589 Okay. 252 00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:57,406 So repeat after me. 253 00:07:57,413 --> 00:07:58,523 Okay. 254 00:07:58,517 --> 00:08:00,277 I am worthy. 255 00:08:00,275 --> 00:08:02,515 I am wormy. 256 00:08:04,793 --> 00:08:06,903 I'm a valid person. 257 00:08:06,896 --> 00:08:09,406 I'm a vapid person. 258 00:08:09,413 --> 00:08:11,553 Okay. Did you see what you did there? 259 00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:12,721 What? I closed my eyes. 260 00:08:12,724 --> 00:08:14,004 Should I take my glasses off? 261 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,410 No, listen to me. 262 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,483 Look me in the eye. 263 00:08:17,482 --> 00:08:18,722 Pick one. 264 00:08:18,724 --> 00:08:19,554 Uh huh. 265 00:08:19,551 --> 00:08:21,101 I said, "I am worthy." 266 00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:22,663 You said, "I am wormy." 267 00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:25,655 A worm is the lowest thing on earth crawling around. 268 00:08:25,655 --> 00:08:27,895 I said, "I am valid." 269 00:08:27,896 --> 00:08:29,716 You said, "I am vapid." 270 00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:31,594 Vapid, correct me if I'm wrong, 271 00:08:31,586 --> 00:08:35,406 means empty; of no value. 272 00:08:35,413 --> 00:08:39,903 Intellectually devoid of any substance whatsoever. 273 00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,896 These tapes are still playing. 274 00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:42,826 All right? 275 00:08:42,827 --> 00:08:43,997 Look, look at the finger. 276 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,620 And, and this is not Mommy's finger. 277 00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:46,690 So don't freak out. 278 00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:47,519 [Katya] Okay. 279 00:08:47,517 --> 00:08:48,337 Stop. 280 00:08:50,034 --> 00:08:51,104 Now. Let's try it again. 281 00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:52,343 [Katya] Okay. 282 00:08:52,344 --> 00:08:53,004 Really listen to what I'm saying. 283 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:53,900 [Katya] Okay. 284 00:08:53,896 --> 00:08:56,516 I am worthy. 285 00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:58,897 I am flirty. 286 00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:02,547 Katya, Katya. 287 00:09:02,551 --> 00:09:04,211 You're more than your sexuality. 288 00:09:04,206 --> 00:09:05,236 You said flirty. 289 00:09:05,241 --> 00:09:06,171 [Katya] Flirty. 290 00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:06,932 You don't need to flirt. 291 00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:07,861 I, okay. 292 00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:09,072 You don't need to flirt. 293 00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:09,998 It's not all about being fuckable. 294 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,720 I am 40. 295 00:09:11,724 --> 00:09:13,454 Stop it. 296 00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:15,338 You're obviously older than that. 297 00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:17,554 Listen. I need you to focus. 298 00:09:17,551 --> 00:09:18,791 [Katya] Okay. 299 00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:19,663 Really listen to what I'm saying. 300 00:09:19,655 --> 00:09:20,475 I'm gonna listen. 301 00:09:20,482 --> 00:09:21,312 Let it in. 302 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:22,280 I'm gonna listen. 303 00:09:22,275 --> 00:09:23,095 The old tape is done. 304 00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:23,933 Ready? 305 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,171 Ready. 306 00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:29,212 I am worthy. 307 00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:33,966 I am a valid person. 308 00:09:33,965 --> 00:09:34,995 And people love me! 309 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:35,860 And people love me. 310 00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:36,692 Louder! 311 00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:38,099 I am worthy! 312 00:09:38,103 --> 00:09:39,623 I'm a valid person! 313 00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,690 And people love me! 314 00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:41,519 Do you feel it? 315 00:09:41,517 --> 00:09:42,337 I feel it. 316 00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:43,344 Is it real? 317 00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:44,174 I think it's real. 318 00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:45,002 The tape is playing. 319 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,690 The CD's going. 320 00:09:46,689 --> 00:09:47,999 I think I'm wet. 321 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:48,860 Is this Scotch Guarded? 322 00:09:48,862 --> 00:09:49,692 [phone rings] 323 00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,519 Wait. Hold that. 324 00:09:50,517 --> 00:09:51,377 Oh. 325 00:09:51,379 --> 00:09:52,209 I'm so sorry. 326 00:09:52,206 --> 00:09:53,026 It's my phone again. 327 00:09:53,034 --> 00:09:54,284 What another meme? 328 00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:56,715 No, actually this is very important. 329 00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:59,454 It's, no offense, a bigger name. 330 00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:00,928 And I, they actually have me 331 00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:04,591 on retainer and this is an emergency call. 332 00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:05,616 Ann Miller? 333 00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:06,690 [shushes Katya] 334 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:07,999 Oh. 335 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,000 Hey Trixie. 336 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,000 How are you, honey? 337 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,520 Hi, it's me Trixie. 338 00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:13,997 I hate to call on such short notice, but I've actually 339 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,070 been having some mental stress and some emotional fatigue. 340 00:10:17,068 --> 00:10:18,548 Is everything okay? 341 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,591 I work with someone who really is just irresponsible, 342 00:10:21,586 --> 00:10:24,206 difficult, selfish, inappropriate. 343 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,206 Oh honey. 344 00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:26,476 [shushes Trixie] 345 00:10:26,482 --> 00:10:27,622 It's just getting more and more difficult to go 346 00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,100 to work and kind of face the day. 347 00:10:29,103 --> 00:10:29,933 So I was wondering 348 00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:31,071 Not a good time 349 00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:31,998 Advice for working with somebody 350 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,410 who's truly sort of an idiot. 351 00:10:33,413 --> 00:10:35,833 I totally understand your frustration, but 352 00:10:35,827 --> 00:10:38,657 Garbage and really disgusting to look at. 353 00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:40,755 And my stomach turns just even being 354 00:10:40,758 --> 00:10:41,588 around her. 355 00:10:41,586 --> 00:10:42,546 Um. 356 00:10:42,551 --> 00:10:44,171 It's Katya, please help. 357 00:10:44,172 --> 00:10:46,592 [phone call ends] 358 00:10:46,586 --> 00:10:48,276 Awkward. 359 00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:49,095 She hates me. 360 00:10:49,103 --> 00:10:49,973 I was right. 361 00:10:49,965 --> 00:10:50,925 Stop the tape 362 00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:51,761 Don't you gaslight me. 363 00:10:51,758 --> 00:10:52,858 Stop the tape! 364 00:10:52,862 --> 00:10:54,072 Now, say it again. 365 00:10:54,068 --> 00:10:56,068 Say it again. 366 00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:57,718 Come here, come closer. 367 00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,104 [loud slap] 368 00:11:00,103 --> 00:11:02,383 Now that's called tough love. 369 00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:04,759 And it's somewhere in a book here in my office. 370 00:11:04,758 --> 00:11:07,548 It is a valid form of therapy. 371 00:11:07,551 --> 00:11:11,451 And speaking of valid, I need you to repeat our new tape. 372 00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:12,278 Now. 373 00:11:12,275 --> 00:11:13,095 I'm a worthy person. 374 00:11:13,103 --> 00:11:14,003 I'm a valid person. 375 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,030 I'm a people person. 376 00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:16,144 I love me. 377 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,900 You put a spin on it, but that's it. 378 00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:20,856 Okay. I'm a fruit bar and a wagon wheel. 379 00:11:20,862 --> 00:11:22,102 Are you feeling it? 380 00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:25,863 I feel actually pretty incredible. 381 00:11:25,862 --> 00:11:28,002 I feel, I mean, like I feel more limber. 382 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,590 I've got, oh, you hear that crack? 383 00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:32,856 I've got thoracic mobility. 384 00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:34,452 I think this is gonna work for me. 385 00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:36,068 Thank you so much Dr. Jackie. 386 00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:37,618 You are, I don't touch. 387 00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:38,860 Okay, well. 388 00:11:38,862 --> 00:11:40,032 Listen, I'm glad you feel better. 389 00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:41,074 I'm glad you feel great. 390 00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,618 But this is just the beginning. 391 00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:45,450 We need to back this up like three, four times a week. 392 00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:46,518 We need to do this. 393 00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:47,337 Okay. 394 00:11:47,344 --> 00:11:48,174 I'll pack a lunch. 395 00:11:48,172 --> 00:11:49,622 Yes. Yeah. 396 00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:51,280 Yeah. I'll get a babysitter. 397 00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:52,615 Do whatever you need to do. 398 00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:53,690 Okay. I'll get pregnant too. 399 00:11:53,689 --> 00:11:55,169 Okay. Thank you so much. 400 00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:56,102 You are so welcome. 401 00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:57,003 God bless you. 402 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:57,830 Yes. 403 00:11:57,827 --> 00:11:58,787 God! 404 00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:00,283 God bless me. It is what I do. 405 00:12:02,551 --> 00:12:03,551 All right. 406 00:12:03,551 --> 00:12:05,001 Thank you. 407 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:05,860 Don't. 408 00:12:05,862 --> 00:12:07,722 Thank you. Thank you. 409 00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:15,664 Well, how did it go? 410 00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:16,995 Oh, it was fine. 411 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,280 But between you and me, I think I hate her. 412 00:12:19,275 --> 00:12:20,895 Oh Honey, everyone hates her. 413 00:12:20,896 --> 00:12:22,686 Katya is fucking annoying. 414 00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,483 Do you validate? 415 00:12:30,379 --> 00:12:31,859 No. 416 00:12:31,862 --> 00:12:32,692 Okay. 417 00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:35,029 [upbeat music] 418 00:12:35,034 --> 00:12:37,174 [phone rings] 419 00:12:37,172 --> 00:12:38,002 Hello? 420 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,520 Dr. Jackie. 421 00:12:39,517 --> 00:12:41,167 It's Margaret Cho. 422 00:12:41,172 --> 00:12:43,792 Oh, well hello, Margaret Cho. 423 00:12:43,793 --> 00:12:45,623 How can I help you, Honey? 424 00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:46,830 I'm just wondering. 425 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,004 So I, 426 00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:53,831 had my big toenail removed. 427 00:12:54,965 --> 00:12:56,275 It had toenail fungus, 428 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,790 because I used to be a swimmer. 429 00:12:58,793 --> 00:12:59,723 Uh huh. 430 00:12:59,724 --> 00:13:03,414 And I looked at the toenail. 431 00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:04,343 Well now see... 432 00:13:04,344 --> 00:13:06,244 And it really looked like, 433 00:13:07,724 --> 00:13:09,144 I'm not sure if it was a 434 00:13:11,517 --> 00:13:12,757 maybe pork rinds. 435 00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:13,688 Right. 436 00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:15,859 With some spicy sauce on it. 437 00:13:16,724 --> 00:13:17,794 And I really wanted to eat it. 438 00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:20,793 And the podiatrist said, no. 439 00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:22,003 Would you have, let me eat it? 440 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000 I agree 100% with your podiatrist. 441 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,100 Do not eat that toenail. 442 00:13:27,103 --> 00:13:29,213 If you eat that toenail, next thing you know 443 00:13:29,206 --> 00:13:31,276 you're snacking on other parts of your body. 444 00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:32,825 And then the next thing you know 445 00:13:32,827 --> 00:13:34,617 it's a slippery slope bitch. 446 00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:37,210 You are eating other people's body parts. 447 00:13:37,206 --> 00:13:39,476 And then, hello! 448 00:13:39,482 --> 00:13:41,722 Can you say Armie Hammer? 449 00:13:41,724 --> 00:13:42,554 Yeah. 450 00:13:42,551 --> 00:13:43,791 He had fantasies, 451 00:13:43,793 --> 00:13:47,003 sexual fantasies about cannibalizing women. 452 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:47,930 He was canceled. 453 00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:49,791 Anyway, listen, I'm just saying, 454 00:13:49,793 --> 00:13:52,413 be careful, you do what you need to do 455 00:13:52,413 --> 00:13:54,723 but, I'm glad we nipped this in the bud. 456 00:13:54,724 --> 00:13:57,664 Thanks Dr. Jackie. I would've never thought of that. 457 00:13:57,655 --> 00:13:59,925 You always give me the best advice. 458 00:13:59,931 --> 00:14:01,141 All right, honey. 459 00:14:01,137 --> 00:14:03,097 Yeah. I'm glad I could be of help. 460 00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,833 I'll email you a bill. 461 00:14:04,827 --> 00:14:06,477 [call ends] 462 00:14:06,482 --> 00:14:08,212 Eating your toenails. 463 00:14:08,206 --> 00:14:09,996 Okay, that is disgusting. 464 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,590 [upbeat music] 465 00:14:14,482 --> 00:14:16,072 Oh, hey. How was your lunch? 466 00:14:16,068 --> 00:14:17,278 Oh, delicious. 467 00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:18,995 I went to that new Italian place. 468 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,480 What new Italian place? 469 00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:22,142 Oh, it's called Spaghetti Freddy's 470 00:14:22,137 --> 00:14:24,997 and it's located right between Diet Depot 471 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,070 and the Back Fat Gym for ladies in that strip mall. 472 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:28,928 [Sherry] Hmm. 473 00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:29,761 Did you eat? 474 00:14:29,758 --> 00:14:30,968 Nope. Nothing for me. 475 00:14:30,965 --> 00:14:34,755 Just my Trim Licious meal replacement shake. 476 00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:37,338 You know, it's really not healthy to skip meals. 477 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,454 I'll make a note of that Dr. Fauci. 478 00:14:39,448 --> 00:14:40,688 Excuse me? 479 00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:43,239 I said sometimes it makes me grouchy. 480 00:14:43,241 --> 00:14:45,451 Well, your next appointment is already here. 481 00:14:45,448 --> 00:14:48,518 Some kind of workplace drama. 482 00:14:48,517 --> 00:14:51,927 Yawn. God, I hate normal people. 483 00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:54,716 Hello! 484 00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,969 [chews loudly] 485 00:15:00,344 --> 00:15:03,004 [upbeat music] 486 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,927 Hello. I'm Dr. Jackie and you are Mario. 487 00:15:07,931 --> 00:15:09,281 Yeah. Hi. 488 00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,305 Hello. 489 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,660 How are you doing? 490 00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:13,165 I'm doing alright. 491 00:15:13,172 --> 00:15:14,902 Seem a little uptight. 492 00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:16,998 I'm okay. 493 00:15:18,068 --> 00:15:18,998 Thank you. 494 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,520 Well, if you were okay, 495 00:15:20,517 --> 00:15:21,787 you probably wouldn't be seeing a psychotherapist. 496 00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:23,033 What's going on? 497 00:15:23,034 --> 00:15:25,074 Well, I feel a little awkward actually. 498 00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:26,378 I've never done therapy before 499 00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:27,759 so this is a little weird for me. 500 00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:29,478 Well, let me put your mind at ease. 501 00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:31,412 This is a safe place. 502 00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:33,213 This is strictly confidential. 503 00:15:33,206 --> 00:15:37,306 Anything you say is just between you and me. 504 00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:38,790 Well, where do I begin? 505 00:15:38,793 --> 00:15:41,243 Well, just tell me a little bit about yourself. 506 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,721 Well, I'm a 50 year old gay man. 507 00:15:44,724 --> 00:15:46,244 And I don't know. 508 00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:47,311 I just feel like 509 00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:48,930 It's over. 510 00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:50,861 You feel like it's over. 511 00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:53,002 You feel invisible. 512 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:58,000 You feel less than, unwanted, undesirable. 513 00:15:58,896 --> 00:15:59,686 You're not the cute guy anymore. 514 00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:01,169 You're not fashionable. 515 00:16:01,172 --> 00:16:05,172 You gotta wear the hat to hide the receding hairline. 516 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:08,002 You got the pot belly starting. 517 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,760 You know, nobody wants to, you're unfuckable. 518 00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:13,068 You know, it's like in the gay world, 519 00:16:13,068 --> 00:16:15,688 you may as well be a dead woman. 520 00:16:15,689 --> 00:16:19,409 You're clearly on Grubhub more than Grindr. 521 00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,553 It's over for you. 522 00:16:21,551 --> 00:16:25,721 I mean, let's be honest in your community. 523 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,900 You're a steaming pile of shit. 524 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,448 Yeah. No, that's not why I'm here. 525 00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:33,278 It's not? 526 00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:34,755 No. 527 00:16:34,758 --> 00:16:37,828 Okay. Well, why don't you tell me why you're here. 528 00:16:37,827 --> 00:16:39,167 Okay, I will. 529 00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,382 And write it down. 530 00:16:41,551 --> 00:16:43,171 Well, I'm having some issues at work. 531 00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:46,312 Having some issues at work. 532 00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:47,900 Work. And I thought maybe uh... 533 00:16:47,896 --> 00:16:49,996 And you thought that maybe uh... 534 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,690 I 535 00:16:51,689 --> 00:16:53,859 Thought 536 00:16:53,862 --> 00:16:56,002 I thought that maybe you could help. 537 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,280 You thought that... I don't need to write that down. 538 00:16:58,275 --> 00:16:59,785 I can help. 539 00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:03,453 Well, I'm here because I'm having some workplace issues. 540 00:17:04,551 --> 00:17:06,101 So I brought a couple of my coworkers. 541 00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,763 I thought maybe we could figure some of this stuff out. 542 00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:12,688 Oh, well of course. Let's bring them in. 543 00:17:12,689 --> 00:17:15,309 Shirley. Could you send in Mario's coworkers please? 544 00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:16,690 [Sherry Over speaker] It's Sherry. 545 00:17:16,689 --> 00:17:17,789 They're right there. 546 00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:21,762 Oh. 547 00:17:21,758 --> 00:17:22,688 Hello. 548 00:17:23,586 --> 00:17:24,686 Wow. 549 00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:25,589 Um. 550 00:17:27,448 --> 00:17:30,448 Did you hear all that? 551 00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:35,484 That's, just so you know that that was confidential. 552 00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:36,662 Everything about... 553 00:17:41,206 --> 00:17:44,206 So I understand that there is some 554 00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:46,896 workplace drama going on between you two. 555 00:17:48,689 --> 00:17:50,209 What's going on? 556 00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:53,656 This one thinks he's such hot shit. 557 00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,025 I don't think it, I know it. 558 00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,284 First of all, please uncross your arms. 559 00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:59,095 Why don't you open yourself up 560 00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:01,623 to being a part of this process? 561 00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:02,930 There you go. 562 00:18:02,931 --> 00:18:04,691 Now, I have heard enough. 563 00:18:04,689 --> 00:18:05,619 Believe it or not. 564 00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,000 They said one little thing each, 565 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,210 but I'm a seasoned professional 566 00:18:09,206 --> 00:18:11,026 and I understand what's going on here. 567 00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,074 Let me guess. 568 00:18:12,068 --> 00:18:13,378 Okay? 569 00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:15,659 You two work together. 570 00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:18,615 You were once on friendly terms, and you 571 00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:19,450 or you 572 00:18:20,448 --> 00:18:23,208 sold more used cars, 573 00:18:23,206 --> 00:18:25,656 or solar panels, 574 00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:28,755 or water softening systems, than the other one. 575 00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:33,068 And now this good-natured, fun competition has 576 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:36,448 turned your office into a virtual war zone. 577 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,378 No, no, no, no. 578 00:18:37,379 --> 00:18:38,519 We don't work in an office. 579 00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:39,757 What? 580 00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,168 I'm a queer producer. 581 00:18:41,172 --> 00:18:42,832 You can't say that word. 582 00:18:42,827 --> 00:18:44,277 Look, I throw a party called Schlongz! 583 00:18:44,275 --> 00:18:47,065 with a Z and an exclamation point. 584 00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:48,518 And they're my go-go dancers. 585 00:18:51,344 --> 00:18:52,594 And? 586 00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:54,206 Look, they used to date, 587 00:18:54,206 --> 00:18:56,826 and now they're bickering all the time at work. 588 00:18:56,827 --> 00:18:58,757 I mean, people come there to have a good time. 589 00:18:58,758 --> 00:19:01,378 And these two are just fighting, fighting, fighting. 590 00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:05,519 I mean, nobody comes to see two gorgeous men wearing next 591 00:19:05,517 --> 00:19:06,477 to nothing. 592 00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:08,312 Behaving like school girls. 593 00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:09,240 Two gorgeous men 594 00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:13,311 wearing next to nothing. 595 00:19:15,517 --> 00:19:16,477 Exactly. 596 00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:19,760 Now what is going on? 597 00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:22,618 He won't shut up about his amazing ass. 598 00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,660 Okay. Cuz you won't, and can't 599 00:19:24,655 --> 00:19:26,545 shut up about your huge cock. 600 00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:38,001 I think I know what's going on here. 601 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,760 Do you see this? 602 00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:40,588 What does it say? 603 00:19:40,586 --> 00:19:42,066 Doctor Jackie. 604 00:19:42,068 --> 00:19:44,478 I want all three of you to say it. 605 00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:46,692 [All Three Men] Doctor Jackie. 606 00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:49,659 Doctor Jackie. Keyword doctor. 607 00:19:50,551 --> 00:19:53,411 But, I'm not a magician, 608 00:19:53,413 --> 00:19:54,903 and I'm certainly not a medium. 609 00:19:54,896 --> 00:19:55,716 Oh God. 610 00:19:55,724 --> 00:19:56,974 I wish I was a medium. 611 00:19:56,965 --> 00:19:58,685 I'm like an extra large right now. 612 00:19:58,689 --> 00:19:59,999 Well, I've been eating my feelings. 613 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,480 I don't know what's going on. 614 00:20:01,482 --> 00:20:02,932 Physician heal thyself. 615 00:20:02,931 --> 00:20:04,381 Am I right? 616 00:20:04,379 --> 00:20:07,029 Listen, I need to come from a place of knowledge. 617 00:20:07,034 --> 00:20:08,834 If you're trying to figure something out 618 00:20:08,827 --> 00:20:12,587 you need all the information that you can get. 619 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:17,336 Now I realize that just like my Jewish friend, Barry 620 00:20:17,344 --> 00:20:18,794 who is always eating bacon 621 00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:21,283 and refuses to have his son circumcised, 622 00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:23,205 this is highly unorthodox. 623 00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:26,516 But for purely therapeutic reasons 624 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:31,237 I need to see this amazing ass 625 00:20:32,793 --> 00:20:34,663 and huge cock. 626 00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:40,073 I think it's our only chance to let the healing begin. 627 00:20:40,068 --> 00:20:43,238 Are you two comfortable with this? 628 00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,280 Yeah? 629 00:20:45,275 --> 00:20:46,545 I guess 630 00:20:46,551 --> 00:20:49,411 Great! Then let the party begin. 631 00:20:49,413 --> 00:20:50,763 [techno music plays] 632 00:20:50,758 --> 00:20:55,208 ♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D, I invented that ♪ 633 00:20:56,482 --> 00:21:01,212 ♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D, I invented that ♪ 634 00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:08,172 ♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D, I invented that ♪ 635 00:21:10,206 --> 00:21:15,206 ♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D, I invented that ♪ 636 00:21:17,172 --> 00:21:24,102 ♪ I invented that 637 00:21:24,103 --> 00:21:25,623 All right you guys, that's it. 638 00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:26,690 Put your clothes on. 639 00:21:26,689 --> 00:21:27,549 We're leaving. 640 00:21:30,379 --> 00:21:33,619 Well, you must admit they're getting along now. 641 00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:36,546 Thanks to Dr. Jackie. 642 00:21:36,551 --> 00:21:37,791 Thank you, Dr. 643 00:21:37,793 --> 00:21:40,793 Does anyone say, "Thank you, Dr. Jackie?" No. 644 00:21:40,793 --> 00:21:43,863 [upbeat music plays]