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[introduction music]

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♪ She was unemployed and happy

3
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♪ She had no cash

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00:00:05,827 --> 00:00:07,097
♪ Pretending to be classy

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♪ But just poor white trash

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♪ The tragic but true fact is

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♪ A bitter aging actress

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♪ Whose agent just
recently dropped her ♪

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♪ Sitting on her ass

10
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♪ Drinking cheap boxed wine

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♪ Til she took a bogus class

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♪ While at home online

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♪ Finished fast

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♪ Came in last

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♪ Barely passed

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♪ Now the bitch calls
herself a doctor ♪

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♪ Who woulda guessed that
this phony would treat ♪

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♪ The craziest of
the Showbiz elite ♪

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♪ And now the only
thing more distant ♪

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♪ And more scary

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♪ Is her slutty
blonde assistant ♪

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♪ That dumb whore Sherry

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♪ You don't wanna be
on her client list ♪

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♪ It's Doctor Jackie

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♪ The unlicensed
psychotherapist ♪

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[birds chirping]

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Well, it wasn't very long,
but it was super thick.

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[chuckles]

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Well, plus he paid for dinner.

30
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I gotta go.

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Good morning Dr. Jackie.

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Good morning.

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I'm sorry I'm late.

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I had car trouble.

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You got a brand new car.

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What happened?

37
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I overslept and
got in it too late.

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What's my first
appointment this morning?

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A young lady named Katya

40
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Young?

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Yes.

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Lady?

43
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Mhmm.

44
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Katya?

45
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That's what it
says, right here.

46
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Well, what's her situation?

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She's severely depressed.

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Suffers from low self-esteem.

49
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No, no, no, no.

50
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I mean, is she paying cash,
or does she have insurance?

51
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Oh! Oo, she has top
of the line insurance

52
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that covers 100% of
all her sessions.

53
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Oh goodie.

54
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I mean, she sounds
like a very sick woman

55
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and I'm probably going
to have to see her at

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least four times a week.

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Got it.

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Oh, I thought you said

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you weren't gonna
get any more plants.

60
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It's a small one.

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And besides Sherry,

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people need oxygen, and
plants produce oxygen.

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Coffee?

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I think just the
cup this morning.

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Mhmm.

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Sherry?

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[Sherry] Yes?

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I think you might wanna review

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the employee dress code again.

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No sequins.

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But you're wearing sequins.

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I'm the star!

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The boss, I'm the boss.

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Got it.

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[upbeat music]

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Plants produce oxygen?

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I don't think so.

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[Sherry types]

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Look it up.

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[dial up tone]

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I'll get my answer
in 20 minutes.

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[upbeat music]

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[door opens]

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[Katya] Hi.

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[Dr. Jackie] Hi. How are you?

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[Katya] Not great.

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[Dr. Jackie] Oh, Honey.

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I know I heard your call.

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It was frantic.

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What's going on?

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I don't even know
where to start.

92
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Okay. Well, I have a-

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At the beginning.

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Okay.

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That's where you start.

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Okay.

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That might be your problem.

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Oh. What?

99
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Relax. We have an hour.

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Okay.

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What's the problem?

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Well, I think that I might be

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psychotically

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preoccupied with

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other people's opinion.

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Okay. Here we go. I-

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There's no judgment here.

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Oh, okay.

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Okay? Tell me about
your life first of all.

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And then let's get
to the problem later.

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Well, it's perfect.

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That's the problem.

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My life is perfect.

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I have a huge set
of adoring fans.

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I'm world famous for something

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that I don't even know what for.

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I'm beloved in my community
and around the world.

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All, all I get online is just

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like praise and
love and constant.

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But I just have this feeling
that everybody hates me.

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Everybody hates you.

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And it doesn't make any sense,
but I just, I don't know.

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Oh

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Everybody

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Hates me.

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Yeah, there's something
about the way that my friends,

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my coworkers, even my
family, and especially

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my main partner, my
creative partner.

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I just sense this
seething, hatred.

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This bubbling, churning,
putrescent, like a

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[gags]

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Deary, what does
putrescent mean?

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[Deary] It means
like super gross.

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Continue.

135
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Okay. So it's like this.

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You know how smells
can get like hit you

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and you fall over and then
you, you start puking.

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It's like, it's like a real

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it's like the gut
punch of a feeling.

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Right.

141
00:05:05,793 --> 00:05:06,723
Yeah. And it's, I just

142
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That everyone hates you.

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Every single person
at the post office,

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at the Boulangerie
at the, the Jamboree.

145
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You can say bakery.

146
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It's in France.

147
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Oh.

148
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So what do I do?

149
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Well, first of
all I do have to say

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that in my opinion,

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low self-esteem

152
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and this is sort of
classic imposter syndrome.

153
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The whole world loves you,
but you don't love yourself.

154
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It's rooted in the mother.

155
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So let me ask you, tell
me about your mother

156
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and how she treated you
and how she raised you.

157
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,410
Well, she didn't talk
until she was about 30

158
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and then she screamed and
went to China for two weeks.

159
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Okay. This makes no sense.

160
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How would you know that she
didn't talk until she was 30?

161
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Because she screamed
I'm 30 and I'm going.

162
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,312
And then she went to China.

163
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Who among us has not
had that type of mother.

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You know, she never hit me.

165
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She kicked me.

166
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Sure.

167
00:06:00,724 --> 00:06:02,104
Right.

168
00:06:02,103 --> 00:06:03,623
You know, she never strangled
me, but she fingered me.

169
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:07,410
So I feel like she blamed me
for a lot of things that were

170
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you know, you know, deaths,

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[Dr. Jackie] Right.

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00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:11,934
murders.

173
00:06:11,931 --> 00:06:13,311
There were murders?

174
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:14,100
There was a lot of
murders in the neighborhood.

175
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Mostly animals, but...

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[phone vibrates]

177
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I'm so sorry, one second.

178
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This is important.

179
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Did somebody die?

180
00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:24,174
No, it's a really funny meme.

181
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Oh my God.

182
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I love corgis.

183
00:06:27,068 --> 00:06:28,278
Corgis?

184
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I'm so sorry.

185
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It's fine.

186
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I have an idea.

187
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[Katya] Okay.

188
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I want to do
some affirmations.

189
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Okay.

190
00:06:35,586 --> 00:06:36,686
You have a tape
playing in your head.

191
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:37,549
Have you ever heard that?

192
00:06:37,551 --> 00:06:38,831
That phrase?

193
00:06:38,827 --> 00:06:40,027
A what?

194
00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:41,004
Like you have, like
you have a recording

195
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,480
in your head from your mother.

196
00:06:42,482 --> 00:06:44,552
Remember the woman who
kicked you and fingered you?

197
00:06:44,551 --> 00:06:46,211
Yeah.

198
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,136
Oh, like a recording?

199
00:06:47,137 --> 00:06:48,067
Yeah.

200
00:06:48,068 --> 00:06:48,998
Like, like a, like a boombox.

201
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,240
You're worthless.

202
00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:51,071
Yes.

203
00:06:51,068 --> 00:06:52,588
Hey you little bitch.

204
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:53,656
You know?

205
00:06:53,655 --> 00:06:55,715
I never should have had you.

206
00:06:55,724 --> 00:06:57,244
God damn it you're ugly.

207
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:58,721
Yeah.

208
00:06:58,724 --> 00:06:59,974
[Dr. Jackie] What is going
on with that eye makeup?

209
00:06:59,965 --> 00:07:00,895
Yeah.

210
00:07:00,896 --> 00:07:02,066
Why did you wear that dress?

211
00:07:02,068 --> 00:07:04,658
You know, black and
White's not good for TV.

212
00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,585
[Katya] Yeah.

213
00:07:05,586 --> 00:07:06,406
What is wrong with you bitch?

214
00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:07,623
[Katya] Yeah.

215
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:08,450
What the fuck?

216
00:07:08,448 --> 00:07:09,378
Why so many elbows?

217
00:07:09,379 --> 00:07:10,479
Why the knees always dirty?

218
00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:12,002
What's with all the fingers?

219
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:12,830
Exactly.

220
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:13,757
[Katya] Yeah.

221
00:07:13,758 --> 00:07:15,548
So we need to stop that tape.

222
00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:17,141
Now, I don't know
how old you are,

223
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,687
and I don't care, don't say it.

224
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:19,619
Okay.

225
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,100
Now you're gonna push stop.

226
00:07:21,103 --> 00:07:22,863
We don't wanna
hear that anymore.

227
00:07:22,862 --> 00:07:24,342
Okay.

228
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:26,454
That's that song on Jagged
Little Pill that doesn't work.

229
00:07:26,448 --> 00:07:27,378
Okay.

230
00:07:27,379 --> 00:07:28,759
You wanna hear the hits.

231
00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:30,478
The Macarena.

232
00:07:30,482 --> 00:07:31,722
Okay, that's not.

233
00:07:31,724 --> 00:07:34,244
Alanis Morrissette did
not do the Macarena.

234
00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:35,721
Gangnam Style.

235
00:07:35,724 --> 00:07:36,554
[Dr. Jackie shushes]

236
00:07:36,551 --> 00:07:37,381
Okay.

237
00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:38,619
We're pushing stop.

238
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:40,000
We're gonna, we're gonna
play a different song.

239
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,860
We're gonna play
a different tape.

240
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:42,692
Okay?

241
00:07:42,689 --> 00:07:43,619
Okay.

242
00:07:43,620 --> 00:07:44,340
So you're gonna repeat after me.

243
00:07:44,344 --> 00:07:45,174
Okay.

244
00:07:45,172 --> 00:07:46,312
Okay?

245
00:07:46,310 --> 00:07:47,760
No more Mommy
saying, "I hate you."

246
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:48,688
"You're ugly."

247
00:07:48,689 --> 00:07:49,719
"What the fuck?"

248
00:07:49,724 --> 00:07:52,004
"Why did you wear that?"

249
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,690
Why did you wear that?

250
00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:55,690
We're gonna do a new thing.

251
00:07:55,689 --> 00:07:56,589
Okay.

252
00:07:56,586 --> 00:07:57,406
So repeat after me.

253
00:07:57,413 --> 00:07:58,523
Okay.

254
00:07:58,517 --> 00:08:00,277
I am worthy.

255
00:08:00,275 --> 00:08:02,515
I am wormy.

256
00:08:04,793 --> 00:08:06,903
I'm a valid person.

257
00:08:06,896 --> 00:08:09,406
I'm a vapid person.

258
00:08:09,413 --> 00:08:11,553
Okay. Did you see
what you did there?

259
00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:12,721
What? I closed my eyes.

260
00:08:12,724 --> 00:08:14,004
Should I take my glasses off?

261
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,410
No, listen to me.

262
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,483
Look me in the eye.

263
00:08:17,482 --> 00:08:18,722
Pick one.

264
00:08:18,724 --> 00:08:19,554
Uh huh.

265
00:08:19,551 --> 00:08:21,101
I said, "I am worthy."

266
00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:22,663
You said, "I am wormy."

267
00:08:22,655 --> 00:08:25,655
A worm is the lowest thing
on earth crawling around.

268
00:08:25,655 --> 00:08:27,895
I said, "I am valid."

269
00:08:27,896 --> 00:08:29,716
You said, "I am vapid."

270
00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:31,594
Vapid, correct me if I'm wrong,

271
00:08:31,586 --> 00:08:35,406
means empty; of no value.

272
00:08:35,413 --> 00:08:39,903
Intellectually devoid of
any substance whatsoever.

273
00:08:39,896 --> 00:08:41,896
These tapes are still playing.

274
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:42,826
All right?

275
00:08:42,827 --> 00:08:43,997
Look, look at the finger.

276
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,620
And, and this is
not Mommy's finger.

277
00:08:45,620 --> 00:08:46,690
So don't freak out.

278
00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:47,519
[Katya] Okay.

279
00:08:47,517 --> 00:08:48,337
Stop.

280
00:08:50,034 --> 00:08:51,104
Now. Let's try it again.

281
00:08:51,103 --> 00:08:52,343
[Katya] Okay.

282
00:08:52,344 --> 00:08:53,004
Really listen to
what I'm saying.

283
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:53,900
[Katya] Okay.

284
00:08:53,896 --> 00:08:56,516
I am worthy.

285
00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:58,897
I am flirty.

286
00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:02,547
Katya, Katya.

287
00:09:02,551 --> 00:09:04,211
You're more than your sexuality.

288
00:09:04,206 --> 00:09:05,236
You said flirty.

289
00:09:05,241 --> 00:09:06,171
[Katya] Flirty.

290
00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:06,932
You don't need to flirt.

291
00:09:06,931 --> 00:09:07,861
I, okay.

292
00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:09,072
You don't need to flirt.

293
00:09:09,068 --> 00:09:09,998
It's not all about
being fuckable.

294
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,720
I am 40.

295
00:09:11,724 --> 00:09:13,454
Stop it.

296
00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:15,338
You're obviously
older than that.

297
00:09:15,344 --> 00:09:17,554
Listen. I need you to focus.

298
00:09:17,551 --> 00:09:18,791
[Katya] Okay.

299
00:09:18,793 --> 00:09:19,663
Really listen to
what I'm saying.

300
00:09:19,655 --> 00:09:20,475
I'm gonna listen.

301
00:09:20,482 --> 00:09:21,312
Let it in.

302
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:22,280
I'm gonna listen.

303
00:09:22,275 --> 00:09:23,095
The old tape is done.

304
00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:23,933
Ready?

305
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,171
Ready.

306
00:09:25,172 --> 00:09:29,212
I am worthy.

307
00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:33,966
I am a valid person.

308
00:09:33,965 --> 00:09:34,995
And people love me!

309
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:35,860
And people love me.

310
00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:36,692
Louder!

311
00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:38,099
I am worthy!

312
00:09:38,103 --> 00:09:39,623
I'm a valid person!

313
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,690
And people love me!

314
00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:41,519
Do you feel it?

315
00:09:41,517 --> 00:09:42,337
I feel it.

316
00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:43,344
Is it real?

317
00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:44,174
I think it's real.

318
00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:45,002
The tape is playing.

319
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,690
The CD's going.

320
00:09:46,689 --> 00:09:47,999
I think I'm wet.

321
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:48,860
Is this Scotch Guarded?

322
00:09:48,862 --> 00:09:49,692
[phone rings]

323
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,519
Wait. Hold that.

324
00:09:50,517 --> 00:09:51,377
Oh.

325
00:09:51,379 --> 00:09:52,209
I'm so sorry.

326
00:09:52,206 --> 00:09:53,026
It's my phone again.

327
00:09:53,034 --> 00:09:54,284
What another meme?

328
00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:56,715
No, actually this
is very important.

329
00:09:56,724 --> 00:09:59,454
It's, no offense, a bigger name.

330
00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:00,928
And I, they actually have me

331
00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:04,591
on retainer and this
is an emergency call.

332
00:10:04,586 --> 00:10:05,616
Ann Miller?

333
00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:06,690
[shushes Katya]

334
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:07,999
Oh.

335
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,000
Hey Trixie.

336
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,000
How are you, honey?

337
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,520
Hi, it's me Trixie.

338
00:10:11,517 --> 00:10:13,997
I hate to call on such short
notice, but I've actually

339
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,070
been having some mental stress
and some emotional fatigue.

340
00:10:17,068 --> 00:10:18,548
Is everything okay?

341
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,591
I work with someone who
really is just irresponsible,

342
00:10:21,586 --> 00:10:24,206
difficult, selfish, inappropriate.

343
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,206
Oh honey.

344
00:10:25,206 --> 00:10:26,476
[shushes Trixie]

345
00:10:26,482 --> 00:10:27,622
It's just getting more
and more difficult to go

346
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,100
to work and kind
of face the day.

347
00:10:29,103 --> 00:10:29,933
So I was wondering

348
00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:31,071
Not a good time

349
00:10:31,068 --> 00:10:31,998
Advice for working
with somebody

350
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,410
who's truly sort of an idiot.

351
00:10:33,413 --> 00:10:35,833
I totally understand
your frustration, but

352
00:10:35,827 --> 00:10:38,657
Garbage and really
disgusting to look at.

353
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:40,755
And my stomach turns
just even being

354
00:10:40,758 --> 00:10:41,588
around her.

355
00:10:41,586 --> 00:10:42,546
Um.

356
00:10:42,551 --> 00:10:44,171
It's Katya, please help.

357
00:10:44,172 --> 00:10:46,592
[phone call ends]

358
00:10:46,586 --> 00:10:48,276
Awkward.

359
00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:49,095
She hates me.

360
00:10:49,103 --> 00:10:49,973
I was right.

361
00:10:49,965 --> 00:10:50,925
Stop the tape

362
00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:51,761
Don't you gaslight me.

363
00:10:51,758 --> 00:10:52,858
Stop the tape!

364
00:10:52,862 --> 00:10:54,072
Now, say it again.

365
00:10:54,068 --> 00:10:56,068
Say it again.

366
00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:57,718
Come here, come closer.

367
00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,104
[loud slap]

368
00:11:00,103 --> 00:11:02,383
Now that's called tough love.

369
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:04,759
And it's somewhere in a
book here in my office.

370
00:11:04,758 --> 00:11:07,548
It is a valid form of therapy.

371
00:11:07,551 --> 00:11:11,451
And speaking of valid, I need
you to repeat our new tape.

372
00:11:11,448 --> 00:11:12,278
Now.

373
00:11:12,275 --> 00:11:13,095
I'm a worthy person.

374
00:11:13,103 --> 00:11:14,003
I'm a valid person.

375
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,030
I'm a people person.

376
00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:16,144
I love me.

377
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,900
You put a spin on
it, but that's it.

378
00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:20,856
Okay. I'm a fruit
bar and a wagon wheel.

379
00:11:20,862 --> 00:11:22,102
Are you feeling it?

380
00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:25,863
I feel actually
pretty incredible.

381
00:11:25,862 --> 00:11:28,002
I feel, I mean, like
I feel more limber.

382
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,590
I've got, oh, you
hear that crack?

383
00:11:30,586 --> 00:11:32,856
I've got thoracic mobility.

384
00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:34,452
I think this is
gonna work for me.

385
00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:36,068
Thank you so much Dr. Jackie.

386
00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:37,618
You are, I don't touch.

387
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:38,860
Okay, well.

388
00:11:38,862 --> 00:11:40,032
Listen, I'm glad
you feel better.

389
00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:41,074
I'm glad you feel great.

390
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,618
But this is just the beginning.

391
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:45,450
We need to back this up like
three, four times a week.

392
00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:46,518
We need to do this.

393
00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:47,337
Okay.

394
00:11:47,344 --> 00:11:48,174
I'll pack a lunch.

395
00:11:48,172 --> 00:11:49,622
Yes. Yeah.

396
00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:51,280
Yeah. I'll get a babysitter.

397
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:52,615
Do whatever you need to do.

398
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:53,690
Okay. I'll get pregnant too.

399
00:11:53,689 --> 00:11:55,169
Okay. Thank you so much.

400
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:56,102
You are so welcome.

401
00:11:56,103 --> 00:11:57,003
God bless you.

402
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:57,830
Yes.

403
00:11:57,827 --> 00:11:58,787
God!

404
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:00,283
God bless me. It is what I do.

405
00:12:02,551 --> 00:12:03,551
All right.

406
00:12:03,551 --> 00:12:05,001
Thank you.

407
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:05,860
Don't.

408
00:12:05,862 --> 00:12:07,722
Thank you. Thank you.

409
00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:15,664
Well, how did it go?

410
00:12:15,655 --> 00:12:16,995
Oh, it was fine.

411
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,280
But between you and
me, I think I hate her.

412
00:12:19,275 --> 00:12:20,895
Oh Honey, everyone hates her.

413
00:12:20,896 --> 00:12:22,686
Katya is fucking annoying.

414
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,483
Do you validate?

415
00:12:30,379 --> 00:12:31,859
No.

416
00:12:31,862 --> 00:12:32,692
Okay.

417
00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:35,029
[upbeat music]

418
00:12:35,034 --> 00:12:37,174
[phone rings]

419
00:12:37,172 --> 00:12:38,002
Hello?

420
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,520
Dr. Jackie.

421
00:12:39,517 --> 00:12:41,167
It's Margaret Cho.

422
00:12:41,172 --> 00:12:43,792
Oh, well hello, Margaret Cho.

423
00:12:43,793 --> 00:12:45,623
How can I help you, Honey?

424
00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:46,830
I'm just wondering.

425
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,004
So I,

426
00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:53,831
had my big toenail removed.

427
00:12:54,965 --> 00:12:56,275
It had toenail fungus,

428
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,790
because I used to be a swimmer.

429
00:12:58,793 --> 00:12:59,723
Uh huh.

430
00:12:59,724 --> 00:13:03,414
And I looked at the toenail.

431
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:04,343
Well now see...

432
00:13:04,344 --> 00:13:06,244
And it really looked like,

433
00:13:07,724 --> 00:13:09,144
I'm not sure if it was a

434
00:13:11,517 --> 00:13:12,757
maybe pork rinds.

435
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:13,688
Right.

436
00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:15,859
With some spicy sauce on it.

437
00:13:16,724 --> 00:13:17,794
And I really wanted to eat it.

438
00:13:17,793 --> 00:13:20,793
And the podiatrist said, no.

439
00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:22,003
Would you have, let me eat it?

440
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000
I agree 100% with
your podiatrist.

441
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,100
Do not eat that toenail.

442
00:13:27,103 --> 00:13:29,213
If you eat that toenail,
next thing you know

443
00:13:29,206 --> 00:13:31,276
you're snacking on other
parts of your body.

444
00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:32,825
And then the next thing you know

445
00:13:32,827 --> 00:13:34,617
it's a slippery slope bitch.

446
00:13:34,620 --> 00:13:37,210
You are eating other
people's body parts.

447
00:13:37,206 --> 00:13:39,476
And then, hello!

448
00:13:39,482 --> 00:13:41,722
Can you say Armie Hammer?

449
00:13:41,724 --> 00:13:42,554
Yeah.

450
00:13:42,551 --> 00:13:43,791
He had fantasies,

451
00:13:43,793 --> 00:13:47,003
sexual fantasies about
cannibalizing women.

452
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:47,930
He was canceled.

453
00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:49,791
Anyway, listen, I'm just saying,

454
00:13:49,793 --> 00:13:52,413
be careful, you do
what you need to do

455
00:13:52,413 --> 00:13:54,723
but, I'm glad we
nipped this in the bud.

456
00:13:54,724 --> 00:13:57,664
Thanks Dr. Jackie. I
would've never thought of that.

457
00:13:57,655 --> 00:13:59,925
You always give me
the best advice.

458
00:13:59,931 --> 00:14:01,141
All right, honey.

459
00:14:01,137 --> 00:14:03,097
Yeah. I'm glad I
could be of help.

460
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,833
I'll email you a bill.

461
00:14:04,827 --> 00:14:06,477
[call ends]

462
00:14:06,482 --> 00:14:08,212
Eating your toenails.

463
00:14:08,206 --> 00:14:09,996
Okay, that is disgusting.

464
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,590
[upbeat music]

465
00:14:14,482 --> 00:14:16,072
Oh, hey. How was your lunch?

466
00:14:16,068 --> 00:14:17,278
Oh, delicious.

467
00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:18,995
I went to that
new Italian place.

468
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,480
What new Italian place?

469
00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:22,142
Oh, it's called
Spaghetti Freddy's

470
00:14:22,137 --> 00:14:24,997
and it's located right
between Diet Depot

471
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,070
and the Back Fat Gym for
ladies in that strip mall.

472
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:28,928
[Sherry] Hmm.

473
00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:29,761
Did you eat?

474
00:14:29,758 --> 00:14:30,968
Nope. Nothing for me.

475
00:14:30,965 --> 00:14:34,755
Just my Trim Licious
meal replacement shake.

476
00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:37,338
You know, it's really
not healthy to skip meals.

477
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,454
I'll make a note
of that Dr. Fauci.

478
00:14:39,448 --> 00:14:40,688
Excuse me?

479
00:14:40,689 --> 00:14:43,239
I said sometimes
it makes me grouchy.

480
00:14:43,241 --> 00:14:45,451
Well, your next appointment
is already here.

481
00:14:45,448 --> 00:14:48,518
Some kind of workplace drama.

482
00:14:48,517 --> 00:14:51,927
Yawn. God, I
hate normal people.

483
00:14:53,896 --> 00:14:54,716
Hello!

484
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,969
[chews loudly]

485
00:15:00,344 --> 00:15:03,004
[upbeat music]

486
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:07,927
Hello. I'm Dr. Jackie
and you are Mario.

487
00:15:07,931 --> 00:15:09,281
Yeah. Hi.

488
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:10,305
Hello.

489
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,660
How are you doing?

490
00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:13,165
I'm doing alright.

491
00:15:13,172 --> 00:15:14,902
Seem a little uptight.

492
00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:16,998
I'm okay.

493
00:15:18,068 --> 00:15:18,998
Thank you.

494
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,520
Well, if you were okay,

495
00:15:20,517 --> 00:15:21,787
you probably wouldn't be
seeing a psychotherapist.

496
00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:23,033
What's going on?

497
00:15:23,034 --> 00:15:25,074
Well, I feel a little
awkward actually.

498
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:26,378
I've never done therapy before

499
00:15:26,379 --> 00:15:27,759
so this is a little
weird for me.

500
00:15:27,758 --> 00:15:29,478
Well, let me put
your mind at ease.

501
00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:31,412
This is a safe place.

502
00:15:31,413 --> 00:15:33,213
This is strictly confidential.

503
00:15:33,206 --> 00:15:37,306
Anything you say is
just between you and me.

504
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:38,790
Well, where do I begin?

505
00:15:38,793 --> 00:15:41,243
Well, just tell me a
little bit about yourself.

506
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,721
Well, I'm a 50
year old gay man.

507
00:15:44,724 --> 00:15:46,244
And I don't know.

508
00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:47,311
I just feel like

509
00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:48,930
It's over.

510
00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:50,861
You feel like it's over.

511
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:53,002
You feel invisible.

512
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:58,000
You feel less than,
unwanted, undesirable.

513
00:15:58,896 --> 00:15:59,686
You're not the cute guy anymore.

514
00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:01,169
You're not fashionable.

515
00:16:01,172 --> 00:16:05,172
You gotta wear the hat to
hide the receding hairline.

516
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:08,002
You got the pot belly starting.

517
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,760
You know, nobody wants
to, you're unfuckable.

518
00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:13,068
You know, it's like
in the gay world,

519
00:16:13,068 --> 00:16:15,688
you may as well be a dead woman.

520
00:16:15,689 --> 00:16:19,409
You're clearly on
Grubhub more than Grindr.

521
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,553
It's over for you.

522
00:16:21,551 --> 00:16:25,721
I mean, let's be honest
in your community.

523
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,900
You're a steaming pile of shit.

524
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:32,448
Yeah. No, that's
not why I'm here.

525
00:16:32,448 --> 00:16:33,278
It's not?

526
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:34,755
No.

527
00:16:34,758 --> 00:16:37,828
Okay. Well, why don't you
tell me why you're here.

528
00:16:37,827 --> 00:16:39,167
Okay, I will.

529
00:16:39,172 --> 00:16:40,382
And write it down.

530
00:16:41,551 --> 00:16:43,171
Well, I'm having
some issues at work.

531
00:16:43,172 --> 00:16:46,312
Having some issues at work.

532
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:47,900
Work. And I
thought maybe uh...

533
00:16:47,896 --> 00:16:49,996
And you thought
that maybe uh...

534
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,690
I

535
00:16:51,689 --> 00:16:53,859
Thought

536
00:16:53,862 --> 00:16:56,002
I thought that
maybe you could help.

537
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,280
You thought that... I don't
need to write that down.

538
00:16:58,275 --> 00:16:59,785
I can help.

539
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:03,453
Well, I'm here because I'm
having some workplace issues.

540
00:17:04,551 --> 00:17:06,101
So I brought a couple
of my coworkers.

541
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,763
I thought maybe we could
figure some of this stuff out.

542
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:12,688
Oh, well of course.
Let's bring them in.

543
00:17:12,689 --> 00:17:15,309
Shirley. Could you send in
Mario's coworkers please?

544
00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:16,690
[Sherry Over
speaker] It's Sherry.

545
00:17:16,689 --> 00:17:17,789
They're right there.

546
00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:21,762
Oh.

547
00:17:21,758 --> 00:17:22,688
Hello.

548
00:17:23,586 --> 00:17:24,686
Wow.

549
00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:25,589
Um.

550
00:17:27,448 --> 00:17:30,448
Did you hear all that?

551
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:35,484
That's, just so you know
that that was confidential.

552
00:17:35,482 --> 00:17:36,662
Everything about...

553
00:17:41,206 --> 00:17:44,206
So I understand
that there is some

554
00:17:44,206 --> 00:17:46,896
workplace drama going
on between you two.

555
00:17:48,689 --> 00:17:50,209
What's going on?

556
00:17:50,206 --> 00:17:53,656
This one thinks
he's such hot shit.

557
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,025
I don't think it, I know it.

558
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,284
First of all, please
uncross your arms.

559
00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:59,095
Why don't you open yourself up

560
00:17:59,103 --> 00:18:01,623
to being a part of this process?

561
00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:02,930
There you go.

562
00:18:02,931 --> 00:18:04,691
Now, I have heard enough.

563
00:18:04,689 --> 00:18:05,619
Believe it or not.

564
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,000
They said one little thing each,

565
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,210
but I'm a seasoned professional

566
00:18:09,206 --> 00:18:11,026
and I understand
what's going on here.

567
00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:12,074
Let me guess.

568
00:18:12,068 --> 00:18:13,378
Okay?

569
00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:15,659
You two work together.

570
00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:18,615
You were once on
friendly terms, and you

571
00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:19,450
or you

572
00:18:20,448 --> 00:18:23,208
sold more used cars,

573
00:18:23,206 --> 00:18:25,656
or solar panels,

574
00:18:25,655 --> 00:18:28,755
or water softening systems,
than the other one.

575
00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:33,068
And now this good-natured,
fun competition has

576
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:36,448
turned your office into
a virtual war zone.

577
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:37,378
No, no, no, no.

578
00:18:37,379 --> 00:18:38,519
We don't work in an office.

579
00:18:38,517 --> 00:18:39,757
What?

580
00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,168
I'm a queer producer.

581
00:18:41,172 --> 00:18:42,832
You can't say that word.

582
00:18:42,827 --> 00:18:44,277
Look, I throw a
party called Schlongz!

583
00:18:44,275 --> 00:18:47,065
with a Z and an
exclamation point.

584
00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:48,518
And they're my go-go dancers.

585
00:18:51,344 --> 00:18:52,594
And?

586
00:18:52,586 --> 00:18:54,206
Look, they used to date,

587
00:18:54,206 --> 00:18:56,826
and now they're bickering
all the time at work.

588
00:18:56,827 --> 00:18:58,757
I mean, people come there
to have a good time.

589
00:18:58,758 --> 00:19:01,378
And these two are just
fighting, fighting, fighting.

590
00:19:01,379 --> 00:19:05,519
I mean, nobody comes to see
two gorgeous men wearing next

591
00:19:05,517 --> 00:19:06,477
to nothing.

592
00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:08,312
Behaving like school girls.

593
00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:09,240
Two gorgeous men

594
00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:13,311
wearing next to nothing.

595
00:19:15,517 --> 00:19:16,477
Exactly.

596
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:19,760
Now what is going on?

597
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:22,618
He won't shut up
about his amazing ass.

598
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,660
Okay. Cuz you won't, and can't

599
00:19:24,655 --> 00:19:26,545
shut up about your huge cock.

600
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:38,001
I think I know
what's going on here.

601
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,760
Do you see this?

602
00:19:39,758 --> 00:19:40,588
What does it say?

603
00:19:40,586 --> 00:19:42,066
Doctor Jackie.

604
00:19:42,068 --> 00:19:44,478
I want all three
of you to say it.

605
00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:46,692
[All Three Men] Doctor Jackie.

606
00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:49,659
Doctor Jackie. Keyword doctor.

607
00:19:50,551 --> 00:19:53,411
But, I'm not a magician,

608
00:19:53,413 --> 00:19:54,903
and I'm certainly not a medium.

609
00:19:54,896 --> 00:19:55,716
Oh God.

610
00:19:55,724 --> 00:19:56,974
I wish I was a medium.

611
00:19:56,965 --> 00:19:58,685
I'm like an extra
large right now.

612
00:19:58,689 --> 00:19:59,999
Well, I've been
eating my feelings.

613
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,480
I don't know what's going on.

614
00:20:01,482 --> 00:20:02,932
Physician heal thyself.

615
00:20:02,931 --> 00:20:04,381
Am I right?

616
00:20:04,379 --> 00:20:07,029
Listen, I need to come
from a place of knowledge.

617
00:20:07,034 --> 00:20:08,834
If you're trying to
figure something out

618
00:20:08,827 --> 00:20:12,587
you need all the information
that you can get.

619
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:17,336
Now I realize that just
like my Jewish friend, Barry

620
00:20:17,344 --> 00:20:18,794
who is always eating bacon

621
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:21,283
and refuses to have
his son circumcised,

622
00:20:21,275 --> 00:20:23,205
this is highly unorthodox.

623
00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:26,516
But for purely
therapeutic reasons

624
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:31,237
I need to see this amazing ass

625
00:20:32,793 --> 00:20:34,663
and huge cock.

626
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:40,073
I think it's our only chance
to let the healing begin.

627
00:20:40,068 --> 00:20:43,238
Are you two
comfortable with this?

628
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,280
Yeah?

629
00:20:45,275 --> 00:20:46,545
I guess

630
00:20:46,551 --> 00:20:49,411
Great! Then let
the party begin.

631
00:20:49,413 --> 00:20:50,763
[techno music plays]

632
00:20:50,758 --> 00:20:55,208
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪

633
00:20:56,482 --> 00:21:01,212
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪

634
00:21:03,172 --> 00:21:08,172
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪

635
00:21:10,206 --> 00:21:15,206
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪

636
00:21:17,172 --> 00:21:24,102
♪ I invented that

637
00:21:24,103 --> 00:21:25,623
All right you guys, that's it.

638
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:26,690
Put your clothes on.

639
00:21:26,689 --> 00:21:27,549
We're leaving.

640
00:21:30,379 --> 00:21:33,619
Well, you must admit
they're getting along now.

641
00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:36,546
Thanks to Dr. Jackie.

642
00:21:36,551 --> 00:21:37,791
Thank you, Dr.

643
00:21:37,793 --> 00:21:40,793
Does anyone say, "Thank
you, Dr. Jackie?" No.

644
00:21:40,793 --> 00:21:43,863
[upbeat music plays]