1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,039 ♪ CMAT: Mayday ♪ ♪ What time were you born? 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:06,119 ♪ I'm bored again And thinking of you 3 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,639 ♪ And wishing you were home 4 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:11,400 ♪ Hello? 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,799 ♪ Wish I could see the stars 6 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,799 ♪ We'd look upon the same ones, baby 7 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,879 ♪ The city makes it hard 8 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,640 ♪ Although 9 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:28,959 ♪ I saw that Portugal's on fire 10 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,239 ♪ Woo-oh 11 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:37,199 ♪ But all that I M-I-S-S is you 12 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,559 ♪ There's nothing that I can do- ♪ 13 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,679 Are you ready to order food? 14 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,479 Er, no, no, no, thanks. 15 00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,079 I'm, erm, waiting on my... cousin. 16 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,120 Hmm. Just a glass of red wine, please. 17 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:54,760 Alright. 18 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,400 What? 19 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,799 OK... 20 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,679 Here you go-Oh! Sorry! Thank you. / Sorry! / Thank you. 21 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,520 Hmm? 22 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,720 No public shows of affection. 23 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,880 Erm... Oh. 24 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,239 So, why do you want to eat my pudding? 25 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:00,640 What? 26 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,799 Oh, no. Pussy! I want to eat your pussy! 27 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,359 Today's special is, erm, chicken. Thanks. 28 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,200 Thanks. 29 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,400 Bloody auto-correct! 30 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,399 See, he dropped us off in the middle of nowhere, 31 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,720 we had to fucking get out and walk. 32 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,559 Shall we get more wine? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! 33 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,359 I-I can't be hungover tomorrow. 34 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,919 I've got this interview with the Shadow Home Secreta- 35 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,959 Oh, fuck it, go on then. It's only lunchtime. 36 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,239 Did you catch my interview with Nisha Anand? 37 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,439 No, not yet. Really good engagement 38 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,999 across all the platforms. / Hmmm. Social media was/ 39 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,879 But I only want to talk about you today. 40 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,359 Do you, aye? I hardly know anything about you. 41 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,519 I know that you work in a supermarket 42 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:48,319 and that you murdered your ex-husband... 43 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,799 I sometimes I wish I had. Why? 44 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,639 Oh, let's not talk about that. 45 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,639 You're so infuriating! What? 46 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,039 You complain that I never ask you anything about yourself 47 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,679 and then when I do, you evade the question! 48 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,679 Why are you so secretive? What are you hiding? 49 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,719 Nothing! / Grr, tell me something about yourself! Anything! 50 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,159 I don't know what to tell you! What's your favourite movie? 51 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,519 Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 52 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,919 Really? Yeah, I love horror. 53 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,839 Ooh. I don't think I like horror. 54 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,919 My whole life's been a horror film. 55 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,239 I feel like my life's been a sort of tasteful noughties 56 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,159 US indie flick with a soundtrack by Fleet Foxes. 57 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,719 I don't know who they are. They're this folk band from Seattle. 58 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,039 They do baroque-chamber, harmony-I didn't ask, Seamus. 59 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,199 Sorry. 60 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,279 No, it's just my life's so boring compared to yours. 61 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:30,439 Oh, I don't believe that. 62 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,359 You hang out with movie stars and world leaders. 63 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,279 Well, someone famous must have come into your shop? 64 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,759 D'you know David Beckham? David Beckham's been in your shop? 65 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,199 No, but a fella who looks a wee bit like him did. 66 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,759 He did! 67 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,120 He was just like David Beckham but he had psoriasis and an overbite. 68 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,719 Oh, and I once sold Ian Paisley a Twix. 69 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,799 It's true. 70 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,919 Seriously. Wait, wait... 71 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,719 I DEMAND A TWIX! BRING ME A TWIX NOW! 72 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,399 Shut up! You can't do that here! I'm gonna do the other side now. 73 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,919 I'm from the IRA 74 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,480 and I've planted a bomb in this here restaurant. 75 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,759 Sorry. Sorry, everyone. I'm not actually from the IRA. 76 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,639 I'm-I'm from North London. 77 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,680 Can I get the bill, please? 78 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,679 Ian Paisley was a dangerous right wing religious fanatic. 79 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,519 Yeah, OK, but he did speak out for this community when it felt like 80 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,639 the whole world was ignoring us. No, no, no, no, no, no! 81 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,719 I'm not having sex with you if you start defending Ian Paisley. 82 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,359 You're just jealous because Paisley is more famous than you. 83 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:34,039 OK, look I know it's some big joke to you that I'm "not famous" 84 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,719 but surely, by now, you've googled me 85 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,319 and you are aware-Googled you?! 86 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,679 I think you'll find that, er, I've got better things to do 87 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,999 with my time than google you! Unlike you, I'm not... 88 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,280 OBSESSED with Seamus O'Hannigan. 89 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,399 And anyway, who says we're gonna have sex? 90 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:50,759 Oh well, that's... 91 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:53,000 that's what we agreed last week. 92 00:05:55,360 --> 00:06:00,439 I no longer accept the validity of that agreement. 93 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,759 Wait! Wait, wait, wait. OK, I'm just gonna pop in here. 94 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,759 Won't be a minute and then we are going to do this! 95 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,999 Don't move, don't go anywhere. 96 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,879 Now there's a customer and you've fucking embarrassed us, well done! 97 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,879 You embarrass yourself by existing, you fucking ignoramus. 98 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,440 Right, what can I get ya, Robert Redford? 99 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,279 Er, I'm after some condoms, please. 100 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,399 You getting your hole tonight, aye? 101 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,000 Mm? You, er... 102 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,160 doin' a lot of aul' ridin'? 103 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,519 Oh, I'm gonna pay by card... 104 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,760 if...? 105 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,719 Are you in, er, luv? 106 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,920 Oh, no. We're just friends. No, no. I mean L-U-V. 107 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,239 What's going on? 108 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,719 Sorry, I'm just trying to buy some condoms. 109 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,079 Don't have any. Yeah, you do. I can see them. 110 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,320 He's a friend of Janet's. 111 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,920 On the house. 112 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,559 Thanks. 113 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,879 Yo, Blondie. 114 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,919 Don't fuck her about. 115 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,520 Right? 116 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,199 That was really fucking weird. 117 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,479 Do... Do you know those people? 118 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,640 Oh, Maggie and Charlie, yeah. 119 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,439 Why, what'd they say to you? 120 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,239 Something about "getting my hole"? 121 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,279 Ah, that's just the Belfast way of saying "have a nice day". 122 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,239 And about being in love? Being in love? 123 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,719 Yeah except he spelt it "L-U-V". 124 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,719 What's that about? Er... 125 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,640 Dunno. Charlie's an oddball. 126 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,360 Maggie's nice like. She wasn't very nice to me. 127 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,199 Yeah well, she doesn't really like men. 128 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,719 Or English people. 129 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,000 Or anyone really. 130 00:07:58,320 --> 00:07:59,999 Well, she made me feel uncomfortable. 131 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,159 She's dead on once you get to know her, you know. 132 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,719 She goes to my church. 133 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,199 Your church? Yeah. 134 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,919 You go to church? 135 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,359 Yeah. You're not a Christian, are you? 136 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,639 Yes. Fuck off! 137 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,159 I am a Christian! You're like the least Christian person I know! 138 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,119 I am a fucking Christian! See! 139 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,599 Yeah, well, I-I try not to swear, but it's hard when I'm arguing 140 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,040 with stupid atheist dickheads like you. 141 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:28,719 Well, yeah, I mean, y-you're very intelligent so I-I assumed... 142 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:32,199 Here we go. Cause I work in a supermarket I'm stupid and I don't understand science? 143 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,839 No, no, no! That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying the opposite- 144 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,399 Because I don't have a 2:2 from Oxford, like you, I don't know what I'm talking about? 145 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,279 How do you know I've got a 2:2 from Oxford? 146 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,560 Because... I fucking googled you! 147 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,760 So, I did. 148 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,639 No, look... 149 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,479 I'm saying the opposite, I'm saying, if you listen, 150 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,759 I'm saying you're intelligent 151 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,639 so you've obviously thought about this 152 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,279 and well... 153 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,320 I wanna know, w-why would you believe in something without proof? 154 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,839 Huh. I do have proof. What proof? 155 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,439 I've spoken to him. 156 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,479 Sorry, you've talked to God? Mm-hmm. 157 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,960 And he's spoken to me. Wow. 158 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,159 Wow? That sounds crazy. No, no, it's... 159 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,919 It's... It's interesting. I'm... I'm... I'm interested. 160 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,279 Well, what does he think about us? 161 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:23,559 Us? 162 00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:27,399 Yeah, I mean, The bible says: "Thou shalt not commit adultery." 163 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,439 Well, it's not adultery, you're not married. 164 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,239 Well, we're as good as married. We've been together six years. 165 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,679 We talk about it a lot. 166 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,719 We'll do it one day, it's just a matter of time. 167 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,359 And-And... 168 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:40,520 OK, well what about your, erm, attempted suicide? 169 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,359 What about it? Well, see if you-if you 170 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,799 really believed in God, then... 171 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,279 you wouldn't have tried to do it. 172 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,559 D'you know, before I tried to kill myself. 173 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:54,040 I asked God to show me a sign. And you appeared. 174 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,639 Do you think that's a coincidence? 175 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,999 Yeah. 176 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,199 Really? Yeah. 177 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,439 We're standing outside my church. 178 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,639 That's your church? Yeah. 179 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,039 Do you think that's a coincidence? 180 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,999 Yeah. 181 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,079 See, I-I mean, coincidences are just coincidences, right? 182 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,999 I mean, I don't think there's any... any, erm... 183 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,879 overarching design behind it all. 184 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,919 But then your life has no meaning? No. No, no, no, no, see... 185 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,879 cause I think we give our lives meaning with... 186 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,399 with art and-and literature 187 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,599 and philosophy and-and-and 188 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:33,159 conversations and empathy for one another and-and-and... 189 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,360 I don't know... love? 190 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,439 What? What-What is it? 191 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,080 I just, I've never had sex with an atheist before. 192 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,839 I prefer the term humanist. Well, what do you say when you cum? 193 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,759 Sorry? / Well, you can't be like: "Oh my God". So... 194 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,760 Is it... Is it more like... 195 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,919 "Ah, ah, ah, ah... 196 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,959 Ahhh, there's no overarching design to it all, ahh. 197 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,000 Ah." 198 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,280 Depends how good the sex is. 199 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,760 We'll soon find out. 200 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,959 C'mon! 201 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,639 Get 'er bucked! Huh? 202 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,839 Well, are you coming or not? 203 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,479 ♪ ONE REPUBLIC: Love Runs Out ♪ 204 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,839 ♪ I'll be your light, your match 205 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:28,559 ♪ Your burning sun 206 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,759 ♪ I'll be the bright in black 207 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,799 ♪ That's making you run 208 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:37,639 ♪ And we'll feel alright... ♪ Erm... 209 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,839 What? Sorry. I, erm... 210 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,599 forgot you had a gun. Yeah. 211 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,359 I got a fright. 212 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,439 Why do you have a gun? 213 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,039 This is Belfast. 214 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,439 ♪ I'll be your ghost Your game, your stadium 215 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,839 ♪ I'll be your 50,000... ♪ 216 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,839 Are you worried about it? 217 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,879 Er, a bit-bit-bit worried but... 218 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,600 more excited than anything else. 219 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,759 ♪ I got my mind made up 220 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,319 ♪ Man, I can't let go... ♪ 221 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,079 Oh, my God, these fucking buttons are driving me crazy! 222 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,079 Yeah, yeah! Doing my head in. 223 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,079 Generally, a very confusing garment. 224 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,119 How do you even get this over your head? 225 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,399 Here, I'll... Yeah, OK, yeah. 226 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,959 Yeah. Thanks. I can do that. It's me. 227 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,359 Captain practical. Well done. 228 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,319 OK. Wait, before you turn around. I think I can help with the... 229 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,199 - Ta-dah! Oh! How's that? / - Yeah. - Great. / OK. 230 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,920 OK... 231 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,879 Erm... am I the only one taking clothes off? 232 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,639 Oh, fuck! Sorry! How selfish of me! 233 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,400 Sorry. 234 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,800 Be gone, damn you. 235 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,039 Sorry. 236 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,759 Oh, shit. Oh, my God. / Hurry up. 237 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,200 Sorry, I'm getting a... I'll do it. / Sorry. 238 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,119 Oh! 239 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,959 Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. 240 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,160 Fuck it, it's just a shirt. 241 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,359 Ah... Ahhh! 242 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,519 Life is random and meaningless! 243 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,359 How many times is that we've done it now? 244 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,079 Five. 245 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,679 Fucking hell. 246 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,839 I'm knackered. 247 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,080 I can't believe the time. 248 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,800 How many cigarettes have you had? 249 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:43,559 Five. I've never actually smoked before. 250 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,519 Oh, well you should. It looks good on you. 251 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,039 I have to say, I do feel very cool right now. 252 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,280 What? 253 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:56,359 Oh, my God! I think I'm going to be sick! 254 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,759 I feel dizzy! 255 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,999 I'm gonna pass out! 256 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:07,040 No, I'm OK, actually. / It's fine. 257 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,479 Oh shit, it's Frankie. I'd better, erm... 258 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,120 Y-Yeah. 259 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,399 Do you still like my nose? It's OK. 260 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,440 What else do you like about me? 261 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,639 That's all. Come on. 262 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,680 Tell me what else you like. 263 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,839 I only like your nose. 264 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,400 Oh? 265 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,519 What do you think of my penis? Oh, God! 266 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,399 No, I'm serious. You're a fucking nightmare! 267 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,720 See, I can never decide, I can't work out... 268 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,799 Do you think it's too big? 269 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,559 Do you think I should get it reduced? 270 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:15,800 It's just a bit-Shut up! 271 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,640 No, I... 272 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,040 I think it's very nice. 273 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,999 I love your eyelids. My eyelids? 274 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,039 Yeah. I love how heavy they are. 275 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,399 They're only heavy cause I'm so fucking tired. 276 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,599 Don't go to sleep. We have to make the most of our time. 277 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,959 What time is it? Oh, no, don't tell me. I don't want to know. 278 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,639 Oh. What? What is it? 279 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,799 It's nearly four. Oh, Jesus-fucking-Christ! 280 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,039 We have to go to sleep, right now. 281 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,080 Oh, my God. 282 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,879 I'm not a psycho, you know. 283 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,159 Oh? What? 284 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,840 Erm... 285 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,840 I was just drifting off to sleep. Sorry. 286 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,720 What did you say? 287 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,079 I just want you to know I'm not a psycho. 288 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,399 Like, this isn't gonna end like Fatal Attraction. 289 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,800 W-Why would I think that? 290 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,319 OK. You know earlier when I said I heard God's voice, 291 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,039 I just want you to know that I don't generally hear voices. 292 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,080 It's just God's voice I hear. 293 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,159 That's all. 294 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,239 I don't think that's crazy. 295 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,880 I, erm... 296 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,640 I mean... 297 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,119 Well, we all hear voices, don't we. 298 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,559 When I hear a voice, I don't think of it as God. 299 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,119 I just... 300 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,480 I just think it's, erm... 301 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,760 my conscience. 302 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,239 What kinds of things does God say to you? 303 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,120 Are you making fun of me? No. No, I wanna know. 304 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,600 Well... 305 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,120 When I first started talking to God... 306 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:21,160 it was cause I felt lonely. 307 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,559 And I says to Him: "Dear God, where am I gonna put all this loneliness?" 308 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,479 And He says: "Why don't you find a boyfriend". 309 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,919 And I says: "God, I don't want a boyfriend, I just want sex." 310 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:32,399 And He was like: "Well, I'm not stopping you." That was nice of him. 311 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,359 Don't interrupt me. OK. 312 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,079 And then I said: "But I'm ugly-" 313 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,319 What? You're not ugly-Would you let me tell the story? 314 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,360 OK. Sorry. Thank you. 315 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:48,600 And God said: "What?! You're not ugly. 316 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:56,000 I created you in my image, Janet, you're beautiful. 317 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,560 Like me". 318 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,559 And I said: "Well you think very-fucking-highly of yourself 319 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,440 don't you, God?" 320 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,239 And then He said: "Janet, stop arguing with me 321 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,280 and get out of the house." 322 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,400 So, I had a few one night stands. Well, a lot of one night stands. 323 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:19,399 So, I've been with loads of fellas. Is that an issue, problem? 324 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,399 No. 325 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,400 Totally fine. 326 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,800 Thing is, I just get irritated with every man I slept with. And... 327 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,519 I'd get really angry with every interaction I had with everybody. 328 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,879 Including God. So, I stopped going out. 329 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,359 And stopped... 330 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,400 going to church. And I stopped talking to God. 331 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:45,400 And then the loneliness came back again. 332 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,520 And then every time I prayed there was just silence. 333 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,559 And the silence went on for so long, the only way... 334 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:05,880 I could think to end it was with a gun to my head. 335 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,000 And then you showed up. 336 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,680 And you started believing in God again? 337 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,560 Yeah. 338 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,720 See... 339 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,600 that sort of, erm... 340 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,999 That makes me kind of like an angel, doesn't it? 341 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,519 Hmm, no. No. 342 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,159 I think... I think I'd make a good angel. 343 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,799 I'd look sexy with the wings. 344 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,439 And a little gossamer loincloth. 345 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,520 It's time to sleep. Yeah. 346 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,039 Thank you. 347 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,719 For what? 348 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,719 Tonight. 349 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,760 It's been brilliant. 350 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,920 Why, God? Why this guy? 351 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,560 He's a dick. He's unavailable. 352 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,520 He's English. 353 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,680 He makes terrible jokes. 354 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,320 Why him? 355 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,200 Janet? 356 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,800 Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! 357 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,359 Fuck! 358 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,080 Hi. 359 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,000 Good to see you back, love. 360 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,879 Ah! Fuck! Ah! Shit! 361 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,759 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 362 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,999 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 363 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,400 Ow! 364 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,120 Fuck, fuck! 365 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:44,639 ♪ Are you washed in the blood? 366 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,719 ♪ In the soul cleansing Blood of the Lamb? 367 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,799 ♪ Are your garments spotless? 368 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,239 ♪ Are they white as snow? 369 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:59,079 ♪ Are you washed in the Blood of the Lamb? 370 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,559 ♪ Are you walking daily By the Savior's... ♪ 371 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,000 Sorry about this. I've hurt my foot. 372 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,119 Where are your shoes? I didn't know where you were 373 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,439 so I went out looking for you and then the door shut behind me. 374 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,519 Do you have the keys? I've got to get to work. 375 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,919 Hi. 376 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,519 Get out of here, now. 377 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,839 Please sit. Oh! 378 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,439 All this week, the Girls Brigade have been organising 379 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,719 a sponsored bible reading. 380 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,119 They are going to read the entire bible... 381 00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,399 Why didn't you wake me up? Why would I do that? 382 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,279 I don't know, we had a lovely night- 383 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,959 God, you're so... needy. 384 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,759 I'm not being needy. It's just... 385 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,519 basic manners, isn't it, to say goodbye. 386 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,719 Why are you being like this? Are you cross with me? 387 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,479 "Are you-Are you cross with me? Are you jolly well cross?" 388 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,920 No, I'm not cross with you. I'm ragin'! 389 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,159 Right. So why are you... 390 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,879 "Ragin'" then? 391 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:56,559 You broke the rules. What rules? 392 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,359 The rules of the affair! I didn't. / Yeah, you did. 393 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,999 What rule did I break? We can't fall in love! 394 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,319 Right. Well... we haven't done that, have we? 395 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,199 Have we? No! 396 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,919 Liar. I'm not lying. 397 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,839 I haven't fallen in love with you. 398 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,639 You haven't? No! Definitely not- 399 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,799 Shhh! 400 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,599 This poor man called... 401 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,759 for the eyes of The Lord are on the righteous. 402 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:20,759 Have you fallen in love with me? No way! 403 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,999 Good! OK then! 404 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,079 But the face of The Lord is against 405 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,759 those who do evil! 406 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,520 I think the priest's looking at us. He's not a priest, he's a pastor. 407 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,999 Do you think I could get a plaster from the pastor? 408 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,679 D'you see what I mean? 409 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,559 The righteous person may have many troubles 410 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,880 but the Lord delivers him from them. 411 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,239 He protects all his bones; 412 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,160 Not one of them will be broken. 413 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,279 Maybe a bit. 414 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,399 What? A bit. 415 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,080 A bit what? 416 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,040 I've maybe fallen a bit in love with you. 417 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,720 Actually, quite a lot. 418 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,040 Actually, truth be told, a huge amount. 419 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,120 Actually. 420 00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,679 Same. What? 421 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,800 I said same. You've... fallen in love with me? 422 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,279 I don't know what you're so happy about. 423 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,000 Shhh! 424 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,160 What's so funny? 425 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:08,399 I have to break up with my girlfriend. 426 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,799 ♪ THE MEDITATION SINGERS: Trouble's Brewin' ♪ 427 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,160 ♪ Trouble's brewin' 428 00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,560 ♪ I can't fight no fear 429 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,039 ♪ Lord, I need my mother's hand 430 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,760 ♪ To guide me 431 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:28,959 ♪ Trouble's brewin' 432 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,440 ♪ Look like it's the end 433 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:37,359 ♪ Lord, send your Holy Ghost power in 434 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:39,159 One more time! 435 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,119 ♪ Trouble's Brewin'... ♪ 436 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,920 AccessibleCustomerService@Sky.uk