1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:05,899
'Flight 7031 to Belfast
is now boarding at Gate 15.'

2
00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:09,059
Sorry.'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
aboard this flight to Belfast.

3
00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:14,059
Take your seats as the seatbelt
sign has now been illuminated.'

4
00:00:25,740 --> 00:00:27,900
Fucker bag...

5
00:00:30,380 --> 00:00:32,260
Do you want a hand?
Thank you, sir.

6
00:00:35,780 --> 00:00:38,380
There you go.

7
00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:40,780
Thank you. You're welcome.

8
00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:50,419
I wish we'd've booked
separate flights.

9
00:00:50,420 --> 00:00:52,940
Well, we didn't know we'd
be breaking up, did we?

10
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:56,980
'Cabin crew, seats for takeoff.'

11
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:06,299
♪ I was born in Belfast
in the late '80s

12
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:09,419
♪ My dad got out of jail,
married my ma, made babies

13
00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:12,059
♪ We were good eating Ulster
fries and baked taties

14
00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:14,419
♪ Steak and kidney
pies in glazed gravy

15
00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:17,499
♪ I was a praised baby But saying
that, I haven't been praised lately

16
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:19,059
♪ You know why? Cos...

17
00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:20,819
♪ I was born in Belfast

18
00:01:20,820 --> 00:01:23,059
♪ Hear the shotgun shell blast

19
00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,539
♪ And your soul's
going to hell fast... ♪

20
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:27,939
- Seamus!
- Seamus! How was your flight?

21
00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:29,459
Heard about Greenwood's
planned coup?

22
00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:32,219
Perfect timing
for the interview!

23
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:34,779
Can we go somewhere private?

24
00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:42,139
Oh, my god! You're
back from London! Ahhh!

25
00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:44,380
Come on!

26
00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:48,499
Right! Tell me everything! Go!

27
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:52,180
God, Gemma, I can't deal with this - right now.
- What's wrong?

28
00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:56,340
What's going on?

29
00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:03,219
Frankie and I broke
up. Oh, I'm sorry.

30
00:02:03,220 --> 00:02:06,859
Yeah. She's gonna post about
it on her socials today.

31
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,019
I've asked her not to do
it till after the show.

32
00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:10,260
Oh, good.

33
00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:13,299
Why did you break up?

34
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,779
I think that's a very
personal question.

35
00:02:15,780 --> 00:02:18,139
Do you have a drink problem?
Why are you asking that?

36
00:02:18,140 --> 00:02:20,499
Well, his behaviour's
been very erratic lately.

37
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,259
He's the talent.
What do you expect?

38
00:02:24,540 --> 00:02:31,540
Seamus, I know someone who knows
someone who knows Elton John.

39
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,939
I could try and see - No, I'm
not, I'm not an alcoholic.

40
00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:40,579
I've been having an affair.

41
00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:44,819
Ohh! I think that's preferable
to alcoholism, isn't it?

42
00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:46,899
That depends. Who did
you have the affair with?

43
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,339
Was it someone on the staff?
No, no. I would never do that.

44
00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:52,540
Thank God. So, who was it?

45
00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:57,379
Well, it's a woman
here in Ireland.

46
00:02:57,380 --> 00:03:00,099
Aw lovely. Like Ballykissangel.

47
00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:02,699
What age is she? Well,
she's... she's about my age.

48
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,739
Age-appropriate. Phew. Yeah.

49
00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:06,659
Do you think she'll
go to the press? No.

50
00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:08,580
How can you be so sure?

51
00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,300
She has her own reasons.

52
00:03:15,135 --> 00:03:18,059
- What happened?
- What are you two doing? There's customers waiting!

53
00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:20,499
- Janet has a boyfriend!
- Seriously? And he's famous

54
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,379
What? And she won't
tell me who it is!

55
00:03:22,380 --> 00:03:24,779
I've been waiting weeks to know!

56
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:27,699
I was dating a celebrity,
yes... It's over now.

57
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,379
Did you know about this?
Janet was dating a celebrity.

58
00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,099
Oh, my god! I don't
want to talk about it!

59
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:35,859
Ach, please! We're all dying
to know. Look, look at Jason.

60
00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:38,139
He can barely contain himself!

61
00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:40,739
I'll tell youse and then
we'll never talk about it again!

62
00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:44,259
Can I get some service here? We'll
be with you in a minute, sir.

63
00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:47,059
Do you sell them panko breadcrumbs?
Try the World Foods section.

64
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,099
I looked there and
they're not there.

65
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:51,139
Then we obviously
don't have any. Sorry.

66
00:03:51,140 --> 00:03:53,579
Are youse on strike or what?
Gemma, can you deal with this?

67
00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:56,739
No! I want to know the
celebrity! Celebrity?

68
00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:59,499
Is there a celebrity in here?
She was dating a celebrity.

69
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,179
Does everyone in East
Belfast have to know?

70
00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:03,700
Just tell us who it was!

71
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:06,900
Seamus O'Hannigan.

72
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:09,059
Uhhh... Who?

73
00:04:09,060 --> 00:04:10,579
Seamus O'Hannigan. Who is that?

74
00:04:10,580 --> 00:04:12,819
Never heard of him.

75
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,740
I love him! Huh?

76
00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:29,939
Tim, can I tell you something?

77
00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:31,739
Confidentially. Sure.

78
00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:34,379
It's about the woman I was
having the affair with.

79
00:04:34,380 --> 00:04:37,539
What about the woman you were having - the affair with?
- Fuck!

80
00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:42,459
It all got a bit complicated.
Because of my past.

81
00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:45,459
Oh aye, I see. You know
what I mean, Philip?

82
00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:47,339
I do, aye. Aye. What
was in her past?

83
00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:51,259
I thought you knew? I
thought everybody knew.

84
00:04:51,260 --> 00:04:53,339
I was in the LUV.

85
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,139
- What?
- What? What were you in?

86
00:04:55,140 --> 00:04:56,579
I thought you knew?
I never knew that!

87
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:59,420
I thought you were talking
about being a bit of a slapper.

88
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:03,819
Janet was a...
low-list paramilitary.

89
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:05,579
A terrorist? It
was a long time ago

90
00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:07,659
and her involvement was minimal.

91
00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:11,459
But if it was to come out in the
press, then it could be a problem.

92
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:14,259
How did you get mixed up with a
bunch of clowns like that, Janet?

93
00:05:14,260 --> 00:05:16,700
Who were they? Ssh ssh ssh!

94
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:21,739
I was young, Philip, I was
stupid. That's no excuse.

95
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:24,019
Will someone please tell
me who were the LUV?

96
00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:27,137
Don't you mean the UVF? No, they were a
splinter group of the UVF.

97
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,156
Wasn't that the LVF?

98
00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:30,299
No, they splintered from
the UVF with the LVF

99
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:33,099
and then they splintered
from the LVF to form the LUV.

100
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:36,739
The Loyalist Ulster
Volunteers. AKA The Luvvers.

101
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:39,459
Why were they called The Luvvers?
Every paramilitary group in Ulster

102
00:05:39,460 --> 00:05:42,339
had a nickname. The Official
IRA were the Stickies.

103
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:45,940
The UDA were The
Wombles. We were the...

104
00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:47,739
We were The Luvvers.

105
00:05:47,740 --> 00:05:49,819
It was a long time ago.
She's served her time.

106
00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:51,979
She was in prison for
three years. Three years?

107
00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:59,139
Isn't Irish terrorism
a bit passe these days?

108
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:02,580
I mean, you know if she was a
member of ISIS, I'd be worried.

109
00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:05,459
So, you were against
the peace process?

110
00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:09,219
As I recall, the LUV thought
the Good Friday Agreement

111
00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:12,179
was a compromise too far
with Irish Republicanism.

112
00:06:12,180 --> 00:06:14,940
- Am I right, Janet?
- I didn't think anything! I was just angry!

113
00:06:16,940 --> 00:06:19,939
Well, look, at least now we'll
be prepared if it does come out.

114
00:06:19,940 --> 00:06:21,099
Oh, it won't come out.

115
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,099
But I do think we should...
"Reach out", as they say,

116
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,859
to HR and Legal.

117
00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:28,739
Especially given Frankie's - announcement.
- Yes. But don't worry.

118
00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:31,900
It'll all be fine.
It will.

119
00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,940
Do you wanna take a day off?

120
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,580
No, I don't want
to be on my own.

121
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:57,859
Look, you can't blame him
for reacting the way he did.

122
00:06:57,860 --> 00:06:59,979
Why are you taking his side?

123
00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:02,980
Oh, come on, I'm not taking
his side, I'm on your side.

124
00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:07,260
Nobody's ever on my side.

125
00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:11,539
Give him a chance.

126
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:15,019
He's English He doesn't know
what we went through here.

127
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:18,019
He just needs a bit of time.

128
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:21,139
Time... For what?

129
00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:23,059
To get over it. To
come back to you.

130
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,419
I don't want him
back! Are you sure?

131
00:07:25,420 --> 00:07:28,979
Because these past few weeks are
the happiest I've ever seen you.

132
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:34,859
Happiness? Who wants
that, huh? Urgh!

133
00:07:34,860 --> 00:07:36,460
Love? Who needs it?

134
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,819
I was just really
angry with him.

135
00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:49,340
The way he looked at me
like I was a piece of shit.

136
00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:54,980
But... are you not meant to be - a Christian?
- Yeah.

137
00:07:55,940 --> 00:07:57,700
So, forgive him.

138
00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:01,859
It's not as simple as that.

139
00:08:01,860 --> 00:08:03,580
Janet.

140
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,819
You are a fucking nightmare.

141
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,059
You are the worst
employee I've ever had.

142
00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:11,739
I was on beta blockers for
three months 'cause of you.

143
00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:14,499
And poor Jason's terrified to
speak when he's around you.

144
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,179
But I forgave you.

145
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:19,180
And I'm not even a
fucking Christian!

146
00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:22,619
Everyone here forgives you

147
00:08:22,620 --> 00:08:24,379
and shows you love and patience.

148
00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:26,820
It's about bloody
time you did the same.

149
00:08:30,580 --> 00:08:33,820
And plus, your fella's a
fucking ride, so he is.

150
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:35,780
Hm...

151
00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:48,860
♪ Shine a little light

152
00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:52,460
♪ On me

153
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:57,740
♪ Lord knows, I need some now

154
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:20,260
♪ So shine a little
light on me... ♪

155
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:31,659
I've decided... I
have to forgive you.

156
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:34,699
Forgive me? Yeah.

157
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,979
You forgive ME? Yes.

158
00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:38,699
OK...

159
00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:42,659
And then maybe, maybe,
there's still a possibility.

160
00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:45,019
A possibility of what?

161
00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:46,700
This.

162
00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:49,259
Me and you. Maybe.

163
00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:51,779
That's why you wanted to meet,
to tell me that you forgive me?

164
00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:54,059
No, I don't, I
don't forgive you.

165
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:57,380
But I will eventually have
to TRY to forgive you.

166
00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:01,419
I don't want your fucking
forgiveness! I've done nothing wrong!

167
00:10:01,420 --> 00:10:02,620
You were the terrorist!

168
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:08,819
D'you wanna keep your voice down?
You waited till I'd left my partner.

169
00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:11,019
Yes. And I'm sorry. But don't
call me a terrorist again.

170
00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:13,499
Or what? You'll blow me up?

171
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:14,540
Hah!

172
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:20,379
You have no ide... You have
no idea how ashamed I am.

173
00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:22,819
Pff... This country, it
fucking fucks up your head.

174
00:10:22,820 --> 00:10:28,020
And you'll never understand because
you didn't know what it was like here.

175
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:31,099
I do understand.

176
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,579
Cos my mother - Oh, my god!

177
00:10:33,580 --> 00:10:36,739
Your fucking ma again, Seamus!

178
00:10:36,740 --> 00:10:39,539
I know your mammy was from Ireland
and you think that makes you Irish.

179
00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:40,939
It doesn't. You
didn't grow up here,

180
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:42,659
you don't know what it was like.

181
00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:44,820
And you have no
right to judge me.

182
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,259
I wasn't gonna say
my mother was Irish.

183
00:10:48,260 --> 00:10:51,340
I was gonna say my mother...

184
00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:56,860
My mother was driven out
of Belfast by the UVF.

185
00:10:57,860 --> 00:11:00,859
Because she was
pregnant with me.

186
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:05,139
Cos her boyfriend, my
father, was Catholic.

187
00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:08,459
So they threatened to
kill her if she stayed.

188
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:12,140
So don't tell me that
I-I don't understand.

189
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:16,179
Yeah, because of the Troubles,
because of this sectarian bullshit,

190
00:11:16,180 --> 00:11:17,860
my mother's life was hell.

191
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:23,900
And I never met my father.
I have no idea who I am.

192
00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:30,100
People like you, you don't
know the damage that you do.

193
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:34,979
You're not a victim of
the Troubles, Janet.

194
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,260
You're a criminal.

195
00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:48,500
My father was killed by the IRA.

196
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:55,580
And it happened in front
of me. In our living room.

197
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:02,340
I was... I was fucking five.

198
00:12:26,340 --> 00:12:29,900
I wish you'd told me before.

199
00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:11,420
Fuck!

200
00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:16,779
The producers have noticed
that I'm not there.

201
00:13:16,780 --> 00:13:19,019
I better get back, otherwise
my career really is over.

202
00:13:23,020 --> 00:13:25,900
That's the most important thing
here, isn't it? Your career.

203
00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:29,860
Yeah. Yeah, it is, actually.

204
00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:34,859
Wow. You're such a big
man with a big job.

205
00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:37,459
Famous Seamus.

206
00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:40,739
You know the only reason why you do
it is to make yourself feel special.

207
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:43,379
You're not special. Yeah...

208
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:45,659
You're nobody, Seamus.
You've nothing.

209
00:13:45,660 --> 00:13:47,019
You've no parents.
That's right.

210
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:49,700
No girlfriend, no God. Yeah.

211
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:54,140
Nothing. Yeah. I'm nothing.

212
00:13:56,660 --> 00:14:01,979
There's fucking nothing inside
me. All I care about is myself!

213
00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:04,059
And that's how I like it!

214
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:07,540
Now fuck off back to your
supermarket, cos I have a show to do!

215
00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,219
Fuck it!

216
00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:29,779
♪ Ask yourself if you are happy

217
00:14:29,780 --> 00:14:31,779
♪ Then you cease to be

218
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:36,539
♪ That's a tip from you
to me... (PHONE RINGS)

219
00:14:36,540 --> 00:14:40,099
'Seamus? It's Ndidi.
Where the fuck are you?'

220
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:42,620
♪ I don't ask myself
for nothing anymore

221
00:14:50,020 --> 00:14:54,180
♪ My peace is freedom
for the masses

222
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,139
♪ The masses cannot see

223
00:14:57,140 --> 00:14:59,780
♪ That's a tip from them to me

224
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:05,020
♪ And now I know for sure

225
00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:08,980
♪ I don't need nobody's
help now anymore ♪

226
00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:21,379
Sorry for leaving. I had to go.
Forget that, there's no time.

227
00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:24,579
So, after the paper review, we're
gonna go straight into the segment

228
00:15:24,580 --> 00:15:26,619
about the rail workers'
strike in Tunbridge Wells.

229
00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:29,059
From there... Then straight
into The Chancellor.

230
00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:31,379
And you need to press him
on this leadership rumour.

231
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:33,299
He's been stabbing the
Prime Minister in the back.

232
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,779
- You nail him on that.
- Frankie hasn't announced the break-up yet?

233
00:15:35,780 --> 00:15:37,579
We've got someone
keeping an eye on that.

234
00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:40,899
If it does come out, you might wanna
think about any dirt you have on Frankie.

235
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,059
Dirt? Dirt's too
strong a word,

236
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:45,780
but anything you can use to deflect
attention from you back onto her.

237
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:49,499
This isn't why I did journalism.
I wanna speak truth to power,

238
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:52,819
not destroy the lives
of the people I love!

239
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,979
Let's get you into make-up.

240
00:15:54,980 --> 00:15:59,499
- Hi, Katie.
- I'm only gonna have time for blemishes.

241
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,140
It's in.

242
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:04,779
Oh, no! - What?
- What?

243
00:16:04,780 --> 00:16:06,819
Frankie's released
her statement. And?

244
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:08,779
It's actually quite nice.
Then why say, "Oh, no"?

245
00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:11,379
I saw one negative comment - on Twitter.
- Saying what?

246
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,939
Worry about it later. Which
particular negative comment?

247
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,139
His "performative wokeness"

248
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,859
or the one about his
"posturing male feminism"?

249
00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:19,979
Stop reading them out loud!

250
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:23,339
Oh, no. No, no, no,
no! I can't do this!

251
00:16:23,340 --> 00:16:25,579
I need time to think.
I can't go on live TV.

252
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:28,059
I'm being publicly humiliated!

253
00:16:28,060 --> 00:16:30,619
Let's just take a
breath. Breathe with me.

254
00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:36,859
It's all gonna be fine.

255
00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:39,499
You're in the spotlight,
Greenwood's in the spotlight.

256
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:42,019
Which means more attention,
more viewers, more engagement.

257
00:16:42,020 --> 00:16:44,139
That's what we want.
Isn't it? New pages.

258
00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:46,099
Tim!

259
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,699
Oh, sorry! You've
despatched the mistress

260
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:51,059
and now you just need to
despatch the Chancellor

261
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:53,099
with the same joie de vivre.

262
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,259
I feel like a fake.
Like I'm not really me.

263
00:16:55,260 --> 00:16:58,339
You ARE you. You're a
world-class broadcaster.

264
00:16:58,340 --> 00:17:01,259
You're Seamus O'Hannigan! I'm
not. It's not even my real name!

265
00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:02,620
Sorry?

266
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:07,739
Ah! Here he is.
Seamus O'Hannigan!

267
00:17:07,740 --> 00:17:10,339
Chancellor.
- Great to see you again. - Likewise.

268
00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:12,740
Sir Rupert, can we go
through the running order?

269
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:36,339
'OK,
going in 30 seconds.'

270
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:39,819
Does he
look a bit sweaty to you?

271
00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:42,740
'Ten seconds.'

272
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:50,379
'Don't be nervous...'
'Five. Four...'

273
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:54,539
Nerves are for dickheads.
So, if you're nervous...

274
00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:55,820
'One.'

275
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:06,580
Seamus, you can do this.

276
00:18:13,140 --> 00:18:15,339
Good afternoon! A tough
week for the Prime Minister

277
00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:19,059
as he comes under pressure over
the controversial Helsinki Treaty.

278
00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:22,059
We'll be talking live to the
Chancellor of the Exchequer,

279
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:26,419
Sir Rupert
Greenwood.

280
00:18:26,420 --> 00:18:29,500
Everything's going to
be absolutely fine.

281
00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:37,299
Is that him? He's actually hot.

282
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:40,419
I thought he'd be like a wee
short skinny funny-looking nerd.

283
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,980
No offence, Jason.

284
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:46,779
'But is there widespread
support in the community

285
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:48,739
for this industrial action?'

286
00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:52,220
We went to Tunbridge
Wells to find out more.

287
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,619
Thank you.

288
00:18:56,620 --> 00:19:02,339
So, er, it seems we're both the subject
of scurrilous internet gossip today.

289
00:19:02,340 --> 00:19:07,740
Can I, um, can I tell
you something, in confidence?

290
00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:12,339
The rumours are true. I am
planning to oust the PM.

291
00:19:12,340 --> 00:19:14,899
Sir Rupert, I'm not sure you
should be telling me this now.

292
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:21,179
Should I be successful, I want YOU to
come and be my Director of Communications.

293
00:19:21,180 --> 00:19:24,219
You know, the sort of
Campbell to my Blair.

294
00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:27,339
You know, the Ingham
to my Thatcher.

295
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:28,899
The Goebbels to my...

296
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:30,780
Oh, how kind of you. Thank
you very much indeed.

297
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:35,019
And for the record, your private
life's no concern of mine.

298
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:37,620
I mean, we've all got skeletons,
haven't we?

299
00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:44,139
'And we're on in five,
four. Three, two, one...'

300
00:19:44,140 --> 00:19:46,179
Where is Janet anyway?

301
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:48,019
Maybe she's in the
TV studio with him!

302
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,779
Oh aye. She could be.

303
00:19:50,780 --> 00:19:52,739
She'd be in the audience.

304
00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:55,900
Or maybe even backstage!

305
00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:58,299
Oh! Hello, Janet1

306
00:19:58,300 --> 00:19:59,699
'..than here in
Northern Ireland!'

307
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,419
'I'm sorry, I'm gonna
stop you there...'

308
00:20:01,420 --> 00:20:04,340
Sorry. This is too exciting.

309
00:20:05,420 --> 00:20:06,619
Let me speak.

310
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:08,779
I'm not gonna let you
hijack this programme

311
00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:10,899
to suit your own personal ends.

312
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:14,019
With respect, Chancellor, you've backed
this Prime Minister for five years.

313
00:20:14,020 --> 00:20:15,779
And now you're gonna
stab him in the back

314
00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:17,299
to further your own career?

315
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:21,059
Why should the British
public trust a liar?

316
00:20:21,060 --> 00:20:22,739
Why should the
public trust a snake?

317
00:20:22,740 --> 00:20:23,979
The public...

318
00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:27,899
This is the best he's ever
been. Fucking brilliant!

319
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:29,059
Tell us what we all know,

320
00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:30,979
which is that you never
thought he was any good,

321
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:33,179
you never supported him
and that you want his job!

322
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:36,379
The Prime Minister has my full - support.
- That simply isn't true.

323
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:39,699
I am not interested in
what journalists like you,

324
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:41,299
stuck in your Westminster
bubble, think.

325
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:46,139
I'm interested in what the average worker
on the shop floor of Belfast thinks.

326
00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:48,339
I'm interested in what
ordinary people —I'm sorry.

327
00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:50,179
Why do you insist on — I
want this government to -

328
00:20:50,180 --> 00:20:52,499
Why do you insist on — I want
this government —All lies.

329
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:57,979
To speak for and represent the
needs and wishes of ordinary people!

330
00:20:57,980 --> 00:21:00,179
Oh, fuck off!

331
00:21:00,180 --> 00:21:02,819
No, no, I'm sorry, I'm not
listening to this bollocks.

332
00:21:02,820 --> 00:21:06,659
Ordinary people! You don't give
a fuck about ordinary people!

333
00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:10,540
Is this actually happening?
This is better than Bake Off.

334
00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:13,499
I know about
ordinary people, OK?

335
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:16,019
I... I used to be
an ordinary person.

336
00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:17,339
My mum was an ordinary person.

337
00:21:17,340 --> 00:21:22,379
But I got... I got fucked up
by all this celebrity bollocks.

338
00:21:28,860 --> 00:21:33,579
Well, I AM interested in
what ordinary people think.

339
00:21:33,580 --> 00:21:36,099
Which is why you're leaving me
for a fucking shop assistant.

340
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:37,859
I want this government...

341
00:21:37,860 --> 00:21:39,059
Would you let me tell the story?

342
00:21:39,060 --> 00:21:40,739
To represent the views...

343
00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:43,059
She's so fucking
boring! And wishes...

344
00:21:43,060 --> 00:21:46,580
Now fuck off back to your
supermarket! of ordinary people!

345
00:21:48,900 --> 00:21:50,220
Hi.

346
00:21:53,540 --> 00:21:55,979
Well, you're right about
one thing, Sir Rupert.

347
00:21:55,980 --> 00:22:00,260
You and I do live in a
bubble. Well, fuck the bubble!

348
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:04,179
I'm bursting the fucking bubble.

349
00:22:04,180 --> 00:22:07,619
That's
five fucks in less than one minute.

350
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:09,700
And two bollocks.

351
00:22:16,740 --> 00:22:19,180
Janet...

352
00:22:20,620 --> 00:22:23,140
If you're watching this, um,

353
00:22:24,740 --> 00:22:27,019
I'm sorry for everything I said.

354
00:22:27,020 --> 00:22:28,259
Aww!

355
00:22:28,260 --> 00:22:31,260
'I was wrong. Just so wrong.'

356
00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:34,580
I take it all back.

357
00:22:35,540 --> 00:22:37,420
I don't want this life anymore.

358
00:22:39,980 --> 00:22:41,260
I want you.

359
00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:48,540
Bloody cable. Er...

360
00:22:51,260 --> 00:22:54,180
♪ THE VELVET UNDERGROUND:
Stephanie Says

361
00:22:57,380 --> 00:22:59,539
I've never had that
happen before! Oh, God.

362
00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:04,179
♪ Why she's given half her
life to people she hates now...

363
00:23:04,180 --> 00:23:06,699
So, she mustn't be there?

364
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,739
Well, where is she? She's missing
the biggest moment of her life.

365
00:23:09,740 --> 00:23:11,619
Maybe she came back here!
Well, go and find her!

366
00:23:11,620 --> 00:23:14,859
Hey, guys, there's a
wee bit of a queue...

367
00:23:14,860 --> 00:23:17,099
For fuck's sake, not now, Jason!

368
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:19,379
♪ What country shall I say...

369
00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:22,819
Please, Seamus! Think
about what you're doing!

370
00:23:22,820 --> 00:23:25,460
No! Get back on that set!

371
00:23:26,540 --> 00:23:27,699
Ndidi, you don't understand.

372
00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:29,779
No, fuck that. You
listen to me for once.

373
00:23:29,780 --> 00:23:32,059
Seamus, for six weeks, I
have put up with your shit

374
00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:33,819
and I can't take it anymore.

375
00:23:33,820 --> 00:23:36,219
There is more at stake
here than your love life,

376
00:23:36,220 --> 00:23:39,739
than the whims of your no
doubt microscopic penis!

377
00:23:39,740 --> 00:23:42,019
What about me? What
about the crew?

378
00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:45,419
What about all the
people watching at home?

379
00:23:45,420 --> 00:23:49,100
Be a fucking professional
and get back on that set now!

380
00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:51,980
Ndidi, I'm sorry.

381
00:23:53,660 --> 00:23:57,860
I have to go. ♪ They're
asking is it good or bad

382
00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:06,179
♪ It's such an icy feeling

383
00:24:06,180 --> 00:24:14,180
♪ It's so cold in Alaska ♪

384
00:24:23,620 --> 00:24:27,179
Janet, if you get this message,
can you please ring me back,

385
00:24:27,180 --> 00:24:29,380
just to let us know
you're alright, love, OK?

386
00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:32,539
No-one's seen her.
Must have gone home.

387
00:24:32,540 --> 00:24:34,619
You don't think
she's gone to - What?

388
00:24:34,620 --> 00:24:38,459
Well, she has a history of -
Don't say it! Don't even think it!

389
00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:40,539
I'll try her again. We
should call the police!

390
00:24:40,540 --> 00:24:42,459
No, I need you to help
me with wee Jason.

391
00:24:42,460 --> 00:24:46,019
We have to go to her house! We
have to go and break down the door!

392
00:24:46,020 --> 00:24:48,074
- Oh, Janet!
- Where the hell were you?

393
00:24:48,099 --> 00:24:49,840
 I was out the back.

394
00:24:52,184 --> 00:24:54,699
Alright. Jason, I'm coming.
Stop being so fucking needy!

395
00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:58,299
Janet you will never
guess what just happened!

396
00:24:58,300 --> 00:25:00,859
Please don't point
your banana at me, sir.

397
00:25:00,860 --> 00:25:02,619
Jason, don't cry!

398
00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:05,219
And then he just stood up
and left the interview,

399
00:25:05,220 --> 00:25:07,660
and me and Philip were
like this... Waaah!

400
00:25:08,660 --> 00:25:12,299
Listen, everyone. We have a bit
of a situation. Let me explain.

401
00:25:12,300 --> 00:25:17,179
We're at sixes and
sevens today because...

402
00:25:17,180 --> 00:25:21,899
a celebrity declared his
love for that woman...

403
00:25:21,900 --> 00:25:26,619
live on TV and we've been dealing with
the repercussions of that all day.

404
00:25:26,620 --> 00:25:31,539
The celebrity is a politics
guy called Seamus O'Hannigan.

405
00:25:31,540 --> 00:25:34,179
Who's that? Who's he?

406
00:25:34,180 --> 00:25:37,339
Let's just get her and her
fella back together again

407
00:25:37,340 --> 00:25:40,699
and then youse can all carry
on with your shopping, alright?

408
00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:42,659
Who says I want to get
back together with him?

409
00:25:42,660 --> 00:25:46,099
You better make
your mind up. Why?

410
00:25:46,100 --> 00:25:49,740
Cos he's standing outside.

411
00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:16,539
You won't believe what just
happened. I just, um...

412
00:26:16,540 --> 00:26:18,459
I just left a live interview
with the Chancellor.

413
00:26:18,460 --> 00:26:20,979
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

414
00:26:20,980 --> 00:26:23,419
I thought you didn't watch my
show? I don't. Gemma told me.

415
00:26:23,420 --> 00:26:25,819
Hi. I'm Gemma.

416
00:26:25,820 --> 00:26:29,339
I'd never heard of you before this
morning, but already, big fan.

417
00:26:29,340 --> 00:26:32,179
OK. Hiya, I'm Philip.

418
00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:36,100
- Come away, Gemma.
- OK.

419
00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:42,899
Look, I'm sorry for what
I said. No. I'm sorry.

420
00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:45,619
I-I was talking about myself.
I'm the one who's nothing.

421
00:26:45,620 --> 00:26:48,300
No. No you're not nothing.
You, you're everything.

422
00:26:50,620 --> 00:26:52,620
You're the first person
who's ever been on my side.

423
00:26:58,980 --> 00:27:00,380
We can't do this. Why not?

424
00:27:01,340 --> 00:27:04,019
Seamus, I love you. I love
you too! We CAN do this!

425
00:27:04,020 --> 00:27:06,339
But I'm a fucking car crash!
I wreck everything I touch!

426
00:27:06,340 --> 00:27:10,619
I don't care! Wreck me!
Desecrate me. I don't care.

427
00:27:10,620 --> 00:27:13,099
Sorry. Can I ask you something?

428
00:27:13,100 --> 00:27:16,939
I read online that you interviewed
Matthew McConaughey last year?

429
00:27:16,940 --> 00:27:20,420
And I was just wondering, do you
have a number or an email for him

430
00:27:21,660 --> 00:27:23,379
that you could pass on
to me? Jesus Christ!

431
00:27:23,380 --> 00:27:26,379
Why don't you just let them
kiss, man? Fuckin' hell!

432
00:27:26,380 --> 00:27:28,220
Could you take this?

433
00:27:43,220 --> 00:27:46,019
Alright everybody, let's go back
inside and finish your shopping.

434
00:27:46,020 --> 00:27:48,460
There's a two-for-one
offer on chicken legs!

435
00:28:02,140 --> 00:28:04,460
So, er, what do you wanna do?

436
00:28:07,780 --> 00:28:09,659
Janet can you come back
in and finish your shift?

437
00:28:09,660 --> 00:28:11,899
I wouldn't normally insist,
but we're so busy, huh?

438
00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:13,499
Yeah, I'll be in in a minute.

439
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:15,659
Wait, are you actually
going to go back into work?

440
00:28:15,660 --> 00:28:19,219
Yeah, I have to finish my shift.
I just gave up my career for you!

441
00:28:19,220 --> 00:28:20,899
I'll only be an
hour. Wait, so what,

442
00:28:20,900 --> 00:28:23,460
what am I supposed to do
while you're in there?

443
00:28:26,460 --> 00:28:28,459
Why don't you stand at the
window and watch me work

444
00:28:28,460 --> 00:28:30,939
and then thank your lucky
stars you ever met me?

445
00:28:37,820 --> 00:28:39,860
Excuse me. Sorry.

446
00:28:46,420 --> 00:28:47,940
♪ Midnight Train to Georgia

447
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:05,980
I didn't know you were Scottish.

448
00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:09,059
Aye.

449
00:29:09,060 --> 00:29:10,899
♪ Said he's going back to find

450
00:29:13,060 --> 00:29:15,219
♪ Going back to find

451
00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:17,100
What is it?

452
00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:20,779
We have to tell them!

453
00:29:20,780 --> 00:29:22,739
Say nothing!

454
00:29:22,740 --> 00:29:26,739
♪ Not so long ago

455
00:29:26,740 --> 00:29:28,779
Alright?

456
00:29:28,780 --> 00:29:31,899
♪ He's leaving ♪ (Leaving)

457
00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:33,860
♪ On that midnight
train to Georgia

458
00:29:35,060 --> 00:29:36,780
♪ (Leaving on a midnight train)

459
00:29:38,780 --> 00:29:40,979
It's actually quite stressful.

460
00:29:40,980 --> 00:29:44,379
Do you know what these are for?

461
00:29:44,380 --> 00:29:47,619
♪ To a simpler place and time
♪ (Whenever he takes that ride)

462
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:50,019
♪ Oh, yes he is ♪ (Guess who's
gonna be right by his side)

463
00:29:50,020 --> 00:29:52,179
♪ And I'll be with him
♪ (I know you will)

464
00:29:52,180 --> 00:29:54,140
♪ On that midnight
train to Georgia

465
00:29:56,380 --> 00:29:58,899
♪ (Leavin' on that
midnight train to Georgia)

466
00:29:58,900 --> 00:30:00,859
♪ Oh, yeah-eah-eah

467
00:30:00,860 --> 00:30:02,500
♪ I'd rather live in his world

468
00:30:04,740 --> 00:30:06,379
♪ Than live without him in mine

469
00:30:06,380 --> 00:30:13,619
♪ (Her world is his,
his and hers alone) ♪

470
00:30:13,620 --> 00:30:15,780
AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk