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I know these types of stories
usually open on a giant book
that says "Once upon a time..."
But this is a story about me, Lia.
And, well, tea.
Oh, no. Not that kind.
Mmm. That's better.
Growing up in Townsville,
Richard and I would listen to my grandma, Popo,
talk about tea for hours.
Who's Richard?
He was my best friend
who turned into my first letdown.
Anyway, Popo was my favourite person in the world.
When she passed,
she left me the money to open a tea shop in Sydney...
...as far away from my old life as I could go.
I named the shop after Popo,
and everything was going to be perfect.
Making a good cup of tea
is like a beautiful ballet.
When all the elements meet...
It's the closest thing you can get... to magic.
So you don't have bubble tea.
- Get out. - What?
- Now. - Oh!
I've been saying you need bubble tea.
It is not that kind of shop.
We are an artisanal tea shop that specialises in
authentic, handcrafted Chinese tea experiences.
- Mm-hm. - It is a beautiful dance.
Oh.
And the bubble tea is the Macarena.
Well, everybody loves the Macarena, boo.
And tradition isn't paying the bills. Look...
We've got electric. We got your phone bill.
And we've got something with a big red stamp on it,
which cannot be good.
But, anyway, are you ready?
Ready for what?
Our flight to Townsville tomorrow
for your sister's bougie engagement party.
- That's tomorrow? - Yeah, exactly.
So, tonight, I figured we could go out and blow off some steam.
- Oh! See!
Even your tea agrees.
♪ Living in the city, I've been all cooped up ♪
♪ Put me through the ringer, little thing called love ♪
♪ Electricity, can you feel my buzz? ♪
♪ Already high enough, I don't need those drugs ♪
♪ But if you want a drink, put it on my check ♪
♪ Robyn on the jukebox, watch my step ♪
♪ Got nothing to prove, but I do my best ♪
♪ No, I don't give a fuck, parlez-vous my French? ♪
♪ Shaking off all of the negative emotions ♪
♪ Can't believe my heart was feeling kinda broken...
Hey.
Oh, sorry. That seat's already taken.
OK, um... No worries.
Oh, my God! Lady!
Did not even know what it looks like anymore
when someone's interested?
That guy was totally into you,
and you just completely ignored him just now.
Oh. Well, I had a thought come to me.
If I don't have a few ideas written down
for my maid of honour speech,
Alice is going to think I don't care.
OK, so I'm guessing you won't be taking a plus-one
to the engagement party.
No. You're my plus-one.
Oh, absolutely not, boo. No.
I'm going with you, yes.
- But I'm riding solo. - What?
My future ex-husband could be there.
- What? - In Townsville?
- Yeah. In Townsville? Why not?
OK. Well, cheers, to your future ex-husband.
Cheers. May he be rich and near death.
♪ It's been so long ♪
♪ Since I went dancing ♪
♪ Dancing ♪
♪ It's been so long ♪
♪ Since I felt this handsome ♪
♪ Handsome...
How's it going up there, Grandma?
Alice is getting married to the man of her dreams.
And I am just...
...drowning.
Sweet girl, you're not gonna let us down.
Well, about that...
I've only got one month of rent left
from the money that you left me,
so... if you have any suggestions...
♪ Get electrical on me ♪
♪ Futuristical body ♪
♪ Everybody gonna want me ♪
♪ Rollin' up always something ♪
♪ Zing zing Come and get it ♪
♪ Zing zing E'body so electric ♪
♪ Zing zing...
OK, so, I didn't know your hometown was so... tropical.
Mmm.
It's actually quite nice here.
Hmm, well, you haven't met
the tree from which the apple fell yet.
I think that's our ride.
- For Lia? - Yeah, mate, yeah.
Chuck your bags in the back.
What brings you to Townsville?
We're here for the run up to our wedding.
It's my sister's engagement party.
Are you Alice's sister?
- Yeah. Do you know her?
Yeah. Everyone knows her.
She's practically the mayor of Townsville.
Thank you so much.
- Oh, my God!
Oh, Al, this is my...
You must be Mason!
Lia has told me absolutely nothing about you.
But, honestly, I already feel your energy.
And I know we're going to be like sisters!
Ohh!
Well, enchante.
Lia, you look good.
Are you doing OK?
Is that a compliment or an accusation?
You look good, which means you're probably not eating enough.
OK! [laughs] I like her, and I also I like you with her.
- This is just very fun for me. - Ooh!
Listen, today, of all days,
is the one day you do not have to worry about me.
Instead, I get to worry about you!
- Lia! - Oh!
- Gilly! - It's been such a long time.
It has!
Your mum's waiting inside.
Oh, wow. OK.
Um...
I'm just going to freshen up.
OK.
Thank you.
Oh, dear God.
- Lia. - Hi, Mum.
So glad you could join us.
Oh.
Oh! You look nice.
Oh, yes. Thank you. Um...
The frilly look is really in right now in Sydney.
- Thank you.
You look like one of the crew from Pirates Of The Caribbean.
Oh, Lia, how is the shop?
Doing well.
It is?
Mm-hm. Yeah, we're really seeing an upswing.
Yeah, we, um...
Sorry, we are.
You said two years.
Well, you said two years.
Well, it seems like you are making something of yourself.
- Hey, kid! - Dad!
- Mwah! - Hi, Baba.
We are just surprised you made it.
Oh?
You were never here for us before.
I'm so glad
you could start now.
And you can all see...
the reason is right in front of us.
Mum, are you sure the fortune teller's coming?
Mrs Li will be here.
It's a Chinese tradition to have your fortune told
- before big events... - Like our wedding.
I've been waiting my entire life for this.
I mean, we have, right, Nigel?
That's right, babe.
Oh, wait!
Wait for Mrs Li.
Your I-Ching horoscope.
Your wedding is February 14th?
Yes. I love love!
You should have been married in April.
Should I switch the date?
Th... The deposit's non-refundable.
Your ovaries are very healthy.
Very powerful flow.
Pregnant on first try.
This one is good.
Stable.
Obedient.
A lap dog of a man!
Oh. Right.
And we aren't only here to celebrate Nigel and I,
we can celebrate Lia's success as well.
Mm-mm. No, no, no. It's OK.
Like I said earlier, today is all about you.
- Yes.
- Lia. - Mm-hm?
I am very proud of you.
Mm-hm.
You're... what?
I am proud of you.
Well, we should have another fortune told.
Oh, no, I don't think that's necessary, Dad.
Nonsense!
Xian is right.
I'm what?
I have a bat mitzvah I must attend.
Please hold up.
Uh...
You're right.
Success has to be recognised.
- Sweetheart, come on. - No. I'm still eating my food!
Come, come.
I-Ching horoscope.
OK.
You said your business was successful?
On the rise.
Mmm.
Your palm.
Um...
Your love line and career line are tangled.
What does that mean?
Finding your soul mate will help your business.
Which is...
...on the rise.
Cool.
And this person will be one of the next five dates you go on.
Five dates?
Wh...? Oh, my God. What? What about five dates?
You will find a soulmate.
And it has to be before the wedding.
That's less than two months away!
That was dumb.
That was perfect.
♪ Let me catch my breath Let me catch my breath ♪
♪ Let me catch my ♪
♪ OK ♪
♪ Please...
Lia, just make sure not to pick some dud.
I don't pick duds.
Why is everyone laughing?
Lia, since I've known you, you haven't even picked a dud.
I mean, you literally haven't picked anyone.
You need someone adventurous!
No, what she needs is someone who is loyal
- and is going to appreciate her! - Oh.
You know what? Stop. Everyone, just stop.
I don't even believe in fortune tellers.
They just make things up and hope it comes true.
- But now we have a plan! - What plan?
Well, we each pick one date for you.
What?
I already have the perfect man in mind.
You know, look, just focus on the success of your shop.
Leave everything to us.
I have a $50 bet on my date.
Dad, I'm not some slot machine.
Lia!
Don't say 'slut'.
Look, your love line and career line are intertwined.
So when you find your husband,
you will be even more successful
than you already are.
Oh, are you? Great. Yeah, good!
Oh, my gosh, Lia,
do you remember Ezra from Mum's Chinese school?
- He is now a teacher! - Oh!
Uh, yeah.
Your mum couldn't get rid of me.
Michael here is a restauranteur!
Well, assistant manager at Hungry Jacks,
Townsville West, so...
So, Michael,
what's your Hungry Jack's discount?
30% off when I'm working. 20% off when I'm not working.
But, you know, always working.
Hey, you want to dance?
- Oh, I'm a grinder. - Oh, no, I don't dance.
- Never, ever. - There's a reason for it.
That's cool. That's cool.
You just let me know if you want to hook up later.
Oh.
You should go.
You know what?
This party is full of actual Townies
and people I haven't seen since high school.
- Yeah... - My soulmate is not here.
Look, dating is just a numbers game, you know?
And your number happens to be five.
- Five... That's a lot. - Mm-hm.
Oh, damn.
Ship ahoy. Oh, my...
- You know what?
You should go chase the Pink Panther.
Wait! Oh, my God. Is that Lia?
- Lia?
Lia Ling!
Hey! Mimi!
- It's Mimi and Cici! - Oh, Mimi and Cici!
- Oh, God, yes. - Do you know what?
You moving to Sydney was so brave.
It's really not that incredible.
- It really is. - Oh.
Oh, I think I'm gonna...
- I'm gonna vomit. - Oh! Oh, my God!
- Sorry. Oh! Sorry. - Careful. Watch yours...
Richard.
Oh, should I say Duckie?
And, "Why, am I Mr Pink?"
Oh, thank God. Someone gets it.
Yes!
- Oh. Yeah.
- Um... - Um...
- Go. - Um...
It's been a while.
Yeah.
- On the house. - Thank you.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
It's good to see you.
Mm-hm.
I'm going to go find my friend.
He's here and alone and really shy.
Is that him?
Looks like your friend's having a great time.
Mm-hm. Yep.
OK. Well, thank you for the drink.
Hey, careful.
Sorry.
Oh, no, no. It's OK.
I'm glad I'm on this side of the pool now.
Thank you.
Still afraid of the water, huh?
Mmm. If we we're meant to be in the water, we'd have gills.
- Hey... - Mm-hm?
Jenga?
Bold move.
As I always do.
Boringly cautious.
Some would say risk-averse.
You've changed.
Have I?
Different.
But the same.
Everything's really good, by the way.
You know, we're thinking of opening a third location...
...for the family restaurant.
We're thinking...
Sydney.
Oh!
Jenga.
Is it really a win, though,
if you never even took a chance?
The rules are the rules.
So who invited you?
Alice didn't tell you?
Look at you two!
The maid of honour, and the best man.
Best man?
Did you not read my 20-page wedding handbook I sent you?
Oh, uh...
Yes. I skimmed it.
It said if you had any questions,
comments or concerns,
please let me know.
- We're good. - Good!
OK. I'm going to go find my Pink Lady friend.
Thank you.
You know what? Yeah.
♪ De, watch out! ♪
♪ The depth of hula groove moves us to the n-th hoop ♪
♪ We're gonna groove to Horton Hears a Who-who ♪
♪ I couldn't ask for another...
Ohh!
♪ No, I couldn't ask for another ♪
♪ DJ Soul Was on a roll ♪
♪ I've been told he can't be sold ♪
♪ He's not vicious, or malicious ♪
♪ Just de-lovely and delicious ♪
♪ I couldn't ask for another...
Oh my God! Yeah.
OK... I'm on the ground. I'm on the ground!
♪ ...of hula groove moves us to the n-th hoop ♪
♪ We're gonna groove to Horton Hears a Who-who...
Ugh...
Mmm!
Oh, shit.
Ugh.
- Oh, my God!
- Ah! Ah!
Oh. Oh, God.
OK.
- Oh. - I'm fine.
You weren't heavy.
Did we...?
Oh. Oh, God, no.
- No. OK, good. - No, no, no.
How, uh, did I...?
Your Pink Lady friend Mason tried to take you home,
but you insisted
you shut down the club 'cause you're a party animal.
- Mm-hm. - Anyway...
Your phone was dead.
I don't know where you belong.
- Mm-hm. - So I just slept on the floor.
Are you staring at my body?
No.
Don't flatter yourself.
It was a lot quieter here in Townsville without you.
I'm glad you're killing it.
And I'm sure your grandma would be proud of you.
Probably a big-city date to the wedding.
But, you know, in case he can't make it,
I'll see you at the lonely hearts table.
Actually, I have a date.
S... So there is someone.
Uh-huh. You'll... meet him...
You'll meet him at the wedding.
Oh, maybe I'll meet him in Sydney
for the suit fittings.
Suit fittings?
Page 9 in Alice's wedding manual.
Right? Yes. Of course.
Page 9, suit fittings.
- Oh, God, Mason.
OK, so Townsville actually has a lot of cute brunch plates.
Not important. Mason, I need your help.
Oh, do we need to go into town to get a little pill?
I did not sleep with Richard.
OK. And I believe you.
But do we need to go?
If I come back here for Alice's wedding
with no date and a failed tea shop,
I will never hear the end of it.
- Mm-hm. - So...
I have five blind dates to go on.
Great!
Hey, so you didn't do any over-the-pants stuff?
No, Mason! That is disgusting.
What? OK.
Alright, I'm ready.
OK.
Cares about others...
Oh, you read my mind.
Very good hair. OK, fine.
Must like tea.
Oh. Good.
Two. Three. Four.
Wow.
So cute!
Let me give you a gay-bestie makeover.
Mm-mm. I'm going as me.
- Hello?
Mason, I need you to pick me up.
I think my dad set me up to have my organs harvested.
Wait! Stay by your phone.
Kidding! You got my voicemail, boo.
- Just leave a message. - Dammit.
- Hello?
Hey.
Hey, if I die, play Dami Im at my funeral.
Also, delete my browser history
and clean out my top dresser drawer.
Kidding! You got my voicemail, boo.
How do I keep falling for that?
Hi. Is...
I can't let you in.
- What? - We have a dress code.
I'm dressed.
To work at Cotton On?
Oh. OK.
Um, well, I had a date with an Apollo Wang.
Can you just tell him I couldn't make it?
You have a date with Apollo Wang?
Mm-hm.
- LBD, stat.
I think she's a preschool teacher.
- Wow...
Oh.
You found me.
Apollo?
Please.
I heard you like tea.
So I had them create a special cocktail
infused with the latest harvest of original da hong pao.
Da hong pao?
Mm-hm.
Holy moly!
- This is... - Captivating?
Enticing?
Heart-stopping?
Mm-hm.
Perfect way to settle any blind-date nerves.
Of course. Yes. Dates can feel somewhat transactional.
- Much like a business. - Yes.
Speaking of business,
do you have any plans on Valentine's Day?
Love a woman who's direct and knows what she wants.
I have that in spades.
So you don't think a February wedding is too soon?
There's no point in waiting, is there?
Fantastic!
Well, it seems like we're on the same page.
You'll be my date to my sister's wedding?
You'll be my Australian wife.
- Wait, what? - Hmm? N...
Do you need a permanent residency?
No! No, no, no. Y...
We matched on Daya, right?
The bougie dating app for rich snobs?
There are other dating apps?
L... Look, it doesn't matter.
You said you were looking for a certain arrangement.
Yes.
I already put an offer in
on a very splendid property in Vaucluse.
That is to be our ostensible primary residence.
And meanwhile,
my partners will be living across the harbour.
Uh... I'm sorry.
Why should it matter where your business partners live?
Not my business partners, Lia.
My life partners.
I'm sorry. I feel like I missed a step.
It is customary for a Chinese businessman
to have a mistress,
or a mister,
or both.
Oh.
You did say you were non-traditional.
Ooh... I meant taking a stranger
to my sister's wedding.
We can still fold this into the original plan.
Let me show you what I mean.
Now, if you'd rather be closer to the action,
we could have this as our secondary city residence.
I'd want you to feel quite at home in our little backwater.
I couldn't imagine waking up to this every morning.
Come.
You will be my front-facing wife.
You'll accompany me to business meetings
and quarterly visits to see my parents in China.
And in return, I'll give you an allowance
and the freedom to do with it what you will.
Wow. OK.
Just out of curiosity,
how much is the allowance?
Actually, no, that wouldn't be right.
What it wouldn't be right?
I can support myself.
I own a tea shop.
Oh, adorable.
Please help yourself.
Oh.
Thank you.
In six months, we'll begin trying for children.
Feel free to keep running your tea shop.
Three sons, minimum.
Um...
Have you never met someone
that you wanted to settle down with?
Like, solo?
Well, I believe that there's
more than one soulmate out there for everybody.
That is something that we, collectively,
can explore together.
Even if we don't love each other?
Well, love fades.
Investments are forever,
and investments should be diversified.
Hmm.
Theoretically...
...it might be something that would work well for me.
But...?
But...
...maybe there's more tradition in me
than I thought.
Disappointing.
But, if you still need a date to your sister's wedding,
give me a call and I'll fly the private jet out.
Feel free to stay for dessert.
But I do have another candidate coming in a half... hour.
Oh.
- What's for dessert? - Literally anything.
Locked and loaded on the first date.
I told you I nailed it. Come on.
You didn't even thumbtack it, Dad.
He's exactly the guy you need!
The only heir
to a multibillion-dollar tech company.
And you'd give him what he wants.
Uh-huh. What is that?
Freedom.
- Hold on.
Alice is calling me. I got to go.
Love you! Mwah, mwah, mwah!
K, bye.
- Hello, Alice. - How's my gorgeous big sister?
What do you need?
I just wanted to see how your date went.
How did Dad do?
Yeah, it was fine.
Uh, it was very Crazy Rich Asians...
Look, I want to check on the bonbonnieres.
The what?
Page 12 of the wedding manual.
Oh, yes, of course.
It's only 120 people.
120 people?
That could be, like, hundreds of dollars.
Thank you! You're the best!
- Oh, my...
- Hi. Would you like a sample? - Sorry.
- Hi. Would you like some tea? - No, thank you.
Have a good day.
- Well?
- You're right. - I know I am.
About what?
If there's even a chance
that finding my soulmate will save the shop,
I need to take it seriously.
So...?
I need you to fix me up.
Yes!
Oh, thank God. Gay Jesus has answered my prayers.
♪ All eyes on me Whoo! ♪
♪ Are you looking at me? ♪
♪ Yeah, all eyes on me Whoo! ♪
♪ Do you like what you see? Whoo! ♪
♪ All eyes on me, hah! ♪
♪ What you looking at, me? Whoo! ♪
♪ Oh, you like what you see Ah! ♪
♪ I know you like what you see Hah! ♪
♪ Yeah, you like what you see Ow! ♪
♪ All eyes on me Hah! ♪
♪ All eyes on me ♪
♪ Whoo! ♪
♪ I'm turning heads I'm turning heads ♪
♪ What are you looking at? Uh! ♪
♪ G-g-g-go Whoo! ♪
♪ And you're looking at me? Yeah! ♪
♪ All eyes on me Whoo! ♪
♪ Do you like what you see? Whoo! ♪
♪ All eyes on me Hah! ♪
♪ What you looking at, me? Whoo! ♪
♪ And you like what you see? Ah! ♪
♪ I know you like what you see Hah! ♪
♪ Yeah, you like what you see Ow! ♪
♪ All eyes on me Hah! ♪
♪ All eyes on me ♪
♪ Whoo! ♪
♪ I'm turning heads I'm turning heads ♪
♪ I'm turning heads ♪
♪ We make it move ♪
♪ Hah! What you looking at, me? Whoo! ♪
♪ Oh, you like what you see? Ah! ♪
♪ I know you like what you see Hah! ♪
♪ Yeah, you like what you see Ow! ♪
♪ All eyes on me Hah! ♪
♪ All eyes on me ♪
♪ Damn ♪
Lia?
Ezra! What are you doing here?
Oh! What are you doing here?
I'm just waiting for a date, actually.
Ah. Um...
I believe I am that date.
Is that OK?
Uh-huh.
Did my mum send you here to lure me back to Townsville?
I hope she didn't use me as bait.
Although, I do love fly fishing.
You're like a 50-year-old man in a 30-year-old body.
Mmm. What can I say?
I like old things.
Something comforting about traditional.
I feel the exact same way.
Have you foraged before?
Try this. Let me know what you think.
Mmm.
Buzzy on the nose.
Kind of like an early morning swim.
Mm-hm.
But then mellow on the back.
- Mmm. Yeah. - Mmm.
- Yeah.
Ooh! Those are my favourite.
It's a de-stressor.
- Here. You have to try it. - OK.
It's apparently really good
for brain function, anti-swelling.
Kind of tastes like, uh...
- A bit like dirt, right? - Yeah.
I wasn't going to say it.
- Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry.
This has turned into a work trip.
- That's so embarrassing. - Um...
What did you say this was, again?
- Ashwagandha. - Mmm.
It's commonly used in Asia, Africa,
and part of the nightshade family.
Uh, what was that last part you said?
- A nightshade? - Oh.
I thought nightshades were only
potatoes, tomatoes and... ...capsicums.
Yes, but ashwagandha also bears wild cherries.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm actually quite allergic.
- Oh. Oh, my gosh.
- Can I help?
Oh! Oh, my gosh!
No! Agh!
What is happening? How do I help?
- A... Adrenaline. - Oh!
- Jacket. - The jacket! Oh!
Can you please help! Someone help! He's allergic!
Agh!
Agh! I can't find the pen!
What does it look like?
Oh, my God. OK, so it's pull off...
OK. Stab me. Stab me!
- I don't want to hurt you. - Stab me!
- Where do I stab you? - Stab me!
How hard do I stab you? Stab me!
Ugh...
Whoo...
Did it work?
Ha...
I'm... I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, no, no, no, please.
This is the most excitement I've had since, like...
Oh, yeah, since, like, ever.
That's a relief.
The cafe said it's just an Earl Grey.
So, not to get into anything too personal,
but your mum did say she would love it
if you came back home and helped her run the school.
Mmm. Of course she did.
Do you think at some point you'd want to go back...
...be with your family?
Before my grandma passed,
she told me to follow my dreams.
Coming here to Sydney alone...
it was one of the scariest things I've ever done.
When my family moved back home to Indonesia...
...I was so lonely that I'd talk to myself.
God, that's embarrassing.
No, it isn't.
That was brave.
The move.
But the kiss also.
I...
Uh, I don't usually do this until, like, the second date.
Some traditions are made to be broken.
Yeah.
Mmm. Oh, Jing...
- Ooh... - Did you...?
- Oh! Did... - No, I didn't...
You just said my mum's name!
I didn't say anything!
- Yeah, you did. - No, no, I said... I said...
I said, "ka-ching!" K... Ka-ching.
- That was... - Oh, my God!
- This entire date... - W... What?
What? We're enjoying ourselves, aren't we?
I thought we were, but...
...but this is the exact same date
my mum would have wanted to go on.
Wh...! How am I meant to know that?
W... Besides talking to her every day after class?
Well, and sometimes after lunch.
Oh, and sometimes after dinner.
- Oh, my God! - Ah...
Are you hearing yourself?
Look...
Your mother is an incredible woman,
and so are you.
You really are a 50-year-old in a 30-year-old body.
And you have feelings for a 50-year-old
in a 50-year-old's body.
- OK, well... - You know what?
No... Hey!
- So...
it was the perfect date,
but you stabbed him.
Mm-hm.
Once to save his life, twice to end it.
Ugh.
Like I don't have enough mummy issues.
You know me, boo. I don't kink-shame
but straight people...
...are wild.
Mm! Mmm...
It is downright impossible
to run a business and find a soul mate
full-time, at the same time.
That's why people on The Bachelor
put their lives on hold
and live in a mansion for two months.
So you're not ruling out The Bachelor?
Ugh.
I tried to be open, and look where it got me.
Why can't the person I'm supposed to be with
just walk through those doors?
Oh!
- So cute. - Eh.
Oh!
- Oh. - Yeah!
Yay!
Thank you!
- So cute. - It was so cute.
Richard?
How cool was that?
By the confused look on your face,
I'm guessing you didn't read page 12 of the manual.
"As a symbol of our union
the best man and the maid of honour
are to provide bonbonnieres together.
Together?
Together, of course. Yes.
Uh, I just didn't read the fine print.
Wow.
I... pictured it differently.
Oh, yeah.
We just finished the morning rush,
and usually there's a lull for about an hour.
Or three, or four.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Let me guess.
Tea from Chaozhou?
How did you know?
Lia, it's your grandma's tea.
How could I forget?
OK, I'm just going to check the inventory in the back.
So are you going to tell me who you're taking to the wedding?
Actually, you know what? I could start with the inventory out here.
No, you can start with the inventory in the back.
I actually have a few options.
I'm just deciding between them.
Look at us. Just like old times.
Let's just get this done, please!
Right.
Well, I was thinking candles with their initials
so that people can light them up halfway through the night.
Hmm. So that Nigel's drunk dad
can also burn down the entire venue.
OK, well, then, electric lights.
So wasteful.
So, what are your ideas, genius?
Tea satchels.
There hasn't been a single customer
since I've been in here.
Yeah, it's a really quiet time of the day.
Ha!
Could you afford to provide tea
for that many people?
You know what?
I can finish these later,
and we can just ask Alice what she wants.
Wait, Alice specifically said
that she wanted the best man and maid of honour
- to do the bonbonnieres. - Yes, well...
You don't know my sister like I do.
No, I don't. But she said...
Yeah, well, sometimes what she says is not what she means.
I guess that runs in the family.
What is that supposed to mean?
You know what?
Forget it. Um...
Thanks for the tea.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Ooh!
OK.
Starting to see now
why things didn't work out with Mr Hottie and you.
Because he's an arsehole.
No, it's because you're the same person.
Well, lucky for me,
there are plenty of fish in the sea...
to see.
♪ Well, you've caught me right on time ♪
♪ So for now let's enjoy the sunshine...
Whoo!
Spa splash day!
Ooh! I can't wait!
- I'm so excited. - Lia!
- Ah! - Oh.
Hey, Richard.
Hey.
Oh, Lia, this is Rosie.
Uh, she's...
- His date.
Well, Rosie's actually part of the bridal party,
and she's Nigel's cousin.
But we thought since we're coming together,
we might as well be a date, right?
- Oh, great.
Lia!
Oh, let's head down.
The waves are gorgeous. Oh, my God!
And there's Curtis,
who could be your partner to the wedding
if you play your cards right.
- Heyo! - Curtis!
Oh, Alice Ling!
- Oh! - Oh, my gosh.
It's so lovely to see you again.
Yes. Oh! Um, Lia, this is Curtis.
Curtis, this is my sister, Lia,
who I've told you so much about.
Lia, you are even more beautiful in person
than Alice described.
Oh! Thank you.
It was kind of wild.
This is Curtis, everyone!
We met him in Cairns at a meditation retreat.
He helped us all find an intense spiritual resonance.
Hey, big guy!
Um, Richard.
Nice to meet you.
Huh. Touchy guy, huh?
Well, to be open is to move without hesitation.
So, Alice tells me
you can be a little timid in the water.
I... I don't mind dipping a toe or two in the water.
Well, if you're anything like your sister,
I know we'll have a deep soul connection.
Oh.
Richard, can you, uh, get my back?
Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, of course.
Curtis?
Oh!
Ooh! Oh, my gosh.
- Crap! I'm so sorry. - Don't be.
It's exactly where it's supposed to be.
Help shield this mortal coil
from the rays of this dying star.
Oh, yes. Of course. Uh... Um...
Uh, just get that all over.
OK. Uh, I finished.
Thanks.
Let that breeze kiss your skin. Let your shoulders relax.
Our bodies and our minds are linked.
If your body is tense, your mind isn't at ease.
Feel the blood pulse to your fingertips,
to your toes,
every region of your body.
Do you trust me?
- Uh...
Yes.
We all live on the precipice of fear.
But beyond the confines of that fear
lies an endless world of possibility, of fulfilment.
- You just have to embrace it.
- You've got this.
- There you go.
OK.
- OK.
OK.
Ooh!
If you can't move past the roadblocks in your mind,
then those mental roadblocks become physical roadblocks.
- OK? - OK. OK.
- I did it!
I'm so proud of you!
Well, I hope you had a nice day.
Looks like your date with Curtis went well.
- It did, didn't it? - Hmm.
So all it takes to win over Lia Ling is
a steady hand and an impeccable jawline.
Are you jealous?
Why would I be jealous
of a 7-foot-tall bronze meatball?
I thought you'd be happy for me.
I can be happy for you
and not agree with you at the same time.
Wow.
The more things change, the more things stay the same.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, I was having a great day today.
I relaxed for the first time in, possibly, my entire life.
And now, here we are, going at it.
You're the one making this a thing.
Me? I...
You haven't even seen me make the thing a thing.
What...? Sorry. What thing is this?
The thing is, Rosie,
we made a promise together
to move to Sydney to start a tea shop.
But he pulled out at the last second.
- He what, now? - So it's all my fault now?
I sure as hell wasn't the one that broke out pact.
You know what? I forgot.
The whole world only revolves around Lia's dreams.
We made a promise together.
We made a promise when we were 15 years old.
It was a fantasy, and one of us had to grow up.
My parents needed me to run the restaurant.
What, are you trying to say that my family didn't give a shit about me?
No, you didn't give a shit about your family!
- Stop the car. - Lia...
- Stop the goddamn car!
Lia. Lia!
Actually, right here is fine for me too.
Rosie...
Forgot my bag.
Mmm!
Ohh...
Oh!
Oh! I love it.
You look beautiful.
Well, for once, we absolutely agree.
You are not even supposed to be here.
Hey, I'm paying, I'm staying.
OK, let me try the other one.
We need to see them side-by-side.
Lia, put on the other dress.
Well, isn't a bad luck?
Marriage is bad luck in general.
No offence.
Why don't we just take a photo, and just compare...
on the phone?
Or I can try it on.
- Thank you. - Mm-hm.
Oh!
Lia!
Oh, my gosh! Oh...
Oh!
Oh, I literally can't choose!
To think both of my daughters will be married in a year.
What did you think of Curtis?
Curtis was... an experience,
...but I don't know if he's the one.
What do you mean?
He was, like John the Baptist getting you into the water.
Honestly, Lia,
I feel sorry for the men.
And are you even trying?
Look, I think Ezra would make a wonderful husband.
Yes, someone's husband.
She doesn't need a bookworm.
I tell you what, she needs...
- A piggybank? Hmm? - What?
You think I did not hear who you set her up with?
- It's business. - No!
Lia needs someone simple.
I think I just need to not...
She needs someone who can take responsibility seriously.
So you don't think Apollo's money is serious?
No!
I'm not just something to be given away.
Inside voices, please!
Alice, this is a joke.
Apollo doesn't even believe in love.
But that's the point!
Curtis is more dolphin than man.
You love dolphins!
- Oh, newsflash, mum! - Hmm?
Ezra's in love with you.
- What did you say?
- What did she say? - You heard me.
You all think you know what's best for me
when you don't even know what's best for yourselves.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
- Mmm! - Oh!
Don't.
You know what? You're probably right.
I am going to be alone forever.
Never going to find love. Tea shop's going to close.
What do you mean that the shop is going to close?
I...
You said the shop was doing well.
You lied about the shop?
I knew it wasn't going to work out.
Now you've wasted all of Popo's money.
Well, at least my life isn't some fake pink fantasy
like yours.
You think you're better than me because you left Townsville.
I thought Lia's going to move to Sydney and grow up.
But no. Still selfish, alone and absolutely tragic.
I'll show you tragic!
- Oh!
Shame on you both.
Shame on you too, Mother.
All you've ever taught us
is how to be scared of being happy.
You know what? Dad should have left us years ago.
Then our lives wouldn't have been so miserable.
And I could actually learn how to date like a normal person.
I didn't mean that, Mum.
Dad...
You've gone too far.
Don't bother coming to the wedding.
Alice!
I don't want you as my maid of honour.
Wishing you prosperity!
Hey, boo. How was the dress fitting?
Did you have a good time?
Um...
So I guess now would be a bad time to discuss payroll?
Hey, do you guys do bubble tea?
We are an artisanal tea shop that specialises in
authentic, handcrafted Chinese tea experiences.
Hold up. So I just walked into this tea shop, right?
And this old woman's like, we don't do any bubble tea.
Can I get a takeaway iced green tea?
We don't do takeaway.
Seriously? You don't do takeaway?
How are guys doing business?
This shop was supposed to be for the community,
to teach people about my culture.
So you do do bubble tea.
Oh...
- Ah! No!
You want tea?
I'll give you tea!
There are rules to tea, OK?
It's a Venetian waltz!
It's not the chicken dance!
I am here day-in, day-out,
giving everything, everything I have!
But you people, all you care about
is bubble tea,
sugar packets and milk!
Milk does not belong in tea!
Do you even know where tea comes from? Huh?
It comes from China, bitch!
♪ I click my fingers ♪
♪ And skies are blue ♪
♪ I lean over the edge ♪
♪ Just to enjoy the view ♪
♪ I smell the flowers ♪
♪ Like I'm told to do ♪
♪ In the palm of my hand ♪
- ♪ Slowly slipping...
Lia,
if you need help with the shop, then tell me.
We are family.
Please come to the Lunar New Year dinner tonight.
- Hey, baobao!
You need to call your mum and apologise.
Just talk to her.
The wedding's only a few days away.
- Hey, sis.
Can you call me back?
We really need to talk.
Go away!
I said go away.
It's been three days, Lia.
That's the max amount of time
best friends are allowed to spend apart.
I didn't make the rules.
Ooh, my God, something died.
Oh.
And they were buried in your mouth.
This is disgusting.
Leave me and whatever's in my mouth alone.
This isn't some situation
where I nurse you back to life
and charmingly make everything better.
What are you doing here, then?
You still have two dates left,
which means two chances to find your soulmate.
And if you're not going to go on a date,
I'm going to bring the date to you.
Mmm. Mm-mm.
Visiting hours are over, my friend.
I'm not meeting anyone new.
Oh, no. I think you've met before.
Oh, hey. I'm Mason.
And I'm so excited to go on a date with you, girl.
What?
No! Absolutely not.
Oh, just get dressed and meet me on the roof!
I bought all of your favourite things.
Oh, sticky rice pudding with mango!
Mm-hm.
Honey lemon tea?
That's right.
- Matcha mooncakes.
- You're a mind-reader. - Yeah.
I don't know why it's so difficult
for a straight man to plan the perfect day.
I mean, all you have to do
is just listen to what your partner needs, and...
Oh, actually, now that I'm saying that,
I can understand the difficulty.
- I know what you're going to say. - What?
You're just going to tell me to suck it up,
get back out there and find the man of my dreams.
God, no, boo.
You've got enough people telling you that.
I'm just here to be an open ear,
and get very drunk.
I'm exhausted.
And I'm lonely.
And I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
Oh...
Here.
Have that.
My grandma would be so disappointed.
Oh...
She used to hum this song
while we would wait for the tea to bloom.
Waiting for the water and the leaves
to finish their dance.
You know...
Life is like a dance.
Find your balance.
Follow the rhythm.
Dance however you want.
OK, what...
What was that?
I just remember something I'd forgotten.
Oh!
Why is this the best date so far?
Oh, sweetie.
If you want to do some over-the-pants stuff, we...
- Mason. - Oh, good.
- I was dreading it, too. - Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Life is a dance.
As long as you're enjoying the rhythm, you can dance
whatever way you choose,
whenever you choose.
- Hmm. - Well, Lia, it looks amazing.
I gave it a try.
Didn't I, Grandma?
- Hello? - Lia!
Where the hell are you? Get downstairs now.
Uh, wow!
I thought the makeover would improve business,
but I didn't think it was going to happen this fast.
Mm-hm. OK.
So there's good news and there's great news.
The good news is you have fans now.
And the great news?
The great news is you're a meme.
- 10 million views and counting.
All you care about is bubble tea!
Oh, you are getting the full treatment.
They turned you into a song, a lip-synch challenge...
T-t-t-tea! I'll give you bubble tea!
Bubble tea! Sugar packets!
B-b-b-bubble tea!
And milk!
Oh, and the reenactments! Oh!
Bubble tea! Sugar packets!
B-b-b-bubble tea!
And milk!
Milk does not belong in tea!
- Holy moly! - Yeah!
That's insane.
They started calling you Crazy Tea Lady,
but then woke TikTok called them racist,
so they backed off.
We need to stop making merch, like, yesterday.
This is a nightmare.
This is publicity.
Yeah, but I'm just a joke.
- Baby, you're a meme.
Oh, my God, there she is, the Crazy Tea Lady!
- Are they angry?
I think excited.
Let us in!
But also maybe a little bit angry.
So, are we opening the shop or what?
OK, but hold on.
If they want a photo, it's a minimum spend of $25,
- and store capacity is 30. - We want tea!
Anything else?
- Smile and take deep breaths.
OK, people,
only 50 allowed in the store at all times.
$60 minimum purchase
to take a selfie with the Crazy Tea Lady.
I can call her that because that is my best friend.
Is this tea good for anger?
As in, does it make me angrier, like you.
Oh, well, the tea is great for digestion.
You know, you're not as terrible as that clip
that the whole of Australia has seen.
Thanks.
Thank you so much.
And here's 10% off your next purchase.
Thank you.
Everybody loves a discount.
OK, everyone, get ready for the first demonstration.
What demonstration?
Do your tea ceremony.
- Now? - Uh-huh.
Come for the crazy, stay for the tea.
It's what you've been working for.
When you meet someone in China,
they make you tea.
So tea is not just a drink to me.
It's a safe place.
It's a hello.
Of course you can.
This is the only tea where...
Oolong.
Lia!
- I have a wedding to get to.
OK, everyone. Um...
Valentine's tea sets for two are 20% off.
For today only.
Alice!
Alice, I'm... I'm so sorry about your dress.
I've been so rotten.
- You were right.
I want people to think I'm perfect
so they can't hurt me.
But it makes me so tired.
And I...
And I really...
Be quiet!
No, no, no, no. You were right.
I'm embarrassed
that you were so much further ahead in your life,
like I chose the wrong part or something.
No! You're fearless.
You left and I stayed home.
I'm the failure!
Even though I'm still prettier,
it's all I have.
Also...
Thank you, Lia.
For what?
The bonbonnieres. They're perfect.
Oh, uh...
I'm so glad you love them.
They're going to be the best part of the wedding.
Don't cry. You're going to make me cry.
OK.
- Let me fix your makeup. - OK.
Where's Mum?
She stepped out.
OK.
Mum?
Mum.
Mum?
Oh. Sorry.
Whoa!
Oh!
- Oh, my God.
Oh.
I... I found my lip liner. Thank you, Ezra.
It was in my purse the whole time.
I'll go save us a seat, babe.
I mean, Jing. I mean, Principal.
Uh...
Jing...
or babe...
...are just fine.
- It's good to see you, Lia. - Yes, you too, Ez.
I just came to apologise for lying about the shop.
Hey...
You were right.
I was?
I was so unhappy with your father, I...
...I focused everything on you girls.
And when you left...
Hm.
...I was jealous.
'Cause...
I knew it was absolutely the right thing for you to do.
I had forgotten how to pursue my own happiness.
I'm sorry.
Ma...
No, I'm sorry.
Let me just say
Ezra pursues my happiness.
Mm. Mum...
too much information.
Oh, Lia.
He is a linguist.
Oh. Oh! Oh, God.
OK. I didn't need to know that.
No, let me tell you what happened yesterday.
- No! Please! Shh! Shh! Shh! - Hmm!
Thank you, Mum.
Oh, my gosh! You made it!
Yes!
We sold out in an hour.
- What? - Mm-hm.
I took the next flight out
and caught the last 10 minutes of the ceremony.
- Oh! - It was very...
pink.
- Mmm. Yes.
Well, that's exactly what my sister wanted.
Mmm.
Oh! Thank you so much for doing the bonbonnieres!
What? What are you talking about?
Nothing.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Yeah, 'cause, um...
OK. Who is that xiao long bae over there?
- Oh!
That... is someone
you would probably be a perfect match for.
Uh... No. Are you sure?
This is your last day.
To live?
No, sweetie...
Five blind dates!
Oh, gosh. I...
Alice probably invited all the dates here for one last go.
Oh.
It's fine.
At the stroke of midnight,
I'll be an unloved crone forever.
Well, you know you'll always be
my unloved crone forever, boo.
Aw. That's sweet.
Have fun.
Not him, huh?
Nope.
- He was not the one. - Mmm.
No.
But they're going to be very happy together.
So, who did you choose?
No-one.
None of them felt right.
Besides, I didn't even go on the five dates
before the wedding.
My child, I didn't say whose wedding.
I believe you have one date left.
Wow! Gorgeous!
Your sister has amazing taste in hors d'oeuvres.
Mm-hm.
Oh...
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, you and Richard, you nailed these.
You're a good bloke, Nigel.
Richard knocked them out, didn't he?
Yeah. Yeah, he, uh... he stayed up all night.
Said you needed a helping hand.
Same old Richard, huh?
He's always got everybody's back.
Just like with his mum.
You know, once his mum got sick after high school,
he single handedly kept the family together?
Nigel, I am so excited to have a brother.
- Come here. - Oh.
Welcome to the family.
- Son-in-law. - Hello.
Give me a moment with my daughter.
Nice party.
- Yeah. - Mm-hm.
You know, Lia, you probably think I'm a bad dad.
You know, I don't stick to
traditional parenting rules, much.
No, well, you know,
some rules are made to be broken.
Aha.
You're absolutely my daughter.
Popo would be so proud of the woman you've become.
As am I.
- Thanks, Dad. - Hm.
Hey, Dad, you want to dance?
I would love to!
Let's go.
- Coming through. - Coming through.
Hoo-hah!
♪ I'm no different, I am just the same ♪
♪ A player in the game ♪
♪ Absolutely everybody ♪
♪ Everybody, everybody ♪
♪ Absolutely everybody ♪
♪ In the whole wide world ♪
♪ Absolutely everybody ♪
♪ Everybody...
Good girl.
Mama. Baba.
Hmm?
Mmm.
- Don't spend it all at once.
Really?
How much did you put in that envelope?
I can't say.
I wish you guys
one hundred years of happiness.
Welcome to the family home.
Xiexie, Baba.
- Alice. - Xiexie, Mama.
Lia, it's your turn.
Thank you.
Sorry, I wasn't expecting to have money to give.
Thank you.
But this was Popo's.
Popo said
there are five different types of tea
and even though they all come from the same leaf,
they couldn't be more different from each other.
Just like in life,
or in love...
...how you treat the leaf
is what yields the different results.
We are all like different kinds of tea.
We can be like family...
...or friends,
the people who hold parts of your heart.
Or even a soul mate...
...who are sometimes right in front of you
the whole time.
Nigel and Alice,
you're like the perfect cup of tea.
And together, you bloom.
I know some of that speech wasn't to me.
So whoever it is for, don't let them go.
OK.
Richard!
Richard...
Why didn't you tell me about your mum?
If I did...
...you would have stayed.
Wait!
Can I take you on a date first?
Y... Yeah. Yeah, of course.
OK.
Oh, what the hell.
Bubble tea.
And takeaway green tea.
- Thank you. - Thank you. Have a great day.
- Hey. - Thank you. Bye!
♪ You make me feel ♪
♪ Mighty real...
- Hey! How are you going? - Good.
- Ah! - Hi, baby.
- Hey, see you, Mason. - Bye-bye!
Have a wonderful time.