1 00:00:14,458 --> 00:00:16,583 -Go, go, go, go, go! Agh! 2 00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:21,125 See? Everything worked out. 3 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,916 Aw. I wanna be a ladder. 4 00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:41,625 Yeah, deodorant. We're in the big leagues now. 5 00:00:46,208 --> 00:00:48,708 Oh, man, James. What happened? 6 00:00:48,791 --> 00:00:51,458 Yesterday afternoon I tried out for a club. 7 00:00:51,541 --> 00:00:53,500 -Which one? -Chess club. 8 00:00:53,583 --> 00:00:55,458 Why were you trying out for the chess club? 9 00:00:55,541 --> 00:00:59,333 'Cause I'm tired of being the only one I know without a thing. 10 00:00:59,416 --> 00:01:01,333 Even my best friend has a thing. 11 00:01:01,416 --> 00:01:04,000 You're king of your Competitive Feeling squad. 12 00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:05,958 Oh, man, I'm trying so hard to find a thing, 13 00:01:06,041 --> 00:01:09,166 I'm working up a sweat. And I've never sweated in my life. 14 00:01:09,250 --> 00:01:12,541 Oh, yeah, you do got a little stink going on. 15 00:01:12,625 --> 00:01:14,666 Don't worry though. I got just the thing. 16 00:01:15,166 --> 00:01:17,458 -Here. Try this. -Thanks, man. 17 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,833 What are you doing, man? It goes in your pits. 18 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:28,250 Huh? "Warning: for underarm only"? 19 00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:30,083 Hey, maybe that could be my thing. 20 00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:32,000 The rebel who ignores warning labels. 21 00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:36,416 Whoa, what's happening? 22 00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:39,333 Salty… stinky… 23 00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:42,166 Wait, these aren't tears. They're sweat. 24 00:01:42,250 --> 00:01:45,333 Sweat? From your eyes? No way. 25 00:01:46,875 --> 00:01:48,625 And just in time for class. 26 00:01:54,583 --> 00:01:57,875 Okay, Max, maybe no one will notice me behind your giant croc body. 27 00:01:57,958 --> 00:01:59,500 Who said that? James? Where are you? 28 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,541 Hi. 29 00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:12,416 Aww. Hey, James, you still upset I beat you out for the Chess Club? 30 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,000 I'm not sure if my fan club has any openings, 31 00:02:15,083 --> 00:02:19,000 but don't worry. I can always check. 32 00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:20,291 No! 33 00:02:20,375 --> 00:02:22,833 And I'll have you know that you didn't beat me, Stuart. 34 00:02:22,916 --> 00:02:25,916 I respectfully resigned when the club wouldn't hear my arguments 35 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,875 about the wrong naming of their chess pieces. 36 00:02:27,958 --> 00:02:29,916 Why would the king have a cross on his head? 37 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,583 -And what's the bishop doing there? 38 00:02:31,666 --> 00:02:34,083 It's supposed to be a non-denominational sport. 39 00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:36,000 You sound like you're standing up for yourself, 40 00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:37,666 which makes me want to bully you more. 41 00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:40,666 But your tears make me think you're already hurt by my previous insult, 42 00:02:40,750 --> 00:02:43,750 and I don't want to waste any more energy on such a loser. 43 00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:45,041 I'm gonna go. 44 00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,416 Stop looking at me. I'm leaving. 45 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:51,416 Oh, this is it. This is what a walk of shame feels like. 46 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,500 Oh good. It's finally wearing off. 47 00:02:57,583 --> 00:03:00,583 Oh, way to go, James. Way to go! 48 00:03:00,666 --> 00:03:02,500 Using your emotions to confuse 49 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:06,250 and overcome a competitor is some pretty advanced stuff. 50 00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:08,666 Hoo-hoo! Color me impressed. 51 00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:11,750 A competitor? Uh, don't you mean, bully? 52 00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:13,541 You know, they're kind of one and the same 53 00:03:13,625 --> 00:03:16,500 in the club I coach, Competitive Feelings. 54 00:03:16,583 --> 00:03:19,041 It's a club where we use our feelings to win. 55 00:03:19,125 --> 00:03:20,583 That's my thing. 56 00:03:21,208 --> 00:03:25,208 Oh, yes. Yes. It is. Max is our MVCB: 57 00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:27,208 "Most Valuable Cry Baby." 58 00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:31,208 But Max's long-standing rival, Smooth Jason… 59 00:03:31,291 --> 00:03:33,041 Don't say his name. Don't say it! 60 00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,458 He always gets into my head. 61 00:03:34,541 --> 00:03:38,000 Smooth Jason texted me a picture of himself with last year's trophy, 62 00:03:38,083 --> 00:03:40,166 and he's wearing crocodile boots. 63 00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:42,708 -Menacing. And fashionable. 64 00:03:42,791 --> 00:03:44,708 Actually, you know what, James? 65 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:48,333 I just had to put one of our team members on the injured list-- 66 00:03:48,416 --> 00:03:49,708 sprained tear duct. 67 00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:51,416 Hey. 68 00:03:52,583 --> 00:03:55,208 How would you feel about joining the squad 69 00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:57,291 for the big competition tomorrow? 70 00:03:57,375 --> 00:03:59,708 Ooh, you would really help us out. 71 00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:03,791 Yeah, thanks, but I don't know. 72 00:04:03,875 --> 00:04:06,041 Well, we're about to start practice. 73 00:04:06,125 --> 00:04:07,708 Just come check it out. 74 00:04:07,791 --> 00:04:11,041 You won't know if it's your thing unless you try it. 75 00:04:16,833 --> 00:04:18,916 Emotion. 76 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,625 Everyone. Everyone gather 'round. Gather 'round, everyone. 77 00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:24,166 Everyone, this is James. 78 00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:26,541 He's thinking of joining our squad. 79 00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:27,916 Hi. 80 00:04:28,375 --> 00:04:30,375 Well, don't just stand there waving. 81 00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:32,625 Show everybody what you can do. 82 00:04:32,708 --> 00:04:34,750 Oh, uh, okay. One sec. 83 00:04:41,708 --> 00:04:42,666 Wow. 84 00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:47,500 Oh my. From zero to puddle in 1.8 seconds. 85 00:04:47,583 --> 00:04:50,041 I have never seen anyone do that. 86 00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:54,583 James. James. You can totally crush Smooth Jason. 87 00:04:54,666 --> 00:04:58,833 Destroy him. Pulpify him. 88 00:04:58,916 --> 00:05:03,708 Boil him in his own second-place tears. 89 00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:15,166 Oh, we're finally going to win a championship. 90 00:05:16,541 --> 00:05:21,375 -Way to go, James. Hip hip huzzah! 91 00:05:21,458 --> 00:05:24,875 I found my thing, Max. Uh, do you hear them? I found my thing. 92 00:05:26,541 --> 00:05:29,416 How can this be your thing? It's my thing. 93 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,208 You heard the applause, Max. 94 00:05:31,291 --> 00:05:33,958 But your tears aren't even real. You're cheating. 95 00:05:34,416 --> 00:05:37,625 Is there a rule that says you can't use antiperspirant? 96 00:05:37,708 --> 00:05:40,666 No. Why would anyone use antiperspirant for evil? 97 00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:42,166 Well, then it's not cheating. 98 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:43,458 Hmm. 99 00:05:43,541 --> 00:05:46,125 Come on, Max. I'm doing this for you, man. 100 00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:48,541 You're having nightmares about Smooth Jackson. 101 00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:49,791 It's "Smooth Jason." 102 00:05:49,875 --> 00:05:52,750 Jackson, Jason, Joystick, pfft, whatever. 103 00:05:52,833 --> 00:05:54,583 Look, I'll handle him for you. 104 00:05:54,666 --> 00:05:56,958 Trust me. This is gonna be fun. 105 00:06:05,208 --> 00:06:07,583 Wow, big turnout today. 106 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:13,333 Look at those smug rival schoolers 107 00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:17,416 with their preppy clothes and their houses with stairs. 108 00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,250 Oh money, money. I love money. 109 00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:22,083 And there he is… Smooth Jason. 110 00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:25,166 Now I know teachers aren't supposed to hate kids, 111 00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:28,083 but I hate that kid. 112 00:06:41,708 --> 00:06:45,791 Sorry, I was just thinking of a puppy seeing its first sunrise. 113 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:52,125 Okay, emoters. For this first round, 114 00:06:52,208 --> 00:06:57,041 competitors will engage in emotional, AKA feelings, AKA mawkish debate. 115 00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:01,250 Now in the left corner, we have Smooth Jason. 116 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:05,541 Champion, tender heart, rainbow tongue. 117 00:07:07,583 --> 00:07:11,125 And in the right, we have, uh, Max. 118 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,416 Whoever moves the audience most wins. 119 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:18,208 And the topic: "Honesty in Sports." 120 00:07:18,291 --> 00:07:21,208 On my mark, get set, emote! 121 00:07:22,458 --> 00:07:24,583 Honesty in sports is important 122 00:07:24,666 --> 00:07:30,583 because if you're not honest in sports, that means you're cheating. 123 00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:34,291 Thanks for that, Max. 124 00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:37,750 But I think the bigger question is… 125 00:07:39,666 --> 00:07:44,250 What is honesty? 126 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:58,375 Breathtaking. Truly taking of breath. 127 00:08:05,541 --> 00:08:08,708 Redirect! Don't worry, bud. I got this. 128 00:08:08,791 --> 00:08:12,208 Sure, we could ask ourselves what honesty is 129 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:15,250 and sip philosophical tea from our little cups, 130 00:08:15,333 --> 00:08:18,125 or we can get real and admit that it's okay 131 00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:22,666 to not be totally honest in sports when honesty won't help the team win. 132 00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,875 How many teams would try and get back in the game 133 00:08:24,958 --> 00:08:28,333 if their coach told them they actually couldn't win? Zero. 134 00:08:28,416 --> 00:08:30,000 And how many fights would break out 135 00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:33,333 if teammates gave their honest opinion about each other all the time? 136 00:08:33,416 --> 00:08:35,333 "You hit like a bag of marshmallows." 137 00:08:35,416 --> 00:08:38,500 "Oh, yeah? Well your game's as weak as our country's infrastructure." 138 00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:41,000 "Do you want to go?" "Come at me, bro!" 139 00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:44,541 It'd be a bloodbath, a bath of blood. 140 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,458 So, when you really think about it, 141 00:08:46,541 --> 00:08:49,916 dishonesty is better than honesty if you win. 142 00:08:58,750 --> 00:09:02,875 -Winner, round one. 143 00:09:02,958 --> 00:09:04,500 Wow! 144 00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:11,666 Next event: Musical Tears. 145 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,250 Oh, this one always gets to me. 146 00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:17,083 Now, competitors will listen to the saddest song ever composed, 147 00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:20,541 and the first to fill their bucket with tears wins. 148 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,083 Destroy him! 149 00:09:35,583 --> 00:09:38,291 Ready, crybabies? One, two, three, emote! 150 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:55,000 Tally ho! 151 00:09:59,916 --> 00:10:03,375 Winner! No surprise. 152 00:10:05,375 --> 00:10:07,791 Young people, this round's the hug-off. 153 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,791 You'll trade emotionally impacting hugs back and forth, 154 00:10:10,875 --> 00:10:13,625 and the first to make their opponent tap out wins. 155 00:10:17,666 --> 00:10:19,000 What? 156 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:28,500 Now, I want to see clean hugs. 157 00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:31,208 No back-crackers or side-ticklers. 158 00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:35,583 Rules are rules for a reason, huh… for me to enforce. 159 00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:38,000 Got it? One, two, three emote! 160 00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:42,083 Whoa. 161 00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,041 -Hug! -Embrace! 162 00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:11,041 Cuddle. 163 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:24,708 Tear him apart, James! 164 00:11:50,541 --> 00:11:52,875 -Winner! 165 00:11:56,625 --> 00:12:00,000 This is… it's happening. It's finally happening. 166 00:12:00,083 --> 00:12:02,625 One more event and we will win. 167 00:12:02,708 --> 00:12:05,125 Oh, I'm so happy I could puke… 168 00:12:05,208 --> 00:12:07,375 and then eat it, 'cause that's what flies do. 169 00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:08,583 We puke and eat. 170 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,458 Uh, time out. 171 00:12:17,666 --> 00:12:19,583 Come on. There's gotta be one left. 172 00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:22,708 Looking for this? 173 00:12:22,791 --> 00:12:24,416 Oh, yes! 174 00:12:26,791 --> 00:12:28,166 What? Hey, what are you doing? 175 00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:30,583 You heard McFly-- if I win this last round, 176 00:12:30,666 --> 00:12:32,291 the championship is ours. 177 00:12:32,375 --> 00:12:34,416 Don't you want to win? This is your thing. 178 00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:35,375 Not anymore. 179 00:12:35,458 --> 00:12:40,500 You sullied it with your musky, spicy, and occasionally intoxicating scents. 180 00:12:41,166 --> 00:12:43,500 Fine, then it'll just be my thing. 181 00:12:43,583 --> 00:12:47,250 It's not your thing either. It'll never be your thing… 182 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,375 as long as you use this 183 00:12:49,458 --> 00:12:53,166 or Vulture Spike or Tiger Lightning or Ninja Blizzard 184 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:58,458 or Panther Cannon or Wolf Truck or Weasel Torpedo. 185 00:12:58,541 --> 00:13:00,250 My deodorant! 186 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,875 Come on, James, find your own thing. 187 00:13:21,208 --> 00:13:23,541 It all comes down to this-- 188 00:13:23,625 --> 00:13:25,958 our last event of the competition. 189 00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:28,750 Whoa. Now I'm about to cry. 190 00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:30,666 This event is worth double the points. 191 00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:32,583 It's still anyone's game. 192 00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:34,541 One final emotional debate. 193 00:13:34,625 --> 00:13:36,208 The subject… 194 00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:41,083 "Stealing your best friend's thing-- good idea or bad idea?" 195 00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:42,916 Max! I totally got this! 196 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,333 James, James, James, James, James… 197 00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:56,208 I haven't really been crying. 198 00:13:56,291 --> 00:13:58,083 I've been using a performance-enhancing deodorant. 199 00:13:58,166 --> 00:13:59,000 There. I said it. 200 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,291 Oh! 201 00:14:04,541 --> 00:14:08,666 That's right. My competition tears-- they were wet with lies. 202 00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:13,041 The truth is that Competitive Feelings is simply not my thing. 203 00:14:13,125 --> 00:14:15,416 It's my best friend Max's thing. 204 00:14:16,708 --> 00:14:19,333 And a life without a thing … 205 00:14:19,416 --> 00:14:21,375 is better than a life without a Max. 206 00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:24,708 Oh, James! 207 00:14:33,208 --> 00:14:35,708 Being my best friend is your thing. 208 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,916 Don't clap for that! 209 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,708 He is a cheater! 210 00:14:41,791 --> 00:14:44,166 Smooth Jason wins again! 211 00:14:47,458 --> 00:14:49,291 Oh, you're too kind. 212 00:14:50,875 --> 00:14:52,625 Bow. 213 00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:57,833 Ohn-ee-on! 214 00:14:57,916 --> 00:14:59,333 It is an onion. 215 00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:01,166 That's what I said. Ohn-ee-on. 216 00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,583 What? Okay, we're going to talk about that later, 217 00:15:03,666 --> 00:15:05,375 but right now… cheater! 218 00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:12,250 Both James and Smooth Jason are disqualified. 219 00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:14,458 Wa-wait, so-- so nobody wins? 220 00:15:14,541 --> 00:15:18,375 No, no, no, no, no. No. No! 221 00:15:18,458 --> 00:15:21,875 Smooth Jason is disqualified, and I still can't win? 222 00:15:21,958 --> 00:15:26,333 No, no, no, no, no. 223 00:15:31,541 --> 00:15:37,333 It's not fair. It's not fair. 224 00:15:37,416 --> 00:15:40,125 Life is not fair. 225 00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:45,000 In a sudden turn of events, we have a new winner. 226 00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:50,791 Yes! Yes! 227 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:55,375 Ugh. I can't believe I let a stick of antiperspirant come between us. 228 00:15:55,458 --> 00:15:58,125 Yeah, they should put a warning label on it for that. 229 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,291 Hmm, you know, you're right. We should sue. 230 00:16:01,375 --> 00:16:03,250 Hey, maybe suing people could be my thing. 231 00:16:03,333 --> 00:16:07,875 Smooth Jason-- na nana, boo boo, stick your face in doodoo. 232 00:16:07,958 --> 00:16:10,875 Cry into this. 233 00:16:10,958 --> 00:16:13,666 -I win! I finally win! 234 00:16:13,750 --> 00:16:15,666 You know, you deserve that trophy, Max. 235 00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:17,916 Why? Because you think I'm the best at this? 236 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,166 No, because you're the best person who didn't cheat. 237 00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:22,208 Oh, yeah. 238 00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:24,458 -Cry into this, Smooth Jason.