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‎NETFLIX 影集

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‎快跑…

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‎看吧，問題都解決了

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‎我也想當字母

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‎劇名：一個頭兩個大

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‎（泥巴學校）

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‎終於到了

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‎現在我走到置物櫃前面了

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‎我總算能拿掉

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‎幾本完全過時，科技內涵也不足的書

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‎這是怎麼…

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‎好小

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‎麥斯，為什麼置物櫃這麼小？

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‎看來校方必須擴大獎盃展示櫃

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‎才能容納所有參加獎獎盃

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‎參加獎獎盃？

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‎這種東西根本就毀了社會

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‎獎盃以前是有意義的，麥斯

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‎獎盃代表最佳表現

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‎拼字比賽第一名
‎單場比賽投出最多三分球…

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‎我拿過在鼻孔裡塞最多彈珠的獎盃

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‎真是有才

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‎急診手術醫生也這麼說

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‎現在你的獎盃毫無價值了

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‎為什麼？因為現在人人都有獎盃

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‎所以每個人都是第一名，哪有可能？

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‎這代表我們活在獎盃毫無價值的世界

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‎如果我能找到…

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‎D？麥克蠅，你給我的成績是D？

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‎你想毀了我的名聲嗎？

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‎你不給我F，我就不讓你回去上課

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‎可憐的麥克蠅

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‎什麼？

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‎你沒看到嗎？史都華在欺負老師

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‎希望史都華別以為最會欺負人也有獎

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‎現在先別靠近他，他沒事的，退後

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‎讓開！

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‎你救了我一命

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‎第一次有學生做出這等好事

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‎你會因此得獎的

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‎由於詹姆斯在穿堂
‎或其他學校通道有英勇表現

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‎所以我頒發“大善人”獎盃給他

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‎大善人！

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‎什麼？

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‎該說謝謝嗎？

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‎這個獎對我來說意義重大

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‎但是你說過獎盃很廢…

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‎別管我說過什麼，麥斯，獎盃超讚的

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‎我從來沒這麼想過

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‎詹姆斯…

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‎詹姆斯…

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‎（《年少冰狂》？）

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‎我看到史都華欺負麥克蠅時

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‎以非常精準的力道把獎盃丟向他

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‎拯救最受大家歡迎的老師

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‎所以我成為“大善人”

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‎用獎盃裝的奶昔最好喝了

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‎你怎麼一派輕鬆？
‎史都華一定會把你揍扁

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‎麥斯，因為我是大善人

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‎他傷不了我的，大家不會容忍

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‎可能因為以後沒有獎盃吧？

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‎但這不就是很亮的杯子嗎？

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‎錯了…

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‎獎盃的意義遠不止如此

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‎以前沒有這個閃亮塑膠杯時
‎我是怎麼滿足自戀需求的？

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‎怎麼個不止如此？
‎你跟我都是用自己的杯子喝啊

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‎妳不懂啦，這是我辛苦得來的

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‎所以呢？這杯子也是辛苦得來的

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‎不對，妳是花錢才有這一杯

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‎對，我辛苦讓麥斯相信
‎他以後會欠我錢，所以才有錢買

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‎她說如果現在開始給錢
‎以後就能繳更多利息

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‎這是什麼？

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‎我也要享受杯具樂趣

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‎-這不是樂趣，麥斯，是吵架
‎-好耶

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‎-而且這不是杯子，是花盆
‎-耶！

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‎所以麥斯的杯子也不好？

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‎重點不是杯子

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‎重點是杯子的意義
‎也就是我的心地最善良

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‎妳的杯子只是毫無價值的垃圾

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‎現在請恕我失陪

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‎我要用我的杯子喝一口，滿足自己了

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‎且慢！

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‎你這個大善人為什麼喝掉同學？

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‎這不只是個杯子！慢著，什麼？

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‎你把史都華喝掉了

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‎完了

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‎沒什麼

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‎你要把史都華留在體內？

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‎有何不可？

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‎我是大善人，他害不了我的

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‎我的善意能量遠遠超過他的惡霸能量

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‎最好是啦

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‎我要讓大家都討厭你
‎讓他們收回你的獎盃

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‎只要你承認我們的杯子一樣好
‎我就把他趕出你的體內

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‎不要，我的善意絕對能勝利

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‎-你不清乾淨嗎？
‎-什麼？不要

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‎我拿的是“大善人”獎
‎不是“最佳服務生”獎

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‎看過來！

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‎我的球

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‎看來泥巴鎮的大善人要出動了

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‎麥斯，請把我抬上去

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‎大家來看我喔，我是好孩子

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‎等等，那不是我幹的

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‎明明就是

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‎你是要現在稱讚我的杯子

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‎還是要讓自己變成傀儡

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‎被人操縱去燒毀全鎮？

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‎拜託，我們是在另一集把全鎮燒光

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‎不可能重來一次
‎我的善意能征服一切

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‎好耶，寶貝！

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‎無版權軍隊組織餅乾

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‎我在美食網站看到的

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‎今天算妳走運，因為我要買給妳試吃

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‎不行，我不會讓你
‎毀了艾可的第一片餅乾

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‎就算她選到最沒品味的脆餅

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‎錢，再試一次

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‎妳休想吃到

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‎現在想想，我竟然以為
‎史都華在你體內是件壞事

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‎超好吃的

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‎我無法理解，我怎麼會被惡霸控制？

121
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‎我是個大善人，不能做壞事

122
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‎你沒看過恐怖片嗎？

123
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‎你讓惡魔留下來

124
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‎就等於把掌控權都交出去

125
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‎可是我是大善人啊

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‎不管你嘴巴怎麼說
‎如果你真的要當大善人

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‎就最好別再扯那個人的內褲

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‎他們會拿走我的獎盃

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‎走開

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‎除非你讓我幫忙

131
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‎否則他們一定會拿走你的杯子

132
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‎代價是你得宣布我的杯子比較高級

133
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‎你看看，樓梯還在這裡

134
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‎我會證明我能做到

135
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‎-詹姆斯，等等
‎-慢著，等一下

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‎我來幫忙

137
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‎好吧

138
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‎我推

139
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‎這些人打哪兒來的？我不相信你

140
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‎不行！我一定辦得到

141
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‎左腳、右腳

142
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‎這樣要走到明年

143
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‎好耶！我仍然是大善人

144
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‎注意！

145
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‎我沒事

146
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‎沒人理妳

147
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‎好啦，妳的杯子比較高級，好嗎？

148
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‎好耶，我贏了！

149
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‎然後…垃圾

150
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‎什麼…我以為
‎妳要把杯子放進獎盃展示櫃

151
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‎沒有，我說過未來沒有獎盃這種東西

152
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‎我只想知道你能撐到什麼時候

153
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‎太值得了

154
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‎既然我為了逗妳開心受這麼多苦

155
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‎那就快把史都華趕出來
‎免得我的獎盃作廢

156
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‎好，準備展開惡霸驅魔程序

157
00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:48,791
‎妳有驅魔經驗嗎？

158
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:50,041
‎當然有

159
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‎未來的小學就有這個課程

160
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‎我的身體不像你可以穿透

161
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‎我知道

162
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‎太好笑了

163
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,750
‎驅魔的第一步就是讓惡魔變弱

164
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‎也就是用朗讀削弱史都華

165
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:13,583
‎第二步是讓他想離開你的身體

166
00:11:13,666 --> 00:11:16,375
‎基本上就是把史都華逼瘋

167
00:11:17,416 --> 00:11:19,666
‎妳以為妳能比惡霸還惡霸？

168
00:11:20,291 --> 00:11:21,416
‎最後一步呢？

169
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,250
‎那時就要動起來了嗎？我去換衣服

170
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‎-每個惡霸的心裡都有個缺口
‎-噁心

171
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:30,375
‎只要能想出怎麼填補，他們就能釋懷

172
00:11:30,458 --> 00:11:32,833
‎心？妳覺得史都華有心？

173
00:11:32,916 --> 00:11:36,125
‎他的體內什麼都沒有，只有憤怒…

174
00:11:36,750 --> 00:11:38,041
‎可能還有培根

175
00:11:38,125 --> 00:11:41,666
‎你得在第三步之前
‎想出怎麼填補史都華內心的缺口

176
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:45,791
‎不然他就會控制你一輩子

177
00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:46,708
‎我好了

178
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,041
‎開始動起來吧

179
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:58,208
‎好，麥斯

180
00:11:58,291 --> 00:12:01,958
‎第一步是把史都華逼瘋

181
00:12:02,041 --> 00:12:04,666
‎這時要唸出神聖的文字

182
00:12:04,750 --> 00:12:08,916
‎《便便呼與喵喵狂歡節》

183
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‎不行！

184
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:13,250
‎童書都是給小白痴看的！

185
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:16,791
‎“便便呼是一隻小喵喵”

186
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,750
‎“便便呼戴著毛毛帽”

187
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‎亂寫一通，牠身上就已經都是毛了

188
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‎這種書怎麼會暢銷？

189
00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:37,833
‎現在，第二階段

190
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:40,791
‎讓他無法附身

191
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:42,708
‎妳要先用哪種辣醬？

192
00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:45,125
‎“肛門爆裂”還是“火燒屁”？

193
00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:49,125
‎名字很好笑，但我沒那個興趣

194
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‎不行！我全身都會灼傷！

195
00:12:56,541 --> 00:12:59,000
‎我也全身都會灼傷！

196
00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:02,166
‎很好，那代表有用，多灌一點

197
00:13:17,875 --> 00:13:19,333
‎好，接下來呢？

198
00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:22,708
‎最後一步，詹姆斯
‎該填補史都華的內心缺口了

199
00:13:22,791 --> 00:13:25,750
‎噁心，而且我想不出來

200
00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,958
‎什麼？我說過…

201
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,791
‎我知道妳說什麼

202
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‎可是史都華的內心真的什麼也沒有

203
00:13:33,083 --> 00:13:34,916
‎除了他吃掉我的那些部分

204
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,125
‎所以我們現在是超狂版的大腸包小腸

205
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,916
‎找不到就打不倒他了

206
00:13:41,166 --> 00:13:45,833
‎也就是你們擋不住我了

207
00:13:47,458 --> 00:13:49,958
‎糟糕！我朋友的身體！

208
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,708
‎他丟我！我在籠子裡！

209
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:57,458
‎喂！不要虐待麥斯，他還欠我錢

210
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,125
‎既然大家討厭我暴打麥克蠅

211
00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,458
‎那我就用詹姆斯的身分

212
00:14:11,541 --> 00:14:12,583
‎扁他一頓

213
00:14:13,791 --> 00:14:15,916
‎他們絕對不會讓他留著獎盃

214
00:14:16,416 --> 00:14:17,416
‎走著瞧

215
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:27,041
‎早安，詹姆斯

216
00:14:27,125 --> 00:14:30,333
‎鎮上的大善人今天怎麼樣？

217
00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:34,250
‎好耶…

218
00:15:07,583 --> 00:15:10,125
‎天啊，史都華，我知道了，是獎盃

219
00:15:10,791 --> 00:15:12,416
‎你在說什麼？

220
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,625
‎你的內心缺口

221
00:15:13,708 --> 00:15:16,000
‎噁心，我知道怎麼填補了

222
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:21,375
‎我剛剛感受到
‎你每次經過獎盃展示櫃的感覺

223
00:15:21,458 --> 00:15:24,333
‎那種不被認同的忽略感

224
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:27,208
‎（大爛人）

225
00:15:27,291 --> 00:15:29,708
‎史都華在校內或遊樂場最會欺負人

226
00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:32,666
‎所以我頒發“大爛人”獎盃給史都華

227
00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:47,625
‎不要拿他的獎盃！

228
00:15:47,708 --> 00:15:49,916
‎喔，你已經解決問題了啊？

229
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,833
‎-對，沒事了
‎-好

230
00:15:53,208 --> 00:15:57,750
‎有人表彰我的貢獻，這種感覺真好

231
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:02,541
‎-我要感謝麥克蠅這麼軟弱
‎-喔，謝謝

232
00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:05,333
‎還有，詹姆斯，謝謝你頭這麼大

233
00:16:06,708 --> 00:16:11,666
‎魯迪，如果沒有你，我根本就無法

234
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,625
‎創造出扯內褲的藝術

235
00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:16,041
‎你還在撿蛋蛋吧？

236
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:18,833
‎別放音樂趕人，我還沒講完得獎感言

237
00:16:18,916 --> 00:16:20,458
‎別放音樂趕我走

238
00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:23,833
‎詹姆斯，太好了

239
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:26,500
‎不過我們得給你一個新獎盃了

240
00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:27,416
‎免了

241
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,916
‎當好人其實挺慘的

242
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,916
‎那我想結局就皆大歡喜了

243
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,208
‎對，慢著，我剛剛獎勵惡霸行為嗎？

244
00:16:36,791 --> 00:16:37,958
‎沒錯

245
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:07,958
‎字幕翻譯：溫鳳祺