♪ Someday ♪
♪ You're gonna be lonely ♪
♪ Someday ♪
♪ You're gonna be blue ♪
♪ And that's when you ♪
♪ Crave the kind of love I gave ♪
♪ ‘Cause all I ever had ♪
♪ I gave to you ♪
♪ Someday ♪
♪ Your heart will be broken ♪
♪ And that's when you recall ♪
♪ One heart that was true ♪
♪ Then you come home-- ♪
[screams, sobs]
[sighs]
He said his place has a hot tub, right?
He says it does.
He says his place is awesome.
Yeah, it better be.
Or what?
I'm just saying most bachelorettes
are partying in Vegas, not driving eight hours
to the heart of buttfuck nowhere.
[sighs]
If it had to be the desert, couldn't we have done like
Palm Springs, or something?
God, this guy better have a big dick.
Okay, his dick is just fine, thank you.
Proof is in the pics.
Hey, let's go!
I can't pee.
-She can't pee! -She can't pee!
She can't pee.
So, how do you really feel about him?
Who?
This mystery fiancé!
Oh, I think he's missing a tooth.
[chuckles]
Whatever, if June's happy, I'm happy.
Yeah, right.
What made you want to do it so fast?
I don't know. When you know, you know.
I'm looking for a man, like manly man.
Maybe it's this big, sexy, hunting, dirty type thing
and I don't know,
I just want to smell him all the time.
I just want to stick my nose and...
[June sniffing]
Ugh. That is gross.
You want to smell him all the time?
Like, ugh, smell him?
-He smells good! -[chuckles]
Ew.
Seriously, do you have any pictures?
No, he doesn't like getting his picture taken.
What?
Who the fuck doesn't like getting their picture taken?
I'm calling it.
This dude's weird.
Not everybody's obsessed with themselves, Carmen.
Not everybody's obsessed with themselves.
I don't know, I think it's kind of refreshing.
You know,
every other guy I've dated has been so...
I don't know...
Borderline gay?
No socials even?
No, he hates that shit.
He says it conflicts
with the natural order of humanity or something.
-The what? -What?
Okay, here they come.
Come on, Liz!
[chuckles]
Oh my God.
Ooh.
Sorry, stage fright.
Liz kept staring at me.
I wasn't staring at you.
Okay, Betty, will you please explain
to these idiots that things just feel different
when you're about to get married?
Yeah, it feels different, all right.
I mean, six years in
and all I know is I am so excited
to be away from my kids.
They're maniacs.
I mean, I love them,
but I kind of fucking hate them, too.
What's their diet like?
SADIE: Okay.
-Umm, GPS says 28 minutes out. -Okay.
Wooo!
[all cheer]
Don't spill that shit in my car, Carmen!
Oh, too late.
Okay, okay.
Cheers to June and her stupid, smelly-ass,
no-pictures-please, secret marriage.
Okay.
-[cheer] -SADIE: Wooo!
-Oh my God! -Oh my God!
[♪♪♪]
[June chuckles]
What?
It's great.
[♪♪♪]
I've seen this movie before.
It ends bad.
Wow.
What a shithole.
Hope the inside's better than the outside.
We are definitely getting murdered here.
Yay.
Come on, guys.
It's perfect.
[♪♪♪]
Come on!
Hold my hand.
Let's go.
All right, Liz.
Sleepover.
Oh my God, June.
What is that smell?
CARMEN: Probably David.
Now I understand the attraction.
So sexy.
JUNE: It's fine.
It probably just needs to air out.
Maybe they have scented candles somewhere.
Hello there.
What's your name?
Really cute.
It's like a great place to raise a family.
So safe.
It's great.
We're lucky that David gave us this.
Just needs a...
A woman's touch.
Yeah, only if the woman is holding a lighter.
I'm kidding.
Look, it's gonna be fun, okay?
Let's just get the bags out of the car
and get some dinner.
You're hungry, right?
It's gonna be great.
Promise?
Yes, I promise.
[chuckles]
You guys want to check out this hot tub?
See!
Yeah.
Come on, butthead.
Ta-da!
Fuck!
What?
I think he's kind of cute.
This isn't funny.
You think this is funny?
I didn't put him in there.
LIZ: Oh, fuck.
Who the fuck would do something like that?
That's just like--
Oh.
I'm sorry, guys.
Maybe we can drain it or something.
Drain it?
Do you have any idea how much bacteria is in there?
Hey, this isn't your fault.
No, whatever.
One more reason for you guys to hate me.
June?
We--
-JUNE: Whatever! -Close it.
We don't, June.
I don't know about you guys,
but this made me fucking hungry.
[chuckles]
[ladies cheering]
JUNE: Ah, okay.
Me, me, me, me!
More?
Fill her up.
Here you go, party pooper.
I'm good.
No, Lizzie, you're drinking.
Okay, there's a goat head in the hot tub.
This place smells like cow shit and everybody hates me
and I'm getting married.
Fucking drink it.
BETTY: We're all drinking.
-Listen up. -Yes!
Take a drink. Don't set it down.
-Take a drink. -Come on.
Wooo!
Come on.
-Oh... Yes! -Yes!
Wooh!
CARMEN: Yes!
The nerd is fucking drinking!
Now it's a party!
Okay.
Cheers to my little sister.
CARMEN: Oh.
I'm so excited for you.
And this a beautiful journey you're about to take,
I hope it goes better for you than it did for me.
Cheers to you!
JUNE: Cheers!
[cheering]
Ah! Okay.
[Liz chuckles]
Dude, Sadie was married?
I might be the youngest divorcee there ever was.
I married Satan himself, so that was fun.
Super fun.
Great divorce settlement, though.
What's that supposed to mean, June?
Nothing.
Just set you up nicely.
I didn't need his money, thank you.
You took it, though.
All right, all right, all right.
That's enough, ladies.
It's just sisterly love this weekend
and good times.
CARMEN: Good times.
Right.
And good vibes.
We need a game.
CARMEN: Yes.
JUNE: Yes!
[June chuckling]
Okay.
Yes!
And drinks.
Let's play who knows June best?
Oh, that's not fair.
You're obviously gonna win.
Okay, fuck it.
Let's do it.
So, we're all gonna take turns asking June a question.
June's gonna be the judge.
If you answer wrong, you take a drink.
Right.
If you don't know the answer, you take two drinks.
Ooh, about to get fucked up in here.
[chuckles]
Liz, that's two drinks if you get it wrong, okay.
Okay, I'm gonna go first.
Okay, when did June lose her virginity?
-14! -14!
That’s like uh--
CARMEN: It's really young.
[ladies chuckling]
Girl!
I have a question.
What is June's favorite movie?
Ooh, Sharknado.
Okay, you're just trying to drink.
CARMEN: What?
[Carmen chuckling]
[Sadie chuckles]
Spice World.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
CARMEN: Really?
Not by choice.
It's only cause this psycho over here made me watch it
over, and over, and over, and over again.
You loved it.
And then, she would make me act out all the songs with her.
That's cute.
We were good.
Not cute,
but she'd make me be Sporty Spice.
[Betty chuckles]
Sporty Spice sucks.
[Betty chuckles]
What?
This is really great, guys.
It's exactly what I wanted.
Five bitches alone in the desert
is exactly what you wanted?
[chuckles]
Yeah, it actually is.
Aw.
Hey, you fucking zombie.
Why don't you go upstairs and join Grandma Betty in bed?
Go night-night.
You know what, June?
I have to be honest.
Because I don't really think anyone else
in this fucking situation is gonna fucking say it.
Or anything else pertaining to what we're all thinking.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah, what are you talking about?
Like, I just don't get this. [chuckles]
Like, any of this.
Like, why aren't you inviting anyone to your wedding?
You used to talk about your big dream wedding
all the time when we were kids.
This isn't it.
Well, I'm not a kid anymore.
Okay, then why aren't you inviting anyone
to meet this guy
who you're marrying in such a fucking hurry?
Do you even know who I am anymore?
Okay, wow.
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, I don't know.
We hardly see each other.
We don't even hang out anymore.
Well, maybe it's because I don't want to be
in this new fucking circle
of whatever the fuck this fucking thing is.
JUNE: Okay, whatever.
Hey, what the fuck did I do?
Oh, what the fuck didn't you do, Carmen?
You fucking bitch.
-You know what you fucking did! -Oh my God.
Did you call me a bitch?
Okay, this is fucking crazy.
You're fucking drunk, Liz.
Okay, guys, come on.
Come on.
Seriously.
You are drunk.
Okay, and look,
I have a bunch of fun shit planned tomorrow.
Can we just all get along
and not ruin the trip before it's even happened?
Of course, you're trying to ruin this.
Anytime something isn't about you.
Go to bed.
Dang.
Nothing's ever about me!
You okay?
She just pisses me off.
I shouldn't have invited her.
I'm barely even friends with her anymore.
Stop it.
Yes, you are.
Of course, you'd say that, you agree with her.
About what?
Um, my wedding.
I know you don't approve.
Okay, you're not fooling anyone around here
with your overly supportive, everything is great bullshit.
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
All I've done is support you.
Don't turn this around on me, okay?
You just said no to everything.
The nice hotel, the beach vacation.
The fucking spa thing.
I mean, fucking look around you.
Look where we are.
There it is.
You know what? Why don't you all just leave?
I don't want any of that shit, Sadie!
I don't care about it.
I know you don't like him.
And I know that you're afraid that I'm gonna make
the same fucking mistake that you did.
Not everybody cares about-- about money and fucking status.
I think it's gross.
All you care about is-- is your new car,
and your stupid fucking job,
and what everybody thinks about you.
Well, guess what?
I don't want to end up alone like you.
And David actually wants to be with me forever.
Wow.
Okay, nice to know what you really think about me.
The truth hurts.
Jesus Christ.
What happened to you?
Nothing!
I am happy!
For the first time, I'm happy!
This is what happiness looks like!
[scoffs]
It really doesn't suit you.
I'm going to bed.
No wonder mom left.
Fuck you, June.
[sighs]
[chuckles]
Are you okay?
No.
Hey.
Get some coffee?
Over there.
You want some?
Just pour it on my head.
It's tempting.
[chuckles lightly]
[Liz chuckles lightly]
I'm sorry, Juney.
I'm sorry, too.
I'm sorry, Sadie.
It's okay.
You know what?
It's a new day, clean slate.
Let's just please have fun the rest of the trip.
And I'm hiding the tequila from you.
I don't even like it.
[Sadie chuckles]
Oh, hmm.
Oh, we all love each other again?
Oh.
Ooh, somebody needs to brush their teeth.
Liz.
Oh God. Sorry.
[June chuckles]
All right.
You idiots ready to take my yoga class or what?
[sighs]
Oh my God.
And she's down.
Breathe in.
And breathe out.
[exhales]
Nice corpse pose, Liz.
Mmmm.
Hey, Betty.
Um, there is a fresh pile of shit right here.
So I'm just going to head on inside.
But thank you so much for that.
It was really great.
Sorry.
This was really fun.
Quitters!
No, wait for me, please.
Do you think there's snakes out here?
[♪♪♪]
How you holding up?
Good.
Bye.
[Sadie chuckles]
I mean, this is crazy, right?
Yeah.
It is, but what can I do?
I mean...
I mean, she can't really be marrying this hillbilly, right?
Seems like she's gonna.
We gotta get good with it.
Fuck!
No.
[chuckles]
I know.
Hey, you remember her 12th birthday party?
We made her that creepy, weird worm cake.
It was like, red in the middle. [chuckles]
It was a caterpillar. [chuckles]
No!
It was a worm, I saw it.
Yes, it was.
It was not, no. [chuckles]
Now she's marrying some guy with no teeth.
He has some teeth.
[chuckles lightly]
Yeah.
That cake was fucking epic.
She had that meltdown.
[chuckles]
Oh my God.
Honestly, I just...
I just thought she was smarter than this?
Yeah, me too.
I don't know, maybe we can change her mind?
If not, we can always kill him.
And namaste.
2003, Chateau Lafite Limier.
Cool.
No, not cool.
This is as close to perfection as all the great Lafites
in the last three decades.
I don't even want to tell you what it cost.
But you will.
Only because I want everyone here
to know exactly what they're about to experience.
Okay, how much?
2,400.
Oh shit.
Oh my goodness.
Fill her up!
No.
2 ounces to start.
2 ounces?
-Just really let it... -Communion.
Let it breathe, okay.
There we go.
Let it breathe, let it breathe.
Is that 2 ounces?
I think it's-- I think it might go...
Oh, for fuck’s sakes.
I think I-- Thank you.
And a toast.
June, I think I can speak for everyone here
when I say we're all so happy for you.
You say you found your soulmate
and...
I found my soulmate on the day you were born.
-BETTY: Aww. -LIZ: Aww.
You're a gift to my heart.
And a friend of my spirit.
You're my sister
and with that comes so many things,
but mostly it just comes with a lifetime of love.
So, here's to June and David.
Together may they build a life of love,
happiness, and peace.
To June and David.
[♪♪♪]
[Carmen gasps]
Okay, I'll get it.
Hot one never dies first.
Go with her.
Oh my God.
Okay.
Are you expecting someone?
You better be cute.
Hello?
Just like lock the fucking door.
Oh, relax.
It's just someone fucking around.
No, Liz is right.
Lock it.
Jesus, paranoid much?
I don't know, this feels weird.
I don't-- I don't like it.
Oh, someone knocked on the door.
We're all gonna die.
[June screaming]
Baby!
You scared the shit out of me.
Mmm.
June, what the fuck?
CARMEN: Yeah, what the fuck is right?
Everybody, this is Davey.
Davey, this is Carmen, Liz, Betty
and you remember my sister Sadie.
Hey, sorry ladies.
Did we scare y'all?
Yeah, you did.
What do you mean we?
[David's friends hooting]
Hey everybody, these are my boys Bobby and Mikey.
And that's Puppy.
Don't go mindin’ Puppy, he don't speak much.
We brought drinks.
Oh yeah.
Lovely.
I'll take one.
Uh, so babe,
um, Sadie was just making us a sweet toast, babe.
We have enough for them, right?
Holy tits.
I'll always drink to us, baby.
Maybe that's not for me.
Puppy, throw me a beer.
Oh, babe! [chuckles]
June.
What?
Bedroom now.
Okay, ow.
Hey ow.
Somebody's in trouble.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I wanted to tell you,
but I was afraid that you would say no.
Say no to what?
Four drunken idiots pounding down the door
in the middle of the night, scaring the shit out of us.
Come on.
Sadie, that's not cool.
Okay, they're not staying.
David wanted to come by and meet everybody.
Him and his buddies are leaving later tonight.
Okay.
They said they were close by
and I said it was cool if they could stop in.
I should have told you, I'm sorry.
I mean, he was actually worried that you'd be mad.
Yeah, he was right.
Come on, Sadie.
All you guys ever talk
about is how you know nothing about David.
Nobody knows his life, his friends.
Well, here is a perfect opportunity
for you to get to know him.
And maybe even like him.
[sighs]
It's fine.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I just-- I wish I knew.
Ah.
“Chateau Lafite Limier.
2003”, that was a good year.
You want some?
No.
Okay.
[Carmen chuckling]
This one time I saw a raccoon trying to fuck a turtle.
Bullshit.
[Carmen chuckling]
I swear to God,
that turtle was trying to get away.
Couldn't do it, man.
Too slow.
[chuckles]
Hey, uh, princess Buttercup.
Yeah.
Check this out.
Wow, sexy.
What do you say?
[chuckles]
[Bobby chuckling]
Stupid.
What happened?
Don't ask.
Why?
Yeah, I want to know.
Alright. He lost it in a bet.
I'm sorry, how do you lose a ear in a bet?
Well, Betty Boop, if you must know,
it was more of a game of chance than a bet.
More a game of stupidity.
Poof. Come on.
Anyways, I was right outside of Elkin
in this shitty little bar, drunk as hell,
and in walks this dude.
He was older, dressed kind of fancy.
He had some kind of an accent, French
or Mexican, or something.
Oh, yeah, that's very culturally similar.
MIKE: What?
How was I supposed to know?
I only speak American.
Anyways, this dude sits down right next to me
and asks for a light, so, I pull out my lighter.
The lighter my grandpops gave me right before he died.
A beautiful, antique Ronson, silver--
Come on, man, get to the goddamn point.
Yeah, the part where your ear falls off.
[Bobby chuckles]
-Fuck y'all. -[Carmen chuckles]
-[Bobby chuckling] -[June chuckling]
Anyways, this dude takes a shine to my lighter
and asks me how reliable it is.
I tell him it's reliable as fuck.
‘Cause it's fucking American made.
So, he laughs
and takes out this crazy-ass fucking knife
and puts it on the bar.
He tells me it's from the Middle East
or something worth thousands.
I could tell he was telling the truth,
'cause it had all these jihad symbols
and shit carved in it.
He then says,
if my American lighter can light 10 times
in row without fail, I get to keep the knife.
If not,
he cuts off my ear with the knife
and also gets to keep the lighter.
Let me guess what happened.
Well, you know what fucking happened.
[Carmen chuckles]
Piece of shit lighter only made it to three
and flamed out.
[David chuckles]
So, instead of just walking away,
this jackass lets the motherfucker
saw his ear off clean.
Hey, I may be a jackass, but I'm also a man of my word.
[chuckles]
So uh, why are you guys here?
We're here to see you, baby.
Fucking Casanova.
Do not listen to a word he says.
MIKE: Fuck you.
He's more full of shit than a 10-pound robin.
MIKE: Fuck you. Fuck you, man.
Settle the fuck down.
[June chuckles]
And truth be told, I just wanted to meet y'all.
Hey, Junie talks about yous all the time.
Hey, yeah, I know we could be a little crude,
rough around the edges.
But I guarantee there ain't nobody
that'll take better care of this little girl than me.
Hm?
Wait a second.
I thought you were missing a tooth?
-[Carmen chuckling] -Betty!
What?
Sadie said that he was.
Did she say that?
Well, it grew back.
-[Carmen chuckling] -[chuckles]
Oh.
[sniffs]
Oh, you smell good.
Like a strawberry.
[chuckles]
Thanks, creep.
Am I?
Am I a creep?
[chuckles]
DAVID: Be good, Mikey.
Eyes on the prize.
Oh, make no mistake.
I am the prize.
I just can't have my guys getting all distracted
by the snatch.
CARMEN: Oh.
Especially since we haven't secured a perimeter for y'all.
The what?
The perimeter.
You see, on this property at night,
sometimes we get a few uninvited guests.
Hmm. Imagine that.
Big cats come down from the hills
looking for trouble.
Bobcats, mountain lions, even.
A real menace.
Mean as fuck, too.
And since you ladies are here all alone,
we figured it’s the least we could do.
Thanks, babe.
Wait, you're gonna kill them?
Ah, no dear.
I figured we'd just ask them politely to leave.
[Carmen chuckles]
Of course, we're gonna kill ‘em.
That's inhumane.
DAVID: What?
You one of them vegans?
No, I'm a pescatarian.
What the fuck is that?
It means she don't eat meat, but's okay with pussy.
[all chuckle]
Ain't that right, four eyes?
Oh, come on, Liz.
Come on.
Oh, you city folks,
you ain't never gonna understand with all your--
your money
and your fancy sophisticated living, right?
You ain't never gonna compare to the purity of the kill.
Or the sanctity of the blood.
Don't you ever feel bad?
You know, for killing an innocent creature?
No one is innocent, you dumb bitch.
Hey!
What?
No.
Sorry.
Do I feel bad?
John 5:24,
“Truly, truly I say to you, whoever hears my words
and believes him who sent me has eternal life.
He will not come into judgment,
but will pass from death to life.”
Can I come with you guys?
It's dark.
Carmen, no.
Your sister thinks she's the boss of everybody.
What's that supposed to mean?
What I said.
No, I'm serious.
I think it sounds kind of fun.
The sanctity of the kill and all.
It's my bachelorette party, Carmen.
I know,
but you guys are just gonna go to bed
and I want to keep drinking.
At least, someone around here knows how to have a good time.
[Carmen chuckling]
Yeah, we'll have her back before sun up.
Yeah, they'll have me back before sun up.
I-- I don't know.
I don't think it's safe out there for her.
Ain't no safer place she can be than with us.
And don't worry,
I'll make sure these shitheads behave.
Go on,
let your girl have some fun.
Yeah, I'll let you hold my gun.
Promise.
No.
No guns, Carmen.
Oh my God, Sadie.
The boss.
Please.
Please, please, please, please, please...
If you really want to.
Okay.
Yes.
You promise you won't be mad?
Just be safe, okay?
Of course.
I brought magnums.
JUNE: What?
Wow, I really didn't see that one coming.
Oh my God, I can't.
This is so fucking stupid.
Just be careful, okay?
Always.
Carmen doesn't always make the best decisions.
Okay, that is so rude.
I know exactly what I'm doing.
Okay, I'll be back in a couple hours.
Don't be a stress case, June.
Eat my pussy, Liz. Wooh!
That girl is fucking crazy.
Yeah.
[Carmen chuckles]
[♪♪♪]
Oh my God, that's a dead snake.
Wow.
So cute.
It's like so dusty.
My nose is like super dry.
This is so fun.
Why are we stopping?
We're here.
Oh really?
I thought we were gonna go further.
Well, I'll keep driving.
[chuckles]
This is exciting.
Out.
Ooh.
All this land,
all that darkness as far as the eye can see
belongs to my family.
It's been passed through the generations
for what feels like an eternity.
It's pretty chill.
We'll hang here for a bit.
We'll go north to see if we can't find a few cats.
And that's when the killing starts?
That's when the killing starts.
There you go, big boss.
What is that for?
You uh, you need big Mike to warm you up?
No, I'm good.
I can see you're cold.
Oh, perv.
Gentlemen!
Uh, wait, what?
How did you know that was there?
It's a tradition.
Legend goes a month before a wedding,
you bury a bottle of bourbon in the dirt.
Upside down.
It's to ward off any rain or bad luck on the wedding day.
Aw.
Yeah.
Well, that's just a modern day belief.
The truth is, is the practice goes back centuries.
When the bottle is buried underground
in very specific ceremonial circumstances.
This one was,
it will guarantee you will have a long
and happy life together for eternity.
You're such a softy.
Who knew?
Bury the bourbon!
Bury the bride!
-Bury the bourbon! -Bury the bourbon!
-Bury the bride! -Bury the bride!
[Mike laughs]
I thought you were supposed to wait till the wedding night.
What can I say?
I'm thirsty.
[spits]
Oh! Oh my God.
That tastes like ass.
I don't know what kind of ass you've been eating, little lady.
But there's nothing shorter of 100% liquid gold.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to--
No, no.
No apologies necessary.
This is our own special blend.
It's an acquired taste.
I am sure you will learn to love it.
Yeah.
Puppy.
Leave some for the rest of us, you fucking mute.
MIKEY: You know, you're fucking cool.
A cool fucking chick.
I know.
How about some music, guys?
Hey, Bobby.
You heard the lady.
How about some music?
[You Addiction begins]
Ooh, I like this.
Ooh.
[♪♪♪]
♪ Hey, come in ♪
♪ And let me get under your skin ♪
♪ Your skin ♪
♪ You started something you can't win ♪
♪ Can't win ♪
♪ I am your church, these are your sins ♪
♪ Your sins ♪
♪ Don't you wish you could take 'em back ‘cause ♪
♪ You've been bitten ♪
♪ And now you made me your addiction ♪
♪ Your addiction ♪
♪ Just tell me when you've had enough ♪
♪ Was your decision ♪
♪ And now you made me your addiction ♪
♪ Your addiction ♪
♪ Just tell me when you've had enough ♪
♪ But first ♪
♪ Tell me you like the way it hurts ♪
♪ It hurts ♪
♪ Started a fire, but you got burned ♪
♪ Got burned ♪
♪ I am your God, I am your curse ♪
♪ Your curse ♪
♪ Don't you wish you could fade to black ‘cause ♪
♪ You've been bitten ♪
♪ And now you made me your addiction ♪
♪ Your addiction ♪
♪ Just tell me when you've had enough ♪
♪ Was your decision ♪
♪ And now you made me your addiction ♪
♪ Your addiction ♪
♪ Just tell me when you've had enough ♪
♪ Enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough ♪
♪ I got you strung out ♪
♪ I'll tear your heart out ♪
♪ I got you strung out, strung out ♪
♪ Strung out, strung out ♪
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Damn, girl.
Hey, you got a phone?
Duh, who doesn't?
I don't.
Well, how are you gonna call me then?
Wait.
You want me to call you?
Maybe.
Take that phone out.
Davey!
Get over here and take a picture of me
and my girl.
Make sure I look cute.
Come here.
That's right.
Okay, let me see.
[Carmen chuckles]
Wait.
What?
[yells]
[chomping]
[choking]
[panting]
[chomping]
[♪♪♪]
Cute.
Hey, what are you doing up?
Worried about her?
I just, I couldn't sleep.
Yeah, me neither.
They're supposed to be back soon though, right?
[chuckles]
There you go.
Now, that's okay.
Hey.
Hey you.
Did you guys have fun?
Where's Carmen?
I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know?
Okay, I-- I don't understand.
What's going on?
She's a big girl.
Okay.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Watch your tone.
JUNE: David.
Jesus Christ, could you guys be any louder?
They came back without Carmen.
They said they don't know where she is.
Oh my God.
I knew this was a bad idea.
I said from the beginning that this was a bad idea.
Will you all quit your fucking chattering?
Okay, what?
You-- you just left her out there?
You're just fucking with us, right?
It's okay, guys, they're just fucking with us.
Is that fucking blood?
We got a cat.
Yeah, a big yella motherfucker.
LIZ: Okay.
Somebody better start fucking talking
or there's gonna be a serious fucking problem.
[laughs]
You're a feisty little mouse.
You think this is fucking funny?
Okay, ser-- seriously, what is going on?
Everybody just calm the fuck down.
Booty shorts got a little too drunk for the drive back,
so we left her there to cuddle up with Pup.
Okay, take me to her.
Now!
June, your friend needs to watch herself.
Yeah, well, this isn't cool, David.
Fine.
Now!
DAVID: I'll take you.
Should-- should we all go?
No, I think we should stay.
Okay, it-- it's fine, okay.
She's-- she's fine.
She's fine.
Of course, she's fine.
I'll go drag her drunk ass back here
with little Lizzie Borden here.
And you know, we'll have some pancakes.
Yeah, sorry to scare you ladies.
She likes to party.
Yeah, that's for damn sure.
My dick's as raw as a baboon's ass.
Jesus.
I'll be right back.
[♪♪♪]
If something happened to her, I swear to fucking God.
In what fucking universe did you think
it would be okay to leave her alone
in the fucking dark with Puppy?
Puppy!
JUNE: Look, she's gonna be fine.
How are you so fucking calm?
This is your friend.
Okay, Liz doesn't even fucking like Carmen
and she's more concerned than you.
Okay, Sadie.
Yeah, let's make it about me
and my shortcomings as a fucking human being.
Let's remind everybody how awful I am.
June.
Come on.
What, you think this is fucking funny?
You stupid fucking redneck.
Oh, my fucking God.
Oh, and just for the record,
I am officially voting no on this marriage to June.
Fuck.
Hello?
[Liz chokes]
[♪♪♪]
Oh, my God!
What?
What is it?
What's wrong?
Sadie, what the fuck happened?
He fucking killed...
He fucking killed her.
Who killed?
What are you talking about?
David.
David fucking just killed Liz in the truck.
What do you mean?
They're just driving off right there.
Everything's okay.
He-- he killed her.
JUNE: Sadie, stop it!
June, I'm not fucking kidding, okay?
There was blood everywhere.
He fucking killed her in the fucking truck.
JUNE: Hey, Sadie, stop it!
Stop!
June, I'm fucking serious, okay?
I fucking saw it.
There was blood everywhere.
Listen, this is fucking insane!
You need too stop.
Okay, I know you don't like him,
but this fucking performance?
You serious?
Come here.
It's okay.
[sobbing]
I'm serious, okay?
I fucking...
I fucking saw it.
With my own eyes.
And--
And Liz was yelling at him.
And then there was this blood all over the windshield.
And she's dead.
I'm telling you, she's fucking dead, Betty.
BETTY: Are you sure?
I'm fucking sure!
Oh God.
Okay.
Oh God, I need to think.
Let me think for a second.
Okay, we need to go.
We need to get out of here. We need to get in the car.
We need to go, like right now, okay?
[both pant]
BETTY: Okay, June.
Let's get June.
-Where's June? -June!
She's out there with them.
Betty, she's out there with them.
-Betty, I-- -Oh my God.
June, June!
DAVID: We're in here, ladies!
[screams]
Where's Liz?
Hey, she's not feeling well.
[cries]
You killed her!
Jesus.
Why is everybody so uptight around here?
[Betty shouts]
[Sadie screaming]
No, David!
David!
What are you doing?
Lock your door.
Pups, nice of you to join us.
I assume you're finished with the play thing?
Don't you fucking touch me!
Fuck you!
June, sit down!
Sit down.
Okay, so June baby, the light of my life,
I know this might be little embarrassing for you.
You know, having to admit your friends were right about me.
I'm not a nice guy.
I'm not exactly what I said I was.
I don't understand any of this.
Well, tell her the other thing.
You want me to tell?
Please don't kill us. [cries]
Boops!
You're ruining the surprise!
Okay, I'll tell you.
I think they might already know about it by now, don't you?
MIKE; Yeah, your friends are dead.
Sorry.
No please, David.
Please just let her go.
You have two choices, alright?
And honestly, I'm gonna leave it for you all to decide,
because I'm happy with either choice.
So, listen carefully, because it's a big decision.
One.
I could blow her fucking head off.
No, David she has kids!
Please.
Don't interrupt me, June.
BETTY: My babies. [crying]
Or two.
I could rip her open
and have her insides spill out on the floor
and fucking eat her for breakfast.
See, I told you it's a big decision.
See, he told you.
I think we should eat her.
Here's the kicker.
You know, by now you're probably realizing
that we're not what most folk
would exactly refer to as normal.
You know, old Betty here's gonna die either way.
But if I opt to eat her,
then there's still a chance that old Betty will rise again
to party in the after party.
Please, David...
Again with the fucking interruptions!
I can't stand women.
What's with that?
They never stop.
Never stop.
[sobs]
Sadie, if you shut the fuck up and listen,
I'll clue you in on a little secret.
You know, if I do elect to eat her,
you will be able to bring her back.
Okay, what the fuck are you talking about?
DAVID: Shh!
Remember, listen.
All you gotta do is bury the body nice and deep.
You see, this land here,
this is some un-fucking holy land.
If you bury her, she will come back.
And she will be one of us.
I'd rather fucking die!
Tell 'em the best part.
Oh, yeah, this is good.
See, y'all are probably wondering,
especially you, Junie, why the engagement party?
Why the wedding plans?
You see, the boys and me,
we started a tradition, many years ago.
And I gotta say, I am not most proud of this
but hey, it is what it is.
See, what we do is, we take turns finding a woman.
Usually desperate.
Eager to get out of her boring life.
Eager to get married.
You know the type, right, June?
So we get our brides-to-be,
and we get their friends, and their families
to come out here for a little bachelorette party.
Last year was Mikey's turn.
That was a fucking wild one, wasn't it, Mikey?
[chuckles]
Sure was.
Goddamn.
We hunt them down one by one.
Eat 'em, drink their blood.
And the ones we really like we bring back for a little play.
You get the picture.
[pants]
Shouldn't leave these things laying around, you fucks!
June, the gun!
Get the gun!
Come on, baby.
You don't want to do that.
Yes, I do.
You fucking freak!
I'm gonna fucking destroy you.
Yeah, move and your fucking next.
Puppy, buddy old pal, care to step in on any of this?
I gotta say, Junie, your sister's got a heart
I'm gonna enjoy ripping it out of her chest
and eating it in front of you.
You ain't gonna shoot me.
[gasps]
Wow.
I did not think you had that in you.
Let's assess the current situation.
Hm?
We have two guns.
Mine, which I know is fully loaded
and pointed at old Betty's head.
[cries]
And yours, which may or may not have any shots in it.
I'm gonna guess not, but I could be wrong.
Now, if you are lucky enough to have a fully-loaded weapon,
then you could shoot me, and you could kill me,
but I am certain that a very upset Bobby
or a very unstable Puppy will rip your sister apart
before my body hits the ground.
I say this could play out in a lot of ways,
but the end result is always the same.
Y'all die.
Don't be so sure of that.
DAVID: Then try me.
Shoot.
[taking deep breaths]
DAVID: That's a good girl.
Listen, I have an idea.
Why don't we drop the gun
and get you three out of the shed?
[Betty crying]
I can't promise I ain't gonna kill you later,
but hey, what can I say, feeling patient.
SADIE: June.
June!
How long was I out?
A couple hours, I think.
I fell asleep, too.
So, what?
Are they vampires or something?
Seems like it.
How is that possible, Sadie?
I don't know.
How can I be this much of a fuck-up?
We're all getting out of here, okay?
All three of us. We're gonna be okay.
Yeah, we should have just killed him.
No.
David was right.
They would have killed you both. And then me.
But I deserve it.
Like, I can't believe Liz and Carmen are gone.
Hey, focus, okay?
They're vampires or whatever.
Okay, well, what kills a vampire?
Apparently, a shotgun to the head.
You have a fucking gun, Betty?
Well, aren't-- aren't crosses a thing?
Or a stake to the heart, right?
Daylight.
Oh, ho-- holy water.
I like that daylight thing.
They hunt at night, right?
Okay, June,
have you ever seen David in the day?
Yeah, of course.
Or maybe I haven't.
Okay, okay, so we get them out in the sun,
they fucking burn.
Yeah.
Oh!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Okay, okay. It’s okay, it’s okay.
Okay, step one, We get out of the fucking murder shed.
June, we gotta find something to defend ourselves.
Find something to defend ourselves.
Okay.
[panting]
Oh. Okay. Okay.
Yes, yes.
Yes, June, yes!
[shouting]
[♪♪♪]
[gasping]
It’s working, it’s working.
[groans]
Oh, no!
Oh, fuck no!
[grunts]
[overlapping speech]
Okay.
[♪♪♪]
Where are they?
Fucking if I know.
Let's get in the car and go.
The car keys, I--
I left the car keys by the coffee maker.
I'll go.
No.
We're all gonna go, okay?
Okay.
[♪♪♪]
They're not here.
I know I left them right there.
I know I did.
Okay. Maybe they're in the car.
Let's just go check there.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
[panting]
Oh, hey, little bucks.
Fuck, I really hate that guy.
No offense.
I found your keys.
Leave us the fuck alone!
Let us go.
Oh, you can go.
You know, in fact I think,
your head start should start right now.
5, 4, 3...
Go!
2, 1.
“Though I than He, may longer live,
He must longer than I,
for I have but the power to kill,
Without the power to die!”
Ah.
[♪♪♪]
[panting]
[♪♪♪]
June, where the fuck is Betty?
I thought she was right behind us.
We have to go back for her, we--
June, we have to go back for her.
No, no, no, no.
Sadie, there's a house right there.
We need to go get help.
Come on.
[♪♪♪]
DAVID: Betty!
[pants]
Oh God.
[♪♪♪]
DAVID: Betty!
[sobs]
Carmen? Carmen?
Carmen?
Carmen? Carmen?
[♪♪♪]
[Carmen sobbing]
Carmen, is that you?
Carmen?
[screams]
[♪♪♪]
No one lives here.
[♪♪♪]
Oh, no.
Help.
[both sob]
Oh my God.
[gasp]
I found a flashlight.
Fuck.
Sorry.
[puppy growling]
June, what the fuck is it?
Oh no.
[taking deep breaths]
[♪♪♪]
Oh my God.
[gasps]
Stop!
Back the fuck up!
I know it looks bad.
But I can explain, please.
Don't fucking move!
What the fuck is that?
PUPPY: I know.
Please, please, just let me explain.
What is it?
I'm not like them.
I won't hurt you, I promise.
I can help you.
Stop!
We can help each other.
Fucking stop!
I was just like you.
Last year, they turned me, right here in this cabin,
they killed my friends.
My little sister.
She was about your age.
She was beautiful.
SADIE: Stop!
They kept me...
...kept me around as a joke.
Stop moving!
Something to play with, to torture.
You see the way they treat me?
Like...
Like a prisoner, an animal.
They're sick.
They call me, “Puppy”.
My name's not Puppy!
It's Andrew.
Andrew Tosh.
I used to sell insurance.
I'm a man, not a dog.
And I want to get out of here as much as you do.
What the fuck was all that shit in the shed then?
I had to play along.
They'd kill me if I didn't.
I would've let you go, though.
I promise, I would've let you go.
If you didn't...
If you didn't hit me like that, then I would've let you go.
I swear.
Stop moving!
Please.
They're always after me.
Don't kill me.
I would've let you go.
I would have, I swear to God.
Please.
Bullshit.
What if he was telling the truth?
He wasn't.
It was him or us, and I pick us.
[gasp]
Oh shit!
[shouts]
Keep going, keep going.
Oh my God!
Oh fuck, no!
-June, please, just get in. -I can't.
June, please.
What about the gun?
Can it get it wet?
How the fuck should I know?
The first time I used it was
to blow a fucking vampire's head off.
Okay, okay.
I'll hide it.
Okay.
DAVID: June!
[gasping]
Oh my God, now.
Oh.
Shit, shit, shit.
Oh my God!
Oh fuck.
Relax, relax. It's fucking dead, June.
No fucking shit.
It's staring at me.
Okay, okay. What are we going to do? Huh?
I don't know.
They fucking found Puppy and they-- not happy.
DAVID: Fuck!
Oh, yeah, but--
DAVID: June!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Oh.
[taking deep breaths]
[indistinct speech]
Are they gone?
I think so.
June, we gotta go before they come back, okay?
Okay.
-Okay. -Okay.
Okay. I’m-- I'm gonna look.
You look, you look.
Okay.
[♪♪♪]
Bye, buddy.
Grab the gun.
Oh, right.
June, they fucking took it.
Wait, I don't get it.
They grabbed the gun,
but they don't check the hot tub?
I think they're toying with us, June.
Or they're really fucking stupid.
Let's just hope they're stupid.
We gotta go.
We gotta go, okay?
We don't want to find out, okay?
[panting]
Find something, okay.
That.
Fuck, it's locked.
Okay, find a key.
[grunts]
Fuck this shit!
Nice, June, nice.
[June chuckles]
Oh yeah.
This is mine.
Okay, this is what I'm talking about.
SADIE: Oh, shit!
We need this.
Yeah.
What is it?
I think it's a bear trap.
Fuck!
What are you gonna do with a bear trap, Sadie?
Help me open it, okay?
Okay. Okay.
Take it.
Fuck.
How do we pry it?
Just pull it, pull it, pull it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Um, okay, I have to secure this, right?
Okay.
I saw a hammer in the shed.
I'll go get it.
Okay, be careful.
Okay.
[panting]
JUNE: Sadie?
Sadie!
Don't worry about the hammer, I got it!
JUNE: Sadie!
Let her go.
She's mine.
Take me, then!
No offense, but you ain't my type.
I want June.
Tonight I'm finally gonna get to bury my bride.
I love you, baby.
Don't get me wrong.
I'ma kill you.
I'm gonna enjoy that.
Although, I think he may wanna kill you
even more than I do.
[shouts]
Oh!
[snarls]
Man, that looks painful.
[shouts]
I wonder what he's gonna do to you when I let him out.
Maybe you should be worried about what I'm gonna do to you,
you motherfucker!
You ain't gonna do shit.
Please, David, please.
Except watch your sister die!
No!
[sobbing]
[screaming]
[David chuckles]
No!
[yells]
[♪♪♪]
[cries]
I’m so sorry. It’s gonna be okay.
[indistinct speech]
[David groans]
[screaming, grunting]
[♪♪♪]
[screams]
[♪♪♪]
I know you think this is your fault.
And that I blame you, but I don't, okay.
I used to be fun before mom left him
and dad became a fucking shell of himself.
I just...
I had to become your mom and my mom
and his rock all at the same time.
I missed out on
doing stupid shit with my friends.
And with you.
[♪♪♪]
I became so fucking serious,
that I couldn't even stand myself.
You were always so kind, and happy, and carefree.
You know, I was so fucking jealous of you.
I wanted to be just like you.
The only thing,
I've ever done right in my whole life
is protect you.
And I failed.
I let it happen.
This is my fault!
This is my fault.
But I won't leave you, like mom did.
It's gonna be okay.
It's all gonna be okay now, June.
It's gonna be okay.
[kisses]
[♪♪♪]
[takes deep breaths]
[♪♪♪]
[Bobby screaming]
[♪♪♪]
[grunting]
[♪♪♪]
Ah!
Let me out and I'll spare you.
[Bobby grunting]
[♪♪♪]
The sun.
It does work.
Just not right away.
Good.
Die slowly.
[screams]
[♪♪♪]
♪ He may be as tall as tall is tall ♪
♪ He may be as small as small is small ♪
♪ But tall or small ♪
♪ Or small or tall ♪
♪ He's just... ♪
♪ Just right ♪
♪ Right for me ♪
♪ He may be as bold as bold is bold ♪
♪ He may be as cold as cold is cold ♪
♪ But cold or bold ♪
♪ Or bold or cold ♪
♪ He's just... ♪
♪ Just right ♪
♪ Right for me ♪
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
♪ And though we know ♪
♪ We're skipping as high enough ♪
[♪♪♪]