1 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,471 LAINEY: Back in the '90s, there was no bigger blockbuster 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,439 than James Cameron's Titanic, 3 00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:08,909 but it was the love story between Jack and Rose that captivated the nation. 4 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:11,112 Some people saw it 30 times in the theater. 5 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:12,813 As for me, I only saw it 29. 6 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,649 I'm the king of the world! 7 00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,619 Naturally, a movie this huge had famous lines everyone quoted. 8 00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:19,687 Like this. 9 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,789 I'm the king of the world! 10 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:24,158 (LAUGHTER) Like, from the Titanic movie. 11 00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,160 LAINEY: It became the funniest joke on the planet... 12 00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,329 I'm the king of the world! 13 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,863 ...until it was totally played out. 14 00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:32,066 Whoo! (LAUGHS) 15 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,235 From Titanic. 16 00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,004 Wait, am I not funny? 17 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,807 I was so infatuated, I even took CB to see it. 18 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,309 Titanic is gonna blow your mind, dude. 19 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,843 It's the world's greatest love story 20 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,778 and disaster film all rolled into one. 21 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:47,148 Eh, for me, love is always a disaster, 22 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,683 so maybe instead of seeing sad old Titanic, 23 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:53,621 we take a trip into the future with... 24 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,022 The Fifth Element. 25 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,091 Bruce Willis drives a flying taxi cab. 26 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,692 Trust me, watching Jack and Rose 27 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,994 is exactly what you need to believe in love again. 28 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,531 But turns out, even the most epic of love stories 29 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,865 couldn't change CB's mind. 30 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,500 And it also didn't help that I kept bringing up Barry 31 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,202 the whole three hours. 32 00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:11,372 (SOBBING) I don't know what I'd do if I lost Barry. 33 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,873 I just love him so much. 34 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,876 Yeah. That is my one takeaway from the movie. 35 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,345 Tissue? 36 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:20,581 No. I'll just cry alone in my car later. 37 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:23,351 'Cause love sucks. 38 00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:26,254 * One of these days you're gonna get outta here 39 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,190 * Live your life and finally be free 40 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:32,160 * Go where you wanna go Do what you wanna do 41 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:36,029 * Someday, you will say "Those were the days" * 42 00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:38,432 LAINEY: It was January 29th, 1990-something, 43 00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,468 and school spirit was at an all-time high. 44 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,036 Oh, man. Which sport is this one for? 45 00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:44,305 Oh, we're just getting pumped up 46 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:47,074 for the big WP/GA Day football game. 47 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,276 WP/GA wha? 48 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,644 Oh. I keep forgetting you're new here. 49 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,880 Follow me. This will only take 20 to 30 minutes. 50 00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:55,015 Is there a version where I just say "Got it" 51 00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,083 and we move on? 52 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,286 It was a crisp autumn day in 1887. 53 00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,453 Ah, sonuvabitch. 54 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,955 A brash young Quaker named Wilbur Smedley 55 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:05,025 challenged a young German settler named Hans Schneider 56 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,294 to a friendly game of pigskin. 57 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:07,795 Naturally, the Germans cheated, 58 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,264 resulting in the most heated feud in football history. 59 00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,900 So, like every team that plays sports, you have a rivalry. 60 00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,468 No, not just any rivalry. 61 00:02:14,502 --> 00:02:16,970 This is the oldest rivalry in the entire sport. 62 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,673 It's older than anything in the NFL or college. 63 00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,343 Explains why Rick's been stress eating whole artichokes 64 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,444 in the teacher's lounge. 65 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,512 Yep, every year it's all up to him 66 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:25,613 to bring us back this bad boy. 67 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,682 The Quaker Cup. That trophy is Rick's life force. 68 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,285 Thanks to him, we've had this cup for 14 straight years. 69 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,021 Go on. Give history a feel. 70 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,791 Who touched the trophy? 71 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,159 No one, pal! 72 00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,628 I heard a ting. 73 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,695 No ting. 74 00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:43,931 It was a very faint but distinct ting. 75 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,799 LAINEY: Coach was on edge, and it got worse 76 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,635 when Ronnie suffered a terrible injury. 77 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,702 Turf toe? 78 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,838 Turf toe, Coach. I can't walk. 79 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,940 From turf toe? C'mon! It's just turf toe! 80 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,174 Terrible turf toe. 81 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,876 How terrible can turf toe be? 82 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:59,179 (PLAYERS GROANING) Oh! Gah! 83 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,482 Not gonna lie, Ronnie, that's some terrible turf toe. 84 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,950 (RETCHES) 85 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,518 It's like a foot-colored clown shoe. 86 00:03:04,552 --> 00:03:05,619 (RETCHES) 87 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,987 ALEC: We're so boned! 88 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,189 Ronnie's passing game was the only shot we had at winning. 89 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,924 Coach always has a game plan. 90 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,493 Reza, you're starting QB. 91 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,727 (PLAYERS GROAN) 92 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:14,995 Hey... (RETCHES) 93 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,530 Knock it off! We're a team! 94 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,831 No, they're right, Coach. 95 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,800 We'll never beat Germantown if I'm QB. 96 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,469 Yeah, well, lucky for us, we got something 97 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:24,505 Germantown'll never have... And that's a Coach Mellor. 98 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,307 And he always gets the win. 99 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:27,341 Reza, hit me! 100 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:30,511 LAINEY: The team was in shambles, 101 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,380 and I was trying to knock some sense into CB. 102 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:34,282 Seriously, if this is how you really feel, 103 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:35,583 I don't know how we can even be friends. 104 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,050 I have a right to my own opinion. 105 00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:38,752 Not if your opinion is dumb and wrong. 106 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,020 That's not how opinions work. 107 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,122 Guys! I don't know what you two are fighting about, 108 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,424 but we've all agreed, no talking politics 109 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,758 up in the teacher's lounge. 110 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,427 Politics? We're talking about Titanic. 111 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,761 CB said the movie sucked. 112 00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,197 Oh. Well, in that case, yeah, CB's opinion is dumb and wrong. 113 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,565 I mean, when that old white lady 114 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,967 dropped that diamond necklace back in the water... 115 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,869 (SIGHS) ...that really moved me, man. 116 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,137 You mean moved you to anger 117 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,507 'cause she threw away $100 million for no reason? 118 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:01,409 She was letting go of the past or something! 119 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,143 It made sense at the time! 120 00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:05,579 Easy, big guy. Maybe CB just needs to see it again. 121 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,015 Face it, Kate Winslet let Leo freeze 122 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:10,318 so she could save her own butt, just like anyone else would. 123 00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,052 Who hurt you? Who what? 124 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,854 There's gotta be a reason why you hate love. 125 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:14,922 Tell me her name. 126 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,390 (CHUCKLING) Never! 127 00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:20,160 And how exactly is it love when a lady lets a dude die of hypothermia? 128 00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:23,163 Um, I'm sorry, Leo sacrificed himself for love 129 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,732 'cause the door was too tiny! 130 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,634 What kind of munchkin cruise do you think they were on? 131 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,569 There was ample room on that door! 132 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:32,039 A floating door can only hold one human person. It's science. 133 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,474 Too bad there's no way to prove it. 134 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:36,076 Actually, there is, with a simple small-scale science experiment. 135 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,645 Get ready to believe in love, sucka! 136 00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,413 Wilma, to the science lab! 137 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,083 All right, Quaker warriors! Change of plans! 138 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,619 Today we are scrimmaging against the JV squad. 139 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,120 Why don't we just come up with some new plays 140 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,722 so Germantown doesn't totally smoke us? 141 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,824 Why don't you shut your face holes, 142 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,594 because I am the coach and I'm sick of your back talk! 143 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,529 Now, I'm not one to stand up here 144 00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,965 and give big speeches, but now I'm mad! 145 00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:01,134 LAINEY: But, in fact, epic locker room speeches were Coach's specialty. 146 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:02,803 He had them down to a science 147 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,738 and always began with the angry jug kick. 148 00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:05,839 Ahhh! (JUG CLATTERS) 149 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,140 I can't take it no more! 150 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,276 For once in your lives, stop worrying about them 151 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,211 and focus on your own damn selves! 152 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:13,013 LAINEY: Followed by the heartfelt apology. 153 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,315 Well, Coach is sorry you had to see that. 154 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:18,419 It's just... Coach believes in y'all so damn much 155 00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:21,021 that sometimes Coach can't contain it. 156 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,123 LAINEY: Then came the classic "I quit" maneuver. 157 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,393 That's it! I'm done! 158 00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:27,695 I quit! I'm out! 159 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,163 You did this! Happy? 160 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:34,034 And, of course, the triumphant return five seconds later. 161 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,936 After much soul-searching, I'm back, 162 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,406 and, damn it, I'm fired up! 163 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,874 Now who's ready to get fired up with me? 164 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,443 JV shrimps are going down! 165 00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:43,711 ALL: Yeah! 166 00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:47,114 Wow, you sure got them to bounce back fast after losing Ronnie. 167 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:48,716 Coach always has a game plan. 168 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,183 First, I fire 'em up, 169 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,019 then I boost their confidence with a much-needed win. 170 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,120 (CHUCKLES) 171 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,522 (THUDDING) (PLAYERS GROANING) 172 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:55,623 Rick, they didn't win. 173 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,257 (GRUNTS) 174 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,892 They did not. 175 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,327 My house! 176 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,863 Well, I'm sure you're already cooking up a new game plan. 177 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,031 That, I am. Yes. 178 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,366 And my new plan is to... 179 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,436 Go think of a new plan. 180 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,604 I'm gonna go stress eat this entire avocado 181 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:12,540 until the plan comes to me. 182 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,509 LAINEY: As Coach doubted himself for the first time ever, 183 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:18,045 I was certain Wilma would change CB's stance on love. 184 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:21,615 Okay, as you can see, I've built a to-scale recreation 185 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,216 of a floating door scenario. 186 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,619 Leonardo DiCaprio will be the Power Ranger, 187 00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,555 and Kate Winslet is the Mutant Turtle. 188 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:28,656 I hate to be that guy, 189 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,824 but the Turtle's actual name is Leonardo, 190 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,059 so it'd make more sense to... 191 00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:34,194 If you hate to be that guy, stop doing what you're doing. 192 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,363 WILMA: As you can see, our miniature oak door 193 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,666 allows us to determine if its buoyancy is greater than 194 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:39,933 the force of gravity pulling down on the... 195 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,469 Yeah, we don't need the play-by-play. 196 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,471 Just do your science and tell CB love isn't dead. 197 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:46,106 Then scientifically speaking, love is dead as hell. 198 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,374 Ha! Told ya! 199 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,476 Wait, what? 200 00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:51,745 There is an embarrassing amount of room on this door. 201 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,046 No. Wrong. 202 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,415 Hey, Wilma, is there a world where love is such a sham 203 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:58,085 that Rose, Jack, and me could fit on that door? 204 00:06:58,118 --> 00:06:59,853 With 100% certainty. 205 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,889 Observe. There I am. 206 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,191 Is there a world where love is such a suck show 207 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:07,895 where Rose, Jack, me, and you fit on that door? 208 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,963 WILMA: Yes. Agreed? 209 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,431 Agreed. Permission to gloat? 210 00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:12,533 Permission granted. 211 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:13,867 Told ya! Wrong. 212 00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:14,968 I refute these findings. 213 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,436 Excuse me? You heard me. 214 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,739 Your experiment is wrong, and you do science bad. 215 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,208 I graduated first in my class at Caltech. 216 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,944 You really think I can't prove a slab of wood can float? 217 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,113 You didn't factor in the most important scientific element. 218 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,249 Love. Love is an emotion, 219 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,251 which is the opposite of science. 220 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,053 Ha! Permission to high-five? 221 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,522 Allowed. 222 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,089 Don't high-five against love! 223 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,525 Some things are bigger than science, 224 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,159 no matter what your experiment suggests. 225 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,795 My experiment doesn't suggest anything. 226 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:44,131 It proves all Rose had to do was scoot over, 227 00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,899 but she didn't, 'cause she wanted 228 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,735 that big-ass door all to herself. 229 00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,570 Copy that. Love is a sham. We're done here. 230 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,404 No, we're not. Just tell me who hurt you. 231 00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:53,473 No! Gimme her name, and I will fight her. 232 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:54,742 That would be weird. 233 00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:56,710 And also, why does it matter so much to you? 234 00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,912 Because you're one of my best friends, dude. 235 00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:00,648 I want you to be happy, but it'll never happen 236 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:02,182 if you go through life hating love. 237 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,585 Well, your best dude friend appreciates the concern. 238 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,587 However, I will be siding with science on this one. 239 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:09,156 Wilma, permission to give you a fist bump and clean up this mess? 240 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,190 Allowed. 241 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,426 (SIGHS) My God. 242 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,028 You two callous nerds deserve each other. 243 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,164 Charlie Brown, of course. I love that. 244 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,466 You really do deserve each other. 245 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,668 (BOTH LAUGH) 246 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,235 Whoa! Oh, shoot. 247 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:24,938 It's perfect. 248 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,610 The Titanic experiment hadn't gone my way, 249 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:32,312 but now I had a new plan to help CB believe in love. 250 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,480 What up, playa? 251 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,682 No. Stop. 252 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,017 Whatever scheme you got cooking up, it's a hard pass. 253 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,151 No scheme. 254 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,187 Except maybe a small scheme for you to open your heart. 255 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,155 Ugh! Fine. You win. 256 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,324 I loved James Cameron's Titanic, okay? 257 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,493 It's his greatest movie yet, other than Aliens. 258 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,828 And True Lies. 259 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,029 No, wait. Terminator 2. 260 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,530 It's not about Titanic. 261 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:51,765 It's about you being happy 262 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,934 and forgetting about the hag who broke your heart. 263 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,303 I'm here. Give your heart to me. 264 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,538 You really don't have the details of my situation. 265 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,941 Doesn't matter. Clearly, there's only one gal for you. 266 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,610 Wilma. Wilma? 267 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,011 You have so much in common. 268 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,713 You both love teaching, and books, 269 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,247 and Wayne Brady, for some reason. 270 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,548 Plus, you're annoying know-it-alls. 271 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:09,683 It's a perfect match! 272 00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,885 First of all, Wilma terrifies me. 273 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,887 Second, she only likes bad boys. 274 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:16,256 That's just an excuse so she doesn't have to put herself out there. 275 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,225 See? Another weird thing you have in common. 276 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,893 You're really not gonna give up on this, are you? 277 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,495 God, no. I've mapped out a very detailed six-phase plan 278 00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,231 to help you find the courage to ask her out. 279 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,365 Yo, Wilma, do you wanna go out? 280 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,667 Nah. Cool. 281 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:27,968 Come on! CB's the best! 282 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:29,970 Any girl in this place would be lucky to date him. 283 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,271 First of all, I terrify him. 284 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,372 I tried to tell her. 285 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,374 Secondly, I only like bad boys. 286 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,542 I tried to tell her. 287 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,511 And I told you that's just a bad excuse to hide from love. 288 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:41,548 Yo, I don't know whose burrito exploded in the microwave, 289 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,083 but I will kick his ass. 290 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,284 Spread the word. 291 00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:45,585 Mmm. 292 00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:48,055 Ew. Don't "Mmm" Johnny Atkins. 293 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,289 I know. I got a problem. 294 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,391 Okay, so you like gross bad boys. 295 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,826 I did, too, before I met Barry, 296 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,461 but then I realized how happy life can be 297 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,263 when you have someone amazing to share it with. 298 00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:58,398 If I take the kid to a movie, will you shut up? 299 00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:01,534 Done! Wow, look! Sparks are flying already! Ha! 300 00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,570 ** 301 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,772 (THUD) 302 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,406 Mmm. 303 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,808 This is gonna be fun. 304 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:10,243 LAINEY: As I was playing matchmaker, Glascott was making sure 305 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,412 Coach was okay after the JV fiasco. 306 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,613 Hey, pal. 307 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,615 Just checking in on ya after your tough loss 308 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,184 to your own JV team. 309 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,886 Feeling good, Johnny Boy! 310 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,788 As always, I worked out a new game plan 311 00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,189 that guarantees us the win. 312 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,258 Guarantees? I like the sound of that. Hit me. 313 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,260 We swap jerseys with Germantown, 314 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,797 and every time they score, we get the points! 315 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,498 Mmm, seems like a reach. 316 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:32,599 New plan! 317 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,501 We hire David Copperfield to make 318 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:38,471 the entire Germantown team... Poof! Disappear! 319 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,773 Maybe you should get some sleep. 320 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,141 But I've got the longest winning streak 321 00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,910 in the oldest rivalry in the history of football, 322 00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:45,112 so losing is not an option! 323 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,980 Y'know, sometimes when you lose, 324 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,581 you still learn a valuable lesson, 325 00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,450 which really makes it a win. 326 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,786 How can you lose but also win? (CHUCKLES) 327 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,287 'Cause teaching them to lose like winners 328 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,089 is just as important as winning itself. 329 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,792 But a loser can't be a winner, 'cause he lost. 330 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,593 Rick, I'm trying to help you here. 331 00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,663 New plan! We build a wall on the field, 332 00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:07,134 and on said wall, we paint a photo-realistic image 333 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,435 of our end zone, 334 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:11,604 so every time they come in to score, kaboom! 335 00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:14,241 They hit a big ol' wall! (CHUCKLES) 336 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,943 Yeah, that's from a Road Runner cartoon. 337 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:17,010 New plan! 338 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,678 Okay, get some sleep, Coach. 339 00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,013 LAINEY: That conversation was over, 340 00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,982 but CB and Wilma's date was just starting. 341 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,917 Here you go. Lainey bought us tickets already. 342 00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:26,253 Titanic? We both already saw it. 343 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,688 Well, she said maybe if we saw it together, we'd appreciate it more. 344 00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:29,857 And also fall in love. 345 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,524 I can't sit through a damn three-hour movie. 346 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:32,926 I got a date after this. 347 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,327 Oh, good for you! Good guy? 348 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,363 Not at all. Total dirtbag lawyer. 349 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,098 No future there. He's perfect. 350 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,566 You got problems. Sure do. 351 00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:40,734 Let's just sneak into something else. 352 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,102 I'm dying to see The Fifth Element. 353 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,971 Oh, never heard of it. Do you like science fiction? 354 00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,039 Well, I like science. It's got Bruce Willis. 355 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:49,042 Is he all sweaty and beaten-up in a dirty undershirt? 356 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,643 You've got problems. Sure do. 357 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:51,711 Let's hit it. 358 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,580 LAINEY: And so began CB and Wilma's non-date 359 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,715 in a movie that they naturally assumed 360 00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:58,685 would be the exact opposite of Titanic. 361 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,687 Except it had a cruise ship. In space. 362 00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,423 It was also a passionate love story... 363 00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:05,225 In space. 364 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,427 And, unlike Titanic, this movie 365 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,396 cracked his heart wide open. 366 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,231 (SOBS) 367 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:16,069 I don't know if this was clear, but the fifth element was love. 368 00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:19,439 That's how you make a love story and disaster movie. 369 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,975 Listen, I said yes to this whole thing 'cause I want to help. 370 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,011 You really are a good guy. 371 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,013 You just can't be so afraid of getting hurt... 372 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,614 And try to put yourself out there. 373 00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:28,782 I know. 374 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,583 To be clear... 375 00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,185 I know the hurt is Lainey. 376 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,954 No... How? 377 00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:37,390 You told Susan Cinoman, Coop, and Mellor, and, boy, do they talk. 378 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,725 So you're saying that the only person 379 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:39,927 who doesn't know this is Lainey? 380 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,628 That is very concerning in my bones. 381 00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:44,031 Good news is, Lainey has no idea 'cause she only sees you 382 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,366 as a platonic, non-sexual man-friend. 383 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:47,600 Not totally non-sexual. 384 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,702 I have that one soft, silky satin tie. 385 00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,538 Point is, you can't give up on love 386 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,540 just because you can't be with Lainey. 387 00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:56,243 You deserve to be happy, but that will never happen 388 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,611 if you don't move on once and for all. 389 00:12:58,645 --> 00:12:59,646 You're right. 390 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,748 As hard as it may seem... 391 00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,783 I got to move on. 392 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,586 Thanks for the awesome date, Wilma. 393 00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,521 Not a date. But anytime. 394 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,091 Speaking of, time to go meet my dirt-bag lawyer! 395 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,592 ** 396 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,295 Morning, boss. Hey! 397 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,831 Look at you. Feeling better, huh? Better than ever. 398 00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,666 Had a big moment of clarity last night 399 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,234 and finally figured it out. 400 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,535 Ooh! How to win? 401 00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:23,636 Oh, God, no! 402 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,940 See, I figured out that I don't actually matter. 403 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:28,075 Boom! 404 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,243 I'm sorry, but you're saying that like it's a good thing. 405 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,745 No, it's not. It's soul-crushing. 406 00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:35,615 See, I realized that no matter what I do, 407 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,317 we're gonna lose, which really means 408 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,253 that I serve no actual purpose. 409 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:42,422 Okay, you're using a very chipper tone, 410 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,391 but the words you say sound sad. 411 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,825 I'm devastated! 412 00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:48,128 See, I always thought that I was the one that got the win, 413 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,496 but turns out, it's not me. 414 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,464 It's the actual players! 415 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,233 Whoo! Good stuff! 416 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,434 Wrong. 417 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,836 It's a fact, only a great coach can make a great team. 418 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,405 Let's talk facts. 419 00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,040 Who scores all the touchdowns? 420 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,709 The players. And who sacks the quarterback? 421 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:03,810 The players. 422 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,346 And in our game against Germantown last year, 423 00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:09,416 who told our quarterback to go no huddle on third down 424 00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:10,683 and pass for the win? 425 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,986 A-ha! That's you! Correct! 426 00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:15,488 But then Ronnie called an audible and ran it in himself, 427 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,158 and I just stood there and I watched! 428 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,659 At the end of the day, 429 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:22,195 me and my whistle don't do a damn thing. 430 00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:24,064 No, Rick, do not take that whistle off. 431 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,732 Whistle's off. Take it. 432 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,367 But it's your main coach tool. 433 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,701 Doesn't matter what I use. 434 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:31,004 Let's face it, nothing I do makes a difference. 435 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,305 ** 436 00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,375 Why is it wet? 437 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:40,513 LAINEY: It had been a day since Coach handed over his whistle to Glascott, 438 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:41,915 but it was far from over. 439 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,850 Boss, we got a huge problem! 440 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,185 I told you, Johnny, you're the one with the rubber gloves. 441 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,353 You handle it. 442 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,587 No, it's the Quaker Cup. 443 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,389 It's gone. 444 00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,657 That's impossible! 445 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:53,226 Mellor checks on that trophy once an hour on the hour. 446 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,163 Oh, no. 447 00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,697 Oh, God, no, Rick, no! 448 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:58,765 Oh, no! 449 00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,567 Don't look at me. I'm hideous. 450 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,635 Put that spoon down right now! 451 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,337 Let me say goodbye to my trophy in peace! 452 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:05,405 No! 453 00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,940 Do you know how many times you've picked me up 454 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:09,009 when I felt like I was bad at my job? 455 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,744 Like, a lot. Like, way too many times. 456 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,846 Like, so much that it's a bummer to even think about. 457 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,648 It does seem to happen with great frequency. 458 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,484 We both agree it's an alarming amount! 459 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,386 Point is, you've always picked me up 460 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,354 when I felt like I was bad at my job, 461 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:23,823 and now it's time for me to give you 462 00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,493 an inspirational locker room pep talk. 463 00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,195 LAINEY: That day, John Glascott gave 464 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:30,063 the greatest Rick Mellor speech of his life. 465 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:32,132 Naturally, it began with the angry jug kick. 466 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,933 I'm tired of your defeated attitude 467 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,303 and your sad dairy consumption! 468 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,406 You may wanna give up, but I refuse to give up on you! 469 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,308 Aah! Ow! 470 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,909 LAINEY: Followed by the heartfelt apology. 471 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,844 I'm sorry you had to see that. 472 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,913 It's just that I care so much. 473 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,115 Especially in my foot, 474 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,450 which hurts so bad that I may throw up. 475 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,419 LAINEY: Then the classic "I quit" maneuver. 476 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,121 You wanna just throw in the towel? 477 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,622 Then I will, too! 478 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:56,923 I quit! 479 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,325 That's on your head! 480 00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,160 You did this! 481 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,961 LAINEY: And then the triumphant return. 482 00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,231 Hey, look, it's me. I'm back. 483 00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,299 And I believe in you more than ever. 484 00:16:06,333 --> 00:16:07,800 LAINEY: None of it worked, so he went rogue. 485 00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:09,902 Listen up, you sack of (BLEEP)! 486 00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:12,339 Stop acting like a sorry-ass (BLEEP) 487 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:15,742 and get your head in the (BLEEP) game, for (BLEEP) sake! 488 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,078 Whoa! Stop! What's the matter with you, man? 489 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:20,480 I don't know. I... I'm not good at this. 490 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,415 Is that what I sound like when I'm giving a pep talk? 491 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,085 Oh, God. I'm more useless than I thought. 492 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,454 You're not useless, Rick. 493 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,989 Okay, so, maybe you don't actually 494 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,624 make the players win the game, 495 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,560 but, honestly, that's not your job. 496 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,095 Of course it is. No. 497 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,830 Your job is to teach those kids that even when they lose, 498 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:39,632 they can still feel like winners. 499 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,301 You're right. 500 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:43,770 And ya know... 501 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:47,274 I actually think I have a plan that just may work. 502 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,608 All right, Quaker warriors. 503 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,343 Huddle up. We got a big game today. 504 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,145 No more pep talks, Coach. 505 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,946 There's no point in trying to convince us 506 00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,282 we can actually beat Germantown. 507 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,516 Agreed! 508 00:16:56,549 --> 00:17:00,653 Look, I'm not one to get up here and make big speeches, 509 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:03,390 but like it or not, we got a game to play. 510 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,358 But we can still find a way to win. 511 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,393 How? 512 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,495 We do everything in our power 513 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,464 to make sure this game isn't a total blowout. 514 00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,032 But that means we still lose. 515 00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:15,135 But we do it with dignity. 516 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:18,338 I know you're all thinking we're gonna lose by at least 50. 517 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,972 Well, guess what. 518 00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:24,477 I know in my heart that we can lose by just 49! 519 00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:25,778 That's impossible, Coach. 520 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,414 Is it, Ronnie? 521 00:17:27,447 --> 00:17:28,948 Reza, we all agree you're gonna throw 522 00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,950 a minimum of nine interceptions. 523 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:33,986 But if you can throw just four, that's a win. 524 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,988 The biggest. Is it even possible? 525 00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,724 Hell yes! 526 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,859 I know our defensive line is as thin as paper, 527 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,794 but I say be thick as cardboard! 528 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:44,664 And I know our running backs are as slow as molasses, 529 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:47,267 but I say be maple syrup! 530 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,202 And if you're gonna sloppily fumble the ball, 531 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,970 you do it with your head held high! 532 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,672 Am I right? PLAYERS: Yeah! 533 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,741 Are you ready to go out there and show Germantown 534 00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,076 that no matter how many points they score, 535 00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,212 we draw the line at 50? 536 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,980 ALL: Yeah! 537 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,250 Well, then let's get out there and get our asses kicked, 538 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,818 but not as badly as everybody expects! 539 00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:06,919 ALL: Yeah! 540 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:08,855 ** 541 00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,257 (CHEERING) 542 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,591 (BUZZER) 543 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,893 We did it! We only lost by 49! 544 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,628 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 545 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,900 * ...forever this way 546 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,702 * You are safe... * 547 00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,171 You do know we won, right? 548 00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,905 Only according to the scoreboard. 549 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,775 Here. I believe this is yours. 550 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:29,876 Take good care of her. 551 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:35,715 LAINEY: That day, Coach won the biggest game of his career. 552 00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,285 Sure, the team may have lost in epic fashion, 553 00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,853 but in doing so, they learned a valuable lesson... 554 00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,790 If you always try your best, you'll never be disappointed. 555 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:45,958 Well? How was the big date? 556 00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,260 I need details, now. 557 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,061 Uh, y'know, you were right. 558 00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,930 It really was exactly what I needed. 559 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,499 As in sparks? You and Wilma had sparks? 560 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,933 Oh, God, no. No. 561 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,403 But it made me realize that maybe love 562 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,638 isn't a sinking ship, and to give it another shot. 563 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,072 Awesome. 564 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,942 And for the record, whoever that girl was that hurt you, she's an idiot. 565 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,477 She's actually pretty great. 566 00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,479 (GROANS) You're too nice. 567 00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:07,747 So are you. 568 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,917 I mean, you let me crash on your couch for the last month. 569 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,985 But I should probably start looking for my own place. 570 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,987 Really? There's no rush. 571 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:17,524 I know, but it's time to move on. 572 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:20,493 Thank you for being the best damn best friend in the world. 573 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:21,528 Always. 574 00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,932 Turns out, CB did believe in love after all. 575 00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,300 He just needed a little proof 576 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,968 from the people who care about him. 577 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,238 Seriously, still trying to refute my findings? 578 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,405 Sorry. 579 00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,707 I just can't get over knowing there was room on the door. 580 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,943 Just say it. Wilma is always right. 581 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:37,977 You really are. 582 00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:40,480 I mean, you went on one non-date with CB, 583 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,781 and now he's all happy again. 584 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:42,915 What did you even say to him? 585 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,817 Just helped him figure out a way to move on. 586 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,553 ** 587 00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,528 It's time I move on. 588 00:19:56,363 --> 00:20:00,333 * We'll stay 589 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:04,637 * Forever this way 590 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:08,808 * You are safe in my heart 591 00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:14,981 * And my heart will go on and on... * 592 00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:16,182 Oh, my God. 593 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:17,784 I'm the girl. 594 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,988 I'm the girl. 595 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,493 Life can throw some huge surprises at us. 596 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:28,361 But if you have the people who care about you 597 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:29,762 there to support you, 598 00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:33,132 you'll always find a way to win. 599 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,734 ** 600 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:40,607 (DING) 601 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:46,546 I'm the king of the... 602 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,615 (SCREAMING) 603 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:52,151 Starting today, this school has a strict zero-tolerance policy 604 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,721 for "King of the world'ing" in any of its forms. 605 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,390 You think it's fun to pull a Jack? Well, it's not! 606 00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,693 Do not Jack in the hallways or Jack in the parking lot. (LAUGHTER) 607 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:02,729 Do not Jack near your locker. 608 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,931 Do not Jack near your friend's locker. 609 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:08,100 And please, for God's sakes, do not pull a quick Jack 610 00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:10,970 with the skeleton in science class. 611 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,872 Yeah, that's right, we all heard! 612 00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:13,973 (SCHOOL BELL RINGS) 613 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:15,775 Hey, boss! Sorry to miss the assembly. 614 00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,544 Just rigging this beauty up for the sailing team. 615 00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:18,978 Also, look at me! 616 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:20,347 Oh, God, no, no, no, no! 617 00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:21,881 No Jacking in the parking lot! 618 00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,282 No, no! Look away, children! 619 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,385 I'm the king of the world! No!