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[STAR WARS MAIN THEMEPLAYS]

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LAINEY: The '90s had a lot
of great movies,

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but the biggest of them all
was part of a phenomenon
that spanned decades...

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Star Wars Episode I:
The Phantom Menace.

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It was the first new
Star Wars movie
in these kids' entire lives.

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TheStar Wars club
was ready for it,

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and it wasn't just
the students.

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It's here.

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After 16 agonizing years,
George Lucas will once again
bestow his genius upon us!

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God only knows the things
in store he has planned.

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I heard Jackie Chan
is gonna play Boba Fett.

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I heard Chewbacca
talks in English!

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I heard the Ewoks grow
into the Wookiees.

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Guys, I don't wanna
hang too much on
a single motion picture,

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but when this club goes
to opening night,

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it will be the most
transformative experience
of our collective lives.

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Screw my bar mitzvah!
Tonight, I become a man!

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Let's go, people!
To Jedi Academy!

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[KIDS CHEER]

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[AS OBI-WAN KENOBI]
"You can't win, Darth.

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"If you strike me down,
I shall become more powerful

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"than you can
possibly imagine."

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[CHOKING]

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COACH MELLOR:
Attention, non-athletes!

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Time to take your glowing
wizard wands and scoot!

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Okay, they're lightsabers,
and we signed out the gym
for Star Wars Club.

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And as fun as
make-em-up-pretend-time looks,

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my actual athletes
need the space,

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so I'm afraid you gotta
clear out.

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Cut me some slack,
all right?

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We're gearing up
for Star Wars. Star Wars?

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Is that the one with the
pointy-eared know-it-all
with the bowl cut?

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No, that's Spock
in Star Trek.

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This is Star Wars.
Is that the one where
the little guy

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pops out of
the big guy's chest?That's Alien.

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Is it the one with E.T.?
No, that's E.T.!

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It's in the title.
I like E.T.

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He gets drunk
and puts on a wig.

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Star Warsis about
a group of ragtag underdogs

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that stand up
to the Empire,

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and just like
those underdogs,

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we will not be thrown...

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Okay. Wow.

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Your team's carrying out
my club like rag dolls.

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COACH MELLOR:
Clear 'em out, boys!

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♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here

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♪ Live your life
and finally be free

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♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do

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♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪

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LAINEY: It was March 20th,
1990-something,

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and Principal Glascott
was teaching Driver's Ed,

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the first class his niece,
Felicia, ever cared about
because it meant freedom.

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Okay, road warriors,
here's a toughie.

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Which way do you turn your
wheels when parked uphill?

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Away from the curb.
Right.

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Exactly how far from
the curb should...

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18 inches!
Yes. Thank you.

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What speed...
25 in a school zone
unless otherwise posted!

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I gotta say, it's scary when
you really apply yourself.

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Why would I apply myself in
those other dumb classes?

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Who needs math, am I right?

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Do not return that high-five.

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[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

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That's the bell!

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Time for my
supervised road time
with my instructor!

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[LAUGHS]
Okay, pump your brakes,
Thelma and Louise.

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You'll get your time
behind the wheel.

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Sorry, I'm just so excited.

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And thanks for not
making this weird,
you being my uncle and all.

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Hey, in this class,
I am not your uncle.
I'm your teacher.

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And I promise
to treat you

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in a fair
and reasonable manner.

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[TIRES SCREECH]

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Okay. Fail. You fail.

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Get outta the car
because of your failure.

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What? Why?
You didn't triple
check your mirrors,

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your hands were
at 10 and 3,

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and you almost hit
a pedestrian!

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Who? I barely moved.

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Our school's esteemed
custodian!

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[SHOUTING] I what now?

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Nothing, Johnny Atkins!

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I'm so far,
I can't hear you!

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You want me to
come over there?

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No! Nothing! You're fine!

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He is lucky to be alive.

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Sorry, but there is no way I'm
letting you pass this class.

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Bye-bye now.

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[KEYS JOSTLING]

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You said you
were my teacher,
not my uncle!

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Yeah, well, I gave it
some thought,

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and I decided to be both.

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You are abusing your vast
Driver's Ed powers
to hold me back!

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Correct.
You don't trust me at all.

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I'm glad we're in
agreement on this.

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What have
I possibly done
to deserve this?

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Well, let's see, you lie,

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you use salty language,
you miss curfew.

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It's not right!

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You know what's not right?

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You always acting like
my dad when you're not!

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Okay, that's enough,
young lady.

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Mark my words,
I will find a way to drive,

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and when I do,
I'll make a hundred times
the bad decisions.

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Yeah? Well, good luck getting
around on the city bus.

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Gotta say, you really
are a great principal,
but a lousy father figure.

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Excuse me?
I was Felicia, okay?

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I was raised by a neurotic,
overprotective dad,

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which made me rebel hard.

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Is this supposed
to be helping?

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No, but I will help 'cause
watching you and Felicia fight

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day in and day out
is very unpleasant.

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Well, I appreciate the offer,
but I don't need any help.
I can handle her.

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Attention William Penn!

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Did you know
our high school principal's
middle name is Laverne?

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Oh, no.
It's gender neutral!

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[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]

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I'm here when you need me...
Laverne.

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CB, my man!
Need a quick favor!

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No, I'm done helping you.

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Wait, is this because
I took the gym away
from your Star Battle boys?

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Yes. And just so ya know,
everybody is on my side
about that

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because Star Warsis literally
the most popular thing
out of anything ever.

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With who?
Everybody!

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Coop!
Huh?

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You excited about the new
Star Warsmovie?

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Oh, hells yeah!

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I heard they're gonna make
Samuel L. Jackson a Jedi!

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He gonna be like,
"These are not the [BLEEP]
you are looking for!"

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My point is made.
Everybody loves Star Wars.

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See, we're not the problem.

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It's you for being a complete
and utter cliche.

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Hey, my entire career,
I have prided myself

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on not being a typical
meathead gym teacher.

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Seriously?
Yes!

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I've always been open
to new and strange ideas

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that upset
the delicate balance
of a-an athlete's

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rightful place at the top
of the social pyramid.

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And you undid
all your hard work
by ruining the one thing

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that brought these kids
together.

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Damn it, you're right.
Wait, what?

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A man gets to be
wrong once in his life,
and this here is it.

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Obviously, I was wrong
about your Space Wars,

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so it's time for you
to coach Coach.

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Well, you could come to the
premiere with us, sit back,

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and let The Phantom Menace
show you how awesome

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Star Warscan be.
Uh-huh.

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And what happens when
I'm not into it?

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Look, I am so certain
that this movie will
change your life

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that if it
isn't transcendent
on every level,

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I will publicly announce that
Star Warsis just a film
and not a way of life.

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Wow, I was just hoping
you'd pay me back
for my ticket,

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but let's roll.
Yeah!

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LAINEY: As Coach
was gearing up to
see the newStar Wars,

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Glascott was still trying
to put the brakes

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on his clever and
rebellious niece.

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Felicia, we need
to have a conversation
right now, missy.

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Whatever seems to be the
problem, Principal Glascott?

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It's come to my attention
that you joined
the Alcohol Task Force.

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Well, you say you want
me to be more involved
in school, right?

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Oh, so you joining has nothing
to do with the fact

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that they have designated
drivers at all times,

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offering free rides
on the weekends?

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Do they? Huh.

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Seems like someone
could use that

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as their own personal
taxi service.

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I think she's saying
it that way

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'cause that's what
she did all weekend.

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Whose side
are you on, Gabe?Enough.

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You can't take advantage
of well-intentioned goobs
like Gabe!

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Nothing personal.
Oh, it's fine.

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I just like spending time
with your niece, sir.

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Hey, I told ya I'd figure out
a way to get around
without a license.

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I'll see you Friday through
Saturday, pal.

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This time, can I at least come
into the parties with you?

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Sorry, they're
a little exclusive.

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[LOCKER SHUTS]

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Okay, you were right.

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Everything that I do with
Felicia goes horribly wrong.
What do I do?

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Listen, I can help you,
but I don't think you have
what it takes to stomach it.

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I can take it. Hit me.

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You're no longer
living in the world of the
rational-thinking adult.

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You're now living in
the upside-down,

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crazy brain
of the teenage girl.

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If there's one thing I know,
it's this, 'cause I lived it.

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All right, then.
Teach me your horrible ways.

187
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First, you need to let me help
Felicia get her license.

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God, no!
Oh, God, no.

189
00:06:58,548 --> 00:06:59,636
Why, God?

190
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:00,724
You seem to not be ready.

191
00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:02,334
No, I'm ready for it.
Lay it on me.

192
00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:05,294
Back in the day, all I wanted
was for my dad to trust me.

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00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:07,644
If he'd had a little
faith in me to make
my own mistakes,

194
00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:09,864
I wouldn't have fought
so hard against him.

195
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:11,169
Who knows,
we could've even been pals.

196
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:12,823
That's what I want!

197
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,738
Okay, what happens after
she gets her license?

198
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,610
You give her that trust
she so desperately needs,

199
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:17,959
and let her borrow your car
when she asks you.

200
00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:20,309
God, no!
Never! Ever!

201
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:22,964
Oh, my God! And ooh, why?

202
00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:24,922
Okay. Let's do it.

203
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:27,490
LAINEY: As I was ready to take the wheel with Felicia,

204
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:30,537
Coach was about to
get a crash-course
in the ways of the Force.

205
00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,843
Well, I gotta admit,
pretty electric in here.

206
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,715
Feels like Game 7
of the World Series.

207
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:37,108
But imagine waiting 16 years
between games.

208
00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,545
And now, the wait is over.

209
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,811
[STAR WARS MAIN THEMEPLAYS]
[CHEERING]

210
00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:47,554
Hang on, Rick Mellor.

211
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,947
Your life as you know it
is about to change.

212
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:52,384
TOGETHER:
"Turmoil has engulfed
the Galactic Republic.

213
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:55,083
"The taxation of trade routes
to outlying systems..."

214
00:07:57,781 --> 00:07:58,869
Whoa!

215
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:01,219
Ooh!
[PODRACERS WHIZZING]

216
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:03,744
[LIGHTSABERS CLASHING]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

217
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,397
[WHISPERING]
This is the best thing ever.

218
00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:06,486
That was the best thing ever!

219
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,965
Yes!
I know!

220
00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:09,097
So cool!

221
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:10,881
It was fine.
Podracing...

222
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,579
That was the best scene
in any Star Warsmovie.

223
00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:14,189
For sure!
Epic.

224
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,191
Podracing!
Felt a little long.

225
00:08:16,234 --> 00:08:17,758
Darth Maul
with his devil face

226
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,237
and the double-sided
lightsaber?

227
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,238
So dope.
Bad ass.

228
00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:21,631
Better than Vader!

229
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:22,763
[MUTTERING]
He had like one line.

230
00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:24,112
I'm sorry, you're mumbling
a bunch of stuff.

231
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:27,332
Do you have some kind
of a problem?I mean...

232
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:28,551
Did you not love the movie?

233
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:29,596
I don't know,
the whole thing
was about

234
00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:31,467
a trade blockade
and Senate votes.

235
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,773
Oh.
Kinda true.

236
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:33,904
I was confused.

237
00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:35,863
But still!
This is Star Wars!

238
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:38,387
With Yoda and lightsabers
and the Force!

239
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,128
Genius!
So awesome.

240
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:42,347
So cool!
Yeah, about that.

241
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:46,656
You said the Force was some
unexplainable, mystical power,

242
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:49,267
but, you know, the movie said
you can take a blood test
to see if you got it.

243
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:50,965
He's right.
Not great.

244
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,575
I was confused!

245
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,359
Forget about the upsetting
midi-chlorians, all right.

246
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,405
This movie had everything.

247
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,015
I mean,
even Anakin Skywalker.

248
00:08:58,059 --> 00:08:59,713
The kid saved the day!
COACH MELLOR: Did he?

249
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:03,238
Because if you think about it,
he accidentally fell
into a spaceship,

250
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:05,719
then accidentally
flew it into the bad guy's
headquarters

251
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,764
and then accidentally
blew 'em all up.

252
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,157
He's right.
Oh, man...

253
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,593
I feel sad.

254
00:09:10,637 --> 00:09:11,942
You just don't
get the movie

255
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,944
'cause you haven't seen
any of the other ones.

256
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:16,338
But I thought you said
this one happens before
the other ones.

257
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:18,166
This is Star Wars,bro!

258
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:19,515
This is not
about one movie.

259
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,911
This is about the fandom
and the family and the Force.

260
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:25,173
You mean the midi-chlorians?

261
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,957
Midi-what?

262
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:28,872
Nothing.
Just go watch the movie.
You're gonna love it.

263
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:31,483
Hang on to your receipt,
puppet man.

264
00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:34,965
No need.
In fact, we bought tickets
to go see it again, so...

265
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:37,228
You can give my ticket
to one of these guys
in a bathrobe.

266
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:40,449
And when you're ready to admit
the truth, I will be waiting.

267
00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,669
Well, you're gonna be
waiting for a long time

268
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,018
because these movies
are perfect,

269
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,585
and nobody can ever
take that away.

270
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:48,152
So, let's go, kids! Whoo!

271
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:53,462
Damn it.
Mellor just ruined Star Wars.

272
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:56,857
LAINEY: Glascott hoped
to form a relationship
of trust with his niece,

273
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,989
so he turned to me
to teach Felicia to drive.

274
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:01,078
I don't know how you convinced
my uncle to let me drive,

275
00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:03,472
but as far
as I'm concerned,
you're a hero.

276
00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:06,301
All I did was show him
you're worthy of his trust.Totally.

277
00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:07,868
I mean, I would've
killed to have my father

278
00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:09,652
trust me like this
when I was your age.You're right.

279
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,916
I mean, I love the guy more
than ever, and you did that.

280
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,266
Well, I don't want
to take full credit,
but yeah, I'm the best.

281
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,312
Oh, there's a spot.
Do a three-point turn,

282
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:19,531
and let's try
some parallel parking.I got this.

283
00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:22,447
[TIRES SCREECHING]

284
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,754
What the hell was that?

285
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,843
Uh... Nothing?
You know how to
drive already?

286
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,628
Only for three years.

287
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,586
What?
It's not my fault.

288
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,806
Salt-N-Pepa played
the Spectrum when
I was in eighth grade,

289
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:35,112
and I had to figure out
somehow to get there
behind my mom's back.

290
00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:37,201
That story is completely
your fault!

291
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,639
Dude, don't make me
regret getting your uncle
to trust you!

292
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,728
Look, I give you my word
I won't turn his trust

293
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:44,295
into a massive amount
of misbehavior.

294
00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:45,688
You said that in a way
that sounds like

295
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:46,733
that's exactly what
you're gonna do.

296
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,125
No, nuh-uh, not me.

297
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:50,693
Also, how long does it take
to drive to Florida?

298
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,086
I've made
a terrible mistake.

299
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:54,131
[WHISTLING]

300
00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:56,177
Hey... There he is.

301
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,918
Hey, there she is.

302
00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:00,616
The lady that made me
the best uncle in the world.

303
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,923
Yeah, I heard you guys
are like besties now.

304
00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:05,142
Best besties.
We celebrated her new license

305
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:08,015
by making drop cookies
and talking about boys.

306
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:10,974
We agree...
Many of them are so immature.

307
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:12,106
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

308
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:14,412
Honestly, thank you
for everything.

309
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,849
No! No need to thank me.

310
00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,112
Come on, we both know
this is all your doing.

311
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:20,201
Look at that strange smile.

312
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:23,378
So happy and kinda queasy.

313
00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,032
What's going on
with your face?

314
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:27,948
She's lying to you!
Your niece is a typical,
horrible teenage monster!

315
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,210
You cannot let her drive!

316
00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:30,951
What?
I was wrong
about the trust.

317
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:32,343
But what about
the drop cookies?

318
00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:33,780
The drop cookies
were a trap!

319
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,520
But I gave the girl
my car.

320
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:37,740
Are you nuts?
Why would you do that?

321
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,568
Because you told me to!

322
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,570
Let me guess, she's going
to the public library
to study, right?

323
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:42,702
How did you know that?

324
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,399
'Cause she's
lying to you, John!

325
00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:47,663
She's been driving
for three years,
and she's good.

326
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,231
I mean, she's like Tom Cruise
in Days of Thundergood.

327
00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:53,843
Cole Trickle? Oh, no.
He was reckless on
and off the track!

328
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:55,192
We gotta go find her
and stop her from doing

329
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,412
whatever terrible
and dangerous
thing I used to do.

330
00:11:57,455 --> 00:11:59,719
Right. To the weird
Driver's Ed mobile!

331
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:01,111
[GROANS]
Move! Move!

332
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,678
Bam!

333
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,420
Proof that
Phantom Menaceis great.What's all this?

334
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:07,378
The first reviews
came in this morning,
and they're all raves.

335
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:09,816
We've got New York Times, Chicago Tribune, The Post...

336
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:12,644
Even Roger Ebert
gave it two huge thumbs up.

337
00:12:12,688 --> 00:12:15,473
Eh, just like you,
they're all in the glow.

338
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:16,910
Glow? What glow?

339
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,390
The glow of something
they remember being awesome,

340
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:21,523
which clearly doesn't
apply to this movie.

341
00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:22,742
It's sad, really.

342
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,308
Okay, maybe there's
a few tiny,

343
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:26,571
little problems
with the movie,
but who cares.

344
00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:28,443
Star Warsis about
the community,

345
00:12:28,486 --> 00:12:33,404
the... The shared passion,
the entire universe that fills
our lives with wonder!

346
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:35,015
See, now you're
just melting down

347
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:37,452
because your precious
space movie isn't perfect.

348
00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:40,498
Doesn't have to be.
Nothing in this world
is 100% perfect.

349
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:41,586
All my favorite things are.

350
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,197
Sporty Spice, perfect.

351
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,851
Grape nuts, perfect.

352
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:47,244
Baseball. Perfect.

353
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:49,116
So, let me put it in terms
that you can understand.

354
00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:50,900
How would you like it if
I went to your locker room

355
00:12:50,944 --> 00:12:53,598
before a championship game and
ruined baseball for your team?

356
00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:56,514
I would say that unlike
your silly sci-fi nonsense,

357
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:59,822
baseball is invulnerable
to critique.

358
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:02,303
Oh, come on.
It's 5% actual game play,

359
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,087
and the rest of the time,
it's just a bunch of dudes

360
00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,089
standing there,
adjusting their jocks.

361
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:09,179
For your information, those
uniforms are extremely tight,

362
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:12,269
which makes rearranging
your goodie bag a necessity

363
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:15,533
to maintain comfort
and ensure exciting gameplay!

364
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:17,274
Oh, please!
Baseball's so boring

365
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:19,755
that they have a mandated
7th inning group stretch

366
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,757
so that the fans don't
get a blood clot!

367
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:26,283
That stretch promotes
team unity and boosts
Cracker Jack sales!

368
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,764
Face it, baseball
is just one mind-numbing,

369
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,201
tobacco-spitting,
unending borefest

370
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,900
that no child has ever
stayed awake through.

371
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,293
The TV cameras cut to
those sleeping children

372
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:38,426
because they're adorable,
not because it sucks!

373
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,210
Getting very defensive
there, Coach.

374
00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:42,430
Hope I'm not ruining
America's pastime for you.

375
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:43,910
Impossible!

376
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:46,695
Baseball is an elegant,
nuanced art form,

377
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:49,002
and no one can ever
stop me from loving it!

378
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,612
I'll leave you
to clean your whistles.

379
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:54,355
LAINEY: Despite pushing back, at the next game,

380
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:56,270
Coach couldn't get
CB's words out of his head.

381
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:57,924
Aw, come on
with the adjustment!

382
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:58,707
What are you
wasting time for?

383
00:13:58,750 --> 00:13:59,882
Step in the box and swing!

384
00:14:01,405 --> 00:14:03,059
Stop shaking off
every pitch!

385
00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:05,714
Why are you checking
the runner at first?

386
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:06,976
He's not going anywhere!

387
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,674
Come on! It's been two hours!

388
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,502
It's still zero-zero.

389
00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:12,721
Just swing at everything!

390
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:15,332
Great!
A toddler's asleep!

391
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:17,595
Do something!
Anything!

392
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,249
Damn it.

393
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,990
CB ruined baseball.

394
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:23,601
LAINEY: While CB
had opened Coach's
eyes about baseball,

395
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,908
Glascott and I were on
the lookout for Felicia.

396
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,649
Why are you taking
Old York Road?

397
00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:28,868
I just wanna go
by the library

398
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,739
just in case we were
wrong about her.

399
00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:32,523
We're not wrong, John.

400
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:34,917
That girl is either
at the kegger at
Roxborough Ronnie's

401
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,353
or the kegger at Kappa Tau.

402
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:41,881
No, I need to know
if she made the right choice
and went to the library.

403
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:44,492
Of course she didn't
make the right choice!

404
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:47,887
She's a teenager
and she's kegging it up
at the kegger!

405
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,497
[TIRES SQUEALING]

406
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,542
Look, Felicia will
never forgive me

407
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:53,805
if I go show up at some party
that she's not even at.

408
00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:56,069
But she is there!

409
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:58,332
How do you know?

410
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,552
Because I was terrible
just like her!

411
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,644
Ohh!
No!

412
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,298
The Driver's Ed car.

413
00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:10,387
We both have brakes,
and neither of us used them.

414
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:13,042
Let's remember for insurance
purposes I was the passenger.

415
00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:15,784
Okay, let's not argue about
how this is your fault.

416
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,568
How do we find Felicia?

417
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,181
Our student designated
driving program

418
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,966
isn't supposed to be
for, ya know, a-adults.

419
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:27,187
We're very drunk. Just drive.
To the kegger, Gabe.

420
00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:29,232
Yeah, I was actually
supposed to pick up
some kids there anyway.

421
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:32,192
♪♪

422
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:35,891
Teachers. Run!

423
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,632
We'll get you
for this, Gabe!

424
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,895
What? No!
No, I'm just trying
to help people here!

425
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,375
Felicia!
Hey. [CHUCKLES]

426
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,377
I was just on my way
to the library.

427
00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:45,640
Oh, thank God.
No, wait!

428
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,861
CB!
Well? Huh? Come on!

429
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:52,560
Star Wars!Let's hear it!R-Right? Am I right?

430
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:53,953
Sweet God.

431
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,998
You haven't discussed
this movie with anyone
yet, have you?

432
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,348
No, I've been waiting all
weekend to talk to you.You listen to me.

433
00:15:58,392 --> 00:15:59,697
Right now,
you're living in the glow,

434
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,221
and I never want that
to end for you.

435
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:03,136
What was wrong
with the movie?
It was great.

436
00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:05,312
R2-D2,
the double lightsaber!

437
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:06,617
You know, now that
I think about it, though,

438
00:16:06,661 --> 00:16:08,576
I really didn't love
the Trade Federation stuff.

439
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,621
Don't think!
Just live in the glow

440
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:11,622
where Star Wars
is everything.

441
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:12,841
CB, we need to talk.

442
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,060
Mellor's here. Run.

443
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,236
Run, Coop,
and never look back.Oh...

444
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:18,151
Run!
Hope you're happy.

445
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:20,501
Thanks to you, baseball
has lost all its magic.

446
00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:22,111
Just doing what
you did to me.
How's it feel?

447
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:24,244
Horrible! You know
that the greatest hitter
that ever lived

448
00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:25,593
only hit the ball
four outta ten times?

449
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,812
I don't teach math,
but that doesn't
seem impressive.

450
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:29,945
And why sing Take Me Out to the Ball Game?

451
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,426
We're already there!
Stop selling the sport to us!

452
00:16:32,469 --> 00:16:34,297
Look, I'm sorry I ruined
baseball for you,

453
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,299
but you ruined Star Wars
for those kids.

454
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:37,909
It's the one thing
at this school they had

455
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:39,520
that made them feel
a part of something,

456
00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:40,825
and I don't know why
you can't get that.

457
00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:42,262
I get it.

458
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:43,872
When I was a boy,
I moved around a lot,

459
00:16:43,915 --> 00:16:47,919
and I learned that the easiest
way to make friends
was by joining a team.

460
00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:49,486
Without baseball,
I would've been lost.

461
00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:52,446
The point is, I feel bad!

462
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,230
Come on, lemme make it right.

463
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:56,319
You can't.
It's too late.

464
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,843
♪♪

465
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,674
LAINEY: Mellor may have
ruinedStar Wars for CB
and the kids,

466
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:06,286
but he had one more Jedi
mind trick up his sleeve.

467
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,941
Kids, I am so psyched that
you called this meeting
of the Star WarsClub.

468
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:10,986
We didn't call
this meeting.

469
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,509
Then who called the meeting?

470
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,381
[LIGHT SWITCHES CLICK]
[STAR WARS MAIN THEMEPLAYS]

471
00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:16,861
[LIGHTSABER HUMS]

472
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:18,515
It was I who
summoned you here.

473
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:20,648
Is that Coach Mellor?

474
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:21,866
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
[MUSIC SLOWS]

475
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,347
Uh, Coach?
We got practice.

476
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:25,653
Also, why are you dressed
like a Sith Lord?

477
00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:27,089
Wait, you guys know
that stuff?

478
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,222
Yeah, it's Star Wars,
lady bro. Who doesn't
love Star Wars?

479
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:31,180
Sounds like a challenge,
Ronnie from Roxborough!

480
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:34,575
The first Jedi
that can knock me down

481
00:17:34,618 --> 00:17:36,533
doesn't have to do frog squats
for the rest of the year.

482
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:40,581
Oh, it's on, Darth Mellor!

483
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:42,583
I got your back, little bro.

484
00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:46,413
[STAR WARS MAIN THEMEPLAYS]

485
00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,154
[ALL SHOUTING]

486
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:55,161
[GRUNTING]

487
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:57,467
♪♪

488
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:59,339
Aah!

489
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:01,210
[GRUNTING]

490
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,960
[YELLS]

491
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:13,831
Phantom Menacerules!

492
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,746
I can't hear you!

493
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,400
ALL: Phantom Menacerules!

494
00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,576
[CHEERING]

495
00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:23,972
Hey...

496
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:26,496
I made a new batch
of drop cookies.

497
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,716
Sorry, I'm not in the mood
for your betrayal cookies.

498
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:30,152
They taste like lies.

499
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,372
[HUFFS] Okay,
I get you're mad.

500
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:34,330
You finally trusted me,
and I took advantage.

501
00:18:34,374 --> 00:18:35,810
I'm sorry.
Don't be.

502
00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:38,029
Look, you don't
want me to be your dad,

503
00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:40,902
and after this whole mess,
I'm not sure that I wanna be.

504
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:43,513
What are you saying?
Look at you.
You're driving now.

505
00:18:43,557 --> 00:18:48,301
You're all grown up
and ready to go out there
and live your own life.

506
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,999
And frankly, trying to
stop you is exhausting.

507
00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:52,435
So go.

508
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:54,133
I just hope you're
gonna be okay.

509
00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:57,136
That's it?
You're just giving up on me?

510
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,528
But that's what you want.

511
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,226
For me to not be your dad.

512
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:02,315
Of course I don't want
you to be my dad!

513
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:05,013
My dad always let me down.

514
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:06,797
[DURAN DURAN'S
ORDINARY WORLDPLAYS]

515
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,976
Look, I know this is a crazy
time in your life,

516
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:15,371
but all I can tell you
is I will be whoever
you need me to be.

517
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,766
Thanks.

518
00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,724
♪♪

519
00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,771
We did it, guys.

520
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:26,687
Hey, man.
Hey.

521
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,428
I just wanted to tell you
that I thought what you did

522
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:30,256
the other day
for those kids
was amazing.

523
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:31,996
Look, Star Wars
is your baseball,

524
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,433
and it wasn't my place
to take away something

525
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,086
that makes so many
people happy,

526
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,479
especially from those kids.

527
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,699
Well, baseball makes
a lot of people happy, too,

528
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,876
so as a thank you,
I got you this.

529
00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:43,182
I remember how
over-the-moon you were

530
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:44,705
when the Phillies
won the pennant.

531
00:19:44,748 --> 00:19:45,880
Ah. [SNIFFS]

532
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:47,664
Had awful seats
and it didn't even matter.

533
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:51,015
It was the best game
I ever saw.Right.

534
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,409
Well, that's an autographed
Lenny Dykstra ball
from that game.

535
00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:56,020
No.

536
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:57,326
Seriously?
Mmm-hmm.

537
00:19:57,370 --> 00:19:58,632
Why would you do this?

538
00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:00,460
Because I love Star Wars,

539
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:03,985
and you love baseball,
and none of it's perfect,

540
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:06,944
but sometimes when
you sit down to watch
a Star Warsmovie

541
00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:10,470
or a Phillies' game,
it changes your life forever.

542
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:12,646
And in that way,
we're exactly the same.

543
00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:15,692
And like you said,
every fan deserves
that joy.

544
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,262
You're an honorable Jedi,
Rick Mellor.

545
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:21,959
May the Force be with you,
CB-Wan.

546
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:23,787
♪ Somehow I have to find ♪

547
00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:26,312
LAINEY: Teachers help us
discover our passions

548
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,358
in sports, in music,
in movies.

549
00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:32,796
And as we grow up and face
a sometimes critical world,

550
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,321
it's important to remember
that even with their flaws,

551
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,802
the joy these things
bring to our lives
will always be perfect.

552
00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:42,893
Hello, everybody, I'm sitting
here with the real CB,

553
00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:44,330
who I'm portraying.

554
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:45,766
Wait, should I,
like, fold my hands

555
00:20:45,809 --> 00:20:46,636
if you fold your hands?
Yes.

556
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,117
♪♪

557
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,423
Ah.

558
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:52,163
What's the one thing
that you wish

559
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:53,252
could be taught
in school?

560
00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:54,644
Life skills...
Change a tire.

561
00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:57,168
Have you ever had a tough time
connecting to a student?

562
00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:58,996
My dream is that I find
something.Yeah.

563
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,302
When some kid
comes in loving baseball,

564
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:01,434
well,
I love baseball.

565
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:04,001
I also ran a Magic:
The Gatheringclub

566
00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:05,742
at school, so I had...
Wow, that's so sick.

567
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:08,310
Yeah, and we'd play on
Fridays, maybe have pizza.Wow.

568
00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:09,442
That's cool.

569
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:10,878
Were you a nerd
in high school?

570
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:12,183
I was a nerd
in high school.

571
00:21:12,227 --> 00:21:14,142
I loved math.
Nine times nine, quick.

572
00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:15,883
81. That's my favorite one.
Okay. That was good.

573
00:21:15,926 --> 00:21:17,406
That was really good.
Do you know how to do

574
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:18,712
the nine tables
with your hand?Sure.

575
00:21:18,755 --> 00:21:21,018
That's a saver
for some kids.I always do this.

576
00:21:21,062 --> 00:21:23,151
Dude, you have fingers,
use them.That's awesome.

577
00:21:23,194 --> 00:21:24,587
Yeah, I'm a geek.
Me, too.

578
00:21:24,631 --> 00:21:26,459
Fellow geeks. Here we are.
[LAUGHS]