Tonight, missing the front half
of his two-person horse costume,
it's Jacob Wysocki!
Having stumbled into a parade route,
- it's Kimia Behpoornia! - Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, oh, these things need to slow down.
And having just walked
on an incline treadmill for an hour
and now regular walking feels nuts,
it's Jeremy Culhane!
- You got it, dude. - Hey, guys.
You good?
Oh, yeah, I'm good, I'm normal.
They're all here to-
"Make Some Noise!"
Welcome to "Make Some Noise,"
the game so good, we spun it off "unchanged."
I'm your host, Sam Reich.
Here's how the show works.
I have here a series of improvisational prompts
our players have never seen before.
Isn't that right, players?
- We haven't seen it. - Haven't seen it.
Yes, no, we haven't.
Yes, no, yes.
No, sorry,
I have not seen it.
I've not seen it.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
They will, to the best of their ability,
fulfill those prompts.
I will award them corresponding points,
and the winner will go home with the coveted Golden Ear,
which I'm proud to say no longer includes
predatory micro-transactions.
Players, are you ready to rumble?
No!
In that case, it's time for a little warm-up mini game.
This is a mini game that we like to call
Back to Basics.
Now, I've gotten some feedback
that people miss the old, simple, competitive version
of "Make Some Noise."
This game is simple.
I will give you a sound effect.
You pitch back to me your best version of that sound effect.
I freaking knew it.
I said we're gonna have to do this
because I did it so bad last time.
I said, "We're gonna have to do this."
Because when you come back,
Sam remembers the thing you did
kinda the worst.
And he goes, "Do it again!"
- Hey, it's okay. - He says, "Do it again!"
All right, fine, Sam!
And we already did this soothing before.
Yeah.
We were there, we soothed, and now we're back.
You said he wouldn't,
and I told you he would, and here we are.
I loved your performance in this last time, Kimia.
Totally.
Jacob.
♪ Uh-huh ♪
That might have to stick, dude.
A zipper.
Vvvvvp.
That was pretty darn good.
Kimia.
Zvvvvp.
Kimia!
- Yeah, take that, Sam. - That was very solid.
- Thank you. - Jeremy.
Vrrrrr-rrrp.
Dude.
That's tough.
Reeroo, reeroop.
What is happening?
Maximalist.
That one is gonna go to you somehow, Jeremy.
- Yes! - Wow.
Jacob.
A European siren.
Nee! Nee!
We do it better over here.
No Red 40.
Kimia.
Oui, oui, oui, oui, oui!
Oui, oui!
- Oui, oui. - That's really good.
Jeremy.
Wee woo, innit?
Oh.
Wee woo, innit?
- Stick the landing! - You got this, dude.
Stick the landing!
I'm a Beatle.
- Stop it, oh! - No, keep listening.
Hey, John, let's record an album.
Whoa, we're going deep on The Beatles.
That one's going to go to Jacob.
Last one, a horny cat-themed pinball machine.
Chk, vm.
Me-ow.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, twist it.
Meow, meow, turn it.
Meow, meow, meow, turn the inside out.
Meow, meow, shing-ling a ling-ding-ding.
Ling-ding-ding, a ling-ding-ding-ding.
That's the collar, shing-da-ling, ding-ding-ding.
You know I need it.
- Wow. - Kimia.
Doink.
Wha, mrow!
Mra! Mra!
Doink, doink, doink, ho, ho, ho!
Bing bong, brrr, ow!
Ow!
Ouch! 'Cause it hurts when they do it.
Ah!
- Oh. - Damn.
Love the ending there, very good.
That was really good.
Thanks.
Jeremy.
- Oh, he's going way back. - Just it's further step back.
- Take it further back. - Enter the arcade.
Get out, actually, get out of the car.
How did you get there?
What was happening in the car on the way, though?
Just give me a minute, I'll be right back.
I swear.
Sorry, I didn't mean to slam.
Voom doom ding ling ling.
Ah...
Oh, my god. Is that a horny cat-themed pinball machine?
He forgot it.
I guess I've got one... 25 cents to spare.
Clink clink clink clink.
Oh!
Yeah, dude!
That was diabolical.
You were the one that said start over there!
Did you forget what a quarter was called?
"One 25 cents."
I did. I forgot what a quarter was called.
I think that one's gonna go to Kimia.
Pity, that's a pity vote.
No, it's not. It's not, Kimia.
If you go back and listen to that footage,
I think you'll agree with me.
And I'm never watching this.
Which brings us
to round one.
Jacob.
♪ A-ha ♪
Your dad follows up
about that article he sent you.
Hey, Jake, you read about those dire wolves
that I sent ya?
I don't understand what the point is.
Can't you just let something be gone?
Did you read it?
I need you to check it out.
Actually, if you could just go ahead
and pull it up on your phone right now.
It's really interesting, right?
'Cause if you change the DNA,
are you changing the essential structure
of what it is?
Could it even be a dire wolf?
Really? What do you think?
You're not paying attention?
You're gonna go outside and roll a joint?
Did you read that other article I sent you?
It was just a cutout from "Guitar World Magazine,"
1998.
It was about Stevie Ray Vaughan.
Did you read that?
Jake, where are you going?
Where have you gone?
Jake, are you even here?
Jake? Hello?
Jake, where are you?
Where are you, son?
He's gone.
I wanna show you something.
This is my mom
sending me the dire wolf article.
It's the talk of the town.
Parents cannot get over the dire wolves.
How are they doing this?
You have run out of your free monthly points,
I'm afraid, Jake.
Gonna have to subscribe.
- Kimia. - Yep.
A lemonade stand kid explains
their new business model.
Lemonade for sale. Oh, yes!
Come on down.
Please, grab a cup of lemonade.
Now, listen, I have something
that might interest you.
If you're here for a cup of lemonade,
what would you say
if you took this cup over to your friends
and I gave you a couple more cups for them,
and then they sold some cups of lemonade as well?
You perhaps have a lemonade party.
You invite a bunch of horny moms over
and you say, "I've got a lotta lemonade.
Would you like some?"
And then once they buy one, you give them some more.
Do you understand what I'm describing?
It's shaped like a triangle.
And it's a scheme.
You will be as rich as me.
How much did I make this week?
$10.
A be your own boss amount of points.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - For you, Kimia.
- Jeremy. - Uh-huh.
- Congratulations. - On what?
It looks like we have a gift prompt for you.
Who could this be from?
- It's Kurt! - Hi, Jeremy.
- It's Kurt Maloney. - It's Kurt.
Here's my gift prompt to you.
Do your best impression of Kimia
at one of her Christmas markets
trying her hardest not to buy anything.
You know, 'cause she has a small addiction.
Oh, a gift and a dig.
Yeah.
Let's see this.
Okay.
Kimia at one of her Christmas markets
trying her hardest not to buy anything,
um, you know, 'cause she has a small addiction.
Right.
Hailey, I'll be right back.
No, dude.
Hm, oh.
Hi, hey.
Whoa, these are so cute.
Are they like, they're little mice wearing hats?
No, I shouldn't.
Oh, my god. What is that?
Is that a pillow with Santa on it?
Oh, my gosh, that's- no, I shouldn't.
I shouldn't. Hailey, I'll be right back.
Yeah, thanks. Thanks.
Just- is that Belgium chocolate?
That's two for one right now.
So, technically, I'm getting one free.
It's two for one.
So technically I'm getting one free, right?
- Yeah. - I'll buy your whole market.
I'm gonna buy everything in your market.
My wife Hailey will love this.
Wow.
The impression rested on just my wife's name.
Really didn't do much more than that.
Well, I mean, I loved it, Jeremy,
but Kimia, I think that number of points
is up to you,
Jeremy, you deserve that.
You get 25 points.
25 points.
Which is the same day as Christmas. Crazy.
Generous and on theme,
which brings us back to Jacob.
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
A doomsday prepper is stocked up
on all the wrong things.
'Sup, YouTube?
I just wanna show you all my doomsday shed.
First thing I've got is my bed.
It is a water bed.
It's completely good for my back.
And I know what you're thinking,
"Whoa, those are some pretty cool pillows."
Those are all my waifus.
I am a bit of a weebo,
and, yes, they have large breasts
and not enough clothes on.
Moving down the hall, you can see
that it looks exactly like a laser tag spot
from the early '90s.
You're gonna wanna put on this vest.
It's good for an adult,
but way too big for a kid.
Now you're in my sound room,
where everything just sounds
a little bit different!
There's cones that make sound just reverberate
in a way that you're not used to!
And, no, there's no practical application of this!
Now you're probably wondering
what the food situation is, huh?
We're in 100% an identical replication
of the first McDonald's.
I haven't been able to talk to McDonald's corporate
and get any food here,
but I'm trying my best with frozen patties from Sam's Club
and old potato rolls that Shake Shack doesn't want anymore.
Are you interested in the guns?
I have none.
- Wow. - That was freaking awesome.
10 points with a shelf life of 40 years for you, Jacob.
Everybody tag me in all your hot pillow ladies
that you sleep next to.
You know what? Tag me, too.
- I'm interested. - Don't you dare tag me.
- Kimia. - Yeah.
An actual boobie inspector
is tired of all your jokes.
Yeah, I'm a boobie inspector.
I know you think it means that I look at boobies
and I go, "Oh, that's a boobie."
Or, "Oh, that's not."
But that's not my job. Okay?
I have a lot of levels of government clearance.
I actually work in the FBI.
Yeah, it's a real job!
A boobie inspector. Why boobie?
I can't tell you that, actually.
You don't have those levels of clearance, okay?
But I do.
My sister said that her kid needed
someone to come in for career day
and I was like, "Me, a boobie inspector,
go in front of a bunch of sixth-graders?
They're gonna giggle at me."
Hee hee hee.
Stop giggling!
That's what I wanna be when I grow up.
What do you think it is, little kid?
I don't know. You get to see a bunch of boobies?
And that's not it!
- What? - What is it?
I told you you'd have to get clear-
You need clearance!
I'm so curious.
That's a hell of an improv hack.
You don't have the clearance.
I would tell you, but I can't.
I can't. I'd have to kill you.
- 80085 points for you. - That's right.
That's what I'm talking about.
The last prompt of round one, Jeremy.
Uh-huh.
A cereal mascot who kind of
likes being deprived of the cereal.
Fuck.
This is fucked up.
Oh, no. Where are all my Fruity Crisps?
Oh, looks like they stole it again.
Oh.
Looks like I'll have to go after them to get it back.
Oh, no.
Oh, maybe when I get there, they'll tie me up
and tell everybody these Fruity Crisps aren't for me,
Martin Fruity.
Mr. Fruity, Mr. Fruity, we found your crisps.
- We got 'em. - Oh, no.
What are you gonna make me do to get 'em back?
We're just kind of gonna give 'em to you.
What do you wanna see? Oh, no.
They probably wanna see me dance like this.
Oh, no!
Please give 'em back.
We're just gonna leave 'em here.
We're just gonna leave them. Okay.
- No, don't give it back to us. - Oh, no!
Don't give it back to me.
What happened?
Damn.
Thank you for the assist, you two.
I've never wanted to be a guy with him more.
Did you see his foot while he was doing that?
- No, what was his foot doing? - My foot's been going
crazy recently.
Was it doing a little stanky action?
Everything else was still.
I don't know what this should say,
but like the moment we wrote that prompt, we went,
"Jeremy."
There was no doubt in our minds.
Five points, no milk.
Oh, no.
Which brings us to our second mini game.
- Whoa. - Ah.
This is a little mini game
that we like to call Hollywood Ho.
How it works is, players,
I'm gonna ask you the names
of imaginary movie titles
beginning with particular letters of the alphabet.
If I like the sound of that movie,
I'll then ask you for its log line.
If I like the log line, I'll then say,
"Let's see it."
At which point I will ask you
to enact a scene from that movie.
Does that make sense?
- No. - No.
- Not sure. - No.
Allow me to conduct you.
And-
Hollywood, Hollywood, Hollywood ho!
H.
"Herbert's Juice."
"Hunker Down."
The storm's gotten worse.
Let's see it.
Everybody in the tri-county
seems to be frozen to death.
I don't know if there's any other survivors.
That's crazy.
The only throuple in all of town,
and we're the only ones living.
They said that love doesn't protect,
but I really think it does.
I think it does.
Wait, look.
It seems to get even worse out there.
There's four twisters.
- No, thanks. - No, thanks.
The polytriad is full.
Hollywood, Hollywood, Hollywood ho!
T.
"This Is Evident."
"Tiniest Little Boy."
Oh, no. He's so sad.
Let's see it!
Honey, if you want to adopt him, we can.
I never get adopted. I'm so tiny.
Listen.
I'm the size of a 25 cent piece.
No one's ever gonna adopt him.
If you promise to take responsibility for him,
I'll let him be my son.
What you just said made me feel
like I was your daughter
and you were taking me
- to adopt a dog. - This is going south.
I did not mean it to seem like that.
We're a partnership.
You went "It's your responsibility.
You take care of the tiny guy."
If we got a normal kid, I would help you out.
Normal?
- I mean, if- - He's normal, look at him!
Look at me bench two peas.
Wow, he seems like a strong boy.
Hey, come here little man.
See, you love him.
- I could get used to this. - You learn to love him.
Achoo!
- Oh, no! - No!
No!
My son!
Hollywood, Hollywood, Hollywood ho!
V.
"Valerie's Garden."
"Violent Crimes."
I like you waving your hands in front of me.
"Vesuvius 2."
The volcano is back and it's more mad.
Let see it!
You have a lot of nerve coming back here.
- You think so? - Yeah. You left me on read.
I asked you to dinner.
Wait, you guys were seeing each other?
It wasn't like that.
You told me you've never hooked up with a volcano.
You swore that.
Who's this, Giantra?
We're not together anymore.
Who is this, Giantra?
We are not together anymore,
- okay? - Ever heard of me?
I'm Pompeii.
I get it.
You want somebody that's not so reactive.
Somebody that's a little more dormant.
Somebody that's already popped their cap.
That's what I thought I wanted.
But he's so boring.
- Lame, right? - I know.
He doesn't do anything.
Doesn't even have any magma left.
Probably has to take...
- Say it. You can say it. - Say it.
Probably has to take a little volcano Viagra.
I'm just realizing, is Vesuvius on Pompeii?
Well, Vesuvius erupted and destroyed Pompeii.
You're a city.
You don't even know who you are, man.
Oh, yeah? I'm a fucking city.
Hollywood, Hollywood, Hollywood ho!
Z.
"Zyppher."
"Zantar Raceway."
"Zuri's Back."
"Zantar Raceway 2."
Oh.
The engines are advanced now.
Let's see it!
Hey, nice ride.
Gotta go.
Pshoo!
Whoa! He shot off 1000 miles an hour.
And you're back.
I could use a kid like you on my, oh.
I could use a kid like you.
I could use a kid like you on my team.
- Yeah? - I'm trying to put
a race together.
Well, I'm a kid looking for a team
'cause I ain't got nobody else.
- Huh. Huh. - Huh. Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay. - All right. Good.
- Come, join the team. - Okay, sounds good.
Hey.
Hey, what's up?
In this future world, you know how we say hey.
And hey.
This is Trixie.
Did you put the team together or what?
We're just missing our ace in the hole, the wild card.
There he is.
You know how we say hey here, don't you?
Come on. You know how we say hey.
I don't know. Okay.
- All right. All right. - You know how we say hey.
Oh boy. Okay.
You know how we say hey.
And that's a mini game.
And that's just the thing about "Make Some Noise."
You never know when you're gonna end up kissing
all three of your contestants.
I cannot wait for the fan cams.
I'm calling HR.
My boss made me kiss.
Loved it. Loved it.
That brings us to round two,
where our players must now test their talents
in teams of two.
Two!
Jacob. ♪ Aha-ha-aaa ♪
- And Kimia. - Yep.
A scarecrow is really having an off day
with this crow.
Oh, hey.
You doing all right, man?
Yeah. I'm all right, man.
You don't really look like yourself.
- Whoa. What do you mean? - Usually I'm like
flying over here and I go, "Ah!"
Hey, get away, man. Get away.
Right, and then like today,
I just was like, "I gotta land here.
This guy seems like he needs to chat."
- Hey, man. - You all right buddy?
Hey, I don't really want anybody seeing us, dude.
Are you good?
Could you just kind of, look, honestly?
- Yeah. - Kind of woke up
on the wrong side of the patch today.
You know, I could tell.
We could tell from up there.
Everybody's talking about it?
Yeah, dude, everybody was like
"Come peck the shit out of all the pumpkins.
It's not scary today."
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
I made a terrible investment.
No way.
Tell me.
I got into some weird lemonade scheme
and now I have all this lemonade.
No way.
How am I supposed to off all this lemonade?
I physically can't move.
Dang, dude.
Hey, could you just like
pretend to be scared for a second?
Just maybe I could get like my mojo back?
Okay. You gotta know I'm a really bad actor, but I'll try.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get outta here.
Ah!
Oh, I'm horrified!
- Dial it back a little bit. - Oh, wow!
The scariest guy I've ever seen!
Not sad at all!
- Okay, stop. - Scary!
- Stop, stop, stop. - Sorry, buddy. Was that bad?
Not what you wanted?
Hey, um...
I'm gonna need to borrow cash.
A three point harvest to you all.
Which brings us to Kimia.
- Yes. - Jeremy.
Uh-huh.
Seven minutes in hell.
- Yeah, I guess this is it. - I guess we're
stuck in this closet now, yeah.
Guess we could just lie
and say that you twisted my nipples until they came off.
Or I guess you can do it if you want.
Just like I don't need to.
Okay. I can just do it.
Okay.
- Until they come off? - Until they come off,
and then I stab you over and over
- and over and over. - One thing at a time.
Okay. Okay.
Ah!
I can't believe how many rotations you're getting.
I actually am gonna have to leave this one alone
and focus on just this one for it to come off.
Ah!
Holy shit.
It's a big one. I know.
Freaky, dude. Can I keep this?
Do you wanna be my girlfriend?
- One thing at a time. - 'Kay.
Ah!
Ah, ah!
Ah, ah, ah!
I can't believe we're actually doing it.
I thought we were gonna both chicken out.
I thought you weren't gonna twist my nipples
until they came off.
Haven't you heard the rumors about me around school?
- You're a fucking freak. - Freak.
Is that what you wanted, Sam?
That works for me.
Gosh, if only there was some sex number related
amount of points I could give you,
but I can't imagine what that would possibly be.
- Jeremy. - Uh-huh.
And Jacob. ♪ Uh-huh ♪
A TV show written for stoned people
where exposition is repeated often and clearly.
Hey man, sorry I'm late. I was at a job.
Was that the job you were applying to,
that you were really excited about?
Yeah.
They didn't gimme that job
- and that's why I was late. - Bro!
'Cause I was at that job trying to get that job.
Dang, Douglas.
That sucks, Douglas.
Richard, my roommate, Rich,
who I sometimes call Richard.
Sorry that I was late. I was trying to get this job.
Wait, that was the job at the brewery
that you were excited about?
Yeah, the job at the brewery.
But I didn't get the job and that's why I was late,
Rich, or Richard.
Do you wanna just roll one up and smoke it?
Dude, let's actually smack some foot long dabs.
So dude, things aren't going well with Natasha.
- Natasha, your girlfriend? - My ex-girlfriend now.
Oh, I keep forgetting that you guys broke up.
Yeah, dude, we broke up like four days ago.
It's all I can think about.
It's all I can think of.
It's all-
It's all I can think of.
It's all I can think about.
Are you mad at me that I was late earlier
because I had that job interview?
I'm not mad at you at all.
Because wasn't that the job at the brewery?
It was the job at the brewery.
Now that I know you're not mad at me for being late
because I went to a job at the brewery,
I'd love to listen to what happened to you.
- Thanks, Douglas. - What happened, Richard?
Gosh, me and Natasha just broke up three days ago.
Oh, dude.
I didn't realize that you guys had broken up
with your girlfriend, Natasha.
Yeah, dude,
- it's all I can think about. - Hey, do you wanna do
- a foot long dab? - Let's fucking go.
420 points for the both of you.
Oh hell yeah.
Jacob. ♪ Ah ♪
- And Kimia. - Yeah?
Not a meet cute, but a meet friggin' sick.
Whoa! Dude!
Jump off the wall 360, 190, x80.
Whoa!
- Crazy! - Dude!
Hey, man.
Man, you bumped into me,
and I did a trick I had never done in my dreams.
Sick recovery, man.
You should name that trick after your name.
What's your name?
- Dango. - Dango?
- My name's Crud. - What's up Crud?
Get out of the middle of the street.
Be nicer to your wife!
That was pretty stellar stuff.
I'm sorry that I almost hit you.
I was just going so fast, I became blind.
I've never gone so fast I became blind.
Yeah. Would you want to go up the hill?
There's a pretty sick little taco shack up there.
- Absolutely. - You're single?
- Yeah. - Me too.
- No way. - What?
- I didn't say that.
- Did you? - Yeah.
We are single, right? Because I like clarity.
- Yeah, I'm fully available. - Will you guys please
get out of the middle of the road?
- Excuse me, dude. - Can you please?
Where are you headed?
I'm going to an abandoned arcade.
I liked them. I ship it.
- Yeah? - Can't wait to
rewatch you saying tricks.
There were numbers. Just numbers.
Hang 10 apiece for the both of you.
- Which brings us to Kimia. - Yeah.
- And Jeremy. - Uh-huh.
The "Chitchat Before the Podcast Begins" podcast.
Could you speak into your mic really quick?
Test, test, test, test, test, test, test.
That's great.
For breakfast, I had eggs.
- I also ate eggs. - Oh really?
- That's kind of crazy. - That's crazy.
Yeah, I think we're basically ready to go.
Basically what'll happen is I'm just gonna run you
through a couple of different scenarios
that might scare you.
And we're just gonna see how you would like react
and like what you would do in those situations
if you were scared or like how would you get out of them.
It's pretty chill, like we've had tons of guests before.
Lisa Gilroy is like a big person that comes by.
There's so many great people.
Yeah, I mean, you sent me one of the episodes
as an example before.
Yeah, yeah. Did you watch it?
- I listened. - We also have
a YouTube component now.
It's like this whole push, but like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I listened to it.
It sounds like you never like got to it.
Yeah. No, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the episode I listened to is just
kind of like what we're doing right now.
- No, yeah, yeah. - But you never got
to the part where you scared Lisa a bunch.
No, like, so like basically what's gonna happen is like
definitely in like a little bit, we will get to the part
where like, I'm gonna ask you a couple questions.
Yeah, my question is, are you gonna release that
or are you just releasing this?
So people love like kind of like VIP content,
so like what if the whole thing was VIP content
and you got the pre-episode and we never-
Cortado for Jeremy Culhane?
And just to let you know, it is a 45 minute
time limit for the tables.
Totally understand.
That's exactly the amount of time we need.
If you're not gonna air the scaring,
I would like to not do it.
I can just go after we do this.
No, I'm gonna do the scaring. We're gonna get there.
Yeah. And you're gonna release it.
I'm just getting some crazy, like you have mom vibes.
I have mom vibes?
Like you have a relationship
with your mom that's abnormal.
Like what's that like?
Can you speak into the mic?
I don't wanna get into that
because I know you're gonna air this part.
- Can we just- - I promise you,
I'm not gonna air this part.
This is just the chitchat before.
Who do you hate in like the Comedy scen-?
Feel free to cut this out. 43 points to you both.
That's good.
Which brings us back one final time
- to Jeremy- - Uh-huh.
- And Jacob. - Uh-huh.
Getting closer and closer.
I dunno what you're talking about. I kind of started it.
Telling the caricature artist
you know what they're fucking doing.
Probably drawing like fat tits on me?
Classic fat guy, fat tits kind of situation?
Really cool. Really funny, really original.
Really, really original.
I'm just a small Parisian. Please let me finish.
You making my belly bigger than the Eiffel Tower?
Is that what you're doing? Huh?
Really sort of egregious erasing right there.
- No, this is not erasing. - I've had these, all right?
I've been around enough. I've had these.
Why'd you get another one?
Just maybe waiting for one guy to get it right.
Okay, you're not gonna get the thing
that I'm gonna do though.
Are you making my neck look like a croissant?
- No. - Sorry,
just making a statement, he's got a bigger neck.
It's probably like a piece of pastry or something.
- No, no, no, no. - I see it.
I see exactly what's happening.
- No, no, no. - Yeah, yeah.
Trying to make sort of a subtle American hint.
Like Americans are not as healthy
- as Europeans. - No.
- Just generally
you think like your culture's
a little bit better and that maybe you take better
care of your people or whatever.
That's sort of what you think.
I know what that was.
I know what that was. What was that?
- I don't know. - What were they laughing at?
Could you show me what they're laughing at?
- I don't know. - 'Cause I know
what you're doing, but I don't know what they saw
and how they saw me.
And then what you were presenting how they saw.
And I'm thinking about how you're seeing me
and how they were seeing me.
And that's a lot. That's a lot to balance.
What was that? They're gone, they're fully gone.
What was that? What was that?
Show it to me. Show me what they laughed about.
Oh, that's just five donuts
stacked on the Eiffel Tower.
This is a great show to make me seem like an asshole.
55 real original points.
Real original.
That brings us to our final mini game.
This is a bit of a round robin.
How it works, players, is I'm gonna ask you
to deliver your responses to this
into your respective single cameras.
Your prompt is a nightmare blunt rotation.
Oh wow. A sativa strain.
You know, I love sativa.
It's actually really important.
Shut up. Thank you.
So sativas are really important for the environment
because when we're taking them in,
we are reclaiming, shut up.
Stop talking. I'm talking.
We are actually reclaiming our Spartan energy as men.
You've gotta come to my all male dinner sometime.
By the way, I'm super Christian.
Oh, fun. Are we smoking?
Sorry, I know you told me to leave you guys in the garage,
but I'm cool, I promise.
Look, I told you, if you wanna do drugs, let Mom come.
I swear I'm cool about it. Okay?
So what is this? A spliff?
Okay.
I like raw milk.
I just think it's really tasty.
I like beef tallow.
I miss you, Cheryl.
Didn't know you had that one in you.
Oh no, those kids.
People are stealing my cereal.
Oh no. Don't take it from me.
Can't believe that's the only guy
who'll show me his boobies.
That's not what I do!
That's not what the job is!
Not used to smoking. I'm more of a drinker.
Timbuktu and all that.
And of course, not the real Johnny Depp.
I'm a guy who dresses up kind of like Johnny Depp
and goes to Disneyland every day.
You want it?
No, I swear. I love smoking.
Oh.
Oh!
Oh.
Oh!
Thanks for inviting me.
Oh, I never gonna invited anywhere.
My name's
Kimia.
Damn, dude.
It's me, Jeremy Culhane.
It's me, Jeremy.
I smoke all the time.
34 infused pre-rolled points for you all.
That brings us to round three,
where our players will now hold hands
and jump into the abyss together.
- Whee! - Yay!
- Jacob. - Uh-huh.
- Kimia. - Yep.
- Jeremy. - Uh-huh.
A no frills Scandinavian cheerleading team.
Okay girls, you ready to go?
- Yah. - If you're ready, I'm ready.
I'm ready. Let's start whenever.
Okay. 5, 6, 7, 8.
Go, go,
go, go, go, go,
go, go, go,
go-
I feel like we're giving too much to them.
Maybe a bit distracting for the players?
- Yeah, right. - Yeah very distracting.
Let them focus, right?
- Let's tone it down. - Tone it down? Okay.
Go, go,
go.
Do you guys ever feel like
maybe we don't have actual freedom?
Like it's sort of like this idea that we could do whatever,
but really there's more regulations here
- than in other countries. - Right.
Like people think we're a lot happier, but look at me.
Do I look happier than most?
Wow. Those cheerleaders are hot in here.
Universal truths, brother.
Enough points to get the job done. Team three.
Which brings us to the second to last prompt of our game.
- Jacob. - Oh, uh-huh?
- Kimia. - Yep.
- Jer-jer. - Oh, uh-huh?
"The Bear," but it's a Renaissance faire stand
that only sells giant turkey legs.
All right, you need 14 turkey legs, stat!
What are you guys doing standing around? Come on.
Righto, cousin, rightaway.
I've made something that maybe
I thought we could try today.
What is it? I don't have time for this.
You can see the line!
I just thought maybe I could show you something,
you know, ye olde something new.
My god. It's the best mashed peas I've ever tasted.
If you like it, why don't we do it?
I'm not gonna do it right now.
- We got 14 kids. - Those fucking suck, man.
Come on, cousin. Come on.
All right, cousin. Righto, cousin.
Listen, I have a dream for this place.
It's gonna be the biggest Renaissance thing in the world.
We're not gonna just do turkey legs.
We're gonna do spotted dick.
I'm trying my best, but my home life
is so dense and complicated.
It will probably take an entire episode
to understand who I am.
Well, right now, you're just my cousin,
and you're fucking pissing me off, okay?
Oh, fuck you. Turkey's ready.
Oh, fuck you, turkey's ready.
Fuck you, if you wanted to do more,
why didn't you like the thing I presented to you?
'Cause I don't have the mental capacity
to care for you right now because my brother is dead!
Turkey's done, cousin.
- You happy? - Wait a second.
Oh my god. This turkey has $800,000.
It's just the break they need.
I can't wait to see where this goes.
Two seasons and a strange third.
10 points to each of your respective vassals,
which brings us to the very last prompt of our game.
- Jacob. - Uh-huh.
- Kimia. - Yep.
- Jeremy. - Uh-huh.
Mother Nature, Father Time, Uncle Hot Sauce.
Well, he should be here soon. Hopefully.
He's always running late, and you know, that's my thing.
It's okay. Let's take a deep breath together.
'Sup, germs? You guys getting spicy with it?
No. What are you talking about?
I'm hot to trot.
You come in on a jet pack?
Stole it from the military.
Come on. I like to keep it hot.
Okay, let's focus. Earth is having a really tough time.
- Yeah. - What?
And I've given them an extra bloom
so that the people will feel a little bit better
- about what's going on. - That's really generous.
I've decided to extend a second to a little bit longer
so they feel like they have
a little bit more time on their hands.
Gorgeous.
I turned the Mississippi River into a hot sauce river.
Sort of a Chipotle based sensation.
Smoky with a little bit of heat,
but the average person can enjoy it.
Do you know how long it took me to build that river?
How long?
Oh, I know.
I'm Father Time. Four eons.
Do you know how long it took me
to make that river hot sauce?
Me again?
I think it took you all of 12 seconds.
Yeah, it was pretty quick.
We're supposed to be working together,
you're supposed to take what I've got.
We are the gods of this world.
- Yeah. - All the fish are dying.
- They're dead. - There's other rivers.
Well, that's okay. We can get past that.
All right, that's fine.
I've put a pause on some weather
so that everyone can, you know, get their bearings.
So no more natural disasters for at least a month.
That'll be good.
I've also made leap year
more of an important day for them in their heads.
I'm making it rain chili relleno.
Again, what are you doing?
That's a solid. That's a solid.
They're pretty soft.
500,000 Scovilles specifically for Uncle Hot Sauce.
Yeah.
Which brings us to the end of our game.
Our winner tonight...
Jacob Wysocki.
Come on!
You are the recipient
of another coveted Golden Ear.
Wow.
That does it for us here at "Make Some Noise,"
tune in next time for more of the game samer.
I'm Sam Reich and that sounds pretty good to me.
Goodnight.
Go. Go.