1
00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:05,697
- That is humorous, yes.
- Very humorous, yes.

2
00:00:05,698 --> 00:00:08,333
- Quite jocular, yes.
- Droll, very droll, yes.

3
00:00:08,334 --> 00:00:10,601
Whimsical, yes, yes.
Quite absurd, yes.

4
00:00:10,602 --> 00:00:11,670
Quite whimsical, yes.

5
00:00:11,771 --> 00:00:13,639
Priceless wit
of a satirical bent, yes.

6
00:00:32,291 --> 00:00:34,692
Behold,
oh dim-witted humans.

7
00:00:34,693 --> 00:00:36,761
I am Smart Butt-Head.

8
00:00:36,762 --> 00:00:40,632
And I am the one sages
call Smart Beavis.

9
00:00:40,633 --> 00:00:42,434
In the past,
we have come to you

10
00:00:42,435 --> 00:00:44,135
to chronicle
the mysterious events

11
00:00:44,136 --> 00:00:46,471
of a distant universe where
Beavis and Butt-Head

12
00:00:46,472 --> 00:00:49,374
are not teenagers,
but in middle age.

13
00:00:49,375 --> 00:00:51,476
At the height
of their powers.

14
00:00:51,477 --> 00:00:54,412
But today, we bring
you a different tale,

15
00:00:54,413 --> 00:00:56,515
a tale about ourselves.

16
00:00:56,516 --> 00:00:58,517
The legend
of how we came to be known

17
00:00:58,617 --> 00:01:00,818
across the cosmos as...

18
00:01:00,819 --> 00:01:03,187
The Discoverers.

19
00:01:15,801 --> 00:01:17,535
<i>Our legend begins the day</i>

20
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:21,440
<i>we were called before
the Supreme Leaders.</i>

21
00:01:25,578 --> 00:01:28,780
<i>Smart Beavis
and Smart Butt-Head,</i>

22
00:01:28,781 --> 00:01:31,016
<i>we have for you
an important mission.</i>

23
00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:35,520
<i>The Smart Council has decided
to invade Earth I,</i>

24
00:01:35,521 --> 00:01:37,588
<i>the planet
they call Normal Earth.</i>

25
00:01:37,589 --> 00:01:39,157
<i>The humans who live there</i>

26
00:01:39,158 --> 00:01:41,859
<i>are too stupid
to have their own planet.</i>

27
00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:44,529
<i>And so they must
be terminated.</i>

28
00:01:44,530 --> 00:01:45,731
<i>Mm-kay?</i>

29
00:01:45,732 --> 00:01:47,699
<i>Your Mission
is to go to Earth I</i>

30
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:49,434
<i>and place
a navigational beacon</i>

31
00:01:49,435 --> 00:01:52,604
<i>to show our space fleet
precisely where to attack.</i>

32
00:01:52,704 --> 00:01:54,472
Ah, yes, you chose us

33
00:01:54,473 --> 00:01:57,309
because of our deep
understanding of Normal Earth.

34
00:01:57,310 --> 00:01:59,278
And wisdom in the art of war.

35
00:01:59,378 --> 00:02:03,148
<i>No, we chose you because
you will probably die.</i>

36
00:02:03,149 --> 00:02:06,551
<i>You were the most expendable
people we could think of.</i>

37
00:02:06,552 --> 00:02:09,587
<i>And we are extremely good
at thinking.</i>

38
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,422
<i>Quite right, Smart Todd.</i>

39
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:15,294
<i>Now go.
May science be with you.</i>

40
00:02:17,663 --> 00:02:20,598
Very well.
We shall go to Normal Earth.

41
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,734
And we shall be its doom.

42
00:02:22,735 --> 00:02:24,970
Indeed. Doom.

43
00:02:25,070 --> 00:02:27,538
- Yes, yes. Quite jocular.
- Chucklesome, yes, yes.

44
00:02:27,539 --> 00:02:29,141
- Amusing jocosity.
- Yes, yes.

45
00:02:29,241 --> 00:02:31,276
Waggish and farcical as well, yes.

46
00:02:32,712 --> 00:02:35,046
<i>♪ Yeah,
we want to go insane ♪</i>

47
00:02:38,618 --> 00:02:40,651
Interesting,
quite interesting, yes.

48
00:02:40,652 --> 00:02:42,954
Yes, yes. Very interesting.

49
00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:45,923
<i>♪ Take your bitch,
give her back, insane ♪</i>

50
00:02:45,924 --> 00:02:47,926
<i>♪ Sent her packing,
she was actin' crazy ♪</i>

51
00:02:47,927 --> 00:02:50,661
People less sophisticated
than ourselves might assume

52
00:02:50,662 --> 00:02:53,865
that this is a man stumbling
around intoxicated in his yard

53
00:02:53,866 --> 00:02:55,634
<i>and should be handed over
to the authorities.</i>

54
00:02:55,635 --> 00:02:57,602
Yes, but we know better.

55
00:02:57,603 --> 00:03:00,605
These are sophisticated
dance moves with great meaning.

56
00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:02,974
<i>Yes, it will take our
scientists many centuries</i>

57
00:03:02,975 --> 00:03:05,710
<i>to interpret what he is saying
through the language of dance.</i>

58
00:03:05,711 --> 00:03:07,012
<i>Yes, yes.</i>

59
00:03:07,112 --> 00:03:09,447
<i>The probability of him
urinating in his own pants</i>

60
00:03:09,448 --> 00:03:10,515
<i>is zero.</i>

61
00:03:10,516 --> 00:03:12,017
<i>I need it cash, cake ♪</i>

62
00:03:12,117 --> 00:03:14,486
Did you catch that,
Smart Butt-Head?

63
00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:17,323
He is expressing his earthly
desire for fornication

64
00:03:17,423 --> 00:03:18,823
<i>and a carton of smokes.</i>

65
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,592
<i>Ah, yes.
Yes, indeed.</i>

66
00:03:20,593 --> 00:03:21,827
<i>♪ But it's different ♪</i>

67
00:03:21,927 --> 00:03:23,328
<i>Oh, look at this.</i>

68
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:25,629
<i>He is paying tribute
to the God of fertility.</i>

69
00:03:25,630 --> 00:03:28,666
Yes, yes, by placing his hand
near his Earth penis,

70
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,868
I believe this is how
they pledge of allegiance.

71
00:03:30,869 --> 00:03:32,204
Yes, yes.

72
00:03:32,304 --> 00:03:34,673
<i>The Earth penis is a
much less intelligent organ</i>

73
00:03:34,773 --> 00:03:36,040
<i>than our space penis.</i>

74
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:37,009
<i>Yes, yes.</i>

75
00:03:37,110 --> 00:03:39,944
Primitive 16-bit Earth penis,
yes, yes.

76
00:03:39,945 --> 00:03:41,712
<i>♪ Completely ♪</i>

77
00:03:41,713 --> 00:03:44,148
<i>I do not understand what
he appears to be doing now.</i>

78
00:03:44,149 --> 00:03:46,351
<i>What is the meaning of this,
Smart Butt-Head?</i>

79
00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:48,153
<i>He is performing
the ancient moves</i>

80
00:03:48,154 --> 00:03:51,223
<i>necessary before immersion
in the basin of purification.</i>

81
00:03:51,323 --> 00:03:52,724
<i>Ah, yes, indeed, yes.</i>

82
00:03:52,725 --> 00:03:54,759
<i>I believe you are correct,
Smart Butt-Head, yes.</i>

83
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,596
Humans must reach
the exalted state they call

84
00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:00,566
krunk before immersion
into the pool of infinity.

85
00:04:00,666 --> 00:04:01,934
<i>Yes, yes, that pool,</i>

86
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,769
<i>like the wisdom
of Post Malone, is infinite.</i>

87
00:04:04,770 --> 00:04:07,238
<i>♪ Second verse,
second verse, yay ♪</i>

88
00:04:07,239 --> 00:04:08,340
<i>♪ Second verse ♪</i>

89
00:04:08,341 --> 00:04:10,741
This is very good,
Smart Butt-Head.

90
00:04:10,742 --> 00:04:12,410
<i>Yes, yes. Very good.</i>

91
00:04:12,411 --> 00:04:14,612
<i>I do not understand why
it was not nominated</i>

92
00:04:14,613 --> 00:04:16,047
<i>for the Space Oscars.</i>

93
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,983
<i>Ah, yes.
Yes, it is a travesty.</i>

94
00:04:18,984 --> 00:04:21,753
<i>Post Malone has become
quite wealthy doing this.</i>

95
00:04:21,754 --> 00:04:24,222
<i>Yes, yes, it is no wonder
that the Earthlings</i>

96
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,991
<i>have made him their king.</i>

97
00:04:25,992 --> 00:04:27,526
<i>♪ To try to teach me
how to dance ♪</i>

98
00:04:27,527 --> 00:04:29,928
<i>What do those words
on his face mean?</i>

99
00:04:29,929 --> 00:04:32,063
<i>They mean one thing,
Smart Beavis.</i>

100
00:04:32,064 --> 00:04:35,566
<i>Kidnap me and probe my anus.
- Yes, yes.</i>

101
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,902
Perhaps we should lure him
into our spacecraft

102
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,738
with a 40-ouncer
and a pack of cigarettes

103
00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:42,907
<i>and take him
to our home planet for study.</i>

104
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,109
<i>Yes, yes.</i>

105
00:04:44,209 --> 00:04:46,944
<i>40 ounces is the optimal
volume for malt liquor.</i>

106
00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:49,947
32-ounce does not get
you messed up sufficiently.

107
00:04:49,948 --> 00:04:52,150
And 52 ounces
is too heavy to hold.

108
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:55,787
<i>Yes, yes. Do you think
he would mind being probed?</i>

109
00:04:55,788 --> 00:04:58,123
<i>I do not think
he would mind or notice.</i>

110
00:04:58,223 --> 00:04:59,125
<i>Yes, yes.</i>

111
00:05:12,571 --> 00:05:14,473
Look upon these
foolish humans,

112
00:05:14,573 --> 00:05:17,141
unaware their destruction
is nigh.

113
00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:20,846
Let us place the beacon here
in this temple of commerce.

114
00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:25,950
How primitive.
- Yes.

115
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:29,120
The convenience stores on our
world are far more advanced.

116
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,623
Yes, yes,
very primitive, yes.

117
00:05:31,624 --> 00:05:34,460
It appears to be
an obsolete form of nachos.

118
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,462
Yes, quite archaic, yes.

119
00:05:36,562 --> 00:05:38,397
Where is the space cheese?

120
00:05:38,398 --> 00:05:40,165
And look at this.

121
00:05:40,265 --> 00:05:42,500
Primitive analog pornography.

122
00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:43,768
Fascinating.

123
00:05:43,769 --> 00:05:45,771
We must take it
for our research.

124
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,708
Now, let us place the beacon

125
00:05:49,709 --> 00:05:51,877
to guide our space fleet
to its prey.

126
00:05:51,878 --> 00:05:54,712
But where shall we place it,
Smart Beavis?

127
00:05:54,713 --> 00:05:58,216
Ah, these days, you got
to take out a mortgage

128
00:05:58,217 --> 00:06:02,220
just to buy some cold ones,
I tell you what.

129
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:04,322
Let us put the beacon
in this chamber.

130
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:05,691
It should suffice.

131
00:06:05,791 --> 00:06:08,493
Yes, yes.
A felicitous location, yes.

132
00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:10,229
Well, hold on there, boys.

133
00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:12,230
You can't just take
those magazines

134
00:06:12,231 --> 00:06:15,366
and go whack off
in the bathroom.

135
00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:17,035
I do not understand.

136
00:06:17,036 --> 00:06:18,537
What do these words mean?

137
00:06:18,637 --> 00:06:20,571
"Whack off"?

138
00:06:20,572 --> 00:06:24,175
You know,
choking the chicken.

139
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:27,078
Beating your meat.

140
00:06:27,079 --> 00:06:29,882
Spanking your monkey.

141
00:06:29,982 --> 00:06:33,151
Son, I'm talking
about masturbating.

142
00:06:33,152 --> 00:06:34,520
We have never heard of it.

143
00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:37,390
What is masturbating?

144
00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:39,824
You really don't know?

145
00:06:39,825 --> 00:06:41,693
Oh, boy.

146
00:06:41,694 --> 00:06:45,531
Well, all right, I guess
I'll explain it to you then.

147
00:06:45,631 --> 00:06:48,033
You see, sometimes a man--

148
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,471
And that's pretty much
the long and short of it.

149
00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:54,606
Fascinating.

150
00:06:54,607 --> 00:06:56,608
Your own schlong?

151
00:06:56,609 --> 00:06:58,243
Quite fascinating, indeed.

152
00:06:58,244 --> 00:07:01,078
We must try this immediately
for research.

153
00:07:01,079 --> 00:07:02,114
Indeed.

154
00:07:02,215 --> 00:07:04,083
We shall return
immediately afterwards

155
00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:05,784
and place the beacon.

156
00:07:17,262 --> 00:07:19,063
The research was a success.

157
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,165
Indeed.

158
00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:21,432
The old man's analysis

159
00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:23,668
of spanking your monkey
was correct.

160
00:07:23,669 --> 00:07:25,137
Quite accurate, yes.

161
00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:27,571
Let us go now
and place the beacon.

162
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,642
First, we should conduct
the research one more time.

163
00:07:30,643 --> 00:07:31,843
Very well.

164
00:07:36,516 --> 00:07:37,949
Research complete.

165
00:07:37,950 --> 00:07:39,918
Let us place the beacon.

166
00:07:40,018 --> 00:07:43,188
Or we conduct the research
one more time.

167
00:07:43,189 --> 00:07:44,756
Yes, yes, I agree.

168
00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:47,426
One more time, yes.
We must be thorough, yes.

169
00:07:59,505 --> 00:08:01,007
My schlong hurts.

170
00:08:01,107 --> 00:08:02,340
As does mine.

171
00:08:02,341 --> 00:08:04,175
It is finally time
to cease our research

172
00:08:04,176 --> 00:08:05,643
and plant the beacon.

173
00:08:05,644 --> 00:08:06,878
Agreed.

174
00:08:06,879 --> 00:08:09,081
But first, one more time.

175
00:08:16,488 --> 00:08:19,491
Set course for
the navigation beacon.

176
00:08:19,492 --> 00:08:21,393
I'm not detecting it, sir.

177
00:08:21,394 --> 00:08:22,861
That's not possible.

178
00:08:22,862 --> 00:08:25,864
We sent a team
to plant it a week ago.

179
00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,899
It was never turned on, sir.

180
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,834
We have zero navigational data.

181
00:08:29,835 --> 00:08:31,168
No matter.

182
00:08:31,169 --> 00:08:35,339
I became Smart Admiral because
I am expert in navigating

183
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,408
without--

184
00:08:51,424 --> 00:08:53,825
<i>Smart Beavis
and Smart Butt-Head,</i>

185
00:08:53,826 --> 00:08:56,027
<i>you failed
to place the beacon.</i>

186
00:08:56,028 --> 00:08:57,230
<i>As a result,</i>

187
00:08:57,330 --> 00:08:59,698
<i>our invasion fleet
crashed into the moon,</i>

188
00:08:59,798 --> 00:09:01,699
<i>destroying over 40 ships</i>

189
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,202
<i>and putting
Admiral Smart Van Driessen</i>

190
00:09:04,203 --> 00:09:06,371
<i>in the space emergency room.</i>

191
00:09:06,372 --> 00:09:10,042
<i>You have disappointed
us for the last time, mm-kay?</i>

192
00:09:10,142 --> 00:09:14,579
<i>You have anything to say
before we pass sentence?</i>

193
00:09:14,580 --> 00:09:16,614
In our defense,
Supreme Leaders,

194
00:09:16,615 --> 00:09:18,316
we have discovered something.

195
00:09:18,317 --> 00:09:19,851
Indeed, we did.

196
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:24,389
Something unknown to our planet
called spanking your monkey.

197
00:09:24,390 --> 00:09:26,658
I will beam you how it works.

198
00:09:29,161 --> 00:09:30,563
<i>Very well.</i>

199
00:09:30,663 --> 00:09:33,931
<i>We will consider this
spanking your monkey</i>

200
00:09:33,932 --> 00:09:36,835
<i>and return with our verdict.</i>

201
00:09:57,356 --> 00:10:00,691
<i>We will now vote
on your sentence.</i>

202
00:10:00,692 --> 00:10:01,726
<i>Death.</i>

203
00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:03,828
<i>Give them a billion dollars.</i>

204
00:10:03,829 --> 00:10:05,531
<i>Throw them a parade.</i>

205
00:10:05,631 --> 00:10:07,566
<i>Give them $2 billion.</i>

206
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,734
<i>Rename the planet
in their honor.</i>

207
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:13,571
<i>Sing songs of their triumph
at every public gathering.</i>

208
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:17,076
<i>Let us consider the evidence
one more time.</i>

209
00:10:17,176 --> 00:10:20,413
<i>Yes.
- Agreed.</i>

210
00:10:20,513 --> 00:10:23,049
<i>You've got to be kidding me.</i>

211
00:10:29,388 --> 00:10:32,524
I only wish more people
had come to our parade.

212
00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:36,027
They are all at home
spanking their monkeys.

213
00:10:36,028 --> 00:10:38,564
<i>Thanks to what we learned
from that old man,</i>

214
00:10:38,664 --> 00:10:41,866
<i>Earth 327-Z would never
be the same again.</i>

215
00:10:47,073 --> 00:10:49,607
And that is why
we are known as...

216
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:52,344
The Discoverers.

217
00:11:27,079 --> 00:11:28,146
Chirp.