1
00:00:04,414 --> 00:00:08,461
[rock music]
2
00:00:08,548 --> 00:00:11,247
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:12,988 --> 00:00:15,425
This is gonna be cool.
4
00:00:15,512 --> 00:00:18,994
[chuckling]
We're gonna egg a house.
5
00:00:19,081 --> 00:00:20,604
[chuckling]
- Yeah, it's gonna be cool.
6
00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,214
Yeah.
[chuckling]
7
00:00:22,301 --> 00:00:24,913
But, um, like,
which house should we egg?
8
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,523
[indistinct yelling]
9
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:29,352
Uh, not this one.
10
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Whoever lives here is cool.
[chuckling]
11
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[dog barking]
12
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Yeah, not this one either.
These guys kick ass.
13
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[chuckling]
- They sure do, Beavis.
14
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[chuckling]
15
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Whoa, now,
whoever lives here sucks.
16
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Beavis, I think
we have a winner.
17
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Yeah, yeah,
let's egg it, yeah.
18
00:00:52,288 --> 00:00:54,725
Okay, Beavis,
when I count to three,
19
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let's throw these eggs.
20
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Uh, go.
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[both grunting]
22
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[both chuckling]
23
00:01:02,733 --> 00:01:04,866
- Yeah.
- [chuckling]
24
00:01:06,998 --> 00:01:08,217
- [grunts]
- [chuckling]
25
00:01:08,304 --> 00:01:09,435
Damn it.
26
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Ugh, damn it!
[chuckling]
27
00:01:15,572 --> 00:01:16,965
Ah!
28
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Beavis, you dumbass.
29
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You got in the way
of my perfect throw.
30
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[chuckling]
- [grunts]
31
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I'll show you
how it's done, Beavis.
32
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Check this out.
[chuckling]
33
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[grunts]
34
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Ah!
35
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Damn it.
Throwing sucks.
36
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[chuckling]
37
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[humming melody]
38
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♪ I'm in my prime, optimist ♪
39
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Butt-Head: Uh, I think
40
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she's supposed to be,
like, Pinocchio,
41
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but when she lies,
her butt grows bigger.
42
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[chuckling]
43
00:01:50,215 --> 00:01:51,869
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[chuckling]
44
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She been doing a whole lot
of lying.
45
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You know what I'm saying?
[chuckling]
46
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♪ ♪
47
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I wish, when I lied,
48
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my schlong would grow bigger
'cause then I'd be like,
49
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"Hey, baby."
[chuckling]
50
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,710
"I have a gigantic schlong."
[chuckling]
51
00:02:06,797 --> 00:02:09,974
And I'd be lying, but then
my schlong would get bigger
52
00:02:10,061 --> 00:02:12,020
because I'm lying, see?
53
00:02:12,107 --> 00:02:13,630
And then it would be true, though,
54
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,328
so, um, I don't know
if it shrinks again or--
55
00:02:16,415 --> 00:02:17,808
I don't know how that works,
you know?
56
00:02:17,895 --> 00:02:20,071
I don't know what
the Pinocchio rules are.
57
00:02:20,158 --> 00:02:22,421
You know?
[chuckling]
58
00:02:22,508 --> 00:02:24,206
Yeah, maybe it would just,
like, start growing
59
00:02:24,293 --> 00:02:25,903
and shrinking back and forth,
you know, like,
60
00:02:25,990 --> 00:02:28,253
'cause, um, 'cause it grows,
and then I'm not lying,
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and then it shrinks
since I'm lying,
62
00:02:29,864 --> 00:02:31,648
and then, you know,
it just goes back and forth.
63
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It's kind of going "boing,
oing, boing, boing, boing."
64
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[chuckling]
65
00:02:35,478 --> 00:02:37,045
And then I wouldn't even
need the chick, you know?
66
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I could just have my schlong
do all the work, you know?
67
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[chuckling]
68
00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:42,006
And I wouldn't need
my hands either.
69
00:02:42,093 --> 00:02:43,921
[chuckling]
70
00:02:44,008 --> 00:02:46,924
Can go eat lunch or something.
You know, go about my business.
71
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You know?
[chuckling]
72
00:02:48,491 --> 00:02:49,840
Maybe take up a new hobby,
you know,
73
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like, um, like, um...
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00:02:52,451 --> 00:02:53,844
uh, like spanking my--
oh, no, never mind.
75
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[chuckling]
76
00:02:55,498 --> 00:02:56,891
That was
quite a ride, Beavis.
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[chuckling]
78
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I guess what I'm saying,
though, is, like, um,
79
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is I wish I could lie a lot
and have a big schlong.
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That's all.
[chuckling]
81
00:03:05,073 --> 00:03:08,728
That would rule.
[chuckling]
82
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Uh, you know,
they really should
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make a "Schlongnocchio" movie.
[chuckling]
84
00:03:14,299 --> 00:03:15,561
'Cause then, like,
Jimmy Cricket
85
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can get it on with Tinkerbell,
and then Peter Pan
86
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can grant him a real schlong,
87
00:03:20,044 --> 00:03:21,872
and they can all ride off
on Dumbo.
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[chuckling]
89
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Beavis: [chuckling]
90
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Butt-Head: And then
that cricket can be like,
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"Uh, hey, Tinkerbell,
wanna see my seventh leg?"
92
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[chuckling]
93
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[chuckling]
Yeah.
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"Hey, Tinkerbell, hey,
how'd you like to see
95
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something that always grows up?
You know what I'm saying?"
96
00:03:40,586 --> 00:03:43,024
[chuckling]
97
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♪ If that bitch gets slick,
I'll cut the bitch ♪
98
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Uh, okay, Beavis,
I have an idea for a game.
99
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[chuckling]
100
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Every time she says, "bitch,"
I get to smack you.
101
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[chuckling]
- No way!
102
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Why would I do that?
[chuckling]
103
00:03:57,603 --> 00:03:59,649
Butt-Head:
Uh, okay, how about this?
104
00:03:59,736 --> 00:04:02,260
Every time she says "butt,"
you can smack me.
105
00:04:02,347 --> 00:04:04,567
Uh, okay, yeah, I mean,
106
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she is the queen of butts.
[chuckling]
107
00:04:06,569 --> 00:04:07,962
Your funeral.
[chuckling]
108
00:04:08,049 --> 00:04:12,053
Now let the games begin.
[chuckling]
109
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♪ I'll cut up the bitch ♪
110
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♪ I'll gut the bitch ♪
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♪ Had to fuck up the bitch ♪
- Ah! Wait, I--
112
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Ah! Okay, okay.
- ♪ Fuck the bitch ♪
113
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I can't hear
when you're smacking me!
114
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Ah!
Wait, I think--
115
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- [grunts]
- Hold on!
116
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Why did I--
ah, ah, ow!
117
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I can--ah!
Hey!
118
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- ♪ Cut up the bitch ♪
- [screams]
119
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♪ Get the combination
to the safe ♪
120
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♪ And drug the bitch ♪
- I win.
121
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[chuckling]
- Ah, ah!
122
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Damn it.
[chuckling]
123
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I did not think she
would say "bitch" so much
124
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when I agree--
ah!
125
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Wait, Butt-Head, you can't
smack me when I say it!
126
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Son of a bitch.
Oh, wait, don't--ah!
127
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[chuckling]
128
00:04:44,346 --> 00:04:45,564
Damn it, this game sucks.
129
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Uh, damn it,
we're out of eggs.
130
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Where are we gonna get
more eggs
131
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to throw at this dumbass house?
[chuckling]
132
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,620
Uh...
133
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[doorbell rings]
134
00:05:01,015 --> 00:05:02,103
Well, hello.
135
00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:04,801
Uh, hello.
136
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,629
We, like, need some eggs.
137
00:05:06,716 --> 00:05:08,848
Yeah, a lot of 'em.
Please, yeah.
138
00:05:08,936 --> 00:05:11,025
Eggs?
Of course.
139
00:05:11,112 --> 00:05:13,549
Happy to help.
- [chuckles]
140
00:05:13,636 --> 00:05:15,116
Reminds me of the old days
when a neighbor
141
00:05:15,203 --> 00:05:16,813
would ask for a cup of sugar.
142
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,077
Um, okay.
Give us a cup of sugar too.
143
00:05:20,164 --> 00:05:21,035
- Yeah.
- [chuckling]
144
00:05:21,122 --> 00:05:23,080
Sure, no problem.
145
00:05:23,167 --> 00:05:25,213
So what grade
are you boys in?
146
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:28,564
Uh, we don't know.
[chuckling]
147
00:05:28,651 --> 00:05:30,435
I know what you mean.
148
00:05:30,522 --> 00:05:32,655
It all goes by so fast,
doesn't it?
149
00:05:32,742 --> 00:05:35,397
Uh, no?
150
00:05:35,484 --> 00:05:37,790
Nope.
[chuckling]
151
00:05:37,877 --> 00:05:41,011
There you go, boys. Enjoy.
152
00:05:41,098 --> 00:05:43,579
Bye, boys.
You come back anytime now.
153
00:05:43,666 --> 00:05:45,146
Nah.
[chuckling]
154
00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:50,455
- Oh, yeah.
- [chuckling]
155
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:54,242
That sugar really hit the spot.
- Yeah, yeah, sure did, yeah.
156
00:05:54,329 --> 00:05:56,157
You know, they should put this
in food and stuff.
157
00:05:56,244 --> 00:05:57,767
Yeah.
- Yeah, I wish.
158
00:05:57,854 --> 00:05:59,029
[chuckling]
159
00:05:59,116 --> 00:06:00,900
Now let's go egg
those buttholes.
160
00:06:00,988 --> 00:06:02,163
Yeah!
[chuckling]
161
00:06:03,816 --> 00:06:05,644
Okay, let's kick 'em
this time.
162
00:06:05,731 --> 00:06:08,038
Yeah, yeah, throwing sucks.
[chuckling]
163
00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:11,259
[both grunting]
164
00:06:14,175 --> 00:06:15,654
Damn eggs.
Ugh!
165
00:06:15,741 --> 00:06:17,830
Ah!
166
00:06:17,917 --> 00:06:21,138
Uh, did we get any eggs
on the house?
167
00:06:21,225 --> 00:06:23,401
I think so. Um...
168
00:06:23,488 --> 00:06:26,752
eh, no, I don't think so.
[chuckling]
169
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:28,363
Damn it.
[chuckling]
170
00:06:28,450 --> 00:06:30,669
All right, Beavis,
I have another idea.
171
00:06:30,756 --> 00:06:32,932
Now follow me.
[chuckling]
172
00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:35,065
Um, what is it?
173
00:06:35,152 --> 00:06:37,502
Uh, I don't know.
174
00:06:42,594 --> 00:06:45,162
Okay, Beavis, we're gonna
toilet paper their house.
175
00:06:45,249 --> 00:06:46,729
Yeah, yeah,
because they suck.
176
00:06:46,816 --> 00:06:49,253
[chuckling]
177
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:53,040
This'll teach them a lesson.
Okay, here we go, Beavis.
178
00:06:53,127 --> 00:06:54,911
[chuckling]
[grunts]
179
00:07:00,134 --> 00:07:01,483
Yes!
180
00:07:01,570 --> 00:07:04,181
They're gonna be so pissed off. Yeah.
181
00:07:04,268 --> 00:07:06,009
No, they're not, dumbass.
182
00:07:06,096 --> 00:07:08,272
The toilet paper
went down the sewer.
183
00:07:08,359 --> 00:07:11,275
Oh, yeah, yeah,
so it did, yeah.
184
00:07:11,362 --> 00:07:12,407
Damn it.
185
00:07:12,494 --> 00:07:14,365
Now we gotta get
more toilet paper.
186
00:07:14,452 --> 00:07:15,801
Where?
187
00:07:15,888 --> 00:07:18,282
[doorbell rings]
188
00:07:18,369 --> 00:07:20,067
Hello.
189
00:07:20,154 --> 00:07:22,634
Uh, we need toilet paper.
190
00:07:22,721 --> 00:07:24,332
[both chuckling]
191
00:07:24,419 --> 00:07:26,551
Sure, boys, always happy
to help a neighbor.
192
00:07:26,638 --> 00:07:30,120
Um, and we need a lot
because I poop too much.
193
00:07:30,207 --> 00:07:32,557
He sure does.
[chuckling]
194
00:07:32,644 --> 00:07:35,212
You know, all that talk
of eggs and sugar last time
195
00:07:35,299 --> 00:07:38,607
put me in the mood for baking,
and I made some cookies.
196
00:07:38,694 --> 00:07:40,087
Whoa.
197
00:07:42,611 --> 00:07:44,874
Well, they sure appreciate
your baking, honey.
198
00:07:44,961 --> 00:07:47,050
Put more sugar in next time.
199
00:07:47,137 --> 00:07:48,747
Yeah, yeah, have you heard
of that stuff?
200
00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:51,141
Really good, yeah.
201
00:07:51,228 --> 00:07:52,664
- Toilet paper.
- Yes!
202
00:07:52,751 --> 00:07:54,144
Yeah, yeah.
[chuckling]
203
00:07:54,231 --> 00:07:55,754
It's about time.
[chuckling]
204
00:07:55,841 --> 00:07:57,974
Such good boys.
205
00:07:59,584 --> 00:08:02,152
[both chuckling]
206
00:08:07,462 --> 00:08:10,813
We did it, Butt-Head!
We did it, yeah!
207
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,424
Let me guess.
You guys did that?
208
00:08:13,511 --> 00:08:16,297
- Yeah, we sure did.
- Yeah, it's toilet paper.
209
00:08:16,384 --> 00:08:17,602
[chuckling]
210
00:08:17,689 --> 00:08:19,735
Real smart to TP a house
211
00:08:19,822 --> 00:08:22,346
when there's a nationwide
toilet paper shortage going on.
212
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,524
Um, what?
[chuckling]
213
00:08:26,611 --> 00:08:28,526
There's no toilet paper
in the stores right now
214
00:08:28,613 --> 00:08:31,225
because of the supply chain, genius.
215
00:08:31,312 --> 00:08:33,009
It's called following the news?
216
00:08:38,449 --> 00:08:40,756
Eh, this sucks.
[chuckling]
217
00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:43,193
Wait a minute, Beavis,
I just thought of something.
218
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,108
If we get
our toilet paper back,
219
00:08:45,195 --> 00:08:47,284
we can sell it
and, like, be rich.
220
00:08:47,371 --> 00:08:49,243
Whoa!
221
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:52,420
- Damn it.
- [grunting]
222
00:08:53,943 --> 00:08:55,205
[doorbell rings]
223
00:08:57,251 --> 00:09:00,689
Uh, we got toilet paper.
224
00:09:00,776 --> 00:09:03,387
Yeah, yeah, check it out.
Yeah, it's good stuff.
225
00:09:03,474 --> 00:09:04,997
[chuckling]
226
00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:06,303
You can use it on your butt,
you know,
227
00:09:06,390 --> 00:09:08,697
or blow your nose or something.
228
00:09:08,784 --> 00:09:10,612
Wow.
229
00:09:10,699 --> 00:09:12,875
For you boys to clean up
after some bad kids
230
00:09:12,962 --> 00:09:17,009
threw toilet paper on our home,
it's wonderful.
231
00:09:17,096 --> 00:09:19,229
Thank you.
- Yes.
232
00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:20,752
This is the nicest thing
anyone's done for us
233
00:09:20,839 --> 00:09:21,971
in a long while.
234
00:09:22,058 --> 00:09:24,800
Uh, what?
235
00:09:24,887 --> 00:09:27,324
Diane and I were never able
to have children
236
00:09:27,411 --> 00:09:31,633
of our own, but if we had,
we'd sure like to think
237
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,156
they'd be something like you.
238
00:09:34,723 --> 00:09:36,681
Do you want the toilet paper
or not?
239
00:09:36,768 --> 00:09:39,641
Yeah, it's, like,
brand-new or something.
240
00:09:39,728 --> 00:09:41,991
Yeah, nobody wiped
their butt on it,
241
00:09:42,078 --> 00:09:44,123
not even once.
[chuckling]
242
00:09:44,211 --> 00:09:46,169
We'll throw this out for you.
243
00:09:46,256 --> 00:09:49,259
Thank you.
Thanks again.
244
00:09:49,346 --> 00:09:52,262
- Ugh, damn it.
- That sucks.
245
00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:53,785
They just stole
our toilet paper.
246
00:09:53,872 --> 00:09:55,613
[chuckling]
247
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:58,050
Well, I did wipe my butt
on some of it, you know,
248
00:09:58,137 --> 00:09:59,878
if I'm gonna be honest.
[chuckling]
249
00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:02,533
We should, like,
smear shaving cream everywhere
250
00:10:02,620 --> 00:10:05,188
to prank those buttholes.
- Yeah, good idea.
251
00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:07,408
Yeah.
[chuckling]
252
00:10:07,495 --> 00:10:10,411
Um, where do we get
shaving cream though?
253
00:10:10,498 --> 00:10:12,804
Uh, I know.
254
00:10:12,891 --> 00:10:14,415
[chuckling]
255
00:10:14,502 --> 00:10:16,547
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[chuckling]
256
00:10:16,634 --> 00:10:17,722
[both chuckling]
257
00:10:17,809 --> 00:10:18,941
[doorbell rings]
- This is gonna be cool.
258
00:10:19,028 --> 00:10:20,856
[both chuckling]
259
00:10:23,728 --> 00:10:26,601
[rock music]
260
00:10:26,688 --> 00:10:33,260
♪ ♪
261
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,278
Chirp.