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<i>♪ MTV ♪</i>

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Hail, dimwitted Earthlings.
I am smart Butt-Head.

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And I am the one
men call Smart Beavis.

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Long have we observed
the parallel universe

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where Beavis and Butt-Head
got older

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and are now in middle age.

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Oh, the marvels we have seen,
the wisdom we have learned.

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All of it far beyond
the comprehension

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of your feeble human minds.

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Nonetheless,
we shall now reveal to you

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but one of these marvels

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on the planet
imbeciles call Earth.

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Smart Beavis,
where is the steering wheel

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on this comet?
- I do not know.

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We shall have to steer it
with the power of our minds.

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Very well.

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You know
what we should do, Beavis?

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Let's get some beers
and have a party.

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Yeah, but, um,
we did that last weekend,

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and we drank all the beers,
and no chicks showed up.

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That party was cool.

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Yeah, it was.

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Party down.

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Howdy there, neighbors.

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You got time to sign a petition
to keep Highland beautiful?

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Uh, what?

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I'm collecting signatures
to get rid

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of that ugly low-income housing
out on the main road.

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Um, what's housing?

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In this case, it's an eyesore
that needs to go.

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Let me show you.

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Uh, yeah, that place sucks.

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Yeah, it sure does.

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What kind of buttholes
live in that dump?

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I mean, seriously.

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My company wants
to put in a new condo

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with ground level retail,

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but we have to demolish
this one first.

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Yeah, demolishing is cool.

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It sure is.

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The city council's
going to discuss this tonight.

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I hope I see you there
to support the demolition.

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Yeah, yeah.

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I got a sledgehammer.
Should I bring that?

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Uh, yeah, we'll go to that.

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Can you buy us some beer?

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How about I buy you a beer
after you go to the meeting?

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Oh, that sounds good.

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We're being bribed.

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<i>Being a janitor
would kick ass</i>

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<i>'cause, like, you just, like,
listen to music all night,</i>

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<i>and then you can just,
like, spank your monkey</i>

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<i>wherever you want,
and then you can clean it up,</i>

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<i>you know, cause you already
have the mop, see.</i>

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Butt-Head: Yeah.

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It is the perfect crime.

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It was the Native Americans who
first invented the fist pump.

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Whoa.

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<i>What's his other hand doing?</i>

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<i>Butt-Head:
He's doing a different kind</i>

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<i>of fist pump down there.</i>

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<i>Yeah, yeah.</i>

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<i>Yeah, there's something else
dancing down there</i>

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<i>about the same size.</i>

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He's masturbating.

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<i>Yeah, he sure is.</i>

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<i>He's not shy about it either.</i>

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Yeah.

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Nothing wrong with that.

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<i>Yeah, I mean,
I don't really want to see it,</i>

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but, you know, I mean,
no one wants to see me

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do it either, you know, so,
you know,

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<i>so go for it, you know?</i>

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<i>Oh, look.</i>

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<i>Tiesto's spanking
his monkey too.</i>

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Tiesto.

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<i>Yeah, you know,
if you can't masturbate</i>

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<i>to your own music, you know,
what's the point?</i>

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Butt-Head: Yeah.

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<i>Uh, I think this guy's, like,
not even a janitor at all.</i>

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Yeah, he's just
a really considerate

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<i>masturbater, you know?</i>

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<i>He's like...</i>

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<i>You know, he brings a mop
with him, you know,</i>

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<i>and a bucket, you know?</i>

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<i>Butt-Head: Yeah, at the front
of the museum,</i>

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they were like, "Sir,
you're gonna have to leave

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that mop and bucket outside."

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<i>And then he's like, "Uh, no,
you're gonna thank me."</i>

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You're gonna be glad I did,
believe me.

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<i>Butt-Head: Uh, well, time
for him to go get the mop.</i>

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<i>Yeah.</i>

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<i>I think I might get me
one of those, you know?</i>

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Mop.

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Boys, you made it.

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Uh, where's
the demolition crew?

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And who are those buttholes?

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Community.

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It's proven to keep an eye...

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man: They're the people
who think they run this city.

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Running sucks.

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Yeah, really.

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Now, the meeting's
about to wrap up here,

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and then any member
of the public is allowed

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to speak for four minutes,
and that's when you can talk

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about protecting
our neighborhood

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from low-income housing.

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That concludes new business.

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The floor is now open
to public comment.

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First on the list
is Mr. Beavis.

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You're up.

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Um, I'm Beavis, Your Honor,
and I just wanna say

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I'm in favored of destroying
this building that sucks.

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Uh, amen or something.

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You've got 3 minutes
and 50 seconds left.

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Oh, okay,

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um, also,
when you destroy it,

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I think you should burn it.

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Yeah, you know, with fire,
you know,

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and then you'll see
how cool it is.

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Yeah, yeah, with fire.
Yeah, and destroying it.

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And then it'll be so cool,
we'll go destroy

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more buildings with fire, and
then we'll destroy everything!

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- Yeah.
- We will just burn...

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And then destroy trees
and rocks and the schools!

126
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Yeah, yeah, the schools!

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They could throw rocks
at the schools,

128
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and I just want to say
I think it's wrong

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for children
to ever have to go to school

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because the children
are our future, and, um--

131
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and in conclusion, uh,
let's destroy this building

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with fire and bombs, yeah!

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Looks like my time is up.
Thank you very much.

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Thank you, Mr. Beavis.

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Next is Mr. Buff-Head.

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Please use
your real names, people.

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You have four minutes.

138
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Uh, I yield my time
to Mr. Beavis.

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And then destroy the sky
and the land!

140
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Destroy it all with fire!

141
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And then destroy
the fire with fire

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and more fire!

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Here's your beer money, boys.
You earned it.

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You really spoke
from the heart, Beavis.

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Well, you know, I just like
destroying stuff.

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That's all, you know.

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He's a big fan of fire.

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Yep, always have been,
always will be.

149
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Great news,
the council just voted

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five to four to condemn
that building.

151
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Six months from now,
those apartments

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will be a pile of rubble.

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- Yes!
- Yes, yeah!

154
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<i>TV announcer: Tired of hoping
that the right candidates...</i>

155
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There's another one
of those things

156
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on our door, Butt-Head.

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Butt-Head: They can tape up

158
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as many of these things
as they want,

159
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but they can't
make me read 'em.

160
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Outsmarted 'em again.

161
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We sure did, Beavis.

162
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Well, let's celebrate.
- Yep.

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Yep, party time.

164
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Let's go get some beers.

165
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How come it's so loud today?

166
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Yeah, sure is a lot
of police tape too.

167
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Something cool
must have happened.

168
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We always miss it.

169
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What's happening
over there, Butt-Head?

170
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Uh, I think they're wrecking

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that place that sucks that we
talked to the president about.

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Those buttholes
that live there

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are gonna get
what they deserve.

174
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- This is cool.
- Yeah, yeah, wreck it!

175
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Wreck it!
Destroy!

176
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Yeah!

177
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There you go, yeah!

178
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That's it, yeah!

179
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Yeah, kick it!
Yeah!

180
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- Yeah.
- That was cool.

181
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Sure was, yeah.

182
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It feels good
that we got involved

183
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in our community,
and it paid off.

184
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You know what I'm saying?

185
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And now it's party time.

186
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Let's go home.

187
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Yep.

188
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Time to kick back.

189
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Uh, wait a second,
where's our apartment again?

190
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Um...

191
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I think it's
around here somewhere.

192
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It was right next to the, um,
the thing with the, um...

193
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hm, hm.

194
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Uh, I don't see it.

195
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Well, it's a puzzle.

196
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This one's a real thinker. Yeah.

197
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:06,997
Uh, I'm tired.

198
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Let's find our apartment later.

199
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:13,961
Yeah.
Well, it's not going anywhere.

200
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:18,095
We can just party right here.
- Yeah.

201
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I hope some chicks show up
this time.