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Oh!
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Mr. Marquez,
Mr. Marquez, Mr. Marquez.
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Excuse me. What? What--
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- Whoa.
- What-- What’s going on?
5
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- We need your help right now.
- With Powderpuff.
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Powderpuff? What’s Powderpuff?
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You know, when the girls play football,
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and then the football players
dress as cheerleaders.
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00:00:28,736 --> 00:00:30,822
- Oh, that. Yeah.
- Yeah.
10
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I’m sorry, I don’t know anything
about football.
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- Hold on.
- Mr. Marquez.
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Nobody is mad about
the girls playing football.
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They’re mad about us
dressing up as cheerleaders.
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And why are you guys coming to me?
’Cause I’m gay?
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Sweet of you guys,
but I don’t wanna be on the news
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as the gay guy fighting for young men’s
rights to dress up like girls.
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Come on, Mr. Marquez.
This is our senior year.
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It’s the most things we look forward to.
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It’s the most things you look forward to?
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Jason, the grammar.
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It’s the thing
you look forward to the most.
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Wow. Yeah, that is what I’ve been.
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See? You’re already helping.
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Okay, I’m sorry, guys. I just-- It’s not--
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- Hold on, man.
- Please. Think about it.
26
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I’ll talk to Coach Hillridge
after school. How’s that?
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- That’s dope.
- Yeah!
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Great.
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♪ I wanna take you in my arms ♪
30
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♪ You’re taking me ♪
31
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{\an8}♪ To the point of no return ♪
32
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{\an8}♪ Oh oh oh ♪
33
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{\an8}♪ You’re taking me ♪
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All right. Huddle up. Listen.
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You ladies all begged for
a female coach this year for Powderpuff.
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And since everybody gets
what they want these days,
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give it up for Ms. Sanders.
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Hi. Thank you.
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Unfortunately,
I don’t know all the technical
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dos and don’ts of football per se,
so I’ve brought Coach Hillridge here.
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He’s just gonna assist me on small things.
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Like, when you catch the ball,
which way do you go?
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And then why do you ever kick the ball?
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That’s right. Ms. Sanders
is your coach today, so just ignore me.
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You won’t notice me at all.
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I’ll just be here teaching her
how to teach you how to play football.
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- That’s right.
- Tell ’em to start running sprints.
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Sprints!
Come on.
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Evan, catch.
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00:02:01,662 --> 00:02:03,039
Hey, I told your football players
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00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:05,041
I’d help them save
their Powderpuff performance.
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- You’re trying to cancel that?
- You think I wanna cancel Powderpuff?
53
00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:09,795
Why? I love that shit.
54
00:02:09,795 --> 00:02:13,257
Come on. Big football dudes
dressed up like cheerleaders.
55
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- Oh!
- That’s the height of comedy, man.
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- Come on.
- God, Gwen.
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You gotta take it up with Moretti.
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- I’m taking it up with Moretti.
- Catch him.
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- What do I do now?
- Burpees.
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- It’s time for "blurpees," girls!
- Burpees.
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- Hey, Grant.
- No, Evan!
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- Grant.
- No, I’m off the clock.
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- My car is technically not school grounds.
- Listen, what is this Powderpuff thing?
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You’re canceling this Powderpuff thing?
What is this?
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We’re not canceling anything.
Nothing is being canceled.
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Look, it’s not-- It’s being discussed.
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It’s not all of Powderpuff.
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It’s just the-- the boys’
cheerleading performance
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has become a sort of
a hot button issue, all right?
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Just tell the parents to lighten up.
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- It’s not the parents.
- What?
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Not the parents. The parents love it.
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Big football guys in girls’ clothes.
It’s funny stuff, Evan.
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00:02:54,715 --> 00:02:57,802
Even I, back in the day,
I was in Powderpuff back in the day.
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- Really?
- Yeah, we had a cheer
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about our butts, kicking butts.
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That’s me. I didn’t even
have to shave my legs.
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- You look like Hilary Duff.
- Thank you.
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If it’s not the parents,
who’s trying to cancel it?
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The students. The LGBTQ+IA2S+ Alliance.
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That’s crazy.
Why didn’t they just come talk to me?
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I helped rhinestone their flag.
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00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,072
- They think you’re homophobic now.
- What? Why?
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They think that you
don’t believe in lesbians.
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Oh, come on.
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- That was taken out of context.
- What context was it in?
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Just I was having
a regular conversation with Gwen.
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And I was telling her I have
a hard time believing that lesbians
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aren’t attracted to men.
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Okay. So you’re saying--
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Powderpuff is this old boomer tradition
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where the boys
get to make fun of the girls.
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And more importantly,
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these football players
are "gender-switching" as a joke
95
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when there are people in this school
who are actually nonbinary or trans.
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- And that is not a joke.
- Pablo.
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Wake up.
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Is anybody actually upset about it?
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00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,900
Like, in my experience,
if men wanna dress up as women,
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- you should just let them.
- Let my boys have fun.
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I actually love Powderpuff
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because the boys have to admit
how hard our cheers are.
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Becca, you literally quit cheerleading.
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Yeah, because I literally died for
three minutes last year. I went to hell.
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Stop talking about that.
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00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:09,498
I’ve never liked Powderpuff, personally.
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- Why, Jeff?
- It sickens me.
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- The beauty is too intense.
- That’s crazy.
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Who here is in the LGBTQIA2S+ Alliance?
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Okay. Look, if you guys had come to me,
I would have gently reminded you
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that while your hearts
may be in the right place,
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in actuality, you’re banning a drag
performance at a school in the South.
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- Ooh!
- Stop being a contrarian.
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You know, it’s bullshit
that these cool jock kids
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get to dress however they want
and everybody loves it.
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They’re doing it as a joke.
It’s not like real authentic drag.
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So, you guys just want the boys
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to be authentic and respectful
in their performance.
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That would make you happy?
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- Yeah.
- Yeah. Sure.
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Okay. Good to know.
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- Yes, Tiffany.
- This is literally book club.
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Like, why are we talking about this?
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So, when you talk to the boys
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just, like, keep it base level,
keep it easy.
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- They’re new to all this.
- All right. I got it. Yeah.
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00:05:05,262 --> 00:05:07,223
They’re gonna be maybe shocked.
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00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,350
You still do those, uh, poetry jams?
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00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:13,020
No, that was just at A&M.
I stopped after college.
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00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,605
Oh. I miss those college parties.
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00:05:14,605 --> 00:05:17,900
I remember you, like, refused
to take photos with a digital camera.
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00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,652
You’d be like, "I only use real film."
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- Right. Right. Right.
- And you had that mullet.
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I’m much less of a loser now.
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00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:25,825
- And what do you do here? Oh.
- I teach English.
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00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:26,951
Hey, guys.
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00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:31,580
Um, I would like to introduce you today
to a very special friend of mine.
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This is Shazam.
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Hello, hello, my little babies. Hello.
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Hi, Shazam.
Hi.
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00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,880
Shazam was the queen of drag
back in college.
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And now, she has a long-running show
in Austin called Woman of La Mancha.
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00:05:43,592 --> 00:05:46,345
That actually got canceled. The show
is now called Drink Ticket Tuesday.
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00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:47,972
When you are old enough to drink,
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maybe you can go check that out,
or don’t tell anybody I said that.
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00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,351
So, are you, like, a dude?
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I’m like a dude.
Yeah, I’m cool like you guys.
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I’m a cool dude. I sit home.
I wear tube socks.
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00:05:57,773 --> 00:05:59,817
I blow my nose. I have hair.
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00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:02,361
But when she’s dressed like this,
she is Shazam.
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00:06:02,361 --> 00:06:03,988
When I’m dressed like this,
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I’m your mama.
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00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:07,283
Okay.
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00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:09,076
Quick question: Does anybody own a ferret?
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00:06:09,076 --> 00:06:11,704
- Do they have ferrets?
- I’m just trying to connect with the kids.
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00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,290
- They’re not eight.
- I don’t know how old they are.
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Here’s the deal, guys.
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Shazam is gonna teach you guys
the proper way to dress like a girl.
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The right way. You know, it’s a little bit
like if you’re gonna drink
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00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,134
or experiment with drugs,
I’d rather you do it in the house.
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00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:26,552
That’s not a great example.
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00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,929
But she and I, we’re gonna be
your coaches in this.
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00:06:28,929 --> 00:06:32,141
Them, like, real titties?
Or, like, what you got going on?
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00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:34,643
Honey. No, this is a breastplate.
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00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:36,437
It looks great, right? Very realistic.
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00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,564
- Yeah, it looks awesome.
- We call it a titty bib.
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00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,274
And this is a lace-front wig.
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00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,151
- My mom has that.
- Okay.
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00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:45,779
So, is there, like, a titty bib for
your dick too? Or, like, where’s that at?
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00:06:45,779 --> 00:06:47,656
Yes, I am tucked.
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00:06:47,656 --> 00:06:51,452
- It’s like a jockstrap or like a cup.
- It just kind of...
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00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,245
Does it pop in?
- Yeah, I tie it
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00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:56,081
on the end of a ping-pong ball
and shove it up my ass.
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00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:57,791
Don’t laugh. That’s rude.
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00:06:57,791 --> 00:07:00,711
Yeah. No, no. You guys can laugh.
This is what I’m saying.
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00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,214
Shazam is very funny.
Drag can be very funny.
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00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:06,926
So, if you guys, for this Powderpuff
performance, instead of doing joke drag
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00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:08,928
or half drag or just
the cheerleading outfits,
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00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,388
if you just do authentic,
real drag like this,
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00:07:11,388 --> 00:07:13,849
then the LGBTQ Alliance cannot be upset.
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00:07:13,849 --> 00:07:17,561
So, you want us dress like this?
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00:07:17,561 --> 00:07:21,232
Oh, honey. I don’t think
you have the balls to dress like this.
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00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,691
- Ooh!
- Oh-ho-ho-ho!
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00:07:22,691 --> 00:07:24,944
And that-- This is good.
This is the thing.
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00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,071
She just read you,
and you can read her back and--
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00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:29,531
- And I’m an accelerated reader, Tray.
- Damn.
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00:07:29,531 --> 00:07:32,284
Drag is about self-expression.
About being larger than life.
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00:07:32,284 --> 00:07:36,121
Shazam used to have a motto in college,
used to say, "We don’t mark it, baby"--
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00:07:36,121 --> 00:07:37,957
- We do everything full-out.
-"We go full-out."
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00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,291
- What is "mark it"?
- It’s like--
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00:07:39,291 --> 00:07:40,876
When you don’t go
all the way on something.
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00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:43,921
Yeah, it’s like,
one, two, three, four.
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00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,048
You know, you wanna be like--
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00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,716
Like when you don’t hustle in football.
195
00:07:47,716 --> 00:07:49,051
Oh. Okay.
196
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:52,471
We’re gonna go all out.
You guys on board? Maybe?
197
00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:54,098
Mmm...
198
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:56,600
Fuck it.
199
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,144
It’s my senior year.
Let’s get it for Coach Shazam.
200
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:01,021
- Yeah!
- Let’s go.
201
00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:02,439
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
202
00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:04,191
- Coach Shazam.
- Coach. Yeah.
203
00:08:04,191 --> 00:08:05,776
Okay. Uh-- Oh--
204
00:08:08,195 --> 00:08:10,864
Sarah, you hold the ball,
you’re gonna hike it to--
205
00:08:10,864 --> 00:08:12,157
- To who?
- To the quarterback.
206
00:08:12,157 --> 00:08:14,535
To the quarterback. Yes, amazing. Great.
207
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:17,788
Once you catch it, you’re just
gonna throw it to-- Who?
208
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:19,873
To the receiver.
Ella, catch it.
209
00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:21,750
Yes, I love this!
210
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:23,335
Okay. So, once you catch it--
211
00:08:23,335 --> 00:08:24,962
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ah, ah!
212
00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:27,756
I know this. You guys
are all gonna tackle her, okay?
213
00:08:27,756 --> 00:08:29,425
- You’re gonna get her.
- Wait, are--
214
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,385
Put your body into her! Chest forward!
215
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,262
- Wait.
- Wait, aren’t we playing flag football?
216
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:34,972
- Yes. Yes.
- No. What?
217
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:35,973
- Flag football.
- No.
218
00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:39,018
- Why wouldn’t they play tackle football?
- So they don’t injure themselves
219
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:40,978
- or each other.
- Are you kidding?
220
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:43,022
- No.
- I mean, God, here we go.
221
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:46,400
Girls aren’t allowed to hurt anyone.
This is why we get kidnapped.
222
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:50,029
Someone says, "Get in my car,"
we go along with it
223
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,115
’cause we don’t wanna hurt their feelings,
and it turns out to be the killer.
224
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:56,243
This is a football field. It’s a game.
We’re not worried about killers.
225
00:08:56,243 --> 00:08:57,578
- You’re not.
- Excuse me?
226
00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,705
Coach Hillridge, you can
walk to your car alone at night
227
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,457
without thinking
that someone’s gonna kill you.
228
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:03,417
You can walk alone
to your car tonight as well.
229
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,669
- Just don’t park in a shit neighborhood.
- Okay, okay.
230
00:09:05,669 --> 00:09:07,629
- You’re kidding, right?
- I’m not.
231
00:09:07,629 --> 00:09:09,340
I’m a 110-pound girl.
232
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,425
The whole world
is a bad neighborhood to me.
233
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:12,593
- That part.
- You know what?
234
00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:14,887
I don’t think you know
what it’s like to be a woman.
235
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:18,057
- That’s not the point.
- Your biggest fear is getting made fun of.
236
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,142
Our biggest fear
is getting raped and killed.
237
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:22,561
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
The girls do not need to hear about this.
238
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:24,355
They hear about this all the time.
239
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:27,191
When I toured Texas State,
this is, like, all they talked about.
240
00:09:27,191 --> 00:09:29,026
Did they show you where
all those emergency poles are
241
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:30,611
in case you’re getting
serial killed at college?
242
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,363
- Yeah, they had to.
- Exactly.
243
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,697
Okay. First and foremost,
244
00:09:33,697 --> 00:09:35,949
we’re not talking about
getting serial killed at college.
245
00:09:35,949 --> 00:09:38,077
This is Powderpuff. This is fun, okay?
246
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,163
How do you expect them
to defend themselves on the field...
247
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,123
- Mmm.
- ...if they can’t defend themselves
248
00:09:43,123 --> 00:09:44,124
out in the world?
249
00:09:44,124 --> 00:09:47,002
How are they gonna defend themselves
against someone like the Highway Killer?
250
00:09:47,002 --> 00:09:49,004
- Oh, my God.
- Who’s the Highway Killer?
251
00:09:49,004 --> 00:09:52,674
The podcast. The Highway Killer:
Murder at the Speed of Death.
252
00:09:52,674 --> 00:09:53,926
Yeah. It’s really good.
253
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,844
- The chemistry between the two of them.
- Yeah.
254
00:09:55,844 --> 00:09:58,180
- The way they’re making each other laugh.
- I know.
255
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,890
What’s it called?
The Highway Killer.
256
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:03,811
Okay, wait-- Yeah, I’ll give it a go.
Why not? 302 episodes.
257
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:04,978
By the way, routes.
258
00:10:04,978 --> 00:10:07,898
Oh, yeah. Run routes, guys. Get it.
259
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:10,192
I asked you not to get involved.
260
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:12,277
Grant, if you’re teaching
somebody to play piano,
261
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:13,362
who do you get to help them?
262
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:14,446
A piano teacher.
263
00:10:14,446 --> 00:10:16,198
If you’re teaching guys
to dress up like girls--
264
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:19,201
I’m getting calls from the parents.
I don’t know who this person is.
265
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,120
She could be a lunatic.
She could be a criminal.
266
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,914
Because she happens to be a drag queen,
she’s a lunatic and a criminal?
267
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:25,916
- Are you hearing yourself?
- That’s not what I mean.
268
00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:28,752
You can’t bring in strangers to teach
at the school. You can’t do that.
269
00:10:28,752 --> 00:10:31,839
I was trying to satisfy
the LGBTQIA2S+ Alliance.
270
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:34,591
Why? Why succumb to the whims
of these four gay kids?
271
00:10:34,591 --> 00:10:37,594
- I never said that.
- There’s at least eight of them, right?
272
00:10:37,594 --> 00:10:39,012
You just listen to them complain.
273
00:10:39,012 --> 00:10:40,848
You don’t have to do anything
about their problems.
274
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,976
- I thought their concerns were valid.
- Valid? Here’s what’s valid.
275
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,019
Those football players’ parents
are gonna be there.
276
00:10:46,019 --> 00:10:49,148
Superintendent Boone will be there.
And this is what they’re expecting to see.
277
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,899
- What is this?
- I’ll read along, all right?
278
00:10:50,899 --> 00:10:55,195
"Appropriate and approved attire for
the Powderpuff halftime performance:
279
00:10:55,195 --> 00:10:57,781
- hair ties, face glitter, nail polish...
- Polish.
280
00:10:57,781 --> 00:11:00,075
...cheerleading outfits."
This is ridiculous.
281
00:11:00,075 --> 00:11:02,995
It needs to be cute. It needs to be fun.
Everybody’s gonna be happy.
282
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,164
We’re gonna have a great time.
No one gets fired.
283
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,458
Think of your job, Evan.
Think of your job.
284
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:10,169
So, ladies, you got these flags.
285
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:13,380
If someone’s trying to get your flag,
I’m thinking it’s a lot of this.
286
00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:16,133
It’s in the hips. Try it.
If someone’s trying to get you
287
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:18,552
- and you’re juking--
- Stop. Stop what you’re doing. Stop.
288
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:21,680
I listened to, like, eight episodes
of that podcast you told me about,
289
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,308
and I couldn’t care less
about y’all running plays,
290
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,185
running out routes, in routes, posts.
291
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:30,606
I care more about you not ending up in
tiny little pieces in someone’s freezer.
292
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:34,443
We need to forget about football
and teach these girls self-defense.
293
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,695
- Wow, Markie.
- Yeah. Looks like I’m a feminist now.
294
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:37,863
You’re a feminist?
295
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,698
Only when it comes to female violence.
296
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:42,701
I still feel the same way about equal pay.
Some people just work harder.
297
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:44,495
I mean, show me a woman who’s a CEO.
298
00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,913
Elizabeth Holmes.
299
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:52,336
Okay, we are doing
female self-defense 101, right now.
300
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:53,712
I just want to play football.
301
00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:55,589
- Then you can leave.
- Fuck out of here.
302
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:58,884
Guys, I hate to break it to you.
We got some bad news.
303
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:01,553
I got this email from the school board.
304
00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:04,806
This is a list of things
that have been approved
305
00:12:04,806 --> 00:12:06,683
for the boys’ Powderpuff performance.
306
00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:10,521
Needless to say, the things we’ve been
doing in here are not on this list,
307
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,898
- and they wanna kick Shazam out.
- What?
308
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:15,067
First my sister’s baby shower, now this.
309
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,610
You guys want me to read this list?
310
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,362
- Hell no.
- No. Nah.
311
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:20,197
Okay. Why don’t I just...
312
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,408
Mmm...
- Yeah.
313
00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:27,871
Whose house?
- Our house!
314
00:12:27,871 --> 00:12:29,248
- Whose house?
- Our house!
315
00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:32,834
It’s our house!
316
00:12:32,834 --> 00:12:36,380
These will fit better
if you really just, like, stretch it.
317
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:39,424
Love. And then this. There we go.
318
00:12:39,424 --> 00:12:41,635
- Yeah!
- It’s actually a bra,
319
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:44,429
but I wear mine as a sleep mask
when I fly coach.
320
00:12:44,429 --> 00:12:47,015
Okay, Coach Hillridge,
you’re walking to your car alone at night.
321
00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:48,350
- Where are your keys?
- Front pocket.
322
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,018
Wrong. Attacker, boom, you’re dead.
323
00:12:50,018 --> 00:12:53,313
Take your keys, put ’em right between
your fingers like Wolverine.
324
00:12:53,313 --> 00:12:54,690
It’s gonna get him good.
325
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:57,359
What kind of girls you run with
that you’ve never seen a bra?
326
00:12:59,611 --> 00:13:02,072
Step together,
step together, step together.
327
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:07,744
Come on, boys. A little more sashay,
a little less shantay.
328
00:13:07,744 --> 00:13:11,039
Do you see the way she just did this?
She was like... You know what I mean?
329
00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:13,625
That is, what do we call it?
Marking it. She was marking it.
330
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,961
You’re a beautiful single female.
There’s a note on your car.
331
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,838
Probably from an admirer.
Let’s see what it’s about.
332
00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:20,299
Distraction means death. You’re done.
333
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,092
Ah...
334
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,510
Sway. Sway.
335
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:24,595
Will you marry me?
336
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:25,721
Yes, of course.
337
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:26,805
Boom, you’re dead.
338
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,974
Your husband’s
the most likely person to kill you.
339
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,684
Let me see the hands like this.
340
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:33,186
We saw a nipple.
Now we’ve been disqualified.
341
00:13:33,186 --> 00:13:34,938
Killer’s dead.
Check the pulse.
342
00:13:34,938 --> 00:13:36,857
He tricked you, now you’re dead.
343
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:37,983
Ah, ah, ah.
344
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:40,777
Okay. Can I see you try that? Yes.
345
00:13:40,777 --> 00:13:42,112
You’re dead so is your family.
346
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,905
Boom. You’re dead. Boom! You’re dead.
347
00:13:45,699 --> 00:13:48,952
Ah. Ah. Ah!
348
00:13:48,952 --> 00:13:50,621
Ah. Ah.
349
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:53,874
Ah.
350
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:56,126
Evan, I think they’re ready.
351
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,754
Markie, seriously,
you’ve done such a good job today.
352
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:00,672
- I’m so proud of you.
- My eyes are open.
353
00:14:00,672 --> 00:14:02,424
- I’ve learned a lot, you know.
- Thank you.
354
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:03,967
- Hey.
- Give me a little hug.
355
00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,719
- My buddy.
- Indeed.
356
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,429
Chloroform. Boom, he’s dead.
357
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,806
Okay, then you all get in a line
and then I come out,
358
00:14:09,806 --> 00:14:12,267
and then I hit the audience
with a huge death drop, right?
359
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:15,187
So, it’s like left leg out,
right leg back, bam!
360
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:17,022
I don’t know. I think it might be better
361
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,399
to just leave the drag performing
to the kids.
362
00:14:19,399 --> 00:14:22,235
No, Mr. Marquez.
We want Shazam until the very end.
363
00:14:22,235 --> 00:14:24,112
She steps our pussy up.
364
00:14:24,112 --> 00:14:27,240
Okay. If you guys want Shazam
to do a death drop,
365
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,660
Shazam can do a death drop
at the end of the performance.
366
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,411
Brayden, you wanna count us out?
367
00:14:31,411 --> 00:14:33,789
Full-out on three. One, two, three!
368
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,457
- Full-out!
- Full-out!
369
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,042
Let’s go, bitches.
370
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:40,420
Uh, same time tomorrow, guys.
371
00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:41,838
Good hustle.
372
00:14:41,838 --> 00:14:43,674
I think we’re doing
a really good thing here.
373
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,927
- Me too.
- Is this your iPhone charger?
374
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,387
- No, I don’t think so.
- Okay.
375
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:51,515
Well, I’m gonna go to the bathroom,
because I need to untuck.
376
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,392
Mama is in pain.
377
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,976
Okay. Take all the time you need.
378
00:14:54,976 --> 00:14:58,313
If you see a bald guy who looks like he’s
gonna kill himself, that’s the principal.
379
00:14:58,313 --> 00:14:59,606
Just walk the other way.
380
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:07,406
Keith, you left your duffel bag.
381
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:10,951
This thing is getting heavier and heavier.
What do you keep in there?
382
00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:13,328
- It’s fucking wigs, man.
- What is this?
383
00:15:13,328 --> 00:15:15,163
- Some wigs.
- What’s in your trunk?
384
00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:21,336
You’re stealing from the school?
385
00:15:21,336 --> 00:15:23,213
No, this is stuff I’ve owned before.
386
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:26,842
Stuff you’ve owned before.
What does that even mean?
387
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:29,386
Oh, my God. What is in this?
388
00:15:31,638 --> 00:15:33,682
Ferret food from Miss Mallory’s class?
389
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:36,184
I have children to feed, Evan. Okay?
390
00:15:36,184 --> 00:15:38,270
You feed your children ferret food?
391
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:41,189
My ferrets are my kids, Evan.
I don’t have a school full of ’em.
392
00:15:41,189 --> 00:15:42,899
We have to get
this fucking stuff back inside.
393
00:15:42,899 --> 00:15:44,484
- Which stuff?
- All of it.
394
00:15:44,484 --> 00:15:46,611
- I’ll help.
- No, you can’t help.
395
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:48,447
You’re a fucking thief. Do you understand?
396
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,241
I vouched for you with the principal.
I should call the cops right now.
397
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:54,286
Oh, the principal?
God, you used to be so punk rock, man.
398
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:55,495
I don’t know. You changed.
399
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:57,497
You are so fucked up.
400
00:15:58,457 --> 00:15:59,583
Anyway, I’ll see you at rehearsal.
401
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,960
No, you won’t
because you’re-- you’re fired.
402
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,838
People are obsessed
with saying that to me.
403
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:07,591
- We need those printers.
- Peace out, Evan.
404
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:11,011
People have to print things
at this school.
405
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:14,181
Thank God you can’t fit
a fucking copy machine in that trunk.
406
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,059
"Ten printers, laser and inkjet."
407
00:16:18,059 --> 00:16:21,021
"Five laptops, framed picture of me." Hmm?
408
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:25,317
"An American flag, an abacus,
45 pounds of ferret food,
409
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:28,612
iPhone chargers, 20 to 30 iPhone"--
No one can find their iPhone chargers.
410
00:16:28,612 --> 00:16:30,906
Oh, and a student lent Shazam $300.
411
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,825
Well, they’re not getting it back.
412
00:16:33,825 --> 00:16:37,037
Look, there was no way of knowing,
really, that she was--
413
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:39,915
No, there’s no way of knowing?
Your friend Keith has a record, Evan.
414
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,792
- We’re talking grand larceny here.
- Right.
415
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:43,919
A criminal drag queen
was brought into the school.
416
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:46,963
You basically conjured a conservative
talking point out of thin air.
417
00:16:46,963 --> 00:16:50,592
Did you not even think to check
his-- her background?
418
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:52,344
No, this was an old friend. I--
419
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:55,305
No, no, because you were so consumed
with your little mission, right?
420
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,098
Okay, well, congratulations, Evan.
421
00:16:57,098 --> 00:16:59,434
Congratulations.
You-- You-- You succeeded.
422
00:17:00,268 --> 00:17:01,937
Oh, God.
423
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:04,940
I am canceling
the Powderpuff boys’ performance.
424
00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:06,566
- Why?
- A three-minute skit
425
00:17:06,566 --> 00:17:08,026
isn’t worth the hassle.
426
00:17:08,026 --> 00:17:09,277
It’s already too much.
427
00:17:09,277 --> 00:17:11,321
I’m getting texts from the LGTBQ kids.
428
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,406
I don’t even know how they got
my personal phone number.
429
00:17:13,406 --> 00:17:16,451
And with Superintendent Boone
being there, no, no, no, no, no.
430
00:17:16,451 --> 00:17:18,995
Do you understand how big this issue is?
431
00:17:18,995 --> 00:17:21,873
This isn’t just about a little skit
at a football game.
432
00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:23,333
This is about drag.
433
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:26,086
Yeah, you-- you made it about drag.
434
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:32,175
Purr.
435
00:17:32,175 --> 00:17:33,677
Wait. So she had a record?
436
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,763
Yeah. I mean, you can just
never predict that someone has
437
00:17:36,763 --> 00:17:40,475
three DUIs and is permanently banned
from the Austin Zoo.
438
00:17:40,475 --> 00:17:41,977
- We gotta go there.
- We do.
439
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,478
We’ve got to go there. Don’t forget that.
440
00:17:43,478 --> 00:17:44,938
The point is, I didn’t know.
441
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:48,400
It’s awful that it’s over, you know.
It’s just, like, it’s over. It’s over.
442
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,318
I guess the girls’ football game
will be fun.
443
00:17:50,318 --> 00:17:52,654
Yeah. I don’t know
how much football they learned,
444
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,699
but they’re not gonna get killed
at a highway rest stop.
445
00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:57,033
I can guarantee it.
446
00:17:57,033 --> 00:17:58,577
I think I’m not gonna go to the game--
447
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,495
You gotta come to the football game.
448
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:02,914
I don’t know. It’s so sad now.
449
00:18:02,914 --> 00:18:05,458
It would mean a lot to me that you come
and you’re just in the stand.
450
00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:07,085
- I worked really hard.
- Yeah.
451
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:08,962
You can bring a book
and just, like, chill.
452
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:10,589
- Yeah, I’ll go.
- Thank you.
453
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:11,673
Goddamn it!
454
00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:12,924
Is that Nick out there?
455
00:18:12,924 --> 00:18:14,342
Yeah, he’s working on the pool.
456
00:18:14,342 --> 00:18:17,345
What is he doing again?
He’s building a pool by hand?
457
00:18:17,345 --> 00:18:20,307
We’re, like, basically saving so much
money because he doesn’t need bulldozers.
458
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:23,476
He doesn’t need people. He just needs
himself and shovels and all that stuff--
459
00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:25,437
That sounds so crazy.
460
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,731
No, it’s just concrete
and digging, I think.
461
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:30,859
And then, once it’s done,
it’s gonna get listed on Swimply.
462
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:32,694
What’s the word that you’re saying?
463
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,280
Swimply’s an app where you list
your pool and your backyard
464
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,367
and you rent it for hours to people,
strangers, and they pay you.
465
00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:41,119
- While you’re home?
- While we’re home,
466
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,663
and then you charge more if they come in
and use your bathroom.
467
00:18:43,663 --> 00:18:45,081
Well, good for you.
468
00:18:45,081 --> 00:18:46,583
I’ll get him to explain it to you. Nick!
469
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,209
- You don’t need to get him--
- No, no. Nick!
470
00:18:48,209 --> 00:18:49,836
You don’t have to come!
You do--
471
00:18:49,836 --> 00:18:51,922
Hey, Nick.
Hey.
472
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,840
Hi.
- Hey, babe. What’s up?
473
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,843
- I was just bragging about the pool.
- Yeah. Yeah.
474
00:18:56,843 --> 00:19:01,056
I mean, look, it’s like nobody
in this neighborhood is on Swimply.
475
00:19:01,056 --> 00:19:03,350
They have pools,
but they’re not on the app.
476
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,976
But I was at Trader Joe’s the other day,
477
00:19:04,976 --> 00:19:07,270
and I think my neighbor heard me
talking to you about it,
478
00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:08,605
so this is like a rushed dig.
479
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:09,981
It’s gonna be a rushed dig.
480
00:19:09,981 --> 00:19:12,400
All right. Well, I support that.
481
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,027
I think it’s cool. I think it’s inspiring.
482
00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:15,820
It’s so much fun.
I gotta get back outside.
483
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,030
Okay, bye.
484
00:19:17,697 --> 00:19:19,074
My little pool man.
485
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:21,242
Nice to see you.
Good to see you, Evan.
486
00:19:21,242 --> 00:19:22,786
You guys are so cute.
487
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:25,664
It’s so good that he has this though
’cause he needs to be distracted,
488
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,583
’cause the looking for
a job thing was a lot.
489
00:19:36,841 --> 00:19:38,176
Get the fuck back!
490
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:41,388
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah. Yes.
491
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:43,306
- Do we get points for that?
- We do. We do.
492
00:19:43,306 --> 00:19:44,849
Go for one! Yeah!
493
00:19:44,849 --> 00:19:46,685
- Oh, God.
- Yeah. Yeah.
494
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,103
Evan.
495
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:50,021
Oh, hey.
- Hey.
496
00:19:50,021 --> 00:19:52,190
How’s it going?
- Good, and you? Good to see you.
497
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:56,069
Hey, do you know anybody who has,
like, 20 printers I could use?
498
00:19:57,570 --> 00:19:58,697
That’s funny.
499
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:00,031
Hey, hey, hey.
500
00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:01,908
Oh. This is Superintendent Boone.
501
00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:04,494
This is our college counselor, Rick.
502
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:06,079
It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rick.
503
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,623
As long as you don’t ask me
for a raise, that is.
504
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:14,379
Actually, if I can grab five to chat
about that with you, that would be sick.
505
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,756
Maybe we hit up Ruth’s Chris, fellas?
506
00:20:18,174 --> 00:20:20,802
All right, whatever. I’m gonna head home.
507
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,637
- Nice to see you.
- Yeah? You’re out?
508
00:20:22,637 --> 00:20:24,139
- Yeah.
- Okay.
509
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:26,725
Oh. What’s happening here?
510
00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:34,566
- Evan, what the hell is going on?
- They did this themselves.
511
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,776
I did-- Was not involved with this.
512
00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:38,737
Hey, yo, let me ask you something.
513
00:20:39,362 --> 00:20:40,363
Do we offend you?
514
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:42,866
Someone taught us something.
515
00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:45,702
That even if things don’t go
your way or work out,
516
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:47,662
we don’t mark it.
517
00:20:47,662 --> 00:20:49,831
We go full-out, baby.
518
00:20:51,499 --> 00:20:52,876
Thank you, Coach Marquez.
519
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:55,295
And even if you don’t understand
what I’m talking about,
520
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,380
then you about to learn.
521
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,424
- You bitches ready?
- Ready!
522
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:01,551
One, two, three, four.
523
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:21,362
♪ You run, run, run away ♪
524
00:21:21,362 --> 00:21:24,115
♪ It’s your heart that you betray ♪
525
00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:27,368
Yes!
526
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:33,083
Marquez! Markie, control your players!
527
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:35,543
Who do you think gave them
the keys to the cart?
528
00:21:35,543 --> 00:21:37,837
Let the girls dance.
529
00:21:37,837 --> 00:21:40,090
- Whoo!
- Hell yeah, Markie!
530
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:42,884
Hey, man. Powderpuff is tradition.
531
00:21:42,884 --> 00:21:44,427
♪ ...your heart’s still wild ♪
532
00:21:44,427 --> 00:21:47,180
♪ Shootin’ at the walls of heartache ♪
533
00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:48,807
- ♪ Bang, bang ♪
- Whoo!
534
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:50,141
♪ I am the warrior ♪
535
00:21:50,141 --> 00:21:51,935
Yo, yo, yo. It’s time for the death drop.
536
00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,019
You’re in!
537
00:21:53,019 --> 00:21:55,939
♪ Well, I am the warrior ♪
538
00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:57,440
♪ And heart-to-heart you’ll win ♪
539
00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,818
Yeah!
540
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,070
♪ Heart-to-heart you’ll win ♪
541
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:12,831
♪ If you survive ♪
542
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:16,209
Yeah!
543
00:22:16,209 --> 00:22:19,087
I am so sorry.
I did not expect this to happen.
544
00:22:20,046 --> 00:22:21,381
Are you kidding?
545
00:22:21,381 --> 00:22:23,842
It was funny as hell.
546
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:28,596
Back in my day when we did Powderpuff,
they told us to go whole hog.
547
00:22:28,596 --> 00:22:32,809
That was whole hog and an extra ham hock
for good measure.
548
00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:53,413
♪ Shootin’ at the walls of heartache ♪
549
00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:55,331
They actually fucking did it.
550
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,001
Work.
551
00:22:58,001 --> 00:23:00,003
♪ I am the warrior ♪
552
00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:03,548
♪ And heart-to-heart you’ll win ♪
553
00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:06,759
♪ Heart-to-heart you’ll win ♪
554
00:23:06,759 --> 00:23:10,263
♪ If you survive ♪
555
00:23:10,263 --> 00:23:12,056
♪ The warrior ♪
556
00:23:13,349 --> 00:23:15,351
♪ The warrior ♪
557
00:23:15,351 --> 00:23:18,313
♪ Shootin’ at the walls of heartache ♪
558
00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:19,898
♪ Bang, bang ♪
559
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:23,276
♪ I am the warrior ♪
560
00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:26,112
♪ Shootin’ at the walls of heartache ♪
561
00:23:26,112 --> 00:23:27,572
♪ Bang, bang ♪
562
00:23:27,572 --> 00:23:30,950
♪ I am the warrior ♪
563
00:23:30,950 --> 00:23:33,870
♪ Shootin’ at the walls of heartache ♪
564
00:23:33,870 --> 00:23:35,371
♪ Bang, bang ♪
565
00:23:35,371 --> 00:23:37,999
♪ I am the warrior ♪
566
00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:42,420
♪ Yes, I am the warrior ♪
567
00:23:42,420 --> 00:23:46,799
♪ And victory is mine ♪
568
00:23:46,799 --> 00:23:48,259
♪ Shootin’ at the walls ♪
569
00:23:48,259 --> 00:23:49,844
♪ The warrior ♪
570
00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:54,140
♪ I am the warrior ♪
571
00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:56,893
{\an8}♪ Shootin’ at the walls of heartache... ♪