(FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE BY THE CURE PLAYS)
♪ I don't care if Monday's blue
♪ Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
♪ Thursday, I don't care about you
♪ It's Friday, I'm in love
♪ Monday you can fall apart
♪ Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart... ♪
Wait for it.
(LAUGHS)
Wait.
In three, two...
...one.
Oh, man.
Uh...
Hey. Hey, uh, you're gonna have to get these ones, bro.
I, uh, forgot my wallet.
Oh, no way.
Yeah, do you actually have a wallet, Marv?
Cos I don't think I've ever seen you with one.
Come to think of it, me neither.
Yeah, I do, OK?
And it's a very nice wallet, in fact,
so both of you can just calm down, alright?
MAN: Empty the register into the bag! Now.
Come on!
WOMAN: He's got a gun. Quick! Quick!
Was that...? Did he just...?
No.
Who's got a car? Does anyone have a car? Have you got a car?
I need a car! Someone has to have a car.
(BABY CRIES) I can't walk out of here.
Shut that baby up. I can't think.
Come on!
Please! Please, I want a car.
WOMAN: Don't hurt my baby. Ed.
(GROANS)
Do you have a car?
WOMAN: I don't have a car. I do.
What are you doing? You don't have a car.
Marv, the keys. What? I'm not giving him my car.
Marv, Marv, you've got a shitbox. Give me the keys.
Don't talk about the Golden Dragon like that. It's not funny.
Marv, give me... Have you got a car or not?
Marv, the keys! Quick.
Which car?
It's the gold Ford out the front.
No-one move! No-one.
(MAN DIALS)
Ed.
(PANTS FRANTICALLY)
Three, two, one.
Arggh!
How do you open the damn door?
See, you just use this, but there's a trick to it, you see?
You just lift and then you jiggle.
Shut up! OK, yep.
You, move. Yeah, move. Huh?
He's useless. He doesn't know... Shut up.
OK, OK, it's alright. Ed.
Quick. Go.
Quick. Quick.
Stay there. Mm-hm.
Ah, get back! Get back.
Come on.
Goddammit!
You gotta lift. Just lift and jiggle.
Come on! I'm giving it...
Three...
...two...
...one.
Ed!
(GULPS)
You're a dead man, Ed Kennedy.
(SIRENS WAIL)
What?
(SIRENS WAIL)
Put the gun down on the ground.
Hands above your head.
Drop the gun now.
Ah...
Ed?
Just put the gun down.
(PANTS)
(INAUDIBLE)
I mean, who even robs a Booze Barn? Mm.
For cash? No, seriously.
I mean, what, you get a couple of hundred, if that?
And just without a getaway car.
Well, maybe it was a spur of the moment kind of thing.
What, I've just got myself a gun and a spare half hour?
Shame about the getaway car.
Hey, if you're gonna put shit on my car,
then you guys can catch the bus from now on, OK?
Hey. I'm not a bloody taxi service.
That would be Ed.
And for the record, it was my car that put a stop to the robbery,
so you're welcome.
Yeah, what, and the whole Ed, gun, hero thing
just had nothing to do with it?
What even was that?
It was just so... un-you.
Yeah. I know. It's not like me to...
Do anything. (LAUGHS)
Ha-ha.
You're an idiot. You almost got yourself killed.
(SOBS)
Are... Are we playing cards or not?
Hm? What's...
Yeah, it was your go. Auds.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Putting down.
(DOG WHINES)
(DOG CHEWS)
(LAUGHS) You sure the shitbox will get me home?
Don't call her that, OK? Last time I had to push it, Marv.
Well, walk then, you whinger.
(GRUNTS, LAUGHS)
See you later.
(WHINES)
Attaboy.
MAN: You're a dead man, Ed Kennedy.
How do you know my name?
So we've left a message at Dr Nadel's office.
See if he can fit you in this afternoon.
Dad, I'm fine. No big deal.
Witnessing a robbery is a big deal.
I should be back in time to drop you, OK?
Did you ask for an appointment after four?
Really not necessary.
MAN ON RADIO: ..centre of town,
as an alleged armed robbery was foiled by a local hero.
The Booze Barn on Douglas Road was robbed at gunpoint at around 4:45pm.
Police say a 39-year-old man entered the store, brandishing a gun,
threatening cashiers,
before attempting to leave with a small sum of cash.
The man then returned and demanded...
Guns in Moledale?
...terrified customers.
WOMAN: He just kept screaming, pointing a gun in my face.
Now, I'll be back by four at the latest to take you to Dr Nadel,
OK, bub?
Mwah! Wilika.
Wilika.
...stolen getaway car
when a 19-year-old taxi driver took action into his own...
Excuse me? Can we order, please? Shh-shh-shh.
...jumping in to stop the gunman.
That... that's me. That's my car.
Oh, shut up.
The shit that comes out of your mouth, eh.
What? That is my car. Marv, you're full of shit.
Speaking facts.
MAN: Ed Kennedy managed to disarm the offender,
holding him at bay until police arrived.
Mmm, he didn't really keep him at bay.
Whoa, is she seriously gonna watch that thing all day?
I think I just did what anyone would do, I think.
See? There's me.
Yeah, that is you, doing stuff all.
Like you are right now.
So do we have to call Ed to get something done around here?
Or are you capable of taking my order?
(PHONE BUZZES)
(READS)
(LAUGHS)
Extra dog slobber.
Thank you, Doorman.
(DOORMAN WHINES)
Alright.
(SIGHS)
(BIRDS TWITTERING)
(TRAIN HORN BLASTS)
This...
"25 Harrison Avenue".
Is that a...? Oh, it's an L. For latte.
OK, we got a double soy latte, one sugar, for Karen.
Ed. No, you're too late.
Special delivery. (CHORTLES)
Oh, lovely. I will save that for her for next time, thank you.
Are you the Booze Barn guy? Oh...
Hey, look, I just want to thank you for what you did.
The world needs more of the likes of you.
Oh, I don't know about that. But, hey, you have a good day now.
(AMERICAN ACCENT) Oh, no. No, please, you have a good day now.
Oh. Nice gun. Look at that.
Aren't you meant to be working?
Um, nope.
I have my free psych session today to talk about the robbery.
Ah, yes. Well, good. You need it.
Hey, maybe you should come along.
I mean, you were there too.
Mm, well, it's not like I did anything heroic though, is it?
I guess you don't need therapy, do you?
Cos you're already perfect in every single way.
Amen to that. Simon, you're back.
I didn't know you...
OK.
L for latte.
Uh, no. Gun. For robbery.
(TUTS)
Hey.
Maybe try not to save anyone else out there, yeah?
(TUTS)
Sweating, nausea, insomnia,
emotional numbness and/or heightened emotions, such as rage or elation.
Look, after something like this, you can feel detached from the world
and from reality.
Some people suffer nightmares, flashbacks, hyperarousal.
Paranoia, even.
Great, great. Well, fun times.
(LAUGHS)
You probably won't be lucky enough to suffer all these.
But if you do notice anything
that doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense,
then at least you've got a framework for it.
Can you talk me through what happened at the robbery?
What made you pick up the gun?
Um...
...instinct, I guess.
And anything major happen in your life, in the last six months, say?
Ed, this is a safe space, OK?
Anything you'd like to share, talk about...
No. No. (LAUGHS)
No, all good, thanks. Just the robbery.
Hmph.
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
(DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS)
Hi. Did...
There you are. Come in. Come in.
Cup of tea?
Uh, ma'am, you called a cab?
Pot's still warm. One sugar or two?
Uh, two, thanks.
Luckily there's just enough milk.
I normally go to the shops every day, have a chat with the butcher.
He's very friendly.
Sadly, my dentures don't allow chops anymore.
(CHUCKLES)
Is that where we're headed today? In the taxi? To the shops?
Then I stop at the park, the one near the community centre.
Sit and watch the kiddies on the swings. So much energy.
Then back home again. Mm-hmm.
Goodness, listen to me. Going on.
Where's my manners? Here.
Come through.
Come on.
Tell me all about yourself.
Don't leave out a trick.
Um... OK.
Um, I'm Ed Kennedy.
Um, taxi driver.
Still able to eat chops.
(LAUGHS)
You always were a funny one, Jimmy.
Jimmy?
I've missed you.
I've missed you too.
Will you read to me?
Go on.
You know my favourite.
You remembered.
(SIGHS)
"Wuthering Heights.
"I've dreamt in my life the dreams that have stayed with me ever after,
"and changed my ideas.
"They've gone through and through me, like wine through water,
"and altered the colour of my mind.
"'Oh, don't, Miss Catherine,' I cried.
"'We're dismal enough without conjuring up ghosts
"'and visions to perplex us.
"'Come, come, be merry and like yourself.'"
Hmph.
Prick.
(DIALS PHONE)
(LINE RINGS)
(PHONE VIBRATES)
What are you doing?
Nothing. You sound weird.
You all good? Oh, I don't know.
Everything's just shitting me today. I need a drink.
I'm thinking Creme de Menthe frappes, darling.
Yeah, sounds good.
(LAUGHS) See you at Ed's in an hour?
OK.
This handwriting.
(GROANS) I know it from somewhere.
(DOG WHINES)
Has to be one of my mates, right? Pranking me.
(DOOR OPENS)
Hello. It's us.
Did you do this?
Do what? The ace.
What are you on about?
We're just here to raid your dad's liquor cabinet.
Drink?
So you're accusing us of stacking the deck?
No. Of cheating?
No, no, I just want to know if either of you dropped over today.
What, to fiddle with your cards?
I would have liked to, but I was busy at my shrink's.
On the plus side, I can now recite the 17 symptoms of PTSD.
(LAUGHS)
I'm quite looking forward to euphoria and delusions of grandeur.
Me too. No shit.
So you aren't messing with me, then?
You didn't leave anything for me in my mailbox or...
Oh, my God, because none of us have anything better to do
than follow hero Ed about.
Come on. I know what you need.
You guys wanna stay for dinner?
(DOOR CLOSES)
(DOG WHINES)
He's not there, mate.
Right, Doorman. Come here. Come on.
Good boy.
(LAUGHS)
Whoo! Say goodnight, Mr Don King!
Oh.
You haven't eaten yet, have you?
No. I'm so glad you've back, Jimmy.
I was getting worried.
Oh, Milla.
It's your birthday on Wednesday. Oh.
It isn't my first.
Hopefully it won't be my last.
Oh, are you going to celebrate?
Have you got any family and friends who'll pop by?
Not usually. But birthdays are all about surprises.
You never know who'll turn up.
Hm.
Hey, how about after dinner, we see what old Heathcliff is up to?
Where have you been all this time, Jimmy? Where have you been?
I've been looking for you.
You always did know what to say.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
Hey, what do you want? Isn't it past your bedtime?
Oh, did I wake you? No.
Then... Pfft. What? Where are you?
You sound like you're out.
Yeah, I am out, OK? Just...
Where?
Look, the point is,
you don't call past 9:00 unless someone died, alright?
Did someone die?
Listen, I can't do Wednesday. Something's come up.
Hey, no, no, no, we're not cancelling card night. No.
No, it's fine. It's just this once, Marv.
Card night is non-negotiable, Ed. You know this. You know this shit.
It's a friend's birthday. I don't care, OK?
We're gonna be at your house at 6pm whether you're there or not
and whether you like it or not, OK?
Love you, goodnight, bye.
Go, go, go, go, go, drop, drop, drop, drop.
(CLATTERS)
Excuse me. Um, could I have a go?
No. (GROANS)
(DROPS COIN DOWN SLOT)
Oh, JD reckons I'm a hero. Oh, thank you, JD.
(READS)
Oh. (LAUGHS)
Well, people speak the truth.
(BABY CRIES)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(INDISTINCT YELLING)
(MAN COUGHS)
(DRAWS UP PHLEGM AND SPITS)
(COUGHS)
(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)
(DRAWS UP PHLEGM AND BLOWS NOSE)
Where's the...?
Where's the fuckin' key?
You up?
Where are your keys? (MOCKS) "Where's your keys?"
You said you'd wait up.
She's asleep. She's asleep!
Turn the light on. Be quiet!
Don't tell me what to do! It's my house.
Wake up. Oh, God.
Where have you been? I want to have a little cuddle.
I don't want you to...
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
No.
Where are you going?
Hey. (LAUGHS)
(GROANS)
Stay away from me!
Oh.
(EXCLAIMS INDISTINCTLY)
(GROANS)
Hoo!
You're that Booze Barn hero guy.
Yep. Yep.
What the hell are you following me for?
Um, I'm not sure. Maybe I'm...
Maybe I'm supposed to help you or something.
I need help?
Yeah, right.
(GROANS)
Oh, Jesus. Ritch, don't do that.
What are you doing here? What are you doing?
You some kind of child perve now? Maybe cancel that life choice, Ed.
You're messing with me, aren't you? No more than usual.
The Ace of Diamonds. The messages. Can you just tell me?
Are you doing them?
What messages?
I'm getting messages from someone. Written on the Ace of Diamonds.
(LAUGHS) People think I'm the psycho.
This is what you were on about the other night?
Well, what do they say, these messages?
No, they're just addresses. Just...
Probably just junk mail.
You know what? Forget about it.
Ritchie, just don't mention it to anyone, OK?
Mention what?
Hey, Ed?
Have you talked to your psych about the messages?
Maybe it's PTSD.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Maybe someone's decided you're a hero
and therefore it's your duty to help other people.
Is that what it feels like? Yeah, but who would do that? And why?
The world's a weird and wonderful place.
You've been in the news, on the radio.
Public attention draws out all sorts of crazies.
Are you allowed to use that word?
(SCOFFS) I'm trained to use that word.
Look, Ed, one thing's for sure -
you're under no obligation to listen to these messages,
let alone act on them.
But then how would I ever know what they are?
You wouldn't.
Either way, all this attention on you will die down.
People will lose interest.
And then you can go back to your ordinary little life.
(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)
(BANGS LOUDLY ON DOOR)
(DOOR OPENS)
Are you drunk again? (DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
Come here. No. Go to bed. No.
Get here.
Get away from me.
Stop it. Just let me go.
Leave me alone!
Take it off!
I don't want to. Get off me!
Fine!
Ow! You're hurting me. Let go.
Please, I don't want to do this!
Oh!
(DIALS)
Please. Leave me alone.
Yes, hello, police?
Yeah, there's a guy attacking his wife. Can you come?
45 Edgar Street...
Oh, Ed... Kennedy.
Can you just... Can you hurry up, please?
No. (CRIES)
(THUMPING) Ah...
(WOMAN SOBS)
Yes.
Come on, come on, come on, arrest the bastard.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What's...
(ENGINE STARTS)
Ha!
Yeah, hi. Last night I called in an assault.
45 Edgar Street.
Right, and have there been any arrests or anything?
Well, are you gonna go back?
Are you going to actually try and stop the...
Right, yep. Thank you.
Thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks.
Shit!
MAN: Don't... Sophie!
So how is everything? Good?
Yep.
OK.
So, then, why haven't you returned any of my calls?
What, you just don't have time for your friends anymore?
I'm... going through some stuff and...
OK, look, ever since the robbery, I...
Oh, my God, I thought you said
you didn't want to talk about the whole hero thing.
I don't, but ever since the robbery I've been getting these...
The what? You've become town hero, the pressure's too much?
Too many fans flaunting over Ed Brave Kennedy...
Why are you being such a dick?
I wasn't being a dick.
(SCOFFS) I shout you a coffee, you call me a dick. Nice.
Ed. (KNOCKS) Hello.
Audrey talking to you. What day is it today?
Are you joking? The day. What is it?
It's Wednesday. Card night. Your place.
Simon can't wait.
Simon? Simon? Simon? You're bringing Simon to... to card night?
Mm-hm.
OK, well, Marv's gonna be pleased about that one. Excellent.
Excellent.
I have to go.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Oh, I wish you were here.
You always had all the answers.
(MESSAGE ALERT)
(READS)
(CASSETTE PLAYER CLICKS)
(SWEET JANE BY COWBOY JUNKIES PLAYS)
♪ Anyone who's ever had a heart
♪ Wouldn't turn around and break it
♪ And anyone who's ever played a part
♪ Wouldn't turn around and hate it
Jimmy.
Happy birthday, Milla.
♪ Sweet Jane
Care to dance?
♪ Sweet Jane
♪ Oh, sweet, sweet Jane
♪ You're waiting for Jimmy down in the alley
♪ Ah, sweet, sweet Jane
♪ Heavenly wine and roses
♪ Seem to whisper to me when you smile
♪ Heavenly wine and roses
♪ Seem to whisper to me when you smile
♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la
♪ La-la-la, la-la-la
♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na
♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na. ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you
♪ Happy birthday, dear Milla
♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪
Hip-hip hooray. Go on, blow them out.
I...
Oh, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Gee, my singing wasn't that bad, was it?
Pretty good, actually.
You were always the most handsome boy in town.
Oh. All the girls said so.
(SNIGGERS)
I did right by you, Jimmy, didn't I?
I treated you right.
Yes. Yes. Yeah, you did.
When you didn't come for so long, I thought you were angry at me.
I could never be angry at you. Never.
Never.
♪ Heavenly wine...
Milla.
♪ ..and roses
♪ Seem to whisper to me when you smile
♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la
♪ La-la-la, la-la-la
♪ Na-na-na-na, na-na-na... ♪
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Seriously, the woman was old. Like, old, old.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
(SCOFFS) Like you'd know.
There are things you don't know about me.
(SCOFFS)
So, how old would you go?
Probably no more than five years. What about Warren?
Yuck. High school doesn't count. OK. Yep.
Oh, OK, how old would you go?
Yeah, that's if you were into people.
(SIGHS) I don't know. Like, I'm pretty open-minded, so...60 max?
(LAUGHS) That's older than my dad! What?
No, I reckon me and Suzanne, though, we were the perfect age gap.
Like, Suzie and me.
(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Oh, here's Romeo.
Hey!
Hey, why the long face? You get dumped by your nan? (LAUGHS)
And can I just say, very smooth dance moves earlier.
Oh... We're all just a little bit curious.
When is it that we're going to be meeting the new girlfriend?
Yeah, OK, it's not like that.
(LAUGHTER) It was her birthday
and I was actually just giving her a gift, so...
Oh, true, a gift? By what, sticking your tongue down her throat?
No, that's... I didn't put my tongue in her mouth. That's...
You know there's a very fine line between love and elder abuse?
Stop it, alright?
You know what? It was actually good, and it was beautiful, OK?
Hey, if that's what you're into, bro, that's what you're into.
Oh, don't... Just... Oh, Ed. Oh, Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed!
Oh, get stuffed!
(SIGHS)
Oi. No-knock. You're out.
What? I did. I knocked. (KNOCKS)
Bullshit. Mate, when you're done, you're done.
I...
Ed?
You...
What? You guys suck, man.
Ed, it's your turn.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Who's that? Card night?
You don't interrupt card night. Yeah, it's Simon.
He said he was running late. Simon? Here?
Yeah, they are back on. What? No, well, he's not playing.
He's going to throw the numbers out.
What happened to "always room at the card table"?
Yeah, but not for Simon. Never for Simon.
Guys, you remember Simon. Simon, guys.
Hey. Hi, Simon.
Simon. The man! (LAUGHS)
Uh, we've already started, bro, so, yeah,
you're just gonna have to sit this round out.
Oh, I'll join Audrey's team.
Uh, we... we...we don't play teams, bro. You can't...
Um, hey, you can take my spot.
Ed, don't...
(DOORMAN WHINES)
(CLEARS THROAT)
8...
Been good tonight, bro.
SIMON: Thanks, brother. See ya, guys.
Good job, eh. Have a good night.
I like him.
Do you?
Yeah, I think he's perfect for you.
SONG: # Do you ever see someone and think
♪ "Wow, God must hate me
♪ "'Cause he spent so much time on them
♪ "And for me, he got lazy"?
♪ Got ample mental illness, personality flaws
♪ While their only flaw seems to be that they have none at all
♪ Do you ever see someone and think
♪ "Wow, God must hate me"?
♪ I'll let Him take accountability
♪ For everything that's wrong with me
♪ Can't hold myself responsible
♪ So I'll blame the metaphysical
♪ If Jesus died for all our sins
♪ He left one behind, the body I'm in
♪ Same hands that made the moon and the stars
♪ Got carpal tunnel and forgot some parts
♪ I don't know what I believe
♪ But it's easier to think
♪ He made a mistake with me... ♪
Doorman? Come on.
Pee before bed. You know the rules.
Doorman!
(DOORMAN WHINES)
Doorman, what are you...
(SUPERNATURAL WHISPERINGS)
POLICE OFFICER: About the other thing, Edgar Street?
(KNOCKS) Don't do anything stupid.
You two are clear on what we're doing, yeah? Just stick to the plan.
Do you reckon you can shit yourself to death?
(BOTH LAUGH)
OK, I need your help but you can't ask a single question.
Are you here to save us?
I have been sent to stop you!
You're a dead man, Ed Kennedy.
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation